Sex With Emily - For Penis Sake!

Episode Date: March 10, 2017

We tend to think of cunnilingus as one of the more difficult-to-master sex acts, but penises come with their own package of perplexities. On today’s show, Emily gets deep into the delicate art of fellatio, sharing tricks to help you deliver a bang-up BJ every time… And that’s just the tip!   Would you rather have a partner that makes you laugh or one that makes you moan? How do you get your partner to initiate once in awhile? Is your favorite vibrator holding you back from enjoying oral sex? Emily and Menace shed some light on these salient sex questions and reveal how much time we actually spend having sex throughout our lives… Spoiler alert: it’s a LOT less than you think. Don’t miss this information-packed podcast… Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Adam & Eve, Womanizer, Fleshlight and System JO Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we're tackling some of those hard to ask love and sex questions. What to do if you're bad at blow jobs? How to get your partner to initiate sex once in a while? What's more important in a relationship as sensitive humor or sexual chemistry? All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm in no about shrinkage. Isn't it common, all right? What do you mean, like, laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemily.com. I have a really good time there. Hi, Mennis. Hi, how you doing? Good, how are you? My favorite part about sex with Emily. Tell me. Well, other than, you know, you can shop and just like get whatever we talk about here on the show. Yeah, it's true. Uh, is the contact button? It is so easy. It has everything right there.

Right. And the way you want to reach, uh, Emily, it's right there. It's right there. Sexandemely.com. You might, you might be afraid to type it into your web browser. I don't know why because of your listening to the show. You shouldn't be afraid. Yeah.

Sex is everything. Um, but, uh, type it in on your phone and you can delete your history. Do it right. Is that he? Okay, we just troubleshoot it for an hour. We were delayed the show because men is such such such a wonderful friend and Uber tech savvy that he just fixed my stupid eye cloud problems. But the point is you're right.

I think that often we were talking about an earlier show about how men typically get caught cheating. I'm not telling that people like you you should clear browsers you but maybe they don't know how many so how do they easily clear their browser history? Well, at least for me. I'm a big iPhone user, so I I'm assuming it's the same. I do have It's a public service in a long time. Yeah, it's super easy. So let's say you've used viewed something that you know Maybe you don't want other people to see. All you gotta do is go to your settings, you find your safari, and you go clear history and... So easy, or Google, how to clear the history.

It clears everything in two seconds. Do you feel like most people you know who've gotten? And I hear from women and men now, it's true. Men get a card a little more, but how they caught cheating is typically through their phone text. from women and men now, it's true. Men get a card a little more, but how they at cut cheating is typically through their phone text. There was like, oh, it was a Facebook message. There was a text message.

And it was actually something just recently, we were talking about on the morning show that I'm part of the Woody show. They were talking about a story where a guy got busted through the eye cloud. So because you know, you're a big fan of this, I am not. They were talking about a story where a guy got busted through the eye cloud. So because you're a big fan of this, I am not. But a lot of people like to connect everything

on all their devices. Right. So guys are stupid, like I always say. And then so here's the guy he connected everything on all of his devices. So when a text message comes in, pops up on his computer, pops up on his tablet, all of a sudden. So he's out in the world, but his lady is back at home. And then right there you go. There you go. It's all the kids. I've even had

friends. Yeah. The kids saw the texts to another woman or another guy. My friend friend friend friend shooting and our husband the kid guy like 12 year old. So be careful. But don't cheat. How about that? Did you hear about the story just recently in the UK, talk about dumb guys, where a guy he, I mean, guys, you might have already talked about this, but he is suing Uber for millions of dollars. Yes. So you guys heard this because the location, the GPS track location stayed on it and his wife got a phone.

So what happened was he, he kissed, he's a dumbass and he's, I mean, he's cheating. So he's the dumbass anyways, but he's a dumbass and he used his Uber account on his wife phone and Uber had a glitch in it where even though he signed out, the notifications were still coming in of like, oh, your Uber driver's showing up. This is what the amount was. Like all the information was still coming through even though he wasn't signed in. Right, and she was like,

where are you going for $16 and 20 cents? Instead of taking responsibility of his own, for his own actions, he's gonna, I mean, it's 2017, nobody wants to ever do that in their fucking life anymore. He is going and suing, suing Uber over it. Like no, dude, you're the fucking dirt bag. That was I know what's going to happen with that though. That was a good few weeks ago.

I don't know. I think they've been under fire so much lately. They might just pay up. Who knows? Who knows how that's going to go? I don't know what the laws are different in the UK or whatever. Maybe they'll pay for it to go away. Who knows? I hope how that's gonna go? I don't know what the laws are different in the UK or whatever, maybe they'll pay for it to go away. Who knows? I hope they fight it because-

People just think you can't get caught though. That's the point. They just think that it's not gonna happen to them or they're overrun by lust and desire and they just wanna act in that moment. So thinking of cheating, I'm not saying, I am a reformed cheater, I used to cheat. You remember, probably when you met me,

was I a cheater that I'm trying to think I was over cheating then. 12 years ago. But the point is, you should probably take a look at your relationship, turn around and say, hmm, is there something I could do here? I know this impulse is urge. You know, I want immediate gratification. It feels really good right now.

But could I look at my partner? Is there something we can do here? Do I love her? Do I love her? Can we repair something if not, you know, then he ended and then you go have sex. Yeah. Right. But you, I mean, if you're out there doing that kind of stuff, you don't have your whole eye cloud connected to all your devices. No, you don't. But thank you, but you just had my eye cloud direct. But I don't share my eye cloud with anybody. So I feel really safe about

that. But then you try to make me that awful password. I was trying to make you a secure password so people don't find your nudes. I don't have any nudes. I don't have any nudes. But I feel like, I don't know. I could say I still think nudes one day, but I'm not going to send them to anybody. People you know don't have to do that as well.

