Sex With Emily - (Having) Sex With Emily

Episode Date: May 16, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is taking your calls, and revealing some stats about everyone’s favorite activity – sex. She even has someone on from her own life that she’s directly helped master a few bedroom techniques. They talk about who’s using lube and who’s not, the importance of the clitoris and why it needs to be wined, dined (and 69’d), and ways to handle when your parents don’t like your partner and turning sexual guilt into sexual confidence. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Aaptiv, Fleshlight, JO, Intensity Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on Today's Show. I'm taking your calls and revealing some stats about everyone's favorite activity. Sex. I even have someone on for my own life to talk about how I've directly helped the master a few techniques in the bedroom. So trust me, when I say this is going to be a fun one. Topics include, who's using Loub and who's not. Advice to help to turn your sexual guilt into sexual confidence. How to handle it when your parents don't like your partner. And the importance of the clitoris and why it should be wind, dined, and 69. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them a lie-gone day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's drinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off God, I feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between.

For more information, go to sexwithemmy.com because it's a party. We have so many great blogs and posts and videos and amazing things happening there. So you can have better sex and relationship especially this month because it's May. It's masturbation month. That's a real thing. So thank you for celebrating my 13th masturbation month since I've been doing sex with Emily. I believe it's been around as long as sex with Emily. I'm trying to remember. No, I think this is my 13th. So if you're just joining me,

this is a big friggin' month. This is the month where it's all about you and yourself pleasure. And I know some of your thinking isn't everyday masturbation day or every month all about masturbation. Well, I hope so. I hope for your case that you are masturbating all the time, but some of us need a little reminder,

and we need to think about how masturbation can actually benefit our sex life. Cause it does you eyes. When you're in a relationship, it to think about how masturbation can actually benefit our sex life. Because it does you eyes. When you're in a relationship it doesn't mean that masturbation stops, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't please yourself. And so we are also want to support you in upping your masturbation game this month by having a contest. And I want to know specifically how is masturbation benefited your life, your sex life? What has it done for you? Like specifically, what did you learn because of masturbation? What tricks, what tips, how does it calm you down,

how does it change your life? Email me feedback at sexwithatm.com by June 7th to enter, and we'll give you some super sexy prizes. And although we love detail, we're all about storytelling and great details here. Let's just say this. Keep your submissions on the shorter side. If you think it's too long, it probably is.

Also, you can find me in social media. It's at sex with Emily Crosst aboard. I love hearing from you. I love when you message me. I don't love when you send dick pics because if you do, I block you so you don't wanna do that. All right, sounds like a plan. Now let's move into some sex in the news and I'm going to introduce my very special guest.

My guest is Ben Morrison. He is a comedian and an actor. And what else do you do? He makes me laugh a lot. I write. He writes. I try to elicit your tiniest cuteest little laugh. He does make me laugh a lot.

I thought we laughed together. You should be on the show with me. And talk to me about, do you think you're prepared to talk about anything? Yes. Sex, relationship. Because I've got some things to throw at you here. Literally anything.

And I'm honored to be here during Jerk Off month as a practitioner of jerking off. I feel that this is the only month I can really be me. Just approach people on the street, give them a high five. How is masturbation like helped your life? Oh. Helped your sex life. I think it's the central staple of my existence. I feel it's like checking.

That's why I don't get to see you nearly. Check it in with God. Yeah, I feel like it's very important. And I feel as far as sex goes, masturbation for me almost feels like practice, you know. I just think to myself, she's going to get some of this later. Let's just warm it up for her. Okay, she, you think that you're like, this is not for me, this is for, or how lucky she is. Yes. Because you love your penis. When I am done, I send out rays of sexual energy to whatever part of it I'm hoping it lands somewhere you for example just I psychically blast out

sexual intent sexual intent which I call semen right what do you think about women in masturbation? How often do you think women masturbate? I don't really know actually because whenever I've asked Partners what their their masturbation habits are, the answers have always really varied. I mean, some girls, you know, they're every day and some are like, I don't really do that at all. I think that the answer is a lot more consistent for men as far as frequency goes. Like every day. Yeah, I mean, how often do I go to bed? Right. And I think you do, right? You masturbate for bed. Not every time. No.

