Sex With Emily - Getting Intimate & Orgasmic with Dr. Ava Cadell

Episode Date: October 13, 2015

Today, Emily welcomes professional speaker, writer and sex therapist Dr. Ava Cadell to the podcast. Together, Ava and Emily traverse a wide range of topics, including keeping the intimacy alive in your marriage, dealing with sexual guilt and exploring your erogenous zones. From her charming definition of intimacy to the best ways to find your nipple orgasm, Ava has a wide range of tips for pleasure and fulfillment, and shares hard-hitting hints on how to have a satisfying sexual and romantic life. She also assists Emily in answering listener emails, covering the subjects of post-sex guilt, long-term sexual dissatisfaction and the importance (or lack thereof) of penis size!Whether you’re ready to uncover erogenous zones you never knew you had or to address resentments from a partner that you never knew they had, this Sex With Emily podcast provides fail-safe problem solving tools to take you from confused to sexually content. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. And today's show I've got the lovely Dr. Ava Kiddell, a clinical sexologist and leading authority on love, relationships, intimacy, and sex. We'll be talking about all these topics and more and even answering some of your emails. Thanks for listening. Okay, I've been throwing out a few mentions here and there about how I received a Sibian in the mail because we were just getting to know each other. It wasn't really ready to get into it, but now I'm ready to spill the beans.

This thing will change your sex life. You may think you know all about the Sibian, but forget what you've heard because it's so different from any other sex product you've seen before. In fact, it's so much more than just a sex toy. The Sibian is a full on sexual experience, one that you can enjoy solo or with a partner. For one thing, it's the only sex product with a unique mountable design that simulates the feel of riding a partner

during the women on top position. And the cool thing about the Sibian is that each woman has a power to customize her experience. Every time she uses it and make it work for her. There's 11 different attachments you can choose from. They have like one that look like a penis. They have different literal ones. They have a finger-shaped one, whatever you're into. All this is to provide you with a variety of orgasms it

choose from, right? How doesn't sound bad, does it? There's no limit to the ways you can experience a civilian and each machine is as unique as the woman riding it. And also, women who have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, I know there's a lot of you out there. Syvian could be the secret to unlocking your orgasmic potential. So repeated rides on the syvian can actually train your body to orgasm, making it easier to experience multiple o's and increased sexual response with a partner. And because of the unique design of the

Sibian, once you learn how to orgasm with it, you transfer that experience to sexual partner, get it? So you learn like how you move and what you like and then you do that with your partner. It's super cool. Oh, have I mentioned how we'll also be out for your partner to watch you? Watch you play with it, watch you write it, you guys can make out, it's a little foreplay. And this testimonial from the Sibian website says it all. My husband and I have been married for 17 years and I always thought our sex life was okay. But I didn't get too excited about it.

My first time on the Sibian, I can hardly describe the feeling I had. When my body just exploded, it was just unreal what happened to me. I soon realized that age of 38 was Sibian. I had my first orgasm ever. I've now started having orgasms while making love to my husband, and I have Sibian to thank. Thank you, Joan in Texas. So to hear what other customers have to say about their sex life

changing Sibians or to order your own customized Sibian today, visit Sibianian.com that's s-y-b-i-a-n.com and as a special treat for all my listeners you get $75 off your first order with code Emily 75 that's Emily 75 at Sibian.com thanks for listening I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. What a sound. I'm proud. Being bad feels pretty good.

So you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all the podcasts, send it over mailing list. Every day we are uploading our website,

we upload videos, changing our website, we've got vlogs, we've got information for you. So take a gander, check out Sex Family, and we're also relaunching a new site. In a few weeks, menace, you didn't know that. Did you, I'm here with menace. Yeah, you haven't told me about any news. I know, usually I wrangle you into it.

I know. But you're not at all. But I am going to have your bio on there, because that wasn't my last one. And I asked you to send me stuff and you do. Yeah. You should know everything about me. We know each other for 10 years.

I get right about you. A bio about you. Yeah, that's true. I'd be afraid. I feel loved. No, thank you. What? I love you.

I do. It's good to see you. And we've lovely guests here. Dr. No, thank you. What? I love you. I do. It's good to see you. And we have lovely guests here. Dr. Eva Kedow. She's a clinical sexologist, and she has founded SexBurt.com, and you see patients as well as a therapist, and she has a Lavalogy University. And we've run a lot of the same circles. We've liked a lot of the same things, and I'm for so long I've wanted on the show, and we just had to actually get to dinner last week and got to know

each other a little better. And I'm so glad you're here because she knows everything and more about sex and relationships. So thank you for being here. Thank you for having me, Emily. Yeah, it's wonderful. It's wonderful. Now how do you make a name for yourself in this business? Well, you do exactly what Emily does.

