Sex With Emily - Fifty Shades of Kinky Sex

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past two years, you know that 50 Shades of Grey has been taking over the world. In this show, Emily is bringing you your 50 Shades of Kink education and telling you the little things you can do to bring BDSM into the bedroom.  First Emily breaks down the appeal of BDSM, tackles some common myths surrounding the lifestyle, and shares the secret to a successful powerplay relationship: Mutual trust. She explains how to take elements of the popular novel and use it to fuel your own sexual fantasies, no sex dungeon necessary, and tells you which props are must-haves for your kinky sex starter kit - Bondage tape, blindfolds and feathers, oh my!Curious? Don’t miss this extra kinky episode of Sex With Emily.. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Okay, unless you've been living under a rock, you know that 50 Shades of Grey is taking over the world. In case you haven't noticed, and if you're thinking there's got to be something worth learning and perhaps trying in the bedroom, but you don't know where to start, welcome to your 50 Shades of King education.

There's something for everyone in here. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. And also, speaking of sex, which I often do, who knew this? Vaping. So you know the whole trend, everyone's quittin' cigarettes and they're vaping all the time. It can actually up your sexual stamina

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The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I wanna feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just playing with. go to sexfamily.com where you can actually subscribe to our podcasts. So we did two a week. You'll never miss another show again. And they're also all on iTunes. We've got hundreds of episodes there about every time we're going to the sun that will improve your sex life. And also I've got a survey on my site. If you just go to my site, it should be there at the top. But if not just search survey, take your three minutes to fill out. And I want to hear from you. You're listening to this podcast because you want to better sex, but how can, and relationships, but how can I help you even have better sex?

What do you want to hear about? What do you like about the show? Three minutes and you're probably going to want a sex story. So just do that and I would so appreciate it. And I also appreciate you following me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. It's funny because we just started this survey. And I've heard from a lot of people that said,

they didn't even know I had a podcast, but they found me on my Facebook page, which is really fun, because we updated all day with great facts and information. And it's Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. And also on AdSex with Emily on Twitter and Instagram people are like, found about us. And then they found the podcast.

So, followers everywhere, have your sex information 24-7. We're like your CNN of sex. So thanks for listening. I'm here with Madison who's my assistant producer and just my all around everything sex Emily high Madison. Hi hello. I'm so excited because this is the show that has been needing to happen 50 shades of gray you cannot swing a cat in this town without like hitting a

billboard assign or anything curious while green. Yeah target are selling toys. That's crazy to me that all of these places. Not the best stuff, though. So that's why you got to go to where I tell you to go, but I'm just saying it's taking over. So even if you've been like, I don't get it, I don't like it, I don't have a dungeon, I don't want, I don't understand pain pleasure,

we're gonna explain all of that to you and explain to you how that there are certain elements in this book of why it took over the world and every woman married it married it Red it very straight whatever and how you can take these elements Even if it doesn't seem appealing from what you've heard about it and how what there are some things that you can learn from it to put into a relationship to improve your sex life We'll get to that today. First off, sex in the news. There's a massive jailbreak in Brazil after sexy women dressed as cops show up and demand orgy.

28 inmates escape from a Brazilian jail thanks to a diabolical plan. Three women dressed in sexy police outfits showed up to the facility ever requested, nay, demanded, and orgy. The wardens being the human man they are had no choice but to give into the temptation. That's when the trio of Vicksons spiked their whiskey,

stole their keys, and unlocked every cell in the goddamn place. That's the oldest trick in the book. Remember the old Andy Griffith show episode where the same thing happened to Old Andy and Barney Fife? Barn came with his pants down and a loaded gun taped to his temple. OP was mortified, classic television. Well, these jailbirds walked out

through the main door, taking a total of the three rifles, two revolver, two revolvers, and ammunition from the storage room on the way out. Please say, the plan was to seduce them. Whoever wanted to escape left by the front door. So the disoriented guards were found naked in handcuffs the next morning. Police laid a front a bag of laundry and naughty police soffits nearby. To be fair, these get-ups look legit.

Perfectly understandable to be fooled by such realistic looking attire. From the moment they drank the whiskey, the agents don't remember a thing. She said a news conference once was found dizzy, trying to wake up another set for the whole afternoon and couldn't even be questions. So photographs of the swindled guard surfaced on social media and they went viral Friday night. The guards were arrested, will face charges facilitating a jailbreak, and culpable embezzlement because the firearms theft. So why did these ladies do it? Because what are their boyfriends behind bars?

True freaking love, man, that jailbird has a real keeper in his arms. So let's back up here. These women are in jail. And they're like, I know. Oh no, they're not in jail. They're people. They're boyfriends or whatever are in jail.