Often. Right. Enough. You know, I think masturbation for couples is incredibly important because that is literally the best way to figure out what your lover actually wants. I mean, every couple should literally just, they should just watch their partner for like half an hour in detail because it just takes notes, man, that's your cheat sheet. Right. I tell you learn, you're like, this is how she touches herself, he, she, whatever they do, yeah.

I play video games, man, that's the, that's the Konami code. That's the up, up, down, down, left, right. Your nerds will get it. But like, that's the way to get 30 lives. Just watch what she's doing. That's what she wants. Oh, okay.

Right. Good. Good. That's so true. I like it. Well, here's the thing about masturbation month. And I hate saying like, I don't she wants. Oh, okay, right, good, good, that's so true. I like it. Well, here's the thing about masturbation month, and I hate saying, like, I don't want to stare a type here, but I typically think this month has a lot to do with, it helps women a lot, because I think that I don't have

to remind men to masturbate as much as I do women, because it is true that we don't have sex as much as top of mind as much as men. We're not like, oh, it's there, it's hard, it's not making me sleep. We just kind of think, oh, it's more of a process. We think that it is. We're not going to remind ourselves. But I feel like the thing about masturbation is for women, especially the more we do it,

the more we masturbate, we get in that routine, the more we want to, kind of like working out. I can never think of another better analogy that the more you do it, the more you want it. And the other thing about masturbation, especially for women, is that's how we figured it all out. I mean, I used to think that it was my partner's job to figure out my body, and I realized through very intensive and long running masturbation sessions that I've learned a lot about my body. And I've surprised myself.

I used to think that I don't know that if you knew this about me Ben, but I'd never had a internal orgasm until I started my podcast. I assumed that I could only have a literal orgasm because that's all I ever experienced. And I thought that it was something was wrong with me or that like up until 13 or 14 ish years ago, you'd never come close to that. I just thought I couldn't. She's but simulation squirting, nothing. Nope. Really? It was all just top of the bean.

Yeah, top of the bean. Top of the bean, do you? Top of the bean, do you? You might. Flick of the bean. That's what it was. Fancy a flick of the bean, mate. Yeah, that's exactly what it was.

So I'm telling that I don't, that people, a lot of women, and we all just assume that the way we can orgasm is sort of set and that it can never change. And I'm here to tell you that through excretion. Oh yeah, the thing is, at the time spent, you can have orgasms. The thing about sexual pleasure, is you need to understand, there are so many holes on a human spot.

Right. And to think that all the action happens in one little spot on top of one of the holes is ridiculous, especially when if you stick shit in the holes, it feels different. All three of them feel good in a different way. Right? Okay, yeah. You can play with all the holes, you can send. You gotta use your holes. Use your holes wisely. Use your holes.

Well, okay, so I'm glad that you're here though Ben, because I want you to, how many break down some important statistics I just came out. Skin, conum, sex, survey, reveal. So this is the realities of millennial sex, okay? Quick to judge. Well, respondents claim they don't think of women or men differently for having multiple

sexual partners, 54% of they perceive women negatively for having multiple sexual partners. Women are especially hard on each other with 61% of females looking poorly at women. So this is like this age old thing that people say that women are harder on other women. Women judge women more than men do. What do you what do you think about that? What first of all Why are so judgey and people having multiple sex partners like it's such a double standard? Well first question is this a survey of millennials? Yes, so this so the results are millennial skewed their millennial skewed right? Which is what people who are up to age of 36 right now? They're millennial skewed, right, which is what people who are up to age of 36 right now?

22 to 36. 22 to 36. So we have to keep in mind when talking about these statistics that these are a generation that have grown up with being all judging, social networking, and the literal accumulation of like markers being a big part of their existence. So I think maybe they'd say they're more judgy than they actually were. You know, I think for women there might be, there might be a jealousy factor of the fact that they are able to have multiple partners because that represents a freedom that men seemingly have. You know, and I think it's like you said, what isn't different about this generationally is that men are seen as conquerors and women are seen as sluts when they have multiple partners.

