Sex With Emily - Game-Playing, Check-Splitting & Other Dating Cliches

Episode Date: October 8, 2014

 Today’s show is all about helping you through your sex and dating troubles! Emily and Anderson answer your feedback emails, and give advice to help you get what you want, both in the bedroom and out of it. Topics covered include how to communicate with your partner about bedroom needs, how to get your partner excited about sharing sexual fantasies, how to cope with stagnant sex lives and a quick lesson on confidence.First, they start out with three tried-and-true dating commandments that you should be breaking, from game-playing to check-splitting to the one cliche we’re all tired of hearing. Then, on to the purpose of this show: You! Emily and Anderson tackle some emails and give guidance to help a listener communicate her sexual needs to her partner, without coming off as a nag.She and Anderson help a guy who’s girlfriend is “too tired” for sex and provide tips on how to ease your partner into your deepest sexual fantasies. Also, advice for a listener who’s dating life is lacking - Is his weight to blame, or is it actually a case of a lack of confidence?Whether you believe that “everything happens for a reason”, or you’re ready to make things happen for yourself, get the answers you’ve been looking for in the latest Sex With Emily Podcast! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to this episode of Sex with Emily from Stagnet Sex Life to Kinky Sex. And everything in between tonight's show is all about you. I'm answering your emails and your questions, covering some of your most pressing, sex, and dating questions. I will answer that. But first, thank you so much as always for supporting my sponsors. And I got to tell you about Promessant. You've been hearing me talk about promising for a while now and that's only because it works. I know a

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Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information go to sexwithemily.com. We can check out our amazing website with our blogs, our podcasts, and all the information you want to have better sex. And relationships and the first thing you should do when you get there is to sign up for our mailing list because I send good emails and you like them and I don't spam you and

I don't sell the list. But they will also help you improve your sex life. And also as always I love hearing from you this show is all about you. Your questions that you sent to feedback at sexwithemily.com or you can also find me on Facebook, my Facebook page which is facebook.com slash section Emily and on Twitter, which is section Emily and also Instagram. I love hearing from you. So if you haven't found many of those places, play your phone right now and do it. Just do it, do it, do it. And a few announcements. Okay, so two places you can come see me and I want to see you because we've never met. So come, come, come, come. I'm'm doing I did this big event at the hustler Hollywood store

It's a sex toy store people I don't think hustler. I think it's like, you know, what are people with Anderson? I'm here with Anderson when you think hustler people think of like Panhouse, right? Yeah, they think of Larry David and spread vaginas. Yeah, Larry Flint, but they Larry David Right, he's really funny. Larry Flint not as funny, but a very brilliant man. So no, I'm doing, so I did this event and it was sold out over 250 people and it's called how to blow his mind and bad. But really it's for men and women. It's going to be in San Diego.

So if you're in the area or you want to drive to the area, it's October 25th, RSVP to feedback. It's sex with mwe.com. We'll also have a Facebook invite up, which might be up now, but that's an easy way to do it. And it's at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and I would love to see you. And then also, I'm very honored to be the host of the sexual health expo in January, which is January 17th and 18th in Hollywood, that sexualhealthexpo.com, and they're like doing some kind of two-for-one ticket now. And it's the first of its kind.

It's a conference. So you know it's go to the fun sex toy conferences. They have like products there. They have, but mostly it's about its workshops for men, women, and couples to improve their sex life. And I'm telling you the list if people teaching the classes are amazing. It's like top of the line sex experts that I actually want to take classes from. Worksh workshops and they'll be fun. It's in Hollywood and they'll be fun parties and you're gonna love it. Come to LA if you live in LA you should be there already, but if you haven't been to LA plan a trip

It's pie freezing cold where you live on January 17th and 18th. So you should come. That's what I say about that. Also Today's show we're going to be reading your emails. The topics include repetitive sex life. A girl friend, a girl who's a girlfriend, a girl who's a girlfriend isn't into kink. More sex, less kink. What do you do about that? Too busy for sex and also body confidence

and a few other things, which I think you will like and will change your life. So how you doing Anderson? I'm doing good, how you am. I'm good, are you in a good place? I'm in a fine place, I'm sitting across from you. Oh, that's always a good place sitting here. That's nice, I'm glad because last week was kind of hectic

and I was like something I get worried that they're on. Yeah, sometimes I don't feel good and I'll lay down in a couch. I hate that, I know. I got swings, mood swings, what do you want? Dude, welcome to my mood swing world, guess I do too. But I know, I like I like the people around me to feel like the least crazy You know what I mean, but I don't you don't when you're around me. I definitely feel crazier than you know No, but I have a one. I'm like doing my thing last week where I'm going to lay down on the couch

You felt like you're standing on your own two feet and doing pretty good Well, you're just napping I told I was napping and I had a big I don't want to say it's an audition today because I'm not even going to like spoil it but it was like a screen test for this show that I'm going to be doing. You have to take your top off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll pop on the top.

I was prepping for it because it's right in my warehouse, they want me to do it. Who knows what's going to happen because you know it's Hollywood and what the hell. But I was like prepping for that and I just had a lot going on and I took a nap just now And I feel really good except my alarm didn't go off or getting old huh I know I never know but I am so not a nap I'm not my eyes were closing and I've just been going going going and I'm like a new fresh fresh sunflower did you have like Lines that you have to read or what was it? But I just had to it's to host a show and I just had to talk about some specific areas That I just the vagina area not the vagina. It was more about actually

I can tell you because it was really interesting. I can't tell you what the show is but It was it was about you know, do you know? I'm gonna ask you a little quiz here Do you know what one of the the two reasons why couples fight the most and what brings them to divorce? Money sex. Exactly. I work in the business. You do. So it is true that people that that sex and money are these two things that just kill relationships and it all goes back to everything I say is that couples are not going to communicate and you always think oh we talk a lot. We have a good time, but that is not communicating. And I was also starting to feel bad a few weeks ago.

