Sex With Emily - Happy, Healthy & Horny Again with Dr. Carolyn & Cindy

Episode Date: March 29, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by Dr. Carolyn Delucia & Cindy Barshop to talk about everything – from vulvas to sexual health to keeping everything ready for when it’s time to get busy. They discuss how to get your pelvic floor in tip top shape, no matter what stage of life you’re in, why trying to regain trust is harder than you think, but still possible, how to dry things up when you’re TOO wet, and the REAL reasons you may be losing your sex drive – and what you can do to get it back. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Woo More Play, GAINSWave, Magic Wand, SiriusXM, Apex Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For more about Dr. Carolyn & Cindy, click HERE. For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Dr. Carolyn Delusia and Cindy Bar Shop to talk about everything from vulvas to sexual health to keeping everything ready for when it's time to get busy. Topics include women's sexual health, how to get your pelvic floor and tip-top shape no matter what stage of life you're in, because hey, we can all use a tune up. Trying to regain trust, it's a lot harder than you think, but I think you can get past it. You're too wet during sex. How can you dry things up?

And the real reasons you may be losing your sex drive, and what you can do to get it back. All this and more, thanks for listening. His eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute. The world's got a hair stand.

Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information check out SexwithTheEmily.com. We've got some awesome blogs and posts there to help you have better sex. You can check out all of our podcasts. You can also check them out wherever you listen to podcasts. Gosh, they're everywhere now. We love when you subscribe and review us. It's awesome. You can find us anywhere

in social media at Sex with Emily across the board. You should totally be following us. We've got some great announcements coming up and ways that you can engage with us and possibly win some toys. Plus, find me Monday through Friday on Series XM. It's awesome, five to seven PM Pacific on Channel Stars 109. It is fun and you guys can get a free trial if you go to sexwithfamily.com slash SXM. All right, guys, I hope you enjoy the show. I'm gonna just welcome my guests who are here,

Dr. Carolyn Delusia and Cindy Barchop. I gave you guys a pre-intro. Dr. Carolyn Delusia is a internationally renowned Obijuayan, who specializes in women's health issues. She's been on the podcast before, and I love her. She's been such an inspiration for me and Cindy Barchop. Hi. They own V-Spot, MediSpot in New York.

And I, the last time I saw them, it's basically a spa for your vagina. Basically, I don't know what else that's literally what it is. And in all different ways, it can heal it, it can help you. And they are experts in all things. Right. It's basically women's basically we enhance women's sexual health. Women's sexual health, that's right. And how we heal ourselves throughout our lives and keep us healthy and ready for intimate moments.

But I just have to say, I'm so happy to be here. I have to back it up a little bit. Back it up, you guys, I will. I will. Absolutely. I have a crush on her. Which I think I do at this point. I just have to say that.

I think you're amazing. You're doing unbelievable things for so many people. Yeah, and I just like, I bow to you, my love. I think you're amazing. Thank you. I feel the same less. I was like saying to Jim last time I saw them, I was hanging out for hours in their beautiful spot

that every woman should go to in New York and like hopefully taking over the world. So welcome, they're going to be here for a minute, but I think we could also take a call because we've got a lot of calls come in. And feel free if you guys want, we'll help guide you in jumping in if you've answered some things, but let's take a call. Okay, let's talk to Logan. He's 48 in Toronto. He's going apart from his partner. He's not sure about the time invested into the relationship. Hey, Logan, thanks for calling, sex sex with Emily tell me what's going on. Well I have a situation with my partner I've been with her for 10 years and over

the last five years we just have an incident and you know, I made mistakes earlier on in the relationship where I, you know, flirted with, you know, girls that I dated once, literally once. I'm not her, you don't have to defend it. No, I'm only laughing because Logan, I've been that, I get it. Like, it was once, so you guys had some trust issues. The trust was broken about five years ago and it hasn't really been able to come back from that. Oh, man, I've been, I love this girl.

I mean, no, I've been here in your voice. You know, you know, the struggle is to not to get long winded, but I met her, I met this guy like 13 years ago and I was good friends with him for two years and then I met his girls. And then I was asked to be the Godfather, a remetial friend of mine of ours. I was the Godfather of his oldest and it turns out that my step-daughters are for best friends. So I've been I knew the girls. I know the girls before I met Wanda and now we've been together for ten years. Okay I can't wait wait. So you guys you feel like you were meant to be together

So what's happening now? So for five years it hasn't been great. Have you have you guys talked about it? Do you know? Okay, it seems like our talks turn into our games, right? Okay, I get I keep getting thrown into the the whipping of You know flirting and and it was five years ago. I get it you guys are on a very unhealthy cycle right now into the whipping of, you know, flirting. And it was five years ago, I get it. You guys are on a very unhealthy cycle right now. So this is what happens with couples. If you, the trust was broken,

whether it was one time or you had in a fair for a year, it doesn't really matter. But when trust breaks in a relationship, it's really, really hard to heal on your own. And I absolutely think that you guys need to go to some, to therapy. And it's, you're gonna realize it's not, really hard to heal on your own. And I absolutely think that you guys need to go to some therapy. And you're gonna realize it's not about the cheating. It's about some other intimacy challenges

that you're facing, the reason why your girlfriend is that your wife, your girlfriend, your wife. It's where we're coming out. I wish you could see. You 10 years. So the reason why she's bringing it back to that, to the cheating, I don't think it's about that. It's because there's some intimacy challenges where you guys haven't really learned back to that, to the cheating. I don't think it's about that. It's because there's some intimacy challenges

where you guys haven't really learned how to communicate, which most people do not, by the way. So I think if you lover and you guys want to be together that couples therapy for both of you will be amazing. Cause I can't tell, if I'm not there, you feel one way, she feels another way, and that's it. Like there's nothing's gonna happen

unless you get a mediator and you go once a week for three months and you don't stop. And then in three months from now, you can make a clear decision. But right now, you can't. Well, I have to be honest with you, I'm the willing party of this. Well, it's her duty. She has to, unless she wants to keep fighting about something that happened five years ago.

