Sex With Emily - First Step to Better Sex with Lady Cheeky

Episode Date: December 9, 2014

Today’s show teaches you how to feel better about yourself, paving the way to stronger self-confidence and a better sex life. Emily is joined by Elle Chase, a sex educator and leader in the body-positive movement. Together, she and Emily explore the topics of body image, erotica and the importance of self-love, and provide tips you need to get the sex life you’ve always dreamed of. From the best sex toys on the market to the hottest porn to share with a partner, Emily and Elle share multiple ways to ignite your passions. You should never settle for a mediocre sex life - This Podcast teaches how to push your boundaries and embrace your inherent sexiness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On tonight's show, we're talking about how to feel good about yourself in order to improve your sexual confidence and have a better sex life. First, everyone, thanks for listening to the show and I love being able to help you have the best sex life and relationships possible. So here's a way you can do that also

by supporting my sponsors and getting a massage candle, which is actually the perfect gift for the holidays because they're beautiful candles, they're romotherapy. I mean, really you could use them at dinner. You don't have to use a massage candle. You can use them for atmosphere. They smell amazing. But a massage candle is amazing because it gets your partner into the mood for sex.

The warm, so you burn it, right? Like a regular candle. And then you blow it out, and it's not waxy or messy or sticky or hot. It actually turns to the most luxurious massage oil, and it feels amazing when you pour it on your partner. And people that email me, they don't email me this week, they've been buying it, and they're like,

oh my God, it changed my sex life. Someone tweeted me last night, they're like, I thank you so much, it improved our sex life, because it just feels so good. You give your partner a massage and then you sex. It's all rub all over each other and it's like coconut oil and so be know. It feels amazing and you'll just love it. And the sense or just delicious.

So go to emilyantone.com. Use code emily for 20% off. That's emilyantone.com. Use code emily and get something sexy this year. Get yourself something sexy. You deserve it. Use it for yourself. I don't care.

I every night I blow it out. I put on my body. I rub it on my body because? Get yourself something sexy. You deserve it. Use it for yourself. I don't care. Every night, I blow it out. I put it on my body. I rub it on my body because it feels amazing. And it's moisturizing and nurturing. So do that. Happy holidays. Thanks for listening. Man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only?

What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com. Where, you know, if you don't go to sexwithemily.com, you're really missing out. I mean, you love my podcast, you love my website, you just well. Check it out, we put up in post every day, we got information on there,

how to have better sex and relationships, which is what we're all about, also kind of for my mailing list. Because I send you fun emails that will change your life. Truly, that's people tell me. That's how that's going off people's site. So check it out. Also, tonight's show I'm really excited,

we have a special guest. Elf Chase is a sex educator writer, she's a sex coach, she's a sexy woman, she's currently making waves for the plus-size body positive movement as well. And her site, oh my god you gotta check it out, Miss Cheeky, has been named the best Tumblr porn by salon.com. And she'll also be teaching a workshop, big beautiful sex, sex, sex, and body image at the Outcoming She Conference, which I've been talking about for a few weeks. It's taking place January 17th and 18th in West Hollywood.

And if you want to see what's all about, oh, so it's two days, sex conference. And first of it's kind, people can come from anywhere and like the best top sex educators are gonna be teaching you classes on any topic you can can imagine how to better sex, better solo sex, better partner sex, how to improve your relationships. There's just so much going on. It's two days in Hollywood.

There's parties, there's word ceremony. You're going to be interesting people and the best products are going to be their best part. No, not the best part. I'm giving a keynote. I'm giving the keynote speech, not short, it's about yet, but it's going to be awesome. I've got to write that. So check it out. January 17th, 18th, West Hollywood. If you want to go, email me. FeedbackItSex署TheMMe.com and I can maybe

give you a ticket. So let me know why you want to go. I'm giving away some free tickets. And each ticket is good for two people. So email me and actually you can always email me FeedbackItSex署TheMMe.com with all your sex questions and relationship questions because I love hearing from you. I read all your emails and I just, you know, give me feedback for Reels, what you like about the show, what you don't. I am here with Anderson.

How you doing Anderson? I'm good, how are you kid? I'm really good. Long time. Long time. I know, it's been a long time. How's your holiday season going? It still freaks me out. There's like lights up and stuff. I'm not. How are you kid? I'm really good Long time long time. I know it's been a long time. How's your holiday season going? It still freaks me out. There's like lights up and stuff. I'm not ready for it. I know I don't have time for that yet I

Neither and I want it to be here the longer the better But I say I don't have time to go get the tree and turn out but the lights up you could do all that stuff I think I might be that weirdo that's gonna put them up like you know like at the end of December and then leave them up till February Are you that person? I might have to be this year because it's crazy. I kind of like those people because you're like oh my god it's Valentine's Day. He lights up. That's so sweet. No I love it. Is that how you see it? No, I see them. I love this light. I see them. I see them. I see them. It's like white trash people that decrease the value of my home. I don't know. I want to light up my house. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I rent. I Okay, Anderson, but I was going to ask you because the holidays, you know, it's time to, you know, people get really stressed out and they, which it should be all about joy and love and happiness. It's time to reflect. But it is time to reflect. But I was going to ask you