I think I said this on the air off the air as soon as I can't remember. But I feel like I give you guys so many tips, like just talk to your partner, but I know that it's so, I hate when I have a problem, like for example, what's our problem? You know, prepping ahead of time, we're not being a procrastiner,

things like, well, just make a or or I have so much to do Who like maybe you should just make a list and then prioritize it? I'm like if that was in my wheelhouse, I would do it I understand that's what you do but it's hard so when I say to you Just tell your partner what you want and bad. You're like yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't done it yet Of course I should but I don't and I think that that couples like aren't trained like there needs to be some kind of like You know like in the church couples have to go are we doing this right now? We're gonna talk about good sex in the church. No, no, but they have you take these like pre-marital courses

It's required and in fact It's not a religion. I think it's good I think that people can just get married inside of Vegas be drunk and get married And you're married, but no one tells you how to like have a healthy relationship. Same thing with having a baby. Like there's not like any kind of course or anything. That's why we're on the stop. Our parents completely, you know, no. But it's true that people don't. And the other thing about money that's so interesting, just because I was reading all the studies. I mean, I've always known

this, but I was reading really into depth and studies on it is that is that couples, we have like a money personality, like we have a way of dealing with money that either we were brought up as a as a as a spender or you know a saver our parents are more you know 50. We all just have money is so emotional and we all have ways of dealing with it. So if you get into a relationship as someone who's a completely different way of dealing with it, it causes a lot of friction. But you don't really know, I talk about you.

Like, you know, the women are like smuggling shoes into the house, you know, you know, you know, I mean, like things like that. And then it blows up. And so I think it's another one of those things that you need to talk about before you get married, you know. It's funny, you bring up the smuggling shoes. And because I think that as soon as you are hiding anything, you should probably stop and take a look at that.

Exactly. You know what I mean? If you're putting like beers at the bottom of the trash or smuggling in shoes, that's a great point. That's a great point. And people just don't want to talk about it because, and also like again, we're not trained about it. We're not, we're not, we're just the way we are.

And we think if someone's different than we are, like we want to go spend all the fancy dinners and they want to save it and go to on a trip, we don't get that. So anyway, talk about money. You think that horrors would be really, really good in relationships. Because, yeah, because they're always having sex and receiving money for it. They should be experts in both. True. You know what I mean?

Sex and money. I thought you were saying that because men always want a lot of sex and women don't give you to them as they could just pay their wife if they marry a hucker. That's because of the sex and the money thing Yeah, that's true. It's all very confusing. So that's why you need to talk to but I always I was thinking though How can I teach you all so I'm gonna do my better job about like maybe it's like maybe interesting Maybe we'll do some role playing or something. I'm down for role playing. I love that So I've got a little sex in the news here and this was something that a doctor wrote So it must be true.

But no, it said that three dating commandments that you should break, okay? These are typical dating things that you hear all the time. So things like don't be, don't call him, be unavailable, don't slouch. I mean, I think actually slouchching is a good one because body language is very important. But the others, they're among old-fashioned mandates of dating and whether you're singular attached, it's a safe bet that you've heard them once or twice. But there's a reason these lessons have been around for so long and some of them are outdated. So in the spirit of today, new season, we asked a few related, this article asked some relationship experts as doctor to find out

What we should all do so there's one that's play the game We're always told that you got a play game in a relationship. Did you ever play games? I mean who has some played games, but when you say you play games like give an example you wouldn't you'd wait three days to call her? Usually it's like I'm angry about something she said. I'm talking about way back when relationships when I was a kid and it was all about winning and losing and that's how I grew up with my dad and my siblings and I just transferred that over

as soon as I was in relationship. It was all about I wanna win this fight, I wanna win this argument and it was different ways with different girls. Right. But now that's one of the things that I learned and now that I'm married is not to win. We should just figure out how to do what I mean. That's a thing about marriage. A more games. That's not winning. It's about compromise. So playing the game. The idea that there's

a game to be played suggests that there's a winner and a loser, which is exactly what you're saying. And it's only a loss if you never take an emotional leap to figure out that you there are missed opportunities and if you're a passionate independent person there is some natural chase that's built into the dating process but don't fret over you know like playing the game and not being available and all that stuff so just be yourself and whatever but I think that like in relationships, I don't, I've never been like a game player, although of course, I guess if I, you know, you don't want to be too available, maybe the beginning like a guy texting you, texting my back, yes, I'd love to go out. I mean, maybe I, but I don't think it's, you're doing it. You can't not do it. Here's the thing. I don't think it's that conscious and I, here's thing. I don't date guys

who are game players, so I don't play games. So I don't, I don't know. I don't date guides who are game players, so I don't play games. So I don't, I don't know, I don't know. What I've learned is if I'm playing the game and I'm playing it really hard way way back when I would, I was really attracted to that person, but didn't really enjoy them. Because they were playing the game back to you? Or because I want to be playing like if, if I'm texting right back and I'm not playing the game, it's because I actually like them and I want to hang out with them. If I'm really only interested in them liking me back, then I'm going to play the game. Exactly. You're only playing the game, it's because I actually like them and I want to hang out with them. If I'm really only interested in them liking me back, then I'm going to play the game. Exactly. You're only playing the game because of your ego and you don't want to get hurt.

And I think that there's nothing wrong with women asking men out, men asking women out, and just let it be known that you like them. Because whenever guys have done that to me, I'm like, all right, I like this. It's refreshing. So you don't need to play a game, people, no matter what the pickup artist tell you. And the only way that I'm going gonna be upset or turned off by a girl Who's like texting back right away? Is that I don't like her that to begin with right if you don't like her and she's texting you too much I got it. I totally get it and I'm not even saying that I do but I have probably done that I'm sure I've done that like waited five minutes or something stupid

But really it doesn't matter because the people that are respectful and they actually want to date are not game players Okay, the next one is never split the check. Okay, this one, okay, they say it's time to put this one to bed for good. And most women are into the guy paying for the first date offering never hurts, but after that, never splitting the check is outdated belief that comes from the days when men

were usually the primary breadwinners. And women are rapidly rising in earning power in gender roles and blah, blah, blah, everyone wants to feel cared for. Okay, I disagree. I think you should never split the check. I think either I pay or he pays or she, she whoever it is, whoever does the asking pays, but splitting the check to me is the most is the unsexiest thing you can do what if you're like we're in a really fancy calculator watch you want to use it

and like okay you owe me eighteen dollars and twenty percent hey wait so women make thirty five percent right of what guys yeah so if you just should be something like that though it should be more i'll be like you guys get screwed i think it's more than 35% now. But I do think that splitting the check is just,

I don't even split the check when girlfriends. I'll be like, I got this one. That just me. Yeah, there's nothing worth it. Cause I have to get all sorts of different friends and different groups. And I hate going out with my cheap friends where the bill comes and I was like mulling over it.

