Sex With Emily - Everybody Loves a Happy Ending

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Did you know that nipple sensations for vulva-owners ignite the same parts of the brain as clitoral stimulation? Today, we’re unlocking all of the overlooked erogenous zones including nipples. ALL genders can potentially have more pleasure and orgasms through nipple play—you just need the proper tips and tricks. We hear from a masseuse who is exploring the reality of “happy endings” as well as a couple who’s interested in perfecting the “g-spot orgasm” and closing the orgasm gap. (I like to call it the “g-area”... Find out why!)For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Because what if you're like on your deathbed and someone goes by your first second and they touch your nipple and they're like, Oh my God, that was amazing! I don't want you to be on your deathbed and have a nipple gasm? Have it now! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Look into his eyes, They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bet through eyes they call them a bygone name. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. and liberate the conversation around sex. Today we're talking about something that gets so overlooked. I mean more than it should, breasts. Now I'm serious, like you used to hear that O is all about the breasts, but then sometimes we just skip right over everything and go right for penetration.

Did you know that so many women can have nipple gasms? It's a real thing. In fact, when you stimulate the clitoris and the nipples, it stimulates the same part of your brain. Even men can reach orgasm through nipple play. So I get into it, I give you all my tips and tricks to help you explore this really under appreciated arrogensome. So many arrogensome. So let's have some fun.

I'll ask to take your questions, including a very interesting call from a masseuse whose business has recently taken an interesting and sexy turn. Intentions with Emily. All right, each episode join me in setting an intention. It really helps you kind of think about, what do I want to get out of this episode? It could be, yeah, I want to know

how to have a nipple orgasm. My intention is to just reignite your love for breasts and nipples by giving you new things to try no matter what gender you identify as. All right, enjoy the show. Let's talk to John and his wife, 50 in Illinois. They've called in before. Hi. Hi, Emily. How are you?

Good. How are you? Oh, not too bad, not too bad. So last time we spoke, I was bragging to you about your advice of just take it down, which worked with the blowjob after we've been together quite a long time. And my wife has a wicked gag reflex. So anyway, that was the one. Oh, I said just take it down, just have her just swallow it, just take it down. Is that what I said? Take one for the tape. Well, it was a combination of the salsa combo

and then your advice of also like, you know, at some point you just got to take it down. And that's exactly what she said after I was like, holy shit, how that happened. And she's like, you know, I just took it down. I was like, oh, I do. Okay. And the muse loop. That's huge. I'm not going to about are about that you but I did tell you the one thing I want to

follow up but because she was at work at the time and now she's here and so I wanted to follow up on the work as a gap because that's the thing that kind of stresses me out like I come each and every time and I'm like very happy about that but sometimes I feel guilty because I'm happy to give oral a lot of times they get shot down because it's like, no, it's not the right time. Also too, we've bought all these different vibrators and things like that, but I don't really think she takes time for the whole masturbation thing and all that. We have sex probably three to four times a week and I bang out a couple of solo sessions

too on top of that. I'm all good, but I really wanted to focus more on her. So I set that up and here she is. I'm kind of putting her on this bottom little bit, but she got them from work and I was like, we're calling Emily tonight because the kids are out here and I want to get this out. I'm so happy. No, this will be good.

We can just chalk here. Chat, tell me your name if you want to, or you can change your name. Hi, so I'm Julie. Hi, Julie. Julie, let's talk. Hi, I wanna hear from you. What do you think is going on? Like, do you, how do you feel about this orgasm gap

that John comes every time and you not so much? Yeah, so I mean, honestly, to me, it's kind of like, no, I think it's just like the norm. I guess I don't really think it's anything strange because it's just how you know is. And I've always kind of told him, like, I love being with you and all that. And I just personally don't know how I could have an orgasm sexually. And so I can't help myself when I started listening to you two years ago. I was floored that only 20% of women have that because I was always like, oh, shit, I wish I could give her an all-year lesson with

sex, but I didn't know that. So that was one thing that was like so unbelievably helpful to every, to most males on the planet. Yes, I'm trying to get out there, John. I literally, if I could buy a billboard here in Hollywood, I would buy a billboard that says only 20% of women are going to orgasm with your penis. So yeah, that's the truth. I keep interrupting, but I had a huge smell on my face because the cleaning lady came today

and before they did, there's like four loops on our nightstand. There's super noob. There's what's the coconut one? I'm trying to say. A moo more play. Yep. And in the warming one that you recommended,

we haven't tried that yet, but it's sitting on the nightstand. And then there's pure and then there was something else. I was like, we have like a couple of, yeah, of lube. You have all my favorite lubs. I've literally been matching nightstands. That's amazing. You guys are good. Exactly.

