Sex With Emily - How To Meet Your Match

Episode Date: October 18, 2014

On today's episode, Amy Laurent, relationship expert, matchmaker, and Emily’s co-star in Bravo’s Miss Advised calls in to share her best tips for meeting your perfect match. They discuss first date dating mistakes, how long you should wait to sleep with someone new, and who should make the first move. Emily answers emails from listeners. Topics include: advice on how to best compliment a woman, the best way to flirt, and how to tell when your relationship doesn’t have a future. All this and much more on the latest episode of the Sex With Emily Podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, tonight's show on Sex Family is all about how to meet your match. But first, thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And one of the reasons you're able to listen to us for free is because of the incredible people at GoodVibes.com. They only carry the best sex toy brands. In the world, you don't have to mess around on other sites because they carry body-safe, grape toys, all the ones I've tried and tested. So they've got the Vibratex Girls, the Dalya, which is a dual action vibe, which I love.

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Thanks for listening to the show. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute Hey, girls, gotta have a stand Oh my! The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, Mollie? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so drunk Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships

and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com because you should just go there and check it out. See all the exciting things happening on the site. Plus, you can sign up for our mailing list. And when you do that I send you email first of all you'll get a report the five biggest mistakes You're making it bad if you're a man or a woman plus I send emails and like I said I do give really good emails

I've told you people tell me all the time and I don't spam you and it's just information that you need to know to improve your sex life So I'd love to join me there and tonight's show, I'm so excited because we have my friend, matchmaker Amy Laurent Collian. She is a top-end matchmaker in New York, and she knows all about how to meet your match, what you're doing right and wrong on a first-second date, and how to meet the right person.

She's well equipped to tell you. We also gonna be reading your emails. I love hearing from you at feedback at sexbloodm.com. Some of the topics include how to flirt. When we reading your emails, I love hearing from you at feedback at SacsLyMee.com. Some of the topics include how to flirt, a boyfriend is not satisfied with his sex life. Also proper way to go down on a girl because I know you all want to know that and a few other topics. And first, hi Anderson, I'm here with Anderson.

What's up, Ann? How are you? I'm fantastic. We're live here on YouTube. Oh, we should mention this. That's, we're doing a test right now. And we are live. Some of you areum. We should mention this, that we're doing a test right now. And we are live. Some of you are watching, we just tweeted it out.

But from now on, if this all goes well, every Thursday night, Pacific Standard time, from 830 to 930, you can either go to, I think it's going to be up on our website. So sexwell.com, when you go there, you'll be able to see the Eustreum banner and listen to it. But right now, it's at eustreum.tv slash sex. That's the only thing. You should say also it's the letter you not the why oh the letter you yeah totally and then this will be a video podcast after that you cannot watch how long before we get a first topless guest see that's a good point it's just meet in like

as Amy's calling in we were just have Tara Patrick on porn star but she's gonna be on a couple of dood she would have had sex with you right here not you yeah well she might have she might not me right here, not you. Yeah, so much. Well, she might have. She might not. Not me. How dare you. Well, you're married and I feel like you wouldn't do that. Roon, Roon could banger. Roon's awesome, by the way, because Roon, he works for Loveline.

He has a podcast, pretty odd cast, that you guys, he was on the show a few weeks ago, and he set up this whole you stream thing, because people have been asking me for years, like, when you're in a stream, when can we do it? And I'm busy, and I never worked it out, but Roon figured this stuff out, so I love him and I appreciate him and I appreciate you Anderson. And I appreciate my lizards because I am teaching another workshop at Hustler in San Diego on October 25th.

It's how to blow your lover's mind. It's not just about blow jobs though. It's everything you need for better sex. October 25th, San Diego RSVP, feedback at sexwithmme.com. It's a Saturday, three to five. It's gonna be so fun and check it out. Also, one more thing I have to tell you about

is the Sexual Health Expo. I am giving the keynote January 17th, 18th in Los Angeles. It's gonna be besides the keynote, because it's gonna be a good one. But, top sex educators in the country are gonna be there. You can take workshops,

you can see the latest and greatest products, so you guys should go to that. And also, okay, here's another thing I have to tell you all, is that, so I've got this Facebook page, like most people do. It's my fan page, it's facebook.com, so I sex with Emily. And lately, I don't know if you all remember,

but my Facebook page got shut down this summer because some people who don't like sex and don't like people talking about sex had a whole campaign against a bunch of sex sites and they closed it down. And I finally got it back up. It took me a while to get it back up. But I just would love everyone if you love me and you like the show. If you would go to my page and like it because we're getting some threats again and it's

facebook.com slash text Emily. And if you don't want your kids to see something you're like, oh my kids will see it. Just hide it from your feed then and then just go there and check out all the cool stuff because we do update it's facebook.com slash text Emily and if you don't want your kids to see some of you are like oh my kids will see it just hide it from your feed then and then just go there and check out all the cool stuff because we do update it every day. What's the worst that kids can see on your site? You know, like a toy? No, nothing. We're so clean, we're so PG but it's just these people who keep complaining to Facebook

who are anti-substant. I dislike those people a lot. I dislike those people too. And it's a bummer because I've worked really hard on it. What about the children? I know, exactly. Have you thought about the children? I'm a friggin' doctor.

I'm trying to help you if people have better sex. Hey, I've seen your site, and I'm a part of the show. The show does, this show gets filthy. Like, that's why I always close the door. Way filthier than the love line. But your site, and I've seen it in their Facebook site, I would say it's way cleaner than the majority of the internet. I agree. The vast majority internet is feel free than you're. And there

is nothing that we even do on there that's offensive, but people are just they were targeting a bunch of other sex experts and they closed down all their pages, but I got it back up. But now they're like threatening to do it again, and it's just not good. So you gotta think about the children. Think about the people, but the children need well, whatever. I'm sorry if you don't want your kids to see it, you can block it from your feed, but you know your timeline, what apps?

