Sex With Emily - Everybody Loves Oral

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

It’s the holy grail of sexual connection -- a quality oral sesh. Or...is it? On this best of mashup episode, I’m sharing some top shelf advice on how to up your oral game: both giving, and receiving.Sometimes, hot oral comes down to technique, like the Kivin Method: we talk about why this is so delicious for vulva owners, and how you can execute it. But other times, good oral is more about lip service - no, not that kind, the communication kind. How do you ask for more oral from a partner who’s hesitant? How do you ask for LESS from a partner who’s a little too enthusiastic? And man oh man, what about when you desperately want to give - but your partner has some blocks around it? We get into all of it, alongside my guest Sadie Allison: sexologist, relationship expert and author, who has some A+ hacks to make your next oral sesh super sexy.For more Sadie Allison, click below:Website: www.TickleKitty.comTwitterFacebookShow Notes:Article: Mind-Blowing Oral Sex in Under 5 Minutes: The Kivin Method Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Cripe. Easy as them. Easy as them is using all of the things that you can. Okay, so first of all is your position. If he's laying down and you get into a position where he can see the round of your back and your ass over on your hands and knees, turn yourself sideways and kind of shift yourself so he can see your body. Exactly.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Oh, it's a holy grail of sexual connection, a quality oral sash. Or is it? On this best of mashup episode, I'm sharing some top shelf advice and how to up your oral game both giving and receiving. Sometimes hot oral comes down to technique like the Kevin method. We talk about why this is so delicious for vulva owners and how you could execute it. But other times good oral is more about lip service. No not that kind. The communication kind. You know, how do you ask for more oral

from a partner who's hesitant? Or how do you ask for less for a partner who's a little too enthusiastic? Oh, and what about when you desperately want to give, but your partner has some blocks around it. We get into all of it. Alongside my guest, Sadie Allison, she's a sexologist, a relationship expert and author

who has some eight plus hacks to make your next oral sash super sexy. Intention with Emily, for each episode join me in setting an intention. What do you wanna get out of this episode? How will it help you? My intention is to get you to think differently about oral sex, remove any of

the roadblocks that have keeping you from truly and thoroughly engaging in it and finding some tips in here at least one to take it to the next level. As always please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen, my new article on the site, how do I actually start squirting? That's up now at sexwithemily.com. Check it out if you've ever been curious about squirting. I'm sure you have been. If you want to ask me a question, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. 559-825-5739, leave me your questions or message me

at sexwithemily.com slash askemily. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Dr. C.D. Allison is one of America's leading sex educators and authors of award-winning bestsellers like Tickle His Pickle and Tickle Your Fancy. C.D.'s author, the the founder CEO of Tickle Kitty where her signature sex help book

Central Pleasure Kids and Sex Lubricants enable her to help people find even greater sexual fulfillment in their lives. Find her on social media at Dr. Sadie that's DRSAD at Tickle Kitty official. So welcome to the show, Sadie. It's so good to see you. I'm so happy to be here again.

Oh, it's fun. And she's also at Dr. Sadie Allison, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest. What do you think it is, though, by a couple of as much as I've been saying this and you've been saying this for years, why do you think it's so goddamn hard for couples to even talk about sex?

People weren't role model. When you think about like baby boomers and having parents that came from generations where we may have grown up not seeing our parents communicate at all, that gets passed down. Right. So if someone's got to be the champion in the relationship and make that happen, and I even suggest for guys like when it comes to oral sex or touching a clitoris like I have in the undercover clitoris book, open up the dialogue for her. Because women, we can be really shy, intimidated, don't want to hurt his feelings, all those things. So if you're touching her clitoris and you were proactive and said, honey, how does that feel?

Do you want me to go slower, faster to the left, to the right, and give her easy, yes, no questions? Right. Because if you say, how does it feel, she might just say, I'm fine, I'm fine, it's great. It's good, it's fine. Oh, fake orgasm now. No. So really care about her pleasure and make it easy for her because you know, you can help her.

And we looked to our partners to help us feel safe and comfortable. So I encourage guys to kind of put yourself in her shoes and make her feel comfortable, make it easy for her to open up. Yeah, so true. What do you think is the most misunderstood thing about the clitoris or what do you think people really could get from this that they don't know? Well, it's really just going slow and gentle.

You know, here's an analogy. You know, a lot of guys are heavy-handed. They might be used to touching themselves, which can be a lot firmer, stronger, and faster than what a clitoris wants. And if they're not communicating with their lovers or she's too shy to be telling him, you're kind of missing it every time. You know, a lot of girls that tell me that they don't like oral sex, for example. Yeah, let's talk about those.

