Sex With Emily - Everything About Your Vulva Explained

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Most women can name every product in their skincare routine but can't tell you the last time they actually paid attention to their vulva. Not because you don't care — because nobody ever taught you to. And that silence is costing women their pleasure, their comfort, and sometimes their health. In this episode, I sit down with OB-GYN and women's sexual health expert Dr. Sherry Ross — author of the V-ology book series and someone I consider one of the most important voices in women's intimate health — for the most practical, shame-free conversation about vulva and vaginal health I've ever had on this show. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why your vulva needs the same care and attention as your face — and what most of us are getting completely wrong about cleaning, moisturizing, and maintaining vaginal health at every age • The truth about painful sex, perimenopause, and recurring infections — what's actually causing them, why doctors keep dismissing the symptoms, and the solutions most women have never been told about • Whether every woman can learn to squirt, what your labia is supposed to look like, and why the clitoris — the road to success — might be the most important thing you're not paying enough attention to This episode is sponsored by... Get the LELO SURFER 2 at lelo.com/surfer-2 and use code SWE20 for a stackable 20% off More Dr. Emily:  • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).5 • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Chapters: 0:00 - Intro 1:26 - Meet Dr. Sherry Ross: OBGYN & Author of the Shiology Book Series 4:35 - Treat Your Vagina Like the Skin on Your Face 6:32 - The Visual Vaginal Library & Why Porn Is Distorting Body Image 8:08 - Can Every Woman Squirt? Dr. Sherry Weighs In 10:09 - Listener Q&A: Perimenopause Symptoms, Hormones & What to Ask Your Doctor 13:36 - Wearable Dilators: What They Are & Who Actually Needs Them 15:27 - The Real Causes of Painful Sex (Beyond Just Dryness) 18:00 - Recurring UTIs & Yeast Infections: Why They Keep Happening 19:05 - Five Quickie Questions with Dr. Sherry Ross Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The clitoris, the road to success. I mean, you have to know where it is. What's your anatomy? I think it's so important to know. And then I really think it's important to know how to care for your vagina, how to clean it. And vagina, I'm meaning vulva and vagina. I think this is what's also been a problem for us is, you know, used to be vagina meant everything. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. How well do you know the vulva and vagina? On this episode, I'm joined by two guests to break down all things V. We're talking about how to take care of your vulva, the importance of strengthening your pelvic floor, and so much more. My guest is OBGYN, author of this Shiology book series and an expert in all things women's sexual health, Dr. Sherry Ross. She shares the benefits of getting to know your or your partner's vulva,

the relationship between insecurity and porn, solutions for painful sex, and of course, squirting. Please rate and review Sex with Emily. Wherever you listen to the show, it helps get the show out to more people, and it just takes you a few seconds to do it. You can just do it right now. Look at your phone, look at your app that you're listening to this on, and review us. We so appreciate it.

You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook, all the places. It's all at Sex with Emily. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection.

Well, that's exactly why we created the shop, sex with Emily's store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team. And these are products I trust. I recommend to clients and would tell my friends about. I do tell my friends about. It's what I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner,

or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly. We've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the Dane Pillow for supported sex. The Magic Wand Waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe-flavored lube, We vibe touch, clitoral vibrators. There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing.

It should feel empowering. You can check it out at shop. dot sex withemly.com and find something that supports where you are right now or just click the link in the show notes. Also, keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon. Dr. Sherry Ross, aka Dr. Sherry, is an OBGYN, author of Chiology, the definitive guide to women's intimate health, period. Anciology, the sequel, let's continue the conversation.

She's a health expert. She's been a passionate advocate for women's health for over 25 years. And she's received nearly every top doctor, super doctor, and patient's choice award in the United States. And you can find more about her at Dr.sherry.com. Welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. I feel like you've been such an advocate for women,

creating such powerful resources and products. So could you tell everyone about yourself before we get into all the questions? Sure, sure. Well, first of all, just grateful to be on the show. So I'm just an OBGYN, a private practice, Santa Monica for over 25 years. I love what I do. And I always say that my most important conversations are when a woman's legs are in strokes. Because that's when I get to hear all the good stuff.