Right. I do think that is that's that's shifting. I mean, that's going to take a long time to fully equalize. I do think it's it is shifting. I think like in the moment, like they're going to say one thing, but the interesting part is there's contradictions in this survey because it says most people, and that's 67% said they don't care about someone's sex number. Right. So they don't care, but they're gonna judge you. Gender-based, how does that work? Yeah, men and women, like total, right?

Six most people, so 67% total of men and women say they really don't care about the number. But women are harder on women. Women are harder on women. And I just really think if anything, what now is the time for women just to get behind women, support women. Yeah, I found out a whole,

and I wanna phrase this gently, that women sometimes aren't really the biggest fan of women, you know what I'm saying? Like women who have, like small social groups, they're good, but a lot of times women can be very nasty to other women when it comes to sociological ideas. Like, I think they can be. I mean, I think what I'm saying is backed up by that statistic is that I think women are

very aggressive towards other women when they decide they want to be in a way that men aren't or in a different way. Some of us do like biology, like women are the ones who are like, we have to find a mate and we see other women as competitive to us as threatening. Yeah, and I think there's a lot of, like you said, biologic breakdown going into that. Whereas men are just, we're not stupid enough to really know the intricacies. I mean, this is how I feel, but I feel like I've just always next women. The second I find a toxic woman, if I find a woman who's talking about other women,

I automatically decide that's not someone that I want to be close to, and I think that's the way to end it. To me, it is, it's very uncomfortable. Women like that bitch, she's a... Yeah, never doubt the power of unfollowing block. On follow and block. You can take someone out of your existence.

I'm all about it's exactly. That's another easy thing to cut them. Oh, yes. We healed the block like a weapon, man. Right, don't mess up the block like a weapon, man. Right. Don't mess up the show. I might block you, man. The other thing is smart as sexy.

More response to think that having a sense of humor, being smart and good looks are sexy attributes. At least you're, yeah, right? So that's a humor. Funny. For men, being good looking is the sexiest attribute. Shock, nothing's changed here. Filed by a sense of humor.

Being fun and honest. For females, a sense of humor, being fun and honest. For females, a sense of humor, number one, being smart and confidence or sexiest. This is the, this is the end of a shit survey from. Yeah, no, do you wanna hear it? It kind of is, but let me tell you this one part that is not no shit, that's shocking. What?

Here's the stat that I'm saving for the end. That's baffling, makes zero sense to me. There's been a 17% decline in the neck being chosen as an arousing body part. It went from 31% to 14%. Yeah. Why would the neck all of a sudden in one year not be sexed anymore?

Because vampire movies aren't cool anymore, dude. Twilight had its day in the sun. That was so 10 years ago. But it's in the year. I was thinking vampires too. Or like something. Like why? Why is that?

And I love the neck is like one of the most underrated or rodent zones. Like kissing the neck, getting around the neck and the neck is like sexy. Yeah. That was a shot. That part just, we had to take it out of work here and figure out why out what how that happened porn no one likes the back anymore. Yeah, I guess so Here's the final thing. This is confusing to me as well 46% of people dating multiple people always use Loub and But 26% of people in committed relationships like they use Loub most time only 26% yeah

I don't understand why people don't use lubed as all the time So it just baffles me that well, I think there's not a loop on every night stand yet You got you got me into the Joe And it's awesome. Yeah, so like it. Do you use it for masturbation? No, I don't I've always just been a been a dry guy. But why though, but we clean up it's all cleanup But you already are cleaning up anyway. I know, but when it's the difference between having to wipe down one small area on my tummy versus your tummy.

My little tummy. I've got to wipe my unb all over my tummy. But you can wipe off right this way you don't have to. But if I get all my, if I get my cock all lubi, I'm gonna have to take a shower. You could still, but baby wipes can wipe off the loop too. Yeah, the thing is though, if I'm slathering my dick and something, I'm gonna wanna feel like I'm getting it

off effectively. And I just don't think baby wipes really do that do the job. Okay, we have other things for you. You can visit the sex tight closet before you leave. Oh yeah. Yeah, but I just, I think, uh what the Loubs statistic, I think that makes sense, right? Like if you're sleeping with multiple people, you're probably invested enough

in sex that, you know, you're like, I got my, yeah, our chillerie are, it's gonna be a hot night. Yeah, I guess I got the Loub. I got the rubbers. My Apple music chill, chill playlist. Do you play list for sex? No. No, you don't? No. I sent, I have a really good hip hop playlist, but I sent you that you still haven't listened to.

