Sex With Emily - Extreme Screen-Dating with Amy Nobile

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is joined by founder of Love, Amy – a dating concierge service – Amy Nobile to talk about ways we can continue to date and connect – even while doing it virtually! They give their best tips for your dating profile – down to the specific types of photos to use, ways you can learn to flirt and banter (with a little bit of sexting tips), and why FaceTime dates are great during quarantine, but are also a wonderful idea to vet your potential dates once we can stop social distancing! Plus, the best questions to ask someone to get to know them better.Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor more on Amy Nobile, visit https://www.loveamy.co/ For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit http://sexwithemily.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know, 50% are millennials and my clients, the other 50 or 40% millennials can't flirt for shit, like they just can't and the reason they can't is because they grew up on technology, right? When I'm on, because I can be logged in at the same time as my clients and I sit in New York City and I have a different tablets in front of me and I trick out the GPS or wherever you live, I can swipe for you but like, so I'm watching my millennials, like I I'm watching them, like, I'm watching them. And they're like throwing up their resume and it's like a battle of who went out of cooler trip. And then they watch me with the same bank of guys. And I'm like, oh, wow, great, good for you.

Oh, that trip looks fantastic. And then it's like, you're amazing.. Oh my god. It's just a little bit of validation a little bit of like warmth and Midwest warmth and flirting. It's a human to human interest and getting curious about somebody else and not worrying that they're gonna like you or not It's just wow how interesting like tell me more right that does so much more than trying to like grandstand and so much more than trying to like grandstand and teaching the millennials how to flirt, not like sexy, but like just charming. And I believe, I know it, because that's how my roots have started, but like you can feel chemistry on text.

You can feel it on the app, you can feel it on text. It's like magic. And when you feel it, you translate it to real life and off you feel it, you translate it to real life and off you go. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show, I'm joined by founder of Love Amy, a dating concierge service, Amy Nobley to talk about ways we can continue to date and connect even while doing it virtually.

Tapies include best tips for your dating profile down to the specific types of photos you use, ways you can learn to flirt and banter and tips on sexting. Why FaceTime dates are great during quarantine, but are also a wonderful idea to vet your potential dates once we stop all this social distancing and the best questions to ask someone to get to know them better.

All this and more, thanks for listening. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com. If you've never been to our site, this is a great time if you're looking for information, to answer your questions about sex, dating, love, relationships we got you, social media across the board, is sex with Emily as well.

So if you, you know what I'm doing a lot of lives and Facebook and Instagram and all the places to answer your questions immediately and your questions are always welcome feedback at sexwithemily.com. All right, my intentions for the show. So what's intentions with Emily? So when you're listening, think about what do I want to get out of listening to this episode? You can even write it down and think like, how would this help me? It could be, oh my god Emily, I'm going stir crazy. I need some human connection, but I also need tips. Or I want to cultivate some better ways to date, to date, to take with me when the quarantine is over. My intention for the show is to give you some tips and insights of how you can be a better data and still create human captions while social distancing and has some great skills to take with you so you can be able out and about.

And also a lot of you ask about dating apps. And I was very excited to talk to you, Amy, about this. Guys, I'm a great show for you tonight is my friend, Amy Noble. Hi, sweetie. How are you? How are you? I'm great to see you too.

I'm so proud of you for all of your, I mean, you've had so much success. I feel like I want to introduce you to everybody. Love Amy. Amy, no, we've been friends. We went to high school together. Yeah, which is just amazing to me, which is like yesterday. And it's saying to me, and you've had so much success, you're the founder of Love Amy, a dating concierge service that you help

people you help people figure out how to date in this whole crazy online world right now creating their profiles becoming essentially their dating coach their dating concierge and i think it's really really brilliant what you're doing also the author for books you you you are such an innovator a me and everything you're doing. Also the author of four books, you are, it's such an innovator in me and

everything you're doing, you just knock it out of the park. And when I heard about this, I was like, because we had dinner in New York probably about four or five years ago. So before you got divorced. And then I read, and then I was like, I heard what you were doing here with. So first, let's tell your story, Amy Nobley, but right now things look very different with dating, but people are, you know, we right now things look very different with dating but people are you know we're still maybe we're in a relationship or we are kind of flirting online but we can't leave the house yet. First I want to hear your story so people understand that you truly are you have to go in and learn how to date make all the mistakes everyone

else's so you could become the experts help others. So tell me about your story before we get into how we're going to help people and make and send questions as well. Perfect. Yeah, I'll try to make it like brief. But so yes, I'm the author of four books and they're all sort of socially anthropologic books about women and the different stages. The first book is about motherhood.

