Sex With Emily - Hot, Bothered & In the Moment with Tina Rocca

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by Tina Rocca – a healthy lifestyle and wellness expert who works with the company Karezza to talk about how CBD and sex go hand-in-hand. Plus, Emily answers your emails. The two discuss how much plants & CBD can actually do for your sex drive, and how to stop the madness already with ways to lessen your anxiety and get you in the mood. Then, Emily tells you how long you should wait to be friends after a breakup, and sexting fail signs that you’re in the wrong relationship. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Womanizer, Promescent, Karezza, Magic Wand, SiriusXM, Emily's Subscription Box Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by Tina Roca, a healthy lifestyle wellness expert who works with the company Kareza to talk about how CBD and Sex go hand in hand. Also answering your emails. Topics include, who knew how much plants and CBD could do for your sex drive. Stop the madness. Ways to lessen your anxiety and actually get you in the mood. Okay, you broke up. How long do you have to wait to be friends and sexting fails? Signs you might not be in the right relationship. All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute The girls gotta understand

Oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common with all of it? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so, so, so, so Being bad feels pretty good

You know Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemmily.com, you can easily check out all their blogs and subscribe to the podcast and on all social media at Sex with Emily across the board. You can find me on seriousXM Monday through Friday 5 to 7 p.m. Pacific on Channel Stars 109 for more great sex talk and you can get a free three-month trial at sexwithm.com slash SXM. Hope you guys enjoy the show. All right, my guest here is Tina Rogas. She's a bachelor degree in kinesiology,

master's of exercise science, certified aroma therapist for over 25 years experience with essential oils, healthy lifestyle wellness expert, works with Kareza as their CBD and botanical expert. And I love this quote here, we pulled Tina. I've always embraced a mind-body spirit approach to life that includes positive thinking, kindness and intuitive guidance for healthy, more conscious living.

And I can already tell, like, teen has been in the office for 20 minutes and I was like, we just got you around the mics because we're already getting into the conversation that I know everybody's going to benefit from because I already am as well. So thank you for being here today, Tina. Thank you. So we met initially because you do you work with Kareza, who we've worked with for a few months now, and they do make some amazing products to help people

to help us get more in the mood for sex, for men and for women. But before we get into that, let's just talk about a little bit about CBD and sex. It's really been an emerging topic right now. It's so popular every day I'm getting hit up by other people and brands. We want to talk about it. Some people say that CBD it's all hype and I know you're really into quality and ingredients of products because sure there's like anything. Some of the CBD might not be the same quality.

What's your thoughts on CBD and healing properties and cells. CBD is from plants. I love plants. I love everything plant-based. It's a holistic approach for your well-being. You know there's a lot of confusion. With CBD it's not psychoactive so it's not the psychoactive part of the cannabis plant that's going to make you high. It is really more the medicinal part, the non-psychoactive part of the plant that is actually a holistic approach for your health and should be included. I think in everyone's health. In the case of chareza, the products are for sexual wellness,

and everyone deserves a sensual and intimate in the moment, divine, fulfilling sex life. Sometimes for some people, it might be a little challenging to get into the mood. Yeah, well, let's talk about that because I love that you were saying about just sex as we get older, like how you just, that it is mind body spirit. Can we just talk about that for a minute? Let's talk about mind body spirit and sex. Because when people listen to the show, I give a lot of different tips in a lot of different

areas and it's just like anything. Like, if you want to lose weight, you can't just work out. You have to change your diet, your sleep pattern, how much water do you drink, and with sex is the same thing. I can give people techniques. I can give them positions. I tell people to breathe more during that,

but it's a whole, like, how is your diet though? So sex is the same way about my body spirit. So just, yeah, I feel like you have, just had some interesting thoughts on that about what you realize. Well, you know, sex is an intimate alignment and involvement of the body, mind, and spirit. So that's like a holistic connection. If you really stop to sit and think about those things and how they come together for you in your life, you would come up with some answers to that or some desires. it and think about those things and how they come together for you in your life, you

