Sex With Emily - How to Ask Your Body What It Actually Needs

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

In this episode, somatic practitioner Dolly Josette (aka The Pleasure Muse) is teaching us something that changed my life… how to actually listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us. We walk through a body anchor meditation to help you find your most grounded position, then move into what Dolly calls the vulva hug and cock cradle, a practice that has nothing to do with arousal and everything to do with presence, safety, and building trust with your own body. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, gone numb during sex, or struggled to know what you actually want, this episode is your foundation. Somatic work like this is how we learn to stop performing and start truly feeling, and it's a practice you can bring into your life daily, not just in the bedroom! ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sex with Emily 2:23 Meet Dolly Josette & What Is Somatic Work? 4:07 Embodiment & Sexual Connection 10:56 The Holy Trinity: Body, Mind & Soul 13:07 Body Anchor Meditation 26:22 The Vulva Hug & Cradle Practices 35:08 How This Practice Changes Intimacy 41:32 Overcoming Shame Around Your Body 45:13 How Somatic Work Changes Relationships 49:45 The Power of the Pause 51:17 Why Daily Embodiment Matter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour. And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night, I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates.

Then heading to Philadelphia on August 5th, Nashville on September 29th, and Austin, on October 7th, more cities to come. Come with your partner, your friends fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex with Emily.com slash events for tickets and tour information.

I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you. We think we want sex, but we just want talk. We want that. Those feel good hormones that tell us that that's pleasurable and we want more. Why would my body be responding to somebody else? I haven't even connected to my body today. If I haven't even connected.

So many times partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our genitals because they want something from us. I can't fake it anymore. I can't be performing because it's like a total override of what is now in my system because it is about that making your body feel safe. Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex.

This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires and knowing exactly what you want. Also be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex with Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter. You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give really good newsletter if you know what I mean. It's sex with Emily.com slash newsletter.

Finally, I'm going on tour, and I hope you join me. I'll be going all over the United States, and my first stop is in Chicago on July 7th, and the show is all about you. I'll be answering your questions live, we'll be playing games, there's giveaways. It's going to be such a good time. You can find that at sex with Emily.com slash events. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Hi, everybody, Dolly Josette, aka the Pleasure Muse.

You can check out on all social media, and her website is the Pleasuremuse. And social media is the pleasure muse. Dally discussed the importance of what somatic work, about somatic work, what it actually is and what embodiment means, which is such an important pillar of our sexual health and wellness. And the first pillar of sexual intelligence, as I write about in my book, Smart Sex. She's going to show you today like all the layers of what this learning will bring. We're going to show all the layers. Today's practice is going to help you connect to some of your. deepest yearnings you have around sex. And what I've seen in the world and from over 20 years of

doing this and Dali's been this work for a decade is, is that a lot of you, you want to know how to connect more to yourself. You want to know how to feel more. You want to know what feels good to you so you can really enjoy sex more. So you have more pleasure. So you understand what is going to turn you on? What's going to stoke your desire? What's going to help you feel more present? And then once we learn these practices, these simple practices, not simple, like seemingly simple, but actually the most foundational work of embodiment that we can do anywhere. And so you can just start to attune to your needs and learn the skills so you could immediately drop into your body and be present for sex. So today we're going to learn more of that.

so you can connect more to yourself, feel more. Now, as I mentioned, Dali's been a sexological body worker and a somatic practitioner for almost 10 years. And if you don't know what that is, Dali, can you tell us a little bit about the important work that you're doing that has changed my life and touched my life and so many other people? I will. I will. Before, I want to piggyback on what Emily was saying about the value of embodiment. I don't know if I really got into this aspect. And then what we're doing today.

The whole theme is sexual connection. But it's this idea of connecting to yourself first. And, you know, we say like, oh, we hear the cliches, like being your best lover, like insert eye roll. But as much as we can kind of joke about this idea about being your best lover, really feel into how much we were. rely on other people to like let us know like, oh, he wasn't a great lover. Oh, she didn't know how to do this. Or if you're not feeling great in a partnership, how much you're relying on an external force to actually have you feel good. The big mystery is you don't need to rely on an outside force. You actually need to bridge the disconnection with yourself so that you can, in

fact have connection and feel and exude like all of this yumminess and and deepen what you're feeling. That's the whole point. So today we're going to bridge it. So the work of sexological body work when I'm working with practitioner with as a practitioner working with people's bodies a sexological body worker we actually can work on the pelvic floors. Working with vulva mapping, penis mapping, anal mapping, prostate massage, full body embodiment, sensuality, really mapping the entire body, looking at consent, looking at boundaries. I even work with childhood regressions, attachment styles, all these different layers of how are we showing up in relationship. But sexological bodywork is how are you showing up in relationship to your body? What are you noticing? It's actually

bringing the embodiment element so that if I'm bringing touch into somebody like are you noticing potential for pleasure are you noticing numbness oh what's showing up for you oh is that a memory oh you don't feel anything so then we can start to unwind what your body is holding so so does that yeah it does and I want to say more about this is that when she says mapping and I just I just want to say they could work with you privately on Zoom. Oh, yeah. Or on cursive. Yeah.

