Sex With Emily - Hot Sex: Holiday Edition

Episode Date: December 12, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is joined by producer Jamie and they’re giving you some tips to keep the holidays as sexy as they are jolly! They discuss ways to keep your sex lives hot during the holidays – literally and figuratively, tell you which pleasure products will make the best gifts – from stocking stuffers to the bigger stuff, and why the holidays are the perfect time of year to ask for what you want in the bedroom. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Uberlube, Magic Wand, Good Vibrations, Everlywell & SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Check out even more Sex With Emily on SiriusXMStars 109 Mon-Fri 5-7pm PST! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by producer Jamie, and we're giving you some tips to keep the holidays as sexy as they are, jolly. Topics include, ways to keep your sex lives hot during the holidays, literally and figuratively. Which pleasure products make the best gifts, from stocking stuffers to the bigger stuff?

Why the holidays are the perfect time of year to ask for what you want in the bedroom, and ways to embrace what your turn-ons are because who doesn't want to be turned on. All this and more, our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a bike on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com. You can also find our podcast everywhere you listen to podcasts. We love when you comment and subscribe. It really helps us when you subscribe on iTunes. We love that.

And also, if you haven't heard the news, I've been doing a show on Series XM Radio, Stars Channel 109. And it's amazing. It's Monday through Friday, 5-7 Pacific, 8-10 Eastern. And it's been amazing because you are calling in every night. I can answer your questions. Take your calls five nights a week. Same kind of thing, helping you with your sex and relationship questions. If you don't have serious, you can answer your questions, take your calls five nights a week. Same kind of thing, helping you with your sex and relationship questions.

If you don't have serious, you can get a free trial at sexwithemily.com slash SXM, but still doing the podcast, so not to worry there. You can also find us on social media. It's at sexwithemily across the board. Okay, I'm excited to be here with my producer, Jamie, and we're gonna be talking a whole lot of sex stuff. Lou. Hello, we're talking holidays. We'll also be answering your emails,

but holidays can be stressful. Stressful time of year. And we know that sex can be a huge stress reliever. Anxiety, there's so much anxiety and stress, yet we often can put sex on the back burner. We might do that throughout the year and we're stressed, but especially during the holidays. So we want to give you some tips

about how to keep it interesting, right? Because as we think, I am so stressed out, sex is the last thing on my mind, or I'm just so tired, sex is the last thing I mind, or I'm just so hungry, sex is the last thing I mind. or I'm just so hungry, sex is the last thing I mine. I think a lot of us delay sex, but here's the thing. We forget a lot, first of all, how important it is to actually have sex with our partners.

We think we'll get back to it, we'll get back to it, but it's so much easier just to maintain. And you might forget this, but once you get started having sex, they ever really regret it? I don't think I ever have. You never been like, God damn it, why do we just have hot sex? No, right? Unless you're having issues in that department maybe.

True. Unless it wasn't great sex. But I always say it's like going to the gym. The hardest part is getting out the door and then you don't regret that either. The gym. Getting your shoes on, getting out the door. So the same thing with sex. So it's about keeping sex top of mind and thinking about it in a more positive way.

Not like it's gonna be a burden or a drag or how we gonna find time, but start thinking about sex like we, how you need sex. And this could also goes for masturbation. I agree because I'm trying to, I'm like, you know, when you think about sex, like, oh, like, you don't have time for sex.

Like this is just gonna like, you know, I'm not feeling it right now. It's not gonna make you feel good, but if you're like, oh don't have time for sex. Like this is just gonna, like, you know, I'm not feeling it right now. It's not gonna make you feel good, but if you're like, aw, sex. It's great. I just like having it. I think it's good, even if you don't have it that day, I just feel like it kinda makes you feel better.

Yeah, it's true. And yes, and think about the sex you previously had, maybe, or sex that you want to have with your partner. So even if you just think about it this way that if you're like, well, there's no time, the holidays are so crazy, it can be 20 minutes, 20 minutes of sex. How much time are you spending and maybe even wasting on other things, like how much time do you spend on social media today? How much time do you spend on social media today? Mm-hmm. How much time do you spend on holiday shopping? You could just say, you know what,

