Sex With Emily - How To Go From Casual To Committed

Episode Date: September 16, 2016

When the mood strikes, it can be tempting to get down and dirty just about anywhere, but not so fast! In today’s show, Emily and Menace reveal why you might want to think twice about where you want to get frisky, and address some of your transitional trepidations. Is your romantic trip with your long distance lover being hijacked by her friends? How do you go from casual sex to a committed relationship? Do you feel like you’re second-rate compared to your partner’s pornstar ex? Emily and Menace give advice on how to overcome these amorous anxieties, and even fess up to some of their raunchiest public sex experiences! From inferior insecurities to imbibing girlfriends to friends with benefits, this podcast is the change-up you need to transform your love life! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show, are you wondering how to get more out of your friends' benefits situation? Are your partner's bad habits ruining your relationship? What do you do when your romantic plans get hijacked by her best friends? Find out in this show, thanks for listening! I know sanitizing doesn't sound sexy, but you know it's even less sexy, unclean toys. That's why I'm thrilled to have found a product that was created with your sexual health and enjoyment in mind, the UV from clean light labs. You know when you're settling in for some me time and your favorite toys missing or dirty or uncharged?

That's the worst, right? At first glance, the UV is just a beautiful toy box, but it really solves all three of those common concerns facing sex toy users, cleaning, charging, and storage. Unfassin, it's child poo flock, open the lid, and you'll find an innovative ultraviolet cleaning system that has been specifically designed to sanitize sex toys,

killing 99.9% of harmful bacteria. Look a little closer, and you'll find a USB charging outlet you can use to juice up your rechargeable toys as they're getting cleaned. The UV is sleek, discrete, and sophisticated, and it's available in two sizes. The GOPLA is a smaller box for a single average size toy like a rabbit vibrator or a couple of bullets. It has a built-in battery so your toys can say charged up even when you're on the go. The home model is a larger box that can fit a toy as large as a full-size magic wand or multiple regular size toys.

It also has three USB ports to keep everything ready to go. And for those toys that need to be plugged into the wall, there's a sealed outlet as well. How smart is that? Both models will be available in October at your favorite adult retailers, but you can pre-order yours today. Just look for the UV banner on my website or visit uvclean.com. That's uvclean.com. Best by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information go to sexwithanley. calm and just hang out there for a while because I promise

We've got something on there that's going to rock your world change your sex life your relationship your perspective We updated every day and also you can easily subscribe to the podcast there You can ask a question watch the videos Do whatever the hell you want hi menace. Hey, what's going on Emily? How you doing today? Oh your voice sounds very deep Oh, hey Yes, because I'm exhausted as always. I know But as people don't know I get up at 2.50 a.m. every day And by the time we I mean we're recording the show of 4.50 in the afternoon I've been up ever since and then I mean that's just every

That is 14, a little over 14, half hours. Right, but it's weird, because you, and then how in the weekends, your weekends can't be normal. Cause. Yeah, I mean, Friday, Friday I just go to bed and then Saturday I do fun stuff. Snap channel day.

Yep. Well, it's great to see you. Hello. Hello, I'm here. I'm away. I'm away. Okay, I love that you're awake. Minus and times I take little nappies before.

Yes. We tuck them in. But yeah, so let me tell you a few more things before we get into the show that is that you can follow us, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, and you should this month. I mean, I'm sure you already do, right? It's all at sex with Emily and Facebook.com slash, slash sex with Emily because September back to sexual confidence month.

Back to school, you've already been to that. Back to sexual confidence month is so important because confidence is the most important thing that you can cultivate to have an incredible sex life. And so we're happening. We're happening this month and if you subscribe or you follow us on social media, subscribe to our newsletter, you will get all the information you need to enter. Contest will be doing giveaways. We are doing giveaways now every single week. follow us in social media, subscribe to our newsletter. You will get all the information you need to enter contest. We'll be doing giveaways.

We are doing giveaways now every single week. Really great products that will just help you in the confidence world, right? Because we all suffer from that in some way. In securities in the bedroom. Always. The minutes just falls. Oh, oh, yeah.

Such a bummer. No, no, no. I mean, sexual confidence or disconfidence in general. Yeah, I share this many times. I probably wasn't confident in myself until Mid late 20s or something like that. Yeah, probably yeah, always super shy, right not confident at all And then one day you just got to say effort Right, yeah, it's really about effort. It's really about like I'm just gonna gonna be me. And the people like with the more authentically you are, the more laid you get.

And the more laid you get in that happier you are. And the less friends zone you get into. It's not true, right? It is true the less friends zone you get into. And I always think what we do have a question about the friends zone today, but yeah. You know, a confident person, man, woman, you know, you know what you want.