Okay. I'll stop in a couple of minutes. No, you have a lot of lube. John, you guys are adorable. Okay. So Julie, you know, it's kind of how I felt about me too, not to go all politically, but I was like, oh yeah, men are gonna hit on you and be inappropriate,

married men, that's just what it is. I have to play the game and flirt with guys and not say anything about guys being inappropriate, but now we found out, oh, no, that's not okay in the workplace, I feel the same way about the orgasm cap. Because Julie, I used to think, well, you know what, I'm just not gonna have an orgasm every every time or most times. I'll never have something wrong with me because it doesn't happen with a penis, but I'll just fake it or whatever.

And then I started to realize all this information that, okay, most women aren't orgasm with a penis, but they do orgasm. The majority of women will orgasm with a mouth, with fingers, with the toy. And you, yeah. I basically bone orgasm pretty much on the other way, unless I have a lot of foreplay, like someone goes down to me, and they do other things, I'm in the mood, I have enough time, and then maybe during penetrative sex,

I'll have an orgasm, but it's not every time. So that's why I think what might be good for you guys is some, she comes first action, I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now.

I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm not sure if I'm doing it right now. I'm you know I think it's one of those things to where I'm like you don't have time I like like I'm stressed out or whatever or like you know I have to get up for work or the kids are home or there are all those things that are very common I know but I just feel like no no you know I don't know why but I just kind of and then if we do I'm like like I'm glad we did and it was you know a good thing. Sometimes I'll like I'm glad we did and it was, it was, it was an illogical thing. Well, no, sometimes I'll like practically beg and then I will give it or I'll show it a great orgasm

I'll be like that was the best and she's like, I know, right? I'm like, I know. Like, it's getting her to the party is a lot of the problem. I think, yes, because it's more, it's not as easy as it is. Well, and then sometimes I track it in my head and like sweet Jesus, I've had like 15 orgasms to her one and Emily talking about the real gap. I'm like, sweet Jesus. I've had like 15 orgasms to her one. And Emily's talking about the real gap.

I'm like, I feel like I'm contributing to it. Yeah. Well, let's end that right now. I mean, it sounds to me like you're talking about having some stress, Julie, which a lot of us do. I'm telling you, that's why so many of us and men too, but I hear it more from women. They're like, I don't have time to come down after work.

And I've got so stressed out. And there's so much more to do in the laundry. We get home, women take on more of the house, the homework as well, the household work and kids. So I think what might be good is a grounding exercise. John would maybe, Julie, if you would be into this, what if he gave you a massage for 15 minutes or massage your feet and you put down your phone and he got you in the mood

and use some massage oil or just, you, you know, or took a bath. Is there a reset? Because I know this, if I'm with somebody and they just like rub my back for like 10 minutes, I'll be like, okay, I'm in, it's a change of state. And you already have the excents, I think you said you have the excents,

which is the warming loop, but they also have a warming massage oil. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's, you need the change of state, right? You need to like let me get into the mindset for sex, which is what the majority of women need. We do. And we just sort of, but then they feel like you did you like once I got going, that wasn't so bad. Kind of like going to the gym, right? When we, we don't want to go to the gym. And then we get our shoe, the hardest part that I was getting our shoes on.

Then we get out the door. That's hard to, but then we get there and we're like, oh, okay, not so bad. It's sex is like that, but how do we get you to link up that amazing feeling afterward with just getting started? And so I'm trying to think of some hacks here to speed it along for you. So, I think the one complaint I think you have too

is like usually I have a boner with the massage. I'm given TMI here, but, and and yeah I'm trying to slip in wherever I can because I'm just I'm so turned on. Well that maybe you need to give her her like so then because as women I think Julie's like me probably she's a giver pleaser. She is she's like oh I'm not there yet but you really want to go and you so maybe you got to take the take out of her back, you know? I know, amen, sister of preach. Very scary, yes. Right?