I have listened to it. Have you? I do, I do have. Okay, cool. I think, no, you sent me the rock one. I listened to that. I sent you the other one. I didn't get it.

Rhyming words. Oh yeah, but it's called, I got it in my phone. Yes. I have phone problems. Hi, this is Ben Morris and I'm here interviewing Dr. Emily Morris and we are really going to get into the heart of what it's like to have sex with Emily. The number one most requested question on my podcast interviewing. Fred and I have had sex. We have sex. Yes. She really has all the loob that you think she has. Like, your listeners are probably like,

she per night's dead, you probably pick it up, and it's just nothing but loob. And I'm here to say it really is. It's like a ball pit made of loob. It is. There's like hundreds of bottles of it. And she's giving me a bunch of like little loobes and I love them, but I don't have like a container

to keep them upright and like they're small. So they'll turn over in the night and then I'll go to get like some baby wipes because I've just, you know, I need to clean up I don't have a container to keep them upright and they're small, so they'll turn over in the night and then I'll go to get some baby wipes because I need to clean up the children I'm never gonna have. And then I put my hand in the drawer because it's right next to my bed

and I'm reaching for baby wipes and it's like, and it's like, I pulled out and it's covered in Joe, which is phenomenal loop. But then I'm like, well, this is a predicament because my hand is gooey, and I want to clean up something else is gooey, and I just need wipes. I have wipes though too, by the way.

You do, you have a lot of wipes. All wipes are not created equal though, and this is a good tip. This is because I'm a big proponent of baby wipes. If you're gonna get wipes from masturbation, go to the diaper aisle, because those are actual wipes to clean up with. Those are not flushable wipes, right?

Okay, there's two types of baby wipes. The ones that are flushable. You're obsessed with baby wipes. Baby wipes are made up. Absolutely, they're incredible. They're incredible. They're for the environment. Especially from masturbation.

Nothing's better at wiping out babies. I'll tell you that much, right? Right now. So if you're gonna get wipes from masturbation, you don't want to get the flushable kind, right? They're totally different fabric texture, okay? Those you get next to toilet paper, those are the flushable ones, keep those in the bathroom for your own personal care, go to the diaper aisle and get the baby wipes that are not flushable.

They're a much better texture. I prefer pamper's brand. Okay. That was a Huggiesman per a while. I know you just became pamper's right. I just got pamper's. You were so excited. It's more of a a it's more of a fabricy type texture. I feel I feel there of a higher quality. Good. If you will. Have you learned anything about sex for me since you've

been having sex for? Oh yeah. Yeah. I've learned a lot about sex from you. I think the biggest thing I've learned from you that the biggest thing I can directly point to you having helped reprogram in my mind is literal stimulation. Because previous to being with you, I had my move, it was a more aggressive type thing where you put your mouth over the clitoris and you know, you kind of fled as much. How does it move? Not a move necessarily, but that's what I thought. Stop it. I'm opening up to you goddamn it.

And you didn't like that because you prefer much gentler. Well, initially, I don't want, I don't want like, I'm not treating it like, it's like a rocky movie. I'm like, I'm like hitting the speed bag, but, okay. But I didn't realize how much more gentle I needed to be when it came time for.

So no, in all the other clitoris that you've run into in your life. Clitori? Yeah, clitori. A pack of wild clitori. A pack of wild clitori. Bound upon the plane. You've never, so you thought, so what I've taught you is that that's, but let me tell you something Ben, is that that's my clearest.

So we have a few other clearestes in the room and they might, I don't know if they would want that. So I've taught you that about myself. Fellas, you just got a lick it like a nice cream cone. But I can guarantee you that if that was your move that you did. Stop calling it a move. That makes it sound like.

Just more aggressive with the clearest. Most clearestes is wanna be like, cuddled and like, swooned and. Taken to dinner. Taken to legit, yeah. Well, your clip got movie passed, so that's nice. We can't know.

