Sex With Emily - Foreplay Hacks to Get Your Sex Life Back

Episode Date: September 29, 2017

Ever feel like you’re not having enough sex? Well, you’re not alone. On today’s show, Emily is joined by Anderson to make sure that the sex you are having is the best it can be! Need foreplay suggestions other than a hand job? How do you get your wife to be the sexual goddess she once was? Are you a squirter and proud? Emily and Anderson help listeners with these coital conundrums, as well as discussing how our cell phones are so distracting us– we’re having less sex. Tune in for a show full of great hacks and tips! Thanks for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Intensity, Fleshlight, Vibratex Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on Today's show, Anderson is here and we're helping you navigate your sex relationship and everything in between questions. We talk about the reason why no one is having as much hot sex as they want. How to bring your hottest 4-play game, learning to embrace the squirting goddess within you, and tips to make sex work for both partners. All this and more, thanks for listening. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to ever stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. We released two podcasts a week and you should totally check them out. Recently, we did one called Three Guys Talk Sex. And we had really three open guys who I did not know

and they were very open and honest about dating dynamic sex, how they're experimenting. You would love the show. We also did three girls talk sex Those have been some latest podcasts that were fun and now Anderson's here What you find these these random more podcasts? Freesomes, where do you find these people? They were you know people that we chose specifically to come on the show. They were listeners. Oh, oh

They're friends of friends of friends. Okay, so and then do you do the shows back-to-back? No, we did it weeks apart, but the three girls talk sex people like as well. So I was like, you know what? Oh, thanks, so yeah. We're gonna get married people with sex, maybe you and your wife could come on. No, that's not gonna happen.

Yeah, that's kidding. Hey, I'm good to see you. I'm good to see you too, I like how you open the show this week with a smile. Oh, I've got such a smile. Well, you can tell when people are doing, you know, they're doing any kind of like talking with the, they're talking, they smile, like an announcer,

and like they're chatting. I know, I know, I know. It was like a real thought. No, I'm so happy to be here. This is a great day. Emily's been giggling and laughing all the way leading up to the show for the last 10 minutes. She's in a good mood.

I am in a really good mood. Little frazzled. Little frazzled. But good mood. Because, well, I've got my Stanley the manly here, Anderson's dog, who's about 13, 14, and I've been watching him the manly here Anderson's dog who's about 1314 and I've been watching him for a while but years old so I love your dog Stanley Right as you know and I watched him for two weeks. Yes, that were blissful Right and I realized talk about the shortcomings no, okay good. I mean I talked about it on my shows

But it's said he peed in my bed multiple times Yeah, it's cool. I watch sheets one time wasn't my bed. It was an Airbnb, but still. I, that's even worse. But now he's got a doggy dog. I'm sorry. Because they're going to think it's you. I changed. Oh, yeah. Didn't you think of that? No. I think I would have actually marched down to the kitchen to where the owner is and say, Hey, there's pee in the bed. I just want to let you know it's the dog. It wasn't one of those Airbnb's where they make your breakfast. Those are the words. There's like a apartment I rented. So here's the story about what's why I'm so happy.

So I was in Long Beach and I just had two blissful weeks for Stanley who is the best dog. Like he's just loving and kind and I haven't had a dog in my life in a long time. And I was like, wow, two solid weeks and I was feeling just, you really do dogs make you happy. I was walking through the neighborhood. I was born with them.

I felt bad going in there. I know I was really sad. Like I actually had moments where I was like, oh my god, he's gonna be gone when I get home. I'm gonna be okay when you went to pick him up that night. So I was in Long Beach and I was at a conference and I was walking down the street with Stanley and there was this store called Sixth and Detroit.

Sixth and Detroit. What did they sell at Sixth and Detroit? Well, I walked in because it was called Detroit because I'm from Detroit. I didn't know what they sold right it turns out It's it has nothing to do with the trade just six and Detroit in LA because those are streets. Yeah, they are streets Right through all I had just done this Sheila Kelly Seminar Sheila Kelly. He just asked factor. It was a weekend long, all women like dancing, moving your body, releasing emotions from your body. It was very hippy, too. It was very sexy and I was very empowered and in my body.

I walk in and this woman's like, you have great energy, you just seem really happy. It's not like you're aura. Yeah, literally no. And I was like, stop, listen. So she was like, oh no, my name's Emily. And I just keep this workshop. She's like, you're radiant.

And I'm like, and this is Dan Lee. And that one, that pregnant, it'd be like a macular, my name's Emily, and I just keep it this workshop. She's like, you just seem like you're radiant. And I'm like, and this is Stanley. And that one, that pregnant, it'd be like a macular, because that's not true. So I said, this is, and she's like, oh, your dog. I'm like, yeah, I love this dog. And I had just before I walked in the store, this is gonna back up for a second. I had, was in the apartment that I was checking out

of the Airbnb where he peed in the bed. And I said, you know what, that's when I realized it's Stanley, it had been making me so happy. And I thought, you know what, Emily, it's time. It's time for you to get a dog of your own, because I knew you were coming together. It's about time.

And I know you tried with the shark, you've been threatening for years. I thought you were gonna say you were so relaxed and comfortable with Stanley that you peed the bed, and then believe it on him. So then I walked down to, so then I walked in. No, it's not where you're going. Can you just let me remember how I talk first

and then you talk? Okay, and then I walk into the store. And I just at me remember how I talk first and then you talk? Okay. And then I walk into the store and I just at that moment, I had a moment where I thought to myself, this is, this is it and I pictured even a white dog in my head like Stanley, but you know, younger because you were taking him back the next day. So she goes, you such great energy. She goes, oh, your dog so cute. A woman just came in.

She found a Chihuahua, a little white Chihuahua in the street. And he almost got hit by a car and she's looking for an owner. And because I said he's not my dog, but I love him. And she said you should find this woman. So a week go by and I'm texting with this woman back and forth. And she said he's adorable. He's a little puppy and he's two years old. He's at the vet now.

