Sex With Emily - Fantasies and Fellatio

Episode Date: May 31, 2017

No situation is one-sided, and the same is true when it comes to sex. On today’s show, Emily is giving you a different perspective on your sexual predicaments (because the problem may not be what you think). Are you worried that the size of your member is the reason your girlfriend isn’t giving you oral? Should your sexy workplace fantasy remain just that? Are you masturbation obsessed? Emily gives her solutions on these sex issues and more, plus she and Anderson discuss the science behind sexual satisfaction in the beginning of relationships. Tune in to find out! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Fleshlight, Vibratex, Adam&Eve, and FT London.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm here with Anderson and we're talking through your sex and relationship emails. Topics include, what to do when your girlfriend doesn't like giving oral, penis-sized concerns, rules for an open marriage, how to know if your masturbation habit is a problem and when to make that fantasy a reality. All this and more, thanks for listening. A reality. All this and more, thanks for listening. Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common moment?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexemely.com and you can check out all of our podcasts. You can easily check them out if you go to sex with Emily.com slash podcast for our entire show archive, which you will enjoy. You can subscribe to our newsletter. You can check me on social media, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter are all at sex with Emily. And we love when you subscribe to the show. And if you want to, which feels great, review us and I, it's super helpful.

It's awesome because I hate people with bad recommendations and those come up first, like years ago, people didn't like things. So, right, I'm interested. I'm here with Anderson. What did you just say? You just said a bunch of things. I said that people review the show sometimes in the past, like five years ago, ten years ago, eight years ago.

When I like head charge for why I tried everything to keep it afloat like, I pay people. Oh, you had me had a paywall for like a month. Who told you to do that? For a year. Well, I did. It was like eight years ago. And it's like, I'm not making money.

Six, whatever. People just write things. But if you love the show, it helps go to iTunes and do that. I'm here with Anderson and his son, which is going to sound really weird because it's a sex show. And he's got an eight year old son and his lap at him. He's eight months old eight months eight months eight months eight year old is probably shouldn't be in the room for this no No, no, no, this is totally healthy even though it seems like it's not because we say shit fuck See you can take shit fuck get out of your sister right now with the baby. Oh, he's so cute. Okay, everyone

Thank you for listening here with Anderson or else. Sorry to cut so strong right off the bat. You're making me apologize. You're making me cause my apologies. Please don't make me cause. Sometimes you're with my son. Yeah. Here my son. This is what happens when you you follow the advice of sex with Emily. You get kids unless you use protection and you don't want kids. Right. And you are there's some people don't which is totally fine and It's so weird that something's so innocent and sweet and cute and come out of like

dirty, dark nasty sex, you know what I mean? It's it is still funny when you look at the poppulage you look at how many people there are and you just think like every single one of those People is a product of a sexual act exactly weird. It is weird. It is weird. It is really weird. No, you really don't, until you have your own little baby there. So that's, yeah. So speaking of sex. Yeah. Yeah.

I haven't seen you in a while. Yes. And start having sex again. Oh, you start having sex again? Good, that's not having sex. You work for a while. I wasn't. It wasn't like on purpose.

I wasn't like, I'm very shocked to be a sex. You were like concerned. You're like, you know, I'm not. I do this show sex with Emily and I'm not having sex. Well, because I've been having, okay, let's say, been doing it for 12 years, I'm going to move podcast and not watching movies for some.

I know, but here's the thing. Here's why it was so good for me. Because for 11 years, I was having sex. It's 12 years of the show. The 12 year, not as much sex. Not as much. So you know what I did, which it wasn't like, oh my God, I wasn't trying to have sex and I could not have sex.

