Sex With Emily - Ghosting, Threesomes & the "Single Grunt Guy"

Episode Date: March 30, 2016

This week, Emily and Menace come at you direct from the Gibson Showroom in Beverly Hills for the very first time and the theme of this show is one of Emily’s all time favorites: communication is a lubrication! She’s pulling out all the stops to ensure that by the end of the show, every listener becomes a venerable expert on this vital topic.Emily shares how communication (or lack thereof) has fared her throughout her romantic history and even helps Menace address some of his own relationship roadblocks along the way. Then the two tackle your sex and dating woes in two new segments, “Emily Please Tell My Partner,” and “Reading Between the Texts.” Together the duo helps decipher your cryptic textual conversations and even relays a difficult message to a listener’s boyfriend by calling him on the air!Whether you’re looking for steamy new sexual scenarios or you’re wondering if you’re being ghosted, Emily has the insight to set you on track. So if you’re ready to hear a show full of firsts, and improve your interpersonal skills along the way, tune in now! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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free extra gift and free shipping just use offer code Emily at Adam and Eve dot com. That's Emily at Adam and Eve dot com Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that block our sacred institutions Eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm gonna feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemily.com. If you can check out all of our podcasts, subscribe. So easy.

We do two podcasts a week and you subscribe and then you get them and you're however you listen to podcasts and we entertain you all we go on. Yeah, we do. Hi, Menace. How you doing, Emily? What's going on in your dating and life lately because I've been hearing things through the grapevine that it's insane. It's off the charts. So I, oh my god, I don't even know where to start.

So you know I was eating the guy, Mazza, already Mike. Okay. Like last year, okay. So we were dating and we broke up and what happened was I was very clear. Okay, so today's show we're going to get into a lot of communication stuff, how to communicate with your partner. Like we always do our favorite talking. And I broke up with him because this is what happened. He and I dating like a year casually.

Uh-huh. And I said, you know what? We don't want the same thing right now. You're looking for a serious relationship. I'm not. I was casually dating him, casually dating others. Fine, I don't think about it for a year. Year later, he circles back.

Like, you know, if he was saying, he's like, hey, I get a friend request. And then I get a call. But here's what it made me think of. So this is, you asked him to go and go on my relationship, because you know I ended one that I, someone I was dating a few weeks ago. This got me think about like how much better I've actually gotten. Remember when you crashed that guy's escalated and that guy was crazy too like why

aren't you. That was my lead that was that was he was the craziest guy I've ever dated and I know that you've made judgments on a lot of the guys since then that I've dated but he was the craziest we were dating for a few weeks we were at the stitcher garage where we used to record it's ever to go and and you got in the car and why would you let me drive an escalator on five foot one I can't see over the thing it was brand new and I backed it into a poll yeah you fucked it I mean you messed it up pretty bad and he was pissed yeah he could you tell he was psycho like could you see the psycho in his eyes no he actually seemed really cool like the one that I actually like because all the other guys that usually date are use car sales

Or they're just some loser with a bike Bicycle not an actual motorcycle no no no that the bike thing okay, but the the use car salesman guy who's not a use car salesman But you've met this guy. This is the one day a few years ago because this got me thinking because I'm like, well, I'm so much better now at communicating with telling guys exactly what I want. Because back in the day, I would like say that I want to commit, but then I realized I didn't want to even knock him in. And with this guy, I clearly did,

but he didn't get what he wanted. But maybe think about that time I was on vacation with the used car salesman, but he's not. And we earned Hawaii. And it was like this amazing trip we got the four seasons and I was really excited to go away with him because it was long distance and he was a great texture.

And we'd been together about like six or seven months but that's so much, I keep said all the right words. You loved that attention, yeah. I love the attention, I love the texting. So we got there, we probably had the other seven months, we get to Hawaii and it's like day four and I love the texting. So we got there, we probably had the other seven months, we get to Hawaii. And it's like day four and I'm bored. Like I'm kind of like bored, he reads the whole time.

I'm not reading. But that's the thing with you though, you get really bad relationships right away. I know, we can take it. No, no, here's why I would realize I was like, not only, yeah, you're right. I do get bored relationships, but not only was I bored, I realized,

we've been together about seven months and he's never, he really hasn't gone down to me at all and you know how I feel about oral sacks. Like yeah, like I know what I do. Like so you would. Why is he not going down to me? Like he knows it's my thing. He knows I like it. Like maybe once or twice. And at the time though, this was like five years ago, seven years ago, maybe when I first was, I feel like I what it took me that long to say something. This is a talk about communicating. Now I'm like, tell people right away. So I, for again, we were out dinner that night.

It was like the fifth night. We had marked, you know me, one dirty martini. I'm like, under the table. I'm like, this is the time. I'm gonna be really honest. I was like, so, I have a question for you. He's like, what's up? I'm like, well, you know, we've been dating while,

I'm just, okay, I'm just gonna ask you I Really say you don't really like perform oral sex on me a lot Or ever Yeah, and I'm just curious is it you know one because maybe you think I don't like it Mm-hmm is it too because you're You know, you're not really sure what I like or what to do because I be obsessed with it I'm obsessed with the role of sex. Or three, it's just not your thing.

Because I just want to know, he's like, takes a sip of his bartiti, he's like, just not my thing. And then you're not my thing. And I'm like, game over. And then I knew because seriously, you can't talk a guy into being into the vagina. Like it's like tomatoes.

Like if you love tomatoes, like you're like, I will, you're not gonna convince him, I know they're really good. It's like, no, I've seen tomatoes my whole life. I won't like it. He's not good. This is like a 37-year-old man. Like if you'd like, I, well, you're not gonna keep in some like, no, they're really good. It's like, no, I've seen tomatoes in my whole life. I won't like it. He's not gonna, this is like a 37 year old man. Like if you'd like the vagina, you would know. Yeah.

And then I was out. I finished the trip. Okay. Got him. Oh, you finished it. Well, it was like this fifth day, we had two more days. Yeah, well, you found out this information. Then you automatically broke up with them after the trip.

But I could have done it three months earlier. Like what I'm saying is I feel like I was just thinking about how much better even of course it's my job. But in the last 10 years we've been doing this show, like I realized that I was still then even learning how to ask for, you know, what I want it. But tell me about your relationship. My relationship is great.

I'm trying to think like- What's the latest? Like I feel like you've been together like 18 years now. Yeah, we have. Okay, so the latest issue is, feel like you've been together like 18 years now. In basketball. Yeah, we have. Okay, so the latest issue is, okay, you know that I have this adorable French bull dog, right? I love the dog, Chiro.

And but the thing is the dog sleeps in the bed all the time. And if the dog is outside the bed, it starts crying like crazy. Right. So, so the dog is in between both of us, crying, like crazy. Right, definitely. So the dog is in between both of us, me and my girlfriend, the entire time, all the time. Okay. So this causes an issue of ever having sex.

Because the- Dude, that is not the issue. If you wanted to have sex, you could kick the dog out. No, no, but like- You tried to do it on the dog. What am I supposed to do? No, I take the dog off the bed or I take the dog and I lock it up and then it starts Yowing in you have an it sex in two years since you got the dog no the dogs 10 months. Oh, that's having a sex

I had sex actually yesterday. Oh you did I did it was great, but the dog was there whimpering But dude it's weird. Okay, listen people, but what I want is just becoming a problem. Now it's been a problem for a while. You can untrain the dog. You can reach within the dog. It's been coming. Doesn't that take you out of the mindset though when you're together? If a dog is like whimpering?

Can't the dog, here's my question. Can't the dog, I have this, remember my dog Daisy? Yeah, what you got rid of? I got rid of. She was sweet. Okay, listen, why don't you put the dog at the end of the bed or something and just lean on the dog bed? The dog, it's like, the dog will sit in the dog bed next to the bed. No, the dog won't sit in the bed. The dog. You spoil the dog. Your dog has its own Instagram account. Okay, and I'm sad. That's why your dog is spoiled and you're not having sex.