Like leave your boxers on, leave your underwear on while you're doing it, just make it about Julie. And then Julie will feel your tension, she'll feel the love, she'll feel the connection, she'll get, she'll like, you're gonna be literally, a massage isn't just a light. Oh, this is a nice thing to do. It literally are calming her nerve endings.

We're getting stimulated. Our, you know, her oxytocin, her serotonin, our dope, all those feel good hormones are getting stimulated by the touch. That's why we all love massage so much. It releases stress. That means so we have to ring her out. We have to get the stress out so you can get in, John.

I had to commit to it because I thought that I wasn't able to have an orgasm either that way until I took it. It didn't happen the first time. It took me like months. Oh, wow. Okay. Right. That's not that aware.

Well, it's not in my body. It's just not how I'm built or something. Yep. You are. I believe you can't. I believe that most women can have most kinds of orgasms if they commit to trying it and not giving up and trying the process. But I thought, I couldn't because I bought a toy like years earlier that was a rabbit vibrator,

like literally the rabbit that came out and I used it once, didn't do anything, never went back to it. Because I thought it was the kind of thing where, oh, you just try it once and it works, right? It should just work. I've just not built that way, but I realized I had to learn my own body. I would be that way too. Okay, so we're the same.

There you go. We're like twins. We have to figure it out. But I'm telling you, I think it's possible and John is a very enthusiastic partner. And so you could use some toys together. You could do mutual masturbation together, but I would just plan and I would be patient and I would pay attention to what you're feeling and I think it's all possible.

But I can't tell you for sure that you'll be able to have it during penetration. Maybe if you have a literal vibrator on your clitoris, sometimes that helps to have the internal, but just play with it. Get curious. John, you gotta keep your penis in your pants for a little bit and.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Um, well, one other, I actually there, I have a question and then a comment. Is that okay? Yeah. Yes.

The first question is, I'm struggling a little with the Kiven method too. She, I start that and she and I was not totally into it and I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Okay. How are you doing it? We're talking about the oral sex method that's called the Kiven method. So, typically I start oral with just the clitoris and she always is like lighter, lighter and I feel like my tongue's barely touching

that's one of the like she always like lately. Yeah, so like super sensitive and after she has an orgasm she like won't allow any touching which is fine. Although I did tell you I did the cup another Volvo which you liked. So that was it. I love the cup another. Right. Yeah. I even remember talking about that. Okay. I tried the whole I tried to give iner. Right. Yeah. So talk about that. OK. I tried the whole, I tried to give in. And maybe it wasn't long enough. Because now after hearing you tell Emily about not really giving it a full go, like, you know,

think it is going to work instantly. Maybe that's it. Yeah, I do. Yeah, probably give up to you easily sometimes. Yes, I do too. But I think that you could just kind of stop and go to other, go around and tease other, play with their nipples and play with their breasts

and do other things and then come back to the clitoris. But the Kiven Method is from the side to side. So you're not going, you never should with oral sex go right for the clitoris. I think it's about teasing and kissing the inner thighs and licking around the clitoris, licking around the pubic mound and all the areas around the labia.

And then you get to the clitoris, looking around the pubic mound and all the areas around the labia. And then you get to the clitoris, but there's also the, the kivin methods is about stimulating those nerve endings from side to side. So thigh to thigh, those like you're going up at your perpendicular lying between your legs, thigh to thigh, not, not toes to head. So that then you're covering more nerve endings. You're going like outer labor in your labia, outer, you know, inner labia outer labor out of the back and forth that way so you're hitting all the nerve endings. This makes total sense because the only other time I gave her a clear organism from behind

but I gave like a massage with the muse looper and rubbed all around which I was unable to do previous but with the loop you were fine with it then I licked all over the place then got to the clitoris and then we were all good. So that is hot. That is hot. From behind is so hot, that is underrated. We should talk about that more too. You're reminding me of all these good things, cupping the vulva, just putting your hand

on the vulva after orgasm or just starting to warm it up. Then you're like warming up the whole area. But then licking from behind is so freaking hot because you're stimulating different nerve endings. You're coming at it differently, and then you get to the clitoris. Yes, do that. She can only have an orgasm on her back.

That was the first time she had one on fours, which I was in heaven. Yeah, there you go. By the way, when we're like walking the dogs, we'll be like, so we're outside the bedroom. Emily will approve of this. I have to tell you, I'm like, I'll see you Jesus. Oh, good. You guys are my favorite.