Oh, they're boyfriends are in jail. Okay, got it. I thought they escaped jail. Okay, I'm just reading this and that they had these sexy uniforms. Okay, so these women are friends. They got a are in jail. Okay, got it. I thought they escaped jail. Okay, I'm just reading this and that they had these sexy uniforms. Okay, so these women are friends. They got a guy in jail and they're like, let's get my boyfriend out, bitch.

Let's all do it. And they all got together and they seduced cops, which I guess isn't hard to seduce many men. They're presenting women. Think what their penis is, obviously. They're cops. You think that you'd be like not in my place of work? Yeah, well that's- And drinking whiskey on the job.

That's the thing, like, I don't know, Grants, I don't know about their prison systems there, but like, here, you know, they're cops and they're also correctional officers that are different. They're like very different things. They go through different training. They're subjected to much different experiences.

So if you're thinking like, I see this in my head as something that Quentin Tarantino directed and like for New York and it's like playing out in my head like totally like Charlie's Angels mixed with Kill Bill. But I think it's a steric all in these poor guys were like, well, I mean, they're demanding an orgy. So like, what else are we gonna do? You're stuck in there with a bunch of like male convicts.

They're probably so bored and so horny. So this is the best thing that's ever happened to us. I mean, really, I mean, seriously seriously, I mean, I don't know, doesn't surprise me that cops are like, you must have an orgy. I'm sure they put up a big fight, right? Yeah. But it is pretty funny.

What happened to the women, though? I mean, I think everyone got away, which is. Do they not even know who the women are? Yeah, it's like one of my favorite parts of the story. And they left behind. This is what's like perfect. It's like an old-time story. They leave behind their police costumes, which are actually lingerie. what's like perfect. It's like a like an old-time story. They leave behind their

police costumes, which are actually lingerie. Like there's a picture. We'll probably post it at some point. We should post this. We should be tweeting out all these stories every day. I tried to. Yeah, but they're all so good. The ones who are in circle. Yeah. Because I'm sure listening here, like, wait, I want to read it again. That's why you should follow us on Twitter because people love our Twitter. So I love our Twitter. I think that's really interesting. It's a good story. Okay, so on that note, okay everyone, just be careful with women faking orgies. Any time three sexy women throw a stair up

and kind of say, hey, let's have an orgie, I would be skeptical. You should not have caught. Question. Hmm, interesting. Don't drink from any cups they give you. Okay, let's just get right into our topic now, because, okay, 50 shades

of gray, um, all everyone is picked by everyone's interests are picked by this kinky picture and BDSM. And I think it's really confusing to a lot of people mostly. So even if you already get it, I'm just going to start with a lot of the protests I get or a lot of the stuff that I hear about it. But first from facts, the Fifty Shades series has sold over 100 million copies worldwide, been translated into 52 language, and set a record in the UK as the fastest-selling paperback of all times. All of a sudden, vanilla sex women everywhere

are pining away for their own Christian, gray-style fantasy sequence. Not to mention, a good spanking perhaps. Aren't we all? Who isn't? I mean, a lot of women like to be a little submissive and bad. And that's what I'm going to explain to you is the main appeal.

But even though 50 shades is the biggest thing to happen since the fapening, remember Jennifer Lawrence's naked photos, people are still wondering, what is the appeal? I don't have a dungeon. I don't get why she wants to be in pain and I don't want a slapper, but let's talk about it. It's all based on BDSM, which is bondage,

discipline, say, do, maschism. So it's all about power play. And there is a lot of power play in sex, even if you don't practice this stuff. There's usually one person who's the dominant and you one person who's the submissive. One lover has control over the other. And this can even happen when you're having sex

and you climb on top of her. She climbs on top of you and she dominates you. But the thing about the bond, the domination submission part is again, when one lover has control, the satan massacre is in part, that's the part that kind of scares people that involves like spanking your flogging risk control, the sadomasticism part, that's the part that kind of scares people that

involves like spanking your flogging or intense sensations which involve restraints and you think you need a dungeon and all that. But you don't, but that's basically what it's about. But there are little things that you can do that it will have the same turn on for your partner and for you. And I'll get to that in a minute. But first let's talk about the psychology of it. So a lot of people think of BDSM or any kind of power play

as taboo. And then if you express these fascinations with your partner and being accepted for it and have it acted out, that you could fulfill both of your fantasies if you acted out. But a lot of you will think it's really taboo. Yeah. The myth about it is that it's really abusive and weird.

That's why it's so taboo is that, you don't want to talk about it, because there's always a chance that whoever you're bringing up with is going to be like, whoa, you like to be hit, do you have daddy issues? Like, that's something happened to you, have you been abused, you have problems. So it leads to people thinking that there's bigger psychological issues at work. And we don't think that any sane person would want to hurt or be hurt. Exactly. But it's not the case.

