Sex With Emily - How to Build a Sex Room w/ Melanie Rose

Episode Date: August 20, 2022

If you build a sex room, they will come. That’s the idea behind the new Netflix show “How to Build a Sex Room,” and on today’s episode I’ve got designer Melanie Rose here with me to discuss her real-life erotic renovations.From a rock n’ roll dungeon to a high-end sex spa, Melanie has all kinds of decor ideas you can steal: spanking benches, wall-mounted handcuffs, soundproofing wall art. All of these are client-approved sex innovations, but the show has a touching side too. You get to see all kinds of clients, from suburbanites to polycules, parents to long-distance couples, discuss their fantasies and sexual desires – some of them for the very first time. And you know I’m all about that. Show Notes:For More Melanie Rose: Netflix show | Instagram | Website | Pinterest Where is The Clitoris?Liberator Throw Blanket Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I thought was just what was really wonderful, I didn't work satin times doing some hiccups, that when I went to meet Hannah and Wesley again, Wesley had lost 30 pounds because of the room that I designed for them, because he bought them so much closer together and he was like okay I need to get into some shape here and he looked fabulous. To me that was really beautiful and I'm used to getting people saying, thank you for changing my life and so forth, but I just thought, Wesley bless him,

he'd lost 30 pounds because the room did that for him. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. If you build a sex room, they will come. Well, that's the idea behind the new Netflix show, how you build a sex room, they will come. Well, that's the idea behind the new Netflix show, How to Build a Sex Room.

And on today's episode, I've got designer Melanie Rose here with me to discuss her real life erotic renovations. From a rock and roll dungeon to a high-end sex bar, Melanie has all kinds of decor ideas you could steal, like spanking benches, wall mounted handcuffs, soundproofing wall art, all of these are client-approved sex innovations. But the show has a touching side too.

I mean, you could just see all kinds of clients from suburbanites, to polyamorous couples, parents, to long-distance relationships. They discuss their fantasies and sexual desires, some of them for the very first time, and you know I'm all about that. Alright, intentions with Emily for each episode join me in setting intent for the very first time. And you know I'm all about that. All right, intentions with Emily for each episode, join me in setting intention for the show. I do it, I encourage you to do it.

So what I mean is when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How can this episode help you? Well, my intention is to inspire your sex life through design. When we're intentional about our environment, it's easier for a radisism to flow. And listening to Melanie, I think you for a radicism to flow. And listening to Melanie, I think you're going to get some sexy room ideas. Please rate and review

Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, Where Is The Cliterus, is up at sexwithemily.com. Also check out my YouTube channel social media and TikTok. It's all sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, please, please, please, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily or call my hotline. And wait, just use your voicemail on the show. That is 559 Talk Sex or 559 825-5739. Just include your name, your age,

where you live and how you listen to the show. And we're totally cool if you want to remain anonymous. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode! Melanie Rose is the host, designer, and consulting producer of the new reality show How to Build a Sex Room, available now on Netflix. A London-based actress for over a decade, she now lives in Los Angeles, where she specializes in creating sacred spaces, rooms, suites, and areas dedicated to the sexual and erotic. Learn more at melanyruthrose.com.

It's such an important show you're doing, because I think that it makes sex fun, right? You help people figure out how to be intentional about their sex life, which is such an important mission. Yeah, I mean, it's incredible how it's sort of like grown and is growing. And I think really it's really putting a horse at point of sex positivity. It's creating that conversation. That's what we really wanted from the show, how to build a sex room.

So I want to know that moment when you had a couple that was like, hey, like we want to do the living room, the dining room, and we want to build a sex room. It was interesting. I was actually with some clients. I'd been with for like four or five years. You know, once a client and you as a designer of Hit Off, the you tend to stay connected for a very long time. And of course, is that area of trust that you have with each other and openness? Straight enough, I actually happened to be in the bedroom at the time, just because we were talking about putting on doors to stop children from coming in. And they actually said to me, have you ever designed a sex room? I was like, no. And there's, what would you? And I was like, you know,

I'm not going to say yesterday away because I needed to go and do some research. I mean, I'm not going to go, yeah, absolutely. So I did, I went off and just did lots and lots and lots of research. And I thought, why not? I wonder where you go research a sex room. Do you just, because there hasn't, is it calm? I mean, I think of dungeons. That's what most people think of. What did that first sex room look like? Actually, it was really pleased with it. I'm fortunate outside the NDAs with all of my clients just because of the nature and the misnomer of people are like, oh, they have a sex room. There are people that still, to this day, a little bit judgmental about that and there's that area of shame. So to protect everybody, we did NDAs and things like that.

