Sex With Emily - Hotline Calls: Is My Kink Normal?

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

I’m answering my listeners’ most personal sex and relationship questions LIVE today. Can you only orgasm with straight legs? I’ve got positions and recommendations to help you get there. Nervous... that chastity play is giving your partner delayed ejaculation? I ease your worries and help you collaborate with your partner for mutually fulfilling sex. Plus, we get into other kinky calls like erotic lactation and anal sex. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to teach your body new ways to orgasm Common causes of vaginal pain About chastity play and penis cage safety See the full show notes at Show Notes: How to Initiate Sex LELO Hugo 2 Remote (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off sitewide) SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I would say in 2024 maybe there still is a lot of taboo around anal sex, but I'd just like to get to the point where we all just get to explore it and see does this feel good to me? Do I enjoy it? Can I let go of limiting beliefs I have around it or even bad experiences I had in the past and start to build up, go slow, explore, and see what feels good. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.
Starting point is 00:00:34 I love today's show because I'm speaking to my listeners live and helping them answer their most personal, sex, and relationship questions. Like, can you only orgasm with straight legs? Well, not to worry, I've got positions and recommendations to help you get there. Nervous that chastity play is giving your partner delayed ejaculation?
Starting point is 00:00:54 Well, I help ease your worries and help you collaborate with your partner for mutually fulfilling sex. Plus, we get into other kinky calls like erotic lactation and anal sex. Lot happening in today's episode. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to this show. It really helps us get the show out to more people and we read all your reviews and we
Starting point is 00:01:16 so appreciate you. My new article How to Initiate Sex is up on Check that out. A lot of you are always asking, like, how do I make the move? That's gonna help you out. Are there one? Enjoy this episode. Well, enter one of my personal favorites, the key to longer more gratifying encounters, permessence award-winning products.
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Starting point is 00:03:12 This is Donna. She's 33 in Kansas. Hey, Donna. It's Dr. Emily. Thanks so much for calling in. How can I help you? Hi, Dr. Emily. I have no problem getting to the magical O during solo play.
Starting point is 00:03:28 I am a vulva owner and usually my partner is your penis owner. And when I am with a partner, it does typically take longer and things to your help and all your advice, like I've grown to accept that and not beat myself up over that anymore. But I have learned that there are positions for girly's like me who finish better or faster or just in general with my leg straight instead of bent. But I've only
Starting point is 00:03:55 only found one position so far and it seems like a lot of positions are for bent legs. And I was just wondering if you had like one, two, five, ten different recommendations that I could finish with a partner with my legs kept straight. Okay. Well, thank you for your question. And I just want you to know this is really, really common. That for a lot of women, this is how we learned to orgasm. We have one way that we learn during masturbation, because what happens is when our legs are straight, this changes the position of your pelvis and the clitoris. So with your legs straight,
Starting point is 00:04:35 your clitoris is more prominently upward than if the legs are bent. So when you're straight, you're tight in your pelvic floor, you're clenching this whole area, your muscles are working together, right? And you're squeezing, and then you can have this orgasm. And it's amazing. And that's super common and all good. I definitely have some positions for you, which I will get to, but I also wanna invite you to start to explore on your own.
Starting point is 00:05:00 Yeah, like what else could possibly feel good when you're masturbating? Because a lot of penis owners do this as well. They have the one way they masturbate with their hands, and it can be sometimes more challenging for them to orgasm with a different kind of pressure or grip. So for you, you get to now learn other ways. If you're interested, so masturbation,
Starting point is 00:05:20 you could start with your legs straight and start to feel that arousal as you're clenching your legs together because what we're doing is you're also pumping your pelvic floor muscles. So you're sort of like it's a pumping and you're able to squeeze and tensing and relaxing. So that's great, but if you start that way, then you can start to breathe, you'll feel the arousal and then see what happens if you bend your legs a little bit. See if you can still have that kind of arousal and then you can straighten your legs again and bit. See if you can still have that kind of arouse on, then you can straighten your legs again,
Starting point is 00:05:46 and then you can bend them again. And just play around with different sensations because perhaps that could be the way that you start out, and then you'll find that there's actually other ways because the cool thing is having a vulva, we have so many nerve endings. And so those are the ones that you've learned to specifically stimulate effectively and efficiently.
