Sex With Emily - How Often Should You Have Sex? & Other News

Episode Date: September 19, 2023

Ever wondered how often happy couples have sex? Or the little-known key to sexual satisfaction? In today’s Sex In The News episode, I reveal new research that answers both of these questions and a surprising new finding on who says “I love you” first. First, my Producer, Erica, and I look at a study on sexual frequency and the number of times per month couples have sex. Is it this often for you? Next, we dig into research on men saying “I love you” -- do you agree with our takeaway? We then get into amazing new research on mutual masturbation and give you easy ways to try it. Finally, we explore a study on sleep health and sex. Turns out, an orgasm might be more effective than sleeping pills.See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.Show Notes:The Lover’s Guide to Sexual Etiquette5 Ways To Do It Doggy StylePromescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout)Mutual Masturbation & Other GuidesSHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69)The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureWant more? Sex With Emily: HomeLet’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok Let’s text: Sign Up HereWant me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And the other thing that's so important about this study though is that there is a lot of shame in couples around masturbation. We hide a female partner, we think it's cheating, we think it's that satisfied with us. If you bring masturbation into the bedroom and you do it together, well that's just another thing that you don't have to feel bad about and we're doing it together. So it doesn't replace your solo masturbation, but this is just another thing in your sex toolkit. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure

and liberate the conversation around sex. Today, we are bringing back a sex with Emily classic. Sex in the news, and if you're new to the show, welcome. This was one of my favorite recurring segments on the show, both my podcast as far back as 18 years ago and on Sirius XM. So today, my producer Eric and I are discussing some sex in the news, including how often chick couples be having sex, infidelity and long term relationships, mutual masturbation, and much more. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show, my new articles, The Lovers Guide to Sex Edicate,

and five ways to do it doggy style are up on Sex with Emily.com. Art of Own, Enjoy this episode. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts In Uber Account for your teen with enhanced safety features Your teen can request a ride with top-rated drivers and you can follow their ride in the Uber app Uber Teen Accounts invite your teen to join your Uber account today available in select locations

see up for details I'm so excited for today's episode because we've got some amazing articles pulled up right now. There's been a lot happening in the newsletly when it comes to sex. There's some great research. There's some interesting studies. There's some things that people are doing that are just going to probably blow your mind and inspire you. And so I'm here with producer Erica and we're going to go through them with you. Today, we're gonna get into it. And if you remember the serious sex M days, I used to do sex in the

news. I think when the show first started 18 years ago, I did a lot of sex in the news and it is time because we got a lot of news to get job on. There's a lot going on in the world right now. Erica, I want to start with this one because this is probably one of the most common questions I get asked from couples. Usually it's one person in a couple who says to me, how often should we be having sex all the time? So, this is how often. Happy long-term couples have sex.

Do you meet the number? 2,000 British couples and happy long-term relationships revealed how often they get steamy between the sheets. They found the couples that had been together for a minimum of 10 years had sex seven times a month on average. So I guess that's like one and a half times a week. Yeah. Do you think that's?

What's the half time you think it's just a hand job? Right. What happened? It's a half time like in a... Yeah. They said the magic number helped them build a successful relationship. Here's the other things they said And you're like, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. having no secrets, having the same sense of humor were also valued as more important than the bedroom. Do you agree? When people ask me this question, Eric, I always say, I'm not gonna give you a number. I say, I'm not gonna tell you a number because you're gonna lock into that number and you're gonna be like, okay,

you're gonna pair me to everyone else. But what I have found is that on average, what works is about once a week. If you made me, you had a gun to my head, you're like, give me a number once a week works.'s like, if you made me, you had a gun to my head, you're like, give me number once a week works. And I think that once every 10 days, doesn't work. Once a month, probably doesn't work for couples.