And we can, that's through the pleasure muse.com if you want to go through there. But what she's done, what she does with people, when she says she works with the public floor, she actually does hands on work, non-sexual touch. So non-erotic touch. It's not erotic in the sense of, well, it can be. Well, I'm not bringing my erotic. She's trying to help you in this practice, but we're going to help you do that here. And if people are interested down the road in a group.

vulva mapping or penis mapping that you could all do at home in a privacy of home we could do that as well but she could also work with you but side note what she does is when she says mapping it means like like if she's mapping you she touches your redidels yeah she could touch your arm but she could also with she uses a glove and she could you're you would be laying on a table if you were in person massage table and she would help you understand because there's so many nerve endings on our bodies like Where's my vulva puppet? Here's going here. For example, if she was working with you and what we could do down the road is she would be touching you and saying, what do you feel here?

What do you notice? Does you feel anything? And you'd see that we do, and this goes for her penis as well, that these are so specific. If we talk about the 12,000 nerve endings, we have externally internally and the penis has the uncircumcised penis has 4,000 and maybe 8,000 if it's uncircumcise. Oh, sorry. Unc circumcised is 8,000, 10,000. She's penis 4,000. But these are really specific so she could touch you.

And when you're lying there, all you have to do is receive and really think, wow, I have some more sensation on my left labor, my left part of my clitoris and not the right. And she can help people, like, maybe there's some trauma attached to it. Maybe there's some feelings attached to it. And so it's just, it's really fascinating work. That's just a deep way up. And the reason why we do this, and then we'll get into like today's practices. It's not mapping, but this is a,

a nice introduction to psychological body work, which is important because part of the education that Emily wants to bring to you all is the fact that there is so much to learn. And maybe you never even knew that somebody like me existed to understand and to get hands on or when I work with couples, I teach partners how to map each other. I teach sensual massage, but they're bringing their intimate connection to each other. And I'm there like as maestro. So, supervising, do that, you know, and it's amazing. But the mapping, we're looking at erogenous zones. We're looking at what's numb, what needs to be healed, and to see what's already online, and where can you actually elevate sensation in your body? Because people come to me often that they're like,

I'm not having orgasms or I'm not feeling this. And we can increase your actual pleasure and your sensations and put things back online. But yeah, online meaning like it by already be online, it might be a really hot spot. So if you already find a spot in your body, Dali realized that this part of her arm was the most sensitive, felt the best. So that I was giving her, I was doing it to her and we were like, oh, we were narrowing in on this part. So if we're doing it on our genitals or any part of our body, then we have more information to know, oh, that's where I like touch. The same thing is in our bodies. We've just been having sex the same way. Maybe it's been penetrative or even oral sex. If we learn, oh, this.

underside of my penis or shaft or this left part of my labia feels great, Eureka, we know. And then we could say, you know what, this part of my body felt great. Let me show you what actually feels good. And that's the missing piece for so many of us. We just don't know what feels good. And then we, we like just go numb or we're like nothing feels good because we're not as specific and able to pinpoint pleasure. But it all starts with this very foundational practice. and we're going to run through a few more of them today. I'm so excited. So hopefully everybody will learn how to attune to their own needs and their own bodies. So my Holy Trinity is body, mind, and soul. I was raised Catholic. Those of you have religious backgrounds,

you know what the religious Holy Trinity is. But my Holy Trinity is body, mind, and soul. And we actually, and I actually interact with them when I'm in, what I'm going to teach you today is how to listen to your body. So it's as a. if your body or your vulva or your cock, because we're going to get into a couple of different demonstrations, it's as if it has its own zip code, it has its own mind and it can actually talk back to you. And we don't know that we can talk to our bodies. I mean, because that's kind of out there, right?

But it's what I call somatic dialoguing. So you're dialoguing and you're like spending time with your body to actually see what it needs. because what I find is that people actually, when they do this work, they realize, I've never checked if my body wanted to do something. And their body tells them like, hey, you've been ignoring me. I want to use my voice. So the body, that's when it can start numbing out. So why don't we get into practice? Yes.

But what I want to say is real quick that we're going to get into practice. We're going to do two prefaces today. One is for bulbas and one is for the whole body. The whole body. Volvas and Cox that we're going to combine that. Oh, good. And the whole body. So baldos and penises.

She likes to say cock. I like to say penis. But she's tomato tomato. We know what we're talking about. And then one for the whole body. So what we're going to do is each one, we're going to do something. We're going to do it. We're going to do it.