I'm gonna prioritize sex, put in the schedule and make sure that it happens. Yeah, just put it in your calendar even. You don't have to call it sex in case you're worried someone's gonna look at it or masturbation, just be like me, time, or us, time, or something. Exactly, just something because then you'll think like, you might not realize this over time,

but I actually track these kind of things when I don't have sex or even don't have orgasm. I've talked about this, but if I don't masturbate for a while and I do, I'm like, oh yeah, orgasm, it's so good. It really does. All that stuff we talk about, how it boosts your, well, it does boost your immune system orgasm, but it also, the serotonin, like all the feel good feelings you

get from an orgasm actually can shift your mood. So even if you just take a deep breath and you pause and you realize it, well, wait, sex, I'm not going to think negatively about sex or I'm not going to be stressed out that my part of one sex, but you breathe and you're like, oh, I'm talking to mess up my schedule. I have time for it, it's important. She's gonna remind you guys all the stress. Make some time for the sexiness. And then we've got some tips for you guys for the holidays. Some sex tips for the holidays,

when again, it might not be as convenient, but it's also really cold out, even here in LA, it's cold today. It's weird when it rains here. It is weird. Cold and like, I don't have a raincoat or an umbrella, I'm ill-prepared. I thought I had a lot of cute winter-type clothes

and I realized that I don't. A lot of cute winter-type clothes. No, yeah. I mean, it's warm here. Yeah, because it never gets too cold, so it's like, you know me, I only have basically leggings as pants. I have like maybe one pair of jeans that I I never seen you in jeans and I

Just don't like to wear them. Do you have a patting Tim bear raincoat like a yellow raincoat? No, but I really want I just had an image of you want and it like I feel like have I seen you in a yellow raincoat And I don't know why that just popped in my head I feel like have I seen you in a yellow raincoat? And I don't know why that just popped in my head. Paddington Bear. You know those paddington. I was like, I think I've seen Jamie one, but maybe not.

Me and my dreams. It's so funny because there's this song, it's like some techno song that's weird, but it's like something like spreading love like a Paddington Bear and it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it like some tackles song?

My least favorite kind of music. I know. I know. Which is contentious in my current relationship. But we won't get into that. So, ways to enjoy. So here's, we legitimately had a conversation. We was like, I just, I count the minute, the seconds when you get in my car, I count to 15,

and you're gonna tell me to change it. I'm like, then why would you play it? We have mutually agreed upon music. It's like the deep trance stuff. I just don't like it. Makes me anxious. Do you like that music? I do.

But I like, you could rock drive around with him. In the rain. I like all the music, all the music, wow. I like all the genres. The music. Right. I've lately, I like stuff that I can sing to so anything that I can sing along to is yeah I like sing along to the 80s the 70s even 80s to the best that's

why I listen to unserious when I'm not listening to stars but anyway music oh and then there was a not speaking of music interesting sex in the music came out recently about how playing music we've talked a lot about music during sex, but actually, wasn't there a study that said if you play music during sex, there's just more pleasure, more orgasms, more connection with your partner, because it's another, like, you're less distracted by outside noises and whatever's happening and it can kind of get you in that groove. And it was certain types of music. Yeah.

And then I think, too, you both can kind of find it helps you find a Mutual rhythm. Yeah, mutual rhythm from the music. Yeah I'm not interesting because every time there is music when I'm having sex if it's not techno music I I feel like it's I'm like oh should do that more. It's so easy now it playlists and everything you know I'll put a CD in no it's true like I'm a CD in. No, it's true. Like, ever like, CD player stuck, that doesn't happen anymore. Okay, so the other thing is just reminiscing, music down, music lame.

So some tips for the holidays, if you are, I think shower sex is fun for the holidays, if you've got relatives staying with you or you're just busy and you guys are well, then we don't have a lot of time, like a let's hop and the shower and it's cold out. Yeah. So take a warm shower. Like a really hot shower.

Keep the steam going. Maybe like let it get hot before you get in it. So there's already a lot of steam. Yeah. Things like that. I think that would be really cool. Me too. We love the sport cheats sex in the shower line.

It essentially makes shower sex exactly what you wanted it to be before you probably had some ill-conceived shower sex sessions because sometimes are ill-executed. So as we have shower sex, it's like, now it's great as we think. But we sex in the shower helps you from falling over. Yeah, which is a real thing. It's like, people fall over and go to the emergency room.

And you don't want to do that. No, so they have these really cool, the bar that you can put your hands up on, comes up the wall easily, the vibrating mesh sponge. I think it's one of the most genius inventions. It's a mesh sponge with a vibrator on it. Exactly. And upset. Just play around with each other while washing each other.

