Sex With Emily - How to Stop Feeling Like Roommates Instead of Partners | Sex With Emily

Episode Date: May 8, 2026

In this episode of Sex With Emily, I answer your real questions about long-term relationships, desire, pleasure, communication, and what it actually takes to keep intimacy alive over time. We get into why so many couples feel disconnected after years together, how shame and stress impact our ability to receive pleasure, and why better sex starts with curiosity instead of pressure or performance.  I also talk about receiving pleasure, mismatched desires, body confidence, communication, keeping attraction alive after moving in together, and why anticipation and novelty play such a big role in desire. This episode is all about learning how to communicate more openly, better understand yourself and your partner, and create a sex life that feels more connected, exciting, and sustainable long-term. Learn more about the EMSELLA & EXOMIND treatments from BTL at BodyByBTL.com #SexWithEmily #EmilyMorse #LiveStream  Don't miss a video! Subscribe NOW:  https://www.youtube.com/@SexWithEmilyOfficial?sub_confirmation=1  ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Chapters:0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily0:42 Exploring Touch & Sexual Curiosity2:22 Somatic Therapy & Erotic Blueprints6:00 Reconnecting After 10 Years Together8:16 Diffuculty With Oral Intimacy10:38 How To Talk About Oral Sex13:16 Why Mutual Masturbation Helps Couples15:26 Learning Pleasure & Orgasms Together17:11 Helping Your Partner Feel Safe Letting Go19:25 Different Desires in Relationships22:29 Pain After Orgasm & Refractory Periods24:07 Pillows, Comfort & Better Angles25:08 Vaginal pH, Odor & Probiotics27:13 Frequent UTIs During Sex28:35 Best Toys for Long-Distance Relationships29:55 Letting Go of Masturbation Shame31:49 How Much Masturbation Is Too Much?33:13 Moving In Together Without Losing Passion36:26 Why Couples Need Weekend Getaways Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Your sex life is not broken, it's not over. It's really another way, it's sort of like the love languages, but for sex. If we're in a relationship with somebody, we have to talk about our sex life. I'm a huge fan of mutual masturbation. It's better than faking it, it's better than not knowing, learning how to be wild and that go and feel amazing.

So it's less about how do we improve the act of sex, but how do we improve the practice of curiosity about what feels good to us? Happy Thursday. We're back, we're live, we are here, I'm here. Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily. How's everyone doing today? Thank you for joining me.

Majority of couples haven't done a lot of the work that I talk about or that you see in, you know, sex and love shows that where people are really doing these alternative practices. But I don't think you have to do a whole bunch right now, just the fact that you're both interested right now and you're learning. I would take time to just, you know, there's some great, you could do it with your hands. there's this great toy. This is an example. This is from Laylo.

It's called The Dot. I don't know if you could, you're probably not watching right now as you're talking to me, but it has this little pinpoint on it. It's a vibrator and it can like, it's called a dot by Laylo. And I'm just saying what I love about this toy,

it has a little pinpoint on it. And you could use it on, you could have your partner, your wife, right? Lay back and you can say, tonight you get some massage oil and you can just start to like explore her body, starting from her neck with a little vibrator that vibrates her nipples and start to explore and see what have her report to you what kind of touch feels good does she like a slower touch do the vibrations

feel good what you know what kind of pressure sensations feel good to her so she can start to feel safe in her body again and safe receiving so the different layers of this sexual intelligence is first just knowing what kind of touch do I like let's say I'm not arouser turned on what might get me there and i know that just like you know teasing different parts of our body our body's covered in erogenous zones they can all feel really great when stimulated with a vibrator your fingers so maybe you guys could have some sweet date nights where you're just exploring like getting curious about what feels good and what doesn't feel good or what you want more of so it's less about how do we improve the act of sex but how do we improve the practice of curiosity about