And then we're going to stop. And if you guys have any comments, do you want to chat? Please sit in your notes. And then we'll cover it. Then we'll go into the second exercise. And after the second exercise, if anyone will. one would love this, we'd love to bring you up on camera and talk about your experience. Yeah, because it's really valuable to get feedback in real time.

And this work that I'm going to do with you, this is what I begin with with all of my private clients. I really am pulling out details from them so that we're really like seeing what's going on with them, but you're going to get a taste of it and get a sense of what is showing up for you. So we're going to begin our first Semitic practice with the body and, anchor meditation. That is to really land in your body, connect with your nervous system, and actually how to release oxytocin so that you can fill up your cup so that you even have more to like show up. You don't feel as depleted. Okay. So oxytocin is that feel good hormone that we get from touch,

which is what we all sometimes so desperately crave. We think we want sex, but we just want touch. We want that those feel-good hormones that tell us that that's pleasurable and we want more. As you are, you want a pillow behind you? I think I left it right on the other side. Do you see that? We can put the vulva behind it. I don't know. She get comfortable.

Yeah. Get comfortable. So just get comfortable. And I'm going to actually lead you through five body positions so that we can see which body position feels the best. It's like in their Goldilocks and the three bears. She tries out baby bears, Papa bears, mama bears, to see like. like what feels just right. We want to see what feels just right. This is a place that feels the maze grounded and the most nourishing. So Emily, first start off with your hands on the top of your

thighs, breathe in, and then just push into the top of the thighs, like you're anchoring in. And everyone viewing, watching, please join along. Beautiful. And then the next breath, put your hands on your belly and just kind of hold your belly. This chair is a little narrow, so it might be harder to do that. Now one hand lower belly, one hand higher, kind of by the rig cages where that little V is of the rig cages. And sometimes it makes a difference if you swap your hands. So higher and lower, you can kind of get a sense of like,

oh yeah, that adjustment really made a difference. And in the last position, I want you to whichever hand felt better on top, move that hand. I'm going to switch line and go up into your heart. So now that lower hand is kind of center belly, not lower, not higher, center. And then just take a breath in. So I'm kind of watching Emily through the camera.

You're doing great, girl. Doing great. And I'm hearing your audible exhalations are beautiful. So my pillars of embodiment, because I know Emily has hers from her book, but mine are focus of attention, breath, touch, sound. Sound is included if you can hear the audible exhalations. So now as you're breathing in, start to have your exhalations a little bit longer. Good and now out.

Beautiful. Breathing in and out. That's accessing your parasympathetic nervous system. And I want you to take the focus, Emily, of your hands as the givers. They are giving to you. Just see if you can flip into taking their perspective. Feeling the ridges of the clothes. feeling the roll of skin or belly.

I can feel that more in mind. Feeling the warmth or if you're feeling skin to skin. Just noticing your giving hands. Now take the perspective of the receiving body. Your body is the receiver. This is where we start to separate like that Holy Trinity, giving and you're receiving. So your body's like a different entity.

Can your body feel the temperature? Does your body feel? Is it able to sip in? Sip in a little bit of that energy, that warmth, sipping it in deeper into your heart, into your spine, as if you're sipping in the sun. We talked about that a little bit yesterday, just able to receive. And Emily, keeping your eyes closed, kind of say out loud, what are you? Well, I'm noticing it took me a few minutes to settle. Like I had a moment, like, which hand feels better? And I got, like, tripped up. And then I remember that, like, it doesn't matter. It's not perfect. Just land on one position. Yeah.

But now I'm noticing. So my mind took a beat. And then once I would go back to my breath, I noticed that I was actually able to really feel more. And then when you said, I thought it was interesting when you said to be the giver and the receiver in my own body. So I was like, so if I'm giving like this hand here, these hands are like, like they went with their touching, but then as the receiver, I was like, okay, yeah, I feel that my body is getting warmer, like in my chest right here, where my hand is. Yeah.

And then I realized that my, my, I wasn't breathing again. So whenever I go back to the breath, I'm like, and then when I do the deep breath, I can feel my stomach. I'm trying to look at the right kind of inhale, exhale. I feel in my stomach move. So that's what I'm noticing. I'm noticing. I'm noticing took me a beat to settle, but when I go back to my breath, I'm able to really

settle in. So good. Such good noticing. Y'all, there's no right or wrong. If the deeper, longer breath starts taking you out of it and you're like doing breath, the most important thing right here is just being with your body. Right now it's like you're comforting yourself. Just like you're giving yourself like this little hug, yeah?

And as you absorb this warmth, absorb this presence, your body's actually going to start to release a little bit of oxytocin and it's going to feel as if you are being hugged. Now, the next thing with this whole somatic dialoguing that I mentioned, I want to see if you have any messages for your body. Emily, do you want to play along with me? What message do you have for your body? For me to my body? Yeah. I want it to my body that I wanted to remember this feeling of relaxation and to be able to get into it more frequently because it feels so good.

to be still and to be settled and to be connected to my breath. I want my body to remember that this is what it needs to feel grounded and nurtured. Beautiful. Messages do you have for your body viewers? She's just kind of feeling into that. This is something that I'm hoping you'll do each day. The messages might change. Really good.

