Sex With Emily - Fetishes, Fantasies and the "Ten Text Rule"

Episode Date: September 9, 2015

On today’s show, Emily addresses some real relationship hardships regarding fantasies, sexual hangups, marriage and more.  How do you keep your partnership happy and healthy when the sex is the elephant in the room? What’s the difference between a fantasy, fetish and obsession, and how do you cope when your partner can’t satisfy yours? Or what if your fiancee just plain “isn’t into sex?” Emily gives thoughtful advice on tackling these difficult issues, and shares tips on how to take the first step into the dating pool if you have little or no experience. Today’s Sex With Emily podcast is jam-packed with interesting facts and helpful suggestions about how to handle complicated relationship problems, paired with some lighthearted Sex in the News. Don’t miss out on the variety of valuable insights and sexual expertise that this show has to offer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Tonight's show, What to Do About a Sexless Relationship. Tips for casual sex done right. Help for a five-minute man and what to do when you have a fantasy your partner can't quite fulfill. All this and more, enjoy the show. Okay, here's the dealio guys. You know that I'm always talking about products

that will improve your sex life. And there is one product that has truly changed my sex life. And not only when I'm like using it, like by myself, it changed like when I'm walking around day-to-day life, when I'm having sex, I think about sex more because of this product. It is called the intensity by Pormois. Have you ever been at the gym like on the tried milling you thought

you know it'd be great if I could be eating pizza and exercising at the same time or God I wish she's pushed up sort of least giving orgasm. Well unfortunately we really get to experience pleasure while maintaining our health and while being until now. So the reason why I'm feeling so awesome is because I'm always talking to you about the benefits of doing chaggot exercises especially for women men can do them too but what I'm feeling so awesome is because I'm always talking to you about the benefits of doing chaggot exercises, especially for women, men can do them too, but what I'm talking about is a product for women. You know that your pelvic floor is key to having stronger orgasms, helps you stay tighter down there.

I know women worry about this stuff, and also helps you with like, you know, when you sneeze sometimes and you pee, all this stuff, all your chaggot exercises will help you with this. There is now a product. It is actually created by a doctor, but it looks like a rabbit vibrator. It does your goddamn cataclysmizes for you. You stick it in, it takes five minutes,

and it has this electro stimulation to it, and you guys are, and you feel it. And I realize that even though I have like my iPhone app, Kettle Camp, reminds you of you, I realize it. I might have been my iPhone app, Kaila Camp, reminds you of them. I realized I might have been doing them wrong because this does it right. It targets the muscles. It actually feels really, really good. And then it's like a rabbit vibe, you have a little orgasm after or before.

It's up to you. But the point is now that these muscles are so strong, I'm having stronger orgasms, I'm getting like more turned on just walking around. It's weird. It's like when your pelvic floor is strong, you just like feel ready for sex and your orgasm is stronger. And I don't sneeze MP, how about that Anderson?

Check out the intensity by Pormaw. Go to pormaw.com, P-O-U-R-M-O-I. It is probably the one, if you would pick about all the toys and all the products I talk about, I would say if you really want to change your sex life, take it to the next level, this is what you got to invest in. So get the pornois and thank me later. Thanks for listening. I'm a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Bedroom eyes, they call them a lie going to be. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline?

What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my god. I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good Oh my god, I feel so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemely.com. Where you can listen to our podcast, you can listen to them. You can subscribe to them. Or you can go to iTunes, download the podcast app, podcast one, stitcher. There's so many great ways to listen to podcasts.

Oh, and here's another thing. I know you're all on Instagram. So why the hell aren't you following me? It's at Sex with Online Instagram. It's a good time and Twitter at Sex with Online and Facebook. What Anderson, do you follow me? You follow me on Instagram?

Are you on Instagram? I just started. Again, I took 143 weeks off. And the wife, the wife cracked the whip. She's like, listen Anderson, you got stuff coming up. We're doing things with your life. You're making films, you're having shows. You need to be back on Instagram.

And I feel like it's punk rock to just ignore all social media. But she's right. I got to get back on it. She's so right. What is your friggin Instagram? So it's Anderson Cowan, COWAN. And I don't post too much post like once every other day or so. So you won't be like filling out my feed, but when you do, I'll be so fulfilled.

What about? Like you won't be one of those people who post like five times a day, but when you do, I'll be so excited. Those are the best people. Anderson Cowan and you do a lot coming up. I'm so part of it. I feel like you I feel like you've blossomed before my eyes. I mean, you're fully developed human, but I feel like professionally like all your dreams

have come true. I've got business cards. I'm becoming see here's a hair problem with me and I think there's a lot of people out but I feel like professionally like all your dreams have come true like this year. I've got this card. I'm becoming see here's a hair problem with me and I think there's a lot of people out there that are kind of like me and we're punk rock and we're like, F the man, we can do our own thing. That's so you're like, I kind of play the game a little bit.

Now that I got a wife who's kind of telling me what's up. It's like, I know it feels like I have an excuse now. Like, oh, my wife told me to. You know what? You can play Man of Her and say, I still hate the man, but I love my wife. But the afters after we just did our 300th episode, we had a five year anniversary, and 300th episode fall in the same week. So we just did a show live from the old LA zoo, which is an abandoned

LA show. Awesome. You guys do the most fun shows. Like a homeless guy who's like shooting heroin above us, watching and listening to our show, while we did it. But I think you made him quit or do more. He wanted a confrontation. I think he wanted to steal our stuff.

We got another before the night got dark because I was getting a little dicey in there at the old LA Zoo. It's really cool though. If you live in LA, in the LA Zoo to do a podcast. In the Griffith Park, they have the actual zoo, the Clubs down in 1965, where they had the exhibits and the actual animals. And it's still open to the public. You can have picnics in there. I've never been. I've never been. We went to the park they're not allowed to go to. We broke through those levels.

We were kind of in a dangerous precarious area. There's a fence break. There's a bunch of people up there. There's models having their pictures taken. I need to go there. I have all these things. I'm trying to check off my LA lists since I've been here for three years now. You done running Canyon?

Yes. Do you know that running Canyon is right behind LA lists since I've been here for three years now. That's the one. Are you done running Canyon? Yes. Do you know that running Canyon is right behind my office? I could walk three steps on that running Canyon. I've been once. That's where all the celebrities like to walk their dogs. That's where I hate it. Yeah. Okay, because I move from Northern California where it's like we have near woods and all these beautiful like mountains and things to hike and climb and here. It's like running cans. The one place is like dirty and like. For those of you outside LA running Canyon is like an old like it's almost like a, the one place is like dirty and like. For those of you outside L.A., running candy is like an old, like it's almost like a housing track that got denied

by the city, so they still have, that's what it is. So they still have like, like ways to walk around it in the hills, but it's not that pretty. It's not pretty, just like an incline. No, you get like a nice ass and it's kind of like, you know what every, like celebrities hiking in L.A., it's like that's where they are. They're on this one goddamn, like landfill path.