Okay, so. It's so funny, because the little people they're so worried about protecting, they were created by banging. Exactly. And guess what? Your kids don't know how to bang because they're watching porn

and they think that they know how to bang. And funny enough, last night, I was out to dinner with some friends, some male friends, and as always, like one of them goes to the bathroom and one like sequesters me and he's like, don't tell anyone this, but I can tell you because you don't know who I'm talking about. He's like, um, do you think it's okay

to masturbate twice a day? And I'm like, yeah, totally fine. Cause you know, people are always worried if they're normal or something's wrong. I'm like, yeah, it's only fine to toys today. And then he's like, well, sometimes it's a little more. And I'll be like, well, how much? He's like, well, maybe it's four times. I'm like, okay, we'll do watch porn.

Yes, I have to watch porn. I have to do it. And I'm having a hard time now with women actually having real sacks because of porn. And I can't tell you how much I'm hearing about this lately that people just, because the truth is it's not a porn addiction unless it's wreaking havoc on your life. Like, you can't have real sex or you're not showing up for work or you're getting in trouble because of your masturbational masturbations habit. So, you know, I told them to just kind of ease off of it, maybe every other time not use porn, but he thinks it's all about the porn and he's like I can't find any girls in a lady to bang like porn stars

And you know, this is like a grown man, too, he's like in his mid-30s But I'm also worried about the younger kids who are all thinking this is how I have to have sex So that's why my show exists too because I'm not against porn porn's great for titillating and watching entertainment But it's not technically how you should learn to have sex. Right? So that's what I got to say about porn. I have no problems. And the truth is, if he told me he masturbated eight times a day, but he was everything's great in his life, that'd be fine too. It's only when it becomes a problem and it was becoming a problem. How old is this guy? He's like 35. Yeah, it's a little high for a guy that he's four times a day. And then he, well, because it he's like it's actually four and I can't sex I can't get a bone.

So that became a problem. Most that's how it is usually people dribble it out. I'm like okay, there's more to this story. Dribble it up. Dribble it up. That wasn't about masturbating and coming. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. Yeah, but seriously, you're right. That was funny. I didn't even mean to be funny. Um, I've got a little. I'm funny. I didn't even mean to be funny. I've got a little funny what I don't even know. I wonder if we should bring our guest on. Is she on the phone now? I evidently she is.

OK, let's talk to her. OK, first, I've got to introduce her here because I was on a reality show a few years ago. I'm Bravo called Miss Advise. There's about three single dating experts to be practiced what we preach. And we were in different cities and You can actually download an iTunes for like 495 and it's entertaining. I have to say it's a good show

Not just because I was in it, but my other co-star in it is Amy Lawrence. She is a top-end high-end successful matchmaker in New York City is You can find out Amy Lawrence dot com. That's L.A. You are ENT is you can find out Amy Lawrence dot com that's L.A.U.R.E.N.T. She also is at Twitter dot com slash Amy Lawrence match. And she also wrote a book called Eight Weeks to Everlasting and we're still very, very good friends, but she's friggin' amazing. And last one I was laughing so hard

because she posted something on her Facebook page that I was like, oh my God, can you please call into my show tomorrow night because we need to discuss this article and it was tips for guys And it was kind of obscure tips like I'm always giving you guys like tips like very specific tips But these were just like little social mores that I think that guys would Benefit from learning. Let's just say that and so I thought you should be on the show and with us today And we're trying to get her on the phone.

Sometimes, even though we're the love line studios, the phones are funky. Yeah, so just one. Amy. Hi, sweetheart. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you? Thank you for coming home from your fabulous party to talk to me tonight What are you guys talking about? Well, I'm talking about you baby. Okay, so I was I was just introducing you I don't know if you could hear but I oh yeah, you miss it. Well, we had some fun But I was telling them that all that you do and I gave out your website and all that that your top-end matchmaker I talked about your book you see VIP clients seeking high-end matchmaking in york and lost angeles and opa she's got a quote how do you get a quote from friggin opa on your

website dood i didn't notice that if you haven't found the one call lornt a matchmaker facilitates life's most important mergers opa opa loves me now i have to say that i'm not approved but if you're looking for a relationship you have to approach it in a certain way. Exactly. So Amy what I wanted to talk about is first of all well yeah okay let's talk about that. If you want a relationship what do you mean? If you want to because I was talking about the article you

posted we're gonna get to that but if you what do you mean by that approach in a certain way? Okay so here's my thing, Emily. I am not a person that says, like, oh, if you're female, you shouldn't have desires and a sex drive. But let me tell you, if you meet a guy that you really think that there's a relationship potential, you shouldn't sleep with him right away, even though you really want to. I'm not against that. I'm not against the work of-

Having had sex in the year? Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I mean, you only sleep with a guy right away if you're like, okay, it's been Bob. It's someone that I can't, because you have to go to the foundation with someone that- Because we get attached if we sleep with for someone to quickly you have to wait you have to wait i mean i say that and i'm not either but i'm like if what is what why not wait because

the best part of sex is getting to know someone the anticipation yet but there's sometimes when you go out in the day and you're feeling the physical chemistry and there's an earth there i'm not saying like women should be not, but I'm saying like if you want something substantial, serious, you kind of are taking this guy a little bit more serious than you would other guys you've met in your life, take it slow. So what happens if you do sleep with them right away? I mean that because I have a guest on last week I was saying the same thing and she's like, no,

I slept with a boy guy for first date and we dated for four years. I mean, of course, I was always, but I just say the rule of thumb. So, people that say, like the name, I slept with my husband on the first date and were married for 20 years.

