Sex With Emily - Hotter Sex For the Holidays

Episode Date: December 19, 2015

Have the stresses of the season put a damper on your sex drive? On today’s show, Emily is full of advice to help you de-stress and sexually connect during the hectic holidays. Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, she reminds us why it’s important to prioritize pleasure, maintain intimacy with your partner and treat yourself to something special this time of year. She also answers your emails on the best sex toys for holiday gifting, escaping extramarital affairs and unearthing elusive orgasms. Holidays can be taxing, and can often feel like more trouble than they’re worth, but fear not! In this podcast, Emily has all the helpful hints and valuable tools you need to keep your stress level low and your sex life hot this winter. Tune in! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, but holidays, they can be a great time, but also a stressful time, but that is no excuse to let your sex life fizzle out. Today, I'm sharing tips to help you de-stress and sexually reconnect whether you're single or in a relationship and answering your sex questions. On sex toys, extra marital fairs, orgasms, and more, thanks for listening. Okay, everybody, it is the holidays, and I know it would make the best holiday present, just what you always wanted to wake up to. And that is a Sibian on Christmas morning, how perfect would that be or holiday morning? Whatever you celebrate.

Okay, so I've had my Sibian for six months now and I have experienced things that I didn't know possible to feel in my own body. As you know, I've tried every toy in the planet, but the Sibian is like nothing else you've ever experienced. I personally have been able to stretch my ability for pleasure by myself and with a partner, and it really does push the needle in your sexual relationship. It's like a sexual boot camp.

It is a sexual boot camp. And here's the thing also that I should have been telling you they have a 45 day trial period. So if you get the Sibian and you're like, ah, no, we're not into it. Well, that's awesome. I didn't know that.

Yeah. Just like check it out and be like, there's mattress companies out there that are always saying, hey, you can sleep on our mattress for like so many days and then send it back if you don't like it. But you can sit on this sexual automated for 45 days. Yeah, you can back. That's a month and a half where you can learn if you like it.

Right. Even if you did send it back, you'd probably learn a bunch of stuff. I learned by the third time I was having more orgasms during that course, which is really hard for women because you ride this, like you ride the cowgirl. It's the same thing, like a woman on top position. It's a fun sexual experience. Your partner at Cumswell's stool, great foreplay. I know my guy gets turned on, like touching me, watching. It's a whole thing, Anderson.

I won't get too much into it. I love it. You can try it out though for 45. I did not know because it's an investment. But it's, I don't know if it's really made through the dudes over here, but I love the idea of your listeners being able to give it a shot for four days. Yeah, try it out, you guys. I mean, it might be like the only thing you need to take to the next level.

It has 11 different attachments. It's cold outside. Do want to stay in more? Oh my god. You're never leave your house this winter. If you get one of these, you have a little bunch of variety of orgasms to choose from when you get the different attachments. Would you say it's equivalent to a man learning how to relate himself for a woman? Yes. Yes. I would say it is. Because I don't think men would leave the house if they could actually. Oh my God, now we get those people calling in sometimes, don't we, on love line? Yes, it is the same thing. And women, so the number one question I can ask

is why can't my partner orgasm bring an occurs? Well, because she probably hasn't learned how to. She has an understander on body. And this boom, it will happen. And in fact, here is from a listener who tried the Sibyam, says, this letter is long overdue. I'm no prude with my husband. I have an average sex life, three to four times a week,

mainly missionary or me and top. I would rarely come. Sex was just me taking care of them. I'd always want to try a vibrator, but it was too shy to tell him. So I teased him a bit and he was thrilled. We went out and ordered the Sibian. When it arrived, he made me come four times.

The first time we used it. It was in the new world. Yeah, well, she tried it and ordered the Sibian. When it arrived, he made me come four times. The first time we used it. Wait, he did the Sibian. He's in the new world. Yeah, well, she tried it and then they were having sex. It's a longer email. I had to edit it. So you guys, you've heard me talk about the Sibian. Check out their website, s-y-b-i-a-n.com. The last sex toy you'll ever need. Yeah, totally.

As a special treat for our section, the Emily listeners, you get $75 off your first order with code Emily75. Okay, everyone. thanks for listening. [♪ music playing in background, music man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off there. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. We can do everything there. Everything. We post blogs every day, videos, things to help you have a better sex life. If you have any sex question on your mind right now, just go to the search bar.

Put in there, I'm sure I've answered it or we've got a podcast about it. And it's just a good time over there. And send out for a mailing list because our mailing list are mailing emails rock that we send out once a week, but they're not like annoying. I get good email. I have to say, I do.

Hello Anderson. Hi there, Emma. Hi baby. Hello there, Miss. I have answered every sexual question ever presented ever. Name one that I have answered. Uh, I shouldn't say that. No, okay. Exactly, go together. Got it, got it, got it. Thank you that I have an answer. I shouldn't say that. No, okay. Exactly. I'm going. I got it. Got it. Got it. Thank you. I did my tenure and

rehearsal. Congratulations. That was a smash and success. It was a fantastic time. I enjoyed myself very much and you killed it up there. I killed it. You did. I did. How can I say that I was worried about you? Can I say? Talk about it. Is that all right? Yeah. I mean, if you were. All right. So we're upstairs. We're upstairs in the green room. I talked a little bit about on the after disaster as well. But we're in the surreal. You're talking about it in your podcast. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. It was a surreal situation. We were at the world famous Hollywood improv. We're upstairs in the green room. I go up on a CM. She's dressed to the 9s and she's got the stack of like

little half half leaflet papers in her hand. And she's reading them and she's like halfway through a routine And who is it? Your monologue met us. No Ken. Oh Ken you have like one of your manager people like I'm kind of watching you And he's like coaxing you through it and you see me come up your action I start over and he's like no Just keep going and then you kept bitching because like you have to lick your thumb and and you're Stumbling you must have stopped broke the code of just going, pushing through the monologue

and looked at me and asked me questions probably 15 times. Did you like to take that? Oh really, I was so nervous. Oh my God. Oh no, this is going to be an unmitigated disaster on stage. I was really worried about you. Did you notice that I ran off to get booze? Yeah, but that's why I drove you to relax.

No, I wanted you to relax. Oh, you got me booze. But let me just say after all all and then to make matters worse doctor drew walks in right and then our body micrano and his uh... his friend who is also an actress walk in so now the room is getting more crowded and gary f.e.n. bucy walks in and you see what you're in the green room are having this back and forth about sobriety and insanity and what not and poor m's trying to get a monologue down.

It was a surreal situation. I forgot. See, I was like in a blackout or something, like whatever. But then you got up on stage, I sat in the back corner of the room and just watched and you went up there and like you acted as though you had been doing

that monologue for three months. You killed it. I killed it. Thank you. I felt like I was not well, because I wanted to memorize it, and then I like, I'm fucking. Because you overstressed everything.

