Sex With Emily - How To Know What You Really Want in Bed

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Today, we're diving into pillar four of Sex IQ: self-knowledge. This is the pillar that ties everything together, because once you understand your body (embodiment), your health, and how to collaborate with a partner, the real magic happens when you actually know what turns you on. I'm breaking down core erotic desires using Jack Morin's erotic equation: the struggle we overcame plus the triumph on the other side often reveals exactly what turns us on most. We'll talk about the pleasure thieves that block self-knowledge (stress, trauma, and shame), why mindful self-pleasure is one of the fastest paths to understanding your own arousal, and how naming what you want to feel during sex changes everything about how you ask for it. If you've ever felt like you're just going through the motions in bed, this episode is your permission slip to get curious about yourself again. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour. And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night, I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates, July 7th in Rosemont, Illinois at Zanis, then heading to Philadelphia on August 5th.

Nashville on September 29th and Austin on October 7th. More cities to come. Come with your partner, your friends, fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for tickets and tour information.

I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you. Why am I even having sex? What self-knowledge really means? We can't ask for what we want in the bedroom. If we don't actually know. what we want. Masturbation, you guys, remember, is the key to so much self-knowledge. Sex can be like robotic or automatic or very performative, but when we tune into what we're

actually feeling, we're more likely to have that knowing about what actually feels good, freeing yourself from any shame you might feel around what you want to feel during sex. Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex. This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires, and knowing exactly what you want. Also be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex with Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter. You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give really good newsletter if you know what I mean. It's sex withemly.com slash newsletter. Finally, I am going on tour

And I hope you join me. I'll be going all over the United States. And my first stop is in Chicago on July 7th. And the show is all about you. I'll be answering your questions live. We'll be playing games. There's giveaways. It's going to be such a good time.

You can find that at sexwithalmlee.com slash events. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. That's exactly why we created the shop Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team.

And these are products I trust. I recommend to clients and would tell my friends about. I do tell my friends about. It's what I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner, or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly. We've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the dame pillow for supported sex.

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The Hulu original series Furious is coming to Disney Plus. Starring Emmy Rossum. Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur.

Don't miss the three-episode premiere of the Hulu original series Furious on July 27th, only on Hulu on Disney Plus. How you doing? Welcome, everybody. So good to see you all. I love seeing all the friendly names, friendly faces. Hope you're all doing great today.

So today, we're talking about sex IQ pillar number four, and that is self-knowledge. So if you missed any of the other pillars, I want to remind you that the first one was embodiment, color number one about being in our bodies. The second one is health. And then the third one was collaboration. And now we are on self-knowledge. So this is the pillar that is really connecting all the dots because it's like everything that you've learned like embodiment and health and even collaboration, this is where you discover

what actually turns me on. What are my desires? What do I really want? Because that's actually where all the magic happens. It really doesn't matter at this point what anyone else wants. We want to consider that. But this is where like, what really, really turns me on? What's getting in the way of me knowing those turns on, turned on, than the way of me feeling true desire. And how do I want to feel when I'm having sex? Like, what do I actually want to feel? Why am I even having sex? So let's start first by landing in our bodies with a little bit of box breathing. So we're going to breathe in through our nose for four. We're going to hold for four and exhale for four and then hold. So I'll take us along. So we're going to breathe in for four. So one,

Two, three, four. Hold. Two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Exhale. Three, four. Welcome. Welcome into your body.

As you come back into your body now, just see how you feel different. Maybe your hands are a little tingly. You feel more present, more connected. You know, we're all here to learn about ourselves. We're all connected. So let's get into, what self-knowledge really means.

So the point is about self-knowledge is we can't ask for what we want in the bedroom if we don't actually know what we want. And that's what this pillar is all about, sexual self-awareness. And I don't know if any of you ever been in this position, but I recall early on before I started studying sex 20 years ago, I would have partners who would say to me, does that feel good? What do you want? And I'd say, I remember thinking, oh, whatever you're doing feels great or no, it's good, keep going.

Because I knew that even if it didn't feel good, I didn't know I'd ask for what I want. I didn't know what I wanted. I never really thought about it. I just knew that sex, I had a hunch that sex could be a lot better than it was. So self-knowledge is about like, what are your arousal patterns? When do you get turned on? When don't you get turned on? What are your core desires, which we're going to get into?