I'm really surprised, but I know some of them say, well, he just doesn't do it right, and I keep trying to tell him he doesn't. So I just tell him, I don't like it and don't bother right but really he's not doing it right so that's why I wrote the mystery of the undercover clitoris to give guys all the real inside scoop that she's not telling you right and here's here's a good analogy yeah when you go to touch a clitoris you want to start so soft so guys if you had an eyelash stuck in your eyeball and you went to go and rub it out how gently would you be touching your eyeball hmm pretty darn soft yeah every time it out. How gently would you be touching your eyeball? Pretty darn soft. Yeah.

Every time I tell that to a guy, they're like, oh, like that. Yes, like that. Right, that's a great way to say, I would say go five times slower. That is a great analogy. That's good. So go slow. And then communicate from there, some women will like it faster and harder, of course. But start there, it's a sure way to start.

Start to go slow. Okay, so what about the penis books? So what's the, let's talk about some things about the penis that are misunderstood in here. The cigar roller and they work. They do work. I remember this was years ago when I read, I think it was that,

Articles Fancy, I read something on your books and I probably told you this, it was like 2004. It was before we met. And I gave a guy I'd been dating like a year, a blow job. I liked to fancy myself that I'm pretty good. And I gave a guy I'd been dating, like a year, a blowjob. I like to fancy myself that I'm pretty good. And I did something that I just read in here. And he was like, oh, and he was like, amazing.

What would you just do? I can't remember what it was at this moment. I know, dude, I should remember. I want to put my fingers on this printing. I'm going to be like, whoa, I don't think I'd ever known to do that. Yeah, because men's prostate glands are right in the middle above where the taint is, the print. So just to reiterate that. Yeah, because men's prostate glands are right in the middle above where

the taint is the pranium. So just to reiterate where that is, is this landscape between the base of his balls and the butt hole. Right. Taint the balls. Exactly. Same for women. Is there's that little landscape, the same thing. So if you're giving a blowjob and you use your other hand, because your other hand is stroking as well. So you use the free hand to push up. And you want to put a good amount of pressure more than you might think. Like a few fingers.

Push up. And that way you're putting pressure on more stimulation for him while you're giving the blow job. And here's a lot of women that don't learn how to give them because we don't get taught in school how to give and receive pleasure. No. I mean, it's one thing to give, but also

to feel comfortable receiving. Right. So, that's why I even wrote the books is, you know, step by step guides, real easy to read, bullet points, lots of drawings. But the one thing that a lot of women don't realize is to use your hands. Right. It sounds so simple, but a lot of women think it's all about the blow job, but that's the inner mouth of it.

Exactly. Deep-throating and that's porn. I'm like, no, no, your hand is your best friend when it comes to a blow job. You don't need to do all the deep-throating and it's only your mouth and that's why. I'm like, no, no, your hand is your best friend when it comes to a blowjob. You don't need to do all the deep throating and it's only your mouth and that's why you're getting tired. Yeah, it brings out. Exactly. So there's the techniques that are important,

but there's also the number one thing that men want. It's enthusiasm. They say that much rather have a girl giving a blowjob that's into it and trying to please him, then a porn star that can finish him off in a minute. Right. Now, how do you describe into it?

Because I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was saying it, but I know that you have, like, how would you describe enthusiasm? Like, what a woman was she was going, well, I'm into it. How do you describe enthusiasm? Right. The enthusiasm is using all of the things that you can. Okay. So, the first of all is your position.

So if, if he's laying down and you get into a position where he can see the round of your back and your ass, so if you're on your hands and knees, turn yourself sideways and kind of shift yourself so he can see your body. Exactly, because we're sure. The other one is to use a lot of spit and sound is great. You know, the sound of sex and sucking and licking and sloppiness, guys like that too. The sound of you moaning, right? And even pausing to say something sexy. I love how you taste. Oh my god, your cock is so big. You know, right, right.

Shall we go on? Yes, we should. I'm looking at my man over here right now. I know, he's like, yeah, I know. It's like tonight, baby. So things like that, eye contact is another one. And it's okay to pause. Because if you're like going at it

And he's like almost there and you stop that's edging right get in a close that's a tease So showing your enthusiasm to do those kind of things that you know can even make it even better for him Those are such good tips. Okay. What about good tips for Conalingus for some of your favorite for guys If they don't really know the landscape. Okay. Well, first of all, you don't wanna go just right to the clearest, like it's gonna be shocking and surprising. Like, hey, whoa, whoa, hey, like glide up the inner thigh with your fingers, too, the air is.

