Sex With Emily - Good Vibes Only with Coyote Amrich

Episode Date: April 5, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by Coyote Amrich – the Surgeon General of Sex Toys – well really, she works for Good Vibrations – and they’re talking all about how to find the right pleasure products for the best bedroom experiences. They discuss how to know what sex toys to buy and which ones to pass by, what goes into creating a quality sex toy, and why it can make a huge difference in your sex life. Plus, Emily answers emails on why no one seems to be using condoms these days and what to do when you came clean about cheating, but now you can’t orgasm. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Apex, Pjur, SiriusXm, Promescent For more info on Good Vibrations, click HERE. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Kaeody Amrich, the surgeon general of sex toys. That's not her real title, but it's what I like to call her. She works for good vibrations, and we're talking all about how to find the right pleasure products for the best bedroom experiences, and believe me, she knows. I'm also answering your emails, topics include, how to know what sex toys to buy, and which ones to buy pass. What goes into creating a quality sex toy, and why can make a huge difference in your sex life? So what's the deal with condom usage these days and what to do when you come clean about

cheating, but now you can't orgasm. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got everything.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information. Check out sexwithemily.com. All the awesome posts we have there to help you with better sex, catch me Monday through

Friday on serious sex and stars. Channel 109, Monday through Friday 5-7pm Pacific for more sex talk. You can call into the show too. It's cool. You can also get a free trial at sexwithemily.com slash SXM as always. Find us on all social media at sexwithemily.com slash S X M. As always, find us on all social media at sexwithemilycrosstheborp. Hope you enjoy this interview as much as I did. I am so excited to welcome my guest and dear friend,

Kio Di Amrich. She's the director of purchasing and product development for Good Vibrations. Hi Kio Di. Hi Emily, how are you? Good, how are you? Good to talk to you. I'm so glad you're calling in.

Hello. Because I need to set the stage here, you guys. I mean, I don't know how else other to explain Coyote than she's kind of like the surgeon general of sex toys. Like anybody who's ever made a toy on the planet is like, well, Coyote, you like it? Like, what is Coyote doing here? Coyote, can you do Coyote?

I don't know, what do you think? Oh, Coyote, you liked it. Like, I don't know how this happened, coyote, but it's true. You know it all and you're calling. I love that. I don't know how it happened either. I'd like to know. And I have to say that coyote, so coyote

works for good vibrations, which I hold very near and dear to my heart. And I have to tell you, coyote, that you indirectly gave me my very first orgasm. I didn't know you at the time But um, yeah, no good vibrations. I don't think you know, they're amazing story I started in San Francisco and coyotes work for them purchasing seeing all the toys How did you get into this line of work coyote? I don't even know I

Know well, it's a super strange happening and it really just happened I was moving to the Bay area from Oregon and I, of course, thought I knew what I was going to do and a friend of mine was working at good vibrations and I had not gotten myself a job and I was headed down to the Bay and they were like, you need me to do a job before you move here. And so I took a temp job that I thought would just be for a couple months while I got myself settled into my career at the time. And that temp job, I never left.

I fell in love. I worked as a temp in the customer service center in all of our retail stores. And interacting with the customers, hearing their stories, hearing how they trusted us on a phone, and in person with some really intimate details of their lives, and they were coming to us really exposed. It was beautiful, and I loved it, and I worked my way up really, I mean it was a quick ascension, but I worked in sales for two years, and I talked to customers from all over the world, and when the buyer before me left,

I was like, oh, no, you're leaving, and she was like, why, don't you want my job? And I was like, oh, my gosh, you know? Wow. You know, at that moment when people see something in you that you don't see in yourself, that was her. Yes, I do know that, and we were talking about that at Women's Day. International Women's Day, we're talking about all the women

who have seen, who have seen us, and helped us rise. So that's what I want to say about, I skipped over the part about, you gave my first orgasm, is that good vibrations is this really unique, like I was fresh off the bus from Michigan. Lance, I had never had orgasm. And people kept saying, have you been to good vibrations?

So if you've been and I walked into one of Polk Street, which might have been the only one man. This is like 92. Was it third street? Oh, yeah, third street, okay. But that was the first one I went to and it was like and this is how still how it is but even you know more so like hi I'm like hi, you know first you think Sex toy stores are gonna be this weird like you know back back of a room with some weird lights and beads and old men And no, they were like hi. Hi. I'm like, what do you want? I'm like, you know, back, back of a room with some weird lights and beads and old men and no, they were like, hi, hi, I'm like, what do you want? I'm like, I don't know. Like, well,

if you had an orgasm, I'm like, I haven't. And it was like the most comfortable, relaxed, well, let's go over here. And that's kind of how the ethos of the whole brand of good writing, that's how you are. And that's what spoke to you. And so that's the good vibrations experience that you still carry on through everything, you know, everything that you do. Because I always say the reason why I call you this shirt surgeon general is because I actually look at things because, you know, we get set a lot of toys here too. And I'm like, well, does coyote like what is good vibrations thing? What is coyote thing? Because you have very high standards. There's a lot of people making toys now. And how do you go about deciding like what makes a good quality toy?