Let me just put that on. You should have her random like go down to Mexico and bang her. I did bang the misuse Mexico. I'm not like I wasn't like going born again virgin last year. I'm not just say that. But I realized. Oh, she forgot, we had a little change. You forgot his name? Yeah. Oh, you changed it. We changed it. The car load. So cute. I loved him. I was moved there. You almost moved. Then I forgot about him. You know, they say it takes to have it takes half as long as the time you were so

many get over him. Yeah. And I was with him for like four hours. All right. So I was over to our yeah, probably a fair total of the story. No, that was hot sex though. But since then, yeah, I've just started dating and I realize it like all this stuff that happened in the last year to me, like doing my somatic sex therapy training and all this stuff I've done is sort of really coming in handy because I feel like I know, I don't know, I've just learned a lot about myself

and about not having sex and then feeling like when I am having sex it's actually better. And. So that's good. You can tell the difference. Because you're always preaching. Everyone should have more sex. You never regret having sex.

It's like going to the gym. You never go, oh God, why did I just go to the gym? You said you could wait that to having sex too. Now you can actually practice what you preach and understand the difference of not banging and what happens and how it changes your effects or mood, effects or lian. Exactly, I have to say that. Say that you didn't have sex for a while

for a purpose of a study. Yeah, it was a study. And in fact, it was a full blown study where I had sex and it was really good sex about a few weeks ago. Not that I had, obviously I had sex, but I'm saying this, this sex, all this stuff unleashed and I feel like my entire life has changed. I've had clarity, I've saying this, this sex, all this stuff unleashed, and I feel like my entire life has changed. I've had clarity, I've had focus, and I do believe that when you don't,

not that I wasn't masturbating stuff, but there's something about like co-creating with somebody and having a sexual experience that a lot of stuff just gets released and gets clear in your head and like we need sex. Not all the time, not every day, but when you have it, it's great. So that's me. Yeah, how's your sex life? It's okay, you don't have to answer your eight month off. It's fine, actually, we're going to try and have another child here probably with the next six months.

We're going to hope to get pregnant, so we're going to have to ramp it up. You're going to do that again. We don't want to have an only child. You got to take some of the lube. I get it. You should take it. We want to be able to leave them alone. Like we did, we had one dog and then we got two dogs because it's like, you don't feel

guilty when you leave them alone. So. That's why you're going to get it so they can talk to each other. You can put them in a room to get a close the door and then we go. Maybe you should get a babysitter. Have a adult time. Okay. No, but I think that's awesome.

I think you will get pregnant and it'll be great. Well, thanks, Sam. Thanks for the photo confidence. No, I know you will. You ever do an episode where like best ways to have sex and to conceive? Yeah, we've done a lot of we actually have a lot of blogs that are sight now about like pregnant sex and stuff like that. Really? No, no, to consume like I used to be on top on the bottom like the gloom and the you can use stuff. I've never done a show on that but I've talked about it. Would you like some tips? No, no, no. I just

the only thing I know is from watching the Big Lebowski, where there's a scene where she, she's bringing her knees up to her chest after the dude bangs her and she's saying that that's the best way to conceive. I love there's any truth. No, I don't think that you should probably take sex lessons. Hang it one of those upside down things right after you have sex. I don't know. I can give you some advice on that.

Okay, but let's get into some sex in the news Anderson. Let's do it, sex in the news. I'm glad you're here because it's about men. Apparently, guys are less sexually satisfied than women at the start of a relationship. I would think that everyone's pretty satisfied at the start more than not because it's the honeymoon phase. It is weird. So women say that 74 or 74% of women are really satisfied, only 51% of men, and then it switches, okay?

Six months to a year, the men are way more satisfied, women, little less satisfied, and then it switches again, women are more, like so it goes down to the three years. This is the doctor, this is out of the UK. Always the UK. There's a couple of sections. It was a thousand Americans and a thousand Europeans. Always the UK. There's that full section. No, no, sorry.

It was a thousand Americans and a thousand Europeans. And so basically they're saying that the percentage of sexually satisfied women dropped significantly, falling to 47% after six months, men's increases. So what is the Sadio? But I think it all boils down to everything that we talk about. And that is communication. I think that there's a lot of unfulfilled needs that people have in a relationship.

