Sex With Emily - Fake-Up Sex & Sexy Strangers

Episode Date: May 4, 2016

Happy Masturbation Month!Summer’s right around the corner and the weather outside is heatingup… but for some, things might be getting lukewarm in the bedroom.On this show, Emily offers one way to keep the sex in yourrelationship fresh and exciting, no edible undies or handcuffsrequired.  There comes a point in everyrelationship when it’s necessary to try something new in thebedroom. You may have heard of role-playing as an option...butnever like this. Emily offers 4 simplified scenarios that retainthe novelty of role-playing without all the corny costumes andcheesy lines. Then it’s on to emails.. Have you and your partnersuffered a dirty talk disaster? Did you lose your orgasm somewherealong the way? Emily has the answer to your every sexy situationgone wrong.Whether you’re looking for an easyway to spice things up with your partner or you need to clean up abedroom mistake or two, this show has everything you need—noplaying! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Okay, let me guess, the weather's heating up, but your sex life is not so much. In this show, I'm walking through one easy way to keep things exciting and fresh in the bedroom. Plus, we got three meals, dirty talk on wrong, disappearing orgasms, and so much more. Don't miss it. If you've listened to the show the last couple months, you've probably heard we talk about a unique product called the womanizer. A while back, the owners of the company asked if they could send me wine to test out, which,

of course, you know me, I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys, and I was fairly confident I've tried every category of product around, but I was wrong. The womanizer was designed in Germany, and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy erythomometer. It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris, kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on, you can vary the suction and move it around to create an amazingly intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute. That's right, a 60 second orgasm. You can just knock it out if you want. So I tried the

womanizer and they weren't kidding. It's amazing. The suction is adjustable and you can position it to create so many different sensations. The womanizer is really in the category of its own and I suggest you check it out for yourself. Go to sexwithemily.com and click on the womanizer banner for more information. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betruma eyes.

They call them in a bike on day. Hey, Evelyn. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I'm off here. I'm so gone.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all the podcasts, send up our mailing list which you should totally do. We have a new website. Everything's better there.

And also thanks everyone for subscribing on iTunes and for reviewing the show and for telling your friends so they can enjoy the show. And while you're at it, doing all that fun stuff, you can follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram across the board. And now Snapchat, totally into Snapchat. Right, Anderson? Do you understand Snapchat? I'm going to snap this.

No, I can't do Snapchat. I'm a little confusing. I don't have, I can't. First of all, I'm afraid of rain. And by the time I learn it, the kids will be on to something new. So I had like a weird 10 minutes the other day where I, I mean, I've been on it, but I didn't really like, they don't tell you anything. It's all kind of mysterious.

But I sat there because I couldn't get into my house. I was locked out and I sat in my car and I looked at it and I was like, okay, I'm focusing. And then I got it and I understand it because it's actually really cool that you can do, because oftentimes all ideas or things that happen throughout the day. I'm like, this would be a really funny tweet, or I should tell everyone this, and then I don't remember, and I write it down, and then it goes away.

But if you just snap it in the moment, there's a story, there's a day. It does go away after 24 hours, but you can capture moments in time. I'm only the, like, I'm into filmmaking and stuff that lasts forever. So it also seems to work. You can download it.

Oh, I don't want to do that. I don't know. I know you got mad at me once, because I was talking badly about snapchat. Oh, right. So it also seems to work. We can download it. Oh, I want to do it. I don't know. I know you got mad at me once, because I was talking badly about snapchat. Oh, right. So I try not to talk about it. Oh, why am I even bringing up, say, I forget what we're talking about.

Snapchat, love it. OK, because this is, I just want to say, happy masturbation month. We're in to May now. So this is a big month for not only the sex with family family, but all of you, because all month long, we've got lots of great stuff planned as we usually do. We're gonna do a lot of giveaways

because you're gonna do those toys and products and we're doing a get tight for summer giveaway which is a contest to encourage you all to work on your public floor health and just strengthen it. And so check out the website for more details. It's for 30 days, we'll be giving away stuff. And we wanted to know how you self love. How do you masturbate?

Tell us your stories, feedback at sexwithelm.com for your masturbation routine. I wanna know, what do you do? Do you like candles? Guys don't like candles. You just flip on the porn, lock the bathroom door. We'll choose our favorite submissions to win some pretty great masterbation friendly prizes.

You know what that is? Some flashlights, maybe some sectors. They're a big flashlights, probably, right? Yeah, sure, why not? A third hand. A third hand. Yeah, and also, we've been doing great shows lately. If I do say I miss show,

I say I miss, I told you Anderson, I can't fucking talk. Yeah, so two shows a week. And one week it was spring cleaning your love life, Anderson. That was a really popular show about, you know, when it's time to break up, do you have to reevaluate, you know, your relationship, your sex life,

clean out your closets and do all that so do with your relationship. How do you know if it's time to break up, will you give you some, I think we use some great tips in that. If I do, people really like that, Anderson. How many relationships do you think we successfully ended? In that?

Yeah. I'd like to say at least 12 people. Yeah, I hope so. I mean, I hope people that were ready to edit. 12 couples, 24 people. 24 people. I want to know, actually, if you make it. I like to think that somebody is still crying right at this very moment because of that show.

I dumped. But you know what? Remember, when someone, when the relationship ends, there's always a reason for it and there's always something better for you around the corner. So if you're suffering, we've also done shows, our next show is going to be how to get over a breakup, but I just hope it got you thinking. Am I going to do that show with you? I'm not going to do that show with you.

Why? I'm looking at shows more. Yeah, I don't know, but I don't know if I'm scheduled for that one. Well, let's schedule. Let's go. I'm really good at getting over breakups Yeah, well you're already scheduled then how do you do it? Oh? No, that's we're gonna save her for the show

But I got my heart broken so many times that I'm like a bit of a love addict and I I've learned little tricks is to get you had to get under to get over is that one of them what? Have you never heard that got to get under to get over? I got a bang get a go out and bang. That doesn't always help. No. No. You're not gonna tell me.