But it was really, really thrilling. It was exciting. And I can't tell you how excited I was when, how to build a section of the show was, you know, coming to reality. Because I was like, now I can show people that having a sex room doesn't mean that it has to be dirty or disgusting. It can actually be a thing of luxury and beauty. That's what you do so well. Well, let's talk more about that. So when people think of sex room, they think, I don't know, maybe they think if 50, 50 shades of gray, they think of a dungeon,

you know, with like whips and chains or they think of, I don't know what they think. They probably have a lot of different thoughts, but it's not the beauty that you are able to create for these people. Walk us through the process of when you meet someone, people haven't seen your Netflix show right now. Like, what does that look like, designing the sex room? Oh, so when I first meet my clients, obviously, I like to put the medis because I'm just about to ask them some really, really intimate questions. And those intimate questions are going to be evolved around sex. I really need that level of trust. I feel that I'm very open about it, so I'm hoping just being able to talk about it so openly, and so matter of factly, people will think, oh, okay, this woman isn't here to judge. No, I'm not. I'm there to help them. I don't profess to be a sex therapist, a sex psychologist, or anything

like that. I am a sex designer, but I need to ask, like, intimate questions so I can get the clients can reveal to me their, sort of, like, innermost desires and their fantasies of what they want out of the room. And then you sort of, like, go to the design aspect. You know, what colors would you like? What do you want this to be? Do you want it to be a fantasy room? Do you want to experience more of that alternative lifestyle, you know, sort of like a netkin, computerism community. So there's all the questions I'm asking,

which is why on the show you see me with my Mary Poppins bag of toys. Well, you have such a wonderful approach and you really do put people at ease and they feel comfortable talking to you, which is so important. It's such a delicate matter talking to people about sex because our professions are very closely aligned here, because I'm trying to get people to just talk about their sex, like, just can you talk about it? Can you talk about what you're into and your fantasies and your desires?

Once people get to you, they've already said they want a sex room, so they're kind of more primed, but you do a wonderful job with it. Thank you. And I'm hoping that through the show that people watching it, they can actually promote that conversation between partners. I'm like it's okay to talk about sex, it's not taboo, shouldn't be stigmatized, it is okay to sit with your partner and say, you know, would you like to

try something like that? And be a little bit more open. It's true, we just have to normalize it. That's what I love about the approach to your show is that I really do think that it normalizes it by watching it. It breaks down the stigma of sex rooms, but then it also just sees couples saying like, yeah, I might be into some spanking and I might be into some, you know, a little bit more romance. And that's what I actually loved as well as that you see that it's for some couples, which I think is so relatable. They just want a space that's just for them because they've got kids and they've got other things going on.

And they're like, we just want this to be even for romance or for, you know, just kind of a signal that this is where the sex is going to happen because it's so, you know, hard for many of us to prioritize our sex lives. And so by having a designated space for it, right? Yeah, absolutely. There was certainly a couple of the clients I was working with on the show. They had children. And the thing is, you need to prioritize and put time aside for your intimacies.

That's the key. That's the point here. That's the key point. Exactly. He'll have been together for so long and they never want to talk about sex. They just assume it's always going to be the same. And it's not. We have to set aside a space or a sex dream if we can. What have you learned by doing this about people's sex lives? Like, has there been anything that's like a common pattern or things that kind of surprise you?

Yeah, they just don't talk about sex. I think this is the most common thread here. I think it's, you know, it's why not. You should be open with your partner. And you know, also, you know, sex and our sex lives in our intimacy level changes as we get older and changes throughout our relationship. You know, when you're first sort of like, you know, that honeymoon period of dating, it's, you know, making sure you look pretty, you know, very nice for your partner and stuff like that honeymoon period of dating, it's making sure you look very nice for your partner and stuff like that. When you get to, later on in life, it's like, this is who I am, this is my body, and I'm just going to enjoy that.

But I think it really is that common thread of being able to talk about sex openly and talking about what your desires are and what you want to happen between the sheets. Exactly, get intentional with it. It was interesting on the show, because you even had couples there who they've gotten to, they're on a show, like they know they're gonna build a sex stream, but even they were uncomfortable too,

saying, well, what do I actually want? They're like, well, I haven't really thought about that. Because a lot of us just don't, we know I want more sex, but I don't know what kind. And you did have a lot of couples on there, like the Palimps couple who were like, we're into golden showers, I'm into being a voyeur. I want to be tied up. They to sit be it like they came knowing what they wanted. But

is there anything that you found like across the board that there's anything that all couples are sort of into or any common fantasies that come up? Interesting. Sometimes people don't want to talk about their fantasies, because they think that their partner is going to perhaps judge them. The way I've dealt with that just purely through design is to, if they're uncomfortable, even if I'm sitting in the middle of them and sort of like being actually as a communicator or not the arbitrator, but the therapist of sorts, is I will have them go away with a pen and a piece of paper and actually write down what they would like their other house to do. And then I will read those and then I can read them out that way,