Guess what? Good for you, but that's not the exception to the role. Right. That is not what happens when you sleep with a guy in the first date. We're not saying to be a nun, but we're saying builds a foundation. That's all right. Because every guy is going to kind of try to sleep with you on the first day, probably. If you can't, every guy is going to try to sleep with you on the first date well yeah and i don't many many many take it as a compliment

right and then we can control women get to dictate and say this is what i think of the potential for the relationship these are the boundaries and going to step and guess what guys you should take it as a compliment i don't want to sleep with your hot ass Exactly I actually look at you as more right. Oh, if I were a guy that's like oh, you know She's into me tonight. That means I don't take you seriously

And you know what I want to have some fun. Okay, exactly. Okay, aim. So what else when you're matchmaking these you know what? I want to have some fun. Exactly. Okay. So what else, when you're matchmaking these people, like what, you must give them instructions for the date and stuff, like the first date, second date, what are your rules? What do your do-nots for? What are your top things that men should do in women should do? Like, no brainer, one-on-one, first of all, a first date is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be light. Don't sit there and feel so comfortable.

Oh, I still connected to this guy. Someone has told him about my, like, I don't know, like alcoholic mother that constantly wants money from me because I feel so comfortable with this person. Right. Don't talk about your acts. Don't talk about these weird things in your life. Keep it light. Don't talk about your acts. Don't talk about these weird things in your life. Keep it light. Don't talk about his work.

Don't talk about her work. You can brush upon it. They always want to talk about my work, though, Amy. They always want to talk about my work. They always want to talk about my work. And I can't get out of that problem. Oh, yeah, girl. I feel you.

Because your work is interesting. So any guy that goes that with you is gonna be like listen to the hotties I want to go out with her but that's gonna come up to tell me about what you do. That comes from like you know a little boy curiosity. No I get it but what you're saying is I'm just joking but I'm saying yeah don't talk about your work don't do that so I get it so keep it light. Keep it light. is I'm just joking but I'm saying yeah don't talk about your work don't do that so I got it so keep it alive okay and then what about okay so what do you think are them some of the mistakes then that like women might make on a first date besides sleeping with them oh god big mistake no I mean I

see it every day I've been doing this for nine years right now it It's like, oh, so what do you want out of dating? Do you want children? Do you want to get married? It's like those questions that come from women that are like, don't ask those on the first date. Do not. Focus. Yeah, be focused, but you know what? Pressure and like, he's kind of questions are the worst things you can do on a date is like so do you want children right because type a women who are like I don't want to waste my time and I don't want to be with someone I'm just going to figure it out now I've said I'll waste my time so I'm going to ask them all

these questions on the first date and don't do that on the first day exactly you really really don't okay so what I know really you really don't but I do that so when people do and it's scares men because they like smell the like the desperation of what should guys not do that we're not something that we could not have thought about you know when in our pickers you get to choose yes the man used to ask you on the date he you flirt

he and mishie meaning you don't ask the guy out. You smile, you give him signals, and he needs to beat me out enough to ask you out. So what happens? Sit. Go ahead. Go ahead. Now, I'm just saying, you never ask a guy out. You never check him first in the beginning.

You never act like, listen, I'm putting you on a job interview and I want to know if you're like, fertile or something. But like a lot of people, a lot of you are like, wait, it's you know, women's lib equal rights, everyone can ask everyone out now who wants to. Okay, and we are equal in the business world. If I hire a male or I hire a female and you can do an equal job, yes, you deserve equal pay. But at the end of the day, when it comes to dating and courtship, you have to look down at your crotch and you have to say, do I have a vagina or do I have a penis? The DNA, the, you, you cannot deny. I don't have a penis that doesn't change when it comes

to corduces. Because it doesn't mean you're less than, it doesn't mean you're weaker, it means you can joy and brace, being a smart businesswoman that can go out in the work field. But guess what? After work, when you go out on that date, you are a female. Put on a nice dress and let him open the door for you. Don't look at him and say, how dare you open the door for me. What do you think I'm weak?

That's ridiculous. Because men want to be men is what you're saying. And this is like, it's like biology. They want to hunt men and drag you back to their cave. Right, but, and don't look at that as a weakness. When you need to start realizing that as a woman in the workplace, yes, you should be treated equal. If you do the right job the same way as a man, you should get paid under the pocket.

Don't look at me like this. Don't treat me. I deserve the same thing. I have the same thing the same respect but when you go out on a date let him open the door for you it's okay it doesn't make you lose okay got it so Amy another question Amy we have all the control we do have the control that we have the control because we decide if we like them when you're in sex. We decide exactly. And not the men out to initiate and ask you out on the day. And women are like, why do you and men have all control over

what they say? Guess what? You're dictating it. Like realize what it is. Right. OK. Because a lot of women are like, I can ask a guy out. I can do all this, but you're saying it's biology.

It's biology, biology, biology, like the men want to do it. Okay, Amy, what about, what about the, okay, so this is why I wanted you, we can, I wanted you to come because this thing you posted last night was from like, yeah, I thought that was funny. I was laughing because it was like had some funny tips in it. Like, like never, okay, never date an ex of your friend. This is a tip for guys do you think i should never do that what if they would have to get the blessing from their friend

it doesn't matter so whenever a girl first of all has dated your friend and is going to you there are enough fish in the city that you never have to resort to the uncomfortability of, oh, okay, he dated my acts, so now he's kind of, he's kind of fishing to see what's going on here. There are enough single fish in the sea. Okay, so I could have brought those before hosts and say, It's growl code is cytos curious.

Okay. Um, tip more than you should is that always are you're saying on a date this article? I'd well, you know what? Whether a guy is on his own or with a date. If the bartender buys around for you and says this is on me, you should just a little bit more right it's funny you know when you're with a guy and so it's okay well thank you very much like you have to show like I appreciate that yeah exactly give and take in a relationship yeah I mean I understand what you're saying I just feel like yeah okay I got what about

um don't split the splitting a chuck oh gosh, I just don't think it's actually like I'd rather if he says let split I'll pay like I think Just splitting is like a buzzkill Yeah, right? Yeah, well, I mean I guess so it's been a long time. I haven't no, but yeah I see a faggoy asked you out on an official date, whether you're into him or not. If this is not a guy friend that says, hey, let's go out, grab coffee, grab dinner. Of course, I'm going to say, look what the chat is. But if this is a guy that says, will you go out with me? I am not obligated.