The third book was about reinventing your marriage after kids. So and I've written everything with my best friend Trisha. So, we wrote our last book, our fourth book came out in 2018, and it's called Just When You're Comfortable in Your Own Skin, It Starts to Sack. And it's just final. It's literally about kind of like, it's the roadmap that our mothers never had to give us

because they're just such a different generation. So it's like, once you hit 40, it's like, do I have permission to question my life to reinvent my career, to question my marriage, question my relationships, my friendships, and in the course of writing this book, like I could not in good faith, like put this book out and not face my own issues within my marriage. And at this point I had been married 20 years and I decided to leave. And it was like the hardest thing I've ever done but also the most freeing thing I've ever done. So like just about two years ago I was thrown into the dating world after 26 years. Wow.

And I was sitting around with my gaggle of beautiful single girlfriends and they're just like, oh, it sucks. You're gonna hate it. The apps are terrible. There's nobody good. And I was sitting around with my gaggle of beautiful single girlfriends and they're just like, oh, it sucks. You're going to hate it. The apps are terrible. There's nobody good. And I'm like, looking around this table and like, hold on. Like you guys are rock stars.

You're gorgeous. Like there has to be your counterparts like existing out there. And so they're like, oh, good luck sister. It's been suck. And so I took on kind of some of my social anthropology brain. So I took on dating like it was my job. And I literally was dating.

I don't recommend it. But I was saying four to six people every day. Wow. And I made every mistake. So like I was giving away a whole Saturday night for my first date. Oh, yeah. I was at the set.

You did that one. And like, yeah. And I'm like this beautiful like you know finance guy walks up to me and then we're sitting at the barn. I'm thinking oh my god. It's so awesome. And then he lunges over the bar. And he's like to the bartender and I'm like oh my god. FML like I okay. So one of my biggest rules is like 30 minutes first date coffee juice whatever. one of my biggest rules is like 30 minutes first date coffee juice whatever but so I I was and I I passed the net really wide I was dating talk I short guys ball guys like every ethnicity like I was just like I'm gonna I'm gonna learn

one new thing from every person that I'm sitting with and so almost two years ago I'm at the level my life on Bumble.. On Bumble, okay. Yeah, I love this. Yeah, and I mean, literally, and it was insane. And I was dating really, once I cracked the code, I was dating really quality guys. And all my friends were like, what is going on? And so we'd be sitting there and I grabbed their phone and I'm like, what is this profile?

Like, what are these pictures? What are you doing? And so I would like revamp it. And then they would still sit there and they weren't dating and I'm like what is wrong with you? So I started logging in as them Okay, I love it. Yeah, their voices. I would get their schedule and I was spitting out more dates for them in a month They were going on all year Wow, because I was able to like key into like psychologically like who they are, what their blocks are like, but like in their voice and I was sort of them but better without

all the baggage. Right, because we come with all of our own stuff and you're like I know you forever, you're my friend. This is how you show up on a date and you would text or how you would promote, market yourself. Yeah, okay. Okay. Right. Of course, I'm branding all of it. Literally, okay. And just kind of getting back to the basics of like flirting and being warm and charming and like chivalry and all that stuff. And so loving me was born almost a year ago April 1st. And it was an act of which reign like half my clients, my clients are 25 to 75 men and

women and half my clients are millennials and the other half or 40 plus. Sounds like my audience. So that's perfect. My audience, I would say it's like 18 to 85. It's like everybody who's interested in who has sex, want sex, you know, so it's like dating and it's true. These days we're going through multiple relationships, we're getting divorced, you're right.

We didn't have a guidebook from our parents. That was a different generation. And so, okay, so now, I mean, I love the idea of you taking your friends' phones and figuring out what they're doing wrong, and I love that you work with men and women, which is great. So tell me about, so what are some of the mistakes? I'm throwing the quarantine, if you guys can ask us questions, or we're all staying at home, stating still happening, like I've heard different things, like, I've heard that people that it's up right now, that people are looking to flirt more,

but then they're not great at flirting. So what are some of the mistakes we're making with, like, profile? Are you seeing that women make? And yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think the biggest mistake that people make is they're they're leading with what they think men want to see right and so almost I would say 90% of the time when I'm like glancing it I'm just looking at their profile or whether it's a friend or a client it's like sexy girl like I'm in a bikini and I'm like hey like a great girl right party, yeah. I work with so many clients where I, because I make them fill out a 10 page intake form, I really get to know them.

