Sex With Emily - Get Your Masters in Masturbation

Episode Date: March 6, 2021

Your masturbation class is in session. In today’s episode, you’ll learn the health benefits of self-pleasure and how it helps you not only reduce stress but elevate your mood. It's also a gateway to understanding your body, boosting your self-esteem, and giving you some serious pleasure.I answer your questions about how to try masturbation when you never have, which sex toys to use, and the magic of mutual masturbation. I get into the tricky relationship between shame and fantasy and discuss how often you should masturbate in a relationship—it’s probably more than you think!For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing. It's really hot because watching your partner masturbate, it's sexy as hell if you haven't done that. But also, it's educational, because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them on specifically. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a bygone day. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

You all know how I feel about the magic of self-love. Well masturbation has many health benefits, but you're going to hear about in this episode plus it's a gateway to some serious pleasure and an excellent opportunity to understand your body. That said, there are so many ways to increase your pleasure and explore new ways to play with yourself. So today, I've break down your questions about self-pleasure, including how to do it when you never have,

what sex toys to use, what to do if you find yourself becoming reliant on a toy. We also get into the relationship between shame and fantasy and talk about how often to masturbate while in a relationship and it's probably more than you think. Intentions themally. For each episode join me in sending intention. Right now, what do you want to get out of this show? It could be, I want to improve myself loving routine. I'm tired of hitting it in the same way. Well, my intention is to help you feel comfortable

with your own self-love routine and figure out new ways you can give yourself the gift of pleasure. Oh, also, we've spent great masturbation articles. Try this one out on our website, the best masturbation techniques to try to night, or check out our articles about mutual masturbation at sexwithmly.com.

All right, enjoy the show, everyone. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Let's talk about masturbation verminic. Just because masturbation is something that I encourage, I know that a lot of you either are bored with your masturbation routine. You still have some challenges around it. You know, maybe you grew up in an environment

where it wasn't accepted, or maybe you don't love that your partner masturbates, but you don't masturbate, which is when I think you need to masturbate. But let me just remind you some of the basics here before I go in and answer your questions. There are health benefits to masturbating. It releases sexual tension.

It reduces your stress. It can help you sleep better. It improves your self-esteem and your body image. I mean, once you learn how to give yourself an orgasm and what feels good, you look at a mirror, all the things, you're gonna realize, like, my body's pretty amazing. It also relieves mental cramps and tension.

It can help strengthen your muscle tone and your pelvic and anal areas. It's a natural pain relief when you have an orgasm. So a lot of you need to say, though, why should I masturbate if I have a partner? Well, again, that's why those health benefits. And it's a way to stay connected with yourself. It literally is the ultimate definition of self-love. It's a very intimate experience with ourselves. We discover more things about ourselves. We can play. We can make it fun. We can spice it up and Just remember this just because your partner masturbates and they're with you does not mean that they are not into you

And they don't love you or they want something different It just means they need a release and it's part of connecting with themselves Also in this episode I mentioned the g-spot a few times and I just want to clarify that I believe it's more of a G area. I think the name G spot has got a lot of vulva owners worried that they are they don't have the spot it's in different place. I believe it's more of an internal, literal nerves because your clitoris has nerves inside. And also it was named after a guy named Grafenberg and we know that he didn't have a Volvo. So it's an area, have fun looking for other ways to orgasm rather than focusing on a spot.

Here's another thing. I asked on Instagram, I was like, how did you learn to masturbate? We put this in our stories, which is sex with Emily and you answered practice, porn, experimenting, trial and error. Accidentally, I was in middle school and just started feeling around for what felt good. Someone else said, I just started touching myself thanks to the Miss America pageant and mesh shorts.

Through reading dirty fan fiction when I was 14, apparently your podcast, I was a masturbation virgin. God, that happens. You really doing a podcast for 15 years and some of you grew up listening to this podcast, which is amazing. The internet, self-taught, the movie American Pie. My mom gave me a book about puberty. Accidentally in this shower when water pressure gave me an erection, I've heard that a lot.