I'm like, I'll pay for it guys. I'm not rich by any means, but this is embarrassing. Exactly, and I'll pay for it. Oh, it's like, oh, well, I do have a little drink. I mean, I get that because I'm not a big drinker and a lot of my friends are, but I'm not going to be like, I only had a glass of wine and you had six, 30 martinis. You know what I mean? I'm not that person. It's fun. We're out of dinner, whatever you're not going to die from paying a few dollars extra. So I actually disagree with that one. You know, you do there with those people is you

bring Dr. Drew Hang out with you. No one drinks. Really? Yeah That come on. I swear to God. No, he was at a party of mine He's been to a few of my parties. I have like little house parties in my backyard sometimes. Yeah, and Drew is great He comes out and I remember the first time I got a keg and the keg just sat there in the sun No one touched it until Drew left, but he drew I went out with him in his way He was the only one drinking at the fucking party It was just Dr. Drew and I drinking. Oh my god. I went out to dinner with him in his wife and he finished my dirty martini Because I can never finish a drink. How's that? Try not to say that was that just spittle at that point

Maybe he's got a spittle drinker. He's not like a drunk. No, he's not a drinker But that's hilarious. They'll have wine sometimes doctors Jews there. We better all be sober Okay, the next one is you'll find love when you least expect it. You know, people say that to you. It's okay, you haven't found anyone yet, but you'll find when you least expect it. And the problem I have with this phrase is that it's kind of like that,

everything happens for a reason, whenever I stress about things, which is probably 16 times a day. And so, I was being modest at that. I think since you've been here. I was since I've been here. It's like, you trust me out. But no, but what I'm kidding, but what I'm saying is that is that the only appropriate response this article says this is vice is that people disagree with you that this is the worst is vice they say it encourages women to sit back and let their lives pass

by them without going forward they truly want. Which is basically the opposite of the take charge attitude many women aim to cultivate. Just like every other goal in your life, you need to invest time and energy and knowing exactly what you're looking for. You need to learn the necessary skills required to make it happen. You need to practice those skills. You can learn from your mistakes.

And you ain't going gonna get your dream job when you least expect it and you're not gonna track your dream man when you least expect it, you need to go for it. Now, here's, I agree and I disagree with this. So, I do believe that when you're not desperately looking for someone, I believe if you're one of these,

you were like desperately out there and I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, you're not gonna find it. It's probably because you want it so bad and you might be putting out like a desperate vibe and I get trying, I'm trying, I'm trying, you're not going to find it. It's probably because you want it so bad in me, you might be putting out like a desperate vibe and I get like it'll happen when it happens. But I don't think that that advice says you should just lean back and just wait for it to come down the chimney or you're Mr. Wright's going to fall down the goddamn chimney. I think I think it translates as when you're not looking for it, it's going to fall on your

lap. Right. Which is usually the, which is the case often and it's because people can smell desperation on other things. Right, exactly. So if you're like, I'm constantly dating and this is my agenda, I think that, so I think that if you're still living your life and you're doing the things that you're passionate about and you're talking, you're going out and you're being social, and you can let

your friends know your single, maybe they'll set you up. I mean, you can do all the things that let people know that you're single and start talking to guys and if your guys are talking to women, which is I just tell everybody that if you a lot of men and women, if you're about talking to members of the opposite sex, I'm like, just say hi. To start practicing talking to them when you're standing in line for whatever, when you're walking down the street together and you'll get into the practice of just meeting people. And so I think that it could still have

when you're not looking for it, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still actively be a social member of society and open yourself up to meeting new people, other men or women. That's why I think about that. But this advice kind of reminds you of two things that is the first thing is,

oh, everything happens for reason. And the other thing the people say is annoying, like karma, he'll get back what he deserves. Like if a guy dicks you over or whatever I'm like really can someone send me an email when that happens because I don't know that I don't doesn't make me feel better it's one of those comforting things but that's one of those things you just kind of hope for yeah like I hope he gets right over by truck just kidding less the whole the whole term karma is all about the afterlife there's nothing to do with this life people misuse it all the time oh is it it's really, yeah, exactly.

I'm like, how the hell am I doing these? I mean, I hope these are in hell, but, you know. I do hate that everything happens for a reason. Don't you? Every time I see somebody who's old and cold and alone, I'm like, what's the reason for that? Exactly, because they weren't out talking to people, making friends and kids there.

Because they were sitting around waiting for it to just fall in their lap. Exactly. So there's some things like that about me, but I've been known to say it, but it bugs me. But I really like what you said about just being into your, uh, into your own thing. And not just for guys, but for girls too, like being into your career, not to the point where Emily is where she has no time for anything else, but being into your own like stuff and like having passion and, and, and doing that.

And, uh, all the social stuff, including the love stuff, will follow because you'll have like confidence and you'll be into something and moving forward and people will be attracted to that. Exactly. When you're doing something that you love and you're truly passionate about something in life, people will be attracted to that. When I'm wallowing and not doing that or back into my past, I still had people, but they were also drug addicts and, you know, it wasn't really a good match necessarily. Really? You were drug addicts? We were just feeding off of each other's bad habits. Exactly. So you want to surround yourself by positive like-minded people who raise the bar, who raise your bar. So take a look at your, this is just a thing

that you just said, take a look at your social sort of now. Like are you hanging out people that you admire that you can learn things from or are they bringing you down? Because sometimes we surround us with people that are comfortable or like old friends, we can't really detach from but we've nothing common anymore. So you know just take a look at that. Make sure you're surrounding yourself with like-minded people and people that maybe even are aspirational. Okay, in other sects, the new story survey, there are only 91 eligible bachelors for every 100 single women. I don't know about that, but okay, I think it depends on the city, but

just talk to me or any of my durable, successful, fun, single friends. We'll tell you that there is a man drought going on. Seriously, it's like the pool of manure marriage material have evaporated faster than, well, water in California. We are on a drought now. But now there is actually empirical evidence to back up the favorite girls' night topic of conversation. According to a newly released results from the latest Pew Research Center Census analysis, which must be true, there are only 91 elder on my computer that may look a bit cute. We're sure a lot.