Now, let me also say this caveat, if you're in a relationship, you're like, no, Emily, you're wrong because my partner and I have sex once a month and we're both very happy about it. Then there isn't a problem. But I would say really, call him to the show because I want to talk to you both,

and then I find that usually there's one partner who usually wants it more in that scenario. Because I found that usually there's not couples where they both match up and have the same exact sex drive. There's always one who wants a little more than the other one and I want to normalize that. So if you can get down to a number here and say, okay, one and a half times is the norm

and that helps you somehow get to a place of feeling like good about it and that's fine. And you're a lot of you to study to say, like, this might work for us. I think that's pretty much makes sense. It's like working out once a week, isn't it? Once a week doesn't really help you either.

You kind of need to do it twice a week or three times a week. But sex is a little different. It's like you can't. Sex is different. Well, partner sex. Partner sex is different. If you're talking about solo sex as well, then that's probably.

It's probably, yeah. It's probably a little more than that. I would say that you should do solo sex a little bit more than once a week, but partnered sex, there's a lot going on in your lives. If you can come together once a week or one and a half times a week, I want to put that one and a half

to be saying that mutual masturbation could be that half. Yes. Because mutual masturbation is actually a great way that it's sort of like masturbation, but you're both getting off and it's less complicated perhaps. It's less like we got to get into position. We both like, but you know you're going to have orgasms. It's going to move a lot quicker and it's still about connection because you know that one of my missions is to de-center sex on penetration. That if you make that half time a mutual masturbation, it's not about penetration.

You're still connecting and you're still having orgasms, which we know is great for our mental health, our physical health. I wonder too if the one and a half times could be one time is like penciled in the calendar every week because you always talk about how amazing scheduling sexes, finding a time that works for the both of you, if neither of you are one of you's not aroused in the morning,

then why would you try to have sex in the morning? And then the half time could be like, ooh, a spontaneous one. Yeah, it could be a flo have sex in the morning? And then the halftime could be like, ooh, it's spontaneous one. Yeah, it could be a floater. I like that. And then also, you guys remember this. Sex begets sex. So you just might find out that we had sex on Thursday night because that was our pencil

didn't night. And then you woke up Friday morning still feeling like it was in your system and you want to have sex again. That's really, really common. So just try to get that one time down and then let this floating half sex thing happen as it will. A floater. I love it. Ooh. What? Although, so the same article says, although many respondents said regular sex was important, 5% of couples pulled admitted to sleeping in separate bedrooms.

This is a trend right now, Erica. This is coming up all the time now that people are living in separate bedrooms or separate homes. It's called the LAT movement living apart together, and it's happening, and I'm telling you guys, this makes a lot of sense. If you're partner stores, if you feel better on your own, if it makes you get excited from the times you are together and you have enough space, have a separate bedroom, sleep separately. Again, you guys, you get to decide what rules work for you. And I love that they're starting to research this

to find it out. That's pretty significant, I feel like five percent. Five percent is pretty significant to say, like, we're gonna sleep in separate bedrooms. And I think you normalize that. Your kids are gonna be fine. People, I think people don't do it because they're like, they're kids.

And it means that we're not doing something right. But remember, there is no sex police. No one's knocking on your door saying like, I thought you sleep in separate bedrooms, is that okay? No, like if it works for you, do it. Yeah. Meanwhile, 20% of those surveys that they cheated on their partner.

But of those, 58% were copying unfaithful, but most were able to recover from their major mistake. 85% of couples surveyed so they were able to stay together after the infidelity, while 38% actually alleged that the fair made their relationship stronger in the end. This tracks a lot of people cheat on their partners when they get caught. That's almost 40% say it helped their relationship. This is not an advertisement to cheat at all, but all I'm saying is if you do able to get your partner or something happens with infidelity,

and you get the right help, it doesn't say how many of them went to therapy, but I'm telling you the couples who make it through an infidelity incident, typically work with a trained therapist to help them through it, so they can learn to communicate better on the other side. I mean, clearly it's true because it's such a high percentage,

but I feel like it's kind of jumping from A to Z of like, cheat, be stronger. Like what are all the steps in between? I know there are people like what are some of the things that people work there. Okay, yeah, let's just say this. I'm not in any way saying that you should cheat to fix your relationship. Please don't interpret it that way. The steps in between are literally having healthy communication from the jump.

