Sex With Emily - Free the Nipple(gasm)

Episode Date: August 5, 2017

When it comes to sex, an attitude of been there, done that won’t get you anywhere. On today’s show, Emily plays the role of “tour guide” to help navigate you to a better and healthier sex life! When’s the right time to introduce your inner freak to your new guy? How do you go from business talk to pillow talk? Looking for some nipple play accouterments? Plus, tune in to find out the parts of the body you should never ignore in bed! Thank you to supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Adam & Eve, Womanizer, Sportsheets, and Fleshlight Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm helping you navigate your dating, sex, and relationship questions. Topics include, parts of her body you should never ignore in bed. Why a lifelong, healthy, sex life is important, nipple-play toys for more pleasurable stimulation, and when does the right time to share your fantasies? All this and more, thanks for listening. You've got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got to understand it. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so sad. I'm so sad. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithendly.com and check out the show.

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However, sometimes, through a little bit long and a little bit detailed and intricate, it's just you got to email me. It's so much easier to go to the website. So I hope you do that. But it doesn't mean that I don't love you and I don't want to help you because I do deep, deep in my soul. I love you all. And I so appreciate here for you. And thank you everybody for listening. Okay. Today, I'm going to answer your emails. But first, I need to talk to you

about something that's really important. And that is parts of the body that you should not ignore, that you may have been ignoring. And I'm going to give you some updates here because you're probably like, oh, yeah, I know. I know that it feels really good to have a kiss on my ear or it feels really, really good when the partner touches the nape of my neck, why doesn't it happen anymore? And a lot of these things I'm gonna tell you about, like all these different riding stones

that are often neglected, you probably have had them played with or stimulated, but it might have been early on in your relationship and might have been the first kiss, the second kiss. And I feel like a lot of this kind of goes when you're in a relationship or you start dating someone. I don't know if it's because we think that we don't need to be turned on as much. I mean, the collective we, I know what we need because I can't wait.

I can't go on very long without these things being stimulated, but I think that we get so focused on, which is great, pleasing our partner, being really good at oral sex, or being really good at, like, intercourse. But I think we forget that a lot of these amazing parts of our body also feel just as good and can also lead to orgasms. If you're into that kind of thing, it can also help speed up. I don't want to say speed up, but it can contribute to foreplay. When some people think, oh, God, you need 18, 25 minutes of foreplay, we don't want to say speed up, but it can contribute to foreplay. When some people think,

oh, God, you need 18, 25 minutes of foreplay, we don't have that much time. Well, I guess what? I'm not saying that you have to perform oral sex for 20 minutes. You could give your partner a scalp massage or you could play with their clitoris a little bit longer or their inner thighs. So I am going to break this down for you. Just to jog your memory. Okay, so this this study that came out that said, these are parts of her body that you should never ignore in bed. And I'm reading this going, wait, what about his body? These would all feel great on his body as well. Because I want both men and women to experience as much pleasure as possible. So let's start

with the scalp. Did you know that the scalp is packed with nerve endings, but it really gets touched. Like maybe when you're getting your hair washed and you're like, can you do that again for like 50 more minutes or something, but it can be very relaxing and it can be very arousing. And it does respond really well to scratching the scalp. You know, you can scratch your scalp. You can, you know, move your fingers like across the entire head, like in circles. You could take a break and you can kind of like do some of the hair pulling, like at the roots.

Wish I could explain this to you guys. You're not a pull of hair correctly. Like you really don't want to just pull it, so it hurts, but you want to have your, it's like a tough, like your hands are resting against the scalp. And then you pull, so your fingers aren't actually leaving the scalp, but you're still pulling the hair away.

Does that make sense? The hair pull. So the thing is a nice scalp massage. It can be for five minutes. It could be part of your... could be part of everything else that you're doing. It could be part of foreplay. That all feels good. Okay, the ears, why they deserve your attention. Again, all these areas, these are rodgenous stones that we're talking about, they have so many nerve endings and when they're stimulated, they can really turn you on for everything else. And so since a lot of your emailing me and you're like, you're calling and you're saying, I don't have a libido, I'm not turned on, my partner just wants sex

right away, but I'm not feeling it. I mean, I feel like I hear this from women a lot, like if what if your partner came in, guys, whoever, you know, anyone who's dating a woman or having sex with a woman, and you came up to her first before just like slapping her boobs and pulling her pants down or something and you started to kiss gently kiss her ears, like gently, like you just, you know, around the tips and like the outer curve of her ears, you can suck on her earlobes, you can like take an earlobe in your mouth and like slowly like nibble on it. And then you could breathe lightly and blow on it.

