Sex With Emily - G-Spot GPS

Episode Date: November 10, 2017

On today’s show Emily and Anderson are taking your calls, as well as covering clitoral, g-spot, and oral orgasms, with advice on how to find and achieve all three! Emily and Anderson give tips on how to overcome that pesky gag reflex, ways to reach g-spot bliss, and how to bring back that new relationship energy in a long-term relationship, as well as why foreplay is a requirement–– not a suggestion. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: SKYN, Adam & Eve, Womanizer, Magic Wand Rechargeable Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Anderson, and we're taking calls and helping you navigate your sex and relationship questions. Topics include the many paths to G-Spot Bliss. Tips to improve that pesky gag reflex, how to bring back that NRE or new relationship energy when you're in a long-term relationship, and why for play isn't just a suggestion but a requirement. All this and more, thanks for listening. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithelmie.com. You can easily subscribe to the podcast. Check out all of our great blogs, which will just continue the conversation with some great

tips for you, sex, relationship, dating, all that fun stuff. And we did two podcasts a week. And there was one that you guys all loved called mastering sex and seduction with the Lady Gang. That was a really fun podcast, and you should check that out, and we've just done some great shows lately, so hopefully you're enjoying those. And I've come here with Anderson. Hey. Hi, Anderson.

Yeah, I'm Gibbs, really good email. What? You give really good email. Thank you. I do give good email. Oh yeah, set up for the newsletter. Yeah. Subscribe to the, it helps you guys subscribe. It just does. You're so proud of what? What? What are you? Oh yeah, I do. I do people love our newsletters and that also here's the thing. If

you miss the shows, that's me. You'd be like, here's all the shows, here's all the blogs you might like, all that cool stuff. Oh, also Keagle Camp is back. I have an iPhone app called Keagle Camp. So you'll never forget to do your exercises again. And it was down for a little bit. And now it is back. And as always, please connect with me on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, all that. It's at Sex with Emily. And also you guys, one more thing I just say here is, oh, I've got to ask Emily videos.

I've been doing a lot of those Facebook and YouTube. They're all that. Yeah, people have to do the questions. I got a cyclical one. I just know in the green room when I walked out, I saw you in the background, you were here in the studio and it looked really good. Thank you. It looked good.

Can I tell you that 12 year old Anderson or 12 year old anybody pretty much, if they broke into this place, like they would just have a few, maybe like a kid to candy store. Why? I'm just seeing like boxes of porn over there and all sorts of sex toys.

You got a sex toy out there that's some kind of plastic bag that's probably been used by a woman. 12 year old boys would take that home and use it. They would, right? This office is amazing. If you like jackpot. I want to redo it. Like I seriously feel like I still need to finish decorating it a little bit.

That anyone has a designer who want to have a party. You got designers on the wall over there. You got some. Those are lips, not for ginas. We've got the quotes. Those are sideways. Oh, they do look like for ginas. They're absolutely.

Do you think those were for ginas? You got a vulva puppet sitting here on the quotes. They're sideways. Um, they do look like vaginas. Absolutely. Do you think those were vaginas? She's got a vulva puppet sitting here on the, I know. It's like vaginas, the penises, oh my. Is that from the vagina monologues? No, it's just a vulva puppet. So when I teach people, I can show them where the clitoris is, the labia. Well, that's what that's for.

It's teaching puppet. That's why it's color-priced. I was crazy. I got to say, got it on Etsy. It's like a $200 puppet. Is it really a $200 puppet? There's not a lot of them out there. I was gonna ask, do you think a guy's a little bot one

and then did, but now that you're telling me they cost $200 bucks, I doubt it. It's not like a flashlight. $200 bucks for that thing. Hello. I think it's handmade. Look, it's a little rose with a clitoris. Yeah, I'll make you one for like 10 bucks.

There is always a good snap. Yeah, you should definitely put that up so people can see what we're talking about. Okay, absolutely Yeah, you guys you gotta check all the stuff that goes down. It looks like I've grimaced from from McDonald's out of a China it would look just like that or Barney Barney had a Pay cuz it's purple. Yeah, so friendly. It's friendly. Let's do this. Okay, so this show we are going to be taking your calls Which you guys I love that I love the call. You've been here for call shows, right? Interesting. I was here for the first call show.

Excuse me. I love that. OK, so if you have questions you want me to answer on the show, that's really easy to do. You can text it to ask Emily, just one word. Text Ask Emily 27979. And then you get a link back and you ask your question. You can also go to sexwithmwe.com via the Ask Emily tab.

And then you can ask the question there and as always Include your gender your age where you live and how you listen to the show and you can also select if you'd like to be called So doing on the show if I were to text it would be to ask Emily No, I know that's confusing. So in your phone Yeah, right like you were setting a text to somebody you type in as the phone number Seven nine seven nine seven nine and then in the 69 plus ten right Well, right. Yeah, seven nine seven nine seven. No, it's phone number? 7979. So it's like 69 plus 10. Right. Well, right. Yeah, 79, 79, 79, 79, no, it's not. And then in the message, you write ask Emily one word. Oh,

and then what if you don't put in ask Emily or if you put spaces to go off into a percentage or I don't know where it goes. Yeah, who knows. Yeah, nothing happens. And producer, Laura, is saying bad times. Don't do that. So what happens is you guys just so you know when you do that, you just get a link and you open the link and you can just fill out the form on your phone because we know you're all on your phones anyway. So we're trying to make your life easier for you. That's what I'm all about.

