Sex With Emily - Hard at Work: All About the Penis

Episode Date: March 26, 2019

On today’s show, Emily’s giving you all the things you need to know about the penis – because there’s always more to discover – and she’s answering your emails. She’s giving you the 411 on the penis – from different erections to what you need to know about pleasing them. Plus she gives advice on whether a “parenting marriage” is ever a good idea, how to get past your family hearing your vibrator, and how to know if you’re really just a booty call – or just a little paranoid. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, Karezza, Promescent, SiriusXM, Adam & Eve Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm giving you all the things you need to know about the penis. Because hey, there's always more to discover. Plus, of course, answering your emails. Topics include, penis parts from different directions to orally pleasing them. What you need to know. Is a parenting marriage ever a good idea?

Hmm, no, it's not. And here's why. Intense masturbation guilt. How to get past knowing your family heard you using your vibrator? This can be done, I promise. And are you really just a booty call? Or are you just paranoid? All this and more, thanks for listening. Into his eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got everything. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm on fear of sound. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information. Check out sexand at me.com We love when you comment and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you listen to the podcast so many places now Spotify Google Play iHot radio all over the place Another place you can listen is on serious XM radio stars channel 109 I am there weekdays Monday through Friday 5 to 7pm Pacific. Oh, it's a good time It's been so much fun.

I get to reach all of you and help you with sex and relationships. You can call us there any night. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. You can also get a free trial at sexthenly.com slash SXM. Social media, we are everywhere at Sex N Lee Cross the Board. That's easy, right? Okay, guys, enjoy the show. So a few weeks ago, two weeks ago,

we did a show called The Clit Notes. Get it, Cliteris. Like the Clit? Like Cliteris C, we wanted you guys to be Cliterit. Cliterit. And so tonight, in honor of taking blow-dob day, which we understand in sexist, so we actually call it oral appreciation day.

It still inspired us. To talk about a few things about the penis, that's just to clear things off, maybe you didn't know. And we can just start here with the shaft. Shaf's gonna break it down. It literally just says shaft and getting both letters to the next image. I literally sat down to look at the show prop.

I'm like, shaft! It is, shaft! It is! Shaft! So sexy. The shaft, to be all note, the shaft is long. It's the primary part of your penis. You know the shaft is, right? And why are you looking at me?

I looked at Ken. The interior, yeah, okay. So the shaft is a penis. That's the long part of the penis, the shaft. And there's like nerve endings there there not as much as everywhere else. When a man's a rouse, the blood flow, the blood flows to the penis, flows through the penis. And that's how we get an erection.

I hate to say this. I don't want to talk about size, but it just in my notes here, you know, I've mentioned this. The average erect penis are on five, six inches. Not that anyone's measuring and no one cares as much as you do about your penis, I promise. Yeah, we can't, we fall apart. Anyways, we just look and we're like, oh, whatever. Unless it's too big.

Yeah, most of the time. Most of the time it's too big. Like in our experiences, not in our life, not in our day-to-day life, but in people that you guys call it. So, then we got erections. But also we have erections, just erections. So did you know that there are three types of erections that men can have?

I did not know that. Exactly. So there's the ReflexOgenic erection. ReflexOgenic. It sounds like a something you'd buy on the Home Shopping Network. It sounds like a... Like a... Like a...

Like a... Like a reflexology. Something like that. But like it's... But that's a type of... Erraction. And that is caused by direct physical stimulation. Nerves in the penis communicate with the spinal cord. And then blood's released.

That's what it's blood. Not blood in a... Like I said, good. Blood's released without the don't think it's blood. Not blood in a, like I said, good shit, blood's released without the man's body, needing to check in with his brain. And it's a reflex, it's just a reflex that does not require, okay? We're talking about this is direct.

Why not need mental stimulation? Why not require porn? Then we've got a psychogenic erection. And this comes from your mind, you're psyche. So this is where stimuli, it could be a lot of different things, right? It could be porn, talking dirty, fantasizing, and they're caused by different stimuli.

So it's like the reflexo-genic, reflexo-genic, is by touching psychogenic by the brain. And it's possible that you, okay, oh, here's a third one. The third of all the erections, now that you know, there's three, nocturnal. And the night time, they peaked during REM sleep two to three times a night. So while we are all sleeping, your erections are up all night. I wonder if it's connected to people like I can't sleep, I can't sleep. My penis was up all night. I just, I will tell you that it's, like a dick.

It's totally random. Is it? Yeah, the worst is when your kids wake you up to go, they cause they need something and you wake up and it's like, oh shit. Oh. Yeah, you don't forget that. You wake up mom.

This is a fun fact. What? The average man has about 11 erections in a 24 hour cycle. So you guys are pretty busy. Yeah, that's a lot. Why'd you look at me? Well, you're the only penis in the room.

Yeah, we've other fake penises in here, but now we have a real penis. So. I've been called worse. I've been called worse. And then there's the head, you guys. The head. Now we're getting interesting. I mean, that was interesting still.