Before we even get a date with one of those remaining in this endangered species, there is really a sort of men who are husband material. Of course, this stack comes from the admission that most women, 78% in the never married category, 25 to 34 age bracket covered in the report, consider eligible to mean that he has a job and a number of employed men is on the decline. I'm getting lost. Me too. There's so many numbers going on. Okay, so it says that this,

the never married age bracket, which is 25 to 34 covered in the report, the word eligible is how they're finding eligible bachelors. They consider that to mean a guy who has a job and the number of employed men is on the decline. So, you could find an unemployed guy. I guess that what they're saying is- We're gonna China, because there's like tons of news over there. No, maybe he hasn't had a job this week,

or maybe he has a trust fund. No, I don't know. Okay, don't marry the trust fund guys. Only if he's really passionate about like his art or something. Oh God, no, worst. Why? Well, at least he's doing something like that. I love my art man. Yeah, but a shitty art,

you wanna be an artist if you wanna trust fund me. I just my part, man. Yeah, but a shitty art, you want to be an artist if you want to trust fucking people. I just don't want to judge anyone. OK, and heaven help if you actually hope that your man might be tall or have hair. OK, so actually there is anything about height or lack of hair on the study, but you get the point. The report is saying that women can't afford to be out

of that picky because they're in the minority. And I don't think this is true at all. It's rather fascinating that women are in a rage of employment, even higher on the list for what they wanted. OK, I don't believe any of this. I think this is the story. I believe that statistically it might be true. You don't believe in it. I don't believe in it. I don't believe in any of these stories. This is a fear-based study, like most studies. And I think that we live

in a fear-based culture. For example. Wait, who published that study? Let's say the Pew Research Center. It's like, you know, it smells bad. Yeah, the Pew. No, they're like a very renowned, you know, polling place. Pew, P-E-W-E-F-E-U, you've heard of Pew, no? Yeah, I've heard. What app? So the point is, a Pew, is that I say?

That's a Pew. It's the research center. So the point is, is that people always hear these stories, like, OK, first of all, when I moved to San Francisco after college, everyone said, it's the most expensive city in the country. It's the worst year to find a job. College graduates can't find a job. Like people are always trying to like bring you down with like numbers and studies and I've never believed in any of that. I've always believed

that like I will I will find a job. I will move there. I will figure it out or like when I want to make my documentary, everyone's like, there's enough. I was thinking about you just today. Why? Why? Because when I was working on one of my short films and it's just hell, it's just hell on earth. I mean, there's just constantly an issue. And I was thinking I was trying to imagine you in that scenario, in that, uh,

minefield of filmmaking. And I enjoyed, uh, fantasizing about young freaked out angry but driving forward Emily. Oh, I was the same. I was like, it's like, see how they run, which is my documentary, which you can get it on Netflix. That's like, yeah, it's on there. Is that it was a mini, it was four years, not 10 years, but it was a mini sex with Emily. I was upset. I shot 156 hours of footage. I edited it for two and a half years, down to 56 minutes, because it was on PBS, which was great But I never made a film to know what the hell I was doing, but everyone told me don't do this

This is stupid. There's other political films, but I don't listen to that because people always whenever you have a new idea Or something new you want to try there's gonna be like 10 people telling you what you shouldn't and nine out of those 10 people Nine out of 10 people were probably he you shouldn't. And nine out of those 10 people, nine out of 10 people were probably he'd their warning and not just never do it. That's why people don't trust in life. What makes you, what makes you, who you are, like in that sense?

Right, when people, why did I do that? Yeah, you trying to prove something to daddy or I mean, what's the, what's to do? Oh, me, why am I so driven? Yeah. Because I just don't, honestly, as nothing do with that, it's just I've always been driven. I've always been like, if you tell me I can't do,

well, I was already doing it. So it wasn't like someone said, you should never make a film. And I did, I just don't believe what people say. And it's actually, I just like, I've never believed like the calm wisdom because I've always felt, and I don't know where this comes from. From a very young age that I can do whatever that anything I put my mind to, I will succeed at. And that where there's a world to I will succeed at and that

Where there's a world as a way and I have a will just like sex when I started sex with Emily this podcast There wasn't even pot no one even listening about cast. They're like what do you know about sex? Like who's gonna why you doing this? Are you sure you what you're going from political career? Where you're very established and respected to sex like ever even my boss who's a senator took me out And she's like are you sure I read this article in the paper You really want to be a said. I don't care. I just feel like you know it I'll make it I'll make it happen and moving to San Francisco I didn't know anybody now one person and I wanted to work in politics and I volunteer I was an intern for a bar or boxer

Every single day for six months unpaid. I just showed up every day and I wait for a sit-night and I ended up getting at a 52 interns. I was one of two who got a job working for because I worked my ass off and I showed up and I knew that. I knew the work ethic. I know how hard you have to work. And so I believe if you work hard and you believe in something that you got to go for and everyone's going to tell you why you shouldn't. And I don't know where the hell it comes from because my parents never had any rules. They couldn't care. You know, they were so selfish and into their own lives that they the hell it comes from because my parents never had any rules they couldn't care

you know they were so selfish and into their own lives that they weren't like hard on me they didn't like it my great it's all me being my own parent being hard on myself where do you think it comes from I don't know I I have like 15 20 percent of Emily and me and I I would appreciate I'm the kind of guy who walks down the street and like sees overpasses and thinks I could sleep there if I had to. Really? When I lose everything, I'll be okay.

Really? That's a good feeling. No, it's a terrible feeling. I'm always considering being homeless because I think that's a real possibility. Okay, but I thought it was a more positive thing, even if it doesn't work out, at least I'll have an overpass to sleep on. It's like I'm always thinking about my bottom. You're thinking about how it's really possible to leave right around the corner?

Oh my god. OK, and I've done that too. It's true, because I have struggled a lot. Like financially doing sex at Emily, I was like, good homeless sex out of that bridge there. I know, right. Good homeless sex, it's that. I can see I can still have some good homeless sex, I bet.

But no, that is a very negative. But you're doing it anyway, but then you have these negative thoughts that are defeating. And we all have defeating thoughts. And I just say you got to replace them with the positive thoughts and keep driving, but don't get me wrong. This has been like, I mean, sex only 10 years. I mean, people, I don't know, people know this. Like I literally started my living room as just an idea to help people. I thought, I, everyone I'm talking is like, the best sex last night or my relationship or relations were falling apart

or whatever it is. I'm like, I don't understand how people are like, what makes a good relationship and what makes good sex. And so I just, I was just curious. And after being a documentary filmmaker, which I never wanted to do that again, I thought I'll just end every people because that was my favorite part of the documentary. But it really was just a hobby. I didn't, I didn't know that it was a career, but I love doing it so much that it took me about, you know, it's 10 years now, seven years to figure out how to make a dime, but I kept going. I got your education.

I got my doctorate. I did it. But there's still days where I'm like, F this, but you know, life is hard, but you keep going. Yeah. So that's what you do. But no, okay, we're going to get your emails in a second, but now I have a word from my sponsors, which by the way, help keep this show free. So speaking of money.