That's a problem. No, it's kind of like, you remember, okay, you know, like a submarine telescope, right? Yeah. Or is that what it's called? Yeah, something. The dog's head just pops up. like you remember okay you know like a submarine telescope right yeah or is that what it's called yeah something the dog's head just pops up on the head of the bed and starts looking around you know but you just want to pat it I actually like the dog in the bed but that's the only thing that's been messing it up you know the only thing yeah's been messing it up, you know? Really? The only thing? Yeah, I swear. Dude, then you just gotta like take it to a trainer, you got to just train it.

Set it on vacation. Like babies, when you have a baby and the baby cries, you just gotta, there's a point where you let the baby cry. Yeah, I should ask. That's the baby cry and the baby will stop crying. I should ask parents though, like what they do. That's what they do, they let the baby cry. That's not good parenting though.

Yeah it is. Eventually you let it, like that's the first three months when they like need to suck into being they need to like do the whole thing. But eventually you letishing though. Yeah it is. Eventually you let it, like that's the first three months when they like need to suck into food. They need to like do the whole thing. But eventually you let it cry. Yeah. I'm sorry that you're undoing that. Do you need some sex toys?

You always push the sex toys. Definitely the sides that things are good. It's good. Okay, so the other thing is I think that I've, I used to perform way better when I was drunk constantly. Okay. Like when I was a little bit. You're black out sex. Those were the good old days. I used to perform way better when I was drunk constantly.

Like when I was a little bit. Your blackout sex, those were the good old days. Not blacked out, I just felt that I was able to last longer, I was more confident. And now that I barely ever drink, I don't think that I last as long, I don't feel confident anymore. Wow, yeah, that's true.

You would think that it's enough. What can I do to fix that? Oh my God, this is like the first sex, okay, that's a great question. You know? Yeah. Okay, so how long did you use to last? Roughly.

Oh, as long as I wanted. Right, because you were like drunk. That's like, whisk. And it's like, you know how they say that people get whiskey, weiner. Yeah. I get the exact opposite. So how fast?

It's like, I like to know how quick is your draw now? How quick? How fast? I think it's like been cut in half. Okay, so you're lasting one minute now instead of two? Oh, yeah, thanks. No, like, before again, with the drinking as long as I want. Well, first of all, glad you're not drinking as much.

Yeah. That's good. It's barely ever. Yeah, you were like, you were like a weekend binger. Those were good times. We agreed, fun. I kind of missed doing gel shots with you and said, I was a lot more fun back then.

You know what you had to do, sweetie? What we always talk about is, first of all, you poop whom we bought. I think a flashlight, the stamina training, if you practice with that on yourself, and you go up and down and you practice to the point of no return when you're about to go over, you learn, you have to learn a jacklatory control.

Pay attention to your body when you're about to, when it's about to happen for you, and then you train and then, you learn, you have to learn a jackatory control. Pay attention to your body when you're about to, when it's about to happen for you, and then you train, and then you can learn, like this is what's going to happen, and then you slow down again. There's that, keglexercises. If you do your kegels, so you want me to do keglex exercises. Download, you can't, you download the app, and it like, it reminds you, you know how long I would time out kegels. They're for men and for women, you know, longer that you do them, there's 20 levels. For five minutes a day, five minutes,

and you get to hear my voice, or you can turn off that part if you don't hear my voice because I know how you feel about that. And you will, the muscles, it's your pelvic floor will become stronger and you will be able, that will help. And then really it's just, it's the best thing is a stop, start, method, and practicing.

I'll teach you. OK. I think I'll go through that. But have you guys talked, here's my question. Have you guys talked about it? No, because I know that I'm the problem. But what if she thinks it's, but then she's giving an orgasm?

Like, is she just, yeah, no, I make sure that she does, of course, because I'm giving. You are giving, unlike this car salesman. You know, he would do. He'd be like, when I say never, I don't mean never. I mean, for like a minute. Like like one minute, like a swipe, but like a, and then he'd come back up.

I'm like, that was so, and in fact, like you could have gotten me a glass of water in that one minute and that would have served me so much better. Like why just, you know, anyway, but I'm glad you're a gamer. Okay, I have one more issue. You're probably not the, you're probably not the best person to ask on this. Impossible. It is.

Okay, so a lot of women that I used to date are inviting me to weddings and baby showers and I don't think that's cool Like okay, so let's say the weddings right? I'm sure you've been to like a billion weddings Yeah, guys I've you hooked up always yeah, right mostly, but you think it's cool You go you go on vacation with ex-boyfriends and their new girlfriend. I know cuz we're right Yeah, because we but you But you don't say... So you think that I'm thinking too much into it if I went to a wedding of an ex-girlfriend. Is your girlfriend invited?

I'm sure she is, yeah. What does it invite, say, menace and girlfriend? Yeah, plus one. Okay, does she wanna go? I'm sure she doesn't. I mean, I don't tell her like, oh my ex-girlfriend invited me to a wedding. First of all, I didn't even know you would ex girlfriends, A, and B, like, I, he's a lot of history,

a lot of all, like, some of them care about so. I just thought that we, okay, let me be. People have issues with this, like, I don't even have women who have weddings, brides and stuff, they're like, I don't want any girls, but your penis was, I don't want any girls in the scene, the penis set my wedding. But they, you're like, it's my wedding,

I don't want any women if I see, I want to be the only one here that I've seen my future husband's penis. Yeah even that, you're like, it's my wedding. I don't want any women if I see. I want to be the only one here that I've seen my future husband's penis. Like, I get that. But they invite a bunch of guys that they use to hook up with. And that's cool. But everyone's inviting you with these. So, if you're a mature adult and you have a friendship

and she's not like she's marrying you, she's marrying someone else, I think you go. If you don't want to. I just think if, you know, one day that I have a- Baby showers are just for chicks and I try to get at those all the time. Like, I'm, baby showers are a nightmare. I tend for me, like, oh, let's be a turkey.

Yeah. So how many weddings do you think you've been to where you've hooked up with the groom? And do you think it's cool? Um, they've hooked up with the groom. I'd say a lot of my, uh, most of them? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that would be great.

That'll handle the show. Wedding is with Emily. I think it's disrespectful. You know, probably two. Two? Yeah. I don't know. Okay, did the bride know that you hooked up with the groom?

It's like, no, because we became such good friends after. It's got quick. We like, stuff together. I slipped and fell on his penis once, but we mostly friends and then I think the other guy person knew yeah, cuz they were cool with it because they eventually did they find out that no no never no But didn't you feel weird like oh I slept with that guy like a once or twice We hooked up it wasn't and then you're at his wedding with this new wife Yeah, good idea. I was present

It didn't matter because it wasn't about our sex that we had five years earlier, but I... You didn't think about that while you were at the wedding that, oh, I had sex with that guy. I banged him. Yeah. I was like, I think I was with another boyfriend that I was like, into. I was like, oh, cool.

Look at the groom bride and groom up there. I actually have seen his penis. No, I wasn't thinking. No? No. Is that what you'd be thinking about her person? Yeah, I'm like, oh my god. You should not go. If you're going to be like, wow, I remember going down, no, don't go. No, I about her? Yeah, I'm like, oh my god. You should not go. If you're gonna be like, wow, I remember going down,

no, don't go. I don't want to deal with it. But I think this happens, but that means that she's cool with you. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know. I think it's a different. I'll never do it.

Okay, and you gotta buy a present. Be still after the buy a present anyway. But don't go to the baby showers. If you can ever boy that way, be out of the country. No, I think it's weird. It is weird. You know what else is weird?

So I had a date tonight. I didn't tell you this. OK. So there's this British guy in town. My best friend, Charlotte, just went to Vegas with her British cousin. And a few other guys, she's like, oh my god, he's got a really cute friend coming out of LA for two weeks.