Well, I mean, there's really basic elements of what we look at. And look at the quality of the product. It was it safety and making sure that it doesn't have rough themes or exposed wires or things like that because it does happen. And then we look at functionality, because a good toy can mean something so different

to two different people. And I try to look for and work with the staff, you know, in the stores to look for items that really fill in gaps in our inventory and meet the needs of our customers. And that is a moving target. And it has been since the Open Door doors in 1977. And so it's changed so much over the years. Our customers coming in now have a different level of experience than they did when we first started and people are doing their own research, et cetera.

But we really want to make sure that the product is functional, that it's going to work as it says it does, and that it's going to hit the spot so that it's supposed to hit, and that it's a safe product to use, and it's the best quality for that price point. Right. Okay. So what makes a bad sex toy? Honestly, you know, to me, aside from like something that actually hurts, you know, that has rustings on it, or, you know, there's products out there that are made to look like other products that they just aren't and

you know we've seen metal toys that have kind of a roughness to them and that's really dangerous honestly and so you know rough scenes, roughness to them if they break really easy if something's you know, that's a bad toy Have in your vagina. You're done You're like oh wait, we're the let go some of China No, no, that's that's a good way. I got that so what if someone has never bought a toy Like what are the questions that they go into a store? They go to our site, which is a power by good vibrations Well, you know like where do they go people a store, they go to our site, which is a power by good vibrations. What, you know, like, where do they go? People often ask me that, but I'm like, let's just talk to Kiyote about it.

Like, what do you say? Because you must be that person at a party that everyone's like, oh, yeah, yeah, tell me more. I am that person at a party. So I nearly feel like intuition is a really powerful thing in ourselves. So I tell people all the time, I'm like, go into the store, go onto the website, be patient with yourself, look around,

and pay attention to what catches your eye. So like if you're gonna look for a vibeer, scroll through the vibeaters for a second, what catches your eye because there's a lot on the market. In the stores, we can pull you aside, we can talk with you, we can ask us questions and we can listen to what you say and then guide you based on that. On the internet it's a little bit different. You may be going to look at different reviews or different blogs, but those people are writing for their experience and we want you to feel

pleasure so we want to know your experience. And so we give information on the website that's just going to give you an understanding of how this product is going to work for you, where it's going to touch the body, what the purpose of the product is, and what I tell people is what is attractive. You don't want to wear a pair of pants that isn't attractive to you just because it covers your legs, but you want to wear a pair of pants that looks really good. And you find that when you go to the rack and you look at it, it's the same thing. When someone's standing in front of the driver

and a wall, I'm like, well, what caught your eye? And then nine times. So good. And they end up with that product because this is going to bring you pleasure. This is something that you're going to be intimate with. You don't want to hate it. Exactly. You don't want to hate it. Exactly.

You don't want to think it's not attractive. You want to think that, oh, this is going to bring you pleasure. This is my new best friend. And so there is an element to it that it's like, what are you attracted to? Yeah, no, that is such a real life. Yeah, exactly. Just like in real life, you're out. I never thought about it that way.

So really, in the design of toys have changed so much. A lot of them are beautiful, but you're right. They look good in different colors. But yeah, go to the site and check it out and read about them. Do research. So take care of it. Like, what about couples toys? Can we just talk about that for a minute?

Like, we were talking about that here. We had a woman calling the other day, and it was great. We were talking about toys, and she's been listening to the show for a while. She's like, well, I got the wish You know the we vibe wish and she's like I That with my partner. He was lying. I she was lying on top of him And they just use it in the middle and it's like squishy and didn't move around She's again that was amazing and I didn't even tell her to do that right so what do you think about that? We were like where should we start? You know because I know my answer, but I'm just curious what you say to this, because you're the surgeon general.

Well, I feel like I can't stop saying it. I know, I love it. It's hilarious. There are so many products that are designed for two bodies to interact together. And those products are fantastic because they're going to work exactly, you know, not exactly because it's not an exact name, but they're going to go into the body or be positioned on the body and they're going to stimulate two people at the same time.

But everyone's really different. And the pleasure and sensation that people like is really different. It varies so much. And so what we say is, you know, sure, if you're like, I'm looking for a ring that is going to go on my partner's penis and I'm going to be able to feel the conversation as well. We're going to show you that, but a couple of toys can be everything, because it's a toy.

Maybe it vibrates. Therefore, it's going to give a sensation. You are a couple playing together. It's just how do you want it to touch you? People can use the magic wand together. People can use all types of products together. If you're really wondering, what can be used together? Let's talk more about that, and let's talk about the new magic wand together. People can use all types of products together. If you're one can be used together, let's talk more about that and let's talk about the new magic wand

that you brought it up. Let's talk about the plus. This is amazing. Yes, the plus is so great. Well, the plus is exciting because it's like when there's something so amazing out in the world and then they make it even better, make it even make off or something different. I love that. And this new addition, so it's the third magic one that we have been given and it has a removable cord. So for folks who really love that electric power, this one has that power but you can remove

the cord for storage. It makes it so much easier, it has a silicone head, which is really nice, so that's super easy to clean. And then I think most importantly is it has variable speeds, more variable speeds. The original has strong them stronger, and it's one that you can, it does. It has powerful and way more powerful. Like that is just yeah the plus pretty amazing And the rechargeable was amazing. I'm like oh my god now the plus like what else are they gonna do to us? It's amazing. I know and I love it because it's just giving people options and when you're brand loyal if you love this product