I thought I was not. Not that I'm not interesting. Now it's a penis. The penis is interesting. It has its own, you know, holiday. It's got its own, yeah. No, the glands or the head. So this is the bulbous part of the penis, the protrusion, the very tip of the penis is called

the glands. Also called the tip, the head. It's probably why they call it giving head. Mm-hmm. There you go. So that is the opening of the rethrow. That's where the urine comes out. The semen comes out.

And it is, okay, so this is true. It is the glands, so the head is spayed like. And the reason why it is evolved like that. It was evolved for pleasure and for purpose. Mm-hmm. According to evolutionary anthropologists, and I've heard this many times, and I believe that in sexual archaeologists,

they would know. The reason why it is shaped spade-like, because it's the ideal shape for getting semen deposited to best fertilize an egg, meaning, back caveman times you were out and you came home and you want to make sure that your lady wasn't getting being pregnant by the neighbor and so you'd have sex with her and you plunge her with your penis and pull it with a plunge her. So you have sex with her and then you pull out the sea out.

I literally am doing it. Pull out the semen. Pull out any ejaculate left by a previous mate. So the previous mate that she's sleeping with isn't gonna get a present. So it's a competition thing. It's a competition thing. Survival of the species with your head.

Yeah, they're pulling out the semen from the past, plunging it. That sounds crazy. Wow, that's cool. You didn't know that? No. Oh, I thought I talked about this. No, I guess not with you. But yeah, no, that's not a known thing. I don't think very many people know. No idea. I guess that's

why I got my done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And you guys have to know the head of the penis. I don't remember life before sex with Emily because I knew, I guess just to assume I knew nothing. The head of the penis, like most of you, a guy didn't know, didn't know.

How do the penis, so you guys, very sensitive, more sensitive in the shaft, and it's like licking, like touches, like soft touches, so that's the tip. And then the poor skin, that's the soft, suede-like skin that covers the glands. That's like when people areede-like skin that covers the glands. That's like when people are uncircumcised.

So if you're, you know, America, Americans mostly are circumcised. I believe different religions they are not, but I think more men are uncircumcised in circumcised in this world. Yeah. So here's the deal that if you come across one or you're not sure about it, this is the thing. Yeah, okay. So circumcised is the thing. Yeah, okay, so circumcisms widely performed procedure,

37 to 39% of men are on the world living without foreskim for religious and or cultural reasons. So anyway, how you use it? Just make sure that it's hygienic. Like this is the only thing, there's like really nothing different. It could be more sensitive. But just make sure that it's clean.

Make shower, make clean. If you have one, you probably know this, but it is, they can experience more sensitivity, to stimuli. And then we gotta talk about the frenulum. You're new best friend. You're new best friend. The frenulum is your best friend.

Now this is where the magic happens on the penis. It's kind of like the clitoris of the penis. So the frenulum is found is a thin piece of tissue on the underside of the penis, where the head meets the shaft or the foreskin connects the head to the penis, to the shaft. It's very small but very highly arid in a zone and the most sensitive part of the penis.

There's more nerves in it than the head and the shaft. And so they've been found that this is what happens with those reflexogenic erections. This part is the penile brain, you know, even without the penile brain communication, the stimulation can lead to many, many, many a happy man, many ajaculation. So during blow job, during touching it, like pay attention, lick it, you know, use a vibrator gun set, all of that would probably go like a low vibe setting and just like tickle it, know it's there, know it's precious and maybe you masturbate and you didn't know that name.

You're like, oh yeah, I do like that spot. I didn't know why. And that's why it's your frenulum. It's interesting. When you do touch that part on a partner on a penis, you can see it almost gets like harder for a second. It's like it's a joke. Oh, hey.

Welcome. Welcome to the party. Yeah. So that's your one mistake. So have a bite. And then scrotum and testicles. The balls. The balls are tricky.

I get it. Like if you don't have them, but just because I know what they do, some call it the nectar of life. That's where the semen originates. That's where it all happens. They snug around the nectar of life. That's where the semen originates. That's where it all happens. They snug around the scrotum and they are just effectively the temperature is important

for sperm production. You understand that. And I think it's important to say that when playing with them, it's stimulating them. Just go light. Like you're holding those like bend wall balls in your hand. They're very sensitive as we all know. You can lick them, you can kind of suck them gently into your mouth. That was like, talk about that a few weeks ago. And so, yeah, the testicles, there's anything else you want to talk about here?

So okay, this is something. It was in calls to, Triple 8, 947, 827, 7, I get call from penis land forever. Yeah, I mean, I just, I mean, like that I've noticed, is like this when the balls, when they go from being kind of like loose and hangy to like up and taught. Yes. That happens in the... And I heard that that's to get them out of the way during sex.