It's not the case. In fact, there's a really good story I read on psychology today. A few of them about how that is the myth that people think, well, they're all messed up. And the truth is, people who are in these relationships, any kind of just bond is, any kind of like submissive dominant relationships actually are healthy,

healthier couples because they have trust, they have communication, they talk about sex, there's really strict rules with BDSM, and they actually have a really healthy, fulfilling sex life because they're mixing it up, they're playing with some basic instincts that we all have, and so, so hear me out, but it's not some crazy thing, and it's not some weird, crazy thing that everyone who does it is messed up, okay? People actually say that they feel more intimate and more connected, and they have better communication and everything with their partners

when they're in these relationships, because you have to, with normal sex, I think you had brought this up earlier when you're talking that normal sex, you don't talk about it, you don't communicate your desires and needs beforehand, you don't lay out the ground rules, you just go in, get naked, you don't talk about it. You don't communicate your desires and needs beforehand. You don't lay out the ground rules. You just go in, get naked, do it, and then it's done.

Exactly. With BDSM, you have to communicate 24-7, both verbally and nonverbally. You talk before, you talk after. You have a deeper connection because you're experimenting with new things. Exactly. It's so cool. And like I'm always saying, you know,

communication is a lubrication. And I feel like you got to talk to your partner about sex, but oftentimes I just feel myself saying that, which is why I've tried to get put more words around that about what does it mean, like how do you actually talk, because the reason why you're probably not talking about it is because you don't even have the skills or maybe you're afraid to talk about it. So with BDSM, you have a lot of rules and you have safe words and all that stuff so yeah and that could enhance your intimacy. So the truth is that it's really all about trust. And when trust trumps the possibility of

having any harm, the result can feel really intimate and erotic. So the person being tied up, for example, enjoys they look sexy and that their submission is a turn on to their dominant partner. And the person who is the dumb is getting off in the fact that their submissive likes to be controlled. And these opposite roles is what we call the power exchange. And just for the purpose of this show, I just want to say that yes, there are men who

like to be dominated, for sure. But for the purpose of this show, we're going to talk about the woman being the submissive and the man being the dominant. So I don't have to keep making my PC corrections here because I do know that men want to be dominant. But we're just gonna do it this way for men and for women. So here's the thing, is it painful?

So let me explain the whole connection between pleasure and pain. Pain and pleasure are not that different in that they both release the same chemicals in our brain. So the neurochemicals involve with like as an employee, generate like these heavy feelings that are really addictive, kind of like what you feel when you're having great sex

or when you're falling in love with someone. That's the adrenaline, the endorphins, you know, you get from spanking or from, you know, even light spanking. And it rewards the person on the receiving end because the buildup and the release of these chemicals during the session can create a state of euphoria and they're very intoxicating.

So it can even be like a light slap. It doesn't have to be a flogger or a whip, but there is something between that pain you might be feeling and I'm light pain, if you give her a spank on the ass, that is just as much of a turn on if you kiss her neck, which we also like on women. Meanwhile, the dominant person is also enjoying the adrenaline rush, because he's excited because he's seeing the submissive reactions, which is a huge turn on, so it's as mutually, it's a cycle. It's a given take. It's a given take, exactly.

And if the receiver is not enjoying the pain, the DOM can't share their pleasure. So it's a given take, so it's consensual. That's the main thing is that that's why you have safe words. It's a consensual thing, so you don't just walk in and start slapping your partner. It's something that you talk about. And so the whole thing about bondage is that you don't need a dungeon or whips or anything that causes any pain to just practice and play with these elements that we're talking about that can really enhance your sex life.

So it just has to do with someone taking the dominant role, well, someone else is submissive. And the truth is that most women, if you do a poll, you talk to them, they like being submissive in the bedroom. Again, some women want to be dominant, but we really like the idea of a man taking control, being decisive, knowing what he wants in bed, feeling like he's in charge, he knows what he's doing, and that he just wants it so badly he has to have it now, and so he restrains us.

And maybe he just lately restrains us with some Velcro handcuffs, okay? Everyone's thinking they got to get the handcuffs with the lock and key. I mean Velcro, you guys, your best friend. You could use a silk neck tie. You could use bondage tape, which is like six bucks in good vibrations, which I love. Awesome. It's so eye-matting. Madison. Okay, I did this speech a few weeks ago and we came back to my house to celebrate after. And I was like, you guys, I just got into shipping a bond tape and I bondage to Madison. Yeah, I never experienced bondage tape before. And so she never tried it.

She did a demonstration where she bound my hands and like put it around my eyes. You guys, it's amazing. And when not only is it like not, it's not too tight, it doesn't hurt. It's flexible without breaking. And it doesn't stick to any of your clothes. It only bonds to itself. And so it didn't get in my hair down and everything. My hair is all wild.