So what else is going on? How are you? I'm great. I know by the time this podcast comes out, just check my Instagram account at menacemenace because I might be on the radio in a city near you. Oh, the Woody show. Check it out. So that's really cool. Just check that out. Yeah, check out my Instagram account too, because there's lots of fun things out here.

I'm gonna put up the naked picture. I'm gonna take a naked picture tonight. Maybe I'm gonna Promise that you know I want to do it. No, I had like a shirt where you're showing off for belly guys are into that kind of stuff Yeah, but I don't know how do you talk when you talk dirty? You like panties say Say belly. But so you're over your sickness. You're looking great. Thank you.

I do. I feel great. I gotta say, I feel really good. I'm moving to a new house. I feel like I'm really in love with you. It's really great. It's like a real home. It's a home and it's set up now in a way that it just,

I don't know. You move into a space. My other place, as I talked about, was like a very small place It was like I lived there for a few years too long It was a little cocoon, but you know you've just said you know like I've got a really nice bed You guys know Feng Shui the whole thing if you're looking I'm not like necessarily looking for someone But I'm just saying if you are this is what my does not my interior designer brought to me and I've actually said this to people

If you're looking for partner and your home is not set up in that way like let's say you have all your clothes in your bed You only see them one side of it, which I think I did a lot of my 20s and still happen sometimes But to set up your space So if you're looking for someone in the world to come in and you're looking for partner or you're dating to like Have two lamps two night sounds like set your room up like it's in a way to to welcome in that sexual energy. And then kind of invest in your bed. Invest in your bed because you spend so much time in your bed, which actually is leads us to our sex in the news in a second, which is funny, yeah, but but keep going. But I was just saying like the something that we've talked about in the past is like investing in your bed because don't you feel more sexy or more open to it when

you're more comfortable in bed, right? I know beds aren't cheap and not everybody can just like does buy them willingly like some of them like Cost as much as like buying a cheap car, you know, but it's definitely worth Casper mattresses are awesome. I love Casper mattress. Yeah, also sheets are important I was just thinking about this I was having a flashback like, things I wanted to tell guys in their 20s that like maybe I've said on the show, maybe not lately, but like this kind of stuff is important that I feel like, bad sheets.

And you might still get laid, but it's kind of gross. Like seeing your sheets and like you can go to bed, bath and beyond or you can go to like even target has really good sheets right now. Don't get those satin-y sheet ones that your mom got in college and then you just move into your thing.

Like get like a nice parachute and like change that. And teach them. Teach them. Like high end sheets. It matters. Like set up your feet, be clean. Like, you know, I get it.

It's hard in your 20s. You're just like figuring life out. But like, guys just take this out. The more comfortable your bed is, the longer a woman's gonna wanna stay in it. Exactly. Same goes for Jackson. I know it's a mind-blowing statement right there,

but I'm telling you, it is true. And I know you're like, I don't want to, I want to spend my money on an outgoing out drinking and doing like fun stuff like, no. Chicks come in and it fits smells and it's dirty and crusty. Like, no, she might not come back. So it's not that hard and it's good for your psyche as well. So get used to that stuff.

That was actually, I was trying to think, you know, I'm going to have a show on that too. Like just things that I've learned because I feel like I've learned a lot in my life about things I wouldn't have known which I wish I wish what I wish I knew, you know, in my 20s when I was dating. You should do a show where you're like pretending that you're talking to yourself. Yeah. Oh my god. It would be cool.

That's a really good idea. It's so much that you do a health help. We do it together. Right. Like, whatever you worry about does not matter. And that's actually true in every age. Whatever you're stressing about now, it's probably not really a problem. You're going to be fine.

You have your health. If you do, have your health. Yes. You've be grateful for who's around you, your friends, your family, saw work in, your penis is working, all that stuff, you're good. OK, let's do a little sex in the news. All right. OK, we've got to double here, because they sort of work together.

I found it very interesting that I'll read this. OK, here's exactly how much time you'll spend having sex in your lifetime. It's one of these silly studies, because they're like, think about your life for a minute. What do you do in a day? And how much time do you spend doing each of those things? So research, research shows we spend about 26 years of our lives sleeping. We spend 9.1 years eating and a salad 92 days of a toilet.

Time will spend, right? But have you ever thought about how much time you spend having sex? Considering sex is a huge part of our lives theoretically. It should take up a lot of our time. Or does it? So there was a study by Reebok, whatever, they care. The average person will spend 0.45% of their life having sex, which translates to 117 days. That's like about four months out of like that's about four months, like 800. What does it say? 800 days?

Not very much time at all. What is it? Why is it say 117 days in 800, 800? 800, I don't know. 117 days in the point of hours, maybe. 800 hours, maybe. Yeah, I guess 800 hours. What the hell?

26 different. 9.1 years eating, so how many hours? No. We spend days, not even years, okay? So if we spend nine years eating and 117 days having sex, that's like not a lot of time or on the toilet. We're spending 92 days on the toilet, so we spend a little more time having sex. Point is, I feel like that number should be up and we should spend more time prioritizing sex, or why I was interested in this, and I think about everything else that we, and sleep is important. I've been actually obsessed with getting eight hours of sleep lately.

Do you ever do that? I try so badly, but I can't. There's all these things like R.A. and Huffington. She's obsessed with sleep now, all her studies and all her researches, she's like, shows that you need eight between seven and nine hours. When I get it, I feel amazing.