And I think that the thing is that, think about confidence like we always think about it, something you've to go out and get. But the truth is, it's really inside you. You have to get all touching, feeling spiritual. But it is, it gets all, we all have the choice to be confident at any moment. And just say, you know what, today,

I'm just gonna go in there and I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna say, you know, what if you like, I'm gonna approach this person and say hi, and I'm just gonna like live in my confidence because almost like You might have to really comfortable first, but after while you're like, oh, this is me being real Mm-hmm talking, you know, I'm saying I do feel you feel yeah, I love that okay Also, so yeah, we're talking about that this month because it's sexual confidence and also oh Oh this weekend is the sexual health expo in New York. I will be there. Are you coming

joining me? The 24th and 25th in Brooklyn. Find out more information on my website. I'm doing a live podcast on the 24th Saturday at 1 p.m. And there's some really cool workshops going on. If you are on the East Coast, you can get to Brooklyn. You're always asking me when you come to these coast. I'm there. Really cool topics, workshops for two days, plus like all the cool products and toys we talk about. There's a one on digital dating,

how to sex, Skype, and swipe your way to dating success, the female anatomy, which a lot of people need help with. How do you rape, low job, role planning, it's gonna be great weekend, so I will see you there. I gotta check to see if my friends, Mann Kim, they're a band, Mann Kim, they're from Brooklyn. Oh.

They live in Brooklyn once in a while when they're not traveling the world performing, but I know Kim, she would totally love it. Oh my god, have them come, I'll get them in. I'll hit them up, see if they're in town. Just get in, get in. Come hang out you. That'd be fun, that'd be a good time.

So yeah, it's been a busy, so I've been just getting my sexual confidence up a month. You hear this, yeah. Well, no, I've been, you know I'm a fan of kegels. Kegel camp, I've got my app, but I've been wearing the kegel weights more frequently. The balls, the kegels. And because I've tried a lot of different things, when you wear the different weights, they, you really don't even have to do your exercises. You just, I mean, it helps more if you do them, but when you're the different weights, you really don't even have to do your exercises. You just, I mean, it helps more if you do them,

but when you're wearing them, you naturally are holding them in. Like, I'm not walking, I'm like, oh, it's sucking, you might be like, but the nature of walking, you're holding them in, and I feel like I do have these kegels of steel. Again, it's like anything. You go to the gym a lot for a few months, and then you stop, but I feel like they're like, oh, and I'm like

Yeah, why do you go to New York and I've lots of sex because remember I was saying like a piece ago These K-Go balls on the website shop with Emily calm I'm trying to think message you check which ones we have in our site right now And they have come in different weights. They're really cool and but you miss the story I don't even know if I should tell the end but I told the show with Anderson What happened I was an important meeting uh-huh, but I told him to show it with Anderson. Oh, sorry, it's on me. What happened? I was at an important meeting. Uh huh. And I was wearing them.

And like the thing is, you wear the balls to important meetings. I wear them right now. Okay. Well, not this is an important meeting, but like you can't, it's like putting a tampon. I mean, it's not very sexy,

but it's like a little ball. And you're all day long, you're working these muscles because before I get into my story, the reason is because obviously over time, over time, everyone needs to work on their pelvic floor even now, because when you squeeze your pelvic floor muscles, men and women, your sexual energy all is there,

you're sitting your breath there, your muscles get stronger, and you're gonna like desire sex more, it's gonna be easier to have a G-spot orgasm, if that's something that you'd like to procure, that's something you'd like to experience in your life. And so that's just the, and also women after childbirth, you're in your incontinence, just stronger orgasm.

The whole thing. And it just keeps sex in your mind more. And it's true. I'm like, but I'm wearing them and I'm feeling less, I don't know, because I remember I was saying for a while, I'm like, I'm not really even feeling like having sex, which is so interesting. It's not like, because I'm bored of sex, because I talk about all the time. It's just like, you go through phases where I'm like focusing on other things, but now I'm like, sex, which is so interesting. It's not like, because I'm bored of sex, because I talk about all the time. It's just like, you go through phases where I'm focusing on other things, but now I'm like, yeah, I want to go.

Bang, which I will. So I went to a meeting. I'll get back to this. So into a meeting. Oh, OK, on the website, we have the Luna Beads and the Ben-Warbeads. Lovelace Flex Kegelweights. So just check that out. He's nice. Lovelace. Right. Auto-correct. All right, Lovelace, Flex, Kegelweights. So just check that out.

Love, it says, Love, like, AutoCraft. All right. Love life. Oh, I love the Love Life one. Yeah. The sex and mischief balls. Sex and mischief balls by sports.

Oh, really? Just putting Kegel on the website. Yeah, Kegelball. Kegelball. There's so many of them. Yeah, yeah, just check them out the website. You have so many balls on the website. So many balls.