And he was there for six days because he had a chip. And the owners never found the owners never claimed. Never responded. So I go get this dog at Monday night, right? Right. So I get the dog. And so I go finally, I go to the lot back claimed never responded. So I go get this dog at Monday night, right? Right. So I get the dog as I go finally I go to the lot back to Long Beach. This in Stanley inspired dog. Yes, and I get this dog and he's so little he's five pounds. Five pounds. He's living in the street of Stanley says. Yes. And I get him in the car and I go to buy a malleysh and I target food at Target all this stuff because he didn't have anything.

Right. And I get to my house and I open the door, did my car, and I'm putting a leash on him. Right. And he runs. So you didn't get a leash on before you opened the door. And he runs. Right. And he's scared.

And he runs. And I'm like, come here, come here, baby. I call him Henry. I call him Henry in that moment. And I'm going to call him Henry. So Henry, you'll come back, come back. And he runs. And he darts.

And then I'm with a friend and my guy friend runs after him And then this other guy like who's must be like a basketball player because he was like probably like six eight He was black, but he was also like Birds are he was like a basketball he had been playing basketball at that moment or Chasing and brought you to the team. I think that's not effective But listen he was everyone chasing you in the stock runs in the middle of Melrose He runs like 12 blocks. Wow. Yeah.

So I put out this alert on this app called Next Door. Next Door? Yeah, yeah. And it's been a whole thing. So I've been papering the neighborhood with flyers and I'm really nervous because it has a chip but I had the old one. Okay. Point is I just looked on Craigslist.

Moments ago. A moment ago. Right before I got here. And the dog has been found. That's fantastic. And I'm very excited. So now I have Stanley back and I'm going to have two dogs. So Emily goes from zero dogs to two dogs.

The chip thing concerned, I'm glad that he has a chip and that no one claimed him because I was afraid of bringing that up to you and talking about the possibility of a chip and you'd be going, well, what's a chip? And then I go, oh my god, he might have an owner. So I'm glad that didn't happen. But are you seeing like what history might have unfolded? Like what might be going on here with this dog? Because he ran away.

It's not good. Because they're like, fuck like fuck it he keeps running away I'm not gonna claim I had that thought yeah some dogs are runners I've known a lot of friends and people that have dog actually had one when I was a kid and as soon as the door opens they're out they just love to sprint that's not good for me though because I like my dogs now like my partners come over and they don't even care okay but here's the thing that's a good point anyway we, we're gonna find out, but I feel like having a dog. Also, even just looking for this dog, I've met so many neighbors.

You've got a love henner. You've got a love henner. It's actually, I think, a great way to meet people. Because I'm so over the outside, I met a lot of cute guys who have dogs this week, and they wanted to help me find the dog. It's been a kind of a bittersweet experience. You got to get out there and you got to find that fucking dog.

It's a quote from Billi Madison. it's a great quote. Hey, Em What are you concerned about having a going from no dogs to two dogs and then knock it in a lot? All right, have you learned a lesson? What do you do now when you park the car? You put it in park? Put the leash on put the leash on then open the door I know I remember that because I know you and I think that that's gonna be a challenge just remembering that order No, honey Not remembering but just because you think about Henry's going to the Henry's a runner and they don't want to claim them

I just want to let you know that I'm not like saying that you're dumb by any means I'm saying that you think about so many things I don't know if you're gonna be like oh, I got to put Henry's leash on before I open the door because I think he'd be thinking I will never leave this dog alone again. Okay, is that a leash? Right now he's alone, we're sitting here doing the show. No, he's at the vet, I didn't even do it on the vet. Oh, he's over the vet. So I'm on this board next, whatever.

Next door, yeah, yeah. And they all said, have you loaded on Craigslist? That's weird. There was his face. Really? On Craigslist. That's cool. Two blocks away, my neighbor, boom to that,

that's happening. Okay, you guys. Had you told that story? No, I haven't told anybody. Gillian, my wife, she's on social media and she's like, did you know that Emily had got a new dog and she's already doesn't have this dog? I'm like, what?

What are you talking about? I thought she was talking about the dog from like a year and a half to years ago, the traumatic experience, the one she never talked about. Oh, we never talked, that's a great thing. Are you allowed to talk about that? Unless this is dogs with Emily, probably not.

We can talk about it now. Let's talk about that real quick. Emily's gonna get a dog. She had a dog, Oscar was his name, right? I don't even remember. She was on camera for some reason. I guess promoting dog adoption. And they came out to present Oscar to Emily.

I never met him before, until the moment. I mean, this is gonna be her dog, I actually, her vet friend. I've been like, he's timing with them, right? Yeah, yeah, she's all excited. As the dog is being handed to you, Oscar reaches out and grabs the nose of what's all excited. As the dog is being handed to you, Oscar reaches out and grabs the nose of what's at the host of the show.

Has the surgery needed to be done? Yeah, grabbed her nose, latched on it. Oh, yeah, there's a hurt, I didn't know that. It was assistant to him. And so anyway, I didn't adopt that dog. So that dog's gonna go home with Emily because she likes her nose too much. So, yeah, that's my dog's show.

Then I felt like, of course, this dog ran away the universe doesn't think I should ever dog. So that's what I think. I think it's gonna be great. Congratulations on Henry M and I love it. And I love this Danley inspired it. He did. So they can't wait to meet him.

Ah, cool. Hopefully he doesn't run away from me. Stanley will never run away. Stanley can't run. He's sold now. I know. It's not make fun of Stan's oldness. Anderson, here's my sex in the news.

You got some sex in the news, I love the sex in the news. You get some sex in the news, huh? I love the sex in the news. You know this. Don't worry if you're not having sex. Apparently no one is. What? Oh, everyone's beating off, huh? Nope. Nope.