And I think that when people don't know how to talk about what makes them feel good and what they want, they get the satisfied resentment grows. And you just have talking about it. And then after a while, no one's satisfied. You see the last graph on here. It shows that after four years, women are 48% satisfied, men 37%.

It just goes down. It goes up, down, up, down. Yeah, but it just goes down. It goes up down up down up down Yeah, but it just goes down down down but then by the end it goes. I'm just surprised that men are not because usually It's believed that guys are always happy with a new partner, right? And women I would I would have Inverse those if I had to guess so that's surprising It's weird. I wonder what that is. You know what, maybe it's just going purely off of satisfaction because men are, no, because less men are satisfied, right?

Women are, because it takes a while to learn how a woman works, to every woman's job. Well, that is another story that came out a few months ago that said that men typically are, you know, if the woman's unsatisfied to them, like sex isn't as great, and women need more safety, comfort, they need, you know, to be in a place with someone where they

feel like, and it takes time for her to learn the body, so to learn a woman's body. So that's why you guys, you could talk about women, you have a giant, it's like snowflakes. I feel like you need to start talking about sex right away. I don't understand why. Like if you were out of restaurant, you're on first date, second date, you'd be like, you order for yourself what you want. Like you're not like, you can order for me. You know I like steak.

Why should he know what you want in the bedroom and why do we play this game of like, he should be a mind reader and he should know when they just don't and it takes people to never realize this. But at the same time, like if you're like, on a second or third date, having sex for the first time and the woman's like,

or the guy for that matter, like, do it like this and do it like that. It'd be a little bit weird if you're that forceful. I think you got to kind of ease into it, right? I'm a big fan of speechless communication in the bedroom. Okay. How would you do it? You just, like if you're a guy, you pay attention to their breathing, to the lady's breathing pattern and you know what she's into, what's affecting her, you really pay attention to her.

You're not just flailing around touching how you do like I think they're a lot of guys are so excited they're having sex or they're with a new partner and probably nervous you want to impress her just pay attention to what she's doing and how what you're doing to her and how it's affecting her and like kiss her neck and tease her and do all that stuff a lot longer than you think you should and you really shouldn't be selfish especially at first you shouldn't be like I'm gonna do what I saw on a porn that last night to this I'm gonna do what I saw on a porn that last night to this woman. Don't do anything you saw on porn.

Don't do anything ever that you saw on porn. Ever. Then do everything you saw in the lesbian. Exactly. Only do you saw lesbian porn. But as far as like, if you're with a new partner, I really think that this should be with the woman, which I think are a little more complicated,

that you really do just wanna like take your time, go five times slower than you think you should with the partners, keep kissing, keep touching, like doing all that stuff and then the more that you, you know, pay attention, get to the notes right. I think they're in their head and they're like, I've got to take our clothes, I've got to do this and then get our pants off. I think we are not turned off. Now, once you do figure out what works for speaking as a guy in your woman, once a guy figures

out how you do work and how to start your engine and how to finish you off and whatnot, is it all right if he does kind of the same routine over and over again there if it works? Or is it expected to bring you to orgasm? Yeah, or is he expected to try different routes? I think it depends on the person, but if you assume that they should just do that, they might not. They might not have the creativity, they might not know what to do differently, and that's why I'm saying okay, like let's say that there's a couple to their together and the guy figures out that

She you know you got to go a b c than d and that works for her Is it okay as a woman for the guy to do a? Indeed, the vast majority of the time moving forward. Yeah, I mean, forever and ever and ever. I think that forever is a long time, but you know. I think it depends on the person. I think I get bored of different things all the time. Yes, I guess my question was like, do you more concerned about the end game or the journey to get there?

It's the journey. Yeah, it's a journey man. It's not about the destinations. Yeah. Well, I think that you put effort into sex. And also, I think what you want changes and the more comfortable that you get being with one person, you want to go further down that.