Yes. When they're when you're wrecked, they get, they pull up, yeah. They suck up, yes. I think that's cool. That is cool, right? Did you know that? I don't think that would notice. I don't think that would notice. Yeah, like no, I mean, I, because, up, yes. I think that's cool. That is cool, right? Did you know that? I don't think that would notice. Yeah, like no, I mean, I, because, okay, this is the thing.

We were talking about this earlier in the show about how we feel like, not all men, but some men, like they don't really look at the vulva when going down. I'm like, I mean, I guess it's hard not to look at it, like a penis, because it's so much more stark in your face. Yeah, it's for all of your face. It's all up in your face. But it's like, I notice all of the things. Yeah.

Like the balls too. Yeah, exactly. Right. We pay attention. We do. Because you're looking at it. So for a square. I have to pay attention.

I've never even, I have no idea what you want. Oh, you want to pay attention to your balls? To my own. Yeah, during that. Yeah, yeah, totally. Not to somebody else's. No, no, no, no. So yeah, that's it.

SafeSav, what else we got to hear about the ball? Would you be saving out the balls? It's important. Just take care of them. And please, I'm fine out your part, and everyone likes them touched. Thank you. Pair and E.M. is also magical. I think that the pair, we can talk about the prostate too.

The prostate. It's all similar. It's all similar. But you guys, let me tell you something. The prostate for men, men, gay, straight, whatever you're into for men. If you have a, we men have a prostate. And there's a lot of stimulation that can happen there, and it can feel amazing for many men.

And they have not tested it. So, me and my entire finger, we've got a lot of great toys we talk about on the show. We, you know, we love different butt plugs, fingers, just try it if you haven't tried it. We've got a ton of stuff on our site too about that and then the perineum. That's a sensitive spot between the scrotum and the anus, also called the taint. Taint? Or the daint? Or the douch?

Or the douch. Like the douch, yeah. It's from Jack. Like I learned that from Jackass. Yeah. Gouch. It's a good one. I've heard that too.

I didn't know that it's weird originator. But whatever you call it, know that it has a lot of nerve endings and that's kind of the pathway to the prostate. So that's pretty cool. You can have indirect stimulation to the prostate by just pressing down on it or like pulling, like if you want on your own, if you just want to take a finger pad and like kind of two fingers or one just kind of press up on it, like kind of your flat of it, just feel that feels.

And the reason why that can't feel good is because it's indirectly stimulating the prostate. And also, it's a good, like if you are with a penis to partner, that's a great little thing. If you're giving oral or hand up to kind of apply pressure there that can kind of provide a lot of excitement for a lot of people. You can also use a vibrator there, like a light vibe,

tickling, ticker on the balls, that feels good. Pairing you. Yeah. I think that's like a funator there, like a light vibe tickling, ticker on the balls, that feels good. Parenting. Yeah. I think that's like a fun, like if you haven't done that to your partner and like, oh, they don't want butt stuff, like try the par- from women too. Yeah, it's a way to like sneak it. Yeah, just to see how it feels. Why not?

If that feels good, guess what it's gonna feel like if you do try your prostate, stimulate a not bad boy. Just let him know that you're, if they're not used to that, let him know you're not going for the anus, but you're doing that on purpose because it does, it does for good. But it, it's at him attacks first. Yeah. With a laser pointer. All right. So laser pointer.

The laser pointer is a great idea. So some other things for the penis that we find helpful. Pena's rings, cock rings, aka cock rings. So the pivot is one that we love from Wevibe. And I love this because, so just so you know that if you want to last longer in bed, you, that's originally why we started hearing about cock rings years ago, they were more like steel, right? Yeah.

The ones they helped make last long. Really constructive. But they were constructive, like blood flow.. The ones they make last long. Really constructive. But then, but they were constrictive, like blood flow. But these ones, they have today, like the pivot or the verge or the atom plus by how to octopus. These are really cool, like they vibrate. They vibrate in them. You put it around your penis.

And it's great, like for your solo play, for a partner, like if you're with a woman, she gets on top, bottom, like it's still stimulated, they're clitoris and it feels really really good. We love those. If you haven't tried one, those are great couples toys to start with. An external massager. So that was the pit.

Yeah. The external massager is, I like the Jo Pen Pave Grace. It's like this beautiful little blue toy. It looks like it's like it fits in the palm of your hand. Like a little pebble, not a pebble, like a little rock, a skipping stone. Yeah, that's, yeah, like a skipping stone. Exactly. The grace is a cool one.

And then we like the wish, because the wish is a squishy toy. It looks like a little squishy ball. I just love it. It looks like one of those stress balls, but it's a vibrator. It's amazing. You can control it with the app, which is awesome.