I'm going to go deep into core desires today and what makes you feel sexy, turned on, safe scene. So it means like understanding, so self-knowledge really means like where you're coming from and what blocks or build your desire. And then like what kind of touch, what kind of energy or environment is required for you to be turned on. And you take a moment, like think about it. When was the last time you were touched in a way? Like if you just think about it, what is the time you were touched in a way where you were like, oh, that was a a great touch. That was a really hot moment. We often don't stop and reflect on that. And so,

and I'm going to get into your core rock rock, a core right of desires, which isn't just what you do, but how you feel. And you think about it, a lot of sex can be like robotic or automatic or very performative, but when we tune into what we're actually feeling, we'll be more likely to have that knowing about what actually feels good. And then we're also talking about like exploring fantasy and solo sex to tap into your most authentic turn-ons. Because masturbation, you guys, remember, is the key to so much self-knit. When we have time alone to get curious and think, like, what do I actually like? What makes me feel good?

That's the key to masturbation. And a lot of my self-discovery, most of my self-discovery happened when I actually took time alone with myself to discover different arises zones and what fell good. So we can't skip our way to that step and skip that step. And we also can't intellectualize like, well, my partner might like this or this is where I saw looked good in porn. You can't think your way through it. This is like the feeling stage.

This is when we truly, truly know ourselves. So let's talk about core erotic desires because this is one of my favorite topics talk about. So basically your core erotic desires are the feelings that you want, that you crave during sex. It's not the acts. It's not the positions. It's the feelings. So sex therapist and author Jack Morin was one of the leaders in this field. I remember studying this in school. And he was the first one to kind of map this out. And his book was called The Erotic Mind. And his biggest insight is this. What turns us on most often reveals what we've had to overcome the most. So what turned us on

the most is often what we've had to overcome. So the erotic equation is something was like a struggle we have plus a triumph. We overcame that equals our turn-ons. So I'm going to get into this. So sometimes our deepest turn-ons come from those emotional conflicts, the restrictions or pain we had to work through. So here's some common struggles. Perhaps you grew up in a really strict, shame-based household were sex, conversations were off the table. Anything about sex was, sex was dirty, it was off limits. And so perhaps your core desire is to feel naughty, to feel free, to feel transgressive, because now embracing sexual expression feels rebellious to you, kind of delicious. So I was told that it wasn't okay to be sexual, but now I want to feel like really

naughty. I want to do something that's forbidden. I want to have a, you know, tough 30 or have a threesome or I want to whatever to you that transgression is. We all have different desire. We all have different definitions of that. That's a really common one. Like I want this thing that's kind of naughty anal sex. I mean, there's so many things. We all didn't define it, but I was told this was wrong at a really formative time in my life. And so now thinking about it or doing that act makes me feel free and alive. Or maybe you were told growing up that you're too much. Everything you do is too much.

You're too loud. You're too emotional. You're too needy. And so maybe your core desire is to feel worshipped, to feel adored, to feel insatiable, to feel like you're, you just can't, your partner can't get enough of you, like that feeling. Because you crave a space where being too much is okay and accepted. And that's exactly what's desired. Like your partner thinks you're so much.

much, they're overcome with it because you're being too much is finally okay. Another one maybe is you always had to be in control. Maybe you're like a high achiever. You were like parentified when you were a kid. You were always the caretaker. You were the one in your house who had to grow up really, really quickly. And so maybe your core desire is to surrender, to be taken, right? To be out of control, to not know what's happening.

You like a blindfold. You like being tied up. You don't want to be the one in charge. You just want anything to happen because sex becomes a place where you don't have to be in charge. I'm just going to go through like a few of these. And remember, several of these might speak to you. And feel free to like comment here in the chat or anything. So yeah, purity culture.