You get on TV shows like this week I'm on Kendra on top. I did a I took Kendra and Hank on an intimacy retreat to help their marriage and you write books. I've written nine books and you know you just put yourself out there help as many people as you can to have the best sex of their lives right Emily? Yes exactly That's what we do. So, Tom, because men's love, so you're on Kendra and Tom, can talk about that. Yeah, definitely know everything about that. Yeah, so what's the intimate-serietry? Like, what happened? Well, so last week, on Friday, you saw me go to their home to evaluate them,

to see if they were even ready to go on to the intimate-serietry. Well, they were, although she was, you know, worried that it was going to be too cheesy for her, the thing is that actually Kendra hates to hug and kiss and Hank loves intimacy more than Kendra. So they both agreed to come to my weekend intimacy retreat which is airing this Friday. I can't tell you too much, but it's very volatile. I brought in a couple of my other colleagues like Dr.

Hernandez. I love Hernandez. And I brought in a lady called Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce, who did some couples yoga with them and tantric massage with them, but I really worked hard on their communication and their boundaries, and there's been a lot of, you know, lack of trust in their relationship. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, what I, my intention was to get them to fall madly in love with each other all over again.

So you gotta watch it to see. I like it when you see it. But that's what you do anyway, right, in work. I'm sure if people, if they missed that episode, they can just get on Google and stream it somewhere. Exactly. Yeah, but that's amazing. So because you also, you see patients as well.

I do. I have a wonderful private practice, both one in West Hollywood and one in Malibu. And I just love helping singles, couples, triads, all kinds of people just really connect and have intimacy. I mean, a lot of people don't even know what intimacy means, never might experience it. But what's your definition of intimacy?

What's your family? Well, that's because I think you're right. I mean, I think that people think, oh, we're intimate. We hang out all the time, spent together. They think it's like, we've been living together for 10 years, but you could do all those things and not have any intimacy. So, I'd say... So, I'd say... So, I'd say...

So, I'd say... So, I'd break down the word phonetically in to me, see, and it's really about showing your partner who you are from the inside out. It's not about, you know, sex necessarily, although that can be nice as part of it, but it's about connecting on a mind, body, heart, even spiritual way to take your relationship to another level where you are best friends, you respect each other, you trust each other, you have great communication and lots

and lots of sex. That's great. That's exactly what I feel like. I think every couple needs therapy and then after that they probably, if not even just regular therapy, they probably need sex therapy because we all know what happens when you're relationships for a while people can struggle with that. Why do you think that everyone always, I mean a lot of people need a third person to talk to. About.

Because they just, is the thing is they're just so afraid to talk to each other that they feel more comfortable that they need a third party? No, because they blame each other. And when there's a third person who's qualified like we are, we can see both sides. And we can sort of be a mediator. We can say, okay, what do you love about each other? What do you love? What would you like to improve in your relationship? Now, what are your deal breakers? Okay, now let's negotiate. Exactly. That's what they can't do on their own. And a lot of times couples are having the same arguments over and over again.

They're like, I talked or, you know, like that caller we had, you know, on another show we were starting to take calls. So check us out on Twitter and our website we'll be telling you how to call in, but we did a show with callers recently. And they're just like, well, I've tried, if you wanna hear the stuff saying, well, I already told her. I told them what I needed.

And we talked about it like once, but they just can't break through with each other. So it helps to have someone else who can look at both sides and be like, okay. But even then, it can be hard to forget. Well, yeah, because you might tell your partner something, but they don't hear exactly what you want them to hear. Either you're using your right brain, hemisphere,

they're using their left brain hemisphere, or there's anger, or resentment, and they're just not listening. So there's all kinds of problems that happen when you live with someone for a long time. I know, so what would you say? Because I don't work directly with couples and stuff. So is there anything that you think I know you see probably a lot of different kinds of people,

couples and individuals, but is there a specific tool or exercise that you think is probably the one that works the best for people who are trying to reconnect? Because that is a top question. I get asked you people are like, how can we bring it back? Can we get the spark back? Is there like some things that you do that you think are, you know, that I've always worked or that is a top question I get asked to be like, how can we bring it back? Can we get the spark back? Is there like some things that you do that you think are, you know, that would always work, or that work a lot of the time, so walk me through that process? There's one exercise which I did with Kendra and Hank

to see if they really were qualified for the intimacy retreat. And that is to exchange roles. So Kendra had to become Hank and emulate his body language and his voice. And then he became her. And I said, OK, I want you to have a conversation about why you think it's a good idea to do this. And then Hank probably finally became the alpha in the relationship. I know, it's interesting.

Yes, I know. She's totally the alpha in the relationship. Yes, and that's one of the things I did in the retreat. I said, now it's hand-coned top. Yeah, definitely. And I like that. That's what's wrong. So heron.

Yeah. That's interesting, because a lot of times there are women who are more in their masculine. And so it was kind of playing with those energies. Not that she's masculine, but you know. No, but in her masculine energy. Yeah, that she takes, doesn't take any shit, you know? Right, exactly.

So that's really cool. But that's a good exercise. Just pretend, you know, change roles and have a conversation about something, but you must have a happy ending. That's the only rule. It's gotta be win-win. No point in telling it or point in telling it.

