Sex With Emily - Hot Past The Honeymoon with Celeste & Danielle

Episode Date: February 27, 2016

Emily welcomes back two of her favorite guests, sex and relationship therapists Celeste and Danielle! The sexpert pair speaks passionately on the topics of intimacy, communication and keeping your love hot past the honeymoon phase and also treats us to an inside look at their new book Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy & Passion. Whether we’d like to admit it or not, all relationships take hard work and often come with disappointment. Celeste & Danielle teach us how to identify these issues, bypass blame and achieve sexual and emotional satisfaction for both partners. They explain their innovative concept of the “sexual movie”, including how to discover and communicate it to your partner, and share their own “sexual rules to live by.”From talking dirty to scheduling sex to recognizing resentment in your relationship, Celeste, Danielle and Emily cover everything you need to make your love real on this show. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I've got Sex and Relationship coaches to Lest and Danielle We'll be talking about intimacy desire and keeping your relationship hot past the honeymoon stage Yes, it is possible. Thanks for listening. Okay guys. I know it seems like the world of sex toys Give you pretty limited for you. This is for the guys now But I want to introduce you to a product that might just open your mind to some new and amazing experiences, the Black Pearl from Vyredex. I know a lot of you guys ain't gonna play not even on your sexual radar, but trust me. There are many more guys out there who've made prostate massage part of their play time, and they will never look back.

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body-safe silicone. So, if you're ready to explore some new territory, it's time to give the Black Pearl a try. I even made a video about it, so check it out. To see it, go to vibertex.com, search for Black Pearl and you'll find my video at all the info you need. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Bedroom eyes. They call them a lie gone. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Abelene's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. You can check out our website. Our emails are sending me an email. Feed feedback at sexitlet me.com, our videos.

We post stuff every day, right, minus it's a good time. Every day. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm good. Are we going to catch up today? Are we going to just go right into the corner? Well, I'm so, I just kind of got it.

I love you and you know our guests. Celeste and Danielle, welcome. They've been with us for a while. Literally, it feel like, just less than 10 years ago, been with us for a while. Literally, I feel like, it's less than 10 years ago, and we just talked about this, they started 10 years ago as well, their business, and you were on our show on 10 years ago,

our first show, which I'd free FM, and then at Alice, and then everywhere. So, congratulations on your 10 years of practice. And so, it's a little bit about less than Danielle, but you may have been the guest that have been on the most frequently, I think, or at least my favorite, I could say you're probably like my favorite guest. And I don't know if you're that kind of tough. I like them better than the other guests you usually get.

Yeah, thank you. You may have any more memories with the fact that you're like remembering. Because sex experts, sluss and Danielle have worked with thousands of clients helping them realize they're full sexual and emotional potential. They released a new book for couples making love, real, the intelligent couples guys to lasting intimacy and passion. Also the authors of Cockfidance, which might have been the last time you guys are on the show.

Do you remember our Cockfidance? Such a good one. I loved it. They have created the experiential and cutting edge somatic a method of sex and relationship coaching. You guys are just like the experts, whenever I think of sending people or telling about that they need sex therapy or relationship coaching, I think about you too.

And you guys are really just, you're cutting edge and you've done amazing things and you continue to discover your company and your brand and it's CelesteDenial.com. And you're in San Francisco style and I'm so glad that you came down. We're like, when I got your release for your book, I'm like, Madison, we've got to get them here. So thank you for coming today. I know, but you brought this air of Cisco weather with you. It's a very disappointing one.

It's usually like 80 degrees and you guys had a brain. The SF weather that I do not miss at all. But it's so nice to see you guys. Yeah, thank you. I saved two. So, okay. So what exact, the time about what's going on? So, I mean, I just gave a little brief of the bio,

but tell me about what you guys actually do. People don't aren't familiar with your work. Yeah, well, we just released a new book. I mean, I think that's one of the things we're most excited about. But I'm so, yeah, okay. So making love real, the intelligent couples guide to last year, because this book,

I feel like everybody who's listen needs to read this book because Every single question. I mean, there's probably like, you know, I would say between maybe there's six questions I get asked there's probably a bit five five to six basic questions about relationships and keeping sex interesting keeping love alive and Attraction all this stuff and you and it gets into childhood and why we're track to certain people I mean, it's really all in here that I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to do this in an hour because you guys have all the other positions by your book. No. Because it really, and it breaks couples can read this book together and enhance a relationship. And they're exercising. And they're exercises. Yeah. You can do, so you can't, because we're

always saying like, go to therapy. Some people don't want to or they can't or they can't afford it. Or they don't make the time, but they could but this is really a hands-on book for people to improve their relationship and give them exercise. Who's the type of person you think that would be reading this book? I know Emily just said everybody, but who do you think would probably be? I speak in superlatives.

So yeah, let's say like ideally, who do you think would be? Yeah, I think it's couples who really believe in growth in their relationship. You know, people who are open to new ideas and experimenting and learning and going on a journey together through their life, that's not just like, let's try to keep everything safe and okay, but let's be real, let's be honest, let's have a full, exciting, alive life. I think that's who we are speaking to, and that's who we are, you know.

But isn't that every couple, even if they don't know that's what they want? Because if you're keeping it safe, and you're like, it's okay, we're good, things are fine. I'm like, Well, you do have to have couples that at least willing to talk with each other. Oh, that's tough. That's basic.

Well, this is the other thing. So talking, right? We always admit, we always say, oh, communicate, communicate, and then I just realized, people don't know how to keep a kid just to talk to your partner you just can't say that you have to learn how we are not born with those natural skills of learning how to talk to people it's hard to talk to your employees hard time to anybody but then your lover that you've been with you're

like how do I bring this up we we fell in love the honeymoon stage which you you also talk about at the sixth to first six 18 months everything's great we're not talking anything we're having sex, things are amazing. And then things change. And I feel like every day couples wake up and they're like, what happened? What happened? The first ones that ever happened to you, right?

They're like, oh my god. But no, this is a net. And you make it, you normalize it. That that's OK. Actually expect it. And I love that 30% of your book is about disappointment. Is that what it is? It's disappointment.

You're not going to be satisfied with all of it. And that's OK. And so, OK, so fine. It's not is? Yeah, it's appointments like you're not going to be satisfied with all of it and that's that's okay And so so okay, so fine. It's not every couple but it's couples who want to improve let's say or having some issues So in their relationship and so Talk to walk we think so they would Walk me through how they would use the book then this couple who give me like a typical couple if you have one That would come and how they would use the process. The somatic air sex therapy process and they, or that's

what we'll get into. Yeah, talk to me about it's really about letting, first this couple needs to be willing to take responsibility and see each of them individually what they are bringing to the table and what they want for themselves and they need to be willing to work together to get on the same team, and this book can really help you get on the same team, and not be like, you know, Kramer versus Kramer, really old movie.