And they're common. I'm just telling you, if you want an easy way out, it's kind of like if you go to the gym and someone could like run for you, you know, and like, it can't happen. But these, they work it out for you. So I was going to a meeting. I put them in, because it was like,

you know, doing them for 30 days. And I'm wearing these on wide like pants that I have. And the thing is, they can't slip out, right? This does happen. I mean, I've been driving to the meeting. I was late and I was rushing into the meeting. And they were like, I was in my car. And I wasn't like, oh, or the ball. Like, I kind of forgot. And I'm standing to the meeting. I was late and I was rushing into the meeting. And I was in my car and I wasn't like, oh, the ball, I kind of forgot.

And I'm standing in the meeting and I get there and the woman's like, oh, do you want to come back and get a cup of coffee? And it was like a pretty, it was an important meeting. Get back to the room and she's like, oh, it's so nice to meet you and then all of a sudden we're getting coffee and they just, one just drops in the floor. Like, I don't know.

Falls through my pants. I'm just, and I just, I just, I'm like, I just I just I just bent down and picked it up and put it my purse. I was like I wasn't gonna be like oh Hey, but I don't know if she saw it was a woman. I give laugh because actually I'm like as balls in that's funny But I just kind of do my first That's ever happened before they never fall out. They don't really typically but they can't I mean, you know Hey, but I wasn't really I was busy busy that day. What about people that are concerned, they make it stuck?

They will not get stuck because there's a string, a lot of them that's like, you pull it out. And you just, yeah, I mean, you don't wanna push them up too far, but the string is really like this thick, but it's not uncomfortable. You forget, I don't even remember that I'm wearing them. Clearly, I went to a meeting and I was like, oh yeah, and that's a cool part about it,

but they don't get stuck to pull them out. And you just feel it, like your muscles, like you're like, oh, and that's also your pelvic floor is awakening, like for guys too. If you're like, oh, I don't really feel it. This is like, doom five minutes a day. And you download my app, kettle camp, and I'm, I can't talk about kegels, kegels enough,

whatever, however you say it, they will help you. It's true, you know, I feel the way. Okay, what's up with you, Menace? What is up with me? I don't really know. I'm just constantly... Just working being here. There's some great news. The radio show that I'm part of, the Woody show.

It's here in Los Angeles, but we're getting syndicated to some other cities. That's amazing. So a lot of podcasts. We get a bunch of podcasts all over the country. I'm sure that the Woody show, a warning I'm part of will be in a city that Congratulations. That's like the radio dream. I wish I could share with you right now We'll be okay. You'll soon they can check out the Woody show website

It's not a sexual show. So don't get disappointed if you're here. Just to listen about sex It's about pop culture and news and stuff. People love you. No matter what. It's fine. Thank you. Doesn't matter. Everything as the outsex. I know, but people come here to learn about sex. Right. Well, that's what you're talking about. The Woody show. Do you think, oh, maybe that's the sexual thing? Because Woody, penis, stuff, all that kind of stuff. They might think it's a sexual issue. I get it. I thought you were finally getting it now. I know. Well, I know we thought Woody was funny. I've been like one joke about it, but I always thought You're right that you were just saying it cuz you were thinking where you guys like sucks

You wouldn't like my show, but you're saying cuz of the Woody the my be the thing. I'm there. We're on the same page Okay, let's move into the sex in the news. All right, what do you got the five? Okay, so I was reading this earlier And I was like oh, a mask is like what I'm like So I want to share with you cuz I wanted you to all do the same thing. The five germias places to get it on ranked by microbiologists. This kind of grossed me out, especially because I'm flying tomorrow.

Almost everyone has a bucket list of sexy spots where they wanna have sex, but if you're doing it and pup, that's a pubic. Public odds are you won't be alone. Fico bacteria, neurovirus Or just a few of the nasties that can linger on hard surfaces and high traffic areas and all that skin Exposure puts you in an extra risk of infection. So here's the five air plane bathroom

I'll never want to do that. Maybe if I'm on a private jet But even this even makes me feel like I want to go in there with gloves and listen, 75% Okay, these tiny cramped quarters are the worst offenders. 75 or more people are used as single-restraint of playing before it gets cleaned and not Many are washing their hands effectively. So it's no surprise that the research found E. coli all over Airplane bathrooms. Oh no. Yeah. What? No I'm just saying, I'm not super honest. No I know what I'm like, when I get equal lie,

I'm like, I don't even want to pee. I don't want to pee in a bucket on the thing. Yeah, but airplane bathrooms are no, I know what I'm reading it. I'm not going there of sex, but I'm just like, I'm gonna go in there with like a mask and gloves. Okay, I really ever go to the bathroom on a plane anyway.

How can you, I go the whole time, that's what's said in the aisle. I'm like, I have anxiety if I'm in a middle or a window because I feel I drink a lot of water and I am like, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me. I just want to be with my freedom to pee. I'm a big period. I like sitting in the aisle because I fake being confident, being on an airplane and not being afraid, but I don't even want to look at the window. Really?