Mine tricks. Mine tricks. And a lot of them. And a lot of them. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no part of your show, here's one that really, really worked. In case you do, you schedule, you do a manager's. Okay, we need to talk about why, okay. You might not be able to schedule it with you, whatever.

But because things are changing around here. We'll have that in a minute. All right, but here's what I did a couple of times ago and it really helped and I use it twice and it really, really helped. I saw how pathetic I was being, and how heartbroken and sad and wallowing and just like, it's fixated and obsessed. Yeah. And then I imagined a woman out there who was going to end up to be my wife. And I imagine that she could like look

down, be like, I'm not, I'm nipison and stare down at my plate and just kind of look at me pitifully and and and and and shamefully and I felt embarrassed and I'm like she's out there and I so I would stop right at that moment I would like shape up a little bit and I like I want to want to be embarrassed in front of the woman that I knew I was gonna end up marrying whether I married or met her or not and ended up being Chilean who I'm married to now she's pregnant and yeah she saw me like wallowing over some of these ridiculous breakups back in my past, she would have been laughing at me and going like, you're pathetic. What are you doing?

That's interesting. So that really got you. I think visualization. It really, really helped. You can just think about what you want. I got to watch 20 pounds over relationships. I've just stopped eating, stopped sleeping. I've had times. I know. I know. We've all gone through that. And I think it's, um, most important thing is to see what you've learned. You know, a lot of times there's anger. We want that person to apologize or see what they did wrong. And you can go through that. That's fine. But I think, you know, it is important to just also give yourself time to heal from it and to think about what you learned in the relationship because what I found in most relationships

are the a lot of men, everything's going eventually right wrong and I but you do learn from relationship you learn the most about yourself in a relationship and so you can think what what worked for me there what didn't work for me what am I gonna take in the next take into the next relationship but also like you said picturing like what kind of partner do you want what do they look like what's their values like to really like write that the stuff down mean I mean, I've, you manifest that first in your life. I'm just picking up whatever comes along, which happened so long.

Oh my God, I see that. How does it do me a couple days ago? And I saw tons of people that obviously have just settled. They've settled on their partners, have settled on life. They've just settled, they're wheeling around with their obese bodies on a scooter. Scooters, you know, like the adult scooters,

like they're like kind of wheelchairs, but they're painted red and they got three wheels, you know, those yeah, and then they got what the what the Disney land like I'm with her. He's with me, like with the Mickey Mouse fingers pointing. Oh, oh, settling going on guys, figure out what you deserve and what you want. It's so true. I think that there's no there's no reason to settle and just remember also the hardest thing to do is to end a relationship too, because the easy thing to do is stay into it and settling and staying in a bad situation is easy.

That's the easier choice because it's scary to leave something or to try something new. So, you know, go towards the fear of people. That's where you grow. So, Anton, let's talk about why you're thinking that you're not gonna be on another show, which isn't true, but. I wasn't saying that. I just think you've already got one scheduled that here coming up. I do I'm gonna we just said break it up I just thought about we did the we did that how do you know it's time to break up? We didn't schedule yet

I'm gonna be out of time for a week and we're both gonna be out of the studio forever So yeah, okay, so I've been doing love line guest co-hosting love line radio show. If you don't know what it is, it's been around for 30 plus years. And Anderson has been the engineer of Love Line for 17 years. And we just announced last week that Love Line's going off the air. And so it's over. And it's sad. It's the end of an era.

I mean, this shows up a lot of people and Anderson's been here for a long time. I was like in my early 20s when I started. Wow. That is so weird. Oh, mid 20s. Yeah. And then you, yeah, I mean, I've grown up with the show and the show's really done a lot for me. And I've been very fortunate. It was supposed to be the job to put me through college and then I went through college and I just, I could never let go of love lines. Like a relationship. It is. It's kind of like you're breaking up with love line right now. And I always wanted to leave love line before love line left me.

So I failed. But I'm not necessarily really sad about that. I'm actually kind of looking forward to this new chapter as cliche as that sounds. But it saved me so much heartache and I've learned so much. And it's kept me out of trouble, trouble You know being in here five nights a week Because you can't the prime time where I used to get in trouble before a level I attend to midnight is where I go out and start Stirring stuff up. Wow, so for 17 years five nights a week. Well, it hasn't been five days a week Was it five nights a week for me? Yeah since I began so you literally have not

Missed a night and I've never called in sick ever And I've had vacations and I go to that camp. I'm a counselor at a camp every summer, but I've never ever said, hey, I can't make it tonight or I'm feeling sick. I've been doing it with Dr. Drew every night for a month, five minutes a week, for about a month, and I'm going insane, but I can't sleep,

but I don't know how, so you should be commended. But also Anderson, I think that you said you wanted it to leave before you want to leave it. But I think I dropped dead dates. Like if I'm not out of here by July 1st, 2002, I am a loser. What's wrong with you, Anderson? Really? Yeah, I used to have those.

But then I would never go out and try and like find another job. Right, you're like, oops, it's life. But let's me just say this, Anderson, when you're talking about, you know, visualizing that way, what about the next, you already know, Anderson is a prolific filmmaker right now he did six shorts last year. I just five. I've been making and tinkering with movies for a while. And his script coming out and he's got you two very successful podcasts the after zaz three sorry excuse

me. After zazter the film vault and cinematic. So you have a lot going on people are interested in your script. I just feel like from I feel like and I feel like this about relationships as well. It all sounds so cliche, but when one door closes another one opens and that for you, it's like it's almost like the show had to end. So you this is gonna be your year. Like I know this. And it's not even like you just sit and visualize your future job looking at you and looking at you pathetic, because your future job is already here. You've already written it and I think the more That you know, it is sad that this ends but you you actually are doing you I'm excited for you too because I mean you're definitely gonna be a little focus more on your other endeavors as well I we all the love line was such a

A sweet fun beautiful mistress and I think that a lot of us were conquered by her allure And it's kind of nice that she's going off into the distance and we can focus on our other job. And it's helped so many people. And I'm honored just to have sat here and been a part of it. I'll be very sad though if you and I lose touch. Well, okay, so no. Oh, okay, here's the thing. I just signed, this is a big week for me.