Exactly. Stephanie, parentaliding control taking care of business girl, right? So it kind of tracks, right? Maybe you were emotionally neglected. You were ignored. You didn't feel seen. or heard or prioritized in your home. So your core desire is you want to be seen. You want to be the chosen one. You want to feel special. This could be because being the center of someone's

desire feels deeply, deeply healing to you. You are finally chosen. You are seen. Another one is you experienced rejection. And again, this is being your household. Maybe there was breakups. There was betrayals. There was love that was kind of inconsistent. And then your core desire is to feel wanted, secure, to feel like this person's overcoming me. You know, obviously there's shadow sides to these things. You might feel that you're in relationships that are very controlling or with people who, obviously we can take all this a little bit too far in relationships. We tend to overcorrect from childhood.

We've talked a lot about that, that again, no matter how loving and wonderful your parents are, we all grow up with these dynamics. No one is told how to parents, your parents are parents, the way their parents were parented, all the things. So we can, we can love our parents and have fun memories, our memories of our childhood and still have some of these realities that are just the way we operate today. So, so now you might crave a connection. If you did feel rejection or abandonment or controlled, you might crave a connection that's really intense and unshakable. Or lastly, you might feel unsafe growing up, either physically or emotionally. You maybe came from a

chaotic home. There was instability. There was trauma. And now you want to feel like held and safe and protected. That one really speaks to me. Because now when you feel safe, it is the ultimate turn on. Those are some of the basic core desires. So it's like this is going back to like what do you want to feel during sex? Did any of these resonate with you? It's a great starting point. Do you want to feel? I'm going to read through the, do you want to feel safe, protected, possessed, wanted, secure, chosen, seen, or special, surrendered, taking out of control, worshipped, adored, insatiable, naughty, free, transgressive, just maybe even write down something that really speak to you. So basically, these show that we have these erotic blueprints, basically, that are emotional

stories, they're not just sexual preferences. So it's not just like, I really like being tied up or I really like dirty top. Like a lot of this stuff goes back to our core. being, our developmental time. So I want this practice of finding our core erotic desires to be about freeing yourself from any shame you might feel around what you want to feel during sex, because this will make a huge difference with the kind of sex you're having and with a partner. So your erotic mind has basically been working over time to rewrite your story in a way that ends with you feeling satisfied and powerful and loved. Like that's what it's about. that it's not weird. There's nothing shameful about you. It's actually brilliant. So this means that

all of our eroticisms are deeply, deeply personal and shaped by our history, our wounds, our triumphs. It's shaped by our experiences that nobody else had, and it's not random at all. So let me give you a little bit more examples here. You might crave sex that makes you feel adored. We talked about that. So your partner's just drinking you up with their eyes. They're staring at it. you're looking at you, they're adoring you. Or if you want to be worshipped, every inch of you is sacred and cherished. Like they just, you know, they're all over you. They're like going like from your feet or your knees to your thighs and they're just

giving you a full body massage. If you want to feel naughty, you're like breaking the rules, getting away from it, having sex outside, you know, having sex, you know, when someone could walk in, those kind of transgressions. Safe. You sort of feel hell. You prefer sex. It's a little bit safer.

Nothing bad can happen here. Or in control. You're the dominating one. You're the boss. You're the one calling the shots. Out of control. You surrender. You let go.

You are tied up. You are, you know, have a blindfold on. Like, you just let go and you completely surrender to the moment. And that's where you can feel the most turn on. You know, you want to feel wanted, like intensely, urgently, urgently. Like they can't wait for another second. They just have to have you. They want to grab you.

And it's everything. special or their fantasy. You are the only one. Now, I want to remind you with some of these, it's not even just during sex. It's during the courting phase, the texting, the words that you want to written on your birthday card. You're like things that you want to hear from your partner.

It's not just in the bedroom. Often these things are reflected in how we feel loved. Like we're not just talking about turn-ons. We're talking about how we feel loved and safe in a relationship. And so there might be ways to play with this beyond just the bedroom. and there might be some light bulbs going off. Dominated, that's just like power is handed over, but you still feel safe. You're like, you take the whip, but I know that I'm safe with you.

Or playful. Like, you want to feel playful. There's room for curiosity. There's laughter. Like, that feels really great to you. You want to feel free, perhaps, like wild, unedited. Anything could happen. You love dancing.