And nine times out of 10, they're leading with what they think men want to see. And really, it's like, it's your corkiness. It's all the qualities that like your best friends would say, like, oh, this is her jury little secret. It's like, what are the things that make you funny, unique, different, like, no need for whatever. And those are the things that make you funny unique different like like

and those are the things you want to put in a profile like one of my clients travels with a blender because she's obsessed with smoothies and i literally like put it in her for like we did this fucking hilarious profile and she is good like dating like the right type of guys for her who are like that's hilarious you know right so give me one of the things that women that you kept seeing if they were say what do they think men want here

is there anything I'm just is there anything like this again like you could probably tell oh yeah wondering if one more profile says like on a spiritual quest to find a sail okay don't say that right like it's just like stuff that we have to get way more specific. And you know, specific, okay? Great specific quirky, fun, memorable traits. Like I am definitely afraid of like spiders or you know, I can yodel and I wanted spelling the third grade. I mean, it sounds silly,

but those are the things that sort of humanize us. And the more stuff of face and you can be, the more horrible. Those are the things that people are connected to, especially now. Now people are sort of like, uh-oh, like what is going on? Like I want to know. Okay, well let's talk about that. But right now, I mean, I guess we can get into the men stuff in a second, but really, what do we do now?

It is an odd time for dating and relationships. People still want it. They need it. What can we do? What's happening on the apps right now? Yeah, it's really interesting. I think it's almost like the stages of grief, right? Right now, we're almost in a state of shock.

What's the actual, what is going on? If you are online, if many of you are on the apps, it's sort of like a ghost town e weird eerie feeling, it's mirroring what's happening in real life. But as we're going and I'm seeing, so it depends, like New York's ahead of a lot of other cities because of the trajectory of the virus. And so I'm already seeing in New York people are like, oh my gosh, like I've got to connect with people. I'm feeling really alone. I'm feeling really alone.

I'm feeling my mortality. I need to find someone. And so there's a lot of walking and talking dates going on in New York City, where it's literally like six feet apart. Six feet, so they're doing that now. They're just, okay. Yeah, like first date.

Okay, before that, I'm counseling my clients, do tons of FaceTime dates dates do old-fashioned phone dates I mean, there's a lot of phone sex happening right now, which I think is awesome. There's a lot of these times sex going on um Zoom is fun Somehow you look better on zoom. I don't know why like Okay, yeah, all right. Oh, didn't know that Well, okay, so let's talk about the tips for that then like okay, so I've been telling my team for a while because a lot of them are I tell my team,

but I tell everybody, but my assistant Kristen, who's listening right now, she's probably taking notes. She's like, and I told her that she was doing all these guys and doing a lot of the things. I said, do a FaceTime date. This is before everything that's been happening now, but do a FaceTime date, like, do four of them in a row, and I just to divette them and be like,

am I into this person and am I not? Just before you go to leave the house. But now, how do we do? Now it's a whole like, now we actually, we have to talk to my clients, like just like I say, it's a 30 minute coffee date. When you get on FaceTime, do a 30 minute coffee date on FaceTime.

And just literally be like, oh my gosh, I have an appointment, I have a phone appointment with my therapist, I don't even care. It makes something up. But it's 30 minutes. And so by the time you're done with two cups of coffee, you're moving on. So you should be doing a few coffee dates a day

if you want to or definitely a week. OK, and especially now, do you always tell people to do this even outside the stay home quarantine? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You even do it. OK, good. So, let's set up these face-to-face because I think now, how do we do that? What do we do? Hey, nice to meet you. Are there certain questions, things that you think we should be talking about right

now? Well, I mean, obviously the icebreaker broke. How do we know? Yeah. I mean, the ice breaker is like, there's nothing more real than what's going on right now in universe and so the icebreaker is like Are you going stork crazy? How's your quarantine like are you like a cat person? Yeah, you know And also like what Mike's I'm what my clients are doing too is just like It's okay to like Be yourself like you don't have to do hair and makeup. I mean do a little bit But like you really should be yourself and like give't have to do hair and makeup. I mean do a little bit, but you really should be yourself and give it to your surroundings. You're like, hey, there's my dog, Hank. You know, it's so real. Yeah. It's real. And it's real in a way that's way more real

than meeting at a coffee shop where you're like, hi, yes, I'm an accountant and I do, it's just like, let's cut to the chase and just be real. Did you think that we should talk about things like what we're looking for? I love that it's just like let's cut to the chase and just be real. Did you think that we should talk about things like what we're looking for? Like I love that you work with all ages, people in every decade, literally 20, 30, 40, 50s. Is it different for people in their 20s what they might be looking for than someone in their 40s? For example, the kind of conversations they should have? I think a lot of the conversations should be the same.