Go to therapy really on in your relationship so you can figure out the best tools to work on it. If you feel like you're going to cheat, before you do that, turn towards your partner, not away from them and say, have I done everything I can do here? Have I had a healthy conversation about our sex life? Have I talked to them about these resentments that have built up over time?

Have we done the things that we need to do to make sure that we are in a healthy union? And I think we're probably gonna catch some people here who are probably about to cheat. I'm thinking. It's so common. Maybe you're going to, oh, wow, I haven't done all that yet.

So that's what I recommend working on your tools. So you don't cheat for sure. And then the step would be, if you're unfaithful with your partner, stop and go back to your partner. My opinion is that you don't necessarily need to tell your partner that you cheated. If you're committed to working on your relationship now, if you realize right now, and listening to this like a wake up call,

and you're like, you know what, I actually made a mistake, I learned something from that, and I wanna work on the relationship with my partner, and you're gonna literally make an appointment with a therapist today, you're going to get into therapy and commit that you're gonna go to therapy once a week for the next six months with your partner, I don't think that you need to bring up the affair because when couples do tell their partner,

it becomes all about the affair and they don't get to work on those underlining issues. If you've decided that fair is done and I'm going to work out it with my partner, then you could really get into why was I even feeling like cheating? What is the problem in our relationship? How can we learn to communicate better? Listen, when you go to couples therapy, they give you tools to communicate in your relationship in a way that you probably have never done before. And that's why we go to therapy.

They're going to tell you how to talk about challenges that you're having. They're going to teach you how to fight better. They're going to say, like, here's how you listen. I mean, a lot of therapy is really learning how to listen, how to report back what your partner said. So you can actually hear each other, you can support each other. And it doesn't even take that long for some couples. So I'm just a fan of getting into therapy and figuring out what you can do. Because maybe you'll find that the fair was just the impetus that you needed to get your relationship back on track.

And if it really is about a desire to sleep with other people, maybe that's the time to have a conversation about ethical non-nogamy opening it up so that at least you're able to fulfill that need without disrespecting your partner. That's it too, if you're feeling like, no, you know, I actually like this affair or I like what I'm doing here. Go to see a therapist to help you figure out what kind of relationship you want. More and more couples are opening it up, but an ethical practicing ethical nominee.

But the ethical part of it would be going to a therapist and figuring out how you can communicate that in a way that you're part of, can understand. And being on the same page together, so it doesn't become a breach of your commitment. All right, so. Very interesting. Very, very interesting.

So what else is in here? On average, men considered confessing love 69 days into a relationship while women didn't think about it until 77 days in. And I saw another article that said that men on average say, I love you first. And I feel like that is so not the message that we hear in society. I think that men do say it first. Hmm, interesting. You've heard that women say it first more. Well, okay, I think in my day to day, I hear about men saying it first.

I feel like it's always the trope of like the woman falling in love harder and faster and like, oh, don't fall in love with me. And it's like, I'm not. So interesting. Yeah, I feel like and it's like, I'm not. So interesting. Yeah, I feel like maybe it's shifted in years, but I feel like maybe that just, honestly, for me too, I would feel that I would wait for someone else to say it before I would say it to feel safe. Oh, but women are often the ones who feel things more have more language around love.

It might be a little bit more. I don't really hate to say this too because gendered, I mean, we're all so, it's hard to be like women feel this and men feel that, but you know, as soon as women are the ones who push the emotions agenda first. So, but you know what I think here too, that men might say it because they also want to have sex with their partners sooner than later. There might be some ulterior motives here, and maybe that's an old thing too, maybe we won't do that anymore, but there used to be a,

if I say I love you to this person, they're gonna sleep with me. Wow. Maybe now there's less stigma around casual sex. So now there's less of a need to tell someone that you love them before getting to sleep with them. Yeah, exactly. So maybe that's changed too.