And my hair didn't get caught in it. And my clothing didn't get caught in it. It was really fun. It's really fun. It totally opened my eyes. It looks like a roll of electrical tape, but you could rip it with your hands. It's like plasticky and it sticks to itself.

And if you want to go to goodvibes.com, use code gvmle20. I've been obsessed with it for years. Okay, Madison, we gotta post that video. Yeah, I have it somewhere else here. There was a video of me modeling. That was freaking hilarious. We have good times at sexism, and unless you think it's just a frontier.

Okay, so why was the book 50 Shades of Popular? Okay, a lot of people think it has, you know, a lot of people like talk to, or whatever, they're like, it's just desperate sex star of housewives, and it's women who aren't satisfied and they're reading it on their Kindle and blah, blah, blah. And people everywhere feel like maybe their fantasies

were not okay, or they just doubt that these women are being fantasies, and it's like, they don't accept it. But the book's popularity did show modern women successful at work, secretly yearned to be submissive and bad. Something that women might not usually admit, but they know it to be true.

And it's no surprise that women work a lot, especially moms who spend a lot of time like maybe most their time pleasing others, they want their sexual needs fulfilled without having to spell them out. We all do. We all want our partners to be mine readers. Men and women, we're like,

how do they not know that I want this? Because you didn't tell them. And not only that, they're all of us. My last partner might not have wanted it. Your last partner might not have wanted it. So every sexual relationship you're in is a different experience to explore your sexuality. Don't ever compare it to your last one.

Yeah, and only that I feel like the book itself reminded women told women that they wanted it when they didn't even know it's like deep down they've never even thought about the fact that I want to be tied up I want someone who tells me what to do and how to do it like I think that's really sexy and then they're reading the book and they're like why am I so turned on by this like why do I want to all of a sudden run out and buy a handcuffs?

And it's like, because it awakened that desire, it let you know that it's okay. That is such a good point. And it's so true. It's that it's sort of tapped something and when I'm going, wow, I couldn't have put this into words. You know, like if you're a woman listening to this

or a guy and you've done this to your partner, maybe you just like took her hands and you held him above her head one night when you're in bed. I'll put that really turn her on. I love that, right? It's like my favorite thing, like I'm all about it. Because you're not in charge. Exactly.

And it looks like, right, why do you love it? Why do you think you love it at the moment? I like it because it's like an act of passion. And not only that, like I'm an awkward person, I'm always like, what do I do with my hands? Like, where do my hands go? And so it's like, if he's like pinning my hands, one, it means that he wants me and he wants me.

So badly. And he wants to like take me in his way, which is, I mean, fine, because we're together and it's consensual. And then also, it's just like, I like him taking control. Like, it's really nice. Like, I don't necessarily want to be on top all the time. Sometimes I want you to hold me down and like, have your way with me.

It's nice. Right, it's really nice. Exactly. And then like, sometimes they do that. You're like, when is he gonna do that again? But they don't think to ask. And and like have your way with me. It's nice. It's really nice. Exactly. And then like sometimes they do that, you're like, when is he going to do that again? But they don't think to ask. And then this whole book is about it. And it's not that they're all thinking, God, we better build a dark room dungeon.

I would just like my husband to take some charge for my partner. So 50 shades, yeah, it's sexual history. I think this is just going to, it's huge. And so I'm just saying, don't judge it. Don't blow it off and don't write it off. To like, you know, it's all for people who are messed up because you could have some of the best sexual experiences of your life so far. So, and expand your sexual repertoire.

So I'm gonna get into the question that I get asked always about it is how the heck do I get started? Good question. How do we get started? I'm not building dungeon, I'm not going out and buying spending thousands of dollars on whips and chains and latex and gag balls or whatever. And to be honest, zip ties make me really nervous.

Like I don't wanna mess with that. Don't zip tie. That's a bad idea. You should forget neck tie. So this is the perfect time to, okay, so this is how you start. This is your new mantra, ready? Sex is fun. Got it? Sex is fun. Got it?

Sex is fun. Feels good. Even when said, okay, new thing, even when new things seem like really weird or awkward or scary, just remember it's sex we're talking about. It's the most pleasurable gift on the planet, right? We're all able to experience immense pleasure. So why not make sex the best it can be and try to have better

sex. It's kind of a waste of God's gift to humans. He's like, here, I have sex. Feel amazing. Oh, when you're clitoris, that's there. It has 8,000 urbanings and it's only purposes for your pleasure. So we might as well take advantage of this, right? So how do you bring it up? Menace was here, which I'm glad he's not. He would say, rely on liquid courage, which I know we all do, but this is not the time you wanna bring up ADSM. It shouldn't be too hard actually to bring it up

these days because 50 shades of gray is everywhere. You can start by saying, you know, hey, have you read the book? I'm curious, have you read 50 shades of gray? What'd you think of it? And if she says, oh, it's terrible. I hate it, I couldn't finish it. Well then you know, maybe it's something she's not.