Yeah, leave and just be a massage in your partner's back. You don't have to get it all, but it could be fun. It's a place for pets and privacy too. Yeah, and I think it's fun because you can't really, like, you could, the vibrator, like hides itself in the sponge. And even the footrest, it's like, yeah, I use it to shave my legs or with a handle. It's like, I'm lazy. Right. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't you can't tell what it is, but actually, you put your foot on it, you put

your hand up on it, and it's like that brace. So you don't fall. That's the point of the sex of the shower line. It's brilliant. And people aren't going to be like, why is this sex stuff in your shower? It's like, you're not going to be able to tell. It's incognito sex stuff in your shower, and she does shave her legs in her little shower bar. So get creative. I think I left it at my parents' house, though, and I. When you moved. It's incognito sex stuff in your shower and she be does shave her legs and her little shower bar

So get creative. I think I left it at my parents house, though, and I when you moved yeah, hopefully they're using it Either for sex or shaving. No that bathroom. But like doesn't get used now. Oh, it's like Jamie Jamie Jamie left the nest. She left her parents in empty nest, but that's okay. You need to move on Okay, so then after you get out of the shower, if you choose this adventure, use misaged candles. I haven't talked about misaged candles in a while, really, because I don't know why,

but I've really been, have a refound love for them. They are cool, you guys, if you haven't used them yet, it's because I used to have my own misaged candles. That's why. I had my own line years ago. We need to make a new one. We need to make a new one. I would love to make it, but I do love the Jimmy J ones or the Donna massage candles are

great. You can find these on our website. We do have a new store that you can check out, powered by good vibrations, which is my favorite sex place. I have to say, I just grew up there. My mom let me run around now, kidding, but when I used to have to say, I just grew up there. My mom let me run around now, Katie, but when I was there, I loved it. But you night massage canals, how they work as you like them, if you don't know, you light a candle. They have amazing

sense. You know, you even light it for a little foreplay when you're hanging out with your partner and then you blow it out and it turns into this really luxurious massage oil. It's not like messy, waxy hot, you don't burn your partner, and then you just pour it on them. And you give a little sensual massage, and that is another thing to deal with the stress over the holidays. I mean, what's more relaxing than a massage?

I know, I'm thinking I should, maybe take a good massage course. I know we've recommend this to a lot of people, like you can take them online now too. Yeah. That is a great thing to do with a partner. Take a massage course or find a masseuse you know to a lot of people like you can take them online now too. Yeah. Like that is a great thing to do with a partner. Take a massage course or find a masseuse you know and have them come over and teach you

like I think I think sometimes people can be like, oh I'm not sure how to do it. It would be weird, but you just need like it's like literally one or two strokes. Like you just don't do it on the spine. Like there's certain things you avoid and then you just use your hands and you do some kneading and it just feels really good. And then the warmth of the oil beneath you, you can just kind of slip rein, you can roll around together in the sheets. I always forget too, because like giving just like a dry massage,

like how much because it's not bad, it's still fine. Like any time your partner or someone's touching you, like, I just, I like that. But I'm like, when I I use oil, it feels, it's first of all, it's easier to give the massage. That's the other thing. You can't really mess up if you use really good massage oil lotion, something. So it's easier to give the massage in

than it just feels nicer for them, I'm sure. Absolutely, like essential oils. Now they've like CBD massage oils. There's a lot you could do with it. So I say, even just for a few minutes, we also know that it's, it's just relaxing. So if you've been in that relationship and you're just like, never in the mood, like just give each other 10 minute massages, you'll be, and just keeps things nice and toasty. The massage canals.

So those are some ways to reduce stress over the holidays, but here's some ways you can really get what you want for the holidays. I think it's a perfect time to actually ask for what you want. To finally get that sex that you want, we've got some great ways to facilitate that. Yeah, why not get a regular gift and a sex gift? I think you should always.

I only give sex gifts, it's true. Not to, yeah, to most people I only give. So even my mom, we just send her some love. So yeah, give sex gifts. And so another good thing is we actually are having some fun here. We were like, I really want to give listeners a variety this year of just some gifts that you could buy, some you could make, some you could just, and that will also advance your sexual agenda.

So great time to do the old sexual bucket list. We're each writing down a few things that you want to try and then you swap it. This is just so you can go into the new year knowing that we've got a plan in place to prioritize our pleasure in 2019. And the bucket list is where you reach for down three things you've been wanting to try. It could be a fantasy, it could be more making out, spanking. You might even be surprised that there might be some overlap in your lists.