would come up with some answers to that or some desires that you want to integrate into those areas and sex is a part of everyone's life. I mean, it's, you know, a vital part of life being able to connect with your partner for pleasure is a huge part of your life. And sex can be a fulfilling relationship for your whole life, no matter how old you are. It's something that doesn't age, and it's something that's always there. Some things might change in your body functioning or whatever. And that's where we can look to an alternative like CBD to sort of help stimulate some of these less anxiety. So you're also anxious, right? I mean, that's the thing. It gets you in the mood.

It just takes the edge off. It works like right away too, when I've taken, like, I felt much less. I did both, I did it in the moment and then the daily spray, the women's health spray, and it's like, oh, I just feel comar, okay, just, it just does that. It just does.

It takes the edge off of things. It will, you know, every person is different. So every experience with CBD is different. It might be faster acting for someone. It might take a little few minutes longer. But it's definitely a good way to enhance your sexual energy. Yeah, let's talk about that because you are an expert in energy as well. Energy work.

Yes. How do you, how do you explain that? Well, exactly. You know, energy medicine is really about, you know, restoring flow, flow balance and harmony into the body or the system. So the way that works is, you know, everything we do every day is energy. We wake up, that's energy. How you wake up, what moods you're in, that's energy.

How you talk to people, how you respond to people no matter where you are, that's an energy flow, that's in and out. You know, and energy is really important because the way you think helps your body to organize and control the growth and repair of every cell in your body. And that affects tissues and organs too. So if you make a choice in your life to think about your energy and how you're going to put that out there to another human being that you come in contact with, you will start to shift how you feel, your wellbeing, your health, your well-being, your health, and your wellness. So what are some... Okay, this is my... So I just left therapy. I had therapy this morning.

And I was talking to her about this because I did... And she does like EMDR therapy. It's like trauma therapy. It's a lot of different things. But we talk a lot about meditation. I've always been a meditator. We were talking about different kinds of meditations, like loving kindness, do you do any meditations, like left-sending loving kindness into the world? Yes, absolutely. And so we were talking about this, because I was saying, you know, I'm actually in a really, actually ended therapy.

I've been it for a while. I was like, I'm done for now. I mean, I think it's a lifelong process, like everything. I was like, I think I've just gone through some stuff and I think I'm done. And I said, I'm so grateful for, because we looked at where I have far, the way I was going through some specific thing

with my family and it's kind of moved through it in the last four months, five months I would sink her and I was like, you know, I just think it's great. I said, I wanted to pause. A lot of things that I came into you for, I was stressed out, I begged businesses been growing a lot and I said, and now everything just kind of sorted out.

I have these amazing people, we just heard like, Jamie's been with me for three years. Julie and Sam just came in, she said, well, you know, I said, I appreciate them and I tell them and she's, well, what about during your meditations? Even if you just think about them when you go to sleep and when you're doing your meditation in the morning

and you're like sending, like bringing them into your circle of love when you're thinking about them, like sending them Jamie and Julie on and Sam, like what, you know, just that, it was, they will feel it. And I believe that, like the gratitude that I feel or the love that you feel for anyone in your life and just having those moments. So for me, it's through meditation that I ground myself and to me that is energy and like

even if I start, you know, just bringing the people into my life and sending them love and then when you see them, there's an energy to that. So that's kind of how I, is that kind of what you're in a way? Yes, that's a great way to, you know, start to have that energy. You know, when we look at energy and we look at life and we look at how we treat others, it's all about that. Yeah, that's the connection connection and people want to be seen and hurt So the best way to love people is to hear them see them and Let them know you're grateful for that and sometimes part of that is just by

Showing them it's by what you do and what you say. So it's really important. It's not only important to meditate on these things or pray on these things. But to be that person in the move in the world like that. The really important thing is to somehow get this into your being to somehow get this into your being naturally. So that like say, you know, there's people that wake up mad. There's people that wake up happy. There's people that wake up worry. There's all kinds of energy to wake up with. And so you kind of have to make a choice.