I'm bashing L.A. No, but I am. You're an L.A. Bashar, but most people are. No, I'm not that's where they are. They're on this one goddamn landfill path. I'm bashing LA now. But I am. You're in LA back. Sure, but most people are. No, I'm not. I actually love LA. I don't miss San Francisco just because I think I really need to the change and it's been great for business

and making new friends and stuff. You have people who are born and raised or hate LA. Really? I don't hate anything. There's a great documentary called LA Los Angeles plays itself and it's from a guy. That's funny. He's from LA who loves Los Angeles.

And he even goes in depth about how Los Angeles plays itself and it's from a guy. That's funny. He's from LA who loves Los Angeles and he even goes in depth about how Los Angeles calls itself LA because people are embarrassed to say the full Los Angeles. San Francisco, then I call it SF. They always say full San Francisco. We don't say San Francisco. Do you know how you know that someone never say Frisco? Never say San Fran never say Frisco. I say SF. Do you? You're a trend setter. I was there for 20 years. But yeah, that's true. Okay, but Anderson back to you. So when can people tell me about your event with all your films? Because I, you're gonna be there, right?

Dude. September 16th, it's Saturday night. It's a Saturday night. And it's gonna be where you've done events actually before. It's gonna be at this place called Buzzbeez East in the mile high club. And it's like a very swanky, sweet little like a lobby. It holds 250 people sitting comfortably.

Right. Five understanding. I'm not gonna pack them in too much. I'm selling tickets a month from. Lobby. It holds 250 people sitting comfortably. Right. Five hundred standing. I'm not going to pack them in too much. I'm selling tickets a month from this coming Saturday. Okay. Well, yeah, it's September 10th. So your events?

Oh, okay. So yeah, it's in like two weeks. All right. So I'll be cutting off tickets soon. Oh, wow. So where do they go? Get it. AndersonCowen.

AndersonCowen, C-A-A-N. Just a good shirt. And it's got a PayPal thing. And you're going to be there. Yeah. I will be there. It's 15 bucks. I'm going to show 10 short stocked, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm. Yeah, they're great though. I'm gonna show 10 short films. Okay.

Short films, I'm gonna be talking to me. Between. Right, not 10 long films. Not 10 long. When you first saw me, I'm like, how long are they? Outside of ADD. If I put them all back back. Short films are perfect.

It's an hour and 15 minutes long. Oh my God, it's gonna be such a great night. I'm so excited. There's a bar. It's a bar 21 and over. It's a bar and you can get finger foods there. It's gonna be a good time. Okay. We're all gonna be there to support you.

And I wanna meet my people. Because like, I, okay, so I did my, so congratulations on that. And I was the, you're, you be there to support you and I want to meet my people Cuz like I look okay, so I did my so congratulations on that I was that they're you know in a one backdoor pleasure. Well, let me tell you it's really interesting So I did a workshop Called backdoor basics at hustle Hollywood now. I'm teaching workshops once a month at hustle Hollywood And I have to say this one was really interesting. It was amazing. I had a great turnout and again I love love meeting my listeners. They comments like, you know, you know how it is.

We sit in this box, we don't get to meet people. I love it. So I went on my list to just go see Anderson too and I wanted to see you all again. Cause that was like, When you came to the after disaster live show at the improv, it was really fun. Dude, you killed, you sold out.

Your, all your t-shirts were gone. I'm like, dude, you're just a rock star. We did fun. But so, how's it bust, it was a success, but it's interesting teaching a workshop about anal sac, in a play. They're getting an experience. No creepers, in fact, it's interesting.

There's no creepers, we had a huge turnout, and it was a great audience, but I was a little nervous teaching it, to be honest, because first of all, I was like, are people gonna come and wanna talk about anal sacs? And then just anal sacs is such a charged subject, which is why I think it's important to teach because so many people need anal clarity.

And they're so curious about it. We know you get questions all the time. Here we go, my show, love line. And so, and the problem with anal sex is that it's so confusing to people, they wanna do it, they do it wrong, because it's the kind of thing that gets painful, it hurts. So I had to get really specific and really detailed, but still make it fun and wrong, because it's the kind of thing that gets painful, it hurts, so I had to get really specific and really detailed, but still make it fun

and like, it's like anal sex. And so I really like worked out it all week. Like I really worked hard. You amally throws yourself in the... I do, I didn't. When she commits to something, that's all she's gonna think about for a week. I was obsessed with anal sex for a week.

You're always obsessed with anal sex being... No, but I wanted to teach in a way that it was just not just about like, you know, here's how you penetrate, but like, here's like from men too, like your prostate. How long was your presentation? An hour. Amazing PowerPoint. An hour. Yeah, but it was just like, I don't know, people laugh, but they learned a lot.

I would have been there if I wasn't working. I know. I know you'll do it. I totally get it. And so I don't know. I was just so gratified and I was at first like, how does this going to be weird for people? And I think I balanced it and it was fun.

And my off course, I had an amazing team. Madison, Laurie, Elissa, they rock and Eddie. They all show how to fucking rock my world. That's why things are so good. I such a good team. I just feel really good. You're in a good place. Now, you give like one tip that you gave maybe at the thing that you haven't really said.

Yeah, that's a really good question. Do you want me to talk about the veil prostate? The prostate? The only matter, prostate. Yeah, and I can help paint a picture. Okay, so the women of a G spot, I talk about that a lot on the show. The mysterious, you know?

The mysterious G spot. And you know, a lot of women, you know, people partners, God, it's so hard to sum this up. So anyway, women can have orgasms through, you know, anal sex sometimes because there's a thin membrane that separates the anus and the juice back. But for men, there's their peace spot, they call it the prostate,

and when stimulated for a lot of men, they can have like amazing orgasms. It feels really good, but you know, men think they're gay or they think they're so, you know. It's so stupid. It's so stupid because the thing is, it's like why, the result. Any sex act does not change your sexual orientation.

It's means you're doing a sex act. And if you have sex with men, that makes you get it. That means you're good. If you're a dude. Yeah, you know, but if you just like it so many, it's really was teaching things for a man about like, how to reach it, how to find it,

like how their partners can do it in ways to like, because the thing is that for the men going into the butt, you directly stimulate it, but you can also indirectly stimulate it, the premium, and there's a lot of guys there, they were like, wow, I'm into it. And they were all buying like prostate toys after and to ask me like, since you're questioning

someone with their girlfriends. So I feel like, what? Maturecraft, no one's like Aigling. No, no, they were like serious and stayed and like eyes glued and it was just, I should do it again. I should take the anal trip on the road. Did you use fruit or anything? I didn't use any fruit.