I'm really trying, but now I've been so stressed lately that I'm trying so hard to get it that I wake up in the middle of the night because I'm nervous I'm not gonna get it. And that's actually crazy making. So now you have the answer to that. Try to have more sex. Let's try to bump that number up. But here's the other thing I found really interesting. What we can say. No, no, keep on. No, that beds are important. Sleep is important. Sex is important. Um, but the Swedes,

they're always ahead of us, actually. They're such more open-minded. They say that, um, Swedes should take sex breaks at work. Says the politician. So, Swedes, politician said that they should take sex breaks at work says the politician so Politician said that they should take a one-hour paid break from work to go home and have sex with their partners every day Yeah, let's do I don't know do but I'm telling you you're all everyone wants to know we have no time We have no this you make time for things that you make time for okay? Counselor suggests in a proposal aiming at improving people's relationships, there are studies that show sex as healthy, says Eric Musco, a 40-year-old city council member. He told a news agency, he said couples were not spending

of time with each other in today's society, and it's about having better relationships. He noted, there's no way to verify that employees do not use their hour for other purposes than spending time for their partners or spouses. He can't guarantee that they don't go out for a walk But he's on a reason why the motion wouldn't pass so after the fins and the French sweetest okay after the fins Fins and the French Swedish full-time employees worked the least in Europe with only 1600 hours on average in 2015 according to a study blah blah blah we work way too much

Germans 1800 doesn't say how much we work, but I'm sure we work a lot more insane I know so but that would be interesting don't you think like because if you don't have a partner Because there was wasn't there another new story if you used to go about taking time off from masturbation Maybe would yeah you'd either masturbate or maybe you get partnered up, but nobody would right exactly like hey I gotta have sex right now you in my office but I just think it's we got to prioritize sex more which is like if there's anything that happened we would have world peace if it was everywhere I agree I agree that the more sex let me tell you something else about sex is that I know that I I talk about this all

the time about how important sex is and also masturbation and even though it is my job I realize it like and you probably already know this and I feel like men, we always assume men masturbate all the time. But I think there's a lot of men who don't or they just, they just, either they're in a relationship or they're not in a relationship and they're kind of like, I don't really need it. But sex and masturbation is a huge stress reliever and I realize I was having a, I've had a very weird start to the year with all this stuff that's happened and there's some stuff that I can't tell you guys about which one day I will, not, I mean, I'm a healthy, I'm fine. Just some interesting stories down the road. But it just been kind of weird. And I was, I haven't masturbated. So then like last weekend, I was like, you know what? Like probably in like honestly a month, three weeks a month, that's a lot for me. And then before

that, maybe in three weeks, like I just haven't, and typically I do. So I was like, wow, I just think I should master it. And it was like this huge friggin release in a way that it was like, and now I'm gonna get back on it. It's like the gym, doing it more frequently, more regularly. And I realized with that time spent, I had so much more anxiety in my life that it's like this, just take time for it. Take time for masturbation. If you feel like you've low, low, low libido, or you're not interested in sex, it's's like everything the more you do it, the more sexual you want to have and you're just fucking feel less anxious. It's great. And another thing I realize is that you know how often like things are just right or nothing your nose and you're like, oh yeah, I know this and like I like I say like I have hundreds of sex toys at my house literally. Yeah. And I realized that people I was talking to

friend the other night and she was saying she was stressed and she didn't have sex, have sex with her husband. I was like, well, you should just masturbate and try this. I have no time for masturbation and she shut me down. And then I thought, I have all these toys that are waterproof, right? Like so many sex toys are waterproof. Like, what's like one of our, I'm trying to think right now, like what I use, I think it was the, the G vibe, the little finger one,

the searing, waterproof, and also remote control, it's remote control, but I took it in the shower. I was like, okay, I have to shower, no time to masturbate, because I always associated waterproof toys with, like I'm with a partner, I'm taking a bath, I'm like, no, I can masturbate in the shower,

like the good old days, like everyone does. And it was freaking awesome. I'm like, now I'm gonna test out the waterproofness of all my toys. So even though this is what I do for a freaking living sometimes I even forget and I'm telling you since I'm so tuned into that in my body it was a huge release. So masturbate and have sex a lot as often as you can. I remember if you can't have sex masturbate all those things. That's all. I think people are trying but some do get really busy. I think you get busy. I think you realize you don't have time,

but even like it's important for the sweet, you gotta prioritize it in your relationship because it's gonna go away. You think about it, you're like, I'd rather watch Netflix, I'd rather dinner. Yeah, and then you get so busy, and then it becomes awkward to even like, oh, to even attempt to even do it.

And then you cheat and your eye go attack and all that stuff. So I'm just saying you guys, it all goes to even do it. And then you cheat in your half your eye, go to the tact and all that stuff. So I'm just saying you guys it all goes back full circle. It's not a penis fix. Don't snap chat. PN specs you guys. I swear to God, I will block you. So don't even try it. But I love my snap chat.

You should be on that. So, okay, that's my public service announcement. If I kind of think of all the different ways I can tell people that it's important if you're in a relationship and not in a relationship still too focused on sex. Okay, so I'll let you think about that for a second, and then we're going to give a give a little break here. We're going to come back.

We're going to read your emails, love hearing from you, and thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. That's how we keep the engines running here. Keep the show free, and you know, we only talk about toys and work with products that we love and we use ourselves. So, thank you. We're right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hi.

Hi. Okay, we're back. Emails, emails. Sweet. Can I ask you something real quick? Please, do, miss. I'm so ready for that. So what is the most scandalous or crazy thing

you've heard lately involving sex or relationships, you think. Like from a personal, like someone who's told me something. Yeah, or something that you heard or anything like that. God, I'm on the spot here, the most scandalous or. Well, I'll just share something like in general and I've brought up. I have something to, okay. That I was, I just find like older and older people

are just like cheating through social media. Well, wait, that's what we were saying, but. But I know we talked about it before, but it just like, it just keeps on ramping up. Right, well, remember we say Facebook years ago, we said Facebook was responsible for one out of five every divorce of courses. And I have to be honest that every time out with friends,

they're like so and so cheating everyone cheats everyone cheats and I've even met women at parties recently in our mayor's like well you realize everyone cheats and so and I do think it is easier because of social media now. I feel like back in the day we could not cheat as readily as easily perhaps and they're gonna cut. Matt and probably knows this. Is on sorry. Does he have like a book? As easy as sorry, yeah. What's it called?