So Emily wants her body to remember what this feels like. And that's so accessible. I have to really do much, but breathe and see. still myself turn off my phone. Now let's see, let's flip it. As your body have a message for you. I don't answer it right away, okay?

Because the message that your body has can show up, it could shift this, the temperature, it could be an emotion, you could feel like an energy or a tingling or a tightening, you know, memory. So asking your body, like in your mind, body, do you have a message

for me. And she might be quiet. She might not be so sure that she can speak. Has she ever been asked this? So if you're not getting the meeting, it's fine. It's getting an overall sensation. My body, well, first, it's funny because I, my body, my legs were crossed. And my body was like, I want your feet to be on the ground so you could be more centered. Like you could be more like not off balance. Yeah. Because feet on the ground is so anchoring. And so I, just made sure that both feet were planted. And is there something, Emily's body, that you need for an Emily? So now I'm going to just directly work as a practitioner.

Emily's body, I'm speaking to you. There's nothing you have to do, but just in any message that you want to give to Emily, what's coming up in your mind and your sensation. My body is saying thank you. Like, thank you for taking time to really connect with me. Yeah. It's been a while. I've been the last few days been so exciting, but lots of movement, lots of running around. So it's like, oh, good. We're doing that thing where we're just grounding. The body's like, this is good. Thank you. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, thank her. And let's start to move her a little bit out of this. You can stay in this position, like wiggle your toes. And let your bodies know. Let your body know on like, I'm going to come back and check in with you. My intention is to do this just even for four breaths a day,

just to be with you, not to ask you to do anything, just to let you know I am here and that your voice matters. Look at that beautiful breath at us. So now, if you have any comments, and you just start to come out of this exercise. Slowly, you can keep your hands there, letting your eyes come into this space. Just take it in.

Well, I have a quick comment that this reminded me of is that it reminded me of like when I don't do this and I don't breathe or get grounded or meditate or do all the things I do to help me meditate to help me feel more connected. That why it can be still frustrating sometimes when I'm like wanting to be even sexual. I was thinking that a lot of, you know, I was relating to a lot of our community here that there's so many times that we're like, how would it? I'm not, why aren't I in the mood? Why don't I know what I want? How do I get turned on? My partner wants to be get turned on. And it just reminded me of that like, why would, why would my body be responding to somebody else? I haven't even connected to my body today. If I haven't even connected. And it kind of how we started. Why, why would I think that my body should just be in respond, be in service to others if I'm not establishing that relationship first. It was just such a

beautiful reminder of like this is the work because then I deeply know what I need. Like we're in this together and I can open it up for others once I'm clean with my energy and connection. I'm like really, I'm I'm like really moved by what you're saying because this is exactly it like big light ball moan. Yeah. Big because it is about that making your body feel safe. Yeah. Saying, hey, We are in this together. What do you want, body? What do you need?

Because your body will tell you. Your body might tell you, I need rest. Your body might tell you, I need some sunshine. Your body might tell you, I need you to pay attention to me. When I worked with private clients, some really notable things that came up is like, where have you been? The body has told the client, where have you been? Or it's about time. I've been waiting for you.

So, log in. We want to hear your comments. If anyone has anything you want to say. What did you notice? Like feel into if there's anything that you want to say. Did you want to say anything to your body? Yeah. Sometimes some people have some clients have told me that they want to apologize to a body.

Like, I just, I want to tell my body. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for ignoring you. I'm so sorry for whatever, fill in the blanks. So this is something that can be done. You can do a body anchor in four breaths. You can find, you know, your body anchor position, you can find your breath. Just be there. Hey, body. I love you. We're going to have

a great day. And then you're off to the races. It's really such a beautiful reset to get into that practice of knowing what you need to calm yourself. Yeah. Because what we do when we don't do that, and a lot of us don't do that, and often I don't do it. But we do other thing. We respond to what's happening. We are going numb or we're just reacting to our environment rather than taking those 40 breath where you really can come from a place of grounded, being more grounded. So then the decisions you make going forward are much more connected to what you will then do on. Yeah. And then this, when you start to do this, when we talk about building somatic awareness and attunedment, you start tuning in. So you know what do we talk about like, oh, I didn't follow my gut.