I mean, that just feels so good. Kind of like it as well, guys like this as well. They like the nibbling, they like the breathing. And again, it's about the nerve-riding. So you can do this to men and women. But what you shouldn't do, okay, this is reminding me of something that, let me tell you what you shouldn't do. So I this is reminding me of something that. Let me tell you what you shouldn't do.

So I just got back from Wanderlust. I was speaking at this amazing festival in Tahoe. It's a yoga festival and I gave two sex talks and one of them was about, of course you guys know it was about foreplay. Da. I was called foreplays a require right now to suggestion and I was talking about, I was talking about that I've had a lot of bad sex in my life, which is why I'm here, because now I only put up with good sex, but there was this guy the long time ago. For some reason, he really thought that sticking his entire tongue into my ear,

like his entire tongue, like he was like, like wedging it into there. And then it became kind of like wet and there was like saliva driving it. I was like, my nose, seriously, I needed to get like a tray to pick up the water dripping on the ground. It was like disgusting. And I said to him, that's, I pushed him away. I was like, that's I needed to get like a tray to pick up the water dripping on the ground.

It was like disgusting. And I said to him, that's, I pushed him away. And I was like, that's just, I really feel good. He's like, well, it turns me on. And then he left. I told him to leave. And it was then the story. But I'm just saying that's the wrong way to do it.

So for most of these things that I'm talking about, stimulating the erogenous zones, even if I'm talking about oral sex, it's really good to play with light textures, to go slow and to just not rush through any of this, which I also think that we're not very practiced at. I think we're not practiced at taking sex slow. And so these erotic zones, when you're kissing their ears and sucking on the earlubs, do it slow, and have fun with it. The next one is the nape of the neck.

I think we pay attention to, well, okay, overall, I think the neck is grossly ignored, and just like kissing, that can go in long-term relationships, I, most men and women that I know, enjoy the neck kiss, they do. And I think that most of you pay attention to the front and the sides of the neck, put the back of the neck, the nape of the neck,

get very sensitive spot. Size that women are more sensitive on the back of their neck than men. I don't know, I haven't done my own studies, I'm not sure if that's true, but I don't know, I don't know if the guy would kick out his bed for tickling the nape of his neck. But you can lift your hair up, like have your partner lie in their stomach, and then you can like kiss from one shoulder to the neck and then moving across the nape of the neck. So you can also pair this with the scalp massage. It can be just like really relaxing.

Think of all the tension that we hold in our body around our neck and our shoulders. So when you're playing with the nape of the neck again, you could nibble on it, you could kiss it, you could lick it, blow, do a little hot and cold air. Okay, the next, this is strictly for women because men don't have this. It's the Mons or the Mons Pubus.

Is an area on the woman, which is the top of her pubic bone. And typically, this is covered in pubic air, unless she waxes or shaves it off, and it's packed with nerve endings. And it's very close to more sensitive areas, right? Because you remember, like, I always talk about the clitoris, has 8,000 nerve endings,

but it's not just about the clitoris. It really, it's the whole area. It's the vulva. It's stimulating the inner labia, the outer labia. And here's why the mons is amazing, because when you are either like you're putting your fingers inside or you're going down on a woman, if you press your palm against her mons, just sounds funny, I know, her mons.

And then you push up towards her head, not down. It can feel amazing. Help expose her clitoris a little bit and it also has indirect stimulation to the G spots. It's the layer of tissue above the G spot and for a lot of women that can really feel amazing, she can have that elusive G spot orgasm or just multiples. It's a good time. Get to know the mods. And for women also, you don't need a partner.

You could do it on your own when you're masturbating. Oh, this reminds me of the we vibe. We vibe just came out with a new toy a few months ago called the Wish. And I think it, you know, I know every sex toy. I believe that the wish is the only one that stimulates the inner and outer labia, but you could also use it. It's not just for your clitoris, and you can also use it. Just light on your mons.

Lone your mons. What? Can we rename it? I want to rename them in China. Can we rename them in mons? No, but use the wish. It's amazing if you guys haven't tried it yet. Okay.