what feels good to us. Does that track? Is this what's called, is this called somatic therapy? Is that what this is somatic therapy or sexological bodywork? Someone just said another great book is Jaya's blueprint for pleasure. Jaya is like she's like a sexological body worker who talks a lot about energy and the erotic blueprints. That could be a great place to start is by taking her quiz. I think it's on her website. Funny enough, I'm actually having a call with her this week. We've been talking about collaborating. But listen, the work I do is really important and the work she does is the body piece. Like she helps people understand their erotic blueprint. So you could take her quiz where you both read it and you'll find out like you're more of an energetic, meaning you want more energetic

touch. And maybe your wife is more of a shapeshifter and she has different kind of erotic personas. So it's really another way. It's sort of like the love language. but for sex. So that could be helpful. It's called her name's Jaya, J-A-I-Y-A, and it's called your blueprint for pleasure, but I would just look up her erotic blueprint. You could probably just Google it and find it online and take it.

So I just think, again, I don't want you put a lot of, even just reading my book right now is a great first step, even just like talking through those areas. But you said you're with a sense, sex therapist, which I love, does she do any, when I say sexological body work, it's a, it's a practitioner that works on the body with you. And so again, that might not be as accessible, but you guys can work on your bodies together by like just seeing what kind of, that's why I'm asking. Yeah. That's specifically why I asked you this question, because with her, it's going to be

a virtual session, just either where she's located and what in our time constraints. So I don't know that is going to be one that would be as hands-on. And I think the other thing, too, is we were looking for what I was looking for, for something that, you know, just hands-on practices and things that I can use that can couple what we're dealing with. And again, she's A-FEC certified, so I know she's been, you know, trained in this space, but I don't know exactly what her framework is. Okay.

She's going to be working on some of the relationship piece too. Yeah, I would, well, if you, That's important to see. It's so hard to like, I have a membership now called SmartSX. You could join because I've had a lot of practitioners on there, but you don't have to mean, I don't want to give you more work to do. I just think if you want more hands on stuff, you could actually do it virtually. Dali Josette, the Pleasure Muse. You can check out her website. It's the Pleasure Muse. You can also check out podcasts I've done with her. We studied somatic therapy together like 15 years ago. She's really good and she works virtually with people.

online teaching you these practices that we're talking about. But I'm just saying start just with touch, start on the body level, start on the, we want to feel safe in our bodies. We want to be able to receive. We want to be able to know like what happened earlier in our lives where sex became something where we shut down,

where we have fear around it, we have shame around it, you know? So that stuff lives deep in our body as well. So check out Jaya, of course. Please keep me posted. I'll be here every week. Check out dial and check out the pleasure muse. The pleasure muse. Just go to the pleasure muse. Pleasure muse. MUSC. Yeah. Okay. Her name's Dolly. Thank you so much for calling. I appreciate you. So much. Anyone else want to call in? I'm here for you,

but I love this call. So he's been with his wife for 10 years. They are, they had kids. It was really hot in the beginning. How do they reconnect again? He's reading my book. He's checking out other practices. This, there is so much we can do. Like your sex life is not broken. It's not over. I understand that it's changed. I understand that maybe in your relationship right now, you don't feel as seen. Maybe you don't feel as desired. Like you're the only one trying. You're the one who's bringing up the conversation and you're the one who wants to move the needle in your sex life and maybe your partner doesn't. You know, but you want to feel wanted. You don't. You don't. You don't. You don't want to feel chased. So again, there's all these different ways that people come to the same

place. They're like, whatever, whatever it is that got in there. Maybe you feel lonely in your relationship. Maybe you feel, I feel really isolated. I'm with my partner. We talk about logistics. We're best friends, but I actually feel really alone. And I don't feel like I have any desire at all. Or, you know, maybe you just have loss of desire. So there's a lot of different ways that we come to this point of realizing, hey, there's more information and more work I need to do right now. I need to understand myself and what makes me feel good on a body level. I need to know what my blocks are. I need to know what kind of sex feels good to me and doesn't feel good to me.

And like he just said, we've been together 10 years, but we are starting. We're infants. We're starting at the infant place. And I would say that most of us are starting on the very bottom level or the infant place because our beginner mind around sex is something that we should never lose, number one. But also, if we went into sexual relationships riding the high of that newness of a relationship when everything's great and we always want to have sex and we have high desire, we weren't really operating from the principles of embodiment of what do I actually want?