A lot of accidental, incredible feelings with a shower head. I found a vibrating pen when I was 14 and used that. Here's another common one. I just started humping pillows. A lot of you answered that you were humping mattresses and used that. Here's another common one. I just started humping pillows. A lot of you answered that you were humping mattresses and stuffed animals. Someone else said Pilates. Make sense.

You're tensing your pelvic floor the whole time. I ordered a book behind my parents back and it taught me how. Love it. You just need jets in my hot tub. Watching blacks one. And someone else said, my therapist at 30 years old. I love when you talk to your therapist about sex.

Why don't you? All right, let's get into your email questions. This is from Joe Female 52 in Chino Hills, California. I've been listening to you for over a year now, and because of you, I've been thinking more about my needs. I've been married for 31 years, but with my husband for 37 years. We are parents to three adult children now.

We have a good sex life. I love him so much and enjoy pleasing him and giving him blow jobs every day, even twice if I'm lucky. Wow. He's also very generous with pleasing me. He's gone a lot because of work, so I'm alone a lot. I wanna try masturbating, which I've never done,

and I don't know how. I don't know where to start. Do I tell my husband? I feel a little embarrassed about doing that. You always talk about it and it makes me feel like I'm missing something awesome. Any advice for me? Thanks, Kent, wait to hear from you. Well, welcome to MasterBation Joe.

Yeah, no time like the present. First off, good news that you also have years of experience with your husband. You've had lots of great sex and I'm glad you said that he pleases you, so I'm assuming you already have orgasms and pleasure. And so you do know what feels good to you in relation to your husband's body, but now it's time to get out on your own. So I do have a little recipe here for you to get started. I always recommend taking a bath or shower and something to just kind of change your state.

So you're not going for work or whatever, whatever you're doing these days and stressed out, but get into your body. It's really hard to get started with masturbation just going like, now I touch myself, get into a bath. I mean, I would try these for you bath salts, I can't stop telling everyone about them because it has Epson and Himalayan salt, Kava, Kukau, hemp, and it really gets

your body relaxed and in the mood. But Joe, get yourself in the mindset where you're just going to start being present with your body, start to feel the warm water on your skin and scrub and just get into a different state. Set the mood as if you're going on a date, but it's with yourself. So what are all the things you would do before a night of sex? And I want you to give all of that to yourself. Then you can go into your bedroom or wherever you feel comfortable, turn off your phone. And what I want you to understand is that this is more about curiosity.

Without the goal of orgasm, it's more about what does it feel like to move your hands on your body? Something you've never done before. I recommend taking a mirror and taking a look and actually seeing how you look and look checking out your vulva and how you get aroused. You know how I feel about lube. Just experiment with touch and sensations. You could also use a vibrator.

But if you've never done it, I recommend just letting your hands figure out what feels good. I mean, you can probably also channel being with your husband and you probably know different body parts that feel good when stimulated, right? We have this muscle memory. But my main thing for you is just to give yourself 20 minutes. Just see how it feels to touch your whole body, your breasts. You can start with your labia moving your fingers up and down and around in circles. Sometimes a light tapping or moving in circular motions, like the pads of your fingers, just start to breathe too.

Breath is really important. Focus on how does it feel to be touched by your own hands? What is the sensation? Did you find yourself, again, still two in your head, I would just breathe deep, move your fingers around, is it a light tapping, circular motions, is there something else that feels good? And I think you should absolutely tell your husband.

I would think after 37 years, you guys have a close relationship and he would probably, since he's so invested in your pleasure, he'd probably be really excited that you're taking matters into your own hands. It's truly the greatest act of self-love. Okay, this is from K, 30 in California. Dear Dr. Emily, I've never orgasmed with a vibrator before, and that's about to change, but I have no idea where to begin. What should I consider when deciding which vibrator to buy? Is there something

that can do clitoris and G-Spot? I need help. God, I love a sex toy question. Welcome to the wonderful world of sex toys, Kay. Yes, there is something that's the internal spots and the Clitoris, and that would be a rabbit-style vibe, which is a dual stimulation vibe. You've never had a vibrator before, though. So I think that you should get two vibrators because I always recommend that we start with a glitter vibe. Starter toys that I always recommend is the touch and I love the tango. I love the jazoumimi.

