Sex With Emily - How to Succeed at Online Dating

Episode Date: June 3, 2015

On today’s show, Emily welcomes fellow podcaster and dating expert Anna David to tackle the topic of online dating. Together, Emily and Anna dish on personal preferences, dating disasters, and uncan...ny coincidences they’ve come across while perusing the cybersphere for romance.  Why does every guy on Hinge play guitar? What’s with all the tigers on Tinder? Why isn’t anyone responding to your messages? Emily and Anna have answers to these questions, plus tips and tricks to help you find success with some of the more popular dating apps.Online dating is the new frontier of love, and this podcast is full of advice to help you do it right! Don’t miss it.. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today we're talking about the do's and don'ts of online dating. Don't know what to say in your profile in the first message which pictures to use. We've got all the answers because I'm here with relationship expert and very good friend Anna David. We're here to give you the advice that you need and we're gonna share some of our own personal stories. This one's gonna be good, so thanks for listening. [♪ music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, eyes. They call them in a bike on me. Hey, Abelie, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.
Starting point is 00:00:49 The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?
Starting point is 00:00:58 Oh, my God. I want to feel so grown. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just play with. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OK, everyone, summer is here. It's coming. Wherever you live. It's getting hot outside.
Starting point is 00:01:19 And let's just say this. Are you fresh and dry everywhere that you need to be? How are your balls doing? Because let's be honest, in the summer you get sweaty. Your boobs get sweaty, right? And do you ever have that? A boob sweat, lower back? I know.
Starting point is 00:01:33 A sweater. You're not a sweater? No. But I know it happens. It happens. Like you get sweaty. I've got, you know, down under comfort, Emily and Tony. It's a, okay.
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Starting point is 00:02:35 You get a free down under comfort with any minnaja twa candle purchase So we have these massage candles and now there are little many ones you can get every single scent and Down under comfort use code fresh That's it. I'm Lantoni.com. Thanks for listening. I do have one of those candles and it's amazing. Do you love it Anna? I love it. I should bring you another one. I will come to your office and get one. Really? Okay, because we're neighbors So yeah, I'm glad it's a good one. Do you use it on anyone? I sadly I've only used it on myself You know, I'm not really someone who's like, okay here we're going, let's go get the candle.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Right, do you know what I mean? But you just light it when you get home. Do you? I like candles whenever I have guys come over, or anyone come over. Right. So then you're just like, oh BTW, guess what? This is also a massage candle.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Yeah, mine's a candle, candles get lit in the bathtub. Oh, okay, you're big bathtub. Sort of a bathtub for one, you know. But look, honey, I love, no, it's a candle's get lit in the bathtub. Oh, okay, you're big bathtub. Sort of a bathtub for one, you know. But look, honey, I love, no, it's coconut. I use it. You think I'm massaging people every day of the week?
Starting point is 00:03:30 Yes. I use it on my body for a good but night too. Okay, this is Anna David, the lovely Anna Davis. She's been on the show before. It was probably about a year ago. A year ago, really? Okay. So Anna is an author, a journalist, has her own podcast,
Starting point is 00:03:43 the Afterparty Pod. She's own podcast, The AfterpartyPod. She's the creative The Afterparty Group, a company that's dedicated trying to show addicts, sober and not sober like, and the loved one of addicts, what recovery can be. What recovery can be like? And we're also getting more into like, healthy relationships so that it's expanding
Starting point is 00:04:02 to not just people interested in addiction or suffering from addiction, but anybody who wants to have healthier relationships. Right. Because a lot of times people do drink too much. I mean I think it's all connected. Like you go on dates and you only associate that with. It is connected, but I think that there's no one out there who knows how to have a perfectly healthy relationship. And so that- Not even us, because we're experts. Except for you, oh. I certainly don't. Right.
Starting point is 00:04:27 I do. I don't. I do. Well, the reason why you're here, for many reasons, you're here, because you're awesome. And like I said, we're going to get into the online dating, do's, and don'ts. I think we just need to talk about this.
Starting point is 00:04:41 And is my, we've become each other's dating sponsors, if you will. So what happened was, I'm not dated much online, and at all, actually. I was on Tinder. I had one Tinder date, blind Tinder date, on my show about a year ago, too. What?
Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah, I met this guy in Tinder, because I was like, I'm gonna try it. And it was funny, because I kept saying, I gotta go, we were chatting, and I said to radio show, and he's like, oh, when, we were chatting and I said to radio show and he's like, oh, when am I gonna, and every night I was working, he's like, what I did on your radio show for our date, I said, yes, you do.
