Sex With Emily - Foreplay and Orgasms for All

Episode Date: February 21, 2015

Now that the excitement of Valentine’s day has passed, you’re probably thinking, “what’s next”? In this show, Emily shares tips on how to keep your sex and dating game going strong all year long. She and her assistant discuss the results of Timeout.com’s “World of Dating” survey, which gives an inside look into the dating habits of 11,000 singles in 24 cities, and Emily shares her top tip for dating success: Be the person you want to find. She also answers emails on porn problems, quickies and missing orgasms! Want to know which city finds bad breath the ultimate deal breaker? Or how most of the world is meeting their match? Emily’s got your answers, plus more. This show is all about dating (and a little bit of sex), so take what you need and enjoy the rest. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Now that the excitement of Valentine's day has passed you're probably thinking what's next? Well today I'm answering your emails and giving you tips and how to keep the passion of Valentine's Day live and going strong all year long. Okay, I'm gonna tell you about one of the things that's really gonna improve your sex life. So here's a deal. I'm here with Madison, my producer, and we need to tell you about the J.J.U. products. That's J.E.J.O.U.E. Now, if you've been listening for a while,

I've been obsessed with them for a long time. But Madison and I use the toy, not together, the J.J.U.Mio, which is a penis ring, and we both had incredible experiences with it. Yeah, it was really fantastic. This takes penis rings to an entirely new level that you have not experienced before. It's not just for guys, it's for their partners too.

It's something that you guys can share together, whereas usually it's like a sex toy that you're using like, literally, and he has to hold it and press it against you during sex, and there's all these hands in the way. Right, this is hands-free. Hands-free, and your penis becomes a goddamn vibrator, right? Isn't that what you want? You want your penis to become a vibrator and this is a really powerful

pulsations, it's different pulsations and it rumbles. It vibrates but it has a special rumbling mechanism. Plus, J.J. U makes the Mimi which is great for literal stimulation and the Fifi, if you guys want to go search them for her G-Spot, it'll rock your world. They make great products, you will love them, they are like no other ones on the market, they feel great all over your body. So, and also, they're beautifully packaged. In discreet, you can leave them out. No one knows that you have a mini orgasm machine

sitting on your nightstand. So use code Emily for 10% off of your purchases at jju.com, that's j-e-j-o-u-e.com. [♪ music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a rock music playing in background, sounds of a bi-gon. Hey, Abelene. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broke and he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off your show. I'm going.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Abelene's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, take our survey. You guys, check out our survey. It's out on our website, but also if you just go to our website and search survey, it'll

come up as well. And it's been great. We've had a lot of answers from you guys. We've had a lot of you'll respond. But really, if you're a listener to the show, I just want to know, what do you like about it? What would you like to hear more? What are the episodes that really stuck in your mind? What are some questions you have? It'll take you three minutes and you might even win an awesome sex toy. So we just appreciate your

support of the show as always and you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook, all those things are sex with Emily. And today's show, okay, we are going to go through some sex in the news. I've got Madison here to help me sex in the news. I've got Madison here to help me, sex in the news, answer your emails. We got some good news stories today. I'm like obsessed with one of them. And we're gonna be answering the questions that you sent to feedback at sex.mo.com. And I know you're gonna like some of these topics too, and they include things like sex tips for younger listener and a woman who doesn't like foreplay.

Porn, porn issues in a relationship and some other things. And you might get a little bit about anal sex, which I know you all love talking about. And as always, you can email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Okay, sex the news. I love this. This is a survey that was done by TimeOut.com. And it's about the world of dating in 2015. They collected responses from 11,000 people in 24 cities all over the world, which reminds me of Madsen. This is much better than that study of like women are peeing, not squirting where they like talk to eight women. That would be called inconclusive data. This would be called conclusive data.

11,000 people in 24 cities. I just had to point that out. Okay, the best city in the world for dating. What would you think it is? Okay, what's your start with number 10? Yeah, no, honestly, let's count down because then people are just going to get even more excited for it. Okay, you're going to get excited.

Number 10, Tokyo. So, I mean, there are a lot of people in that city. So, not nearly as many as like say China or something. I know, but I wonder what makes it the best. I mean, what are the criteria and is for the best? But number nine is LA. That does not, I mean, actually that kind of surprised me a little bit just because LA is,

I always hear people talking in LA. Like, oh, there's no end to date here. Everyone's awful. So, apparently not everyone thinks that. But the weather's really good. It's so funny. I was talking to a friend of their day. Like, oh, there's no end to date here. Everyone's awful. So apparently not everyone thinks that. But the weather's really good. It's so funny. I was talking to a friend another day and they're like, how's L.A. I'm like, wow, the weather's great.

And I feel like everyone always says about L.A. But the truth is, the weather really does make a difference on your mood, seasonal affective disorder. You don't have it here. And in L.A., it's fun because you can do things outside and have good sexy dates. Go for late night swims and a pool or something.

Swims. I mean, I can wear a sundress in January. And that helps me out a lot. things outside and have good sexy dates. Go for late night swims and a pool or something? Swims? I mean, I can wear a sundress in January. And that helps me out a lot. If I was single, I know that would be definitely working in my favor. So go away. So funny about the sundress is the guy's love of sundress.

