Sex With Emily - For the Love (& Crave) of Sex Toys with Ti Chang

Episode Date: December 4, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is joined by co-founder of Crave Ti Chang, & they’re talking about the creativity and design that goes into sex toys – plus, all the benefits of self-love – and Dr. Emily answers your sex and relationship questions. They discuss what exactly goes into the design of a sex toy – especially one as elegant & discreet as the Vesper Necklace, ways to get over the stigmas of masturbation, and using pleasure products. Plus, how to pose the idea of opening up your soon-to-be long distance relationship & what to do when your partner is adamantly against you having sex toys.Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.comFor more information on Ti Chang & Crave, click HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One of the things that warned my heart is because I also go to schools and I have daughters, sons who say, you know, I'm going to buy one for my mom because I honestly don't know if she's ever had an orgasm. And I think she needs to have one. And the fact that they're sharing that with me, I'm just like, oh my god, you know, and or sometimes like two girls or, you know, women will come in and they're looking at this product and one then we'll find out that one of them has never owned a vi raider. And they're like, oh my God, then you have to get one now. And then so suddenly, she's making her first purchase. You know, in the last, yeah.

I mean, it's amazing when you're like, people are like, oh no, they're like, oh my God, either you have the friends who are like, oh my God, you have to get one or they're like, the friend who's like, I don't need one. Do you hear that too? And you're like, you're like, you're the one who needs one.

Well, exactly. Let me gift you one and then we'll discuss it. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show, I'm joined by co-founder of Crave, T-Chang, to talk about designing sex toys and all the benefits of self-love. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include, so what exactly goes into designing a sex toy, especially one as elegant and as screeched as the Vesponuclus?

How to get people over the stigmas of masturbation and using pleasure products because, hey, there's no orgasm hierarchy. Your bot to be long distance is proposing a temporary open relationship really a good idea, and your partner is adamantly against you having toys, even for your own enjoyment. What do you do? All this and more, thanks for listening. Betrubized, they called them in a bag on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. MUSIC Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, just check out Sex with Emily across the board and all social media or go to our website sexwithemily.com. Alright guys, hope you enjoy the show.

T-Ch Teaching is here. She is the lead designer and co-founder of Crave, sex toy designer. She is bad ass. Like went to school for it, was designing like hair brushes and bikes. Then she's like, how about female pleasure? That's something I can get my hat around. Let's get women to talk about sex.

And it's been so fun because to watch it grow and to watch it be around so many other people's necks. Especially this vestber and then working with you. And you guys, oh, wait, let me say this. You've got one not two experts here in sex toys. Okay. So T, we, well first let's talk about this, the process of like, like you've probably learned so much since you do go out to women and you ask them questions about like what toys

do you want? Like what have you learned? Was anything that surprised you in this research about women's sexual desire around toys? Oh, I'm general. I'm the biggest surprise. One of the questions we asked women was, have you ever faked an orgasm? 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It is just so simple that I don't know why it hasn't been done.

I think sometimes things are just like this. So for example, you don't want it to make you feel embarrassed. So having a discrete aesthetic is really great. Having no chords, the USB charging is discrete charging. That's super great. Having something that's practical, that's washable. You can take into the shower. These are all features that just seem so obvious.

But yet was not in a lot of the products. No, none of there. Right. The product for you are like women. We don't want chargers. We want to screen. We want to be able to wash it. We want it to look great.

Right. And the way we think about products is not, oh, what are the features we want in there? But it's about the experience. Women want experience. That's easy, easy to use. They don't want no hassle. They don't want to feel shame. There's no place for shame on embarrassment

when you're using your vibrator. And if there is, there's something wrong with the product because products can really affect how we perceive if this is okay or not. And how you feel about this whole experience. So for us, it's about making this into a great experience. Right. It really is.

It's delightful too, because I've gifted so many to friends, even like all of them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. For years, my friends, I still have the one you gave me years ago that we have the limited edition one, but they're like, wow, like it's exciting. Even if it was just jewelry, people like, this is so beautiful, like the packaging, the design. And then they're like, oh, wow, it's a, it's such a thrill to see people's faces.

And that knowing that on all your other products are like that, which is cool for women, but then I wanna go back to one thing. I'm talking to T-Chang, she's the co-founder of Crave, love Crave, love Crave on Instagram. So now we have one that's a limited edition, and our listeners have been loving it. We love it here, our bounds.