You need to settle down. You need to, maybe sit on your sit being a little more off. I know, right? I mean, I took Wednesday off and I sat in my pocket. You just sat on your sit being all day. I did, I used my intensity, my keg lecture, it was because everything got out of whack, the last two weeks.

I was so nervous, because it's 10 years and then. Yeah, you don't want to let people down. I was like, I'm gonna do a monologue, and then I like had, of course, I wait till last minute and I had all these clips, I wanted to edit and then I have like a meltdown on Friday in the office. We all had meltdowns, but we ended up being- Oh, that was a mess.

Yeah, I was nervous, but I want to thank everybody who came over, Lissars and we're gonna post it as a podcast. So you can hear it, it's awesome, it's gonna come out like January 5th or something. What? Why the way? Cause that's when it's coming out. Because you guys can-

You had a listener who was the Marine. Do Jamal. Oh my God. He Jamal. Okay. That was crazy. That was surreal. He drove up in San Diego.

He was dressed like he was getting married. Oh my God. He was so handsome. Jamal. Hi, sweetie. So we're sitting there, right? And for the funny thing is, I totally prepped for, I mean, I was really focused on this monologue because I wanted to tell my story.

Which was interesting because a lot of my friends who've known me forever like I didn't know all that crap, but anyway, that was fun. And then I didn't know what the hell was going on for the podcast, which is fine because you and Mattis were there and drew it was awesome. And then Madison, producer, hands me questions from the audience. And I read it. It's from Jamal. And it's like handwritten. And at first I'm thinking, he's a long time listener. Long time listener. And he's serving like it's from Jamal. And it's like handwritten. And at first I'm thinking. And he's a long time listener. And it's been emailing you for a while. And you're serving like in military for so long. And you might not be more like, I apologize.

It might be the Air Force or Navy down there in San Diego. But no, he was like, he was writing us for like Iraq. He knew menace. He didn't say a lot of me. So I just like to me. Yeah, you know what? I hadn't heard from him for a year. I mean, I hear from every now and then,

but he used to write every week for years. And I, I looked down and like, Jamal, are you here? And he came on stage and it was almost like he was playing it. I know. Yeah. I think he came up and give us this testimonial about how much he loves. Yeah, he loved how much he loved your show, loved your show. And how like you drove up in San Diego. And it was like, I would, if I was sitting in the audience, I would think it was 50, 50 chance that you had planted him.

I would. You could tell in my face that out of all my listeners, and I love you all, like he's someone, like, you know, he's served to help him get through, like, his time serving with a list of it. He was doing great stories about how he was listening while he was in Afghanistan, and how he was having his friends listen to it, like the other guys in his platoon

were listening to this. My job dropped when he was on Saturday. Yeah, it was perfect. It was great. It was a great night. Thank you for everything. And thank you everyone for supporting the show. It was just it was an amazing night. It was like a many little wedding kind of stuff. It was fun. So thanks for that. 11 year anniversary next. God no.

Let's do it. But I think it's fun doing that live. Like we should do another live just sex with Emily. Show it the impromptu. Why not? Yeah. Because we have a beachel. Yeah. Just chill out. Like we should do another live just sex with Emily, show it to him. Why not? Yeah, it's gonna have a be chill. Yeah, just chill out. Like, all right, some monologues. Oh God. I'm freaking out about anything.

I love, I told that story this week though in the office, how you were, how you were, I didn't know that whole part of it that that you were just like came down and said, or because Madison told me that you came down and you're like, she's not doing well. I didn't tell her that. That's not, that's bullshit. Madison, what are you lying for?

I thought you should say that. I would never ever do that to you. Okay, maybe I turn it around, but it was just like you guys were worried about me because it meant it's just like, Madison's not comforting. He's just looking at me. Minus was just on his phone the whole time

while Emily was doing her monologue upstairs in the green room. Oh my God, because he was just on his phone playing like Tetris. So, so, so. But I can't wait for you guys to get that podcast. It'll be fun. So, thank you.

And we also had our t-shirts, but you guys can buy two. I had sex, family, and all I got was a t-shirt. OK, the other thing is, oh, and everyone in the audience got free tickets to the Sexual Health Expo. And I'm giving away tickets to the Sexual Health Expo, which is January 16th and 17th in Los Angeles. I will be there. I'm hosting it.

And you can go to sexualhealthexpo.com for more information. You've heard me talk about it for a year now because we've done it in four cities and it just keeps getting better and better. The leading sex educators are there in the world and they teaching workshops. Plus, there's like the latest and greatest toys, meet like many people. Check it out. Free tickets, feedback at sex with the LMI.com.

Just tell me where you want to go. Why you want to go? Do it, do it, do it. What else Anderson? That is what's going on? I'm good, I've been exhausted all week, but that takes it out of you. It was like a wedding, were you like tired? Was that hard on you at all up there?

I felt like, you were giving me some looks a couple of times, what are you doing? Why are you saying that? Why are you saying that? You were giving me like big sister. Oh my God, my landlord. My landlord was hurt. Her Russian Jewish landlord, not only was he there,

but he brought his entire fucking family, it awesome it was awesome it was great not the father the father was there but the son was there there very is my director like he lives right the one that checks in on you yeah he saw some Eugene and a sister and they were so cute I mean and I'd seen him earlier that day because I never talked to him but the last week they were like talking to me and then they see now they had seen the show on Facebook and I was like, oh you following me? You know what I do? Come. So that was that was come. You were awesome. Your housekeeper was not there. No. I just retold old of mayorson stories of yourself. I told a couple of clunkers probably.

I was trying to see the future of sex and I was talking to Jamal. Is that is me? Yeah, I was a talker. I suggested that we should have a second the future. There might be a Sibian for a long distance relationship that you can actually drone into your long distance relationship girlfriend. That kind of fell on deaf ears. No one really understood what I was doing. I think I'll put some people asked what a Sibian was. Which still, I can't remember my heart.

I had a few people having named it yet. No, we're doing a contest right now. I don't know it's Danlan, that's all I ask. Please. I was gonna ask you to bring Stan Lee to the dog tonight because I really miss him and I just- I couldn't because I was in Disneyland all day I'm in a Disneyland all

freaking why? Because I had like nine hours of stuff that I had to listen to and I'm like I'm gonna do it while exercising while walking around Disneyland So I went nine miles of Disneyland and listen to nine hours of stuff that I'd take notes on no Hell on earth you did that today today. Yeah, my future Robin Why Disney World because just a lot of Disneyland? I can't picture you a Disneyland notes on no. How on earth. You did that today. Today, am I futile. Robin. Dogs in the world. Because just so much blood. Disneyland.