Then you know you're like oh, I'm done I don't need to look at sex toys anymore But it's like how fun to find a new vibrator that is like your favorite. They've just improved on it. Exactly. That's the thing that everyone gets to go on their own journey. Like I'm telling you, we all that we like that people, a lot of people that coyotes like, we've all approved of, but it is true. It is our own journey, if you will, with sex toys. And I love that you're saying that again about the magic wand that couples, we all need to chill out more. Use it. It's an initial intention to be a misoger. Misog each other, play with each other. The sensations feel good on every kind of body. We all need to chill out more, use it, it's an initial intention to be a massageer.

Massage each other, play with each other. The sensations feel good on every kind of body. The vibrations feel good. Not totally. Most of us like vibrations. Any vibe massage. Yeah. Yes.

And any vibrator can be used by anybody because you can hold it on your body wherever it feels good. And that's a wonderful thing about toys and exploration of your partner or yourself is that you get to find what feels good, where it feels good. And if you're doing this solo, then you get to show someone at some point and be like, look what I can do or look like it feels wonderful. And then if you're with a partner, you get to go through this process of figuring out together what feels wonderful and what, you know, can through this process of figuring out together what feels wonderful

and what, you know, can maybe heighten the intimacy that you already are doing. Well, let's talk about that because, you know, I believe too, that toys actually heightened intimacy. They do. So what do you say to people who say, okay, you must get this at all the parties, whoever you go out in life and you tell them what you do, they go, oh, I don't need a toy. Oh, no, toys aren't for me. Yeah.

What do you say to them? I always want to know. I always want to ask them. I know. We get that a lot, and I hear that a lot from honestly friends and people at parties. And the reality is, maybe you don't need something, but it feels really great. And you don't know what it could feel like until you try it. And so I don't need to, you know, drink coffee. I do actually. But I don't need to drink it out.

And I would just only need to drink water. How about I don't need to have, you know, anything else but water. But it tastes good. And I like it. And I like how it makes me feel. And so that's the same thing. You don't maybe you are a person who doesn't actually need vibration to climax, which is a majority of female-modied people do need vibration to have an orgasm, but say you're that person who doesn't. That's totally fine. But what would it be like if you used a vibrator and your orgasm was different? What was more intense maybe?

And then what if you're using a product with a partner and for your partner it's so exciting to use a viber on you and make you feel such intense pleasure. It deepens that connection. And I've heard it. I don't need lube. I lubricate myself enough. And I'm like, okay. But that's only for vaginal play.

What about other types of play? What about hand jobs? What about, you know, what about all the other ways that we can be intimate together. And those parts of the body don't self-reliverate. And also, maybe you're having a really long session with your partner. It doesn't always stay with the whole time. Exactly. It doesn't.

It's all like it's safety measure. It's all in hand. Exactly. Exactly, it doesn't. So I'm like, it's safety measure. Exactly. And also it's just fun. Have fun. I just isn't just about, you know, one and done, spend some time, have like played together, be spontaneous and fun and try new things out. And that's what products allow you to do. Again, maybe you are that very self-attentive people who don't truly need vibration to achieve autism, but not all of them. But the majority, you said the majority do it. And I agree. And then the women who feel, you know, yeah, I feel bad about it, it's going to replace me, but I think you just explained

it really well to people who are still hesitant about it. Like, it's for everybody. Everyone's body, different parts of our body, and adding lube. I know that lube conversation. I'm like, no, can we get over the fucking stigma with lube people? Yeah. Yeah.

It also has a fear response, right? It's like, they don't know so they're afraid of it, but it's like, give it a try because it can really, like, height into the seat can be really fun, and it can really bring new pleasure. Yeah, exactly. That's why I say, I'm like, that's what I say to you, I'm you know, well no one's ever called me and said why do you tell me to try Lou? But literally in 14 years no one's a mad about that. No one's been mad about it.

Toi they've never been like, it's like you bitch. Why my partner did leave me for their magic wand. You are wrong Yeah, literally never happened never happened. So what's the other fun stuff to, because I always come to Coyote and I get to spend a lot of time to get these trade shows twice a year. And I'm telling you when I say she's got people like following her around, seeing what she's doing. It's like, it's her show.

She's running. People want to know what Coyote thinks. So what is exciting right now? What's, what are we on the lookout for? Anything fun that you're excited about? Beside, I don't know what's going on the lookout for? Anything fun that you're excited about? Be sat on the list. I mean, it's a lot of new stuff. Keep going.