Okay, but this is my favorite. Good vibrations. Okay, you know how much I love GoodVibes.com, and it's not only because they carry all the best sex toy brands, because they do. Because my next thing we go back to is a story about a woman who burned herself on a bad, and a really bad vibrator. So, goodvibes.com, they only carry the best products, their body-safe materials, you can go to sexwithm.com, click on the goodvibes banner and you can see my store of every toy that I've tried and tested and I recommend. You can get the vibratex, they have this amazing like the new rabbit, like the old rabbit. If you still have an old one, get rid of it, get the new one. They have

the Dalya, which is kind of like a rabbit. It's like insurmable with little fluttering things on your clitoris. The butterfly kiss is great. You can get the wee vibe tango. I keep, I kept hung at the tango for a while, but I meant tango because it's my new favorite. And I just thought you should all know that it's the most powerful, F in little bullet vibrator that you'd love, or my new favorite Uber Loop. It's the best loop ever.

And go to sexloving.com, click on the good vibes banner to see my favorite toys, and use coupon code Emily. I would totally appreciate that. And speaking of toys, hey, fleshlight. Number one sex toy for men for a reason and the only one you want. Because it actually simulates a feeling of having sex anytime, even

when you don't have a partner. And you know what, using your hand after a while, I've talked to guys and they're like, oh my god, it does feel like a vagina. And I love it. And it's amazing. And I'm not saying you have to use it every time, but it's a way to mix it up. And plus, if you want to last longer in bed they have the fleshlates stamina training unit that helps you practice lasting longer while you're masturbating to become a better lover and have mind-blowing orgasms. I've never given one to a guy, I've given to a lot of friends who have said anything negative. In fact they all love it and obsess about it. So it's body safe and it provides variety and just check it out. I mean, every woman's got a vibrator, so every mansion have one of these. Go to sexofemely.com, click on the flashlight banner. Also, my Madison, who works with me, she wrote a great blog about it on sexofemely.com, called My Boy's New Toy.

It's really good, really funny. Okay, so now, back to the story about the porn star who's vagina almost blew up using a bad vibrator. And then we're gonna get into emails. They call it the Michael Jackson. Okay, so the vibrator shoots off sparks during a sex scene and it burns a porn star. So a popular porn star said sparks flew out of a toy

she was using in a California video shoot, burning her hands and yearly scathing her generals and it turns out it was one of these fake they make these fake magic ones like you know the magic wand the one that's back the patent magic wand that everyone loves and it was like a fake cheap one from China and she like sparks flying like her vagina it wasn't for like the shoot like fourth of July no no like she heard herself it was inches from her generals and she suffered minor burns to her hands and so it's

problem so that's why she's saved the vagina. She saved the vagina. Yeah, I've done it. Okay, let's get into the females here. All right. This is what it got for you. This is about having a repetitive sex life. I know you guys, you don't understand that you got to wrap your brain around this.

Hi Emily, huge fan of your show and advice. I've been in a relationship with whom I believe is the one for 23 months now. Lately, the last three months or so, our sex life has become very repetitive. I cannot get my man to do any foreplay or switch sex positions. Yet, he says our sex life is perfect.

It's just that perfect for me. I'm always initiating sex, trying to do foreplay. His foreplay consists of rubbing my arm shoulder and minimal making out and then straight to the action. I tried to switch up positions throughout but he won't budge. When I bring it up to him then I need more foreplay to actually get turned on. He takes offense to that and assumes that he doesn't turn me on. I've explained to them this is not what I meant, but he feels he's not turning me on. I'm at a loss what to do here.

Can you please help me before it's too late? Thank you. Christina in Wyoming. OK, Christina, here's the deal about talking your partner about sex. Is that? I actually just wrote a blog about this as well. I write for Patty Stanger, who's the millionaire matchmaker, and her website is called Patty Nose,

and I wrote a blog called How to Talk About Sex to Get the Sex You. How to Talk About Sex to Get the Sex You Crave from your partner? And so I always get asked this question, and so here's the thing. The thing that's happened with you, Christina, is that it's the way you say it, it's tone. If you say, I want this, I want that. And Anderson,

you can pipe up here. I think he's feeling like I'm messing up. I'm not pleasing her. I'm a failure. I don't want to take feedback. And I think you have to be really careful by speaking in negatives and what you don't want. And you have to couch and like, I love our sex. Wow, when you go down on me, it feels amazing that last time at amazing orgasm. I mean, whatever it is, you've to like state it in more a positive way than nagging about what you're not getting. I feel like rubbing the arm and making out. It's not bad. Yeah, I know, but it's the way that she says it to him because now she says to him

Every time she talks to him when I bring it up. He gets to he says he takes offense and assumes he doesn't turn me on Yeah, and guy knows how she says it And I think sometimes you don't use words sometimes you're always talking about communicating But I think maybe like if he starts to try and do the act Maybe she like does a little like coley like no, no, no, I should do this and you don't kind of guide him That's what I just guide him because what happens is men walk in the room and they go right to our vagina and on zipper pants and We are no near ready turn on we are not even thinking about sex that so we actually For play isn't a suggestion. It's not like a light. Hey, we just drive for but it's a requirement guys So you got to understand that that she's not saying she's's not happy, that she just told me you're the one, but your sex life, your sex life needs to be desired.

So what was that? Your sex life, her sex life needs something to be desired. So we get into ruts and then we walk away from relationships, but there are ways to talk about it. So whether it's something you're wanting, but not getting or something you're getting, but not wanting, having the sex talk talk can be nerve-wracking and somewhat uncomfortable.

But when it's done right, I'm reading paraphrasing from my blog, having an honest conversation helps your sex life doesn't have to be awkward or negative experience. So first, know what you wanna talk about. Before you even bring it up, what do you wanna accomplish? Do you want more sex, less sex, more forplay, different foreplay? What is your goal? So then you can make sure the conversation doesn't fear, of course. And also timing is everything. Sex topics, I've said

that's a million times, don't do it in the bedroom because that's just a buzzkill. That's a boner kill. You really want to do it like, you know, next time you guys are on a road trip together, like if you're having breakfast, don't do it right before for sure or during or after. Do it another time. It's like, hey babe, that was so fun. I keep thinking about it the other night. Oh my God, I had crazy orgasms and you know it would be so fun next time. Something something and then you have the conversation. What do you think of that Anderson? Depends on her tone. Well, the next thing is sense the tone. Depending on the problem you're addressing and the nature of the relationship and your tone should match the nature

of the talk. Is this playful about something you want to try? Or is it more serious? You have to be sensitive to your partner's feelings because if it's difficult for you to talk about it's probably not easy to hear either. So I always think that you want to keep these sex conversations playful and light and fun. Not like I've really been suffering because you haven't been performer all sex and I haven't been orgasm and tune at fear. I mean, you want to be like, wow, there's a lot of fun things that we can do together. Like we've already had so much stuff. I think sex should be expansive. Let's try this. How fun would this be? Make it like a fun thing, you know? Keep it positive. Accenture the positive. Please the emphasis on what they're doing right.