Like, this is what I don't understand. Like, I'm not telling people they have to go to like prison or do something awful. It's like therapy. And if she sells a stigma, right? See what I'm saying? Like she's the one who's bringing up stuff in the past. She's resisting therapy and resolving it because she likes to stick on an issue that really isn't about the present moment. So I think that you guys have to go. I mean, what else would happen right now? I mean, I can't, five years same issue. And my struggle is Emily's that it's not gonna happen. Like, I mean, 10 years I've devoted to,

you know, I'm not really breaking up with. Well listen, I understand like Logan, you've to bring it up in a way that you're like, listen, I care so much about our relationship and the health of our relationship and I love you and I see spending the rest of our life together. And I really think that we have to get, we have to find a solution. What we've been doing now isn't working and I really believe if you commit to going to therapy with me three times, just three times, then we can make a decision about it.

And if she doesn't, then you can ask her what her thoughts are for solving this. But if she doesn't have any of them, it sounds to me like you're in a more advanced way of thinking that she's kind of, doesn't want to move beyond her same repetitive thoughts. So I understand her resistance, but maybe there's a different tone. It's amazing Logan.

I sometimes we think we've had a conversation so much with our partner, but then when you like kind of stop and take a different tone, it's more about us as a team, she might hear you differently, okay? So let me now go, I'm here every day, Logan, you know that. So call me back, have that talk like tonight, or tomorrow or skip Valentine's, I do it Friday,

but I think you should do it ASAP, because life's too short to waste it in a relationship that's not working, that's how I feel. Okay, you guys, you can get me call Triplate 94 stars, Tri eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. Hi, Carolyn Cindy who is still here. I just saw a call pop up. That might be good. Lori? Yes.

Okay, this is 50 perfect. This is Arizona. Lori? She didn't notice that her vagina was dry during menopause. I have a giant experts here. There's three actually here. Hey, Lori, thanks for calling. Hi.

Hi. Hey, I am so excited that we've got vagina spa, lady. Me too, you don't understand. I'm sorry. We're so excited. Oh, Lori. Oh, I do understand. OK, good.

You got it. You got it. OK, what's going on, Lori? Talk to us. Well, one of the things to just uh... sort of share my own experience on is that you know fifty seven i'm in menopause and i've had some challenges but i've been going to a doctor and to work on things but um... about two years ago when i first started my little journey going to the

doctor to try to uh... make my pelvic floor work better and all of these sorts of things. When she took a look in the Nether region, she went, oh my god, you're so dry. Okay. I just wanted to share that because I have a feeling that there's probably a lot of other women out there in their 50s getting to this stage in their life and they may not even know that they're dry. Because it's soft and silky and everything is good and so you may not notice that there's a dryness. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you might not notice.

That's true. Or you just may notice that one or the other, but I, I guess, yeah, you might not notice. That's true. Or you just may notice. That's one or the other. But I think that it happens to all of us, the many symptoms of menopause, half-flashes, night sweats that women always talk about, all of those things minimize over time. But the changes in our vagina area, those just get worse

and worse and worse. So that vaginal dry is that your doctor noticed now is only going to get worse unless it's addressed. So kudos to your doctor for having mentioned it to you and now you can address that so that intimacy doesn't get uncomfortable. But there's also new technology out there that you should be aware of.

Lori, what did you tell you, did you do anything about it or did she recommend anything? Oh, yeah. She actually recommended some really great lubrication. She recommended doing some personal lubrication besides having lube for sex. Okay.

And I mean, I guess I was just so surprised as everything has always been, has always been like super, I've had super lubrication. Right, right, right. Everything has always worked really well. So when this turned out to be a symptom for me, I was like, oh my God, I had no idea. Yeah, okay. It's sort of uncomfortable. Oh, so sex wasn't, so you're saying is Laurie, you were having sex that was uncomfortable, but you weren't sure why.

Why? Why? I was like, what the hell happened? Right, oh Laurie, okay, I got it. Yeah, women, don't tell us. It's like, we're all going to the same thing. Women at some point are going to go through this period in their life and no one tells you really got to figure it out. And that's why I'm obsessed with V-Spotum's

or leather here to talk about this stuff. So Lori, they're gonna have some, yeah. Yeah, Lori, there's solutions. There's technology solutions, thank God, that have been in the States for about three or four years now. Yeah. And it's something called a CO2 fractional laser. It actually does a tissue regeneration

inside the vaginal canal. There's no pain, there's no downtime. You need three treatments. We love the family lift, which is one of, you know, there's others out there, but we like the family lift at the V-Spot. And you should go, you have to research. Yeah, she's an Arizona. Yeah, in Arizona, you could always call us at the V-Spot. Yeah, they gave give us an 800, 408, 8776. And I could do some research for you to find another doctor.

We always just go to a kind of collegeist for this. And Carolyn and I could take a look for you. And we always like recommend people around the country. So you could get these treatments. Yeah, this technology is new and amazing, which is why I wanted you guys to come on and talk about some of that. So thank you, Laurie. Hey, thank you.

Thank you for calling. I appreciate it. So let's start with the new technology. So there's several options that women have that we can use to improve the lubrication of the vagina and the sense of what happens. The other thing that we feel as we age is an inability to stretch. So penetration becomes really, really uncomfortable. And these machines help to bring back that elasticity. And in treating the walls of the vagina with either radio frequency devices and there are several on the market and they're exploding all over.