Your gut is your body's reaction. It's the wisdom. And what do we do? We step it down. We ignore our body's reaction or we have we think we have to give an excuse we're like these bobble heads walking around and our heads are like oh i'm going to think about it no y'all i want you to feel into it do you want to do something you don't have to say let me think about it and say let me feel into it yeah and dally does it all the time we've been friends for a long time and she found me feels more crowded that's amazing but i think we should move on to the next exercise yeah but that is so true you guys we know when they say trust your gut what's your intuition say, and I for so long have startled with that. It's like, I don't know, I don't know. But the second

I ground or I breathe, I have much more information that I trust to make decisions going forward, whether it's the bedroom or the boardroom. Yeah, beautiful. So what's this one? So next is Volda hug or cup cuddles. I'm going to get and like open up my legs. Now, if you are feeling like this is not for you, you can just come back into your body anchor position. And even more, Why don't you go ahead and start with your body anchor position, Emily, just there, and then find your breath. And then whether you have a cock or whether you have a vulva, I want you just to do a little squeeze, like if you're holding back pee and release, just till I say hello, inviting that part of our body

to the conversation. And then just check in. Is it okay in your mind or out loud if you have privacy? Hey vulva, hey penis, hey cog, whatever term you use. would it be okay for some for some touch I'm not going to stimulate you just want to spend some time with you so if you get a yes your body's kind of like open like ooh yes hello but if you get a no it's like a contraction or pull back then I want you to stay in your body anchor position so emily are you a yes I'm a yes my problem's like yes but the vulva's external um um anatomy so I'm going to guide um guys

Is it like, am I cupping? I'm going to guide guys to do cock after I do. Okay. So guys, hang on to your balls. Do you or not yet? Dominant hand, four fingers down. And then you might want to angle your body back so that you're kind of placing it down. Your thumb just on the top, it's easier to get your hand in there.

And then you're second hand over. And then you don't need to press in. The second hand just creates a little bit more like, ooh, it was like a thicker, like a weighted blanket without having to press. in. So I just want you to kind of relax and be there. Now guys, the best thing for you to do is to kind of get underneath your testicles, and it depends on what kind of pants you're wearing, but kind of just get underneath the testicles and then shifting your shaft towards your belly button. So your cock cradle is more like this, where your hand is lower below the other hand, where the bowl of a hug is one hand over. Emily, kind of get a sense of.

of that. Now I'm going to show you something else. Swap your hands quickly. I want you to feel the energetic difference of the other hand being there. Guys, you don't necessarily need to do this because whatever is most comfortable for you, it's fine. But the girls, the gals, the vulva owners, do you feel a difference energetically? And go to what feels better for you. Okay, so what hand is touching your? The left hand. And that felt better? Okay, so the left side of our body is our feminine side. So it could be a softer, more surrender. It just your body, again, if people also, the left side is also more fun of them. For men and women, it's just typically the right side of the body is the yang is the masculine side. I'm right handed and if I put my right hand, I actually feel a level of like intensity,

like like kind of interesting. Interesting. But then what, but if I put my left hand, it just feels a little softer. It was so subtle. Super subtle. So go to whichever hand feels better. And, Breathe. Find your breath. Beautiful. Again, a longer exhalation and start to see if your vulva or your cop can get a sense of inviting in some of the warmth, some of the presence of your hands. Our goal here is just to say hey, just to bring some attention and love, just to thank our bodies for all they're doing. Our vulvas are Cox, this life force. yeah yeah so just bringing present and emily any messages that you have for your both thank her for acknowledge her for and if you want to just keep it in your mind and you don't want to share it out loud emily that's okay thinking i'm just i just it's so nice to connect i mean it's so hey i put my educator head on to i'm like no this is why like so just never do this we never connect and i think gosh

i haven't even really just sat and connected in a while so i'm just like oh good it here we are We're back together. That's the message. That's what you want to say. It's so nice to connect. It's so nice to hear. Like I remember the first time I did, though, a lot years ago,

I was like, you got to make that got a college disappointment because I'd been putting it off for like a year and a half just to go once a year. And it was like, why was my appointment? Because it was like talking to me

about like, take care of me. Your Volvo told you. My Volvo was like, why aren't you making that appointment if you care about me? Like, whatever it was, it's like literally like, I hadn't done this.

But since I've done this work, I was just like, oh, welcome back. Yeah, welcome back. Breathe. Close your eyes. Good. So all the different phases, all the different things that our vulvas can say. Now tune into what she might want to say to you.

I know Emily's pronouns are she and hers. So if you have different pronouns, apply that to yourself. What is he? What is they? What does she want to say? So tuning into your cocks, tuning into your vulvas, do they have a message for you? Anything that they think.

need or they like more out or less of and if there's no messages they might just be a little shy right and that's okay yeah the message is still like just this is really i'm so glad to be here welcome back let's let's connect more yeah and um this is important because lately just to be honest with everybody no i haven't been um as feeling as connected i haven't i've been in my busy mind and haven't felt as connected and as desiring of intimacy. And I know that this is the practice that allows me to actually see sex as a intimacy as like a feeling of connection and not just like an app that I have to check off the list. And this makes it a lot more accessible to be like, oh yeah, we are all one. We are connected.