No, but Lori, my sister producer, she actually wore a strap on. She didn't penetrate anyone though. No, but she was awesome. She does improv. She's so funny. You've not met Lori yet because she works. She needs to come in time. She's so awesome. I'll bring it to your thing. So yeah, it was just really good. Oh, so this month, my anal, my hustle workshop is going to, I don't know the exact date yet. It's going to be the last week in September and it's going to be a back to school thing like sex ed 101, kind of what you didn't learn sex ed and just like little sex hacks, things that will like change your sex life that you thought you knew but you don't really know and I'm going to explain it.

It's going to be an awesome workshop. I don't have the exact date yet because it will be the week after she's sexual hot sex, though. 18th to 20th. 18th to 20th. New York City. it's gonna be September September it's like soon and it is sexualhealthexpo.com top sex educators in the country are gonna be there for two days just like having one hour workshops

toys will be there I'll be there giving a keynote on Saturday and it's gonna be a blast so I will see you there so anyway the the hustle ones either gonna be Tuesday or Wednesday the next week, like the 23rd or 24th, but I don't know yet, so check out my website. I'd be there once again, but I run Love Line. And I'm there, I'm Love Lineing from like nine to midnight. I love Love Lineing.

I love getting to see you a week. It sucks my life. It sucks your life. Okay, I've got some sex in the news. It's actually really. Fuck you, yes. Fuck yeah, man. Okay.

Sorry for the language. I don't usually swear on the show. I always tell you, I'm like, it's actually really. Fuck you, yes. Fuck you, man, okay. Sorry for the language. I don't usually swear on the show. I always tell you, I'm like, I don't use propanity. Cosex is the only thing that I'm good enough. Just the show, I think I'm gonna be swearing the whole time. But I just had to. I'm sorry, I got a filthy mouth, I apologize.

I like it, I like it, it's okay. Okay, so 18 porn acts you definitely didn't know. What? I doubt it. Yep. The pornography business isn't just a bunch of hot dogs being thrown into purses. It's a multi-billion dollar industry. Hot dogs being thrown into purses.

What is this you're reading now? Where do you get this? I don't know. DVDA if that's on there, I know that one. Okay. I don't know where it's from. Yes, it's legit news. It's a story that actually has fascinating tips about the conversation

To learn about okay like okay It's a multi-billion dollar industry in one frot with secrets to learn more about the thing that makes us clear our browser history To learn about the thing that makes us clear our browser history hourly We talked with some of the world's most famous porn stars plus insiders, people from browsers, flashlights, and girls' way for some juicy, but not too juicy, safe for work facts. So this is safe for work about porn. You'll never look at coconut oil the same way again.

Number one, this is very interesting. Okay, so this is just like what the porn people do. Right. Gummy bears play a big role in porn. Never heard that. Exactly. Yep, you read that right, according to Cating Cross, many girls who do anal, speaking of anal, seem to subscribe to this porn logic that gummy bears just sit in the stomach as opposed to other foods which are digested as food should be.

Digestant is largely considered to be unwelcome gas of the anal sex table, as you can imagine, because you don't want to. All of it. Hey, hey, hey. Many girls eat gummy bears in lieu of food when they are scheduled to perform any sort of anal act. There is, I would assume, a wealth of evidence

that would prove counterintuitive to this logic, silly prevails. This is why it's nearly impossible to visit a hardcore porn set that doesn't have gummy bears stashed in the supply box next to the baby wipes and the condoms porn logic. This is ridiculous. Number two, you top case. I can't wait for you to bring the gummy bear theory up to Dr. Drew. Dude, it's just super sick ever. And all I'm saying is like, actually, you know how people always had another thing that came up is that animus. He was like, should I do an

animus? I know I'm like, no. But the truth is, if you just, because you don't want to buy like, okay, you can buy the disposable NMUS, they sell the drugstore, but you want to take rinse, you want to rinse it out, the saline or whatever comes in it, and then you could fill it, rinse it out a few times.

You fill it with warm water before engaging in like three hours before. The same thing stuff that comes with it is no good? No. No. That's bad for you. Okay. But then you just squirt it up there. If you're worried about it, mostly if you're with a healthy bowel and healthy digestive

tracks, you don't need to eat gummy bears and you don't need to kind of up. But if you do, that's what you do. You just don't do a coffee and I'm a don't do saline. All right. The first tip improves that porn stars are just kind of stupid. Yeah, exactly. Let's move on. That's stupid. Utah pays for porn more than any other state. That's true. Mormons. The US state with the most paid online porn subscriptions is Utah. That's shockingly unshocking. It's not shocking. You know why?

Because they're honest people. They don't want to steal. They don't want to steal and... I don't think that they watch you anymore. Do you think that's too much? But I think it's because they're good honest Americans. Like the Dougers? Doggers?

Oh, that's funny. Were they for me to, I don't know. That is funny because there because the whole movie industry called cleanflicks, where they actually take PG 13 and R-rated movies and they cut out the parts that Mormons would find offensive, re-edit the movies and then distribute them to the Mormons. It's the real thing. There's actually a documentary called cleanflicks. Right. And but really, they're not watching things.

They're on porn. They're on porn. They're watching porn, which is not shocking. They're watching porn. They're watching porn, they're watching porn, which is not shocking, you're right. Female porn stars work all month long. According to porn star, porn star, Asa Akira, when Asa, when a girl shoots a scene on her period, she uses a makeup sponge to keep from bleeding on camera. Joanna Angel confirmed this notion.

Hopefully this will inspire some sort of McGiver homage in a future film. Joanna Angel, a former guest on the old sex assembly. That's true. So whatever, she's the make, I just feel like you take that day off. Not these porn starts evidently. They got a word all day every day.

You can't really be like, oh, but I don't know, it doesn't sound fun at all. That's not odd. You think they'd at least take a sample. But there is a ritual. Because another one, there's a ritual that porn stars do before anal scenes. Tell me about it.

Eva Lovia was a wealth of information when asked about the inner workings of the porn industry and offered this tidbit. There is an anal ritual for many girls. Yes, I said anal ritual. It usually involves a fast and enema and a random list of approved food. This is why civilian girls probably avoid it.