So they found almost a thousand participants to complete a love confession's questionnaire online. And they had to be 18 or older, identifies heterosexual, and describe a current or past relationship with which both partners that said I love you at least once. In all seven countries, men and women said that men were more likely to say I love you first. In France, 59% of participants said it was the man. In Chile, a whopping 81% of participants reported the same things. So this is strong evidence for the existence of a male confession bias, which means that men, maybe everywhere,

are more likely to say, I love you first. For me, the result of this is kind of dispelling the notion that men don't have feelings during sex. They're just emotionless, stick it in anywhere, kind of that old trope. I think this is supporting it though. That study's kind of supporting it and saying that men say it.

Oh, you're saying they say it more, but they don't mean it. I'm saying that when men get an erection and they're turned on and they're aroused, there's a lot going on in the moment. And I don't think that they're consciously going, I'm gonna say I love you, I'm gonna have sex, but they, the feeling, like think about it when you have an orgasm,

so many emotions come up, but it's sort of, it's all together, like you have a physiological response to a rousal in your wisdom, buddy. And so sometimes we can take that orgasm or that connection and be like, it must be love. But really, this reminds you of Helen Fisher. Romantic love is broken down to three categories.

Lust, attraction, and attachment. And each category has its own set of hormones stemming from the brain. So to me, this is lust and attraction and all the hormones and the newness of a relationship, which we're talking about the first 69 days of a relationship, or 77 days of a relationship. This, you might say that it's love,

but really you're feeling this overwhelming feeling of emotions that are spurred and by new chemicals with a new partner. So while you might say love, like deep love, it's probably more like lust. It's not like, however you define love, it's your chemicals in your brain. Now lust is driven by the desire for sexual gratification

and the evolutionary basis stems from we need to reproduce and a need shared from all living things. Now there have been a lot of debates over this stuff because let me say this, Helen Fisher did these studies 34 years ago. Now remember, Erica, we have not studied human sexuality a lot at all.

We haven't spent a lot of money on it. We haven't spent a lot of time on it. A lot of stuff we talk about is evolutionarily speaking. Not only like we are changing, we are evolving. Men are being born with less testosterone and more estrogen in the last 30 years. There's just a lot of things that have changed biologically speaking. And so well just a lot of things that have changed biologically speaking.

And so, well, a lot of stuff has a basis in evolutionary psychology and evolutionary biology. We've changed in recent years. There's a lot of evolution that's happening. So, to say that everything we do is actually our need to reproduce, it's still true because we're still mammals, but there's a lot of new information,

a lot of new things that need to be studied. So I think this isn't completely conclusive. I think that we can't ignore the hormones. During the lust phase, we're talking about testosterone and estrogen and the attraction phase is dopamine, serotonin. And then attachment is oxytocin and that love hormone and the cuddle hormone.

But what we're talking about here is these hormones firing that's gonna make me feel like I want to say I love you, but really I'm really just saying I lost you. That's my take on this. But I don't think you can really deeply, deeply love in the way that we think like this is the partner for the rest of my life. Love 69, 77 days in.

I don't think you know someone enough. Now people are gonna email dope, but I met my partner. We slept together on the second date. We've been together 30 years. You grew into love. You grew into connection. You grew into intimacy and you raised a family.

But we're at today, modern day people, in their 20s and 30s, I think that we're gonna see some different data here. What do you think is like a healthy amount of time in your opinion to say I love you to someone? I think it happens on average three months to a year and nine months and. I feel like that makes sense. But I just want people to look at what does love mean. Do you really know that you love somebody?