And I lived in San Francisco for so long that whenever I have guys who turned them on, they're like, a girl in a sundress because you never see it in San Francisco because she's wrapped in fleece. OK, number eight is Sydney. We've got a ton of listeners in Australia. God, we've just been looking at our stats. And so thank you to all of our Australian listeners.

We love you and I'm glad you're having a good time dating. Number seven, New York, which again, I always hear New York is a bad place to date too. Everyone's looking for the bigger, better deal, but they say that about LA too. Then we've got London number six, Chicago number five, four Beijing, three, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, interesting. Two, Melbourne.

We just moved to Australia and hang out with our listeners. Honestly, I'm 100% down for that. There are minimum wages really high. Like, I could be a server and make tons of money, but nobody tips. Oh, they don't tip. Yeah, I've looked into it. Right, that's true. You have looked into it, you nobody tips. Oh, they don't tip. Yeah, I've read that too. Right, that's true.

You have looked into it, you're going to don't leave me yet. That was my plan C after college. I was like, oh, nothing else comes up. I'm moving to Australia. No, they have a really good time there. Good time in Australia. And number one, Paris. Did you say it's for lovers?

It's for lovers, that makes sense. But I wonder, you know, I guess that even the Parisians, we all kind of put it on this pedestal of Paris being this amazing place of day, but even the parisians think so too. So Parisian attitudes toward their dating scene and the proportion of prison singles to bargain in the survey, sets the top place to date.

So, you know, I though believe, I believe, wherever you go, there you are. So I'm just telling you this, because there is some more information we're gonna get into. But if you're someone who lives somewhere and you're like, oh, God, it's the worst town of day. It's the worst town of day. You know what? Probably you. Not that you're a bad person. It just means that you're probably not putting yourself out there today because there are single people everywhere that you can find. And we talk a lot on the show about just practicing just going out there saying hi to people and a lot of people of social anxiety around dating and approaching members. just practicing, just going out there, saying hi to people. And a lot of people have social anxiety around

dating and approaching members. I wasn't even able to out visit sex or anyone that they're interested in. So once you just get over that anxiety, you just start talking to people, give you the coffee in the morning or standing in line at the grocery store, you'll start to get your confidence

and just striking up conversations. So you don't have to complain about where you're living. That's so bad. It's you reaching out and making it the best city to date in complain about where you're living. That's so bad. It's you reaching out and making it the best city data no matter where you're at. Okay, the most desperate city. New Yorkers are the least happy daters. But I think maybe they might just be the least happy people.

It's a hard city to live in. Honestly, they get like one good month of like weather, obviously I'm from California. I'm like, oh, the weather is what decides it. But they get one good month, maybe two of like nice weather. The rest of the year, they're too hot or too cold. There's just not a lot of people out on the street. Right, and it's hard living.

Like it is hard, going, you know, just getting around the town and all that, but also they just might be unhappy everywhere. But I love New York. I always thought that I should live there, but Sydney is desperate too. The most single-minded, 31% of Sydney ciders those say they are proudly single.

So I don't know why they're desperate. They're actually not, I think they're actually not desperate. I'd say New Yorkers are the ones who are like, I'm sorry to be single. I want to date, they're the least desperate, because they're the most like, who cares, I'm single. I look to live it up. Exactly, we just got to move the show on the road.

And since we have so many listeners there, I think we should do a live sex. I've even been emailed by them when you come in Australia. I think that should be on our next field trip. We go to the Haasthor store sometime and sometimes we'll just go to the same stuff. Okay, so they're proudly single. I love people are proudly single. There's nothing to be ashamed of if you're single either by the way. That's another thing. It's your attitude. If we're living like I can't meet anyone, be single sucks, being single only sucks until you're in a relationship and then you're in a relationship

and you wish you were single again. It's that grass is always green or thing. And be happy where you are now. Be happy that you're single and you have the opportunity to meet all these amazing people like the comier right if you're open to it. Yeah, that's gonna be cheesy,

but love yourself first. Like if you're happy and you're single and you've got hobbies and a life and everything, people will take notice. It like really shines outward and that's how you find the right person. Exactly. They're going to like that you're doing your thing on your own. The most attractive thing to other people are someone who has a lot, who has a full life,

who's passionate, has a full life, and has a lot going on. So be that person you want to find. Okay, how do you rate as a date? Okay, 7., okay, this is out of ten. Seven point three is the average score people gave themselves as daters. And LA daters, not surprisingly, gave themselves the highest score. They gave themselves an eight out of ten. So everyone in LA thinks they are a killer data, right? I think they're above average as far as daters. That does not surprise me. Okay, six point five, the score people worldwide gave their average date. So, most people think they're dating sixes.

And Chicago rim women rated their dates the lowest at 5.6%. What are the men in Chicago? They're nice. Good guys, Midwestern. I have no idea. I love guys from Chicago. Right, right.

I know, I'm from Chicago, but that's interesting. You know, a lot of it is mid, I don't know what it is, I don't know what that is. There's lots of snow there in cold and a lot of beer drinking, so. Maybe we'll have a bar to bar to bar, who knows. Okay, all dating is speed dating. According to 41% of people, it takes them two to three minutes to decide whether they want a second date. I wish that were true.