Inner thighs. That's my other favorite part. Inner thighs is so, this is really important, you guys. If you, I almost feel like if you take anything away, the point I'm making here is about the tease. A lot of this is about teasing, but especially the inner thighs. And I want to say it's for women and men. I think that we all kind of would appreciate the tease when it happens to us. Again, there's lots of nerve endings there, but you're also so close to the genitals, but you're not quite there yet. I think that we talk about a lot on the show is that

we just rush so quickly towards intercourse, right? That you're with someone and they just rip your clothes off, and they stick there, you know, they have sex right away, stick their penis inside of you, their fingers, women, we're just like, we're not really turned on and we're not ready to go. And I don't want to say that men aren't also sometimes one little teasing, but I think

especially for women, there is no women that I've ever talked to that have ever said like, oh, I hate it when he teased my inner thighs. Why did he do that? So when you stimulate the inner thighs, you don't necessarily have to use your fingers, you can use your fingers to start, but you can also use your mouth, use your tongue, use your lips, and spend time licking and kissing the crease, the inner thighs. Then you can head back, like, down, go down to her knees, up to her stomach, and don't go right for her genitals yet.

I mean, you want to cross over to both thighs. You can gently massage them. This is going to turn her on and send her through the roof. Because then when they say, and I hate to say this, because it's so like some do-she-guy would say this. And I like these pick up artists, they say, they're like, make her beg for it. She's going to be begging for it, but I swear to God, she's going to get to that point where she's just really going to be really turned on, which is what we want.

We really want to turn our partners on. And I think that it's very confusing for a lot of you who email me and ask me questions and you're like, why isn't she at? Why isn't she turned on? Why doesn't my partner like and women who feel like they're not turned on? Lil libido. If your partner like spent some time teasing you and I'm telling you for like 15 minutes, like all that time you're worried about like, am I doing oral sex right? Why aren't we having sex anymore? If you just took all that time and you just like teased her inner thighs for like 10 minutes, your outcome would be very, very different. And I think that also just the anticipation and the tease is a huge part of

four-ply and sex that sort of a lost art. And it's really not that challenging. It's just like, you got to think about it like, I know that I want to grab her breasts and her vulva right now. But I'm not going to. So what can I do in that spare time? I can play, I can use my hands, and I can tease her with my mouth and my fingers, and I can go up and down her body and her stomach and her inner thighs and her neck, but I'm not gonna go to all the other parts of her body. So think about the tease that way.

It's the slow build, it's really hot, and it's really fun. And you'll have that kind of sex that you want, because that's what I'm all about. Okay, I love you all. Thank you for listening to the show. I'm going to take a quick break. Thank you for supporting our sponsors. And I'm going to answer emails. Let me come back. Okay, guys, we're on to your emails. I love hearing from you. It makes my day. It's amazing. You can now text me your question.

Just text Ask Emily all one word to 7979, 7979. Ask Emily one word. A lot of you have like tweeted and message me like it didn't work. It's because it's Ask Emily one word. You can also submit a question from the sexwithamily.com website via the Ask Emily tab question from the sexwithamily.com website via the Ask Emily tab, which is really easy to do, and as always, include your gender, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. And I can't wait to hear from you. Here's our first email. Hi, Emily.

I was in the audience for your four-play talk at Wanderlust. I have a nagging question. I was struck by how much work it is to maintain a good sex life. Why is a good sex life important? My wife and I have been married for 15 years, have two kids, and have experienced the sex phase. It was fine, but now it seems like a lot of effort for something we've already done. Society seems to push the idea of an active sex life as quite important.

Is there research or anything concrete that suggests it really is? In other words, is there a potential negative impact on a relationship we don't have a healthy sex life? Thanks for your thoughts. Jeff 44 New York. Jeff, I'm glad you came to the talk at Wanderlust. Thank you for emailing as well. And I think that this is a great question and there's a lot that I want to say here.

Okay. Sex is a really important part of your relationship and I understand that you've said you've already done it, you've been together 15 years and you're probably thinking, you know, we've had enough sex and now we're best friends and what's the problem. But the thing is, if you don't continue to have sex in your relationship and connect, then you're not really having the intimacy that's required to be in a healthy relationship overall. When you first you said in this question, I first read the question about is an active sex life is important.

But then you asked me after that, the negative impact if you don't have a healthy sex life. So this is why I love you guys. You know we're also taking calls now. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but you can call into the show. When you email us, you can mention that you want to be called because Jeff, I want to talk to you because when you say it's not healthy. For example, I'm not sure what that means. So just get a put some scenarios out there like maybe you haven't had sex in a few years or you've set up bedrooms or you feel like you're best friends. To me, that's not healthy because

couples still crave that intimacy. Even if we're not talking about intercourse, a healthy sex life enhances intimacy which is so important for your relationship, but it doesn't have to be intercourse. It can be that you are, again, you guys, I just mentioned all the erogenous zones. You could take intercourse off the table if that's become more complex, or if there's some issues there, you could just give each other misogies. You can cuddle on the couch and watch TV. I mean, we're talking about intimacy here

and ways to continue to connect with your partner. And you're saying it seems like a lot of effort, Jeff. So I'm wondering what the effort is. If you said you've already done it, you've been together 15 years. I'm assuming that you actually already know all the hot spots and how to please each other. So if you're telling me that there's effort, I'm wondering what else is going on.