Starting point is 00:06:06 But then there's other ones that you can explore in your own. Okay. Okay, I will say curious because you challenged me to produce that. I love it. Well, it sounds like you listened to the show and you're, you know, you know, that it does take some, you know, you're not going to feel bad about that. That's the only way you can orgasm. I'm just suggesting to you. Okay, so one way to feel bad about that. That's the only way you can orgasm. I'm just suggesting to you. Okay. So, one way to do it is missionary.
Starting point is 00:06:28 Missionary position with your legs straight can also be really hot for a penis owner because when you're on your back and your legs are tighter together and you're squeezing, that pressure could feel amazing on his penis. And they actually like that position too, or they can. You could also do a flatter doggy style with your legs together. Laying down on your stomach. You could put a pillow underneath you like use a body pillow so you can elevate to a little bit your chest and your pelvic floor area, your stomach. Just play with pillows. I'm telling you we do not use pillows enough because
Starting point is 00:07:03 they completely change up the position. And then also you could try spooning. Even though spooning your legs are usually closer in, you could also do it that way. Those were some of the top, you could also do your legs straight on your partner's shoulders. You could be in missionary and your partner could be, you could put them over your head or you can put them on one shoulder or the other shoulder. A bold of his shoulders like, you could take your legs, cross them even so they're tighter and put it like on his right shoulder or his left shoulder. So, you're still having the squeezing, right? You could also put them over your head if you're flexible.
Starting point is 00:07:34 Well, that would be adventurous. You know. But it's 2024, why not? Exactly. So this is your goal. Your goal is to find other ways for solo play. And then try out some of these positions. Do you have a partner right now?
Starting point is 00:07:50 Yes. OK. The fun thing is our partners, the ones that we want to be with, the ones that have growth mindsets around sex, are excited that you're finding ways that feel good to you. He'll be down with experimenting. And then you'll see that you'll be able to adapt
Starting point is 00:08:04 in a lot of positions with your leg straight, if you so choose. Okay. Cool. Yeah, so first I need to try and make sure that it's not just straight legs. I can open my world up, but then also encourage different positions. Yeah, just for fun. Just see what happens. Yeah, just see what happens.
Starting point is 00:08:22 I don't want this feels good, right? Exactly. You want it to feel good to you and you want to kind of do some mindful masturbation where you're just not thinking about orgasm, you're thinking about what else could feel good to be right now? Where could I move my fingers that I haven't? Can I go slower? Can I, you know, take deeper breaths?
Starting point is 00:08:41 Can I move in different positions? And probably not being in a rush either. Cause it's usually like, I'm going to try and pencil this in right now, cause I need a dress relief. And so therefore leading to some creativity exploration isn't really on the docket. Yeah. No, I hear you need a carve out some time. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:09:03 If this is 2024, like, let's just talk about it, Donna, like making time for ourselves. We all talk about self pleasure or self care, but putting it on your calendar and saying, when am I gonna have a night at home? I'm gonna take a bath. I'm gonna take the time. I'm gonna explore.
Starting point is 00:09:18 I'm gonna, you know, use the body lotion that I love and I'm going to, you know, charge a new vibrator, use the lube or whatever it is that's for you. And then just taking time, and then when you're masturbating, like we said, you're gonna start with your leg straight, and then you can slowly bend them in as you're feeling more turned on in this, see what happens.
Starting point is 00:09:37 And then, yeah, the other positions are just, you know, missionary, flat doggy style, spooning, you know, your leg straight. See how it goes. I'm your partner, shoulder. I like it. I like it too. This is good. This is your year.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Let me know how it goes. We're here for you. OK, so keep me posted. Thank you for listening and calling in. I appreciate you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Thank you for your time.