I can say, yes, I'll go out with you. That means all fee, but you ask me out on the date to whether I am looking to take the tether or not. Right. As a gentleman. Like if guys can't afford it and you asked her out and you want to just put take her somewhere that you can't afford, right?

Like don't get in over your head. Exactly. I don't care whether it's the walk in the park or walk. Right. You don't need to spend money on a in the park right i need to spend money on a date you don't need to say money to okay what about this pretty women who are on accompanied want you to talk to them so i had to get the bar and she's alone

guys should just day what do they do that what do they do guys are like what was a so the most common mistake is guys that are the best guys for these women and they're too shy to go up to them and they're like, oh, she's waiting for her girlfriend at the bar. Our boyfriend, they make about these stories in their head.

Sometimes you have to pick up on body language, but you know what? Okay, so if you approach her and say, oh, hi, are you like meeting someone? Guess what, guys? turn says oh hi are you like meeting someone guess what guys you have to have the cone is because nine times out of ten that girl is waiting for her boyfriend and it is worth a conversation to be friendly to approach her because so many beautiful women that are like I never need a guy because I'm always like I am so busy or I'm going to dinner to meet a girlfriend. Guess what? She's waiting by the bar for her girlfriend. And here's another thing you just remind me a couple of friends of mine. They're married.

They're so happy. They met because she was on a date with someone else at a restaurant and he saw her. Oh, she was on a date. Yeah. And then he like kind of got her number and they're not married and happy. So just because she's a boyfriend. It's a fallacy, yeah. Because if you find out her date's coming, you're looking over your shoulder. Right. OK.

So what I would say more often time than not take a rest. I say take a rest because that leads us to the one that says, a girl, what does it say here, about kissing her. It says, OK. OK. Who? Yeah. Where is it? The kissing her. It says, uh, okay. Uh, uh, where is it? The kissing thing? I don't have any doubt. If in any doubt, just kiss her. Just kiss her. That's what I always say. You're not going to die. The worst thing that's going to happen is she's going to like,

you know, push you away. Maybe she's not ready yet. If she wasn't into it. But, but maybe if you have you read a guy try to kiss you and you were like mad at him No, not mad Not mad like oh he's a little off Right, but you say no, but it's not like you're like that so bad that a guy tried to kiss me because we kind of expect it Even if you didn't return it you should just try Listen Man need to be man now listen if you go on a day where the man like, I'm not really sure if she's feeling it, you're like, you're really feeling,

eh, she's not into this. Okay, you won't take that chance, but the rule is, if in any doubt where you're like, she might be just the man, you don't have to like shove your tongue down or throat and have to be like tonsal. No, we just like kiss her like like lean over and give her a kiss. I always say that to guys, I'm like just like on that shirt.

I'm like just try it. Like there's nothing to lose. I don't see what you think, Anderson. And that can change everything, girl. What you're not gonna talk about kissing. Yeah, I'm a pus. I would never. You don't lean in in kiss?

No, I'd always wait for them to be drunk enough. Yeah. Because I've never in my life, I've never, I've never made the first move on a guy. I just, I know, I know, but there's guys that probably, I know. It's like jumping off a cliff. It's scary. I know that's really bad, Zabies.

I believe that women should totally, because men have a, men have a really, no. Like I be drunk, I be, I be kissing your friend right now, because she, you know know she'd be able Her guards down Amy you love us Oh no absolutely no Oh my god Amy okay so listen to it. She had sex with that right now with a guy she could charge rape no matter what I think.

No I would actually have sex with you right now. See what I'm saying? See you have sex with Anderson. He's married but you know Okay what about never take an ex back back she tried to do better and the settlement you know yeah so many guys are like well and then they give it to second-hand unlike listen there you're asked for reason if they took you back there's a reason and not good

yeah that's good and respect you They're settling. They tried for something better and they didn't get it. Yeah, it's a waste of time. Okay, I like it. What about one girlfriend at a time is probably enough. So what about when you first start, but when you first are dating, what if you're like out there dating and you're online and you're going on like a few dates a week, but I guess eventually once you settle on one person, you just stick with one because it gets confusing. You can't remember who you told things to. I don't want to be one of those guys that you know you see them they're like 38 and then

they get online and they're like kid in the candy store and they're not saying they turn around they're like 47. They're like I've been doing this for like nine years and I never settled on one because I'm looking for the bigger better deal. Well, guess what? You're going to be pushing 50 and you're supposed to be single with no kids and not married. Right. And what do you think it is about the bigger better deal now? Do you think it's because there's so much more opportunity online wherever you are? I mean, the bigger better deal concept has always existed, but you know, you know,

I'm saying yeah. I mean, you better focus. focus. It's like pick your period when you have fun and it's like, I'm not going to be serious. And then you get over that phase like a teenager and you decide, now I'm going to grow up. And now I want like a real connection. Okay. So as a man, you should be able to decipher. If you wait till you're 50, that's your own fault. Yeah. Some people just aren't ready, you know? I get it. Okay, so anything else, Aime, that's all we got time for with you, but I love you. And your book eight weeks everlasting, AmyLorant.com, and she's a matchmaker.

So if you want to be a matchtop, New York LA, you can find her, right Aime? Well, yeah, just be like relationship minded. Okay, love you, Amy. Thank you. You're the best. Talk to you about it. Have a good night. Bye.

Okay. She's a party. She's a party. She was a little buzz. Where was she right now? She's in New York and she was a party. She's like, just got out of the cab and she's a little buzz. So she was at her house.