they're not feeling that they're being judged because I'm conducting that conversation for them. We talk about the Mary Poppins bag of tricks. Can you maybe walk me through it? It could even just be a made up example because I know there's like NDAs, but like let's say a couple comes in and they're like, okay, well, I want to be more dominated. I'm a little bit into BDSM. How do you know what to get? Like what to buy for that? I mean, there's so much because I know there's so much out there. I think the choice is overwhelming for starters, for sure. Like, per se the family, they have been in BDSM for decades. They know what they want. They had endless toys. One of the toys they hadn't got was a Sibian. They didn't have a bondage chair and things like that and also the bondage table where I had

the cage underneath. So that was a great thrill for them. There are a lot of choices out there. And I think again it goes back to that conversation. What would you like to try? How far do we push this? But I think what a lot of people don't understand is that even if you've been you're in bed with your partner and they like grab your hair or they just tap you on the bottom, that under that umbrella of BDSM. But a lot of people don't think that. And it's like, yeah, and BDSM don't knock it and don't, you know, we all have some point in our lives during our sex experience BDSM, we just haven't talked about it. Because it's such a misnomer, it's like, well, I don't want to go there.

Because they think of pain, torture and things like that. And yes, there is a side of that that is for the more adventurous, but there is also a side where it's about communication and choosing the right toys and experimenting, exploring each other's bodies. There's so much shame around it. There's so much confusion, even around kink or BDSM, but I guess what we're saying is it's just in all sexual relationship, there's going to be someone who's dominant and someone

submissive, even if someone's initiating the sex. So it really doesn't mean you need like this whips and paddles and restraints, right? It could just be like a light, you know, spanking or a flogging or not even you don't need a flogger. It could be your hands. So I love that you make all of this accessible. It's just it's so beautiful. So I've been doing this for almost this show I'm working in this industry for

almost two decades. And so I've quite a collection of toys and I mean to the point where I've had to have people come and help me organize, but I don't have a separate room yet but I am moving soon and that's always in my goal. I would make a joke out of it but like why you actually do need a creative space for my Sivian. So it's actually was in my boyfriend's trunk this weekend because we were yet used together. So this is why it's so funny. We hadn't used it because it's been in my garage and neither one has had a space. So then it was in this trunk and what could everyday people like myself, although eventually you will do my trunk. And what could everyday people like myself,

although eventually you will do my sex room? What could we like, we can't build a sex room, we can't all hire Melanie Rose. But what should we have? Because I always say to people, listen, don't have a TV in your bedroom. I think the bedroom should be for sleeping and should be for sex.

So what are the things that we're doing wrong? And what could we do right? Like is there just too much like the lighting's off or the bad sheets? Or like what are some things that we're doing wrong and what could we do right? Like is there just too much of the lightings off or the bad sheets? So like what are some things that we could bring into our bedrooms to make it a little bit sexier and a little more intentional? I think the first step with any bedroom is, you know, look at buying some really nice linens. They don't have to be satin.

They can be beautiful Egyptian cotton that they're soft and also try sleeping naked. There's a thought. It's a different feeling and caress of the sheets against your body and it's also terribly arousing. So you can start with that and if you want to take things just that little step forward, maybe use some underbed restraints, put them under the mattress and they're there, they're not necessarily visible to the naked eye, but you know they're there. That in your mind is also arousing. You can have a box of toys. You could have a trunk of toys. You could have a trunk at the end of your bed that you know or an ottoman, you know that there are toys in there for you to play with, but nobody else does. That's that mentality of, oh god, I know

there's sex toys in this room. Lay your bed with some, you know, some great throw pillows and some, you know, beautiful throws. Get some candles out there. I don't tend to use real candles, but because there's so much variety out there with candles that are remote controlled. So change out your lighting as well. That's a great idea. I never thought to do that in the bedroom. Lighting is a huge factor. So people probably have like the overhead lights in the room like that's not sexy at all. I always like candles but those are kind of a pain right so then view of the electric lights. Okay. This is a good idea. I'm going to do this. Yeah I always say that if you've got overhead lighting you know try and put it on a dimmer or make sure you've got you

know some dimmers that's always you know bringing just pulling that down bright light into that soft mellows, like yellow color, is romantic in itself. And yes, they're layered with lots of different candles, lots of heights, changed out the heights of them. And I always like to bring on the outdoors, the outside into the rooms as well. Some people aren't green-fingered, I, you know, I don't have green thoms, I do, but then there's a variety of wonderful faux plants that you could bring into your bedroom as well, and then change the view of that. It doesn't have to be a sterile bedroom, make it comfortable, make it central