Well, no, I mean, it's like there's so many studying products that come out all the time. And so it's really any given moment, there'll be something new. I think what's exciting is that I'm seeing a lot of different items. And I say that, and that may sound silly. But being in this industry it's been

not over 50 years and way longer than that but like really serious manufacturing and I've been doing this for 16 years and seeing new things that I haven't seen before or maybe items I saw 17, 18, 19 years ago in catalogs that just kind of sell off and are coming back. I love solutions to problems. I love solutions to personal. I wish there was this and then someone goes and creates it. I'm seeing a lot of those products. There's an item, the bumper. The bumper is an item that slips on the base of a dildo and allows the user to feel a sensation from the base of it. So it's going to allow for a texture and if the Dildo say vibrates, it's going to allow for the partner to feel vibration as well, who's maybe wearing the Dildo. The other item that is new, yeah, that was a solution is called,

and this is the best name probably ever. It's called O-NET. And it is a series of stackable rings that help reduce like some people experience pain during penetration because of a host of medical conditions. And this allows you to stack those rings on the penis or a dildo or fingers or whatever. And it allows you to, A, put a stopper that says, this is the only as deep as I'm gonna go, but also it lets you have a bumper

so that you're kind of cushioning the penetration each time. Yeah, that is really smart. So good. Oh, I saw that at the show. It was like genius. Like a solution. Yeah. I love it, genius.

Or like the UV, like cleaning the toys. That's really fun. You're like, of course. I mean the genius. Or like the UV, like cleaning the toys. That's really fun. You're like, of course. Yeah. Right. And, you know, different, like the Louvre, the Touch, Louvre Warmer. I mean, all of these things that are just coming out that are like super interesting, super unique, and they just offer a solution that maybe you didn't know that that was in need,

that was out there. You're cleaning your toys, you're fine. And then all of a sudden, you're like, like oh this is great because it cleansed my toys and it's a storage space for my choice. Exactly. I didn't know I needed that. Exactly. And I knew I wasn't getting... I know. Me too and you're like oh I wasn't buying toys because my kids were gonna find them. People say it all the time like the UV right? You're so you're so just so so smart. So let's, that is smart. I mean, that was very smart.

We're going to smart industry. Kiyote, what, what, let's talk about, we are making a very special thing together. Kiyote and I've been co-creating the perfect subscription box. I wanna say perfect, but I can't get close. So I have a sex with Emily Box. We work and I know it's pretty frigging good. Let's, let's talk about it so you guys,

I don't know if I've talked about it much in here Maybe a little bit that I have a subscription box that it's like sex in a box every few months meaning most people The majority of people would like to try something different spice things up and if you don't know it and every few months you get a About for a year Special box that we've created with a lot of things that will, you know, make the keep things interesting until the next box comes. So this one, well, let's talk about it. Well, what's exciting about the box is why I love this idea and I love that we're doing this together is exactly what you were just saying is like, what

do we use? What do you recommend? And this is something that people can subscribe to and when they get it, this is all products that we have curated for them to give them an experience. And it's not just one experience, it's a lot of little experiences. So you can try new things, you can maybe see something on the website or see something out in the world, and you're like, oh, I don't know about that product, I don't want to, you know, spend that money maybe. Well, we've given you all of these products at a great place. And when I get to try new things, you get to try new things. You get to try new buy-riggers maybe. And we try to put a lot of little things in there so you're getting a lot of great new things to try.

Yeah, that's cool. OK, guys, so you guys should check them out. And play with. And play with and play with them. We're going to give you little tips on how to actually use them. Because I do forget that care to the people are like, okay, I bought a toy. Like what's, and they're like,

I don't know what to do with it, or I got bored with like my toy. You know what I mean? Like do you have to get people to speak? Yeah, what do you do? Like what's the most unique, yeah. We get people that are like, I got something, I bought this product and it didn't work.

And I'm like, okay, well, what do you mean it didn't work? And they're like, well, I didn't have an orgasm. And I'm like, okay, did you, I mean, and what this person had done in this one instance, is I think they had taken this product, put it on their body and was like, no, that didn't work. And that's moved off. And I always recommend that people take their time and have a date with it. Like, you have to get to know your new toy,

get to know your new products, and give yourself the space to have that experience, because you're not just gonna put it on your body and understand what it does. So, play with it. Have it to feel good, what feels best. That's smart. That's also like a fear response in the sense of her like I don't know

I'm just done with it. I get that a lot I mean people often say that they can't find the charger They're like how do I'm like just charge it. There's the button But I'm wondering how he's speaking of explaining it to people the womanizer How do you describe the womanizer because I get that a lot? I just want Cody Dan coyote answer the things like how do you say it? I'm like, what would Coyote do? That's a new game. Well, it is a very unique type of product

and the way that it delivers sensation. And so what I tell people is to start slow, because it is really intense, and it can be shocking how intense it is because of's a whole new sensation that we're not used to feeling. And so I just help people to go really slow, get on the lowest speed or some of the lower speeds and some of the new ones have a delicious range of settings and turn it on and then kind of move it around on your body to find out where it feels great and then enjoy.

Honestly, women are such a wonderful thing because a wonderful type of sensation because it's really different. You don't have to hold it in place. It really is a somewhat hands-free experience. And for some people, you can turn it all the way up and it's a quickie you have always wanted. And then you can also go down to the lower settings and enjoy the rolling orgasms because it is really... It is, right. I mean, I I want to say like is there anything so when the womanizer came out of four or five years ago people always asked me what's so innovative and I have to say that's that to me was the most innovative that I've seen in the 14 years anything since then that we've missed that I've missed you're my

you're my eyes and ears well technology I mean the technology it's really hard because when you look at what's come out and what's new, woman is new in the way that it offers sensation. So instead of a vibration, it was all the different ways it's described, but essentially it's kind of an air, a pleasure air technology. There you go. A pleasure air technology. A pleasure air technology.