And a lot of my creations have really come from, The need that I see is missing for women in sexual wellness. My books really came from those conversations. It was beyond our bodies ourselves. I just thought, you know, these are, this is stuff I have to write down. So your books are fabulous, first off. Sheology, the definitive guide to women's intimate health, period. And then Sheology, the sequel, let's continue the conversation.

And I felt when I looked at them, like, finally, I have a resource now to send all the women in my life. Like, this is your present, no matter what age you are. I love that. And so I love that your book is all things V. It's like the healthy V, the hormonal V, the benched V, collapsed V, divorced V. Thank you. And we are just walking around women don't want to look at themselves. I mean, I was thinking, so many memories came back to me when I was in my 20s and 30s. I was living in San Francisco. And I had a male gynecologist. The one question was like, are you having regular sex? Are you using protection, like how many partners do you have? And I always felt so grateful the years that I had a partner, one partner. And then there's some years I'm like, six, you know, and I was like in my

open stage. So I was like, you know, all genders. So I, but I felt shame. And it was just that one question was just like, okay, can we get past the part about my side? I don't want you to think I'm sexual. But his hands are in my vagina. So it's just like we don't, and I always say it's on my show, we don't want to talk to our doctors about our vaginas. We don't talk to our friends about it. we don't even want to take a look, right? So you really get women to not only take a look with a mirror, but you get them to really understand the importance. It's so empowering to know your vagina and to understand it

and to keep saying the word, you know? That's right. I mean, you know she's our best friend. Like our BFFs, we have to nurture them. We have to get to know them and empower ourselves. And listen, it's a cultural issue that we are all fighting to stand arm in arm, do grassroots movements, together, you know, to change this conversation because we are taking back our bodies slowly,

but surely. I love something that you said, and I think we should just start with the vagina in general. I've heard you say treat your vagina like you would the skin on your face. And I thought, yeah, I would never use the same soap on my face. I don't even use my body soap on my face. But with the vagina, we just kind of skip over it. So what don't we know about taking care of our vagina? I always say this is a very delicate area of skin.

There's sweat gland. There's hair follicles. And women are confused how to take care of this area. So if you just use it as the same way, use special cleansers, hydrating creams and moisturizers, that you do your face that you would use on your vulva. And that's how we have to start caring and thinking about this very important, delicate area of our body. Right. And can I use my same products on my face?

or am I vagina or do you think we have to use different products? I think you sort of do because it's all about the pH balance for so many things that we use there. So there's special products that are made for the face that may have retinol in it or different ingredients that you may not use on the vagina. And some of those products use on your face can also be drying. So, you know, anything that's not cared for, moisturized and cleanse can get dry. dry dryness leads to itching irritation and painful sex problems exercising shaving shaving lasering whatever you're doing down there is drying out the skin yes it's dry it does get dry it really

does i mean you don't realize it i guess because we're not looking at our bodies and you've looked it a lot and i also love people should check out your visual vagina library at dr sherry.com yeah you guys if you want to know you guys are often saying to me i don't know what a low what's wrong with you and like they're like vaginas are like snowflakes they're all different. And if you don't believe me, go to your website and look at it. It's such a great resource to illustrate the different kinds of vaginas and vulvas that women have. The visual vaginal library, VVL, I did it with my first book. And I wanted to be show and tell. I wanted women to be able to, you know, to see what I was talking about. If you, you know,

have a vaginal tear and you're having painful sex and you look at your vagina and you see a big tear, and then you go to the VVL on my Dr. Sherry's site, all of a sudden you're like, oh, my God, I have that, or an infection or, you know, how big are my lips? I'm wondering if you saw with the ubiquity of porn, probably when the smartphones end up in our pocket like 2005, did you see an increase in women asking about their labias and is there something around my vagina and my not normal, or has that been happening? Yes, the answer is unequivocally, yes. I mean, everyone's, how do I get the perfect vagina?