for those intimate moments. Like texture too, although different texture pillows and everything, any colors that you lean towards for these sex rooms, or is it really just a personal? I think it's really a personal choice. I mean, if you think about, you know, a lot of people think red is, you know, red can be very sexy, but I always think that, you know, I like more neutralized colors, and as a client directs me to what colors they actually like, but, you know, I like neutral colors, and just with that pop of red, that makes it sensual

as well. They were all sexy. I went through them and I'm like, I wish them what I like. I'm like leaning towards all of them. It was so wonderful too to watch the couples through this intentionality of saying, okay, we want a sex room, but then knowing that it's a collaboration, right? When couples come together and they're deciding

what they want and then building a room, I feel like, because my mission is to always get people to continue to have sex and talk about it as it changes over time. I love that. I know personally, like I said, with my rooms of mass or not feeling sexy, it's hard to like, you know, do anything. So we got to clear out the laundry and all the things. So I have a question going back in this. Where do you store the chargers? How do you store chargers? Allegedly, this is a personal question. That's interesting. How many charges do you want to store? Oh, guys. Now, if you want to store them now, for instance, okay, you've got a yes. Let me just go back to you

a second with the amount of toys that you have. All right, too many. Go back to what I did with the family room. They had lots of toys to play with. So I used their closet and put slap-wall in there. And then from using the slap-wall, I then had everything compartmentalized and through a clear plastic. So you could have an area deck with a shelf and you can have an electrical in there where you could have all your charges in one place on one shelf. Ready to go whenever you want that. Because that's that is so good. Okay, that's right. That's right.

I did see that because it's like you want them all on the ready. And it's hard to, and I've spent so many hours. This is quite so funny. Like I've spent way too much. I could geek out on this. I have on my, like, where do all the butt plugs go in one place? And then you want the like G-Spot toys and then the literal toys, right?

So how do you have them all accessible? And then you want everything clean? Yeah, absolutely. With every room that I did, I made sure that everybody had to specialize toy cleaners and that they were educated in that as well. And they were also educated in consent. But yeah, for the family, I love doing that. I'm such an, I love organizing.

And just to be able to organize six toys, I was in my element. I was like, just leave me alone for at least two hours while I take care of this. So I had to that all putting in that. It was really, really easy to add to more of the choice that they wanted to, but it was all really well organized, which means that it's all kept very clean. Right, exactly.

I think that's also a deterrent for many people who are like, well, I have the toy, but it's not charged and the loop is in other room, but just to be intentional. It's like anything. It's like before you go for workout, right? People say like, well, I never can get to the gym and there's that tip to lay out your clothes the night before.

So it's a lot easier to get to the gym. It's kind of like you do that. That's what I feel like this show does and what your work does. It takes away all the excuses people have for not connecting because they don't even realize maybe that their environment is sort of a deterrent, right? Like it's laundry, it doesn't feel comfortable,

the sheets aren't clean, but this is like when you have the environment and you make it easier, you know, you're going to want to get it on. It's one of those things. Make your bed in the morning. You know, how long does it take? It doesn't take that long, but make it so that it looks when you go in there, you're like, oh my God, this is sent to you. This is essential. You know, it's interesting. When I was, as I was brought up, I was always taught to air my bed before I actually made it.

So you're airing it for, you know, for smells and also for fresh freshness, have your windows and doors open. And I was also brought up to have your clothes prepared the following evening, what you would wear the next day. That's how I was brought up. That makes a lot of sense. That's why you're maybe you're also very you're so organized, right? If you always been that way, I always feel like you are born organized or they're not. Yeah, I'm born organized. Absolutely. I'm blessed with having my own craft room because I'm an artist as well and everything has to be in a correct thing, which is why when the family were like, oh, we have all these toys, unless it's like normally I have them organized,

you know, with butt plugs and this and this and so forth. And I was like, oh, we have all these toys unless it's like normally I have them organized, you know, with butt plunks and this and this and so forth. I was like, slap all, here we come. Yeah, why not? I love the slap, that was it. I'd never seen that before with our hooks, right? Yeah, so everything slots in and then you can have all the the various baskets in there or you can have them, you know, clear pastick in this, you can see what's in there. So then you have all your lubricants and then you have all your toy cleaners and everything's ready. Have all your electrical you need. Like I said, you can have yourself, have your electrical charges up there, everything there is ready to go when you need it. After a word for her sponsor's Melanie shares some success stories from her work Building Sex Rampers. sex-release.

Has there ever been anything that people want, like anything really adventurous, like what's the most adventurous apparatus that you've ever installed there? Like, huh, this is gonna take three men to do, or three people that help you put this up, or anything that you were like, huh, challenged. Yeah, I'm in bondage beds are really interesting. Because they're made of solid steel and they're made to withstand. That always takes quite a few people to actually put into a room if it's required. And then if you've got the under, you know, the cage under these things and things like that. So once you've got that all put together, then it's a matter of dressing it. But yeah, these items are quite heavy as well. So let's get into the don'ts.