Starting point is 00:09:59 I appreciate you. How great day. I love this question. It is so common for Volvo owners to have one way that they can orgasm. It's always rubbing their clitoris, and so they think, well, therefore, I can never have an internal orgasm. Or it's always on their stomach or always on their back. I'm just happy when you can have an orgasm.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Thank God that's amazing for a lot of vulva owners. We can't have orgasms or it's a little bit harder. So that's great. But then you can explore because you have 12,000 nerve endings between your legs. So let's just do the math here. There's probably a lot of them that are not being stimulated from this one way that you orgasm. And so for the majority of all the owners that do take time, just a few extra minutes with
Starting point is 00:10:38 the goal of exploration, seeing what else feels good. Taking your hands, moving on with your body, taking your hands moving over your body, your nipples, your inner thighs, you know, basically we're teasing ourselves and fighting out all the ways, all the pleasure zones we have, all the past to pleasure because we have them all over our bodies. This is from Josie, she's 57 in the UK. Hi Josie, it's Dr. Emily, thanks so much for calling in the UK. Yes, well, I actually am staying at the moment, Dr. Emily, because I'm on my holidays.
Starting point is 00:11:13 Oh, good. So I'm getting a little bit of winter sun before, you know, it really disappears. Oh, yeah, it's coming soon. Well, I'm glad you're doing it. What a great time to talk about sex and think about the new year as you're finishing out the vacation. Exactly. How could I help you?
Starting point is 00:11:32 What's going on? Right. So, Dr. Emily, what happened was I was married at 20. So, from the age of 19, I was married for 34 years with my husband for 37. And then he passed away a couple of years ago. Mae'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n fyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n ffyrti'n fyrti'n ffyrti'n fyrti'n fyrti'n f very into a male chastity, edging, love edging and sounding roads which I didn't know until a couple months ago that was even a thing. But when we're together, sex is very interesting, but he never ejaculate internally. So I'm wondering if all this male chastity and all this edging that he does has actually done something or is it a way of he's mostly ejaculate to me giving him
Starting point is 00:12:30 masturbation or sex but he could go for hours and I mean I know people don't that's a good thing but it's not okay well right well first off I love where you found yourself right now you know in this next day to life, finding someone that is really fun, you can play with in the bedroom. So here's the thing, have you ever talked to him about it? Because he might be okay with not having an orgasm. It sounds like that might be part of the pre-interview.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Okay, yeah, I mean, it's 20 back in 1980, whatever. Nima hasn't been speaking about sex, we had a very vanilla life. And as I said, you sort of dream about this stuff, you don't actually think it's out there. So we've had some really in-depth conversations about it and he loves the feeling of just about but then not... Oh, edging, right, okay. Yeah, then he loves that feeling so he gets a lot of pleasure he says and he says it's very rare, I mean not just with me, I've worked out it's not just a me problem, it's a him problem, so with past relationships it's been the same, but I feel the need he has to do it and then
Starting point is 00:13:37 eventually he'll go, oh I could go on now, let's not try. I just wondered if male trust in that can cause some sort of delayed ejaculation because when I've researched it, there's an awful lot of podcasts that are leading out there for premature ejaculation. Not that much out there about delayed ejaculation. Well, okay, so to get to your specific question is, is all of this play that he's doing, edging, which is actually the process of building towards orgasm and then bringing yourself back down so you don't orgasm. So getting on the edge of orgasm, and he likes to be dominated by you.
Starting point is 00:14:16 He wants to take a submissive role. He's super alpha in his life, but during sex, sex becomes like this really connected playground for him where you guys can play things out and BDSM. So it sounds like through all of that, that's part of his sexual arousal cycle is the power play between the two of you. And so what I'm just want to understand is orgasming might not be part of his process. It might be really hot for him to do all of these things and if he comes, he comes and if he doesn't, he doesn't. Now, I know you've been able to make him come with your
Starting point is 00:14:47 hand or with your mouth, who said, but also for some guys, he might be a delayed ejaculator. Now, delayed ejaculation is almost as common as premature ejaculation. And this is guys who take anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour to orgasm, even when they're with themselves typically, and they have the lifetime of this. And there's a lot of different reasons for it, just like premature ejaculation. We don't know if it's like a logical,
Starting point is 00:15:11 if it's a learned behavior, maybe he's been having sex for a long time too, he might have a pattern of his arousal. So it just means that that's just how he's patterned. I don't know if it's specifically because of what, he did, maybe he got into all of this stuff because he was a delayed ejaculator, right? Like you typically have a guy's a delayed ejaculator.