But it has less, it's, you know, originally it's, it's you know created all these toys you can use them in any way You want like I use the pivot the cock ring on my own Mm-hmm clear right you know, but the thing about the The the wish is that it's it's vibrations are not as intense like it extends throughout the whole the whole wish Like the whole thing so for for some in the vibrations You always want to keep it a lower setting and this one already has a kind of vibration that would feel great for men, maybe not to ejaculate as quickly as that's a thing. Do you think that more or not as many men can handle vibration just because they're not

used to it or because it's like just their anatomy? That's a really good question. I think it's the same reason why we like it. I think it's like, whoa, I've never felt it feels amazing. So I think that anytime we stimulate nerve endings, whether they're on a woman or a man, you stimulate, think about it. It's like, why you like touch or tickle or massage. I mean, you haven't felt, so yeah, I could be like, I've never felt it before.

That could be the first time, but no. I think it just feels amazing to be stimulated by something other than your hand or another person's hand or a body part. And I think that a lot of men don't ever try that. It depends on what you're vibrating against. That's the, you know, sometimes you need it stronger because it's not as sensitive depending on where you're putting it. Yeah, like if you put it on the tip

or the fronting limb or on the perineum. It's all like a crazy ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some could. Balls definitely light. Balls, you want to go really light on it. Pyreneam, you can go hard. So, yeah.

And then, loobs. Loobs, we love, we love, we more play. It's a really fun, it's a coconut love oil is what it is. And so it could be used for massage. It's great for hand jobs. No more play is a really fun. It's a coconut love oil is what it is And so it could be used for massage. It's great for hand jobs. No more dry hand jobs, please. I was surprised How many people I actually because Learned that I knew that had penises That we're giving themselves dry hand jobs and I was like I

Mean and I just was giving guys dry hand jobs. I was like hate hand jobs And now it's like changed the whole yeah like every person I've introduced loop to they're just like How was I ever what planet was I asked like I'm going to the desert desert? They're like here's a blue dick. Wow. Yeah, you didn't know you were in the desert and tell you finally It's true. It's amazing. I don't understand how people don't use it all the time every day all day Just make sure you always got enough lubrication there. That's cool. We love it for hand jobs for any job. Literally any job. I don't know, like you need a lube in your car. You do. You need a lube. If something gets stuck in your mouth thing. True. Okay, so then we've got the mail masturbation sleeve. So these are the thing.

These are fun. These are fun. These are great gifts. They're good gifts stocking stuffers signing Christmas. Well, it's stuff and some but if you've been thinking about stuff this in your stocking stuffer Because we talk a lot about toys for women, but there are so many toys for penises as well Like flashlight makes the quick shot, which is kind of a fun little like hand job helper we call it. Like hamburger helper, but this is for your penis. Hand job.

It makes it quick. The hot octopus pulse three solo. That's it. Oh my God. That's I gave it to a boyfriend. He's like, didn't leave his house. It's the greatest thing for like two days. Ken likes to do.

It's the best thing. What do you like about it? It's a silly, silly thing. So I'm, it's actually, so I leave his house. It's the greatest thing. For like two days, Ken likes to do it. It's the best thing. What do you like about it? It's a silly thing. It's a silly thing. It's actually, so I wouldn't call it a sleeve. It's a, so I personally don't, and I don't like sleeves. I've just, they seem like a really good idea until you're doing it for me at least,

and that's just me. But the, the hot octopus, it goes around like a hot dog bun almost on the bottom and it has an oscillating pad that pushes, it oscillates against your frenulum. You don't have to move it, you can use it to stroke but you don't have to. Oh, it's hands-free. It's hands-free. It's totally hands-free. If you can kind of rest it on something or you can hold it but you don't have to, there's

no motion necessary at all. You just turn it on and you let it go. It's okay, because it's not really a vibrates, it's oscillates. It's like tapping on your freinulum really fast, and it's got multiple speeds, it's got multiple patterns, but it's intense. Hot octopus.

Okay, we've got all three still. We'll put this in the show. Everything we're talking about on the show notes. If you go to sex.com. It's so funny because even though there are so many toys designed for like vulvas and vaginas and everything, I'm still jealous of this pulse three. I know. Wait, when you started talking about it to oscillating the first, I got a child

of a frenulum. I want a frenulum. I want to tap. Oh, you were jealous of it to have a friend. I want a friend. I want a friend. I want to tap it. Oh, you were jealous of it for your robot. I wanted a penis firm in it. Well, yeah, I mean, I think everyone wants to know what it feels like for the other side. Okay, and here's some more techniques to remember

for the touching, the pleasing part of the penis. Now, remember this. There's a few basic pointers to keep in mind. Rhythm, you want to keep in mind. Rhythm. You want to keep a rhythm going. Good hand technique is kind of like, it's kind of like playing an instrument. You know, like you know when you're in a good rhythm. So you know, you want to use your hands to make sure that you're like going up and down

and having nice rhythm. Let's talk about pressure for a minute. If you just do like a feather soft touch, are you actually blow on the penis? I don't know, people used to, I had heard a story about a friend who just, was that you, Jamie, who blew on the penis? They thought it blow job meant blowing.