Modern romance. Modern romance, he talks about the effects of social media of like how, you know, back in the day, you married somebody that lives within like five miles of the ocean. Right, or you're building it, yeah. Because you don't have as many options. I've heard great things about it.

I haven't read the book. It's a good book. But it explains and breaks down. Like he actually did research on it. Right. No, it's really, really interesting that we just kind of marry the person who lived downstairs or next door to us. And it was so easy.

But now we like, we have so many different ways to be people. There's, we're connected to everybody too, that we've ever slept with. I mean, someone just tell me the other night that, I almost feel like cliche, but that like they're, they're boyfriend from college or something they heard had gotten back on Facebook connected with an accent and then went over and looked at something he told her because they're so friends.

They did sheep. He's like, yeah, I got back together with this girl. Like people are getting, they truly are their high school, sweet arts, their college. They're still looking at everyone's lives. Every person you've ever dated, you can, you're now connected with, which I actually don't want. Like, I don't, I don't want to know that the guy I was in 10 years, I don't want to see his life in this, not because I don't like him,

but I'm like, I don't, that doesn't need to pop up on my new space. You know, it's about a house. I was the same thing. I just don't want to even know about you anymore. Yeah. Like, the way like son love, son love, but doesn't need to pop up. I think everybody, though, they have like all their exes on their Facebook. Everyone, everybody like everybody's, you know, lurking,

looking at everybody's profile. I was just listening to Howard Stern, his channel on Series XM, which I highly recommend his like interviews are freaking amazing. But he, uh, caller was calling up and asking him like, hey, because he is on Facebook, um, but he has like a private, because he is on Facebook, but he has like a private account that he shares with friends and stuff like that.

And they ask like, are you friends with like, some of the people that you slept with or like past girlfriend's and he's like, yeah, he goes, I'm still friends with them, he goes, I don't talk to them, but I definitely like look at him and see like how, what they've done and like how they're looking now and all kinds of stuff like that.

Yeah, I think it's kind of like a national past time. Don't you realize when ever you're at the grocery store or wherever you're everyone's on Facebook? Yeah. They're like just looking, scrolling, scrolling. But I just think it's too much information overload and I don't wanna know some things I really don't. But what I was gonna say about the crazy thing I heard

is that yeah, it was mostly cheating. It was through social media, but yeah, that a lot of people, I literally think I have like four or five people in my close circle who, you know, the husband and the wife have cheated and something's happened and they're getting divorced or they don't know or they repaired. Because some people can deal with a breakup. They do, it actually does help some marriages and some relationships. But I just think there's more temptation.

And so, I don't know, he's just squashing you guys. If you're in a good relationship, you should turn around, look at your partner, and focus on that and not cheat. But I don't know what I've heard that's crazy, actually. You know, the interesting trend, though, that I do notice when you ask me that, is that there's a lot more, you know,

we get hundreds of emails all the time and that whenever the email's met up with the conversations I'm actually having in the world I'm like okay this is a trend that more men are interested in on press a play and that people are asking me they're like I'd like to get a butt plug or I'd like to have my girlfriend you know it's also it's good because it's your pleasure zone guys it's the peace spot for men's like the male g spot well it's be careful it's been wrapping up over the years, but then the past like two years. The last year was like a tipping point, I think.

Well, once I saw it like a whole episode about it on like broad city. Broad city. Yeah. Yeah. That's everyone pressure, but like that guy's going to, whatever it takes, we're like, oh, wow, I actually, it doesn't mean I'm gay. It can feel really good. So it's nothing. It's nothing.

It seems crazy to me anymore. That's a thing, but I just noticed these trends and it makes me happy. I'd like to think we had something to do with that. Okay, ready for emails, everyone. Thank you for emailing me and go to sexwithm.com, click on the Ask Emily tab, and then you just send your question really easy.

You can also select that you'd like to be called and we will set up a time to call you and get into your questions or issues, help you out, you can also select that you'd like to be called, and we will set up a time to call you and get into your questions, your issues, help you out. You can also leave us a voicemail, 818, ask SWE1. This is all on the website. And menace, what do they need to do? They need to go to sextoeml.com and click Contest.

No, but what do they say? Oh, that too, but what do they give us? That's the best thing to go. Oh, the rules, the generals that I say. that general's rules that I say, you don't have to really give your real name if you don't want to. True. We work with that. We always love to hear about where you're emailing from, like what part of the country?

Because that kind of gives us a good idea because they're like, oh, I can't meet anybody blah, blah, blah. Matters. I have no idea where the hell you are. You might be in Wyoming, which is at least populated states in America. It could be in New Zealand. You know, you could be anywhere in the world.

And your age, because it matters if you're having certain issues of 22 or 42. It matters. And one point you are on the last. And high-listen. High-listen. That's helpful. It's good to know.

Spotify, Google Play SoundCloud. OK, let's get into this. Dear Emily, my name is Sarah and I have a question regarding insecurities during oral sex. I don't have many sexual partners, but the times I have helped out with different partners, blow jobs are definitely my biggest insecurity in the bedroom. One time, maybe a few years back, I was given a guy a blow job and he asked me if it was my first time. It wasn't. Probably because he didn't think I was very good. Other times have gone fine, the guy always comes, but I still feel like I'm not doing it

right. I'm so insecure, I get worried my teeth are getting in the way and I just want you to stop. The last guy hugged up, I told me straight to my face that I wasn't good at it. We stopped talking after that incident clearly, but now I just don't want to suck dick at all How do I get past this fear and insecurity? Also if you give me some tips how to give killer head that would boost my confidence as well love always Sarah 20 New York Spotify listener boom Okay, you nailed that part Sarah not nailing the blowjob, but we're gonna get you there.