Yes, that's where you start. You start with the overlap. So that's fun. Also, sex toys, let's get into it. Gifting vibrators, pleasure products to yourself or your partners, even your friends. Yeah, I mean, I think a couple of years ago, if I were to be like, to give, you know, besides my one,

I have one friend that would always have been down for vibrators or sex things. I think a couple years ago some of my friends are still a little like, eh, but now I think all of them would be like just yeah, totally bring me, Lou, and bring me stuff, like bring me things. I bring, yeah, yeah, it's, who doesn't want Lou, but if they don't know about Lou yet, like you're opening up their whole world to a slippery, sensual world of Loub. So I think, yeah, bring Lou, bring Toys. We love the Vespa necklace by Crave. That's a great gift for you. You haven't seen it. It's like an elegant vibrator of necklace. It's been around now for a few years and

it still always tops my list. I've given it to so many girlfriends and friends and they just can't, like whenever I go to them, they're like, oh my god like they can't believe it exists It's waterproof rechargeable you could wear it in the shower because where it is a as a layering necklace No one knows what it is even if you don't Ever end up using it as a vibrator. It's just a really cool necklace Yeah, it's a talking piece. You're like, oh, what is that and you could choose to tell them or not? They have it and a few colors and it's great. Like they rose gold and silver.

So that's fun. The other thing you guys, we have a new subscription box. And I love it. We're doing it with good vibes now. And it's four times a year. So it's quarterly. What I thought about is what a great gift for your partner because it's like you're getting a little hint every few months

Mm-hmm of things that you could do in your relationship like you're like oh things have gotten stale It's you know it's March and then here comes the box. So this latest box is gonna have bondage tape Which I love which is an easy to use way to tie your partner off. It's like disposable tape a rabbit vibrator The rabbit vibe the rabbit vibe. The rabbit vibe? The one from... Vibratex. Vibratex.

A massage candle. Oh, there you go. Let's have sex later card and some lube, and I think a few other things, but that's a really fun box. And I was thinking, put a great wedding gift. Yeah, oh my God. I was thinking, how great is that as a gift

that you could give to someone and just give them the gift of sex? You know it's gonna be challenging. They can open it up on their honeymoon. Exactly. I do like the fact that it comes every so cordial that's every three months. Yes. I know basic math and It kind of if you forget like if you're one of those people because it does you know life is busy whatever And you've kind of like sex maybe took like a back seat or you forgot like you're just gotten to a routine. It like it comes in the mail and you're like, oh okay, let's try something new. We're like, oh yeah, we haven't had been having sex lately. Let's see

what's in this box. Right. I'll wait for you to come home or you know, let them know that it arrived. It's exciting. Yeah. I like the let's have sex later card. The let's have sex later card and you can hide it somewhere and say like put it in there, you know, pocket or something or. What if they never find it and you're just like, well, I guess we're never having sex again. Exactly, you're right, you're not that good, exactly. Oh well, don't take it personally.

Then we also have Loub, you guys, these are some stocking stuffers. Throw some Loub in, there's a lot of great little bottles. Joe makes the great flavored Loubs, which I love for rural sex. And just, yeah, throw some loob for the whole family. Yeah, the little, not the whole family, but, you know, the ones over 18.

I like the little tiny, the Uber loop, they look like little panguitas. Those are so cute, yes. They're really cute. That way too, it's not like you're giving someone like this giant bottle of loob, but you're just kind of like, hey, here you go. Oh, I love the little, yeah, it's beautiful too.

It's very elegant loob, the Uber loop. They're screaming over, screaming over penis rings. If you haven't tried it, and you don't want to step up to like a more intense, rechargeable, they have the ones that are like, throw away that you could use in once, disposable. And also, they have a line of vibrators that I've been really impressed by screaming over.

They're very cost efficient, and they're really fun looking. And they work well. And so you can also check those out on our site, but the great penis rings and all that. I think it's funny. I have a lot of fun this year. I'm like envisioning the screaming O stuff and it just makes sense. To me, it just looks like the perfect thing to put in a sexy stocking stuff or type thing.

Because one, a lot of the penis rings are actually like white and red. So that's already Christmas colors. Yeah, that's true. There you go. It's a Christmasy kind of vibe. On a Christmas vibe, here you go. Exactly. So those are fun.

Check them out and then what other vibes? You know how we love our vibes. They're all on the site. Yeah, and I mean, there's like some, like I think, some little ones, like there's the Arya finger vibe, I think is like a great. Yeah, the Arya finger vibe. Yeah, it's like, it's a, and you can take,

you don't even need to use it as a finger vibe because it's like, it's just a little bullet. So you can just use the bullet yourself, but you can also put it in the little finger holder. So you can hold it on your hands, like, yeah, I love that. I want to get one of those. Those are great. There's one in the closet. Is that our? Yeah, oh, I'm stealing it. It's so funny because a few weeks ago

I loved the Wevibe touch and mine I lost it like I don't know where it went I moved I can't find it. I was like we only have one left Should I take it James? Like that is your sex toy closet And I just feel bad. I'm like well, we want to give it to people our listeners our friends But I did I took a new touch home. We've got a closet full, and I did not know that was in the closet. Okay, so there's just some fun toys. Laundry, you guys, can always be nice. I like what I've been gifted Laundry. So if some places Yancy, the website Yancy, has some that are just kind of fun and a little less expensive. There's Fredrick's of Hollywood,

Victoria's Secret. You know, I know that's an age old thing, Laundry, but I still think it's fun to get something that's sexy or maybe get certificate for you and you're part and to go shopping and try and Laundry together. Yeah, like, I think it's something that people like it's cliche or sometimes, but it's fun. Right, I think it's fun.