Maybe that's men that said that because it takes me two to three years on dating someone I'm like, well, I think that's like a date now. That's kind of an old pattern. I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of them. And as a matter of fact,

it always teases me about that. But really, it's interesting, two to three minutes to decide. I don't, I feel like I often may have a first date that's good, and I think I need to see him again to try it out, but it's never like I know I want to date him again. And usually it's, I'm sort of on the fence,

but what do you think when you've been on dates? Can you tell right away? Honestly, no, it takes a while for people to grow on me. I mean, maybe subconsciously you make the decision. Like I know, there's like that thing that it takes like eight minutes or 90 seconds even. For a guy to decide that he wants to have sex with you. That's what I thought the shes talking about.

Yeah, and I think that's really funny because for me it takes a long time, but then in the back of my mind if I'm honest myself, like I've always had an idea that maybe one day I would want to have sex with you. Like, so I guess it's a subconscious thing, I'm not aware of it. Right, and the brain is our largest sex organ, especially for women. So I feel like men do the tendency to grow. We always hear, we grew on me. And some people might say, well, that's bullsh**,

you should know right away. But you know, that's happening where I got to know someone. I got to know who they are. We started to talk more. You know, it's our, we started getting more intimate, emotionally. And then that might, might even make someone more attractive. But for men, as far as deciding to sleep with someone,

I do believe it's like 90 seconds, two minutes. And they're like, are three minutes and they're like, either I know, or I don't, and it never changes. Yeah. I think maybe if they're really drunk one night, but it's not because they're like, I'm gonna sleep with you, I'm not.

But the interesting thing about the second date is, I think if you're not sure, you gotta look at why, like where there are major red flags that are happening on the date, like, where they mean to the waiter, where they lay, where they cheap. I mean, those are things that they should be like, no. But if you had a good time,

but you're just not sure if you wanna jump their bones, nothing wrong with like a second casual date. So, I think that's all good. Okay, the best way to meet people, websites or apps is the highest hit rate. So, 60% of data is worldwide, said online dating bags and the biggest number of dates, which makes sense.

Yeah, but that's going quantity over quality. That's why it's a hit rate. Those are like the people like, yeah, you get more dates, but are they really working out for you as a question? Exactly, exactly. I mean, I guess you're expanding your pool and if you're somebody who doesn't go out that much, I'm nothing wrong with online dating. I think when you're expanding your pool and if you're somebody who doesn't go out that much, I'm nothing wrong with online dating. I think when you're dating, you need like all hands on deck. You should be dating online and you should treat it like a job.

So let's say, you know when you're looking for a new job, and you start telling your friends and your family or whoever you are into, you're like, oh, how are you? I'm actually looking for work right now if you know anyone who's hiring a gardener or whatever you do, and you just tell them. And I think that's just like dating.

If you're single, tell your friends, oh yeah, you know, I'm dating. I'm having great time right now. If you know anyone, and sure enough, that's another great way to send date to you right because, well, we'll give you this a minute. But it says, dating apps come top and every city except Paris, we're going out

is still the most popular method because Paris is so fun and romantic. But here's the thing I'm saying about friends and telling your friends, friends equals fulfillment. 62% of people around the world say their most enjoyable counters are with dates they meet through friends. Met through friends came in top in every city except New York.

And that's interesting. I guess New York is such a big city, but also I feel that even for me, most people I've dated like since I moved to LA, I didn't have a huge social network have been through fix-up or friends or friends. So I think kind of like what the Tinder thing is, although they kind of cut that whole part out. Now it's more about proximity than it is just about

mutual friends. But I think it's sort of like this vetting thing, we think, well, while our friends like them, and they're automatically like not some weird stranger, except for this one time when my best friend. In San Francisco hooked me up with this guy, and we met a guy together and she made him seem like she knew him really well and I ended up dating for a while and he ended up being a jerk.

And when I say a while it was probably six weeks but it was really intense and I was like, Charlotte, my friend Charlotte, why the hell would, she was, I didn't see him in 20 years. I'm like, you know if that made him seem like you was awesome, I should be like, well he wasn't awesome awesome, I was like, well, he was an awesome guy. I'm like, no, he's an asshole. So, yeah, I do a little more questioning to your friends.

If you meet someone who's great, nothing wrong with calling your friends and finding out a little more data. Okay, here's where people are. This is their list of dating. Don't go theirs. Okay, one in 10 people have dated their boss. Hopefully they got a raise.

I think that fired. One in five have dated a friend's ex. Ooh, that's a tricky one. That's really tricky. Unless, I mean, I think the rules on that is that you just, you have to check out with your friend. If they're still, if they're your good friend, but you know, maybe it's okay if they've already moved on

and they're like, oh no, oh, blessings. He was a great guy, but you never want to do that behind the back unless you want to lose your friend. Right, if you were dating a friend's ex? I have not dated a friend's ex. We definitely, like, overlapped with like, oh, I slept with somebody and then found out that like a while ago they had slept with them

and it's always been dramatic. That's the thing with girls. Girls, it's like, once they've been there, that's forever their ex. Like that never really stops being their ex. Guys are more easygoing about it, I think. I hear a lot more about guys dating their friends' exes and it being totally okay.