I call it the Clint Whisper. A perception, but it's not. Yes, it says Clint Whisper. It's not a suction, but it's not. Yes, it says come quickly. It's not a suction, but it seals like suction. So it's a different sensation that a lot of people haven't had before. So in addition to that, well, there's technology. Now you can use products across the world. You can do remote control.

You can connect products. Like I love all of that because it allows people to connect over really long distances. And so those are some of the more easy items that haven't coming out. Because our body parts go on. No, I'm saying I just love what I love about the app, like the We Connect app that they have.

It's because I was like, oh, you can tell how much battery life is left. And controlling it is a lot easier. I was like, oh, because of that, you don is left. And controlling it is a lot easier. I was like, oh, because of that, you don't know. And now I thought that was exciting. Yeah. Yeah, I just love that you can connect with people across the world.

That too. The cost, the cost, the cost, the world. And I love, yes, because not everyone is going to maybe feel comfortable using their cell phone. Right. But that part has been amazing. Is it taking a long distance relationship? That's what I love about We Connect.

Wherever you are in a different room or in a different continent, you can like vibe with your partner, which is cool. And if you travel, like travel, people travel a lot for work now. And being away from your partner is hard, and now you can maintain intimacy from long distances, which I love. And I also really love that because, you know, the shapes of products, I feel like people are still innovating how a product touches the body, like the shapes that it is, and how people can feel pleasure with these different shapes of products.

And I just love seeing that come out. So there's a lot of really innovative, fun, colorful products being launched, and it's great to see. I love it, Coyote. Well, thank you for bringing them all to us So okay, so I'm at good vibe toys you guys can check out a Cody. I have to ask you five quicky questions that we ask all of our guests Okay, don't be nervous. You're gonna be great biggest turn on Wow My biggest I don't know I don't know I don't, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,

talk with someone next. Oh, kiss on the neck good, biggest turn off. I smelly breath. Okay, go to sex toy. Magic wand. All right, number one, sex, Number one, sex or relationship tip. Oh, I would just, uh, communication. Okay. Right. Perfect date night for you. Well, I've been married for over 10 years. So I'm gonna say, I really love,

I really love getting dolled up and making a night out of it because I've been in a long-term relationship and married for some years. And so when you live with someone, you've been with them for a long time, sometimes it's really nice to shave the legs, put on some shoes, and actually leave the house and go out for dinner and a night out. That's a good one. I agree with you. And you always look fabulous. And you are fabulous.

Coyote, thank you so much. Call it again and visit us. Thank you for all your work. We'll talk to you soon. I appreciate it. Bye, Coyote. I love you. Thanks.

Bye. Coyote is awesome. You guys can find that active web toys. We also have all that stuff on our site. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break. And we come back. We're gonna get into your emails. Alright guys, I love answering your questions.

It's why I'm here on the planet. So if you want a question answered on the show, go to my website, sexwithemily.com. Click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or just email feedback at sexwithemle.com. However, you do it, always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Thanks guys. All right, Jamie, producer Jamie, you wanna read these?

All right, so this first one comes to us from Candace, who's 33 in LA, she writes, Hi Emily, question, I got divorced a year ago, so I'm back in the dating game. When I dated 10 years ago, I had a lot of sex and everyone used to condom. I mean the dudes just knew this and they used them end of story. Flash forward to present day, I'm out having sex with new partners and no one seems to be using condoms anymore. What happened? It can't just be the guys I'm sleeping with. They seem to either assume and expect you to

be on birth control or they think the pull-out method is fine. What gives? Ah, yes, such a good question, Candace. Especially because it's STD Awareness Month. There has been a shift. You're so right, Candace, and it's like nobody's using condoms. It's really upsetting, and I'm going to take this opportunity to get in my condom soapbox and say that I understand why you might not want to use them.

I think that there's a lot of myths around it too or misunderstandings, like maybe you haven't found the right condom yet, because we hear from a lot of guys, oh, the sex doesn't feel great, my penis isn't as sensitive, I can't feel the sex. But like the truth is, like you just maybe have to find the right condoms, there are great condoms out there.

So find the ones that fit you, that work for you, play around with them. We love skin condoms. They're polyisoprene, SKYN. There's also different condoms, the my one condoms, you can get them to custom fit to your penis. But I think that the problem is maybe there's no longer,

I'm trying to think of why exactly maybe there's no longer as much of a immediate threat around it. People are like, oh, well AIDS isn't so much a problem because in my generation we were all terrified about AIDS. But now I think that there is this certain, as long as she's on birth control, we don't have to worry about S.E.s and herpes, but the pregnancy. But the truth is, you always have to worry about that. And just because someone looks clean and tells you they're clean and shows you, like,

like, oh, and you don't see anything, sometimes people can be carrier. So it's really, really tricky. And the truth is I need women to be in army. Now I need women to stock up to carry condoms when they leave the house, put them in your purse, bring them with you. If you know you're going to sex, like it's a non-negotiable like you know before sex you might go to the bathroom or do whatever you do. You know you put the condom on the table, you put out your sex toy, you put out the loop and you take charge, ladies, like I need you to do this because the guys are going to feel good. They're going to get off of me.