What's your recommendation, Menace? I would find somebody, a partner or casual hookup that would be completely honest with you. You know, you may like- She's already gone through this, here's the thing. No, no, no, no. I don't think that she's like straight up like a Look, you want to like give her a scorecard? No, no, not give a scorecard and be like look. I mean if you're let's say you have a partner or whatever or

Casual hook up that you're really really cool with say look I am going to Give you full ratio right now. Can you tell me if there's any issues that you have? I'd be completely honest with me. Is there any issue? I mean, not all guys are the same. She's 20. She's 20. But like, they not gotten a lot of blow W there. I'm cutting you off. Okay, listen, because it's not going to work. How's that? People don't know how to talk about sex to their partners even for 20 years. They're not going to be like, well, you could have had more teeth. Everyone's different. No, but I appreciate your insights. I do. But let me just tell this.

A guy that receives blow jobs, you're going to like give her a break. I know because that's how you like it. So there's so much going on here of the technique, but I appreciate that, minus here's a thing about Sarah. How are you going to give like techniques and not getting feedback on them? Because it's because she'll get it because she'll know you get into rhythm. It's like everything like you know when you're good. You're not Sarah. You're 20. You have been given a lot of jobs. I've heard her to assume. She did. This is her problem. She assumed initially

that, well, okay, well, maybe two guys told you this, but she assumed the first time. Well, was it that she wasn't very good? Oh, yes, he was her first time. Okay, whatever it is, Sarah, like you know, she's a vacation is a vacation. Totally. But you're not alone because women do have like blowjob fears and it just takes one person in your case two people two was gonna be a killer to tell you that maybe you know you need some help in the blowjob department which is totally fine like everyone who gives blowjob has my friends also ask me questions who be giving blow jobs for twice like 20 years okay so it's fine that you feel insecure.

You've got to just let go of these voices in your head, the insecurity, your maybe you're hearing their voice going in this your first time or that was really bad from past partners because that is holding you back right now. And so I think that you got to just realize that like, you know, that those penises like maybe you just weren't appealing to those penises. Let's just say for penis sake, that the first guy was like, is this your first time in the second, who it doesn't even matter,

but you weren't doing it right for those penises, okay? So let that go, let the criticism, let's just go back to what you can do to feel confident in the bedroom again, okay? Don't give up. Do not give up. It's like any new skill. I, first time I gave a blowjob, I had braces on.

It was not good. I was dating for like a year. He's like, can you give me a blowjob? I'm sure I caught his penis or something, but I was so insecure about it. I remember this and then yeah, you know, I said, you're Keith and you're like, if race is, you're like cutting my own lips.

Now, I think I was whatever. I don't remember what happened. He's, he'd never bled. But you gotta be, my number one tip across the board. Like if I'm just, I'm just gonna say if I'm in the subway, which I never am, if I'm just like walking down the street, I'm doing something people like,

number one tip, number one tip for blowjob, my enthusiasm, it's always, you gotta be into it. You gotta be excited, you gotta be into it. Like it is the most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you're like, licking and you're like, I do not wanna let this one, this drop. Like I don't wanna let any of it go. Because you wanna know, right, men,

if someone's, like, you know, bound down to your penis that they're into it and they're excited. Even if you're not fake to make it, like be enthusiastic through your insecurities, through this pain right now that you're thinking that you're fucking up. Yeah, suction, but not a vacuum. Right, you know, suction, but not a vacuum.

Because if there's no, if there's no suction, that is the worst. If it's just like in your mouth floating. Right. So there's a certain amount of like, no, it's true. And that's why your hands are there too, because your mouth may get tired, but you probably know how to give a pretty good hand job.

And you just want to like apply like an adequate amount of pressure like not too soft, not too hard that like you're cutting off circulation. But just stuff that's like a firm grip. Like use your hands as a great way to compensate for that pressure that you're cutting off circulation, but just stuff that's like a firm grip. Like use your hands as a great way to compensate for that pressure that you're saying that you need around your penis, being into it. Like, you know, again, that's the first thing.

So it will help you get into it more, the more that you're into it, it'll be this feedback loop. Again, even if you're faking it, that's cool. You wanna lick it, you just wanna make sure that it's wet enough. That's why I love lube. Use lob like you could put, if you're not already wet, you could put a few. If you, if you can't produce enough saliva, some people can't,

or they don't blow jobs right. I use it before every show, even though I don't give a low job. I love this stuff. Doc Johnson, it's called Wethead. This is also on our website, but it could help you with saliva. It produces, it tastes like strawberries. You could put some loob on your lips. I love system Joe Loob. They have lo saliva. It produces, it tastes like strawberries. You can put some lube on your lips. I love system joe lube. They have lubs, it tastes like like salted caramel. And then just make sure that it's wet. So you go down, you lick around the penis,

like use your tongue so you're swirling up and down and you're just like, the pressure is important. And then you, so press your own pressure with your hand and your mouth is going up and down, making sure that it's wet and lubricated and your grip is good. And you can also like ask him to, like here's the other thing.

I don't want you, you're 20 years old, Sarah. I want you to, you're not, look, because you're not in a relationship right now. I do want you to feel comfortable with the guys you're with. And I feel like the more that you practice is like the better you're gonna, and you can even make, you could be honest with someone

if you're with them. And you could even say, like, I want you to tell me what feels good to you. Like, I really want to be good at this. And when you're doing it, you can like, not like, tell me what you think, but like as you're licking them, like eye contact is important too,

that's part of enthusiasm. So you're like, you could have his penis in your mouth and you could be licking it. And you can like look it up and be like, how does that feel? Like, what do you want? This does feel good, like the suction. And I feel like if I asked a guy, like, they would tell. Like, would you tell look it up and be like, how does that feel? What do you want? Does this feel good? Like the suction? I feel like if I asked a guy like they would tell.

Like would you tell a woman if she asked you, would that be annoying to you? She was like, how is this? But I want my pressure. Don't you wish sometimes that women would ask her feedback? That's what I was saying. They flipped out on me. I flipped out the fact of it.