Yeah, I think you just always gotta check in. Okay, 17% have dated their best friend, which is interesting. A lot of times, friends become lovers. I've never experienced that until recently, someone I was friends with that I started dating and it was actually nice thing, because you already know them. But then sometimes you know too much.

And you're like, remember your friends, you tell me about those crazy things you did to these women and then it's in your head. And you know, but I do think it's great to have a foundation of friendship. It's 17%. 14% data their neighbor, I've done this. I think I've done all these.

So I have a day to boss. Maybe I slept at the boss once, younger, I don't remember. I've dated a neighbor for sure. That's always tricky too. Because no one's moving out anytime soon. And when you break up, you're gonna see him in the morning getting coffee. boss wants younger, I don't remember. I've dated a neighbor for sure, that's always tricky too. Cause no one's moving out anytime soon. And when you break up, you're gonna see him in the morning getting coffee.

That's a good time. That was a big thing in college. Everyone dated their dorm neighbors, like people who lived in their dorm, then when they break up or they end badly, they have to duck them to like, damn it, I can never go into the common area ever again. Well, exactly.

You gotta like the rest of your life, you're like, day and I gotta move, awkward, okay. Yeah, piss me right. 7% data teacher or a lecturer. I never had that for my professors in college, but I know people did. I'm like, you're the teacher, you know?

I can kind of give them a put on this pencil. 38% have been with someone in another relationship. IE cheating? Yeah. One of those 41% dated someone who was married. That's really common as we know that the cheating rate is probably up 50% for men and women, so they say yes.

Okay, do you research your dates online? 70-30% of men and women in Paris go interpol on their dates, you're for meeting them, all right? They go interpol on their dates for meeting them. More than half of respondents in all other cities do online digging. How can you not? I mean, I have some friends who get fixed up

and like, did you Google them? They're like, oh no, I told you space. And like, you gotta, you gotta at least look at the Google something. I think sometimes it's good. I think early on, I would be like, no, let's just make it organic. But I know now with what I do,

people are Googling me. So they already know everything about me. And it was funny because I was out this guy once, and he was trying to pretend he didn't Google me. He's like, no, what do you do? And then he's like, something slip out. He's like, well, you know, because podcasting and I'm like, fighting Google me, jerk.

No, he wasn't a jerk. He was a nice guy. I just never did call him. He wasn't a great date. But I think, you know, these days, I don't see how you can't. Not, I don't think it's anything wrong with it. I mean, the sad part about the internet is that it really, you used to really have blind dates.

It really used to be set up with people that you didn't know. And there was something very sweet about that, but these days, you can find out like they're, if they've read a criminal record and stuff. Which actually might be helpful. Which is important, I can't even imagine going into a date these days completely blind, no common friends, no nothing, I'd be like, this guy's in a throw me in a van.

Yeah, no exactly. And I've always had, I've always had, I used to get fixed up in days and they were like, he's really great, he's really hot, he's sweetie as this job. That's all you know, like he's a doctor. I'm like, he's a job. He has a job, awesome, that is busy of a car. Okay, women are looking for, okay,

bankers and finance types, that's one in 10 of women in Chicago are looking for banker and finance types and 13% of women in Hong Kong Now I think that's interesting to be looking for bankers and finance types because that makes me think that you're looking for someone who's in a financially secure So I'm not gonna call you gold digger anything, but I say work on your own finances as well But find bankers, you know sitting there with their ex-felt spreadsheet, super hot. So whatever turns you on, turns you on. Okay, fifth film and industry types, women, 17% of women in LA are looking for that, which makes total sense. Artisan creatives, 13% of female females in London want creatives, 10% of New York

women want creatives, and 11% of women in Paris want creatives. Those are all romantic cities where there's gonna be tons of people that are like, I just want my next big author. Are people even authors anymore? They're like long-term authors, okay. There's art and bloggers, anything. I've done it all.

I've done it all. I did. I was really into the artist's world and I like a guy who has both who has the creativity but then who also has a type A can actually do my spreadsheets for me. Not that he has to be in finance, but is just not at all actually, but that's just a little different because if we're both artists, then we're both like neurotic about our work and talking about it and it's not about it all the time. And it isn't always a great fit. But there's other factors that come

into play. Okay, so here's what men are looking for. Men, interesting, bankers and finance types. 12% of men in Hong Kong, they want bankers. They want the women to bring them the bacon. Their finances are on point in Hong Kong. So I kind of understand. Totally. 8% in Kuala Lumpur. They want bankers.

Designer and fashion types. 17% of men in LA want a designer and fashion industry type and 12% of London men and then artists and creatives one in 10 men in New York one an artist and 11% in Paris. I don't see New York guys wanting artists. I see them wanting a woman who has got a salad job too. It's just not that being an artist is not solid. But no, I understand what you're saying. Expensive cities, like the most expensive city in the world. Besides San Francisco now. Okay, dating deal breakers.