Okay. Yeah. My last thing, I was walking the dogs the other day and a neighbor, like friend neighbor, like someone who we know pretty well stopped. I was like, hey, how are you? What? Sorry. Are you on a conference call? It's like, oh no. I'm like, and I just decided to be super honest. I was like, how's your sex life through your husband? I'm listening to the sex with Emily. It is so good. I'm like, I don't know where you guys are at. I have no nothing about it,

but this is TMI, listen to the sex with Emily. Oh, thank you. You guys are fabulous. I appreciate it. We should send him a t-shirt. We're getting new. We're getting new. Okay, we're gonna put you guys on hold.

Thank you so much. All right, oh my God, you guys, keep me posted. I love hearing from both of you. Thank you for calling. Really? All right, we're gonna take a break, you guys. Be right back with more sex with Emily. All right, here's what's up.

I'm thinking a lot about breast lately. And I believe they're the most underappreciated, erogenous zone. I've talked about this before. Growing up, you kept thinking like, oh, they're going to remember when you started fooling around people, they would first touch your breasts. And then they would go down your pants, you know, all the bases, right? But it was so much focus on the breasts and people loving the breasts and all these things. But then I realized what happened is at least for me and maybe some of you, I've heard

that you just kind of skip right over them and you go right to sex, right? That's that whole relationship when you stop kissing and you go right to the sex. I think we stop playing with the breasts as well. We stop realizing that they are these incredible sources of pleasure. Now, I am talking about women right now, but I think that for many men, your nipples, your breasts can feel great too. I don't think that it's every man,

but it's kind of like straight men with their prostate. That a lot of guys like, no way, no go, makes me gay, but now I think that men are realizing that, no, the sex act does not make you gay and you've this incredible rod just on on your body, you might as well explore it. And I think that men are realizing that no, the sex act does not make you gay and you've this incredible, gorgeous one on your body, you might as well explore it. And I think that men are opening up to that more. I'm not sure if breast plays the same that maybe men, if they let themselves go and didn't think it was just a feminine thing, that it would feel great.

But I have asked a lot of my gay friends too, and it is, I think it's more of a case-by-case basis. I just don't think we can underestimate the power of it because, first of all, to repeat what I said earlier in the show is that the same region of your brain lights up, activates when you're clitoris and your breasts when they're stimulated. And a lot of women can have breast gasms. You can have an orgasm through breast touch, which makes sense. If you want to know the specific term, it's the genital sensory cortex. The same region of stimulation by the vagina and the clitoris is activated through nibble play.

So it can happen too. Maybe you could already be aroused. You could already be having, being turned on with some playing around, some foreplay, some oral sex, and then you could start playing with the breast, but you could also, you know, they might be more more receptive at that point because you've all the receptors firing, and the breasts, just like the clitoris, you know, the clitoris expands, and the clitoris grows,

and for women who have a clitoral hood, it can kind of, when you're turned on, it retracts a little bit. Well, the same thing happens with your breasts. They temporarily change in size and sensitivity as you get more aroused. So it's really fun to experiment with different strokes. The first thing is just like the clitoris,

you don't want to go right for the nipples, really hard or twisting. You should never really twist them unless you're partners into that kind of thing. But make sure that your partner is ready to receive the stimulation because that's the key to making nipple play really hot because they are a sensitive aridinsome.

Another tip is to like just start with a scalp massage. I should have told you said John and Julie earlier, if you play with the scalp, that can also stimulate blood flow throughout the body. And then you can move down and pay attention to the neck and the shoulders, collarbone, kiss down their body. Another great thing that I'm using tonight is a massage candle. I'm obsessed with massage candles just so you know, they warm, you light them, they're not like regular candles, they're made of like coconut oil or soybean oil,

and then you light them for five minutes, 20 minutes an hour, and then you blow it out, and you just wait a few minutes, and then you pour it on your partner's body. And that would feel amazing on the nipples, because we're talking about heat play too. Your whole body becomes covered in this like beautiful oily, is that oil though? Like it's not that oily messy. It's just massage oil. And it's from the candle that was hot, but it's not that oily messy. It's just massage oil and it's from the candle that was hot, but it's warm. It won't burn you. And then your body's really warm and then your partner can even land

top of you and it becomes a slippy, slighty, super sexy experience. But then you could also leave a bowl of ice cubes by the bed and then you could put an ice cube in your mouth and like use that and trace it over her nipples. The ariola is a very sensitive part too. Sometimes they say that the top part of the ariola, which is the ring around the nipple, that is also sensitive.