And I'm trying to help you out of better sex and relationships. Let's do calls. I love calls more than email. More than email. More than emails because you can actually ask the questions that are missing from the email, which is fantastic. So we have to want to know more right I know and I feel like they've been great

Like I think we've really helped a lot of people here because I'm can't really get into it So let's take our first call. Okay. We've got Janet. She's 31 from Iowa and she wants more sex Then her male partners and wants to know what is wrong with her Hi Janet you're on with I'm and I've got Anderson here as well. What's up Janet? Hi? Thank you so much for calling in Hi Janet, you're on with, I've got Anderson here as well. What's up Janet? Hi. Hi. Thank you so much for calling in. Okay, so how can we help you? Tell me what's going on.

What's the background here? So, basically, my whole experience since I've been having sex, I've felt sexually repressed and I'm trying to figure out what I should do about that. That doesn't line up with the question. Wait, yeah, I thought you were saying that you want more sex in your partners. Was that? I've felt repressed, basically. Yeah, I want more. Wait, yeah, I thought you were saying that you want more sex in your partners. Was that... I've felt repressed, basically. Yeah, I want more.

Okay, so yeah, explain to me. Basically, basically. Okay, but you feel like you can't express that because you feel like repressed. You feel like your body wants sex, but you just kind of shut down when you're with partners. Yeah, either. Usually, like, I get rejected from them, and then that causes me to shut down and That it's just like this vicious cycle basically and it seems to keep happening to me So it's hard to think that I'm just picking the wrong people. How does that manifest where you get?

Rejected I don't know. I think it it started from like my first relationship where I would like try to initiate something with him and then he would say no not right now, type of thing. No, how long I've got a headache. Okay, and that was your first relationship, right? That happens sometimes and then what's happened since then? Yeah, I keep getting kind of like the repeats of that or like it tends to just, I keep dating guys who they don't seem to think it's a priority, where to me it's a priority. It's one of the best things that you can do in a relationship.

Absolutely. And I'm like, I keep, and there's this big mother, I don't know, it's like a societal norm that says, guys want sex all the time. And like, not in my experience. Can we get some details here? In all my friends. Janet, like, okay. What was that? How, like, does it start happening after a certain period of time that you've been with them

or is it right off the bat? I can't get right away. Right away, okay, and then are you asking for, like, with each meal or are you asking for, like, once a day? No, that's the thing, not even once a day, because I'm not, I'm currently not in a relationship where we see each other every day. And yeah, it's not like I need it all the time.

It's like just slightly more than they seem to want. Well I have to tell you that it is that is the stigma or that is the stereotype that men are like walking around and they crave sex all the time. I have to tell you guys think about it a lot but I have to tell you in the 12 years I've been doing the show that I that was one of the first things I learned that actually was not true that I was I heard from more women actually that were like I want more sex than my partner so I have to say that that's that's very common. But I've tried to understand because it sounds like you had an early experience you said like your first relationship where you often felt you felt rejected when you initiated

and I'm wondering if you might not be reading into situations or projecting that that is still happening and maybe it's not happening as much as you think and you're shutting down Because you think that he's really rejecting you and you might not be you know what they call that it Self-fulfilling process yeah, that's true. Yeah That's kind of what I think keeps happening to because I've come to the conclusion like that it's not me I'm doing everything I can to Make specs awesome for them. Like it's not me like yeah, so I need to learn how to like flirt more.

I get it. How do you how do you rather than rather than just like expect them to automatically want sex all the time. How do you make sex awesome for them Janet? Put effort into it. Right. Like how? I think when I was when I was younger I just expected them to do everything. Right. So now with my current boyfriend I'm putting a lot more energy into it and like switching up sex positions and asking him to try different things and stuff like that. Okay. But I think I need to work on like flirting before. Before we get to the bedroom. Right, she's so good guy. She's kind of closed off about it

because I've been so hurt in that. Right. So I just sort of like I'm afraid to put myself out there. Yeah, it sounds to me like you're doing a lot of action towards him and you're trying to make him feel pleasure and actually men want to feel your pleasure. Like it's really hot when you're turned on as well.

So if you're just focusing on him, he might not feel really connected because you are kind of just like, no, let me do take care of you. Let me take care of you. Don't worry about me. And so they're kind of like, that can be confusing to men. Now, I know there could be some guys listening to go, that would be awesome. But the truth is, with a real connection and real chemistry with couples, it's mutually beneficial. And you're both, it's a feedback loop, right? Like, you're turned on, he's turned on. And so I think like getting more into your body and really working on like, you know, masturbating, self love, all that time when you're alone and really like thinking about like, what does

turn you on? How do you like to move and what, what does sex feel like in your body and breathing and just kind of like staying there instead of in your head? Because it sounds like you're approaching sex very strategically. Like I'm going to please him. I'm going to give him a job now. Yeah, which is like what men do. Right.