You love, like, being outside naked, running around, like, whatever could happen. but that's where you feel alive. Transformed, using sex to help you become, like, powerful and alive. We want to be with partners that make us feel safe enough and seen enough without all of the shame, which I'm going to get into a minute, that we can fully express. Because it's really hard to have the kind of sex that we deeply do, we desire when we don't feel safe. You and your partner were not collaborating, having had great collaboration because something happened in your relationship, you might not feel safe.

You might know your core out of desire, right? Or if you haven't been, if you're on a certain medication or haven't built a healthy you're particularly embodied, right? You might be like, yes, I want to be tied up, but I'm really anxious and I'm not really in my body during sex. So that's how all the pillars really weave together. So it's important to understand all of them. Think about it for a moment.

Like, think about one of your hottest turn-ons or something that you fantasize about. Something when I think of you, like, think about fantasy. What was your emotional tone? Like what was going on that? Like, was it naughty? Was it rebellious? Was it loving? Like, that's the core desire right there.

Maybe it's happened in the past. Maybe it hasn't. Or maybe something I just reviewed with you stuck with you. So I want you to write that down and to really think more about that. And you can always ask me questions here at the end. And it might change over time. Like, maybe you really like spanking a long time ago, but now you want eye contact. Right?

Like, it just, just think about, there's different ways to express it. it. So really, this gives us, we're in the self-knowledge pillar. This gives us the way of saying to our partner, hey, this is the vibe I'm going for. This is the, this is the feeling that I want. This is, you know, what about you? Like, what would you like? And that's what really shifts our sex from like, I hope I get what I want. I hope my partner figures it out. I hope they finally become a mind reader until I know exactly what I need. So what's going to block all of our self-knowledge? What's going to block us from actually feeling being able to know what we want? The good old pleasure thieves.

These are our biggest blocks that is keeping us from pleasure, which I will talk about these forever with you. And I think it's really important, especially when it comes to self-knowing. Because you think about it, we've been having sex for a while. We have sex. Why don't we know? Why can't I just say this is what I want? And stress, trauma, and shame are the culprits.

Stress is what keeps us in our head and keeps us away. from the pleasure in the moment and worry and anxiety. Trauma is that total disconnection from our body. It's that I don't know. It's that sometimes numbness or disassociation. And then there's shame. Any desire you have is wrong. Your desires are wrong.

Wanting what you want is wrong, wanting to be adored or worshipped or a certain transgression or any of these are wrong. Like you want to feel playful, you're wrong. You want to feel dumb. You're a freak. You know, this is why. That's shame. Shame tells you you're wrong. And the only antidote to the pleasure thieves is curiosity, which you all have because you're here. Compassion and practice. So just hearing this today might be the first point of this, might be the first moment where you have a light bulb moment, but we have to nurture that moment, right, and go a little bit deeper

with it. But these are the keys to truly unlocking what your pleasure potential, your core desires, and knowing and reclaiming your pleasure and knowing that it is yours to claim. And you can dismantle like whatever barriers are getting in the way. We all have them. And I want to say that we work to heal them. We have to always be working on them. I mean, sometimes some are louder than others, but it's just really important to remember. And if you're curious and you want to go deeper into the meanings behind your desire, the ones that might surprise you, check out Jaline Sherry's Psychology of Kink Workshop. It's just a fascinating deep dive into why we crave what we crave and why we like what we like from a different perspective. So let's put a little bit of self-knowledge

into practice. So this could be tracking what you actually like. using a pleasure journal or a note app in your phone. I have journals everywhere. I just love using the notes on my phone. This was really hot or that was hot. Experimenting different types of touch or fantasy. And then remember, it's all about practicing too, mindful solo sex, not just getting off,

but exploring and learning and figuring out your true, true desires. And then asking during intimacy, what am I feeling? What do I need right now? what would be something that would be hot right now? What would be a great turn on? Like, what do I need? So think of it this way. It could be some self-inquiries, like, what was missing the last time I didn't feel turned on?