No, I know, I got the reference. Because people, I mean, they do, couples are stopped. They think, you know, they're having the same fights over and over and over again. And I always say, you're gonna, this is never gonna change. Like, it's, you're always you're up here, but you gotta get down to the bottom of it.

What is really the root of it? So you help couples identify that. And they can do it. What's really different about making love real is that so many books, it's either about relationship or it's about sex. And when it's about sex, it's like about acts and positions and new toys and...

Like, found the wheelbarrow, I don't know better. The butterfly. It's like that to not get to the foundation of what's going on in terms of people's needs around sex. And so we really bring together sex and relationship and talk about the ways that they're similar and different and how they, you know, how to change them. That's much more individual and specific to each person's deepest desires, which are very vulnerable to expose, you know.

So it's like, it's easy to say, hey, let's try a new toy. But it's harder to say, you know, when I think about sex, what I really want to feel is worshiped or degraded. It's like those are the things that are really vulnerable and hard to say. And we create a space to have the conversation, not just what I want, but what does it look like? How do you give that to me?

And how can I teach you in a way that is slow and progressive and not just like, OK, well, I guess you don't know how to do it. So many people, they try little things, but then if it doesn't work right away, they just give up. And for never mind, I guess we can't have this. Right, they get shut down. They shut down.

And it's so sad because people can get so much more. I mean, sure, there's some disappointment in relationship, but also, there's so much more that people can get. And so we include both of those things in our book. So it starts with couples first. I mean, it's not like it doesn't start out with the sex. It's really about identifying some of the issues that people are having in their relationship.

Stuff they might not have looked at. That they've built up a lot. And some people really come to us with already having a pretty good communicative relationship that did a lot of work around it. And they, and still they did not get to that, you you know like the bottom line of sex and where sex is stuck. We hear a lot this idea of like wow the sex is just like the cherry on top and if you solve all the communication problem everything will be solved but we find that it's totally not true. So what do you find? Right. We talk about how to sexual movie that's something we talk a lot about the sexual movie.

I like this. What is this about? Exactly. The sexual movie. Yeah, let's talk to you about that. Or make it home videos. What's going on? Exactly.

That might be your... Oh, hey. If you're an exhibitionist. Yeah, I mean, how can it change couples lives having their sexual movie? I'm just going to explain what the sexual movie is. So the how to sexual movie is really finding the emotions that needs... It sounds like kind of flashy, right? But it's actually finding the emotions that needs to be met for people in order to feel

fulfilled around sex. I call it my bother. You know, you can go masturbate. It's gonna be easy and fast. But if you actually want to have good fulfilling sex, you want to be met in some emotional way, and it doesn't have to be, you know, like, all loving and romantic, it can be met by someone degrading you, met by someone humiliating you. It's like, really have this emotional need met, and that's why couples of people bother together.

That's why the bother, but how do you mean so many people are not in tune with what their movie is like? I don't really know. I haven't thought about it. And that's why in Making Love Real, we populate the menu. Like, we really put it out there, you know. Here's a romantic movie. Here's a passionate movie. Here's a dominant movie.

Both dominance and submission. So walk me through like the passionate movie. Yeah, so, you know, each movie has its own like energy and tone and so the passionate movie is very animalistic It's like I want you so bad and it doesn't matter like the world be damned everything disappears And we just go after each other and we're biting and you know scratching and rolling around and looking at each other's eyes with tons of desire And it's it's about freedom and it's about you know about getting down to your animal nature. And it's about unleashing the depth of desire. And that's the way that you look at something.

It's the way you talk to, you know, I want you so bad. I can't wait to touch you. I want to taste every part of you. It's like the way that you talk and the tone that you use. So that's the part of it. How would I agree with you? So if MSNI were a couple, let's say, and you help, but you have couples through the book. She wishes.

God is true. It's been 10 years, can't you? I know. She wants to be with me so bad. I do. Sexy beast. OK, listen, so, but let's say couples are, you have them identify with their, because if you

like sexual movies, so if, let's say mine, I have to identify it first before I can explain to a partner. Of course. So if I was saying, OK, this is what I need. Mine's about passion. Now I need to go in the bed and write So if I was saying, okay, this is what I need, the mind's about passion. I want you to throw me down the bed and run my clothes off. And you know, debt, desire. I want you to desire me.

I want that kind of passion. I want to feel that from you. What, and then how would men, like, would menist, but can you, like, how would we do it here for a couple? And then I'd be like, all right, cool. Let's do it. No. Easy, right?

See how easy it is. It's so easy, right? It's so easy to communicate. How do they figure it out? How would men's figure out? Like, you give them a menu. Perfect. We'll give them a menu. We'll actually give you step by step. Men's like just order, can you like order pizza and then some chicken wings? We're just not talk. Yeah. For like a month. I want you can underline your partner. You know, this part of the passion movie looks really good to me. And then they try it.

And then you go, OK, let's have some feedback around that. And let me show you how I like it. So I'm going to do it to you first. And then you do it to me. So there can be a whole learning process for it. It's so weird. There's a hip hop slang term that's really popular right now. And they say, it's going to be a movie.

So that means it's going to be a crazy night. It's going to be a crazy night. It's gonna be a movie so that's funny. I'm gonna get that one. Put that together. Throw it in there. Throw it stealing from you guys. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there.

Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there.

Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it in there. Throw it. Throw it the book. Like it's really, like you can go a long way just reading the book. But in a coaching, we really take people step by step. Somatic is experiential hands-on, and coaching, and then we teach people how to break it down, like how to bring the energy, how to throw someone against the wall,

the technique and the energy, and what kind of words to say. And we find it, for example, speaking dirty, talking dirty is the hardest thing to learn. So hard. Yeah. I know. Mass is not even, we've had some,

Mass has been working on it for a few months. But yeah, why is that so hard? Talking dirty, think. For a few reasons, one is there's a lot of embarrassment and shame, because this is the way that you can't hide. You say what you really feel and you can't hide. So it can be very embarrassing.

It also like it involves the body and the brain and sometimes people get like really deep into the body and they can connect to the ability to talk. So you need to develop some skill around that. That's true. It is true. I'm not talking. I'm focusing on it. Yeah.

How do you get them out of that? So maybe mask can take one of the dirty. Do you of course is re-key jibble? Let's do that, Madison. We're just going to move in with one of the dirty. Do you of course is re-key jibble? Let's do that Madison. We're just gonna move in with some dial. What's wrong with talking dirty? What? What? You're too afraid to do it? People are afraid to do it. It's hard. It can't be hard. It can be hard. You know, finding the words you've never done it and if your book is not receptive to it, and they're not talking back. Oh, you're gonna like

this a lot. People do they don't know exactly what to do. It is gonna be amazing. Yeah and people know how to say it. You like that you like that and what you're showing also menace is like it's also can be cheesy because it's was covered by so much porn so people that's like want to stay away from it. I don't think that cheesy I think lingerie is cheesy it's so 80s. Men't think that's cheesy. I think lingerie is cheesy. It's so 80s. Many, many things, everything's cheesy. You think Dirty Talk's cheesy. You're right, that was such a perfect word.