You know, how do I want to live my life? How do I want to wake up? What's important to me is kindness important. For me, I just, that is so important. I'm always going to choose that over having an argument with someone or telling someone they're know, it's okay, like in arguments, there's, you know, do you want to be right or do you want to get along? Right. You know, I mean, part of what we're having in the world is seeing a lot of people argue, right? We see it on TV. Yeah. And you know, that is just not moving the world forward. The way we move the world forward is through love and kindness and connection. And sex is a big part of that.

Yeah, it is. It is. You're right. If you're walking around like negative and angry and anxious because what I've heard is on the show, and people call them like, anxiety is one of the biggest killers of our sex drive. We don't have desire. We're angry at our partners. We're anxious about work. And the last thing on our mind is sex and connection to our partner. So just to circle back, I love the whole ethos of going in and yeah, just being, you know, being that good, making a choice to be a good person or be a kind person to be giving

in the world. But even if you feel that sometimes you're just like but sex takes work in my for especially for women our minds not there and we're worried about stuff. So and but sex is about pleasure. This is what's so interesting to me is that we're told that sex is a pleasurable thing on the planet and that we all think about sex. We want sex. We're driven to make decisions by sex. But yet it is so complicated. It's very rarely stays that amazing for that long. Maybe the first time we're with someone or the first honeymoon phase, but after a while there's going to be problems and then we don't know how to talk about it.

It gets to be a mess. The younger you are, I think the more inhibited you are about talking about what the problems are. Because I think there's a lot of embarrassment You know, maybe still for for people talking about sex and that's one of the nice things about getting older Yeah, you're not embarrassed It is talking like you were saying how it's changed over time Yeah, and so can we say your age do care like are you good or not 50 40 50s?

I mean, I'm I barely talk about my age, but I'm good with it. I hope everybody You know, I don't know I'm just saying like I do okay, so I'll embrace it on my life 40s. Yeah. Oh God I'm never said that now right late 50s But let's talk about then sexually because you were saying you wish you and I wish I knew what I knew I wish I knew Mm-hmm in my 20s what I knew now. I would knew my 30s. I didn't start this. I was 35 so Amazing. Oh my god If someone told me that it wasn't all about the guys pleasure and this how I have an orgasm and Sex could be fun and here's why I'm not and there's nothing wrong with me

I'm not broken and all the things. Yes, it was about my pleasure and like that my partner's gonna respond when I'm happy And I feel good. I didn't know any of it, But now we know. How is it changed for you now? Sexually, I just think you're free. It really doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about pregnancies. That's off the table. I think for younger people, you still have a little concern with that, maybe even if you're on birth control,

you know, you hear things happen. Yeah. I just think when you get older, you're like, I'm just like, this is it. I'm just gonna go for it. I'm gonna enjoy my life and live it in the highest vibrational level. Now you said you've two young daughters,

I mean, not young, you're in 20s. Do you tell them this stuff? Do you talk every day about sex? You do, I'll tell you. So you reach topic in our household and in our family. Okay, good. You know, we're an Italian family and we do talk a lot about sex

because we're mostly women. Right, okay. No, it's a big thing. You teach them not being empowered in their body. My daughters are like very aware and you know they we've had very open detailed conversations about sex, even little weird issues like for the younger one like oh I did it a guy and you know it was awful and you know and yeah I mean it was a bright friend and I would be like well what happened you know why was it bad right she would go into well you know I just didn't feel this or I didn't feel turned on and I'll say well what do you do and you

know what do you like best have you expect and you know right and she'll just like She'll go I can't believe I'm telling you. Yeah, but that's so good. See this is how I want all moms to be all parents Talked who else are they gonna talk to because that's when women start faking orgasms and start thinking Just then I talk to them about that. Okay, because as you know faking orgasms is a huge huge huge thing that will never go away. Ever. It's always going to be in everyone's sexual playbook because women feel like that's what men want.