Yeah, I have a point in telling it. Exactly, cool. Okay, speaking of happy ending, orgasms kind of. Okay, so I have a question for you. I know that you've talked about nipple orgasms, breast orgasms extensively. And so during masturbation month, which was May, I decided that I was going to have a goal for myself and that I wanted to have a nipple orgasm, breast orgasm.

And I got really busy when you were here, right? I talked to this. I didn't achieve it. Eva, I fell short on my goal. And I'm wondering, what do you call me? I'm a man. I didn't achieve it, Eva. I fell short on my goal. And I'm wondering. You want to call me, I'm a man. I'm a man. What a friend's fault, but to help with nipple orgasms.

We know when you're helping people with nipple orgasms, are you, are they busking out their breasts in front of you and you're showing them? Yeah, do you do hands on nipple? That actually is the heart. Actually, I don't. But per-emily, I would. Do you want to keep it with nipple? I know we can do it I would you do right now. No, it's a good show

But what do you recommend because it is very common like the states the second most common orgasm Yeah, yeah, but like talk to me about it. Well, you've got to you've got to get into the mood You've got to get into a juicy frame of mind and fantasize or watch porn or whatever it is you do get a bubble bath He's chocolate. I don't know have a man giving going down on you while you're doing it whatever even a vibrator or even a vibrator yeah even a sex toy will do it too but for a woman sex begins between the ears before it can go anywhere and then have the intention and your intention is to have your first nipple orgasm. Right. And don't be in a rush because I know you're always in a rush.

She's always multitasking. Don't do that when you want to have an orgasm. Is my problem, you think? Okay. So, David, but just start talking to me. Do you think any woman can have one? I think any woman can have a nipple orgasm just like any woman can have a g-spot orgasm, but not everyone wants it or needs it.

Right. It just was Michael and I'm gonna say they worked that hard on it. Like if I really wanted it, it might have them, but I'm, I got busy. I got to stretch. You, right. It wasn't a priority, but had you wanted one and for next time what I recommend is using something wet. Like some loob or even your own saliva and putting it on your

nipples and as I said watch something really sexy so what turns you on what gets you into a juicy frame of mind? I guess, um, probably watching porn, watching like, you know, I like, you know, lesbian porn, female, female, foreign, like women going down on other children. Okay, sure. I've been trying to watch more porn like the guy I'm dating is more into like BDSM bondage porn, which is really hot too. I actually don't even make a lot of time to watch porn,

but that's been a new goal of mine as well. Because usually I'll just like, not one out, like a dude. But I'm focusing on, you know, doing more of that porn, reading more. It's research, you have to do it. I know, and I put for so long I wasn't making time for what I actually do, which is, you know, now I think I'm at the place where I can. So, that's okay. Because I have so many toys, try as many things

to do. You do. But you know, we do teach what we need to learn the most. I mean, I'm in this business because I had a very repressed upbringing. Did you ask how you go into it really? So how did you first get into really? Orfinage and blah blah blah. Yes, absolutely. So how did you first get into this? Well, through adversity, I had the worst up bringing bad relationships, abusive, horrible, I hit rock bottom and you know, felt suicidal and didn't know about love or sex or romance or anything. And so I really think it was my destiny to become a sexologist and overcome all the guilt and shame that was so much of that. Programmed into my head and so. So through doing this work you learned

that. So what about like masturbation? Do you masturbate growing up? I did but I felt guilty about it. I used to be you know, humping my pillow and so afraid somebody would come in and which made it more exciting. Exactly, exactly. Because I never did any, I mean, I wasn't really repressed, but I didn't have an experience like the sex or with masturbation or anything. So through your work, you learned more about just accepting yourself.

And loving yourself. I mean, masturbation is a great form of self love and acceptance. It is, isn't it so important? It is. Whether you're in a relationship or not, I think everybody should masturbate. Right, exactly. At least once a day. Okay. Once a week.

Yeah, so I'm doing after this. Exactly. Okay, so we'll get you some emails. Do you want to help me answer some emails from the people? We love to. Okay. Oh, this is perfect. I didn't mean for you to serve this up, but already it's about sexual guilt.

Dear Emily, I'm a 20 year old girl, and I just lost my virginity about a month ago. I'm not in a relationship right now, so the two people I have had sex with, I was not romantically involved with, and I can't check this guilty awful feeling. What is your advice for overcoming sexual guilt and anxiety? Also, unprotected sex, well, and birth control,

is it worth it? Thanks so much for your time. Your podcast has helped me gain a more positive outlook on sex. Love, Carly. What do you think about that? Overcoming kind of what we talked about. I think Carly probably regrets having sex

with the people she did have sex with and she did it unprotected. So I think the guilt is actually warranted a little bit, but you know, she can't beat herself up too much. She's got to learn from her lessons. I don't think there's any mistakes. I think there's just lessons.