since you, I know you see a lot of movies. It's also, I was thinking like holidays best time, your podcast of film vault, you must be doing a thing on the best holiday movies. Yeah, we did that back in like in August. You already knew. We always look ahead. Yeah. Okay, so tell me what are they like. So let's just say if people don't so is the podcast is a film about which is amazing and he talks about movies every week but this I got one for uh so what should I see because I want to chill out and see movie I haven't seen one in two to five years big hero six which came out a couple weeks ago I finally pulled the trigger and saw that one I was a little bit late with that one but I usually like to let the kid ones kind of die down a little bit and let the kids out of the theater

okay only had one of the Wayne Child in the theater today But this is a movie the both adult and kids are gonna a lot enjoy So if you have if you're taking like some kids out to a movie this holiday season can't go wrong with big hero six Okay, what about for me? No kids for you. It hasn't come out Oh the two best movies that are in theaters right now bar none Birdman holy shit is that a great movie birdman is fantastic I'm heard about it, okay. As well as Whiplash, which is about competitive drumming. Whiplash, not since I was a little

kid and I saw Rocky, have I felt so like, hi, when I got out of a movie, like I was dropped. Oh my God, you have no idea. JK Simmons, you see him in like all the insurance commercials, he's also a character actor. You've seen him in 100 things, but he brings in this movie. He's like a drill instructor of a drummer teacher and Miles Teller who's like a young John Q. Zack. He's gonna be the next big movie star. He's great. He plays a young drummer who plays drums till his hands bleed. And passionate. It's based on a real like story. No, but the guy

that wrote it and directed it. He did have some musical background growing up. But it gets real competitive like anything but like you know top level musicians learning to you know at these prestigious schools for the jazz drumming that kind of thing classical drumming. This doesn't sound like it would be like would you say like Rocky. When the movie ends you're on a high like you're not so good. I love it. I've shown already high and I haven't been there.

It's called Whiplash. Okay. Check it. That's good because I'm just thinking about the holidays and that everyone should just take time to chill out too and you know spend time with your partner, spend time alone. I'm spending a lot of time alone which I love actually, which I know. You do, but you're never alone. You always have something vibrating between your legs. Exactly. I do. I do actually right now. That's why I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Also, you guys check this out. And Thursday nights, you can watch our show. If you ever want to go to see what happens,

it's very exciting. Go to sexathemy.com. Thursday nights, 839, 30 Pacific Standard Time. You can see Cute Anderson's face, and you can see me and my guests. It's really fun. And also, follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram if you love me.

Only if you love me. But if you don't love me, you don't, don't. But you probably should. And we're looking for interns. If you want to be an intern, it's actually the only go to internchips.com or email us to feedback at sex.me.com with your resume and all that stuff. What are some of the prerequisites for that? Must have open, willing, and vagina? Exactly. No, you have to be, we need, that's a really good question. We need people,

people, writers, we need social media interns, we need production interns, we need video interns, and everything. Shooter photographers. Sounds like we're making a point. writers, we need social media interns, we need production interns, we need video interns, and everything. Tutor photographers. Sounds like we're making a point. And you get free sex toys. And you get to try them. And if you like sex toys, you can come in the show and talk about them.

We have interns, sex toy, and all my interns have had a pretty good, damn good time. I've never had any complaints. So there's that. Okay. I'm so excited for my guest who just joined me. Yay, oh, I just met Elle recently. I may have heard of Elle and then we had dinner. We did.

A lovely dinner that was so fun. It was fun. I know I enjoyed it. I did too. Really. And now here we get to see each other. I know. Here sitting in the studio, thank you for coming.

I'm very excited to have you here. And so tell me what you've been up to. Oh my goodness, Emily. I've been up to. Oh my goodness, Emily. I've been up to a lot. I've been working a lot on the big beautiful sex workshop. I'm writing the book version of that. And I'm also developing a longer workshop of it. So I'm just putting more things into it,

which I'll also- The workshop at Sheet. The workshop at Sheet. Have you taught it before? Or that's the first time? Okay, this is what you teach. This is what I this is sort of my main staple. This is my thing. I'm really passionate about people who don't like their bodies for some reason. Doesn't matter whether you think you're fat

or you're been skinny your whole life or you think that you have horrible skin there's always something that somebody has. And it inhibits people from having fun and going out and dating and having sex and doing the things that they would really, really like to do. So that's sort of my thing. God, that's, I mean, so, okay, so how did you, okay, first of all, I'm talking L Chase, first of all, her website, LChaseELE Chase Chase.com and then also your Tumblr site. Yes.

Which is lady cheeky dot com lady cheeky dot com. Just you need some point of reference is beautiful sexy woman in front of me. So tell me how you how you got into this how you got into teaching these kinds of workshops about body image and I mean obviously it is for men and for women. It just I want to say that it is for you. And it's just a question that I want to talk for a second. No, but it is true that is not just I mean, I know want to say that it is, for you minutes, I ask you a question, then I want to talk for a second. No, but it is true that it's not just, I mean, I know it's called big, beautiful sex.

Big, beautiful sex. Big, beautiful sex. So, but it's not even just, you could have issues with your weight, you could have issues with, I mean, I know so many, I don't want to see my scar, I don't want to, you know,

I gained two pounds or I, you know, I have this weird, you know, one boobs bigger than the other, or, you know, I hate the face that I make when I'm having, you know, my own face, or whatever it is, everyone guides or free to their penises or their bodies. I mean, I know a lot of guys keep their shirts on,

it's not just women, you know, keep the lights on, or want to keep the lights off. So, how did you, how did this become your thing that you're focused? Tell me how you got into this. I sort of had like a mission, which is so important. I got a divorce a few years ago. I had turned 40 and I decided I needed to leave my husband.