Cause everything is cheesy. No, I think lingerie is cheesy, but Dirty Talk's cheesy. Like cuddling you by, I think it's cheesy. No, I don't, I don't, I just think like, have like these images of like 80s glam posters. I think it's cause your mom was a florist I really do think a lot of your issues go back to just because that's so but so iconic like you had roses of the house And you had all these things about love and Valentine's Day, and I don't know

Maybe you just think everything's cheesy going back to the I don't know. I said no No, no, I'm so brave about on Wednesday. You did? Yeah, that's right even to hotel right? Yeah, I want to hotel He's a girlfriend got I got roses on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, on Friday, wants we need to find out her deep desire. Exactly. Well, this is what I think. Well, her deep desire is to be with me. And so she already did that. She's the fulfill. Yeah, she conquered that already. Here we go. OK. You guys also talk about when you say she conquered you, she's just going to throw it over.

Yeah. I don't know. Because I'm awesome. He wanted to just meet her. But you know, for some people, that's their core. You know, that's their hottest section on movie to feel really sexual movie to feel Really awesome and to feel really desired to feel like the partner's gonna drop everything just because and just being with them

It's gonna fulfill everything. So that's for example a great example for a hot as sexual movie Yeah, there you go. You've a sex so once they have these sexual movies because you say awesome But people can jump around and they don't like and pick what works for them, the different exercises that work for them wherever they're at and their relationship. So once they have the movies, they find that they can use that as a tool to enhance their sex life. But also, what about you talk about your sexual rules to live by? So how do they fit in with people realizing what their sexual.

You can remember all the lists of things that we put in that? I know. But I think it's, you know, that want some of the key things in sharing the movie is number one, no judgments. So you're really saying, your desires are beautiful, and I accept them. And then there's another part where it's like, and I can have boundaries.

So I might not fulfill all of those. And some of them might not be, you know, like, OK, with me. For example, let's say your partner has a threesome, that's a, fantasy, that's a beautiful desire. You might not be comfortable with having sex with other people, but you might be able to talk dirty about a threesome or go out together and like cruise and check out people that you would have sex with. So you can play with a fantasy even if you're not like fully-

Exactly. You don't have to have the threesome you can- You can negotiate. Yeah, you can find the comfort zone. Come learn so much. Exactly. I mean, I'll wear the three semifinals. You can negotiate. Yeah, you can find the comfort so much. Exactly. I mean, I'll wear the nipple clamps, but not the leather mask. Exactly. No leather mask. That's good. I'll wear the hamburger hat. Yeah. But we're acting like the conversation is so easy, but it's so like hard. It's hard because you feel embarrassed, you know. And then if there is incompatibility, people get really freaked out. They think,

oh no, I'm not going to be able to fulfill all my partner's needs. And what if they can't do what I want them to do? Right. So there's a lot of fear and even getting around to having the conversation because then it's like, oh, the fear that we've confirmed that we're not each other's soulmates or something, right? Because we have this fantasy of, you know, we have to have compatibility, 100% in every area or we don't, we're meant to be together and that's just not how the word impossible. It's impossible and so we find like where is the compatibility and will you get started my movie and can I get started in your movie and where is the overlap that's what we're helping couples work with all the time. Right and really enhance I'm sure that it really helps

couples realize because they think they do think that after this honeymoon phase when things are going downhill or things aren't as great that there's a problem. And it's saying like no but let's go you might not get back to signing realistic if you think you can back to that but what are the things that are that are your clue and that do attract you to each other so you have to kind of connect with that and then. I'm so happy you body, I'm attracted the way you look, that can be attraction, that's not everything. Look at attraction is actually this compatibility between heart isexual movies and the more compatibility there is, there are more attraction there is because you know like you get what you want and that makes you very

attracted to the other person. Right, right, that's true. Yeah, I mean, if you, you could be like the hottest girl on the planet, but if your attitude or personality sucks, then I don't find you attractive at all. I don't care. Exactly. I know some thirsty dudes out there will like stick through it because they

want to sleep with the girl, but I just don't. I don't know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. they say, you know, I'm not physically attracted, but then when they, when they start getting each other's movies from each other, then it, that sort of thing. Exactly, because it's the might, right. Yeah. So that's what I hope that people are getting this, like, that the movies of, actually, when we talk about communication and we talk about, it's like really getting into what, it's not just like, I want to have a piece of my want you to spank me, it's like really

getting into the whole, like, what, what you, a three-step, I want you to spank me. It's like really getting into the whole like what you what you need like what your deepest sexual desires are. And so I think a lot of you can't even you know there's so much work here that they have to do to even but you teach them how to get through that process because just on their own that's why flicks and I'm like I need more answers for people and I can't just say like communicate and talk like there has to be more like they're and I think that's why making love real would be so great for so many couples who are, like, I'm in a sexist marriage, like, what do I do?

We've had two kids, you know, we don't have sex anymore. I mean, this is, we hear every time at the five questions, like, every single day. Yeah. Typical. What do you do? Like, how, if someone comes to you, like, we have an attack, you know, there's, that's what I'm saying, there's so many layers. It's the having kids, They haven't talked about it.

They've been together 15 years. I mean, where do you start with a couple like that? At the beginning. We first check for resentment. Because many times resentment is very prevalent in relationship because people don't say what they need and then they hold back and start to disappear and vanish and get angry. And I think, so we check for that and we do this work and I think the book has this three parts, right?

So the first part is about how to create connection and attachment and work to support each other and be on the same team. The second part is that what do you do with individual needs when you can't get what you want? How do you work through that? And the third is about sex and how to get your heart a section of movie and break it down.

So let's talk about the first part of that. Let's just break it down into the book, so attachment. And individuation, individuation. So if your attachment is a big issue for people who can attach, they can't attach to do this. People are in relationships where you guys explain it for my listeners, so they can understand first. Yeah, what does that mean? Like avoid an attachment. People people we all have attachment. Yeah, well, I think the

Challenging right Human right is that we actually need other humans. We can't live without them We literally cannot survive without Exactly so we are wired to connect and When we connect with another person start looking in their eyes or touching them or even talking to them We start like syncing up with them looking in their eyes or touching them, even talking to them, we start like sinking up with them. Lumbically, our limbic systems start to feel each other.

And as you're with somebody for a long period of time, you get really synced up. So you affect each other. But if you're not feeling secure and comfortable, it's like anything that the other person is doing is freaking you out. Oh my god, they're going to leave. They hate me.