I'm a big fan of peeling back a few layers even on the first date. It's easy to keep it really surface. And then my clients will call me and be like, I don't know. I should go on a second. I mean, chemistry works in reverse online. And that's something a big lesson I learned. If you're in a party and you're connecting with someone across the table and you're like, oh my god, I feel the spark,

where this is a very manufactured world and it's like a petri dish. So the first date is often gonna be kind of transactional. And so it certainly worked with me and it works with most of my clients where it kind of like works in my first. But I think it's a good idea, even on that first coffee date to sort of break the ice too

and be like okay so you know where are you in your life what do you like a big question to ask is like tell me about your last relationship because that will have opened the door to like what people really want or yeah negatively about that person and you're like yeah that's kind of a deal I always say like if they're still trashing their ex then it's they haven't got yet game over i agree you're just like

but how soon okay how do you get off of a face time date that is just like you know in five like the guy at the so i was that was like waitress like hot what's the equivalent of a time date if you know five minutes not your person well please are right i don't know how to like i'm to i'm to i've learned and i mean we're made west nice but Not your person. Well, I'm such a pleaser. I don't know how to like- I am too. I'm too.

I've learned. I mean, we're Midwest nice, but we're bit- We know like, um, I think, you know, just asking some, like, getting down to the real stuff faster. And so, I mean, this sounds so cheesy. I've got it. This sounds like such an interview question, but like, finding a way to say like kind of where they want to be, you know, like we're, you know, depending on their age, I question, but like finding a way to say like kind of where they want to be,

you know, like we're, you know, depending on their age, I mean, but any age, where do you want to be and like what do you do and what last relationship and then gosh, all right, so fast word, like do you want kids, do you want, there's a way to get at that because we don't have time to wait, so like we need to take the boxes and take them fast, you was like three dates and we either know or not, let's keep going. Three dates, you know. I love that. I love that. Tell me some more. We should know after three dates. I think that's true. We waste so much time. I mean, that's something I realized dating over the years.

Yeah, I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of my 20s. They'd be like two and a half years, but didn't really matter. Because that was my 20s. It didn't matter. But then you get all year like, okay, but but even now even if you're in your 20s, 30s like you could just you figure it out. We should know by then right? Like we should know. I mean you should at least know after three dates if it's even worse. I mean 90% of the time it won't be worth pursuing. It's a numbers game and chemistry but um but we're not asking the right questions quickly enough.

And I think we're like floating like feathers in the wind hoping it's going to work. And it's like, we have to raise our vibration. I'm super spiritual. So sorry. But like, now I got to raise your vibration and people are either going to meet it or not. And why not go first? Like as women were so scared to go first, like put it out there. You know, ask for what you want or help people what you want and they're either going

to you know meet you or go let them go you know exactly like let i always like lead with like beyond if you know that you're looking for a relationship or you know that certain things are deal breakers are you want to be monogamous like we're so you want kids why wait like it's the one rejects you because you're speaking what you authentically want they saved you a lot of time they did you a favor. Full it, Dodge, I say it all the time.

Full it, Dodge, yes, yes, that's it. Oh my god. Okay, so what about flirting? Because I know that you help people. Like, I've been getting fixed up lately because I'm what someone who don't, I don't love the apps. I've been on the apps. I took a year and a half off of dating. I feel like I'm going to call you out. We should like talk after this or

Because myself I think we could do an experiment because I just suck it texting I suck it getting to Unications that my thing on text But the point is is that like I yeah, but people like I hate apps and people's first question Who is like come on? Are they real is everyone just looking to hook up? I'm like, no, everyone's meeting online now. Like some studies show that more people are going to be online. So if you can't be to join it, you're helping people join it. But that's where that's what a gift it is to have a portal that, you know, where everyone can go.

I mean, the thing is, like people will say, like, oh, I got on the apps. I'm like, I wouldn't date 99% of the people. Guess what? Go walk around your city. Would you date 99% of the people. Guess what? Go walk around your city. Would you date 99% of the people I know? Exactly. The same thing. You just have to learn how to read through quicker, you know, work quickly.

That's what I, just to help my clients kind of like, you really get perspective on it. It only takes one and fantastic people trust me. I mean, I see it. It might success rate to 80%. So like, I see it. 80% success rates 80%. So I see it at that. 80% success rate because it really is a numbers game. And you're kind of like, you're like a therapist. You're a dating coach.