Oh, that was not me, but that is. I've heard that. It's not blowing, it's not light feather touching. You want a firm grip, but not too firm. So think about this. Like, think about mimickingicking your real snugness. When a penis is inside of you, for example, it's just that firm enough grip that you can move your hands slightly up and down, but you're not causing the penis to turn purple.

You're going to need to know how tight they might like it to. No purple penises. Remember the angle. Like, do you only stroke your guy like up towards the belly button and you never go like to the other points like do you ever go down south, do you ever go like to the west or to the east? Do you know what I'm saying? So the angle changes sensation. So some guys might just want you to keep going up but some guys might want you to move it around and play with it, kind of like a joystick. I get bored just going up and down. So I just do that naturally, because I'm bored. Yeah, exactly.

And they're bored too. If you're bored, they're bored. That's how I feel about doing the show. And I get bored, I move on. I mean, I never get bored, but you know what I mean? I think I know. I can tell.

It's time to change. I can tell. So change your hand positions, and it's okay to ask, and be like, does that feel good? How do you like this? So play with the angle and also wetness you guys. Remember this.

It can feel good to tease, you know, if you've got a soft penis around, but if you wanna make it, you just start licking it and playing with your hand, but once it gets hard, you wanna make sure that you get some loop on there. I don't think anyone wants a dry hand job. Use a lot of loops, silicone loop. We love pure PJUR loop, silicone loop.

It's the best and you just need a few drops. And also we also like uber loop. Whatever you like, it's great for the night stand because here's the deal. Even if you spit in your hands or use saliva, it's just easier. It feels better. And I'm all ready for guys start using loop when they masturbate. Yeah. And for the people out there,

if you just want to put your mouth on it, silicone lube doesn't taste bad at all. Exactly, it does not have a taste. It does not. So you can put your mouth on it, use lube, and just know that the magic happens, like we said, in the tip of the penis, and you want to make sure you focus on the tip

and the front of the limb, and just listen, you can tell if your guy's really into it or not, you got to pay attention to it. So pay attention to his like moaning and just listen, you can tell if your guy is really into it or not, you got to pay attention to it. So pay attention to his like moaning and his breathing and like, you know, rather than what happens during sex sometimes, we forget to pay attention to what they're doing because we're so focused on our hand grip or our mouth grip. After a while, this is going to become more obvious to you, but if you're a beginner, you know, play with some lube and your hand motions and then pay attention to what your partner

is doing. So in other ways to touch the penis, basic grips, you can do the okay sign. Like that's the most natural grip. You just do the okay sign around the penis. Like it's kind of like touching your index or middle finger to the thumb and then you slip it around and you can travel and go up and down. So it was like it. You can also do like a sausage wrap where you're enclosing. This is from Sadie Allison's book, baby.

I'm using a her book is called Take a Liz Pickle and I love it. So I'm just giving you some straight board things. Sausage wrap, you enclose your shaft and your five fingers with your thumb at the top and you just stroke up and down. And then you guys, too fister, try any basic moves and use two hands. That's a game changer. That is a game changer. Listen, I know guys give themselves hand jobs all day long, but they don't use two hands,

which I'm not sure why. But remember, when you use your hand, it's a total game changer. You can also do the twister, so with every stroke, you give like you slip your hand and you twist it up and you twist it back down again. Twist it up, kind of like the barbershop pull. Oh yeah, no, that's what I think about it. That's a great way to think about it. Twisting back, twisting up, twisting up.

And then you could start with a pumper, you started the base of this penis and then you stroke up past the tip. So you go, you start again the base and then you keep repeating and you go over the tip and then back down again, over the tip and back down again. That seems to be very popular. That is a popular one, because you're touching the tip. Touching. You can even put your mouth on the tip

while you're using your hand up and down. Okay, here's some other two handers. We already talked about a double twister. There's this cigar roller, open hands. Place them on opposite sides, like you're starting a fire, you know, slide them up and down, keeping your palms straight open and go up and down, rolling them together, up and then back down, up and then down. You could also do the okay sign around the head of the penis and a downward stroke

following immediately the same motion with your other hand. So you just keep repeating it, the okay sign up and down, up and down, but with both hands. And then you could also do an all over massage. This is when you loop your hands up completely. And then you massage everything, which I love this idea, and I do this, and since I forget so this is a good reminder, but we like to be massaged all over. If you loop up your hands and you massage everything from his belly button down to his inner thighs, glide over his skin, and also pay attention to

not just his penis, but his balls, his taint. That can feel really great. It's kind of a little bit of teasing, and then you go back to the penis. And you can also, you guys, if you want to play with the taint more, which is also known as the perineum, in between the balls and the opening to the anus, you press your fingertips or your knuckles or fists into the taint, and then with your other hand, you're stroking the penis. And for a lot of them, that can just send them over the edge. Those are some penis tips. I hope they helped you out.

Jumpstart your penis career or helped you kind of spice things up for yourself. Let me know if you've any of your favorite tips. You can also email us, feedback at sex.com. All right, guys, we're going to get into your emails. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be come back. It's all about you.