I think that we don't really know anyone until we've been together with someone for two years. But do you think you can love someone before? No, I mean fully. I think you can love someone before? No, I'm in fully. I think you can love them to the best of your ability. But yeah, you can love them. You can care about them deeply. You can bond with them in a really intense way. And yes, I think you can love someone after a few months.

Don't change the channel. We'll be right back after the break discussing more sex in the news. But first, let me tell you about one of our OG partners, Permessant. They're the sponsor of this episode, and Permessant makes the one and only delay spray I recommend. And I recommend to anyone who's looking to delay their orgasms. Here's how it works. It helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed, and as long lasting, it doesn't transfer to your partner, so you don't need to worry about that.

And it's perfect for anyone who struggles with premature ejaculation. Or if you just want to practice edging, or having longer sex sessions, permescent is the way to go. It's also great for closing the orgasm gap because vulva owners typically take 20-40 minutes to orgasm. So the longer the session, the more likely vulva owners are to orgasm, simple as that. If you want to have longer lasting erections and close the orgasm gap, go to permessent.com slash Emily

and say 50% off your order. That's prom. ESCNT.com slash Emily, or click the link in the show notes for 15% off. Arda, born, I'll be right back. Introducing Uber Teen Accounts In Uber account for your teen with enhanced safety features Your teen can request a ride with top-rated drivers and you can follow their ride in the Uber app

Uber Teen Accounts Invite your teen to join your Uber account today Available in select locations, see after details At Salesforce we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going? Is it secure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure? Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at AskMoreVai.com. Which one next? Okay, what do we lot decks? I think we should get into mutual masturbation.

Let's do it. Okay, do you guys know how excited I was when I saw the Rezactual Study about mutual masturbation? I have been pushing you all towards mutual masturbation for almost 20 years, but now mutual masturbation is linked to higher sexual satisfaction in couples a study finds. So individuals who engage in mutual masturbation, which is when partners stimulate themselves sexually, while being together, tend to also exhibit higher levels of sexual satisfaction in their romantic relationships. The researchers conducted this study as part of a larger research project, which collected data from mixed sex couples and female same-sex couples.

Initially, the researchers aimed to include both partners from each couple. However, due to some partners not completing the survey, they decided to analyze data from individual participants. So the final sample included 117 women and 151 men who range into age from 18 to 65 years. So what they found is participants felt good about it after. They were down. Like, most of them were like, we like mutual masturbation, which is awesome. And then they found most importantly though, to study find a positive relationship between

recent mutual masturbation and sexual satisfaction. In other words, individuals who reported engaging in mutual masturbation and sexual satisfaction. In other words, individuals who reported engaged in mutual masturbation, experiences in the last two weeks, had higher levels of sexual satisfaction compared to those who didn't engage in mutual masturbation. This is so important. Authors of this study are dillian, kelic, and heather, arm strong in Cynthia Graham.

So here's takeaways from this research. There's a lack of education about women's sexuality and sexual pleasure. Mutual masturbation can be an educational tool for both women and their partners about women's pleasure and anatomy. And this is critical to helping couples develop satisfying and pleasurable sexual and romantic relationships, which makes sense everybody.

So basically what they're saying here is when you mutually masturbate, you both get to learn about each other. Not only is it hot to watch your partner masturbate, which it is, once you get past the shame and the worry, whatever, it's really hot to watch your partner masturbate and you're also learning. It's too far as I love. You're saying, oh, I didn't realize that my partner put her fingers at her vulva while she masturbates. That means when I'm going down in her, I'm going to do that too. Or she touches herself moving in circles around her vulva. So that means when I go down in

her, I'm going to move my tongue in circles too. So basically it's saying like we're learning as we're watching it because we don't have a lot of education. And that's a huge finding. And their second takeaway is that sex is not equal to vaginal penetration and doesn't to follow traditional sexual scripts that are portrayed in popular media that only penal vaginal penetration, and doesn't have to follow traditional sexual scripts that are portrayed in popular media that only penal vaginal sex is real sex, which has been a huge mission here to de-center sex on penetration. I love that there's a study that is showing that,

and couples should develop their own definition of sex, including diverse sexual activities to enhance mutual sexual pleasure. And broadening one sexual repertoire with mutual masturbation can create diverse sexual opportunities with a partner that may uncover new sources of pleasure. That makes total sense to me because I feel like, especially for vulva owners, if we're not going to orgasm through penetration anyways, it's like, I want to kick my partner. I want to feel good.