And that's a way that you use your male energy to kind of kind of keep down the feminine side of you, which has been hurt. Like the part of you that feels like you're going to be rejected and vulnerable, which we all day with that. We're trying to get out ahead of you. Yeah. And I totally understand that. And that's like a practice because, you know, seriously, these early experiences with

sex and relationships kind of get us trapped unless we move through them. But I love that we're naming that right now. And if you kind of feel that experience that you had, like really just like feel it, like don't even think about it too much if you can kind of like, remember that experience, kind of let it go through your body and like sit and like just kind of like, I'm going to rewire this reprogramment. When I go into sex, I'm going to bring myself fully in my body, turned on, excited, kissing, like that's true.

You probably, it would be great for both of you to kind of not jump to sex and to really connect through intimacy, through touching and kissing and making out and that's all the stuff that goes away in relationships anyway. And to me, that's like some of the best part, for play, and just kind of focusing on like all that, like nibbling on his ears and just like kissing. Yeah, that's what I think you need right now.

Yeah, exactly. Like the excitement beforehand, just like thing, it's sometimes the best thing. I totally agree with you. And like I would say for play, not just a suggestion, it's a requirement. And that's, you might be needing that to actually be turned on You might be needing more from him as well Like you want to make out you want a world sex room to slowly undress you and if you know what that is You can like let them know you can show them and say I was fantasizing today about you and dressing me slowly or like kissing my nipples

Or whatever turns you on and then he'll think that's how you're thinking about it And it'll be this you know, I think that's what you need. And you already said it. So yeah, yeah, that's a bunch of about to. Yeah, and I need to get better at saying what I want and asking for what I want. Exactly. Rather than just shutting down.

Right. There you go. You've got this girl. So next time when you're in this, you're going to be, you're going to remember this. And you're going to just practice. Because here's the other thing. It's not that it's like, it's a new skill.

And you haven't done it a lot. But the more that you do it, you're going to feel more comfortable. And you're going to be getting because here's the other thing. It's not that it's like it's a new skill and you haven't done it a lot but the more that you do it you're gonna feel more comfortable and you're gonna be getting the rewards from it and you'll be like, how could I not ask? So you got this. Okay. Yeah, that clears it up for sure. Cool. Okay, good. Thanks Janet. Keep me posted. Let me know how it goes. Take care of it. I will. Thank you. Bye Janet. Have a great day. Thanks. Do you think I didn't want to say this when she was on the phone because I didn't know we're on the other side? phone, because I thought we'd have to have her. Great, now you're gonna trash her, yeah. No, I'm not gonna trash her, but.

But, do you think she might be like a little bit too aggressive? What I'm picturing is like, she's like, come on, let's do this. And she's like trying to like, you know, get to them, get in their pants. So like, I don't really feel like it right now. And then she's like, fine. And then she's kinda like, just shh.

Maybe she's replaying the stuff that we're playing that we're actually- Yeah, and that's a total shh. Like, if a girl's coming at you hard and then like, you're not completely into it. And then she gets like, powdie, and that's a total shout-off. Like, if a girl's coming at you hard and then you're not completely into it and then she gets like, how do you like that? That's like a, that's like a, that's like a, yeah. I mean, maybe she's just, I think what the problem is that she's just, which is lovely, but

she's caring about her partners and wants to please them and want to do all these things and she's not even in her body. She's left the body. Right. And a woman who, I don't care like, I mean, maybe guys who are completely, you know, not evolved emotionally or they don't care like, you'll take that. But I mean, I think that, you know, she seems like a lovely woman and she probably is with guys who are like, I'm not feeling anything from you.

So if we're shut down, which talking from someone who's been shut down, previously in your life, you are shut down for the first like 20 years, you're like, yeah, exactly. Yeah, pretty much. So I feel like, yeah, you got to bring that. You got to get your body, bring it to the partner and he'll respond. Okay, that was a good call. We've got Catherine. You got to bring that. You got to get your body, bring it to the partner and he'll respond. Okay, that was a good call. We've got Catherine.

She's 37 from Toronto and she gets the G-Spot feeling like she has to pee and it's annoying and can't quite follow through with the G-Spot orgasm. Is that what's happening, Catherine? That is it. I'm assuming that's the, you know, in the heading in the right direction, but I just can't seem to get past that feeling that I need to pee. So it's either I feel nothing or I just have that ongoing, like, I need to pee. Right.