I just signed a lease on a new office. And it's three times the size of our current office, which our current office is only 300 square feet. Very small. But it's a studio. But now that it's a bigger place and we're building a studio our current office, which our current office is only 300 square feet very small, but it's a studio. But now that's a bigger place than we're building a studio in the office, Anderson. That means we can work around your schedule, if you will. And you can come in whenever.

My schedule's pretty free these days. I know, I'm not gonna mind it now. I still have a crazy, I mean, mine's so crazy, but coming in here every night has been insane. So yeah, no, we'll be doing shows. Let's get on with the program, but it's funny when you said prolific filmmaker

because I made five shores last year I saw this documentary about the making of island the island of dr. Moro earlier in the week and I talked about it on cinematics That's out this week. That's available right now, but it's a the direct guy that directed that I looked up as credits on IMDB He's directed a hundred and fifty nine things and it just made me like see You don't think you get off and I've never heard of them 159 things and it just made me feel like such a child. You don't think you can't. And I've never heard of them 159 things. That's a, that's a, it doesn't matter.

Comparing yourself to others, you're always well. Imagine looking at, that's how you must feel like when you see Houston's 500, right? The, the chick that had sex with 500 people. Yeah, exactly. I like it. I can never. I could have done that. Um, no, I don't ever,. No, I don't ever I actually. I don't. I wish I did that. I don't compare myself to others. I do other very destructive things, but

we can always look at stuff like that. We can always put ourselves. Why not? How do you not? I think everyone compares themselves to everybody else. Because I never think that I always think, you know what? I could never be them and they could never be me. I'll never be as good at being Anderson, as Anderson is being himself. And you'll never be me. And I just feel like we all have our own gifts.

I don't know, I just really don't do that. And I don't- That's with Anderson. I see something in here. And I think maybe that's in part of it. Like people at the beginning, they're like, what if someone takes your idea and there was like, they do like sex with Amy over something. I'm like, so what? I remember thinking even early on when I did not of it. Like at the beginning, they're like, what if someone takes your idea and there was like, they do like sex with Amy over someone,

I'm like, so what? I remember thinking even early on when I did not know what was gonna happen to the show, I thought, well, that'll be Amy. Like that won't be Emily. And I think that it is really destructive. It's another way that we try to like hold ourselves back and we use fear and we think that everyone else

is so successful and we're not, but we're all just have our own paths. I think for you and I too, to get a little distance from Dr. Dero would be, it's gonna be good, because you can never feel good about yourself when you're in here. I got exactly.

Dr. Dero every fucking night with him. I couldn't answer this question from the caller, but you did. I just did five shows or just this afternoon. I was on five television programs, did three podcasts, and I saw like nine patients this morning. Let's take some calls. Well, here's the thing, and I, you know,

I do that with friends who like, I got at a bit at noon. Yeah, my friend texted me and she said, should I feel like a loser? I've been in the house. It's Saturday. I've been in the house for two hours. I haven't gone out. I've been home for two hours during the day. I'm thinking I feel good when I leave the house for two hours on a set. You know what I mean? Like, I, it's just so different. She's so type A and it gets all this stuff done. And I just think we're all different. It's going to make it work for you.

And, and, and accept your own path. And that's another thing I learned this year in the last few years is that I think I do know, I'm harder myself about things. I think I should be more efficient or better at this or that. And I think, you know what, when you can just learn to accept that this is your own path and this is who you are and this is how you do life, it's so much easier. Still not there yet. But working out, it's getting better. You're an inspiration now.

Oh my God, dude. Thanks. What's the top of that? You only know you want to get the show, huh? Yeah, let's do it. Fine. Okay, first, um, sex in the news. I got to do this one because I found this very interesting.

And also, actually, this is a comparison and I felt kind of bad. Researchers reveal the 12 most sexually satisfied countries. We're not on the list. We are not. We're not even on it. 12. Of course, we're not. This suppresses me. It's going to be like the Norway, the Scandinavian countries. Yeah. We're people are beautiful. Switzerland. Switzerland. Number one. I was just there. Yeah. Yeah. They were sexually satisfied. You know what? Everyone was inside. I saw very few people on the street. See? Well, was it winter or was it? It was

October early October. Yeah. Yeah. I think they're inside banging. Yeah, they probably are. So it says, despite the air age, what does it say here? Mexicans describe their sex life as fulfilling with just under half-filling regularly satisfied. With the top five countries having a sexual satisfaction rate above 50% is a time to move abroad. So here they are. Number once or three start the bottom, we already said Switzerland, but I'm going to countries having a sexual satisfaction rate above 50% is it time to move abroad? So here they are. Number one, or we start at the bottom. We already said Switzerland, but I'm going to start number 12. Because that's how you do it. China.

Wait, wait. So they're sexually satisfied. No, they're number 10 number 12. Number 12. It's China. I'll go this quick. I'll do this quickly. Number 11, Germany. 10 Nigeria. Nine, Australia. I thought that would have been more up, but they just seemed like they're always having a good time. Eight India, seven Mexico, six, the Netherlands, five Greece, very sexy country.