We use UltraFAM 360 at the spot, but there are others. And the family left, which is the laser, both of these technologies treat the walls of the vagina and bring new blood vessels, therefore a natural sense of lubrication. So no need for other, extraneous things. And it's just like back to normal. Like, oh my God, I remember how this used to feel. And it's like, thank goodness, it's back. And the other thing that many women do is we lose sensation.

And when we lose sensation, there's no fun. I mean, if it's not fun, sex, why have sex? Exactly. Right? So this happens for women starting for curry menopause. Oh my gosh. Even women in their 20s, okay, so every single night, and you guys can call us with your questions tonight, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven, we hear

from many women of all ages, but you know women going menopause, pair menopause, who just they're like I'm not into anymore I don't want to sex so you're saying that a lot of these things can help women Feel be feel ready again be ready for sex exactly and desire it Initiate how about that? I mean actually be the initiator which really everybody you may really everybody, you may, everybody wants to feel desired. Your husband, your partner wants to feel that need and desire. So when you are the initiator, that is such a major turn on for your partner and the one you love, right? It doesn't matter. I mean, sometimes how do you feel when you're when he's after you? It doesn't matter. I mean, sometimes, how do you feel when he's after you? It feels great.

My gosh, he wants me. So when you give that back, there's no better gift. So because you can do these procedures that help women feel more comfortable in their vagina, their vulva, it helps them with desire. Correct. Because they're feeling the blood flowing in. Because essentially, let's explain it,

Carolyn, as a doctor, OB-GYN what actually is happening? Why is this happening to women at this certain point because we're losing our tissue estrogen our estrogen is taking a nose dive That's correct. So when we stop playing that because I don't know that everybody gets it all right So as we age what happens is all we we know that we can't have babies anymore. Why can't we have babies anymore? Because we stop making eggs and our eggs in that process we make estrogen. When we stop making eggs, when our ovaries go dead, they know long dark. They know long hair. I don't mean to make it sound like that. No longer make up. I don't mean to make it sound like that. But dad only did it there and everywhere.

It stopped. Left right, they're all over. He left a path of dead ovaries in the wake. Right, OK, so dead ovaries. So our estrogen is gone with that death. And then with the loss of estrogen, we no longer support the blood vessels in the walls of the vagina. So when that woman's doctor looked at the vaginal tissues, she was able to say, oh my

gosh, you must be so dry because we see the clinical changes. It gets pale, it gets smooth. It normally of a genus moist and it has folds. That's gone in metapause. It's like the ice skating rink. We lose it all right now. Emily's eyes are completely please harbor It is that you should see the little look on her face it was priceless I I Don't want it to be a cold Lonely I think in my vagina Dear god, I don't want to go a little strength in my pants

That is too cute the look on her face was more. Help me. 1-800-help my vagina. I'm getting too close. But what? I mean, my eyes are moving as the way you're talking about. I'm so sorry. It's so true. I see it every day. I know, but I talk, but I'm saying the way we're doing someone else. But they're here to help because that's right. I'm here.

I'm not a sponsor. We reverse it all. Don't worry. I make Carolyn because we met at conferences. Yeah. Speaking of this year, I was like, there is technology thinking actually help women because I got to tell you something and we are going to get back to your calls.

And you can call us, AAA 947 8277. So I was talking to my mom who's 75, she's gonna, or 76, she's gonna love this, if she doesn't listen. She did watch it today, so she's like, oh my God, like I made it. I'm like, yeah, that was fun. Oh, she looked beautiful.

Thank you. But I was like, I'm doing a show every day but she's not hearing me talk about her S-ring. She's like, oh yeah, I've been doing the S-ring for 30 years, her doctor gave it, or 20 years. But what I didn't know much about the, it's something that women, every six months, every three, I know.

But it's not, it's more synthetic. It's a silicone ring. And it's one size fits all almost. And it's mostly comfortable meaning. But it's a ring that is impregnated, I like to say, with a core of estrogen. And over three months, it slowly seeps out into the tissues. The issue with that device and why it's not my number one choice for women is that it

doesn't help the opening or the entroitess clinically speaking. So if he's knocking at the door and can't get in, who cares how well the walls look? That's what I say. So someone just... So somebody thinks something like that, correct me here. It means that it's just pleasurable for the man. But we want to do that. No, no, no.

They just get in the, if you're just opening up the entritus, right, with the ring. No, no, no, it's inside. It's inside. She's more lubricated. But this opening is still tight. So it doesn't.

Yeah. So for example, the procedures that you have, like they help women with the whole vulva vagina. Exactly. It's like, mom, I don't even know. It's in that patient. Oh my gosh. It's the O shot.

Let's talk about, let's talk about. The O shot. Yeah. O stands for orgasm. That's what it stands for. Everyone's talking about the O shot. Yeah. O stands for orgasm, that's what it stands for. This is everyone's talking about the O shot. Oh yeah. And it's been around now. I mean, I think the longest blasting,

we're up to almost not. Oh, okay. Yeah. So, Dr. Charles Reynolds invented the O shot. It's an incredible, incredible, simple painless procedure where we take your own blood and spin it down, isolate all the incredible growth factors that our body makes to help us heal ourselves. It's called platelet-rich plasma.

And we re-inject that into our local tissues, our literally directly into the clitoris and directly into the G- G spot and bring back sensation. Actually also enhances orgasms if you have them and it also helps people who've never had orgasms or only orgasms you know with self-stimulation. So it's pretty amazing. I've done a couple. Okay so I want to hear the before and after O shot. Go ahead Cindy Cindy. Yes, Cindy, our shot from VSpot. Okay, let me try. All right, do it. Racer's back.