That's what she's to. But, you know, chances are she probably is. Also, if she is into it, then you can start talking about what it was about it that she liked. And if she didn't read it, you can also just ask, like, do you have any fantasies you've been wanting to try?

And then you can follow up with your own, you can say, because I, you know, I love it. Or you might ask her, what are her fantasies? And she might say, or like, what is the most memorable time, babe, that when we've been together, it's actually that really turned you on.

And she might say to you, God, that time we're having sex, and you pin my hands above my head head and you are on top of me, I've had daydreams about that all week. And that would be hot. And then you know, okay, she's into it. And also the commercial is playing every 16 seconds. So even if you wish the ground would swell you

the next time you play, you could turn to her and say, Hey, what do you think about this? Does this turn you on? So really there's a lot of ways you can start bringing it up, but just like everything else, just start thinking, like does that, you know, and she might say, I don't really get it, I don't understand it. So I think a great way to start is even just with a blindfold,

which I'll get into some tips for that, because again, you don't need to go all crazy with whips and leather and all that, but you could just start with simple blindfolds and silk ties. And you could even tell her, you know, it would be really hot. I think one of my fantasies is to blindfold you next time we have sex. So it's really just a dialogue that you have with your partner

and see how it gets going, see what she says. I actually just last night, because I was doing a little bit of research, looking at all this stuff up, and I turned to my boyfriend, I was like, hey, if we were to do some bondage stuff, would I tie you up or would you tie me up? And he was kind of thinking about it,

and he's like, I think I'd wanna tie you up, but I'd wanna let you do it first, so that you, I'd wanna let you tie me up first, so that you could trust me and know that we're taking it seriously and know how it feels. Like it was really cool, because he knows I'm weird. I don't even, I'm saying, I don't even like being spanked, unless I've given you know how it feels. Like it was really cool, because he knows I'm like, I'm weird, like I don't even, I'm saying, I don't even like being spanked unless I've like,

given you the okay for it. It's like, it's just, you want to know that it's coming. Exactly. And so, maybe you practice with him. Yeah, exactly. So he was like, you know, I'd let you like, time me up first just so we could establish that trust.

And then like, yeah, of course I'd want to tie you up and tease you, but you'd want to feel what it's like to be on the other end first. Now, if that's so smart, like I was so proud of him. That could be the bondage shape, take home. No, I'd love to get your house. After you tied me with them, so excited. OK, I've got some of my car.

I never leave home without it. That and lube in my car and everything else. OK, so the things you need to know going into it is like Madison just said is trust. The secret to a successful power play relationship lies in your ability to trust the person you're doing with. This is not one night-stand material.

Because when you're actually offering your submission to someone, it requires a huge amount of trust and faith the person will respect your body and all your limits. That's the truth about sexual dominance. It's not about demanding submission, but you earn it from your partner. Being a trustworthy person is fundamental to this. So that's why I think people in these relationships have a great amount of trust. So without any trust, you can't let go and really give into the experience, which is what sex is all about, is giving in and letting go.

And also, you want to take it slow, but I'm going to get right back to that in a minute. And first, a word from our sponsors sponsors who always help you have better sex. Ooh, like good vibes. Goodvibes.com carries the best toys. There's a lot of shlucky places in line and that you go and you're like, oh, it's good, it's plastics, phallates, good vibes, they only carry the best toy brands

on the market. And if you just go to my website and you click on the good vibes banner, I've got a store there and you can see all my favorite toys of plus if you're looking for some new bondage gear type in bondage to their search bar. They have like a beginner bondage kit, you can buy the bondage tape, you can buy a blindfold or just some of my favorite toys are there. And with you when you use coupon code GVMLE20, you get 20% off, which is very kind of them. And we've tried all their toys there,

but I think regarding our show, if you just want a little something to start out with, get their beginner bonus gift. They got a lot of them there. Totally. They have one that comes with a book, too, that teaches you what to do. The Tristan Tarmino. Tristan Tarmino's is great.

They have a book, they have DVDs, you can watch and do it together. Learn together. It's like taking out class together, but it's a BDSM class. Yeah, it's only $49. No dungeon required. No dungeon.

Don't do it dungeon, don't do it. Show your basement. OK, so like we said, trust. Also, you want to take it slow. You got to start off small, work your way up. Don't reach for the friggin' vlogger, the ball gag, on your first go. So, and also slowing it down and taking your time,

it also helps in heighten the anticipation. Because if you think about it, this whole tying up bondage thing really is about the tease. It's about anticipation and it's about leading to a bigger payoff, but I'll get to that part in a minute. You wanna make sure that you have a bigger payoff, but I'll get to that part in a minute. You want to make sure that you have a safe word. A really common safe word system is red, is using the traffic light signals, like red, yellow, green.