Passionate people. Four Brazil, same thing. This all makes sense. Three Italians, Italy, number two Spain, one Switzerland. And I was just bummed that we were, I mean, you know why? I think Americans, we really messed up sex with the proliferation of porn, sex, tradition, and meds, drugs. And yeah, puridism and judgments, but yet so much porn. And also, I think meds, we're such an over-medicated

society that I think that even birth control pill that women aren't told that, that's why your libido's taken a nose dive because of the pill or I don't know what is but we're not we're unhappy So I'm moving in a loud. Do they conduct this study that is to ask people how satisfied they were I'm not but what was their criterion for satisfaction? Maybe they're just more positive countries. Yeah, maybe they just have a Readiness, but it's an alternate study. It says that they did the most. UK was beating my grease. They don't get into it.

OK, Italy came in third. Recently, the home of the top lovers in the world was in the fourth place. They said that they have sex once a week. Spains of 90%. Yeah, maybe they are just more positive about sex. But I just, I know I said the same thing. How do you matter satisfaction?

But I guess that was the question. And I just want everyone to, if you're competitive, then step up your sex game. Thanks for listening to the show. That's what I'm trying to do here, people. Okay. Now we're going to give a little shout out to our sponsors and we'll be right back. So when was the last time an app changed your sex life? And no, I'm not talking about Tinder.

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they reach the next level, and many of them have reached level 20. I'm not even at level 20. Download Kaggle Camp today from the iTunes App Store or by clicking on the Kaggle Camp banner on sexwithanley.com today. I'll see you at camp. Okay everyone, we've got a little mini topic here for you.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Anley. And okay, you're always asking me about, how do I keep my sex life interesting? How do I, you know, keep it spicy and hot and sexy because we've been together for six months, six years and it's no longer, it's no longer what it was at the beginning. We talk about this a lot and, you know,

I'll give lots of tips, but today I'm gonna narrow, I'm gonna hone in on one that, before you roll your eyes, I'm going to explain it to you. And that is role playing. Role and eyes. Okay. You're going to think,

oh, it's weird. That's embarrassing. That's awkward. I'm not going to be the piece of delivery guy and like she's waiting there for me. And I'm not going to, you know, be the school girl. Like that's so cliche

and that's so uncomfortable. That's so awkward and how could I ever do it? Um, but you don't have to be like the French mate, you don't have to dress up and all that. I'm going to give you little tips of how you can do this and I'm telling you, it's a lot easier than you think. Play a little game with your partner, like we're talking about playing mind games, Anderson. So I was just going to take, put yourself in another state. Well think about life, right?

If you get a new car or you get a new TV, like what to you, right? Getting new things, novelty, exciting, right? Right you get a new car or you get a new TV, like what to you, right? Getting new things? Novelty? Exciting, right? Right. Okay, see with the sex life. So why is your sex life gone stale? I'll tell you, one of the key ingredients that was there in the beginning is the novelty. The novelty is when it's new and fresh, the early sex. Everything is new. Everything exciting. They smell so good. their body feels amazing. No one's ever kissed you like this. And then you settle into a long-term relationship,

and that's great because you have stability, and you have a deeper love and connection and comfort. But the problem is comfort and predictability cancels out novelty and nudist excitement. So that's why it's often hard to maintain. So when it's gone in the relationship, that's the reason why you do one of sex because you don't feel like you've anything new

to look forward to, you know exactly what's gonna happen next. Okay, here's the part, we come to him, he kissed me for two seconds, and then I take his clothes off and then it's over five minutes and we resume Netflix. Okay, so that's why you need to spice up. Here's how. It's okay if you haven't taken like an acting lesson

or like you load the Halloween, or like role-playing sounds like your biggest nightmare. Cause the good news is it doesn't require like costumes or like the bell crazy bells and muscles or like sexy French accents, unless you want to because you might find that you really like it and then you want to take it to the next level.

You can create that same thrill. Hear me out. Of being with someone new, while still being with your current sex partner. Just take on a new role. And you don't have to be the doctor like hello nurse. Can you pass me these charts? What did doctors say? You can just play yourself, but in different scenarios that your partner can relate to. So how do you bring this up? You're thinking like, how am I going to do this? I don't know what you're talking about. You could just suggest, first of all, listen to the show together.

You know, a lot of couples listen to the show, or sometimes one person listens to the show and they tell the partner about it. Listen to it together. I'd be like, you know what, I heard this interesting thing. That could help. You should definitely bring it up beforehand, you know, whether it's obviously half due because if you're just like, if you're just like, I've been a very bad girl. I'm a blue. Yeah, like you're probably so confused Yeah, you can't do that. So the next time they probably start laughing

They want to begin with the last thing if you're gonna laugh sometimes We're gonna when anything's new. It's gonna be uncomfortable But bring it up before whether it's like, you know, when you're like already occurring, that's that, you know, when you're already having this extra like, oh, you know, it'd be sexy, or, you know, bring up a whole new topic. And then the next time you're in the bedroom, you could say, hey, remember, you're talking about that role-playing thing. Let's do it. And again, no matter how I tell you how to start it, it still might be awkward, but you're going to get through that. And you're going to be like, wow, I only thank you. And I can't wait for those emails. So here's the first one, ready? Sexy stranger. For this scenario, all you gotta do is pretend you

don't know each other, which actually shouldn't be that hard because you, there was a time when you didn't know each other. And there was a time when you first met in your eyes locked across the room or locked across Tinder when you swiped on each other's photo. I don't know. But it's not such a stretch. to cross Tinder when you swiped on each other's photo, I don't know. But it's not such a stretch. So spend your time apart during the day. Maybe you live together, maybe you don't, but it's like, make sure you don't see each other, if you can, you know, for as long as possible. And make a plan to meet up somewhere.

And when you get there, these are the rules. You gotta act like you're complete strangers, that you don't know each other, and your eyes will lock across or maybe you send over aover drink and you introduce yourself like it's like the very first time you met like so think about it like hey and I know you think you can laugh but if one of you cracks it's fine just try to stay with the role. It seems silly. Can you see doing this? I've never tried this but I feel like I'd be good at it but I think I'd be really awkward and weird with it. It is awkward and weird at first but I'm telling you I've actually done it.