I need some more Laundry. Tell my last two. See, now I'm shopping for myself. UV, guys think it's fun. I need some more lingerie. Tell my list too. See now I'm shopping for myself. UV guys, UV is great. UV is the sanitation device. It cleans stores and sanitizes your toys. And I was thinking, because we said we're really thinking about this, you guys like, what would you guys like? Like what are some unique gifts? And UV is super cool because like I said, stores clean sanitize your toys. And it's great around the holidays because make sure that your toys are safely locked away

so you can parent proof and child proof your house if your parents are visiting. I have friends with kids and they've been like, oh, I would love that vibrator, but I have kids at home. And I'm like, first of all, do your kids if like cart blanche into every, and I get it though, kids go do things like, but they literally can open every drawer.

And I get it, I used to go to my parent's drawers when they were out. And we were fighting like half a joint, and my dad's drawer once. So anyway, I get it, but the UV locks up your toys and sanitizes them, sanitizes them in stores, and you can't tell what it is. And it cleans your phone, your jewelry, your makeup brushes. It's the coolest friggin' thing you guys. And it's a great gift.

There's also Jamie just found these. Oh, I was so excited. Because the thing is, we're not just like, oh, what are these random things? Like, no, we go on the websites, we look for stuff that we think is cute and good for you guys. And I found these, I swear they were not there

like yesterday. These Wevibe Ice Cube trays. So it's like the original couples toys, so the sync or the match or the unite, all different versions of that toy. You're like, I skewb trays in the shape of that. That's really cute. I want to get those for the office.

Why do we don't have those? I just want those, I think that's amazing. I like all the fun. Did we have a penis I skewb tray here once? And a boob I skew tray? Yeah, what happened to those? I don't know. People took up. Fun with I skewbs.

Fun with I skewbs? Also, you know one of my favorite tips is when you're doing the whole like oral sex and your partner, man or woman, you can give them blindfold and then play with hot and cold. So use the massage candle and then have a tray of ice cubes and play with ice. Play with different sensations.

That feels good. Games, you guys. We love these games. Creative Conceptions makes these really cool games. They're like sex games that you can play with your partner and I love them. This couple, they're a couple, they've been together a long time and they realized, I don't know when they started this company a lot, I think this company's been around a while. But they were like, you know, our sex life has gotten boring.

Let's play games. We were a game couple, like maybe they weren't a backgammon or whatever, monopoly. So they made really cool board games like with their f***ing that you might have seen because they have these a lot of the stores. But now I've really gotten to know them. There's one called Monogamy based on Monopoly and it's just a really fun game and if you actually learn a lot about your partner and it inspires you to to do a lot of sexy things during the game. Some are more like emotional based, like learning what you each want,

and some are like, do this now. Pull down your partner's pants, lick them from behind. So the menagerie once again, we were just playing together. Jamie and I were playing, what was the one that was, we were playing with the oral sex game as adorable.

There's one called oral sex, it's a board game, and you roll the die and then it moves you along the grid, and you just each time you're kind of escalating your oral sex game. Yeah, that one's fun too, because they just throw in some kind of stupid little trivia with it, but it's fun. Oh, that makes it fun.

So you can test each other's trivia on it and then- Like sex trivia. And then there's like different, like there's like certain spaces or like lips or a nice cube or a blindfold and it's like in the thing if you're like as you progress through the board, it gets more and more like- Steamier. Steamier, yeah. Exactly.

So that's fun. And I think that games just like how a lot of couples listen to my podcast together, which I love because it helps you guys go, well, I'm Lee said it. And let's discuss what she said. We want, we want to try it. Games are the same kind of thing. It can facilitate a lot of those, a lot of those acts or conversations or things that you've been wanting to have in your relationship or to know that you want in your relationship and you're doing it over a game. Because sex is fun.