You're just really freaking smart. You get people. You have the spiritual elements. And you're not just like the superficial. Like you get it on all levels. So let's also talk about like flirting. Like I think I'm such a better. Like I'm such a, like pick up the phone off-flirt, but you do think people should do that more now, texting you online. Okay.

Yeah, so it's really funny. So, you know, 50% are millennials of my clients, the other 50 or 40% of millennials can't flirt for shit, like they just can't. And the reason they can't is because they grew up on technology, right? So they're like, when I'm on, because I can be logged in at the same time as my clients and I sit in New York City and I have different tablets in front of me and I trick out the GPS or wherever you live, I can swipe for you. But like, so I'm watching my millennials, like I'm watching them, like I'm watching them, and they're like throwing up their resume and it's like a battle of who went on a cooler trip. And I'm literally like, and then they watch me

with the same bank of guys. And I'm like, oh, wow, great, good for you. Oh, that trip looks fantastic. And then it's like, you're amazing. Oh my god, it's just a little bit of validation, a little bit of like warmth in Midwest warmth and slurting. I always say it's our Midwest like yeah, like it's it's genuine

But it's just a it's a human to human interest and getting curious about somebody else and not worrying that they're gonna like You or not. It's just wow how interesting like tell me more Right that does so much more than trying to like grandstand and and so teaching the millennials how to flirt not like sexy but like just charming and I believe I know it because I that's how my research has started but like you can feel chemistry on text. You can feel it on the app. You can feel it on text. It's like magic and when you feel it you translate it to real life and off you go. Okay, wait a minute, Amy, because I've had some really good texting, because when I want to, and I focus on it, I feel like I can be a good textor, and I've had great text, and then I meet them, and it's not.

And like, can we go, it's not as great, but you think, because to me, it was like, that's when I was like, oh, we should start start FaceTiming because then I could at least have another Eleanor fair of seeing them another sense, but yeah, yeah, don't you but maybe I don't know me I just I mean so people give good text and then they they are more awkward in person but more often than not I find that you know if they can give good text and sort of like if you feel the chemistry then it will translate But it just you know it depends. Okay. Okay. I'm not saying because I mean you've been doing this for people and you feel the chemistry, then it will translate, but it just, you know, it depends. Okay, okay. I'm not saying, because I mean, you've been doing this for people, and you have the success rate.

I think that's so fascinating. All right. We're going to take a quick break and we can back more with Amy Nobili. People want to text more now. Yeah. What are your tips for sexting? I'm talking to Amy Nobili. Love Amy. How if you need to text more now. Yeah. Oh, it's what are your tips for sexting? I'm talking to Amy Novelie. Love Amy. How if you need a balance. Instagram. Oh, Instagram. Oh, you don't, but are you,

but this shows your Instagram, I think does it? It does. But show me. Yeah. But yeah. Okay. Please. Follow Amy. Yeah. Amy Novelie. No. Love. Amy. And my thing. Sex things. So it's so funny. It's like, I like kind of teach sexting classes. Like I'll do like mini, like little like online, love dot a me dot and my six things so it's so funny it's like i'd like to teach sexting class and it's like i'll do like many like little like online like you know soon sexting classes i want to do it i know it's so fun uh...

millenials are hilarious because they're just like they whip out the big guns right away and like whoo slow your roll like it's like naked right away like with the vice, I'm like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I've seen this by front, yeah. And it's like literally no one wants that.

I mean, they've been conditioned to want it, but they don't really want it. I mean, so more or less like, my sexting, like, advice is, and you've done, you've given so much great advice, but it's like less is more sometimes. Yeah. And it's like the tease, the slow tease and, you know, black and white. And I had this one client. It's so embarrassing and funny. I can't believe I'm to say this, but like, she's like my age and she's terrified of sexting my exact body type.

And so I might have given her a couple of black and white to start with. Of your body, right? Okay. Yeah. It's like, shot. Here's some poses, like, you know, headless, but like, I just like, I never said, I just started a sense and picture. I don't know. I really, I tell people what to do, but I don't do it on my own.

Yeah. I know. You think I would, but then I was like, I don't know Amy. I need to hide. Here's a deal I will send a still photo every minute of the day but ask me to FaceTime and like just no no like to me like that is really hard no one looks great naked on FaceTime. No they don't so you're saying send artful pictures but don't include your face? Don't include your I just out of safety. That's what I think. Yep. Don't include your face. Don't include your, I just out of safety. That's what I think.

Yep. Don't include your face. Um, okay, that is a really good tip. So sexy. What about the just the texting, like the sexy texting? Do you think sometimes you'll prematurely as sex-galate? Sessually. I like that.