They're criticizing me, right? And so you get the flight response, and then you're like, it's in fear. Yeah, it's not really. It's not really. And then you just go after the other person in defense or you run away and slam the door, you know, this is what's happening with couples all the time. And in order for people to understand how much they impact each other and to start listening and empathizing and hearing the

pain underneath the reactivity, that's what we help couples do with the first section of the book and in our work all the time so that they can deepen a sense of safe attachment with each other and feel supported and understood and seen and and held literally Exactly. Well, that's what I was saying about the couple who comes in and says like where do you start with them? Well, it's not just about we'll go, you know, buy some sex toys but no, no, no, you like have resentment because you know your partner might not be you be home as much as you can care the kids. It could be so many issues that have built up the resentment over time.

So that kind of helps them figure out what the first part of it. And then the second part of the book, walk me through that. So the second part, as you work on building this attachment, of course, we're starting to understand each other. What comes up is usually the balance between, but I need to go and work, or I need to have more free time, or I need to go in with my buddies. So the individual needs come up, right? Because we've attached, but now we need to separate

you and our independence. And we lose ourselves. And relationship is all about managing this balance and making it really good. And some people have less challenge because their individual needs are good, right? And some people have less challenge because their individual needs are much more compatible. And some people have more challenge because the individual needs are less compatible.

And some people have problem to maintain the attachment. So we talk in the second part of the book, we talk about what if there needs that it cannot be met in their relationship, how to process this appointment, how to do it in a way that creates more connection intimacy, and not just, okay, I'm out of here. Oh, I'm just having an affair.

Well, let's talk about disappointment then. I mean, that's 30%, right? It's 30% of your, I mean, there, you're, that we are under the solution that our partner, I think society feeds us to us, that we're supposed to do everything. Our best friend, our lover, our supporter. The amount of support.

I mean, who can do that? Nobody can, right? And it's okay. And so it gives people, I think, permission you're able to say, oh, it's okay that part isn't all those things. I don't have to bail. And I can get these needs met elsewhere

and then recognizing what your partner can deliver and what they can deliver. So can you talk about that a little bit about the deployment? And sometimes you can't get those needs met elsewhere because it's not within your agreements and then you have to actually feel the disappointment. But usually what people do is avoid the disappointment. Like stop needing that. You know, they sort of shame the other person, try to get them to stop needing. I don't know why you have to be with your friends so much. You know, like,

what about, you know, like you're avoiding intimacy. They like shame each other to try to get what they want, right? Which never works. Which never works instead of the other person saying, you know, I know that you really want me around more and it sucks that I'm not. And I'm here to listen to your disappointment about it, but I'm not going to change that part of myself. And that's the clarity that like people avoid constantly in their relationship because they're terrified of.

No, no, I'm sure I can spend more time with you. It'll be okay. Why do you get upset about it anyway? All of these ways that we're just pushing disappointment away and never actually facing it and loving each other in the face of the fact that that's part of being in relationship. It is normal. There's no relationship without disappointment

because there's no one person who's made for another person. Exactly. Right. We're just told that this fairy tale is not. There is not one person. So then, I mean, it's like healing. It doesn't. Right. Why are we're just told that this fairy Do you wish? There is not there is not one person to them. And I mean, it's like He would be boring. Yeah, boring. It's like by a doll. You know, you want somebody who like it kind of gears you up a little bit and keeps life exciting Exactly. Exactly. But then we're it's like sighting, but not an unhealthy way. Like an exciting

More than you're going deeper and you're getting closer. So you yeah, yeah yeah. Oh no, I'm looking, I'm looking, this is gonna be a very popular page, 260. Anil, Anil pleasure, the final frontier. So, if you pick up Making Love Real, make sure page 260. We wanna cover all bases. Yeah, you got to, you got to throw Anil in, Anil in the middle.

And the next page over is, is bring all your sex toys, tools together. Yeah, so we gotta do it, we in, anal in. And the next page over is, bring all your sex toys tools together. Yeah. We got to do it. We got to do it all. Try it all. Yeah.

And people might not want to try everything. No, they, for example, OK, so talking about somatic sex therapy, if people don't know what that is. So somatic sex therapy, and I'm going to say somatic. Somatic. Somatic is like many people doing somatic work. Somatic is unique because what we do is we create a relationship lab and in the therapy office and the coaching room.

And then we invite people to practice those tools of connection, negotiating individual needs and processing disappointment, all those things, and also sexual tools. Which is really the basis of everything that you do, the book, and if they wanted to, they could learn this through. And we want to do both. Both couples and individuals. So if we're working with individuals, then we're actually in the relationship

with them, practicing with emotional connection and with erotic connection. So you can learn individually or you can learn as a couple. And I think that's what's really unique. We keep our clothes on. We don't have sex with our clients, but we definitely have touch and exchange of erotic energy. What do you touch, though? You touch your clients when they touch.

Both. We touch back and forth. This is why I'm going to go move in with our thoughts on the problem. Oh right. Do you guys are Marin? Is it a Marin? Your offices or the city? The city? The city? The city? Was it ever in Marin? At the beginning? No. We do have practitioners who are in Marin, or San Rafael. Wow. Yeah. We're going back. So explain to me some of those courses then. Or those

it's ongoing therapy. It's the courses. I mean you guys have a lot going on. So which role would then. Or those, it's ongoing therapy. It's the courses. I mean, you guys have a lot going on. So, which role would that be? Yeah, that's ongoing coaching. And so if you're coming in as an individual, so you come into my office, you might want to learn about how to be more expressive or like in your body.

And so I would might act as a mentor in some ways. And then in other ways, if you're open to playing with erotic energy with another woman, for example, then we could practice with some of that energy exchange between us. So it really depends. And sometimes we're more of mentors,

and sometimes we're more like, you know, sort of surrogate partners in both intimacy and in erotic exchange. And you guys are doing, but now you've grown, you're probably people that you've trained to do that, and you're still teaching the courses, like I'm on your site now, so you have like the course of like a track that's for single people as well, a track the men you want. For example, let's talk about that.

Yes. Maybe I actually come to that, but I should start that one. Yes. I was in a web phase called Samarika Institute. Okay. So that's where, like, Institute for professionals, the one that becomes Samarika practitioners. Okay. And then you get get the breakdown of all the classes we teach for them.

We have intro days for somatic, which is one day that you come in and we teach it. Hopefully you're going to start spreading it around in different locations. Now we hold it in San Francisco. And we have our core training that we teach practitioners how to be somatic practitioners and this is a long, a year-long kind of almost like May to November training and we have a professional training

for people who are already coaches or therapists and want to enhance their skills of working with couples. So that's starting next week. Oh really? Next week. And that's the one the Weekend courses? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Sign up, Emily. Yeah, we want to find the man you want. I want to see that one.

I want to see that one. One next class. So look at me. And then still look in. We'll drop her off. Seriously, I need a break. I need to go really long. What?