She got back to her house. Safe in her catacombs. Yeah, she's not having sex with anyone that she met at the party. She would've banged me. Dude, she would've banged you and she hasn't even I don't like the ladies that that you guys the girls uh think that the guy should always have to be the first one to kiss yeah I know you know and like if you heard her reaction sure she's a little tipsy but she's like wow wow you're a plus what I mean I mean yeah no I agree I agree

in fact I just feel like I haven't maybe I have made the first move but there's the reason why I think it's okay for women or men or whatever whoever's feeling it is because guys do have this paralyzing fear sometimes and they want to. And so the woman leans over to the same thing. Just kiss them. I think too, and I realize this about myself pretty late in life, but I was completely transfixed on my attraction to them. And never even let myself have the idea that they are attracted to me at the same time. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. You just thought. Like I never allowed myself to even believe that.

And I never even thought about it. I was just thinking about my attraction and worrying about getting rejected. So you weren't even measuring if they might be interested in using your sofa. If I was into them. Now if I'm not into them, I'm like, oh, that chick's really into me.

And it's kind of annoying. You know what I mean? How come that is the second time? But it's the loser I'm into somebody. Like don't even like, I don't even love myself. So you wait okay, so even the women that you are so into, though you'd wait for them to kiss you. Or, or I mean like my wife, I kissed my wife, it took me three weeks of taking her out. She finally like dude.

And then I kissed her around the beach and I'm like, I've wanted to do that for a long time because it had been like 10 years since I wanted to do that because I've known I knew her for a long long time. Oh, I love that. And she's just like, I've wanted to do that for a long time, because it had been like 10 years since I wanted to do that, because I've known I knew her for a long, long time. I love that. And she's just like, I know. She know. Yeah, I didn't like that. But see, the thing is, and there's a study that I've talked

about this before, that man are not great at reading signals from women. So there's a lot of guys who are like beating themselves up because women are like, I really like you, and you never made a move. All right, let me, let me say this. There have been a couple times. I remember one particular instance,

I was in Santa Monica, and there was this girl. I remember her name. There had been a couple times, I remember one particular instance, I was in Santa Monica and there was this girl, I remember her name, it was after a season of the year. And I asked her, I'm like, hey, I want to show you something. And I took her out, took her out the back of this club that we're in, like in this little alley, you know, it wasn't creepy, I'm making it sound creepy. But Santa Monica's like, took her back up the alley, right.

And I tried to kiss her and you should turn her head, she's like, oh no. And like, you don't, you don't, and that was I tried to kiss her and you should turn her head. She's like, oh, no. And like, you don't, you don't, and that was when I was really young and you don't get past something like that for a long time. So many men and women are stuck with like one seemingly traumatic incident that happened when they were young and they never try again.

It could be kissing, it could be some kind of sexual act. It's like PTSD next time you're in the same position. It's PTSD, it absolutely is. And you know what? This way I always tell you guys, you're going to get rejected. And women, you're going to get rejected. But you know, it's all about how you get back up, right? When you fail, it's about how you get yourself back up.

And it's about what you do with the failure, how you turn around, how you get back up. Keep kissing those girls, keep asking them out, all that stuff, right, Anderson? So I know people, it's controversial, what Amy's saying, because I get that a lot of women, I I mean I have tons of friends who ask men out and I'm actually it's on my list of things to do to ask a guy out like I'm doing to do that because I don't have anyone that I'm interested in that

you kind of did that when you're in Vegas when you asked the girl that that guy to go to bed with you who would I ask to go to bed with you Vegas you went up to a guy and you're like hey we sleep on the front oh um, oh, because I was testing out the waters because of you on that. A guy of your friend had you do it. Yeah, he timed me. It took me one second. But that kind of equivalent.

And then that guy followed up with me. Like, if you ever really want to have sex, like, I had guys are pathetic. They're so pathetic. I know, I was like, no, I'm like, you were being timed. It took you a second to say yes. No, but if you, you know, if it's not a game next time, I'm, I'm, my dick's always here.

He's like, I'm just told to hear for you babe. I'm like, yeah. Tell him to say, I'm gonna tell him to appreciate it. That was really nice of you. Okay, so I've got a little sex in the news here before we get to the emails. So, okay. Sex makes you happier than money.

Imagine that, and we're saying, we are slaves, right? We're saving away our jobs, we love what we do do. We try to make our money. If that wasn't the case, hookers wouldn't exist. What hookers wouldn't exist? Yeah, because we give them our money. I know. But money can't, well, I guess money can buy you sex, but it can't buy you love. And what is making love better than making money? Research has suggested the answer is yes. So there was a study, an estimates the dollar amount that happiness from sex can bring you, but also debunks the old myth that having more money means that you'll have more sex. In fact, it finds that there's zero difference in the frequency of sex from one income level

to the next, but they do find that sex appears to bring more happiness to highly educated people than to those with lower educational status. So sex pretty much is the best thing going for happiness as it generates most pleasure, meaning and engagement for people until they stop having sex in their relationship and then they get divorced because they don't ever talk about their sex life, which is why I beg you all, I beg, I beg, anyone in a relationship now, it is never too soon to start talking about sex and be like, I love that, I love that, let's try this, let's do that, I like this. Because what happens is you're gonna have great sex for a year or two and then eventually, it's gonna be a problem and you won't not

to bring it up, so just start your sexual dialogue early on so you keep having sex and you're really, expanding it, like I'm sure you do in your relationship, Anderson. Nope. Dude, really, you don't even talk about it. I have a talk about it a little bit. I have a talk about it. It's perfect. What am I doing? I'm not talking do in your relationship Anderson. Nope Dude really you don't even talk about it. We talk about it. It's perfect What am I doing? I'm not talking about this, but yeah, we talk about it, but we don't kill like details We're gonna get in details. That's all the details. Are we boning? Are we not that's it?