I've been. I can't picture you at Disneyland. Yeah, I went in college, but Disney World is where we went because the water is right up here. No, I get the difference. But growing up, we went to the one in Florida because it was closer. The wife's birthday just happened and I took her to Disneyland and the price. I'm not going to get into it, but the prices are so effing high now that you have to get a season pass

to make it worthwhile. It was $158 for one ticket or 650 for two tickets for the year. So I'm going to make the one I'm gonna make it work. Can I go? I want to go with you. I haven't been in years, 20 years. I can't use, like, you don't look like my wife, so you'd have to pay the 158 to get in.

I'll just go with you, walk around. I can walk around. Is it fun though? I feel like I- It is when it's not packed with hordes. And it was, I've been there twice now this, and the last seven days, packed with hordes of people. Kids, right?

Adults, a lot of really sad adults that are very heavy with Mickey Mouse ears. That seems happy, though. Why are you sad? Because they're saving life. They're sad people. But why not escape at Disneyland for a day? You didn't. You went around in the rest schools. Gathering like corn dogs.

So many of them are on rascals. What's rascals? They're like the wheelchairs for fat people. Okay, but you know what, at least start Disneyland. It was nice, a couple of times I'm like, oh my god, you're lucky, dude, you're at Disneyland right now. Yeah, do it around by yourself.

Like maybe you could be home just eating by yourself or you're there eating, you know, slurpees and corn dogs. They got a little land called Tuntown, which I've never been to before, and I found myself wandering around there, and I'm like, this is not cool. You're by yourself, you're a grown man.

You're a wanderer. Listen with earbuds in your head. This does not look good for you to be wandering around Tuntown by yourself. Anderson, get out. Anderson, yeah, that's right. You could look like a creeper. I want on a few rides.

I want you to. I really want to go. It was kind of weird and there have been this in them by myself No, see that's the saddest thing you just of everything you've just said that you were alone kind of weird But you seem kind of okay right now. So maybe it was good for you. My dogs are barking. I really want yeah Okay, we'll go. We'll go okay. Okay promise Don't make promises. You can't keep but I will go with you because I would love to so I would I haven't been there No, I have been there in college when we used to come out for the Rose Bowl because my school played Michigan played in the Rose Bowl

So I can't picture standing in the line. It'll be okay. I can't though. I can't I can't see that. I can't even stand in line for drink I know it took me 20 minutes to stand in line to get in the California adventure the other side of the park 20 minutes to get into the park. I don't know two lines for a blind chance where I said terrible. I'm not, now I'm not going to let's cancel those plans. It gets really empty though, like in late January, February. Getting sex in the news. I do. I have a really good one that I thought I found this very interesting

since we're all texting these days. Study proves only jerks and their texts with a period. What? Yeah, with punctuation. Ready? Wait. With a period mostly. You're not supposed to put period, you just hit space twice period.

Well, check your texts. Ready? Here we go. What if you texted a friend asking if they wanted to get drinks after work? And they responded, sorry, I'm busy. Period. Now, imagine and said they responded, sorry, I'm busy. Explanation point. That exhalation point, a simple one key change

makes a huge difference in determining whether your friends being a dick. That's because only jerks are the non digitally adept and their text message is a period. No, no. Do this study. Do this study. A new study from researchers at Binghampton University

confirms our long-held suspicion that ending text messages with periods can make your messages come off as kind of mean. What? When people use periods and texts, the study found their perceived as being less sincere, officially making periods the K of punctuation. Okay, like K. Oh, I thought I mean like K.

I thought I meant a third of KKK. I don't know. I think it's like, K, texting is lacking many of the social cues used in actual face-to-face conversations. Said this professor and statement, according to the Washington Post, when speaking, people easily convey social and emotional information with an eye gaze. Facial expression, and looking at it as an eye gaze. Ton of voice, pauses, and so on.

People obviously can't use these mechanisms when they're texting thus, it makes sense that textures rely on what they have available. Emoticons, deliberate misspellings, that mimic speech sounds, and according to our data, punctuation. To avoid confusion, just stick to communicating entirely in emoji.

So then I started going through my texts today. I was like, no way, they gave us to me in the office so they'd like sex and use it. I always pick like, which ones I texts today. I was like, no way. They gave this to me in the office to like, sex and news. They always pick like, which ones I would write. I was like, this is awesome. And I realized that there's someone I do business with that I'm not happy with, that I don't do it. And I was like, oh my God, he always ended in periods.

Why I never think of periods. I hate exclamation marks. Wait, the last text you sent me, which was 20 minutes ago. And I called you a loser and there was no exclamation mark. No, there was a period. Yeah, I wouldn't leave in periods. So I was late and man, and I had an called you a loser and there was no exclamation mark. No, there was a period. Yeah, I wouldn't lead an appearance. So I was late and man, and I had an anniversary.

You were five minutes, don't have a call me a minutes. And you were five minutes late and I called you a loser. I was joking. And as it goes, such a loser period. Mm-hmm. Listen, if I see exclamation mark, I do experience. If I see exclamation mark in my head, like, sorry, I'm busy period, or sorry, I'm busy.

I read it with the exclamation mark. I don't speak and it will actually speak a lot in exclamation marks But I feel like sorry. I'm busy with an exclamation mark is like that's a dick move Yeah, but I'm like well You know what I mean? F. Brimmington or whatever the name of the school is I would say oh, I love to So sorry, but I see what I do I I overuse the XXOO, even in a particular... Here's the dick move. You're right.

Yeah. Busy. Sorry, period. Right. That's true. But I just... Exclamation mark is an aggressive attack. Well, they're just saying it's better than a period.

Like sorry, busy. I think that's a bad example. When I get emails from professionals, they put exclamation marks at the end of it. I'm like, oh, this person... Oh, I use way too much. I shouldn't really like that. Do you use my relief cases and whatnot? Not in emails with people, oh, this person. Oh, I use way too much. I shouldn't be allowed. I use my really faces and whatnot. Not in emails with people,

but I do a lot of exclamation points, way too many. Yes. And I use way too many exxos. In fact, the other day I was writing a friend, a thank you for something, and I'm like, exx-0, oh, and then by mistake, I sent it to, it's a long story. This guy that I didn't know,

who was helping me with the dress, that I wanted to wear that night, and I didn't know him, he's a tailor. I'm like, thank you. Love you. X, so it's okay. He was okay. But I'm like, I don't know you well enough to use X, so and then he did L.O.L. There's a whole sign fell episode. There's a whole sign fell episode. L.O.L. was worse too. Don't get me started. But there's a whole sign fell episode about exclamation marks and using them too much and a layman or a boyfriend or having massive issues in their

relationship. Because yeah, but they write notes to each other and left notes. And I love this because it's so timely. It's so dated, but yet not. I think that when I see people leave notes around offices and stuff, and if there's a note on the like Vending Machine and it's like this machine takes won't give you change

and you'll lose 20 cents. Excellent. Makes me work. I'm like, what, really? Does that deserve an exclamation mark? You know what I mean? I use them all the time, do you hate me, do you hate my tax? I do exos too.