Worse. What? Everyone's liking things on Instagram. We're stalking their access. No. Yes, yes. Everyone's living my 19 year old life. Yeah, but you didn't have Instagram or Snapchat.

No, not at all. And over all by the way, you guys, um, Check it up on the app. You should follow me for fun on Instagram or Snapchat. No, not a lot. By the way, you guys, checking up on the app. You should follow me for fun on Instagram and Snapchat and Twitter. It's all that sex with Emily. She talks about stalking and then she dumps tails into it and you should follow me for fun.

But not instead of having sex because this is why we blow out having sex is because they are on social media and they're on the phones, not on social media, the other phones. But like make sure that you have sex and then you follow me on Sam's shout out Instagram. Okay, let's them, because I do fun things

and I do give ways and you'll be really entertained. And I do the stories. She brings the levity and lightness and sex tips to your daily life. And I trust me when I say that I have a little bit Emily in your life is a great thing. Thank you, you too, honey. Okay, so an overwhelming amount of research

suggest young people just aren't hooking up the way they used to and in fact, they're waiting longer to have sex, which I like. They're drinking less. They're acting like 15-year-olds. Even if they hit the big 18, but there's more, they conducted research and they found that condom sales are dropping. I don't know if that means it hopefully doesn't mean that people are having unsafe sex.

But it says that they're having less sex because they are distracted by their mobile phones. They wrote in statement. Yeah, they said the millennials, they have a decreasing interest in sex because they are obsessed with their phones. Themselves. And with themselves, perhaps, and their phones, but here's the thing about this.

I think that this is no different than anyone else, even if it's like the millennials study. I believe that there are so many couples climbing into bed at night, like, I've got my iPad and you've got your phone and they're not talking. They're not talking to each other. Don't you think? Before that, there was the idiot box, though, which is still there as well.

So now you got to, you know, multiple screens, which, but here's a thing. I, now I'm almost saying, like, I used to say no TV in the bedroom. Now I'm thinking, bring the TV back to the bedroom because that's a joint experience. At least you're watching TV together. And maybe not having sex. I still want you to sex all around, but people are having separate experiences

through their phones and not connecting with anybody. Just last night I was in bed with a wife, and we're watching the only reality show that's not a competition that I could possibly ever watch with her that I like, which is below deck. It's a good show. It's a fun show that go to like, you know, season 15 is on that show. Oh yeah, yeah, I knew that. Okay.

Jillian told me. So anyways, I enjoyed that show. So we were watching it, but I was using that opportunity to catch up on my texts. I mean, my emails as well, because my life's been so crazy and I could feel the side eye until she's like, fine, like, all right, you're gonna watch a show with me or not. It's important. It's important, especially to the ladies that you experience something together at the same time It's true and to men Not just the ladies, but you're right I think for men and for women it is important and I feeling that it is just it's an addiction

I'm I'm actually making decisions now based on like I'm going to leave my phone here Or I'm not gonna I'm really not bringing into the bedroom and I'm actually stopping right before I check it again After I just checked it and I'm thinking, what are you looking for? There's like nothing to find in your farm right now, so don't do it. So I think that you guys be thinking about this, leaving yourself on the bed room, what?

I mean, let's not try and rectify this situation. I think it's great the kids aren't banging. I think it's great that people aren't banging as much. And I think it's gonna be even better when there's the freeways open up in about 30 years. Less people, we you last, right? Well, you just had a bit, you're having another baby too probably, right?

I don't know about that, maybe not. I can, I know how to raise my kids. Okay, listen to me, I think that this is, there's too many people. We're not even talking about sex, we're talking about people living alone, living in, we have like an epidemic of loneliness too. We know people are isolating and they're on the phones.

So they're not just having sex, they're not connecting and they're having intimacy. We feel that many calls on love line over the years from these kids to come in and are saying that they don't really care about having a girlfriend because they can find any kind of girl that's exactly their type and watch them getting banged

in any sort of way online and they why even have a girlfriend. Or they're just cooking up on the tender dates and whatnot and then not having like in a relationship that they're just getting their bang on and then moving on. Which is scary too. I think we're going to see an epidemic now of all these younger people. We'd always hear from the young guys and I hear that on my show too who have so much fear around approaching women and making that first move and now they'll think, yeah, well,

I can just look at porn and I won't have to and that's getting pushed back and they're going to be older and older before they actually maybe learn to, you know, possibly. Yeah, well, for sure that I think they're going to really get a hard time connecting, but I think it's hard for a lot of people. I mean, people, you know, our age have a hard time connecting. So I can't, the younger kids, and I feel old saying that, but they're going to even be more crippled by it.

I work out of the gym. I go there semi-regularly and it's crazy to me how often I see in the gym locker room, just like younger guys, just standing with our shirts off, just taking multiple selfies in the mirror. And it's like, I'm walking by, it's like, aren't you shamed at all? Do you have any humility at all? I'll be working on the bench press,

and right in front of me, a guy will be sitting on the ground and he's doing powder lip and trying to like, take a cool picture of himself, like, I'm killing it. And it's like, I think that because of this new world where we're obsessed with porn or obsessed with the social media or obsessed with self-image,

I think that guys are just as fucked up, stop looking at your dog. Guys are just as fucked up as girls were. And I think with a self-image as well, I mean, look at my cat through it. We worked with a guy that was crippled by, you know, not being able to eat a car because he was so obsessed with his six-back.

Is that what it was? Crippled, yeah, yeah, cat-through. I think he was crippled by that to an extent. And there's a lot of, these guys at the gym that I see, it's guys do it more often than girls, which kind of start with. That's not true, you're not in the women's locker room, I hope not. That's true, I'm not. No, they're not all I'm saying is you guys,

and this sounds very doomsday, and I don't mean to be this way. I'm out of five of their way ghosts, though. I could just go anywhere. I'm not. No, all I'm saying is you guys, and this sounds very doomsday, and I don't mean to be this bright. I'm not a bad guy with everybody ghost, though. I could just go anywhere. I'm just saying that I think. You know what, if ghosts are real, I think that the lady's locker room is probably haunted as fuck, you know what I mean?