And I never had good sex and I had never understood why people had sex. Really? It's kind of like, wow, so that's the thing. I guess one of those people that's just frigid. I really never had sex. Really, how long were you married? I was married for seven years and for that, I had had sex five times. Come on.

Seriously. My boss at the time used to joke, hold a per-hand and go times. Not people. Times. Not people. Yeah, I had vaginismus for a little while, which is when you know your muscles that surround the vaginal opening contract and you can't get anything inside. This is very painful.

And yeah, so at any rate. So I had never had good sex and I had this sort of awakening and I found myself single and really wanting passion, really wanting to experience what it is everybody else does and says it's so great. And I finally did. I found a man that I had a relationship with who finally showed me what it was like. So he was your teacher.

He was my teacher in many ways. And but the thing that he gave me that would have taken me years on my own to get was that he was so patient with me and my body image issues because I was, I'm a bigger girl. And when you grow up in Los Angeles, you know, you compare yourself to a lot of people. And you don't really sort of take stock of what makes you so wonderful and sexy. And so after about a few months, I finally, like, took my slip off. And I really

got it. Like, I got that he found me sexy. And I sexy. And the minute I felt like that, I could remember it and I could bring it back to me. And what I realized was that how you feel about your body has nothing to do with how sexy you are. How sexy you are is inherent. It you are a sexy person just like you have brown eyes or brown hair. Everything else is a construct.

Exactly. It's how you feel about yourself. And nobody, even if your partner is always telling you, it's so hard because I hear from couples all the time. It's like, my partner, what do I do? I tell her all the time that she's beautiful or I tell him that he's great and everything's fine. But it doesn't matter how many times someone tells you

where you have to love yourself. You have to love your body. Otherwise, you just you won't have the best sex of your life. You only, you know, it could be just mediocre like you have or not. You are not existed. Do you have orgasms before? I had orgasms through masturbation before. Okay. But I wasn't all that interested. Okay. Really? So the whole time you were with your husband, but you had, okay, so you masturbated with your husband. Did you have orgasms during intercourse? No. No. No. So but you had, okay, so you masturbated with your husband. Did you have orgasms during intercourse? No, no, no, so did you learn also now are you have you learned?

Yeah, I explored my body before I even had sex with somebody because I don't know what pleases me I've got to figure it out. You're 40 right and I and I you know I read Sherry Winston's anatomy of a rouse women's anatomy of a razzle and I read Sherry Winston's anatomy of a rouse, women's anatomy of a rouse all, and which sort of kind of blew my mind, and I was like, wow, I've never even looked at my vulva before. Oh my God, this is amazing. So I just sort of, I just learned what I liked,

and then with this man, we just sort of tried things out that we were interested in. It was like totally down into playing and experimenting. He was totally, we saw. He was totally, we saw. Oh God, yes. So what was the first thing that he like did he go slow like how did he start introducing new things to you?

Um like you mean example of something that he did that was sort of opening your eyes and he made a list of all the things I started the tumbler site for us. Okay. And so we would send pictures back and forth and that's how the the template's like. Super hot site. Everyone's checking out Lady Chiki. I was getting aroused in the office. And this is top. Oh my, oh my. I'm going to watch her baby tonight. I was so glad because I was like,

I'm going to have to check her your site before, but it was funny because really, I sure, and I thought, I'm actually going to go mad. I've got like all these toys I have to try. And I'm like, I'm going to fucking just look at our site. It's super hot. So you start, I love that. So it just started between like a private thing.

It was a private thing. It was private. And people started finding it. And then they started writing and then they started telling other people. And suddenly now there's like a hundred thousand followers. Amazing organic sensation. Just organic. Organic. Organic. Sexiness. I love it. So we would make if we would send each other pictures and I would post them up on the other side. But they're not just pictures. They're not of you. No, not of me. They're pictures that you found that were erotic online. Yes, because at the same time I was discovering this about myself, I was discovering porn. Because, porn, as a feminist, I was so against it. You know, women were subjugated and it was

violent and the women that were in porn had, you know, horrible lives and it's just not the case. So I became more educated about it, and I saw, and I found that, thank God for porn for me. Because I was able to look at something and go, that turns me on, I wanna try that. And so what he did is he made a list, and so we would just check things off the list. What do you feel like today?

Oh, I feel like doing this. Let's go in the car. I think literally a list. Literally. Like a checklist, right right you could use like a project management Exactly. Well for today. These are all the anal things I want to try and these are all the boob things rest things Boos. Yeah, tell me about okay, so back up. I need to know like what so when you first started watching porn Where did you go? What was your first porn site that you went to like what gosh? I don't even know it I know what was what was the thing that first turned you on you well

Gosh, you know you read a book. Yeah, I don't even know what my first was. What was the thing that first turned you on? You're right. Well, gosh, to be a lot. It's like reading, you know, you read a book, you know, I want to read it. Yeah, this one's this one's fun. You're going to like this, Emily. So I had become obsessed with true blood, the show on an HBO and I like like straight like obsessed like they should really have a restraining order, you know. And so I started tweeting and I started role playing characters that I that people make up in the true blood world.

Because all the true blood characters have been taken, right? So I became Bill's robe. Okay. Bill's the main fan. Trust me, I have a healthy sense of humor about this. So, um, and I knew I was like going nuts, but it was, I was flirting with people and they were flirting back. I'd never flirted before. And then it was called the ad bills, bills robe.