People don't know how to do it. And their favorite getting rejected. They're like, I would touch her left, nipple, and her right, no, I don't know. Is that where the rabbit hole term comes from? No. Because the people that bang like bunnies and bunny hole. Get down the rabbit hole?

I hope not. Rabbit, I bet. Now every time I hear bunny rabbit hole, I'm gonna picture rabbits vagina. I'm glad that Easter's gone. No. Okay, so that's it. Talk about communicate.

That's like my best advice for you. I can just stop now, my whole career, and just tell you to talk. But I'm not gonna stop. I will never stop. I don't trust that study. Why? Because I think that guys are probably more,

less, more, more, wait, what does it say again? 2,000 women are like 74% of the, satisfied and men 51% and it's not saying they're off cheating. Yeah. It's just not quite what they want, yeah, I guess. And I think for guys, it's like the newness, I think they would be psyched, but maybe. I would think that they would be reversed.

Yeah, I would think that more guys would be excited about a new partner and women would be like, I'm not sure about this yet. I think it's because it takes women this own and say a while to warm up and to actually be comfortable in their bodies and to be open with a new partner for many women. And so guys aren't satisfied, but they get more satisfied because they stay with the woman, the more comfortable she gets with him and the more safe she feels, she's more connected to him and he feels better too. And then she's like on board and it drops down 47%. That's what I think.

I think it takes women a little while. Why is that weird? It's just this. You're weird. Okay, we're going to take a good break. We're going to give a shout to our sponsors, you guys. Thanks so much for supporting them. And we love our sponsors and we love you.

You guys should totally know each other. And thanks for listening to show. We'll be right back. with emails, hey Emily, my name is Sean and I'm 29 years old. Due to self-confidence and religious reasons, I've only been sexually active for a little over a year. I've been in my current relationship during this time and I'm absolutely in love with her. One of my favorite things to do is going down on my girlfriend. However, she rarely reciprocates. After listening to your show, I decided to ask her about it and she said she just doesn't like giving her all. My body issues immediately made me think my size was too blame.

I'm not breaking any records here. Is there anything I can do to make oral more enjoyable for her? I may unskate my groin and clean it daily. I was just curious if there's anything else I should be doing. Thanks for answering my question and I look forward to hearing your answer. PS, I heard your voice in my ear already saying already saying flavored loob. So I'm purchasing some. Thanks, Sean. 29. Any Nabilis. Hey, Sean, flavored loob. No, yes, flavored loob is helpful, but here's the deal, Sean.

First of all, you use, I think that men will use an excuse to blame their penis for problems. And there was nothing wrong with your penis. your size, anything she's with you, she loves you, the deal is she's just not that into oral sex, which might be true. But it's I'm sure it has nothing she's not discriminating against your penis. It could be because she's in conflict with it. She had a bad experience, says she doesn't like it. Maybe she might, yeah, again, feel insecure about her her ability to perform oral, but you can't make her, you know, do oral and you can't like make her like it, but what you can do is you can kind of try to understand where she's coming from Like work backwards and you think I get that you don't like it

You don't want to make her feel guilty about it because no one likes being guilted into sex, but I think that you got to just To me, that'd be a be honest, if someone like never wanted to perform oral. So I think you got to find out what that's about. And I think for a lot of younger women, I don't know how old she is, but you're 29, I'm assuming she's in her 20s, we're not born with these skills, okay? So it's something that takes, you know, we've got insecurities around it. So find out, be like, well, what is it that you don't like about it?

It's the whole talking thing we're talking about. So I'm just curious, is there anything I could do? You know, yes, it's flavor blue, but I don't know if it's a taste thing. If she said it's a taste thing that might help her, but maybe it's a, she's not sure what you like thing or someone wants to hold her, she was really bad at it. Or, you know, so we got to get to the bottom of what that is. And I just have to let you know that it's really,

again, not about your penis size. Just like women, we tend to think like a guiding call because we begin to pound or he notice that like my left boob is bigger than my right boot and it's boob and it never has to do with these things, okay? So I mean, in all the years I've been doing the show like I can't tell you like I hear more from, you know, people are like his penis is too big and it hurts than I have like his penis is small. I broke up with them.