You're scared, scared flyer? And I fly all the time. I did not know this about you. I thought I knew that. But to look at the window. Really? You're in your scary, scared flyer? And I fly all the time. I did not know this about you. I thought I knew after that. But I fake, to fake. You fake, you fake confidence. But you're still not confident about it. Well, it's scared, it's a fear.

I got it, it's different. Okay, the Jim locker room. Staff, strap, noravirus, ringworm, you name it. It's about- Is that a lot of people hooking up in the Jim locker room? People hook up in the, dude, do you hear the stories of people hooking up in Jim locker locker room. People hook up in the, dude, do you hear the stories of people hooking up in gym locker rooms?

I mean, like, maybe guys. Yeah, that's that. I mean, definitely, yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of good idea of thinking head for a sexual hook up so I can find a gym. Well, it's hard because there's separate rooms. Yeah. But inside the gym locker room, a perfectly warm and moist

environment for bacteria to thrive. Don't lock barefoot. I just want to let you know that there's a lot of old balls if you're into that at the 24 hour fitness in San Francisco at the. What is it? Which one was it? Oh, I used to go there. Old balls.

Oh my god, that one. All the time if you're into that thing. There's that thing. Go to the picture. That one is that one is just. Okay movie theater. Yeah movie Through it. Yeah old balls. Yeah, whatever you're into they're there everywhere movie theater number three sticky floors Aren't morning enough they the seats and handrails aren't washed regularly one swab test

Debt detected staff on infection and theater seats. Oh, no. A boy getting hands-y or mouth-y, let's- I know a lot of people that are straight up have sex in movie theaters. Yeah, I don't even want, oh god, okay. Number four playground in parks. Do you ever see that equipment being clean? Nope. But here's the thing. This is like young people that don't have places to have sex.

No, but I think it's- No, okay, I forgot that this was even about sex. That's just maybe I never want to go to playground. I don't want to go to pee in any bathroom again the beach sewage garbage bird poop other fun in the sun factors. That's what happens. So Don't avoid those places having sex and avoid them in general Really, I don't know. I just feel like I don't want to get seven fiction I'm trying to bar bathroom is not on the list. I think that would be up there

I don't know if it's not as bad as the movie theater. I guess not. I don't see movies anymore. Okay, so men, this makes me think about it because when I look at this list, I've never, I've had to think of unsanitary places that I've had sex or what I've had sex outdoors. So I've never done the mile high club

because it just hasn't been interesting. I think I gave a hand job in a plane watch, my boyfriend and like go over the thing, over blanket under the blanket, under the blanket. Jim locker room, no movie theater, no playground. I did have sex in a park once, but I did blanket out and on the beach I have, but I had blankets out, so that's fine.

We're also if I had sex outdoors, I'm trying to think, have I ever done a bathroom at a bar? Seems from like, yes, I have, but I probably was drunk and didn't wash my hands after. You know all the kids in school bars, yeah. Did you used to do that? I have before.

In the stall? Not in a stall, just like one of those one person bathrooms. Yeah, I gave guy a blowjob at the W.O.T. I was just remembering because I'm like, I'm like, my entire life is flashing before me that I remember. Try and remember, sometimes you just forget. You just, life goes on. I was drunk. I remember bringing the W.O.T. remember sometimes you just forget. You just live goes on.

I was drunk. I remember being in the WTL. You're not the W. The Clift. And I was on a date with a guy a few times I dated him. And I musta gone drunk. Because I wouldn't do this in the, you know me. Not a big drinker, but apparently I had like two cocktails.

And I gave him a blowjob in the floor on the, I remember being in the Clift Hotel. Clift is like a little hook up spot. I'm telling you. But in the areas everyone hooking up in the, in the, everywhere at the cliff hotel. Cliff is like a little hook up spot. I'm telling you. But in the areas everyone hooking up in the, everywhere at the cliff. I mean, I had it in the room in the cliff, but just remembered the blowjob.

He's so lucky. Yeah. Do you know what's funny? And I've shared this story on the podcast before, so I'm sorry if you heard it. But talking about the cliff hotel in San Francisco, so I used to work at the Mark Hopkins Hotel, which is at the top of the hill,

and you look down, you can see the Clifhtotal, right? The F's went out, it was lit up on the top of it, and the F, what a total. What a joke. I remember that, when was that? It was like that for a while. The Clifhtotal, it was amazing,

it was one of my happiest moments of my life. The Clit Hotel. Yeah, and it really kind of is the Clit Hotel. I don't even think you touched on it. You want to hook up, there's a great bar there. There's a lot of what. The Red Wood Room, it's called. The Red Room, some like that.

You can find it. There's lots of good places in San Francisco to hook up. That's a hotspot if you're visiting. I didn't know that my blowjob experience was even like the hotspot. I mean at the time I don't think I knew. But now I know and now that story and I'm sure there'll be more coming into my brain. How about you, anywhere?