Yeah, let's do it. No, the difference is for me and everybody's not the same is that I'm able to have a vaginal orgasm, which is pretty intense. So I was always able to get orgasms before. And more clitoral orgasms. Clitoral. Only clitoral. I didn'titoral. Only clitoral.

I didn't even know what a vaginal was. Wow. I didn't even know, actually until I started the V-Spot, I didn't even know about vaginal orgasms. There's so many things that you don't know. That's right. That women don't know that they have access to to make them feel better and to really just enjoy

their sexual pleasure. And, you know, I'm like everybody else. I learned as I went. Yeah. No, I get gas. So for me, I'm like everybody else. I learned as I went. Yeah. No, I get excited. So for me, I always were able to have an orgasm. And I was like, all right, I'll do this. Because first of all, when you hear the word O-shot,

it's like, O-shit. I am. I'm gonna be like, you know, I mean, that's the last thing. I want to do is put a shot in my vagina. Right, right, right. But if you can have it, that's why I always keep saying this. There's no pain in it. There's no pain, but you have to go to a certified person that I just say so they can find out more on your website

Yeah, it's a spot many spot these spot Medis spot, okay, and you guys be so at my so and everything we talk about saying just so you know It's it sex with L.A. dot com under the show nights. However every year over 30 women will drop our testosterone levels. And this is an area that's rarely explored and testosterone levels in women truly matter. So you should, if it's really bad and you really have no interest and you're also having lack of sensation

once you're in, give in and do say, all right, all right, I'll do it. At that point, if you have no sensation, then you should definitely explore your testosterone levels. Yeah, indeed, I was also gonna say, and Dr. Doolicious, right, in the sense of, there's a certain, I always say, like women have to keep their pilot like lit, right?

And he's coming to you and you are exhausted and you're tired, but there's part of it that's like, he's happy to have sex with you. However, you would feel pleasure. So it has, I know you're exhausted, but has there been any time where you've been exploring yourself, masturbation, self love, how's your fantasy life? Have you been able to, or when you actually have sex, are you able to get into it? Is any of that possible? I think if I had to compare before and after, the huge decline, you know, before, you know, I probably would do myself three or more times a day. Now it's like maybe once a month. So, like, yeah, I was a big decrease in that. I also think that you've been the same for us either. Like, not, it's not as intense, it's not as enjoyable.

Yeah. What can't mean? Could there be anything that happened during birth? It could be like kind of birth shit. I mean, anything that's changed. Why would you think it's just exhausted? It could be hormones. Yeah.

If you have lack of sensation or pain, that can certainly make you not want to have intercourse. But if there's been no damage to the nerves, then you have to think about why you're not going into the fantasies. But your life has drastically changed from before the child. So maybe there's a certain go easy on yourself and be patient that's right.

That's right. I honestly even think women complain, look at my belly after the baby, look at the skin. And it does. And I honestly believe having been through it, that it takes over five years to get your body back, to even be like a normal, back to you kind of body.

So I think that that plays a role too. We feel different about our bodies. It's not what we,'t feel. Are you having a lack of feeling sexy in need at all? Yeah, after the second one, I've gotten a lot of weight. The first one I lost, like, all the weight, it's so that it goes out. And the second one, I didn't lose anything. Yeah. I think it needed. It sounds like there has to be, so I think there has to be a little bit more time with you taking care of a

Neeta right now. Yeah, and some self-love and going to the gym, getting a sitter. These are the things that moms forget, because we're so into like giving and care Taking and we feel guilty leaving the kids, but this might be a matter of exhaustion. It could be hormones. We don't know yet But I think it's a matter of Anita learning how to take care of herself and do things that are going to get you back on track to feel sexy to feel like the woman the amazing woman that you are. Okay thanks Anita thanks for calling sex with Emily you can call us triple eight ninety four stars as triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. Okay let's talk to Linda she's 57 in New York and she says she's still extremely wet and gets her period at 57 Linda. Huh, are you on any medication at all? Are you always been wet?

I've always been wet but not like this wet. Alright, I think I might be able to help explain a little bit of that. At 57, there's no doubt that your body is beginning to go through changes. It's impossible to get our period forever. So the oldest woman that I've ever had who got her period was 61. And I think that's pretty much the extreme. The average is 51 and a half. So having your period at 57, you're already in that upper end of the normal range.

So it's going to start to change. When our estrogen levels are beginning to change, it's actually, there's a spike in our estrogen levels, and estrogen is what makes us have a lot of lubrication. So when there's that spike in estrogen, it's not uncommon to have a period of time when you're feeling a lot of wetness and lubrication. So if you can stand it, let it go and enjoy every minute because the dryness is to come,

the dead ovaries, but also I want to say that you could, if you really wanted to right now, take something likeatussin to dry out Your kids to dry. That's right. So if it's too interesting you can dry it up You can take an anti-histamine like a like a long acting Anti-histamine for allergies and it dries out your nose dries out your mouth dries out your vagina All right, I learned as there are many problems with this or your more just concerned about it just seems like an interesting unique situation for you? It just seems, it just seems just too wet sometimes and it feels like my vagina is bigger.

Do you know what I mean? Like it's just, I know, and my gynecologist is so happy I'm still getting my period. She keeps saying it's a good thing It's a good thing But there but there is I mean if it just feels that loose and what they can Do one of the radio frequency treatments and actually does a tissue generation It does like you give to or you know, it probably would be better doing the the emcele kegel machine All right guys, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back your calls and more Cindy and Carolyn

I also didn't mention this but you know a lot about the penis too. I do I do because if I prime my women The men have to be able to keep up and the pun is totally intended right so I have to be able to keep up and the pun is totally intended. Right. So I have to be able to keep maintaining the husbands and the partners and I do that as well. Okay. We're going to get into that, but we're going to take a quick call first and we're going to get back to all your expertise. All right. Okay, we're going to talk to Anita. She's 36 in Indiana and she wants to know if your libido drops after having children.