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, guys. Into your emails. God, I love answering your questions. It's like my favorite part of the day. Always, just go to the website if you want to send one to sexandemail.com. Click the Ask Emily tab,

fill out the short form, or just email. Feedback at sex with Emily.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or just the email. Feedback at sexwithemle.com. Always, always, always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. All right, Jamie, want to read the emails? All right, so this first one comes to us from Erdole, who's 30 in Turkey. He writes, hello, Emily. My wife and I are healthy and our marriage is healthy. We've been married one and a half years and we're together two years prior to that. My problem is my wife has an obsession about who starts first. We're having sex at least two to three times every week. She tells me whenever you desire we have sex, but this is not totally

correct. Most often we decide together to have sex, sometimes I decide and less often it's her decision that we start. For instance, the other day I took a shower, and I had only underwear on, and I approached her for sex, but she said no. After an hour, I put all my clothes on, and she said, okay, let's do it. I said, all right, let me smoke first, took 20 minutes, and then I was ready, and then she said, we only start whenever you want. This freaks me out. What is your comment about the situation? All right, Erdal, it sounds like there's some more going on here. You guys have been together for almost four years. And it sounds like she might be setting you up. She says she'll start it and then you leave the room and she puts it back on you.

Here's what happens with initiating sex and a relationship. I hear this often that there's always one partner. It seems like an ever-relationship. There's one partner who initiates most of the time. It's not all the time. And then another partner who wants to or says they will and they don't. But there isn't easy fix to this. And that is just talking to her.

And having a talk, a healthy talk about your sex life outside the bedroom. When you're just saying, you know what? And you're not angry, you're not mad, you're not blaming, you're just saying you know what and you're not angry You're not mad. You're not blaming. You're not saying you never I went to get a cigarette I went to smoke and then you didn't want to do it that at no clean slate or all Let me tell you what it looks like to me because herdals she might want to initiate like to please you But she doesn't know how and let me tell you why this happens to women a lot is because a lot of us are raised that

I'm we're even conditioned that men start sex. We might feel guilt around it. We might be afraid of rejection. We might have been told, you know, even subconsciously that that women shouldn't be initiating sex that we should wait for guys to claim us. We maybe maybe she has some guilt around initiating and maybe she's never done it. So the best thing is just letting her know like what feels good to you. Let her know, say, you know what? I know we've talked about initiating

but let me tell you what it looks like to me. I would love it if you initiated by me walking in the door and kissing my neck or me walking in the door and you've already had some lingerie on or I'm sitting rewatching TV and you kiss me from behind. Whatever it is, you have to let her know because again, you guys are together, I'm sure she wants to please you, but she just doesn't know how. So you really have to practice here to have a healthy conversation without blaming or

shaming or bringing up any of the past anger. Because you know when we do that, when we start a conversation and we put our partner on the defensive, we don't get anywhere. We keep having the same kind of fights over and over again. And then ask her what it would look like for her. Like, how would you like me to initiate? You might even want to take this to the next level and ask about some fantasies or some different things you could try in the bedroom. I mean, she might not have a lot of experience talking about this stuff,

but the more you really get into finding what pleases both of you, the better your sex life is going to be in the long term. Thanks, Ardell, for the question. Okay, this next one comes to us from Kevin, who's 39 in Pennsylvania. He writes, Hi, Emily. My wife recently told me that she's no longer in love with me and wants to try continuing to live together in a parenting marriage because we have four kids together, the youngest is only three.

She also said she doesn't want to disrupt the finance and schedule support we have together, but also hopes in time we will still find someone down the road who makes us each happy. Can a parenting marriage work? I'm also clueless about dating while married because I think many would be turned off by the very notion. Am I correctly skeptical that my wife is trying to have it both ways or can something like this really work? Thanks for your amazing show. Hey Kevin, okay let me let's talk about this for a minute. I have to say that wife is trying to have it both ways or can something like this really work. Thanks for your amazing show. Hey, Kevin. Okay, let me, let's talk about this for a minute. I have to say that I am sorry that you're going to do this right now because it must be

really hard and hurt to have your wife say to you, I'm no longer in love with you. And then, and then to follow it up with, but we can still say together and see other people. So this does not work. I'm telling you, I don't often tell people to end relationships and to break up because I really think, you guys, I do think it's important to try to do your best and stay together for the kids if that can work.

But right now, or to say that, okay, before we break up, let's make sure we go to therapy and we've tried everything. Because sometimes couples just don't, they get to a point, they don't ever try and it's over. But the fact that she already came to you and said, she's not in love with you, unless that was triggered by something that happened, which I don't know in this email,

I'm just gonna go off your facts here that she's already done. She says she's not in love with you and she still wants to have her cake you need it too. I'm telling you, this doesn't work. Kids are smart, no matter how old they are, even young, young babies, young kids, two-year-old. They know, they know what's going on. They can, they sense unrest in the home.