Gross that you've been. I probably just the bar bathroom. I'm trying to think like out in the wild anywhere. Uh, camping. Oh, probably like kitchen or something like that. I think it's all that. Stay in your bed. But then make sure you wash sheets,

so people don't wash their sheets. Oh man, okay, so be clean. I just wanna warn everybody, I think everyone just start wearing the plastic gloves and like the mask and stuff over there. Good. Besides that, sex is fun. Okay, let's give a shout-out to our sponsors,

and we'll be right back with your emails. Thanks for listening. People joke a lot about men not being able to last long in bed. You know it's a widespread issue when it becomes something society recognizes as a condition worth poking fun at. Well for the millions of men who experience premature ejaculation though, it is not funny. In fact, it can be a huge problem with the facts that extend beyond the bedroom. This is why I love talking about promising a clinically proven FDA compliant product that can significantly delay ejaculation.

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on the show we'll be having voice mails. You can leave a voice mail 888-ask-sw1. That's 888-2757-9331. You can also ask a question directly on the website. There's an ask-emily little pull down there, pull down tab. And yeah, a couple of ground rules. Just see if you wanna keep your message all short. You don't have to include your real name or your last name.

And don't talk about the person you're talking about, like your boyfriend's not in Bob, you know, and make fake Bob, fake a name. And then what else do we want? Oh, and then when you're emailing or any of this, your name, your age, where you live, how you listen, all that kind of stuff.

Your first orgasm. Also, you gotta follow Emily on Snapchat, sex or Emily, because last time I was here, it was crazy. So we recorded a show with, who was it? Tom from Sport Sheets. Sport Sheets, great story about how he started his company. Right. So check out the sports sheets.

But so after the show, you're like, oh, I got to shoot some videos blah blah and you were sharing this on snapchat you and producer Madison were using a doggy style strap makes it Yes, so you're like behind her Humping her pumping her and then it enhances your doggy style experience So it was cool. She was little turned on so you're enhances your doggy style experience. So it was cool. She was a little turned on. So you're doing her doggy style. Then she flips you over on your back. And she's

like doing you. Right. She's bought this is all on the snapchat. I think you're missing this stuff every single day. So you have to follow sex Emily. It's probably not there anymore. No, but I think we're going to, I think no, we do the same. And we're going to post that on Instagram as well. And let's share that on the Snapchat. Once you post this. Oh, yeah. OK, we're going to leave.

Let's download Madison. Madison. We're going to download this story on Snapchat and post it maybe on the website. Reach, reach, share it on. Because those are sweet moments. We can reach share it on Snapchat. Oh, when the show comes out, the day the show comes out,

we can reshare our humping. We're working together. You're so good, Menace. There we go. I love the spot. Make sure to do that, because people are going to listen. There's going to be very spring. This is what happens.

I'm downloading it now, because it's so bad. So hopefully you're listening to this podcast when it comes out. Yeah, you're going to like to see this very thing. You're going to really enjoy it. And again, thank me for saying and coordinating this for you. Yeah. So make sure you follow sex to Emily on Snapchat. Right. Thank you. Okay. All right. Here we go. Got some emails. Emily, I recently started talking to a woman who lives in Charlotte about seven months ago. Things have been great, even with a distance. I'm a self-employed musician and songwriter. So I'm able

to fly up to North Carolina to see her two to three times a month. She'm a self-employed musician and songwriter, so I'm able to fly up to North Carolina to see her two to three times a month. She's a law student and really gets a travel due to school and work. Back in April, she told me that she'd finally come see me Miami after the summer semester, and I was very excited to finally have her come visit me for a change.

However, her best friends found out she was coming to Miami and decided to hijack her visit and make it a girls trip. I was a little annoyed at first. We worked it out to where she'd spend a couple of nights at my place, couple nights with her friends. When she told her friends about her plans to spend time with me, apparently they weren't happy. As a result, everything I'd planned turned out we can go out dinner once or twice.

She says to him, she says she's trying to make everybody happy, but it seems to me that she's only trying to piece her friends. Am I wrong for being upset? I've already explained to her how I feel about the whole situation and it doesn't get us anywhere. What should I do? JCH29, so you get this?

This girl he's been seeing for seven months, coming to visit him in Miami. She's super busy as we all are, but now she's made it a woman's trip. A girl's trip. He's not happy. I mean, I can see why his feelings are heard. He misses her. Yes, he's seen her. She doesn't let time off. She's values her friendships. You know, the girls wanted to come. I get that. The friends will do that to you every time. The girls want to be together, right? They do and it can be hard when you have limited time and she wants to see everyone. And I know why you're annoyed and you talked to her about it.

I think that you can just let her know that I respect your friendships, but I also value the time that we have together. And what do you think, Menace? What do you do? I know it sucks. I just do it to what happens, you know? Just say something to her.