He's hot. She showed me his picture. You guys should go on a date. So all week long, he's been texting me about getting together. And I've been one of these really busy weeks where like, not being a great, not being a great tech star, but he's cute. He's really cute. We had fun pants But I realized I'm like He's like beachwood canning is that far. I'm like, I don't know like I don't know where we're going

I believe it's a year or two years. I don't know so then he said hey I've got a cold and eyes like a panda and snott thinking might be better to push back to next week Will you be around oh so you just canceled on you yeah? Now I was gonna cancel on him because I'm really tired too, but okay, but but the thing is I was already telling Charlotte I think I've been a lame texture with him because Because you know we always get the text would late when we talk about text later people send us third screenshots And we help them and I started thinking last night I've been not the best texture with this guy because I just don't care

I mean, where are you just gonna go out with him because he's British and he has some accent? Are you serious? He's leaving and he's cute and he's accent, I love the accent. What is that bad? You can be saying something totally stupid in the air since you're up because of the accent.

Most people are saying things stupid and if you say with the British accent, it's actually more entertaining. All right, well, that's annoying. So. Well, you cancel, I'm actually relieved. Okay, good. But why don't we give a shout out to the people

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Okay, so today's show just so you know we're gonna get to that. My favorite topic always I always say communication is a lubrication and it's the most important thing for couples to talk about is sex and no one talks about it. So clearly we talk about it and I'm learning, we all getting better every day, just go that we are not born with. And this British guy just communicated very well. He's sick, if we believe him or not. But let's get into sex in the news.

And then we're gonna get into some tips for everybody to have a better sex. So five things science tells us about noisy sex. All right. So there was a story last week that came out. I actually covered this, a sex in the news story. The Swedish Health Minister, he defended loud sex on Twitter, a long-suffering guy who had been kept awake by his neighbors,

loud sex, tweeted him, tweeted the Health Minister, and asked him to ban risky activities after 10 p.m. The minister replied, sounds really nice for them, I think, good for their well-being and thus public health as well. So the minister was like sounds really nice for them, I think, good for their well-being and thus public health as well. So the minister was like, FU, like, these guys are at boning and then it came to come to find out that in Sweden, the number of times a week people have sex has dropped. Really?

Yeah, I don't know why. You think the Swedish people are like sitting around with like blonde hair, happy hot eating meatball all the time, like, and they're really not, like they're not even having sex. Didn't you actually get noise complaints in your apartment back in Saram Sisco? Yes, the walls were thin. Yeah, but wasn't it like a lesbian couple that would leave you notes? What would they say? Well, they were loud. There were three lesbian couples. Okay, it was in my 1920s building in San Francisco.

It was split. It was like one of the house splints of like six apartments. And so next door to be were lesbians Downstairs were lesbians, so I was surrounded and they had very I think they were like in little into bdsm Yeah However, apparently I'm I could be loud so They weren't they weren't complaining about my sex as much as they were my five-inch heels that I had I was on the top floor and And that's I would come in and like, drawing and clowning,

I'd go talking on the phone, like, I was on the other side of the house. Yeah. But they never complained about the sex, but their sex was, my so-my agent, right, came over one night, like he came to my house, he was in town from LA,

and I'm like, come over, like, what have you guys done to wine? We're going to dinner and he comes up and see my place. And he's like, conservative guy, and he's like sitting in my living room, having wine. Obviously, you're like, ah, ah, and like, bam place. And he's like conservative guy, and he's like sitting in my living room, having wine. Obviously, you're like, ah, ah, and bam, bam. He's like, who's having sex?

He like puts his ear up like, yeah, this is my lesbian entertainment, having sex. The all day long, 21st of all. So you support it, though. You don't think that it's offensive to other people. They don't want to hear you. But you know what? It's probably because they're not having enough sex.

You know what, yes, you should be, you should be, you? It's probably because they're not having enough sex. You know what? Yes, you should be, you should be, you know, mindful of your neighbors. Considerate of your neighbor. Yes, you should be. What are you going to do to a muzzle on it? Because let me tell you why sex is important. Go to a hotel room.

Well, that's the best sex ever. Because you can just trash it. You don't care if your neighbor's like, yeah, complain at me. I'm leaving tomorrow. Room 309. Like, I'm going to have like 16 orgasms. And I brought my Sibian.

So, okay. So does yelling, so this is scientific reasons why people are allowed during sex. I'm tying this back into we're all going to learn something here, not just about how loud you are, but you're probably not loud. Because men typically are not. Does yelling make sex better? Turns out a new studies says that having a good old yell during sex, during a sex marathon can help lead women to the big O a lot faster. So the fact that we are talking about and moving towards it and like, ugh, ugh, like we're more likely to have an orgasm. But this

is important to note, 92% of the women thought that their loud vocals boosted their partner self-esteem and 87% that they were using this because they thought it would get you there. Like, get the guy there. Yeah. So the more, but that, you know, that makes them, but if you're getting more turned on, because I'm turned on and it gives you confidence, me confidence, eventually the orgasm could happen. Oh, but it could also lead to faking. Tell that story about that guy that you said sex with that made no noise. Okay. So dude, yeah, here's the one happen when he this is the point number three ready? Oh, no our men quieter It's all but or is it just the men? I'm boning yes Science is shown that women get really turned on by the noises their partner makes

But if you're in a heterocouple a study found that men make 94% less noise than as women So I would be considerate of my neighbors. No, but you know what? We want to know that you like arse a live still, that you have a pulse, and that you're like turned on. That guy was dating. We'd have sex, and I'd be like, I never knew if he came, he'd be like this. Like, oh, like nothing else moved,

like it's like a, like a muted grunt. So while we were having sacks, and then finally you would finish, you would have his orgasm. And you'd go, like, just one time. Once, and it was like, did I hear it? Or did I see it? Like I'm not sure, like did you,

like I had to pay attention. So that, it was so, it was like, why don't you make, and I think guys, they just don't. I mean, I think a lot of it is that you're afraid your mom's gonna walk in, I need me or your younger and you have to be quiet. I don't know why you don't, but you should.

And now there's a term for this, which is so funny because when I was reading this, I thought of that grunt guy. It's called, it even has an acronym, Singular Grunt Guys, SGG. Wow. I had a thing going, yeah. You should try and look and let them know that he has a

he's been texting me too. I broke up with him seven years ago. He says I have to scout and he keeps texting me links. Did you ever tell him that he was a gruntter? Yeah, but I don't think you know yeah I did. But um women are more comfortable being vulnerable and letting a guy know what they're feeling which is why it can be of it one sided but it can be quite important for guys to get in touch with their inner, yes. We're asking at some level without language, do we have chemistry? If you're the only one making sounds, it feels silly, which could affect chemistry.

So, just say I'm following, I do something. Do you grant? No, I make absolutely no sound. You make zero sound, that's even worse. Because I don't want any of my neighbors to hear me or anything like that. I think it's shantles. That's why I live in my little guest house. I'm embarrassed.

Really? Yeah. You want me to go crazy and be like yelling and screaming? I like that I say that women sometimes make a lot of noise because it's like primal and we want to turn you on, but also it just feels good to get it out. Do you feel like you're muting the inner you that wants to be like, ah!

I don't want to hear that. Do you possess what you want to do, but you don't? No, I don't. Not at all. I'm just curious. I'm curious, because guys are typically out, but you don't say anything. No, I'll be like double-oat-a-d.

Do you ever think you're dead? You're growing up. That I'm ever thinking that I'm dead. Do you ever think like, oh my god, what's wrong with men? I don't know that anything. No. Does she ever think like, oh my god, what's wrong with men? I don't know that you're dead. No. Okay.

Well, here's the studies. There's a freak. Number five, studies have males, I said after that, males during orgasm, there are none. They've never done a study on female noises during orgasm because men don't make noise. Well, that's interesting. But they talk about women and why they do it. So I want to know what, I'm going to conduct that study. Email me feedback at sexwithatlin.com. This old hippie lady that I knew in San Francisco, she wanted to travel the world and have sex with men to figure out what different noises that they made.

Like how French dogs bark differently at least in French class. They go like, wow, wow, did you were, you know, did you have a tight friend and they're like, no, I'm like, they sound like a cat. I wonder if they do sound like a cat. You guys should just go on a world tour. I should just go have sex. I've had sex with guys around the world. And. Yeah, didn't you go backpacking through Europe?