What is my, how do I have more pleasure in my body? What kind of touch feels good to me, right? So that's, there's a lot of different levels of start out. We have another call, which I will take. Bring it. Hi, you're on Dr. Emily. How can I help you? Hi, this is AJ.

How are you? Hi, AJ. I'm so good. Thank you for calling in. I appreciate you. Yes. So my question was about auto intimacy. So being married to my wife 11 years and something that I

never understood where she was never into photo pleasure and oral intimacy, whether it's me doing her or her doing me. So how to get that change? She is conservative, but she doesn't like to try new things. Okay. I've tried multiple ways, but I wanted to ask your question. Yeah.

So just to clarify, you're saying oral intimacy, meaning she has a hard time receiving oral sex and a hard time giving. Yeah. Okay, got it. Common. Super common challenge. Thank you for asking this question because we hear this all the time.

I hear this all the time, which we think, oh my God, oral sex should be so pleasurable. Who doesn't want it all the time? But no, many people like my friend here. Tell me your name again? AJ. AJ.

I mean, AJ, yeah. So what happens a lot is when we start becoming sexual, young people, we start to get these messages. So if you're a woman, you might get a message that your vagina, your vulva isn't really pleasurable or no one really wants to be down there doing that or you haven't scent or you have an odor and it's it's my partner probably doesn't really we tell ourselves this or my partner might not really

want to be doing it and once they start performing oral sex to me I tense up because that is my body's response to or to pleasure I tense because I'm not sure that I feel safe because I don't know that you want to do it, that it's safe, and I don't even know how to relax into receiving because I have all these thoughts in my head that it's going to take too long. You don't want to be there. So I'm just painting you the landscape of what could be running through your wife's mind and what runs through a lot of people's mind. So yeah, what do you think about that first? Got it. Any suggestions? Yeah, I just was seeing if that landed for you. So that's,

I'm getting a lot of roses here. Thank you all. So first I would say, let's just notice that. Let's just notice that one of those might be the scenarios. And then I recommend that you have a conversation with your wife outside the bedroom, not when you're like trying to go down on her again or wondering if she's going to go down on you. And you say to her, you know, I would just love to like have a check in about our sex life. And I've been thinking a lot about it. And I was wondering, I know that oral sex isn't always comfortable for you or something that you want,

but could you, I'd love to know more about that. Does it, is it that it doesn't feel good or is it, you know, what is it about it? Because I think you could gather more information and maybe she'll share some of this with you. She might at first say, oh, God, no, I don't want to talk about it. But it's our duty. If we're in a relationship with somebody, we have to talk about our sex life. We have to talk about intimate life. We can't opt out of that.

Just like we can't opt out of parenting and say, you know what, I decided not to put the kids to bed. I decided not to take the kids to school today. We can't say I decided not to talk about our sex life. So what I'm saying is there's probably something there. But if she tells you, you know what, yeah, I just never felt comfortable with it, or maybe I had a bad experience with it,

or maybe I never felt you blah, all the things. You could say, okay, well, I would love to explore with you and maybe just try using my fingers at first, and then maybe my mouth, and then you could just kind of lay back, and I want you to know that I just want to explore all the places that make you feel good. So is that something you think you could do?

I think that makes sense to have a conversation about it, to talk about it. It's the important thing. I think we get so much busy with kids that do that will work. All of it, honey. All of it, AJ. The kids, right. Yeah. It's a lot.