I never use it. I think that we started thinking about the Clippers as something that does need to be winded in nine, in 69, then the world would be much happier place. Which I tell you about the Clippers that go in soft down the clitors. There's other things to do. So tell me about the clitors as before me. Oh, when I look at the clitoris, my past,

I, I tear it comes to my eye, many clitoris. Yeah, so sure. Have I seen with my fly? Mm, such a complex guy. Now, the thing is, I've seen a lot of different vaginas in my day, and the actual makeup of the vagina, wildly different, you know, it's like a snowflake made of skin. Right. There are no two are the same. The vulva is the exterior, you know. Part of the vagina. Yeah. You can identify people from their their fingerprints and their vagina prints. Like, they're... They're vulgar. It's a match.

But easily the most consistent thing from woman to woman to woman is the clip, you know. And I think that's why you've opened my eyes to answer your question to the benefit that men can get as a lover from learning everything they need to know about that Loma Fucker because that's the heart of the engine. You know, I'm saying then once you develop an understanding,

and it really is based on how your lover likes it, because like I said, I've been with people that like their literal, their clitoral stimulation to be more aggressive. Once you figure out how your partner's clip works, how it likes to be introduced, do you do your clip like to do I knock on the door or do I just stay in the car and honk and the clip comes out? It's so many different ways. According to the clip is a very unique process from lover to lover.

I think as a lover, if you can learn how your woman's clip likes to go out for a date, then the sex coming after that is going to be phenomenal. It takes some time. Yeah, because if you can prep the clip, that tells the whole vagina. Oh, this is happening. Oh, this is happening.

I feel like you just get into like, read like today. This is amazing. Oh, yeah. No, this is a revelation. I'll been saved for when I'm finally on your podcast and I have notes, many binders, many binders. Okay, cool. What else do I want to ask you?

What have I taught you about sex? Who's gonna be gonna take some calls? Okay, we're gonna take a quick break. Shout out to our sponsors, I love them and I love you off-roading, we'll gonna take a quick break. Shout out to our sponsors. I love them, and I love you all for listening. We'll be right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ We had an oral sex miscommunication.

I'm just gonna bring this up. Yes. So, okay. We did it. We did because when we first started doing it a whipped out my Air quotes move And you know in the moment your sex notes are not really like oh, baby. I like kick I got you did that no drop kicks your head away from my

No, no stop it. I didn't say no stop it. I would never say that. I think I got up and went to get some water. And then didn't come back. No. Go to your text thing. I thought I was going down. I'm sorry, I did the move. It wasn't even a move. It was so clearly a move, though, because it was like,

it was like this thing that you're like, I'm gonna be, you did, you're like, no I don't. No you did, you're like, you were trying to be a vibrator, which I thought was sweet. That's what I called the big, the Abthorton from Slingblade. That's what chicks want when I go down to my, they, if I wanted my vibrator,

I would have gone to my other night's Dan, one is filled with lube, one is filled with 100 sex toys. I know. I would have gone to that one. Vibratos and lube, that's what you find at Dr. Emily's house. But this has been a progression. You know? It is.

It's been a progression to understand how someone's body's work. And frankly, frankly, we could have been better about communicating. Okay, where can people find you? At Bend the Morrison. He's funny. You'll find him on the interwebs. Find me on the interwebs. Okay, now we're going to get onto your calls and I love answering your questions. It's why I exist.

Why am I here on the planet? If you have a question you want me answer on the show. Text Ask Emily, all one word to 7979-779, fill out the short form or you can go to my website, section of the Emily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab. If you want to be called, which I love, it's simple to just enter yes on the, would you like to be called question? And please include your name, your age,

where you live, and how you listen to the show. Thanks. Okay, we have Ellen, she's 24 from Seattle, and she wants some rec and book recommendations for a Catholic guilt girl. Hi, Ellen, I'm so glad you called in. How can I help you today? Tell me what's going on. Hi. Hi, well thank you for answering my question. Well, I want maybe some book recommendations about how

to be open, but more open and comfortable with my sexuality because I grew up with a gas of guilt and just seeing sex like as a bad thing and just not being comfortable with my body and being able to. It's not overthink and let go when having a being with another guy even when like we're dating and stuff like that. And I want to be, I don't really date, so I want to go into it and be more open and just comfortable beating myself and not overthinking, not feeling pressured to do anything because I do feel like ever since I was very young, I felt a lot of pressure of having to have sex with a guy or if not, they won't like me.