Yeah, maybe we use the word bang you might say bang let's bang tonight. Okay, um, let's get into the email Oh first a word from our sponsors. Yeah, because I love them and I love everyone for listening to the show but I also love my no no pro because Let's face it. We have unwanted hair men and women everywhere and it's annoying because you got a shave You said money and razors and waxing and all the stuff and the no no pro is the best way to remove unwanted hair with zero pain. There is no pain at all. And I just do like when I'm sitting on the couch like, oh, I've got a hair.

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So, some women have three toys. I have a thousand, or a thousand, but the fleshlight. You really have a thousand girl. Probably. We were just talking about this, that we're gonna do a segment in my garage, a segment of the show, just with all my toys and video editing. I've been talking about this for a while,

but we're really gonna do it. You should turn them all on and put them on top of someone. Like one by one, see who can add... Like, like, like, like, ants crawling over persons by the... Yeah, like, yeah. Okay, would you like to be the subject? That'd be a good video. That would be a good video.

It's gonna be very visual. Or, yeah, underneath them and on top. You should do Rectic because you're a filmmaker. They should be a scone. Anderson, do you want a director? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, of course. Done and done, maybe You should direct it because you're a filmmaker. They should be a scone. Do you understand what you want to do on a directing? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, for sure. Don and Don, maybe Rune will do it. Okay, listen. What the fuck was that? You just gave my job away. No, Rune can be the one with the sex toys on them. Jesus, okay. You're directing.

All right. Dude, I can get your job away. I want Rune to have the fleshlet out. That was a genuine anger. I know, it really was. You guys are nearer. What the hell? I'm not that lame.

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Okay Back to the emails. This is about how to flirt Dear Emily, I will listen to your podcast and reading your articles because I've been needing to step up my game and start getting a move on with my sex life. I've been very horrible with talking to women and I'm not much good of a flirt to begin with. I've never been in a relationship with my life and I really want to make a change and start getting used to talking to women. I would like to know some tips for overcoming confidence issues and learn to let loose. Any vice is appreciated. Thank you very much, Vladimir.

Okay, Vladimir, this is a very, very common for men. And like we're saying it's a skill. It's almost like the flirt skill, the confidence skill, the talking to women. You have to build it over time. It's a muscle that you haven't used yet. And the more you practice, just talking to women, and just saying hi, women you're attracted to, not and men, just wherever you go, and being confident in the room you walk into, and just saying hi. I don't care if you're walking in the office,

the post office, the coffee shop, and you just get comfortable in your own skin, just talking to people. And that will help you, because I feel like you have so much fear about it, that I'm not going to tell you that you're going to go, I'm going to tell you what to do right now and you're going to be a masterful flutter.

It's something that's learned and that comes by being comfortable in your own skin and being confident when you're talking to women and the more practice you have, the better. Now, how do you explain flirting? You know, flirting is really just being comfortable and you might say something like, tease them a little, but not in a mean way, but just say, yeah, really, yeah, you look like, you always, you're like, she's running to the bus, you're the bus stop.

You almost missed this one, are you always late for work? I mean, I don't know, just funny things that are flirty, let her know you're interested, let her know that you are, let her know that you're confident and then you're playful and ask questions but don't ask her anything too crazy like about her you know sex life and you can tell her that here's the thing about complimenting women you don't want to say you're beautiful you don't want to say like you've great i mean you can't see you pretty eyes but right away when guys say that it's

like you want to notice something specific in fact i'd rather have a guy be like that's a bang and belt than like you've pretty eyes. Bangin', that'd be okay if you said bangin'. No, that's a really hot belt. Or that's such a cool, like whatever. You know, it's such a thing. The handbags are great. I don't think he's gay. Yeah, I've had guys complimenting my shoes, my handbag.

I compliment you on your back. This is what it is, you did, my red bag. I love your red and black bag. I have a red hair. You wanna notice this, we went to. You wanna observe something happening in the moment, Vladimir, and everyone. Observe something happening in the moment. So you're waiting for the bus.

God, I've never, this bus, is it always this late? So you observe something you guys can talk about. Then you make a comment on it and you start, you start a conversation. And then you listen to her cues, just like think about what you're talking to your friends. And then that's like your icebreaker, and then you just start, you know, talking to your, and you could say, God, this is so fun. This is a joke. This conversation. Let's totally grab a cup of coffee. Here's my number, or I can take yours, call me. And you just, you don't think about it,

because you don't want to be beating yourself up that you didn't get her number, because having you done that Anderson, when you met someone, you're like, why didn't I get her number? I'm terrible, I'm telling you. I would get a girls number and then I would call her three months later. I would call her three months later. See, this is the fear.

My boyfriend's here, who is this? Yeah, exactly, because she gave me. I was terrible. Right, so you guys, you missed the boat. My boyfriend's here. Who is this? Yeah, exactly. Because she gave me. I was terrible. Right. So you guys, you missed the boat. This is what I'm saying.

And you've got to do it with confidence. Like, you know when you just like, you're asking for a raise or you're really nervous about something and you just like, rip in a bandaid off and you're like, you just kind of like you say it and you stop talking. You know what I was saying is you're like, I want to raise because I really feel like I've worked really, really hard to do. No, I think I deserve a raise. You know, or whatever it is that you say, and you're just like,

we have to continue this conversation. Let's get coffee, give me your number. And you just, in a way that's, makes her think like, God, this guy's confidence, he knows what he wants, and you go for it. I mean, I really think that it's about practicing. So you say you're horrible talking to women. My first step for you is to practice.