But let me tell you why I love the touch. For example, it covers a lot of surface area. So while the tango is a great bullet vibe, probably the one of the most powerful bullet vibrators, which is a style of vibe, the touch covers your labia and not just your clitoris, but you kind of lay it over your entire vulva and then have the tip of it touching your clitoris and it's just, it's a wonderful vibrator. Touches all the spots, literally the touch.

So for internal though, you get the rave by Wevibe, which is an internal vibe, which also I called it the G-Spot GPS. But if you want to get a dual stem like a rabbit, then I would recommend their Nova 2. I actually am remembering this right now. Now that we're talking, my first vibrator, when I went to good vibrations 25 years ago, I bought a book called How to Find Your G-Spot, and I bought the original rabbit vibrator,

like the one with the batteries, the one that was on Sex of the City. And I realized I never used it because I just thought, yeah, might as well go for the G-Spot, because I thought it was superior, and I thought it was a whole thing. What I know now is that it really helps to have literal orgasms first.

And when your aroused, literally like your vulva and everything, it swells and it allows you to have an internal orgasm or a gspot orgasm much easier once you're already roused. So that's what I recommend. Also get some lube as long as you're getting some toys. I would recommend a water-based lube like pure because water-based lube is best for silicone toys.

You can't go wrong with one of these wee vibes. Alright, so this is from Kora26. Hi Dr. Emily, my question is regarding vibrators and sex. I have climax without a vibrator before, with just sex and literal stimulation. However, I was single for many years and used my vibrator a lot throughout my time being single. I have a boyfriend now, but from use of my vibrator, I don't seem to be able to go back to climaxing without one. Is there any way I can reprogram myself to climax without a vibrator now?

I love the vibrator. Don't mind using it. I just feel more connected with someone when I don't use it. So here's a thing, Kora. We have like a muscle memory. So it is likely true right now that that is how your body is remembering to orgasm. You know, they say if you're exercising a lot, like let's say you were lifting weights and you're doing the same routine every day.

Eventually, our muscles will stagnate. You know, they say you've got to mix up your routine and you know, cross-trained and all that. So that's exactly what's happening with your vibrator. Your body's used to it. You have your thing with your vibe. You know, exactly what you're doing. You're hitting and quitting.

So, much like having to stimulate different muscles grouped, stay in shape. You have to do this as well with your masturbation routine. So my recommendation is to start masturbating without a vibrator and start to get used to what it feels like with your hands again because your muscles also remember that. They're just more used to the recent vibrator. I know for a fact that if you actually give yourself permission, you take some time and you say, I might not orgasm this time, or maybe I won't bring in my vibrator for 10 minutes. I'm going to spend 15 minutes exploring again. I'm going to use some lube.

I'm going to look in the mirror, have sex am, I'm going to feel my body. I'm going to try something new with my partner, or maybe my mind is engaged with him. So maybe we're doing some dirty talk or some role playing, so you're really feeling connected to your partner and you're not so focused on your own orgasm. You might find that it just comes back. So I recommend a little bit of practicing on your own and trying something new with your partner

because when we are in mind mind some time is in your head and you tell yourself you can have the orgasm, sometimes that's actually what stops us from having it. They're not broken here and I know you'll get a backcora. This happens. The good news about this is now you get to learn other ways. You get to relearn your body or maybe learn something new with this new partner, which I always think is exciting.

Okay, this is from Drew 28 and Boise, Idaho. Hi, Dr. Emily, I just wondering if there's any other methods of masturbation for men outside of my hand. My wife would prefer me to not get a flashlight or pocket pussy. All right, Drew, for a lot of men, it does feel good. If you're gonna mix up your masturbation

and you're not gonna use your hand, well, you're gonna need something else to stroke your penis. And so maybe your wife doesn't like the idea of the fleshlight, which are often modeled after a vulva. Like, they're actually someone's real vagina on vulva. But I like the arc wave. The arc wave is a brand new product for penis is that it's a stoker, as they call it. And you put your penis inside of it and it starts to vibrate.

