Sex With Emily - From Sexploration to Sexplanation with Pamela Madsen

Episode Date: September 7, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by founder and CEO of Back to the Body: Sensuous Retreats for Women, Pamela Madsen, to talk about all the ways women can unlock their sexual potential.They discuss why it might not be that your libido is low, but that your boredom is high, ways to figure out exactly what you like in the bedroom – and it isn’t your typical sexploration, and explain what the heck “muffining” means and how it can benefit you. Plus, a couple games you can play with your partner to take your sex life up a notch. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com For more info on Pamela Madsen click HERE. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So we talk about having the sexual authenticity model. So having women explore, you know, what are their values? What have they been trained with? Like, what do they believe in? So my value is monogamy, right? That's my value. What is your desire? So maybe my desire is to have many more lovers,

and many more experiences. So value, it's your value, and what's your desire? People can you do this at home. What are your values? What are your desires? Then what's your behavior? And what you really want is to help people, men and women.

Of course, we must see working with women, align what their value is, with their desire, with their behavior. And then they're living an authentic sexual life. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. This is Dr. Emily. And on today's show, I'm joined by founder and CEO of Back to the Body, Centuous Retreats for Women, Pamela Madsen, to talk about all the ways women can unlock their sexual potential. Tabics include, you probably don't have low libido.

What you really might have is high boredom,ays to figure out exactly what you like in the bedroom and it isn't your typical sex pluration. So what is muffening and how can it benefit you? And games you can play with your partner that will definitely take your sex life up a notch. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. Check out our website for more information at sexwithemlee.com because you're gonna love all the posts we have up there. I'm so excited to welcome Pamela bats

into the show. She's the founder and CEO of Back to the Body. It's essentially a sensuous retreats for women. She gives women permission to have the pleasure that they deserve and are capable of in a safe space surrounded by the power of sisterhood. And she's been an activist for over 30 years and founder of the first executive director of the American Fertility Association. So you've been working in this field helping women forever, reproductive freedom for all women. She's appeared on the 3000 media outlets, Oprah, CNN, New York Times, having to post, and others. And I read her book, Shameless, How I Ditch the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure,

and somehow got home in time to cook dinner. It's called Shameless. Pamela, you can find her at backtothebody.org, and then all her socials can be listed in the show notes right now. Because I just want to get into talking to you. I'm so excited. Pamela, welcome to the show.

Thank you. We just met face to face yesterday. I was so excited to get to go to one of your retreats. It was at teaser. It was at teaser. It was for play for the big back to the body retreats. Yes, it was just to give women a sense of the taste to meet us. We're doing really cutting edge work with women.

So women really need a lot of for play. We do. And so, and to feel safe, because all those talk about orgasms and this and that and what women, you know, what women can do with their bodies. Nothing's going to happen until women feel safe. So the portals are an opportunity for those women who really feel like they need to come and meet us in the flesh and see some of the work, but some women, you know, join us to consultations and Zoom calls and all that.

But you came to a portal and they're special and they have live demos and it was super fun to have you. It was really fun to be there. And so I just wanna pull one of your quotes speaking of foreplay, women fake orgasms because men fake foreplay. Yes. I love that quote.

And I mean, I just think that it was really was an exceptional day. My friend, Dallie Joseph, she's been on the show before. And she held, she has a great space that she just built. There was 50 women there and you walk in. And it's, I didn't really know what I heard a little bit about. You, Pam Costa was also on the show. If you guys want to check out her interview and she said she went away with you and had these amazing experiences.

She's also a somatic sex therapist. And I didn't know much what to expect. Except I did read your book about your journey, which I love about your, but yesterday I saw you on the table do a demonstration where you were in your body, naked in front of the room, having pleasure. Amazing. Amazing. I mean, essentially was it was really

incredible to see that. I'm very powering and inspiring. I know I also I came in and told my assistant about it and she was like I don't know if I would prepare to see that. And I get it because it's and I think people there have been primed it with a work coming off the street but it was a really beautiful message and a lot of your messaging is around getting into your body, loving your body. I think it's a lifelong process of healing our relationship with our body and learning to love it, but really allowing yourself to receive pleasure because women have been that's the whole thing is that we've such a

hard time receiving, letting ourselves be in our bodies, receive pleasure without feeling like what do I have to give back? What do I have to give? What do I have to give? And some women never get to give? What do I have to give? And some women never get to where you are on that table. It's very aspirational for many women. So how do we explain them? It was very vulnerable. So it was, thank you.

Beautiful to watch. Thank you. So it's a gift they give women because I believe that we have to see it to be it. And all women see are only a different kind of aspirational model around sex, which is always the very younger woman. She's usually like 15, right? She's up to look like she's 18 or 20, right?

With the perfect body and the perfect lips. And actually, these women don't even look like themselves. Right. Right? Because we're also photoshopped. So they're giving these asperational images that those are the women who get to have good sex and that really our sexuality is through the male gaze. Exactly. Like how do we perform to look good so that our partner can be turned down by us as opposed to How does it feel to be in our bodies?

Can we be in our bodies with no excuses for our bodies? Can we be hot and erotic inside and how do you bring that out now? How do you teach that to women? Well, of course a book, you know inspirational quotes on Facebook. Well, yeah a little But it's love yourself today. You can even me talking here. I talk, I talk, but. At some point, we women need the permission. And a big part of the permission is to see a woman

that they can relate to on some level, on some level, actually go there in a real way that they can relate to on some level, on some level, actually go there in a real way who gets off her back, we teach something called table dancing. And we have women who come to these retreats up from 20, literally up to 93. I mean, it's like every decade, yes, so you heard three different decades speaking of 40s, the 50s, and the 60s speaking who are graduates.

So sometimes we'll have like five different decades of women at a retreat at one time. Which is amazing. So yeah, you ready to see it? Well, I don't know. Are you ready for anything? So, you know, how do you schedule and create an adventure in your life? My belief is that the reason why women often have low libido and lack of lubrication and lack of interest in sex, Emily, here's the secret. We're bored. We're bored out of our minds. Right. And it's not just about us.

Our partners are boring. Everyone's bored. We're not telling what we need. I love that you said it's it's not low libido. It's high boredom. It's high boredom. And so having opportunities to have a safe sexual exploration, we are not having infertility. I mean, the cover of my book, right? I got how many time to cook dinner. Let's talk about your journey because I think that we got a backup for a minute of what we're saying, like you were 43 years old. And your husband was the first man you'd been with.