But is that inappropriate like if your wife saw what you're like, oh, cause that's too diverse. You're my, yeah. I'm sorry, I would tell you that. I'm probably my, okay, so everyone's just chill. But you know, here's the funny thing, is the whole science of texting, what? I'm looking at your text and there's a lot of punctuation.

Is there? It, to you, What do they say? Ah, not that bad actually. Yes, please. No exclamation mark. Yes. Thank you so much. Anderson, all capitals. Three, four exclamation marks. Wait, dude, every time I write your name,

that's a good idea. Happy face. Every scene. But not the emoticon. It's like the actual little like colon. I don't think it's too hard to many steps to the emoticon. Okay. But every time I email you for some reason, Anderson's all caps. I'll go Anderson and it's all caps.

Just caps up. I don't know why. Alright, I think that's a millennial thing and I would think that a lot of your listeners hopefully agree with me that the use of the exclamation mark is getting a lot of hair. Um, better than the period apparently. Okay, so I'm- I hate movies with titles and the movies with any kind of punctuation in there. You know what I mean?

Like, oh God! Exclamation work. Check it out. Come on. I'm gonna have one of these again. That's just me. I'm a people pleaser and I'm like, God, for someone's mad at me and just reads a text. So I just overdo the emojis and moccons.

I'm just gonna be me. It's all about me and the 11th year. Voice text. You can do that, right? You can like voice memo and then send it as a text. 2% of voice memo by mistake. By mistake, yeah. I hate the iPhone when it does that. I know. To the most inappropriate people. Yeah. Or you face time the most

inappropriate people like ex-boyfriends that I have to delete them. I've never done that. Okay, but you don't have an ex-boyfriend. Okay, so this is a great story too. Since you love sex the news, this woman, the woman who refuses to have sex with her husband just to make him happy. A 30-year-old mother has revealed that she refuses to have sex with her husband until she learns how to enjoy physical intimacy for herself because she spent years treating herself like a sexual object at her past partner's disposal. Brittany de la Cretaz, a writer from from Boston says she used to participate in various sexual acts with partners and act like a porn star in the bedroom because she thought that was what men wanted and she

didn't know how she could say no. Growing up in a world that tells women that we are sexual objects that wants us to know that our worth lies and how attractive we are to men. She wrote in an essay for Cosmopolitan.com. I internalized those messages. I learned to see my value being measured by how many men wanted to see with me. And this is very common. Like, we want affirmation from men. I totally, I think this is a great story.

And while many men would be uncomfortable with their wives swearing off sex, Britney says her husband loves her and supports her 100%. She explains that in the past, she used sex the way people like her. She did some squash arguments with her partner and even score drugs. I said my entire life having sex for other people. And she recalled feeling pressure of anal sex and crying. And she said this person, he was really sexy and cared for

and she believed him. And she says that she kept, okay, whatever. She says I'm sick of the message that society tells us and that we should do it for our husbands to make them happy because she was having sex with our husband once a week. And she said, her husband also wants to be a sexual partner who is an active, invested participant.

So listen to this Anderson. He is helping her develop the boundaries that she lacked in previous relationships. She's admitting that it's not always easy. And instead she confessed what happened to learn that her husband understand and wasn't even mad like she's not having orgasms and all that so now she's just taking sex off the table she's learning your own body she should probably buy a civilian and then they'll be right back at it and she helps one day she'll desire sex for herself

and she's unwilling to give her body weight to anyone and she says, I won't have sex once per week for my husband because it's good for our relationship in quotes. How do you want quotes? We'll have sex we both want to and our relationship is actually stronger than it's ever been. Where is this from? This is from, well she rode in cosmopolitan but it was covered somewhere else. First of all, her poor husband, that poor guy. He's super supportive.

Yeah, I know, but he's like making only sacrifices that she's never made for anyone in the past. And he's like giving up sex. He's not having sex with her anymore. That's so she can learn from her past horrific behavior with past partners. I hear what you're saying. I'm not gonna blow you or let you do anything to me, honey,

because we're working on boundaries now. Let me just tell you this. I'm not saying that you need to stop having sex with your partner But take a look in the mirror right now This is for the ladies listening. Are you having sex? Either with a one-night stand, someone you're dating your husband or whatever Just to please him because he wants to but you're not getting any pleasure out of it And if that's the case then it's time to take it in matters into your own hands

and reevaluate and do some self love enough of your own. Make some time for yourself in the new year. 2016's all about you, do you. Figure out how to make yourself orgasm or mix you feel good, how to get your desire, if you flow the beadow, we talk about this a lot,

figure out how to get it back up there. I like this message. I'm not saying stop banging your partner. I'm saying to the message. She's not like, she's like just a party though. She's got some like this message. I'm not saying stop banging your partner. I'm saying to your message. She's like a party though. She's got some issues this one. Who doesn't have a issue?

She trading sex for drugs. I mean, that's not just your one of the bill. Uh huh. She doesn't have sex. This is an extreme. I'm saying I like the message that a lot of women, in fact, I just hung up on the way here. I was talking to a friend.

And same thing, she was like, you had sex with this guy. He didn't call and she's got now. She feels rejected. She's called you up for advice. Is that what you're dealing with on the way here? Every day. Yeah.

I have logged, I talked to a friend for two and a half hours on Wednesday who's going to do crisis. You get a billum? I should. You should. I had my day off and I talked to her. Yeah. Were you sitting on your civilian wall,

you were dispensing a glass? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Now I was using my intensity, my little keg exercise I was obsessed with. I do. I actually, right before I came here, not, this is not where I was late, but my,

my, the intensity, my, um, by Pormod's, that thing that has your kegels for you, I'm obsessed with doing it literally every day because it helps. Let's just say that. And, straight into my path of guance, but I was talking to my best friend in Charlotte and I was like, oh, I was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm just, yeah.

Aw, did you meet her? No, I talked to her on the phone briefly. Oh, about Stanley? Yeah. She's awesome. But I was like, yeah, I'm doing my cat, I was like, okay. No, it was about the rat.