Ad bills robe. Yeah, I haven't gone on it for years. That's amazing. Okay. Twitter. And so I'm also like personifying the robe of the time guy. I was personifying. Yeah, and I would have like conversations with his slippers.

It was really, really crazy. So at any rate. So I'm also an anglophile. So I made up Lady Chiki and I went in and I was Anne Bolin's handmaiden and we would sort of role play that and that's where I met this this man. You met the man okay? I'm Twitter. I know. I know. I'm so media. Yeah I can I mean you know listen have I had him checked out by private investigators. He's too before yeah okay yeah because I would know. So you started flirting online after off line our five months. He would me with love letters. We we texted and I am and letters and stuff too. He not nude pictures. No, but just pictures like you saw.

Yeah, I saw what he looked like and and and the only bummer was is he was married. Oh, okay. It is a bummer. Yeah. It is a big, it is a big drawback, but I was so like. Detail that right away. Not right away. Right. I got you. I know. And then once he got me in, that was it. Oh, PS. Yeah, PS. By the way, I'm married. Yeah, BTW. Okay. Yeah. So I was just, I was

fucked. That was just it. Okay. Yeah. So there went like three years of my life so anyway It's all good. I'm like oh see you're with them for three years and then you found out he was married to No, I found out like after he had been wooing me and we were like saying I love you Together, yes, and you never got okay, yeah, which is all it's all fine now. I like friends with his wife the whole thing It's all good happens so no judgment I got it but he's it's your sexual awakening. So then, okay, so you started flirting and the cheeky,

and then the porn. Now, so you started watching porn. And so when you were making this list, for example, give me some ideas, some things that were on your list. There were things that I was discovering that really sort of titillated me, and I didn't understand why. For instance, having sex on top of a car or in a car.

Now, there is nothing in my past. There is no sort of weird drama or something. I have no idea I don't care about cars. I don't care what people drive. Vaccine, front, on top of the car. I mean, preferably on top of the car, me, on the hood, he's in between my legs. And I mean, look, if we're going

to film it, it would be raining. Right. Of course. So why not? Right. And so he like sort of reenacted this for me without the rain. Did you send him an image or you just wrote down? I sent him the image and I said, this is on my bucket list or whatever. Okay. Hi. So I went to go visit him in the state that he was in and he took me off the road, off of the freeway and we drove for a while up this mountain and we overlooked the city and he had rented this car and he said, come on. And then he just took me on the road. You know, he was acting that way. I had remembered.

I had no idea. I know. I know. See, that this is why I was stuck because I would get this all the time. Right. And so that night he said he went up there under the hood He had scouted out the location. He had figured out that no one was going to you know find us You know so it was and was hot because you would

I was so I think it's so interesting what you're saying because the reason why I want to know what these things is It's hot. No, I think I'm always telling couples. You know, it's one of the you know biggest challenges for for couples individuals, it didn't really be a couple. You'd be sleeping around a lot of people, it doesn't matter. Is that, is that people, well, and I want to say women more than men, but women are just not, sometimes, many are not as in touch with what turns them on.

And what the fantasies are, they don't look, you know, they might look a porn or read a rottica, at all, and they're just cut off from that. And when you ask them, so a lot of times I say, you know, couples right in, you know, I want to get my part to try this with that and I'm like well talk to her about what her fans They are and there's a lot of well she says she doesn't know or she doesn't have any or she doesn't so this is such a great And this is what I try to explain. I'm like watch porn, but you're that's why I'm breaking it down because I find it so interesting that you actually at age 40 Built it we took I was late bloom or two like I you I didn't master it and you know about dogs and college.

I mean, really? Why, like, why didn't I get the memo? Yeah, I can feel it. But, so it's, you really built it, like, it can happen at any time and you can build it and you can just start by, like, looking at, like, this, this turn of events. And it doesn't matter. Why? And be with someone who is open and is judging. Because a lot of people with women and men are worried the partner is going to judge. So you, this very open heart, open sexually, open, you know, person sexually. I had no choice at the time. I mean, I was just, I was raw anyway. But like I said, thank God for it because without porn to show me certain things, I wouldn't have known that they were possible when people did this. And he took me seriously. He didn't make fun of me.

He took me seriously and just ran with it. It wasn't like, so do you want to do one of these today? It was, I'm taking charge. We're going to do this. And then he would hide some from me and then surprise me with it. I mean, there's a certain amount of joy that he took in doing that. And I think that had a lot to do with my excitement

because it was like a hell. We were both getting pleasure from it. Even though it was my fantasy, he loved setting it up. Wow, so that's, I love that. That's great. Dubai's mayor, whatever. Move down. Opened you up and started your whole launch,

your whole crew, who would have thought this is what you'd be doing? I, it's a, it's a blessing. You were not in this industry before. No, I was in the entertainment industry. Right. Got it. Exactly. So this is so much more fun, right?