So again, it's not just a one size fits all. There's not a blueprint for every breast, but that could work. So also you want to take your time. You could even, you know how we were talking about the vulva cupping earlier with our guide, John? What I remember by vulva cupping is take your hand and like the palm of your hand can start right where her like vaginal opening is and then it cups up and your fingers go around like the top of a giant or you could do it the other way too, just like a cupping and

your hand just resting right there. And it really can help sort of start to stimulate nerve-riding all the nerve-riding as it wants, and it feels really good. It's a very safe feeling, it's a very grounding feeling. Well, the same thing can happen with the nipples. You can just put your warm hands like over the breasts to build anticipation.

And then you could like the sides of the breasts are also really sensitive. Taking your fingers and brushing them over the side, using your tongue, and just sort of teasing all around. And the folds like underneath it, especially when you're wearing a bra all day, that feels really good too. Like don't, you know, I'm always so focused

on the clitoris and the vulva, but I think the breasts, there's a lot there. I hope that this is sparking some of you. I'd be like, oh yeah! My partner is breasts! Totally forgot about that! Start slow, build up. Let's talk to Fred in Texas 60.

He's got some comments on breast play. Tell me everything, Fred. How are you tonight, Emily? Fred. How are you tonight Emily? Great. How are you Fred? Thanks for calling. What's going on? Well, I just, a couple of quick comments, one about the breast play.

So, my wife is my second wife, both my wife and then her husband had passed away and we met afterwards. And so, we're kind of going through a second round of learning about each other in ourselves. But anyway, she has relatively small breath and I have found it somewhat difficult to get them to be sensitive and have her focus and like them being, you know, have a tension with hate to them. But I have found that sometimes when she does it herself and we're in the act that it actually is more effective,

that something new. Yeah, I actually would talk about that. Yeah, absolutely. I think that playing with our own breasts can also be really stimulating for many women. I think absolutely. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that many women, I think absolutely. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that many women do that as well.

The other comment I'll make is that she has learned to inflict my naples and that's an amazing turn on that I've never experienced before. And it me envisioning her sucking another woman's breast, but at the same time, the sensation of it and knowing that she likes to do it is really a big turn on for me. Oh, yeah, that's what I think, Fred, for many, many it is,

but they just never had anyone try it. Are you saying that it feels good because you're picturing her be with another woman? Well, there's kind of that, that that potential visual impression that I get, but at the same time having the physical sensation to go with it is all pretty amazing. That sounds really fun, Fred. I love that you guys are exploring now in your second chapter, you know, second marriage

and your six, I love this. Yeah, there's this is what I say. There's so many Roger zones on our body and we often don't even pay attention to him. We spend our whole lives not like with all this pleasure right on our bodies. So. And that's 660 is better than ever was at 30. So don't give up. Okay Fred, it's super inspiring.

Thank you Fred. I love it. Thanks for those comments. Really helpful. You guys, it just gets better. I think that everything that we pay attention to, that we spend time on, that we care about, that we want to get good at, takes a little bit of time, takes us prioritizing, takes us focusing, but that's how it happens. That's how it happens.

Better at 60, who's sex life's getting better and better? I want that for all of you. I want that for everyone. I mean, I know from my sex life gets better every single year since I've been in this career. Not before that, I was like a lot of you. I thought that I couldn't have orgasms in certain ways and that I was never gonna be turned on and I was never gonna like sex again. But I've learned that it's a practice,

just like everything that we care about, that we prioritize. It's a sex is not a destination. It is a journey. We are all on a path. I welcome you to join us on the sexiest sex path here on Sex Family. Maybe try that tonight. Like just see how it goes, go slow. Maybe your partner hasn't felt it before, but you want to just kind of check in and see how it feels. Because what if you're like on your deathbed and someone like goes by for a second and they like touch your nipple and they're like,

oh my God, that was amazing. I had no idea. It felt so good to get my nipples touched. And now I'm about to die. I don't want that to happen to you. I don't want you to be on your deathbed and have a nipple gasm. Have it now.