Or what I'm noticing is that the boyfriends are commenting. And in fact, the perfect V was my first chapter in the Shiology book because this was new. This whole conversation. And you do this so well in your book, Sciology, and all your materials that there's nothing to be shameful for. Your vagina is fine the way it is. Like, the more confident we are with it, it's going to be fine. But it is that one partner that might shame you or say something? And then it's just gut-wrenching.

You know, you're like, oh, God, you just want to take it away. And I'll tell you, I mean, there are people who do, you know, have a long labia. There are people that are out there. But for the most part, your vulva is beautiful and uneven. Just like our eyes, our breasts, anything in twos, right? Emily, anything in twos. Yes. Exactly.

Everything is uneven. That's so true. Now, what about squirting? See, I just want to ask you the questions that I get asked. Can every woman learn to scorn? squirt. It can be hard sometimes, but I think the G-spot and other spots in the vagina where these liquids are coming out under the, you know, that little Skeensklan area, I think we all have the capability. I mean, they say up to 70% of women can squirt. Maybe it's not the one we've all

seen of the, you know, half arc that goes about 10 feet, that porn. Exactly. That's not going to happen. Right. But, you know, you get wet. And sometimes you get more wet than. other times and you're like, oh, I'm sitting in this new puddle on my bed. I mean, that that is squirting as well. Wouldn't you say? I think there's just different. Yeah, it is squirting. We all get wet. It's just that we think it's going to be like this geyser like like you see him more like common spread of vagina. And it's not, but do it for yourself because you want to learn that because your partner's like, hey, can you do that cool thing that you're going to squirt all over the place? I don't want that. Have you found that in the work that you're doing, is there any

universal thing that you found in all these years that is just this, like, what women just really need to know if you're like, this is what women, I want you to know this about your vagina. Well, I want them first and foremost to look at it. I will see women in their 40s and 50s who have never looked at their vagina. And they're almost embarrassed, but I'm always like, oh, let's just look together and I'll pull it out. But I mean, the clitoris, the road to success. I mean, you have to know where it is. What's your anatomy? I think it's so important to know. And then I really think it's important to know how to care for your vagina, how to clean it. And vagina, meaning vulva and vagina, I think this is what's also been a problem for us is, you know,

used to be vagina meant everything. So I get a lot of questions from listeners, and I would love to, if you could help me answer some of them here. This is from Grace 37 in Kentucky. Dear Dr. Emily, I was wondering if you could speak on perimenopause. I think I may be going through it, but when I've spoken with my gonacologists about it, my last two annual exams, she's been dismissive, saying you're kind of young for that. I realize I'm young for it, but my mother went through early menopause at 40, and I'm approaching 40 myself. I have symptoms like hair loss, anxiety, mood swings, heavier than normal periods.

I used to feel cold all the time. Now I'm hot. I have occasional hot flashes and night sweats and occasional vaginal dryness. My monthly menstrual migraine seemed to have gotten better. Should I have blood work done? Is there some kind of way to know if I'm starting perimenopause? I've read mixed articles saying hormones that are changing so much during menopause that testing isn't accurate. Should I assume I am? I think knowing would help with my anxiety. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I just want to say I would first recommend Soleray her life stages for all your stages, definitely menopause.

And I love this company. And I was actually at my close friend's house and she had some bottles of Soleray as well. So I think a lot of people are getting the vibe with SolarA because they make vitamins and minerals and herbs. And this line I'm talking about is called Soloray's Her Life Stages. And they basically offer you solutions for pariomentopause, menopause, PMS, all the things. And so it could help with those symptoms you mentioned, such as your night sweats and hot flashes and just have a healthier cycle because it worked for me, I know. Okay, what else should we tell Grace here? First of all, I just, my heart goes out to you. you know, you are not alone.