Starting point is 00:15:30 It's something that happens is from a young age. And so that would be something interesting to ask him. Yeah, ask him. Yeah, I'm talking about that because I just felt this sort of, as a woman, you can feel like you're not, it's new to me. Yeah, no. You're not an old and misrelationship. That is something not, it's new to me. Yeah, no. The real human organ is relationships.
Starting point is 00:15:45 It doesn't even use it sort of new to me, I'm thinking, is this like a learn closer? Is this just something he does? He doesn't seem to mind. He doesn't, you know, he's not saying he's not enjoying it. He's not coming back next week. It's, you know, it's just something he does. Okay. He's been in a very female like relationship before.
Starting point is 00:16:04 We're male traffickers being around, you know, some lady who liked controlling all that for him. Okay. So yeah, I just wondered whether that's sort of psychological or whether it's just, it doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter. Yeah, you know, you know, Josie, it doesn't matter. Like honestly, but I think definitely talked to him about it, but it sounds to me like you guys are having a good time and everything's going well. And what it sounds to you that everything you told me is that he's not really focused on his orgasm and if it happens, it happens. But what a great conversation to have with him because I also understand as a woman, we're
Starting point is 00:16:36 like, well, this is my job, but because it comes, is it really great sex? Does it mean I'm not doing enough? Am I not enough for him? And that's just, you know, chalk that up to all the misinformation or zero information we get about sex. Does it mean I'm not doing enough? Am I not enough for him? And that's just, you know, chalk that up to all the misinformation or zero information we get about sex. It's not always about that. I don't think that's very, very fair, because he's very much trying to, you know, from my logism. I'm a bit like to him. Forget it. Forget the goal. That's not a goal. I'm just, I enjoy all, you know, everything else is fantastic. Just don't worry about that side of things. I'm not worried about that. But perhaps we need to have a slightly more honest conversation.
Starting point is 00:17:11 But yeah, he's not worried. I'm not worried. Stop. Right. I mean, that's a great thing about Wisdom and being a little bit older is like, let's just have the conversation. Josie, you're saying that you don't care about your orgasm, but maybe you do. Maybe there's other ways you can orgasm that he gets to work on play with your orgasm. You said he gets off on that too. So I think there's a lot more fun and exploring you guys can do together. And I think this is going to be continued to be a really good time. I was like, I don't think I'm going to worry about him.
Starting point is 00:17:38 He's just worried about me and we just need to crack one together. Exactly. Josie, really, get out of our heads into our bodies and have a good time with this man and just have some frank conversations and then you'll know, right? Yeah, I think that's the issue. I think the issue is that you didn't even hate a lot.
Starting point is 00:17:55 I did listen to one of your podcasts that he has I was walking about, people being too much in their heads and I think that his issue is he didn't even hate and he's thinking about it. But right, so my main question was the chastity that hasn't caused it. The chastity of having his penis locked up into a cage,
Starting point is 00:18:11 let's ask him. We don't know if it's like chicken and egg thing here. Maybe he was always a delayed ejaculator, I thought it would help, or maybe it just doesn't matter, factor into it. I have no idea, but again, if it did cause it, he would know what he probably doesn't bother him. So, he would know, but probably doesn't doesn't bother him. So
Starting point is 00:18:30 He would know, but let's have a conversation with them. Okay, good. And enjoy the rest of your vacation and don't blame yourself here about it. You guys just gonna get more information and if I don't have a ghost See what happens. You know, okay, keep us posted. Thanks. Yes, hey, have a great day. Thank you. Bye bye. Chacity, male chacity. I love talking about these things because movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies.
Starting point is 00:18:49 I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies.