And it's picking up the phrases phrases like people we had to like Decide what people are gonna want to wear on their neck like they're already wearing a vibrator Like now we're gonna add something to it. Right. That's hard. But don't you like ours? I come first? Yes Turn me on and then I've got meditating master rate manifest, right? Love people. I don't know what I know they've been selling a lot, but I don't know which I'd love to know which phrases. I think we can talk about finding clothes. I can yeah, I can check on, but I think they're all pretty close to each other. Okay.

Yeah. That's correct, but that's been a blast. What is the most like okay, so in the air stream, so she's tea, which I when I was 25 oh and backpacking by myself through Southeast Asia for like a year with the backpack on me because I was trying to like find myself and I was just like, you so you look at the air stream. Yeah, it was like, but you pray love, but you took an air stream that was people could build vibrators across the country, which is just amazing. And so when women come together, I can imagine, because I just see them at parties or when I'm out of the show, but they came in and they were like, wow, I wanna.

Yeah, it's so cool. What do they tell you about their sexuality? What did you find out? So, I mean, I mean, honestly anything goes. I mean, we've had events where we were so swamped. Like, literally, it was in myself and I had to get someone to help me. And then two women just like, somehow managed

to get through crowd, just threw me a credit card. It was like, just give me whatever you have. And I was just like, oh, me a crowd of cars, like just give me whatever you have. And I was just like, oh, I can be more specific. And, or we've had couples that came in and they were really skeptical. Like they look kind of like the, I don't know, just, you know, like they're probably

in their 50s and these look super conservative and they're really quiet when they came into the air stream. And then suddenly she was like, so these are our vibrators. And I'm like, yeah, and she goes, okay, well, I think I'll take one of these, but I don't want to get something for him. He likes it in the back.

Do you have any something for the butt? Right, and I was like, oh, we don't, however, we do have this bullet. That is, you know, a bullet. Oh, your bullet. That goes into, you know, all sorts of plugs. So, yeah, you can use that is, you know, a standard bullet that goes into, you know, all sorts of plugs. So yeah, you can use that for, you know, any, you know, anal safe product.

And she goes, oh, well, do you sell those? I'm like, no, we don't sell those, but you can find them on Amazon, you know, and she goes, my eyes are bad. Can you help me find it on Amazon? So I'm here in the air stream on her Amazon helping her to put this in her heart. And so, yeah, because everyone needs its information. I find that I'm doing that at Safeway.

Like I'm like, okay, you need to toy. You need to leave it. Yeah, we get it. Like you, we put one in there when they can find it out, but you're in your air stream. Yeah. Or you then butt plugs. You changed their life girl.

And I was just like, do you know what size he is? Cause I don't know what size he is. But you guys should have a conversation about that. So, um, need to talk about it. Yeah, and then also one of the things that worn my heart is, because I also go to schools and I have daughters, sons who say that, you know, I'm going to buy one for my mom,

because I honestly don't know if she's ever had an orgasm. And I think she needs to have one. And the fact that they're sharing that with me, I'm just like, oh my god, you know, and or sometimes like two girls or, you know, women will come in and they're looking at this product and one, then we'll find out that one of them has never owned a vibrator. And they're like, oh my God, then you have to get one now. And then so suddenly she's making her first purchase, you know, in the bottom.

I mean, it's an amazing when you're like, people like, oh no, they're like, oh my God, you the friends who are like, oh my God, you have to get one. Are they're like, the friend is like, I don't need one. Right. Do you hear that too? And you're like, yeah, you're like, girl, you are the friends who were like, oh my God, you have to get one, or they're like, the friend who's like, I don't need one. Do you hear that too? And you're like, girl, you are the one who needs one. Well, exactly. Let me gift you one, and then we'll discuss it. But T, Chang from Crave, I gotta ask you this question.

Are you dating right now, or single? I'm dating, right? You're dating. No, I'm with someone. Oh, you're with someone, yes. Okay. How has it been working in this industry for 10 years

being a woman who talks about sex for a living or who's in this industry? Yeah, I think that experience largely depends on who you're with. So, for example, if I'm going to be, like, I live in San Francisco, if I'm going to be in a, I don't know, at a bar, a bunch of tech bros, like, that's not going to go well.

And oftentimes, I'm in that situation then I just don't even bother saying what I do. Just because I just don't need it. Because it's like, ooh, you just text or you make do lose. It's like, you know, or, then if I'm with a group of empowered women, because there are a lot of these kick ass women and everyone says, go, then of course I tell them, you know,

and so, if there's been times what's been condescending, because I've had a man tell me like, how did you end up designing sex toys? As if like I had no other choice. Exactly. I'm like, well, I started the fucking company. Exactly.