I for one don't have one. I'm always partaken after bottle of wine and a full meal and I've had a blast. For my first scene on camera, I will probably participate in the individual just for safety. Noah wants oops caught on camera. So I guess they do the enema. Hopefully it's a water enema. According to porn star Annika Albright, a lot of girls clean their behinds out with methods is shower enemos and colonics. Don't you that either people? Shower enemos is fine as the water coming out. I've learned to tell you to top this. Yeah. It does a deep cleaning of the large intestines. So we just have clean and sexy fun for our fans. You know it's not sexy this talk. Talking about anal. I agree. I'm so over anal sex months. Non-porn starts

of civilians. Suggesting that porn starts are some kind of military brand. Exactly. Yeah. It's true. Nice. People use porn to get through the Mondays. According to porn top, the most popular day of the week for traffic on its website is Monday and the least popular is Saturday. Do you think it's because everyone's getting the answer? The actual flesh on. Yeah. They're going to flush on. Yeah. They're gonna be flash on. There is definitely a method to filming a professional porn scene. To speed up shooting, each camera adds run time

to a scene so if two cameras are being used, each position they would shoot for four minutes, that gives you eight minutes of each position that we switch positions, speed up the process. However, even with that method, a scene that plays for 30 minutes after editing may take a total of six hours. Do you need 30 minutes of porn?

I mean, you need like, dude, I wasn't a porn set once, it's really fun now. Four minutes. It takes all day to shoot, like one scene. It's absurd. It's ridiculous. I know, it's true. Kim Kardashian is more popular than Lisa Ann or Mia Khalifa.

The most searched individual on porn hub is Kim Kardashian. I'm sure Kanye is very proud. That's just sad. I have a friend who edits porn to make extra money. I don't understand how he doesn't just constantly want to stop and go out himself. Maybe kind of tough to watching attractive people bang. Because it becomes like work after work. I don't sit at work.

I'm writing like I'm at work or a greeting, tag my toys. I don't like you guys that I go to the bathroom. But I'm a woman. But still, men are visually, you know. But I think after why you just look at it and you're like, oh, tag my toys. I don't like you guys that I go to the bathroom, but I'm a woman. But still, but I think after why you just look at it and you're like, oh, those penis. And the last one, this is actually something else. It's important, S happens. When S tells us something interesting

that people may not know about porn, Christie Mack only had this to say, no one cares if you poop. Why is this all anal related? And I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't think there's 18, that's not 18. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don to the guys that do South Park. That's their band. The name of their band is DVDA. Freaking hilarious. Yeah.

That's all I got for you. I'm sorry, so you know, I'm really, that was the other thing too. It was such an anal sex month. Can we get past it? Yeah, it's over, right? It's sex ed month now. Yeah.

Oh, that's better. Okay, this is great. This is my favorite sex than you story. Okay. I'm sorry, Major, I'll wait. Not really, sorry, but here I go. How long until sex from millennials try 10 texts or less?

What? 10 texts or less get you laid. How was I born? I know, right? Freaking early. I don't know. Why is this important? Because the three dates.

I grew up doing AIDS. I know, I know. Shit. I know, no one was, no. I mean, I had a lot of sex, but I can only imagine what I would have had if everyone was in a parade. You could live out 10 texts in five minutes. You'd be getting laid in like six minutes.

Listen to this. The three date rule is dead. All hail to the 10 text rule. You don't have to bind dinner. Long story short, an in-depth investigation by Mashable, who is a very credible site. Mashable, it's a website about tech stuff. A potatoes. No, it's actually a really good website.

A lot of tech stuff going on in tech, and things like that, trends, I like Mashable. Has revealed that the dating game is becoming quicker and quicker for millennials, and that it's becoming a common place to arrange to meet for sex in 10 texts or fewer. Longer story. I need a divorce.

Everyone knows that millennials are having more casual sex than past generations, but it seems casual sex is being taken to new levels. A report in the archives of sexual behavior claims that in 2010, 45% of millennials had casual sex, sorry about this next one, a significant increase of the 35% in the late 80s. Yeah. Well, that was after that a little bit, but it was worse. a significant increase of the 35% in the late 80s. Yeah. Well, I was after that a little bit, but it was worse. I was in the Kirkko Bane, everything sucks, and everyone's dying of AIDS era.

Is that why you're so negative and hate the man? No, because I mean, I still found women that didn't care about themselves. I know, you still got laid. We didn't know we were missing. But I had to like, fine chicks that were willing to have sex while drunk on like golf courses. You know what I mean?

Well, these girls are probably still getting drunk, but they meet up with the guys. With the prevalence of dating apps like Tinder and text messages, undoubtedly being the go-to method of communication, the hookup game has been described as the dating apocalypse in a recent and controversial vanity fair article. Have you heard about this vanity fair article? Yeah, I keep reading, I haven't read it yet, but I should. It is a vanity fair article called the dating, I keep seeing it quoted. So the deal is, Mashable research for the first time how quickly you can get from first texts to the bedroom by asking hundreds of men and women about their sexual encounters.

It seems that beating around the bush is no longer even necessary in the DTF question down to F. Text has replaced the overblown faux romantic courting. The younger the data is, I found, this is a quoting a therapist, I found the short of the number of messages get exchanged prior to arranging a date or hook up. So if you're like 19, you're like, hi, what's your name? Stacy, what's your name? Bob, okay, can I come over and fuck you? game over? You just cost again. I would just like type like D and then send and then T send F now it's three times. He's so clever. Right. The fourth one would be a question mark. You can't even do an motorbike. You can't get in. You can't emoji. No beating around the bush. Just bang in the bush. Yeah. Bang in the

bush. You're right away. Well, many millennials argue that there's no harm if both parties are game, author Christopher Ryan, he wrote Sex at Dom, which is a great book, has labeled the situation psychosexual obesity. Comparing the access to unlimited sexual partners to gorging on food, however, studied by Sex to a company, love honey. Earlier this year revealed that the five-day rule has replaced the three-day rule for women in Britain. So maybe romance is in debt. I mean, we got to move to the UK. I love gabna. Yeah, how much text?

I would love to hear from you guys. What do you guys think? How many texts to take you before you hook up with someone? He mailed me. I want to know. I'm trying to think because I'm not really And I would to me I want to talk to some soul school like it took me like two months and probably hundreds of texts and phone calls Minutes with the wife I mean, but the young this is like the younger like 18 19, you know what you fucking 18 and 19 year olds listen to this Use protection people all the friggin time you're drunk. You are and you're not going to because you're dumb and you're young Use you're gonna be for the rest of your life. What's coming? What AIDS 2.0? It's gonna be way worse

You watch out. You making it up. No, I mean, it's just a matter of time, right? Before mother nature disappeared. And you get one of these diseases people, you have them for the rest of your life. And condoms today, if you use condoms, really, I was bad. Try skin. I'm obsessed with skin, SKYN skin.

They're thin, they feel amazing, they feel slick, and it's next to wearing nothing at all, they're slogan and it really feels the way it's checked out. When I was a kid, we had to use lamb skins. Right? Yeah, that's the most important. You wear them all the time? I did, I was so nervous. It's a slogan. It really feels like When I was a kid we had to use lamb skins, right? Yeah, that's the Where I'm all the time. I did I was so nervous. That was a real thing though. They they had lamb like like In test it. You love it animals. You put lamb on your piece. No, I didn't but I know that that was an option I that's doing option. No, not really. They are but they're not as good. I remember that I remember that was a thing

And you know that I went to prom? I just remember this with my boyfriend. We'd been dating like seven, eight months. I was like, I had not had sex with him yet. And I'm like, prom, it was my, we went to different high school. So I got a hotel room. Did you think you're gonna be banging on prom? No, for sure. I got a hotel room.