Try this one. Tracing a swirl from the outside and trace the tip of your finger from the outside of the edge of the breast and slowly circle your way to the center. And then when you're doing this and you could do this on your own when you're masturbating, just like Fred said, his wife, his partner gets off on that too. I know that that's for me too. When I touch around breast, when I'm already like turned on, that feels really good. So either you or your partner can do this and you take your finger and you just move

from circles from the outside of the breast to the inside. You could have some lube on your finger. You could wet your finger. And then when you're doing that, slow down and just pay attention to the moment. Like, what are you feeling? What's the texture? What's the contour? What's the sensations that you're feeling as you're moving your finger in towards the nipple? Sarah 22 New York City says, she started seeing someone new, we're running them sexual difficulties. He hasn't been able to maintain a direction. We tried a number of times,

he loses direction as soon as it looks like things are heading towards sex. He also won't attempt any other sexual acts. Won't touch my breasts or butt without his hands being moved to those areas. I want him to initiate sexual activities and sex with me. I've expressed my interest in having be more sexually aggressive.

I wanted to be interested in me or in sex. He assured me that that's not the case. He's been sexually active before, he actually has a high sex drive, but I think he's in his head now. Any suggestions? Are we just sexually incompatible? He also indicated it is I already get into a relationship, but I don't feel comfortable doing so without seeing whether we're sexually compatible.

Any suggestions on having the talk without putting more pressure on the performance? That's a great question. So this is something, I wish I could go off on this forever, but she's 22. I'm going to assume her partner is about 20s that men are losing erections now more frequently at a younger age than ever heard from people before. Now, a lot of times it's because of anxiety or repeated pattern of losing an erection. So then you're like, oh, I'm gonna lose an erection

and usually it's because you're really in your head. And for some men, there's a lot of different reasons why this could happen. It could be happening because he's watching a lot of porn. You know, maybe when there's not the stimulation of porn, I mean, think about it. When you're 22, you essentially grew up with porn. You know, maybe when there's not the stimulation of porn, I mean, think about it. When you're 22, you essentially grew up with porn. You grew up with it on your phone, you had an iPad,

when you grew up with it. And so that's how you picture sex. So, so porn is always the precursor to sex, right? Every time you masturbate, you watch porn, watch porn, watch masturbate. And then you're in the real life and you're having sex with a real human. And it might just feel like your body isn't ready, it isn't prepared for it. It's sort of off because you're not having that porn precursor.

That's one theory. I would recommend that you just talk to about it's porn watching, and if that's part of it, or there could just be some pressure. So anxiety around it, maybe it's happened before, he might be on medications that could cause that. If he's drinking a lot, that could also cause it. There's also studies that have shown that this generation of people like in the younger in their 20s and teens are maybe born with less testosterone. It could be a hormone issue where they're saying it's because of our foods and certain things. This is a newer theory, but it could be that because I'm hearing it more and more often in ways that don't actually use to, didn't make sense, but it could be porn. It could be anxiety, medications.

So I think that that's what's happening is that Sarah, he's getting anxious because he's losing his erection. So he can't think of anything else. He can't think about your breasts. He can't think about going down on you. But I think what you need to let him know is that it's okay, because what I've also found is that once you give men something to do and you take the pressure off their penis

and you're like, hello, have you met my clitoris? Have you seen my nipples? This is what I like. Then they're focused on another project, another thing, and sometimes their erections magically come back because they're focused on your pleasure. They're engaged in that task, and they want to please you. I believe that most of our partners want to please us.

And so I would just tell them, like, well, this is what I really like. I think you got to talk to them. So I don't know if you had the conversation outside the bedroom where you say, you know what? Let's talk about our sex life. I understand sometimes you lose direction. That's totally, you know,, let's talk about our sex life. I understand sometimes you lose direction, that's totally, you know, I don't think we should trip on it, comes back eventually,

because it does usually come back. But you could say, here's what I love, and I know I've mentioned this to you before, but sometimes I think, maybe you don't know what I like, so let me show you what I like, like show him how you like to be touched, show him what kind of touch feels good on your nipples, show him what feels good on your body.

I think a lot, and remember, you're in your early 20s, I'm going to assume that neither one of you have a lot of sexual experience yet with sexually healthy relationships. You might have had a lot of sex, but it doesn't mean they were healthy and communicative. So I agree, do not commit to anybody until you find out if you're sexually compatible,

but the only way you're gonna find that out is if you talk about it and you experiment and see if he's receptive to it. And then if he's not, he's like, I don't want to work on it. I don't want to talk about it. Well, then you have your answer. All right, Sarah. All right, we're going to take a quick break and then we're going to come back and get into our call.