Well that's, that is the feeling that you have right before, for many women, they feel like they have to pee and then they have the orgasm. And now I think a lot of women stop it at that point too because they're so concerned about peeing, right? So they never actually get to follow through right Have you ever had a G spot orgasm on your own? I know I have not okay, so I would write what you you're in a relationship right now Yes, I am is he a hockey player? He has played hockey. Yes, but just from Toronto

I had to ask college University kind of nice well, I yeah, I would say or university kind of stuff. Well, I, yeah, I would say thank you. Hockey players, not a big fan. Now we can picture it. I've talked about this as well on the show that I feel like I didn't have a G-Spot orgasm with a partner until I explored on my own. And because then it was like, I didn't have the pressure of, you know, someone else,

like, I would dare you, is this happening or not? And I love the Wevibe Rave. It's a great G-Spot vibrator. Like I can't even tell you, I don't know, everyone here in the office loves it as well. And it's a great way to find me to try your fingers as well. That works. But I feel like maybe you wouldn't care if you have to pee. And then you'd start to know how that feels like you some lube. It helps to have a literal orgasm first. Because then the area becomes more engorged. And then

you don't have the word in Gord's Anderson. Sorry, and then it could kind of help you. And also like lifting your legs up, but there's different ways to position yourself putting a pillow under your body. What you're saying is once you find out where it is, you know how to guide it. Yeah, yeah. Well, how does it sound to you or Catherine? Is there anything else like texture to that or like finding? Well, I guess like once I started listening to your show, I actually have purchased one of the Wii Vibes. Okay. So I put the remotes and everything. So we played around with that a little bit. I tried that on my own. You know, obviously haven't got the right spot yet, but you know, I have been doing some exploration.

Okay. Good. And I definitely like when when we're engaged in in sex and I'm starting to feel that, I don't stop because I try not to reposition too much because, again, learning from your podcast, I'm like, oh, this is a good sign, but yeah, again, I just like to hear the linger in that world. I need to pee and eventually, yeah, it starts to just feel like uncomfortable rather than yeah I get it. Are you in your head or are you in your body? Like are you thinking like

is this it? Is this it? Because that can kind of stop us a lot as well from. Probably. Probably. I do tend to have a bit more than analytical uh... personality and i mean just this is the first relationship i've really had that uh... i i've had such like an active sexual uh... side to it self-course i felt the need to research everything line your podcast that's the one

yeah no i'm glad you found the podcast and the chiefs that is like this elusive i'm telling you it's not that for some women, it's like literally like our anatomy is different. There's some women who have sex for the first time and they have like blended orgasms and that didn't happen to me either. You know, I had a lot of sex before I actually found it. So you could also use his fingers, like you could lay back and just be like,

let's try to find your cheese pot together and you could lay back on a pillow. We have done that. Right, see I tried that too with a boyfriend for years. That's why I had to do it on my own. I really did. I was like, eff it. And you know what, oh, you know what else really helped me?

Doing my kegel exercises. I'm telling you, when I started doing them by really, and using the intensity, I don't know if I've talked about the intensity for a while by poor and wild, which is like, I know, and you can do kiggles on your own, obviously. But this was the one product that got you up. Okay, so, right. So it it reminds you and I'm telling you,

and for me, I feel like using like kegoballs or the intensity which uses electrosimulation, you lie back, you've heard this, probably we talk about this, you lie in your bed and for 10 minutes a day, you put it inside you, you can't really feel, I mean, it feels good. It's also a vibrator if you choose to use it that way, and you don't even have to do your kegels

because it stimulates them Okay, this goes in your vagina it's safe. It's a medical device So the point is I just think that doing your kegels practicing on your own and taking the pressure off Like I feel like you're already in this like Yeah, I am too. That's why I asked the question I totally get that but I had to personally be alone and just like let it go and forget that anyone was there and just play with it. It didn't happen the first time, but I'm telling you that combination of kegels using a toy, lube, and making sure I had a literal orgasm.

And squeezing my legs together was really helpful, too. What, tightening? I thought of a question. Flexing those kegel muscles, if that really helps as well with your, your cheese pot. Do you think? Tensing and relaxing the most possible. More people have found Jesus or the G spots. Because it seems that it's unbelievable how many people have not found their G spots.

And I was thinking a good place to find it would probably be prison, which is where a lot of people find Jesus. It's really, really hard to find the name of the podcast Jesus or Jesus. But honey, I'm with you. It is so tough. really hard. I mean, the podcast Jesus, I do not. Honey, I'm with you. It is so tough. I mean, it's still not that easy for me with a partner. It's just the way our bodies are, but I'm telling you once you find it in a different

way. I think, what can you try some of these things? Does that seem like I've given you some? We're working on it, so it's just more to encouraging to see that it's the right track and that it's not weird. It's not weird. No, it took me so long. And then I had, yeah, it's not weird at all. And relax a little.

And you know, get out and maybe do some kind of like extraneous conditioning during the day or something. So you're a little bit more like your body's a little bit more relaxed. And I don't know, like maybe you're going like a long hike beforehand or something. Because she's in her head. Yeah. She's getting a little bit on her body like the last. you got to get into your body and you got to breathe on you got to breathe into your pelvic floor like breathing breathing It helps with everything better sacks better everything better life, right? Yeah, so I think some of those things take the pressure off yourself And do it go for it. Okay, you got this. Okay. Let me know when you find it. Okay. Okay. Keep going, Katherine. Thank you. glass of wine

Thanks, thank you. Bye. Got a question for you. Yeah, you got a science background, right? What is the evolutionary point of having a hidden G spot? Is there a point? I mean, here's the thing. It's the Graffenberg the guy who found it Man found it, which is interesting. So does the Graffenbergs's yeah, it stands for it's graphenberg And the interesting thing is it's also been much debate does the g spot exist doesn't not exist I feel like That the truth is it's like where your clitoris is where your g spot is it's different on every woman's or anatomy is different And so it's just it's Why is having hidden a little button though somewhere that's like deep like what the evolution are you speaking? Yeah, I don't understand like the pleasure

I don't know and like the pleasure. I don't know. And then here's an observation, as a guy, the idea of you guys having this little magic button somewhere inside of you and not finding it, like in your 30s, it's just fucking beyond us. Like, if guys had G spots, they all would have found it by 11 or 12. Guaranteed.