For sure you were gonna bang on it. Well, like it was a high bang yet. Had nothing. Got your cliche. Okay. I know. I like it. I was like a nice, midwestern girl.

Like we'd been dating for eight months. I'm like, got a hotel room because everyone gets our talent prom. They do that in California. Yeah, okay So we get to our job and we get to the room where prom or like drinking get back to the room I wasn't like a big I'm still not a bit drinker But I probably like three two glasses of wine or something. I was drunk. You're probably hammered. He forgot goddamn condoms Mm-hmm. I didn't know tax them. Oh, and you pay for the room. Yeah, well fuck him anyways And how about that? We went to Burger King instead. That's not a wrong. I f him like for real like because he didn't he's cheap He didn't pay for the room and he didn't bring condoms so if that guy don't actually have him. I'm glad you didn't I Eventually, I pay for the prom date so you're the lady. What kind of

What was my high school and then I went to his high school prom? Oh, and he paid for the room the bring condoms Get your baby. You don't remember. You don't remember. I don't remember. Yeah, I don't remember if we remember the Burger King, but you don't remember I just remember like, uh, why's it go to the drive through which I don't know why we didn't go to 7 11 and get Wow. Yeah, that's weird. You guys had enough to muster a trip to Burger King drive. I'm hungry. But not just something else. There's missing parts here.

And maybe he had only sent you nine texts. The one saying is when people there was no text, but would people now be like, oh, I'm just gonna sex. That comes from saying. He's a person. He's kind of, okay. It's not how I'm drunk.

Let's, what? I mean, I've had, I, you know, there's been a number of times in the past where like condoms weren't available and I'm like yeah Well, that's what happened to get all around up for sex Yeah, that's one and you know what I give it to people say oh, I know him really well or he's good friends my friend He said he's clean. He wouldn't lie right either. He might not be lying doesn't know what this 10 text thing going on guys There's something out there Okay, now we can read some emails with this 10-text thing going on, guys. There's something out there that's got to start running around. Yeah.

Okay, now we can read some emails. But first, I would like, before we get into your questions, I need to tell you something really important. I need to tell you at the flashlight, it's the number one sex toy for men. It's the only one that you want because it looks and feels like the real deal. It is a patented skin.

It's a masturbation, so it looks like a vagina. It's tight, it has different ribs, you can get so many different kinds. Maybe there's a porn star, sometimes they model the vagina after it. I'm telling you, out of all the fleshlides that my list was about no one's in, I hated it, I didn't like it. Everyone's been like, holy moly. Where's a flashlight been my entire life because you've got your hand and That's it. You got a penis. I mean you got a penis that you've got you go in vagina You go to butt, but you know this is Different than that it's a different sensation, but it still feels great. You amazing orgasms

I'm mind blowing for what I've here from man. I do not have a penis But god damn if I had a penis, I would use a flashlight every day. So it has a silky smooth feel for you with both the flashlight or your partner can use it on you. Check it out, go to sexwithamlee.com, click on the flashlight banner, use code Emily, and then you get a free bottle of their award winning flush loop, which is awesome. So check that out. Okay. So I want to thank everybody for emailing me at feedback at sexwithm.com. I love hearing from you.

I love your emails. I love everything. I especially love when you tell me how old you are and where you live. It helps us, right? Freebie. And also, did I mention that I really want you to follow me on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook? It's all at Sex of the Month or Facebook is slash Sex of the Month? She shows her boobs once a month.

I do, once a month, um, on the 12th of the month. You're not supposed to get away the day. Sorry, just keep looking for it. Okay, unfabilt, unfathilable fantasies. Dear Emily, I've listened to your show for a long time, but this is my first time emailing. I'm 30, live in Seattle, and download your show via the app downcast. Love your show, you'd be hard pressed to find a voice better than yours to listen to for an hour. My question is about fantasies that can't be fulfilled by your partner. I'm happily married and have a very open communication marriage.

My wife and I can talk about a lot of things in other relationships that might get avoided and cause issues. As you say, communications lubrication, even when it comes to sex, we're open books with each other. My problem is I find myself being very attracted to muscular women like bodybuilders and fitness competitors. And it's becoming kind of an obsession. My wife is the exact opposite, small and petite. I'm not into being dominated, measuring their muscles. Yeah, that's a thing, wrestling or anything like that. I just fantasized about having a normal, passionate, sexual experience.

I know this doesn't make me weird. It's just a fetish. Everyone has them and different things appeal to different people. I'm wondering if you've any advice on how to handle fantasies that your partner literally can't fulfill. And even though I can talk to my wife about almost anything, I don't know what one heart and no about this desire because I can only imagine how negatively affect her confidence. What do I do? Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Chad. He wishes he was. Between a rock and a big hard woman. I know, I get it.

Okay, Channel 4, thanks for the sweet things and thanks for listening to the show. I love hearing that. And you're 30, live in Seattle. I'm not sure how long you guys have been married, but it sounds like you've really great communication. So, kudos to you. I love how sensitive you are to boy feelings. I love that you guys communicate about everything and you have open communication.

That's amazing because we don't hear that a lot. A lot of people who are in long-term relationships, they do have fantasies outside their partners. Right, Anderson? No. The people that you've heard of. It's just happens, okay? I think they did a study recently,

where they're looking at what guys look at on the old internet there, and a lot of the time it is very different from what they are actually going to sleep with. Right, variety. Yeah. Variety is a spice of life, and the variety of your sex life. There are a lot of time it is very different from what they are actually going to sleep with. Variety. Variety is a spice of life and the variety of your sex life. There are a lot of times for men, especially in Donuts, they don't want this too, but the

reason why they cheat or they go outside the marriage, it's like the opposite of what they have because you want. Straight. Yeah, you have a really hot wife, blonde, blue eyes, you're like, oh, be nice to do this mom or not. I got it. So this is common, that's part of what makes it a fantasy. That's outside your regular sexual experience. Totally fine, normal have this fantasy,

but what troubles me, Chad, is when you said it became an obsession, and that was a trigger for me. People use that word a lot. I know, so I'm wondering. Especially the ladies. And then he also used the word fetish, which is very different than a fantasy, because if you have a fetish, it means it's- Well, I'm not and then he also use the word fetish, which is very different than a fantasy because if you have a fetish

It means it's misusing the language. Well, I'm not sure fetish means that you have to have that you can't get off without it, right? So they're normal until it starts to interfere with your life and your relationship So your hands your hands might be tied at this one Tie it on this one you have two choices bottom line chat You accept the fact that this fantasy won't be a reality. Or you step outside your relationship to scratch the itch and risk your relationship, but I would not recommend that at all. So I would recommend that you and you know, if you feel that you can't live without this, that you'd have to end your relationship first. So I don't recommend that. So you love your partner and your committed to her.