What we should really be concerned about the fact is that only women aren't having orgasms, that women don't know how to have pleasure during sex and oftentimes we're left without any, not only do we have a sensation, we're not having anything. So I think guys need to buck up and women need to be the ones or whoever's with a guy and say, no, I need you to use a condom or this isn't going down. I'm actually leaving if we're not using this condom. But I'm telling you, I also understand the plight, like I've talked to a lot of women who've said to me, yeah, I tried and he was like, no, I won't use one and I figured I'm already

there. And I know how hard it is to pull back. Like, once you're all hot and heavy and it's about to happen and you're naked and they say no and you're turned on, like, I mean, it takes all of your will to get up and be like, sorry, game over. So that's why I suggest you make it known. Like you talk about it and I know you think this isn't sexy but I'm telling you it's wrong.

There's nothing sexier than being a person who knows and who cares about their sexual health and wellness and saying, you know what, yeah, I'm so psyched for tonight. I got the condoms. Like, just if people just started talking about it, like, it was the most normal thing. Like, of course, I had condoms. Like, yes, I'm coming over for potluck dinner and I brought a meal. Like, yes, we're coming over sex and they are going to be condoms. So that's what I'm telling you, can't it?

I do believe there is the movement that people are not, but I want to move it back towards everyone understanding that it just takes one instance, one time with one person, then you can have an SDD for life, become a carrier or something, and it's just not worth the risk. All right. That's how I feel. No, no, no, I mean, it's, it is becoming, it's like I always, because if you think God, always have condoms on me, and it is, is I really nobody seems to have them Exactly they they don't and even people that you think were like let me tell you a story

I have a friend who's up with an acupuncture student and she's like oh I slept with this guy and he's super healthy sexual health The wellness like and he didn't want to use a condom but she's soon to his clean and she ended up getting like Climity or something from him Because he also probably didn't know that he had it. He didn't know we had it But also you're like she had this thing in her head. Well't know that he had it. He didn't know we had it, but also you're like, she had this thing in her head, well, he's a healer, he's super healthy. Why would he not, he's in the war,

like he probably is health. And yeah, he probably didn't know we had it either, but I'm just saying you can't judge a pain of spites cover. Or lack their, lack their off cover. This next one comes to us from zero 26 in Washington. Dear Emily, I recently have come out to my family after cheating on my boyfriend in August with another woman. Ever since then, I can't have a proper orgasm.

I used to come at minimum five times each time we had intercourse, whether it was oral or not, and it didn't matter how many times a day we had sex, I could still get off each time. Now I don't get off with my boyfriend as much, and I find myself lying about having an orgasm, or just being up front and saying no I didn't, and then lie about why I don't get off with my boyfriend as much and I find myself lying about having an orgasm or just being up front and saying no I didn't and then lie about why I didn't get off. I love having sex or all of it with him but ever since I cheated on him with another woman things are just different on my end. So he may get off and then I'll masturbate after or I am now masturbating to only specific things three to five times a day. What am I doing wrong? Why is am I body having eight orgasms at a time like it did before I cheated? Am I broken?

Okay, Zira, you are not broken. There's just a lot going on here that I need to impact for you. First off, I have to read this a few times to really get grounded here and what you're asking me because the reason why you can't orgasm has to do everything to do with what's going on in your mind right now and what you're worried about and the cheating and the connection with your boyfriend and anything being wrong with you. So you kind of skate over this, I cheat with another woman and what happened, like, did you guys resolve that? Is there still some, like, do you want to be with women?

Have you guys, is there been a trust broken in your relationship? The reason why you're able to have so many orgasms with your partner, you've been with this because you feel safe. You guys had a bond. You had this really intimate bond and that was broken. That was tainted by the cheating. And so and even though you're like, well, I'm the one who cheated, but that doesn't matter. You still, there's still been something broken. Maybe your boyfriend isn't feeling as connected to you, and so you're not responding in the same way. And it sounds like you really want to get off. I love that you can have five orgasms.

That's amazing. So what you're doing wrong is you're probably not, you're not resolving these unspoken issues with your boyfriend around intimacy. You might feel some guilt around the cheating and then it was a woman. So I think there's some repair that has to happen in the relationship. And really like a real honest talk with him

about where you guys are going, where you're at, how he feels about it, because we cannot move forward unless we repair. We repair what's the damage that's happened in the past, the trust, we can't just skate over it and be like, why aren't everything the same? Like, that's a breach of your commitment. So, I just think that if you're with a woman also,

is that something that you still want to be doing? You know, it just, are you bisexual? Is it something you've explored with him? So, I think that less sex, more talking right now, and then you're gonna be able to figure out what is going on with your body Because really it's just about clearing the space of what happened in the past and rebuilding for the future if he's the guy you want to be with Okay, this next one comes to us from Joseph who is 30 in California Hi Emily my wife loves being on top and said why I happen to have a bad back so after I feel really sore

Is there a way that we can do that position without my back pain? Also, she's a bigger woman. What are some good positions for couples where the man is petite and the woman is bigger? Thank you. All right, hey, Joseph. So, well, first thing I gotta say is there's a great book called Curvy Girl Sacks by my dear friend, L Chase.