Hey, you've got your peace spot. You're prostate. I just can't believe you ever found that. Well, I'm not that exploratory. Well, I think you should. I think that so many men are like, you know what I love? That this is kind of the year of the piece bot. And I feel like this year, men are also like straight men.

Can you say pegging was the year of 2014 or something? You know, like, pegging is the new. 2014 is that pegging. No, no, this year is all about your piece bot. And I feel like men are getting braver. We're getting questions from guys actively saying, I would like to find it. I would like to find it, you know, all about your peace spot. And I feel like men are getting braver, we're getting questions from guys actively saying I would like to find it, I would like to find it, you know, a toy,

fingers, how do I do it? Just find those tricky little spots. We don't need the peace spot, guys, come on. We got plenty of going on, we're fine. We're good to go. What do you think your orgasms are good now? They're, it's, why still? Okay, let's take another call.

Yeah. We've got Sarah, she's 35 from Wisconsin and she wants to be able to swallow. She's got some gag reflex questions. Hi Sarah, you're I'm here with Anderson. And you're here to help you. Hello. Hello. So tell me what's going on. Well, my husband and I have been together for 17 years. We've been married for 14. We are each other's first sexual and only sexual partner. We've never been with anyone else.

It took us a while to figure out how to have really good sex. I mean, our first few years of marriage actually wasn't that great. And we learned pretty much everything on our own. What felt good, what we needed to do. And now, after two kids and 14 years later, we are having really great sex. I love that. I mean, I orgasm almost every time. There are times where he can give me multiple orgasms in one night.

It's just when it comes to oral sex, I have bad gay reflex. I get really scared and nervous and I don't know how to get past that to pleasure him when I'm not in the mood, but he is and I want him to be happy and something that he wants and I want to do it for him and I just need to get... Okay, I got this. I've got some tips. I've got some tips, you Anderson, what were you going to say? I giggle because he has a similar accent to get. Okay, I got this. I've got some tips. I've got some tips.

You Anderson, what were you gonna say? I giggled because he has a similar accent to yours. Oh, I'm from Michigan, yeah. Okay, from Wisconsin. Yeah, I'm from Wisconsin. Yeah. Wisconsin doesn't have accent. I know, and he did this California, right?

We sound like you guys. Right. With the whole gag reflex, I think a lot of women think that you gotta put the whole thing and you know, past your tonsils. The goalie doesn't have to like, you don't have to score. You just got to go like into the mouth is fine. You can use your hand for the rest of it. And you don't have to throw it past your tongue ever. You really don't.

That is true. And a lot of girls like to the whole deep-throding thing. And I think a lot of guys. I don't think you're bright Anderson, but I don't think. Sweetie, you're not, Sarah, you're not talking about gag reflex, so you're, I mean, you're not talking about going deep, deep, deep. You're just talking about being able to get in and out. Not even like, not. Okay, I get it. Some women have this.

Yeah, stop it. Some women have this. So let me talk to you about these a few tips, ready? So it's important, like, you don't, when you're going down on him, so it's, you don't have to keep like your mouth like super tight around his penis. You can let your lips fall open and that will open up your throat more and you have to remember that you want to breathe. Okay, you want to breathe. And then I'm going to give you some

throat exercises. Okay, this is, I just, this is an article I wrote, I just pull, this is going to lessen your gag reflex over time. You want to put them fingers. I think it's because it's too much saliva in my mouth. I've tried the flavor lumen. I feel like it just gives me too much saliva. So you're trying to swallow the saliva. You're trying to suck. There's so much going on that it's hard to concentrate and focus without wanting to get in. Well, let me give you some exercises you can do.

So put like a clean finger in your mouth, or you can use like a toothbrush, right? And you slowly move the finger down your throat until you start to gag. Okay? And when you're doing this down your throat like until you start to gag, okay? And when you're doing this, you don't want to gag. You start breathing through your nose while relaxing your throat. So this is the exercise. You breathe through your nose, you relax through your throat. And you try holding it. So the goal here is to try to stay calm and breathe and hold it for 10 seconds, okay? And repeat it a few times the first week. So like every day you could try it for like 10 seconds. And you'll realize that if you're staying calm,

breathing through your nose, relaxing your thought, you'll eventually be able to move your finger back further and further or the toothbrush back further and further. And that's how you can kind of work up the gag reflex. So that has worked for many people. If you do it on your own and you're not with your partner, so they're not like, bring up saliva and you're not worrying about him judging you or whatever it is.

This is a way that many people have had success at kind of opening up that gag reflex and that will give you more confidence. And then you can practice on like a vibrator or dildo if you want without it. But I feel like that's that's what you do. I'm telling you this works. If it doesn't work, you call me. Let me know either way. I actually want to know how it goes with you. But I feel like the goal is to stay calm, breathe slowly, and build it up.