It actually uses the same kind of suction that you hear we talk about with the womanizer, and it stimulates the frenulum, and you put some lube in it, and it can feel amazing. So I would play with that. It's a brand new on the market. You could also get a penis ring, like the Wevi Verge is another one. So the thing about the Verge is great, is that it actually also stimulates your perineum, which is that sensitive area that's in direct stimulation to your prostate.

So the Verge is a really cool toy to play with and just sort of test out the vibrations and you can use it to stimulate yourself and you could also easily use it with your wife. I mean, here's the thing, if you have a penis and you've never tried vibrations or different kinds of lobes, maybe a warming loop or a cooling loop, I'd say it's time to try. There's so many nerve endings on your penis and we're also ready to go with doing the same thing over and over again. I love Drew that you want to try something new.

I also recommend switching up your position. He always uses your left hand, he uses your right hand. If you usually do it sitting down, you could try standing up, again, try some different loops and different sensations to play with. You could also try some maple plant yourself. Get a butt plug or get something by a narrow which is actually made for the prostate.

It's actually healthy to stimulate a prostate if you have one. Edging is also a way to mix up your masturbation routine, whether you have a penis or a vulva, but it's the process of stimulating yourself until you get close to orgasm, and then you bring it back down again. So you escalate, tell you about to orgasm,

and then you bring it back down. And this is the process of not allowing yourself just to orgasm, but to sort of stay in that area of arousal and stimulation. And the more heightened that becomes, the more times you go up and down with the arousal without orgasming. When you do orgasm, you can feel a lot more intense, a lot stronger. We have a downloadable guide about edging, and you can go to our website and check it out

at sexwithemily.com. Okay. This is from Lydia 23 in Nebraska. Hi, Dr. Emily. My name is Lydia. I'm 23, I'm a new masterbader and orgasmic experiencer. It's a new term I've coined. My boyfriend is 24 and I began experimenting with toys

two months ago. We just got a bullet, literal vibrator, and use it in the bedroom together on a vacation. I've never finished with penetration, but I think I've faked it a few times. I've taken to using the toy on my own and I've masturbated for the first time ever. I'm doing it every day, but I've read stories masturbating to often can negatively impact your sex life with your partner.

Any advice on balance? I'm his first girlfriend and he doesn't have a lot of confidence in the bedroom and doesn't particularly enjoy giving oral, so I hesitate to advise him on how to finish. Alright Lydia, here's a thing. I love that you're exploring that you got yourself a vibrator and you're playing with it. Masterbating too often, listen, it only becomes a problem when it's a problem. Can you no longer get turned on by your partner? Can you no longer do anything without your vibrator? Are you missing work because all you're doing is staying at home and masturbating? Like, that's when it becomes a problem problem But I wouldn't worry about the negative impact

But what I do like here is that what you said is your boyfriend doesn't have a lot of experience He's in his 20s you're in your 20s I think you could give him the greatest gift ever if you say I've been doing a lot experimenting lately And I know way want this to come across like I think I know more than you are better than you I've just been exploring my body and I want to show you this really cool thing that I've learned. Let me show you this toy. And maybe he could use it on you.

But remember, the only reason why, you know, he doesn't have a lot of experience, which I find with a lot of people in their 20s, because you just haven't, even if you've had sex with a lot of people, it doesn't mean you've experienced with a partner that is in a healthy place. You're giving and exchanging ideas and information and listening and helping each other.

You just said to me, Lydia, that you don't want to rock the boat. But you'll be doing them a huge favor, huge service to tell him about pleasure and let him see you have an orgasm. So he knows that it's possible. So I would recommend that. But also mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing to, I would recommend that, but also mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing to, I always recommend to couples where you're both masturbating,

so you're both doing your thing. It's really hot because watching your partner masturbate is sexy and seeing your partner in those are passion. It's sexy as hell if you haven't done that, but also it's educational, because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them ononspecifically. Does he put his hand on his balls?