Right. Stuff like that. Got it. Got it. So you've had sex with people you don't want to, you just felt the pressure about it. Yeah. Yeah. It all since I was young since they were all older, I felt pressure of having to have sex

with them because they already had sex and it's just something that had to do since I was young it became a thing of not doing it for myself, not because I deserve pleasure or I won pleasure. It was always to give them that. Okay, I got it. That's how I'll squeeze that. Right, and I get it. And you know what, this is such a good call, Ellen's, because I know that this call and your story is going

to help so many of my listeners because, you know, no matter what kind of environment we're brought up in, I think that women are socialized to believe that we are have to have sex to please men. And it's about their pleasure and not our own pleasure. And like, and then as a result, we don't really take the time to like figure out what makes us feel good. And then you get all the guilt on top of it. It can be really out-challenging for women. So, a few things I want to say is you asked for a book

and the book that I think that would be great for you is Sex for One by Betty Dotson. It's called the Joy of Self-Loving and it came out in like 1996 until this day, I think it's one of the best books on female pleasure and masturbation that really talks about shame and guilt and just have to like learn to love your body in a way that is just really healthy and that will make you feel good and kind of move past a lot of the shame that you have. So I would start with that one.

I also think that just shame in general, because you mentioned shame, I love everything that Brunet bronze written about shame and vulnerability. If you like to read, she wrote a book called Braving the Wilderness, the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Have you heard of Burnet Brown? It's B-R-E-N-E Brown.

Those are two books. Okay, so she just writes a great book about shame and the role it plays and she writes about vulnerability and confidence. So those are two great books, but especially if we're talking about sex, I would say sex for one is a good place to start, but if you feel like a lot of it is also not just the physical stuff, but psychological, like you can't get over this like guilt, like you're letting your parents down, you're letting the church down, you're not, you know, I mean, this also therapy. I'm a huge fan of therapy for this stuff, if you find that you just cannot get yourself to do any of these things, like it doesn't feel right to touch yourself, or it doesn't feel right to have sex

because of these messages. It can be helpful to talk to someone about it, so you can really kind of untangle where you came from, so you can get to where you want to go, with some healthier messages. Yeah, totally. I've actually recently started therapy, and I think that it's helped a lot.

Oh, good. And just even, even what therapy along with along with also just exercising more and becoming more comfortable with my body. Body is honey and do that. And that is just gaining that confidence and feeling more sexy. And yeah, I feel like I'm gonna get there. Okay, no, I do too. See, I would say that too because for women we have so much body shame, but it's true, when you exercise and you're healthy, it matters like how you treat your body,

what you put the kind of food you eat, being living a healthy lifestyle will absolutely help with that self-confidence, that sexual confidence because when you feel comfortable in your body and you're taking care of yourself and you're talking, you're in therapy, talking about this, I think you're doing it. I think it's great.

And you'll get there and you're 24 years old. So this is a process, and what I love is that you already know this about yourself. I mean, there's women who spend a lifetime, right? Like, and they're like, oh, I never felt good about it. So you're taking it right now, you're taking care of it, you're prioritizing yourself, and you're pleasure, and I love that.

You're on the right track. You're so welcome. Thank you, Ellen. Keep going with it. It doesn't just go right in a day, but it's a process. Okay, you're so welcome. Bye, Ellen. Thanks for calling. Bye-bye. Bye. God, I love this question, you guys. I think that so many of us can relate to having some kind of

challenges around body image, around trauma, around shame. I mean, anything that's holding us back from having the very best sex of our lives and a lot of it has to do with our thoughts and our feelings about ourselves and about what we're doing. And so I love that trifecta there of exercise being healthy, talk therapy, and you know, reading as much as you can, educating yourself. I think these are all ways to move past it because I'm telling you,

focusing on your sexual pleasure and your sexual health is just as important as focusing on exercise, spirituality, your business, your job sexual health is just as important as focusing on exercise, spirituality, your business, your job. This is just as important. So I love that Ellen is demonstrating that for all of us. We have Jay 39 from Massachusetts, and he wants to know what we can do to make sex a better and longer experience

for the both of us. Hey Jay, thanks for calling in. Tell me what's going on. So the wife and I are struggling a little bit Hey Jay, thanks for calling in. Tell me what's going on. So the wife and I are struggling a little bit with Warro on her end and she's very sensitive to it and we're trying to figure out how to make it last longer so she can, we can enjoy it longer I should say. How to make Oral sex last longer?