I didn't go out of the bar, but we did it like as a, like he started it and I was like, wait, because I can kind of roll with things. I'm like, then I got into it. I'm like, this is kind of hot. His deal was like, so, like, to do that sex show, we were walking home. We were in LA walking back to his house from somewhere. I think we're going to bottle wine. He was like, so, I'll have you be doing this, actually. And I kind of got like we're gonna bottle wine. He was like, so, I'll have you be doing this show. And I kind of got like, what do you mean? He's like, no, really? And we got into this whole thing.

And it was really hot. I was like, he first met me. He's like, so do you guys think you're kind of slutty? And it was like, and it was so friggin hot because he played this thing with me. What about you? What did I say? Is that a one?

Is that a Ure? What? Astronol. Accountant? Accountant. That's really hot. The way you crunch the numbers. Accountant. So you're an actor. I always thought actors were really kind a girlfriend. Accountants. That's really how the way you crunch the numbers. Accountants.

So you're an actor. I always thought actors were really kind of cheesy. I actually assumed you were dumb when I met you because you're good looking, but you're stupid. So you got to say all these really funny things that actually weren't true. And then I got to kind of be myself, but not myself, and presented again in a way

where I already know that he likes me. So I got to kind of bring up all my best parts. Because you know when you first start dating, it's like they always say that you're dating so much representative. Yeah. Because we don't always reveal everything. So think of those things that you first found attractive

in your partner. And, you know, chat about, try to prolong it as long as you can, and even if you both laugh, follow the character every once in a while, that's fine. But it's like a new game. You're creating a new scenario together, and I'm telling you, it's hot, and it works. It's easy. You're gonna go to a bar anyway. You're gonna go to a restaurant.

You could have a whole meal. You watch a show modern fan, modern family. Yes. They uh the two leads. There's a lot of leads in that but Phil and his wife I can't remember her name. What is her name? Oh, it's her name. Julie Bowen plays. Right. Right. They have that recurring sex role playing that they do. It's it's happened for three or four episodes, and they meet at a hotel, and they always get dressed in different clothes, and they pretend like they're just meeting

at the hotel bar. That's so funny. I think they're not wearing that one. It always goes poorly, though. Someone always ends up naked in the hall. That's hilarious. That could happen, but it's a good story. No, I'm not afraid I'm at least 40.

See, my family's interesting, because my niece is watching it, but there's like sex, I don't think they understand that it's about role-playing, now I'm worried about my niece. No, they're fine. It's all pain. Do I am I over thinking this worried about some girl females, women out there, males too, but I could see this going south with an insecure girlfriend saying,

why do I have to pretend to be somebody else? No, you're bringing yourself. You're being yourself. I just want to say, okay, so I'm sorry. I didn't want to say that my ex's profession, and I couldn't think of anything. So I was like, because I was going to say it's a bad line. So he said to me, we're walking home and he said, so how long can you be? I don't remember. He said, the way you do it is you play yourself. We play yourself. You play

yourselves, which is totally easy to do because there was a time when you were new to each other. And you're like, okay, so you do that love lunch. You know, it's like how long are you doing that? What's what's what kind of calls do you hear to each other and you're like, okay, so you do that love lunch. You know, it's like how long you'd be doing that? What's what's what kind of calls do you hear on there? And it's like you you get into that role and it's kind of fun because we all like talking about ourselves and yeah, you're just playing yourself like you first met again. You're paying strangers because there is like the the next level where you're playing completely different people.

I've got four. Sorry. I'm sorry. This is good. Oh, the other thing I was going gonna say is that another great tool is, I have a book called Hot Sex over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. It came out like four years ago, Anderson has it,

he keeps it in his bedroom. No, you can flip open to any page. And it's a pretty cool book because it can just, again, you don't have to talk, but it can guide you through different scenarios that are in there as well. Okay, the next one is like mock makeup sex. Anyone can do this.

You get to fight, things are all heated, and then you make up sex. Do you do this Anderson? Are you fighter? I'm afraid I'm afraid I do argue quite a bit. Yes, and you have makeup sex I've gotten much better with the with the with the marriage because I don't try and win the fights I just trying come to an agreement or understanding so we can avoid that fight I never want to have the same fight twice. Oh good Boris. Boris, before everyone else, I always wanted to win. Is it not the way you have, like, because the thing is, sex after a fight is like always hot and super charged, you're firing.

It's nice because it's like the exact opposite of where you just were, but you still have that pent-up energy and you realize you're past the bad part. Right, it's almost like you get that newness again, and you get that like thrill because you thought it would make it could have been over and you get that jolt, right? So you could fake.

You can even use it to get out of fight sometimes. Like if you guys are really not seeing eye to eye and you can't get anywhere, you can be like, let's just cut to the chase. Let's get to the makeup sex. And sometimes that actually fixes it. Exactly. So you could have a fake fight.