So green is like, go, you're doing everything right. Yellow is like, um, caution, maybe go a little slower. And then red is just stop. And that's a really easy system if you're just starting out. So think of the traffic light. And also just remember to be attentive to your experience and your partners. So some moves for beginners, I always start with the blindfold. Here's the thing about blindfolding your partner.

Blindfold will heighten. So if you take away one sense like eyesight All your other sentence senses become heightened so touch and smell and sent and What are the other ones touch sense smell touch taste taste they all become heightened because you're taking one away Is that interesting little fact? and According to like a lot of studies too well men are mostly turned on by what they see. Women are turned on by what they feel.

So for women taking away their eyesight will really turn them on because it's no surprise here that women report they experience quicker, quicker. She's gonna get their quicker and higher levels of arousal when they're deprived of sight. So here's what to do. You blindfold her, use your neck tie.

You don't even have to buy anything. And then you lie her down on the bed and you're like, honey, I'm taking charge. And you lie her down the bed on her stomach or her back, let's start with her on her stomach. And she's blindfolded and she's a comfortable position with pillows. And then what you do is you play

you have your whole arsenal there, and you play with different sensations. And again, these are all things you can find around the home. And it's really all about teasing. So before you get into like actually contacting, the full contact of touching her, you wanna like tantalizer. You wanna draw out their pleasure.

So when you have your little arsenal next to the bed, once she's blindfolded, place some music, light some sexy massage candles, they're gonna come in useful later. So just start dragging your fingers on her back, maybe giving her a light massage. And then you can grab a feather, maybe a feather around the house.

And you can just start dripping the feather over her back. You can even use a necklace, like some beaded necklaces you have. That feels really good. You can take a silk scarf and drag it down her back, drag it, drag it, drape it over her back. But the best part of playing different sensations is is that she doesn't really know what's coming next.

And so it's very exciting to her, the anticipation. So I like to say, have a bowl of ice cubes and then light a massage candle. that she doesn't really know what's coming next. And so it's very exciting to her the anticipation. So I like to say, have a bowl of ice cubes and then light a massage candle. So with the candles, I've talked about, I have Emily and Tony candles, which are the best massage candles on the market because I made them and I tried every single one

that was ever existed. And they're vegan, they're made of really good materials. And the point is you let a candle, even if you let a candle, even if you don't, you let a candle, you let the oil pool, you blow it out after five minutes, and you'll see that it cools off. It's actually not hot, right? You've used it, Madison.

It's not waxing warm. It's warm. It's like comforting. It's so comforting. And you drip it on their back, right? So it's warm. So she's not even expecting any warm sensations and it's massage oil.

Are you hearing me? And it's not sticky. It's not gonna mess up your bed sheet. It's not gonna drip everywhere. It's like the most perfect consistency. And then you give her a back rub with that. And it feels so soothing. And you just start massaging

and you can use it all over her body. And she's just gonna start wriggling and be begging to want to be with, which is what you want. Ultimately, you want to turn a woman on so much that she is begging you for sex. There's not what all guys want to. They do. They have a woman beg for sex.

Right. Exactly. This is how you do it. So then after you do that, you do the massage, and then you take the ice cubes, and you put one in your mouth, and your teeth, or in your fingers, and then you drip it down her back. Just a little chips of the ice cube,

which is gonna send shears through her spine, but like in that oh so good way. And then you can go back to the massage candle, go back to teasing, and just playing with her body and massaging her and treat her to caresses and touches, switch up between using your hands, your mouth, and then you can start stimulating her other originous zones and pay attention to how she's reacting.

And again, even if you wanna go down in her, give her a few little kisses, pull back up again. You don't wanna go full into anything here. This is all about the teas. So maybe you play with her nipples. Teas her nipples a little bit. You play with her clitoris. You play with her breath.

You go all over the body, but you don't stop at any one place. And the secret to making your teas successful is your ability to hold back. Now I know this isn't always easy for guys even if she's begging you, but enjoy the journey because I promise you she's enjoying it as well. And there will be plenty of time for sex. And for now, it's all about this incredible, this incredible memories and fantasies that you're creating together.

And so, also, if you want to create some intense, here's not a thing about domination. You don't even need a tie. You don't even need wax or oil or anything. You can just use your words. You can say, don't orgasm a tie. You don't even need wax or oil or anything. You can just use your words. You can say, don't orgasm until I tell you to. She might say, oh, babe, I'm getting so close to dope. I mean, that's the way of using verbal domination.