I do. You need a break? Yeah. Yeah, I do. You dated for like a couple months and I need a break. I'm like a really long. What? I do. You need a break. Yeah. Yeah. I do. You dated for like a couple months Not that break. No, not for men. Well, no, I don't know. Break you talking about break. I need to go I need to go Seriously go on vacation. Yeah, something you go on a recluse or what? Immersed yourself. Yeah, I'm gonna do my I'm gonna do that. I'll do like a 10-day silent meditation retreat again I'm not sure yet, but I should this might be more helpful. I think I do that. I'll do like a 10 day silent meditation retreat again. I'm not sure yet, but this might be more helpful. I think I think I, I think I, I really think. Iawasca.

Everyone's doing Iawasca right? Do you guys feel that you know everyone doing Iawasca? I'm especially in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood. My friend, right? And Sam from school, my friend just went to one. She went to one like at her friends office. Like the shaman's coming in overnight.

They're doing it. I'm like, I'm gonna go to Peru. But have you guys done it before? I have not. No, I blame Chelsea Hamlet. No, as before that. I know, but like, I mean, she did that. Sorry, she thinks she's, everyone's talking about it now because she's got a show on.

Well, she was, no, because she, she did an interview with Howard Stern and they're talking about it. I think it was like, or like a rich person, because every person that I know that comes into money recently wants to do I Alaska for some reason I don't know suddenly they become vegetarian. They want to do I Alaska What's there's like one third thing like every person that I know that gets some catch in the bank That's what they want to do and I think it's like trickling down because everyone's talking about it now Well, I think there's two levels of exploration, right?

There's exploring yourself, and then there's exploring connection with other people. And Iawasca, I think in a lot of ways, is it going deeper into exploring this stuff? But I heard you crap your pants, and I'm not into that. I'm not into that. I don't want any of that. I'm good.

So I'm going to stay off the Iawasca train. That's good. Stick with other drugs. You have to work for you. We're going to continue this conversation. But first, let me tell you about the womanizer. Do you guys know what the womanizer? It sounds like a pickup artist.

Exactly. It's not the douchebag you dated in college. You've probably heard me talk about it. It's the womanizer we've talked on the show, but a while back, the owners of the company, they asked me, can we send you this toy to test? And I grade, because I say yes to most toys, I will try them out. And they're like, it's really different.

It's like nothing you've tried. And I'm confident that I've tried every product that is on the market now. And I was wrong, because the womanizer was designed in Germany, and they didn't know if the womanizer meant something else. It's a bad name. So I'm like, how is this product going to do so well? But unlike anything else on the market,

it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. And it kind of looks like this sexy ear throbometer. It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris, kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on you, you can vary the suction and move it around to create this really intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute. Six second orgasm if you just want to get it out. But I try the humanizer, they are kidding. It's amazing. I know. It's sex is about the whole longer experience, but why knock it out? You knock it out, right? Oh, I'm about to end up. It's adjustable. You can position it to create so many different

sensations. It's it's in its own category. You've got to check it out for yourself. Go to sexoselmy.com. Click on the womanizer banner for more information. That's a womanizer. And it goes to sexo-in.com, click on the womanizer banner. Check it out. I love it. How do you guys do about sex toys? I feel really good about sex. You feel good about that. Sucksion. I've been so into Nallely. Right. The sucking and the bloke. This is what it's like. Quit whisperer. This womanizer I swear, it's like, how does it know? I feel like it's like, it knows what I, they knew in Germany making this toy

that that's what my clitoris wanted. Right, the sucking. They talked to your clitoris and they worked it out. They did, they did. They were the clitoris. So yeah, your clitoris, okay, let's talk about that. This like, dude, a new teach actual sex tips to people as well., I mean I recommend sex toys like all the time I bring them up with clients, you know because especially Bivirators for women it's like sure you might be able to have one orgasm after a long time, you know with a lot of work

Exactly you get up 12 This is a thing. It's like why is that such a bit right exactly you can have 12 It's like you could just have. This is a thing. It's like, why is that? That's a bit right. Exactly. You could have 12. It's like, you could just have vanilla ice cream, or which is great. You could have chocolate, but add some hot sauce on it. You could get some hot chocolate.

I had a hot sauce that I had, but I had some at lunch. Yeah. And it's brinkles. And sprinkles. And you're like, oh my god, that this was amazing. Right. So people should not be afraid of toys, but they know how I feel about that. Yeah.

So, another thing is, though, we talk about like, you talk in your book about focus on sexual desire. So that's a huge, where some of the five or six questions alive, it is about couples with varying desires and mismatch libidos. And well, how do you work with couples on that overcoming their negotiating on that? So some of differences in desire is then, as we say, the individual needs around desire. And some people need it more frequently.

And some people need it less frequently. And I say, here too, you don't know exactly. When I see a couple, I don't know exactly what's the truth when people tell me, oh, I don't want sex at all. Because that's when we start our detective work. We start to understand why that person doesn't want to have sex at all, because you're very little. It can be because social messages that, for example,

tell women to be disconnected from their sexuality, otherwise they're going to be sluts. They learned it when they're teenagers, but it's still similar somewhere in the back of the mind because they did not do any actual work of engaging into their sexuality and they're waiting to their partners to bring sex to them. They're more like responsive, right? And if their partner feels rejected all the time or doesn't know how to seduce or doesn't know how to bring desire in an ongoing way, or if they have resentment in their relationship.

So there can be many reasons why people have differences in desire. Many, many reason why people are going to be low desire. And our job is to really be good detectives and help them. Right. I'm more skeptical. I'm like, no, I had a framework.

She's like, I've had enough sex in my life. I had a really good time. I'm like, no, no, that's not okay to just put that to why this is so important. And just to, because I like that this is a holistic approach to helping couples, because there's not just a quick fix. I mean, yes, we're, I mean, so. I mean, I think, for example, with Loa Desire,

a big part of it is what we've been talking about so far is people don't know each other's movies. And it's like, you know, wanna go have sex with somebody if what you're getting is going to be nothing that turns you on you know and I think so much of load as I are comes from that so being able to talk about because I you know we see so many especially women in our office but also men who are saying yeah I don't know I'm just not that interested anymore maybe my testosterone is low or maybe I need to get my hormones checked and I think that's like the last thing to do.

You know, it's like the first thing is to say, like, are you even liking the sex that you're having? Like, what kind of sex have you talked about, what kind of sex you want to have? And mostly when you find they haven't talked about it. Most people have not talked about it. And especially, it's like, they talk about it but they don't know how to talk about it.

You know, it's like, there's all this thing, like we're saying, sex toys and this other stuff but they're not talking about their deeper needs. They're not talking about their own way. Because they don't even know. Usually, sexual conversation go like that. You're not, we're not having enough sex. What are we going to do about it?

And that's what the conversation is. Exactly. Or there's like blaming or why you're not, why don't you want to have more sex? You need to really think how you're going to give me more sex. And I need at least three times a week, so you need to find out how you're going to give it to me. You know, these are kind of conversations people are having. Right.