So the thing, yeah, because the thing is when you fight and then you make up, it's hot, super charged, all that. And this is because you've worked through whatever issue you guys were fighting about. And as a result, you thing, yeah, because the thing is when you fight, and then you make up, it's hot, it's super charged, all that, and this is because you've worked through whatever issue you guys were fighting about, and as a result, you guys feel closer, you feel connected, you feel safe, and that is hot, make up sex, which I have to realize, I'm not a fighter, I'm not a really big fighter, but I know the energy in it, so I know the breakup, I know sleeping with my ex energy, so let's just say that, that it's like you broke up, but you didn't, or we don't see each other for a while, we have many fights. But good news, you don't have to really get

into an argument. You can create like a stupid argument, okay? You could say like, you could say something like a inconsequential, like you know what the best serial is all time, my favorite movie of all time. I don't care how stupid the fight is. But some of these fake feuds can kind of boil each a boiling point and they can like resemble a real argument. And have a little fight. Have a funny fight fight get out your energy. Maybe you feel like Like pick a fight pick a fake fight. Wow. Yeah, that's dangerous. Why I could ask for it Something else, but pick it up or something that's like like little like I think that you know And you guys kind of know that you're joking

So you can have the fake make up the fake make up sex and depending on what you fight about you know Real or fake you can kind of set that tone of the like the interaction. Exactly. You get the fake make up sex. Okay. And depending on what you fight about, you know, real or fake, you can kind of set that tone of the, like, the interaction. So it was a heated angry fight. You can make tender, loving sex to make up for it. That's like pretend to throw your car keys off the off the cliff. Pretend. Exactly. But you never know that you could slip. You could slip into a real fight. I think you want to do it when you guys are in a good place. And if you've never even had a fight, so this is fun too, you just kind of make up all, you know, if you've never had a fight, you guys aren't going to make it. Right? You got a fight fighting relationships super healthy. And I realize that I never really,

well, no, I have been in relationships, but usually it's usually towards the end. But that's the same reason I can't be mean to call her. I mean, I think I have to be better with anger. Yeah. I have to get mean mad at people more. No, I don't think so. I tend to blame myself. Well, I don't think I think that you don't have it in you. You're not that type of person. I'm not. No, but I think oftentimes I can always see both sides of things. So even I'm going to get mad.

I'm like, well, I think I always see my part. Because I think oftentimes a fight like to think that you're always, I'm definitely, there's a lot of people in the world who walk on things are always right. Right. I'm certainly not. I can see my part. I'm always right. I'm one of those. Which is not.

I know, but everyone else is wrong. And I hate being surrounded by everyone who's always wrong. It's really difficult. I know, I'm actually really hard for you. I'm glad that you just put it with me. You're time with me even knowing that I'm terribly wrong. You're, you're, you're. Okay, here's the third one.

Control playing. So if you guys have settled in a relationship and you kind of are in comfortable roles, one of you might be a little more submissive and bad and the other ones a little more dominant. And maybe one of you initiates sex all the time and you know, the other one doesn't. And I've taken one of the biggest complaint I hear often from men is that their partner women don't initiate sex enough. And I'm not saying that men can't initiate sex more often. So to do a switch here. So if you're typically more reserved

during sex, you can make more demands. You know, you can say something like, I want you to go down here for 40 minutes. I mean, that might be what I would say. Or you can start with something like, take off my dress or kiss my neck if you're not comfortable with it. But just switch roles. And again, you're gonna think how long

I can tell my partner this. Well, right now, if you're having sex, it's not that interesting or it's the same thing. How hard to say, but you know what? I heard this show, or let's try this, or like, you know what, I'm gonna initiate sex tonight, or you'll always tell me what to do. I'm gonna tell you this one thing I've always wanted,

even if it is massage my feet. What you're saying is like make a deal, like make a deal to person, with your partner, say anything I say you have to do, and then we'll flip it. Yep, exactly. This is very different than what I thought you were. I thought you were gonna talk about dressing up like the pizza guy.

I did. For exactly, that's why I was like, everyone's gonna roll the rice, turn off the podcast. Not that at all. No, not that at all. So you could also assume each other's like sexual personalities, you know, like if you're a person's big on oral,

they probably love it if you, you know, we're big on oral. It's gonna control play. So you're flipping your control, you're flipping your roles and try being dominant. It's hard because I'm more submissive, but like when you're dominant, you think you always think you can't,

and then you do it and you're like, oh wow, that was different, that was fun. I like it, you're never gonna run around. You gotta try things that are uncomfortable. You're not gonna regret trying something new sexually. And then the last one, I love this one, fancy fantasies. So a certain point, never really ship.

You're wearing T-shirts, right? You're wearing a sweatpants, you're hanging around the house. You're not doing anything that's sexy, but we all have those outfits that we're like, oh, sometime we'll go out, we'll get dressed up, we'll do this fun thing. So the last one, I'm going to call this a fancy fantasy. So at a certain point in a relationship, we've all been there when we're just wearing a sweatpants and we're not getting dressed up and we're not making efforts. And we tend to forget like, oh, like he looks great and suit or she looks nice when she gets all dressed up and we all know also for ourselves, like I have these things and like I brought this dress, this super sexy dress that makes me feel amazing, but I have

no word of wear it. I never wear it out. I just wear jeans and whatever. So if you guys in your relationship, you plan something like maybe it's once a month or once every few months and you're like, we're gonna go out tonight, we're gonna dress up and we're gonna go to a restaurant, something like, say, you know, nice restaurant or go to a concert and save up for something.

So it's a good night where you can dress up and you can like be fancy people. Yeah. And also if you're like, we have no money to go out, then freaking do it at home. Because sometimes when you wear something that makes you feel good and sexy, it will actually reflect that in your, it will, when you wear something that makes you feel good and sexy. I've not heard that from you ladies.

Yeah. It's true though, like the laundry. I got guy friends are like that. I got a guy friend, my best friend is a lawyer. He can't conduct business unless he's wearing a suit on the phone. It's like, dude, what are you doing? But it's kind of true. Faked to make it dress the part. I think it's true.

When I said home when I didn't have an office and I was home all day, like it kind of bummed me out, like it does. So when I get dressed up, put on makeup, you feel better. So it's also for you and it's something I look forward to. And you get to look at each other feeling the best and doing something fun for your family.