Why? Because like all these dudes are just like dude spirits are just gonna be hanging around. And the girls' locker room. Yeah, maybe. That's probably the most scary place you could be if that's real, like if ghosts are real. Why would that be scary? Because the ghosts say there's a ton of them

They'd all congregate in the girls locker room. I think you find better places to go I don't know but here's my here's my takeaway here It's if you could just start to be more mindful of how often you're looking at your phone You are using it when you're with someone else and just kind of start to say do I really need to check it right now? That's how behavior change and change it. And I think that we all be self aware, be self aware, especially when I'm walking by you at the gym. Don't take selfies and don't do that.

And don't send me selfies of you at the gym. Can I go back to your dog one second just for one second? So Emily, when I got here, she showed me a little like a lost dog photo that she made to pay for the neighborhood with. And it's so sad because she had only had the dog for a day So her description was so limited of what the dog was like, you know, she's like small dog white five pounds runs really fast Like that was one of the main description she had Doesn't have a name because it doesn't have a name yet

You know I named Stanley after a street in your neighborhood. I live two blocks I'm standing now. I live two blocks from Stanley I was walking my name was dog home right after I got him and I was like on Stanley Street. I'm like, I parked on Stanley actually. I used to park three blocks away. That's, and I'm like, that's a great fucking name. Why didn't I think of that before?

Stanley. I walked past it for a day. You used to be in that picture. I'm gonna give a shout out to our sponsors. Cause we love you. And thank you for supporting them, you guys, and for listening to this show. And telling your friends about the show,

I appreciate that as well. And we will be right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Emails. OK, if you have a question, you'd like me to answer on the show. That's amazing. We made it really easy for you to ask. You can text me your question, ask Emily one word to 7979, 7979.

That's ask Emily to, they heard that right? 7979, you got that. And you very easily get a bounce back link and you just, not a bounce back message, but a link and then you ask your question and it's easy. You can also email me from the Ask Emily tab on the Sex with Emily website, which has amazing blogs up there

that you're also going to enjoy while you're there. As always, include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Yeah. Ready? Hey, Emily, my boyfriend always wants to go straight to the point. Either a hand job or a blow job. I want to do something else to turn them on and build up to touch or oral sex.

What super hot for play can you suggest? Thank you, Candice. 32. 35. Mississippi. Wow. Yeah. This is a 22 year old move. This is not a 35. No, it's been in a relationship and she's like, I've been doing the, you know, penis,

the hand job, the thing and I'd like to try something else. No, but the fact that the guy wants to go straight to it, I thought it was going to be an intercourse, but it's not. It's all him. Oh, honey. Let me see. They're like mouth or hand,. No, no. Let me tell you something. That does not change as my get older. In fact, I found that it's actually shockingly very familiar to dating 20 heroes. It's a lack of respect for what? To just be like, Hey, hit me. Yeah. Well, that's I think you're always going to take care of her first always. She comes first. Yes. Okay. And then you do whatever you like. Here's a thing. I think

that going back to the basics, so important. I'm going to start there, you know, making out, you know, kissing, massage, what? The ears, like there's so many Roger's Sones above our shoulders, our neck, our ears, like kiss and make out and like just don't go into anything else, but that will also enhance your intimacy. So I'm a huge fan of that. You guys can also take a bath together. I think that's really sexy. You like some candles. What? Overrated?

I'm not the bath guy. Well, look at me. I'm a bigger guy. I'm like six feet tall. I weigh 215. I can't fit in the bathroom. I think a bath is such a sexy thing to do with the partner because you're left. First of all, the hot water allows you to do a small bath. I thought here first of all, the hot water remasses you. Maybe it's an LAS thing, so we have small bass out here. Maybe Mr. Ceepe's got big bass. So I think another fun thing for you, can this would be to get some blindfolds or restraints you could use like a neck tie. You could also get some stuff from sports sheets

because they have really cool like beginner bondage kits and it's all velcro, which I love because you have a velcro, mask or a velcro, coughs that you put around your wrist and you could just say, you know what babe tonight's, but I'm just gonna turn you on right now and I'm gonna do some stuff to you, have them lay down. And then you could like play with,

you could have like a bowl of ice cubes next to the bed, you could use a massage candle and like, trip some wax on them and you could use some like, some beads or feathers and just kind of tease them and play with like different sensations. Oh, we have a little tickler here. Aww, see that feels really good. Eyes closed, wouldn't you like that? Also, don't forget that his inner thighs are really, really

sensitive as well. And so you could just write. I almost got a tattoo there just to be a dick, just to like prove to myself that I could. Yeah, that's the last place you'd want to get a tattoo. It's super sensitive. Right? But like sensitive in a good way. If someone tees that area. Yeah. So I think like playing with his inner thighs and like not going right for the penis is like a huge, it's a great move. And here's some things you could do with his penis. If you want instead of giving him blowed up or hand up, you can like play with it and you could hold it against like your breast or inner thighs or like cheek, or on your nipples like play with it. I think men like watching their penis in other places besides just your mouth. I think that would be hot. You could finally give them a massage

Maybe not using your hands. You could like use your mouth and your hair and like you can use your breasts and rub all over his bodies. It's gonna turn on. I'm thinking she could use her mouth to say why don't you do something to me to you selfish prick She could but we don't know that he's not. Sounds like it. She's like, he always wants to start off right to the point. And I was thinking, inner course, but right to the point for him as hand job or ball. Maybe he already put down on her. She had three orgasms and then he's like, puts her hand on his deck. Okay.

Painless. Have a romantic dinner and feed each other food with your hands and not using utensils. Having like, it could be carry out if you don't cook. I always think for the people who do not cook, that's a really sexy thing to do. I just went on this retreat, which I am not gonna get into right now, but we did that kind of thing.