And it starts with me. Yeah. And you can see processing like everything. She's speaking to so her body's little separate than her mind. But then she's also one and the same. So the Holy Trinity, it's all different, but yet it's the same. And so what I want to say, Emily, is are there any sense feelings about that? You haven't been, it's so nice to connect. You haven't been killing any intimacy, any emotion shown. Sometimes they do. Yeah. It makes me. it does make me feel a little like, well, a few things telling everybody that like, oh, this is what you do for a living. You should always be ready to go. It's like, I am just like, I know what to do about it. I know how to connect, but sometimes I just don't feel it.

So that part of it felt vulnerable. But then from a personal level, it just felt like I have a, it's giving me my power back to realize it's not just going to magically like hit me over the head right now. Like there's some more work I need to do and I need to like look at the stress. rest of my life or the busyness of my life. And I know when I just blow down and breathe and connect, it opened up the possibility of connection and intimacy. That it makes sense for how I've been busy and in my head a lot lately. So it just is sort of like, oh, yeah, a reminder gratitude for you and for this practice that I can turn to any time. Yeah, beautiful. Well, well said. Well, so.

So now checking in with any messages that your body has for you, if there are and you want to journal about it afterwards, like there might be a lot of downloads that you're getting. For you, if you quickly come off, it can be like, whoa, sudden, you can also do one hand there and one hand on the belly. But I want you to feel what feels good to you. I'm only coming out of that. Okay. And then just like coming back in this space, you're going to start to move out of the exercise. this this can also I want to kind of find out what people noticed did you have any sense of any blood flow or anything like I felt some more warm I felt more like connection like I was like

oh yeah it's like warm and I felt a little bit of blood flow sure I felt blood flow I felt warm but felt connection yeah it was really I feel so I don't her voice too your voice I feel so much calmer. Can we talk about this practice, though, about, I don't know, I'd love to know if anyone else felt anything you can tell us. But also, Dali, how do we connect the dots on this? How do we like, where would we do this? How often? And then could we do this with a partner? Is this the kind of practice that you're suggesting we do how frequently, how often and what's the benefits? I do this every day, my body anchor. And I, and I, and, I, and, I, and. every other day, if not like three or four times, maybe not that much. But I try and, like, I make

like, okay, I'm doing my vulva hug. So, so I'll do my body anchor first and then I move into vulva hug. So for me, like, it replaces my meditation experience because I'm like, I will get fidgety. I developed the vulva hug because I was fidgety. And one day I was just, I just kind of put my hand there to comfort. I was like, oh, wait, what's happening? There's like all of this stuff happening and it started to send this blood flow and this energy that actually after my very first vulva hug i was like jason honey i met what you called me i think it was during the pandemic or shortly after you're like i the bovo yeah bovah hug it's amazing i'm doing every you're so so into it and then i on my website i have this thing called a vulva hug 2.0 where you're activating

yourself to like really get sexual energy so doing it for yourself before self pleasuring after self-pleasureing so that you're activating that you're bringing in all this embodiment and then you're here it brings a reverence it brings respect it's like thank you it kind of brings a little bit of that godessy energy you know what i mean but all but it's like just reverence more than like goddessy energy she's like really thankfulness and gratitude and guys if you can learn to bolva hug your partner your your your your partner you're women, men, partners, whatever of the combinations, cuddling, or vulva hugging, your partner, it just, it grounds the body.

It does. It makes you feel like so seen and so revered and so respected. Yeah. It's so, how we was, this, this work here is truly transformational dolly. I mean, it really is, you guys. This information is just, this is, this is the sauce. Like, this is the secret. This is what we, we all crave.

know that you've shown me that in the past, how to do that with a partner. And I just can't take your partners, it's so grounding and you feel so connected because so many times partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our generals because they want something from us. They're touching our generals because they want to get us to aroused. It's goal-oriented. But when you are grounding your partner and it doesn't do perfectly, even just putting your hand over it and not moving your hand is such a a it's it is it was like a um it's such a a it reminds you of like a weighted blank it's such a calming for you feel so calm and how that it's like really really beautiful and it feels so supportive yeah

and it feels like it's a different kind of connection that I had never experienced before and I remember when I got this from you this practice and it and then I have a partner do this it was just it just changes the whole, I can relax into my body. It gives me permission to feel safe and to know that this isn't, I don't have to do anything else, but feel connected to my body at that moment. And then like a lot of emotion can come up, like just like deep gratitude or sadness for feeling that I haven't been as connected. And then I feel that my, it allows me feel more like my partner really wanted. I feel so seen by my partner and just like it's such a loving act. Yeah. To just because if you think of our generals, it's so charged. It's always so, like I said, about service or about doing or going.