So you have to find a way to come to terms with this fantasy, you know, and the reality of things separate. But apparently he's probably jacking off to it, right? But it's not really helping you. So you can gently bring up your fascination like as an interest with your partner, like you could watch some porn together. You're like, oh, I find, you know, maybe kind of mix up some things and like say, like, I kind of find this, I find this hot, this woman, you know,

here, it finds in it tillates her as well. I was as cool as you have. I could see this really hurt in this lady. I think you just have to rely on his imagination, though. And just like, here's a thing, Chad, you love your wife. I do not recommend cheating. And I gotta be honest with you. When I read this, there was something in it that thought, I wonder if he's already done something and I don't know why oh you get that feeling

I just I had a feeling when I read it There were so many things that went off because I was like obsession fetish and I wonder if it's just like Just like hit you over the head one day Are you working out a lot more and you all of a sudden? There's muscle you know muscle? You know, I'm gonna go to gym. This is what I want to know Because they do yeah, I know this is what I'm saying maybe your tongue. I don't you muscle, you know, muscle, you're going to the gym. This is what I want to know. I think it's therapy, figure out where it comes from. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe your tongue. So I don't, you can't, you know,

I don't think you want to change your wife, you sound like a lovely man, Chad. So if you're, if all these terms that you're throwing out there, obsession fetish and you can't get over it, and I agree, no woman wants to hear, even though we all understand, or a lot of us understand that it's about variety and it's not about us,

and I can't ever have like double d's and be a tall blonde for my boyfriend if I had one right now. The obsession can have a negative effect on a relationship and cause problems so I would say see a therapist, you could see a sex therapist, someone who's like specializes in fantasies and fetishes and like talk to them about this if you really feel like it's becoming something that you can't like you can't even have sex with your wife without, you know. Yeah, he didn't say that. He didn't say like he can no longer actually perform with his wife because it's literally a fetish

and she's not buff enough. What if you bought her some like body armor? You know those shirts that make you look a little buff. How about those shirts that have the muscles painted on it? Yeah, the paint on it. Exactly, it has like a bikini and like you're like really musely. I mean, this is a tough one because I just,

yeah, I just have to say that you don't want a chin or it will offend if you tell or you're attracted to this. So I just say in your alone time, totally fine for you to look for some porn that has a muscular woman and it's totally fine for you to fantasize about it whatever when you're masturbating. But I think that your wife won't be down. If the relationships otherwise fine,

this is definitely worth seeking out some therapy. Yeah, I think so too. And you know what, here's my other thing you guys, everyone needs therapy, I said it. That's what I've heard. I really believe that you don't have to be in crisis, you don't have to be like falling down, like like some things like falling apart in your life.

In fact, the best time to go to therapy is when things are pretty good, but you just go and understand things more because on our own, it's really hard to process things. Just whatever it is that's going on in your life, it gives you deeper understanding for who you are, the origin of these fantasies or whatever's going on and go for, go find therapists and check in for a while. Don't you think, have you been in therapy?

I know you've got issues with that. Yeah, that explains everything. Wipes social worker, dad was a psychologist, so, uh, that's kind of, I, I've been around in a lot. But when I saw my dad, who was a fucking freak, uh, you know, flipping out on his kids all the time, and I know that he, like, administered anger management to his patients. Not only that, he actually trained other psychologists on how to administer anger management. It kind of made me question the whole thing. That makes me upset because I feel like you could use

something. I'm sure I. Yeah, I feel like I hope that I also like in Seattle, if you want some recommendations, you know, I actually know Charlie Glickman. He's been on my show and he's actually a sex therapist. He does. He just moved to Seattle. See what I want to look him up because you might want to go see him. Yeah, see him face to face. If you can't get that side of your mind, Chad, go do that. And if you're ever out here, Chad,

the Ben and Sport Walk has muscle beach. There's a lot of really hot, very muscular women out there strutting about. You might enjoy yourself. And there's ways to also switch your thoughts. Like, just to like, you know, like I'm gonna focus on like enhancing things with my partner and getting closer to her in other ways.

Like, are there other fantasies you have that could bring you guys closer together that she might have, and you could get into those fantasies and kind of see if this one can go away. Yeah. Can kind of put it in the background for now. It's a marriage. You don't just give up a marriage, yeah.

Okay, here's another one for you. Dear Emily, hope all's going well. Your show is awesome. I'm listening for a while now and love it. I'm a 22 year old male virgin from New York City who has no luck with women. I have plenty of female friends that I like a lot. The trouble is I've never been in a relationship and it freaks me out sometimes.

When I try to take a girl to the next level, I'm usually told one excuse or another. When I try to be more romantically aggressive and not to be seen as just a friend, I feel like girls think I'm a creep. I have a lot of friends and I don't get why I can't develop something beyond a friendship. I've been told that I'm decently attractive. I'm somewhat smart, I think. I'm halfway done with medical school at 22. Wow.

I'd say you're smart. And I'm good at holding conversations. Do you have any advice of taking to the next level without coming off as a creep just trying to get a girl's pants? Thanks, Jared. The reason why I chordled there is because I heard that he, when he said that he's been told that he's decently attractive That's not a good sign. I mean whoever's telling you that you're decently attractive

Nobody also has a little bit low self-esteem here because he said I'm decently attractive. I'm so much smart I think I'm happy with you medical school So I think there's a little self-esteem thing going on and he's doubting himself I think we got to work on your confidence Jared So Jared here's the thingidence is the number one skill that we all need to cultivate. We need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn to do more confident.

However, you can do that. Again, therapy's really helpful for people. But just some of the language that you're kind of beating yourself up here and you're happy with your medical school at 22. And I'm sure you are attractive. So I'm wondering, do girls think you're creepy if you ask them a date or is that just your insecurity talking? How do you know they think

you're creepy? Like he's like the as making assumptions. Yeah. And I'm not sure that that's really true. Jared, I'm not there. So it may not be what you're thinking, you know, there's nothing creepy about going up to a girl and saying like, let's go out and date. If you ask her to your dorm room, you know, at 3 a.m. when you you're wasted, maybe that's creepy. It's creepy. Well, I haven't told a time. Work for me, you're right. So there's an also unspoken creep line that occurs when a guy wants to be friends.