The way you presented it was she should get a review card. And what if he's like, you suck at this? No, it was all about communication and like guidance, you know? If she should ask, if I, if you feel like if something's not working, you know, like let me know, just don't be quiet. Okay, so I didn't mean to throw you down. I thought you meant like have someone who you trust, who you know very well, just give him a random blowjob and he's gonna tell you if you're good or not.

Did I say part of her? I don't know, I cut you off. I'm so many that you're. No, I thought you were saying like, did you hear that Madison? I think I heard it wrong that maybe. She did. I told you. I don't even know.

She just tunes out when I talk to somebody. She just does. It's okay. We all do. I get what you're saying, but I'm just saying, here's the other thing about sex, Sarah. I wouldn't just go around giving random blowjumps right now because the other thing about sex that what makes women enjoy't just go around giving random blood jobs right now because the other thing about sex that what makes women enjoy sex more, what helps them enjoy sex more,

and have more connection, and feel is when they feel safe. And we often feel safe with partners that we trust. So just a random dude, you're giving blood out to, sure you could just test it with them, but you might walk away not feeling as good. So I would wait until you're with someone

that you at least, you've gone out with three times and you trust and you've known for a while, whatever it is. And yeah, it's okay to ask for feedback. It's okay to like make it joke and be like, I want to make sure I'm doing this. So it feels good to you. Yeah. Okay. I didn't mean to knock you down, but it's your life to have sex advice.

Okay. So blow jobs, fun or all sex. Okay. Hi, Emily. I love the show. So my girlfriend's 26 and I've been together. We've been together for six months. We don't have sex as often as I'd like But we live about two hours apart so it doesn't bother me when we do have sex

It's amazing the thing is she never initiates We've had talks about it. She says she takes it takes a lot longer for her to really be comfortable with someone Can you give her us some advice on the matter Lance age 33? comfortable with someone, can you give her some advice on the matter? Lance, age 33. Lance, this is a great question. And I love that you said us because a lot of people, couples, listen to the show together because it can be, as we all know, a little challenging to bring up sex to your partner. So I love that you're both listening.

So here's a thing about initiating sex. I think for guys, you guys, my heart goes out to men because it is, you got to ask for the dates. This is society talking about you ask for dates, you got to initiate sex and sometimes you're like, can't you just start it, right? Do you feel that way? I've been saying that for 12 years. How would I? I guess how great would it be? Because a guy, it's scientifically proven that guys can't pick up on the signs that women are giving. Right. It's true.

Like, just let us know. When you want sex, but she might not, okay, there's a lot of things going on here. Let's just leave it understand about women. You would stop wasting people's time if you just said, you know what, I am into you. Let's, let's like do something to you. Well, I think that women are.

Yeah. But I think that men get turned on like so much, like for women, their rousal is a more complicated process. So, men, it's not that women aren't thinking about sex, like as much as men, we might not be as essential, but we don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. Yeah, we don't get turned on in that way.

We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way.

We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. We don't get turned on in that way. everything I'm talking about everything should be on an equal plane field and everybody should just be honest with each other right and then Then people want to get friend zone did and like and zone did right exactly you would know you would know You would stop wasting each other's time, you know, and you have such a better relationship if you do get a relationship Or just having fun with somebody if Everybody lived by a role of communication is a lubrication. I know. If that you can just all talk about it. I've been thinking about this so much, at least, about how much we don't, not only is it sex, we don't talk about we don't talk about anything. We hold on to resentments and we interpret, we assume things that aren't true.

So, but let's talk about communication here for Lance. There's a few things going on here. We could blame society, okay? I'm not sure what's going on communication here for Lance. There's a few things going on here. We could blame society, okay? I'm not sure what's going on with your girlfriend Lance, but many women believe that if we initiate sex, it makes us sluddy. We learn that at a young age, not like they stood up in a taught sense school, but we think anytime we, we see ready for sex,

we initiate sex. And I'm sure that she knows you're in a relationship, but she still could be holding on to this. So you can ask her, like, I want you to know that it would turn me on so much if you initiated sex. And so find out if she might have this block that she doesn't even know, we carry these things for, sometimes we're at lifetime, like maybe she was brought up in like a religious culture, they're like, you could never show your turn on. I don't know what it is, but that could be one thing. Um, if she's not comfortable with it, and also remember

that even though you've talked about it, she probably does want to initiate it, but she just doesn't know how it's against learning a new behavior. It's a learn behavior to learn how to initiate it. Like, guys, you've been put up with it, you've put up with the rejection, you know how to kind of do it. Even if you have fun, both sometimes you feel the moment, she probably has never done it. So think about it. It's like, for the first time, she's like trying, you know, she needs your help. So I would say encourage her touches, like let her know you could have the conversation about, you know, what really turns you on.

If you haven't let, I think you have let her know. You have let her know that you want her to initiate. So even if she just puts a hand, like beat on your knee, or let's say she puts like, rub her finger through her, you can like, moan, you can be like, oh, that feels good.

You can like encourage her touches in her advances. So she feels encouraged to do more touching. And also like, when you're again, like when you're out to dinner or something, you could like talk about this and be like, what turn do you want? I want to like know what really makes you hot. She might tell you, like, I want you to tie me up.

And you could back, I can't wait for you to initiate sex. And then you could say, this is what it looks like. So maybe you got a helper here, but don't feel like it's she doesn't want. You could say, like, when I come home at night and I walk in, it would be so hot one night if you like, rip my pants off. It's already been a blowjob and we had sex.

Maybe that's your fantasy lens. Tell her that, because she might just be like, I don't know when you want me to initiate, she needs more help. So paint a scenario for her. You can even, I always say four plays, start to the last orgasm. Send her text, be like, when I get home tonight,

it would be so hot if you were wearing that t-shirt, that sexy thing I bought you. And you were, like, you started making out with me at the door, or you met me in the bedroom, or whatever. Start painting it for help or build a scenario, and you both will come. How about that for communication?