Is it those deserve it? Don't save, don't save. People have saved money for where you're daily, you can freaking die. You can hit by a boss. Yeah, you gotta live life to the fullest and seize the day, Carbidium. But if you take your lady out or your guy out to

and you get all dressed to the 9s, as they say, and you go to an event or a concert or dinner or anything, you'll notice too that other people might be checking out your significant other and it makes them sexier in that very moment. It doesn't make it jealous unless you got a toxic relationship. If you got a healthy relationship and you see like other guys checking out your lady, you're like, you know, I love that. Don't they? Never gets old. Like I want her. It does when you're dating a bartender. Because everyone wants her and I have it when you're dating a bartender Because everyone wants her and just sucks with the loa stripper. What was it?

It goes whole looker stripper bartender hairdresser that's that from my experience your experience of women who Attracts the certain types. Yeah, okay No, no, no, no, the difficult to to date and Feel like you're in a trust relationship. Have you dated one in each category? Never dated a hooker. I've had a hooker on my car, but I've never dated one.

Okay, she's in your car. Like, I was a bumper to bumper traffic on Hollywood Boulevard trying to get to my friends gig and this hooker, and he was princess, never forget. And she says, I know where you going. I'm like, no, you don't. And it was just, I was yelling out the window because I was so frustrated and stuck in traffic.

And then she's like, I'll show you where you're going. She hopped to my car. I'm like, why are you in my car? She's like, I just need to ride two blocks. I'm like, you could walk much faster than me. And then she started like waving to her pimped that was going by. I'm like, stop it.

He's gonna take out a trick. That is amazing. That is a good short belt. It was terrifying. Wait, that's actually a good short for. And then I. Wait, that's actually good short for and then I dropped her off Two block later, which was about 15 minutes later and I said my princess nice meeting you and I felt like my car was solid I I knew it was it was she was pretty we tempted was she like 15. She she was very yeah, yeah

Not my type to get story though Hairdressers. Oh do you get for haircuts? Oh Oh yeah, yeah, I've dated a number of hairdressers. Okay, so you were talking about it like a hair salon. Like that was my hangout. Cause there's nothing but good-looking ladies and they were all like, caddy and they'd all be staring each other in those mirrors. Like behind each other's backs.

So unhealthy, that's so toxic. See, that was... It was really fun. I enjoyed it. I'm so glad I know you as an adult. And that is like the Anderson whenever, 10 years ago, maybe five years ago. Okay, but when we're on to emails, thank you for emailing me, feedback at sex as an adult. And that is like the Anderson whenever, 10 years ago, maybe five years ago. Okay, but when we're on to emails,

thank you for emailing me, feedback at sexwithatme.com. We've been getting some awesome emails. I have to say the emails, we always get a lot, but we're getting a lot more, and I love it, love it, love it. Maybe it's because we launched our new website, it's so much easier now to ask a question. We've got an Ask Family button. You just click on that, you write it, send form,

click send, and there it goes. I get it right there in my inbox. Okay. And email me and include your age where you live and how you listen. Is that our things? And where you're from. Hi, I'm Lee, new listener here, and I couldn't have started listening at a better time because I've recently experienced a new sexual experience and I don't know how I feel about it. My fiance and I have been together since 2010, and are to be married in November. We recently attended a friend's birthday party,

and lead this to say the drinks were flowing. At the end of the night, we were all over each other, which is normal after a few drinks. So we started engaging in hot sex, and he starts talking really dirty to me. Normally, I'm really receptive to this, but receptive to it.

However, he brought up a friend we were hanging out with earlier that night. This mutual friend we have is number one, gorgeous and young, number two, an awesome person. And I'm normally open to dirty talk in this way. However, it made me feel really inadequate because he made it seem like he wanted to be with her. I didn't feel good afterwards. It almost felt wrong. Am I just being insecure or should I write off

as a typical male fantasy? Thanks. Love your show. Lots of O's, Allie. So, did you get this scenario here? So, she's got her fiance. They've been together six years. They're getting married.

Dirty talk. They go from a party. They see when her friends, he's like, so, what if Alicia was here right now now we were having a threesome right So I've said this before that I think if you in a relationship sometimes you don't want to have a threesome It's kind of hot to talk about it, but you don't alley you have every right here To to feel kind of disturbed by this. I'm so glad you found my podcast because you do need it now This is the thing about dirty talk. It can be great, but it can be a huge distraction when it

goes wrong. So again, your feelings are totally veiled. This is upset any woman. I'm upset. It would make them feel insecure, just as you're feeling and threatened by your friend, which you sound like, you know, you love your friend. She's a great girl, but you do not want no one wants to hear their boyfriend talk about a hot anyone is for that matter and Specifically your friend So I'm sure this was not his intention You know, it's inappropriate from to bring up this other woman, especially it's because you guys have never discussed it before and There's a golden rule and three sums that friends should just be off limits unless, you know,

Unless you guys discuss it and you're like, let's suck up with our friends But I never think it's a good idea and even in this fake three-some fantasy that was a mistake And it is a typical male fantasy. You are right two beautiful women The problem is it took it too far. He took it too far He mentioned her friends name like you can't do that right? Anderson Don't you know this like male code like when you're with a a girl, even the hairdressers, or wherever you're with. Now this is a move you do with a girl. You've been with for like three weeks.

You know, it's coming to an end soon. And I keep trying like, you know, so long for the fences. You don't do this with your six year anniversary. I mean, a six year relationship. Fion say getting married. I mean, that's, was he drunk? Yeah, they were drunk.

So they usually get drunk and talk dirty and this type of went too far. Yeah. So you got to, you got dirty and this type it went too far. So You got it you got to dress it and you got to you know He included someone that you already know so just tell him that it made you feel bad. It hurt your feelings and Tell him how it made you feel when you are often having these communication discussions with your partners about anything Remember you don't want to go in the attack You want to say how things made you feel because no one can argue with your feelings And hopefully she's strong enough to get past this and keep that friend as well

Right, it could be really hard to have both of these people in her life I know, right, so I think also Ali if you've got the bigger questions and you want to know like hey So you have my friend. Yeah, you got asked how good of a friend that is this I wonder I wonder if she'd be willing to put on like 15 20 pounds to become unattractive It's a mutual friend. It doesn't say, but you know, that she probably take one for the team. I cut her hair all off. Right.