You know, and I say, we've got to get those guys to step to the plate. Yeah. And let them know, hey, it's not happening. Here's what you can do. Exactly. Right? And if you have to bring a toy into the play, if you have to do coconut oil, whatever you need.

Yeah. And if, you know, whatever you have to do to get that experience, be comfortable asking. You have to be comfortable to ask for what you want. And I think for younger people, that is not easy. No, I know. So the difference is you get older. You're unlimited time, limited thing.

You're like, you're like, I'm here having sex, and I'm going to make this worth my while. If we're naked, it's happening. But I'm not. I'm out. Exactly. Like, I don't want to my while. We're naked, it's happening. But I think it's not. I'm not. Exactly. Like I don't wanna waste time. People with everything like how is somebody time with friends

or where I'm like, like is short, you realize it gets too short to have a bad dinner with someone or a bad, you just want your friends and your friends and trust your sex to be your sex. You don't wanna fuck around. Oh my God, you don't even wanna go to dinner. No, unless it's gonna be fun and great. That's why I'm like, FaceTime then first, if it's a date like, be pre-going out.

And you don't have to just figure out if you want to sit there with them. Deepak Chopra says that who you eat with is so important for your health, meaning the energy you feel during that meal. So just think, if you go to dinner with, with say someone and you start getting a vibe like who they're mean or who they're not for me or you know I don't like what they said or and you can't move beyond that. You're not going to digest your food properly. You're not going to you know it's going to set your that makes sense. That makes sense. Inside levels and he says, don't eat a meal with anyone you don't really like.

Wow. So maybe just go for drinks then. Just rule out the dinner. But no, I think that's true. I mean, I think it's all, that's the energy, right? That's the energy. Yeah, it's, oh God, I don't have sex with people you don't really like.

Well, hopefully, you know, things happen. It does happen. No, so tell me about Kareza and how you guys came up with the... For example, by a Canadian company called Rise Life Sciences. Okay. And they have these products in the moment, women's daily and men's daily product, which are CBD, and we do a lot of testing to make sure they're pure. Talk to you about the ingredients, so how did you choose these ingredients in it?

Um, well, like what is the purpose of all of them? Because it seems like they're so specific, and they're not, you know, it's, it's like, it's true, they're very specific. And along with the CBD, we have some ingredients in there that are synergistically bioavailable to help the CBD and that are herbs that stimulate kind of sexual energy. Hornigote weed. Yeah, Hornigote weed, that is a good energy. Hornie goat weed.

Yeah, Hornie goat weed. That is a good one. That's real thing. Yes, it's a real thing. Okay. It's an herb. And, you know, like you've heard of maca. Well, you know, maca is really sexy.

For my smoothies. Yes, that's why I did it. So my younger daughter is doing a lot of maca. Okay. And her smoothies. And I said, hey, did you know that's gonna make you horny? What'd you say? She was like, no! It's true.

But it's so true. That's why I love there was mock on here and all these ingredients and. Yeah, mock is powerful. So, and also the the cordiceps is of a fungus and it directly boosts libido and stimulates hormone production and activates sexual desire. So these are all natural herbs and plant-based ingredients along with the CBD that can enhance your sexual wellness.

Yeah. And so let's talk about... Okay. And we have a lot of great products. What do you like? What have you tried to... Oh my gosh. Well, just in general, we don't have to talk about the...

What do you have... What do you feel about? Oh my gosh. Well, just in general, we have talked about the great... What do you have... What do you feel about? Are the response you've gotten from in the moment? We have gotten a really great positive response from it. I think it's a wonderful product to enhance your sexual wellness experience. I think that it is a very stimulating product for sexual energy. And I think it works. It does.