Does he grab the shaft? What does he do? What kind of pressure? And then you could learn when you're going down in your partner and then he can learn what you like. So, oral will become more comfortable to him. But the reason why a lot of guys don't like oral is because they don't really know what they're doing, because they haven't been with a partner who either enjoyed receiving it or actually knew

how to articulate what they want. So if you can make this like a shared experience, Lydia with your boyfriend and you'd be like, hey, I'm excited to be exploring together and learning new things. Let's start with learning about my body together. That's what I recommend. This is from Rebecca 23 and Oregon. Hey, Dr. Amley, my name is Rebecca, and I'm a new listener to your podcast. After pursuing some articles on your frequently asked questions page, I have a question I

want to know more about. How can I overcome the roadblock of shame in masturbating? I grew up in a conservative Christian and a single parent household where sex, masturbation and men were either not talked about or demonized. Masturbation was seen as a sin, lingerie was gross, and sex, as described to you by my mom, is a way for women to be men's toilets. As a result, I've never solo masturbated. I'm currently married to an amazing, supportive, and sex-positive man with whom I've done

lots of sex learning and unlearning with. My sex drive has been very low since we got married because of major anxiety and busy schedules. My husband's encouraged me to try masturbating to increase sex drive and has bought me every kind of vibrator under the sun. I have self-pleasured during sex a few times with my husband, but I still cannot get myself to do it solo. I do believe masturbation is healthy and needed, but I still cannot get myself to do it solo. I do believe masturbation is healthy and needed, but I can't get myself to do it. It's like there's a huge wall that I just cannot overcome no matter what.

I desperately want to increase my sex drive. I think masturbation might be what's needed and the advice. Over back, thank you so much for your question. First off, I'm gonna help you here, but I think this is so relatable and so in people grew up at homes where sex was demonized and they were told it was wrong. And then when people grew up at homes where sex was demonized and they were told it was wrong,

and then they go out and try to have that healthy sex life. And it's really hard to get rid of all the messaging that you heard as a young child, and it becomes so part of who you are, and it's hard to separate it all. So just be kind to yourself and know that this is going to be a journey here. But what I love is that your husband is also encouraging you to explore

so that probably also helps, you realize it's not wrong. So you've got a battle here of your mind and your body. So what I would love for you here is to just start to you seem like you're a really good writer, I would kind of write about some of your earlier messages to sex and see do they still serve me, do I still believe them? Where did that message come from? And it sounds like you know this earlier messages to sex and see do they still serve me? Do I still believe them? Where did that message come from? And it sounds like you know this, but if you could really sort of write it down and realize does that still serve me?

Is that true? Getting rid of those messages around it and realizing that it really is not what you choose to believe. It sounds like you're there and it sounds like it's been fairly recent that you are learning that you deserve pleasure. So if let's say for 21 years, I don't know when you got married, but let's say you're 23, so I'm going to sue maybe you're 21. And maybe for 21 years, you've been hearing that sex is wrong and gross in your men's

toilets. It makes sense that you're not going to be able to switch on a dime to all of a sudden be in your body and be sexual and be masturbating. You have to undo a lot of that stuff, a lot of that messaging, which I'm glad that you realize is no longer serving you. And so I would replace some of that with some more education that helps a lot. I love that you're listening to the podcast. That's a huge, huge help for so many people. And the more that you fill your brain and fill your mind with sex-positive information,

more than your husband telling you it's okay. Got a lot of great blogs on the site, find some other sex-positive books, and more content that makes you feel more like yourself. So there's just layers of unlearning. I also recommend that you talk openly to friends that are outside of your, you know, not your family, sounds like you've talked to your mom and your husband, but I'll bet if you start talking to your girlfriends, they can tell you about maybe

some ways that they've masturbated or maybe they've overcome the shame. But the more we start to normalize sex, which is what my mission is, is to get everybody to talk about sex and to make it less taboo and less shameful, it can start with you getting in the practice of not just masturbating, but the practice of truly being a sex positive woman who respects your own needs and desires and

your own pleasure. And I think the more that you start to make sex information available to you and a part of your life, the old messaging will start to slip away. And you'll really be able to step into the Rebecca that you are meant to be as a fully empowered, sexy, incredible woman. Stick around. After the break, I talked to a woman who's wondering why she fantasized about her neighbors while she masterbates. Okay, we have a woman 55 in California. Hi female caller. You can be anonymous. What would your name be if you had your alter ego? I would say, um, acolytus. Acolytus. With God. I can't. It's a goddess. You are, you are ecolitis to me.