Tees. Yeah. Tees is still important, that could be party for play. That could be a few minutes off your foreplay. You should try to look at the clock, right? Don't forget to make out. You need to women like that sensuality, the caressing, the sweetness.

So if you look into her eyes, kiss her a little bit, and then as your hand is sliding down at the same time while you're French kissing her, that'll get her wet real quick. Yes, the kiss. I'm almost like, bring back the kiss. I'm kidding, horny now.

You're asking me all these great questions that I can't usually talk about. I don't know if you can't, because you've been doing radio really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we got no rules. I have to speak in code all the time. I know, right. I don't know that there. Oh, you can't because you've been doing radio. Really? Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio.

Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio.

Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio.

Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. Yeah, I've been doing radio. You can say whatever you want. It's interesting how anal is become such a thing like so say I need you to answer the five questions that we ask. I asked you to I need you honey. I love that you're here Okay, ready. Mm-hmm. Your biggest turn on sensual slow touch Like if we're just laying there facing each other each on our sides and he takes his fingertips and just glides them down the side of my ribs and over my waist and over my hip real slow. It's just real gentle. That that that I just got turned on by that that's true. Biggest turn off. Going too

fast and also only letting me have one orgasm because our first is not our last right exactly. Yeah. I've I did 15 once in the course of a full evening. Wow. It was hard. With a toy, without toys. With a person, only a person. I've been self-pleasuring since I was a young girl. And I am a pro.

Right. And thankfully, I can get there quickly. Right. It's different when someone else is giving it to me for course though. But after like four or five you have to really Concentrate and squeeze your pelvic muscle and really push them out. So 15 after a while it doesn't even feel that good But you have like one last contract. No, that happens to me, but I'm usually using the magic

How many have you done? Oh, I mean using it. I've never done 15 on my own. So my hat goes off to you She literally wrote the book. So you literally wrote the book. I would say with a vibrator or a toy, you know, forever. I mean, I don't even know. I lose count. Probably 15, 20. Wow. So you're out there. Yeah. No, I can keep going and going, going, going, going. How many were like, I'm late for meetings? You're your first good big one of a session. How many contractions do you have? I would say I would have about two to three. Yeah. What about you? That's normal. Common. Good, good, strong ones. Five, six, seven.

And can you explain what you've learned about the contractions? What do you mean? I'm just glad that the orgasm happened to me. So here, let's talk about it. That's great. And this is important because people don't get that. Right. So when a guy comes, they come out and squirts. Right. Then we see that. We know that.

And he has the same pelvic muscle that's squeezing and contracting. So when you have an orgasm, it's kind of like the next closest thing that your body can do is a sneeze. You get to that point of no return and then that's gonna happen, you can't stop it. And so what happens with your pelvic floor, is it's the muscle that gets to that point, and then it just contracts and squeezes. And so for a guy, that's why his come

is coming out in squirts because of the muscle squeezing. So for women, the same thing happens. We just don't see it. So when we're talking about contractions, it's the pelvic muscle, you reach that point of no return of your orgasm, and then it's releasing and having the orgasm and it's those that muscle contracting. And you keep contracting, you pump your kegge muscles, right?

Right. And does it on its own for the orgasm, yeah. And then you can kind of keep pumping it and push them out. Exactly. That's what I've learned. If I strong keggells are very, very important. Okay. We'll go back to your questions.

Sexiest part of your partner's body. I would say God, he's got great legs. My man is a swimmer. He's a lifetime swimmer. And he swims out in the San Francisco Bay with just his little trunks on and a cap. It's at the dolphin club down at the Vischemann's wall. Oh, you still live right near that. So it's an old, old club in there since the 1800s. Yeah. Super cool. So he goes out there and he'll swim for like a half an hour

in the freezing water. Oh my God. But it's super healthy in your body. Yeah, it's so good for you. So good for you. Yeah, so he's gotten really nicely. Yes, I love it. Crazyest place you've gotten busy.

On a golf course in high school, I think we went to a keger and it was, I lived near a golf course and I remember the next morning, I had grass in places that it shouldn't be. I love it. Okay, so last question is, what's the one thing you wish you could tell your partner about your body's needs, which I'm sure you've already done, or you can say what something that a partner has taught you

about your body's needs? That you didn't know, although you're so profess. I mean, you've been doing this. I don't know. I've known my body for so long. I don't know that anyone's taught me anything. I'm sure. That's why I knew you could mention.