Married since you were 19 years old. I mean, which I think is very relatable to many people, just even just being with one person and having the same experience. And then you're like, something's not right here. And I love how you open up that you were the one when your friends are talking about sex. I think is very relatable to many people, just even just be with one person and having the same experience. And then you're like, something's not right here. And I love how you open up that you were the one

when your friends are talking about sex. You left and you left the spa. You left the room to go do something else. It was uncomfortable. And then you had an awakening, you're like, no, there's got to be more from this. And you had to go on a journey to find this. But you're on this path.

And so a lot of what you talk about is like that sexual adventure. Like just even people listening to this show, some senses is maybe the first step in their adventure because people don't we often are not we don't think about sex we think it should be great and better than it is but we don't know what to do about it. And then maybe all we've seen is porn and then had mediocre sex in the bedroom. But if you think about our world today, there's not a lot more out there. So your step and yours you went on an adventure in the 40s,

in early, like, I went on an adventure. I mean, this was in a time where open marriage and polyamory and monagamishy were not like household worlds. Okay, my friends were in my world cheating on their man because that's what that's what it was. Right. We didn't do poly them. And now we have, you know, people doing all kinds of things.

And I was, you know, I didn't want to do that. And so I stumbled upon a massage therapist at a high class spa where I became friendly with. And he was gay and he was telling me about how he kept things fresh with his hubby and he was having these erotic experiences through erotic massage and I almost knocked him on con just like what I was like what I could do that like one way touch he keeps his clothes on I could could do that. And so I went looking for that. And for women at that time, it was this dry as a desert. Like, there was nothing. It was absolutely

nothing for women. And so I started like a happy ending. Let's just say that because men can go get happy, even though it's illegal. But I even had a friend text me a year ago and she's not in the happy marriage. Like, can I get a happy ending? Where do I go? And I'm like, I don't know where you're going now. You know, so, right. But in the sense, she's not in a happy marriage. She's like, can I get a happy ending? Where do I go? And I'm like, I don't know where you're going, Ellen. So, but in the sense, it's actually much more deeper than the half of the women. It's spiritual. It's not just getting, let's just say that.

Yes, it's way deeper than that. It's an opportunity for women to heal their body images and shed trauma and find out what their body wants to learn, how to do boundaries and how to ask for what they want. That's a really, way more. I don't mean, I'm just saying the equivalent of it, it wouldn't even be available if that's what you wanted.

Exactly, nothing was available. If you were a guy, you could have gotten like Ganges Khan's twin sisters to come over and tie you in a pretzel. Exactly. And they would bring burgers. But if you were a woman, forget about it. So I started to write to gay men.

I thought this. And I said, I know your gay guy and I've got a vulva. How do you feel about vulvas? Do you know anything about vulvas? Would you like to work with me? And I found my way and had this incredible underworld adventure in the world of what we now name as sacred sexuality. And he opened the world of what we now name as sacred sexuality. And he opened the world

to me and introduced me to all these people. And I eventually took a sexological bodywork training. And I was, you know, I had this really big job as the executive director of the American Fertility Association. I joked now and say I'm really good for the waist down. You know, it's just like, that's my specialty. That's amazing. Fatalities, sexuality. Right, you are. I mean, but really.

I mean, I left it. Because you had a transformation. Everything changed. I had a need to sort of that left immediately. I don't promise that to people, but for me, I healed my body, I healed my relationship with food, I still struggle with my body image. I think, but I work, I have enough good body image that I can take this size 14 body and strip it naked in front of a group of women and share myself and my erotic

soul with you all. And I still work it. And I think it's unrealistic when people say, well, that's just going to go away and that's just going to go away. And all you have to do is just that, no, we live in a society where women are lambasted with all kinds of messages About who we are as women and it's mostly about being a people pleaser and being in service So what we don't teach women is how to receive and through receiving I was able to let go of a very long standing eating disorder.

And other women are able to heal various kinds of trauma and reclaim parts of themselves. So I don't know, Emily, how all this really works. What I know is that sexological bodywork, somatic touch in immersion settings is doing something extraordinary. Well, I think we still, it is, it's extraordinary. And I'm going to have you explain what sexological bodywork and somatic work is in a minute, because again, a lot of people don't know. But what I want to say first is that I don't know how it happens either, but I do have a strong belief that that that there we store so much emotions in our body. And a lot of us from a young age, we've had trauma, like for the small tears, like a little tears.

Yeah, we say that too. It's like, we had a lot of the same destiny listening to you because I was there all day at your retreat. And I was like, yeah, I get everything you're saying. And I can talk to people all day, but I think there is a part of movement movement is medicine and healing our pelvic floor when we're clenching. Like I to people all day, but I think there is a part of movement. Movement is medicine and healing our pelvic floor. When we're clenching, like I think I have back pain, I think a lot of it has to do with some pelvic floor stuff. We have we clenches, women, we tense up, we stress, and we don't. And so doing work and talk therapy is a bit amazing. I've been in talk therapy and lately I've been in EMDR therapy, but there's something to be said for movement and release. And that release can come through deep trauma in your body, releasing orgasms like you

talk about your g-spot experience. And a lot of women are just like, no, I'm fine with the clitoris, but I think that life is an exploration too. And I think that we say you're peeling back the layers of your psyche, but I think your sexuality is also like it's like peeling back the layers of an onion when you're doing therapy, but I think for sex work, I think I'm never done learning either. And so yesterday is like another layer to see of where women could really go.

And I think it's a missing part of it. Like you could learn to orgasms and you could hear me talk and do books and do research, but until you do that work, I always tell women, your partner's not gonna give you an orgasm. You know, women, guys, come on, how can I get my partner to do this?

Like you're not. Like she's got to get there on her own. Like you could help her, but first women have to realize it. Like pleasure is their birthright. What do they want? Letting go what they have to give to anyone else. But you actually, you're teaching this to women,

like hands on. I think that's pretty amazing. Because until a woman can feel free enough in her body to move her body and be seen in her body, it's awfully hard for her to teach her partner which she likes when she's hiding under the covers because she's in shame about her body and so we start with the woman yeah we do a couples retreat yes we do private couples retreats and but they're almost beside the point the point

really is is working with women to bring them back to their bodies so that they can get on their knees So they can you know, we're taught to lay in our backs We're taught to close our legs. We're not taught to find our yes I'm not we're taught to find our know We're taught to say no you can have that No really that you know that piece of lobster is for you I'm okay over here. I'll have like this little piece of potato you take the that piece of lobster is for you. I'm okay over here. I'll have this little piece of potato.

You take the best piece of that. We're not used to taking the piece for ourselves. We're not used to taking money from the family, right? Whether it should be somehow put away or for our college education, for our children or whatever it is. We don't deserve vacation or time off. We're a bad parent or a bad mom. We mom's shame.