10 seconds, you know, do it 10 seconds, you could do it a few times a day, and you'll realize you'll be able to hold longer, move your finger back more. Just while you're brushing your teeth, like I'm listening, with the time. Or you could do tooth brush as well. Yeah. Okay. You brush your teeth. Okay, you got it.

Okay, you got this. Good luck. Let me know, guys. Thank you very much. Thank you. I will. Have a great day. I'm going to give a shout out to our sponsors, because we love you, and thank you and thank you for supporting them you guys and for listening to the show and telling your friends about the show I appreciate that as well and we will be right back

We've got Kate. She's 25 from Buffalo and her vibrator gives her orgasms and she doesn't orgasm with her boyfriend. Hey Kate Hi, thank you for calling in. Thank you so much for having me. Of course love talking to you. So tell me what's going on Yeah, so you're the Anderson as well Ben with my boyfriend for a couple years now and he's amazing and he's amazing. Secta's always pretty good, but I've sort of noticed recently that it could be a little better and that the lack of orgasming that I've had, not just from him, but most men in general, kind of is concerning and that I know I can orgasm with my vibrator, which is great, but I guess I don't really know how I can take that with my boyfriend.

All right. So this is really common. I think that women, a lot of times, it's easier to orgasm on her own or with a vibrator, and then you're trying to work it into the relationship just having sex with your partner, and that can be a challenge. So have you ever had an orgasm without a vibrator? Yes, but it happens very infrequently. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah, I guess with my boyfriend, we've been together for three years.

Oh, I don't know, maybe like less than 10 times. Geez. Okay. And like you guys are probably having sex like a couple times a week, Kate. So yeah. So yeah, that's very uniform. Okay, so less than 10 times with him during intercourse. Do you remember what was happening during those times? Um, I honestly think it was closer to the beginning of our relationship and everything was really new and exciting.

Right. And I think now that we've been together for a while now we're being we're getting more comfortable talking about things and trying to figure things out and i get yeah i just wrote about one uh... i got a big question okay kate you know

did you think with them now uh... kate fakes every now and again women do fake sometimes but don't i mean no i would tell them not to but it happens i don't think i do uh... and the where of this like i have you i told him i was uh... going on the

talk with Emily and uh... you feel it's okay like i hope that goes well so he's he's aware of it and i don't think i think that's cool i don't think that okay so listen here's a deal so do i think first of all, it would be great if you could, you know, together, either you could master it in your own with, you know, without a vibrator if you want or with one, because I use vibrators during intercourse all the time, so I don't think that that, I don't know if you've ever brought it into your sex life, but you know, use it on your clitoris, or is that how you use it? Do you use a clitoral vibrator? Yeah, definitely.

I don't, that's what I use. So I think that, I mean, I don't see why, you know, I think that's gonna be really hot. And if you know it works for you, you could just kind of bring it in and, you know, when you're on top or bottom, there's so many great toys now, you could use it during sex.

So, but if you're asking me like, I'd like to not use a vibrator. I mean, I think that you'd have to, it's like everything. Your body's maybe more used to orgasming with the vibrator now. How often do masturbate? Hello, obviously, hello. I don't know, maybe a couple of times a week. About the same amount of times that she's with a boyfriend.

Sorry. About as much as you're with a boyfriend. No, honestly more. Yeah. You masturbate more than you have to say. You're doing better. She's with her boyfriend. Sorry. How about as much as you're with a boyfriend? No, honestly more. Okay. You masturbate more than you have to say. She's with her boyfriend more, right? No, no, no, my vibrator. Okay.

She's with the vibrator. So you should call the vibrator. Yeah, go crazy, no. Yeah, no, I get it. It goes in phases. So I would say if you have the patience because you could like retrain your body to kind of, you know, it's like everything mixing it up again. So start just touching yourself without the vibrator

because you can't have orgasms that way. Or, you know, you could just say, let's use this together. Would he be, have you ever used, I mean, it's can be really hot, have you ever used it with him? Yeah, he does, about it a couple times. And I guess I kind of thought it was weird, like it might make him feel bad. No, no, no.

I'm telling you, he asked about it. And once he sees it, it'll think it's really, really hot, I think. And also also you can show him that Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite tips for couples to like the tube You can do like you're getting off he's getting off and then he'll see what you do with the vibrator And then he can use it on you. He can maybe hold it that could be cool use use Loub I mean all that stuff so I think that you know just bring it in bring it into kind of incorporate it into your Into your sex. Okay. Here's a good news And I'm not sure that you you're fully aware of this in, bring it into kind of incorporated into your sex.