I hate it. Sex with them. I mean it, sex with them. And that is the truth. So I think it just comes down to, you know, talking to her and finding more about this, but also you said, you've been active a little over a year, so and you're in love with her. I just wanted to be careful here. That was a trigger for me because it's your first relationship.

You've waited a while to have sex and you're madly in love. And so I just want to make sure that this is based on really who she is and who you both are together and you're evaluating your relationship. And it's not because you've waited long to have sex or it's your first relationship you've been in just because it is, as it means, it's necessary the woman that you have to spend the rest of your life with. So I just want you to check in with your emotions around that because, you know, again, it's your first relationship, your first sex partner. And so I think what you could do is, and what could help you figure out is to start talking about sex, what she likes, what she doesn't like.

Maybe there's something else she wants. So start doing that. I talk about that a lot on the show and I think you'll be fine, but telling you your penis is fine. All right Hi, Emily. I love the show and I've been listening for about six months. Basically a week after I had sex for the first time just to hear other women to see if I was normal. LOL about seven months ago, I started a relationship in college and it's amazing. Both of us are pretty mature for our age and it's a very serious

relationship. He's from France, so we're in a long distance relationship for the summer. We have really good sex and after listening to more shows, I've learned a lot about my body and I orgasm quite frequently. How can I keep our sexual relationship interesting, long distance? I'm very open-minded, however, new things take time for me to ease into. I like the idea of sexting, but I don't know how to initiate it, and I don't want to sound silly. Thank you, Ashley. 19 from Kentucky. Ashley, you're awesome.

I love that the show has helped you have more orgasms and understand your body, and now you're ready to communicate with your long-distance guy. So, the thing about long-distance relationship is, okay, you're 19 and how's your French? I'm curious because that's going to matter too if you're going to be able to sex them. I'm assuming it's cool, but the good news is that you've got FaceTime, we've got Skype, we've got all these ways that you guys can connect because what are the problems used to be when you're in lock and it's so much better now, but when you're in a long distance relationship, one of the things that we really miss is like seeing our partner in that intimacy. And strangely enough, being able to see them, even though you can't like touch them or

smell them, you can see them and you can talk and you communicate. So that can really be a hot way to keep the communication going and try some like Face Time, sexy time because you guys can you know look at each other talk about things you could get a toy and here's the cool thing there's so many great toys out there right now that are like app based like you could use the app and he could control the vibrator while he's watching you so we vibe has a few using their we connect app it is so cool you have to see this because you could get a toy like the RAVE or the NOVA and he could download the app as well on his phone and he could like control the vibration.

So you could be using it inside of you and he could be watching and that could be super hot. I don't know if you guys are there yet, but they also have messaging back and forth on it. Like it's a pretty cool app. You can even use it even when you're not on the phone together. I mean, if you're, it could be really hot, he could still use his app and you guys could be talking on the phone if you don't want him to watch. And then that could be really hot for him to hear you on the phone, like giving you an orgasm, but he's not here.

So that's one thing. The other thing about sexting is it's not like there's a writer or wrong. The best thing is like just to really use it as a tool to kind of talk about things that you remember. You're not in the same state, you're not looking in his eyes, and you can use it. It sort of gives you a little bit of anonymity that you can, without having to see him, ask for things that you want. You could even explain things that have happened in the past. That was really hot, the day you left, and we were making out, and I keep thinking of

your tongue, and how your hands fell on my body. Or you could tell them about stuff that you look forward to doing. Or like I can't wait to be touching you and I'm tasting you. And so really, that's a great place to start is describing things from the past, things that you want in the future, things that have happened.