Starting point is 00:18:57 I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the movies. their penis in a cage that their partner controls the key or maybe they just have their partner control
Starting point is 00:19:05 the orgasm. They tell them when and where they can orgasm. And as Josie said, her partner is a very like masculine guy who is very strong and assorted in his day-to-day life but wants to be more submissive in the bedroom. Makes sense, right? We all get to decide different roles that we want to play and I love that, you know, we get to explore. Chastity cages should be perfectly safe as long as you use a cage that fits properly, you clean it regularly, and then you work up to longer periods of wearing it. You don't have to just try to go for hours and days, definitely work into it. It's a process. A lot of times they can be used as, you know, solution supreme or ejaculation, but it shouldn't cause any delayed ejaculations or any other problems. But remember, we can learn so much more about our partners by just having open, honest, and curious conversations about sex. Love this question.
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Starting point is 00:22:37 Or find them on Amazon or at your local retailers like Target, CVS, Kroger, and Walmart. Plus One. Because everyone deserves a plus one on their quest for self-love. Hey Cody, it's Dr. Emily. Thanks so much for calling in. How can I help you? Hi, I just have a question about
Starting point is 00:22:59 if this is something you've ever heard of. I watched recently a gate birth to our first child. And one of the things that we've been doing in our sex life is that I'm actually suckling from her breasts. Is this something that you've ever heard of? Yeah, in fact. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:24 It's called erotic lactation. It is incredibly common. In fact, there was a survey's called erotic lactation. It is incredibly common. In fact, there was a survey I pulled this up for you. 4,000 Americans shared their fantasies in 31% of men, 31% said they fantasized about breast milk in some way before. I would say that definitely before we started it, it was something that caught my curiosity. Oh, okay. What did it taste like?
Starting point is 00:23:45 How would it make me feel? And? I love it. It's really fun. It's very engaging. It's just a new form of intimacy. Yeah. It really can enhance intimacy. But also, how does your wife feel?
Starting point is 00:23:58 She really enjoyed it. It will sometimes start out as a foreplay. Mm-hmm. And just, and sometimes just thinking about it, it's their aroused wet down there. Yeah, I mean, these can give partners, you know, a real sense of intimacy. And you also have the hormones like oxytocin,
Starting point is 00:24:17 which is the love hormone that's released during arousal and sexual activity, but even more so when nursing. So when nursing women release even more oxytocin, it's like we call it the cuddle hormone too. So it would make sense that this would really be enhancing intimacy with both of you. You're good. You know, a lot of people have for childbirth or when the partner's nursing, it can be a challenging time for couples to connect again, but it sounds like you have found a really beautiful way to, you know, connect with each other.
Starting point is 00:24:51 And it can also feel great too because the breasts are highly erogenous zones. So if she might be feeling some kind of stimulation from that, that's a great bonus. Yes, she is. And it actually started out as me trying to help her because even though pumping and trying to feed our daughter, breastfeed our daughter, she was, she wasn't able to get all the milk out. So it was causing her pain and a breast. And this all started because one of her friends, who's a nurse, suggested that I suck the milk out to relieve the pressure. Because I guess I won't, just an adult will be able
Starting point is 00:25:34 to suck more, you know? Yeah, and if she's having pain, so that probably helped her clear it out. So that was good advice. And it definitely. So I mean, it sounds like your friend knew what she was doing. And so she was having pain at first, you said, and then you were able to clear that out and now she's actually having sensation again in her nipples.
Starting point is 00:25:53 That feels good. There's so much more to know about this, right? I think this is a practice that could help women and with their partners feel more connected. So good on you. It was a very taboo experience at first thought. Yeah, a lot of things that are beyond what missionary sex people often think are. Taboo, but this is probably what makes it erotic too,
Starting point is 00:26:16 is that it's something that's sort of forbidden. And we have the forbidden taboo things, that's kind of adds to the eroticism, yeah? Does it make it more hot for you? Oh, yeah, it's definitely hot for me. And at first, it was just to help her relieve the pain. And then I think I stopped for a while. She was starting to get the ducts cleared out through pumping.
Starting point is 00:26:37 And then it was just one night while we were having sex. I just squeezed the breast and just the most started swirling everywhere. And then I just laughed on breath and just the most started squirting everywhere and then I just last on and started sucking in. And then I asked her what she felt about and she really enjoyed it. Okay. So we continued it. All right.
Starting point is 00:26:56 Well, great. I don't think there's anything to worry about here. If you guys are too consenting adults, you're both having pleasure. You feel more connected. Your wife's in less pain, sounds like you guys are really healing each other. Yeah. Alright.