Yes. It was like the U.N. Like I dated like someone, I said for someone from Israel, someone from like Belgium, the UK. I dated someone from France. Were you able to communicate with any of these guys? Or are you just? How to go down? Yeah, they're speaking. Let's a little a little. Yeah, it went down like

Hey, I'm going to Louse. What about you? You want to come and like let's this German guy? You slept together for two weeks. Yeah, it was really fun. Don't you still? But I don't think oh, but I did yeah, oh I went to his wedding the summer. Oh my god Okay, so I was on the phone, I was at the foam room party. Yeah. So I met him 15 years ago backpacking. I was a month, I was in Thailand on the beach, foam room party. And we have a great time.

He is really guy, awesome. And never talked him again. We have a really good time together. Let's see, and I do actually remember now that I think I was talk, he speaks English, okay, I think I was doing a little good time together, let's say it. And I do actually remember now that I think I was talk, he speaks English, okay, I think I was doing a little like dirty talk, but he didn't really understand me. And I'm like, oh, that's funny.

Like, I think he'd seen it in like American films that I was doing something that he found, like entertaining the deed scene in movies. Okay, so we become friends on Facebook, whenever Facebook starts like six, seven years ago. And then I'm in Israel last year. He lives in Israel for my nieces about Metsva and he messages me on Facebook. I see her in Israel.

Come meet my wife, my fiance. She was from the late. She was from the late. This really cool guy that I sex with 15 years ago. So I went out with them one night in Israel in Tel Aviv. He's like, come meet my fiance. He's like, my fiance is from Beverly Hills L.A. You'd lover turns out we had the best night of my trip. We went out. We priority to be a good time.

She's awesome. We're like you have to come to our wedding in Ohai. So I did the summer. Does she know that you hooked? Yes, she knows. She knows the whole story. First you want to hate me. She's like I did not want you. I was like, but the second in the car, I'm like best friends with her. I love her and she's amazing and we still talking. I wish they're wedding. It was really fun. There you go. Just another story. It sounds like a nightmare. But I feel like best friends with her. I love her and she's amazing and we still talking. I went to their wedding. It was really fun. There you go. It does sound like a nightmare. But I feel like if you've been with someone and you love them and you have a connection

and everything's great and you can move on, pass all the hate, not right away. You don't, I don't become best friends with them the next day. Typically, you know, it takes a few months, 15 years. Okay, this is Emily, please tell my partner. Okay, survivors, you know this, that sometimes couples they hit a roadblock. They're not even though I'm trying to help you day after day, telling you what to say, giving you scripts, helping you communicate with your partner. Sometimes

there's messages you just can't get through to your partner on your own. Like you've tried. It's like hitting your head against the wall. You know, like, you just, you're like, I just want this to happen and it's not happening. So I've offered my services, people email us as you know and say, I just need you to call my partner and tell me because he will not listen to me. So there's today's email. This is from Lauren.

She wants us to call her boyfriend Matt. Dear Emily, my boyfriend is obsessed with the idea of having a threesome. I know it's his number one fantasy because he won't stop bringing it up. While I'm always down for exploring new things with him, I've done the threesome thing before, and it didn't end well. I've absolutely no desire to go down that road again, and every time he brings it up, it turns me off even more. I've asked him to let it go multiple times, but it doesn't seem like he's getting it. Help me. Help him to understand that this fantasy threesome isn't not gonna happen.

And if he doesn't drop it, we're not gonna happen. Thanks for your help, Emily. I know who listen to you, love the show, Lauren. All right. So we're gonna call him in a second, but what do you think about that? I mean, that's every single guy's fantasy. I know.

This every guy's fantasy and not everyone's on every guy's fantasy, and not every girl's fantasy. Yeah. And he won't let it go. Like, this could be a deal breaker. I think that's just up to her. I mean, I don't know if a guy will ever drop it. He should drop it. She's getting to the point where she's like, ah, you know?

I have to know like how often he brings it up. OK, well, we'll talk to him. But here's the thing. Just a little background. They live in Orange County, been together two nephews, they're talking about moving in together. It's getting serious,

but this is the one thing they need to work out. All right. Let's call Matt. Okay. BEEP BEEP Matt. Hello.

Matt. Hello. Hey, Matt. How you doing? This is Emily from Sex with Emily. Good. Oh, my girlfriend loves your show. Good. Oh, hi, Matt.

I'm so glad to hear that. And she loves you. She does. Oh, good. I'm glad. Yeah. But. I love her too.

Yeah. No, she really does love you. Well, she loves you a lot, but there's one thing that she doesn't so much love Um, yeah, you know, you know, you guys seem like you guys have a great relationship and um I know the number one top fantasy for guys is to have a threesome Right, so Matt you've been talking Lauren about that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah Well, what did she say? Okay, well I have met us here by cause Hey, how you doing?

So, and you probably think like right now she's trying to set up the three-some but wait a minute. Yeah, oh god, he did. Yeah. Right, here's a deal. Sorry to burst your bubble, Matt. I'm sorry, yeah, I actually did you think I was calling to tell you that we were gonna have a three-some? No, I mean this is a weird was calling to tell you that we were gonna have a threesome? No, I mean, this is a weird phone call again for sure, but I don't think, yeah,

what does she not want to have one? Well, okay, here's the deal. So I understand that it's her top fantasy. Like, I don't think that most men on the planet would love that with threesome, right? You can't find a guy that would want to have a threesome. No, you can't throw a can this time without finding a guy who I've threw some.

I totally get it. And for a lot of women that, they're into it. Like that works, they want to do it. Lauren, however, just knows herself, and she knows that it's not something that she wants to do. And she feels that the way that you are bringing it up and consistently, and she feels pressured by you. And she feels that, you know she feels that you know it's

really getting to the point where you know you're not letting it go like a dog with a bug and well I just I don't know it is one of those things that I do I am I guess I am pretty adamant about it but I don't I don't see why we can't like explore that a little further. Right. Why do you want one so bad? Have you ever had one? I have not. It just seems like, I mean, I'm a guy. It just seems like a cool thing to want to do and try and like, I don't know why we want it, you know?

Right. Now, if she doesn't want to be, I mean, if she doesn't want to do that, do you think that you can stay together? Uh, I mean, yeah, it's not like a, like a make or break sort of situation. I mean, it's a bummer. Don't get me right. Right. She's a bummer.

But like, I don't know, am I, am I supposed to just drop it? Or am I like, should I keep? I mean, she doesn't like that I'm, uh, it sounds like, I'm not fresher in her. No, Matt, this is all, these are all really good questions. And you sound like an awesome guy. So the deal is when it comes to couples acting out their fantasies and, and share, you know, figuring out what makes them both, you know, works for both of them, you really have to

find a compromise. Because we're not, oh, we couples aren't always going to agree on what they like, right? I mean, do you know what her fantasy is? Do you know anything about her fantasy? Uh, I mean, I don't, I, I couldn't tell you off the top of my head. Good, well, this is, I'm glad we're having this chat. Okay, well, you talk about compromise, all right? Yeah. What about if they just start off, maybe he buys one of those blow-up dolls or sex dolls and he brings it into the bedroom.

And then that's like a good starter, can't you? No, I don't, I think brings it into the bedroom. And that's like a good starter, can't really say. No, I don't know. That's very critical thinking. But here's the other thing, Matt, that sometimes it can be really sexy. First of all, I love one of my favorite tips for couples is to do a sexy bucket list. So what have you always wanted to try?

And what have I always want to try? Let's write down three things and then share them. And then maybe you guys will have, maybe she wants to have sex outdoors or maybe she wants to do a strip tea's for you or maybe you want her to dress up like Santa Claus. I don't know. But this, yeah, I'm sure you do.