No, no, I'm just like, just deal with the time that you have. And then make it great. And then see you at the end. Don't be a wonny bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. J.C. the whole time. For real, don't. I mean, and then also though, but the biggest, like, poison

in a relationship is the friends on either side. Male or female. I'll tell you this. Really? Oh, it is. I've never had that, but I know what you said. You want to have other people chiming in on your relationship. Right. That always causes unnecessary drama. I'm sorry. It does. I had an excro-friend.

We got a long fine, but because of my schedule, I can't go out on a Tuesday night and go party. And then it was always her friends like, oh, I never boyfriend. Oh, I can't go out blah blah blah blah. And guess what? We ended up breaking up so she can go be with those people. Right. And then guess what? Those people are around anymore because they're locked down in their own relationships. You know what I'm saying? So you got to be good.

So you got to see what's good for you. Right. But again, yeah, you can't be like, you say, well, you pick me or your friends. You can't be like that. No, you can't be like that. That was KJC. I don good for you. But again, yeah, you can't be, you say, well, you pick me or your friends. You can't be like that. That was KJC. I don't think you're wine. I think you're being very, very thoughtful here. I understand what you're saying and you're trying not to be upset about it. But I would be upset. I mean, I get it. But I would say also, you've already talked about it. The girls are coming. They're not canceling the trip. She's coming to see you. So what I meant is that the time you do it together, I guarantee

you two or three really great nights But you don't bring up what your friends were in here. She's gonna be so hot for you She's just gonna want to sleep over anyway. And if it doesn't work out then now you know and you're not wasting your time right because life is so short life is so short Whoop they're going on tomorrow exactly good point. Okay, dear Emily I started listening to your podcast a few weeks ago and I've really been enjoying hearing you and menace and Anderson. Here's my situation. A few months ago I met a guy, same age, and we have since made up, met up about once or

twice. He explained he wasn't quite ready to be open emotionally as he just got not of a long term relationship, but was open to enjoying time with me. As he was so open-not as about it, I was fine with having a casual relationship. The last few times he's met, he's expressed he doesn't want to just be sex. Then last month, he was traveling to Europe. I was dating other men in the meanwhile, but I realized I've started to get attached, and I haven't clicked with anyone new. I know I'll hear from him once he gets back, so what is the best way to bring up that I want to see him

more often or date more seriously? I feel like we're in a weird gray zone between casual and dating. Thanks so much for the help and love the show. Gwen 31, Canada. So, okay, so the deal is they were at a casual relationship and he wanted to know he wasn't ready to be in a long-term relationship. They were friends with benefits for a while. He doesn't want us to be sex. Then he was, okay, so he doesn't want to be sex either. So you're good Gwen. If he said that he doesn't really want to be sex anymore, this is the perfect situation

to be in because it sounds like you're both kind of phasing out of the friends with benefits situation, which happens everyone. You can't live in the friends with benefits zone forever. Eventually, some person in the relationship is going to want more than the other one, but it sounds like you are both on the same page. And so I think you just got to say, like, when he gets back, I would actually wait until like the night after. I mean, see what goes the first night you go out. I don't think you need to like, if he's been traveling for a few weeks. You haven't seen each other. It's have a great night. But um, I think you should say I know we started out being really casual, but I realized I missed you and what do you think about, you know, having it being less casual, being more

committed. Yeah. Have a talk. You got nothing to lose. Do it. Your life is short. If that's what you want, let it be known. Exactly. So this happens a lot where people start out and they say that they're not open, they don't want it open, they run open. This is a big problem in a lot of relationships is that people make commitments really in the relationship, like verbal commitments around things, and then their mind changes or things change and no longer what it once was. So it's kind of like a business contract. Like you really gotta always be looking at it

and updating it and make sure you're both getting needs met, nothing wrong with talking about it. PS, oh she says, sorry, when I will never look at gummy bears the same way again since listening to your sex and the new segment about the porn star gummy bear connection, so thanks for that. What the hell was that? It was that, what sort of use gummy bears for something

during sex? Oh, really? They use it for, look it up for a second. I was there for the bears for something during sex. Oh, really? They use it for look it up for second. I was there for the sex the news segment I just don't remember now. I think they use it for That's what they eat. I think it was anal sex or something. I have to do the anal I think but I'm gonna move on Dear Emily my husband. I listened to your podcast frequently. He more than I I'm curious and like listen to the show But I've certain beliefs and sexual legs and dislikes that my husband doesn't agree with. I believe he is trying to push me past these boundaries.