I think the very first sex with Elmi Podgaz that every day was on deal breakers, and I have a very warm place in my heart for it. I just love the topic of like, what was it? In that moment that turned you off forever from this person, or what can happen on the date that you're like, I'm out, check please. So dating deal breakers, number one, bad breath,

58% in London, 69% in Hong Kong, 67% in Singapore. What is it, because they're eating a lot of weird foods in Hong Kong and Singapore? I just remember in Hong Kong, I ate pigeon head and snake. Broth would be an issue. That would be bad, bad breath. Just carry some gum. Okay, bad attitude, 58% in Paris, bad politics.

53% of Chicago women, these are the biggest dealbreakers. 57% in New York women, 59% LA women. Can I go back to bad attitudes in Paris really fast? Because you go to Paris and everyone has a bad attitude. Exactly. But they don't think they do. No, they don't think they do. So I'm like astounded.

Maybe these are people say that in Paris, they have bad attitudes, but these people aren't from Paris. Because when you're in Paris, everyone's treating each other just fine. And you talk to them and they're like, who are you, America, go away? You'll profile and say, umputipu, they're like, what do you want? Yeah, like, oh, you hate me, I'm American. Okay, so bad resemblance to profile pictures.

This is a deal breaker, 50% of Chicago men, they hate it when you make yourself look different in your profile picture. 64% of New York men and 59% of LA women. I can see that. It's a bummer. I haven't done a lot of online dating, but that's just got to be a bummer when someone walks in. You are so nowhere near the guy who was holding the red plastic cup with your picture cut off with your ex girlfriend around, which is always a mistake. Okay, and you're another thing about online dating. Why do all these sides have guys with another guy in the picture? Like on Tinder?

So, which one are you? I'm just a pick. Okay, after how many dates should you stop seeing other people? Interesting. They said six. But I think it's only if you have the talk. Yeah, I mean, because you can go on forever and ever and it would be totally fine not seeing other people as long as both parties are down for it.

Right, you got to have the talk. I mean, if you, I guess what they're saying is that's the should. Like, after six dates, you should know if you're looking for commitment, this is the person I want to be with. So maybe that's when you have the talk. Are we exclusive? Are we seeing other people? And then after how many dates can you officially declare

yourself to be an item? Nine. Once again, this is not like a date's thing. Like it's not about like the date you could be on your second date and be like, hey, like, are we doing this? Or are we getting in? Or you could wait until like months and be like, so are we in like, are we official?

Like when I put on my Facebook? Exactly. Can I change my status? Do like, yeah, do grown up people do that too? Change the status? Well, I mean like, is that I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do.

I do. I do. I do. I business. You're a public figure. Right. So more people are like interested in that aspect of you. It's not like, you're not like, you're not like down here with those regular people. We're like, it's better if you stay relationship neutral. Yeah, I am relationship neutral, is it true? So I, but yeah, but I always pissed them off and meant it's like, oh, it's just because you want to be free and single, but it's not bad.

It's like, I don't think everyone needs to know. But it is a big thing when you do change it. But then the worst part is when you change it back, they used to have a factor where it would say, like, so and so or no longer on a relationship. Do you remember that? They still do, like, it'll say, it'll say, it won't say like,

they're no longer in a relationship, but it'll say, such and such is single. And you're like, this is so awkward. Like, I'm really sorry. And you're like, they were married. People like it. Right, right, It is so bad. Please, Facebook, don't do that.

After how many dates is it appropriate to have sex? One in 10 people consider sex after the first date a reasonable request, but worldwide the answer is 3.53 dates, which is what I always hear. It's always a little bit between three and five dates. But really, we're just showing you the stats here. You wait until you're comfortable and don't ever repressure it into having sex before you want it. OK, a little more sex to the news here.

There's a giant mystery penis that appears on a mountain in the UK. Imagine that. It's special. The arrival of a giant penis shaped snow track in the hills can currently be seen for miles across North Wales, and it's becoming something of a tourist attraction.

The, in quote, art artwork is situated on the side of the Clowidi in Hills, which is about 12 miles from Waxam in North Wales, and they don't know where the hell it came from. It's very artistic, and it's very clever, but it's not the sort of thing that I would like to cut out of the mountain for all to see a local farmer said.

I don't know if someone done it as a joke or whether it was accidental, but it looks like the real thing from down below. Everything's valid though, isn't it? I mean, I kind of wish people could see this picture. Maybe we'll like post it or something. We should post it on Facebook. We totally should, but Twitter or something.

Yeah, but it's not artistic. It's like a child's drawing. And it's like when you're in like eighth grade and someone draws a penis on your like school paper, that's what it looks like. But is it really someone really drew it? They're saying, are we just a random snow penis? I don't know.

It's like, well, basically it's like a track and then it filled up with snow. So someone maybe had like done it a while ago and then it snowed and it just filled up and like announced it to everyone. It's so funny. It's crop circles. It's like aliens or something.

You know what, it's art. People don't be offended. Okay, so let's get into the emails from you all. People's, thanks for emailing. If you'd be back at sex.elme.com. But first day word from our amazing sponsors. Okay, everyone, the flashlight is the number one sex toy for men. And we've been talking about this for a while.