I don't know, I don't really just do our, but there are ways that you can compromise on it and talk about it because if couples don't talk about what they want in the bedroom, they're never gonna figure it out and they're gonna be dissatisfied. And in your mind, you're thinking fantasy, threesome. But what I'm here to tell you is that there's so many other ways you guys can explore your

sexuality and do really fun things that don't necessarily include a threesome. So for example, let's say she says right now, babe, I'm not into it. But what you could do is while you guys are fooling around, you'd be like, you know what, I'm picturing you right now, like it'd be really hot if someone is here with you. And then you could talk about it. Like it's, I'm telling you I had to do this you laugh, minus, yeah, I'm just saying, oh, yeah, that's not you. Yeah, or you could like talk about what it would be like or describe that, you know, watch porn together, maybe she, you know, and maybe there's a fantasy there that you guys

are like, oh, that would be hot. Let let's try that so you need to bring in some more data some more um information into your relationship that you guys consume jail like a lot of couples sitting listening to my podcast together or they watch porn or they buy a book or you know there's the she listens right she's taught you something yeah yeah absolutely um maybe maybe she just feels like why like I maybe I'm not enough for her. Right. I don't want to put that out there at all. That's not what I'm trying to say.

Maybe that's why she's very happy. It would be an extra bonus cool thing to do. Of course. I get it. And the thing is, typically, it has to be her idea. So if she's never been curious about being with her, there are ways that this could happen again, but when any time anyone's forcing us to do anything,

we're gonna resist. But if you guys can talk about it in a more open way, like, hey, have you ever wanted to be with a woman? Have you fantasized about this? And then you start talking about it, maybe watching, talking to friends of yours who have done it or you watch porn, but you're not forcing.

It's not like every porn is through some porn, because that's probably just as a no-one to her. Something about the way you're bringing forcing it. I like every porn is threesome porn, because that's probably just as a no-benter. Something about the way you're bringing it up now, a lot, every day is making her feel like she can't take it anymore. Yeah, how have you guys tried to take Daquilla shots together? Because that can always happen.

I'm open to suggestions for sure, but I definitely, I could ease up on bringing it up. How up on bringing up how would you how would you even put it together? Would you want her to take one of her friends into the bedroom with you guys or would you work on it together? Definitely what's your fantasy? Definitely like a logistical hump that I haven't Yeah, it's more one of those things that like can agree to it. Cool, then you plan it. Then you know what I mean? I don't have it.

It's not like we're going to be having sex. And I'll be like, oh, cool. There's another person here. We've worked it out already. It's all good. Well, it's kind of like, yeah. I get it. It's kind of like a plan when you're like,

you think of something really big you want to do. Let's take a trip to Europe. And you're like, oh, that's overwhelming. I don't have the money. We've got to buy a ticket. Didn't her money? You don't have to pick it to ready, yeah. Yeah, but in her mind, she'd be like, a threesome, a woman. So maybe it's about like breaking down the elements about the little things that turn her on.

Maybe she has fantasized about being a woman or maybe, you know, what is I'm saying you guys get granular because she just hears three some like, oh my god, he's gonna fall in love with this woman and think she's hotter than I am. Or what if I don't want to be responsible, right? Right, which is exactly, so that's all she's hearing. And plot, if this is something you have to do, just break up now. So, are you willing to give up the three-sub with some random chick for one night or do you want to stay with your lovely girlfriend Lauren? You have a choice.

I'd rather be in the relationship that I'm with. Good! Matt, okay, keep it posted. He's good, drop it. Yeah. This was a success. Yeah, I'll drop it. Thank you, Matt. Cool. I wish you many years of amazing sex. Hope this didn't Where you out? Okay, have a good day. Bye. All right, you too. Bye. Bye Good talk. Look at you about the phone 24 7. Yeah helping everybody they know in the world

I'm like I'm I'll have my listeners right so thank you everyone if you want to you You hit a roadblock with your partner and there's just something you can't get across to email me feedback at section.com. She's, he seems like a nice guy. If a seat, he did, couple people don't know, like your girlfriend, like she doesn't know that you're even thinking about the fact that you are ejaculating quicker. I'm just saying for example, because you've been tight the elephant in the room. And so many couples have this elephant in the room, which is why we're talking about communication where they don't even know how to break it down like they're not start But what do I mean? What is she gonna do if I talk to her about it?

Just tell let her know that like this is something that's like I'm gonna work on this or I'd like last like I think that I am working on it by talking with you about it. Oh I feel really good about that. I do feel like, but your answer always is like, oh, bringing some crazy sex toy. I just said that what? It's bigger than my hand. No, it's a masturbation. And I said, do your pebbles. You can do this anywhere you can do them now. I'd rather talk, you know, talk it out with you. We're gonna hang on her. Okay. We can get into some emails now. All right. Okay, I love hearing from you. Thank you for emailing me feedback at sexwithendly.com.

And people are really good, including their names, their age, where they live, and how they listen. Hi Emily, I'm a 21 year old female listener from Northern Ontario, Canada. I've been with my boyfriend three years now, and ever since I've been listening to your podcast, I've become way more open to new ideas and I have a new perspective on my sex life.

Also, since I've been doing your keggle camp app, now at level 17, my boyfriend noticed my PC muscles are stronger and I have two, but here's the problem. I can't, I can only orgasm when I'm alone, not with my partner. I'd love to orgasm with them. I've tried many different positions to reach the big O, but I feel like I need so much concentration

that I'm distracted and it doesn't happen for me. Please help. Thanks, they're all unique. I mean, doesn't that happen? What was the numbers on that? There are only 30% of women have orgasms during, of course. I was just telling my friend this morning, she's like, she's young, she's like,

I didn't know that. Oh my God, I thought something was wrong with me. So I feel like I can't, I save this all the time, but truly, 30% can have 70% can not. These are an app to find the most. But yet, the app that you spot locate her app, best idea ever, or just to find the one, the final one, it's 30%.

There'd be a dating app called, I will come for you. Yeah, or just put them on the island somewhere and it's like so we know where they are. Yeah, put them on island. Honey, here's a thing though. It's so difficult. I know. for you. Yeah, or just put them on the island somewhere and like so we know where they are Yeah, put them on island honey. And here's a thing though. It's so difficult I know you know you're like, oh man. I'm terrible in bed. I know well You might be yeah, um, and so this is this is a challenge, you know, and here's my so this is this is Guys don't know women fake it this is why women fake it because they think like have to do it, and they don't realize that it's not magic for me.

It doesn't just work like magic for some people. Some women, like the first time, oh my God, I had six orgasms, some women they don't. So very neat, here's your sex hack for this week. This is your sex hack, right? These are three different ways that I'm gonna guarantee you. I can't guarantee you, I wish I could feel like orgasm guaranteed or your money back.

Can I be your business? I'm like, what if I wish I could feel like orgasm guaranteed or your money back. You have to bring out a wand or something. Like what if all these people could have, uh, opposite of orgasms and like I charge everyone a dollar. Oh, you'd be a billionaire. I know, I don't need to make money on people's sex life, but hack one. She's already doing it. She's doing her chagol exercises, which I know you make, but it really for women. We men and women, we have pelvic floor muscles.

Over time, as you get older, the after fee, right? Which means they become like, they become, they fall. Yeah. No matter what, just like if you didn't exercise, like your boobs would be down to your knees, right? They already are. Right. Oh, okay, right, then you get it.

So I'm, but she's doing that. And so like any other muscle on your body, you have to work out. It's like you're, you do these exercises. So she's, I have my app. She said level 17, which is I'm never gotten in the 17 because I can't, I mean, consistent. But that means that he, so you know, women also

are worried that they're not tight enough down there, which they are, women you're frying, women complaining about. But it can make you stronger and have more orgasms. Because if you build up those muscles, they're like, it's almost like they're bulging and that you can see them, but they're so primed for sex that you can have more orgasms

when you work on your kegels. I saw this woman on the internet, crush water melons with her legs. Right, you can do that. Is there like, is there thighs or was it like something? Or thighs. Like there's someone who like, dragged a truck with her kegels muscles.

Are you serious? Yeah, literally. You can make him so strong that there was someone who like dragged a truck with her Kaggle muscles. Are you serious? Yeah, literally. You can make him so strong that you could like not like a truck, but like a lawnmower. Like one. She's like a thing in her vagina and she drag. Yeah, they give me a really strong. So do your pedals and I'm glad that you're a boyfriend.

You don't want to see my web history. I'm glad your boyfriend can feel the difference. That's amazing. That means that she's clenching them around and you can feel it. But here's your hack number two. You need the right kind of stimulation. So the clitoris, you're working on your juice fat muscles, but the clitoris is where all the magic happens. The only reason the clitoris exists, that little love button, is for female pleasure.