Maybe your wife can have orgasms easily. Let me just say that. Have you guys brought sex toys in your relationship? Have you talked about this stuff? Have you used lube? The most women, if you add lube, you guys know how I feel about lube. Lube, whenever you're not going to understand. If you add lube to pretty much any sexual scenario,

whether it's like oral sex, massage, actual intercourse, it can enhance every situation, leads to more orgasms. And if you want some studies about why it's important, I mean, we all know that healthy sex and having orgasms and having that release is really important. It's better for your overall health, it's better for your mood, healthy prostate. Maybe you do masturbate all the time, Jeff, that's great, but it's important to have the release. But I just think it's crucial for just the emotional health of your relationship and your connection overall. So again, I'm not sure if you're having sex once a month and that doesn't feel right,

but if you're never having sex and you've already resigned yourself to the fact that we've had enough sex and that phase of our life is over and you're 44 years old, I'm going to say it will negatively impact your relationship again because it doesn't feel to me that that's strong intimate connection and you have the emotional health that you need to move forward. Thank you for emailing me and thanks for coming more to us. Dear Emily, my question is about filtering. I'm of the opinion that you should be most open with your spouse so I'm more unfiltered and direct when communicating with him. I have no intention of hurting him however he says that

my approach comes across as very critical and directive. He says I deal with relationship issues like I do business issues and this comes across in my tone and my language. He prefers a softer approach and he's of the opinion that you care most about the ones you love so you want to be mindful of their feelings. I agree with the second part, of course. He shared how he would like me to approach filtering, owning my feelings, focusing on the discussion at hand, I.e. putting down my phone, and using more sensitive language. I feel like I've done this and tried many

times already. However, we're still at odds when it comes to difficult discussions. Perhaps I'm not being soft enough, but then I'm sugarcoding and that doesn't feel genuine. I don't feel like I should have to change my approach. I'm trying to come to grips with how to broach difficult discussions with my husband and internalize his feelings on the matter. How do you suggest I move forward and potentially strike a balance? Love your show, Lynn 43 San Jose California PS. Thanks so much for your wonderful podcasts. My husband and I love listening and discussing some of your topics we've been married over 15 years and try to take your advice to heart. All thanks, Lynn. I love it. I'm so glad you guys are having good sex but not great conversation.

I can help you with this. Okay, and you gave me a lot of details here. It sounds to me that this is something that you guys can solve and you're going to have to do it together. You've been together for 15 years. So you have a very specific way of communicating and how you've always communicated. Like I feel like you're in your routine, and when you guys talk about things, it's the same way. You have the same resentments, he brings something up, and you might say, yeah, you always bring that up. It's because the time that I didn't get your mother a holiday present, you know, when you're

with someone that long, you have your routines, you have your triggers, and you kind of tend to have the same conversation over and over and over again. And although you're trying, it seems like you're really, really making the effort to learn how to have conversations differently, that I believe that this is a great case here for some couples therapy. And I'm not saying like you're on crisis and you actually need to go for a year, which is what I tell most couples who are like in a really bad place, but you guys are actually in a great place. And I would send you to couples therapy because I think all you need to do is to learn some very, very

specific tools around communicating. Like things that are like he could tell you what he needs and you could tell him, but you're not hearing each other anymore. After 15 years, I just feel like neither one of you are gonna be able to get this if you haven't gotten it in 15 years Plus the thing I love about therapy is that they're kind of like this mediator and the she's sitting there You guys will have the same fights that you're having and then she'll be like, uh try this and she'll give you some homework assignments And the way you communicate you'll go home and I feel like you guys can fix this because I feel like some resistance in your part and tone and language is really important. So I feel like if you can't get that tone down there's something in your tone and it's not your fault that reminds him of the ways you say other things and even though you think you're suffering your tone

it's just going to keep triggering him in that direction. So I feel like you're really mindful and I feel like this is a very thoughtful email and I do think that you both seem like really smart, really committed. You're having amazing sex. You've already worked on that. Let's just work on communication. I think go to therapists for like a month and you'll be able to solve this. Thank you then. Appreciate your email. Hi, Emily. I've been a fan of the show for a while, listening almost every week and reading the website too.