I'm sorry. I love about you. That's why I so know. I don't want to make anything up. No, and you never would. You're amazing. Dr. Seedy Allison is so fun having you here. Before we get into your questions,

I want to give you a new technique for going down on a blah, blah. And it's called the Kiven Method. And remember having you here. Before we get into your questions, I want to give you a new technique for going down on a blah blah and it's called the Kiven Method. And remember you guys, it's not going to work on it in everybody, but it's an exciting way of performing oral sex and there have been so bold claims about its effectiveness and orgasm in three minutes and sixty percent of women with people with vaginas experienced faster and more intense orgasms. Okay, you guys, I don't know about that one. But let's hear how you do it so you can try it.

Try it at home, try it with your partner, see if it works. And the other thing I like about this is even if it doesn't work, you're probably going to find another method or another nerve ending or something that you might have missed before on the vulva because we know there are 8,000 of them. So here's the gist. Rather than coming in from between the legs, so your partner's lying on their back and you're kind of coming up between their legs,

the giver comes in from the side, so meaning you're like sitting on your side, leaning over into their vulva. So basically you place the index finger and thumb on either side of the clitoris to raise and study it. Remember, do this gently and use some lube. That's okay. Kissing and foreplay.

All that stuff is important. But hopefully the clitoris is already a little aroused right now. And then instead of licking up and down on the vulva, you're going to go from side to side across the clitoral hood. So like windshield wiper tongue back and forth instead of up and down. So what they're saying is this, which makes sense, this helps to stimulate a wider area of the clitoris than conventional methods usually used.

The positioning is okay. So here's some of the things that the positioning. It's best to approach over the thighs rather than underneath. So with the left hand, the giver needs to place the middle finger on the perineum. So what we're saying is your right hand is stabilizing the clitoris, it's raising it up, and the left hand is going, the middle finger is on the perineum, which is that area between the between the vagina and the anus. And while you're doing that, it's because you want to feel for different muscle contractions.

So you could kind of tell if your partner's nearing orgasm, you can begin to concert on the head of the clitoris with a tongue. So you're supposed to feel some contractions, and then from your licking, and then that way, it's like a little indicator that you could switch it up and just concentrate on the head. So basically, this theory is you're trying three different variations. You're going on the side, using a different hand position

and you're looking across the literal hood. The key is to keep the pace and pressure consistent, which by the way is always really important during oral sex to kind of keep it consistent. Another person said that she came within five minutes of me finding the rhythm. It's usually 15 to 20 minutes. So I don't know, you guys, let me know what you think.

I just emailed this to my boyfriend, so I haven't even tried it yet. I'll let you know what happens. I actually would love to hear if you guys try this out. We can even post a link to it on the website or on the show notes so you can see what you think. Stick around you guys, because after the break, I answer all of your oral questions. Okay, we have Sarah. She's 30 from Washington and she wants to give her partner oral, but you won't let her. Hey Sarah Hi, Emily. Hi, so good to talk to you. Okay, tell me what's going on. So I've been dating this guy for almost five months now. We're in an exclusive relationship.

Our sex life is getting better. There's a lot of chemistry. He's really attentive, really understanding that women eat a little bit more time. But he says that he has his preference where he doesn't really like receiving oral or even really like to be touched. And he always puts the short line after sex

and he's mentioned in passing conversations that he's not completely comfortable naked. So I just wonder if there's some sort of underlying issue there because I've never encountered someone. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's a great question. I say it's strange. It does happen. We don't hear about a lot. Like I hear more from women who are too sensitive than men. So how much do you know about

his sexual history? So I know he was married before. Right. He was married for about 14 years. And then he? So I know he was married before. Right. He was married for about 14 years, and then he's been divorced for about almost two years. Okay. And dated maybe four or five people since then. Okay. First of all, how is his body to you, like a your attracted to him and his penis works

fine? You know, right? Definitely attracted to him completely, yes. Okay. I mean, honestly, it's kind of like, I would say that he probably had some kind of trauma It could be psychological. It could be physical Maybe he had a woman who said he she didn't like how he you know Tasted once when he was in high school. I mean these little things could set up triggers for a lifetime or maybe he who knows