It's a lot that gets in the way. So I love that you're tackling this conversation with your wife right now. And as far as you not receiving oral sex, It's a similar conversation because a lot of times there's things around women feeling like, I don't know what I'm doing or I don't know if you like it or maybe she had a bad experience with it once where someone told her she wasn't good at oral. Like we get these early messages. So I would just start talking about your sex life from the angle of I want us to be amazing lovers

to each other and clear out everything getting in our way so we could cut through the bullshit and the shame and the fear and just make each other feel really, really good in 20. 26. Okay. That sounds good. Thank you. I love it. I'll be here. Keep me posted, okay? Thanks for calling. I appreciate you, AJ, so much. All right, guys. Thank you all for the roses and the hearts and all the things. I see you. I see you. So someone said, what are my thoughts on mutual masturbation? I have a mutual masturbation fan club here, if I could. I'd be like, we should all join it. I'm a huge fan of mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is one of the top suggestions that.

that I give to couples, especially if you are someone who is hearing what I'm saying, and you're like, yeah, you know what? I've been in a long-term relationship and I actually don't really know my body. Common. It was always about my partner touching me and me responding. So to masturbate, to solo sex, to really explore yourself

and be like, what do I actually like is great. We should always, we should masturbate in a relationship, but out of relationship. a mutual masturbation where you're lying side by side, you're both touching yourselves, getting each other, you're getting yourself off. But then it's like so hot because you know you're going to get off. Your partner's watching you, that's a turn on. You're watching them, that's a turn on, but you're also learning, oh, I see when she's touching herself, she's moving her fingers gently around her labia, or she's using some fingers inside, and

or she knows the way she's touching. Or if I'm watching my partner and I'm like, what's he doing? So maybe he's touching himself, but he's taking his hand and he's going over and over the penis or he's using a certain kind of stroke. So we learn, too. Mutual masturbation is really hot. My problem is some couples I work with are like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. I don't want to make that masturbation phase and I have shame around it, blah, blah, blah.

But it's like, okay, I get it. But what if I tell you that like that will go away, you'll do it, you'll get more comfortable, and then you're going to love mutual masturbation. That's how I feel about it. And just so you all know, I've done a lot of podcasts about this topic, and I have a lot of articles at sex withemly.com about mutual masturbation, actually about everything that we're talking about here. So we're doing it all.

We're doing it all. Yeah. So someone says, someone who is at times had difficulty reaching orgasm and being with partners who have trouble reaching the orgasm, reaching an orgasm, I found both attending to one. I don't know what that means, but both attending to one. But I think you're saying, yeah, sometimes people, we've all been with people who can't have orgasms or we can't have orgasms. It's not a sure thing that we're going to have an orgasm every single time we have sex, especially if you have a vulva. It's like, that's why I'm here to tell you that we have to learn

how to give ourselves pleasure, how to ask for what we want, how to average. How to average. for what we need and like we just are not ever given this information. No one ever gives us permission to learn together. So like just know you're not too late to the party. Your sex life isn't over. You get to explore and learn together so you're more likely to have pleasure in every sexual situation that you encounter. It's better than faking it, it's better than not knowing.

But like anything in life that we become really good at or that we appreciate, we had to do some work on her own. We had to be like, okay, I'm going to prioritize my own body and understanding, you know, what makes me feel good. Okay. So I got some more questions coming in here. With mutual masturbation and the guy just watches her, watches her, use a dildo, how would you encourage your wife to just go wild or make herself feel amazing? Mutual masturbation is that you're also touching yourself. She's masturbating and you're masturbating. So, It's not just about you watching her go ham with her dildo. It's about her doing what she does with her vibrator, but you're also doing what she's doing.

But I love the second part of this. How do you encourage your wife to just go wild and make herself feel amazing? I think everybody, I think most of you want that. If you are married or you're with a woman, you're probably dying to see her, let go, feel safe in her body without worry, without looking in the mirror, without like, oh, is my body? You just want to see her in her absolute bliss. And that takes her feeling some safety, feeling that you're not going to judge her,

even though I know you won't, feeling that it's a process for her to actually learn how to let go. Like, that's a practice learning how to be wild and let go and feel amazing. I had to learn that practice through actually my work here. Like I wasn't somebody 20 years ago before I started this job who felt free and amazing sexually. I was waiting for someone to else make me feel that way. But I had to practice. I practiced on my own.