Like if you're like, I forgot all these friends, but then you try to hook up with them when you want to, that's kind of messed up. You can smell that, right? You can smell that. Totally. Well, here's a thing. And for all the women listening, if you're in college and you're in your 20s, and some guy just wants to be friends with you, it says he wants to be buddies,

he wants to sleep with you. He wants to be. Tell me if you're wrong, Anderson, I was never 20 something boy, but when you ever like, man, when you're like, oh, I think she'd make a great friend that you don't want to sleep with her. I'm not a great gauge for this because I did have a lot of, I went through some shit, and I gave up on all guys.

I thought they were just evil pieces of shit that just took advantage of women. And I ended up on all guys. I thought there were just evil pieces of shit that just took advantage of women. And I ended up only having friends that were girls. I gave I almost for a private two years. And then you didn't want to stay with any of them? Or did you put you- I did sleep with some of them by a mistake.

And you know, there's drunk at nights and three of them's occurred. And that kind of thing. But you proved my point. But I did have some girls that I did not find attractive all of them that I cared for deeply. And I'm still friends with.

Yeah, but you're a good guy. That's true. But I'm just saying that I'm just saying to people. For most of what, I think most guys, I mean, you listen to a love line at all and Catherine would, he's a dirt bag and he admits that he says I've never wanted to be a friend with a girl. Right. I mean, when you get older, you do.

I want to bang them. Right. It's true. And a lot of my best, best guy friends, it all started out like they wanted to date. And we did become friends eventually, but it starts out, yeah. But now like, oh, I really think I'm gonna be a great friend.

Like, oh, I think I'd like to bang her. But it comes with maturity. Like, you're a great friend. I don't want a bang. Right, I know. And it also, I mean, I don't think you did all. And I also think it helps when people are in relationships, too, it's easier to be friends.

But if you're having trouble meeting women, like organically, do you, because I'm wondering if that's it, too, because you say you've got lots of friends, but why don't you talk to one of your friends who's single or even as a girlfriend, and it doesn't matter, but to say to them, you know I'm a good guy,

like who can you fix me up with? It's kind of like when you're looking for a job and you let everyone know that you're single, and then they'll start thinking of you and they're out with their friends, and they're like, oh, I've got this great friend. Because it sounds like you said you have a lot of friends, you can also get involved in activities

that incorporate your interests. I know you're like in medical school and you're studying really hard right now. So I'm wondering if you can take time, practice on cadavers. Yeah, you like it. Advers, I like them too. No, but like do things that are different. You can have any time coming up pretty soon. If you can have with your medical school, I'm not on the holiday.

I just feel like there's a lot of negative self-talking in here and I'm wondering just where that's coming from. I think you're right, I think he's up in his head and he's self-doubting and he's making himself into creepy because he's worried that he is creepy. Exactly. I think he's like actually a really good guy and that so many women if they could see this real part of you. Yeah. I think you have to just practice like you know how you are with your friends, Jared, and this is what I always tell guys, you got to channel us. You know when you're hanging out with your best guy friends and you're not thinking about anything, you're just just practice like you know how you are with your friends, Jared And this is what I always tell guys you got to channel us You know when you're hanging out with your best guy friends You're not thinking about anything. You're just being yourself. You're telling jokes like Jared buddy

You're a lyrs remember that time and high school blah blah blah When you're hanging out with chicks like I know some guys are like dude They just changing at nervous, but can you just kind of think about like before you go out like who's who you are like Get into your body and start to feel like the confident Jared when you're talking to women We're talking to them and bring that to your now. Yeah. Because I think you're a good guy. I think I told you this. I used to pretend girls were guys like when I get really nervous around them. I go like to the bathroom or whatever and I pretend I went in the bathroom and it's

like myself out and say when you're going back to the table pretend that that it's just some like a feminine dude and talked to him like you would a friend and if you still like her and you're thinking of her the guy she's good It's all right. It makes you it makes you all nervous too. Yeah, I told you to sometimes I go back to the table I'm like wow she was a dude I would have no interest in talking to her and this dates I come into an end soon right right exactly because then you realize like oh There's a lot of conversation why I'm in this is physically and that's not cool exactly good. That's really mature Yeah, so just relax to be honest with yourself And that's not cool. Exactly. Good. That's really mature. Yeah.

So just relax, Jared. Be honest with yourself. Don't put in too much. You're like, I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You can also, again, try dating apps. Apparently, just takes 10 texts or less. No, don't try that. Yeah, just start texting random.

But no, I mean, you could just try some different things. But I think, again, take the pressure off yourself. And also, your guy friends, you trust to start going out with them and trust that, you know, that have fixed your up. So I think that you're just, I don't think you're, I don't, I don't think anyone's ever called you agree but I think you're calling yourself a girl. And also 20, I can tell you, being a guy

if I was still 22 and I wasn't, yeah, I still a virgin, I get ways on you and you think about it more often than you should. He's gonna be a doctor, it sounds like you're gonna have plenty of time and you're gonna, once it comes, man, it'll be fine. The guy forgot the condoms, was a medical, it was a doctor, pre- be fine. The guy forgot the condoms was a medical was a doctor. Yeah, was the a virgin.

He wasn't a virgin. Not after you. We actually dated for another year or two and we went to college and was premed and then he was kind of boring. You friends? You're friends? I'm not out of them. Yeah. No, yeah.

Now we are friends. Face friends. And he's boring. He listens to the program perhaps. He knows exactly who he is. You're so funny is that everyone tells me they don't listen like guys I date and I've had all these. I always do.

Yeah. All listen. Yeah. And they lie. Yeah. And then they like is that everyone tells me they don't listen like guys I date and I've had all of this. I always do. All of this in. Yeah. And they lie. Yeah. And then they like it matter for things that they don't tell me. Like what? What?

Oh, so you went to the museum on Saturday. It sounds like you're dating chicks. I am dating chicks. And that sounds like it. Um, okay. A pre-marital sexless marriage. Oh. Why get married?

Yeah. Uh, dear Emily, my partner and I have had, I have only had sex once in the last year. We are five years into our relationship and deeply in love and are actually getting married later this year. We're very affectionate with each other, but I it just never seems to evolve into actual sex. We've talked about this a few times, but it seems to make it harder for me. He has told me that due to past experiences, when he was younger, he is just not that into sex. Part of what turns me on about sex

is my partner wanting it. So hearing this that he's not into it, I have a lot of trouble trying to initiate, understandably, it feels hurtful to be rejected, so I just stop trying. I have tried to masturbate to get some release, but I usually just end in frustration or tears because all I can think about is my apartment

and I don't want me anymore. This is a poor lady. I know I definitely want to marry this man but how can we work together on our sex life? Yeah. Alice. Do you? Yeah, Alice.

Okay. Can I ask you a question before you move on? Where would you say percentage-wise, sex, lies, and a relationship? Um. High chart. I think it's like a big. I, okay, lies in a relationship. Um, high chart. I think it's like a big. I, okay, here's a thing.