And then it's actually, we don't deserve orgasms as long as our partner gets off, as long as he's pleased. Then we've done our job. Right, orgasm might come never. So I was a layer, but I love to shift in that home narrative where I think it's such an important work that, I mean, I'd love to see women of all ages doing

that kind of work. And I know that they need it because why goes spend, like, a lot of the women I think you say you've all ages doing that kind of work. And I know that they need it because why go spend, like, a lot of the women, I think you say you've all ages, but I would think it's more women in their late 30s and 40s, 50s, perhaps. So, or maybe not. I don't go with my mind. I know I would tell you that the main bell curve

is 40, 50, 60s, but I will also tell you at every retreat, there'll be a 20 something and there'll be a 30 something and there could be a woman in her 70s and my mother came and she's 93 and my mother said that if she can do this at 93, that what's your excuse? And what I loved is that when I put it on Facebook that my mom came, you got a huge response

on Facebook and people said things like how wonderful that you took your mother. And my mother responded and said, yes, it was a beautiful invitation from my daughter. I took myself. Yeah. I took myself. So tell me, 93, what was her experience? Did she have... She had everything. Orgasms she have she had everything orgasms. She had

she had every wow she had everything and she and a part of it was I loved some writing that she had done and it was sort of like for everyone where she said I was at the beach uses the metaphor and I thought the ocean wave would be too hard and the sand would be too hot, and the wind would blow me over, and my bag would be too heavy. But I got there, and the water was just right, and my toes sunk into the sand, and my bag was perfect. And then I walked back to tell my girlfriend, and she looked up from the bucket and went, oh, that's interesting. And put her eyes down. And what my mother was trying to say was, we have fear of the unknown.

And if we're willing, and if we go there, we will find that whoever we are, and whatever our story is, that will be nurtured by the ocean. And if you're a woman who just hears that and puts your nose back in your book, then you're never going to have that experience. What a wise thing to say. It's about your mom's self-beater. You're a grown lady. And she had pleasure on her first time on the table. She had full pleasure. And when she walked in, she didn't know what to call us. There's, we call them sessions.

Yeah, we should explain what we're talking about here too. Sessions. So what we're talking about is one way touch. So women who come see me, who come to our retreats, and mostly had our normative women. We have bisexual women, and we have the occasional trans woman who identifies as female. So we're a woman's retreat that bisexuality is welcome, but they're mostly heterol. Okay, so we have a lot of male body workers. We do have female. They're fully dressed.

They're sexological body workers, which means they have a code of ethics. So they're trained, they go to a program, they get certified, they keep their clothes on. When they do intimate touch, they wear gloves. We call it one-way touch, which means they are touching the client for the client's pleasure. Not for their pleasure, not for their agenda, but working with the client to help her find her pleasure. They're like a Sherprah or a steward and they're helping.

It's almost like a sex coach because you go in and you like intakes. Like in your book, shameless, which I think you guys saw on the show. And it's you got to check it out if you want. I just feel like this is so relatable to so many women stories Yeah, that you go in and they kind of like Ask you know you start out where you're at, right? So what kind of there's consent? There's talking about it first. The first thing that happened is they go through and take with us, right? So it's you do with a woman with me or a member of our team and

Then they decide that they're coming to a retreat. I pair them like I'm like a sommelier of like women with their practitioner. And then they have a Zoom call or Skype call with their practitioner before the retreat starts. And then on the first day of the retreat there is nobody work. They meet with their practitioner. And then they see demos and they get going. And so it's one way touch and it's exciting and it's five days it's immersion and they have one session called Creative of the masculine with the work of two practitioners and that's on day four. And it changes lives. I don't know, you know, I thought that I was sort of building this place for women simply to find fun and exploration

and freedom and safety. And we created something that was spiritual that intending to and healing trauma without intending to. And all of these healing bodies shame and all these things that wasn't our intention but became the miracle of somatic touch and you're right Emily it's stored in ourselves and sometimes women when they're on the table they cry I'm sure they laugh or they scream and what

we tell them is don't attach it to a story it's old garbage that's in there let it go just feel feel it. I mean I've learned the power of tears and crying and letting that stuff go and not getting into it is You can do the talk around it, but in that moment I love just let feel it let it go wherever it doesn't have to mean anything at that moment and then we do Moe call it sound good to silly we call it muffening and What that is so wish is is that we have we have trained women who

actually speak with the women before the session and talk to the practitioner. Maybe they're words that are hard to speak to the practitioner. Easier to speak to a woman and so then it's all shared and they know that. Let's explain some kind of the community example of because I'm trying to understand that you meet with these men and what's the touch like. So first it would be like, I'm coming to heal about, you know, how would it start, for example? I know there's nothing typical,

but what would she be telling her practitioner on that? Well, she may be telling her- That's sexual history. Yeah, and that's all happens ahead of time. And she feels that a form around, we have a whole process for this. So sexual history, medications, like all of that happens before. She gets to have a check in there.

She has a safe port, which is a woman who's assigned to her as her safe port throughout the entire retreat. And then the safe port, we're all in communication, the staff, and walks her in. And then she has time to talk with her practitioner and get on the table. In any way that feels comfortable to get on the table and some women don't get undressed right away and some women are like okay let's go right right and some women are trying to find their orgasm and some women are trying to heal vaginal pain and some women are just trying to feel seen and healthy and good in their bodies and they don't know what they

don't know and they're coming because they're saying, I need to shift special because I don't know what I know. But we don't know, we don't know. Right, so could you just show me things and I'll let you know what feels good and what doesn't feel good and they want to learn how to speak their requests. And the sessions are 90 minutes.

And then when they're done, they're safe port or they're muffin catcher catches them we call them muffins because they go into bake and then they come out and they're fragile our muffins you mean our volvas volvas other patients that patients that patients are clients right that's my fertility work they became patients but no they're clients and so then the women catch them because it can crumble and they're soft in there yeah and we take them into what we call the nest where there are other muffins and they all hold each other.

All the women? All the women with the seaports hold each other. After their sessions. After their sessions. Because you're there for a week, right? And some of your dreams. Yeah, we're always there for a week. Right.

So it's always seven days. And so because it's needs time, this is high touch work. This is very deeply intensive work. So there is a lot of staff. It's better than daycare. OK, the ratio from staff to client is I swear better than daycare. And the women also help by holding each other.

To clearly this is a rotic work. Clearly we don't like to use the word healing that we're here. There's a women heal themselves. We create the container for women to heal their stuff and let's also be clear. Some women don't come to heal. They just, some women come because they want, they don't want to take all the possibility with them into their coffin. They want to really explore their sexuality. Like, oh, make a, I'm a sex goddess.