Starting point is 00:27:09 I just wanted to get your thoughts on this. And if you ever could have listened to your show for about five years, I don't think I've ever heard a poppick about this before. Oh, yeah. You know what? I don't think that anybody has asked me during the show. I definitely have friends who who brought this up before. This fantasy can take different forms.
Starting point is 00:27:27 It can be drinking a woman's breast milk or drinking directly from the breast or watching a woman lactate or watching them lactate during sexual activity or watching her lactate on you. There's a lot of different ways. So it's kind of an umbrella term. Also people call it adult breastfeeding. But there's a lot of different ways that couples can play with this,
Starting point is 00:27:48 and it's more common than we think. So I don't know that we've talked about it. So what I love is that you brought this up because I don't know if I haven't talked with the show it's been a while now. So I'm glad you called it. I love people called in with things that maybe they don't hear
Starting point is 00:28:00 because what you've done here is you've helped to normalize this for people who might be having this fantasy or who might be thinking about it. But I just want to say there are health risks. Just don't buy breast milk online. Just for anyone else, you get excited about this. Like it's not regulated. It could have some bacteria in it if it's untested. Just do the real thing. Yeah, and from a trusted person that's in your life. Yeah, exactly. Sounds like you guys are in a good place. I appreciate your calling being, you know, open and honest
Starting point is 00:28:30 about what your experience is. Thanks for taking my call. Okay, thank you. It was really great to talk to you, Cody. Thanks for listening, calling in and sharing your question. We appreciate you. Okay, Cody, have a great day. Bye. This is something that comes up. People have whispered about or you feel a little bit taboo about it, but I think that the more we can talk about things that could allow couples to feel more connected, this is not the kind of thing that you can do all the time. Obviously your partner needs to be lactating and breastfeeding, but I like the idea of couples finding ways to really connect during this time when sex can be really challenging,
Starting point is 00:29:05 can be painful. I love that this question just sort of probably opened up for a lot of people, maybe fantasies that they've had. So if you have a question as well, and you have it heard on the show, even better, but there is no bad, stupid questions. There's nothing that's wrong. I'm not gonna shame you, I'm not gonna blame you.
Starting point is 00:29:23 You probably already doing that yourself. We're never done exploring our sexuality. This is from Bill. He's 40 in Wisconsin. Hey, Bill. Thanks so much for calling in. This is Dr. Emily. How can I help you?
Starting point is 00:29:38 Yeah, some of the big fans, look at that. Well, it was that we started to try to do in plain sex. I really thought her vaginally it was that we started to try to do in plain sex. I realized that for vaginal it was always tight. It always hurt her, always hurt her, it was comfort. And what I was happening was we had to have her breathe more, have her, have her, have her, have her bed exercises. We could make it, make it more, more comfortable. So what I learned was, then we have tried to do with learn
Starting point is 00:30:04 where, sorry, I do not have an anal sex tried to do, we're going to start doing, I'll have an anal sex. And what's happening is a lot, for some reason, it is a lot smoother for that process. But it was always a year because, with my night, it was, so, I think it would be just comfort. But whatever we did, it was a very long time. It was the opposite. Okay.
Starting point is 00:30:24 But I never met any person, how that ever came about. So I was trying to figure out how that was possible. Right. OK. So you're saying they're one thing different. Yeah. So what you're saying is that you tried to have vaginal sex with her, and it was more painful for her.
Starting point is 00:30:37 But when you have anal sex, she really enjoys anal sex. And so she prefers that to vaginal penetration. Okay. It's not as common, but it would make sense. First off, if she has vaginal pain, she might have just enjoy anal sex more because she has pain, but also for a lot of both her owners, they do have a lot of pleasure during anal. They can have orgasms.
Starting point is 00:31:01 There's a lot of nerve endings in our, you know, anus as well. So that might be it. Have you ever talked to about it? Yes. She said with people before me, she said that it was no problem because with them it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, I don't know, but she also said that it also wasn't as long either. A couple of months long. What wasn't as long? She said the sex wasn't as long either though. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:31:28 So you're saying it's lasting a lot longer, right? So it sounds like she's exploring with you. Different ways of experiencing pleasure. So it's all good. You know, it sounds like if she's having a good time and this feels like a different experience for her and you're enjoying it. I love it. And also try at one more thing. Sure, of course.