A huge problem in our relationship is that he had a porn star girlfriend. Literally, there was nothing this girl wouldn't do in bed and now he is me who, although I like toys and such, hates to swallow, wants no part of anal, and hates that he wants me to tell him fictional stories about me being with other guys. He says it creates a competition with him. She fully manipulated him as sex to get what she wanted, and now he's addicted to that behavior, and I'm morally opposed to it, and the fact that hormonal issues have lowered

my sex drive, and I feel like I kind of have a recipe for disaster on my hands. I want to please him and he wants and be what he needs, but I fear I am not enough. As she was sexually free and I'm not, I love him, but I worry my sexual limitations will be the death of our relationship. So my question, my death of our relationship, so my question is this, how do I become a sex goddess

and get past my issues while still maintaining my boundaries, not compromising my values, do it? Thanks for your time. Hope for romantic age 43. Okay, so, okay, hope for romantic. You first, here's the first thing. You must stop. Like right now, ever comparing yourself to who you believe his ex girlfriend was. Yes, she was a porn star or comparing yourself to anyone else for that matter. Yes, she's a porn star. You know, I don't even know here that he even said to you that he wants to do all these

things. I think that you've got it in your head that he wants you to do this that and that like she did. And I doubt that he's walking around with that. And it doesn't help because you'll never be her. She'll never be you. And we all have these fears and relationships that were not enough, that were not performing enough,

that were too much, we won't be loved, or we rejected. And so he's likely not comparing to his acts. I mean, that's, and if he is, that's a huge problem. Now, getting back to your sexual likes, dislikes, this happens and every, you know, every relationship. I'm glad that you guys are even talking about it. It sounds like he's laying out a lot about what he wants and I'm curious about what you

want. So have you done your own exploring? Have you like, you know, do you masturbate? Do you know your own body? Have you watched porn? I don't know if it's your, have problems porn now because of the ex-girlfriend, readurotica, whatever it is. Like, you couldn't have things that you'd like from him as well. Maybe you want to be more dominant.

Maybe you want more backgrounds. I don't know what it is. But I think it's okay that he's expressing this to you. But again, you can do what you want as well. But sexual compatibility is important, but I'm just worried you're tripping on there's too much to even work on what you guys can do to get through it. You constantly thinking about an outside factor that you have no control over.

That's, again, causing issues and you're really shipped for no reason. Right. Oh, and here's what it gets your question, your specific question is, how do I become a sex goddess? You become a sex goddess by being, you're, you're finding out who that sex goddess is inside of you. And how you're going to do that is by taking that time, like I said, to like master, but it could just be nights at home where you're like touching your breasts, you're, you're bubble bath,

they're doing things for yourself, you're thinking about sex, you're thinking about what you desire. And I mean, don't put too much, don't look, it's going to happen in a night. But like when a goddess, like whatever guy say guy say oh she was a goddess it's because she fully like lived in her sexual self she was comfortable with her body she knew what she wanted bed and I'm sure that he will love that sexual and you're probably already have her within you so I would just say you got to stop tripping because I think this is what's messing you up okay

family I just started dating a girl it's been five or six months now. Still fairly new. I've been traveling a lot so the distance has been tough but we've stayed in communication every day. She came to visit last week, we had great sex and it was truly a good time. She met my family, they loved her. Our personalities are great for each other. We're both funny, witty, adventurous.

A downfall though, she drinks just about every day. I don't think it will ever calm down. Also, I would never make her change from being the person she is, but drinking to me is not a priority at the moment with my current lifestyle. I've dated a lot and definitely could see a future developing with her. Have you had an experience with tolerating significant others and their different addictions, bad habits, etc? How have they turned out for you?

Hopefully this question is relatable in a way. I love your show and you're beautiful. Thank you Chadwick age 27 New York. Hmm. That's interesting. Chadwick, that's a great question. We don't get a lot of addictions. I mean, I think I love Lioney.

So you get a lot of addiction or drinking questions and stuff. And yes, I have had this experience. I mean, I gotta say you're right, Chadwick, to say that this is not something that's gonna go away. She's 28, she's been drinking every day Unless she wants to stop drinking or it's having negative repercussions on our life negative bad content negative consequences She probably isn't gonna still keep drinking no one really stops unless they want to yeah, and so I'm not I don't even know if if it's an addiction like I don't know if she said she's getting drunk every day

She's having a glass of wine every night You didn't specify here But I'm gonna assume that it's a little change Right, well, I'm gonna think that she gets there is a little bit of it out of two I'm gonna assume that it's not just that she has a glass of wine and there's no impact on her behavior I'm gonna assume that maybe her person is right. It's probably why they're emailing, you know But yeah, so if that is the case, and this is behavior that you can't tolerate, you could let her know that her drinking

is really, you know, having an impact and you love her and you care about her, but it's just not something that you're comfortable with and that's what you can live with. You don't wanna drink every day. And- Tell her to switch the weed. I stopped drinking after smoking weed.

I barely ever drink ever. Never you don't, huh? Good, you were not a good drunk. No. God, you were not. I'm still let it. I was fun. barely ever drank ever. Never you don't, huh? Good, you were not a good drunk. No. God, you were not. I was so lucky. I was fun. Kind of.