And go, I feel so much pressure. I just don't want to, and it doesn't even have sex with you at all. You know, they get into this like pressure rejection. Right. Intangible. Exactly. So not the way to, I mean, I feel like nobody knows how to have it. And so, yeah, that's not the way to communicate.

So what would be the right way then? The right way would be to say, hey, I feel a little bit like I want to connect with you more and I feel that I would like to have more sex in our relationship and I wonder what you do think will help you to want to have more sex or what would help me to have more sex because I was thinking I'm kind of tired and I work too hard so I definitely need to make a little more room for myself. And that's how you start the conversation. You start by not like blaming the other person,

but you start by saying, hey, what do I feel holds me back from having sex? So lots of people are really working hard and they don't give their time. They're not turning that tired. Take that. I have no time for that. Take a typical couple working either there's a

state home parent and someone who goes out and work many, many hours to sustain it or there's like two working parents and you know, if they're children, so they don't have a lot of them. But it's not only for couples with children, I see a lot of couples who do not have children, it's not much different. They fill their life with other things. And that comes from the idea that sex supposed to be spontaneous, by the way, which is another fabulous dream that never going to be fulfilled. Exactly.

Nothing longer term relationship. Right. So it's OK. And what I love about Daniel always says, well, what is dating? It's planned sex. Right? Like, that's what we do. Right, exactly.

It's not going to be a problem. Right. So true. You know you're going to have sex. That's what's spontaneous. Right. Right, that's what we do. Right exactly. It's not going to happen. Right. Where are they? So true. You know you're going to have sex. That's what's spontaneous. Right.

Right exactly. And then there comes a point where you're dating someone, you're like, wow, we didn't have sex tonight. And that's when you know that anyone fades over. Right? That's kind of, you're like, oh, we didn't have sex. That's the first time. That's it.

We went to that with having sex. It's over. I might as well look for someone else. That's what most people do. A lot of people jump from relationship to relationship because that's what's going to get deeper. You're going to have to talk about it. And I think the other thing is that people just think sex is trivial.

They do not realize the essentialness. We're not saying there might be couples who decide, we don't ever want to have sex again, and they're both happy with it. There's no judgment of that. That's fine. But for so many people, sex is where they code to be most vulnerable, where they go to show their deepest

needs, where they want to be seen. It's like the to show their deepest needs, where they wanna be seen. It's like the glue, plus it's such, it's anti-depressant, it's like a hormonal boost. You know, I'm having sex regularly now, like five times a week, I'm the happiest of person alive. That's amazing, because how long have you been with this guy though?

A year. See, that's why, but that's a clock. I know, I mean, the next one is left. So good luck. I know. That's my left of the great. But it is true. And so how do we get mean big couples?

Does it so easy to say, no, I can't get back. I can't connect. I can't, you know, we can't go back to that. So it is. So I agree. We have, obviously. But I'm in it when I say I'm dedicated, right? Because I'm dedicated to being a sexual human being, right?

Like I'm not just like, oh, I hope it happens. You know, I'm like, this is part of my life and I want to create it and enhance it and, you know, like continue to go after it for myself. Even if sometimes I feel tired or crunchy or not that intimate, I know that I love sex. And so I'll just be like, okay, I'll give it a try. Let's see if I can get into it. And like, almost always I can. Right, you can get into it if you want. That's a thing. Also, I think

people are so give up. They give up. Like, I'm not in the mood. I'm not feeling it. But just start doing it. Right. I always say it's like going to the gym. The hardest part of getting issues on. Like, you got the dirt. Like, you're like, you're like, God, why I think that class? I'm like, take that spinning class. You're tall. I'm like, God, yeah, like, why haven't we've been having sex, sweetie? You know, once they've finally get it like, once they get it, but you teach them that it's been in your mind, you gotta connect the fact that this is gonna feel really good that I wanna like it.

So what do you mean in your relationship? You say, I know it's a, it sounds like a super hot relationship. I love this. But like, what do you mean that you go into with this intention and that you're giving example? I mean, like you're like, how you committed it.

Cause that's not how it don't speak that we obviously are profession, but yeah. Right, and I think, you know, especially you committed it. Because that's not how you don't speak that we obviously are profession, but yeah. Right. And I think, especially for women, we have been told, luckily, I didn't get so many of these messages as a young girl. And even though, and I was so horny when I was a teenager, that it was like, oh, well, I guess I'm just a slut,

because I can't be the other thing. That's not an option. It's not that I was having sex with everyone, but I was dressing sexually. And I like to sort of own that label, because I knew that I wanted to be sexual. And throughout my life, even though my hormones have gone down, and maybe I'm not just like ragingly horny all the time now, but I know that I'm a sexual being and I have owned that.

And I'm as dedicated to having sex as my partner is, you know. And I think that that's, have you taught him a lot, your partner? Yeah, he's so loved. I mean, he's so lovely. He's taught me a lot. He's taught me a lot of people. I mean, we both taught each him a lot, your partner? Yeah, he's so lovely. He's taught me a lot. He's taught me a lot. We both taught each other a lot, and we've learned each other's movies, and we continue to talk about that.

Can you talk about your own movies? Can you talk about your process of finding your movies? Yeah, I feel like I'm in a lifelong process of finding my movie, but at this point, I like to say I like to feel precious and used. So that's my combination, my hot combination. I love it. I love it. And what's his, if you don't fit my own saying,

or you could talk about someone else a common male fancy perhaps movie. So mine can relate to the movie. I think for a man, a lot of times, it's like feeling like they're really, really good at something or super competent, or they're like really able to turn their partner on a lot. Like there's something that feels so powerful and alive.

I've just been like, I know how to be the best lover to her in the world. So I know that's also part of my partner's fantasies. Yeah, that's mental. Like that's why it's so hard to give feedback to a partner, a male partner, especially because if they feel like they're failing you in any way, it's just going to catch on them down. So that's why it's very delicate area. Exactly.

Right. I also want to normalize the experience, not everyone I have sex five times a week. Right, it's actually. You want to do sex. You know, because, you know, I don't want to put pressure here. No, exactly, no, you're in this. That's my amount.

That's what you have to work for you. Once a week would be perfect. I'm like, I'm, I don't know. You're in there, and I'm like, you've been there. I'm long to relationship. A long, long, long to relationship. I'm 20'm I don't know your energy. A long long long to relation. 21 years. Oh what nice. Oh my god. Wow. Congratulations. But it's not something that I personally I'm just talking about my desire. I don't want to have sex more than once a week. That's good. I'm happy to do it twice or maximum three times,

but I wouldn't want to do six, five times a week. That's what you guys are talking about. Everyone's different though. Yeah, exactly. That's different. And we need to find what we want and go with that. So after 10 years of doing the work that you've been doing, when you wrote this book, what were you,

it's kind of like you think it's a combination of all the work that you've done when you decided to, because you wrote other book, what were you, it's kind of like you think it's a combination of all the work that you've done. When you decided to, because you wrote other rewritten other books, you've told all these courses and you've guys have done such amazing work. Because I feel like this does capture a lot of the issues that calls her happy, like what made you, how long did you write it?