Remember I had the rat? My cat, a dragon and a half dead rat. Oh, my cat brought it a parrot the other day. My dead parrot? A dead parrot. Oh. Like a foot tall dead pet parrot. Is it so, was you, okay? It's still in my my garage. I don't I can't put it in the trash

You know why stuff like this? Do you want the dead stuff the animal? She's she doesn't she doesn't much better with than I do That's good. That's not your thing fucking cap rings in a parrot. It's a it's a pat Do you think your cat killed the parrot? See there should be an explanation work there. It's a pat But we got it because we're talking. I'm looking at you. I'm sorry. This is had nothing to do with sex. It's sad. We're going to move into sex. That's a pair of pairs of dead. This is what I want to talk about right now. Before we get into emails, I would like you guys to think about stress and the holidays. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. it was cute and I felt bad for the tree rat and I, I tried to nurse it back to health and I remember you're like, oh my god, my friends are fat. We'll call her. Did she help? And we talked to your friend and she's like, it's a rat. You're not really going to find any help or any place it's going to take it in.

It's a rat. That's how you're, you just love it. That's how I met her though. That's how I met your friends who I remember. You're such an animal rights, you know, person. I'm not ready, but when it's the one I, when I come across, I don't though, that's how I met your friends. You're such an animal rights person. I'm not ready, but what a person when I come across. I love that we called, I don't even remember that. But I'm like, Charlotte, like every time.

She's not gonna do anything with a rat, and she said exactly that. There's nothing that can be done for this rat. The rat died four days later. But she works on like a nonprofit vet place and called Pets and Need in the Bay Area. If you need a pet, do not adopt, I mean, do not buy a pet adopt.

I'm absolutely. 21 million pets a year. Absolutely. Escalation mark. What? Any homes? Absolutely. I'm going to get a new dog.

You keep saying that. I'm keep threatening. I'm just picturing a rat sanctuary somewhere where that's all of the injured rats get to go live on a farm somewhere. There should be maybe. Even sure it was like, sorry, dude, you got to kill the rat. Whatever happened to the rat. It died of like internal bleeding probably three days later

in the little mouse cage that I had. I would never, I'm sorry, I'm a really good person, but I would have been like, just get that rat out of my ass. The way it was not pleased. It's like you couldn't have the plague. It's true. Okay, so let's start with the holidays. Are you feeling more stressed over the holidays?

You seem like it. Everyone is, yeah. Well, whether you're single or in a relationship, they could be very, very stressful. I wouldn't even think I stressful. Lots of people break up. You're not doing that. And there's more proposal ultimatums, marry me or we're done. Really? Yeah, over the holidays. Because they got to go see the family. Like that. The family's going to probably start to remember them. Yeah. My family told me years ago, unless you're marrying him, we don't want to meet him. Oh, that's good. I like that. I'm never getting married. So then they don't want to meet any. Oh, that's good one. I like that. And I was like, I'm never getting married.

So then they don't want to meet any time. Well, they got sick of meeting new dudes all the time too. Well, here's the thing, this is my problem, is that they only met like four. But they're all with the same people. So to them, they were like, really? Oh, your family's always the same people now. Yeah, my mom's only my step-dad, my brother was still married

to his wife for 20 years, but that's not true. And then I'm always brings the option or the variable. Yeah, step doing that. But I'm like, I'm never getting married. Like, guess what, will never meet someone? But I'm like, I'm never getting married. I was like, guess what? I'll never read someone. But I did made a lot of guys where I mean, I had to go to the families and get the presents

and run around, which I always hated. I did. It's stressful meeting people's parents, meeting the family, meeting the parents, what to get them. It's financially straining. Taxes are coming up, right? What are you doing, Ed?

What? You're making everyone's like private parts, shrivel inward. Well, doing, Ed? What? You're making everyone's private parts shrivel inward. Well, no, I'm going to tell people why it's important to prioritize it. But if you say to your taxes, we can't talk about that at the same sense. This is what I'm saying. This is what stresses people out.

So it's important to prioritize your sex life even during the holidays because you need it tonight. Okay. I had like half hour in between the office and here, and I did my little keggle thing and then I master because that relaxes me. I met and I shook her hand when I got here. Jesus. So prioritize your sex life for a lot of people you know give me emotionally charged time especially if you're single but the holidays just take

this moment this is just my public service announcement. Appreciate what you have. Think about people in your life that you love, if you're alone with the holidays, make sure that you make plans with your friends. And think about this, if you're single, you don't have to buy anyone anything. So take that money, expend it on someone else and buy it for something for yourself, right?

And think about the things that make you feel in their shirt and treat yourself. Why are you laughing? I was thinking the positive spin. Hey, your wife just died. Hey, here's the upside. Don't have to buy it. They present exactly, buy something else.

And if your relationship couples have their own stress, right, Anderson? There's added stress, and are you being intimate? It's not even, you know, people think that sex and intimacy are the same. They're not. You can bang roll over fall sleep, order pizza, and not have any intimacy.

So it's important to spend time together without distractions, cuddling, sawing, remembering to connect because we all get so caught up. So if this starts happening, you know, realize that's happening in your relationship and so focusing on like resentments in your partner. This is a really good time of year to think,

you know what, for this next few weeks, I'm just gonna, now this is gonna sound really like, I don't know. Self-helpish, whatever, but it works Say you know what, until December 31st, maybe you'll even want to go longer I'm gonna think about the positive things in my partner that I like about them Yes, it's annoying that they don't, that they bring home dead rats and make me kill them Make me pull them away

I never made my wife kill anything Whatever it is, but I love that he is so loving and thinks about me and brings me dinner or whatever. And just try to focus on the things they love. Yes. There is a silver lining. And if you're single, we all do negative self talk. Like I did three minutes or more of the show. What was I saying?

Hate myself. Oh, yeah, she was sitting on the muttering as she was like, we weren't even talking. I was just hearing like a little fireworks going off. Like, fuck, I hate myself. Hey, everything sucks. But I don't really mean it. Here I am, I love myself. I just did that.

But it's so negative out. I need to get out. Like, it's like, it's like, stop and smell of flowers. Stop and watch the twinkle of the seasons. We all look back on it, like with fond memories. We always look back on it. But St. Nick and with me now because I'm getting older, like, I don't know, you might be on the same page, but like, they seem to come and go so quick that it's like, you just got to get through it and make sure that you meet all your deadlines and then be done with it.

And that's over. It's like everything. Stopping just like, I was trying to do that just the night at the Disney Land Place. I was like, I just take it in, like look, just look at the pretty lights and whatnot and trying to enjoy it. So it'll be mad about this.

Yeah, but we're not like the fat people. Horrible person of the family of nine in front of me that they should be at school. Why am I not at school today? See, that's good. Even if you can have a moment of it and the more that you do focus on focusing on the positive, then when you do that, when you practice slowing down,

like I'm gonna do now, I'm gonna talk to you. And where's off on you, right? Yeah, you start to focus on the positive. You turn it around, you don't even realize you're doing it. And you can relieve your own stress also when it feels good to give to others. So just attend to the needs of people you love. It feels really good.