Yes, millennials kind of go too fast, too far too fast. But like, you know, like I had a client a client, she's so cute. They're in their 30s and they're starting to date. They're a month in, but they have like a great little thing going. And she was, she's really shy, sexually. And she texted me this little exchange, she goes, I can't believe this. I'm like, okay, show it to me. And he was like, I went on this run today, and it was long and hard. And she's like, oh oh really? And it was the cutest. It went from just this cute, it was just so sweet. Like a long and hard run and she was like, wow. Yeah, she's like, really tell me more and like it went into this really sweet, but like with

their boundaries, it was just nice. And I think, you know, I think it's just like knowing what your own boundaries are and kind of like, but not being afraid and kind of going for it when you feel you know. So what I love is it kind of like you really help people get out of their own way, become their authentic self because what you say that's the thing is that the tits are, it's a numbers game when you're dating online. But also you have to just like, where am I holding myself back? Like we think we want something but it's not what we actually want.

Yeah, and the other thing too, we all think we have a type. You know, I mean, we're conditioned. Like, so when I interview my clients, it's like this huge 10-page intake form. And I love that you do that. Yeah, and I have this exercise that I do. So I give them a white piece of paper and I say, okay, fill it, I'm gonna give you 20 minutes.

Fill it out with your perfect person, like inside, outside, fill it, I'm gonna give you 20 minutes, fill it out with your perfect person like inside, outside, every trait, like spare no detail. So they sit there and they're like, you know, and then they like pass it across table and I take it and I look at it and I'm like, I rip it to tiny shreds, they're like, oh so past. And then I give them another piece of paper and I say, okay, think of one non-romantic person in your life. It can be like your gay best friend, your cousin, whatever. And list their, the qualities that like bring you joy. Like what are their qualities, right? Like, that's perfect. Yeah. And then those every single time that's your person, those are the leading core qualities they will have and

We don't know the package. They're gonna come in So I always condition I have to like unravel all the conditioning that we've done to say Well, he's got to be this tall and I have to have this in dark. You know, it's not that at all It's not that right? It's really not about the tall, and even though I like a little tall, even though I'm short, but it's not about that. Because when you find your person that you help them kind of get real with themselves, this is so, Amy, I love what you're doing. You guys, if you want to ask questions, they can ask questions, if you have questions about

dating, like love in the time of the coronavirus. Yeah. How do you know chemistry? But I want to get back to one thing, and it's loveemie.co. CEO, you are a dating concert, you can help people, you control the texting for them.

Because you log into the app to the same time, you probably help them find out, figure out which apps are right for them as well. I do, I do. And in a sort of like training, right? Training for a marathon, it's like, I get them the first couple of weeks, you know, we're both logged in, they're watching me on the last three clients that found their

person said to me, I never would have swiped on that person ever. So that is really interesting. They're like, no, I would this person would have been a no. Yeah. Yeah. That makes so much sense. Okay. So what are we talked about women?

Some of the mistakes that women made. What about men? Yeah. I mean, this is no surprise and I love my male clients so much because they literally just do what I say and off the go yeah and they're and they're just like willing to take any kind of constructive criticism so like this is no surprise but the number one is like the gym selfie right it's like the jushi gym selfie and then I sit them down and I'm like oh oh Bob and they're like really oh okay and poor little lamps like they literally just don't know what they're doing and I think you know it's the same thing their glasses on I

can tell you their groups of men they all look alike they have their sunglasses on in every photo like I can't see your eyes, they're pods, they're like, they're, and they have like a stunt baby and a stunt dog. Yeah. And you're just like, okay, I mean, that's kind of cute, I got it, but like, you know, they don't know, how would they know?

They need you. They don't know. And they're just like willing to take direction and they, it's like amazing the transformation. So, yeah. Wow, okay. So does anyone, okay, so if you guys have questions, we are talking about dating right now

because I feel like people are dating. I think if you think after this, people are going to start dating more like long-for. We're going to be more cautious about, we're going to have to do more of the courting like we used to back in the day. Yeah, I love that. There won't be as much casual sex. It's going to be a little bit more getting to know each other before in the day. Yeah, I love that. There won't be as much casual sex.

It's going to be a little bit more getting to know each other for a yet physical. Yeah, totally. I mean, I think there will be some habits formed. We're moving a little more slowly. We're taking the time to talk a little more and ask the questions. I mean, talk about old fashioned walk and talk.