Like, is there any, we talked about we should have lighting and texture, but is there anything that you just and no, no, like don't have this in your bedroom where you just clear that out, just doesn't work? Anything that you saw. I think you should leave yourself to every opportunity and open to every opportunity. If you're wanting to turn your bedroom

into some sort of like intimacy moment then you know do make sure you have your sex toys to hand, make sure you have your lubricant there whatever you choose, you know choose your lubricant according to your you know also to your toys because not all lubricants work with different well with with toys at all toys. with toys, adult toys. And just have fun with it. But, you know, make it like a sanctuary. This should be your sexual sanctuary. You know? It really should be. Like, if no other place in your life is like a sanctuary, I think you're bedroom absolutely. We spend so much time in there. It's so important. And what I love too is that this show really demonstrated through all the couples that there's so many different sizes and shapes of kink and play and sex.

And that was just such a beautiful variety and inspiration from watching this. Like, oh, I think people could see themselves. They could find someone that they relate to, a couple they relate to in the show. I thought was just what was really wonderful. I didn't work satin-sides doing some pickups that when I went to meet Hannah and Wesley again, Wesley had lost 30 pounds because of the room that I designed for them,

because it bought them so much closer together and he was like, okay, I need to get into some shape here and he looked fabulous. To me that was really beautiful and I'm used to getting people saying, thank you for changing my life and so forth. But I just thought, Wesley bless him, he'd lost 30 pounds, because the room did that for him. Well, that's beautiful. I mean, I was going to ask you that too. You must see amazing first of all,

just the physical transformations are unbelievable. Everyone's got to check out this show, like you see basements in your back rooms with wires and things. I don't even walk in there. I'm going to want to have sex in there. Everyone's got to check out this show, like you see, like basements in your, like, these back rooms with, like, wires and things, you're like, that's gonna be, I don't want even walking there. I'm gonna want to have sex in there. And then you do these beautiful transformations

that are so ornate, like, I froze a screen. I was like, oh my God, call my boyfriend. And like, which one should we do? And so I think that's amazing. I was gonna ask you, do you have any, and that's an incredible story about him losing weight, but you must have stories from couples too, just said that it really took their sex life to another place.

So the next level, yes. And as Sineeker and Matt, she was like, you are my angel. You have saved our marriage. And for me, that is just like, oh, that's huge. I've changed their marriage. But that's what I want to do, is I want couples to reconnect and we deepen their relationship that they already have.

So somehow, you know, it was there, and they still think it's there, but it needs to go deeper than that. And by doing these rooms, I just love watching their reactions and their faces, and, you know, I love all of that. That is the best part. You must hear about people. I just love watching their reactions and their faces. And I love all of that. That is the best part. You must hear about people. Yeah, I'm sure you have a lot of those success stories.

And you must have so many people lining up right now to get sex rooms. Like, everyone called me when this show came. Have you seen this show? Like literally 20 people. I was like, of course, this is like a dream. And I think that we don't put any intentionality around even just having sex or talking about it.

So this is like the another layer of it that people can start thinking, oh, I can actually have a space for it. People think like they got to go invocation to get that. I think there was one of the clients were saying they wanted to kind of mimic the vacation element. And maybe it was a couple who said they wanted like a spa like feel. So just so people know, listening to this, it's really not that crazy red room dungeon that you think, like it could just be we want a beautiful space that looks like a spa or looks like a romantic getaway. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right again. It was Raj and Ryan. They only seem to have sex when they were going on vacation. So my natural instinct was, okay, why don't I take them back

to where they got married and that when they had that great spark and they had time for each other and make that room into a honeymoon suite. So immensely, they're like, okay, this is the honeymoon suite, this is where we go make love and so forth. And dividing that area into zones was helpful because I was able to meet Raj's logical requirements of not being a man cave, but being an area where it's a little bit more masculine for him. He had to meet Raj's logical requirements of not being a man cave, but being an area

where it's a little bit more masculine for him. He had his sofa, he had his cushions that had leather on them, and he had the big screen television. So it's sort of like melding all those things together for them. And then, again, Megan and Dave did not want, you know, Megan was adamant about, you know, don't want this to have, you know, paddles, whips and chains hanging. No, that's fine. I'll make it into a spar retreat. And then we took that spar retreat outside with a hot tub. That's kind of what I'm going towards. Little spar retreat, but then the toys are still all in

there somewhere easy to access. I love that you make it so accessible for everybody. There's also a quote you said, you love butt plugs too. So do you love them shocking people with them or you actually like like what's the, there's so many different kinds right now, right? Oh, I, yeah, there are some, you know, I'm a great advocate and I love glass butt plugs

and I also love glass dildos. For the same reason of each other is that you can have, you know, you can pay with them at temperature and you can warm them up, or you can have them chilling cold. And that again is a different sensation for the nerves in those Roger Nassons. So, and also I think they're just a piece of beautiful art. I mean, they're incredibly, I mean, they are, excuse me, expression hand-blown. So they are beautiful in their own right.