Starting point is 00:31:50 I think so. So I've been listening to your show for so long, even from the wild back when we did sexual personality. And I explain it to you, but it's like, everyone is different. And it also feels like I've also learned that also, it's an important thing to be ashamed to take except adults at class. It makes you realize what you know will start with, how to do it. Yeah. Telling you, I use it all, obviously, as I was 21.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Wow. Well, they thank you very much. Of course. Yes. I'm so glad you've been listening for so long. Thanks, Belle. Wow. Cool. Thank you very much. Of course. Yes. I mean, I'm so glad you've been listening for so long. Thanks, Bill. It's a really good talk to you.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Yeah. I love it. My deposit office, all. Absolutely. Whenever I do it, I'll see to one working. Okay. You're working. Well, thank you for making time.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I am so so glad. Thank you for listening and for, you know, just challenging yourself sexually and continuing to grow. We're all in this together. Appreciate it. Okay. Five fill, pleasure to talk to you too. Have a great day. Let's just talk about anal sex for a minute. I mean, thank you Bill for your call. There's a lot of OVA owners who have pleasure that way. They do people always say,
Starting point is 00:33:00 oh, women can actually like anal sex. Yes, they can. And they can have anal orgasms. So remember that the clitoris is really an internal and an external organ. So when we talk about having all these nerve endings, we have legs. And the legs of the clitoris extend all the way deep inside and can even extend into the anus. So it's like you could have be hitting the nerve endings of the vagina of the literal legs again. Women sexual health is not as studied as much, so people still have, they're still debate about all of this, but I believe a lot of the pleasure that we have come from these incredible literal nerves that extend way deep inside. And so a lot of vulva owners can't have pleasure that way when they learn to open up and explore
Starting point is 00:33:45 because a lot of us have been told that it's painful, maybe we had a bad first time experience, but now if we're with a partner who's open and willing to slow down and explore, we might find that there's just a lot more pleasure to be had all over our bodies. If you are a little bit more intimidated or haven't tried anal play, remember you can try during solo sessions. You can try to stimulate yourself and see how does it feel to be penetrated. How does it feel to have a finger inside me or even just externally. You know, this fincter muscles has a lot of pleasure there. So play around. I would say in 2024, maybe there still is a lot of taboo around anal sex, I would say in 2024, maybe there still is a lot of taboo around anal sex, but I'd just like to get to the point where
Starting point is 00:34:32 We all just get to explore it and see does this feel good to me. Do I enjoy it? Can I let go of limiting beliefs? I have around it or even bad experiences I had in the past and start to build up go slow explore and see what feels good. Remember, if you have vaginal pain, you do not have to live with vaginal pain. It is something that has been really understudied for women and oftentimes they go to their doctors and there's not a lot of accurate information,
Starting point is 00:34:58 but you can find someone who could help you on the path to healing. It might be a pelvic floor physical therapist who could help you figure the path to healing. It might be a pelvic floor physical therapist who could help you figure out where is this pain coming from. Is it tightening of your pelvic floor? A lot of us don't realize that we are chronically tensing our pelvic floor,
Starting point is 00:35:17 and therefore we don't even know that those nerve endings have become a lot tighter. Or maybe we were born with an overgrowth of nerve endings in our vagina, and we don't really know how to explore that. It could be hormones. There's a lot of reasons why we could have pain. But I just want them to know that you don't have to live with pain.
Starting point is 00:35:35 It is not your lot in life. It is not the end of your sex life. So you can talk to your gynecologist and see if they've information about that. Public floor physical therapist is a great way to start. Figure out what you could do so you can have more pleasurable sex. Thanks for your question, Bill. We appreciate you.
Starting point is 00:35:54 And thanks for being a longtime listener. Did he say he's been listening since he was 21? That's amazing to me. Thank you, Bill. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at
Starting point is 00:36:25 and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. A go to slash Ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at

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