It is a male masturbation sleeve, okay? I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make, you don't know what it is. You put your penis in it, you've got your hand, you can use it all the time, but sometimes you might wanna feel something different that actually feels like sex, and helps you last longer in bed. It has patented material that feels like the real deal.

Madison has very up close and personal experience with it, she does not have a penis herself. I just live with one. She lives with a penis, and she actually gave the penis a flashlight. Yes, I did. He is too. Actually, he's so spoiled. Yeah, and my other roommate has one.

Right. They're just spoiled, spoiled men. They're just such a spiced, spiced, spoiled. But they love it. And it was good for you in your relationship. I think it's interesting, because guys like some of us feel weird. And first of all, it looks like a flashlight.

So if the truth is, no one's gonna see it. It's in a container. And it makes it, it feels good. So then you don't want to have sex, maybe Madison, and you'll hand it to him. But like, you know, it's in a container. And it makes it, it feels good. So then you don't wanna have sex, maybe Madison, and you'll hand it to him, like, you're not so late, honey, and he's like, happy, me'd rather move with you, but maybe some sure, but it feels good.

And people think it looks and feel like the real deal and the flashlight-style matrani unit helps you practice lasting longer and becoming a better lover. And have mind-blowing orgasms. And you've experienced a few of them with your guys. Yeah, well, guy. Yeah, my boyfriend has the flight, which is small.

And I thought he would really like it because the design is cool. It's super low key looking. It's very hand held. And I was like, oh, he's going to really enjoy this. And then he did, but he felt that it wasn't as accommodating as he might have liked. So I got him the full one.

And then he was like, I like this because it looks like a vagina. this because it looks like a vagina. Like it actually looks like a vagina, and it's like, got that like color and texture whereas the flight is like clear. Right. And it is. But then some guys love the clear one. Yeah, you just got to go on their website and see what vagina looking flashlight appeals

to you. Yeah. And people who buy them like crazy and everyone's emailing me and they're like, thank you. Oh my god, I love it. So it's your turn. Go to sexwithemlee.com, click on the flashlight banner, use code Emily and you get a bottle of their award-winning lube, flush lube, which you actually need with the

flashlight. So sexwithemily.com, flashlight banner, click on it and use code Emily. And have a good time with your flashlight masturbating. The whole package, the whole package. OK, so here's some emails I love hearing from you at feedback at sexwithemily.com. Dear Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for two weeks now and I really enjoy it. I'm writing to you of course to get some sex advice. I'm a 19 year old student and six

months ago I broke up with my ex. We'd been together for four years. Since then, I had only one night stands which are not satisfying. However, I'm dating a new guy and I'm kind of starting to really like him. We've already had sex, but I wasn't able to orgasm. Maybe you can give some advice for your younger listeners and how to start and improve their sex life. Best wishes, S. Female. Okay, so I'm so glad you're asking this question and we've done a lot of shows, you know, really our audiences is all ages so glad you're asking this question and we've done a lot of shows, you know, really our audience is all ages, but that is a great question and it's very insightful because you're 19, you're with a guy that for four years and it would make sense that

you're probably still reeling from, you know, adjusting from the breakup, but also one night stands for women, typically not that satisfying. In fact, meaning that you're not likely going to have an orgasm. Because the thing that ingredients that women need for orgasm oftentimes are trust, feeling safe, feeling secure. If you're having a one night stand with someone, you might be doing the deed, but it's probably not going to be that satisfying. In fact, one night stands aren't satisfying for a lot of women and men. But for women typically, for a lot of women, they just, you have to ask yourself the questions.

Are you having one nightstands because it feels good, the conquering, the attraction, the build up, and then in the morning, you have those like Sunday morning regrets. You got to look at that because it could take a toll on your psyche and it just might not be the right thing for you. It's not right for a lot of people. So I think as, yeah, you want to feel safe and have trust of an orgasm and also I want to know you just want sex advice on how to start and prove your sex life. And you already like this new guy, you had sex not able to orgasm.

Okay, so that makes sense too. You've had sex with him once or twice and you have an orgasm. It's really, really common. In fact, most women don't orgasm through intercourse alone. However, the better that you know your own body and you know exactly what makes you orgasm outside of intercourse, meaning you put some serious time into masturbation, getting to know your own body, what makes you feel good because because this is the thing. And I know I always say this like spend some time and they're like, I tried it, it didn't work. I mean, you gotta like get in there,

whether you buy a toy, whether you use your fingers, maybe your partner starts using his fingers if you want to explore your G spot. There are so many rodging his zones on our body. And most people go through whole lives without ever experiencing them. Maybe they have an orgasm on top body and most people go through whole lives without ever experiencing them. Maybe they have an orgasm on top and that's it or when they touch their clitoris in this way. But they don't realize that their body has such

potential to experience so many things in their life. So they just keep having sex the same way over and over again and I love that you're young and asking this because I'm telling you how you got to improve your sex life is work on your body, figure out what makes you feel good. You can also, if this guy you're dating is really open, I love mutual masturbation. You watch him, he watches you, he sees how you touch yourself, he'll probably jump in and want to help you. And if as long as you guys can communicate about it, and you want you to learn your body, you can tell him, you know what, I got to get on top because I know how I like to move or can you squeeze my nipples, that feels really good.