And I think that, you know, that's a good way to get, use your own voice and see where it goes, see how you respond and then you'll start to develop your own language. But it's the kind of thing that comes from practice. So I would just say practice with it, and also, yeah, just let them know. See what he's up for, but I would say that you guys should just need to stay connected, keep talking, and even if it's just like face timing, all that stuff, because that intimacy

is hard to keep going when you don't actually see each other. I also have some blogs on my site that would be really helpful. There's an Ask Emily called Intimacy and Long distance relationships. I go over all this stuff and go in the distance, keep in the sex live no matter what. So check those out on my show. And good luck to you. I'm so glad that you're having awesome sex. And remember, well, he's gone.

You can still keep masturbating and keep having more orgasms and figuring out your body. That's something you can report on. I fantasized about you today and here's what happened. So you've got this Ashley and good luck with the relationship. Hi Emily, my husband and I have been married for 25 years and we have been in open marriage on and off for 15 years. When we opened our marriage, we started off

with a unicorn, a woman we met at the gym of all places. A unicorn by the way is the woman like who's typically the third in a relationship, who is not attached. We played alone and together with her. She was single, so there wasn't any complication from her side. Lately, with having more time, our kids moved away, I started chatting with a guy friend, just a friend, from way back.

Over time, and with my husband's push, I asked if he wanted to play. My friend is Vanilla and married, but in a sexless marriage. It was scary at first, being that it was my first guy in over 25 years. We now, we once a week during the day at my house, but he, we have the fear that he'll get caught since he's married. This has added a lot of spice to my marriage since my husband knows, but I feel bad. My male friend is cheating on his wife. What you're feeling on an open marriage and playing with a married person in 50 Florida. Okay, and wow, there's a lot going on

here. So first of all, kudos to you for being married 25 years and having successfully being in open relationship for 15 years. I'd love to have you call on the show one day and talk about how you've made that work because that's pretty amazing. And that your husband's cool with you having sex with another guy. He's also a really cool thing and I'm sure your relationship is still pretty healthy. The thing is, obviously this has to do with your individual morals and values and stuff like that. But my feelings on an open marriage and playing with a married person, not great, just

like, you don't feel great about it. I mean, would I would tell your guy friend, if he called me and he's in the sexist marriage, I would say go back to your relationship and really, really work on the sex life, like intently work on it. So you know that, you know, who knows what could happen? You can bring the sex life back, you can work on it.

But if you can't and he tries really hard, it doesn't work, then you should leave. But I think to cheat is kind of a cup out and that you're kind of in your mind going, well, of course cheating is more fun than your sexless marriage, but really he owes it to his wife, his long term relationship to work on it. So that's my feelings on it. I get that you're having fun with this guy, playing with him. I'm not judging you at all because as you know, I'm the least judgemental person on the

planet. But I feel like you're having a lot of emotions around this and it's going to stop being as fun for you in a while. And what if she finds out? Because people always find out these days, they just do. I'm telling you every day, someone's finding out that there's partners cheating and do you really want to have, you know, do you really want to be that person? Like, do you want to have to do with that and his emotions and all that? And so, you. So I get that it's fun. I get that he's someone you know, but now you know you like being with another man. I'm sure you could find other men that are single that would be just as fun to play

with. So Anne, do what you will with that and good luck to you both and just keep talking about it. Okay. And that's what I got for you. And yeah, you're going to make your own decisions on this one. But just know that this could end really messy and I just don't, I don't want you to have to deal with that.

But you know, you'll do what you have to do and I think you probably know the right answer. So you'll know what's right for you. Thanks Ann. I appreciate it hearing from you. Okay. Another email. Hi Emily. I've been masturbating a lot lately.

I can't stop doing it. Even when I'm having a conversation with a woman over social media, I feel good when I do it, but anxious that maybe I should calm down. I don't want to put women off with my frequency. Also, I've not had sex in 11 months, even though I keep thinking about sex. So my question is, is it healthy to masturbate every day? Should I be doing something else to orgasm slash sexually satisfied myself? Michael 23 North London. Okay, Michael, the 23 you're masturbating a lot lately.