So it's, I think there are people have baggage with it and they project that. But then for me, I just, I think just to be in this industry just like yourself, I mean, you just own it and you just have to have a fix right That's that's how I feel to feel like oh our guys intimidators at heart I'm like it's not hard because I'm actually weeding out people who can't handle it like exactly

It's a filter yeah, it's not gonna if it's a problem. We're not gonna meet it won't be a thing exactly I'm not gonna worry about it. Yeah, I remember when I was like swiping. Thank God. I'm not doing that anymore I've had someone after, you know, we match, they don't even remember what app it was. And then he asked me what I did. And I told him because I thought he was, you know, I, you know, like, of course, it's like a filter. And he immediately unmatched me. I was like, hey, go, good to know. I didn't have to get dressed up and like, waste two hours of my time. Didn't have to do my make-up. Exactly. So, God. I love that we're both all about pleasure.

Tell me about your pleasure manifesto. Ah, so we just launched this pleasure manifesto. So here's the thing. Is that, okay, a few days ago, Mashable came out with an article that says, this is the golden age of sex toys, and we cannot help but agree. And part of this is that it is like a new revolution that's kind of

happening a sexual revolution. Yes it is. And with any revolution you need to manifesto. So we create this manifesto for everyone. And it's basically reminding people to own their pleasure. And it has, you know, just sayings in there that are short and pithy, you know, that basically tells people that, look, this is your pleasure. This is, you know, that basically tells people that, look, this is your pleasure. This is, you know, own it. It's like something they can get or to box up. So it's basically a short video that you can listen to.

And to me, I like it to think of as my pleasure coach. Okay. Like, whenever you think like you're not worthy of pleasure or like you're just like not thinking about your own pleasure, listen to this manifesto. It's like this pleasure coach that will just tell you like, girl, get it. Own it. That's it. I just think that in my head to remind me of it. It's like this pleasure coach that will just tell you, like, girl, get it, own it. That's it, I just need that in my head to remind me of even, it's just an encouragement. You might just, where do we find it?

Just go to lovecrave.com. Lovecrave.com. And you can check out my best for also, because people like, what are you talking about? sexthelmy.com slash vesper, VESPR, or lovecrave.com. So they're whole, all their things. Go to our Instagram at lovecrave and you'll see it on our IGTV. Okay, that's awesome. Tee. So they're all like all our Instagram at LoveCrav and you'll see it on our IGTV. Okay.

That's awesome. Tee. Because I mean, one of the things that we do is that in addition to products is that we believe in letting people know what we believe in. And so that's why we create the pleasure, the the air stream to drive around the country. We engage with people because sometimes just having products, it's not enough. You have to engage with them. They have to actually see it.

They have to see it to, that's what I think. Look at my videos in, because I feel like people do buy stuff when I talk about, but go and get a look at it, go into a store, but they often can't. So that's good. You're traveling around the country.

Exactly. So we're all wearing it if you're running to us. Exactly. Cross swords with us. We will cross swords. Let's cross swords and like take a picture of the break and then we're gonna post it on the Instagram. Well, thank you so much for being here. See, I have to ask you five questions I ask all of my guests.

Okay. Ready? What's your biggest turn on? Oh. Biggest turn on. A smart mind. Biggest turn off. Close-minded. This. What makes good sex?

Communication. Something you tell your younger self about sex. It'll get better. That's the best thing ever. I hear you. Number one sex tip. Make sure you trust them. Yeah. All right. I love. Trust is you. It's been a great, a big theme for me today actually.

Thanks for bringing that up. Teaching, you're awesome. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for gracing us with these beautiful necklaces for bringing that up. Teaching, you're awesome. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for gracing us with these beautiful necklaces, but also all the work that you're doing at Love Crave. And thank you for coming in. All right, we're gonna take quick break, and we come back.

We're gonna get into your questions. It's time for emails. I love answering your questions. That's why it exists on the planet. It's time for emails. I love answering your questions. That's why it exists on the planet. So if you want a question answered go to my website, sexwithemily.com, click the ask, Emily tab, belt the short form, or email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.

All you got to do is include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. And it's totally cool if you change your name. Thanks. All right, Jamie, you want to read the emails? Of course. Okay. So this first one comes to us from Tyler 35 in Wisconsin. Dear Dr. Emily, I have low self esteem as a person.