I've done everything, but there's something I haven't done. And I think there's more in this body. You know what I, I think there's more in everybody is the point, like I think? I think there's more in everybody is the point. Like I just think that people were just limited. Like we don't know, we don't know. I can't say that enough people. Like you, you could even think you're having the best extra life right now.

I guarantee there is so much more, especially with women, our bodies, I have such capacity for pleasure that we don't even like tap into. We don't know, we don't realize it. So our practitioners, this is what they do, right? So they've been working in immersion with women over and over and over again until they

know all the different kinds of bodies and all the different kinds of ways to read and work with a woman and help her find that place in herself. And then all the women around, like your win is their win. And they celebrate each other's wins. We take competition. Talk about sisterhood.

We take competition out of sisterhood, which is what screws women up. So, at back to the body, everyone gets the same size of cake. No one's competing for male attention. Everyone gets 90 minutes. No one's competing for male attention. Everyone gets 90 minutes. No one's competing for their safe-ports attention, or my attention.

Everyone is getting served the same. So when everyone is given the same amount of time and presence and love, then women can stop competing. And they can actually start seeing each other and supporting each other. And that's a big part of this. So let's say people can't you know they could I think that great place to start is getting your book shameless and if they can't even go on or I often talk about masturbation and getting that communication is one of my big

you know how do you communicate how do you talk about but if you can't like where else is there could they open this up in other ways is there other ways for women to explore that you've seen that could work in their home? It's a complicated question and a simple question. Of course there's lots of ways. I mean there are videos, there are wonderful books listening to you. Follow me on Facebook and read my writing. Yeah, follow me on Facebook. Helen Bats, yeah. You can follow me. I put out writing writing. Yeah, follow them on Facebook, telling them that's yeah, you're great. You know, they can follow me.

I put out writing every day. There's lots of great teachers around where they can learn this particular container right now in this moment in time. It's a good one. I'm it. I'm sure I won't be it forever. Right. Right now.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I do, but you're right. Right now I'm in. And there be it forever. Right. Right now. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think I do. Right now I'm in. And there was just a study done and I'm not going to talk too much about that because papers are coming out about it. But the quantitative results around the study, we have science now, which is great, is that it's statistically significant. the change in women,

how they feel about their volvas, how they feel about their orgasm, how they feel about their body, how they feel about other women, their ability to consent and ask for what they desire. I used to be a kindergarten teacher, people learn in lots of different ways. So maybe you're a book learner. They're great books out there. Yeah. You know, sometimes people work best through video.

It's there. Just start on your journey. Whatever stuff it is, know that you are not like stuck where you're at. Because even your story is amazing to go back to that. It's like you're still married. I'm still married to the same person. Same person.

The same person. And you had to go on this journey for a while, and he didn't know, you know. It's like, you're still married. I'm still married to the same person. The same person. And you had to go on this journey for a while and he didn't know, you know, it's like, and then you had your whole like, I'm by cheating. Am I not? What does it mean? And so can you talk about that? Like, because I think a lot of people in the Stephen H. and yesterday with one of the women, she's like, I want that. And how do I have that? But I don't know. My husband could ever learn this because how do you get your

partner on board? I mean, we are such a new, I mean, sex is just scratch the surface here. And even in 2019, it's amazing the work you're doing and that I can't even have this show now for 14 years. It's finally, people don't freaking freak out about it as much, but it's still, we're still very infantile stages. So how did you, with your husband, learn to like kind of get him on board and how did he react to all of it when you were like, okay, this is what I'm learning because he thought everything was fine when you're a sex life. And you know, everything was fine with our sex life.

It was fine. It was fine. You want to find it when we're talking about sex? We could, we, you know, we got really good at making each other have orgasms. Right. You know, and, you know, we get all the things. Right. You send the lights off.

Lights were off for you. Right. Yeah, but we did, we did this stuff. Right. Like, you sucky sucky. You know, we know how to do it. But I felt like there was more in my body. And which true is that for six months I didn't tell.

But that was a long time ago. And within the year I not only told him but took him to see and he had a session. And he was like, okay, great. I get it. Not for me. Have fun. But he was cool. He was totally cool because he saw that this

wasn't about me having an affair with a man. These are professionals. These are people. This is what they're, this is a job. This is what they do. It's like going to your therapist. Is that going to your therapist? Going to your yoga teacher. Your nutritionist. This is a practice. And so he was totally unfriend by it. He's really honestly rather uninterested in it. He even when I go on a retreat, I say, so you wonder what happened. He's like, was it good? I go, yeah, good job. It's all I need to know. Yeah. What do you want to watch on Netflix? So how does that feel though for your relationship? How is it changed your sex life with your husband, though? Even if he's not on board, not coming to retreats, which I think is fine. Our partners

aren't always in our work all the time, you know. So, but how do you, how has it changed your intimate connection? You know, it's been, it's been positive and it's been negative. You know, because I'm like, it frustrated. Like, there's this thing happening. I would love you to come with me. And he's like, well, we'll think about it. And so, marriages, I think, have limitations,

like relationships have limitations. How it changes that I am aware that my vagina belongs to me. That's how it's changed. So I have much more independent around my vulva, my eroticism, how I express my eroticism in my life. You know, I'm erotic when I go to the grocery store. Yeah. So he now has this wide open, happy woman in his life. He didn't have 14 years ago.

The he tells guys write the check, just send her. You know, send her, she'll come back to you. He was right, right, that's beautiful. I mean, because I love the story, I love in the book when you're going through transformation, when you were like, yeah, and then you started walking down the street and men were opening doors for you and carrying your jacket and like looking at you differently because you felt differently.

You were carrying you had been transformed. Everyone kept asking me if I lost weight and I was like, no. Right? Because we need to know. No, I'm just more alive now. Thank you. And I can be people's eyes and I can talk to them and smile. Because when you feel safe in your body, then you feel safe to actually see people. And there are subtle changes that happen for women. And as far as partners go, like, your partner is not a practitioner. So the work that you do with a practitioner doesn't come with the baggage of diddy pay the electric bill. And what he said to your mother, right?

And who you are? And all the years of history and resentments or whatever it is. Right, so it's really like, it's really going to see, you know, a therapist, right? So it's a whole other animal where you really get to just sort of be in you. It's easy to explain to a partner that this is a non-romantic relationship, it has a beginning of it own, and there are other women there, you're going to a retreat, and I think it's unrealistic for women or men to think that you're going to become the practitioner for your spouse. You don't expect your husband or your partner to take out your appendix. Right. I go to a therapist, like to talk about my stuff,

I believe in talk therapy too. I don't do that with my partner. So there's real solid reasons why some work has to be done outside of a relationship. And yes, it will influence a relationship. Right. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back even more Pamela Matson.