Yeah, you showed some of them on the show, the ones with the stones in the middle, they are beautiful. So tell me more about your bag of tricks that you bring around because I, like, what is the, I love that you sit with a couple you're like, well, how does this feel to you? Or what do you think about that? So what is a bag of tricks having it? What is your Melanie's bag of tricks have? Well, really, it depends on the clients I'm going to be meeting. I think a flogger is always one out there, or even a riding crop. You'll see with Taylor and AJ, I bought her a flogger,

which has got that really sort of like heaviness and that feel to it and the leather tails. And yet when I went to Hannah and Wesley's, I actually had a riding crop, but then that had a little bit of sparkle on it. Or that was with Roger Ryan, sorry. And that had a little bit of rhinestones in it You know, that was with Roger Ryan, sorry, and that had a little bit of rhinestones in it just because that's who the type of people I think they were, and when you see that,

it's a little bit, always a little bit of bling in there as well. Okay, I quite like that. It's not your standard, couture, you know, heavy piece of BDSM leather and stuff like that. So, Kate is to all different types. But plugs I love because there are either going to be a really hard no or I think it was a poor Wesley who said, isn't there something I handed them an enjoy stainless steel one which is really heavy and you know it is of the large side and he was like, is this what they use for you know down in kangaroos?

Bless him. It's like no it's not that kind of toy. I love the enjoy when I've said that to someone asked it was my sort of like, no, that's what you like someone breaks into the house. You hit him over the head with the enjoy. So how do you I'm sore surround here? You're in LA or you travel around like, is there a place that you go? Or I mean, I work with a lot of different brands, but just in for so long, is there places that you go to find the leathers?

Are they already made? Are you designing them from scratch? Are you picking out the different colors? How does it work? That's an interesting question. We're working on that kind of like that side of other stuff at this moment in time. For the show, I actually saw most of my materials

from the stock room in Los Angeles. I love the stock room. And where about to you based? I'm in West Hollywood. Oh my God, okay, so the stock room is just fabulous. I love the stock room. Where about to you based? I'm in West Hollywood. Oh my god. Okay, so the stock room is just fabulous I love the stock and the reason why I go there is because I'm dealing with people that are expedient experience in BDS MLP Inc. I want their product to last also that they have their own leather selection as well Which they craft so I love going there. they have that variety and they're really knowledgeable.

So even if you were a person that has never been into a sex door before, if you went into somewhere like the stock room, then you would know that they would be able to help you. The people behind the counter know what they're selling and know what they would be able to select for you. And then I also, because we shop the show in Denver, Colorado. And so I used boutique stores over there, like Vanilla King, again, because they know what they're doing and they're very passable. You know, they're there to help you, not to just like tilt you up and down and go, oh, yes, the crew just walks through the door or, you know, do they know anything.

And then also I used another stock called Awakening's. There's a little bit from Adam and Eve, but you know, there are, you know, do they know anything? And then also used another stock called Awakening's. These are a little bit from Adam and Eve, but you know, there are, you know, as you know, there are different toys, different varieties, and so many different toys out there to choose from. Exactly. You showed the suction toys that was originally like the womanizer. Yeah, you showed all it was fun. It was like, it was like watching something with a bunch of friends in it, but it was my toys. I'm like, oh, there's the womanizer, and there's that butt plug by these brands, and you know, all these companies have come up together, sort of, because I think a lot of people still assume

the last 10,000,000 sex to maybe 20 years ago that they all look like these big dildos and they're like boxes with plastic or that has phallates, and the toys are so beautiful now, and they're so well made, and there's a lot of women-owned companies are made by women for women, so it's really has evolved,

and you show the elegance of that. I think what's really strange, people think, I think there's still understanding that, okay, this is, the Dildo has just been out for the last 20, a couple of few decades or whatever. Dildos have been happening since the Roman times, it goes that far back. So this is not a new invention of sex stories. Even a, a literal stimulator or a vibrator was used back in the day when, you know, doctors used to help women who were quite hysterical and get out of that anxiety level by having an orgasm.

Exactly. That's where it came from, right? Right? God, you still need them, but it's not because we have a medical diagnosis. We just need to prioritize our orgasms. How do you take it? Exactly. So Melody, what about your profession? Like when you tell people what you do, like you're in a party or you're out, like it's still people probably,

I feel like have strong reactions. I don't know what I do, but do I do? No. I mean, normally I swear quite a lot. Obviously, you know, I'm not swearing on this one, this podcast, but you know what, at the end of the day, I don't really care. I'll just talk about it.