He came when he didn't want to during oral or maybe he even had some kind of sexual abuse I'm not sure what it is But if you guys are in a comfortable space, you know, without shaming him, just ask him like, Kyrzik, has it always been this way? Did you ever like oral sucks? You know, you could ask him again from a way that's very loving, not having the conversation in the bedroom, but I really don't think it's nothing that you're doing. And the reason why men report they don't like oral is the same reasons why women don't

love oral. Like, maybe it is too sensitive to touch. He may think that you're not really into it because again, he just might have that belief or one woman said she wasn't into it. So I wouldn't like force it on him, of course, and be like, let me do it. But I think like off when you're not in the bedroom, having conversation about your sexual history or experiences might be interesting to you to learn a little bit more because it sounds to me like there's probably something going on. I'm not concerned about it, but if he's open, you know, there's ways that he could maybe touch it again like there a hand job and using lots of lube and

maybe he could build up to it if he's down for it. What do you think about that? Yeah, no, he's definitely open to talking about it and I've explained to him that to me, you know, being able to receive this sort of being vulnerable. And so I want to give, because I want him to also be vulnerable and it's a give and take what he does it to me. So I think he understands it from that point, but still this sort of comes back with, yeah, it's never been good. Right. We'll see the right.

And then you're like, let me show you good, right? Like as women are like, never been good. I'm going to be the one. So I think that it sounds like maybe it wasn't good. Or he who knows how we turn things in our mind. And it becomes like, orals never good. I'm going to be the one. So I think that it sounds like maybe it wasn't good or he who knows how we turn things in our mind and it becomes like Orals never good. Maybe someone bit him with his teeth. I mean, you hear these stories like I could have been something like who knows. And so I think you could say was it ever good? Like did something happen and then you could find out and then you guys can build again. Maybe it's through like touching or maybe you just

you know the tips really sensitive. You could use your hand and then start to kiss the tip. So if he's open to it once he talks about it, it might take a lot of the charge out of it for him and maybe he'd be willing to kind of try it again. Yeah, and I think I'll definitely bring it up a tip again. Okay, cool. Yeah, that's what you got to do. It's talking. Communication is a lubrication. You're not doing anything wrong, so. Great. Well, thank you so much, Emily. I'm a loyal lifler of your show. Oh, thank you, Sarah. I so appreciate it. I love hearing from you.

Call back. Let me know how it goes or I'm always here for questions. Okay. Great. Okay. Have a good day. Thanks, Sarah. Bye. I like questions like this because we often hear women. They're not, you know, they're too sensitive and oral sex. And for some women, they really are too sensitive. A lot of women are multi-organic. They can don't like oral sex, but for men, we don't hear about it as often. And like a lot of sexual challenges we have, have to do with some emotional thing that happened to us

or could be physical pain. And we got to just get to the bottom of it, talk to our partners, remember you guys, outside the bedroom, in a neutral environment. People want to talk about these things, but they're not often asked the question. So asking in a thoughtful way can really yield us a lot of the answers that we need to have healthy sex

you've dared to be to in california and he's scared to go down on women now that he's casually dating again hey how you doing i'm not scared i'm just a little bit of a germaphone okay that makes sense that makes sense it was a pretty uh... you know it's a pretty regular thing with me and my wife. Now that we are split, I just want to talk it through. Okay, let's talk it through. So tell me what your concern is.

The getting an STD. Okay, that could be what I'm talking about. Oh gosh, I don't want to plant more, yeah, worries in work yeah we're easy to have but what were your concerns uh... we're together for twenty eight years so it was certainly in yes we my wife had to add uh... uh... couple of kids and what have you but some of the women that are probably in there let's call it uh... thirty forty fifty know, may have had a little bit more miles on them from multiple partners.

Oh, okay. So in your brain, you're like, how many other mouths and penises have been here before? And you are only with your wife. So I understand that. So here's the thing, the vagina. Not only with my wife, there's only only with my wife for the last 28 years. Right, I get it. So really, it's just new vagina. Like it my wife, just only with my wife for the last 28 years. Right. I get it.

So really it's just new vagina. Like it's a whole new thing. So that's probably part of it too, just anxiety about being with somebody new. Like you've only done that person. So it makes sense that you would just be kind of have some thing. So that's probably part of it too, just anxiety about being with somebody new. Like you've only done that person. So it makes sense that you would just be kind of have some some

trepidation about it or you just be kind of, huh, I haven't done this in a while. Listen, you can't tell if someone has an STI or an STD just by looking, but you can't tell if they're clean. And of course, if there's any outbreaks, well, that you'll be able to notice. And you can't, there are some risks. It is true that you can get an STD. It is rare, but unprotected oral sex, herpes, and gunnery, and all those things.