They sense when mommy and daddy are in love, and they're not, so we're in the same bedroom, and they're not affectionate, and they don't really love each other, and just a working relationship. So I think the best thing you can do is to separate and show them what it looks like to be loved by both parents who live separately and then have you both develop healthy relationships on your own. I don't think that other people are going to be down with it. I mean, and I don't think that

that's something that you actually want to do. I feel like she's forcing you into this and maybe even being a little manipulative by just saying, I don't love you, but let's say together, no, I don't want to do with those pesky finances and those four kids. This is, no, you have to do with the finances, you have to be strong, I'm not saying this is gonna be easy,

but I promise if you guys are not gonna be intimate and there's no more love in the relationship, the best thing you can do is get divorced, never talk bad about each other to the kids and do your best to make, you know, happy, healthy, separate homes for the children. I promise you, I promise you, it's better for your kids and for you both in the long run.

All right, this next one comes to us from Cassie, who's 27 in Toronto. She writes, dear, beautiful Emily, oh nice. I've been in a nine year relationship and my partner is six years older. We've lived together for the past seven years. We're very happy, loving, good communication, and have regular sex.

I'm truly suffering though, because I just don't get really turned on by him. Yes, that means I don't orgasm. I do on my own and honestly feel I could easily with someone else. He's so into it and fulfilled, but I just can't seem to get that same buzz of excitement. I've tried ways of mixing it up and I'm very playful and still enjoy the act but it's not really satisfying or deep.

This is something I've been working on since the first year. I'm afraid maybe I've just never been sexually compatible with him. Although he's happy, I've never cheated but I felt sexual energy from dancing with guys that is way hotter than any intimate moments with my long-term handsome partner. Help! It makes me so sad. Thank you for your time. All right, Cassie. Okay, so here's the deal with this. This is what I always say to people. When they are in a long-term relationship and they no longer feel the spark, I'm like, well, how was it in the beginning? That's always my first question.

I'm like, oh, it was great in the beginning. It was great. And then I can work with them. But the fact that you are telling me that you never had it in the beginning, you've been working on it since the first year, I'm not sure it's going to magically change after eight years. Now, you might just be over it completely and maybe you're in your head about it, you know, or maybe you're just ready. It sounds like you might be, but the only thing I can say is you've been with him for nine years since you're 18. Essentially I'm going to guess that he's maybe your first real love, I mean 18 to 27.

So maybe you just have, it's time for you to get out and it is time for you to meet some other people. I like to say that you guys can work on it, but it sounds like you've been trying since the first year. And if you've been trying with him and you've actually said to me, no babe, I don't feel our spark as much. Like let's try to work together and see what we can do to turn each other on. Like if you've actually tried with him and it still hasn't happened, I think that then

maybe it is time to move on. Or maybe you're just desiring sexual energy from other people, but either way, which happens you guys, this is why I am not a huge fan of getting married before you're 30. I think our 20s are really made for time that we should be figuring out what we like. Sexually, in a partner, in a relationship, it gives us more time to explore who we're growing into, what's important to us as adults, and it sounds like you just haven't had that time, Cassie, and I why you to have that time. Nine years together is a long time, and seven years living together, so I think, unless you're ready to bring him into trying one more time and say, listen, I'm not feeling the spark, what can we do?

If you've already done that, it doesn't work, then I think it might be time to move on. I really do. That's my advice. It's hard to say, but yeah, it's be time to move on. Really do. That's my advice. It's hard to say, but yeah, it's really hard to conjure up chemistry when it was never there in the first place. Definitely. Less or hard, trying. At best or hard for staying for nine years,

it's a long time to try to make things work. It is. And you must be very frustrated right now. So. And if you can feel sexual energy just from dancing to someone else, then you know that you're capable of doing it. You know you're capable of it.

And this is what happens a lot in long-term relationships. People are like, oh, I don't have a sex drive. I don't have a sex drive. And they meet someone else and they have it. So pay attention to your body, too. Okay. This next one comes to us from Taylor, who's 24 in South Dakota. Hi, Emily.

I love your podcast and I'm hoping you can help me. I was recently left by my fiance. We were together for five years and he left me for another girl. I'm now dating again and I'm having a hard time with a guy that I'm hoping you can help me. I was recently left by my fiance. We were together for five years and he left me for another girl. I'm now dating again and I'm having a hard time with the guy that I'm seeing. I've been seeing each other for about four months and I'm already to be official with him,

but he doesn't like labels. I feel like that this is just an excuse for him to sleep with other women. His roommate told me that I basically am just a prolonged booty call and when I brought it up, the guy I'm seeing said that that isn't the way he sees me at all. I just don't know what to do. Is my past making me paranoid? Hey Taylor okay listen here's what I think. You were with someone for five years again much like our last email much like Cassie you were with from such a young age I'm gonna assume he's your first love and you were together for five years