It is. Okay, another email? Yes, what do you got? Dear Emily, I've been dating two guys. Yes, I know it's terrible. I thought I'd be able to choose by now, however I can't. The one that makes me laugh the most, which is a big deal for me, isn't great in the sack.

We did another big deal for me. To be fair, he's somewhat new, previously Christian, but I'm worried the sexual chemistry isn't there by now six months in, it's never going to be. We've talked a little bit about technique and things we like, but it just doesn't feel natural and I find myself avoiding sex altogether with him. Guy number two, not super witty. He's not a bore, but didn't win funniest for senior superlatives. However, it's the best sex of my life. I feel 100% comfortable. He totally gets my lady parts and I love love his. It's been really fun to explore that side of the relationship and I need that type of comfort in a long term. But I need to laugh as well. That's why life sucks everybody. Dude, I know, right?

Not every week is the perfect. My question is, is it true that chemistry isn't there? Do I train funny guy from literally first base to home plate? Step by step, hope he gets it? I know you say talk about it, but at what point am I forcing it? Or do I pick best sex and seek out my laughing, love language and my friends and co-workers? Thanks for your help. Love, double or nothing age 27. Let me tell you why I love this question. Because I'm telling you this is the age like

men has just said like welcome to the universe. This is this is something that we all deal with. I had this conversation with a friend the other day. She's like, do I choose this guy or that guy? Can you have it all? She heard issue was that she was dating guy that she really liked, she loved, she thought she loved him, but for six months, he's just the sex is great, but I'm bored on the phone. I, we're together, he isn't stimulating my mind, how much does that matter? And we kept saying, can I just get that for my friends? Is that okay? That one person doesn't fulfill all your needs?

And the truth is, that's something that you all have to figure out for yourself, what is the most important to you. But I can tell you that they ended up breaking up. And I don't think it was only because of this. It was more like, that was part of it, that they didn't really share a lot of the same needs. Like they didn't, not only do you not find this guy,

he's funny, but he's not great. But I mean, this is a different scenario, but like, turns out like they didn't want to talk about because they didn't have a lot in common and whatever it is, there's a lot of different issues. And you're gonna decide at whatever point, what's right for you. But I think it all kind of matters.

You can't have it all. There will always be challenges, but you kind of have to choose like, the lesser of the evils that you can live with. Like, okay, you know what? I can live with a guy who's blank. And in this scenario, first of all, I don't know why you have to pick an eitheror here.

You're 27 years old. If you're just thinking about for now moving forward, I'd say you can't force chemistry after six months, you have enough data. You have enough information of sleeping with Mr. Funny Guy that he's not gonna pick up on him. He's trying to make him to be better. Six months, like if you want to, if you want to.

The only thing is you go, if you go for the sex, I mean either way you're gonna be burned. I mean. Like if you want to, if you want to, if you go, if you go for the sex, I mean, either way, you're gonna be burned. I mean, I think you have a better, my personal opinion. I think you have a better chance of training the other guy. I don't know. I mean, yes, you could train him. If you, if you're looking for a relationship right now and you see this, because this is the person that you enjoy being around, because that's, it's not all about sex. I'm sorry. It's not all about sex. You can't have that like Make a relationship last, you know, but sex is important. We've always it's definitely important But we have we said this over the years like you never married the person you've had the best. I've not people say that

I don't think that's true. I've not. People say that. I don't think that's true. I think you can. I don't believe in anything like that. Like, typically you don't marry the person you the best sex with. I think some people really do. But what I'm saying is that the saying never happens.

That is the saying. The people say. Absolutely. But if you want to overall good relationship, then I suggest that you train the guy. And if he's untrainable, then effort. But has she tried and trying to think if she's tried? She's tried to train him. you train the guy. And if he's untrainable, then effort. But has she tried and trying to think if she's tried?

She's tried to train him. Here's the thing. He's got the Christian upbringing. He doesn't like, she's talking about kissing to first bait, to like, the whole, through all the plates. He doesn't have any experience. And she's already avoiding sex with him. You could have him work on this stuff.

You, if you feel like putting the time into it, it can be very, very rewarding. But I'm feeling like you're at the point right now. Well, don't you think you can design your perfect guy? I mean, at least attempt. I had to get ordered on my website. Yeah, but isn't this whole show around like teaching people different tips and tricks

and stuff like that? Absolutely, but it sounds so good. Can we like attempt to fix this guy? You know, if she wants to, but she's, you're asking me, like, I'm not saying the, I don't think you should go with either of them. That's my real advice. Is that like, if not, you're looking to like, you're having like, a bump to get married and have kids right now.

Okay. And then you truly love them both. That's fine, but I don't get that sense. Like, I feel like you're asking me more of this question about like, can you have it all or like chemistry. I do believe that it's not just technique, it's chemistry for her. Yeah, I wouldn't choose either, but that's just me. I would choose, no, I think that the,

let's face it. But let's face it, this is how the world works. This is how the world works. She's just gonna have to get into that. She's just gonna hook up with a guy that she has sex with the most and she just wants to justify it by emailing the show. No, I don't know. I feel better about it.

I think that. That's just how life works. I think that the chemistry is also. So just go ahead and do it and stop worrying about it. But here's the other thing, you have to have chemistry. They could be really great chemistry, but he doesn't know how to touch her boobs

or he doesn't want to go down in her. It sounds like they don't have the chemistry and there's no technique. This just seems like a lot of work. And he's got the upbringing telling him that sex is wrong. And there's a lot going on here. I would say keep like, but yeah, the sound list of the podcast is not this episode. And then he'll have a happy life.