I don't hear those cases that often, I'm telling you, but it's possible. So I think, you know, it's good to like shower beforehand. If you want to, too, if you're just kind of concerned about that, but really, the vagina cleans itself. So typically most of us are very healthy, and we take care of ourselves, so it's not like she needs to do sure,

like she can wash off all the sex from the past. So there's nothing like lingering, again, unless she has something, and hopefully she would tell you. And you're not, it's not going to transmit unless she's having a breakout. Let's say if she had herpes or something. So you could also use a dental dam,

which nobody uses, but they actually feel really good. I think people should. There's something called same-day STD testing, which is awesome. It's this really cool test. You just take it in that day. You take it that day. So to make sure that you have your, you know, clean record and that she does too. So does that help you?

I got my clean record today. What went to my doctor and he ran a whole panel and he said, now you got a baseline. Okay, there you go. So perfect. I mean, again. So I don't know if I wear that at the card around my neck when I'm taking girls out that take, you know, here I am, I'm clean. No, I mean, yes, but I wouldn't just whip it down on the first day

and be like, look at my card. Because I have a friend who does that. My friend, Hernando, he's a sex doctor too. And he was weird, a party goes, look, and he showed us his phone because he had like results and he was showing the women his clean results before like even knew if they got their phone number

and I just didn't think it was sexy. But yes, you should definitely let them know like in a way that when you know that you're with someone, okay, here's the thing, when you know that you're with somebody, Darren, that you're like, oh, this could go somewhere, like maybe second date or whatever it is, you'd be like, oh, just so you know, like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm clean, you know, hopefully it, to have, if you've been tested. That's how you have the conversation.

I don't think you have to lead with it, like on the first date. Right. Right. What else, Darren? Yeah, you feel better? Okay, I'm here for you. Let me know guys. Yeah. As questions come up, I'm here. Be right back with more of your questions. Like, what do I do if my boyfriend will go down on me?

Okay, we have Bethany. She's 29 from Colorado, and her partner is not giving her oral even though she's a giving lover. Hey Bethany, thanks for calling. Let's get into this. Tell me what's going on. You know, it's just funny because I've never been in a relationship where I didn't receive as well. And honestly, it's kind of taken a stab at my confidence.

Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, it's just strange to me because after not receiving it, I really found it important it is. Yeah, it is. Absolutely. So you're not wrong here at all. I think that I've been in that situation too. And I was like, what is going on here?

So how long have you been with your boyfriend? It's been a year and I've kind of decided that if things don't change soon, I don't know if I can continue on. And I felt initially that that was kind of shallow of me, but I just wanted to know if there's a way I can kind of entice him because I feel like I've tried it all. Okay. Well, let's talk first of all.

It is not shallow. I'm going to tell you here. I have ended a relationship based on lack of oral. I have ended it because so what I... Well, first I wanted so that is totally that is women, you know, women require or so many women require oral sex. It's like the way we orgasm. Like we're more likely to orgasm from oral than intercourse

So you're all you're you're good here. So tell me what you've already done tell me how you've talked to him about it in the past Well, I've kind of just said is it something that I'm doing it? I like as it my sense or anything like that and he says absolutely nothing wrong with your anatomy It's in my head. I also just get over it in my mind because I haven't done it in the past two relationships I've been in. So I kind of have hinted towards it when we are in that intimate moment. Okay. And then he just reverts completely to something else.

Mmm. Okay, so good. Okay, so this is great information because here's what I'm thinking that he's probably feeling like he's not good at it and he doesn't have a lot of experience. So which, she probably doesn't. And so I think it sounds like he doesn't. So I think he probably really wants to please you. It's not like he doesn't sound like he had a bad experience or just not his thing that

he might need some guidance from you. But I think what we got to change here, Bethany, is that you have this conversation with him when you're not not in the moment. So I think it's time for like a heart to heart, go out to dinner, somewhere where you guys are feeling relaxed, can be a breakfast in the morning, wherever you feel comfortable and say, babe, I'm going to talk to you about something. Love our sex life, our relationship, it's hot, but I know I've brought up oral sex before and it's something that I actually,

I've realized now after a year that I actually need it. Like I miss it, I require it. And so, and I know we've talked about this, but I understand that like, it sounds to me, like maybe you feel like you're not really sure, because you haven't done it a lot. And so, you know, ask me a question, say, is that what it is?

And then let them answer, and then, you know, and then do question and say, is that what it is? And then let him answer and then, you know, and then do you think he would be open to that? Yeah, I think he really does want to try and maybe I could just give him some pointers. Yes. I guess I haven't heard really talk anybody. Exactly. Okay, so this is great because I bet he wants to learn and he wants to please you. But, you know, guys don't love asking for directions, you know, a lot of guys, I mean, girls don't either,

right? So, there's like, I wish I knew, and then we get in our heads. He's probably really insecure about it. So, what I love, what I think is great is, now, do you like masturbate? Are you familiar with your body? Oh, yeah. Okay, great.