And perimenopause, so it's usually your 10 years before menopause. Now, if the average age of menopause is 51, usually you're 40s. But, you know, listen, it definitely can be happening in someone in their late 30s. And you're describing exactly what perimenopause is, all the symptoms, hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, depression, anxiety, heart palpitations, panic attacks, you know, hair loss. And you're probably having regular periods. and your FSAH in esterdial, which is the hormones, hopefully she's checking.

And if she hasn't, your doctor should. And they're probably going to be normal. No big surprise. But that is perimenopause. And I think that the eye of the storm is coming. Yeah, giving you back to estrogen, because that's what we're talking about is that is you start to lose estrogen. The lining of the vagina walls become thinner, less lubrication, all those things.

So if you can take hormones in a healthy way, like, why not? It's 10 years early. We're talking 10 years paramedopause. And then metapause is when you don't actually don't get a period for a year. But we're talking 10 years women at least 10, right? Yeah. Yeah. Perimenopause is it.

And, you know, again, if you are taking care of your vulva and vagina and you're hydrating it. I will say this. I'm a very big fan of hyeronic acid. And we do use it for the vagina because it is so good for hydrating the cells. and menopause is so hard and drying, and it begins in perimenopause. There are hyeronic acid that you can use inside instead of estrogen. They've done great studies, Emily, looking at estrogen and hyeronic acid just inside for, you know, vulva or vaginal atrophy, dryness and thinning of the tissue.

And hyeronic acid did great. I mean, it had the same benefits. We'll get right back to the episode, but let's talk about the importance of exploration. The truth is a lot of us are curious about trying new things, especially when it comes to our bodies, but we don't know where to start. A&L play is a great example of that. There's interest, but there's also a lot of hesitation. And that's why having the right product really matters. The Lalo Surfer 2 is perfect for this. What I like about it is that it's designed to ease you in. It's super smooth, really thoughtfully shaped, and made with body safe silicone, so it feels comfortable and approachable, whether you're brand new or a little more experienced.

It also has customizable settings, multiple modes, different intensities, so you can really go at your own pace and figure out what actually feels good for you. There's even an app control, which opens up a whole other level if you're playing with a partner, especially long distance. So you've been thinking about trying something new, this could really be a great place to start. If you want to check out the Laylo Surfer 2, head to Laylo.com. That's LELO.com. Or just click the link in the show notes and use code SWE20 for a stackable 20% off your order.

That's Laylo.com code SWE20. Thank you for this. This is good information. Don't you have wearable dilators that you've created? I do, I do. It's amazing. I was like, do you make wearable dilators that women can just wear around and do the dishes? I mean, I've talked a lot about women going to pelvic floor therapists, but once they get treated,

they could just wear it on their own. Like, talk about the process of wearing a dilator. I am a huge advocate of sexual wellness. And, you know, what I was seeing was, you know, A, we weren't offering enough conversation and knowledge, but we weren't offering enough of solutions, you know, and the traditional dilators were these long dilators that you'd have to lie on the bed, you know, for 20 to 30 minutes, two or three times a week. And, you know, patient said to me, she's like, you know, if I'm laying down, I'm either sleeping or I'm dead. So, you know, there was a time factor. And so I said, we need to make them so you can wear them. Because at least if I'm sitting in a chair or I'm working out or cooking dinner or, you know, even

reading a bedtime story to my child. I mean, you're stretching the entrance, which is where a lot of women have discomfort. And it's not just about the lute. Yeah, I love your dilators. I was like so excited they exist. You know what I was thinking? It's like, if you were my gynecologist, I would be excited to go, Dr. Sherry, but we think about it. We think, oh, God, the gynaecologist is like going to the dentist.

and I just got to get in and get out. But I want to encourage everyone listening who has a vagina and a vulva to be like, I get to go spend an hour, like with my power source, with somebody who is an expert in this area, I'm excited to go to the gynecologist. I get to ask these questions so it helps my sexual health and my wellness. Like, I want us to be like, yay, I get to take charge, you know. So let's take responsibility for our own pleasure here and our own vaginas. Let's talk about more of the causes of vaginal pain.

because I really get asked this every day, and it feels like it's even more so lately. So what are the causes of pain that we don't really realize? It's a very long list of potential reasons. I think, you know, the most common that I find is vaginal dryness. Women aren't getting adequately lubricated, you know, not enough foreplay because we know how that works. You know, takes a woman, what, 13 to 20 minutes, have an orgasm and for a guy, three to five. and, you know, there's not enough of the warm-up, and women need the warm-up. So that tends to be the most common reason.