Was I really rushed? Did I not feel connected to my partner? Was I tired? Was my partner doing something? Didn't feel good? Was I sick? Was I taking a certain medication at the time? What was going on?

or what's something I fantasize about that I haven't quite said yet out loud. What's been a fantasy that I've been keeping to myself? Or maybe this is unlocking your fantasies. Maybe right now you're like, oh, yeah, now I understand it. How do I want to feel during sex? It's not just what I do. Maybe one of these words spoke to you, a few of them, like how you actually want to feel. And then we can reverse engineer it and go backwards and figure out how to get

that feeling. That's what it's all about. So the thing about solo sex, though, like I will go back to masturbation every day all day. It's really where your breakthroughs are going to happen. It's really where you have no pressure, no performance, and you can set time aside where you lock the door, 20 minutes a day, take a bath, and you get curious, like what kind of touch do I like? What fantasies turn me out? What brings me closer to Orgas? What doesn't? Get mindful. This is why I love talking about mindful masturbation.

I did a workshop on that in January. Like truly slowing down and thinking, my inner elbow, the nape of my neck, oh, the inner thighs. I require some like teasing and some kissing. And you know what? I really like oral sex. How come I haven't asked for that lately? I know that there's different ways to orgasm. Usually we just have like one way to orgasm.

But for a lot of people, they discover different paths to orgasm through solo sex. So make it yours. Make it your own. Again, sometimes the pleasure thieves get in the way and tell us that we don't deserve it or we can't do it. You can start slow. You can just start just touching yourself around all of your body. You don't even have to get to the genitals. You can just be like self-touch, self-southing, see what feels good.

And then just make it playful. Make it yours. Make it your own. This is where you're going to gain so much self-knowledge. it's really going to help you for the rest of your sex life. And knowing that you know how to access that and access that knowing, not only will it help you have more pleasure, but it will also help you communicate it more to your partner.

And you'll no longer be able to have the kind of sex that doesn't feel good. Like that'll just be a no go for you because now you know, now you have a deep knowing. You've had the feeling. You weren't just going through the motions, but you have a deep knowing in your body. You're completely embodied about your self-knowledge and it'll make sex that much better.

So here's some action steps for the week around this pillar. You can choose one. You can do all of them. It's up to you. This is your time. You can reflect on your core fantasy and then name the core desire underneath it. Maybe look at those 43 role playing ideas and it's going to help you.

You can track your arousal fee for a few days and think like what's building it, what's blocking it? Write that down. You can have a solo session, focus only on exploring, not achieving orgasm, a little bit of mindful masturbation. Go rewatch that workshop and see if that inspires you. And finally, you can ask yourself, what do I need to feel deeply, deeply desired? what do I need? And then explore that. So those are some ways to put self-knowledge into action, our fourth step, our fourth pillar.

Just remember that self-knowledge is truly the foundation to your sex life becoming more fulfilling. Because when you know what turned you on, you can ask for it. You can seek it out. You can create it. You are the master of your own sex life. You're the master of your sex domain. And that's what self-knowledge is about. So do just one thing this week.

One thing that will allow you to know yourself better sexually. You've all been on here with me now for 30 minutes almost, which is like such a gift to yourself and shows me that you are all actually ready for this next step. You're ready for it. You want to learn in a journal, a private note on your phone, having a conversation with your partner, looking at the kind of touch or fantasies you want. That's how it's going to build. That's how this journey self-discovery builds.

And truly, truly, this is where it starts. And this is how you have the smartest sex of your life, the most pleasurable sex, is when you really start to know yourself as a sexual being and know that you deserve it. That's Anna Self-Knowledge. I'm going to get into a few other things here. And you guys can ask any questions here that you like. I'm all here for you. We've asked you guys to, which I love, to give us some anonymous questions.

So if you want to ask me your questions, you can do it privately. You don't have put your name. And I was thinking if you guys like this, I'll answer it here. But I'll answer your questions through video. So I'll pick a few members a month and I will just send the video if you like the anonymous questions. So here's the first one. My wife and I were having threesomes with other men.

I'm not attracted to men, but I do like watching her and obviously loved it too. And she obviously loved it too. I compromise on a lot of my boundaries and ended up finding her at one of their houses in bed and tapeless. She said nothing happened and nothing was going to be. going to happen because she was on her period. Just being there without me was against the rules and she knows it. Taking her shirt off there without me means something happened even if it's the only thing that happened. We haven't played with anyone else since it and it's been about five months.