It takes a pressure off because then it's not your idea, it's like someone else's idea. Exactly. Well, the game says you have to go down on me for 10 minutes. So, whatever the game says. And Emily says, okay, and then finally creative ideas. You can make your own advent calendar, but with sexy stuff instead of chocolate. Like each day you have a pull out a note that says, I think that's like the best idea. I mean, and you can either put in like I think maybe like you know if some of the stuff for stocking stuff or as it could be like a little cock ring thing from screaming, or whatever, or, and I, you know,

don't make it feel like you have to make sure that it's just like fucking sex. Every day. Every day, like it could be just like a hot make out session for 10 minutes. Yeah, it could be a little note that says today, we make out for 10 minutes. It's really creative too.

Things you want to try, it could be a date thing. Like tonight we're going to do this thing, but you pull out the note or the toy or the thing. Yeah, I think that that's like such a cute little idea. Kind of like, yeah. We should make one. We should make one. We should have a craft day.

All right, guys, those are, oh, crafty. I know, let's do crafts. Okay, guys, those are holiday ideas. I hope you guys are all doing well and having a happy holiday season. And we're here to support you as always. So we're gonna get into your emails and everything we talked about, you can find our website, sexfamily.com, click on the shop page and have a good time.

Okay, we are going to take a quick break and we come back, I'm going to get into your emails. Okay, guys, via your back, you via your back. I love answering your questions. You know I do, you know I do. If you want a question answered on the show, go to sexelmy.com, click Ask Emily Tab, fill it the form, and check the yes box if you'd like to be called. Side note, on the Serious XM show, Monday through Friday, if you don't have serious, you could call us, AAA947,277 and ask your question, because I'm there like two hours a night

helping out better sex. That's just a side note. You can also just email directly your questions, feedback at sexwithmv.com. Most important thing, your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, so this first email is from Braden, 25 in Nevada. Dear Emily, me and my wife have been happily married for four years now and have been together. Eight, our sex life is great, but I've recently been wanting to explore new things that we can bring into our sex life, specifically toys that she can use on me and I can use on her, flashlights, vibrators, plugs, etc. The issue I'm running into is rejection. I don't want to feel

like I'm a purve, or make her feel she's not good enough. Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Here's the thing, Braden. I totally get it. Bringing up sex toys is not easy. We all have fears that we're gonna be rejected,

especially like even sharing fantasies or where freighter partners are gonna think, oh my god, they're crazy and reject us. So really you wanna make it a conversation for both of you that you'd like to be you know Suggest that there's some fun things you guys could try out to you know keep your sex life Spicy and hot and so you could ask her say hey, and I thought you what would you like to do? Let's talk about our sex life. Let's let's prioritize our pleasure. So what do you think?

Have you ever thought about this and she's gonna be like no, I don't know I thought about it or maybe she does have ideas, but you could say, have you thought about vibrators or sex toys or anything else? And then she's like, no, or I heard those were bad or doesn't mean what are people's objections to toys? We don't need them. That's like my fear. I'm like, really? There's nothing about need. I'm not saying like, you need it, but it just adds something else. And for a lot of people, we do, like, it helps with orgasms, it helps with pleasure. So let's just say she's like,

oh, no, I haven't really thought about it. You guys can go to a local store together and go shopping, which can be so fun. You could also go online, go shop on my store online, and click around together so she can kind of see what it's about. So this way, it's something that you're an activity that you're both into, and then you look forward

to the package coming, and it's a fun combo. And I also want to tell you, and this is everyone else, that it might not go well the first time. Just because they're like, nope, nope, I'm not going to answer that. We're done. You can listen to that. And then you can bring it up again. Maybe not that day, but soon. And just say, okay, I heard that you were upset about this, but it's really my intention is That I just thought maybe you know that we would do something together that could make it interesting and spice it up So I just think what I'm saying is a lot of times our partners say one thing Are they shoot us down and then we never try again? And I think if you've never brought an ever talked about this to her

Maybe she had a bad experience with a vibrator. Maybe she heard they were bad or who knows what so just know that you got to Keep trying keep going your intentions are right and Eventually I'm sure she's gonna realize that yes sharing some new sexual experiences with her husband is very important. Thanks for that Joey from who's 35 from Canada writes hi Emily. I'm married with no kids My wife does not know the situation I'm about to ask I know that I'm a straight male because I'm only attracted to women and even lose my arousal when I watch porn show and naked guys. That being said, there is only one guy that I'm sexually attracted to and the strange thing

is that guy is myself. I get arous looking at my naked body in the mirror and I need to watch myself in the mirror when I masturbate. In fact, one of my sex fantasies is meeting an exact identical clone or copy of myself and making love to him. I've been experiencing this since I was a teen. I want to know if there are other people out there in the same strange situation, and do you have an explanation for this?