8,000 nerve endings. It has no other purpose. However, the reason why so many women do not orgasm during intercourse is because the clitoris does not always get enough attention during intercourse. It doesn't get hit in the right spots or certain positions that just don't hate it. Well, not a lot of you do have an orgasm. And if your boyfriend doesn't sound like it like my ex and you don't warm her up, let's say, little oral, little something, something, it's not gonna happen. So you need to get that literal orgasm out,

you need to take control of the situation. So make sure you're getting, you know, whatever you have to do beforehand to get warmed up for a play, that's a suggestion, it's a requirement. Awesome. How long do you have to do for a play for? It depends, case by case basis, longer than a minute. You minute. Give me a number. I would say between time wise on average

10 to 15 minutes of making out. I'm not like Roping slow down take off my clothes. Tell me how beautiful I am 15 minutes. Yeah 10 to 15 I mean you can whip out a quickie every once in a while, but it's good to amount. I want to get today's society people. They're so rushed. Yeah, they have ADD. They're not going to be able to make out for 15 minutes.

Yes, people make out, they have four, but we need it. We are not women. See, this is the problem, though, because when guys, again, the mood, they're automatically ready, right? But then women, they take a while to warm up. Right. You're still the girl's, you're fine with. Exactly.

And the, we're not even meant to be the, and the issue is like, the guy's level of being excited goes down, down, down, down, as you're making out. Right. So they just right away. Can we start a new system where we get the deed done, and then afterwards we can kiss for a while, and then it's over.

No, no, because then we're annoyed because we're not turned on and you're already done and you already fell asleep or ordered a pizza, one of the other things. And then the other thing that I want to start is, could we just have sex before the date starts, and then we would have a way more fun? That's a good fact. Because we're doing pretty much killing time. Till you have sex. Until you have sex before the date starts and then we would have a way more fun? That's pretty much killing time tell you sex until you have sex I agree no

I'm totally done with that in fact I have to say that sometimes it's good just to get to knock it out I have sex before the date you can't do that Yeah, usually I have sex before and after if I'm dating someone oh really yeah, like it's kind of So guys so you get all dressed up and ready That's you knowing heart because you're like god damn damn, my hair, my hair, my fine. Just do it, but don't, you know. You have sex, go out. Every time.

Okay. Yeah, sometimes you just can't help it. Yeah, but I see. Rips my clothes off. I love it, but for you to get already, that's kind of wasted time. You know, I'm not wearing that. I mean, whatever we have,

we have a little lipstick on, it's fine. Okay. But here's the thing that she needs to do here. Veroneak, stimulation of your clitoris also, the positions that are best, woman on top. When you're on top of him, you could control the depth, you could control the speed, you could control the pressure. So you know how you need to move to have that orgasm. So woman on top, also like missionary can be good if you wrap your legs around him and

you do, you know, you can move in certain ways, like the coil alignment good if you wrap your legs around them and you do, you can move in certain ways like the coil alignment technique is something I talk about a lot if you go to my website. Those are great positions for stimulation, but just make sure that I think the reason you haven't is because you're getting nervous, she's sucking herself out and she's overthinking it. Like a lot of women don't have orgasms because during intercourse because they're like, it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen. Like my friends and I used to joke in college like Joe was blinking clocks that guys used to have by their bed. It was like red

It was like the red clock. I was never in guys's bed So I don't know. Okay, but everyone had it was for his cell phones and it was then it would just be like a red digital camera Okay, oh yeah, there's a clock and it was like blinking you'd be looking be like 11.02 11.05. I haven't organized. And you're like, we are so concerned with how long it takes that nothing's gonna happen in life if we're too much inside our head. We're not gonna enjoy it.

We're sucking ourselves out. So I think that she's just, she's thinking about it too much. So I think she has us to bring her boyfriend to it. Let him know that she's not orgasming and they gotta work on this together. He'd be happy to help men or helpers. And then my second sex hack, third sex hack for you is got to work on this together. He'd be happy to help men or helpers. Yeah, and my second sex hack Third sex hack for you is to load up on the loop

You know that my mission and life More like crazy just because like honestly my dream like when I wake up in the morning I'm like I want a loop on every night stand in America if not the I'll start with America Because the loop is so underrated because he would think oh It's she's discomfort. There's she she's dry I'm not turning around and go the loops only like bring in the big gun loop like only if there's a problem no when you add loop to sex women are more likely to orgasm like they just will even if they're already wet but guys think no but guys think you get it if you are

wet doesn't matter anymore guys think that, she must not be that into me. That's what I'm saying. There's a problem. A bunch of loob. No, but that is not true. This is why I wanted to debunk this very, very important myth. Like, this is almost as important as the presidential election right now.

Do you know why? Why? Because if people are not having good sex and they're not happy, and they're just going to start ripping each other's heads off like the Middle East, because they can't accept.. I'm serious. So Lou, many women don't know that they think that. They think, oh god she's got Lou because I didn't turn her on but the truth is female lubrication is very like you know it's fluid in the sense of sometimes we're wetter, certain times a month, and other it is not

an indicator of a razzle. So I could be really turned on. If she busts out the Lou, she hates me. No! What if it's a really nice pretty Loub next to your right in the use pump and men are more likely to orgasm too if men are having whatever. Have you ever had a situation where you didn't need Loub or? Oh yeah, I don't need Loub. I prefer Loub. I don't need. Don't need. It wasn't a Loub if they're trying're But isn't it messy and then you get into laundry and stuff. No, no, but what don't buy it at the drag store? By a water-based lube No problem. It comes up your sheets comes up your clothes. It's easy. It's not like you're It's not like you're like a loop shower like your hair's on like I'll slip

I think and this you go crazy with the glue. We got one of those guns like no It's just a pump of lube and it will help. So also, I'm communication, you know, that's my final thing for you. My final sex hack for this Veranique is that he's on a mind reader. He doesn't know what you need. He doesn't know, he wants you to organize them. I promise that he wants you to organize them during sex.

So tell him your goals. You're like, hey, I think it'd be really fun. I organize them on my own. My PC muscles are cranking, you know? But like, let's work on me having this orgasm together. Yeah. Not that like we need to talk. I haven't had an orgasm with you. Then the guy just feels bad. Let me just read number. So yeah. Okay. Another email. Hi, Emily. I'm a new listener, and now I listen to the podcast religiously. My boyfriend and I have talked about spicing up our sex life with changing the location of where we get it on.

Which is always a good idea. Always, totally. We've mastered every room in our apartment. But what other fun places do you recommend for sexy time that's a bit adventurous without being too risky or totally illegal? Any experience on trying some sex-incrasi places that you've gotten away with, I look forward to hearing your recommendations. Best Alessandra age 23 from Massachusetts.

Oh I'm sure you have a ton of suggestions. I do and I love that she's asking this because the truth the thing about adventure sex or doing it somewhere else is because when couples are together for a while as we know they kind of fall into a rut. You kind of become you know know, you do the same thing over and over, you've sectioned your bedroom and then you turn on the thing. And so why I love that she's asking this is because the thing about switching locations, it adds two really important elements that are often missing from long-term relationships and long-term sex.

And that is the novelty of just switching locations. Just somewhere new is exciting. It also gets your adrenaline going because it's new and you maybe you can get caught if it's somewhere out an adventurous. Just somewhere new is exciting. It also gets your adrenaline going because it's new and you maybe you can get caught if it's somewhere out an adventurous and also it's spontaneous. So there's three. It's spontaneous because you're like,

oh, well, we're having sex like, you know, we might as well have sex at this park. Yeah. There's a kid over there, which I don't know how to do that one. No, kid far away. But I'm saying, it's more, it's just new because anything new novelty is what goes out the window

oftentimes in long term So I love the arousing this ventred sex has those ingredients very hot Okay, what would you suggest the craziest places you've had sex? The crazy places maybe you got caught the creases places I've done it I want to know the craziest places that I've done it Probably okay, so there was this one time time I was at a comedy show right in it was a gigantic comedy show there's 20,000 people there and a bunch of comedians and there was all these backstage rooms and I was there with my girlfriend at the time and so David Allen Greer right

he was performing there and he got off stage and he just left. So his dressing room was still available. So I just grabbed her and then we ran into his dressing room and locked it up and just had sex in there. That's crazy. But it was crazy because I didn't know who had the key for the room or anything like that. And someone could just walk in at any moment. Yeah.