It's a great women that she tend to retreats and I think a big thing that comes up in a lot of relationships is religion and there was a woman there who said that she was raised and it was sexual about procreation and I'm sure when it happened it was about pleasing her husband and not about her own pleasure and that is so brave to step out of the confines of that and then to realize you know she has several kids and you know and then to come back to that like I Think that when it's been religion it's been you've been hearing this message since you were young That can be so challenging because I I hear a lot of my listeners and people call in and email in it It's just it's a struggle once they start waking up and realizing maybe what I've learned doesn't really resonate with me. I think, you know, in religion, it's harder to take what you like and leave the rest when

you feel like shamed or you feel like your family's not going to, you know, so that's, but it's amazing to see how that you could still do that transformation when you're ready, but you must see a lot of that too. And how do you heal that? You heal it by putting women with other women. Yeah, sister allowing them to hold each other through the stories. And permissioning each other and them seeing it. And some women start out really slow. You know, we've had women of their

first retreat, you know, where we're doing female bodies sharing and they're keeping their panties on. And then you see them two retreats later and they're dancing naked. So it takes time. Yeah, it does. It takes practice. We have to practice.

It's practice. When you are like trained to be a certain way, over and over and over again, it takes practice to undo those pathways. It's a journey, yeah, for sure. It's like when you go to Rome and you go to the Coliseum and you can look at the ground and you can see the chariot wheel tracks because they always went the same way. They always went the same way. And so now we're saying to these women who are like those

chariot wheel tracks and that's where their neural pathways are like that, right? We're going to go over here. We're going to go another way to get a lot of support. Yeah. Not to fall back into the track. You can change. You can change your neural pathways and your ability to receive pleasure. Because if you were always just receiving pain or negative thoughts, it takes work.

But it's so worth it, I think, that for women to really experience their full erotic potential and their full orgasmic potential, I think it's really what I think that all of the ailments, what you think about, like, as women being told that they were hysterical, or hysteria, because they were having orgasms and being for so long now, women

have just been told they have something wrong or were crazy or you know, but for women to really realize that there's, that we have so much power in our bodies, there's so much energy, there's so much to release and experience and it could, and I believe that so many of our challenges in relationships and life come down to our self confidence, our self-esteem and our, and how we feel sexually as sexuality. And so I feel like this work is so important for women to just take back their orgasms to understand their bodies. And it's just not being done.

It's still new every day. There's a new listener in my show. That's why I'll always have a job. Why you'll always have a job? Like I think we're just scratching the service now. People being like, oh, I don't have to fake it. I mean, every day, I'd like there's a woman who hasn't had orgasm. Who's been faking it?

Who said sexual trauma? Like, we all need it, you know? I think a piece of this too is understanding, helping women understanding who they are authentically. So we talk about having the sexual authenticity model. So having women explore, you know, what are their values? What have they been trained with like? What do they believe in right? So my value is monogamy, right? That's my value But my what is what is your desire?

So maybe my desire is to have many more lovers and many more experiences So value to value and what your desire. People can do this at home. What are your values? What are your desires? Then what are your behavior? And what you really want is to help people, men and women. Of course, we must see working with women, align what their value is, with their desire, with their behavior, and then they're living an authentic sexual life. Can you give me an example of that? But we're coming in with her figuring out what her moral is and her desire and the act.

Sure, so she was raised with the value that good girls kept their legs closed, right? That we sit with our legs closed, we never open our legs, that even relaxing at home, you kept your legs closed. That was the value, that was private. Her desire was to go to a nudist beach and flop her legs open, like to this big desire for being able to relax on the couch and that were underwear. But her behavior

was to keep her legs closed and not to do any of those things. To repress maybe. And to repress it. And then not even might have remembered it. Right. So not feeling authentic. And therefore depressed, sad, frustrated. So we can help a woman go, oh wow, right, you've been raised with this value. But your desire is actually to do this. Can we align that?

Can we change the value? But you really believe that anymore. Or is that a value that you would taught that you no longer buy into? Can you change the value? If you can change your value and how you see something, maybe get exposed to the learning or other ways of being. And you still identify that as your desire.

Can you get friends to go with you to the beach? Can you align them? And looking at where there is not alignment, it could be that your values and your desires are aligned, but you haven't done it. Exactly. And so, okay, it's a good exercise for the need to do. It really is. It's a great exercise. We don't even realize that we are in the jails of our own mind and from our past beliefs, or we don't know how we say I'll tell you about like examine, where you believe and maybe it no longer serves you. Like, where's it come from? And me, with your parents, your grandmother, your friend, and second grade told you something,

and you still believe it. And that just might no longer be your gem. And that's okay, too. And instead of freedom, we'll realize it. Yeah, I can actually change that. Because that's the first step. We're seeing like, okay, let that go. And you're like, what is possible?

And so that's some of the things that we work with. So that would be one of the exercises that somebody working with us would do. We would do this actual authenticity model. Where are you? Where do you want to let go of? Do you want to still believe that? Right? I always say people don't even know what's on the menu, right?

Like I'm like, you guys don't even know what is on the menu for your pleasure. They're like, well, we want to spice it up, but we don't know, or we want to just like different. And I think through this work, it's like, you really, people don't know. Or we want to just like different. And I think through this work, it's like, you really, people don't know what's up. Do you ever give them like, this is what could happen?

Or like, when you say they want the chef special, or do they even know I could imagine someone when we get there, and they might, or I guess you do the pre-work, but in general, women don't know, like even listening right now. Let's say, forget about your treats, the whole thing, they still don't know what we're talking about. In some ways.

Like, you could have agency over your body. You could have incredible multiple orgasms. You could have cervical orgasms. I'm a huge reponent. We talked about it. You talked about your retreat yesterday that like, it's the same parts of your brain receiving signals, but yet we just people do the little twist on the nipples

and go right down to premature penetration. And we don't know that. That's the biggest, that, the biggest horizontal pain. Yeah, really. Intrigue penetration. It's premature penetration. Most people don't know that a woman in her full rousal can take 30 to 45 minutes.

And so many couples don't have the patience and when they're frightened, they take you long. They take you long. They were so worried. We're so worried about taking too long. And guess what? We take long. take you long. You're so worried. We're so worried about taking too long And guess what we take long we just do we just do The sort of gap right now. We take long

So you want to make love to a woman make love to a woman and give her some time Don't try to fit it in unless you're trying to you know listen look There's all kinds of sex Sometimes I want to be grabbed, bent over a table, and let's just do it, and that's hot for me. But on a general menu, especially for women who are having trouble with their arousal, with orgasm, with vaginal pain,

the biggest issue is they're not given time. And there are lots of things that we can do to support women or products. There's lots of things that can happen, and support women or products. There's lots of things that can happen and it's not fast. It's not fast. This is not going to be a quick fix. Yes, I talk about toys and wearing sexy laundry or going over to it. None of it's quick.