Tell me everything. I am ecolitis. I'm calling tonight because I 55 and I just had these young neighbors, young couple just moving next door to be probably about a year ago. And I find myself masturbating in the bathroom in the shower when I know that they're home. It's weird. Well, what do you mean? So you masturbate in the shower and they're home and they can hear you like hear you masturbating

or you're... So here's a thing. So, you know, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom just naturally. I like to pay, I like to shower, I do candles the whole thing, right? But since they moved next door, I find myself spending a lot more time there with music and candles. And I'm not super, super loud, but I notice I always kinda check

to see if the car is there and then, you know. Yeah, I don't think they needed to. They think it's more. They don't even stand out loud. I think that's really, like so, no, I love that you're calling it because we all have rich fantasy lives. If we don't, we got to get some because this is it.

So are you thinking about them or maybe you're thinking about them hearing you or are you thinking about like, are you in the bathtub? I'm in the bathtub most the most time. And then I used to bring my my tool in the bathroom with me and then I'll start. But I notice as I start to masturbate, I'll fantasize about the two of them hearing me. And I don't get super, super loud, but once the orgasm starts, I don't really care about the sound.

So I hope I'm not being loud. I don't think I'm being loud at least. Well, I'll be inspiring that. Maybe you're a little bit of foreplay for that. Maybe they hear your orgasm and that turns them on. I'm kind of hoping, yeah. Let's see if they complain, but I think that that's really healthy. I think that you are keeping sex top of mind. Do you know what you need?

It's self-care, taking a bath, setting the atmosphere, may play music, lighting a candle, and giving yourself pleasure, and bringing it, having a rich fantasy life around your neighbors, and they're hearing, or not, it's all good. I feel like, like, ladies, it's time to go find the other toy now. So, wait, wait, can we back up for a minute? What is the tool that you bring into the bat? Because you said, I bring my tool, which I love. It's a right, right, a vibrator. It's called the Melp, M-E-L-T. Oh, dude. Yes. I love. It's a right a vibrator. It's called the melt in the L. Oh, dude. Yes. It's so good. We're talking about the Wevi melt. I tried it. I

thought I've had all the kinds of orgasms. I tried it. And then I had a one orgasm and then another and it was like this. I don't know what happened. You're like something from the inside came out. It was some nerve endings. It was incredible. And I was so excited that came in the next day and my staff was here and a new intern, they were interviewing. And I couldn't help it.

I was like, I had this orgasm with this melt. Anyway, it was funny. So yeah, I love the melt. I feel you. Unfortunately, I tried it on my first time. I tried it on a Saturday morning in my shower downstairs and everybody was

eating on my family. My husband and my kids were eating breakfast and I literally was on the floor after, you know, my stomach was crunching. I was like, oh my god, they're going to have to call 911 or one of my kids not on the door. They were like,

money, are you okay? And I was like, oh my god, they're gonna have to call 911. And one of my kids, not so much the door, they were like, money, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm okay. I had to get out of the shower. And I had to like, I bought, I did the fetal position. And then I started doing some stretches because my stomach was just like, my abs were nodding up. And I thought, this is it. This is gonna be it.

The fire department is gonna have to come. And I'm gonna be here in the fetal fucking position With this melt by writing next to me. It was awful. I wanted to cry Money are you okay? I'm like yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna be okay It does that. You got to put garb reals up or something. You got to wear knee pads or some kind of padding, like a helmet or something.

You need to wear it. You can go out. I use mine in my steam shower. I got to try off the steam sometimes. You got to be like, I don't think it could happen here. Okay, well now, do you know which one you have in your garage? That you have in your house? I don't have it out for so long? I think that's your assignment this weekend.

But I didn't have a G spot because I was like, maybe I don't have. Oh, you do. You have an internal, literal, I mean, you wait, what about your husband? Does he ever come into the bathroom with you? No, that's your time. Does he ever find help to find your juice? That's the other thing. That's one of the reasons why I'm so quiet.

Because I think he knows that I masturbate in the bathroom, but I think I have a little bit of guilt because while he knows that I masturbate, I don't think he knows that I'm fantasizing about the neighbor. He probably doesn't. Yeah, absolutely. And he doesn't need to know everything. It's okay to have fantasies that we listen. There's two kinds of fantasies. The ones we want to keep to ourselves and the ones you want to share with our partners.