I agree, yep. So next time, I would say next time, make sure that you have an intention when you have sex with no regrets, no matter what happens, and definitely practice safe sex. Yeah, definitely don't have sex with no regrets, no matter what happens, and definitely practice safe sex. Yeah, definitely don't have sex again with somebody that you don't care about.

Yes, she's on the pill though, but still. She's on the pill, but she, you gotta use, you gotta use that. That's not gonna protect her. It's not gonna protect her. Exactly. I just feel like there is such a stigma still, and it's like people just use condoms,

like you then use any, you know, what's better, like what's worse, right? You want to walk around and think you're pregnant and get it SDD or just like where are condom and believe me people They're not I think that they get such a bad rap, but there's so many amazing condoms out there now that actually feel really good And they know the other kid from trows and charge has just came out They had you know that TV show trows and chargers like 20 years ago. Yeah? Yeah, no, but I mean, it was just a news this week that he has HIV now, and he was telling everybody that like, dude, you have to make sure you're technically out there, have sex, casually.

What, you do? Yeah, I'm Carly, thank you for writing. And just like, pinpoint what these feelings are coming from if she was raised like, you know, if a religious background, whatever it is, you've got to work through them. People think like they can just repress them. And obviously, like, through your work, you know, if a religious background, whatever it is, you gotta work through them. People think like they can just repress them. And obviously like through your work,

you even learned to get through your, and look where you are now. Yeah, I mean, you know, I think she should overcome her guilt and shame by saying, okay, this is my lesson. I didn't do anything wrong. Right. I didn't do anything to hurt anybody. And it's okay to have a one night stand

as long as you don't have regrets. Exactly, exactly, but it sounds like she wasn't, wasn't really ready for it. Okay, so we'll do another, did you have a question? Look like you were gonna answer. No, no, no, I was waiting for the answer. Okay, oh, and thanks everyone for emailing me. Feedback at sexwithalmy.com.

I love hearing from you. And also it's, they're doing a good job. Name, age, and where you live. Location. Location. Nice. Yeah, they love it. I mean, age, and where you live. Location. Location. Nice. Yeah, they love it. They're some DMS.

I mean, they never have to give us the real name. Oh, no, no, they forgot the other one. What's the other one? How do you listen to them? How do you listen? Do you listen on sexelmy.com? Do you download the podcasts on iTunes? Do you use podcasts one, Stitcher?

Right, there's so many great apps. So many different places that you can listen to the podcasts. Yeah, we are now. How do you listen to it? Exactly. And I also wanna thank Dr. Ava Kadev for being here. And let's just tell people where they can find you

because I don't know if we did it. It's the best place is avakadal.com. Correct? AirLovologyAVACADL. Avakadal.com. It's all on our website. It's booksexpert.com. Sexpert.com.

And then Twitter and Facebook, I just wanna shout out you out here. Just do all that stuff. I have all that. Okay. We'll put it on our site as well. I'm just looking for it in here, but it is at Dr. Ava Cadal on Twitter.

Okay, just gonna keep going here. I'm just gonna tell you know, help people out here. Keep going, ready? Yes. There I am. Okay, hi Emily. I'm a new listener only about six months, but I love your show.

And she listens through Podcast One. On my third bottle of Down Under, oh, he's on his third bottle of Down Under Comfort. I love it, best ever. I've just promised him, but I have been able to use it yet, boo. I'm 48 and my lady is 49. We've been dating for about three years now.

Sex was fantastic in the beginning, but now maybe once or twice a month. When we do have sex, I'm always the one who's asking and trying to make it work. I recently told her that I believe sex is very important in relationship and can help with stress, anxiety, and an overall mood booster and intimacy. She tells me that she really doesn't care that much for sex anymore and asks, well, what would you do if I was physically or mentally unable to have sex? How do you answer a question like that? Thanks for all your help, Alan. Yeah, long-term relationship.

Well, they've been dating for three years, 48, 49. Want to trace them on having sex. And it's just mismatch libidos, which is very, very common. I'm sure Dr. Eva, you see a lot of people like that. Yeah, it's definitely that. But also, I think there's some issues in the relationship. There's obviouslyments, anger, towards Alan from his partner that need to be dealt with.

They need to be some communication solutions. And, you know, to find out why she's not interested. Right. Could be sex drive, it's 49. What do you do? It could be hormonal, but when you really love somebody, you still have intimacy. Even if you don't have intercourse, you can cuddle, you still have intimacy. Even if you don't have intercourse, you can cuddle,

you can have oral pleasure, you can do massages. I mean, there's so much for play, you can engage in. Yeah. But I feel there's a disconnect between the two people here. Right, and there might be something else going on again. The issues sometimes, there's like stress in the relationship they haven't talked about. Yeah, why are these conversations so hard to ask?

It's so hard to ask. It's so hard to ask relationship they haven't talked about. Yeah, why are these conversations so hard to have? So hard. Because it's like we're not trained. Exactly. Nobody tells you how to talk intimately or erotically. You know, nobody tells us that. We have to find out or listen to Emily. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah, but then you say just talk to them.