That's just, you know, but I can't tell you what to do. But I can't tell you that you can, you can have most of what you want. But you're always going to have sacrifices and relationships too, and you have to decide what bummer you can live with for the rest of your life. Can I make a prediction? This one's gonna happen. She's gonna break up the funny guy, have sex, amazing sex with the awesome sex guy for, I don't know,

maybe up to a year, and then she's gonna email us again. She's like, oh, I broke up with both of them, and then I found some amazing guy that's pretty much- I just don't think anyone should send up. In with both of them and then I found some amazing guy. That's pretty much. I just don't think anyway. In between both of those two, you know? To me, those are major things. If I can't talk to someone and they're not interesting, but the sex is amazing, yeah, I can get it for my friends,

but they're both important. Like someone that challenges you and someone that appreciates you and sees you hard and makes you laugh. Although, you know, yeah, makes you laugh or you communicate with like, that's all important and sex as well. But there'll be certain things like, you know, you could, but I don't think it's like so black and white Like you kind of get a little bit of both. Yeah, and you know, then you work on things and then you decide well Okay, he's really cheap. That's annoying

But I can work on that or like, you know, so I just keep going you're 27. That's my Okay, so really in your life. I know but people don't realize that when they're there. That's the other thing I would think about a lot. Why didn't I realize I was trying so hard to make things work? Not, I didn't try that hard, but I wasn't really, just like two years at work. That grade, the sex was that great, which is probably why I'm doing this show now,

because I had some instances where, well, it fed into it, where the sex just wasn't. And I'm like, but I've gotta make it work, but I've gotta, I'm like, oh no, I just never got better. And that was three years of my life, I can't get back. So, okay, hey Emily, I've been single for over a year now after being married seven years, and I'm now officially divorced.

I'm getting back to the dating scene and I've been seeing one guy in particular. The sex with him has been amazing, and he's so attentive to my needs. He gives fantastic oral sex, but I haven't been able to orgasm from the oral sex yet. Since becoming single, I've been masturbating more and using toys. I'm worried that my body is now so used to my sex toy that it's the only way I'm able to reach orgasm. The guy I've been seeing

love seeing me use my toy with him, but I'd really like to have an orgasm from oral as well. What do you recommend? Do you think I should lay off the toys for a while and try to focus again on oral and finger stimulation? Thanks Emily. I listen religiously to your podcast. It's helped me tremendously with getting my groove back, trying to think sexually since becoming single again. Take care, Tina, age 32.

Okay, this is a great question. I always say that, I love, I truly freaking love all these questions because I see like, I can help her and that this can relate to so in people here that you were married for seven years. This is why I wish this was a call actually though because I wanna know were you able to orgasm

through oral with your ex? Just curious. But the thing about, I wanna answer your question specifically though about toys, I'm not sure that you're not able to orgasm because of using toys. Now, here's the thing about toys, I'm not sure that you're not able to orgasm because of using toys. Now here's the thing about toys. People always say, oh, I'm not going to be addicted to toys.

I'm not going to be able to orgasm anymore. It's kind of just like, it's like anything. I'm going to use the exercise example again when they say like cross training. Like, if you would run every single day, yeah, you'd be fit, but cross training, like it's important to like, if you want to build muscle, like you should like lift weights and you should mix up your routine, you could even get injuries by repetitive motions. I'm not saying your toys are gonna injure you,

but if you feel like you're reliant on one particular type of toy, like some of you are like, I only use this, then try another toy or try a different setting or masturbate every time, like maybe next time you masturbate, you don't bring it into the end or you only use it at the beginning. So you start changing up the way you use your toys and maybe you also employ more fantasy

when you're masturbating. So you're thinking about this guy going down in you and your pain is really hot scenario, like whatever, maybe you're like on a beach somewhere and like you're thinking about his mouth on you and how he's doing it and then you know, you're also using a toy but you like, you're melding your mind and you're like, your toy used together for this fantasy. But again, like, I found like, I used to think I could only come like, say like the magic bomb and that was like my favorite, which it still is.

One, I always have it. But I just, I love using different toys. Like, they, there's some that like, when I want more, have more time, like, the womanizer's great for like, if you want a quick one, it's great for a lot of reasons. Or since I just want all over, so I'll use like the, like the,

like the Wevibe touch, which is like glaze over your labia. So you just kind of mix it, play with it, play with rhythm, play with motion, but don't trip on it because you will have an orgasm in the sky. And also maybe he needs some tips, maybe you need some love, maybe you need to do water, you know? So I don't think you should worry about like toys ruining you and go cold

turkey just like people are like it's pouring ruining it's about variation and variety. Cross training. Cross training. Cross training. It is no it is though and then yes don't get frustrated either because yeah if you're like okay I'm not going to use the toy at the beginning or whatever you're going to do yeah it might take you a little bit it might take take you one at your times, but then you'll realize, oh, yeah, my body's very adaptive.

It's not like you ruined anything or your muscles are never going to, you know, be able to orgasm in a certain way. No, you're fine. It's a good question though. What do you think? I think it is. Any other sex toy device? I feel like I felt bad that I shut you down, or learn that you're upset.

Mad at me. No, I'm not at all. Because I think I didn't, I feel bad. I don't feel that bad. But I didn't explain it. Well, I don't know. I'll take the blame for it. Perfect. I love when you do that. Okay, man. So people can listen to you and find you like where in March. We don't know. You won't tell me. No, I can't say. Okay. So you might trend your radio one day driving in Wyoming. Yeah, or anywhere in the country. Yeah, so follow me on Instagram at menaceme and ACE. And I can tell you more later, hopefully, by the next time we record.

Perfect, I love it. Check them out. And you do lots of snaps and Instagram. Follow me to at Sex, Family, Cross the Board, everything. Subscribe to our newsletter. We do give great newsletter. We reach out to you once a week.

And I think you'll like it. People always tell me, I love your emails. So thank you everyone for listening. Thank you to my amazing team. Thank you, Menace. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me.

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