And it's literally the best book written on this. And I think no matter what kind of sex you're having curvy or otherwise It just has some really innovative positions because let's be honest a lot of us have pains and things are uncomfortable We we just kind of suffer through some positions or like my knees hurt my back hurts especially as you get older So I love that she has so many adaptations to sex positions and ways you can modify them So always always always if you're having any kind of pain you guys remember that pillows, you can use pillows during sex to modify positions to elevate your pelvic floor.

So your pelvic floor can be reached in certain ways, but also it can help protect your lower back. It can help protect your neck. There's a lot of things. So I have pillows you can play with. There's also sex furniture you can get that works as well. So maybe when she's on top, if it isn't that comfortable, she could have her hands, her weight rest and her hands and do more of a back and grinding on top of you back and forth

instead of like bouncing up and down. What I think a lot of people do, the up and down and it's just not, it's not always as pleasurable. And it's often what people think they should do, but they forget that the grind is where the magic happens because you can go back forth on our clitoris. Also sitting up on the couch, the couch is a great place to have sex because it's just as cushy, you get the cushions, but you have more back support, you have the side of the couch, the arms on the couch.

And so I would try doing some modifications that way. And just playing around with, like, even when you're just cuddling and you can be like, would this be comfortable? Would this be comfortable? Like, try out some positions before you actually get in the bedroom. Because I think we just get into sex. We're like, I guess I just got to hold my neck this way

and be really uncomfortable and throw my leg over the left. And we just, we don't know. So I think that those would be some ways to try out some more, to ways to comfort. so you can both have some more comfort and pleasure during sex Mm-hmm I would like to say that sex on the couch is very underrated. Yes. I love it It is you can put your hands up against the wall You can it braces you in different ways. It's not so deep, but you still can yeah

Like it just gives you more room for support. Yeah, in any way because also for me when I love being on top But I like need to do more squats so that I have more stamina But on the couch it makes it easier because you can grab onto the back of the couch exactly Sex couch. I love the charts too. That's a good point. Yeah, but take out Ells book to Joseph that should totally help you And I'm sure she's got L chase comm she's got some chapters and pointers and blogs and stuff All right, okay, this next one comes to us from Lisa, who is 26 in Texas. Hi, Emily.

First off, I love the show. Thank you so much for continuing to help so many of us who want to know more about sex. My question is about sexuality and marriage. I've been with my husband for seven years married for three. Before we really decided to commit to each other, I was dating multiple people, male and female, which he was aware of.

I'm polyamorous and bisexual. He is monogamous and straight. I truly do love my husband and our relationship, but it's not working for me in the capacity that I thought it could and I need help. This has led to some sad conversations where I have stated that I'd like to open up the relationship, or at least for myself, to more partners, and he's totally against it. I want to experience other people learning grow in different relationships. He's really against the whole thing. Doesn't want to date other women, he doesn't want to participate in my dates with other women, and certainly not participate in my dates with other men. I brought up the idea of boundaries such as just dates in no sex or limited sex, i.e.

no penetration, or whatever I could come up with but he isn't down for any of it. I fear my marriage is just running on a time or now since I've been discussing my feelings for about three years with no improvement. Is there anything I can do to keep my marriage intact while not compromising my identity? I love him so much. He's a great partner, but I love myself more. Yeah, I hear you. This sounds tricky here, Lisa. So you're 26. You've been together for seven years. Married for three. So seven years. You're 26 and you're 19 years old. And I really want

you, Lisa, to have these experiences that you want to have. You're always gonna want to experiment, with women or being in a different kind of relationship. And it sounds like you guys are just in different places right now. You're never gonna talk him into wanting to open up the relationship unless it's something

that he truly wants to do. And if he does it, I just don't think you're gonna be able to convince him of that. Now, I get why he's against the whole thing. Now, there are cases where you said you just keep talking about it. And he says, no, no, no. And no improvement after three years. Okay. So what do you do to three years? I could tell you, you know, at least I think this isn't going to work. And you should bow out. But I could give you one more thing to do and tell me, you can see if this works, but I've put a guess after three years, a lot of it has been like, I want this and can't we open

it up, but I want women and I want men and let's open it and he's like, no, no, no, no. But if there's like any kernel that you found in him that's like, perhaps interested or maybe just doesn't really like, maybe to him it's been the way you've been saying it, like she's just, maybe he thinks that you just, he's not pleasing you. And then if you go off and have such other people that you don't really love him, or that he's not good enough for you, or, I mean, there could be, I'm wondering how deep you've gone with his resistance to this. So if there's another, you went, when I go to a therapist a few times,

I could help you have the conversation so he could see what it's about. I just want to make sure that in these three years, he's actually understood and felt safe to know that it would be something you'd share together. But I don't know that, because you know, I don't know if you've done that yet, but to me it would be trying it again, seeing if you could figure out like,

maybe he's got some jealousies and then you guys have to set boundaries around it. But if he's just no, I don't want it, I'm not interested. I'm a monogamous guy. Then this might not be the relationship for you and you're young. And I don't think you're going to change your mind on this. So really, you just have two choices either.