I feel like it works too. Because it kind of makes you feel more calm. And then you already, here's the thing. It's also like, here's the problem. One of the problems with sex is that we're anxious about it because we're thinking about it. We're not in the mood. And then it's all of in a pannus and men and women get a rouse so differently.

So just the act of saying, I'm treating, I'm buying myself this in the moment spray. It's plant-based. It's not like a pill. You know what the ingredients are and then you take it and then you know, well, I have 30 minutes to work, 20 to 30 minutes and then you're getting in your body and it's like the, it's all about having that, let that routine around sex rather than just, I think the problem is that because women are expected

to just get up and be ready to go and perform, that it just makes it anxious, but to have something that gets you in the moment, you do a few sprays, you kind of relax, maybe some foreplay, making out my beer master, maybe whatever it is, it does get you started. It's like a ritual. Well, the CBD contributes to less stress and anxiety.

So for some people, the thought of having sex is a little anxiety-producing. It depends where you are at in your relationship. If it's your first time or your hundredth time, you know, depending what's going on in your life and how you're feeling and where your stress levels are, you know, so it's a way to enhance the moment, take the edge off of to enhance the moment, take the edge off of a little bit of anxiety and it can enhance your performance rather than inhibit it. People might have a glass of wine. Yes, or two, or three. Or three.

And then, yeah, you're like, okay, I'm not anxious anymore, but I'm also exhausted and I don't want to have sex. Exactly. So that's what I like about this, because you're like, it's right about my bed and then you take it and then you're like, yeah, you don't have to worry because it's not psychoactive so you know what about the psychoactive one what about what do you think about t-hc? Part is a THC which we do not have the products. You know I mean THCs out there it's available and you know I'm certain things are really good about it but it is

psychoactive meaning that you know it could take you to a place maybe that you know want to be in a sexual moment whereas the CBD is I think a lot more wellness enhancing. But we were saying earlier that, so all CBD though is not created equal. That's true. Okay, so tell me about how you guys go about it carresist sourcing or creating these products

that you know that it is the quality CBD. I'm so new to this too. And I keep hearing about products and I don't work with everybody. I just work with the things that I've tried and I like. And I like your products, but I also't work with everybody. I just work with the things that I've tried and I like, and I like your products, but I also know that there's a lot out there now. There is.

It's like the Wild West first. It's the Wild West. Yeah. And podcasts and weed right now are like all the rage. People don't know what's in their product. I mean, I'm a plant expert, a Roman therapist or a biologist. And so, you know, I love everything plant. But you have to really know your ingredients

and what you're sourcing from. All our hemp is organic, and we source it from a farm in Washington County, Oregon, and it's all hemp. It's not THC. And for cannabis to be all hemp, it's not THC. And for cannabis to be considered hemp, it can't have more than 0.3% THC. So that's very low. And once you get an isolate, it's like 99% pure.

So you're getting a more pure product, one that doesn't have bacteria or anything harmful in it, which to me is really important. Yeah, absolutely, which you're swallowing or taking. Right. And so you're really, you said you're very specific about everything

that you put in your body. We've created it for all these years. You've been your Roman therapy expert. Can you talk about essential oils in a Roman therapy because you brought us some beautiful candles here. I love essential oils. I have one of those things in my house where I put the oils in like, I love that. We usually have it in the office too.

So it's like, what, I don't even understand the signs behind it. And people always want to add scent and pheromones and like, how does that all relate to sex? Well, I mean, this is your, you know, smelling something good can make you feel sexy. That's why people wear perfume. But the problem with perfume and all that is that they're synthetic. So they're not alive, meaning that they're just synthetic chemicals made in a lab and a test tube. So they have no energy. So essential oils are distilled or extracted from real plants, herbs, citrus fruits, flowers.

And so they're capturing their alive. So it's the life force of the plant. So it's like getting something that's alive because the molecules aren't stopping. They're not dead. So you're getting this living breathing kind of molecule. Right. That makes sense. Yeah.