If they're knocking something out of the park, let them know. And always, always, always, no matter what the conversation you use, I statements that you want to blame. You never do this. You never do that. It's like, I feel so good when you come home and make out with me and kiss my neck. That really turns me on. Are these two married? No, but she thinks he's the one in the making of 23 months. I mean the arm and the kissing things pretty good. I don't know if that really happens after the marriage all lot. What? But he put the, but he probably like, it was probably a two second thing. He kissed her and lips touched her arm and stuck his penis inside her Guys are guys are pretty simple. I mean he's probably gonna do whatever you need him to do

Especially if you guys aren't married. I feel like she's also leaving out a big piece I feel like he's mad at her for something. No, like there's just something very simple and like a smoking gun type thing Like he just never goes down on her and maybe if that is the case and she didn't feel comfortable riding that to you But I feel like that's the missing piece. Yeah, maybe. You know, I mean, I'm telling you, and that's a really tough one because I might have told you this before, but I actually had to have that conversation with the guy I was eating for a year. Was he black? No, no. In fact, that's been refuted so many times. I know. And they say Jewish girls don't like in blow jobs. That's not true, either. Well, you make up for.

I make up for every Jewish woman on the planet because I like giving blow jobs. But here's a thing. Wait, what did you just say before that role sex? Oh, okay, so it's day in the sky. And never perform role sex on me. Like, and if he did, it was like those weak, like his tongue would flap for like three seconds.

And I'd be like, we could have, you could have gotten me water or something at the time because that did nothing for me and now you want to stick it in. So I finally said to him once we were on vacation, we're having a few drinks here in Santa Barbara and I said we're you know I think I had a dirty martini which is like my one drink, I've won dirty martini I'm drunk and I said so listen babe, but I'm wondering like about oral sex, like do you know, we have a lot of sex and I love it. It's so fun. We want oral sex.

I feel like maybe that's something that you're not that into and I'm curious, is it because maybe you like don't like it or you're not sure if you're doing it right because I'd be happy to give you feedback. And he's like, you know what? I just don't like it. It's not my thing.

And I said, check please. And I thought to myself, you're not my thing. Check please. And that was it. You should have said that. I know, really. But it was so like a year. I'm like yelling.

I'm talking to my friends about it. I'm not communicating about it. And I got my answer. It's not a thing. And you know what? Wait, you spent a year. Yeah. It was a long distance relationship how much longer in Santa Barbara with them for after the longest three days of my

life no oral any sex at all then I think you're so obvious no I think we had zero sex the rest of the trip and it's funny because right now we're still we're very close to one of my best friends this This was years ago, but no, not as these, it gets just not my thing. And I think a lot of guys don't like vaginas. You ever set them up with friends of yours? You don't like that much? No, no, no.

And you know what, not every woman likes oral sex being performed in art. I like don't. So he could find a woman who doesn't like oral sex and they'll be lived perfectly happy. They'll live the rest of their lives together. But they're faces, face to face, and away from each other's crashes. Yeah, women, rest of their lives together. But their face is face to face and away from each other's crashes.

Yeah, we hear women on love line calling all the time they don't like it. So whatever. They're usually multi orgasmic. That's true. That's too ticklish for them. That's too ticklish and that's fine. And he should find a really ticklish woman

who has multi orgasms and they'll be really happy. Okay, dear Emily, me and my girlfriend are very sexually connected, but I like imagining her with another girl and getting her to degrade imagining her with another girl and getting her to degrade me by saying another girl's name and why she's sexier. My girlfriend refuses to do it, but it gets me off. Also, this is a lesbian couple.

I really want to try a threesome, but she thinks the sex better just be me and her. How can I spice things up and get her into it? Or do you have any other suggestions in the King Department? Thank you, Josie. Okay, so first of all, it's tricky to talk your partner into having a threesome if they don't want it. It just is. Now, you could, there's a lot of female like friendly porn you could watch. I don't know if you've ever done that about kinking it up. Good vibrations has this amazing program. Again, on my website, click on Good Vibes after dark. And you can buy it by the minutes, like porn by the minutes,

but it's all like female friendly, porn at all, every kind of porn, they've hundreds of thousands of things, but they have porn that's just for certain scenarios, and it's all like really good porn. And you guys can watch something together and say, hey, is that something you'd want to try? I would also talk to her about what her fantasies are.

It's like she's knocking down your fantasies and she's not so into them. But maybe you could, because the thing about sex is that I think it should always be expansive. We should always be learning and growing and changing and expanding, because that's when sex gets bored. Boring. So I would ask her, like, have that conversation about,

well, what do you think about when you masturbate? Or what do you, you know, what have you always wanted to try? And so make it like a two-way conversation because, you know, see what she's into. And like, don't pressure into it because the more you bring it up, I want to through some. So when's that through some? When's that through some? We all know what happens, right?

When someone nagged you about something, we don't want to do it. So, you know, I think that there's other ways that you could, you could try role-playing. I'm telling you people laugh at me, but like it works. Like get dressed up, play different people. How would that work? I don't know they can just. Okay. You're not suggesting that they role-play into a threesome. No, but they come out one door and then goes around the other door and like, they meet a bar, they pick each other up. I don't know. Sexy stranger game you know iced tea and his girlfriend Coco

yep they still together I don't know but I know I don't know they're on love line years ago talking about how they role play like they hardcore over my friend Chicago does it she's like I should open the bar I gave him a different name it was so they've been together 12 years she's like it was so hot like you get into that like he dropped her off like in a bad neighborhood and like drive away. And then he come back. He come back like 10 minutes later.