Like how did you, what was your process? Anyway, it's a couple. It's way easier to write a second book than a first one. Yeah, how long does it take you to write? The thing about Danielle that's amazing is she has this wonderful brain that sort of like really creates an overview and she can organize everything and I'm like a paid, I can just vomit on the page.

You know what's man, she vomits well. Can you edit it help? No, it's such a good team working. And we really took our heart and soul into this book because it is so much of what we've learned about working with couples all of these years and we want everybody to have this amazing sex life. I know. I'm dying for everyone. I know.

It just came out. Yeah. Okay. So making love real, Tommy, the intelligent couples guy to to lasting intimacy and passion and you tell me what your website or do you tell them go to Amazon? Amazon and Kindle, yep. Amazon and Kindle. So you really, I mean, this can really,

I mean, you have such great testimonials on your site and everything, but, and, so couples have, can you give me some of the couples who have worked with you and how it's, I think people are listening to, but I've tried that, I've tried that, nothing worked. You know, I might want to have a fair, you know, they just think that they're hopeless,

they've given up. So I think this book can be a great tool for couples who've gotten this could be their last, this could be their, they could try this and they could turn it around, making love real. And really I want to say, like, going through this book or going through a process with us, does not guarantee that people are going to stay together and have a family. Maybe they'll find out that they're not supposed to be together, or maybe they're going to find out that they really care for each other together or maybe they're going to find out that they don't really care for each other love each other

But their sexual needs are not going to be met or so it's even like a great way if you want to you know If it's it's a perfect way to find out what are you capable for in terms of like what's the capacity of your relationship and what it can give you before you Say goodbye. That's true. No, it's so true. That's why I always say couples that therapy so first of all, like fast tracks the whole process because couples are just, a lot of couples are just suffering and they're like, we'll just figure this out.

We'll keep having the same fights. But that is true. Maybe you realize it's just there's just no way, but at least if you'll figure it out, I can figure out which direction to go and it could enhance it. Or you just know that it should be over. I'm not so good. I'm working with now and she's like a quickie girl and he just wants to take a really long

time and dive into it and go really slow and she's like you know bend me over the chair. What? Are they breaking up because I would love to talk to him. Yeah. And I would like to talk to her. Right. You know? I won't say what's wrong with her.

Not this guy. She has a penis. It's sort of the opposite story I know right? See the whole time is feeling like well she doesn't really want me if she just wants it to go quick She's just trying to get it over with and you know that means she's not attracted to me And she's like oh my god I don't even want to think about going into sex if I like have to go to two hours because I'm like gonna have a life You know like have things to do an appointment later on today. I love this one

like gonna have a life, you know, like if things to do an appointment later on today. I love this one. I know. Right. Right. The guys, those first two don't help them not take it so personally, like this is actually not about you and not loving you or wanting you

or caring about something more than you. It's like these are styles of having sex and they're just different. And sure that sucks because you two are trying to be married and raise a child together and you want it to be more similar. But let's first just take the pressure off that it means that there's something wrong with either one of you. You're both totally okay. There's not exactly that's why I'm normalizing it

and then understanding it, understanding what the actual issues it then rather had and then having that same argument. And when we start once there's not the rejection there so much like he's like okay well quickies yeah I think I could get into that and she's like all right well maybe like once a month I could really plan a couple of hours, you know, and we could explore these new experiences. So it's like once the, like, you don't love me and you, even once that tension is taken out and the pressure then often creativity can come in. And then this, right, and then going through this process, we'll diffuse that.

Yes. Guys in the San Francisco Bay area, am I right, ladies? What? The poses. I'm scared. I right, ladies? What? The poses. I'm scared. I miss those guys. I'm telling you, I don't think they're all like this. I do miss those good guys in the Bay Area.

I don't think these guys, I hate, I hate, I hate, they're good guys everywhere. There's bad guys everywhere, good women, bad women. But we used to joke about that, but I just don't meet a lot of those guys here. And I have to say, there's all different types of guys. Everywhere. There's people who are wonderful, ready for relationship

and people who are hurt and have, you know, don't know how to do intimacy yet. Right. I try to take it out of like a guy back. I ask a little bit because it really really helps. I agree. I agree that they haven't learned the lesson. Yeah, they don't know how to do intimacy

and they don't know how to be vulnerable. And so they just like don't call you back or, you know, whatever, like whatever. Don't take it personally, yeah I so and do what about guys who you think and women who haven't experienced that so I do think there's some people that just go through life they really just don't they never I mean obviously there's many that never well but that everybody can learn it they can learn to be if they want to that they could learn to be

intimate and they can learn to be present yes and that's is that who we're doing one-on-one coaching with people we really help them learn learn to be intimate and they can learn to be present. Yes, and that's exactly what we're doing in one-on-one coaching with people. We really help them learn how to be in relationship with us as the coaches. And then if you have this experience with us, you can take it everywhere in the world and practice it with anyone that you're going to meet and date. Do you ever wash them half-sex? Is that your favorite question? I don't even want to come and be a smite. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even want to come and be a semantic physician here.

Yeah. If you need a camera guy for a re-play. It's actually not within the semantic boundaries, but we hold sex logical body work certificate and we sometimes do help people really understand the mechanics of sex and do you want to be watched? No, no I don't want to be I mean I'll be the watcher, but I So going back to the intimacy thing. I mean there's so many people who are who are walking around with all these wounds from child That we talk a lot of inner child in your book so many everyone

Everybody doesn't skip anyone. It doesn't, this is what I want to say. It's almost like in my show when I'm saying, or even when I'm on Love Line now, who are calling it, it's like, I can't tell every color they need therapy, because that just gets open. Every color needs therapy.

Everybody needs therapy, a little bit of therapy. And I just, or some, whatever it is that works for you. I mean, maybe it's meant, I just, as there's a meditator going to top of a mountain, but really, I think it's actually therapy. I'm meditator going top of a mountain, but really I think it's actually therapy. I'm just going to say it. But don't find the people that are into therapy are always trying to push therapy onto

people. But we're pushers. Yeah. It's because they probably need it. I think people grow and heal in lots of ways. You know, definitely coaching or therapy is one of them. Coaching, writing a book and, you know, there's lots of different. But it's always like something that's been in self-help books. therapy is one of them. Coaching, writing a good book, and there's lots of different. True.