And not spraying dead scent on you. You're not spraying dead scent. That's not on sexy at all. You're inhaling anything dead. So you're getting this thing that's alive. And what happens is this is energy. And so this is going to affect you. It's alive, right?

And it's so like say lavender. Everyone knows, oh yeah, if I want to sleep or relax, I'm going to do lavender. So and that that's really true, but not all lavengers are creating people. Right. So you have to, again, know where you're getting it,

know your source, I buy from farm grown plant-based products that I know these people, you know, for years. I love the lavender, and I used to live in San Francisco, so in Napa and Sonoma. Okay, so the one you just brought me, Langling, Years I love the lavender and I used to live in San Francisco. So in that one Sonoma. Okay, so the one you just brought me Langling and Jasmine and Vanilla like I love vanilla That's like a sexual combination. This is sexy. That's why I wanted to give you that. Oh my god. Thank you And Vanilla enhances inner peace Because I always tell people during sex like this is one of my things when we get get all lost and we're anxious, I always say anchor anchor on your senses.

Like if your mind's tripping like I'm not going to have an orgasm or I'm not turned on or I didn't do laundry or I'm worried about the kids, I say, well, think about your senses and engage them. So I always have that it's vanilla candle I like by the bed because then I know that I will smell that candle. I can feel my hands or my partner's body. I can hear my breath. Maybe I'm tasting his candle. I can feel my hands or my partner's body. I can hear my breath. Maybe I'm tasting his lips, who knows? Something. But if you take all the senses,

you ground you in the moment. You can't be in your head. So there is a lot to be said for having the right sense in your bedroom. And then when those senses are essential oils. They are going to do things to your mind. So they're going to disinfect your mind. They're going to relax your mind lavender. You know, there's a lot of research on it that it has the ability to induce a sleep like state. So I'm making candles. koreza has a candle, um, that little one over there. So, um, and this is a, with the cinnamon is a very sexually stimulating. This is good. And the orange orange clove and cinnamon, CBD coconut wax candle. Yeah. And it has CBD in it. So how does it? So you just light it. Yeah. But the CBD will come out into the atmosphere. And then how does that? Well, you'll just light it. You'll feel relaxed.

Kind of don't want to take it home, but then I want to light it here. Yeah. We should be at home. Light it here. Everybody will enjoy it. Okay. Good. You know, so I love these little candles for travel too. Yes, that's a little travel size for Kareza. So the cinnamon is really good for overcoming fatigue. So if you're tired, it's going to stimulate a little bit. It's also good for sexual arousal.

The orange is going to be relaxing and give you a sense of peace and joy. And you know, all those things along with the end of the moment. Yeah, this is our all created great. Well, this is what we're talking about. Create the environment, create the atmosphere. It's not just a one fix. It's like create a sexy space.

Like, what about your bedroom? Do you put attention to like what you're like? I got to have candles everywhere. Right. I have, you know, like really beautiful lichers of plants because I love plants and nature. You got to create the environment. It's like a food war. Yeah, it is, that's good.

That's what I'm creating right now. Yeah. I'm creating the sexiest bedroom. It's good, you need that. And the planet. It's good. Yes. I hope so. How are you making it sexy?

Well, first I started. I hired someone who's like, she's working with me like doing like fung shui of my entire house. So I was like, oh, there was like a dead tree in my attraction space. Like we had to move that. I didn't even notice there was a tree. Like I'm so busy that I'm trying to bring it into my space. Yeah, I'm like, right?

So I was like, oh my god. And then I'm talking about the sex that I've got one night stand that's broken. I'm like to bring it into my space. Yeah, I'm like, right? So I was like, oh my God. And then I'm talking about other sex that I've got one night stand that's broken. I'm like, what? So I'm actually just, I've gotten rid of everything that wasn't serving me. And I'm just starting from finding what textures speak to me and what colors in my room

and just a lot of textures and sense and comfortable like the best sheets and... Sheets are really important. So important. Yeah. How the sheets feel on your body is a really important. That's important. So important. Yeah. How the sheets feel on your body is a big thing. What sheets do you think? Well, oh gosh.