Hey Anita, great question. Very relatable. Thanks for calling. after having children. Hey Anita, great question. Very relatable, thanks for calling. So tell me what's going on, when did you give birth? Well, I have a period and a one year old now. Oh, OK. It's almost immediately after the one year old, I was like, I don't feel like doing anything more.

Right. It's not happy. Yeah. And he, you know, he can play some part of life, but then it is add more pressure and anxiety about having to feel like I'm ready. Yeah. You know, we both work full-time jobs. You know, two little kids and you're exhausted and sex is the last thing on your mind. And you probably feel right now that if you never have it again, you'll be fine with it,

right? You're like totally good. I'm totally good with that idea. All right. Okay. I'm going to toss it to Dr. Carolyn Delusia right here. Well, she's doing it. Or OBGYN.

You probably hear this every single day. I do. I do. And it's not uncommon at all. You're totally normal in Nina. And I think that the majority of what you're feeling right now is simple exhaustion. I mean, honestly, I'm sure you still love your husband. I'm sure he still loves you. It's just that you're a little bit preoccupied. And let me just tell you something. Forplay for women begins in the morning. So you're not like a switch at this point. You can't come home from work

after full day of work and just flip a switch and be sexy pussy cat. It's just not gonna happen. And he has to understand that too, that at the at your exhausted. So he needs to make you feel wanted and desired. So it may have to start in the morning with a little pinch or it may have to start with a little you know, babe I could really oh man you look so hot in that in that bathrobe and you know with the fluffy slippers and It it but it does matter. It just shows that he cares So that can start some of the feelings that are deep down inside you which are not gone It's simply that you're exhausted. Well, I think yeah, well, I mean because I think also what about hormones?

What about stuff that happens to women? Well, if she's are you breastfeeding a needle? No, we're done. Okay. Well because breastfeeding causes totally wreaks have itaks havoc on our hormones and we have, you know, it's almost equal to menopause. So it truly is a tough time until we're out a while. But if you're all done breastfeeding and that's long over and your cycles are back to normal, I think that the majority of it is just the exhaustion. However, every year over 30 women will drop our testosterone levels. And this is an area that's rarely explored. And testosterone levels in women truly matter.

So you should, if it's really bad and you really have no interest and you're also having lack of sensation once you're in Give in and do say all right. All right. I'll do it Um at that point if you have no sensation then you should definitely explore your testosterone levels Yeah, I need to I was also going to say and and Dr. D'Elecia is right in the sense of There's a certain I always say like women have to keep their pilot like lit, right? And he's coming to you and you are exhausted and you're tired. But there's part of it that's like, he's happy to have sex with you.

However, you would feel pleasure. So it has, I know you're exhausted, but has there been any time where you've been exploring yourself, masturbation, self-love, how's your fantasy life? Have you been able to, or when you actually have sex, are you able to get into it?

Is any of that possible? I think if I had to compare before and after, is a huge decline, you know, before, you know, I probably would do myself three more times a day. Now it's like maybe once a month. So like, yeah, I was a big decrease in that. I don't think that you've been the same for us either. Like not. It's not as intense. It's not as enjoyable. Yeah. What can't be,

could there be anything that happened during birth? It could be like kind of birth shit. I mean, anything that's changed. Why would you think it's just exhausted? It could be hormones good. If you have lack of sensation or pain, that can certainly make you not want to have intercourse. But if there's been no damage to the nerves, then you have to think about why you're not going into the fantasies, but your life has drastically changed from before the child. So maybe there's a certain goezy on yourself

and be patient that it's gonna come back. That's right, That's right. I honestly even think women complain, look at my belly after the baby, look at the skin. And it does. And I honestly believe having been through it, that it takes over five years to get your body back, to even be like a normal back to you kind of body. So I think that that plays a role too. We feel different about our bodies.

It's not what we don't feel. Are you having a lack of feeling sexy in need at all? Yeah, after the second one, I'm getting a lot of weight. The first one I lost, like all the weight, is so it goes out. And the second one, I almost anything. Yeah. I think Anita, it sounds like there has to be, so I think there has to be a little bit more time

with you taking care of Anita right now. Yeah. And so if you self-loving, going to the gym, getting a sitter, these are the things that moms forget. Because we're so into like giving and caretaking and we feel guilty leaving the kids. But this might be a matter of exhaustion. It could be hormones, we don't know yet. But i think it's a matter of a need of learning how

to take care of herself and do things that are gonna get you back on track to feel sexy to feel like the woman the amazing woman that you are okay thanks indeed out thanks for calling sector Emily you can call us triplet ninety-first stars as triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven okay let's talk to Linda she's fifty 57 in New York and she says she's still extremely wet and gets her period. At 57, Linda. Hey, thanks for calling.

God bless. Wow. Al Linda. Yeah, I still get my period and it seems like the wetness, like all the time, is excessive, especially during sex and it just feels like like it's too much Huh are you on and you want any medication at all or you've always been wet? I Always been wet, but not like this wet

All right, I think I might be able to help explain a little bit of that. They're at 57 I might be able to help explain a little bit of that. They're at 57. There's no doubt that your body is beginning to go through changes. It's impossible to get our period forever. So the oldest woman that I've ever had who got her period was 61. And I think that's pretty much the extreme.