I practiced through masturbation. I practiced just being with partners that I felt safe with and being like, okay, I'm going to really let go. Are we good? Let's explore. So it just takes a beat. But just so your wife knows that you want her to feel that way is something you guys can co-create together but you're not just going to tell your wife that I want you I can't you just let go because that's giving her another thing to do that she doesn't know how to do but you guys can do it

together with letting her you know how sexy you feel she is how hot she is how much you want her to have pleasure but saying it like a convinced my wife just to let go is like another thing on her to do list that she's going to feel like she's failing okay someone says what do I do if you're just joining. I've been doing this for 20 years. I'm a sex coach expert. I help people feel more pleasure, less pain, less shame in their bodies. I coach people. I have some VIP coaching. You can check out of my website, just a few people. And mostly I'm coming on live with you guys every single week so we can all have more, better communication, less shame. The Madamy Holmes bike for brain health supporting Baycrest returns on May 31st for its fifth

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Exomind helps you feel calmer, unclear, and confident. Because you deserve to feel good in your body and present in your pleasure. To learn more about these treatments from BTL, go to bodybybtl.com or just click the link in the show notes. There's some innovation here. You're going to love it. Go to bodybybtl.com. Okay, we've got another question that somebody DM'd. And it says, my husband doesn't like sensory play. He doesn't like massages. His neck is ticklish. I think the exploration, non-penetrative, non-oral piece frustrates him a little bit.

He'd never admit that part of course. He does want to please me. but I feel a bit discouraged because I can tell he doesn't enjoy sensory and explorative things that I think would really help me enjoy sex more. Feel stuck, what should I do? Okay, so if you like all those things, so basically you're saying your husband isn't into the sensory, the massage candle, the tickling, the whatever exploration is not his jam, but it is for you. So what if you show him how you want to be explored?

how you want the sensory and explorative things, and then we could find out what your husband wants. Maybe he just wants you to feel good. So just because we want different things and our partners doesn't mean that our relationship is over or it's a deal breaker. It just means that we have to learn to negotiate from both of our desires

and knowing what we both want and then learning to collaborate together, which is the pillar of sexual intelligence. I talk about a lot, that sex is a collaboration. It's not just about one person pushing this boulder up the hill, and the boulder is your sex life. Yeah. So, yeah.

Someone else said, my boyfriend stopped me from going down on him because I think he was afraid of experiencing a mind-blowing orgasm. He described it in his head as feeling hazy and pulsing. Was it an orgasm, serotonin? You know, I would ask him, does he have an experience having, Has he ever received an oral sex before? Has he let go before? Maybe, again, you guys, I talk a lot about women feeling safe,

but men have to feel safe too. He's got his penis in your mouth and how does he know how you're going to feel about it, right? Maybe he's like, oh, my God, I'm going to explode too much and then she's going to be freaked up, blah, blah, blah. I think you just got to ask him. But if he's feeling hazy and pulsing, is that a reaction to something else going on?

Is he restricting? Is he holding his breath? Is there some other underlying condition? So there's a lot more to get clear on before I can give you any more tips here. That is that. But it is, you know, listen, it is common that all of us, sort of, many of us have had the experience of something feels really good, but that we want to push our partners away and stop it because it's almost too good or too much, or we feel out of control with our pleasure.

and then we worry that like we're going to let go and it's going to be explosive and then we're going to lose ourselves. You know, I was talking earlier about how to feel safe in our body. Someone said he really wanted his wife to let go and feel safe, but she doesn't know how. So that sounds to me like maybe he maybe doesn't feel safe letting go. So let's ask him. Okay, someone else said, my girlfriend tends to have pain with penetration after she orgasms, any tips to make it more pleasurable during her refractory period.

So it's really common for women to have pain after orgasm. Sometimes it's because depending on different months, different weeks in her cycle, there are different times of the month where her orgasms are particularly painful. And so, like, it starts to pulse and it actually has a lot of pain. It could be where, like, her cervix is, or like her, oh, if she's ovulating.

So I think you got to ask her again. During the refractory period after she, so the refractory period is a time that she orgasms from the time that she can have another orgasm. But if she's in a lot of pain, she just might want some breathing. Maybe she wants you to cup her. You guys, this is like a lost art.