Totally. And if you tell her that she can't, it will turn her her on so bad, they're brain over there. Oh my god, he's controlling me in this way. It's hot. And then you can employ dirty talk, ask them what they like, how they like

it while it's happening. You can verbally dominate them, Tom, like what's so hot about them or what you're going to do next. Remember, she can't see you. And then we can go into some spanking. Yeah. Now, some women don't like their ass slap without a little warning. So you always want to start with like a little light. And you want to make sure that you're going under the cheek. Yes. So there's different ways that you can spank that would hurt and you do. If you hit like the backbone. So it's kind of like you take the bottom of her cheek and you spank up. Yes. Lightly. See how it feels. If she moans, you're good. Maybe you want to go a little hard and I sign if she's like, out, whatever, you might want to revisit the speaking.

My favorite, one of my favorite scenes of all time along came Polly with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston. And his friend has given him advice that all women love to be spanked. So he's having sex with her. And he gives her the lightest little, like, wrist flick kind of spank. And she's like, did you just spank me?

And she gets all freaked out. And he goes, oh, no, sorry. I think he tells her there was like a bug on her or something like that. Like in the middle of sex and it always makes me think of that. Like if someone, you know, just don't go spanking around unless you know, because not all women are gonna like it. But yeah, you can just feel around, feel around.

That's why it's great to start with some of this, like, you know, massage, but you know it's so funny, okay, so I said, right? My friends told me that I reminded them of a long came pali really. Oh, because yeah, because you're so like free spirited and like comfortable with yourself and everything. And she's totally like that. Is she okay? Yeah, she like takes

them to go get Moroccan food. She like does all these really fun things and he's like this uptight guy with IBS. That's like one of my favorite things about him is that he has IBS. He can't. He's like Moroccan food. And he's like germaphob and she makes him eat with his hands. Like she's the first sensual as like a person. And that's probably why the reminds you of them the free-sale. That's interesting.

I was like, really? They're like, yeah, because you're always like, it's cool, no pressure. What else? I'm like, yeah, I gotta see the movie. OK, so let's also talk about restraints and bondage. OK, so again, you never realize how much you use your hands during sex until it's taken away from you. So once you have a blindfold,

you might also want to just kind of restrain her arms above her head, behind her back to your headboard. If you haven't had one, do people have them lately? Yeah, I'm a headboard. But can you tie to it? Yeah, it would be kind of weird though. You'd have to have like big posts to really tie to it. New and so awesome, which I love.

I think I've told you about this. So sport sheets, which is sold at Good Vibes, makes this amazing underbed restraints. So I have them under my bed. So it goes under my bed and there's four different restraints for wrists and for ankles. It's velcro, you guys. So easy.

And so I can always be restrained anytime. I just need someone to come over and do it. Put it at in Craigslist. So you'd forget that they were there too. I do. You tell my housekeeper comms and like makes the bed and then they're there are dangling. Sorry. God knows what you think to me. So a popular position for using bondage is having the wrist crossed, like I said against the back or one hand against the head or your hands both above your head. And that's comfortable, because you want them to be comfortable whether they're being submissive.

And it's just kind of adds another thing to it while they're blindfolded. And then there's some role playing. It's a great way to give you permission to act out your fantasies. If you don't feel comfortable tying your partner to the bed and spanking them, but your character might.

You might want to be the aggressive police officer. No, not talking about the Brazilian guys, but you might want to be the aggressive police officer. No, not talking about the Brazilian guys, but you might want to be like the teacher or whatever. I mean, I don't know about you. I love playing dress up. I think it's fun. And I sometimes when I'm with someone, I'm like, wow, how would you feel if I came out

in my little cheerleading uniform? I'm like, most guys are not going to be like so angry about it. And I know it can make you laugh too. You're like, really, my partner, and I, he's going to be the pizza delivery guy, that's not. But once you get past it, you can assume those rules and take yourselves

out of your body in a way. Absolutely. I have a really funny story. I'm not gonna say who it is, because you kill me. But my friend and his boyfriend for Halloween work a cop and a convict. And so they had handcuffs as one of their props, right?

So we all go out, we are drinking a lot. We come back and they go into the bedroom. of their props, right? So we all go out, we are drinking a lot, we come back, and they go into the bedroom. And my friend, my other friend was keeping some of his stuff in there, because he was spending the night. So he goes into the bedroom, opens it, and both of them are like in like a cop rubber scenario, like about to get kinky, and they go,

did you gotta leave? You gotta leave right now, and he was like, oh no, and like ran out, because he was walking in on them like about to start roleplaying. Oh my God. Because they were already dressed as cop and convict. Right, and he was like, oh no, and like ran out because he was walking in on them like about to start role playing because they were already dressed as cop and convict and it was perfect. Yeah, and I took like 100 pictures of them earlier that night of them like have him handcuffing the cop

handcuffing the convict and so were they together? Yeah, they're boyfriend boyfriend to boyfriend. Okay, yeah, so it's a little bit less weird. It's not like it was like two frat guys or anything. It was like my guy and my guy friend and his boyfriend. But still it was just so funny that they waited all night. And then at the end of the night, they're like, we're doing it. We're not even taking off the costumes.