That's it. No judgment. Listen, the time when we feel the most sexually satisfied and the most pleasure is when we are free and we're not worried about what anyone else thinks about our orgasm and what turns us on and what gives us pleasure. That's why women aren't having orgasms as well because we just, we worry. But your g-spot orgasm is totally, your internal orgasm is totally possible. But I think you just got to get that go dig out that toy or we'll send you a new one. But if you incorporate some internal play into your session, then maybe you'll, you'll start to feel more orgasms and maybe that'll be something you want to bring into your relationship.

Like maybe we'll be like, look at all these nerve endings. Let's go crazy. Aka, ladies. Thank you so, so, so much. You're amazing. Thank you for calling Stay in Touch. Okay, I got you. Let's talk to Wendy and Organ.

Hi, Wendy. Hi, Emily. Appreciate your show. I like listening to it, but I do have a question. Of course. You were talking about a device called a vibrate called the melt. And I wanted to know how it compared to the womanizer. So there we have. Oh, okay. Recommendation.

Great. Do you like the womanizer? Fuck yeah. Yes. Sorry. No, Wendy. Is that exactly how we all feel about the womanizer. Okay, so here's a deal. Womanizer bought Wevibe and they became one company. So womanizer's won and then Wevibe. So Wevibe took the technology for womanizer that pleasure air technology.

It indirectly stimulates your clitoris. It kind of feels like, it's kind of like the closest thing to oral sex. It sort of gets around your clitoris and sort of has like this sort of a sucking feeling. And it's just like nothing that's ever been created before when it came out six years ago. Then we've made a toy called the Melt and they took that technology and it just uses, it's all silicone material. So it's like the reason why it's a little different than the womanizer.

It's the same technology, but it sort of is more uniquely shaped into the toy. So it doesn't come with like a separate, you know how the womanizer. It's the same technology, but it's sort of is more uniquely shaped into the toy, so it doesn't come with a separate, you know how the womanizer comes with two separate heads? And it's kind of an external sucky. It's an external thing. This one doesn't have that. But I think if you like your womanizer, you're good, but the belt is a, well, the belt is a different sensation because it's also angled. And it's a little bit, which womanizer do you have I say try it?

I'm like I don't know what your how much you got what your budget is, but It's pretty awesome. It's a little bit smaller I could keep the womanizer at my boyfriend's house and then keep the mouth at my house. I guess yes Wendy that's it. That's it. And then one day you call your boyfriend, say, guess what, I'm bringing a third tonight. And then you show up with the melt. And you're like, I gotta show you my, yeah, no,

that's what you should do. I think that, listen, why do I need six pairs of black boots, right? Do I really need them that this inch, this heels of two inches? And this is, no, like, do you need the melt? How did, yeah, I mean, you know, you don't need it. You have the womanizer, but I say it's all, that's why when I came in Wendy, I've been

trying to work vibrators for 15 years. And then I tried, and I was like, this is a different kind of orgasm. So when I talk about exploring nerve endings, trying new things, you know, you never know what it could open up for you. Wonderful. Yeah. Wendy. Thanks, know? You never know what it could open up for you. Wonderful. Yeah, yeah. Wendy, thanks Wendy. Let me know what you think.

I love it. Now you got to tell me your experience with it, OK? I will, I will. OK, thank you so much. Of course, Wendy, have a great night. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. I'm going to take a quick break.

But after this word for sponsors, I'm answering rapid fire questions. Stay with me. Rapid fire questions. A lot of you are sliding into my DMs and emails and I wanted to answer as many as I can in a limited amount of time. So, here we go. How do you talk to your husband of 17 years about our mismatched libidos? This is the old timing tone in turf.

You can go to our website and also check out our guide, but listen. You gotta have these conversations, honest, open, just be curious, and tell him that you wanna talk about how much sex feels right to him and how much sex feels right to you, and then you compromise and you schedule it.