You end it now or give it a few more months in therapy and then see how you feel. You're not going to talk someone into a threesome. You're not going to talk them into. You should never talk them into threesome opening it up, having a baby if they don't want a baby, like there's certain things like you got all be on board. Yeah, and I mean if they've been married for three years she got married when she was 23 so she probably just didn't realize what opportunity she happened to be closing herself off to.

Exactly. You just don't know, that's why I think it's great to wait to get married as long as you can so you can figure out what you're into, what you like, how you want to move in the world, your values, all the things. Mm-hmm. Okay, this last one comes to us from Chris, who is 40 in Toronto. Hi, Emily, big fan, and appreciate the advice on your podcast. I've been divorced about a year and started dating a bit.

I was pretty fortunate to find someone I get along with really, really well, and we have been dating for about seven months. I'm 40, she's 25. The age thing doesn't matter to us at all, and it's not an issue going back to your stage not age comments from prior podcasts. My issue is in regards to past experiences. I was married for 13 years and didn't have a lot of partners before that, less than 10. My girlfriend, however, is her experience to has between between 1450 partners. Most of them were casual. She has a history of depression and a very rough childhood,

including sexual trauma, which I think may have contributed to her being more promiscuous. She's of the mindset that when she would hook up with people, it would be for her pleasure only. No feelings would be involved. It would be just sex and go home. She described it as masturbating in someone's penis rather than her vibrator. I worry that I will not be enough to satisfy her long terms since she is used to having multiple partners. It hasn't been an issue and she shares me it's not the case. In addition, should I care that she has had so many partners at a young age or is that commonplace with today's women? It bothered me at first but doesn't

really bother me as much today because what's done is done. However, once in a while these feelings do come back up and I'm upset that she was permiscuous. She's been completely honest to me and answers all my questions and I don't want this to be an issue so it's just a case of these feelings would go away over time or what is it?

Thanks. All right, Chris, there's a lot. Now this is another one we gotta like, we gotta unpack, unpack, unpack. All right, let me walk this through. Chris, you've been divorced for a year and you found somebody to get along with your 40. You've been dating for seven months,

so you were with someone for a while, and you've been dating for seven months. She's 25, and you're saying, and I do think that it's sometimes age, stage, not age, but 25 and 40, you've been married, she's young, she's experimenting, she's doing all those things. That is an age gap. And so, okay, and so let's talk about the thing

about past experiences and measuring up this whole, like, well, one of our sexual hangups, and a lot of our insecurities come around when we talk to our partners about their past, their sexual past, and we tend to measure ourselves against whatever number they give us of people they've slept with or whatever we interpret to be their past.

So you've created this whole story around all the people she slept with and that you're not going to measure up and that you judge her, but you feel like kind of judgy around it, but then not judgy and promiscuous. And no, I don't think any of this past stuff matters. In fact, you could sleep with hundreds of people in your past and it doesn't necessarily mean you're a great lover. It in your past and it doesn't necessarily mean you're a great lover, it doesn't necessarily, it doesn't mean anything,

except for you've had a lot of sex. I mean, I think that it means what you're signing meaning to, like, promiscuous or what does that mean? So I feel like there's some judgments that you are having and that you're gonna have to reconcile because I'm telling you that you're signing meaning to it. It just means that she knew what she wanted and she had a lot of experiences and that's part

of the fabric of FF has made her who she is. There's nothing to judge around it or try to put her in a box or understand what it means. If you don't satisfy her, it's not because of her past partners. It's not because of anything you know right now. It's because of your, you're in your head. I think that you are thinking a lot about this and you're so unsure. First you're unsure about the age thing. Then she's promiscuous.

You kind of like that. Then you don't like that. I think you're asking if it's commonplace for women at a young age to have partners. Yes, some do, some don't. I just want to think that if you think she's someone you got the special connection with, I think you really have to work on being really honest right now and talking about all of these things with her and working on the sex life you guys are having together. The more that you can focus on what can we do to be great lovers to each other for as long as we're together, you know,

could be a month, that could be forever, but I think the more that you're like, get out of your head and into how can I be a great lover to you asking her and how she can serve be a great lover to you would be much more helpful way to figure out if this is a good match. Because right now all these things are not, these are just your stories around facts that you've heard. These are your interpretations of what facts mean, but it's nothing that's based in the moment and the reality of what's happening with this woman. So that's what I think you got to go back to, let all this stuff go.

You can be honest with her and to say that you're confused, you're thinking these things, but you want it today. It'd be the first day that you actually start again with her and figure out if you guys are compatible sexually and otherwise by having honest conversations about what you both want in bed and in life. And then you'll be able to know if the age difference or the past or all those things make a difference, but you won't know that until you're real

and authentic and honest with this woman. All right, Chris, thank you. Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you, Coyote. Such a great interview and thanks all my listeners. I love you all. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for amazing team. Ken, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamway.com.