Okay, so the more they shy away from it, the more I'll advance it in the conversation and keep pushing them out. Because I'm like, it's only sex. You do this at the end of the day. It's actually fine. It is, it's really just sex. Probably something that people are thinking about.

They want anyway at that moment, but there's just so much like shame, temporary, I just think you do such a wonderful job of making it less. Just yeah, it's going to talk about the weather, right? It's an important part of our lives. We have sex to have children, but we have sex for so many other different reasons. And sex doesn't always have to be penetration.

Sex can also be cutling those types of, that type of intimacy. And it's just a shame that we have been given these beautiful bodies and lots of erogenous zones. And why don't we, shouldn't we experience those, you know, that sensuality and intimacy that are on a heightened level? That's the work, right? There's just so much shame. And there's that sensuality and intimacy that on a heightened level. That's the work, right?

There's just so much shame. And there's not a lot of conversation around it, which is why I'm so excited that we're seeing more shows like this that just normalizes it because there's no one else talking about it, right? Very rarely, does anyone ask you about your sex life, or are you thinking about how to enhance it, or how to make it more special and more uniquely tailored towards you?

I remember when someone said to me, she was a buyer of sex toys and I said, well, it is still overwhelming right now. How do you, and this is much of what you do, I said, how do you know what to tell people to buy? And they said, well, if you look at a toy, see which one speaks to you, what colors, what textures. And I had never thought about it that way. That it's just a personal thing that you're using on your body.

You have to want to feel it's like buying a new clothes or a new sweater, like what jacket? What feels good on you? And so I think it's something to think about when you're buying something like that, intimate. And that's what you, I mean, that's what you're helping the couples do. But, you know, I never really thought about the intentionality around it. And, um, adult toy companies have done a really great thing. As you said, there are different colors and different choices out there. And you know, people do speak to colors

and they also speak to textures but it's important that I think that going to an adult toy store and feel comfortable but touch touch the stuff feel you've got to feel it. I'm a very tactile person. I love to touch and feel everything. That's just who I am. But it's the same as sex toys. You've got to feel them and see what's comfortable for you. Or it's a consensual thing. And you know, you've got a partner, an interesting conversation somebody said to me the other day. Yeah, but you know, if I want, as a woman, if I want to use a vibrator, wouldn't that, you know, put my partner off, wouldn't they, they think that they're not needed in the bedroom. Bullshit!

Now, get him involved! That's why there's toys out there for couples to play. I know, it still made me that people still have that, like, their afraid is going to replace them. Like, the vibrators get actually replaced them. But once they use it, like, once they use it, you're like, no, it's collaborative. And by the way, I was like, peanut, like, the vibrators feel wonderful on a penis too. Like, it's not just for a vulva.

So I think it's getting a little bit at a hump, but it still exists. It's still there's such a stigma. And I was like, listen, this is not going to, this toys doesn't replace you. It's not going to, you know, can't go to the farmer's market. It doesn't cuddle. And it's additive.

So I think people don't think outside the box. I think they've got a vibrator. It's got a cultural stimulator on it, such as something like the rabbit, then you know the woman just gets off, but no, the guy can actually use underbed restraints and actually use it on the woman. So there's so many different ways you can do that and explore, and you know it's a journey of exploration you do together. Exactly, it's all about exploring in its play, like sexes play.

It's one of those things, it's don't take it too play, like sex is play. It's one of those things. Don't take it too seriously. Have fun with it. It's going back to Megan and Dave. We're talking about a role playing. And Dave was like, well, I've got to build my character, but he needs a back history. No!

For God's sake, you don't need to go that far back. You're not writing a fucking novel. You know, just make it light and easy. Make it fun. And if it doesn't work, laugh about it. It's okay. I love that you said that. I remember that line. He's like, well, people are so scared to roleplay. And roleplay can just be like, for a moment, like, ma'am, the daughter of pizza, and maybe you laugh, but you know, but then you're immediately transformed

into somebody else. And so I love when you illustrated the woman who had the wig. She is an alopecia and she had the wig. Alopecia, yeah, yeah, yeah, Megan. And Megan, and I just thought, yeah, if you just, you know, use a wig, like something like that, that's all you have to do really. Like you don't need to get so technical because you're seeing your partner in another light in another way, it's play.

So. I thought that was wonderful because she is very, very comfortable knowing that she has alopecia and I did not know that when we were shooting that scene so I came out left side for me, left field. But you know what, she took to it like a duck out of water, you know, we changed her wig and she came out, okay, the Avengers needs them, help her. And it was like, whoa, and that's what it's about, It's fun. There is a sense of fun about that. Don't take it too seriously. You don't need to be trained at such a roleplay.