Just talk to them and then it's like I'm trying to figure out the setting and the situation. Well, that's a really good point, because I actually realized earlier this year, I'm doing this for 10 years, and I was like, God, I'm just like, you know, my whole thing is like communication is a lubrication, and then I just realized like, I'm like, talk to your part. It's not that easy.

So then I actually did a few shows like sex scripts, do you remember we did that, we read like, okay, this is, we like did a role play, but it's really, I just say it's like, rip it off of a band-aid, but really like, how do you, there is no perfect time plays me definitely don't want to in the bedroom, but it's like anything in life you practice. You just start talking about it, like it doesn't have to be perfect. And once you have the conversation going,

you know, hopefully that will get you places in your relationship. Right, and there's different ways that are more effective than others. So for example, stating your desires is much more effective than others. So for example, stating your desires is much more effective than asking permission or telling your partner you don't like something. So for example, you could state your desire by saying, you know, I really want to make love to you this weekend and I just want it to be amazing and you can have your orgasm first and I just want to be the best lover you've ever had. That's my desire.

That's stating a desire. Exactly. As opposed to saying, we never have sex anymore. And you're always too busy and blah, blah, blah, blah. Or asking permission, oh, please, can we have sex this weekend? It's been so long. That's not sexy. That's not what's so not sexy.

And that's how most people have it. They're like when we have a net sex in six months, and there was no one on the ground. I can't remember what. No one that's that's not an incentive. It's not a motivator for people at all. No, it makes people feel defensive. It's like, it's not my fault. It's your fault. No, exactly. That's the last thing they're going to do is like give you a blowjob when you talk like that, right? Yeah, definitely. So, um, not even a hand job. Not even a hand job. I do love hand jobs. Hand jobs are waste of time, but...

No, they're not. Medicine I've had a debate for 10 years about hand jobs. You can combine hand and mouth. I know, but I'm talking so low hand jobs, waste of time. I mean, a guy will take one, you know what I'm saying? Because we're desperate. It's mixed up. Mix it up.

They'll ultimately just want a blowjob, but they'll take the- I've never heard a man say that before. They have jobs, they're always the time. Well, they're just, I mean, I'm just being honest and I'm speaking for all men here. You are not speaking for all men. That yes, we will take a hand job, but we 100,000%.

We would prefer a blowjob over hand job. It's an appetizer then leaving into it. I was never saying that one should stand alone. No. We're not going to get into it. It's been a 10-year debate. It's literally the most emails we've ever received in our entire life was about the hand job debate.

It became a whole, we had t-shirts, no. We bought billboards. OK, but first speaking of the most popular thing we've ever talked about, I have to tell you about a product that, well, I always talk about products in the show that will improve your sex life. And now I've told you about a product that has improved my sex life and literally changed my life. And I talked about it in the show. We did a review of this product. And I've never, except for the

hand-to-hand debate, received so many emails from my listeners who were so excited about it because we were giving away one away. They wanted to win one. They want to know more about it. And this is called the Intensity by Pormois. And it's kind of like, you know, I always talk about the benefits of Kegel exercises. I have an iPhone app called Kegel Camp, but how many of us really do them? Like who remembers to do them? And even if we do them once in a while, like when we're at a stoplight.

And I remember, we were having a dinner last weekend. I've told this so many times. You remember to do them when you're on the phone talking to somebody to trick her. You link it in, which is on the phone. And she's like, I'll do my chaggot exercise, which is so great. You know, but a lot of people just don't remember. And now, so you're like, ah, five minutes, am I doing them right? A lot of people don't do them right.

So now, there's a product that actually does your key exercises for you and gives you mind-blowing orgasms. The intensity is a revolutionary, intimate health and stimulation device. It takes all the confusion out of caggels. You literally let the lie back and let it do them for you. It's a vibrator and a caggleticicizer. It's the only device that it combines pleasure with pelvic floor toning, which is so important for men and women.

But especially for women, well, this toy is for women that women who have a weak pelvic floor experience the urinary continents, you know, you sneeze, you pee, you can also have learned to have stronger orgasms and more frequent orgasms. This toy targets your G-spot and critulic clitoris. It uses gentle electrosimulation to contract your vaginal muscles. It blows my mind and I've like kagels of steel right now. I've got to tell you. So check it out, you guys.

Experts are calling intensity. The only intimate health product every woman needs. This is an orgasm game changer. Go to poormoa.com. That's P-O-U-R-M-O-I dot com. Okay, so if I know we type out the citizen or as well, you have also tried the intensity. Correct? I have. I've used it myself and I've had a lot of clients who've come to see me who say that actually the intensity has literally changed their lives. For example, a woman who had a baby

and after childbirth, she said her vagina was just very loose and her husband wasn't happy. And the blood women had this concern. But you know what, he was smart. He told her that he wasn't happy. He told her why and she came to see me and we found the perfect solution, which was the intensity. And she used it religiously every day,

I think for the first three weeks and then she used it once a week. And within three months, she said that she had the tightest feeling. And so did he during sex and her muscles were incredibly strong. And she just felt like a new woman. She said it's like plastic surgery for my vagina, but it's all natural. Exactly. That's a thing. And now you know, you've heard of this, like women getting like labia plastic and septumate tighter. The problem with that is that it's just cosmetic.