I really want to talk to Billy. That is a very interesting call. We'll be back. I cannot wait to talk to Billy. Hi Billy, thanks for calling. Hi Emily. Hi. I've been thinking this would be happening. Tell me everything.

So, I'm 42 single and I've been working as massage therapist and I work in hotels and resorts for many, many years. And there's definitely been the issues maybe because of the different type of location that I'm in, but during COVID, I've moved to doing this most of the close down COVID, I've used to do it since most of them have closed down or don't offer services to do in my own services,

and just posting different areas to kind of build up my business. And lately, I've been having more of all women who want me to bring them to orgasm. And it's not done to penetration or anything of myself. I'm fully clothed. And at first it's not particularly by surprise shot by it. But then after a while, you kind of, I mean, it's kind of like very well of the power of doing it. And it's just kind of odd at this point. This won't just thoughts were on.

Wow. So Billy, you're actually doing it. So I have a question. So you're going into their homes and you're bringing it to orgasm by rubbing their clitoris? Exactly. It's all hand. It's all through my hand. Nothing else. I mean, I say fully, you know,

go where I wear, or just, you know, just to be sure it's not white, you know, some kind of bad or something. But yeah, I mean, it's nothing worse. I'm doing anything more than using my hands. But it's funny how you can kind of tell

when they want it to be done. And I think some of it has been, it's kind of pick up the sensey, you kind of just, but it's enjoyable, right? And it's like being able to do that for other people. But I'm just concerned now that it's just becoming, you know, not really. Well it's not perfect. Well it's not perfect. I'm just really, you know, really. Well I know it's really not, but I mean, really here men do this all the time and now women

and so and you're actually doing it. So is it is it repeat people or it's just you're just finding that women are not all the time obviously obviously but as I have got a little bit of a Repeat business then I have other people call me say they met with you know a certain person and Wow, you know have the same sign kind of like the way they you could tell me want you to touch them and You try to hold back and then it's just I think really just the feeling of doing it and I don't know if you call it power if that's what I've ordered. I think some of the orgasm because they're enjoying it is pretty cool. Yeah no it is pretty cool so you sound like how long does it take

for the average woman to have an orgasm with your pants. You know, it's a full-alarm massage and generally most of them are half-waste really because it's burnt on your belly and when you're working your sobriety and then the size, you could tell that just the way they kind of move that they want you to do more. Okay. If you have a fully-spirited, you just finish the massage as you know, they would for more relaxation. But do you think you're doing anything? Maybe that's a little bit more leaning in towards their, you know,

their clitoris, their inner thighs. Now, well, okay, Ramon called in a caller and he has a message saying that he's a criminal defense attorney and he says to make sure that you have consent written and verbal from your clients. That's actually a great idea, yeah. I would do that, Billy, because it could get, you just don't know, it could get messy. And I just want you to lose your massage license and it is still illegal in this country. But I get it.

Oh, it says here, someone said that SB 2833 past January 21, 2020, solicitation and other sex work related offenses are still illegal in the state of California and maybe punishable by up to six months in jail and a thousand dollar fine. So you don't know these women. You don't know what they might, someone might fall in love with you. They might start texting.

You know what I mean? Like it could get messy, and especially because they're telling all of their friends. Now, we have're going around that. If you want to go to school, you could become a sexological body worker, which is what some of my friends do here. And that's where you can actually work with people, women, and help them with a rousal, and help them with orgasm.

They wear gloves and it's a whole process. I thought this has been happening. I even had friends a few years ago say to me at a few married friends saying, why men get happy endings all the time? And where can women go? And I honestly think that it's a good service to do, I think that, but it's, yeah, I think you got to cover your ass here. And is there anyone that you're attracted to? I'm gonna go with most of the people who want it. I don't think both of you are anything more, quite honestly.