It is a journey. I mean, you've got where you are today being in one path. There are neural pathways, or I'll tell you one thing, but even just waking up to it and realizing there's just take the first step. Tell the truth. And when you do this, you know, sex is, sex is core. Sex runs us. We're here because two people had sex, but we don't understand it.

And so if you can access your erotic energy as a woman, you can access your career. You're going to access, your lasagna is going to taste better. It really is. I will explain the erotic energy. When I look across the table at you right now, Emily, and your eyes are sparkling, that's erotic energy. Can you look at my eyes? Yes.

You look so that's a Rodic energy. So, Rodic energy, you know, we need to look at sexuality as this holistic thing. It's not just about coming. It's not. Okay, Rodic energy is this palpable pulse that runs through our body that energizes us and makes us awake. And when you put women on antidepressants, you bring that right down and you flatline them. And the breath control penalty thing.

And when you flatline this stuff. And the women come in, they're set in depressed and they're set in depressed because they're bored. And they're not being fed and their erotic energy is turned on. So we're going to give them any depressants, which is only going to make the problem worse. So the answer is uncomfortable. The answer is you need to take yourself

on some kind of sexual adventure. You need to do something that is going to wake you up that feels scary, but doable. You know, scary but safe, scary but safe. Right, right? That's what you do. You expand, you do it, and then you might pull back and have to process it, and then you go, and then yeah. Right, if you want to live in a life life, you've got to get off your sofa. You've got to schedule it. You've got to stop, you know, I hear all the time, you know, time, money,

and this, I'm dad, the children, you know what? Schedule, plan your own abduction. Yeah, exactly, right? Take yourself away. You know, make it happen for you. Nobody is going to do this for anybody. Nobody. This is something that actually is actionable. Yep. And takes a bit of courage. I mean, let's get open A Brown. Yeah. Like get in the arena.

Right. And see what it brings you. Get out of the cheap seats. Get out of the cheap seats. Because we only get one chance at this life. And it doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter if you felt this in your body or you think, you know, what it doesn't matter.

I see all kinds of women from every story and every occupation and if my mother could do this at 90,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, this at 90,000, then nobody has an excuse. And we talk about like a sexual adventure too. Like for you, it might be, it could be going to the store and buying a toy or actually just having that first conversation even with your partner that you'd like to experience more, that you know there's more to your orgasm, or you know there's more to your relationship. There's a lot of different ways, but that would start you on the path and then keep doing it. There's more to that. There's more. There's just so much more. Here's a great game. You want a great game? Yeah. I love it. So this is a great game they can do with their partners. Okay. So you go to a sex store. Go to a nice one. Yeah. Go

to a good one. Go to a good one. Get to baskets. Send them off to the right. You go to the left. You get 15 minutes. Each of you pick out what you would love to do, but you're frightened to tell your partner. You're meeting the middle, made you buy the loops. Okay. You all look in each other's baskets and there's no yucking of the yum. Okay. No, yucking. That's how good that is. You can't do it. You can't say U to anything your parent, the second your partner doesn't, and you go, it will gross, you're, you're done. So you get to look in your partner's basket

and pick three things you'd be willing to try. And then they look in your basket and they pick three things they're willing to try. Bingo, bingo, boom, we've got a sexual adventure. And even just going to do it together, it's an adventure. And then talking about it afterwards is an adventure. That's one of my favorite couple games. So you want an adventure? Yeah. Go to Bay Blan if you're in New York or good vibrations or

some other good stories. Absolutely. They're going to help you out. They're going to help you with that. I want you to paint me a picture of like the before and afters. Like women come to see you like just some stories that stick out like before they go and then and after. Like if the people read your book shameless, they get your after. But give me some typical after before afters, if there is. Okay, sure. Before, meet a woman at a portal. And, you know, she's in her, you know, she's not in the sex of yoga pants.

She's in the, like, the baggy joggy pants and the t-shirt that you wear when you're just gonna stay in front of your TV all weekend and usually like no makeup, hair is like sort of like nothing and she looks at me and says do you really think this will work for me? Because I haven't felt turned on in years. I haven't felt alive. And I've done like all the things. I've good done pussy church. I've done, you know, I've done female empowerment. Do you really believe? And I'm now a after eight years, I am able to say, yes, sweetie.

And so that woman, I'm thinking about a woman right now. And she's been like a little bit of a, like, I'm going to get this. And at her, she's made it all the way up to my mastery programs. And she's my mentorship group. She is, you know, I said, you're giving me a year. And she has given me a year. Right. And I had this picture of her in my mind

and she's tied up in purple rope and she's dancing and the practitioner actually took her out of the room so that a mastery class and took her out of her session space because she wanted to be seen by the other women. And she was dancing to the music and she was gorgeous and her hair was flying and the sexy purple robe around her body, red high heels and she climbed up to the, up on the dining

table where we were staying at the retreat center. And she danced for us. And this was the same woman who was colorless. And there wasn't, you couldn't, it had to like reach for the flicker. Like they, you knew there was a pilot like, right, but we don't keep our pilot like lit. Right. Say you can't keep it.. Here she was six months in.

And again, working, you're like, working, you gotta do the work you guys. She was committed to doing this. And her whole life is different. And you wouldn't recognize her. Like every time I see her, I go, look at you. And then there was this woman in the Marine Corps who came in the same thing. She was there was this woman in the Marine Corps who came.

And the same thing. She was like, I work in this highly mask-in-line society. And I wanted to be a my feminine. And I don't know how to do it. And I feel like I'm an arm or all the time. And she came to one of our retreats in Tuscany. And the last night, we were having some special dinner. And she appears on the porch and with a glass of red wine in her hand.

And she's wearing this long, sexy ball gown. And she's red, her hair is in curls. And I just looked at her and I started to go, hello, Dali. Yes, hello, Dali. It's so nice to see you back where you belong. You know, until this was this woman who was in the armed forces and was so masculinized and there she was, like like freaking movies star and alive and awake and you know six days, six days of doing this work. I mean come on. That's, you know, to me that's a miracle. I mean I was all about kind of creating orgasm camp for women. Exactly, that's what it is, but it's, but it's so much bigger and more and it's more than orgasms. Yeah, and I'm not even really about the orgasm.

I'm a little bit of a orgasm camp, but I think also you talk. Yeah, I'm about a rousal. I'm about the power of a rousal and how women also, when they get their positive light really turned on and awake in their bodies, how they can create in their lives. And that's such a big thing. Again, we talked earlier about women finding their guess. And it's such a big thing for women. Let's talk more about finding out what is it.