Because ask that was something that you found out when you were masturbating, that when you played with your nipples, maybe you put a little lube on your fingers and you started to rub your nipples, or you started to like rub the back of your knee or the sides of your, you know, your body and you're like, wow, that feels good. Whatever feels good, you might take his hands

and show him. And this way you'll start to improve your sex with him and with yourself. Yes, absolutely. Because most guys, they don't know what's going on with your body right away. They need someone to like, clue them in and be like, hey, this is what I like, this is what I don't like.

This is where that feels good. They really don't know. And it took me a long time to realize that guys don't know. Because I think especially in their 20s teens It's all about experience. It's all and so it's not that because you're young You don't know it's like you truly haven't had as much life experience or as much sex experience But the thing that I didn't realize in my 20s was that I really did believe that they should know I was always told that guys just know like they seduce you they ask you out They pay for the date and they know how to give you an orgasm.

And they don't know how, necessarily, and let's just show them. Okay, dear Emily, so for the first time in my sexual life, I've come across a woman who does not like foreplay at all. We should be like a statue or something. Yeah, I know. And it is someone of a problem. I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm very good at it. Not a statute like celebrating or just that it's rare.

Yeah. I don't want to sound cocky, but I'm very good at it. Unlike most men, actually don't mind not receiving oral. So my focus is on her. But this leads to the next issue. Unfortunately, they're just quickies. Even when there's plenty of time, it almost seems like a chore, honestly. I'm a male that can go

for a long period of time with or without breaks with multiple orgasms from both parties, but that has been happening the last and last frequently. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, Ben. Okay, Ben, that's interesting. There are some women who don't like oral sex side being performed on them. And that could be usually it's one of two reasons. Either they're uncomfortable with their genitalia, they don't feel like you really want to be doing it. They're shamed about the way they look down there. Or the whole thing just makes them comfortable.

Or there are women that really this doesn't feel good. And a lot of times these women are multi orgasmic or they're super sensitive down there and they just doesn't feel good. But if she just wants quickies and she's not interested in any sort of for a play, I think this is something that you need to talk to about. You know, talk to about her sex life and what, you know, what's her past history? Does she have any like, past history of abuse? Does it seem like she's not really enjoying sex? Does she have orgasms during those quickies? I think you just need to talk to her about it

and get a little bit more information. I appreciate that you're emailing me about it. And that's in here if he's ever talked about it. See, Ben, here's a thing. You are a rare species of a man that I just adore. You want a pleaser. And I wouldn't even say it's rare. There's a lot of men like this.

And I love when I hear from them that that really want to please a woman. And that's what turned you on. And it's almost like you're being denied of that because that's part of what turned you on. And she's saying no, no, quickies. And so unless you can bridge this gap, there's a lot of times that you can talk about things

and maybe she'll open up and say, well, my last partner really messed me up and I'm still not feeling safe or, you know, sex has been really painful for me lately. I mean, we don't know what's going on with her, but I think you have to get more information because I don't think she's obviously going to come around and be the for-play accepting queen without you talking to her. So I think you just got to say, babe, I really love pleasing you. And you know, our sex is great. Quickies, remember, you always want to say babe, I really love pleasing you and you know our sex is great quick

He's remember you always want to start with the positive what you really like about it and say god I just really would love to ravish your body and have you orgasm and and if it's not oral sex then what can I do to turn you on and If it's someone you're having sex with you should be able to have the sex conversation they go hand in hand Then you'll get your answers and if she's shut down about it completely, you could spend some time trying to open her up if you really like her and you've been with her for a while. But if it's something new, people, you know, see how much time you really want to put into it and see what she says. Yeah, I mean, I feel like if she's only wanting quickies, it's because she wants to get it done in over with. And it possibly means that she doesn't really enjoy sex. Like, if you enjoy sex, you want to take your time with it.

You want to let someone try to please you and figure out what's going on. It's possible she maybe has never orgasmed. I don't know even know if he said that. That's what I'm thinking. Has she ever had an orgasm? Yeah. Right. I mean, it quickies.

That's all she wants. It sounds to me like she probably has it unless she's one of these like, you know, you just touch them and they have orgasms. So it seems to me she probably doesn't know her body or have orgasms. And maybe she has some body images. She's, I'm not going to speculate here, but this is a conversation you have to have them and it should start by just talking about your sex life and that you love being with her and it's great and you just had some questions and you wanted to talk. And I'm see where it goes. And listen to her answers because people tell you who they are. People just don't want to live. The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