I don't want to give up on it, but I can't trust her anymore. I know you'll say we need counseling, but that isn't helping. What should we do? First, I want to say, I'm so sorry that happened. That is really upsetting. And of course, that's going to break your trust. You said that you had boundaries. she went against the rules. When you're having threesomes and you're open, non-monogamous, playing with other couples, the most important thing are the rules, are the boundaries that you set together.

And a lot of people in non-monogamous relationships spend a lot of time constantly rewriting the rules, talking about them. How did that make you feel doing deeper dives after the threesome, before the threesome, before you go to a play party? And so it would make sense that you haven't played in five months, And I would suggest that you don't play until you do rebuild the trust. So truth and trust is essential when you are exploring something vulnerable like this.

Like this is the cornerstone of having sexual successful nominagamous relationship. It doesn't matter if she said nothing happened or something happened or like none of that matters. It's just I can't imagine it was in your agreement that she could be. with this person. Even with her top off, that's not good. And the fact that her, she said, well, I was on a period, the sex didn't happen. You found her at another man's house with her top off. And I'm not, I want to be compassionate to you. Like, I'm not pureing a lot of self-compassion. I'm hearing, which is hard, but I'm hearing that she's not making it easier for you. She's like, well, I didn't, I didn't at my period or I, why haven't played with anyone? It sounds like,

she made me pressuring for you. Have you talked to her more about what was going on? Like, could you, and this is where compassion and curiosity comes in. Can you just have a conversation with you? You're like, tell me more about it. What was it about? How did it happen? What were you thinking? What you feeling? What were you desiring? And while I understand this could be really hard to hear, like knowing like what was going on, like is she apologizing right now? Does she regret it? You know, you still need to understand, like, was it impulsive? Was she feeling disconnected from you? Was there something that she really was craving that she wasn't getting? Like, what was beneath this betrayal, which is really why it was. And I know that you're saying counseling isn't work, but isn't

working, but it can be really, really hard to rebuild trust without somebody helping you move it along. Nearly impossible. Now, you could focus on rebuilding the trust with small different steps in your relationship. I'm guessing there's other things that you might be needing right now. You might be eating some more reassurance. You might need her showing up in ways that she isn't. Would that help you feel safer in the relationship? I think this is really the time to revisit your boundaries and revisit your relationship. Like, it sounds like they need to be adjusted and maybe they need to be when I'm paused like they already are, so you can build that safety again. I would say that more threesomes are probably off the table for you right now.

Doesn't seem like it's a good time for it. I can't imagine that it would be. How do you get your relationship to feel more secure? It can take a while to rebuild trust. It's not a one and done. You don't get to like just snap your fingers to process. And that's why I'm curious, what isn't working? working with counseling. And I want to remind you, there's a lot of counselors out there. There's a lot of

therapists out there. Maybe it's not the right one. And you're building a relationship with someone that you both have to deeply trust and feel honest and open with. And there's a lot out there that might not be your fit. I had a friend once sent me to it with her therapist years ago. She's like, this is the best therapist ever. I love her. I went once. I'm like, not my person. You know, when I was in my 20s, not that I had been in therapy before, really. I mean, I had been a lot of therapy, but I just knew. Like, I don't want to sit for an hour a week with this person. I'm not driving. They're not getting me. They're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm not sure how else you're going to do it without having someone. Now, if you're, if it's not working for you in your relationship,

I would highly recommend that you found some therapy on your own and start working this through. And seeing what that therapist says, now you work with them. Because even when our partner isn't into therapy or won't go, I still suggest you go on your own. We all could use some work, some therapies and counseling. So it's a big thing, you guys. All right. That's what we've time for today. Let me know if you want to send your questions. If you would be down with that, if you'd like that to be answered, I would love to do it. I will see you all tomorrow. I'll see you all tomorrow. Healing your inner child. What does it actually mean? Tammy is brilliant. She's going to tamera, she goes by now, but she's still Tammy to me, go through some really important exercises that

teaches all around the world about comforting our inner child because of many, times in our adult lives, our young child inside of us is running the show and it's not working for us. It was a coping mechanism that we developed. We were young, but it's still showing up and not serving us to have more pleasure. So I hope you all join me tomorrow. I can't wait to see you. I hope you will all do one thing this week that is going to help you build yourself knowledge because you totally deserve more pleasure in your life. We all do. Thanks for spending time with me, I'll.