All right, this is from Abby. What is a fun sex position that isn't common? Well, you know, there's a few positions. I'd say there's about four or five that we all know about, but remember, they're all alternatives to those positions. You could try a sitting position. Your partner sits on the bed and then you sit on their lap. You could try an alternate position to doggy style. Remember, you don't have to be on all fours. You can lay down. You can use pillows as props. When you prop pillows up and you raise up your pelvic floor, that can really enhance the penetration.

It can really enhance the depth of penetration and it can feel that much better. You can also try the cap position coitle alignment technique. You can check it out on our website and that can also help a vulva owner have more orgasms. All right, where do I start experimenting with BDSM? How do I bring it up with my wife? How should we start to explore? Well, if you've ever had a conversation

about your sex life, this is a great place to start. Start talking about fantasies. What are three things she's been wanting to try? What are three things you wanna try? You can? What are three things you want to try? You can also start to explain to her what you think is hot about BDSM. Do you want to spank her? Tie her up.

Do you want to talk dirty to her? Let her know what you're into and why and then see how she feels about it. Show her some scenarios and porn or somewhere that you she can understand more about it and what might be pleasurable to her. This is from Instagram. I want to spice up my masturbation routine. I want to try doing it outside thoughts. Yeah, you know, spicing it up. I mean, sometimes if you can just do it through left hand and set it if you're right hand, I just read about a guy being arrested doing it in a Walmart

parking lot. So I don't really recommend just doing it like outside in your car. But try a vibrator. Try different techniques. If you always masturbate in your back, do it in your car. But try a vibrator, try different techniques. If you always master bit in your back, do it on your stomach. If you're always laying down, try sitting and there's warming gels and cooling gels and you could just try different sensations. Remember our body parts, there's so many nerve rendings

and so much sensitivity that if you're playing with hot and cold sensations and different vibrators, it's gonna mix it up. I promise. All right, this is from a female in Instagram, newly dating, he's smaller than me. I'm insecure, it's his comment. You know, I think that everything's common.

You guys all wanna know am I normal, but if you're attracted to him when he's attracted to you, then just remember that our insecurities are coming from our own deep rooted place of insecurities. And so I think just working on being connected and present in the moment and go with that because I'm sure this is probably your limiting belief and not your partners. How can I get my husband to be more confident in the bedroom? Okay, you know, we often think that to get our partners to be more confident about affirmation

and giving them, you giving them lots of compliments. But the truth is, I'm gonna guess that he's probably insecure in other areas as well. Usually our insecurities have to do a deeply rooted issues in our psyche that we haven't quite tackled yet. So I would, you know, confidence ultimately is an inside job.

So I would try to have conversations with him and find out what it is that is driving his insecurities if you wanna help him talk it through But I feel like a lot of it is us kind of working and clearing out those demons that are holding us back Okay, wife loves kind of lingus and doggie style position kitchy climax from a rim job while I'm there I don't know. Why don't you try it out and see what happens? Concentually why not let me know if it works. We're all different. That's the beauty of this.

Let me know some women can't. All right, what's your opinion of Gaines Wave technology? Okay, Gaines Wave technology Improves blood flow to the penis and so essentially it stimulates the growth of new blood vessels. Yeah, you know I've heard great things about sound waves. It can help men with erectile dysfunction. It improves blood flow to the penis. Because remember, if we have erectile challenges, usually it's about blood flow. So it's just using sound waves to stimulate that blood flow.

I've heard great things about it. You can check it out. It has a 75% success rate in treating erectile dysfunction. And we've also done a show on that with Dr. Edward Carpman. you can look for that episode. Can you recommend a good blowjob toy? There's some great penis masturbation tools. There's the arcway, which is the newest one that vibrates, it can stimulate your frenulum, that's a great one. You could just use a vibrato you've laying around like the tango by Wee vibe, the pivots are great one. I also like their chorus, it's a great one because it's a couple's toy and you can also wrap it around the penis and give it

hand job or a blow job. So remember just to have a play with different sensations, play with you, it's also awesome. All right, that's all we have time for. Thanks everyone, send me your questions. Love you all. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where every listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this,

they will too. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. If you wanna ask me a question about sex, dating or relationships, you can email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. And check out my website. We have so many articles on there helping you better sex and you can check out our guides

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