If you're a partner, you want them to feel relaxed. You're with a vulva. Just simply cupping her. your hand like over her pubic mound, over the top of her vulva and just resting it here. Her pubic mound is like where the pubic hair is or isn't. And you just kind of rest it here and let her breathe. Just that, trying to get this in frame is really, really a grounding experience just to feel like, ah, you could also cupping.

Like you could also do it for, it's like a hug. You could also do it for the penis. You could put your hand over it just to calm it. It's like a very nervous system relaxing move. So I recommend that. So someone else said, someone says, You're welcome for speaking on this topic. Is there any cons to having a pillow under a woman's back?

You know, if it makes her feel more comfortable, there's a lot of great pillows. We sell one on our site at Shop Sex with Emily. It's called Taboo. I think it's a taboo pillow. So there's a lot of benefit to elevating our back, our sacrum, or even if we're on our stomach, our pelvic floor, because we can get hit, we can have different angles. We can have different kinds of penetration and touch can feel great at different angles.

So I don't see any negatives on that. I don't see any pros to that. I think a pillow under her back or her butt or any of ours can feel really good. Yeah, you can text the number, you guys, with questions if you'd like. You can text the numbers and I get your questions here. You can also ask your questions there. Someone else says, I'm a woman. I have a trouble with smell and taste down there.

And I just wondered, I know there are gummies. I know there are pills. Can I take it? What can I take in order to balance my pH? Well, first, let me tell you this, that what's really going on, is that taste and smell from the vagina are not cosmetic issues. They're actually biological signals. So if you're noticing that there's like an off taste or like a strong smell, it's about the vaginal ecosystem balance. It's not about cleanliness. So I just want to remind you that the most common

reasons is like the p the vagina is supposed to be mostly slightly acidic, but there's a lot of of things that can temporary raise the pH, so like semen, period, period, you know, blood, soaps, douching, wipes, all the things, semen, frequent sex can raise our pH. Then our microbiome can shift. We can have hormonal changes, infections. Sometimes we might even know that we have like bacterial vaginosis or an infection. So I would say if you're noticing an odor, that I would go to your doctor first before you start taking supplements or anything. There are some gummies and pH balancing products. And a lot of these have specific vaginal strains like lactobacillus.

I think it's lactobacillus. And so we're supposed to use these probiotics consistently, and it actually can help with our vaginal microbiome. But first, if you are having an odor that hasn't always been present, I would go to the doctor first. A lot of times we don't even know it or we have something going on. So that's what I recommend. And then we can talk about some of these.

Like there are some on the market right now. I don't have any to recommend at this moment. But yeah. Okay. What else we got? So someone said that they get a lot of UTIs in a monogamous relationship. What can she do? That's really common.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Of course, you don't mind me asking, but as when we get older, they go through perimenopause and menopause, we tend to get more UTIs, especially in non-monogamous relationships. Frequent UTIs are not about hygiene or promiscuity, obviously. It's usually about our anatomy, mechanics, or microbiome. So there could be some kind of mechanical transferring of bacteria. Sex pushes bacteria, usually like E. coliolide.

toward your erythra, and there's certain positions that can cause these UTIs. You could have your urethra sensitivity. If you have a shorter urethra, you might have an easier access for bacteria. Semen could also do that. Maybe there's, if you're having anal sex and you're going from back to front, you never want to do that. So maybe you have lower estrogen right now, because lower is estrogen means that you have thinner tissues, if you've thinner tissues, you've less natural protection against UTIs.

So those are some of the things you can do about it. Yeah. So someone said, what toys would I recommend for long distance? I love this question. Did you guys know that there's so many toys right now that you can use? I don't know if I have any of them here. That you can use with the remote. You can, so companies that have this, go to my website, shop sex with Emily.

There's some things by Laylo, by We Vibe. There's a few of them. And you literally download an app. And if you are in a long-distance relationship, you can control your partner's vibrator from wherever they are on the world and they can control yours. So all of those companies make really cool toys for that. Usually I have some of them in front of me at this moment.