Unfortunately, all those sheets are so expensive. That feel really good. I know, but it's worth it, because you use it every day. You buy a couple sets and then you're done for a lot of work. For ever. Yeah, that's true. Don't have bad sheets on your bed. It's bad energy for yourself. Bad sheets don't feel good. No. And then you have to get, you know, the higher

cotton count, you know, the Egyptian. Yeah, you have to. The count, they feel better. It's important. You guys, you sleep on, you spend more time in bed than you do anywhere else. That's why it's important. So why do you think people should try chareza? Like from your experience and what you know, like, what do you think would be the best reason why? How do you think it helps because it feels good? I'm telling you what it does. No, but I just think you know it's another way to enhance your sexual wellness and feel good and have a good experience and you know not be over the top you know like as if you're drinking alcohol or if you're... It's kind of even you out.

You know, doing something else. Yeah, okay. I mean, it's just a nice, you know, really soothing, calm way to getting the mood. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Tina Roca. I have to ask you five questions that I ask all my guests They're simple. They're quicky questions. They're just about you. Okay, your biggest turn on. Oh God everything. Okay Really?

Stay one everything one Well Is this like body parts or smart men smart Smart men, that's a good one. Smart men, that's my turn on. Smart. Okay, biggest turn off. Mean people. Yeah.

Okay, perfect date night. Candle light, nice music, naked. Good. Yeah, card a lot. Yes. What is your biggest dating deal breaker? You go out with someone and this happens. What's your deal breaker?

Narrow mindedness, talking mean to someone, even like a server in a restaurant. I'm very sensitive about people treat people. Yeah. Okay, you're number one sex tip. Oh my gosh, cuddle a lot and kiss a lot. Yes. I feel you.

Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. Thanks, Tina. All right, guys, we are going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your emails. All right, guys, we are back and I'm going to answer your emails because I love it. It's my favorite thing to do.

God, I love answering them. All you got to do is go to sexelmy.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form or email us, feedback at sexwithelmy.com. However you do it, include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Thanks guys! Pretty to James going to read the emails. Alright, so this first one comes to us from Aaron, who's 31 in California. Dear Emily, I listened to your recent guest spot on the shameless sex podcast and the thing that peaked my interest the most was when you were discussing becoming friends with an ex months after you broken

up with them. Back story. One of my best friends came out and visited me two months ago, and we became intimate. When we were together, she told me how she felt about me and that she had these feelings for a very long time. I, on the other hand, care about her very much more than she knows, but I did not want to open myself up because we live in different states. I don't want to do long distance do it to a failed one I had in the past, and we talked about being together when we're together.

Unfortunately for me, she met a guy and became serious with him very quickly. I had to cancel my trip and I've been dealing with the grief and fallout of a broken heart because of how I truly feel about her. My friend ended up blocking my number because of me, but has not blocked me on social media. I understand why she blocked my number and I'm not mad at her for doing so. My question to you, how much time do I need to have passed before I try to reach out to hopefully reconcile the friendship? I want to acknowledge what she did was the right course of action that I'm sorry for my

actions that forced her hand at doing so, but I don't want to lose one of my best friends like her in my life. Additionally, in that message, you think I should tell her my feelings for her even if she may still be together with this guy down the road if and when I do. Thank you. Alright Erin, I really feel for you and this is a tricky one. So here's what I got to say. It sounds like you're still trying to figure out your feelings and sort it out with her. Here's the facts. What I'm hearing is you don't want a long distance relationship,

which I think makes sense. You're in your 30s. I don't know where she lives, but long distance didn't work for you before. That was true. And so just know that you believe that and that still is the case. And then you're asking me how can you be friends again, but it sounds like you still don't, you're not ready to be friends because you still have these intense feelings for her. So I think you have to wait, wait this one out for both of you. Because if you send her a message, a direct message on Instagram or something a DM and she's like, oh god, you know, just letting her know that you're still here and you still have these feelings, it's just very confusing and it's a lot of back and forth.