My angelic. Great fun. Okay, dear Emily, I've been in the committed monogamous relationship for three years. We have a great sex life. We've great sex very often and my girlfriend loves to try new things to keep it interesting. However, she absolutely hates that I watch porn. And seems

to feel threatened by it because of that and my own waning interest in the way sex is in porn is portrayed, jack harming for example, I've decided not to watch it anymore. Almost a month into not watching porn, I've realized that I've now lost the desire to masturbate at all. She constantly sends me sexy pics or videos of her, but I just don't seem to enjoy masturbating to it as much as I did with porn. She doesn't understand why go to porn. If I have her pics and all that stuff and neither do I really. We've discussed possibly bringing porn in the bedroom, but she still seems threatened and afraid, thinking that I will not have desire for

the woman, thinking that I will have have desire for the women, thinking that I will have more desire for the women on screen than for her. Porn has not ever, in the past three years, interfered with our sex life, or caused me to pick it over her. What can I do, Bobby? Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn. This is taken over our world here. I'm glad that you're talking about it with her,

and that she was honest with you. I think that there's a really big disconnect between men who watch porn and women understanding why men watch porn. Because men are watching, you were watching porn before you met her. And men still need to watch porn. They could be having the best sex of their life

with their partner and they still, it's a release. Like I go on zappos after work, man. My shoes. And sometimes I masturbate as well. But I think at the same time, I've masturbated to zappos. To put to some zappos after work, my shoes. And sometimes I masturbate as well. But I think at the same time, I've masturbated to zappos, to put to some zappos shoes. Shoeporn. Shoeporn.

Don't underestimate the power of shoe porn. So I think it's amazing, but Bobby, that you were able to stop watching porn. And I think you should stick with that. And it might take more than a month to get it back because if you've been watching porn a lot, then your brain changes. Like, your brain patterns change and they get heightened by what you see in porn.

And so even her sending sexy videos or the real deal of having sex isn't the same adrenaline rush and the same, this was the same chemicals, everything that you get from watching porn that is so Aggressive these days and it's constantly raising the bar and people met a lot of men are feeling like they can't have satisfying sex without it So I don't know what kind of porn you're watching, but I think it's great that you took a break and I would say think of other ways to spice it up with her in the bedroom So I like the idea of being porn it eventually But you said that she's always interested in ways of spicing it up. So why don't you focus on some more of that? Like go to a sex toy store, go shopping, buy some toys, get into a little bonded, blindfold

or one night. I mean, to have the talk with her about fantasies and about what turns her on because she seems very open sexually, but she's just got this political belief that a lot of women have about porn. And usually it's that they think that their partners want to be with the women in porn, that they don't match up to the women in porn. And I don't know if you're going to change that, but she seems to be a sexually open woman. And you're losing your desire.

And I think if you push through and you keep having sex with her and you keep trying, you know, maybe even want to try dirty talk. Maybe you've been wanting to have sex outdoors. Maybe you guys need to get out of the bedroom and take a keep trying, you know, maybe even one tried dirty talk. Maybe even one had to have sex outdoors. Maybe you guys need to get out of the bedroom and take a little vacation, you know, one night, so away. Keep trying to do things that are gonna mix it up and keep pouring out of it for a little bit and I think you're gonna get your sensations back

and your desire for her. Absolutely. Also, you mentioned that porn has never gotten the way or interfered in your sex life or your sex feelings. Guaranteed, the reason it's a problem is not because she thinks it's interfering with your issues, it's because it's interfering with hers. It's making her not feel confident

and not feel like she's enough. And that's just a big issue. The all women deal with anyway, without even porn, you're constantly wondering, is my husband, boyfriend, whatever, thinking about me when we're having sex or is he thinking about something else? So that's just something that you need to talk about with her.

Right, maybe she's more affirmations from you, just tells us she's beautiful, and she's sexy, and how much you desire her. Yeah, or you can make your own porn video to help her kind of get a feel for what you like about it. That's a great idea. You can recreate something, maybe like make her the star of like your own porno, and then watch it,

and that'll be like a good way to like easy you into it. That's a great idea. And then delete it after. Absolutely. Maybe she'd be into that because then she sees herself as a star, you're worshiping her. So I don't think this is a deal breaker here. I just think that I think you're making all the right steps, but now is when the communication

comes in and maybe a little home porn. Mm-hmm. Okay, Bobby, thank you. Thank you, everyone, for writing. Thank you, Madison, for being here today. Absolutely. And I love you all. I do. And please take our survey, and if you like our show,

review us on iTunes. Oh, oh my God, I haven't talked about this in a while, but I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp. Kegel exercises help men and women enjoy sex and improve your sex life. And they are for men too. People always think women can do them. But I have an app called Kegel Camp,

it's been out a few years, but we just re-released it. It's so much better now as far as we just made some improvements and it'll rock your world. So get it in the iTunes store and I love you all. Thank you so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.

Okay everyone, you know we talked about surveys here and earlier on the show, and I'll bet this wasn't on the survey, but a lot of men won a last longer in bed. Probably because of that orgasm gap, you know, women take around 20 minutes to orgasm and take about six, and then you got that gap. And a lot of men just want to last

a little bit longer and bad and they can't. Either it's premature ejaculation or you just go for four minutes and you want to go for eight. So I'm here to tell you about promescent. And promescent is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. It's a quickly absorbing delay spray.

And you put it on your penis, it absorbs in. She doesn't have to know that you're using it and it will make you last twice as long and close the arousal gap and the orgasm gap. So you both can have orgasms together. Maybe not at the same time, but you will have orgasms during sex. Promescent is amazing. Thousands of urologists are recommending it. Check it out, go to promescent.com, that's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T. Thanks for listening. go to promesson.com. That's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T. Thanks for listening.