I don't think I do. But it's basically most sex toys. I think it's super innovative. It's a really fun way to be in a long-distance relationship because you're actually sort of having sex. It's the closest thing to having sex. You actually operate you in it. And you can launch in these, all these brands have apps

or most of them have an app that you launch in the app and then you can see each other and control each other's vibrators. So fun. Someone says, please talk about getting rid of the guilt about masturbating because masturbating is healthy, especially for single males. Okay.

I will talk about masturbation, shame all day long. Where the hell? I know where it came from, but if you're still walking around an adult body feeling really shameful about masturbating and feeling like you shouldn't have to masturbate or it's, you know, now that you're in a relationship,

you should just completely cut off that entire relationship that you've had with your body, your entire life, or there's something wrong with it. That's just misinformation. We need the relationship with our body. Masturbation is an important part of being sexually healthy overall. It's important part of staying connected to our body. And I think it's only religious or shame or cultures we grew up in that told us it was wrong. So listen, if you're in a relationship, someone, they're going to continue to masturbate in the relationship with you.

of their relationship with you. So yeah, I'm a huge, huge fan of getting rid of the shamer on masturbation. It's actually a tool that's going to allow us to feel, to know what we actually like and feel safer in our bodies. Like, I just, like, just think about why you wouldn't want that. Because someone told you a long time ago that you're going to go to hell or it's a bad thing. Are they still in your life, the people that told you that? Are they knocking on your door at night to see if you've masturbated?

Someone says they love using the Wii vibe while you're driving and my girl's in the car next to me. Well, yeah, as long as she's not driving. But that sounds really fun. It's fun to put a little wee vibe. This is a great Valentine's Day present. I'll bring this to the next live. It's like a little panty vibe that you wear inside of your underwear and then your partner can, like, control it throughout the night. It's really fun.

That is really fun. Any more questions from you guys here? Anything else coming up that is like feels I got to get to this tonight? How much masturbation is too much? Well, you know the answer to that. So the only way you know if you are masturbating too much is when there's consequences. For example, you're masturbating so much with the frequency that now when you try to have sex with a human being, it's hard to get an erection. Or it's hard to feel aroused unless you're watching porn.

or your penis no longer acts on, like, is no longer getting erect when you're with somebody. This can happen to women as well. So again, are there consequences from your masturbation watching? It makes you not want to go out in public. It makes you not want to go out and meet people, you know? So that's, that's what I would say. This is a cute dog. This is William.

I agree. Okay. So what is the most common position to cause it, to cause UTIs? you know, there really isn't, but I think if you're having, like I said, anal sex and then going back front, even if you're wiping, but even just like a lot of wet sex where you're moving all over the place and you're getting fluid from all different places, but I don't know that I have a particular position in this moment that comes to me. Okay. Someone said, I love this question. My partner and I are moving in together.

soon. I'm nervous about this affecting our sex life negatively. How can we make sure that doesn't happen? Oh, it's the best question ever. This is actually the most important question I think that people should think about and should answer and take very seriously before you move into some with someone. Because if you've lived with someone and then you had children, you know what's happened to your sex life. So the first thing I would recommend is make sure that you and your partner both have growth, mindsets around sex and you are committed to making your sex life a priority. You're committed to having date night, getting out of the house, exploring together, keeping separation of certain things, like maybe it's separate bathrooms, maybe it's once a month you take a long weekend away,

you figure out what times a day you both want to have, you know, sex is right for you. When you start seeing a problem in the relationship. You talk about it all the time. So, like, this is huge. This is, this is just like, we think moving in together is so exciting and we're going to build a life and we're going to have a home and it's going to be everything. But that familiarity and that consistency and that closeness and that love and that attached love of moving in with someone tends to cancel out the things that made it so hot, which was the spontaneity, which was the novelty, which was the newness. Like every time they came over your house, when you're not living together,

you're not roommates, you got dressed up, you got excited, you missed them all day, you thought about them, you had that built-in dopamine rush, serotonin. It's like a hormonal thing too. So when you're living together and everything's super comfy and you're seeing each other in your sweats and it's easier to stay in your sweats all day than to make an effort. Like these are the things that you got to talk about is knowing like what kind of environment do we need to build in this home together that is conducive to supporting a healthy, hot sex life. Lots of roses there. Roses, roses, roses. Thank you, everybody. So I really think

that that's an important conversation that you should have now. I once got in a situation and I thought I knew better. I didn't have that conversation earlier. I thought that I was going to do that and I would be different because it's my job. Just because it's on my job and it's my expert doesn't mean that I don't often need to learn, teach what I need to learn, right? You know, your dentist probably goes to a dentist, right? Like, I'm a sex educator that also is human.