The average is 51 and a half. So having your period at 57, you're already in that upper end of the normal range. So it's going to start to change. When our estrogen levels are beginning to change, it's actually, there's a spike in our estrogen levels and estrogen is what makes us have a lot of lubrication. So when there's that spike in estrogen, it's not uncommon to have a lot of lubrication. So when there's that spike in estrogen, it's not uncommon to have a period of time

when you're feeling a lot of wetness and lubrication. So if you can stand it, let it go and enjoy every minute because the dryness is to come, the dead ovaries, but also, don't get done. But also, I want to say that it's, you could, if you to say that it's, you could, if you really wanted to right now, take something like robotussin to dry out your tissue. Oh, of course it's too dry.

That's right, so if it's too wet, you can dry it. You can take an anti-histamine like a long acting anti-histamine for allergies. And it dries out your nose, dries out your mouth, dries out your vagina. All right. Linda, has there been any problems with this or are you more concerned about it?

It just seems like an interesting unique situation for you. It just seems just too wet sometimes and it feels like my vagina is bigger. Do you know what I mean? I know. And my gynecologist is so happy. I'm still getting my period. She keeps saying it's a good thing. It's a good thing.

But there is. I mean, if it just feels that loose and what they can do, one of the radio frequency treatments and actually does a tissue generation, and they'll give it to, or you know what, probably be better doing the MCLA kegel machine to be able to tighten the motorbike. Let's talk about the thing for Kegel to come back.

We have V-Spa. We've got people here. We've got things to talk about. It is sex with Emily on serious XM stars. Okay, let's talk to James. He's 42 Maryland. He's married his wife for 13 years and he's not convinced. He's satisfying her because she can't climax a little vibrator.

Okay great question. Hey James also thinks we're holding. Yeah no problem. Hi of course. Okay tell me what's going on. Yeah so um so basically like a few minutes of ribbon marriage for 13 years and usually we have sex no maybe two or three times a week and I'm not convinced that she's enjoying it I ask her hey, how was it she's a hey? It's great. Don't stop asking, you know when you ask you kind of

Destroy the whole atmosphere or something but So I'm not getting like any feedback from her and I'm just not convinced that she's I guess maybe from seeing a few videos here and there I guess I'm like I'm like porn. They're inter Yeah. Okay, okay. This is such a good question James.

Because porn while it has its purpose, you know porn serves some great uses to deletion but it's not real life. So the women in porn are not porn actors, actresses are not actually having orgasms. So I wouldn't base it on that. But what I would base it on is so, yeah, at all. I'm friends with the porn stars. We've talked about they don't actually have orgasms on screen. It's what they think will automatically look great for a male director

who's making porn for men. But that's, you know, most people think that, because I used to think it, you know, but it's kind of like learning about how to drive from watching like fast and furious, you know. But here's the thing about your wife, what I want to know is why is she not? Have you talked her and said, okay, you know, she says I don't want to talk about it, but I, I'm not okay with that answer. When you're in a relationship and your partner's like, I don't wanna have sex or I've had enough, I won't talk about like that's not okay. Cause here you are James so sweet and you're like, I want her to be satisfied and I'm not sure that she is. I think it's because maybe she has some shame

or embarrassment or no one's ever asked her about her sex. Like it doesn't mean that she doesn't wanna have great sex. So I think we can kind of reframe the way you're asking it. Okay. So you said she said to you, don't like stop asking me, right? And when and how are you asking that question? Well, usually it's after we're done. Okay. Yeah. I asked her, you know, in the bedroom. Was it good for you? Yeah. Right. Was it good for you? Right. No. Okay. Great. So here's the number one thing. Do not have the sex talk in the bedroom Outside the bedroom. I think the bedroom should be for sleeping and sex and and it sounds like now that this has been going on for Wild James what I would love is if next time you guys are hanging out and it should be a chill Conversation when you guys are feeling relaxed. Maybe you're hanging out in Sunday morning and just say,

you know what? I've been wanting, I love you so much and I love the sex we're having and I know you said when I asked, like really casual things, I know you said when I ask you, you don't want me to ask about your second. But I have to tell you that I think about it a lot because I want you to have so much pleasure and I want to have the best pleasure And we're gonna be together for the rest of our life you guys have been together for 13 years So we're in this so I thought this could be the year that we really kind of co-create an amazing sex life together

So what would that look like to you and she might not know? This might not this won't be the last time you have the conversation Maybe she's never really had an orgasm without a vibrator. You said that she's only used a vibrator Which is just so you know James. You're not failing only 20% of women have have orgasms through penetration Again, another thing that porn does not serve as well or movie or romantic comedies or television, right? It does that's not that that's not what happens most women movie or romantic comedies or television, right? That's not what happens when most women.

So I think it's really a matter of opening it up because she probably doesn't even have the words the way you're asking it. So just I love us, I love us together. Let's create a great sex life and then ask her what really turns around. You'll share some of your fantasies and then start it and she'll start to feel more comfortable. Okay?

Okay. Okay. Good James, you're doing great. I love that you've been called and you have the concern. It'll get better from here. The first step is in many of thanks, James. Thanks for calling Section Family, right? It's hard.

In the bedroom, you don't wanna hear it, and no one's ever asked his wife and since we, so his women, like one of my things was like, I felt inferior because I didn't have an orgasm through it, of course. I still, like, I have to work on it. I'd have learned through a G-Spot vibrator when I started my show. You heard about this morning?

I heard about your G-Spot finder. I did. It's morning from your marketing. Oh, my email from Ken. Oh, you met with Ken, our CEO, my G-Spot locator. I think that I was thinking that G-Spot GPS, yeah, the Wevibe, the Wevibe Rave actually makes an incredible vibrator that to me is like found in the G-spot.

So anyway, I think I love that James is just knowing that like, I gotta talk to her about it, but she might not be comfortable. No one's ever asked her, you know. Well, it's interesting. I was talking to Ken. Oh, the boyfriend. Oh, the boyfriend. But we were doing this, we're doing the show event. They were saying that men have a physical of what has happened. I mean, we see a physical.