So it was hot. Like you always remember that. And then. You're so dangerous, man. And then I must have been completely wasted because then on the I Yeah, so then on the way back We're taking a limousine and it was just her and I and

You know just put the Divider up and then had sex in the limousine too. Wow the way home had so much energy back then Of course, I was like 70 pounds lighter, but was it the alcohol? and then had sex and the limousine too. Wow. On the way home. It had so much energy back then. Of course, I was like 70 pounds lighter. Was it the alcohol? Did you get the courage? No, no, I just think I was just like really young. Right.

That's fun. OK, Menace. Yes. This is another favorite part of the show. Our listeners love this. Reading between the texts. So thank you for everyone for submitting your screenshots to feedback at sexwithfamily.com.

This is where we disagree a lot because you say, oh, this is what this means. Yeah, I sent my whole letter in there. Yeah, but then I say no, that's not what he's saying. Well, that's true. This is why this is a good, he says. She said the thing, but you know, texting is an art now. Texting is a crucial skill that you must acquire

and you must become really good at if you want to date in this in the modern world because people are not talking on the phone and you know, there's all these studies are like, wait a minute, if you can't spell, like I'm not gonna date them, or if you use too many exhalation points or if you use them, or if you use them, or if you don't, I mean, there's all these rules, right?

And so, but then a lot of people are just really confused. They get these, they send us their screenshots and they want us to decipher them. And I realize that like I do this and they're with my friends like for years, they've been like, what is this mean? And I'm like, and then I always tell them how to answer. Like I just, it's one of my natural skills.

So, now we've got, you know, an email. So, because the truth is if you can't text, you're probably not going to get laid. So that's another reason why I want to help people So but you don't think the texting is how you think because you've before you had a girlfriend. Yeah texting was definitely difficult Right, oh what do I because you can never read right? like the tone or you know if somebody's joking or they're serious and

I think this this happens a lot with the dating apps too. It's not just for texting. You know, how somebody's trying to communicate with you. Exactly. So the dating apps mean no one's gonna call you, it's all through texting. So if you're a girl on a dating app and you get 50, 20 messages, let's say.

And every guy's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, nice photo. And then some guy's just something funny about a picture of me and an elephant that I had in a photo. Like then you know what I'm saying? It's not that hard, but you gotta like, you put some brains into it. It's skill. So this first one that we have is called the Bumble Fumble.

All right. So here's the background. Julian, he met this growing bumble. So Bumble is a dating site where it's like the Sadie Hawk. It's like women hit it. Yeah, yeah. Hit on the man first. She hit him up first.

They started texting immediately when on a first date went well. Over the course of a couple of weeks following the date, she lost interest. Now he's wondering what went wrong. So I've got, he sent me like 15 texts, but I just cut it down into like a few crucial ones. All right, so just to recap this the woman Contacted him on the sap right right if then they went out on a date

Let Julian is the guy and the her name Stacy let's say okay now Julian is Hitting us up saying okay, I went on this date and now she doesn't talk to me exactly And here's what happened over like a few weeks Spent a time a week spend time and like what so he sent it all to me so The first screenshot is just that medium bumble and she's like you sound great Here's my number so then it goes off bumble and to the iPhones so He texts her after the first date. Hey last night was a lot of fun Also, I made it to my car without any harassment.

Came into my car without any harassment. And then he does the prey, homoji. Out the prey, homoji. He's already using homoji. Oh, dear. You have no idea. You seem like a cool and fun person. We should do it again.

She says, OK, good. All thanks. So do you. Yeah, totally. And then she does a smiley face with glasses. Not sunglasses, just glasses. Don't know what that means. Great. And then it go weird smiley face. It's kind of not really doing anything. It's not smiley, just sort of neutral. He says another emoji. We'll have to figure it out when we'll have to figure out when. Hope your day is

going great. Thanks you to have a rad day. Okay. Can I rewind a little bit? Now, when they went on the first date. Okay. So when they went on the first day, how long after did he communicate with her? I think it was the next day. Like he was like, that was fun. Let's do it again. Okay. Now is that okay? In your, you know what? I don't really, I do not believe in words. I do not believe in the rules. In fact, if I if I wait guys waiting three days, like if you're into someone you can be like, that was really fun. Let's do it again. And then he follow up and make a plan. So the next day contact is okay. That's fine. I'm fine. The whole day of waiting a week waiting three days. I agree. That's done.

No, I never. I know people they live by. I know. And he said, Oh, he hit me up after a day. And now I'm, you know, he's too needy. There's a lot, right. Well, this is like our friend Julian here. OK, so then he says, quick question. So apparently they did set up a date. And he said, quick question.

Will we set on hanging this Sunday, Perens 2-21, like February 21st, or next Sunday, 2-28. I was just reminded that I have a show next Sunday Weird smiley face with the eyes looking up. So if that was the case, we can figure out a different day question mark Also, hope you're having a good day smiley face with glasses Whatever that means. Oh thanks. Hope yours is good too. It was just about the text you I think we were supposed to do this Sunday, but my friend is having her birthday. Let's get together We have to get together that night, but yes, let's reschedge.

So before I even finish here, he might as well just share to his like Google calendar. That was so boring. That's too much of a question. I'm like, what, like even if a client sent me and I'd be like, someone figured this out, just say Friday night, I gotta take it to a concert, let's go.

Done. If she can't, but like don't center what you're doing, like, oh, I gotta do this appointment, I thought three, like a supplement on three well you give her too many options you can't wait too many options we're already overwhelmed but it's not over oh you can say what's your comment so far well my other comment is damn I totally forgot could you recap that real quick yeah well he he says quick quite like so he makes a plan with her and she says great we'll see each other soon and then he says wait and then they apparently they made a plan because her and she says, great, we'll see each other soon. And then he says, wait, and then apparently they made a plan

because I couldn't read you 55 tax, but it was 12 tax. He says, quick question. Oh, explanation point, quick question. Well, we supposed to hang this Sunday or next Sunday. I was reminded that guys show next Sunday, can we figure out a different day? Okay, now that's the question I want to ask you. Would you be offended that he didn't know what day

or even going out on? I mean, would you read into that? I mean, what you're saying, she could be like, how do you not remember? Would you be offended by that at all? No, I do it to people all the time. Yeah, well. But I don't think I personally wouldn't be

because you might have written wrong in a calendar, maybe they were out buzzed drinking, no, I would not be offended, but that's a really good point because this is why your men women like God knows it's like men are from ours women are from Venus. I don't you're right. She could be like fuck you for not remembering Or she could be like I can't believe you didn't remember. Okay, she said all things then she says let's reschedge So the next one which is like

Few days later. Hey, hope you're doing well. I more or less know what my schedule is this week and here are the days I have free. Okay. Good. Thursday, Saturday, there's a chance I might, lots of eyes, be helping a friend with something though, Sunday, anytime before 9 p.m., I have a show or Monday.

Any of those work for you? Again, way too many options. He said that back to her again. That's him, that's her, yeah. Dude, I know, I'm exhausted. My hat hurts, I never want to see options. Wait, he said that back. That's him. That's her. Yeah. Dude, I know I'm exhausted. My hat hurts. I never want to see this. Yeah. This is a friend. I'd be like, just tell me when we're meeting. I agree with you. You have to just automatically say, Friday night, I have to take a suit show. You want to get it. And then she says, no, it's hot too. The man is a plan. Just let it go.

And then see how she responds to that. And say, well, maybe she gives you another option, say, oh, I can't go out that night, but maybe we can go out on this day. You know, that would be the better. So much better. And if she didn't give an option, say, oh, it's okay, then I would say, okay, she's not into me. Right.