I wasn't even with the partner. You were feeding each other food? Yeah, super sexy, with your fingers. Was it? Yeah, and just like, remember, can't just focus on the Zones? I would also say focus on, yes, his orrogynous zones, tickling parts of his body,

you don't usually pay attention to, often neglected ears, neck, inner thighs, and then also sexy strip tease. If you're just anything that you feel super sexy in, I don't think it'd be a strip tease, whatever your thing is, do that for him. This could be really fun for you, because I think that a lot of times when women feel sexy,

that's sort of like this energy loop, right? You're gonna be turned on, you're gonna feel sexy, he's gonna think that's hot. So, I think there's some good things, Anderson, anything to add. There's good things. Yes. I mean, four play moves that have been great for you. I want to say that I love sports. What is it? What is the company that you? Sports sheets. Sports sheets. Yeah. I love the fact that they have like these velcro wristbands now. Yeah.

Other than because it was always handcuffs for my area. You got to fuck up. You get the key. And then you lose the key. Yes. So I love the Velcro. I love all of their stuff. You guys go to the banner on our site,

and you can see that it's like, their stuff is just so easy. You're like, okay, like right here, there's tickler that's sitting here. You could have like a tickler and beads and all that stuff. Yeah, they make really cool things if you haven't checked in my yet and they're super reasonable. And you want to like that Candace. One last thing that I could say, and I'm a lights on guy, I don't like the lights off,

but turn the lights off and get pitch black might help her situation as well too. Why? Because he, well, I'm going back to my preconceived notion that he wants it to be all about him. But like if they're just kind of fumbling around on the dark and they, you know, height and stascences, they actually have a restaurant out here, I forget what it's called, but like if they're just kind of fumbling around on the dark and they, you know, I mean, height and suspense is they actually have a restaurant out here. I forget what it's called, but I heard about that. And like you eat your food and you actually think about the food a whole lot more.

So I know. Having the lights up, that I will bet this is a lights on guy and trying to. Or candlelight. You mean lights up don't even see each other. See, I think that everything's touch. Yeah. I think you just going back to touch here is very important. Yes.

Okay. Thank you, Anderson, for that. Dear Emily, I'm a 34-year-old male, and I've been married to my wife for nine years. It's a long time. Together for 14. We have two boys, age 7 and 3, and they are both energetic. I'd like to get sex back on track for my wife and me,

but we're having some issues, and I'd love some advice. My wife seems disinterested in sex. However, she's been talking about wanting a third child or trying for a girl. I've tried things like trying to get her to watch porn with me, sending sexy text messages, writing and sending her personalized, erotic stories. What am I missing or doing wrong? What can I do to try and turn her back into the sex goddess that she was in our early

years of marriage? The one that I wanted to have sex with two to three times a day or sex in the woods. It's just frustrating and maddening. Thank you, Edward. 34. Shakao. Oh, Edward, Edward. You have two rambunctious boys.

They're trying to have a third child. And I love that you are a loving husband and it makes sense that you want this. But I'm wondering about your wife. Is she, she's probably exhausted. I'm wondering if you help her on the house, or is this like, is she a full-time mom? She should also definitely get a hormones check. You have two children.

So I don't know if she's been to the doctor and gotten that checked out. I mean, there's a lot of women who do have, you know, is she's after, you know, the Sanderson after pregnancy, after childbirth. Like, I haven't experienced it, but I've heard quite a bit of that. There's a lot that goes on.

So I appreciate that you're trying all these things. They're all really good ideas. And I love all the efforts you're making, but this really goes back to her like, what does she need to get in touch with her body again and to feel sexual desire again? And so, I mean, I don't know if she's got time to work out, because I'm telling you, it's really helps with your mindset, feeling good about her body, getting being active and moving, and having time for herself. So I think that you guys together,

rather than you just trying to be the fixer, which is very common, I think, for men, none of those things are landing. She's not connecting with them. So I think it's more about the two of you doing it together and doing some exploration about what really turns her on, what has gotten her in mood in the past? Are there some kind of fantasies?

Are you talking about having hot sex in the beginning? You guys could start to talk about it. What were the things in the past, are there some kind of fantasies? Are you talking about having hot sex in the beginning? You guys could start to talk about it. What were the things in the past that connect you to the most? What's the hardest sex you guys had? She needs to probably spend some time getting in touch with her body again. Has she done her key electrolysis or pelvic floor? If you don't breathe energy into that area, whether your kids are not, it's just there's nothing going on.

It's like- Wait, if you do the key goal zone, you're like really good, you're like going clear or whatever, like the top level. Would it be harder to have a kid or easier? Would it be more painful? Well, like, because I mean, you're like tight down, like you can clamp down or whatnot, I would think that maybe like the kid would have to like,

you know, exert more energy to get out. It'd be fine, the kid would be fine. No. Yeah, because you want to have a strong panic right now. No, until like a kid can't get out, like if I can't breathe kid will be fine. No. Yeah, because you want to have a strong panic right now. No, it's like I can't get out. I can't breathe. Your kick-a-muzzles are so big. No. But I think the act of moving just breathing. Honestly, this goes back to breath. I've been very into a lot of breathable. I've been breathing so much. And I'm telling you, if women do not breathe into that area and they don't focus on it, it's just going to be dead.