The second thing is to just, even if you start talking to a woman and ask her out, ask for her number and do whatever you can to just build that conference and know that you're not gonna die. Nothing's gonna happen. If she says no, if she rejects you, it doesn't mean that you failed. It doesn't mean you're bad with women. It means that there's a thousand million other women on the planet that you can talk to. Was it this show or did I say it on the show that pretend like it's at your friend's girlfriend? No, if you get that mindset it actually loosens you up because you think like, oh this is my friend's girlfriend So I'm not hitting on her. I'm not being creepy. I'm not being weird But I can still be friendly with her and there's nothing and then if you can actually psych yourself out to to get that mindset Actually, it'll calm you down. That's a really good mindset

I think that's great or think about like you're I always Or think about like you're talking to one of your friends. Like you're really comfortable with your friends, Vladimir. I'm sure they love you. You've got your friends. Loddy. And so you have to like, because just because you've that confidence with your friends, people don't realize that you can actually have that with members of the opposite sex as well.

But again, it's practice because all this stuff Vladimir you're talking about is in your mind. It's not reality. It's not that women don't like you. It's not that you're not attractive. It's that you haven't even tried yet because your fear is paraly your mind. It's not reality. It's not that women don't like you. It's not that you're not attractive. It's that you haven't even tried yet because your fear is paralyzing you. So I'm just giving you little tips to get out there and gain more confidence. But trust your gut, too. Like if you hear something in your head, you're going to say something to her and it sounds stupid.

It might be stupid. So don't say it. You know, come up with something better. What do you mean? It's an approaching line. Like an approaching line? Yeah, like don't a lot of guys like we'll come up with really cheesy things and then they just force it. I don't think that that works. I know it doesn't. So if you know, trust your gut. Don't say something stupid.

If you think it is- That's why I say observe something in the moment and just start a natural conversation. Oh, you're great when they put the ball. Right with the ball. Where do you work? Oh really, that's cool. I have a friend who I really, what do you do there?

That's awesome. It's amazing how quickly you can get on a track and just do- Absolutely. So don't do a pick-up line. Observe, observe observe observe What's happening in the moment in the about god the rain run? He's my umbrella. Whoever is friggin happening observe that's what you do. You don't have to have a pick-up line

Let me pass this by you. What about Hitting on a girl or talking or girl or striking up a conversation with the girl That he has no business talking to like way out of his league for practice like what's it gonna do? Awesome nothing. I think it's like I mean the worst thing that could happen is you know She likes you let you know that you're out of her out of her league and you move on you already knew that But there's a chance that she might be into it exactly and what do you do say what's out of your league? Because that's just like setting status in that you're saying that I'm lesser than her And so why would you even go to any situation thinking that that's how guys think I never think I'm out of anyone's league like a guy like I never think oh I'm out of his life. You're out of most people's leagues. Well I am but I don't actually even think about it because no I just don't I don't

think like that you don't have to have that mindset she's a woman she's hot your tractor talk tour the worst thing that happened you if you're confident and you're talking or women are like there that is what they're attracted to first I'm telling you sure you're like I'm sure but I don't have a car. If you if you're confident and you peek your interest the brain is our most active sex organ. And if you get nervous and feel like that. Smile because as soon as you smile too you naturally get more calm. Like your body like sends. Yeah. Like I'm doing right now. I just set up straight. So that's what to do. Okay. Here's another question from Feedback at sex at mme.com. You can always send me your

questions because I love hearing from you. Hi Emily, I've listened to your show for the last two weeks and it's great. I love it. I'm in a long-term relationship. We're both in our early 30s and we have great sex with toys, shoes, which I don't know what that means. I think it means that she leaves her shoes on. Lots of variation will try anything once. We're both very comfortable with our bodies and know them well. However, I thought after listening to you that I would try to engage in a conversation about our sex and whether there was something specific or different he might like to do. I said something along the lines of, we already have great sex and I love it. I've been, and before I could get in any further, he said, yeah, it's all right, which made

me stop in my tracks. I'm feeling quite shocked and a little upset. I don't really know, I'd approach this subject again. It's made me feel like we have an iceberg of a problem that I just uncovered, you know? What do you think I should do? Look forward to hearing your advice, thanks, Alex. Okay, Alex, when I first read this,

first I was concerned about the shoe thing. I don't know what that is, but I think you meant you were wearing shoes on the bed. But the other thing is he's probably, I think that you're reading into this too much. If this is your boyfriend and he said, yeah, it's all right. He might have, you might have read it wrong. He might have just been uncomfortable at first.

I don't want to go there and I don't want to talk about it. If he just said, yeah, it's all right. I feel like you should definitely open this up again and just be like, okay, so the other day when I brought this up he just said, yeah, it's all right. I feel like you should definitely open this up again and just be like, okay, so the other day when I brought this up, you said, yeah, it's all right. Did you mean like, I took it as like, all right, isn't great. And I'm saying there's so many fun things we could do.

Here's some ideas I have, or what do you think would be great? I mean, I would clarify here because you said you stopped dead in your tracks, you didn't finish your conversation because in your mind, you interpreted, I wasn't there. But a lot of times we hear things that are reinterpret things that aren't really, you know, what was his intention. I don't believe that your boyfriend, in a long term relationship, is going to go, yeah, it's all right.

What's for dinner? Do you? No, and, you know, every girl I've ever dated, they've always heard me say things that I didn't say. They've always heard me, Missoturpet, it's something I've said, because the mood that they're in, and they're anticipating,

and she was nervous probably to bring it up and yeah. No, actually, usually, it's like they're angry and then we go back to why they're angry and explain, and they say it was because you said this, and I'm like, but that's not what I meant. And that's not the tone I used. And that's what you wanted to hear. So many things get lost in translation and relationships.

And so Alex, I would not let this freak you out because this is your long-term boyfriend go back to him. But okay, I'm going back to the sex conversation, babe. I said, let's talk about our sex life. And you said, yeah, it's all right. And I read that it's like, it's all right. And to me, like, I think it's really good. And I was going to suggest some other things we could do but you know wouldn't that and fine

You're gonna be like you've paid by and say that I was on my was texting my friend. I didn't hear you said For all he knows he doesn't you remember the conversation so I think that you're you are spending a lot of time now probably obsessing and worried and you're emailing me Which is awesome, but just go back to it like the second you hear this you should be like Okay, babe. We're open this conversation up again because truly if you think it's just all right And he's not willing to talk about it, then you know what? Guess what? Game over. Move on. If he's not willing to talk about it, he's not willing to, but I believe that you've misinterpreted the situation.