Yeah. But weed is more fun. Yeah, weed is more fun. Right. I mean, if she needs to have something. But that be changing one of things to the next, I wouldn't say that I'm so happy. Yeah, but just going through like cold turkey, I'm sure,

it's like so hard, you know. Right, yeah. And so I mean, this might be, I mean, again, you don't want to be a accusatory, but you can just say, I mean, you guys have been together five, six months, which is new So you can sort of kind of have these conversations and say I love being with you Just got to say that the drinking is I mean I friends my friend just called me yesterday

And she's dating guy and she doesn't drink that much and she said you know I'm a little concerned because I feel like every time we go out He has three beers and he's not really drunk But it just it makes me concerned about his behavior because her dab is alcoholic and so you've every right to I can tell and I dated several alcoholics I have to say and yeah after a while it does you know it does sort of weigh in you and there are certain behavior things that you just can't live with and some stop drinking and so you have every right to your own opinion and to feel what you are feeling and yeah have the talk.

Yeah. People that are not fun drugs. Have you dated anyone with any like addictions or issues? Yeah, I was trying to think, well, you're reading that email. Like if I truly have been in that situation, um, yeah, I've definitely dated people where they become a totally different person when they drink. Yeah. And when they're not fun, it absolutely sucks because when they're in that situation, you try to talk to them, to calm them down or they just have an extreme attitude.

And that I don't deal with very well at all because I'll just up and leave. Right. See, I'm not going to be like that because I know that I can't fix that in that moment. I can't fix the situation. So like why even bother it? Like some people to sit there and like argue it out. There's nothing to fight about me. Browards, you know?

I won't do it, obviously. All right, see you later. Bye, you know? And if she is now called, it is a progressive thing so it can build, right? Yeah, you're right. And if their behavior changes, like nothing, like don't you have friends like that every time you go with them, you're like, this is now called, it is a progressive thing so it can build, right? Yeah, you're right. And if their behavior changes, like, nothing, like don't you have friends like that every time you go out, then you're like, this is the person, I used to have friends, I'd say the switch,

they switch the flip switch, the switch flips. Yeah. They switch a flip. Yeah. Switch. And they're a different person, different person now. Yeah. And it's like every time, and that's happened, that's the opposite.

Yeah. And I mean, it happens a lot with my female friends or females that are dated where it's just like, whoa, who is this person? I know. I'm not tracking. And it does happen with guys. I've been lucky to be around a lot of males that do get drunk that are just actually fun, but there is those A-hole drunk dudes

that are just like, this one of fight everybody. I can't be around that. Oh, bros. Yeah I can't be around that. Brows, yeah. I can't be around that. I don't like being around drunk. Really drunk guys, it's so not attractive to me at all. So yeah, so, Chadwick, you're totally in the right here.

I mean, you're totally in your own, you're allowed to actually, what am I saying? You're in the right. You absolutely need to talk to about it. It's an okay reason to feel like you can't be with someone for that. We totally support you. Okay, Madison just sent up,

pretty sure Madison updated us on the gummy bear situation. Uh huh. Okay, because who said this to us? Um, it was Gwen. She said she'll never look at gummy bears the same way since listening to the sex of the news segment about porn stars and gummy bears and what happens was is Many girls who do anal seem to subscribe to this porn logic that gummy bears just sit in the stomach as opposed to other foods

Which are digested as food should be many girls eat gummy bears and little food when they're scheduled to perform any sort of anal act Kid and cross porn star. Thank you very much Kaden cross porn star. Thank you very much. I'm sure the gummy bear factory will appreciate that. I know, right? Little fun facts. We would have thought it. Little fun fact there about gummy bears.

Also, if you put them into water, it's a lot. Do they eat those giant gummy bears? Have you seen those? There's a store in Los Angeles and I think other places called itchigger. And they have like six pound gummy bears. Huge ones. No. No, I think they make your stomach expand though. I'm sure they do, they do

expand. Like I know young people were like soaking them in vodka and just eating them at school. Right, that's that's bad. Get very drunk. We just put them in water and watch them blow up. When I was like third grade. Never did that. Fun with gummy bears. Cool. Okay, that's all we got time for today. It was fun hanging out with you. I know, you're awesome menace. Thank you. I love seeing you and being with you

and sharing the space with you. It's very special. Very special time. Thank you to Madison, Laurie, Jamie, and Eddie for all your amazing help. And thank everyone for supporting the show. I love hearing from you and getting your emails and knowing that you like the show

and things you're telling a friend. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithandlink.com. I don't know if you know this, but the sexual health expo is right around the corner and this time it's taking place in one of my favorite spots on our thioork. I'm so honored to once again be hosting this one of a kind event. Like seriously, what other event brings today's top sex educators and the hottest pleasure products together under one roof? Exactly, it's the only one.

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