My wife wants me to be more rough and grabby as well as talk dirty to her more. My feeble attempts haven't been enough and it's starting to cause issues. What are some things I can do to help myself a steam and be the person my wife is looking for? Thanks. All right, Tyler. So here's the thing about self-esteem is that it's work, right? And I don't think that we,

I think we all have self-doubt, negative self-talk, think that we can do better. It's part of the human condition. And so what really works on self-esteem is to really focus on, you know, your own journey. I always love the idea of doing affirmations, writing down qualities that you really like about yourself. Having words of affirmation that you say every single day, keeping a journal, going to therapy. Therapy has been a huge factor for me and for many people, just understanding your process where this negative conditioning comes from and working on being a person

that you can feel great about, you know, and I feel like a lot about self-esteem, like I always say it's an inside job and I'm sure no matter how much you succeed and your wife tells you you're fabulous or you get a bonus at work, sometimes we just have that nagging, you know, negative tape. And so I would just say knowing that that's something you want to work on, going easy on yourself, not being so hard on yourself. And again, for me, what's really been helpful is I have affirmations. I meditate, I read them to myself, I have things that I write, and having your voice replacing the negative self-tape with positive affirmations really helps and therapy. Also, going back to your wife. So, I think here's a thing. If your wife wants you to be more rough or

talk dirty to her, you are not alone with feeling like what does she mean? I really want to be that man for her, but I've never talked dirty. I've never been rough in bed. So remember, it's okay to ask her, well babe, I want to be that great lover to you. Tell me what that looks like. How are you supposed to know, Tyler? So don't let that be another thing that you're beating yourself up for. I would ask her, what does that look like? Maybe you guys could watch some porn together, read some erotica. You know, there's a great new site we love called try Quinn.com Q U I N N. And it's essentially audio erotica.

So I feel like you need to figure out, you know, together like what that looks like. And I think once you start to see it, talk about it, listen to it, you'll understand what she means. Also, Tyler, I want you to figure out what do you want, sexually. Now, if you just say, I just want my wife to be happy, I would say go deeper than that. What do you really want? You know, we all have our own needs and desires

and that is a journey as well. So rather than just being a pleasing your wife, you know, when you guys are going down this journey of getting educated and what to fill in each other's fantasies look like, I think that's gonna be help for both of you and especially for you figuring out who is Tyler as a sexual being along with your wife. So that's what's gonna be the recipe for success.

Thanks Tyler. Okay, this next one comes to us from Asera, who's 20 in Australia. Hi, Dr. Emily. Soon I'll be going overseas for 6 months and will not physically see my boyfriend during this time. I'm hoping to purchase my first vibrator for the time that I will be away. Is there a small vibrator that is travel-friendly, quiet, and suitable for a first timer that

is on a budget that you would recommend? Additionally, would proposing a temporary open-of-relationship be a terrible idea? If not, how could I go about it? He has mentioned previously that he would be open to me experimenting with women, which I have never done before. However, I'm not sure how he would feel about this while we are apart, and if I were to be with any men. Thanks for any advice. Alright, Sarah, thanks for this question. Let me start with the easy answer. Um, quiet, travel-sized vibrator. I love the bullet from plus one. And you can get those online or at Walmart or target and

it's only $10 and it's a great vibrator. Another thing is, um, crave, they're a little bit more higher price points, but crave makes vibrators that are also quiet and discrete and why I love them for travel is because they all are USB rechargeable so you just plug it I plug mine into my laptop. So that's what I that those are the quiet vibes I love and also if you go to our site and you go to the store you can search on our store which is a good vibration powered by a good vibrations you can search by discrete vibrators and so those will come up as well you'll be able to see which ones to pick. And I know that Australia is a very big market right now,

really burgeoning, growing market in this X toy space. So you can probably find a lot of toys there. Okay, so you're 20 years old and you're going on a major adventure. So good for you for leaving your town and like leaving your boyfriend and going on a journey. And I have to say, I believe that that would be crucial for you to open up the relationship in some capacity while you're gone. Because listen, I know it doesn't, you're in love. Maybe it's your first

relationship, but traveling and having adventures really means that you'd want to be open to all experiences. And I think that being really tied to your boyfriend when you're gone would take a lot of like, you know, long distance talking and calls and well, I think that's important. I believe that when you leave a country and you're going on adventure to still have this, you know, person that you got as talk to and check in with might be taking away from some of your adventure, okay? So whether he's the one who has to be with and spend the rest of your life with, you can figure that out when you get back. So I'm a huge fan of keeping things open when you go away.