I'm telling you, there's going to be no life down there. And so I think that you gotta wake it up again and that this is gonna have to, she has to be on board with you. And I talk a lot about different things women can do through like dancing through fantasy, but don't be frustrated. You're like sounds like you're already at the end of your rope here, Eddie Edward,

it's called ready, yeah, go. So okay, they've been together since they were young, right? Nine years, they've been married, 14 together, he's 34, they've been together since they were 20 years old. So they used to have a young, like, you know, sexual, vibrant affair in a relationship, I'm assuming, right? They're almost like high school sweethearts. They've come a long way now. The two kids, I know something about that. And your roles definitely change in life. It's chaotic. And you become less of a wife at times,

or less of a sexy girlfriend, or sex partner, and much more of a mom. And you need to take, my advice would be to really remind her, and I'm gonna steal something that you said for the last email, Emily. And that's to remind her that she's your wife, and that you're in love with her,

and that you're attracted to her, and take her on a date Like almost trying like woo her again I try and sweep her off her feet again Remind her that she's not only the mother to your children But she's all I'm not saying that like they're having marital problems But it sounds like they're a little bit, you know a little deathbed and I think that she would really appreciate that and probably take her to a place that She would need to be and you got almost approach it like you're trying to win her back. Even though you haven't lost her, you've lost a sexual desire.

You should always keep dating your spouse, your partner. Yes. I think that's a really good point there, Anderson. Because the water's getting muddled, muddy, and things get lined, it's getting muddled, and you're a mom so much of the day, and then to be like, How do you turn it off and turn it on?

I can't sit there. I can't go back to where you were when you were 20. It's really, really tough. Yeah, you're not gonna go back like where you were when you were 20. It's really, really good. You're not gonna go back to where you were and you were 20. I gotta tell you that. I'd work, but I like the idea of, that's some nights, where you're in. Yeah, but I like the idea of taking you out,

getting a babysitter, you know, because that stuff is important. People are like, oh, we can't find one. We don't have the money. Like, there's nothing more important than you guys having your own time together, date night. She feels sexy.

She gets dressed up, you go out, and you don't talk about the kids, and you reconnect with the things that used to make you excited or new things that are making you happy and I love that idea. A banging center. A banging center? Yeah. That's a good turn. Because you can go out and whatever it is, dude, I'm all for it.

Why were you staying down in Long Beach? You live 45, maybe a half hour away from Long Beach. I was there for Sheila Kelly, us factor. Every morning like, I'd be there at 8 Oh, yeah, okay, okay, all right, I said I went to school along beach worked out out here and I for like three years I did that. Oh, I didn't get an Airbnb every time I had to go to school It was funny because I was like oh, I just got in Just got in the lunch I like it seems far, because I don't ever leave the, I live three blocks away from the office.

Emily lives in a little neighborhood where she can walk to everything. I do walk, I think it's awesome. Okay, hi, Emily. My boyfriend has great skills. He makes me orgasm in ways I've never experienced before. He hits all the right spots and makes me squirt even when I don't want to or when I try not to. Whether it's his finger or penis, it's literally like a magic button is being pushed

and then the entire service is soaked. I've had one child, I'm not sure if this is anything to do with it, I don't have issues with incontinence in general and do practice my kegels, although not as often as I should. In your professional experience, is this a good thing? My boyfriend loves it, I hate the mess, but since he gets so happy and I can't seem to stop it, I've learned to like it too.

What do you think? Is it squirting or continents? Thanks Emily, Marie, 38, California. Marie, it doesn't matter what I think it is at all. It doesn't matter what. I love that you're both lugging it and enjoying it now finally. It sounds like squirting to me,

but that's not what this is about. Cause your question was, is it squirting on continents? And if I said to you, oh, it's a continents, then are you going to stop enjoying it? No, that doesn't matter at all. I think that the fact that you're partners down with it, which I think a lot of men are down with it. Yeah, guys like to see results. It's a whole thing.

That's the one good thing I've learned. No faking that. Oh, unless, I mean, there is faking that for the really committed faker, I guess you could be on command. No, hard that would be. Yeah. Why would you compete. You could just pee. Yeah, but it's different than pee. Yes, there are traces of urine in it. That's what she's asking though. Like how can she tell if it's pee or not? You know what? You would know if it was all urine, okay?

But typically there are traces of it and some people say there were more or less. Yeah, exactly, but it's periorethal fluids and mixed with your What? I just think it's all medical and like it's just hot. I just be squirting. Exactly. I don't even want to, this is where I'm telling you, it's squirting, it's hot. Your partner think it's hot, which is great. What if you were the partner's like, um, no more that squirting messy thing? I know there's guys that are out there that are like, but those are not like, I've

dated those guys for nights. I would think there's very few of those guys. Also, this happened when I just moved. Here's a piece of pee, we don't, can we already decide this matter? She's trying to figure out if it's in to figure out a thing cause matter does matter. It's not a condom you do you're keep it you're fine You could you know not drink much water all day. So it's like super yellow You know like when I was moving and I didn't have time to to stop and eat or drink and I was just sweating all day And then I thank you very much like and then when and then when I pee at the end of the day it was like bright This is not a good suggestions, but thank you for trying

I think that it's great you're going to put just put some towels down and have some fun with it. And I think that the more that you both get into it, you're not worrying about what this is. She said she was worried. She used to hate it. I don't want you to think she is. Because I think that it's first of all, it's not the norm.

I don't think that we often see that it's different than what most people experience. Yes, orders are unicorns. They're not very many of them. It's not, but I think that it has sort of been, you know, I'm telling you, it's different than what most people experience. And it's medicine. Yes, disorders are unicorns. They're not very many of them. It's not, but I think that it is sort of been, you know, I tell you, it's like one good thing I can think of, you know, what people, I always say, can't learn anything from porn, but this, not that you can learn to screw up,

but it's hard. I think people see it and they're like, oh, that is super sexy. So. They got horns with girls doing the squirting in the face. It's traumatic. I haven't seen that. It's traumatic.

It is, because you can't imagine. You can't stop watching it. No, like that was her life dream growing up to get paid, to get squirted in the face. It's traumatic. I don't see that. It's traumatic. It is because you can't imagine. You can't stop watching it. No, like that was our life dream growing up to get paid to get squirted in the face. So you're watching the porn feeling back for the girls? Oh, all the time. Yeah, for sure. Right after you come or sometimes during which is dangerous. Yeah.