Starting point is 00:05:10 And it was actually really funny show, but then up until then, I've never done it. So I'm like, you know what, I, everyone else has done it, and I've not out that much as I should, I'm gonna try it. So I went on hinge, which is like Tinder. So that's, so people always hear about Tinder,
Starting point is 00:05:24 which I've done both of them. And I have been doing Tinder and Hinge at the same time. Tinder has a bad rap right now. Well, I think that back when it started, it was this sort of, you know, it's like the club that's undiscovered. It's really great. And then everybody hears about it. And then it's Bridget Tunnelnel and then it's overcrouted and then you don't ever want to go again. And hinge is like Tinder but instead of just giving you masses it gives you 10 options a day so you actually look at them and don't compulsively kind of get in that thumb swiping where you're you know you're going through people and then you're like wait a minute that person looked okay why did I just swipe? Yeah because you get in this like yes yeah this like obsessive dense and you're like swipe people and then you're like, wait a minute, that person looked okay, why did I just swipe? Yeah, because you get into this like, yeah, this like obsessive-dense and you're like,
Starting point is 00:06:06 swive, swive, swive. So just explain how it works. So if you don't know is that you, with both of these apps, which look very similar, it's really just, you see the people's pictures and the thing about hinges that you have to have a mutual Facebook friend? Yes. Sort of. There's a few.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Still that you don't, they're like, you have like a third connection, but mostly you have to have a connection through Facebook. And then yeah, they only send you time a day. And it's don't. They're like, you have like a third connection, but mostly you have to have a connection through Facebook. And then yeah, they only send you 10 a day. And it's really, you look at the pictures and you swipe left if you like them, right? You press right at left and you put a heart. And then if they like you, the thing is there's no rejection. So if you like the person, you star them.
Starting point is 00:06:39 And if they happen to see your photo and they like to do it, you're profile, then you get a match. And then you start messaging them through the app, which is a whole other cluster. F because I'm like, I need my assistant to start like literally like an Excel spreadsheet because then you get all these matches and then they're messaging you go back to the app and you're like, which guy was this? Did I like him? Was he interesting? And so anyway, I was and and I have different issues with it because I just started it. And so I was coming back to my office from a meeting.
Starting point is 00:07:05 This just happened. This is my aunt's here. This is like at State of the Emerge Museum, like you've got to come in. It just happened, but it happened so much. It happened, right. Recently, exactly. So I was coming back.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Our offices are very close, which is awesome. Yeah. And I couldn't go back to my office for a little bit. And I was like, I'm coming by. And so I went by. I was like, Anna, I'm on-hand. And every single guy, it's weird. You're'm coming by. And so I went by and I was like, Anna, I'm on-hand and every single guy, it's weird, you're a mutual friend.
Starting point is 00:07:27 So should I date these guys? I'm not in a single, let me take a look. So she looks at my, grabs my phone, looks at all the matches. And literally every single one I had been out with, like at some point and didn't like a new, guess you probably wouldn't either. Or was just a platonic friend that I was pretty sure
Starting point is 00:07:46 you would not be interested in. Exactly. So she cleared out my whole thing. I'm like, yeah, she's like, I went out with him a month ago. I went out with him. I'm like, my friend dated him. So I was like, OK, we've got, I said, so this is very fresh. Because to me, it was a, and I don't know,
Starting point is 00:07:57 I don't talk a lot about my dating life in the show. And it's not because I've gone in phases been 10 years. But lately, I was kind of seeing someone that I just, whatever I was casual, not much to say, which is interesting. So now dating again, I got a lot more stories for you guys, because there's been a lot happening, but so anyway, I just started to like pick it up again, and it was just like, it was a little overwhelming because you are getting all these messages, so the funny thing is when I say jokingly though, but kind of true that we're our sponsors, we have
Starting point is 00:08:24 different issues with it. So for me, I'm not great at like, I don't want to make that commitment, when I say jokingly though, but kind of true that we're our sponsors, we have different issues with it. So for me, I'm not great at like, I don't wanna make that commitment. I'd rather hang out with you. Yeah, I agree. I'd rather go to your barbecue. I'd rather see my friends. I'd rather be open than like, you go to a day,
Starting point is 00:08:35 you drive across town, then you have a bad date for an hour. Yeah, all right. I can't get that time back. That goes my hour and a half. I never get that time back. So Anna was like, just do it, Just go, you know, start dating. And then for you, there were some profiles. I was like, oh, you would might rule someone out.