I always say like, who would you want to be or use your middle name or what your alter ego? Like, is there someone that you always wanted to be or an instrument you want to play or job you wanted to have? Like, come in as that person. It's like, we make it so difficult. But once you start to, you know to create the right environment, talk about it, it's all possible. So I have two more questions for you about technical things. So what about soundproofing? Interesting you brought that up.

Soundproofing sometimes can be a little bit difficult. If you walk into a room which has no artwork on the wall, you'll hear that instant echo. So artwork does help in helping soundproofing. What I did, especially with the family, because we're dealing with the Polyamorous family, what I did was I put in some panels that were velvet, and I also included those velvet panels in the paneling around the room,

not just around the cuttlebuttle, which also helped with noise control, because they're particularly noisy. Oh, bet they are. I love that bed, that cuttle puddle. That was amazing. The sex, what was that? It was a big,

oh, it was huge. It was all custom made. Yeah, it was a 9 feet by 7 foot 6. We could have got 10 people in there and slept in the room. And we've plenty of storage underneath. Yeah, it came in and we had two custom mattresses made. Oh my God, it was beautiful.

It was like, it was breathtaking. Some of the stuff is just breathtaking and hot and inspiring. It was all the things for you. What about like a sex sheet? Like something that I always think about. People like, it can be messy. People are sort of worried about that.

I'm like, well, throw a towel. I know a few brands make some, but what are some great materials that we should lean towards? And it's interesting. I have watched some comments of like, well, throw a towel that I know a few brands make some, but what are some great materials that we should lean towards and? It's interesting is I have watched some comments of like, oh, well, you wouldn't have this in a sex room. Yeah. Okay. That's, you know, we're having a far throw there because we want to experience that that sensuality. There are sheets out there that can help with bodily fluids, you know, a lot of people, some women are squatters. with bodily fluids. A lot of people, some women are squatters. So you have to be careful about that,

but you don't want to put a, nothing's romantic as having a piece of plastic on the bed. I mean, it's not fun, but there is certainly a bed sheet out that you can that will help with that. And there are also some throws out there that can actually be water-absorbing, and you can actually clean them and put them in the washing machine.

So you do need to think about that. It was one of the reasons, Saraya, who you know, lost Bukalki in Golden Shows, and which is why I had to put a drain and a tile floor in that. So you do need to think about that, but I think most of the time, you know, if there is, you know, somebody who squirts a lot, then just think a little bit of extra shooting down there that can lend itself to a little bit more sensuality rather than a piece of plastic. Yeah, I just got one from a liberator. It's coming.

I know liberator. They make that big throw that I wanted. I just saw my went to this trade show that I go over here and I was like, I just want to try it. Like send me, send me like the king size one. So we'll see, because I'm just thinking It's important and even whether you sport or not like sex, like we just just to have it in a normal It's have to wash their duvet every day or their their downcombe. No exactly. I might my advice with any type of you know Fabric or something that is just say that it's a waterproof and

Kind of sob things like that after a period of time in the washing machine, you are going to strip that just nature, just nature, you're going to strip that away a little bit. So I always keep alternating if you can, last longer. OK, this is good. Melanie, thank you so much. This is so helpful.

I think it's this beautiful work you're doing. And it's important work because I think it's just really going to help people, I mean, I think people might come to the show because, oh, fun, people have a sex room, but to really have them think about their own sex lives. Now they can start to prioritize sex and their own relationship. I just think it's a really unique take.

So it's a wonderful show and you're doing beautiful work. So thank you. Thank you very much indeed. And I do hope that just watching the show it creates a few ideas for people, but more importantly, it tells people the location to talk about sex. Yeah, exactly. Okay, Melanie, I want to ask you the five quicky questions we ask all

of our guests. You can just answer it. Whatever comes to your mind, ready? Okay, Melanie, what is your biggest turn on? My personal biggest turn on? Yeah. Oh, can I do a pass? I don't know how to do a con. Think of a biggest turn. Totally. It could be just anything like someone, the way someone smells. A smell is a good one for me. Smell. Biggest turn off. Nasty smell. Something that's unclean that doesn't look tidy. Okay, what makes good sex? Being in the mood. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships.

Don't be frightened. Enjoy the journey and explore further. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? Oh God. It's beautiful. It can be a beautiful thing. And multiple orgasms are beautiful things and just caressing each other's bodies are beautiful things.

So true, thank you Melanie. So everyone has to check out how to build a sex room on Netflix and where else can people find you? I actually have, I'm on Instagram and it's really easy, it's just Melanie Ruth Rose. I'm also on Pinterest under Melanie Rose and I have how to build a sex room, photos and things like that.

And then also my website, which is www.menoniruthrose.com, where I'm just beginning each week, I'm breaking down the episodes of how I designed the rooms from my perspective. rooms from my perspective. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email.

So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you