Now you're the one leaving. So having this conversation with your boyfriend and saying, you know, I want to be open to women and men when I go, I doubt that he's going to feel that great about it. But I believe that it's an important conversation to have. It's not that you don't love him, but you want to be open to be able to have experiences when you're away. Now, as far as the rules around that, I think it's tricky. I think that maybe he'll say, I want to hear everything that you're doing. If he is with someone else, maybe you're going to want to hear it. But only you guys will know how that feels. If you came home from a night and say, Hey, baby, hooked up with someone, you know, that might not feel great.

So maybe you guys in this scenario, you say we're both open and unless we really want to know we can ask, but don't feel that you have to report back. So and again, set your own rules and your own boundaries, but I think that having this conversation before you leave is great. in your own boundaries, but I think that having this conversation before you leave is great. Or if you leave and realize you want to have it, that's fine too. But I think being open rather than cheating is definitely the better way to go. All right. Thank you for your question and have a good time, bro. Sarah. I know.

I wonder if she's going overseas to America. It's going to be America. You get a lot of toys here. Let us know if you come to town. We got you. Okay. This last one comes to us from Elizabeth, who is 34 in Texas. It's gonna be America. You need a lot of toys here. Let us know if you come to town. We got you. Okay, this last one comes to us from Elizabeth who is 34 in Texas.

Hi, Dr. Emily. What should I do if I wanna try sex toys? But my male partner is adamantly against it. He's worried about me enjoying the toys more than him and that I will replace him. He has banned me from having absolutely any toys, but I honestly think it will spruce up our sex life. I masturbate often because my libido is significantly higher than his. He doesn't like me doing that either, He's banned me from having absolutely any toys, but I honestly think it will spruce up our sex life.

I masturbate often because my libido is significantly higher than his. He doesn't like me doing that either, but I do because I enjoy it. Should I respect him and keep away from toys? Elizabeth, alright, thanks for this question. Utlism. I believe that you pleasure is your birthright. It's all over our birthright. We are allowed to masturbate and give ourselves love and it's a really important part of being a

sexually healthy person whether you're a man or a woman or however you identify. We need to keep our pilot light lit and to keep it going. So I understand that he's a lower libido and feels like he can't keep up. And so for him a way to keep control is him by saying, oh, I don't want you to do toys or I don't want you to masturbate, which honestly, as a sex doctor, I do not advocate for this. I believe that you need to keep your sexual energy going and you need to masturbate as much as you want to.

So again, I think he's against it because it's a threat. So I believe that having a really healthy conversation with him, and again, this probably, if this has to be an ongoing conversation about your sexual health and how it's really important for you to continue to have pleasure, you know, not just Cuzzy as a little libido, but just because it's important for all women, all men.

So I think that, you know, definitely toys are a huge part of it. So many women can only orgasm with toys, which is fine. Remember, there's no like hierarchy of orgasms. Like if you have it with your hand or a penis, it's a far superior orgasm. For many women, it doesn't even happen that way. Definitely doesn't happen with a penis for most women, but I believe that there's a threat here. So if you, you know, want to stay with your partner, you love your partner, he needs to understand the importance of pleasure and masturbation for being sexually healthy. But what else does he need? If he is a low libido, I believe that something to look into is he depressed?

Is he going through a time right now? Where is he taking medications? What can he do for his own sexual health, rather than, you know, yelling from the front lines, you shouldn't be masturbating like, what is he doing to keep his, a pissed part of the commitment, even to himself and to you in the relationship?

So, and I have to tell you this, there's a lot of couples that there's a lot of men I hear from, who are like, I don't want a partner of toys or I want a police, and I'm telling you, once partners start to use toys within their sexual relationship, they seem to be way less intimidated by it. Like once he sees it,

because maybe you could use a toy together, most couples I find realize, oh wow, that's really hot. It actually enhances intimacy to break a toy in the bedroom with your partner. You know, toys can feel great for men too. So I feel like what I'm hearing is he needs a little bit better understanding of women's health and pleasure and how toys factor in the mix and by you masturbating often, it's better for your mental health, your physical health, your emotional health.

What I recommend is for many couples to sit down and listen to these podcasts together. It's been really helpful for couples. Maybe if he's a reader, you can find some articles that would help them realize that. We've got a ton on our website. It's such-of-the-m-le.com. But I don't think that you should view a bad and for apologizing for what you desire in the better. Edel.

Okay, thanks for your question Elizabeth. If you like this show, I would love if you guys gave us a five star review on iTunes, even just five stars or an or a writer review, super helpful for us and for the show. And we bring you three podcasts a week and we want to continue doing that. So thank you for your support of the show and for being you and for emailing in and being vulnerable and asking your questions. Thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Michelle, Heather, producer, Jamie, a lovely girl, and Michael. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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