So I would let her focus on this new love at hand and take some time and work on yourself and work on people that live near you because it sounds like that's what you need right now. So, yes, I did talk about being friends, but I am not friends with my exes until many, many months go by. It depends, like, right? To be honest, my ex's been three months. He just called me, just now coming to the station,

and he's like, I wanna see you. I wanna get lunch, and I was like, you know what? I'm not ready yet, to be honest, because I know that I still wanna sleep with him. I also know he's not the right guy for me. So, I need a few more months. I've had other way of friends where I'm not ready yet to be honest because I know that I still want to sleep with him I also know he's not the right guy for me So I need a few more months. I've had other way friends where I'm like, oh, you know what? We can be friends right away So I think it's a case-by-case basis

But right now the thing that is clear to me is that she left you found someone else and now you're pining for her even more We often want what we can't have and it's really real. We've all been there We go out with someone. We're not that into them. And then we find out they're not into us. And then we want them more. There's a certain way our brain works, which isn't always healthy. So if your friendships meant to be

or your love is meant to be, or which way it goes, give it some more time and then focus on dating and focus on your life and then see if you can reconcile a friendship down the road. This next one comes to us from Scott 33 in Ontario. Hi Emily until very very recently my wife went for a full Brazilian wax fairy regularly. Recently, however, she decided to let her pubic hair grow out with minimal trimming. I wouldn't say that it has impacted our sex life, is still going down on her, etc.

But I honestly do prefer, both aesthetically and for oral sex, a bear or neatly trim another region. What is the best way to politely bring this up? Scott, okay, so here's the thing about women and pubic hair and men's opinions about it. I mean, this is the thing. She gets it to side, you know, what she wants to do with it. And it sounds like she was just kind of like, you know what, I did the Brazilian, but she just let it grow.

Cause I've been there too. I'm like, oh God, another appointment each month. Don't want to get my nails done. Don't want to get my hair done. Or, you know, there's just so many appointments women can have. So maybe she just decided she's gonna let it go for awhile. I'm glad to hear it.

It hasn't impacted your sex life, but it is your wife. And I understand that you've gotten to a certain to aesthetic, so I think you should feel safe talking to her. But you have to be really gentle about it and know that like she might have strong opinions about why she hasn't shaved or why she decided not to get the Brazilian anymore. But I think if you make sure that you're very complimentary of her, when you're going down in her, like whatever it is, make sure you're always telling her how beautiful she is, how attractive you are to her. And then I think you could bring it up and say, you know, I feel like when I go down to you and there's no hair there, I could really turn you on more or it feels really good on my tongue. Is that something you might be open to?

Would you want to go grooming? You could offer this. You'd be like, I could get you a gift certificate or you could say, let's take a shower and you guys could shave each other. You could groom each other. That's a really hot thing to do as well. So I would just feel it out. Like I said, maybe this is a few time conversation.

Maybe when you're going down and are you let her know, like first make sure she knows how beautiful it's you think she is, and then you could just say another time, you know what? I know you haven't been shaving it down there. I feel a little bit of difference. Would you be open to that again? You know I love you, you know I think you're great.

And then see what she says to that. So I think again, we just have to all be really delicate and careful in these conversations, but as long as she knows that you love her and it just makes things easier and makes things more satisfying for both of you, she might be open to getting those hairs ripped out again. It's painful, I'm telling you,

and it's another friggin' thing, but I understand your predicament. So just feel it out, take some time time and see how it goes in the conversation. Thanks everyone for the emails. Such great emails today. I hope you guys enjoyed this show. I love you all. Thank you so much for supporting the show.

Thanks to my amazing team, Ken Michele, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemley.com. email me feedback at sexwithemleap.com.