Then I'm going to have to move on. But guys don't pick up on that usually. And then he's going to keep on contacting her probably four or five times. Well, ready? Okay. Oh, no. Well, ready? Okay. Oh no. Hey, sorry to drop off the map.

I've been home sick and out of it. Yeah. So I'll give you a text this weekend though. Okay, that was February 24th. So four days later on a Sunday. So you know he thought she said she, because she said she texted me this weekend. But Sunday at 1.30, he texted her. Hey there.

How you doing? Feeling any better? Hey yeah, thanks for asking, how are you? Oh great, that's good to hear. I'm good, it's been a busy week, I worked a lot, how about you? Nothing. Two days later, Gandhi plans for the weekend? Then she lets them down. Hey, glad you're doing well. Sorry for the inconsistent response. I've been dealing with some work-life transitions. I think you're really cool, dude. Super funny, smart. I'm not looking for anything romantic now.

Hope I'm not being presumptuous. I'd love to kick it with you and your friends. I'm gonna see you. I would love to date one of your friends, is what she's saying. Well, so what do we think happened here? I mean, he wants to know like what? I totally agree. She was way too

needy aggressive available. I like that he was trying to make a plan, but or she could be also be doing someone else. We don't know. No, too many options though. Yeah, I think so too many options. How many days did. Did he get her? He's just been like I'm not available on Christmas. Like that. He's so much more efficient. Yeah. And then what now what does he want us to know? I don't know. I know. So he wants to know like what happened? Like what he really liked her after their one special date and um and their extensive text exchange about availability.

And he would like to know what happened. And I think again, I say to my girlfriends, the time that we spend analyzing what text mean or when you call to call, we could have cured cancer by now. Like we do spend a lot of time like does this mean that. But here's the thing you're never going to know, Julia, you're not going to know. We don't know. I she might be getting someone else. She might just stop you that into you. But if you'd like some feedback, I think that there's way too many emojis and you just got to stick with the plan, have a plan, and then wait to hear back. And she can't do that the work from there,

but you're way too into your Google Outlook. Can I flip it on you real quick? Yeah, go. I know this is crazy. No, I like what I like. Okay, what is wrong with the needy guy? Let's say a guy that just wants to be around you all the time. That's a really good point. Okay, you're right. Play a game like, oh, you know, there has to be a separation, you know,

that's just how it should be. But what's wrong with the guy? That's a great kind of point, man. He's hanging out with you all the time. You're 100% right. And the truth is, if we really like someone and they had an amazing date, let's say they made out for hours and it was so great, she probably would have

texted them back and said, let's get together again. And then we wouldn't have had any of this exchange, perhaps it would have happened. So that's a good point. Maybe she would, but at the beginning, she did say, I want to go out with you again. And I think that there's a fine line between being needy and being available and interesting. And I think the guy that keeps...

I don't know, I think it keeps trying... I mean, he played just too many stupid games. It's not games, maybe. Maybe it's just being straight up with each other, right? Maybe she felt like, over time, his text... Here's everything though. I'm going to go back to this. His texts were all about planning. And if we all are an ADD culture and the they probably haven't talked about it

We've talked on the phone here the boys. He should have thrown something funny and interesting in there He should have been like oh, and here's a funny thing they happened to me and like not be so fuck But keep trying to engage her because here's the other thing We have short-term memory like things were distracted. They might have been a date a week ago She's like that was so fun, but maybe she had three other dates. And then this guy's texting her a bunch of date number. And she's like, that was fun, but this, he might seem like he's a, you know, or pick up the phone and call.

Like, how about this? So, and to one woman's needy man is another woman's husband. So, I think it's just, you know, I think it's all relative. So, women are very, it can be needy too. And in fact, I like a guy who's available and wants to see me. I don't like playing games. I'm busy, so that's a good point. But I'm just giving him feedback that it was just,

I think for all men and women, have a plan. And just that's not making it confusing. This was confusing. If that was the case at all, maybe she liked him and then it was confusing. And this made, if that was the case at all, maybe she liked them and then it got confusing. Whatever it is, just for future. And don't obsess on this one. And for everybody who's right now thinking,

why didn't he call? Why did he ghost? Is it always like the ghosting thing? Yeah. Guys, this appeared with me. This appeared. You're never going to know why. Like, you are not, you could bang against why.

You could read all your texts. You will never have the answer. Guess what, didn't matter, you didn't die. There's a lot of other people out there, date, move on. Nothing physically is gonna happen to you if you're rejected. Exactly. Oh, speaking of ghosts, our next one is a ghosting one.

This is a little short of that. One was like, I had to like, I was up for like six hours, trying to like figure out. Okay, Gina and Shane, talking a month, hung out a couple of times, slept together once. They never go out together, they just hang. Okay. She says when they're in person, they have great chemistry.

He's very attentive, but his texts say otherwise. She hasn't heard from since. Is he a bad textor or did he ghost? All right. This was her. Hey, how is work? Good, I hope. What are you up to?

Question mark, explanation, what, question mark? Good. Not so much. Three hours later. Yeah. That's awesome. Two smiley faces that I've never seen. There's like something emoji now.

Like the world's changing. Do you have plans tonight? Want to come over? Question mark, question mark. Two minutes after his text. That's six or five. Or again, double text. I can come over your place.

If that's more convenient for you, six or seven. Eight eleven, he says, not sure. I'll hit you up. And then two minutes later, okay, I'll keep my up. Ha ha. And then two minutes later. Okay, I'll keep my night open for you. Can't wait. Smiley faces with hearts in the eyes. Yeah.

She might as well just like, you know, propose to him. I know exactly what's happening. And then he says, LOL, an hour later. Game over. Done. That's all we got. Okay. The ghost? Are you a bad texture? No. He's obviously with another woman at that time. Or he has other plans.

Or he has a girlfriend. There's somebody else in the picture. That's the only reason. Because no man on this planet, if a woman is trying to hang out with them, that much is gonna shoot away. Unless he has more options. Oh, that's a really good point.

But is that still kind of, but so you're thinking he'll circle back and they might have sex again, but he still goes to the center. When that other option runs out, he's gonna call her. Like maybe when she leaves in the morning. Yeah. That's a really good point.

I think you're right. I think that, but he didn't really ghost though because he just said LOL, he might have come back around. I think that if you're looking for a relationship, um, he's not your guy. I, what do you think about emojis? I'm sorry, there's been studies that I'm asking like in a superficial way. Yeah.

How do you feel about emojis? Yeah. I don't know, but I don't think you should use them right away when they're committing was communicating with someone. No, nobody should. Do you feel like a moji, someone from right mistake like a sexo love you and it's like someone you work with a client? No.

Yeah, I do that all the time. I'm like love you. Yeah. Oh wait, tell me a check. Yeah. But I think that that's the deal. I think that she's got to keep moving on. I think he's both.

I think he's a bad texture and he might ghost very soon. Yeah. And I would just cool it with the question marks too. A little too aggressive. I'm sorry, but I feel like some of this does seem like it's sort of silly that we're sitting here talking about. But if nobody talks on the phone anymore and nobody actually leaves their house

and this is all people are doing, then this actually matters. I'm just just fine. This thing, but it's true. Anyway, I mean, it is true. It's not not true. Okay, that's all we have time for. It's a wrap.

That's freaking wrap. So good to see you. I know. I learned a lot about how you date all these psycho guys. You knew this. They just all came out of the world this week. But you think you would be able to filter them out some way? Can you block someone from like, can you block someone

from listening to your podcast? No, unless you have their IP address, you can probably just on their internet, but that's about it. You could go to the Pentagon, get their IP address. You could probably figure that out. I feel like I'm glad to know that you're your penis challenges right now. And I feel like I'm here to help. OK. And I feel like it feel like I'm glad to know that you're your penis challenges right now. And yeah, I feel like I'm here to help.

Okay. And I feel like it's like the under my nose the whole time and definitely has. We'll talk about. Okay. Thank you. Thanks so much. And thanks everyone for listening.

Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Everyone, thanks for listening to this show. You know, sex toys, they're kind of like potato chips. You start with one and you immediately want more. If that sounds familiar, I want you to head over to your local Hustler Hollywood store. Third, Hustler Hollywood store is all over

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