Nothing wrong with that. Chatting with women over social media, I think guys do that all the time. So here's a thing, when masturbation becomes a problem, it's when there are consequences, right? So if you feel like it's inhibiting you, or prohibiting you from meeting women, getting out there, actually having sex in the real world, and you can't keep a job,

or you're losing your relationships, then we have a problem. But it is healthy to masturbate every day. And so I think that's completely healthy and don't beat yourself up for masturbating every single day. Like I talk about it all the time and it's completely part, it's a normal part of a healthy sex life. So I'm wondering why you have an sex in 11 months and if you're chatting with women on social media, maybe you need just to ask them out and say, why don't you meet me for a beer tonight? Because it sounds like you're spending a lot of time at home chatting

on social media and in your side your head worrying and beating yourself up So I'm gonna tell you you're not doing anything wrong. Master Asian is healthy But also I think it's time to go out there and start start meeting people So you know you can do this Michael But only you know if there is a problem with this so I just kind of laid out for you if you're having consequences Which sounds like you're getting anxious and all that then maybe you should just kind of take a break and force yourself to grow out and meet some people. And I think this is all going to sort itself out. Okay, thanks Michael. All right, hello, I enjoy listening to your podcast. I work with a woman who is a hot librarian type and I've worked with her for over 10 years. I've never tried anything with her because I'm married with kids and she's also married.

I have recurring thoughts of this fantasy, renting a hotel room and leaving anything with her because I'm married with kids and she's also married. I have recurring thoughts of this fantasy. Renting hotel room and leaving work with her and spending eight hours naked with her and having sex. Any suggestions and how I deal with this fantasy? Things in advance. Daniel, 45 Utah. Hey, hey, Daniel. No shame in your fantasy game. No, here's the thing.

There's a lot of different reasons why we have fantasies, right? A lot of them we don't actually want to happen in real life. And I would say that you're married with kids and you're not the first guy to have a fantasy about a woman that you work with and about, you know, an elaborate fantasy. So I think how you deal with it is that you take this fantasy and you get a babysitter for your kids for the night, maybe you parents in that you take this fantasy and you get a babysitter for your kids for the night. Maybe you parents in town that could watch her and you get a hotel room with your wife and you guys go out of town for a day or two or even a few hours.

Why don't you recreate this fantasy with your wife before you deal with the woman at work which would just not end well. You work with her and it would be disaster which you know. If you want me to finish the fantasy for you, I know that's a buzzkill, but basically her husband would find out your wife would find out and then your marriage would be over and you'd probably have to leave your job. So the good news is that fantasy is also a part, including just like masturbation, it's a huge part of a healthy sex life for men and for women.

Having fantasies, you know again, a lot of, we don't want to share, I'm not saying you need to share this with your wife, please don't, but that fantasy, like hotel sex is hot for a reason. It's because it's new. You're getting out of your comfort zone. Your pub has been having sex with your wife for over 10 years in the bedroom. And that becomes boring after awhile.

Like everything does. Like if you worked out every day the same way and you're running on the same track for 10 years, you'd be bored. You wouldn't want to work out anymore. So I'd say all this energy with the fantasy, you took the time, you rode in, I'm sure it's consuming you, I get it. But I would say, what could you do? And what have you learned on the show that you could put towards your marriage and towards

your relationship and work on it? It could be like literally a few hours in a hotel, a night away, going shopping to first sex toy store, to a sex toy store, I'm getting like, you know, a new toy or a blindfold, or something a little bit different. You just need to do that, and you can do it. I know that you've got kids, but I'm telling you, people with kids also have fabulous sex lives. It just takes some work, but it's a really fun kind of work, Daniel.

So that's what you got to do. These are some great emails, everyone. I love hearing from you. Thank you so much for getting in touch. Welcome to all my new listeners. Thank you to Anderson, Anderson who had to run off and be super dad. And thank you to my amazing team. And thanks everyone for listening.

Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemle.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