It's like, let's call on some walks. Let's have dates. I love that. Yeah. fashioned like walk and talk. It's like, let's plan some walks. Let's like have deities. I love that. Yeah. We keep social distance together. Like you're saying people are doing that in New York. Like I, that makes so much sense. And then you, you, I mean, I just think you're moving your body,

which is so great to like kind of your, your, your, so therapeutic to, I think to have like a meeting when you're walking. I know therapists that would do therapy walking with their clients it just would make sense and if you're active you're not sitting across an awkward table and I'm doing like bike like they're biking they're running you know keeping that and so now you're at like you're active you're doing activity doing novel things together moving forward like cooking classes, things that, you know, adventurous little, like, activities, but...

Yeah, okay, adventure. Let's see what people are asking here. I know we've had a lot of questions coming in. Okay, okay, so we've got S. John Stonehart, how to keep your current relationship alive whilst you're a social distancing? I know, that's a great question. That's a great question. Great question. That's a great question. Great question. So it can, you know, it's the ultimate relationship test. This social, this while being in quarantine, first of all,

together is like, you know, I'm in it right now with my boyfriend of two years. And it's sort of essential that you still maintain your own stuff. So don't be afraid to go in the other room for two or four hours and just do your thing. You know social distancing is it makes it's people are lonely. I think again, it's sort of back to the basics. It's like, you know, doing things together, playing board games, playing cards, like, you know, just basic, basic staff.

Cooking, even. Like, doing something you've never done. Like, yeah, I like you putting a puzzle together, playing games together. Now, what if you are quarantined apart? So that's, I always say it's a good time to have like the intimate conversations about sex that I always tell people to have anyway. Like, hey, now we're not having, it's kind of like you get four play for, I don't know, two months, I guess we're not going to be able to see someone, or it's long distance, but having those questions about, like, what are the most memorable times you've had sex, or what are some things you're looking forward to, and, you know, in the future, hurting, having a real date, setting up a real date, having dinner, having glass of wine. Yeah, I mean, I think, I'm counseling clients who are a part to sort of like play like the memory game and that is Yes, a couple of a couple of times a week or even every morning if you can it's sort of like

Here's a memory that of us you know, I miss you and here's a memory to your memory this time and you know kind of sharing memories back and forth That is a great one. It takes you back. You have like a visceral reaction. Your whole body is like, oh, you can smell it. You can taste it. You can feel it. I think that's a really good one. Yeah. Send photos or yeah. Yeah. Like this is what I remember. Okay, we got a question from Belina Applebaum. What are the do's and don'ts for a woman's online dating photo? So we talked about this a little bit earlier, but like, I think that women are trying to be a little too sexy, a little too filtered, a little, right? Yeah, so here's the deal.

So you need six photos. Six photos. Two that are sort of like headshots. And I think people make mistakes like they wear sunglasses. Like, we need to see the sparkle in your eye, the sparkle that your best friend knows so well, right? Okay. And most of the time, and I take them myself for clients because I'm so picky, but it's

that golden hour outside where you're sort of like the sun's in your eyes and you're just like, I make my clients like twirl around and laugh and like that's the picture where you're sort of like looking off into the distance laughing Like, we want to, it can't be this like professional photo, right? Right. Use your iPhone on portrait mode and have your best friend take it and just start laughing and get goofy.

So two headshots, two full body because we have to. Okay. And they can be just like T-shirt jeans, you know, two different outfits, but like, you know, again, just like, you can be running on the beach, laughing, it could be from a wedding maybe, but, you know, there can be like a bathing suit picture,

but nothing like too cozy, weird. Yeah. Like you could be on a boat, like, woo. And then two action shots. And action shots are like you skiing, or you holding a dog or a stent dog or whatever. Stunt dog, neighbor's dog. Like playing with your lab like that.

So two headshots, two full and two action. So good. Okay. Yeah. We have another question from NB Field wants to know what's the worst state Amy's ever been on and what could she learn from it? Oh gosh. This is so cool.

You weren't so many. Okay. So there was this guy and he was definitely, this was early on. I made the mistake of going out for dinner. So this was my mistake. Don't do dinner. Yeah. And he really was misrepresenting himself in his pictures.

They're quite 10 years old. He really was, I mean, we sat down, we were ABC kitchen, and we sat down, and it was, I timed it. It was 45 minutes before he actually asked me anything. And the only question he asked me was like, were you a cheerleader in high school? Which you were. How come, girl? How comeom girl. Different. We went to high school together. It was different. Okay, it was different. It was different.

It was cool, it was different. More of the things for pom-pom girls. It's true, it's true. It's their wake-all are. It was so lovely. So obscene. And I just remembered. That's true.