A result. A physical result. Yeah. You know, an orgasm. So they don't get this affirmation. So it's like, if a woman's not having an orgasm. So that's how we fake it. Yeah.

There's not like a visceral like semen, so we can fake it like professionals. So really, I mean, a lot of this stuff is just a breakdown of communication where, you know, women are afraid. We've been faking it or we don't even know what makes us feel good. So that's a good conversation. Should we take another call? Yes, let's talk to you. 947-8277.

Let's talk to Drew, 40 in New Mexico. He called in about a previous situation His girlfriend and wants to give an update on the money. All right, hey Drew. Tell me what's going on. Thanks I love an update. I love a good update. Well, maybe it's not we'll see what's going on Can you hear me? I got you. Yep. All right. All right. So Today's Wednesday we was having Taco Tuesday. Yesterday at my place. I was having a good time. I missed Taco Tuesday. I don't need that.

She tells me the way I make her feel. She doesn't like that feeling anymore. And she can't stop that feeling. Therefore, she cannot be with me anymore. Wait, what? What feeling doesn't she like that you give her? They're the constant squirting feeling. Okay, back, oh, right.

Drew, the puppy pads for the bed, the squirting, right? Yeah. Drew, my man, puppy pads. Yeah. Wow. We put Drew back, back, back up. Drew. Let me put the story.

Okay. Yeah. Well, Drew is girlfriend, squirt a lot, and then at first it was a problem because it was so much squirting and then we tried it was a problem because it was so much squirting and then we tried to come up with solutions, like putting down towels or maybe puppy pads or a squirt blanket. And it was great. And you were into it and accepting.

And now she says that you're making her squirt too much. Yeah. She told me that she didn't like the feeling anymore and that she had the in the relationship because she couldn't, she could not stop it and she didn't like it anymore. But Drew, it has nothing to do with you, per se. No, no. And well, she said enough with this squirting, you're enough with you.

You're going to have a line of women. Yeah. You have a line, true. I mean, I wish I was a date for service. I really didn't even, I didn't get mad because I mean, like, you guys know, like like I was trying to leave that alone Already and I just I accepted it, but then whenever she said she was done with it I was just like all right like I guess I can just go back to just you know coaching sports and shit like whatever

I will to do like I guess what else are you upset that you hurt though? I mean you were into her you called in like three times about it. So you you sad? Are you ready? Me, you don't have to say sad. Guys aren't like, y'all sound sad. But really, that's a nice. I mean, I'm a man. I know, but Drew, I'm giving you permission to feel emotions. I mean, I wanted him to type, dude, I wouldn't say sad,

but it was like, I did let her meet my child, my little man. And nobody needs my little man. Yeah, you should wait. You guys were only together a few months, right? Like, four, three months now? About five months or so. So I don't believe that's an excuse. I don't believe it's because she's squirting too much

because she's going to squirt again. But how are you feeling? So is your question just an update? Are you feeling like, you just calling to say, yeah, I'm going to go on and help other women squirt? Or what? Yeah, no. I don't. I don't.

I don't really, I don't talk to nobody about this. Yeah, I'm here for you. So Drew, you're certain you don't want to be there. Because I'm not sure that I don't believe that would be a reason. It makes me sad and maybe she did you a favor by leaving if that is the excuse you're making miss oh baby you make me squirt so good I'm out. Makes no sense. No, we've never heard anything like that or shaking our heads here. And to be honest with you, I've never heard that either, but I mean, I guess it was

the first, but you know, I just not being honest with herself either. It's not you. Yeah, I have to make sure that you realize that it's never you. It's the it isn't. We all think it's we all that you realize that. It's never you. It's the... It isn't. We all think it's... We all try to figure out what did I do? How could I be better?

How could it be different? You're making women squirt. There's no problem with this situation. That's right. That's a skill. Don't lose it. Yeah. And I love that you've learned how to communicate and talk about these things.

And now the next partner you're with, you're going to be even more open from the things we've talked about on the show. You're fine. I'm pretty sure it will be. I'm probably going to be a loud tooth. It just kind of starts starting all that stuff over. Well, see, I think you're having a little bit of mourning around it because you're in to over five months is real. I'm sorry, that's a significant amount of time just for someone. So that's okay if you don't rush back into it, but I think we can learn from

every relationship we're in. So I definitely agree with that. You're right about that, my family. I know Drew. So don't force yourself to go out and do whatever. Just kind of think about this relationship. What did you learn from it? What would you like in your next partner?

And then you're ready to start dating, but there's no pressure. And I was going to pick up a part time job and then just hang out. Okay Drew, well take care of yourself. You know that I'm here weekdays to talk to you. Alright Drew, thanks for calling. Alright, happy almost Valentine's Day. That's when Michigan accent comes out, Valentine's Day. What, they're raising their hands. Alright. Should we take another call?

You can give us a call, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. Yeah, I feel like everyone in the room got really excited about one in particular? What happened? I don't know if it's Joe. Joe. Joe. Okay, so we got Joe who's 74 in New York. That's what excited you. Yeah. And his question's about masturbation and marriage. Joe, you win because everyone's excited here. Hey, Joe. Yes. Hi. Yes, we got you. Hey, Joe. Okay. Yeah. Yes, we got you. Okay. Yeah, we have been after quite a while and we did have been in push and got the point where we were not really interested in and we ended up masturbating all the time.

Is that going to be an issue? You're masturbating with your partner right now? Yes. But not right now, no. I'm trying to explain. I have no problem with masturbation. What would be the problem that you're masturbating instead of having other kinds of sex? Yes.