But it's always like something that's been in therapy. Self-help books, self-help. They're like, you need to be in therapy. You need it. Whatever your process, okay, so maybe I shouldn't say you all need therapy. You have to learn to understand yourself what's keeping you back,

because everybody has issues with intimacy and attachment. They just do, like we were all born, no one's had a perfect childhood. They said they did, I don't believe them. And by perfect, you could have amazing parents, but you're still gonna have challenges that arise from your childhood.

It's important to sort that out and understand it. Because your parents can also not meet all your needs all the time, right? Even if they're great parents, they cannot meet all your needs all the time. And if your needs are always met all the time, it creates a big challenge to Exactly the parents who know how to deal with this appointment

Exactly no matter which way it goes So it's a perfection, but there's yeah, I want to say something about self-help books Which I love because we just have one but I think that the challenge with books can also be that you know We'll learn relationship in relationship and it's really hard to learn. You can learn intellectually relationship with books but there's something about the importance of experience in being in relationship, feeling your feelings, feeling your heart breaks, feeling, and like having desire, having lust.

All those feelings are so important and you don't have it with a book. Right, exactly. And then you do your, you know, do your greatest work in a real relationship. We have to attach it. You have to bring it to practice with your partner. If you're going to use a book, you know, like taking it. Exactly. So this could be a book that's supposed

to be used as therapy, would you say, for a public? Definitely. Right. I love it. Men's do you want to eat it? Oh, give it to me. I feel like you do. Oh, she. And my favorite thing is there's a thousand past two in light and men. Men's do you want to eat it? Oh, give it to me. I feel like you do. Oh, she.

And my favorite thing is there's a thousand past two enlightenment. It's so true. I just will take the one most pleasurable. True. Exactly. Go through your desire. Go through your sexuality. Go through yourself.

Will. That's what we really work with in somatic. I feel like we should do an exercise. Yeah. Can we do an exercise? All right. What do you got? I don't know. I'm just trying to pick the exercise that we can do in here. Is there Can we do an exercise? All right what do you got? I don't know I'm just trying to pick the exercise that we can do in here is there what we can do in here? I'm looking. Maybe not. You want to do a high-tech show movie? Sure. Oh wow a lot of pressure.

Yeah she wants somebody to dress up for her. Mm-hmm. Dress up for me. Yeah. What is it? What outfit? I don't want anyone to outfit you do. No you do. No. I already said I hate lingerie. I think it's stupid. It's a good hate's laundry.

I talked about this on the radio. I know. I a lot of people agree with me. It's cheesy and it's useless. Because I, from a guy's perspective, because they're like, oh, that's useless. Because I, from a guy's perspective, because they're like, oh, that's great. When I get a gift, am I excited about the wrapping paper? No, I like what's inside, you know?

I feel like that, everybody is so, that's the thing. Everybody's so different. Like I have both men and women. I have one woman who's like, I need to dress up and feel super sexy in order to get really hard. It helps you. Exactly, that's the thing. And I need to like people to like look at me,

you know, so that can be like a sexy dress or it could be lingerie in the bedroom. And for some men, they just feel like, oh, she's taken so much time and effort. She really cares about me because she's willing to dress up in that way. You know, there's something about those French cut panties that just like remind them

of what they masturbated to when they were 15. Right. And it just like touches that desire, you know? So for some people, that's really it. And for other people, it's like, yeah, like, know, so some for some people that's really it and for other people It's like yeah, like, go let's get to the naked part. I know where the good stuff is and do it And that's all okay man, so I don't mean to be agitated because that's okay that's how you're like No, it's really fine. I give you a permission to experience that's all I give you up. I just don't know Not your relationship

That I worry that I just want you to be having happy, and it's great conversation here because we're trying to find out what's the right thing or the one thing, but there isn't that one thing. Isn't that just that many paths? There are so many paths. You're right. So to say everyone, I just think the inner work is when you talk about float through life, and they're saying,

like, I'm OK. I don't need to set. And I just think that the people who are the unexamined you know not worth living so I that's just how I feel. See that's how she feels but I think we could all come to the agreement that you know talk. No no no like just having discussion is always good about everything. And there's no one sides to solve right? Yeah that's one thing we can agree on right? Exactly we can all agree on that and I think that everybody making love, the intelligent couples guide to lasting intimacy and passion, which I think is

I don't know any couple, if you're listening to me, I don't want a lasting guide. I don't want it. I don't want intimacy and passion for a lot of German. And fine, this book isn't for you, but if you're in a relationship long term new relationship, I mean this can really help everyone. So I think you guys are doing amazing work continue. We're going to pick it up at 15? The next 10, 15 years at Amazon. Amazon is on your number one spot. How do you prefer anywhere else? So Madoka Institute do study website. Yeah. So Amazon percentage. So Celesteintenial.com and so Madoka Institute.com for the training. Yep. This will all be up on Twitter. It'll all be on sex. The Emily askssomatica.com as Twitter and Facebook, Facebook.com, slash the lesson Danielle. Anything else coming up? You guys have stuff coming up? Well, we have our couples training. We, you know, for people who want to be

professionals in this field, and I think it's one of the most exciting things that you can do to watch people transform in this way. Like, it touches my heart every single day that I do the work. And I think I feel like there's so many people who could be called to this. They just don't know that it's out there. They're from the North. They don't know this. Some people want to change careers. Some people want to enhance their careers or do something slightly different.

They're already doing some coaching. But this brings in so much more intimacy and connection. And so we have our core training coming up. And it's like a year long training. And if you really want to dive into depth with other people and go through a personal life transformation and then have an amazing career afterwards you need to come and take the training. Okay, what is that training? Oh and May, okay awesome, okay, it's a big

December. Yeah, I should do it. I'm in, I'm in. Okay, thank you so much to Lesson Danielle for coming. Congratulations on your work and all your great work. Thank you, Menace. What? Thank you. Page 172. Sexual rules live by. Yes. Oh, that's where we're yeah. Yeah. So, read one. What do you mean one? What are your favorites? Don't judge. It's so true. So take that. If he wants to lick your feet, don't judge him. Exactly. You might not want him to lick your feet, but you can say, Oh, right. You can say, Oh, no, you can say sexy desire.

Yeah, I'll find something on Craigslist for you. Yeah, maybe we can find a match. Exactly. Good menace. That's good. Thank you both, Rainier. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thank you, menace.

Thank you. Thank you, menace. Snapchat. Twitter. All that. Instagram. I'm at at sex with Emily on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.com. So, sex with Emily. And now Facebook.com. So sex with me and now Snapchat my new jam. Yes, love it.

And also what else? Thank you producer Madison. You have nude pics on Snapchat right? New pics. Nude pics. I do. I do lots of nude photos. All right, sweet.

I'm just trying to get you more followers. I so appreciate it. Okay, and YouTube. We do that too. Yeah, naked there too. Totally naked. N more followers. I so appreciate it. Okay, and YouTube, we do that too. Yeah, naked there too. Totally naked, naked everywhere. Thanks everyone for listening. It was good for you.

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