And so I realized that for us, we had commingled too many things. like we were also working together. We were both working at home. We didn't create enough space. This was all like years ago, pandemic times. And it was like, oh, wait, there's just, there was other things that didn't work. But we really had to make an effort to be like, we got way too comfortable. There's not enough separation, you know. So I think that that's, that's really important. Someone said, talk about how a long weekend away every month helps the relationship. I find that interesting. Yeah, you guys, listen, I know that that is not accessible to everybody. But if you can, like, Sometimes I think we've got this two weeks summer vacation and we're going to spend all of our money and time and plan for this two weeks and we're going away.

And we all know what happens. It takes about a week for you to actually feel like you're on vacation. And then there's all these other stressors. And then you're not quite relaxing. And then you've all this pressure where to be the perfect getaway. But if you go away once a month or once every five weeks, even if it's for an overnight Airbnb in a city, two towns over, and you're just getting out of your home and you're not having sex staring at the same ceiling and the pals of lawn. then you are able to create new memories and new associations without the pressure of when you're in our home day in and day out

having sex in the same place it's like hard to separate we're like oh god i got to laundry after this or was that beeping can the kids hear me but when you completely create a new environment and you leave your home at just the two of you you don't have to clean up the sheets you don't have to worry about the mess like you could really just like have a night that's just sex you don't have to also put in the laundry you don't have to also make up dinner. And again, if what couples really require, and I know they do, I've asked thousands of people, what's your most memorable sex? I've done this so many times. And usually people answer, we were on vacation. It was unexpected. It was spontaneous. I didn't think

it was actually going to happen this night. We were like somewhere new. We were on this new town, this new city, this new adventure. It's because you guys are getting that thrill and that rush and that dopamine of being in a new place, and that is fueling your arousal, your attraction, your desire, and your sex life. Remember, it's all related. It's all related. So if you can create conditions for your libidos to spark and to be ignited by going away, picking a separate room that you have sex in instead of the bedroom all the time, or even just buying a new toy or even listening to the show together, different conversations, different stimulers, different stimulers. around sex will really make a difference in your sex life overall.

Yeah, building anticipation for the trip. Yes, building anticipation before the trip adds the excitement. Exactly. You're like, what are we going to pack? What should I wear? What are we going to do there? What toys are we going to bring? Let's look at the room.

Can you imagine us having really hot sex in this room? Like, there's so much about the anticipation and the buildup towards sex that is missing a lot with partnered sex when we live together. There's no buildup. There's no anticipation. There's no excitement. Usually sex is turned into pressure. Are we having sex tonight?

Are we having sex tomorrow? Like, we're in our bed already. It's just not as exciting. You're missing this buildup part. So, yeah. All right, all. Thank you, everybody, for participating tonight. This has been a wonderful time.

I love you all. Thank you for showing up and just for hanging out. and asking your questions and your calls and being so real and so vulnerable and like and for just showing up here. I really, really appreciate it tonight. I really wanted to talk to you about how after 20 years, I really just wanted to come on here with you

as frequently as I can and just really listen to where you're at right now, what kind of help you need and how we can like co-create this together. So you guys show up, ask questions. I'm here for you. I hope you all have a beautiful evening. Thank you to Luke here, who's operating all of our systems.

It's his birthday. Happy birthday, Luke. Thank you to Ben. Thank you to my entire team. Thank you to William for being a good doggo. And thank you all. I'll see you Thursday, I think, around the same time. Have a great night.