So happy holidays and be stress free. And the people that you have to see in your building that you might not really like, but you know, just try and be like, positive. I used to do this trick. I'm gonna share this with you real quick, I would pretend that someone was dead.

Like I'd see them and I'd be like, oh God, I'm getting out of my car. I'm going to the elevator. I'd be realizing I'm gonna have to talk to this person. And then I would pretend that they was dead. Like I'd see them and I'd be like, oh God, I'm getting out of my car, I'm going to the elevator, I'd be realizing I'm gonna have to talk to this person. And then I would pretend that they were dead and I'd be sad that I'm never gonna see them again. And I'm like, wait, but no, they're not dead.

And then I would put everything in perspective and I would actually appreciate them. Well drastic, but it's a trick that I use a lot. Dude, that is a really good one. I use it a lot when I live in a big complex with a lot of people. It worked. Really?

Yeah. Even people you didn't like, you'd like, but if they were dead, I'd be sad. Yeah, as soon as even if people you didn't like, you'd like, what if they were dead? I'd be sad. Yeah, as soon as even if people you don't like, like when they pass away, it's like heart wrench. You know what I mean? You know what? Can I tell you something that's, that is so true. I, I do this thing a lot where I see people, I know, especially in San Francisco, it doesn't happen as much here because I don't know as many people. I'm a smaller town, but I would see people and my first instinct was to avoid them. I'd be like, nope, I don't want to hide.

And I was out with a friend the other night, my friend Kim and we were at a bar, we were at a restaurant bar, and I was out of this good friend of mine. I was like, I can't do that now. And she was like, she was gonna say hi. And I did, and I was so glad I did that.

I was like stressed out. And it's like when you talk to you, and again, in this day and age, we are also distracted. And our phones were busy, we're rushing. It feels so, I was so happy to see her. And it was a precious moment. So force yourself to do things that you wouldn't normally do. Okay. So now we'll get into some emails from the listeners. But first, what I need to tell you about is super important. What is that? Super important.

But it has to do with sex. Well, it has to do with your penis. No. Yep. And your hands. Has your self loving felt like bluster lately, Anderson? Is there a star or a star way to mix up your master? What is there a star where is licensing flashlight? No, I feel like the star wars is on everything. And I can see like a Darth Vader flashlight or that's I that is such a good idea. Maybe there is. I should talk to him about it. Fleshlight number one, sex toy for men. The only one you want.

You could bang the death star. That is the best idea. I'll talk to Brian, the owner tomorrow. The fleshlight, it is kind of amazing. You could, if you could think about this. You have your hand and you sometimes have a giant RNA-S to put it into. But what if you could have the pleasure of having sex anytime,

even when you don't have a partner? The flashlight makes the stream come true. It's a masturbation sleeve. You solo or with a partner. It simulates the sensations of real sex, an engineer to look and feel like the real deal. And now they have the flashlight quick shot. And it's amazing.

It looks like a camera lens. It's smaller. And it's your handjob helper. Madison wrote a. It's smaller and it's your hand job helper. Madison wrote a great blog on our website that's called the She Hates Giving Hand Jobs and it's all about this quick shot. It's like if you hate giving blow jobs or you just, let's just say you want a hand. Right. Giving a blow job or a hand job. The quick shot is your quick shot. You can want a hand. It helps you out. So check it out. Go to sectorthm.com. Kong. Kong.

Kong. Click on the flashlight banner and use code Emily and you get a free bottle of their award-winning flush loop It's a great gift for your boyfriend's or husband's lady Stop his stuffing and then if he's after you all the time And you want a little time to watch the Kardashians or whatnot you can just sit and give me hand out with one hand and be flippin Channel and the other quite get to that point of Casual intimacy. Yeah. I don't know what a few cuddle after. I love cuddling.

God, I love it. Okay, hi Emily. Oh, so thank you for your money. Move it on in the air. Yeah, move it on. I just wanted to tell you about your penis. Feedback at sexwithelmay.com. Thank you for emailing me.

Thank you for telling me where you're from. Your name, how old you are? How you listen? You're sex. Hey, Emily, I'm looking for a new vibrator for my wife around the $100 range and was considering the Lila Lalo Nia too, but can't find much in the way of reviews on it. So far, she's just been using one of those cheap hard plastic, loud, cheap type vibrators, but using it as a literal vibe. Do any other recommendations around that price range?

Jason. Okay, Jason, this is a great question. Clitoral Vib. Do any other recommendations around that price range? Jason. Okay, Jason, this is a great question. I actually did some research for you today. Because in my mind, I'm like, okay, what are the price ranges? Luckily for you, one of my very favorites, toys that I discovered this year that came out this year, is the We Vib Touch. It's an amazing, literal vibe. It's like fits in the palm of your hand and it's $99. You can go to goodvibes.com or click on the banner on my site and you can extra discount. I believe with code Emily My Lori who works with me, she had never had a multiple orgasm and this one gave her multiple owes

It is rechargeable waterproof and it's just go to their website and check out. It actually is my go-to, Clitoral vibe now. It might even be replacing the Mimi. Wow, that says a lot. I know. Also, I recommend the U by J.J. Although J.J. makes the Mimi, but the U O-O-H is their new line. Brand new just came out like last month.

For $99 you can get, so what it does is it's very smart. It does a motor and has two pop tops, right? So you can make it into a cock ring, pop it off, and then make it into the Mimi little pebble thing. So you can make it two different kind of vibes in one. Get it? The motor comes off, put the silicone thing on top, pop it off, pop it off. So check out those.

Like a reversible one. Like a reversible jacket or something. Totally. Too far. So those are great options that we have touched or the U by J.J. because like Jason, what those are great options that we have touched the Uba-Jezu, because like Jason, what? Next year, you need to make a Christmas card, right?

I was going to. And like just like with your sex toys just dangling around you, like that's your family. Like those are your kids, like your husband, and your family, but it's a sex toys. And then you send that out to like your friends and your family, your parents. That was so funny.

I can even dress them up and stuff. We're sitting on the Sydney and we're just like, it's just like, you got a little bow on her. You're getting some agnog with her hat. Yeah. That's a great idea. Like that's because you know people this time of year you get the Christmas cards from like people you haven't seen in years.