I guess I kind of do both, but so that's, that's really cool. So then you, okay, so it. Exactly. So this is so much more fun, right? I guess I kind of do both, but so that's that's really cool. So then you, okay, so you opened up. So what now did it ever get pushed to the point where you're like, I can't believe like after a few years down the row, you're doing like, what was the most, you know, what was something that really, when you look back at that, that you've learned or that you tried that was just blew your mind. Was there anything that I went to a swingers spa and all nude swingers spa. And I'm like 200 pounds. And I sort of agreed to it, like, when I'm in a weak moment, because it sounded good, and then we're driving there with me and this guy, and we get there and I went, oh,

oh, oh, I have to take my clothes off. Right. We're in Palm Springs, where everybody is tan and has zero percent body fat. Exactly. Exactly. Fantastic. Fantastic. I feel great about myself. So what am I going to do?

You know, we've driven two hours up there. It's hotter than hell. And I just, we knock on the door of this weird spa. It was, you know, it was great, but it was weird. And this woman, this gorgeous woman opens the door with a see-through sarong and like a belly ring. And then I walk through and everything sort of fake tropical with plastic palm trees and everyone's naked. And they walk us through and they said, okay, so you know, it's mandatory. You've got to take your clothes off.

Mandatory, which I think is kind of weird. Right, usually it's not mandatory. It's going to be hard not. Yeah, but again, I would be the odd one out because I'd be the only one close. So I'm standing there and there are people's like there's someone fucking right next to me. I'm getting someone's getting a blowjob. Other people are just, oh, I haven't a good time. Eating the famous fried chicken apparently.

They're family. They're all naked. Okay. And so I just, I was, my heart was pounding and I thought I was gonna faint and I went, you know what, I just gotta do it. If I don't take my clothes off, I, this will hold me back for the rest of my life

and no one cares about what I look like here. They're all worried about what they look like or having sex with the next person, they're gonna have sex with me. So I just whipped off my clothes with my 40 year old body and my fluorescent skin and all of the folds and everything that was there and that was there and no one cared less. I still got hit on. People talked to me. I had sex with my partner there. I couldn't imagine it being any different if I had not taken my clothes off, I would have stigmatized it and walked away and talked

about it with my friends and just said, you know, I'm sure if I had taken off my clothes people would have been really, you know. Good for you. That went an amazing, powerful, powerful lesson. I mean, that was huge. I mean, that's got to be such a turning point for you. So, I mean, so many people could never, it sounds like, I mean, that's such a moving story. Oh, mixed monotony.

That's because we're talking about mixing nausea and images. So because we are talking about, you know, body image, people think they just can't get over things. They can. I think there was that part of it that made you already on your journey, but that really was just like, I feel beautiful and I feel accepted. I feel myself. I started from, I'm going to do it because I have nothing to lose and because I should just be able to do it. But see, I could have been skinned bones and I would have felt the same way.

It didn't matter. Because anyone's gonna be self-conscious in that situation but that's why confidence is the sexiest thing. You had confidence in yourself. I had confidence in my sexiness. Your sexiness, exactly. Can you teach that? Yes.

I do teach that. How do you teach that? You know, it's a process and it is something that What I tell people is look you're not gonna get it solved Nothing's going to be perfect. You're always going to have something about you. You don't like But the point is is to have less of that and when you're being intimate with someone to really sort of get grounded in that Sexiness that's there for everybody. And you start by touching yourself. You start by having a love affair. I know it sounds woo-woo, but have a love affair with yourself. Find out how you like to be touched. I didn't know that parts of my body were

arogenous zones until I touched them. And it blew my mind. sounds. Inside of my wrist, the back of my knees. Those are very, yeah. I found out I was a full body centralist. So that is a completely different turnaround for me. Full body centralist. Full body centralist, the way I describe it, would be my skin all over my body is extremely sensitive to touch. So I could conceivably have an orgasm from someone stroking my back

or from, if it's done the right way and I'm in the right head space, you know, it's not like every time, right? Exactly. Like, I give you a hug out there. Yeah, no, I got it. No, but I could work on it. Right. That's amazing. So you got and you got to that with this partner or just touching yourself and touching myself. I realized from what I was reading and where I was responding to my own touch is I was a little I realized from what I was reading and the way I was responding to my own touch is I was a little bit different than what I was reading about. So I started to look it up and I started to read more books and I was talking to a lot of different people

and they said, oh, you're a full body centralist. I went, oh, there's a term for it. Yes, there is, okay. Don't you think a lot of us are full body centralists and the people just don't know because they don't take the time to exploit, not full body central. It's potential. All I can say is, maybe you of us are full body sensuals? And people just don't know because they don't take the time to explore. Not full body sensual. It's potential.

Like it says, maybe you're not a full body sensualist where you're going to get a back rubber and have an orgasm. I'm jealous of you. But I always say, you have to spend time exploring your body because we have so many arranging us on our body that we don't, you know, like you said, the wrists are very arranging us, the back of the knees, the neck, the back of the neck, the ears, stomach, I mean, there's so many parts of our body. And I've said, like, what if you find out, you know, like the back of your knee gives you

killer, you mind blowing multiple orgasms and you just, you never find out, like you're on your death bed and someone touches your knee and you're like, God damn it, my whole life, I could have been orgasm, like, God damn back on my knees. So, and I tell people, there's all you have to do the work because there's so many people think that their partner's just gonna show up and know in their mind readers, and they're gonna say, oh, it must be the back of your need day.

No, that in real life, that very often doesn't happen. And even if you already have amazing sex and you can orgasm every which way, there's still more to learn. That's why mutual masturbation. I think that is the best invention ever. Mutual masturbation is such an intimate, such an incredibly joining experience for two partners whether you met them 20 minutes ago or you've known them for 20 years.