Is there a problem? I would point out that that's what we prefer. Oh, I don't think there's any problem with it unless you have a problem with it or she has a problem with it. Zero problem if you're both leaving and having a good time. That's a great thing about sex. There's no sex police. There's no right way to have sex. If you're both having pleasure and you're able to communicate

about it, I'm gonna say that everything's fine, Joe. Great. Yeah. I think it's wonderful. I think the fact that you're just being intimate. Yeah. Do you want any question, is I got into question. What? You learn into what? And you? Cross-dressing. Okay. I like doing that while we're doing

the masturbation scene. Okay. And? She has no problem with it. That's just great. Do you? Great Do you All right, I love doing it great. I love that you're so open Cross-dressing and masturbating with someone who accepts you This is way more common than you think and so I'm not gonna. Yeah, I love that it's 74. You're expressing yourself. Yes, Joe Do it. I love it. That's why we got excited. It's beautiful Yeah, Joe you're totally fine and bring it like get more lingerie to miles like you know Valentine's Day They might go on sale with the chocolate on Friday

I don't know but like we all support you Joe That's great. I love when people figure out who they are what they want in bed and with their partner and it all is fine It all works out. Okay Carolyn and Cindy Dr. D'Luscia and Cindy Carolyn and Cindy, Dr. D'Lusia and Cindy, bar shop from V-Spot, Medispa, V-Spot Media. V-Spot Medispa. Medi. Medi.

Medi. I get it, Medi-Spot, Medispa. Which is an amazing place that women can go to in New York. Yeah. For their intimate health and sexual satisfaction, to enhance their satisfaction, and just to even find out their options, really. Their options.

If you have any problem, it's great that they could call here. Really, we have people that come in and we just talk to them about kind of what they went through. It's not always in your head, a lot of times we go through so many different changes that people don't know about. And women's suffering sounds, they feel like they're the only ones. Right.

Well, I'll just always be in my pants. No, we don't have to. Can we talk about that for one second, the pings, the sneezing and pings at a certain age, and what you can do? Because the technology is the emcella, sitting on the chair, you can really can sit on a chair

with their clothes on and then stop sneezing and pings. Well, what the chair does is it has an incredible electromagnetic energy and it forces you very comfortably to keagle. Are you ready ladies? 11,200 times in 28 minutes, super maximally, which means stronger than your body could ever do on its own.

And a lifetime. In a lifetime, exactly. It's like 69 hours of kegling equivalent. In one session and you do six of these Two a week for three weeks and then maintenance is to come in and sit on the chair fully closed fully comfortably and Maintain it every three four months and Telling you I have muscles. I never even knew I had I'm like my goodness And now I always tease I never even knew I had. I'm like, oh my goodness. And now I always tease. I can crack a walnut.

I haven't tried it yet, but I swear those muscles are so strong down there. Check out our YouTube video. That's it. That's where they can find it all. Right. And you're saying, it's true. Right.

Oh, soon you'll have a video of that. But it is true. You just go a few times. I've said so many, I want to go sit in your chair tomorrow. Please do. I hope that it lifts you up. I might just do that. I want to go sit in your chair tomorrow. Please do. I might just do that. Lift your butt too.

Lift your butt because I stopped doing it for a little bit because I wasn't peed in my pants anymore. Okay. So it just happens to all women. It's going to happen. And over time, but women don't even know they can do anything about it. I would say you should start kegling at a young age. And this is my personal belief.

Kegel, but there's so many different devices out there that track the kegels if you're doing it, right? Because nobody can do it. Nobody does. It's almost impossible, but there are some devices. I'm trying to remember there's a tracker to teach you how to kegel. Intone. Intone, the in control. So it works really well. So you should just, yeah, it does. No, it does really well, but it's just, you have to get your body used to it just by saying like okay read a book and there's just such miscommunications on the way to kegel But if you can do it, yeah, and it's just super healthy for you and it just makes sex better and better It does it does make sex better more intense orgasms and there's a 90% chance that like you know when you get older You'll be paying depends this more adult-dipous old in ten years than baby diapers

So like everybody start kegling now. Yeah, I'm doing them right now you know, when you get older, you'll be paying your pants. This is more adult-dip-asold in 10 years than baby diapers. So, everybody start kegling now because I'm doing them right now. Okay, you guys, I have to ask you my five questions. Thank you guys for coming in. I have to ask you guys the five cookie questions I have called of our guests. Yeah, ready? Okay, biggest turn on, Cindy.

Jay. Oh, Carolyn, biggest turn on. I guess it would be showing me that I that you're attracted to me. I think that's the biggest turn on is making me feel desire. Yes, biggest turn off. Speaking only of never being too selfish. Okay. Biggest turn off for you. Biggest turn off. Being too selfish. OK. Biggest turn off for you. Biggest turn off, um, smelly hygiene.

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. OK, what's the sexiest body part to you? It depends on the person. All right. Yeah, it depends. I like every body part. Oh, I feel the same.

Yeah, it's like it really depends. OK, what's something random that turns you on? Random that turns you on. I don't know. Is there anything you're like, ooh, lemons? Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Or, and, or your biggest dating deal breaker. OK. I'm giving you options. Well, I like whipped cream. Oh, OK. I like sexy talk. Well, I like whipped cream. Oh, okay. I like sexy talk.

Sexy dirty talk. I like talking about things that I wouldn't, I don't wanna do. So, I have a question for sex with that. Okay. Yes. We're gonna break though, maybe. Let's go from the break, then I'll do it.

We're gonna have to take a break. I love you both for being here. Dr. Kira and Delusha and Cindy Bar Shop is V-Spot.com. MaddySpot.com. And if you go to sexbelome.com, all the information is on there. They're Instagram. You can check out our Instagram. We're going to be tagging them. Alright guys, thanks for listening. Such a fun show. I love you all. Thanks for supporting it. And thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemlead.com