Okay, this is going so well, Bethany. So, I think the thing for you to do is to say, ask him if he'd be open to it and maybe a little mutual masturbation session where you could show him how exactly how you like to be touched. Or maybe it's a one-way masturbation where first you get off and he's watching and then maybe he gets off because if it's mutual, he might not really be able to pay attention. So you could just show him, like, this is how I like my clitoris touch, this is how I use my fingers, that guy like to have some loop here. And then like, actually show him like this is how I like my glitter as touch This is how I use my fingers that I like to have some loop here and then like actually Show him it's like a show and tell so you don't like you to explain it when you're talking to him at dinner

And you can just let him know that you'd love to work on it together that you actually think would be really hot If you guys to figure it out together so In every situation is a new learn curve because even if he'd been doing it to every woman in the past, every woman's body is different. So I think first find out if you've got the go ahead, if he's cool and he wants to learn, and then it's either through mutual masturbation

or even if it's just you saying, you know what? So next time when you go down to me, know that you're gonna know that he's on board and say, I can't wait to teach you. I think it'd be so hot for me to show you exactly what I like. And then he'll feel less anxious like he's supposed to be performing. And then you guys can, you know, learn together. You can teach him. Make it fun though. You know, make it fun. Make it light and just give him a new,

you know, give him an option. Because what happened to me was I said to my partner, I said, listen, is it number one? You, you, you, you, you're not really sure if I'm into it or number two, you're not sure that you want to do it or number three, it's not your thing. And he said, you know what, it's not my thing. And then I said, well, babe, you're not my thing. And then I ended up, it's a deal breaker. So for you, though, I'm thinking you're gonna hear, yeah, I really want to, but I'm just not sure what I'm doing.

You say, wow, great, because I want, I can't wait to show you. And then you make it fun, you keep it light. And you know, take a little bit of time, you know, takes a while. My boyfriend didn't get a lot of guys don't get it right away. So you just keep working on it, so you can get what you want. Yeah, maybe it's just intimidating to them.

I guess it is. It's really intimidating to them, because they want to please you so bad. And then men had this thing in their head, like, oh, I should already know and why don't I know and it doesn't makes me less of a man. None of which is true. So the more you can make them feel like, you know, he is that great lover and he's hot and you can't wait and all that stuff, he's going to be able to relax into it and give

you those screaming orgasms that you deserve. Okay, Bethany. I'm going to only be a little bit longer until I'm like, I'm going to lose my mind. I know. Well, this is why I think it's got to be like tonight. Just talk to him about it. It sounds scary, but why don't you just get into it?

Perfect. Please do it tonight, and then please let me know how it goes. OK? OK. OK. OK. Thanks, Bethany. Thanks for calling Sex Family.

I love this, you guys. We all have pleasures, our birthright, and we all have the right to better sex, and I love this, you guys. We all have pleasures or birthright, and we all have the right to better sex, and especially oral sex, you guys. So tell your partner what you want, make sure they're on board, and let's all go down like we mean it. OK, this next one is from Ann 42 in Texas.

Hi, Emily. I'm having the best sex in my life. My high school, sweet, or dived both went through divorce, and we're now one year in two-room reuniting. Our sex life is on fire. I wasn't having orgasms during my marriage, unless they were on my own or with a toy. Well, that's another story. Now, I'm having orgasms every time and usually two or three. It's amazing. Anyway, getting to the point, my boyfriend loves when I go down on him. In fact, maybe he's addicted. I like to do it, but he seems to expect

that I will do it every time we have sex, and we have sex a lot. I don't want to deny him, and it's not an awful task that I hate. I just don't want to do it every time we have sex. Is that reasonable? How can I maybe do it a little less without hurting his feelings

or making him think I don't like it? Yes, he also goes down on me, but not every time, and I don't expect it every time. Thanks for reading my question. I discovered you about two years ago, and even though I was pretty sexual-explorative, you've revolutionized my sex life. You rock. Thank you. And I'm so glad you found the show.