Talk her into his car. Yeah. That's, and people think that's crazy, but just do it. You might laugh, you might giggle at first, but do something a little bit different. You can also use, you know, a sex toy, you know, kind of a threesome with a, with a, a,

a bad or a operated boyfriend or whatever girlfriend, in this case. Um, but, but I understand like also that the fact that, okay, so she refused to do it. The part about degrading her by saying other girls, a lot of guys have that fantasy too. And I know it sounds really odd. You'd be like, why would you want to be degraded? It's kind of like cuckled in like guys who want to watch their wives have sex with someone else, but everyone's got their fantasies. So I think the thing about this is, there's got to be some kind of compromise here, and maybe she'd be willing to do like the role play and see how that feels, and then maybe she'd be willing to do the real thing,

and then in turn, asking her what she's wanting to try. And if she, I feel like a lot of times women don't have answers to those questions, they're like, I don't know, I don't think about it. Our women, some women don't fantasize as much as men, so again, watching porn, reading a rata could together might give you some ideas stimulate the conversation how's that work like you read a paragraph and then she really how I used to have this boyfriend who actually used to be a

rata couldn't the bathtub we take bath together you guys laugh though no I was like you'd have to laugh because some of the writing is so bad no but it was good writing I don't know it's sexy it's hot the word when I was a kid when I was like 12 that's like all I some of the writing is so bad. No, but it was good writing. I don't know. It's sexy. It's hot. The world. When I was a kid when I was like 12, I was like, all I could get my hands on, like one summer. Oh, like the panelist form. Yeah.

I taught myself how to read that summer pretty good. Did you? That's how that was your incentive. I thought that I kind of got ahead of myself. And I was thinking they should have like whole programs for kids to teach, especially boys, teach them how to read with this erotic porn literature. That's actually not a bad idea if it wasn't sex. Feel like a baseball.

Puritans went up from. No, they would. They would. Puritans probably would have a problem. I'd show up to that class every day though. You did, you would. I would have. Yeah.

Or just make it more interesting for kids, and then they can relate to, I mean not porn. But yeah, I think reading, because also women like the brain is our most active sex organ that Hearing the words. That's why everyone's like love if you shade the gray or whatever it is trailer for that movie looks so I know I know I know you know they're gonna butcher it. It's never gonna be as good as everyone thinks Okay Another email from the people. Thank you again for emailing me feedback at taxa ma.com do your Emily I have a question. I hope you can answer. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year

and I've been living together for about three months. I'm going to school now full time and she is working full time. We are lucky to have sex once a week. She seems to have no drive and won't even bring up the topic of sex. I'm a little worried she might be getting satisfied elsewhere. Is that a reasonable worry?

I've tried to talk to her about it. She just always says she's too tired after work. And that doesn't explain the weekends. But she'll try to make a change in the future. There's never a change. What do I do? Thanks for insight, Garrett. PS, is it true that using a vibrator

makes it harder to climax in a traditional way? My girlfriend's climax, my girlfriend's climax is this sex quite well. I bought her a vibrator because I oftentimes go over a week without being able to see her. I don't want her to become preferential to her vibrator. Okay, so the first thing is, it's not unreasonable to worry that she's having sex elsewhere,

but I highly doubt it. The thing is that you've been living together now, what they've been together for Over a year and live together for three months. So moving in together It's kind of like I wish I had a graph you moving together Goes up exponentially and then your sex life can go down. Yeah, but after three months It seems pretty quick. I don't know who knows. He's working a lot. She's stressed and now here's a thing I doubt that she's having an affair. I mean unless you gave me 16 reasons why there's little suspicious things happening

in your life, like she's sending text late at night or something, I think that it could be her sex, her sexual desire or her sex drive. She might just not, you know, is she on the birth control pill? Is she taking any meds? Is she under stress? A lot of times when women and men are experiencing stress, they do not want to sex. You can probably relate to that, crap. No, I got this though. What?

Women are manipulative. Maybe she feels like she got them now. Maybe she was a freak before they lived together. Now that they're living together, she's like, all right, I can relax now. Really? So it's like the woman who gets married and stops giving blow jobs if you look at that.

Yeah. You think that's true? I know they exist, Yeah, I'm well aware I just don't understand these women really like you're gonna stop giving sexual pleasure because you got him You're not gonna keep them you got a lot Yeah, but here's a thing with maybe their name is both on the lease sex right exactly. She's like all right I get 50% of his income. He's a hard worker, but here's a thing Okay, sex does become troubling hard challenging relationships. I get it.

We're not meant to have sex the same way, the same vigorousness that we did at the beginning Vigorosity, I was gonna say, which is a really hard word. I don't think that's the word. I was gonna make it up But I really think that that you it's the kind of thing that you have to Talk you said she won't talk about it. That means the way that you're approaching it isn't working. So I think that you could probably try to just ask, or, you know, are there any things that you've been thinking about lately, any fantasy, any fantasies? Another great way to bring it up is say, what's the most memorable time to you that we've

ever had sex and see what she says? And then you'll know, well, she liked that because that was the time I was talking dirty to her or I took her on vacation. You have to figure out another way to have this conversation and you might need to, you know, get out of the house, couples, like, go away for the night if you can, give her a massage when you come home, work, make it about her. Again, I'm going back to foreplay relax her I think that when couples live together they just get they go they come home

She's she's you know on the computer or doing dishes. He comes home from work They're stressed and they sex is the kind of thing that you have to be in the mood for which is why when you're not living together You get ready you get excited to see each other you want to have sex but like when you're living together It's like, huh, so first of all, I would really, really medical things, but also give her a massage when she gets home, say, babe tonight is all about you and light one of my amazing Emily and Tony of Roma therapy massage candle, set the mood, draw a bath, give her a massage, say I just want to make this about you, I want to make it about your pleasure and massage her, triedajor, tried different room, a different place.

I also think that I doubt that she's getting sex elsewhere, especially if it was good before you moved in together. And so I think that what happens with sex is sometimes also you have to fake it till you make it. Now some people might disagree with me, like, oh, that's true. But the thing about sex is that, it's like when I always tell people to do the 30 day sex challenge,

like have sex every day for 30 days and then you'll want to have sex. It's kind of true. Like once you don't, and then I hope maybe she'll listen to this as well, is that you think you don't want it because there's so much going on, but once you start having it and you get into it, you're like, oh, this is good. I want to be into it. So that's why I think you've got to do your best to not maybe talking to her about it isn't working,

but do your best to not maybe talking to her about it isn't working, but do your best to turn her on. You need to do for play for an hour. Whatever it is, get her in the mood, figure out what cracks her code. I don't know your girlfriend, but if she's shutting you down from sex talk, I mean, I don't know what her upbringing is, but a lot of times just the straightforward, I want this. I want that she's also feeling like our first caller caller our first person who wrote in that it's the tone So if you're making her feel bad because she's not giving it up or you're making her feel bad because she's not providing you

She's feeling bad and she's not gonna want to do anything for you So that's why you need to figure out the code you guys it's a dance getting more sex and you're really Not again, it's not a game. Do not play a game. It is a dance. I got I you can might maybe try. Go. And it's worked for me in the past. Hand writing a letter. Oh, hand writing a letter. Leave it where it's you'll find it while you're out at work or where she'll be at home by herself or something. And ease that into it. Make that part of the letter, but don't make that all about the entire letter. So what was that? And maybe end the letter with all about the entire letter. So what was that? And maybe end the letter with a little surprise,

like a vacation or something like, or out of town for a night, something like that. That's really great. And then they could both work on it. Like a special little gift or something, like a special little giveaway, getaway, get writer word, exactly, write it out. That's a great idea.