Are you wet enough? Are you hard enough? Are you acting? Or do you look okay? And just to be like, you're okay. It's almost like someone's giving you a hug or holding you, you know, like, you're okay. I'm okay. It's just, I mean, that is such a great practice. And it is reverence. Yeah. Retroes is like a reverence and grounding word because of this idea that you're not being done to. like who's tired of being done to yeah like exactly what you say I'm of service or I have to do this or I have to be a certain way or it has to be stimulated but but even my male client like doing the cock cradle it seems like oh I can get the ball of a hug but the cockpit even settling into that and being like with like the power the life force the gratitude thanking our bodies for all they're

capable of dealing. Bridging, like, trust. Because your body, for it to orgasm, for your body to heal, if it doesn't trust that you are looking out for it, for him, for her, like, your body wants to know, like, yeah, we're a team. She's not ignoring my needs. And oftentimes, how often are we going out, like, in my early days, like, just going to my fun for the night or one night stands and it's like, I didn't check on my body.

And I'm like, man, I regret that. That didn't feel good, right? I wasn't present. I was of service again. And like I loved that. How can you said, yes, no one wants random grabs. No one wants her to grab her by the pussy or grab her by the box. That's where the grab and the take, it just feels sometimes.

But we've never been given permission to think otherwise. I know for my experience as a sexual being before I started in this work was that I didn't have permission to say no. And I had it to pretend to like whatever was happening to me. I had to respond in the way. And if I really, because I really truly wasn't having pleasure, I would tap into what am I? Oh, I should moan now. I should move like I like it now. And so I wasn't ever authentically present during sex and responding in a way that was genuine.

That was like could truly give my partner information to know what I liked. And so what I love is if this work is such a jumping off point. And again, I'll say it. so foundational and nobody like this is like a I feel like Dali's like a secret wizard that I'm bringing in like I've I've been sharing taught of my Dali for many years she's been on the podcast several times we're dear friends but it's like it's so hard to explain it until you experience it why this is so important to think wow this part of my body I've never actually built a relationship with it's always been this sometimes it's something we're shameful about it's not enough

It's not what we want. It's not acting how we want it to and we're so mean to it and we're so ashamed by it and we're so embarrassed by it. But think of that crazy disconnect that we feel. It's that we're shameful. We're embarrassed. It's not doing we want. And then we should be, but I'm open for business.

I should be ready for sex. When the messaging has been, I don't know you, I don't love you, I don't revere you. There's nobody, nothing in our culture when it comes to sexuality and connection and intimacy, nothing in our culture is ever like, do this. were. Yeah, ask your vulva. Ask your cock what it wants. What is it? What is it? What does it actually want? And this is the knowing. Like, we all sort of know. We all, and we all can do this, no matter who we are, no matter what our parts, no matter what our history. And I'm wondering if for some people, maybe some shame came up. Like, this isn't okay. We talked about the pleasure thieves,

stress, trauma, and shame. Did some anxiety come up? Did some shame come up for you? Like, I shouldn't be doing this or did you start having negative self-talk? You know, I'd love to know that. And we can, you know, this is just the beginning with Dolly, even though she's going to have to leave us to go back to Nashville. She can always be present in this community with us on Zoom. But, Dali, yeah, so just like, think about that. Yeah, if shame came up and it didn't feel comfortable for you to touch down there, then that's when you want to go back to the body anchor. That's when you want to prioritize that.

So the body's like, oh, you don't have ulterior motives. Oh, you really do just want to show up. And shame especially, shame lives in the shadows and it wants to hide. And so bringing in touch, like, it's like, it's like Brene Brown. You know who Bray Brown is. She says it really fast. Like when shame shows up or you're going through it and you're really embarrassed, just being present to it, like a good friend. So I'm a good friend. You're going through something. She's going to sit next to you. You don't have to tell me anything. I'm just here for you.

So it's like I'm doing that to my body, but here I am. My friend's going through something. I am just here for you, sister. And there's nothing you have to say, I'm just here for you. So in whatever time you want, you can express yourself. And that's what we need so much from our partners, our friends. But what we're saying is we need to give this to ourselves. So beautiful.

I know it's some emotion showing up for you. It's just so, yeah. I just love, yeah, because that really is. And you have, this is what a good friendship is. And we have always been there. And so transferring that, like I'm here for you, that's what we're doing for our own bodies. So that then you're feeling your own cup up. You really are filling up with oxytocin.

And then you develop that attumate. Your body will start speaking to you more. Your body will start, you'll start listening to your body like, oh, no, she wants this. She doesn't want that. And then you get clarity. You start to gain confidence. And more than anything, you are nourishing and loving your body. It's like, you know, when babies get swaddled and they're just being held, it's like you're holding your own body.

You're like swaddling. And you're just protecting and, again, building that bridge so that your body can trust. That's so beautiful, doll. I was going to say, like, I've noticed, and I'd love to hear your experience that for me, over the years, over these many years. And when I first started learning embodiment, when we met 10 years ago, I realize that there's, once you get into this practice and I'd love me to share a bit about your practicing routine and what you notice.