And I love that you reunited with your high school sweetheart. And you're having amazing orgasms. You're clearly in those fun phases right now that we talked about earlier, which is great. Okay. I really love this question because I think that a lot of us just kind of would get frustrated and keep doing what our partner wants in the Navra Zemez, but I think that maybe you're assuming that he wants it every time because maybe he's like thrusting his penis towards you or it might be habitual for him just to do that,

to get him hard. But, you know, there's a lot of other ways to get him aroused. You could use your hand, you could use some lube. I'm telling you, you put some few drops of lube on your hand around his penis and you just grab it and not grab it. But, you know, you hold onto his penis and get him a hard that way. I think that's gonna be cool. I think there's a lot of different ways that you could get him

around without giving a blowjob every single time. So this is a conversation you have with them about your sex life outside the bedroom. Clearly you're both having amazing sex and just say, you know, I'm not sure that I could, I'm not feeling great about every single time giving you a blowjob though I love sucking you. It feels great, but I let's play with some other ways to get you aroused. Like, I think that's how you say it to them, and then you could also let them know there what you need. Because he's not going down in you every time, but sometimes I find, like for me,

I've had to figure out if my partner doesn't go down in me or I'm not stimulated, I don't wanna have, I'm not gonna have an orgasm. And I found like a lot of times I've just had sex and then I'm disappointed. So I've had to figure out like, well, I'm gonna get my have, I'm not going to have an orgasm. And I found like a lot of times I've just had sex and then I'm disappointed. So I've had to figure out like, well, I'm going to get my toy if that's not happening or I'm going to make sure that there's enough lube and that I'm touching myself

because the truth is most women do not have orgasms from penetration and if they do, you know, there has to be some arousal first. So I think it's really just, this could be a great time for you guys. You're a year in to really just have the conversations and You probably couldn't discover some other ways to really turn each other on and it's not gonna just be about blow drops This is from Beth 22 in Alabama. Dear Emily

I've told my boyfriend a few times that sex seems very one-sided sometimes since he orgasms every time And I've had maybe three orgasms all via oral since we've been dating almost five months. I asked him if he could work on it, offered suggestions, and so far it's only seemed to accomplish making him feel inadequate, and making him perform oral on me less. A few nights ago, I was on my period, and I didn't want to have sex. We asked for a blowjob. I agreed. And afterward, I mentioned that he's never just going down to me for my pleasure before.

He acted indignant and proceeded to tell me that he's going down to me even when my vagina smells bad and he didn't want to. Whoa. He's never said anything about it before. I had no idea, but I always tried to make sure I'm fresh down there before sex. Now, I feel very self-conscious about it. Can't get into sex at all. He still has an offer to Oralely and I wonder if it's because he thinks I have a giant of spells. I can't bring myself to ask him either because he specifically told me he didn't want to think so much. Beth, I am disturbed several times reading this.

There are several things in here. So it sounds to me like he felt hurt by your allegations that he wasn't going down on you and that he wasn't making you perform. And so maybe he just said that about the odor, which either way is not cool. It's also not great to have, like I always say, having these conversations right after sex,

like if you gave him a blowjob and you're like, okay, now it's my turn, just best to have them in a neutral environment. And we're not all charged up and we all just had orgasms or didn't have orgasms. But I would just again take this outside the bedroom and say to them, like, you know, when you said that thing about my odor, I keep thinking about that. And I need to know, is that really a problem? Because I feel like, you know, I'm clean and I shower and I take care of myself. So is that a real concern of yours? Let's talk about it and let them know also that how much, how it feels to you when you go

down on you that it's actually like a requirement. And I think that he has to understand that. Now, he might be, you know, you guys are still learning. Remember, you're 22 years old. I'm assuming he's about your age. And I have to say, you guys, it's not that you're, I'm saying, know, you guys are still learning. Remember you're 22 years old. I'm assuming he's about your age. And I have to say you guys, it's not that you're, I'm saying, oh, you guys are so young, you can't know. You literally haven't had enough experience in relationships. Great lovers, not born, they are made. We have to mold each other into better lovers.

So you got to be honest with them and just say, that didn't make me feel great. I really do require more oral sex and let me know about the hygiene thing. Because here's the other thing though, this is a side note. Maybe you might have an infection because if there is an odor, that is not like a normal odor because we all have vaginal odors that are fine. It's part of our natural pH.

But if it's an odor that's like shifted since you guys have been together because maybe you have like bacterial vaginosis. For example, it's something that a lot of women can have. Many women can have an infection and they don't know it. So we actually don't know. So maybe there is something, but I think you got to get more information. But I'm not loving some of the things you say.

I don't like that he last out and he was negative. So these are gonna have to be some conversations. And then you're gonna see if you're not getting your needs met sexually and he's being abusive by saying these terrible things might have a right view. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share

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