I want to have an orgasm. Can we just connect and kiss and cuddle and engage in mutual masturbation that we're both going to get off? It's like less tiring. It's less tiring. It's the sure thing. You're both going to get off.

You could still make out and kiss and do all the things and go down on each other. But at the end of the day, you can both also get each other off. You're like, okay, let's wrap this up. Right. I feel like that's maybe- Exactly. If people haven't done it before, they might be thinking that it's like,

you're both masturbating next to each other and watching each other. It's like, no, you're both like being intimate and cuddling and kissing, but you're just touching yourselves while like the other hand's on your partner. It's, it's great. This is it, this is it, you guys.

This is a great explanation of why we always talk about it. And I love that we're saying like you're not sitting like robot side by side. You're doing all the things that you normally do. Maybe you're making out, you're going down on each other. And then it just isn't ending in penetration. And in fact, it could even start with penetration. Like maybe you penetrate for a few minutes. And then you get into musical, like it doesn't, we're not scripting you, we're giving you

ideas. So maybe you penetrate for five minutes, ten minutes and it, okay, let's just each finish each other off, finish ourselves off. So that's what it's about. I love that this is illustrating it for people. In very clear terms, not only why it works, but by talking about it with you, Eric, I'm being like, oh, I get it now. And I'm talking about that there's a light bulb moment. Especially because so many people write in and tell us that they can only orgasm by themselves.

They can't orgasm with a partner. So, yeah, you still have sex and then you get your orgasm at the end. Great. God, it makes so much sense. This is like the poster child study. We love it. I hope this is an inspiration for you all to maybe get some toys, get the conversation with your partner about masturbation.

And the other thing that's so important about this study though, is that there is a lot of shaman couples around masturbation. We hide it from a partner, we think it's cheating, we think it's there that's satisfied with us. If you bring masturbation into the bedroom and you do it together, well, that's just another thing that you don't have to feel bad about and we're doing it together. So it doesn't replace in your solo masturbation, but this is just another thing in your sex toolkit. Love it. Let's talk about sleep and sex. There's a new study that says sex

could be more effective against insomnia than sleeping pills. I love this because everybody's talking about sleep these days. Sleep is a very like hot topping. People are talking about hacking your sleep and don't be on your screens for two hours before bed, where the light blocking glasses don't have caffeine after a certain time.

There's all these like best practices for sleep, but when I hear about a study that says that sexual activity and non-sexual touch, which triggers an oxytocin release, can help to positive impact your sleep, improve the quality of the sleep, and help you fall asleep, like, you know I'm all for this. That sounds amazing.

And also probably one of the most natural medications or ways to get yourself to go to sleep. Exactly, we need this. I mean, this is the thing. It's like, if you've also been thinking, like, I need some other kind of incentive to have sex or to masturbate, it's going to help you fall asleep.

I think there is this whole cliche that like, the men fall asleep right after orgasm. I guess not a cliche actually happens, but this also can help vulva owners as well. Because what happens is after we have an orgasm, we release hormones that are linked to sleep benefits. So, not only does it help with emotional bonds and reducing stress, but again, it helps us with falling asleep. So. Have sex before bed?

Have sex before bed. Masterbait before bed. Have sex. Masterbait before you fall asleep. I guess that's one reason, because that people always talk about how they're so tired, especially after the work day, too tired to have sex. Maybe this is a good reason, like just a quick orgasm.