You know, to find their guess. Yes. Well, we're really, as I said, you know, we are so damn good at restricting our own pleasure and restricting our own time and conforming to male gaze. And God, what women have been doing for hundreds of years, or what have been done to women, for hundreds of years, to conform to male gaze. And so part of women finding their yes, is finding their yes to their bodies.

And you know what, it's not about that versus then. It's not about big tits versus little tits, because all women, I work with all women, have stuff about their bodies and are not a yes to their body. We do this game where once the women are safe and we're into the retreat, we do the single body stories. And we ask the women to just row to where they're comfortable.

This is just the women. And we ask them to get up and tell us what they love about themselves. Could we use to do it in the beginning of back to the body? And we just had women tell their body says and all they would do was hate. We all hate ourselves. We lead with the negative, we lead with the crisis

in our life, we lead all this up, we're wrong. So we stopped that. We said, now I'll do that. You've got to find the yes in your body. Like, where do you love you? And again, you know, we tend to focus on that chicks or skinny chicks. It doesn't matter what kind of chick you are. You need to find the yes, the yes in loving yourself, and that's a practice, loving ourselves. It is a practice looking in the mirror, looking at your body up into what we're masturbating.

Look at how you look at how your clitoris falls, take a mirror, dance around naked. These things work even if they sound silly, they're getting into your body, looking at yourself masturbating, loving yourself. And we just hate it on ourselves. And how much time are we going to say the word practice? But we're going to keep saying the word practice. Because it's not easy. And I've been doing this for how many years.

How long have you been doing this? I am still practicing. Still practicing. I've never done. Yeah, I am still practicing. This is, this work is evolutionary. Your sexuality is always going to change. Your body is always going to change.

If you are alive, your body is going to change. You're is always going to change. If you are alive, your body is going to change. You can have medical crisis. You're going to have hormonal changes. And you have been fed a bill of goods about all of it. So because people want to make money off of us, let's be clear. Okay. Your vagina is like a pot of gold for the world. It's that money making machine. Right. So people want to, people, the world in industry, want to make money on your fear around your body and your vagina. Right.

And you're orgasm. And we're going to say products. And we're going to say things. And we're going to give you drugs and all these things. Right. Kind of repress it. So you'll feel better because you're broken in someone. And women start aging in the world somewhere around 37.

So fertility declined to 27. I know people don't know that either. Fertility declined to 27. And then we click up that biological clock, txtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxtxt years ago because we were dead. Okay. We were dead. We were just dead. Okay. We died in childbirth. We got some disease. The black plague took us. Okay. There was no men apostates. It was like men. Oh, dead. Men. Oh, dead. Right. Okay. You were 40 gone. You know, you were you were in our grandmother three times over. Right. So we don't have a lot of experience with aging women. And because the male gaze is all about youth, right?

We're you know, I even like I'm kind of going around and around but you know even this idea of calling women who are sexual over 40 Cougars are but men are daddies, right? Oh But men are daddy's right. Oh, he's her daddy. Right. Isn't that loving and sweet? You're right. You're gonna eat your prey. So aging and women in sexuality, we're not supported in a loving way Around that right? I got to change. We got to look younger be younger. Right and if you want it, you're gonna be you're gonna Eat your young. It's just like yeah, yeah, Cougars like, yeah. So that doesn't make me feel hide and sexy. You call me a Cougar. And I'll say, and that's nice. Have a burger. I'm gone. So the word, the languaging, the images that we use to support women and finding their guests as they age, first we need to start with the labels.

So think about what they named it, menopause. So the what it says is that when your menstruation ends, your sexuality pauses. And we are fed this idea that our libido is going to disappear. Now what's true is that just like in adolescence when your hormones start to go, wonky, you have a period of clonkiness, where you have to sort of figure it out again. Like, ooh, how does that feel? You know, you may feel off for a little while, but if you can stay with it, menopause can become menoplay, menosexual, menophot, menomorphicists, screw the pause.

There is no pause in life. There's only go. I mean, hormones do change and things can fluctuate, but it's your mind being on board with knowing that and then continuing to keep your pilot light lit. Absolutely. And many women in their 40s, 50s and 60s are going to go back to the board thing. We're bored.

So you've been doing the same old thing for how long? When was the last time you did something erotically different? When did you last take an erotic risk? When did you try something new? We become like parrots that are in a cage. And what do parrots in a cage do? They pluck out their own feathers.

And so that's what happens to women, is that we just start picking at ourselves. And we don't know what to do with ourselves. So we start like, okay, maybe if we change ourselves cosmetically, maybe if we do some new diet, maybe if we take some new hormone, we don't think about the obvious things, which is like maybe we need to do something different with our erotic lives because we think that's

going to happen from the outside in. Some magical prince is going to come and rescue us, right? Or our husband is magically going gonna turn into Don Juan. Right, he's gonna know what we want. He's gonna be a mind reader and then we're still mad at him that he didn't figure it out all these years because we feel like sex is something that's supposed to happen to us and the inside.

And here's like the kicker. The kicker is, the kicker is, that men are also going through their own changes. We don't talk about that. And so how does that impact our libido when our guy is going through their thing? And so, you know, it's not just about us. Right. It's having a dialogue around it. Being able to be honest too with your partner. Like, what are they? Men are so when their penises don't working, like, it's like the whole world's falling apart. Exactly. I can't get a reduction one time.

I've had so many calls lately for my friends in their 40s and they're like, first time my husband, you know, 10, 15 years now he can't, he last night he didn't stay hard or he couldn't get hard and they're like, freaking, I'm like, have you heard? Men over 40 to test, toast, drunken, start to drop. Like it's okay, but it's like,

so then they're going through that too and then we're going through our own things and it just becomes so messy. That's why I think people have to get in front of this. You do this work the sooner you do this work, it's going to stay with you. Yes. So we talk about the different ages that they're retreat. So there'll be a 20-something at the retreat and the 50-something or the 60-something. We'll look at the 20-something and say, you are so lucky that you're doing this work in your 20th. That you're doing this work in your 20s, that you're doing this

work in your 30s and you're not having to figure this out later. But if the women who are later, you have more freedom now, you have more resources now. This is the time and you will have more orgasms. I am telling you right now that when I was in my 20s, I always had orgasms. I had orgasms when I was five years old. But I had one orgasm. Right. It one kind. I had one kind. I had clear all. It would ever done. In my 50s, that's when it all opened up for me. That's when the G-spot orgasm opened up for me. That's when my multiple orgasms opened up to me. And that was because I had time. I didn't have to change the baby's diaper.