So it goes back to where it was, but with this, it actually strengthens from the inside and so many women just, yeah, they experience it after childbirth, they're just when you get older, as you age, your just, you know, muscles get out, everything gets looser and drops and that's really cool. So it actually felt as tight. So yeah, no, she's gonna wrote to me and thank me profusely and I forwarded it onto the company. Oh, that's so funny.

I mean, I feel like in for me, because I actually, it's become part of my daily, which I love it. I sit back in my bed. It's like five to 10 minutes I do it. And I, I mean, I really, I feel like my orgasms have gotten stronger. I'm more like wanting sex more often. And it also is a vibrator at the end.

It's like my little bonus. Like having orgasms. It's cool. Men's like what? Yeah, no, I'm listening. Do you've been, you've been pimping out the pelvic floor for a while. Well, yeah, that's why, yeah. My iPhone app too, because I remember, reminds you to do it.

So, but you should do yours two menace. It's important for men, yeah, that's why, yeah, my iPhone app too, because I remember our minds you to do it, so you should do yours two minutes. It's important for men to get a good exercise as well. Definitely. Health cream and charge regulation helps men same thing. Just keep your erection for longer. Yep. Yeah, I impress your partner. But you know, what's unusual about the product is that it does not only strengthen your pelvic

floor muscles, but it also can give you pleasure. And that's unusual. That's what's really cool. She's like a rabbit vibe. Yeah, I mean, it's not a sex toy. It really is a sexual health enhancement product. But yeah, that it does have this rabbit vibe that goes on the clitoris.

So it can stimulate the 8,000 fibres in the clitoris. Exactly. And one client I had, I gave it to who had never had an orgasm before, ever. And you know, a lot of women have them. I think it's about 15% of women right now that I know from the last statistic that have never had an orgasm, maybe because of lack of the right kind of stimulation or fear or trauma or, you know, their partner, whatever it is, but this is quite a powerful product that can help those women.

Yeah, it's great. I love it, clearly. I get very excited. But Eva, do you have a lot of women who come to you who have never had orgasms or pre-orgasmic? I do. I have a lot of women who are in emotional and physical pain, literally, because of some kind of sexual dysfunction and actually there's 43% of women under, well, over 20 and under 80 who have something that's causing

pain, right? Yeah, I mean, dryness or hormonal changes or pain during intercourse or there's some issue and women are just desperate for help. I know and they really do feel, I mean when we don't talk about the pain either, like they suffer through the pain during the intercourse and it makes them just want to stop and they don't and there could be so many reasons for it but they often don't get the help or talk to their doctors about it or anything. Right, they don't feel worthy and then as you just said yeah a lot of women don't talk to them,

male gynecologist. And my gynecologist sends me his patients, because he says I'm better qualified than he is to talk to women about their vaginas. Right, exactly. What kind of things else do you recommend to them? What's your favorite toys right now? Is there anything great that you really like or that you're excited about?

I mean, I just love the variety of toys. It's sort of like dessert. You can't just have one. I know. But I like the toys that can stimulate different erogenous zones, from the nipples, to the clitoris, to the perineum, to the sea spot, the a spot, the U spot, the G spot. All those other spots, minister.

Yeah, there's so many different toys out there now. So insane, like, we, the couple weeks ago, we had somebody in there, and they're talking about like electric current right now. Oh, yeah, all the electro stimulation, all the electric and stuff. I know, that's right, exactly. Like Jimmy Jane, Hello Touch makes the one now

that you get the electro-currence to your body. Plus, no, it doesn't. Whatever you're into. That's in options. There is. Now, when I travel around the world lecturing, I usually take toys that don't look like toys. Like, you know, I vibrate ellipsticks

and vibrate in mascaras and like, little vibrator rings with bullets because I get stopped, you know, so twice. So if I have phallic-looking toys, they take them away. Yeah, I hate what that happens. I hate what they do.

So I am the fan of things that are really creative, and especially if you have kids, you don't want to have a giant dildo hanging around. No, you really don't. No, the kids always find that goddamn giant dildo. And your dog would love sex toys. Oh yeah, she would. I would be trying to give him one forever.

He won't, he won't, he won't. So what are some of the top questions? Like, you've been a sexologist for a while now. I've been doing this for 10 years. How do you think the conversation has changed? Have you noticed anything like in the last five years that they're like, all of a sudden there's all these questions about blank that you think are coming your way. Well, I think people are more open.

I think men, especially, are now asking for help, you know, now that it's the new millennium. Before, I think women would come by themselves, but now men want to come and see the sexologist too and be empowered. They finally admit they don't know everything. Right, exactly. Yeah. So they want to know more about that. Yeah they want to know how to please their partner because really men are very simple creatures. They just want their partner to be happy. And a lot of women don't know how to express what they need sexually. So what if a woman doesn't know how to do it?