Do people still do Christmas cards? I get one from an ex-girlfriend and I haven't seen in 15, 20 years. Really? Whether her husband or kids are like almost growing now. Like what? Yeah, I was going to start coming. They continue continue to come but you need to have one with like your Jeju and Another pedal is that kind of sad. Yeah, it's a little sad But what's that or me with all my sex toys at Christmas? No, or the person at Disneyland eating the synabon on the rescue

With a with a with a with a My choice make me super happy, but it's funny. I think I'm going to do that. A one more thing for you, Jason, not you. No matter what toy look for body safe materials, not porous, gummy, or solid plastic. You want high quality silicone. And those are the two I gave you are all those things

under a hundred bucks. Okay. Nice. Next topic. Being the other woman in an extra marital affair Hey, Emily, I love your show. I can't remember how I found it, but I listened to iTunes I'm 44 and I live in Florida. I need advice. I'm having a fair with a married man for the past five months Sex is amazing and I'm really in love with him

He says he loves me the problem is I hate having the affair. I hate how it makes me feel I Feel used. I hate that we can't be together and have a legitimate relationship. It's a dead end I want out but every time I try to end it my heart just breaks He's everything I want and the thought of someone else pales in comparison and he suggestions, please. Thank you Sarah Okay, Sarah first first of all, any relationships can feel amazing in the first six months. Typically, if it doesn't, then you should get out because that's like the get out of jail free card.

That's like the good times, right? Six months. And especially with this situation, there's a danger factor, right? There's the like unknown, like it's like secretive. You can only see them and when you can see them, it's probably just about sex and hotel room. Forbidden fruit. Any pie worships you? It's forbidden fruit exactly. He worships you you're probably

really different than his wife you're the escape plan these are all legitimate feelings totally for you to be having Sarah I get it and you're feeling conflicting emotions. Affairs are hot but the thing is they can be you mean hotels're passionate, but they don't end well. You're right. And you feel dead inside and it's a dead end relationship. And it's not going anywhere. And you won't leave you for as wife. They all say that.

You have to do the leaving. It's always hard to end a relationship. Even when things, especially when things are going well, even when you're a regular relationship. Always. And especially when it's going well, even when you're a regular relationship. Always. And especially when it's going well, like if you've had to end a relationship

or someone where you're like, things are good, but there's a fatal flaw. Like my mom, my mom, she was on the show and she was talking about like fatal flaws. Yes. There's always something and you gotta end it. But it's gonna be hard. So what I recommend, Sarah, is that-

You'd be good for your soul though. So good for your soul. This is the best move surround yourself with friends, make a lot of plans, stick with them. And I would have some come over and help you make a dating profile online. And you're like, oh, I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, do it.

You don't have to go on Tinder. You're like, again, sad. Everyone's like, oh, Tandar, the hook up app, go on match, go on. There's one called Bumble. That's actually like Tinder. But you choose the women choose. There's so many options.

So I have them help you with a dating profile, commit to going out one day to week, even if you don't want to. Because's so many options. So I have them help people dating profile, commit to going out one day to week, even if you don't want to, because the here's the truth. With somebody that's not married. She's in a great place for dating, because when you are in a good, when you're in a place where someone's

making you feel really sexy and confident and alive and she's having amazing sex right now. She's probably the younger lady in the relationship too. What? She's probably the younger lady. I would assume this guy's probably a little older, and he looks at her like she's probably the younger lady. Well, what? She's probably the younger lady. I would assume this guy's probably a little older. And he looks at her like she's like the young high. Oh, everything. You worship for. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. So he's probably like, oh, yeah, he's got the showering

or the gifts. Who knows? But you got to like do things that make that make you interact with members of the opposite sex because you're like, he's the best. You got to knock this guy off the pedestal. He's having an affair and he's not the only person for you. And I know he'll feel that way. We feel that way when we're in this position, we're like, he's the only one. I'll never find anyone else, but you're 44 Sarah. I'm sure you've been in relationships

and I'm sure you've thought that. I mean, we've all ended it. Relationship's thought, I don't know if it'll never happen again, but you know that it will. And the sooner that you end this, the more likely you are to find someone. So just go out, start mingling with friends, you know, date online and you will keep in a mind.

But I know the ending isn't easy, but you gotta do it. There's plenty of people out there, plenty of dudes, Sarah. Let me see. I hate to be judgmental, but what's going on with Sarah? She's 44, it sounds like she's never been married. Maybe she has, but she didn't put that down. So she's 44, not married, never been married,

and she's only dating guys that are not available, a bit unavailable meant. It sounds like maybe a little therapy might be in that in order as well. Yeah, baby, if you really think she's the one finding unavailable dudes over and over and over again, if I had to guess. I bet this is not the first unavailable guy.

She has found herself. It might be a pattern. You're absolutely right. And if you haven't had therapy yet, I believe everybody needs therapy. Just like everybody needs to work out. Yes. Everybody needs therapy.

Not that everyone that's 44 should be married by any means. I mean, a lot of people do much better. Emily is much better off, not married, I think. You're, I think you're a little better. I'm much better married that's up. You're a little better than a show of life. Well, by your side, I think you're independent and strong enough to live with that.

Just name my choice. Am I a civilian? Yeah, I think you'd be good. Do you. I'm more of a chill life. Well, by your side, I think you're independent and strong enough to move around. Just me and my toys, am I a civilian? Yeah, I think you'd be good. Do you think I can be buried next to my civilian? Like, I should buy a plot or something for all my toys? I'll be like, you know what my plot? I think that the civilian should be the, that head still. People buy like plots for their significant others.

Like, do you think I should just get like two on either side? You know what, you might be like a chief, if you call it a landfill. You know what I mean? Like, I don't really want a plot. It's just a small little landfill for my toys. I'm like a kid with stuffy animals, but it's my choice. Charge that one. You got you. Oh, creepy. You go by to visit him like two weeks after she's dead. Why

are we talking about this dark side? And one of the toys has shifted. So it's vibrating and then the ground is like vibrating as you're trying to pay your respects. Do you ever picture that I'm doing picture I'm like, Oh, it's horrible. Do you ever picture that I'm doing? Do you ever picture I'm dead before the show so you can do the show really well? What? Do you ever come in here

like, God, I hope I've least it? No, but you think I'm dead so that you can be nice to me. I like you, I like you a lot. I would not do this freaking show if I didn't like you. You know that? Yeah. I have a good time doing it.

No, we fun. And I get to talk about the film ball. Do it. What's going on? Which, I want you to go see movies. I do travel Christmas movies. I got one that's coming out I actually saw a screening of it on the fuck lot last week It's called joy to the new David O'Rossal movie and it's a true life story about the woman that created the miracle mop With Jennifer Lawrence she stars as joy. Have you not heard of it? So it's billboards all over town

You'll see Jennifer Lawrence. She's looking up and it says joy and giant letters. I mean, you can't go to blocks without seeing joy at least out here. Uh, it comes out in theaters Christmas day. That's December 25th for you. Muslims and Jews. And while it's time to like extra aggressive. A Christian and I'm not I'm not even a Christian like extremist. Oh, happy. I haven't been in church since I had to see my sister get married.