Yes, on her side, yes. Okay, so does she enjoy it but it I should say. How to make oral sex last longer? Yes, we're on her side, yes. Okay, so does she enjoy it, but it just gets to be too sensitive or she doesn't? Yep, exactly. So it's a minute or two and she's just overstimulated, too sensitive to even touch. Okay, yeah, that happens for some women. I understand that.

Okay, so like, yeah, pay the whole picture to me and then we'll break it down. Oh, is that your main question then about her clitoris? Cause we can't start there. That for a lot of women, they are really sensitive. And so it just means that it helps to not go right for the clitoris just to play with her labia, interlabia, pubic mound, everything around the clitoris.

Does that turn around if you just don't, if you kind of work around it? We've been working that, but even that, we get to a point in that where it's still the entire area basically gets overstimulated, I'd say. And is she able to have like multiple orgasms during intercourse? Yes, penetration, with penetration, yes. Okay, so there is a thing that there's some women that their clitoris is way too sensitive, so that's a challenge, but women who have way too sensitive clitoris

is often of multiple orgasms, which many women can have, so it's kind of like a side effect. A really good one, though. That's a common scenario I've heard about. So she just might have a really sensitive clitoris that just isn't comfortable to oral sex. So there might not be any getting past it, but it's great that she has multiple orgasms. So I would say how fun for you guys, you can kind of work on different positions and different ways to have sex. They just don't include oral. Okay, I think we've found the answer. Yeah, there you go. I mean,

yeah. All right, so that's a condition and yeah, I don't think you're gonna get around it But just keep up in that, you know, having fun with some positions All right. Thank you. Okay. You're so welcome. Bye Jay. Thanks for calling. Bye. Bye So yeah, you guys that's a thing if you if you've been struggling with a sensitive Clitoris There's a good chance that maybe you're having multiple orgasms, which a lot of women would kill for. So I think just work on different positions and different ways to achieve those orgasms and just lay off the oral sex.

Okay, we have Sylvie. She's 26 from Baltimore and she says her parents do not like my boyfriend. Sylvie, thanks for calling. Tell me what's going on. Hi, Emily. So my parents don't really like my boyfriend because of several reasons. The main reason why I wanted to get your insight was about my parents' disapproval of me having any sex life at all.

And they have not ever talked to me about sex as a child and I mean now as a full adult they still don't believe that I should be having any sort of sexual encounter with anybody until I get married and they have been really really clear and very severe with their words about how I should not be at all doing such a thing. But at the same time, I don't think I have the same value as them. It sounds like you don't. You know, Mary. Yeah.

Yeah, because I feel like having sex is part of having a relationship. It is, honey. You're 26 years old. You're 26 years old and you live with your parents? Are you see them all? I do have my parents. They come and go because they have another house in a different country. So they come here to pick up on me and my brother.

But then they're also very apprehensive about leaving because I'm in the relationship and worry about we have sex in the house. So, I mean, I think this is like a cultural thing. I mean, you know that it's important to have sex. They never talk to you about sex. Most people's parents don't talk to them about sex. But when you have an extra layer of it, it's a cult sounds like it's part of your culture

or religion that it's not okay. And that's really hard because it sounds like you're also really close with your parents and you don't want to disappoint them. Letting them know that you're a grown woman and you're going to make your own choices is important, but it sounds like they might not be able to hear that. Plus, you're still living in their house.

So they feel that they can still control what you're doing. I just don't know, like, if there's, I mean, you and you truly believe you know that you're doing. I just don't know, like, if there's, I mean, do you, and you truly believe you know that you're not doing anything wrong, like you're making these decisions that, like, when you're having sex with your boyfriend, do you feel you having good sex, you having satisfying sex? Yeah, I enjoy having sex with my boyfriend, and it's not like I'm having unprotected sex, or I'm very responsible about my actions. Right. Like Like when they come at me and say, you don't even have a job because I'm a student.