Okay, here's the good news, and I'm not sure that you're fully aware of this, even though you've been with your boyfriend and I never have been, but he really, really wants to make this happen for you. It's a big part of what he's doing and having sex for men. They like to see results. They like to know that they can actually do things and have these effects. He'll put in the work as long as you're open with him. You said that you guys are much more open now

with your relationship as opposed to when you guys first started dating, however, all the orgasms came originally. So obviously the communication is not quite there yet. But if you just kind of lay down the gauntlet and say like let's not even have sex until you can make this happen, I know that might be a little bit too much,

but like at least start going down that, let's spend 20 minutes on me trying to figure out if we can get it done and then you know we can do it. And the other thing is you were saying at the beginning of the relationship, but let's go back to the beginning, like the foreplay and all the things that you do early on in a relationship a lot of times after three years we let it go. So maybe there was some kind of a foreplay, like build up and teasing or, you know, you guys went to dinner and it was like sexier, you went on dates or you stripped tease for him or something that like makes you get you in your body and turned on. So dirty

talk. I mean, I don't know what it was, but you can kind of bring back some of that new relationship energy even when you're in the three year, three year relationship. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you got this. Time's the key is to bring that toy in. He's not going to be threatened by it. I mean, there are a few guys that are going to be threatened by it and there's going to be a few guys that don't really care if you come or not.

But that's the minority. Trust me. And if you bring that thing in, he's not going to be threatened by. He's going to think it's hot, like Emily said. And I bet you, since you're trained on how to finish with that thing, you're definitely going to do it with him. And then you can start to bridge that gap. Yeah. He's not like that. He's asking for it. Yeah. And I think, you're definitely going to do it with him and then you can start to bridge that gap.

You know, he's not like, he's asking for it. Yeah, and I think, um, let's do it. All right. You got to go talk to you. Bye. Seriously, this orgasm thing, this is like the top question. We get asked. I think from women and I love teaching a lot of women have emailed me. I thank you for my first orgasm. That's kind of weird. It's kind of like I did it, but I didn't do it. Yeah, you do it. Yeah, you got it. You're responsible for a lot of orgasms. I am responsible for changing the world

of one orgasm at a time. Uh-huh. I remember that. That's true. We have an honor. We move on every night's day. Yeah, all those things. I think those things are very important.

Okay, we've got Jackie. She's 25 from Houston. And she just almost never has orgasms during intercourse. Where have all the orgasms gone? Where have all the orgasms gone? Hey, I'm glad you got the reference. You got the reference, Sam. Where'd you go? I'm here with the interesting. Where have all the orgasms gone? Where have all the orgasms gone? Hey, I'm glad you got the reference. You got the reference, Sam. Where to go?

A very interesting. Where have all the children gone? Yeah. I'm here. Hi, sweetie. What's going on? Hi. Hi.

Yeah, so thanks for taking my call. I'm super excited. I'm too. I'm not in a committed relationship. I'm just casually dating right now. And I'm very sexually. I masturbate a lot. I'm constantly casually dating right now and I'm very sexually. I masturbate a lot. I'm constantly just loving sex.

I'm really open to things. I'm really into my body. But I never ever achieve orgasms with men. And I know it's mental. I just start and I completely freeze up. I get anxious. I feel inadequate. I feel very nervous, I don't want to tell them, it's not going to happen and then the thought that's going to take forever.

So it's kind of like, kind of thick of that feeling of being looming over me all the time when I'm trying to be intimate with them. Yeah, I totally get it. I mean, I think so many women have been in your situation. It's just because it's not easy and it's hard to ask what we want. So, do you get like a, the foreplay, do you be able to ask for like, do the world sex or just every time? Every time. I don't know if I'm doing myself a disservice because I use a vibrator like almost every day and how can you compete? I'm still thinking. I'm still thinking. I'm going to man compete with a electronic device. On a chain? Yeah, well, here's the truth.

I gotta say that. Yeah, I mean, I understand that, because using a vibrator, the truth, have you ever had an orgasm without a vibrator? Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. It just takes a while, and I have.

And I've lately in the last couple years have been squirting with digital stimulation, and sometimes it happens a couple times when I'm on top or like from behind. But I honestly just don't know how to have a vaginal orgasm, too, ask to like make my own body know how to do it. Right. To be frustrating because I want to know and I have a G-spot simulator and I can't, I don't

know what to expect. Right. I don't know how to, how it's supposed to feel. I simulator and I can't, I don't know what to expect. I don't know how to, how it's supposed to feel. I know. I can't really do, I can't, I'm for it. I don't know what to expect. I get it. That's happening.

Yeah. So this is why you got to do the work I do. So you're saying G-spot and clitorally, you haven't had either, like, have you had a G-spot orgasm before in your own? You, no. OK. No, I just usually get impatient and I grab my clip vibrator.

I know. I hear you. I did impatient and I grab my clip vibrator. I know. I hear you. I did that as well. We've had a few calls that you've just grabbed my clip and then stopped talking. No, I got the vibrator. I got it. It's so easy.

It's like one and done. You're out. I get it. But it does take patience. It's going to take some time. It's great that you're not in a relationship right now. So I would say mix your masturbating every day and if you have a little extra time, you could start to like use fantasy, think about things that turn you on, get your body like

really aroused, and just try to like mix up use of vibrator, don't use a vibrator, and you know how you find the G spot is, I mean, you, first of all, it helps to have a clitoral orgasm first. So yeah, I mean, you can, you can, it's okay to like have a clitoral orgasm, I mean, to use your vibrator, that is fine. But if you want to start exploring without it and you know that you have before, that's great too. Because I think like with anything, if you use a vibrator every single time, it might be harder if you're with a partner and you want to, you know, so you could practice going maybe one time with it, maybe not using it at the beginning, but using it at the end of vice versa. So when you're on your bed and you're, you know, masturbating, it's great to have a clitorar orgasm first.