I even got my husband to listen on a road trip last summer. Full disclosure, we may have stopped at a hotel before our actual destination after feeling inspired by your podcast. I love that. I love that you had to pull off the road and have sex. I'm doing my job. Okay, I'm writing because our sex life almost exclusively revolves around nipple play. He and I both love giving, receiving, nipple stimulation and it's our primary foreplay. Usually a nipple 69.

And a method to orgasm using hands, mouths, and toys. Nipple 69 makes total sense. I get what you're saying. I haven't heard of the nipple 69. I love you. I love learning something new. It's very, it means makes sense, obviously. It's very rare for us, but no, the Nipple 69, like I want to add that to my next book. Yeah, like it makes sense. You just don't put your mouth on the other generals, you just flip around and just stick down the Nipples. Okay, it's very rare for us to conclude with actual intercourse, but that's totally okay because we love how we love. In an effort to keep things new and fun, I've researched Nipple toys but can't seem to find any with consistently positive reviews. We've talked about clamps, suction toys, and even pumps,

but we aren't sure what's reliable, pain-free. We like teasing and pleasure and not pain, and useful for both men and women. Do you have any advice for what toys or techniques could enhance our somewhat unconventional but very satisfying routine. Love to you, your team, and the rest of the people out there who share their stories for the benefit of the rest of us. Cheers to Happy Healthy Sex for everyone.

Molly, Forty, Charlotte, North Carolina. Thanks for your email Molly. I adored how you said we love how we love. Because I think a lot of us worry are we normal? Is it okay that we have sex this way? Is it okay that we have these fantasies? And the fact that you guys are cool with like you guys are both satisfied and you're okay with loving how you love. And remember, couples can have amazing sex and it's not just about the intercourse. You guys have found a lot of pleasure through nipple stimulation. Nipple stimulation is very underrated. I feel like

a lot there's so much pleasure to be had with the nipples. So I've got some ideas for you here. You specifically asked about clamps, you said suction toys, pumps. Here's the thing, there's a few options I'm going to give you. Here's the thing about nipple clamps. If you go to my website, sportcheats makes a lot of different types of nipple play toys. So the thing about the nipple clamps is that you can adjust them to, on several of them, I think most of them are adjustable.

They have really pretty ones to the midnight collection. It looks like a necklace, like a jeweled necklace, but it's a nipple clamps. No one would know. You could go out for dinner and have them on your nipples, but you can adjust them. So really, you can go, you can make it as tight or as loose as you'd like. So the thing about nipple clamps is, especially these, that you could play with it. They don't have to go all the way to the tightest knob. You can kind of play with how you want to place them on your nipples, so you can do it

at a softer setting. And they're really easy to use. And the thing about nipple play is that the tighter that you make them, the blood will be leaving your nipples for a moment. And then when you release it, it all rushes back. So it's that playing with those sensations of the blood coming in and out, they can be very arousing. And so I know that I recommend all the sports eats products.

They have different nipple cleanses you can play with. So I mean, I think those have good reviews. They also have nipple suckers, okay? So those are like, squeezable, and they just kind of give extra suction, and they increase your sensitivity and the blood flow. So it's just another way to stimulate the nipples. They've got nipple suckers that are like $19. I think on our website, I mean, they're pretty reasonable that I think that it's more about

you guys playing around with some of these toys and figuring out what really feels good. I can't tell you, but feels good on their nipples. But I think you guys are going to have a good time trying. You really can't lose here. If you have some vibrators, this is another thing you could do is use a vibrator playing with your nipples. The vibrations feel amazing. I think that Jamie in our office had her first nipple gase, and this comes from Jamie, okay, using the womanizer. You guys know that the womanizer, I have named the clit whisper because it's actually,

oh God, the this patented air technology just feels amazing. And so Jamie, she's a smart chick, she thought, hey, it feels like I'm a clitoris, I'll try to buy nipples. And she had nipple orgasms. So I think the womanizer is a great one. Actually, the way it's positioned and the way it has this

gentle sucking, that's actually a great idea. Haven't tried it yet. There's also the Wevibe sink or the Unite. They're both, it's a couples toy, the sink slash or the Unite. The sink has a remote control and you can use it using their app, but you could also use the Unite. And it's the viberative you can actually wear during and of course, but you could also use the Unite and it's the vibrating you can actually wear during in a course, but you