PS, can you please recommend the most delicious edible lube you know that's available here in Canada? Okay, oh this is a great question. First of all, I'm just thinking like, hashtag self-love. Like, I wish that I got this email line. I love this. I think it's totally great that you are aroused by yourself. There's zero wrong with this. And I'd love to get this from women too.

I feel like women could, there's a lot of women who I think, we work a lot on a body image and self esteem. And I just think I want you all to look in the mirror when you're having sex. It's really hot or just use a mirror and watch yourself masturbate. So Joey, I love that you know that you're rised by yourself, nothing wrong with it at all. Maybe you are a little bit of a boy or an exhibitionist, you know, but you want to watch yourself.

So I think that's hot and I say also embrace this and have sex with your wife in front of the mirror. That's something that I've revisited lately of my partner. I'm like, I forgot how hot mirror sex is. It's kind of like your own porn, but you don't have to record it and nothing's like going to get on the, you know, interwebs. So you just do it. It's a great way to spice it up. So I think you're good to go here and I think it's great. And hopefully that'll inspire some listeners to fall in love with your sexual self. The fleshlight ice also, you can see your penis in the masturbation sleeve. So

that's just a suggestion. You might want to check that out. If you're really into it, you can see through it to your penis. As far as edible loob, I have to say you guys, the best edible loob I believe are from System Joe because they're flavors. I used to have a really think, oh, God, edible, you know, flavored loob is bad tasting and these are bad taste. They have perfected it. They have gelato flavors. It's like hazelnut espresso, salted caramel and it really tastes that way. Like I've like almost down to bottle of salted caramel.

As well as water-based flavors like watermelon and peach and that's Jamie loves the watermelon. Mmm, it's my favorite. Your favorite. She uses it all the time. So that's what we recommend there. All right, have fun with yourself and your wife. I like your questions. Very inspiring. I really, I get really turned on by myself. You do? Yeah, I mean, I don't know. But I use the thing I'm like, that might be slightly narcissistic, but I also don't care.

But in a good way, no. The good kind of narcissism is that you can look in the mirror and be like, I'm a sexy hot person. I love it. I didn't even took a selfie this morning. You did in bed? No, it was like by the mirror. I love my new room. I'm just like obsessed with it.

And there's like just like a walkway down to the mirror. So it's like, hmm. I love this. Anyways, Courtney, who's 26 and Cincinnati writes, Hi Emily, a love listening to your show and it gives me more confidence in my sexuality. I have a serious boyfriend that I've been dating since March. Everything is great, and I have never felt so strongly about someone so quick we share everything together.

The one thing that I'm personally struggling with is our sex life we haven't had sex yet. I told him I wanted to wait until we really got to know each other and then let him know a month and a half or two months in that I was ready, but then he never tried. I was the one trying. He finally sat me down, said he was having sexual anxiety about our first time being intimate, and he took it upon himself to see a therapist, but I'm still having a hard time understanding the concept. Is this common? What can I or should I do? And how do I keep myself a steam up?

And what can we do as a couple? Thanks Courtney for this question. I'm so glad the show is giving you confidence in your sexuality and I don't want this boyfriend to take it away from you because I promise you, promise you, whatever is going on with him has nothing to do with you, like zero to do with you. If you guys have been together,

you're a healthy couple in your 20s, he's got something else going on. So I am so glad he's seeing a therapist that will certainly help him. So he might have something in the past that has happened. Performance anxiety is so real. I think we all have performance anxiety. And maybe he has an x-axis before or a lot of sex. We don't know yet, but know that it is not you. The fact that he's actually made the effort and he's going to therapy It's huge. It's huge for anyone to actually make that step and it's so important He can still give you pleasure though. So are you guys still you know doing stuff or all are you playing around making out? I mean all that stuff you have to remember you guys it's not just about the old in and out that

All that stuff, you have to remember you guys, it's not just about the old in and out that foreplay is a really good time and it's a way to still have that intimacy and just let them know that you're here with him for the journey if you're really to wait it out and he's nothing to worry about, you're here and you're excited to be intimate with him once he figures it out. So hopefully he's gonna make some progress in this now.

Also remember that these are the kind of things too that months can go by and you're like, oh my god, it's still going on. So I think this, we want to see a little bit of progress sooner than later. And hopefully he's going to be opening up to you and you're just going to actually bring you guys closer. So thanks Courtney for the question. All right.

This next one is from a Kevin. No age or location was given. Did not follow the news. Fine. We'll still answer it. All right. He writes, hi Emily. Just started listening to your show recently and I found it to be engaging and informative.