Not wall on. Hey, do you think Stanley might have squirted or peed in your bed? Could it have been squirting? What do you think? Is there an oposibility? He was having a dream. He's a man. You think you had a, you think he had a,

what dream? No. A squirt dream. It's funny. I can't believe he's going from your restoration story. It was such a good one. That was a nice little segue. And if we didn't, if we had more time,

I would go down that road, but we don't. Hey Emily, maybe you can help me settle a debate. I've heard many times that people make fun of saying, thank you to your partner after sex. I've read this and seen this happening on TV and in general across pop culture. My wife and I together 20 years married for 17, always say thanks for making me feel good or something similar. What's wrong with being thankful for a good thing and actually saying thank you?

I find it strange that people would poke fun at this and I've been debating this with several friends. What are your thoughts? It's not like we're shaking hands and walking. I'm gonna ask if they shake hands. Thanks. Simon 42, California. Simon tells his friends that he thinks his wife after Quaidis. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. Well, the one or part is that he's now they're chatting up with his friends about this. Well, I think it's weird that if you guys are both consensually thanking each other after sex and you're married and you've been together for 20 years and you thank each other after sex,

neither one of you have a problem with it, then I love that, it's beautiful. If you're like my wife hates it and I can't stop thanking you after sex, thank you, she's like, don't thank me for that. Thank you, stop thanking me. Stop thanking me after sex, but like I think it's beautiful. Thank you. I've done that after sex. Thank you, she's like, don't thank me for that. Thank you, stop thanking me. Stop thanking me for sex, but I think it's a beautiful. Thank you.

I've done that after sex, I've been like, oh my God, thanks, that was so good. I've done that. Yeah, like a casual thing, but. Yeah, I was so ritual. I just got chills, not the good kind either. Oh, no, why? When I was thinking about,

just all I got really solemn, like, thank you very much for that. And she's like, thank you. Hey, it's just something so weird and formal about it. Thanks babe, that was great. Thank you for making me feel good. Thank you for making it. It's like you're honoring the act together. What I'm supposed to say afterwards, is there anything

that appropriate? Thank you's not it. Obviously my chills just told me that. How about you, do you want me to call Uber? Are you? Call Uber? That would be inappropriate. Or I'm done with the door hitch in the ass.

Or I'm going to go watch sports center. I think that's your phone. Or I'm done with the door hitch in the ass. Or I'm gonna go watch sports center. I think that's a problem. I'm picking up your phone. I've actually done that. You know, when your phone beeps, it's been out of your mind. Back in the old days, man, it was easy. You didn't have to say anything.

What'd you do? You just broke out of cigarette. That was fun. Started smoking and bed and relaxing. You don't have to talk. You just look cool for a minute, right? Yeah. And now it's like this is awkward.

Like, I don't know what you do. Aftercare is a whole? Yeah, I think that- And now it's like this is awkward, like, I don't know what to do. Aftercare is a whole thing. And I think that yes, it's like- I know you guys like to be cuddled. Or play aftercare. So I think that it's really important to kind of have, for some, a lot of couples, they feel the sort of like,

I have this orgasm and now it's over. So I think that couples kind of have this, you know, ritual, how they close sex, even if it's just like you require five minutes of like cuddling or touch or talking, like I think that's okay to work it out in a relationship what you both need, because I think a lot of times people are with their partner and they just don't feel comfortable asking for it. I think you're in a relationship and you agree what you need. It's so easy sometimes to like make our partner happy and feel if we just kind of ask these

questions and figure out things that works. So Simon, working for you. Thank you. What about ham and cheese? I'll take a ham and cheese crust cut off. Is that a good response? For after after sex? No. Hi Emily in the gang. I will listen to the show for few years now and I even got my fiancee listening to you. I'm 32 and she's 34. We recently found out that cheese's pregnant, which is awesome. The downside is our sex life is taken at all. I've been trying to kelp out around the house, giving her massages, trying to leave sex out of it, but she's been moody, makes me feel unwanted and left out. When she did initiate sex, it felt empty. Is this just a phase in the pregnancy

or is my sex life over? My fiance is really shy, but perhaps something I can do to reintroduce sex back into our routine. Love you guys and all the great advice you give millions weekly. Andrew 32, oh hi. Okay, to include the most important piece of information here, which is what trimester she's in. Well, I was gonna say, first trimester said,

you know, women tend to, their libido tends to have a surge. Yeah, like second, and especially the third trimester, right? It's, first trimester is a nightmare for the ladies from everything, all counts that I've run into. It's just very hormonal, they can smell everything,

they feel nauseous all the time, and they're not feeling very sexy, but the second trimester, a lot of ladies that I know, they change, and then by the third trimester, they're not comfortable, but their libido is going through the room. Yeah, it's true. I mean, it does change throughout the pregnancy. So we actually really don't know what trimester she's in.

And for some women, it's later in the first trimester too, that they feel the surge. So I would say, and she might hate you for no reason at all one day, just let her hate you. She won't hate you the next day. And don't engage. I learned that the hard way. A few times I engaged.

You tried to fix it? Yeah, or like I, you know, I engaged in like an uncomfortable conversation. And I realized, oh, well, I should just let her be angry right now. Well, that is kind of the thing because sometimes women just, we don't want you to fix. Right. We don't want you to do anything. We do want you to listen. So Andrew, it's great that you're doing all these things. You're giving your massages. We're helping you around the house. But I think that maybe she just wants you to, you know, who knows what? Listen or sit and talk to her or I don't know.

She's moody and up and down with pregnancy. It's hormones. Maybe she's... It's probably... I think she's probably the first trimester because he's writing and just a fan say, yeah, don't panic, honey. Your sex life will be amazing and it'll probably be very shortly. And reintroduce sex back into your routine. I mean, he said that she's shy. What could you do to reintroduce it?