That's a thing. And I found the right resources. I built the team. You need to have a team, ladies. It takes a village. It takes a village. To build yourself a team, find the people who are going to support you through this journey. And whatever you think you have, you can have more and different. You, wherever you are right now, whoever you are listening, however old you are, you're at the beginning of your journey. Yeah.

Just do my listening right now. Right. You can change at any time. And you were curious about the toys at the retreats and what toys that we use. And so first of all, they train hands, right? So these, our practitioners are really good with their hands. And that's great. And it's fun to

play with toys. And we do have a few toys that I like a lot in products. Yeah, I saw we had some similarities. So yeah. So do you like to talk a little bit about it? So like yeah, look basic Everyone should have a magic wand. Just have it and look if you're alone in your house and somebody breaks in You could use it to club them. Okay, so it's also like a self-defense tool So everyone every woman should always have a magic wand I'm a sex butterfly and that's a It's not a lube.

Oh, I saw that everything right in the sex butter. Yeah, yeah, sex butter. So you'll need a little bit and I use it around my inner labia and your introidious opening to your vagina. And it's really protective, especially if you're feeling that you have soreness around your vagina and your's really protective especially if you're feeling that you have soreness around your vagina and your vulva get yourself some pet you know lube you know I'm gonna use the word lube up but this is not quite lube this is more a nutrient but I use it with sex I love the

enjoy yeah that's also really good self defense tool. Right. Now, which is the one I love? I think it's the injury 11 is the happy face. Yeah. So I like the happy face one. Now, women, if you're not having intercourse, the way you used to, you want to keep having a vagina.

Okay. You've got to put something in there. All right. And what's really nice about the Android is you can rock with it. And I know women who teach you meditation with it, where you just put it and put your feet up on the wall, let the weight of it just ground you and do a vaginal meditation. So again, we're being... It's amazing.

It's a steel weighted dildo, it's amazing. It's amazing, and I love it. And the Zoomio 2. The Zoomio 2 is, is that's a little purple toy? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, let's talk about that because I just discovered it and it was someone, and a listener called it and said, how do you not know what the Zoomio? And I tried and like, this is brilliant because I love it as the pinpoint to really,

you can really get in there and figure out all your different nerve endings and hotspots, 8,000 of them and all the other places. And it's an intense little baby. So it's not the first thing you put on your clitoris when you start to sell pleasure. Like, warm, remember we talked about warming yourself up. Get yourself aroused and then bring it in. It's a great choice. Also, if you're looking to go past your first orgasm

And you're really trying to find your second or third orgasm. It's a great toy to bring in to really Expand your pleasure ceiling. I love helping women bust through their pleasure ceiling What women need to know about that is they have to be a little uncomfortable or ceiling. What women need to know about that is they have to be a little uncomfortable. Right. Because the first, you're used to stopping at the first one. Right. So just breathe into it. You might have some hanging. And be with a little bit. We call it being in the yellow back to the body. It's a place where it's not red stop, and it's not green like I'm going to Whole Foods, and that's what I do without thinking. Right. So it's being in the yellow where it's a little uncomfortable.

That's where you want to be with your sexuality. You want to always see if you're in the yellow. And using some of these products and toys and moving your pleasure ceiling up to find that next place, maybe uncomfortable. Just like you said in the beginning, would people be comfortable seeing the demo? Yeah, they may be in their yellow,

but it's by being in their yellow that they get into that next place where they wanna go. They want to go, they want, they haven't experienced that yet. Right, where they wanna go in their lives. So yellow is a happy word. Green is like turning on Netflix. Right, that's easy. Yeah. Right. Yellow. So you're in the middle. So you're saying before someone has one orgasm,

then we bring in like the zoomio, for example, because it's, it can kind of get to places on your eye found with it. Like my, my, my Volvo, my clutter is like, it just explore. I love to love the pinpoint, because you could just get into it and release a lot from the bottom spot. I'm just like, it's up reading the screen. I love it. Reading the screen is amazing. It's been read, it's been read. We're starting.

Right. New yesterday. It was amazing and brave and I think that it is really aspirational. I think that a lot of women we just don't even scratch a service. So I love the work that you're doing here, Pamela Madison. Thank you. And I think you guys could check out more back to thebody.org.

And Pamela, I have to ask you in check out her book, Shameless, get on Amazon, more ever books, you get your books. Amazon's the best. I love reading this book. It's so well done. I just want all my friends to read. Well, thanks, you're welcome.

And I think we also got the Kindle going with that. Oh, Kindle. Yeah. And I'm doing a lot more on Instagram. And I think I'm the Pamela Madsen. Pamela Madsen, okay. On Instagram, people can find me. I put a lot out there for free, for people.

A lot of information. And hopefully I'm going to make you curious enough. I want you to yearn a little bit. Yearn for more in your life. I know that everyone can have this that maybe getting naked in front of a group of people to do a live demo is as grace and okay, but you don't ever have to do that. But to have what you see on their table to have what you see on their table is possible for every woman. And I don't care how what age you are. I don't care what size you are. I don't care if you've just had something medical happen to your body. It's available and it wasn't always available. It wasn't. Yeah. And it's safe. And yeah, it's safe.

And I guess I would have seen this as a personal and positive for women to see that where you're at now is not, is just where you're starting and that there is so much more, just potential for pleasure for you. Up, yeah, it's for finding what you love, for finding who you are, for having freedom, and not worrying about your face and your way of feeling. I get asked, what do you do at your face?

How do you get a better blow job? Like, how's, you know, I always, I used to the beginning, there was a lot of that in my job, and I'm like, no, let's talk about you. Like, women only have a second for me. I'm like, I'm not gonna answer your question about it, or I'm gonna answer it about how you're pleasureing yourself.

So to change the narrative, I think, is just so important to give you women options to realize it's okay, and what your work gives them permission to take that time and take that step into themselves. To receive. And you help them to receive. time and take that step into themselves. To receive. And you help them to receive. Yeah. It's a whole new thing.

Exactly. Receiving. You know what? That's a guilty. And she, if you do, you work it through. So instead of, is it a performing sex? How do we be sex? Right.

I love it. Thank you Pamela. Thanks Pamela Madsen. All your information is in the show notes. Thank you. You guys can check it out. And I so appreciate you being here and your vulnerability and all the great work you Pamela. Thanks Pamela Madsen, all your information to the show notes. Thank you. You guys can check it out and I so appreciate you being here and your vulnerability and all the great work you're doing. So thank you so much.

Thank you. It's been a lot of fun. For the blast. Thanks. Alright guys, I hope you enjoy this show. Thank you so much for supporting it all these years. Telling a friend. Thanks to our amazing team Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael.

Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sectionthmlink.com.