Has that worked for you? It has, both sides of that, of gotten letters and I've written letters. And then you can also go back to the letter. So actually, if you, you know, show appreciate it because you're putting your, obviously, it means something to you. If you're actually hand writing it, don't type it up. Don't use a computer. No, don't emellor and don't text her. People don't write it. And write it. People don't write God damn emell. That's a great

thing. And make it good. Make a lot of positives. And also put in some of the concerns or things that you're worried about and you know make it about worried about losing the relationship because but and also if you're in the same situation you have to work on it now because it's only going to get worse the more that you let any of your sexual issues go travel carry on in a relationship the longer they last the more insidious they're going to get and the more trouble it's going to cause in your relationship so nip it in the button now and deal with it. Now that your second question your PS vibrator makes it harder to climax in a traditional way it's not

true there's never been any studies that have said you know I was could climax all the time during intercourse and now I use my vibrator and I can't. Like everything, it's always good to mix it up. Use a vibrator, you know, have sex, but I would not worry about this at all. And in fact, here's a great thing, Garrett, you bought her a vibrator? Why don't you use the vibrator with her? That'll get her turned on. And then you'll probably get some sex after that. Okay, one more email, real quick.

On the topic of sex appeal, dear Emily, I'm overweight, and it seems when I'm talking and flirting with women, everything's going well. They laugh, they blush, they joke back, and we seem to hit it off. But when it comes to moving forward, nothing ever happens. So I'm guessing that my weight is the big issue.

Is there anything to overcome that? Or am I pretty much out of luck until I can get all the weight off? Thanks, James. Okay, James, this is like the same thing I hear from guys who are like, I don't have enough money, I'm too short, I'm fat on this, I'm that, on this, on that.

Women are not thinking that. It's you who's thinking that and you're perpetuating that because you don't have the confidence. You say that like everything's going well until it's time to move forward and it's your confidence. Not like they're all of a sudden looking at your belly.

It's confidence. It's the sexiest thing that anyone could wear. It's the number one Afro-Dijac on the planet. And you should spend your time right now cultivating confidence whatever that means for you, James. I don't think you should stop going out with women until you lose the weight. That's like that whole future tripping thing.

Like, well, once I get the car, the job, the, the, then I'll be happy. You're not gonna be getting all the girls just because you lost weight. That's like that whole future, you know, tripping thing like, well, once they get the car, the job, the, the, the, then I'll be happy. You're not going to be getting all the girls just because you lost weight. I promise that's not the reason. What you can do is start working out because that helps you feel more confident and you get the endorphin rush. Cocaine too. Dude. Cocaine makes you confident and lose weight.

Yeah, and psychotic. That's true. That's the bad side. But don't put your dating life unhold and and do you know But keep putting yourself out there be funny and sweet and I think that maybe you're going your baby You're putting yourself in the friend zone or you're the jokie guy But I would be sooner than you think feels right. I'd make the move towards that girl I'd be like hey when we going out like I want to see you Saturday night Do that little like a grash and they let it be known that you're not the friend jokie guy

But you want you want these girls. So I think it has to do with your approach and you're not falling into the friend zone. Whether it's anything to do with your weight because I'm telling you, I know a lot of guys, you're overweight, have no job and they're dating like totally hot women and good relationships because it's all about confidence. So you've got to work on that, right Anderson? I mean, Anderson, you got a girl. I did. I finally landed one. Yeah. Yeah, because you're confident. No, Anderson, you got a girl. I did, I finally landed one, yeah. Yeah, because you're confident. No, Anderson.

There's a fine line, too, because I always get called for being cocky, and I'm not a cocky guy at all. Sometimes you, if you put up, you're giving me a look. I get a look like some, I don't see it, because I freaking love you. I can't figure out the difference between confidence and cocky, and I'm not overly confident, so maybe I'll overcompensate and come up as cocky.

I guess it's when you have like a disregard for someone I guess it's cocky is more like I'm better than you and confident is more like better not be that because that's not me at all unless I'm better than you and then that's definitely me. I don't know that's a very fine line we'll have to dress that on the next episode of cocky versus confidence. That's actually a good title for a show. Everyone listen here's a deal. I do two shows a week, and if you subscribe and iTunes, you can easily get them and you never miss a show. But I also want to hear from you,

if you've been listening for a while, which shows do you like, what don't you like? Are there any guests you want to have in the show, any top-exceiving covered? Email me. I love hearing from you. I read all your emails, follow me, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, make me so happy.

And rate us an iTunes if you love us, or even if you hate us. Well, if you hate us, don't bother. iTunes if you love us or even if you hate us Well, if you hate us don't bother, but if you love us good iTunes and Anderson check out his podcast after disaster and the film vault Yeah, the film vault this week we're doing my favorite episode of the year top Fall preview the most anticipated movies of the fall winter Season which are always the best movies of the year. Okay,. Okay, so check that out. Thank you, Anderson. I love you. And thanks, everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily.

Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithendily.com. Everyone, thanks for listening to the show. So if your sex life is having a drought, just like the state of California right now, guess what's going to help an aromatherapy massage candle. Because not only do candles set the mood, which we all know they do, they an aromatherapy massage candle. Because not only do candles set the mood, which we all know they do, they're aromatherapy and they smell amazing and they're relaxing.

And thing is, if you've never heard of a massage candle, it looks like a regular candle. So people are like, what, a little like a vibratory? No, they're beautiful candles from France, maybe with the best ingredients. And this is why you need a massage. This is why you need a massage candle. Because massage relaxes your partner. It gets them in the mood. And then it turns into the most warm, luxurious massage oil. It's not hot. It's not waxy. It's not sticky. And you pour it on your partner. It doesn't burn them. And it gives them the most most amazing massage. It relaxes. She or he becomes putty in your hand,

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