And what if you get like, I don't know what I mean. Right, yeah. Well, you've two choices. I mean, really, it's like you just don't engage them. Like you can say, yeah, I'm I hear you. And you're just like, you know, okay, I hear, yeah, I'm taking necessary precautions and you don't engage, right?

Cause they're not gonna change, you're not gonna change your parents' mind. Their parents had the same things to them, and it's like literally, like there's nothing you're gonna say, like, you know what, honey, Sylvie, you're right, start having sex. So you either just don't engage for now, cause you have to live under their roof,

or you make the decision that you can figure out how to get a job and move out and start paying your own way, which will happen eventually. But until that happens, it sounds like you don't really have a choice other than just to not engage them in this conversation. And just to hopefully not take it in that you're doing something wrong and that you're guilty and that you're violating their beliefs because it's not rational for the life that you're a maybe it worked for their life to wait till they got married and to only have sex for a procreation. You know, who knows what I'm not sure what they're coming from, but I just knowing that you know you're not going to change them and that's a big part of life as we get older. We like to blame our parents for a lot of things and there's a part that you realize and a lot of of times it's our 20s, we accept our parents for who they are,

for loving us and for doing the best they can with whatever tools they came to the table with, like their parents treated them the same way. So you love them, you accept them, you thank them for their feedback and you just, you live your own life. And I don't like that you have to live right now, hiding, like living a secret life in them,

it's actually because you see them all the time. So your other choice is to be like, no, I'm doing it, you guys are wrong. And, you know, but it doesn't sound like that's gonna end well for you. Yeah, yeah, because they're pretty much strong about what they believe in. Right. I just have to endure through and, yeah.

I hope for, for me to move out soon. Yeah, I really hope you can move out soon. And I hope also that you're not taking any this shame on when you're having sex. Because if you are, there are some tools, therapy. And as we don't realize it, we don't even realize that we're hearing these messages from our parents.

But you kind of undo a lot of that by going to therapy, talking to people, reading some books about this, about shame and sex that could be able to help you. But I don't have any solutions for you other than to like, unless you think your parents are open to listening, it sounds like they're not. So, yeah.

Yeah. I hope that's helpful. But I don't think there's not like a magic thing to say. I know parents like yours, I've heard this story many times. So, yeah. What do you think about that? Does that answer your question? Yeah, thank you so much for your insight Emily.

Yeah, you're so welcome, honey. But I just don't want you to take it in with you and still enjoy sex with your boyfriend and you know, you're not doing anything wrong. And when you feel, if you ever feel up to your ink in front then, but just know that it's going to be a long road. So you'll do it when you're ready. Maybe when you move out and you don't have to rely on them. Yeah, exactly.

So I just, I just have to wait it out and... I think you do. Push through, yeah. And again, just don't engage them. You know how to handle your parents. So just say, okay, mom. Yeah, it sounds... This is in January, but that's what you got to do. So to live in peace with them and with your life for now.

Just for now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Okay. Thank you, Sylvie. I thank you so much, I'm calling. Have a great night. Bye, Sylvie. Oh, you too. Bye-bye.

You guys, here's the thing about family. Well, if you're still living under the roof and they're paying the rent, you kind of got to do what they say. And you also have to realize that with religion and culture and all this stuff, it's going to be hard to change our parents' mind. I, the other thing is I didn't have a chance

to ask Sylvie what how long she's living under her parents' mind. I, the other thing is I didn't have a chance to ask Sylvie what, how long she's living under her parents' roof. Hopefully she won't be there much longer. Because also if it's, if you have to endure something for another, you know, few years or five years, she's still gonna be living with them, that could be a challenge. So Sylvie, I would say to you that it's probably time

to maybe start looking for a job, becoming a dependent, so you can start to live the life that you wanna live. But sometimes we just can't get our parents to get over to our side. And the more you accept your parents, for who they are, don't they love you and they're doing the best they can, that much easier life is going to be. Took me a long time to learn that lesson. And once I stopped trying to change my parents and accept things from them

that they cannot give me life was a lot better. Hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you to my amazing listeners. I love you all. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jenny, and volunteer Sarah, producer Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? email me feedback at sexwithemily.com