can also use it to clamp around nipples. That can be really fun vibrating to play with. And finally, let me tell you about Volt. Volt is a new product by Joe. You guys know that I'm obsessed with all the Joe Loop and it's essentially a tingling serum. It's a literal stimulant, but hey, it's going to feel amazing on your breasts. I promise you, and it's a little bottle, and it has just like a little bit sensation, so you put a few drops on, and it feels amazing. I can tell you that I've tried it. I was at dinner with the joke guys like a year ago, and they're like, check out this new product we have. You can wait to get home and they put it

at my purse, and then I went to the bathroom, and I was like, well, as long as I'm here, and I tried it, and it takes a few minutes, and I was just sitting there at dinner with them, and I was like, oh yeah, my clitoris is buzzing and it feels really good and so I told them I actually approved of the product because that's part of my job So you can check out Volt arousing teagling serum on my website sexwithamily.com So I think that's a lot of tips there, my all of you guys will be good You can also just I mean I think you guys got this use a vibrator use Volt use some any of these nipple things You guys will figure out what you like.

You're never gonna get bored. There is so much to do with the nipples, so little time. Hi, Emily. I lost my virginity three and a half years ago, age 24. Last year, I recently released my inner freak as I've now just become more interested in sex. I have many fantasies. For example, having sex in the beach

and oral sex in unique places, like at work or in the woods. My ex was down for these fantasies. For example, having sex in the beach and oral sex in unique places like at work or in the woods. My ex was down for these fantasies but he couldn't keep up and we ended up going separate ways. I've met guys who are turned on by my inner freak, but when it's time to do something that's a little out of the ordinary, they'd chicken out. I've been telling men what I want right away. Should I hold off on telling guys my sexual fantasies until after we've been dating

for a while? Alexis 28 San Francisco. Hey, Alexis in San Francisco, one of my favorite places on the planet, I love that you are so in touch with your fantasy life. Like having a rich fantasy life is crucial part about having a healthy sex life. In fact, there's a lot of women that email me

and they're like, I have no fantasies. So I think it's amazing that you've these fantasies and that you're willing to express them. Now, I'm not gonna give you like a time limit. I'm not gonna say, well, wait till the third date or wait till you've been dating for three months. I think that if you know what you want and you know what turns you on,

that you should tell somebody that you're having sex with, that you trust and that you like spending time with. So I'm not gonna give you a timeline here, but what I am gonna tell you is that it could also be about the way that you're telling the guys, that maybe this guy you chickened out or the other one who went the other way, talking about sex can be complicated, right?

A lot of you will have never talked about sex. Like not only do we not have any sex education, we don't know how to talk about it, and we don't know how to ask for what we want, and then we have a lot of judgment around sex. So I'm not sure how you've been saying it, but if you're like, hey, I want to go have sex in the beach right now, you know, and he's just trying to get in your pants and he's not even really sure what that means.

And are you, what if you guys get arrested? I mean, I think that you need to kind of open it up in a way that kind of let the conversation unfold. So it's not just like a one-way street. So you could have the conversation with him about, hey, you know, here's some things that turn me on, or do you have any fancies or things you want to try, which I think is like a healthy conversation to have with someone you're having sex with. Like, I love when I'm with a partner and I'm like, so, like, what do you want to try?

Like, what do you want to do? And so, I think that even though they might say, I don't know, I think there's a lot of guys and women who are like, I don't know, you could say, you know what I think would be really hot. I've had a fantasy about having sex in the beach or I think it'd be really hot if you and Donnie me if we went for a hike. Like maybe you guys are about to go on a hike and you could say, you know, it'd be so hot if you and Donnie me what we're hiking. And you kind of like play into a certain scenario, let it unfold as things are happening rather than just like laying down these list of things you want to try Because I think they might not understand it so walking through how it would work

asking them to join the conversation so you're not like the fantasy dictator like this is what I need This is what I want. I'm not saying you're doing that. I'm not there when you're having the conversation But it is the kind of thing that some of the guys are with they might again they might not have these conversations They might not even thought about it with, they might, again, they might not have had these conversations, they might not even have thought about it. So I think that, tell them as soon as you know you're having sex with them, because you know this is what turns you on, and I think that the right guy, if you say it in a way that's you know, you slow down, it's thoughtful, and you listen, that you're going to find your

match in no time. Thanks, Alexis. Great questions today. God, I love all my listeners. I love my amazing team. Thank you everybody for making this show so great. And thanks to FAMIA and all the social media and emailing me. I love hearing from you.

And thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com you