Because what is more intimate than masturbating, something a solo act with somebody else that you're attracted to and watching them? I think it's really hot, and they get to know how you like to be touched. Exactly. It's my top sex thing. Like if you guys don't, it's great to do when you first start seeing somebody too, because you get that information, that intel. Oh, she rubs her clitoris this way.

So next time, I'm going down on her or touching her whatever I know or he likes to stroke his feet. It's an anotot. It's like a it's a toofr. Yeah. Oh my god. Yes. Okay. When we come back got a quick word for our sponsors but we're going to be talking about I hear more about your website like Lady Jiki and how you came up with that and porn and some other sex tips. So first a word from our lovely sponsor, flashlight. The flashlight is the number one sex to a for men. And it's a great holiday gift. I gotta say who doesn't want a guiding and flashlight in their stocking because a flashlight is a male

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go to flushlite.com, use coupon code, Emily, and get some lube, get a flush light, have a good time. So thanks, everyone, for supporting my sponsors. Okay, Alp, tell me about you. I look, okay, so how did you, so with your blog right now with Lady Chiggy? Mm-hmm. So you have that many followers. Are you updating it every day?

Yeah, just you it's just you it's just me. Okay, and how do you find the images like how do you? Is it one a day to a day or you doing? Sometimes I'll go on a tear and post like 80 in a day Sometimes I'll just fill up the queue and let it just peter out No pun intended. And sometimes, you know, I'll just go through it and pick it. It shows up on my dashboard for the Tumblr operating system.

And I follow certain people and unfollow certain people. And I just keep the stream something that I like. I just post what I find sexy. Regardless, I'm a cis straight woman, and I post a lot of lesbian porn, some gay porn, as long as there is a connection between the people, or it looks really sexy, and then you'll sometimes some hardcore

because everyone has moods. Exactly. So it's kind of like your moods, but it's, as they take you throughout, you know, different days, you know, you're feeling, but I happen to pan a lot of amazing oral sex hotness, the way men were touching women's clitoris

and going down, I mean, it was, it was freaking hot. A lot of that. And just all the different images are, they're really beautiful. So what makes your Tumblr site different, you think, from like the other erotic tumblers out there? You know, I honestly don't really know. The only thing I can figure out is when I started having people follow me,

I think they were also following the love story that was between me and the sky on Twitter. And so they started being interested in that. And then I guess they just started sharing photos. I think it's interesting when you look at the demographics of the people that go to that site, it's 50-50, a men and women. and I thought it was really only going to appeal to women, but a lot of the men really like it a lot, and they find it a great sort of gateway for porn,

for their partners, for their wives, or their girlfriends, or whatever. Oh, my girlfriend will never, never like a porn site. Well, you know what? Show her this. This is actually curated by a woman and then by a feminist. And they'll look at it and I've heard stories of people. They now, you know, they're going to a sex therapist or now they have sex or now they do this. And- It's a great, that's a great point because I think that porn

is, you know, can be so divisive and a lot of women don't understand their partners. You support and it gets very confusing. Does he want me to do all these things? And I often tell couples you should watch together, but they don't know where to start. I mean, I can't recommendations, but that is great because it's,

you know, you can, it's not movie, it's not porn, it's, it's images. And so they can start that. That is a great gateway. And there are, it's, yeah. It was a great gateway for me today, let me think. I have to say, so, I mean, I think that that's, that's, I just think that couples,

you know, there are just different tools. I mean, I just say, you know, I just, that's my purpose. I want to help people. So whatever they can do, I think it's great that you have that, that that site and I think porn sex toys are great too. Do you use a lot of toys? I do. I use a lot of toys.

What do you love these days? I heard you talking earlier about, I love the, the best burp by Crave. I love that. Right. Oh my god. It's the gold It's so it's a gold necklace that you wear around your neck That is a vibrator, but it looks like a Space pen almost and people think it's this modern art jewelry and it's a pretty powerful vibrator It is probably where I wear all the time. I love it. I almost work tonight Yeah, I love it

Okay, so that actually you can get that at goodvibes.com. Go to my website, click on the good vibes banner and then you'll see it there. I think, but if not anyway, it's Crave. It's the Vesper by Crave. It's the Vesper by Crave. Anyway, yeah, that's super sexy. Super Nell. The Tango by WeVive and they have that new pleasure set. Oh my God. That and then the new Jimmy Jane rabbit too iconic rabbit too. The form too? Oh no, the kind of rabbit too.

Well, the form too is just like a classic. I love that. Don't even get me started. It's amazing. It's a great gift too. It's an amazing gift and it's so beautiful. It looks like, you know, a work of art. Right, you can leave it out.

It's great powerful. It's waterproof. You can use it together. You can use it alone. Oh, I take it every, I mine, I took for four years traveling. Yeah, I mean you can't tell what it is. You can't tell what it involves. You want to design where anyway. Yeah, because of the form two and then what did you just say before that? So it's the new iconic rabbit. Oh, now their original rabbit was my first sex toy and I actually had a G-Spot Clitoral orgasm, one of the very few that I've had with that one.

And that's a great one too. The real subsets, the heart of the real subsets. The real subsets, yeah. So this one is new and it's more modern looking. It's quieter, it's rechargeable, it's waterproof, and it's a rabbit. And I just got it in the mail the other day. And I just went nuts.

I loved it. Oh my god, I'm so excited. It's really great. I haven't got one yet. Okay, so I got to just went nuts. I loved it. Oh my God, I'm so excited. It's really great. I've got one yet. Okay, so I got to write that down. I have not tried that one yet. What else did you do?