And, of course, we look for using Louvre and making sure and communicating with your partner, you know, that you might need to be more revved up. But also, if you are stressed or, you know, you drink a lot of alcohol or tobacco, you know, you're smoking cigarettes or using anihistamines or birth control or antidepressants, that can also affect. your ability to naturally lubricate. I think infrequent intercourse is another one that we just don't talk about. Well, how do you define infrequent? Well, that's a great question. I mean, you know, if the average is once a week, let's say. But, you know, infrequent is once a month is infrequent in my mind.

But I'm talking more if you're in between relationships. And, you know, if it's birthday and anniversary sex, that's infrequent too. But this is where, like, dilators to me are so important because I had a patient, and she was in her, you know, late 40s. And she said, I haven't seen my husband in two months. He's been working out of town. And I know I'm in a painful sex. And she said, what can I do about it?

And I said, well, let me show you how to use these dilators. But what's nice about it is they come in smaller sizes and they're just not so intimidating. So you can definitely use them twice, three times a week. You leave them in for, you know, half hour. And she called me. She's like, oh, my God, I'm having the best sex. ever. And she said, I don't have pain. We didn't have to go through that. I didn't get a bladder infection. I, you know, and so when I hear those stories, it makes me really happy.

Yeah. Can we explain real just to find what a dilator is in case people don't know? Because I got all excited about your dilators, but we didn't even explain what they are. So dilators are to stretch out the entrance, the opening of the vagina, to make anything that you put in there later, not uncomfortable. And it could also be tampons or penis or a finger or whatever it is. It can just, and also it gets you in. If you're someone who's not having frequent sex, I just love the idea of wearing it for how long do you suggest people wear it for? So you can wear it for 30 minutes. You can wear it for five minutes. What about people who have repeated UTIs or yeast infections? They always want to know like, why me, why?

Is it just your pH? Is it something new? Assuming it's with the same partner and you're having regular penetration or regular contact. Because even if you have a steady relationship, but you're having penetration sex once a month, you're more app to get a UTI. So it's really taking a deeper dive into knowing the why. Recurrent yeast infection, recurrent gardenorella bacterial infection are common women in the 40 to 50s, especially. And I'm convinced it's due to the hormonal changes that affect the pH balance. But there are like boric acid capsules that you can use to neutralize and keep the vagina acidic because that's what you want.

Or there are some really great products that, that are preventative for UTIs, that have de Manos in them that sort of prevent the bacteria from, you know, sort of latching onto the bladder. So there are things that can be done. It's not just throwing antibiotics your way. There are things you can do. Okay. Well, thank you for all the work that you're doing.

I have to ask you now, Dr. Sherry, the five quickie questions. Okay, ready? What's your biggest turn on? Passionate kissing while listening to our favorite playlist in the background. Oh, okay, biggest turn off. Oh, not showering regularly. What makes good sex? Just love.

Love. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Get that mirror out, know your body, learn to masturbate before you have any sexual experience, know yourself. Number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex. How great it is when you take control of it. Yes. Dr. Sherry, thank you so much for being here. Where can people find you?

Instagram, Dr. Sherry are. And also my website, Dr. Sherry.com. And I would love to continue our conversation, Emily. Definitely, Dr. Sherry. We're going to put all of your information in the show notes. And thank you, Dr. Sherry, for being here. Thank you for having me, Emily. That's it for today's episode.

Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review. wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex with Emily.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.