And it's just the desire. And maybe it's just the person who really know and it's all learned and it's gone. And there's nothing anymore than my head. Yeah, it's really, I mean, I know, but that's pretty good. And no, Lou, when you're just like robbing them do they all want I'm just curious to the all no There's always a size oil and so forth. I've a size

Yeah, right is there and does it ever take a while or just take this quick? How long? I'm curious how long it takes And just external most of time Yeah, I'm all star always and most of the time It's feeling quick only because it's part of the entire hour and slash. In a build up, if you were on a fall play, I guess you would call it, because they are. And then the space will get closer to the area,

I guess, to that build up of a round-o-all. And then the actual simulation, really doesn't take that long to be honest, on most people. Yeah, that's what we're talking about is when there's a delay, or when there's a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a build up,

or there's tension because it's something you should do, which is why, yeah, the anticipation is what's really hot. But some questions are first off, do you, like, first off, an angry partner, like a woman could tell her partner, like, oh, this, misuse, did something something and then he could come after you, right? Like they could ruin your life for your business. And also, some other questions here for my team are like, do you get more money or better

business from doing it? Like, is it growing your business and are you getting good tips? You know, it's not going to business as much as I would say, but you do get extra dollars doing it. And I don't think it's more the fact that, I know it sounds really weird, like I'm helping somebody. Like they need that.

And I'm helping them achieve that without making certain barriers of actual penetration. Yeah, no, I mean, it really is a service. And I wish that we could legalize at sex work here. So we could just have some, it really is a service that I wish that we could legalize it sex work here. So we could just have some, it's clearly isn't, it's oldest profession in the world, right? And it sounds like right now you're having pretty good boundaries, although I would kind

of tighten this stuff up by getting consent, especially if it's someone who's hitting you up that said, oh, Jane sent me, then you know what that means now. It's like code word for happy ending. And so, you know, but it also makes sense during COVID that women are kind of like, I don't, I need this, I need to release, I need human contact. And it just, I wish that we had, yeah, they do, they miss intimacy, you know, really, it's just funny because I've gotten so many massage in my lifetime, a lot, different countries. And I've never had anybody do that. I've never

had anybody suggestively do anything that felt inappropriate. I know that many women have. I just haven't. So it's like, there must be something that, you know, you are suggestively doing that's encouraging it, because I would never come onto it. I mean, actually, I did hook up with the therapist once, but I ran into him that night. and I was like, that was a great massage, and then we had sex. So what, but I wasn't on the table. He wasn't touching me in any way. I wished he would have at the time.

I was like, oh, he's so good, what a good massage. So I think it's about boundaries, and I get that it's also really powerful too, and I understand that. I'm wondering if there's other ways you could explore this. You do a partner now? Are you with anybody? No, no, not right now.

Okay. Yeah, I mean. It sounds like I should kind of pull back from it though, because I don't want to be my wife, no, no, I want to get trouble for it. You really don't. I mean, that's the thing. I just don't mean, you know, you never,

you think someone seems like a nice person and they tell their partner, I wish she was good as the massage. I wish she was good as Billy, my massage therapist. And then you know what I'm saying? And then there goes your career. I don't think it's worth it if you really like being a massage therapist. But I think almost that would even be better for you if there was more kind of consent

around it. And you set it up in a way that people were consenting and you had them sign something. I mean, I would do some research because I'm sure this exists. But the way you're going now, you have a good streak and I just think, you know, if you do it legally in a way where it's a consensual relationship, you, you know, you might have a booming business right now. Yeah, it's nothing I would ever do back in a hotel or spell it out because my life is building there, but it's just kind of still into it doing it on my own if people told.

Yeah, no, that makes that totally make sense. I heard women asking for this in the last few years more so, but definitely during COVID, it's a thing. So, well, thanks for sharing that Billy. I would just try to do some research. Thank you, you guys. Of course, thank you, Billy. I appreciate it. I remember dating a boyfriend once, I'm like my 20s and he used to go see this massage therapist once a week. And I remember dating a boyfriend once, I'm like my 20s, and he used to go see this massage therapist once a week, and I remember finding, I don't remember how he told me, but he was getting a happy ending from her every week, and I was, he kept this list of all the women he slept with next to his nights, like to his table, and I was grabbing to get a piece of paper one day, the kid going to work, and I opened up, and it was literally everyone he slept with, and then it, we had been dating for two years, so my name was not the last name I left. It was like, your massage therapist, Stacy, I'm like, your boss, Trixie, it was all these names of people

that he had met since we were dating. Yeah, I'd love to hear your stories about this. I mean, there is something called sexological body work, and that makes it legal to have one way touch. With a person, you need to do some training around it, but all right, I gotta go, but don't worry, I'll be back soon with more sucks with Emily. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review. And tell all your friends, your partners, your lovers about the show. If it's

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