Let's say because I think there was a lot of women who listened to this. Like, I don't even know what I want. Like, I don't know. I've been having sex the same way. Do you have questions you ask them specifically, like, to break it down? Like, a woman who's like, I don't even know. Like, we've just been having sex and I'm bored or I don't, I don't know right now. Yeah, I mean, I ask a woman, you know, do you want romantic pleasure? Do you want wild, kinky pleasure?

Do you want quickies? Do you want, you kinky pleasure, do you want quickies, do you want, you know, long production. So yeah, I try to find out what turns are on mentally. Because it's all right. Because it all begins between the ears. And then I always tell a woman, make love to yourself first. Discover all those erogenous zones so that when you find a partner, you can give directions, you know, positively. Like, oh my god, I love it when you find a partner, you can give directions, you know, positively, like, oh my god, I love it when you do this.

It feels amazing. And you have to do it positively, people were talking about it. Oh yeah. That's what we talked about. Okay, we have another question we can answer. Okay. Time for this. Okay, hey, Emily, I have a question for you today.

I'm a 20-year-old female and I recently got divorced with my husband. Long story short, we were not married that long. And I realized I made a mistake, Miriam. I was more interested in the idea of being married than I was interested in him. Our relationship, our whole relationship, I thought I was asexual because I was never interested in sex with him. I had never been with anyone before. Now that I'm single, I've recently met a man that I'm extremely sexually attracted to. Just talking about sex with them gets me turned on. Anyways, penis is a lot bigger and wider than anyone I had been with before. We both feel like I'm always too tight to be able to last whole time.

I'm always too tight to be able to last the whole time. Even in the beginning, we thought that he wasn't ever going to fit. After we've had sex for 20 minutes or so, my vagina gets so sensitive, we have to stop. We use a lot of lube. But do you have any other suggested ways about how to get my vagina in the last longer without getting too sensitive? Is it possible for a vagina to be too tight?

Thanks, Emily. Any advice would be appreciated. Big penis. Wow. Well, you know what? She needs the intensity. You know, because the inflation part of the intensity, it gives this full feeling.

You know, when it goes into the vagina, and you can- You can even talk about that, right? Yeah, you can make it as narrow or as big as you want, and I think that would really help us. That's so true. The intensity has this really cool function where you can inflate it. So it places the plates in the right place, so it can actually do your muscles for you, but then she could actually feel that fullness.

It starts to start to blood flowing and help her body be able to adapt to his penis. That's a good point. And it presses the internal root of the clitoris, which is really exciting. Right. A lot of women just thought the clitoris was just outside. I know, but there's roots. Do you know that, Menace? It's not just the little button. Yes. The roots go

that he's learning this. Yeah, the question is again, where do you, where do you even pick up one of these things? Oh, poormoa.com, which means for me, for me, French, exactly, p-o-u-r-m-o-i.com. That's the dancing, I guess, just the answer for everything. But I think that she also, yo, she's using Loub, the vagina is a muscle, so any other muscle, when you're feeling stress or anxious, you could be also be tightening it,

so she needs to do some relaxing and some breathing as well. But I don't think that she's in pain. So make sure that she's providing you a foreplay that you're really turned on before he's entering her, goes inside. And I'm glad that you're using Loub, he's entering her goes inside and I'm glad that you're using Lou but you have to reapply to just remember people think they'll just put Loub on and like that they're done but you got to keep

reapplying and reapplying I just don't want her to have any pain either like you know and he could go down on her and give her oral sex until she has an orgasm right and then penetrate her right because she says she goes for 20 minutes and it hurts so maybe that's her max with him. So maybe some of them don't want to go for 20 minutes. No, we don't even, right? No, we're busy. I mean, men think that women want sex for an hour,

but it's not true, is it? No, it's not true. Like at the beginning, maybe when you're some of them, you're like, who's got an hour? I'd rather, you know, I got a whole foods. Nice solid five minutes. Five minutes, exactly. Madness, I mean, enough to five minutes last week. Yeah, yeah know, I got a whole foods. Nice solid five minutes. Five minutes, exactly. Medicine, you mean up to five minutes last week, didn't you?

Yeah, I was so proud of you. I went from three to five, big jump. That's really good, menace, did you use permescent? So again, just take things slowly and don't over exert her part of vagina. I just think that women are so used to like suffering for it. We don't communicate it, and she's like, trying to please him, and they got to work on this dance together.

Yeah, meanwhile the women listening like, oh, oh, there's penis too big, I'm sorry. You know, I gotta take- Then they have the deal with guys with small penises. No, in 10 years of doing this, I've received more emails about a large penis than I have small penis. Guys, women, they're not obsessed with their penis.

Like, you are like, they're not obsessed with size at all. Like, sure, their size, Queens like men who only want women are not obsessed with their penis. Like, you are like they're not obsessed with size at all. Like, sure, their size, queens just like men only want women with like really large breasts. So that's, you know, fine. I was in a podcast yesterday. Greg Fitzsimmons, New East comedian, podcast. And it was funny because I was wearing a shirt.