But what I noticed is that I no longer was able to accept touch that wasn't what I wanted or pleasurable. I, after doing this and I've not, I, like I do it every day and I'm not perfect at it, right? but I know now when something doesn't feel good, my entire body is like, that is a hell no, that's not okay. So it was like the permissioning actually became more embodied. And so I'm not, I, I, it is against my entire being to have sexual experiences that are not pleasurable. For me and my partner, like I can't fake it anymore. I can't be performed because it's like a total override of what is now in my system.

Like I can't do the performance of sex or the whatever. So the sex that isn't consensual because really we're teaching consent. This is like bodily consent. We are like first and foremost, we are the first line of defense is our body. Like we are the body of consent. So, Dali, I'd love to know like when, how long it takes until this became routine for you. But also, what did you start to notice about your sex life and your relationship to your body and to your, to your part, to your husband? What was Dali before and after?

The first routine and then Dali before and after would be amazing. Dallie before somatic work and then after. Well, I have a funny story. When I did my sexological bodywork training, it was in the UK. And for whatever reason, like, I just, I couldn't get my husband, like, we could text. Like, I couldn't get a Zoom. The reception was really bad where we were out in the country. And as I started really learning about, like, feeling into my body, he asked me something on text if he could go do something that would normally be a no.

Like, I was like, that, I read it. It was like, why is he even asking this? I was like, well, let me feel into it. So I'm like, listen, I'm feeling this. And I'm like, and none of my body was like, it was just so neutral. And I was like, I felt into it. And I'm totally okay with that. And he wrote me back.

He's like, are you doing the class on me? Oh, because you, he's like, is this the class? Like, because you responded back. It's like, I felt into it. And I'm a yes, you could do that. And he's like, wait, is this the class that you're doing? I don't know. Yes.

And I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, I like it. So it's this idea that you do start to get a sense of like your body like, ooh, yes or oh, no. And so you do start to know your authentic yeses and knows. And so it's what you said. But it deepened intimacy. It deepened connection.

So if you are craving connection, you might be married to somebody for many years, or you might be looking. just to move into a new relationship into a deeper, more authentic, this kind of practice will deepen your intimacy. It doesn't mean that you need to say goodbye to casual sex, but then you may have a choice is casual sex something for you. Like, I'm not ashamed about it. Like, if you want casual sex, be embodied and like go for it and feel everything you can in that moment. And do you want to bridge into the intimacy? Then maybe you're inviting your partner to, like, like do the reverent, you know, vulva hub or cop cradle just so that they can drop into their

body. Also, with the cop cradle, it's important to, like, love the cock in all its stages. We don't need, and having, like, soft cock and just holding it and being with it. It's like, when I did do this to my husband, and initially he's like, oh, I don't know. I was like, I don't know how to do it in all stages. He's like, oh, and he's like, soft and he's like, I cannot believe how comforting this feels. I cannot. I cannot believe like all my thing, oh, it's not the way I want. It just went away, Dolly. And so again, it's that just loving your body in all of its stages.

And this has gotten me through hellish times with perimenopause, moving across country. Like when I was like going through stress about that, like just here I am, body. We're going to get through this together. But deepening the intimacy, it's the biggest takeaway. so that your relationships can really feel good. Yeah. Well, what I love what you said is it almost sounds like you, this is, this is such a less. This is something that I always work on is the power of the pause.

Sometimes we want to just immediately respond to something. Like you said, he sent you a text. Your first thing was in rage. Like, no, how dare he? But you, it's that pause. That's where the magic. That's where we change in the pause between reaction. Yeah.

And that is the practice. And so if you find you, you'll be able to say, go for a walk of your feet. feeling something like, think about it. This is another thing you could do. I want to respond. I know I shouldn't like I'm feeling even if any time you're feeling enraged or anger or like this strong reaction, I need their side. Check in first and see like is this just coming from a thought or a previous conditioning that when your husband asked in the past it was a no. But I love that that granular like that wasn't a time that you have to respond. We always have time to pause. And And so much, and that just comes up.

That comes up for me a lot. I don't know if that comes up for you, but I've found there's a lot of ways I react. Even today, I had a reaction with my assistant. I, Ben, who I adore. And Dali was there, and I responded away that he didn't. He's been, he's a fucking champ. He's doing things so much.

And we've got so much chaos going on that I responded away. And I just immediately felt like, why did I do that? He's a fucking woman. I fed some rock star. And so I, but I was thinking I could have, I could have, I was triggered by something that had nothing to do with him. And I thought, again, you guys, this is not, I'm not perfect practice, but how do you friggin stop before you react?

And I, this is a refresher. I feel like this is going to even just stay with you. Well, and you said, like you've been out of practice of doing that, so waking up before you go into meeting, when you're finishing up all your stuff, just being there and grounding, it actually, it has you show up more capable to take on other people's steps. Because you are filling up your own cup. Thanks for spending tight with me all.