Because once you do that, your body's turned on, your aroused, the blood rushes to the G spot. That area becomes more encouraged and Anderson's favorite word. And so it also can have to lay back with a pillow underneath you. Your leg, you can experiment with different positions, like putting your knees back,

grabbing your legs up, you take a finger, and it's the, you go in like about two inches inside and it's like this com-hither motion, like using like your middle finger and you kind of look for a rough spot, kind of like it feels like a peach pit or an apricot. And then you just kind of apply pressure to it. And it's not like the, it's not like the in and out, like really fast, it's more like a deliberate pressure that you play to that area and it might feel like you have to pee. And it's kind of a whole new sensation for women, but the more like you're turned on and

the more like you've already had an orgasm, it will help you find it. And also doing your key electrolysis, really important, that's straight in this area. I was saying that, yeah, I mean, I'm going to say I said that earlier, but, no, but we had a similar call. No, it is similar, so call we had earlier that I was saying, when I started doing my key exercises regularly, that combined with using a toy, I used the rave by Wevi, which is an amazing G-Spot toy. That's how I found it first.

I had a lot of sex, right, and it just didn't happen for me. So I needed that time alone to figure it out. And then I knew what it felt like. And then when I was with a partner, I knew how to like move in that way because I'd experienced it on my own. And I wasn't waiting for a man with a man to figure it out because it's a lot of pressure.

I get it. Yeah. So the more you practice all this stuff on your own, and like make it fun, I like practice. Like this is fun. You can explore all these if in a Roger's Stun, like play with your nipples, your inner thighs, like tease yourself. Yeah, Jackie you guys got to be compared to gang when I hear Emily just now saying you know start off with like a clitoris clitoris or guys and then you know move into the dinner or a

guys something that maybe a dessert orgasm I've got guys that we got one done and then you know if you're a little bit older you don't get to go again till tomorrow so enjoy yourself and figure out all your it's true i mean you're young you have time and i feel like that what you say i just feel that i just don't know what it's just feel like i don't know what you know if you keep that yeah maybe maybe that's the thing there won't be

control like it it's just this build up in each i know it for it's in back words and it's like twenty seconds and it happens so master that but it's like okay here yeah yeah like 20 seconds and it happened. So I'm mastered that, but it's like, okay, here I am, that's the thing inside of me. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it.

That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly.

Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. Right, exactly. That's what I do with it. Right, exactly. Right, like she was gone for like a month. And she, it wasn't me, I wish it was me because I didn't have orgasms so way later,

but she was like every night, she's like, I'm gonna figure it out. And she was there for a month and she took like an hour every night and she finally was like the third week or fourth week. She finally found her G spot. We are still best friends. And every time she has sex with her husband,

she has at least three orgasms. And I'm convinced it's because she spent that time. How would he will spend even an hour masturbating right there's tons of stuff on our website about juice finding the juice bot And how to forget some masturbation month. I know it's tough If a guy was like spending an hour and night beating off like he would have problems and they probably need to talk to Dr. No, but you know you're yeah, but Jackie I think that you just a little more time and you're really in your head And you're like it's not happening what's gonna feel like and like that women are so analytical about it? But another thing I would tell you is to breathe like our breath is so important

So the more that you learn to like you do your kegels, you're breathing through your body You're just like relaxing into it. You get out of your head and into your body Even if you're fantasizing you'd be like, oh this turned me out and then move that through your body And don't worry about the outcome, that's what's gonna happen. Okay, Jackie. I know you can do this. You're welcome, have a great night, Jackie. You got time, it's evening, go do it.

Talk to you soon, bye. Talk to you soon, bye, I feel like everyone's my buddy. Bye, Jackie. I know, you see this? It's so hard, the elusive G-Spot. We need to get the G-Spot Locator app. I've talked with that forever. That is like, I think of the future.

They're going to have that. It's like, find my iPhone, find my G-Spot. Find my G-Spot,ator app. I've talked with that forever. That is like, I think of the future. They're going to have that. It's like, find my iPhone, find my G-Spot. Find my G-Spot. That'd be amazing. Tell me, like if if G-Spots were on men, like we would find them. I know, I know. Then there'd be like whole teams of people like NASA,

like missing kids were G-Spots and men had them. Like there'd be no missing kids. I know, it's true. Like kids would never go missing. Okay, Anderson, amazing. So good to see you, even. I loved everything about this. Even though she punched me four or five times during the show. Because sometimes you just,

because I asked questions and she doesn't like it. No, you just don't know the people are talking and you don't, you can't me off. You got them off, it's just an answer. Oh, you should see me drive. Oh, dude, I didn't want to do that. I love you, everyone check out Anderson and all of his stuff, these guys.

Thank you, Anderson, to your podcast. Thank you, everyone. Thanks to my amazing team. Thanks everyone for listening and for being supporting the show. I love you all. And was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithanley.com.

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