I mean, I think that perhaps if you take sex off the table right now and just do some kind of, like, just the photosize or just the backbones, or something that's just like pleasing to her, but that she doesn't have to give to you. Let her know that you understand that she's taking the burden, the physical burden for this kid that you guys are having, and let her just try and make her understand

that you absolutely empathize and would do anything to actually train places with her. It's really weird being a guy in relationship with the pregnant because you're used to doing it, and maybe I'm sounding so monistic, but the way I was raised and what I do, I hold doors open for women and I you know lift heavy things and I don't like to see my wife doing anything physical if I could do it for her and then the biggest physical thing that

either one of us has ever had to do is her being pregnant and it was so heart wrenching watching her like suffer through that like you know her shoes didn't fit anymore because her feet like grew and you know she grew by, she almost doubled and weighed and walking around was like exercise and I just felt really bad for her. And I would have absolutely traded places with her as pussy as that might sound. I would have totally taken on that burden if it was possibility if I could become a seahorse.

I would have become a seahorse, right then, because they had the men in their face. How did you write? So and I let her know that. And I think just through communication and because I really believed it and she would believe me when I told her because it was all true. And you I'm here for you sweetie.

Keep me posted on this. Thank you for listening to the show. I think your sex life is not over. It is a phase in the in the pregnancy and um you're going to she's going to get her libido back and just you got to write it out. The big body her body's going through a lot right now. It's not about you. Actually it's never really totally about you anyways, but especially right now and just got to write it out. The big, but her body's going through a lot right now. It's not about you, actually, it's never really totally about you anyways,

but especially right now, and just know that, yeah, like we said, there's a good chance that she's going to hate you for no reason at all, Alan, certain days. Just be cool with that. Be cool with it, go with it, go with it. Just listen, breathe, yep, exactly. Ask her how you can help.

She has an answer, you can just ask, like, what can I do instead of just guessing? Just, even, you don't even have to read it. Just buy like one of these books about being pregnant. It's just happened on your nightstand, or just, have her see you with it. Like, fake read? I mean, you can make it.

You're like a page isn't like, like, because I care about your print, I'm invested in your pregnancy. Yeah, there is a book I never read it. What is back when you're expecting? But I was told that if you really wanna please your pregnant lady, that there's a book that you can read Where it really gets you to understand what they're going through. Oh, I don't know what that book is

I never thought to buy it. I use my own mouth my own words. Okay. Thank you, Anderson What else could I do your podcast or everything's going good film both stronger than ever after disaster is fantastic Cinematics big things might be happening with cinematics things are good Sex with Emily comes up on the more chats with Andy than I was then I thought It's as cinematic's big things might be having a cinematic things are good Sex with Emily comes up on the more chats with Andy than I was than I thought Number of people. Yeah, really actually heard about One of my shows that they listen to you know, I think four or five the because I've been doing chats with Andy over the summer And I've extended it because of my whole situation Hey, you can go to Anderson Cowan.com and uh, and click on it. For free, you can talk to Anderson.

You probably won't like it too much. 50 bucks, I talked to you for like a half hour. I do a lot of talking. Yeah, I do do a lot of talking. Yeah. If you guys like your Anderson, yeah, that's cool. But if you ever have any questions. I have a question.

Yeah, and a few people have asked me questions about you. What do they ask? I'm like, I heard about your show. I heard about you through it. It's the same. I listen to Emily and I love Emily and I'm like, and then I just gush. I talk a lot. I'm like, I heard about your show. I heard about you through it. I was sitting at Emily and I love Emily and I'm like, and then I just gush. I talk a lot.

I talk three minutes worth of gushing all over them about how Emily's the real deal and she's like the sweetest, greatest person and so many of, she's never said anything bad about anyone. Which is true and it's still bizarre to me. You've never talked shit. I love talking shit about people. I'm so disappointed with everyone

and you never ever talk badly about anyone You know, what's the point of that really just to bring yourself to let them know that they're horrible It's not that like I'm polyannish like no, she's not at all. You think you on paper I don't think that I dig you but I love you I know right you said that you're like if I met you I would you hate everything that I like you on a dating bio I'd be like next That's mean. Well, because you're just not. I know, but you mean me.

You're like, oh, she's actually cool. You're the best. I love it. You're the best. Okay, well, everyone check out Anderson and thank you. Everyone for listening to this show. I really, I just love you all. And I appreciate that I've been able to do what I love.

12 years going strong and that you guys are. 12 years, I remember the 10 year anniversary. Like it was like a couple months ago. Like it was two years ago. That was a fun time. We did it in the improv. That was a fun time we should do nothing we did it the improv that was really fun But no really guys every day. I'm very very thankful grateful for all of you I love hearing from you and thank you for engaging and for sending your questions and I just love hearing from you And you feedback about the shows and all that stuff

Please always get in touch and thank you to my amazing amazing team Ken Jamie our intern Shannon, producer, large, and Michael here on Sound, our Mikey, my column. Anything else I had to say to you all? Wait, Anderson, I have a box. I know, I'm, I'm, I'm Lee's box. I have a subscription box.

That's the thing I want to tell you guys about. It's a good engagement gift. It's good for friends. It's good for your relationship. Just bite up. It almost sounds like it should be a prescription box. Well, it is. It's a prescription subscription. Yeah.

It's a good thing that people should be prescribed this. So if everything, I think if you are like looking for ways to keep things interesting, these boxes, I have to say they're really generous too. I mean, we like, you know, this one is, you get it four times a year. So every season, you get a new box. This box is called Better Than Basic and it has my favorite. You may know how I love J.J.U. It has their new U-B-U by J.J.U. vibrators in it.

It's called The Better Than Basics Box. You can check it out on my site, sexvelea.com slash subscription box. And everyone's loving it. You guys have been loving out the box. So thank you for doing the box. And thank you everyone for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me. Feedback, it's sexvelea.com. email me feedback at sexwithamily.com.