And then he was your you guys were engaged to be married and then he left you for another woman And that is a lot of heartache that it's really hard to deal with and you have to rebuild trust again You've to figure out who you are without a man in your life So I would say take some time on your own. No, I don't know if the roommates lying to you The guy's not gonna say oh my roommates right I actually do think you know that he's a booty call But I gotta give this guy credit. He's telling you listen when someone tells you something like this You gotta believe them. He's saying to you

I'm not looking for anything. He doesn't like labels So it sounds like where you're at in your life right now when you do get into relationship And I don't think it's now Taylor, I think as much as we think, it helps to get under to get over as they say, have sex with someone else to get over our acts, that's a temporary fix, that's a band-aid fix. You could keep swinging from one relationship to the next in your 20s, 30s,

but I really think that this is really important for you to figure out who you are without a man. Maybe you get into therapy because it sounds like that your past might be making you have less trust in men. It might be making you more paranoid that every little move is gonna, is gonna, you're worried that they're out with someone else. And so until you go to deal with these core issues

that you have around trust and even just around what you want from a partner, I don't think that you should be dating right now. I think that that's just an important step to take because then you're gonna find yourself in a few years, you're in relationships and you're still not gonna know who you are. So I want you, please take this work,

make sure that you're 100% confident on your own. Don't fall into those patterns of like, I need a man to complete me or I need a man to feel whole because here's what happens when you're with someone from 19 to 24, like for, you know, all those really formative years, 18 to 25. I mean, it's like, of course, you're craving that energy again from a man because that's what has filled you up all these years. It's almost like an addiction in a way. Like that energy made you feel whole, but it's really not about that. You have to, I'm telling you, do this hard work right now and just say no, say no to dating,

hang out with your friends, build a full life, build a community around you. If you meet someone great, but I wouldn't make this your goal to try to date someone and lock them down right now. I really want you to focus on yourself, Taylor. This is the time to do it. Okay, this last one comes to us from Ashley 25 in the US.

She writes, dear Emily, when I was younger, middle school and high school, I would masturbate once or more a day with a very loud vibrator. I recently found out that my brother and parents heard me almost every time. My brother acts super uncomfortable around me. My dad doesn't know how to even look at me

and my mom tries her hardest to make me feel guilty. I never did it with the intent of others knowing, but I feel like I ruined their lives. I almost feel like I sexually assaulted my family. It's really hard for me to keep living with this guilt. I feel like if I was never born, my brother and parents would have been much happier. I'm sure this has happened to a lot of people, but I really did use that vibrator quite often and have probably scarred them for life.

I'm going crazy over this and it's consuming my life. Help! Ashley, we all read this here, and I just want to give you a hug, sweetie. Sounds like having a lot of distress over this. And listen, you're a young kid. Use a vibrator, it was loud. I understand that's a little bit embarrassing. But I also think that you're taking this to a really extreme level that isn't true. The facts are, yes, you use a vibrator when you were younger and they heard you. That's not comfortable. I facts are, yes, you used a vibrator when you were younger, and they heard you. That's not comfortable, I get it, but you did not, you did not sexually

assault your family. And I think that if they really are teasing you about it all the time, then they're blowing it out of proportion as well. And I feel like maybe you're creating this to be a bigger thing because you feel some guilt around it, but I really don't want this to consume your life. You really did nothing wrong. I mean, your mom could have come in your room when you were seventh grade and said, like, hey, darling, this would be the ideal parent. Here's a quiet vibrator, or we hear you, you know, but since nobody feels comfortable talking to their kids around sex, which just, I wish they did, this is what happens.

So for now, I think maybe you might need some therapy around this because I'm going to guess that perhaps You know you might feel this might have trickled over into some of the sex you're having with partners Maybe maybe you don't want to make noise or you're afraid that I don't know I don't know what you're thinking about yourself But if you're I'm just picking up on your language here of sexual assault and that your your brother and your dad are uncomfortable around you. I'm wondering if you just are reading into their eye movements like if they're looking away that maybe they're upset. I don't know because I'm not in your family, but I don't want this to consume your life.

I think you could find a quiet environment though. The womanizer premium, it's a very quiet vibe. But again, the problem here, the challenge here is more about you reconciling this with your family. And if you're still not sure, you could talk to them one on one. I know that sounds mortifying and embarrassing, but I really feel like it's your family. And if you want to have a healthy relationship,

there could be some talking to do to clear it up because I really don't think it's as crazy as you think and as much of an impact in other lives and yours as you're allowing it to be. So you could also get some therapy, like I said, and talk to the professional about how to handle the situation, but I really think that you're allowing it to be. So you could also get some therapy, like I said, and talk to the professional about how to handle the situation, but I really think that you're going to be fine.

You already are Ashley. Thanks for the email. Thanks, everyone, for the emails. Such great emails today. I hope you guys enjoyed this show. I love you all. Thank you so much for supporting the show. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken Michelle, producer, Jamie,

and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.