Keep up the great work. Here's my question. I've always had normal relationships in a sex life, however, I discovered something recently that is a real turn-on for myself, and I don't really know why. It's when a woman is all done up in cosplay costume or makeup, for example, Alphaba, Tigra, a clown, which I don't like clowns, but to each alone. Alphaba, Tigra, a clown, which I don't like clowns, but to each of you. I occasionally will get into a full costume or make up myself, not even referring to Halloween. I don't want to scare off potential feature relationships

just by talking about a subject like this, things that turn you on. So how do I go about trying to explore this and meet women who might be interested in roleplay? Thank you for your time. Okay, I think there's nothing wrong with this at all. I mean, there's a wrong with this at all. I mean, there's a reason why it cosplay,

I mean, there must be cosplay groups, right? Isn't so much about cosplay about, you know, meeting other like minded cosplay people. So I'm sure there's like conventions and meetups. So this could be really fun for you. I love someone who knows exactly what turns them on. So really, it's about going out with someone, if you meet someone you like and asking them,

like, what kind of things turned you on? What are you into? Because I have to say, you would all be really surprised when you have a very honest, authentic conversation with someone about sex and that you actually know what you want. There's a lot of people who are sort of not sure, maybe they say, oh God, I love dressing up. That could be hot.

Let's dress up and roleplay. So make it like a conversation. You don't have to get into specifically what you're into, but you could just say I think dressing up is hot. Or have you ever dressed up or let me know what you think. So you ease into the conversation. And I am a huge fan of roleplay for couples. So I will, again, I wouldn't worry about it.

And it's part of me thinks you guys. I don't think you lead with it if you're just having a first coffee date, but I do think that it's better sooner than later to figure out if our partner is a sexual match for us, for all of us, why save yourself some time, find out if they're going to be down with what you're going to be down with. So I don't think this will be that hard to find out, Kevin, just be honest, what you're into, dressing up, doing some fun things in the bedroom and see what happens. It'll help you with your confidence and it'll help you continue to know that you are on

the track with what you're into. This one is from Stacy, 37 in Canada. Hi Emily, thank you for taking the time to read my email. I appreciate all the work you do for your listeners. My boyfriend and I took a four month break after dating for 15 months. I'm 37, he's 38. Reconnected and have been intimate again for about four weeks. We've always had a fantastic sex life. I'm 37, he's 38, re-connected and have been intimate again for about four weeks.

We've always had a fantastic sex life, however, since we've been back together, he's only able to last a few minutes before ejaculating both with manual stimulation and vaginal intercourse. Prior to breaking up, he would last on average 15-20 minutes. I'm not complaining, as he's still making sure I'm 100% satisfied each time, however, he's expressed that this is frustrating him. What do you think? Why do you think this has changed for him over the last few months that we were apart? And do you have any suggestions to help bring his stamina back up to how it used to be without

making him feel even more insecure? Okay, well it sounds to me like Stacey that it's probably has to do with the fact that I don't know why you guys broke up But maybe he's a little anxious getting back with you because he's really excited that you guys are back together And so he wants it to be great I mean a lot of PE especially because he wasn't he wasn't coming too quickly before This sounds like a case of anxiety like he's sort of worried. It's gonna happen Maybe it happened the first time and then it's only been four weeks So I think he's gonna get back to how it was and he's probably just in his head.

To bring back his stamina, here's a thing I'm bringing your stamina back. I mean, well, the first thing is just to let him know that it's okay. Like, it's cool, babe. You know, see if he can get going again, too. There were a fractured period for a lot of guys, you know, you just stop, you know, he comes

and then he keeps going down on you and you guys make out for a while and then you go back to it. So that's some things. And I think by the time we've answered this, I think you guys are gonna be back on track, is my gut. But for to help guys with their stamina is really on their own when they're masturbating

to practice the stop and start method or edging where they're getting, where they're masturbating and then right when they're about to ejaculate, they stop and then they go back down again, they slow down and they get up again, where they're gonna masturbate and they where they're gonna calm and theyulate, they stop, and then they go back down again, they slow down, and they get up again, where they're going to masturbate, and they're going to calm, and they stop, they slow down. And that's a great way for men to kind of learn their ejaculatory control.

So they call it the stop start method or edging, and also doing cagedles exercises really helps guys last longer. Those are my recommendations. I don't think you'd make them insecure if you just tell them that it's all fine, and you want to work with them on this. And let's have some fun with it and you guys could even do some mutual masturbation where he's not letting himself come and you're not letting yourself come and you make it part of your sex jam together How you guys have sex together?

Okay, you guys. Okay guys. We're out of time here today. Happy holidays. Look forward to hearing from everybody And I'm sending you lots and lots of love. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com.