What else did you think? I like the fun factory Amorino. Yes. Do you like the Amorino with the band? That's really cool. I don't love the band on me. I don't. Okay, so explain to me.

So it's a good G-sput, right? It's a good G-sput for the way my vagina involved is built. It's the perfect length and shape and everything like that. So you've got to find a vibrator, a rabbit that will fit you. Because there's so many different, I love the Fee Fee. J.J. Fee Fee. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

That's a great rabbit vibe. These are all like these are all good great G-spot vibes and like a rabbit vibrator has a literal simulation and G-spot simulations. So that's awesome. Yeah. Okay. So porn, sex toys, you know, it's all good for opening your sex life,

for changing your sex life and for learning your own body. So you can do it by yourself with a partner, it's all good things for tall days, gifts, give a little sexism for gifts. Porn is great for gifts, right? Oh my goodness. There's, and there's good like feminist porn out there. What else would you recommend?

I would recommend any of Tristan Terramino's videos. Yep, she's great. She's amazing. Everyone's having real orgasms in those. Exactly. And they can be hardcore too. So if you know if you have that sort of taste, there's can't there's old time Candida Royale, erotica, that is just amazing and vintage and very, very sort of not soft core because it was done in, you know, the 80s and the 70s. But it is just beautiful and you know, you get to see some kind of taste. Exactly. And also good vibes dot com. Good vibes after dark. There's a banner on my site and you can buy minutes and you can see all this great feminist porn or erotic. I mean, they have to be checked out there. Oh my God. Yes.

Amazing. Okay. So I want to go. What were you saying? No, I was just going to say anything by James Dean. There's a reason why he's very popular. He's amazing. Do you know that I was at his very first?

I've only been on one porn site. And it was about eight years ago. No. Yeah. when I first saw my show nine years ago, and it was his first porn. Oh my God. And I didn't find that out until like a few months ago. When I my saw my friend San Francisco, he's like, do you remember that porn? And he's like, yeah, it was James. Like that was James Dean. I didn't remember. Yeah. And what was the scenario? What was the story? It was a medical, like, living on her fantasy. So it was like a medicine, she was in a,

you know, like a hospital bed, he was the doc, you know, the whole medical play. Was he giving her a exam? Yeah, exactly. He was giving her a exam. It was kind of cliché. And it was like, she wanted all these fantasies to fill. And he was doing it.

It was in San Francisco. And I just started, you know, it's funny. It's actually on my YouTube channel. But I don't think he's not in it because I interviewed the women. Anyway, James Dean's amazing. James Dean. It's actually on my YouTube channel, but I don't think he's not in it because I interviewed the women. Anyway, James Dean's amazing. James Dean. I just learned that I was there, which is a big moment. I didn't know. Okay, so let's go back to we talked about women who are struggling with somebody. What about men? What advice do you have for men? Gosh, there are more men these days that have that have issues with their body than their husband before.

I mean, we all see about 3,000 images from advertising a day, 3,000. And so that's kind of effect us on some level. And for men, I think right now, it's men that have a hairless chest, or they wax, they can't have hair in their back or on their butt, or they are unattractive. Men with potbellies, men with average size penises. Right, instead of... I feel like men have like, I have to say say the dick Morphea now.

It's like body dick Morphea. My penis isn't that big. It should be bigger. You know, every guy. It's a problem. I mean, it's always been a thing about their penis size, but now with porn, like everywhere, people are, yeah, this is what I mean. So how do you teach men that?

It's a little different than women. It's a little different than women, but with men it's the same sort of premise of getting interested in your own sexuality and feeling your sexiness because really unless there is something you know, physically wrong with you or physically That needs to be You know function. Yeah, there you go. Thank you. Like, pay ronies or something like that. You should not have a problem satisfying your partner.

I've been with men who are well endowed and men who are average, and I've had great sex with both. Exactly. And has everything to do with the man's attitude and also just how he moves. Exactly. How he moves and how much how he pays attention. Yep. And he asks questions or you tell him you let him know what you like. And it's true. And so everyone's worrying about the problem is when you have these body images issues and they're taking over your sex life, you can't be focusing on your

partner or even your enjoyment because you're in your head the whole time. And when you're in your head, even if it's not body image and you're thinking about the fact that you didn't, you know, pick up the dry cleaning or finish this thing for work, you're not going to have the best sex in your life because you're not in your body, which is what it has to be about. So, you know, this is another reason why you got to, you know, I always say, you know, confidence is the sexist thing, but like how do you really learn it? And, you know, you could take one else courses, you can go to therapy, but you've got to just start loving your body

for men, same things, spend time alone, like learn other things. Spend time alone? Spend time alone? You feel good. And what makes you feel sexy? And what makes you feel sexy? There was a man that I met who had trouble meeting women, and so just don't even get to the sex part. And so what makes you feel like a man, you know, what he believes as a man?

Who do you look at? Who do you idolize? Who do you model yourself after? And really, what it came down to was he was looking at these sort of, these men who are really confident and really swav and we're really able to get the women. And so what we talked about is what would that look like for him?

To be, can we call it being a gentleman? Can we call it being ultra-respectful? Or how does he change the way he treats women to make himself feel good? And also make the woman feel good as well? And I think part of that comes from opening yourself up just a little bit, just a little bit. And just- It's not going to happen overnight. It's not going to happen overnight and everyone's scared. Everyone's scared. Exactly.