Just mutually masturbate. Have a quicky, mutually masturb masturbate and then fall asleep. I just think we forget, so this is a great reminder of that. But yeah, like, I know if I masturbate or I have sex, I can't often remember having trouble sleeping that night. And again, the more we do it, our body will also have a more reaction to being a signal to sleep. So I think this is important.

So it says the most significant finding of the study was that partnered sex leading to orgasm reduced the time it took for both Ben and women to fall asleep. In contrast, sexual activity without orgasm and masturbation, whether without orgasm did not show similar effects on sleep. So are they saying it's really as partnered sex, maybe?

Yeah. Oh, so they're saying not even masturbation. They're saying, well, they said partner sector.orgasm though. In contrast, sexual activity without orgasm, oh, without orgasm and masturbation with, oh, I know. That's shocking to me. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true because you're having the same police, although it does say that when you have an orgasm with a partner,

you release more oxytocin. Interesting. I say don't not get to try it. If you've been wanting to masturbate more, this is another good incentive. I'm not super-wasterful. I'm not gonna hurt you exactly. It's like right there, like leave your vibrator, leave your loop, masturbate, knock out an orgasm, and fall asleep. So, I think it's awesome.

Well, this reminds you that the results shown there was a huge difference in frequency of orgasm between men and women, which we already know, but I love when the study just points it out. We've been saying that forever. They called the gender gap and there was a greater proportion of males who, oh, this is what I'm saying. There's identified a greater proportion of males

who reported perceiving improved sleep quality and better sleep after engaging in sexual activity. And I think we associate this with men and that with people who have vulvas. So let's just encourage vulva owners too. If you've been needing another incentive, knock out an orgasm with your partner. And if you have to go to bed earlier, because I know we're all really, really tired, just to get in bed a little bit earlier. That's the other thing. Like if you know, like we wait till the last minute to get in bed, it's too late. If you get in bed with your partner a little bit earlier

and sort of just decide that this is going to be the night that we get in bed and it's too late. Maybe get in bed with your partner a little bit earlier and sort of just decide that this is gonna be the night that we're gonna try it and we're going to have some sex tonight. It's also a great way to incentivize putting your phone away earlier if you're having sex with your partner before sleep instead of scrolling through whatever. I've really tried to do that more often.

I'm really getting better at charging in the bathroom outside the room and not having next to the bed. It's not, it's not healthy. It's the point where I think that people just don't even realize it gets really, it's impacting your sleep, it's impacting your brain. Like the thing that you're looking at right before you fall asleep is the last thing you're thinking about, it could be ed up in your dreams. Why not just, I don't know, meditate towards bed or read some affirmations or just do something that's going to set you up for a great night sleep. Read a book. Read a book. Oh gee. Journal. I don't remember people talking about having bad sleep

years ago, but maybe just because of I do know there are studies that show that the screens are having an impact on us. I also find that the screens are just so stimulating, but that by the time I put it away, it's like the first time my brain has had a chance to not be stimulated. So it's like all the thoughts that I haven't had the chance to think through are like right there as I'm trying to sleep. So if you just get present in your body, whether that's through having sex, having an orgasm, meditating. There's just so many great apps now, which is the conundrum when you have to have your phone to use an app, but apps now, which is the conundrum when you have to have your phone to use an app. But getting these meditation apps, I love Insight Timer and just say like five minutes,

10 minutes sleeps, we do this sometime in sleep app, we do that, we play it for like 10 minutes, we fall asleep, 20 minutes, listening to something like Bidaro beats, or somebody just, you know, talking you through breath work is just a huge game changer. Leave the bedroom for sleeping and for sex, okay? Mm-hmm, that's it. That's it. Well, I'm done with that. All right. is just a huge game changer. Leave the bedroom for sleeping in for sex. Okay? Mm-hmm, that's it. I'll end it on that. All right.

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