That was kind of a see-through. But I had like a broad and he was talking about how he loves large breasted women. He's like, and he looks at me and goes, I'm sorry. And I was like, oh, I didn't think I was that spines. It's like, what do you think 32 be? I'm like, yeah.

He's like, no, it's fine. No, actually you're bigger than I thought. He felt like he felt like he insulted me. But the truth is, he's like, he's like, and then he was like, I mean, he was wife. She's like 34, double D. I'm like, so you found something for everyone. It's the same thing.

Think about your own sexual interest, and don't really worry about it, but women aren't gonna care about your God damn past. Just know how to use it, right? Okay, Eva, so people can find you. Lavalogy. Can we talk about that for a second? Yes, Lavalogy University is my online university where I train, love coaches all over the world. You see people how to do what we're doing. Yeah, I think everybody should know the knowledge that we have, you know, on romance and love and relationships and sex, whether they use it as a career or whether they just use it for themselves. I think it's the most valuable knowledge I've had to share.

Everyone needs to go to the Lovology University. Forget school and forget, you know, all the reading, writing stuff. Well, before they get married, they should go. I know, I like that every every couple, because we're saying they don't not communicate. So there should be some kind of, maybe this is the place that they all go, and they can all learn how to communicate. Because it's going to happen.

Like, eventually, I know you're all thinking, I'm having amazing sex now, but eventually, you're going to just, because it's like anything. You're going to want to advance. You're going to want to. People can't read your mind. No. Men, women, we are not right. Mine readers at all. And we think that we, you know, understand what everyone

needs. So, um, thank you, Ava. I'm so glad you've been here on the show. And you can check out all your information. We'll have these links on our website, but it's sexbird.com, at Dr. Avicadell on Twitter and avicadell.com. So thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm really great. And, um, thank you, Menace. Thank you. I'm really great and thank you menace. Thank you at menace at menace on Twitter Instagram and my dog Churro my dog Churro on Instagram. She's going up. She's going up. I know she is she I call I mean I'm not she and I'm sexy only dot com is the most important place though. That's where you find out sex with Emily dot com. Yeah, follow me on Twitter Facebook Instagram. It's all at sex with well, I don't think that we didn't mention is, if there's any place that you listen to the podcast, to review it, put a comment, get it thumbs up,

a star, or two, or five, whatever you wanna do. Or whatever. If you can do it, just do that, little favor, that way. We like that. And when you've said that, the people do that, actually, I appreciate it. Cause you already subscribed to it,

so just give us five stars. Yeah, I mean. How is that? How, however you feel, we're us five stars. Yeah, I mean how is that? How how I feel we're not the other thing I feel like there's something else I wanted to mention. Oh, they were gonna be taking callers. So just Yeah, fell me in line. We'll tell you about that. Send it for newsletter, which is awesome and I do say so myself and I will let you know. Thank you so much and thank you Madison. Pretty strong. That's a great show. Thank you, Laurie Thank you, menace and Kevin still here. I don't know. Thank you everyone. I love everybody. Thank you Madison, producer of Massive for Great Show. Thank you Lori. Thank you menace and Kevin still here I don't know thank everyone. I love everybody. Thank you Eva. Thanks everyone for listening was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithaml.com

You know that I love my magic wand, right? Ava you can talk me about this for a minute. How do you about the magic wand? I tried it. I talking about this for a minute. How do you feel about the magic wand? How do you try it? I have a cork. I haven't tried the magic wand. I feel like you become a sexologist. They're like, here you go.

We don't get a diploma, we get the magic wand. Yes. Greatest gift. I know, the greatest gift. And now it's unplugged. If you tried the unplugged rechargeable, it's pretty amazing. It's not in the wall anymore.

It's been freed from its cord. It's a common belief that rechargeable toys can't be as powerful, but the rechargeable wand is everybody as strong as the original. Plus, it also has a new smoother silicone head for brand new vibration patterns. Like you've never felt before. They're actually, they're really cool because a lot of toys now have different patterns, but these are like, I thought that I could just use it in one way, let's just say that. And I've experienced multiple different kinds of orgasms with this.

And for levels of intensity to choose from, and I have tried them all, and it's a little quieter. So you're not sacrificing anything by trying the new magic wand rechargeable. You're not sacrificing pleasure or anything at all. And you might just have a few more orgasms. So it's a good time. Are you ready to go and plug?

Check it out, magic wandretargeable.com. And also, promising if you want to less longer in bed, or you just want to have the section relationship that you deserve, you got to check out, for a medicine, because sometimes men just don't last as long. They just don't. Women can take 20 to 40 minutes,

or guys, and men, maybe four to six, six to 10. And if you try a medicine, you will less longer in bed. It's the only actually FDA proof treatment for premature ejaculation. So check that out. It's promessant.com, P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T. Thanks for listening.