What do you say? 50, 33. I, I can't, I can't, I would say that sex is the glue. Uh-huh. If you don't have sexual chemistry through partner and if you don't go into it with great sex, your relationship will fizzle and die. And even with chemistry and hormones lacking and whatnot, you're just not going to be as close. It's still going to dizzle and die. And even with chemistry and pharmaones lacking and whatnot, you're just not going to be as close.

It's still going to dwindle and change. But if you don't have it in the beginning, it's not that you can muster it up later. You're not gonna get better, yeah. Without a lot of work. And so they say, they actually say that couples, when sex isn't a problem in their relationship, it takes up like one or two percent of their thoughts.

But when it becomes the problem, like the elephant in the room, it's like 75, 90 percent of the problem. So that's why it's hard to say, if you are a healthy, flourishing sex life where you're communicating, it's all good, then you can go about your relationship, but you do need that as the glue.

So Alice, I want you to know that just like most women on the planet, you want to be desired by your partner, and when you're not, you feel like crap. So it makes sense that you don't want to initiate sex with them because she feels that she's going to be rejected. You know, the rejection is coming. And he's already rejected you. He's just that that into sex.

Alice, Alice, I'm telling you, you're clearly into sex. You're masturbating and it's ending in tears. And you're telling me you want to marry this guy. So you're already experiencing sexual challenges and it's a huge red flag. She's got a banger neighbors I mean she's gonna get married and have an affair. I mean, it's just that's good. It's gonna happen Right and she get a justify in her head because hey, she had to okay. Here's nothing else This has nothing to do with you nothing at all So he's already telling you something happened when he was younger

Doesn't have to do with you to understand so it's not like you don't he's not attracted to you He's got some issues that have shot him down from sex. I don't know if he had early trauma if preventing him from being intimate. So if it's not there at the beginning, like I said, it's just not gonna be good marriage. I always have to treat this like a illness. Like he's got an illness and he needs to get a treated

because it's affecting the mind. And so I hate to always he's got an illness and he needs to get a treated because it's a fact. And so I hate to always say go to therapy, but he needs to be. Because the fact that you just said past experiences when he was younger, he's on the sex, it's like I feel like there's something, she's not really looking at else. You just thank you for this email

because it's very, very clear to me that unless he works out whatever these issues are, if you don't deal with stuff, let me just tell you something. That's why everyone needs therapy. It doesn't go away. Childhood trauma, when you don't treat it, it's going to manifest itself tenfold in your life. It'll start coming out in every single situation. So, if you love this guy and you want to marry him, you have to get him to therapy. It's not a big deal. I'm sure his insurance covers it or something. I don't, you know, and just take care of this,

because I really, I really want you, like, if you love him and perhaps he can have some breakthroughs, maybe you go together, but do not pass go, do not get married to send him to therapy. How would put it yourself in Alison's shoes? How would you break it to him? How would you like get to support? I say, babe, I love you so much. And you're the man of my dreams. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I know that sex is just so important. You can, Alice, quote me.

You can say you were listening to my show. You don't just say that you emailed. It is the glue. It is the glue in the relationship and without it, you are roommates. And it sounds like right now, after five years, you've had sex once, she said, you're roommates. Well, she had sex once in the last year.

Yeah, okay, but they've been together five. Yeah. He probably gave in, you know, gave her what she wanted from the beginning, but now that he's getting his way and once a year. Yeah, this isn't good. This is not late Laying out the path of the future. What did you ask you? What would I do? How would you break it? What you do? Yeah, so it's insane. I would say babe. I love you on beauty But I just think that you know I really want to help you figure this out because I just don't think it's healthy that you don't have an interest in sex

Because sex is beautiful and a thing that we could share together and it makes me sad and I love you and I want to happy this. So what can we do? What do you think about it? And I wouldn't here to think, well, what do you think? How would you react to that? She can also like, you realize some research guys like numbers guys like research you can go and do a little digging and find articles that suggest that marriages that go sexless and say you're worried about the future, you're worried about the two of you guys together, and then have some kind of cold hard facts, two to back you up.

Exactly, couples that don't prioritize their sex life, it will do it. Why do you think like the internet, yeah, go to my website, it's actually online, I've got tons of articles on this, that you know, and that's my keynote, it she is about too, as well.

It's about like couples, like they talk about everything else. Like we want to have three point two kids, as well. It's about couples, they talk about everything else. We want to have 3.2 kids, we want to move to the country. We're going to invest in this for one K. But we're never going to talk about sex life ever. That's what, that's a disaster. So thank you for emailing me Alice,

Keemi posted, and good luck to you. And that's how we got time for her. Yeah. It's a tight show, it was a good show. Got a throw-off. Yeah. Me, too. I know, I loved it, because when we were texting good show. Got to throw a lot. Yeah, me too. I know I loved it because when we were texting earlier, I was like, I was just like, I had a busy day.

I was a little bit mopey. I could tell for the text. I was a mopey. It's been intense week. It's been an intense week, but it's awesome week. And then you're like, we're gonna have fun. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so excited. Yeah, I'm like, I'll pep you up. Come on in, we're gonna have a good time. I love you. And it worked.

And I never feel like the thing is like after, you know, 10 years, I never am like, ah, but tonight, it wasn't like, I was just, I was wiped. I wasn't. I was like, oh, I gotta go do show at the end of the show. No, I was just a little bit like, I was a little wipe during, but I, I, I love you. But the second I got here when I saw your face,

everything was good. Oh, that's a sweet thing. I love you, Anderson. And everyone go check out Anderson, AndersonCowen.com. And I love you all so much. A new film vault too this week. Are we doing a new film vault every single week?

That's my other show. Tell me how it gets. That's the one that actually is, we have an actual real following when we rank on iTunes all the time. It's an actual show. It's a service to the film vault. This week we did top five most confusing movies ever made, which I'm pretty solid list.

There David Lynch may or may not be discussed a little bit. He must be. And I also review. I just felt dumb watching David Lynch and call it be discussed a little bit. He must be. And I also review. I just felt dumb watching David Lynch and call it. That's what happens. And then I'm like, God damn it. I don't know.

I thought it was smarter than they are. They said that they love the movies. I used to be one of those people a little bit more than I liked to. I really mentioned, but also I review a really good new movie that I saw in theaters now called the end of the tour all about David Foster Wallace. Played by James Seagal. Jesse Eisenberg's. Oh my god. Everyone check your podcast because you're already listening to podcasts now. Just skip over there. the tour all about David Foster Wallace. Played by a huge seal. Jesse Eisenberg's in the

other world. Oh my god, everyone check your podcast because you're already listening to podcast. Now just skip over there. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you?

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