Weird first question. And I was down in line like a fish. And I remember like, I went to the bathroom and like the waiter came up to me and he's like, are you okay? I'm like, no, do not see that I'm in distress. And you not see it. And you're not asked for the bill.

Like it was just a funny way. That can shoot it. It's like 30 minute first day rule. Well, I mean, I love that you and on all the bad dates so we don't have to. Men and women can learn from what you did. You were the guinea pig. It's funny like in doing your research and all the stuff you've been doing it kind of sounds like how I went after sex i woke up i was like

sex is not satisfying is it could be everyone's always talking about amazing sexism and i would have thought i'm not gonna bet sex anymore so i kept trying to you know i had a lot of bad sex before i figured out how to have great sex home it's a good look you are like yeah you're like i'm not gonna fucker i want to find my person yeah for a day for a day you did it like four or five days how long to take you a year to find your guy no it was a handful of months it was intense though because i was dating a lot um but it was like a bachelor like did you

have to like at one point was it like a few years side or when you met him you just knew because you had been primed but you had been dating so much it was it was there like a few decide or when you met him you just knew because you had been primed. But you had been dating so much. It was interesting. Like again the chemistry worked a little bit reverse and it was a heavily like chemistry texting situation. Okay. I went on a trip right after that first day he went on a trip and then we were just texting

all the time and I was like okay let's put a real date and and then after that like we had this great dinner and then we went to play ping pong and then in the middle of the ping pong game We were just laughing. I was like, you know, I was like, oh my god, but we're in all of a sudden He like dropped the paddle he walked around and kissed me and I was like It was like my knees went weak in a way that I just did not expect it wasn't like I was sitting across like the dinner table all night And I never looked but I mean i was at was crazy and i think the chemistry is only getting stronger almost two years later oh my god emi

this is amazing i love this chemistry such an interesting thing isn't it like uh... for thought that that story just i think we're all going oh my god we want that we want you have uh... but i mean i don't think hamstrings like do you think it bills like you know they would say oh man i think this is like a trope that may know in the five minutes three thirty seconds or less but they want to see that the number for women it kind of grows

do you think that we pretty much know whether now we want to be with one someone we talk ourselves into it or what if you found the patterns are with chemistry i it's in it's it was fascinating to me uh... because i always thought like I know. I mean I know in 30 seconds and it's training, it's retraining yourself. It's not that way, it's not that way. And did you watch that crazy show Love Is Blinds? Yeah I watched, I have to finish it yet by

need to. Yeah. So what do you think about that? Yeah. It's a crazy show but I think it proves the point where you can feel chemistry in other ways than just staring at somebody. You can feel it. And so we have to give ourselves the chance to feel it and it takes a few dates. It doesn't take. It's not just going to know. And I think, you know, leading with our core values, leading with, you know, being self-effacing, leading with our nerdiness, our goofiness, that's the thing that makes the difference.

And I see it with my clients all the time. It's like, it totally works for reverse. It's so interesting. That is interesting. And I love what you're saying about like, you give your clients the 10 page forms. They have to actually think about, what are my values, right?

What is important to me? Yeah, their best friends those out some of it. They fill out some of it. Really amazing. It's really, really interesting. some of it. They fill out some of it. Really amazing. It's really, really interesting. And then it sprinkled in with all the quirky questions that I need to fill out their profiles. It's like, you know, to treat someone.

And like, does, you know, desert an island. But there are a lot of things in there that, like, it takes people a little bit to fill out. Because they're like, oh, OK, I haven't thought about this. Wow, Amy, this is so cool. Okay, so let's see what else we've got more questions. No one may be, everyone has to just check you out, Amy. I'm so proud of what you're doing.

Thank you, Emily. Okay, so I think we're good, Amy. This is amazing. I'm going to put this in the podcast. You are awesome at Tellverwin where they can find you. Again, it's, uh yeah we've got you I love dot Amy dot NYC. Yeah please love Amy. I have such a little crazy small Instagram following so you guys follow her because she's got great tips she's

really smart I've known Amy since high school and everything she does is brilliant and you pick us. Yeah thank you so happy you. I'm so happy for your success and that you're love it. I can't wait to meet him. Thank you. And thank you everybody. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. We say honey. Bye. Thank you. Everybody for staying with us for supporting our sponsors

at this time. You know, they're here. They're able to keep saying business because of you and so am I. So I love you all. Stay safe and thanks to my awesome team, Ken Kristen, Alisa, Brian, Robin, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you?

Email me, feedback at sexwithaml.com. you