Move. Stop washing. Exactly. Have a fake boyfriend. So I think you got to tell me to feel bad and also address all the issues because you can't. Sorry, babe. I don't remember.

I was drunk. When you gloss over things, they don't go away on their own. So you're going to have to know, is he attracted to her? Is there something we're going on? You got to dress up. He's definitely attracted to her. I mean, there's a possibility that he was like so drunk, he was like black out drunk and just saying nonsensical things.

And that's, I mean that's not ideal, but that's one of the only ways to get out of this unscathed. Yeah, just let him know. And you know, I like I said, I've had experienced in three times with this guy and it actually was a turn on. It was the first time anyone ever done that. And he was like, Hey, so I'm picturing that you with this woman. Yes, I married. Of course, no, but I should have. I'm not just kidding. I don't have any regrets, but he was, it was like my most profound relationship as far as

I think it sexually opened me up in a lot of ways. And um... But that's you. You weren't in a relationship with this guy for six years about to get married. No, what I'm saying is what he did was he did some nameless, faceless woman. Right, right. That was the god thing was when you're like, oh, there's another woman here. She's doing this too. She's doing that too. That's my role playing. I got you. Yeah, it was more role playing. This naming the person in your friend is wrong.

So you gotta discuss it and friends and acquaintances, and all that should be off limits. So you should let me know here are you. Okay, next email, disappearing orgasm. There goes, hey touch it. Hiya. My partner recently discovered how to give me literal orgasms from vibrators.

We moved from a bullet vibe to a rabbit and now we're up to the magic wand. The other night he grabbed the rabbit for old timesake and I couldn't get off on it anymore. This happened to me before when we went from the bullet to the rabbit and I'm worried that I'm ruining myself somehow and that one day I won't be able to have any more orgasms. Does this happen? Thanks! Confused Phoebe. Phoebe, this is a great question,

because he always asks, oh, is a vibrator gonna ruin me? And you know, man, I wonder where I think it's gonna replace guys forever. No, here's the thing, you just gotta mix things up. But think about this, let's say you wanna get in shape Phoebe, and you start running every single day, right? You run every day every day and you lose weight

and you're psyched, you're like, proud of you keep running, you keep running, and then what right? You run every day every day and you lose weight and you're psyched. You're like, proud of it. You keep running, you keep running and then what happens? You plateau. So always happy. You stop seeing any results at all because your body gets used to it. That's why they say you got a cross train. You got to try different things. Organisms, same exact way. So it's not that you're organized that you're becoming desensitized, um, losing sensitivity. Your body is just getting used to that amount of vibration and pressure and so it can't respond to anything else. It doesn't mean that it requires, right now your body's gotten used to it, but it doesn't

mean like your orgasms are gone, it means you have to retrain your body. So take a break from the high intensity stimulation, not forever, you know, and this can be actually, this can be something fun you can do with your partner. So you can wean yourself off the vibrator and like up the four play, you can say, like, okay, like, you know, he's going to go down to me or use his fingers or we're going to have sex and then we're going to bring in the toy. Or you can like use it for a few minutes at a lower level and then bring something else. And I mean, you just got to like switch up what you're using.

You could also quit cold turkey if you want to try this. And because I'm sure you had orgasms before there were any vibrators. It sounds like you have. And just see, you know, like, don't beat yourself up. But don't think where is it, where is it, or is it? Because a lot of times it's our mind that's making these orgasms disappear, as you say. So, just scale back, start trying other things with your partner, because that's fun.

Like, it gives you guys a chance to be more creative and explore other ways to get each other off. And when you step up the foreplate, you've proven that you can have a clitorar orgasm. So your boyfriend can get you there using his mouth or his hands. And once you just take off a little time, you will feel those orgasms come back.

So, and then you'll remember like it's just, you got to just always mix it up. Use the bullet, use the rabbit, you know, just to have sex with the out toys. Because there's nothing wrong with toys, but again, just like your's just, you got to just always mix it up. Use the bullet, use the rabbit, you know, just to try and have sex with the out toys. Because there's nothing wrong with toys, but again, just like your workout routine, you use the circuits and you lift weights and you don't only run because it helps you

become a better shape and same as sex. So always you mix new things up in the bedroom and I think also with like masturbating and all that, like that's why I'm always trying to guys to get a flush, like you do things the same way. And the other great thing about this, the's why I'm always trying to get a flush that like you do think the same way. And the other great thing about this the final thing I'm going to say to you Phoebe is that I'll bet there's so many other ways that you can orgasm that you don't even know about. And because I

know that like without using toys or using different kinds of things I found that because it's my job, but I kind of always think of it. I just like topped it and then like something else will happen. So there are remember eight thousand nerve endings in your clitoris and it, I just like, topped it and then like something else will happen. So there are remember, 8,000 nerve endings in your clitoris and it's not just the little button, it's the labia and all those areas that there's so many Roger's Sones that I want you to phone with this

and it's not that you like, this ends to something bad happens. It's like, wow, this is fun. I'm gonna try something else and I want you to email me when you have 18 orgasms from him touching your knee. Thanks Phoebe and and thank you Anderson. That's what we got time for. And of course we're not.

We're just beginning. Check out your podcast. All that after Zester. Cinematics after Zester's film vault. If you want to be up to date, if you're a real film lover, that's Cinematics for you. If you want more Anderson.

If you want entertainment and some knowledge, the film vault, which I've been doing with Brian for eight years now. Wow. And then if you want just a good old time, my carano and Tyler and I, you have the best people. I'm glad, this is the best people.

And yeah, people really respond. We just sold out the improv again. I know. That's a fun. Okay, well congratulations. I love you, Anderson. And I love you all, I love you.

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