Go ahead joy. It's beer club. Anyway, so joy. I review that on the film ball this week, which is out now. Okay. I don't want to. Anderson has two awesome podcasts after Zester, which talked about me last week, which that's awesome.

It was fun. It's not just about me. It's about randomness and lariousness and it's awesome and the film ball. And you already listen to podcasts. Just go over there and subscribe. I keep you up to date with movies that are out of movies that you should go check out. What else should I see that over the holidays? Because I plan on seeing movies.

I don't believe you. I'm sorry, I just don't know. It's not gonna happen. You're not gonna see movies. You're not gonna do Disneyland and wait in the line. Can we go? Is there a fast pass for you to go home and play with your Sibian? It's just a rain.

It gets me excited. I'm like, I don't have to do anything. Oh, no. El Nino's coming. Are you going to wear your self out tonight? I might. Hey, when is this? What day is this?

Todd, this is right now. It's like, it's already the 18th. Oh, it's the 18th. Mm hmm. Sweet. So I'm seeing a bunch of movies. Okay. So I've got one more.

All right. How do you feel about that? Do it. What more email? Okay. And that's where I'm going to find it. If you do see a movie this year, though, I don't know how you are. I was sque one more. How do you feel about that? Do it. Well, more email, okay, and that's where I'm going to find it. If you do see a movie this year though, I don't know how you are. I was squeamish and with like hard to watch subject matter.

Depends, what is the time? The Revenant is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life. And that also comes up Christmas day, at least limited. It's Leonardo DiCaprio. Leonardo DiCaprio. And Tom Hardy, who's my favorite all time person living in acting right now. I love Tom Hardy. And that's a true life story of probably the biggest badass mountain man

ever to walk the earth. Okay, I love it. But it's what he goes through as a rough. Is it bloody? It opens up with Native Americans shooting arrows. Oh, I don't like bloody. Is it bloody? It's bloody.

There's a bear attack. Like, like, you're not gonna use ever-see your work. No, no, no, cut. We tell you what. Holy shit, the Revenant. The Revenant. I talk about it a little bit. I don't want death.

I don't want blood. I don't want dead rats in my garage. Okay. We're not moving in. Okay, so my, dear Emily, my husband I've been married for more than three years and together for seven. I've never had an unadded orgasm during sex. I've always used my hands for literal stimulation

and made the mistake of telling my husband once that an orgasm wasn't absolutely necessary for me to enjoy having sex with them. Oh, no. I still stand by that statement, but I think it's gone a bit too far. Now our sex life is mostly without significant foreplay. Then sex after he...

Wait, now our life sex life has... No, for. ...no significant foreplay, then sex after he or wait. Now our life, sex life has no foreplay. No significant foreplay, then sex, and after orgasms, I'm still lying there unsatisfied. Sometimes they'll get myself out with my hands or a vibrator. Sometimes I ask for his help, which is rare. Last night, after we had sex, I was having a lot of trouble reaching orgasm to the point of frustration and crying. And no point did he ever offer to lend a hand.

In my mind, I shouldn't have to ask him to help. He should have wanted to help. And quite frankly, he seems interested in my reaching orgasm. Now I don't know how to reverse this course we're currently on. Can you help Shannon 41 Kentucky? Okay, Shannon, here's a deal. Men are not mind readers. In fact, many are very literal, like your husband. You told him once it's not important for you to orgasm, and he ran with it. Slipy is slow.

It is a slippery slip. I go, why wouldn't he run with it? Okay? So he's like, oh, she's fine. So that's one thing. He probably doesn't know what you need or how to help you. It's always been her responsibility to orgasm.

When men have to take responsibility for their orgasms, I get why you said that, and it is true. I think for a lot of women, like, I'm fine if I don't orgasm every time. Most, I'd say the majority of women don't every single time. But, you know, I wouldn't get to hung up also on an aided thing. Like, the majority of women do need

more clitoral stimulation during sex. So, like, I feel like you're looking at that, like, this black mark, like, oh, I need to use my finger or anything, so vibrator, like, who doesn't? It's so common. So it's less about the orgasm and more about him, you feel not caring for your pleasure. And so the only way to reverse it is to tell him

what you're missing right now, you know, currently. So you need to, you know, tell him what's missing, bring back the foreplay. Andersen's not gonna like this, but you could, you could say, let's rebuild this and let's take a week of just foreplay and no sex. That's fine. Some massage, some oral sacs, he'll get some blowjob, get some conolingus, or some fingers, whatever you want. But you need to reconnect intimately. I have a feeling that he might not be there for you in other ways as well. That's just my hunch. Because a lot of like if you're not having a satisfying sex life, it means that

you're not being intimate or connect with your partner. So I would say spend time kissing and holding and each other and cuddling and doing all that stuff. And open up the lines of communication. This is your husband. You can you can reverse this, but you just got to be honest. You just got to tell him what you just told me. In fact, you can plan the show. The more you're able to share with him, like your needs and your feelings and your wants, and what's really going on, the better your sex life and your relationship will be. What about this, though, because she might be worried about feeling stupid, talking about how it's been going on for a long time.

And ever since she said that, and he'll know that it's been kind of, what if she said, hey, just recently, this has been, uh, it's been having of for what if she said hey just recently this has been I've been having a really hard time Absolutely and can you start doing like paying a little more attention here in there because I'm having a harder time Yeah, I'm having my butt cuz you know what you know with you Our bodies change they might have kid our bodies change over time and your orgasms and your forties are different in your 30s You got to move different ways than your 20s and so that's true And the thing is, I don't know if he ever made you feel bad about using your hands or fingers, but that's fine too.

And I think you just gotta get him on board. And again, you can be like, you know, babe, I know I said that and no, I still don't need one every time. But I would like your help getting there. And, and it make it fun, you know? Make it like, she's not gonna be this like we need to talk. Because she could make a pie chart and say like, this is before I said that.

Look at see how satisfied I am and it's how big the pie chart is. See how there's none now after I said that? That's a problem. It's a little slope going down. Exactly. A little graphically Excel spreadsheet. So yeah, I would just talk to him about it

and I know that's either said the dumb but really if communication is a lubrication, if you don't talk to him about it, you're not gonna get what you need. This is not, this is not means for divorce. I don't need to stand any grounds. You just need to talk about it. So good luck to you and just do that. Like do that now. Thank you Shannon. For writing good luck. Keep me posted and I love you Anderson. Do you have another? No, that's it. We're out. Okay. I love you. Thank you everyone

for listening. We're also looking for social media interns in the Los Angeles Orange County area. You can make it to Hollywood. You can be our intern, emails, feedback at sexfami.com with a resume and a cover letter. And thanks everyone for listening. Follow me on Instagram, Twitter, sexfami and also facebook.com, sexfami. Slash, sexfami. Okay, I love you all. Was it good for you?

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