We're going full force with this. That's howling your vote. It's fun. People think it seems so silly, like I'm going to laugh. But once you get into it and you will giggle, maybe at first, you kind of can channel it. Get into those roles and just get out of yourself and do a little, you know, what are some other common role? Yeah. I mean, it can be anything.

Go to a costume shop or think about whatever your top vanities are. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot with the dog collars too. You know, like if you get really into dominance as a mission, they'll make you their puppy dog. I have a dog collar. I haven't used it yet. Joanna Angel gave it to me.

Yeah, I've heard, I mean, I've heard that's like really fun too, but that's more of like the degrading and stuff like that. Yeah, that's a whole think it's getting further. I'm giving you guys some 101 50 shades here. Okay, so afterwards the most important thing is the aftercare. So after your first night of, you know, bondage play, you might experience some soreness,

especially on your behind, following like if it's a very enthusiastic spanking session. So you always want to have a post-spank cool down. And it's a sweet way to follow a hot spanking. So you can rub massage oils instead of area. And whatever, whatever places were given the most attention and the most aggression. And then also discuss your experience.

Now that you've done it, you broke your bondage, you know, you broke into bondage. Congratulations. Now reflect on your experiences. How could be different what you like, you broken to bondage. Congratulations. Now reflect on your experiences, how could be different what you like, what didn't you like? And also if all this is like completely foreign to you, go to like good vibes. And like again, Tristan Tiramino's book are great.

There's a lot of beginner like DVDs, books you could read. Do it together because all I'm saying is that it's very inherent in a lot of us to want to have that power play in relationships and it's our biology. and it's things that we desire that we don't even know. And so if you're looking to expand your sex life and your sexual repertoire, I say you've got nothing to lose but to try some of this out. So

there's there's a little crash course. Yeah, it's the worst that could happen. What's the worst goddamn thing that could happen? They handcuffed you to the bed, steal all your stuff and leave. But let's pretend that we don't have anything. That's a man that's always stealing. I'm not gonna be tied up, they're gonna steal myself.

But that's probably not gonna happen. How did you trust your partner? Actually, fun fact with the end of this, and with 50 shades of gray, they're actually saying that there's been a rise in handcuffed related incidents, where people are getting handcuffed and then like trapped places,

like people are like getting stuck to their like, toilet the back of their toilets and stuff like that with handcuffs and they're blaming 50 shades of gray. They're like dammit, like now all the firefighters are so busy unchaining. They're like another one. Yeah, unshaining people from their toilets and their bedposts that.

This is just the beginning. They can't even fight fires. I'm so bad. I'm sorry, they've started your house for a while. We were, okay, you guys, this is why I don't even think about handcuffs. Get goddamn Velcro Cuffs. They're so easy.

You can't mess up Velcro. You can't lose the key. You can't burn someone. I mean, I guess you could have it's too tight and they move, but Velcro Velcro or bondage tape. Okay, everyone, so anything else medicine do we mention? Do we mention the survey?

We mention that we love you all. And I just love my listeners. And I would be nothing without you. And we didn't have the show. Oh, my iPhone app, Kegel Camp. I've had it for a few years. We just re-released it. Men and women have to do their Kegel exercises.

Your doctor will tell you to do them. Helps you have stronger orgasms. Helps men less long or in bed. Helps women less have better orgasms. But she never remembered to do them because it's five minutes a day. So my app, you can it's five minutes a day. So my app, you can set a timer for every day, like every day 1130, my phone says time for kegel camp and I spend five minutes and it's my voice walking you through it.

Tense. Relax. Is it weird having your own voice walking through it? You can even turn off the volume if you want. And the best part is there's 20 levels. So you're going to have kegels, PC muscles of steel after this. And you can also compete with your partner, and it's a super popular app,

and we just made it even better. So check it out in the iTunes store. And thank you so much, Madison. And thank you everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com. It was really good for me. Oh baby.

Okay, so speaking of everything sexual, one of the biggest complaints you play about sex is that, you know, the partner's not completely hygienic. I made a product called Down Under Comfort with my partner, Tony. We've already sold out of it once because it's that good. It is a unique cream to a powder formula that turns into a light natural power

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exactly what we're doing. We're getting into it with my celebrity friends, with you guys, we're getting into pop culture, we're gonna talk sports, politics, food, comedy, dating, relationships, the jack of all trades, master of non-podcasts, just like me. It's fun, it's silly, and you should definitely get into it. So download, get into it with Vinny G. Now at I-Tunes and at podcast1.com.