Everyone is scared. And there's a lot of, I mean, here for those guys too, they can't even get to the point of asking of approaching anyone. No. And it's, you know, yeah, working on your confidence and, you know, thinking about also channeling, like, you know, if you think about about if you are someone who has a hard time approaching women like when you're most come when do you feel your most confident is it with your friends or your family or the office like how can you because there are times where we

all feel really good about themselves and times when we all just don't feel great so you got to go to those places where you excel and how can you channel that into how you approach sex and how you approach your partner. Exactly. So I have a question for you. So I know that you have a film that you're working on right now. Oh, it's coming out. Okay, so tell me all about this film. If this is a documentary.

Inside her sex. Inside her sex by Shana McDonald and the CBC, which is sort of like Canadian PBS, they are putting it on their documentary channel. They commissioned it. Thank you. I was just followed around by her for a couple of years and she followed Candida Roy-All around

and this fantastic writer named Samantha Allen, who's transgender, and we talk all about shame and female sexuality. And it's just the right length, you know. Right, it's like 54 minutes for PBS. It's a little bit a little bit. Okay, now I had a film about it. Years ago right length, you know. Right, it's not. 54 minutes for PBS. It's a little bit. OK, not even a film. You're just a guy.

I mean, yeah. But it's a really important film because female sexuality is so wrapped in shame. So you have someone like me who didn't really do anything till she was about 40. You've Candida Royale, who was a pornographer and a feminist. And then you have Samantha Allen. She's going to show if if you wanna hear her interview.

Yeah, yeah, a catalyst, right? And Samantha Allen, who is a transgender woman. So what is more shameful than being born in the wrong body? You look at yourself and you say, oh my God, this is not who I am. So it's from three different aspects. And it really affects everybody. It really affects the world in a way, if you think about it. I mean, you know, because you work in the sex field. So the message, the take when people

they'll understand more about homosexuality and being... Yes, hopefully they'll see themselves in one of us and be able to see that they that they can also maybe make a step or something will resonate with them or they'll want to read a book or they'll want to You know explore a little something. Okay, cool. That I mean, that's what it's all about That's what I just don't understand why people settle for the same kind of sex over and over getting same sex life And you're I mean, I mean, I love your story. It's very inspiring. Thank you. And now, who knows what's going to come next, right?

You just keep growing. That's a thing about sex. It's expanding and it's, yeah, I'm sure you're not done. So what's your next venture that you're going to take on sexually? I've been very interested in loneliness lately. Oh, time of loneliness. And it's effect on on sex and your sexuality. I think loneliness is, there's even more me about loneliness and its effect on sex and your sexuality. I think loneliness is, there's even more shame about loneliness and there is about sex.

I think if I were to say to you, Emily, I'm really lonely. I think that people would shudder in, you know, and just go, oh, she's to say that. But I can say the word cunt. And people will just go off say the word cunt and people will just go off the word cunt. So you mean you and a phaser that you're feeling lonely? Yes, I'm exploring it because I was for a very long time was not interested in being partnered with anybody and just recently I've been feeling lonely like okay well we can live in different places but I'm like a boyfriend. I couldn't like that.

I'm sweating, so you were married. I was married and then I ever corrected. I was over corrected. I always say that. It's so true. I do the same. You go phone and now you want to go towards the center. Now I'm going to go to the center. Yeah and so I'm looking at it a lot because it's so profound and there is so much shame for me. I mean I'm embarrassed even saying it. Really but how? But I wonder I don't know. I think it's important for everyone to experience loneliness. Oh gosh. I think everyone does.

But no, I don't know if everyone does. I think a lot of people, or people can be lonely in relationships, too. Oh, yeah. There's actually a lot of people who are. But you know, I didn't experience it until recently, actually. Yeah, moving to New City, like I finally found. And I remember a therapist told me years ago, like I don't remember. It was maybe my early 20s,

I've been therapy forever, but he said something, not lately, I need to go back. He's something like, you need to be lonely. He's experienced loneliness. I thought, why? Because I'm always busy and going and dating. You know, it's of going on. And it was really interesting because

I took a lot of us to keep ourselves so busy, what did you say? You took the ball and ran with that one. Being lonely? Yeah, you're like, all right. I've been lonely for five minutes in the last few months. what did you say? You took the ball and ran with that one. Being lonely? Yeah, you're like, all right. I've been lonely for five minutes in the last of a few months, what do you mean? I know, I just always hear and you're talking about

how much you like to just get like hotels by yourself. Oh no, I love being alone. I traveled on the world for a year by myself. I did not get lonely. I don't get lonely at all, but I think it's because I moved to New City. I was in San Francisco for 20 years, and I had my friends, I was in a car.

Of course. And then I moved to New City, and I don't know, you just make friends you just make friends like that oh my god yeah so that's what I miss my community it's the intimacy and the intimacy it's missing you know me and you can relax with them and you can tell them anything exactly it's and it's different when you're on the phone then when you are in person exactly totally different okay L. Chase thank you so much for being on the show you're awesome this is great to get LChase.com. You can also find out more about our on my website. And thanks everyone, check me out on Facebook and Twitter on Instagram. And I love you. Thanks so much for listening.

Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to the show. And as we talk about all the great toys we talked about, you can find on my website go to sexwithemily.com, click on the Good Vibes banner.

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