And she should break up with them by listening to this episode and then staring at them and pulling off to the side of the road and saying, all right, you heard. No, but I mean, if he goes, yeah, it's all right. I'm not that satisfied. I mean, no, don't break up them that and there. I'm being very harsh. I just mean, if he goes, yeah, it's all right. I'm not that satisfied. I mean, no, don't break up them that in there I'm being very harsh. I just mean if he just if he's like, yeah, I said it was all right. What do you want? What do you mean about it? I mean, I just can't imagine that's what it is He's probably like, yeah, it's all right and then you got scared and he probably didn't know where it's going It's all right. Yeah, it's good. It's all right. It's good. It's good. Yeah It's fine. It's all right and maybe Alex is going. Yeah, it's all right

And maybe in his mind he's been thinking thinking, wow, I really wanted to tire up. But you cut off the conversation because of fear, which I totally understand. But again, I think that you gotta open this back up. And I love that you were trying to do this because everyone needs to do this in their relationship and just open it up again. See what happens.

I don't think this is a death sentence. But if you, you know, we'll find out, you gotta let me know what happens when you bring it up again. Because I really don't think that he meant what it intended. Okay. This is about a relationship that perhaps has no future. Hi Emily, I love love love your show. It's so insightful and you're so darn sweet. Your interns also rock. Yes they do. I started dating a guy we met on Tinder. My intentions were never to get into a relationship or anything like that. We dated

it for about three months and we're pretty inseparable. I felt pretty hard for him. So things were going well between us, but we had a talk last night about our relationship, about how our relationship was going and everything got super weird. He said he really liked spending time with me and wants to date me and he is no interest in dating other people. But if he ever did want to see someone else, he wouldn't he wouldn't want to not be able to. So he'd like to have his cake you need to. He also said he knew inevitably we wouldn't work out in the long run and it hurt my feelings to hear that. We have a great time together and I love spending time with him and the sex is so good too. But I don't know what to do.

Should we continue to date even though we know we know we'll leave to nothing. What do you think? He's 27. I'm 23. Thanks again Emily. I love the show. Penalpy. Penalpy, he just told you everything that you need to know. You need to end this relationship. I mean, you could find out more information like you could say to him, why do you think it's not going gonna last? But if he's telling you that he wants to see other people and that he doesn't think it's gonna last I'm not sure what other kind of information you need to get from him people like that's pretty straightforward So you're young you're on Tinder. There's a lot of other guys out there and this guy is not treating you the way that you want to be treated in fact

You're not gonna be able to convince this 27-year-old guy that, yes, you are the one and no, you don't want to see other people because he's been very clear. So my honest truth, Penelope, is that you got to just end this one. I wouldn't say you need to blow him off. You could have in one more conversation with him and say, this is what, again, this is what I heard you say. I heard you say that we're together and you like me, but you'd like to see other people, and you don't see it going anywhere. So in my mind, that thinks, why are we wasting our time? I think you say that word together and you like me, but you'd like to see other people and you don't see it going anywhere

So in my mind that thinks why are we wasting our time? I think you're awesome. Well, let him talk see what he says He'll be like, oh, I didn't mean that blah blah blah, but I think that's pretty clear marching orders. What do you think? Yeah, you think I'm sorry people just walk you missed it. It's okay, but no, no, he's he's breaking up with her I mean, do you do do do do do do do do do do come send any likes to just Just walk every minute we're on camera No, is he getting out of the mic Okay, um, do we have time for one more or should we just we're good? Yeah, it shows done. We're done. We love you I so appreciate everyone for listening to this show. I appreciate you, Anderson. I appreciate you.

I appreciate you. You and it was really good. We did. Film vault. Check it. Yeah, the film vault. We talked about Whiplash, which is maybe my favorite film of the year. That and Birdman.

Oh my God. Yeah, the great movies are coming out. Okay. Good to know. And we're covering them all around the film vault. I'll run the film vault. Okay, everyone. And follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram.

It's all sex with Emily, and I love hearing from you. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. Okay guys, have you ever heard of a massage candle? It looks like a regular candle. In fact, if you are watching us on use stream right now,

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Would you take me car shopping and he was like really into it because you wanted to date me You wanted to prove that he's a man exactly so did he get you a good deal? No, he got me a really bad deal. You thought it was a good deal of time I thought it was a good deal everyone's a good deal at one point or another when the guy's going back and he's like, oh, we talked to my manager and see if that's doable. And then they come back for like, it's doable. But you have no idea, you have no clue.

And then you're going crazy and you're talking to million places. So truecar.com is changing car buying forever. And I'm using it to get my new car right now. Truecar users received negotiation free guaranteed savings. Some features are not available in all states. The first three months of this year, over 126,000 cars were sold by the TrueCars certified dealer in our Anderson.

It's so friggin' easy. It just takes the guesswork. You just plug in the car you want, and then you get the price, and there's the whole thing. There's no more haggling, the haggling. Nothing. I'm a terrible haggler. I'm not an agent. I know.

I'm not an agent. TrueCars user-saving average of $3,078 off MSRP. When you're ready to buy a car, just follow these three easy steps. First, you go to TrueCard.com, find out what other people paid for the car you're looking for, which is so cool. Then register at TrueCard.com to see up front pricing information and lock in your savings. Third step, so simple. You print out your TrueCard saving certificate, take it to a TrueCard certified dealer for a better, hassle-free, car buying experience. Remember, every day, TrueC card certified dealer for a better, hassle-free, car buying experience. Remember every day true car users receive a negotiation free, guaranteed savings, safe time, safe money, and never overpay.

Visit truecar.com today, that's truecar.com.