Starting point is 00:08:49 And I'd say maybe consider that this, yeah, be more of a truth thing. It's not what you think when you see them. So we're encouraging each other. And so recently, you go, Anna. So I go through yours. And I go, yes, yes, no, no. Okay, well, maybe we have different taste.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Cause I think we do a little bit. And then it just so happened that I was having a barbecue that weekend. And so I said, well, let me invite a couple of these ones that I know and you can just knock it out. You're gonna get out with that. It was like speed dating and Am's barbecue. It was awesome.
Starting point is 00:09:22 And I meant to tell you, that guy brought a girl. Oh, he did? He did? I didn't even talk to him. That's why I said, I know. And we didn't talk about this kind of awkward thing I did, which is I go, I was talking to you and Jeff, and I go, hey, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:09:37 You guys already, you guys kind of know each other, but I was talking about him and Jeff, but then it seemed like I was talking about you too. Did you even catch the user? I didn't even catch the user. I didn't even catch the user. This is the guy that about you too. Did you even catch the lead? I didn't get it. The guy that, this is the guy that like, we like each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:48 I didn't catch it at all. Okay, so anyway, so we go through it and you were like, let's make sure that neither of us are currently messaging with the same people because we don't want to get into like that weirdness. Right. So, we confirm there's no crossover.
Starting point is 00:10:03 And then later, I guess later that night, I end up sort of messaging with someone who, matching and then messaging with someone who was on your list, but it didn't hit me because I didn't know anyone. He was on your list, yeah. So we are messaging and messaging. Okay, so first of all, can I just say? Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:20 I had a first date with someone who seemed okay. Then we had our second date, a brunch date, and I was, he never spoke. It was the most awkward. It was like, what did you do this weekend? Nothing. What are you doing there? It's a date, nothing.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Like, it was just conversation. Because we're second date. Because we're also gonna give you, we're gonna get in some tips and stuff, but we're also gonna tell you some of the, we wanna give you the real lowdown of what happens. So the first date was great. I would not say great.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Great, good enough to go on a second one. It was 45 minutes and it was good enough, you know. And so, and so I'm just so unhappy at this. And I'd mention my barbecue to him, whatever, anyway. So, cause I was having one that, anyway. So I go, so that's that. Later that evening, six o'clock to be precise, I go on like a drink state or whatever,
Starting point is 00:11:09 and I don't drink and he did. Oh, I walk into the place and who's there about my brunch date. Your brunch date, the one that you look, that's right. You none know that. No, you texted me that, but I was just, okay, right.
Starting point is 00:11:20 There was the boom. The town is too small, so the guy you went on the brunch eight weight that you were not interested in because he was boring. Yeah. You're out with someone six hours later. Yeah. And four hours later.
Starting point is 00:11:30 And he was there. He was there. Was he on a date, too? He was sitting outside with a group of people. And I just thought that's so crazy. And I just sort of went back past him without even. Okay. I don't think he saw me.
Starting point is 00:11:44 That's hilarious. I was inside for two hours and so I thought on this date Yeah, I'm gonna see and so I thought we'll be gone and I go out and he's there. I said whatever I don't think he saw me. I hope right so So sit down with the six o'clock realize that for various reasons not appropriate. I love we got not appropriate right um leave and then I get a text from you the next day. So then I go on a nine o'clock date that night. I go on a nine o'clock date and I'm sitting there with my date.
Starting point is 00:12:14 This is the same exact evening. I had to talk to you this whole day. And I'm sitting there with them and it's going well, but I see that there's some problems with the guy. He's probably not my match, but he's interesting. And we're talking, talking. It's going, you're a conversation flowing, flowing. I'm like, yeah, he said, well my match, but he's interesting. And we're talking, talking, it's going, you're a conversation flowing, flowing. I'm like, yeah, he said, well, how long have you been on this hinge?
Starting point is 00:12:29 I said, oh, you know, it's funny, because I'm actually a little hesitant about it, my friend, Anna, we're doing kind of doing it together. And he's like, Anna Hill. And I said, like, you know, Anna David, he goes, I just went on a date with her at 6 o'clock. And I was here on a date with him. I was like, you did?
Starting point is 00:12:46 And then he just shut down. Like he was so embarrassed. He's like, but I was going to do it with my kids. And I told him, like, don't hurry, it's cool. I'm sure it's all good. It's all good. So very small world. And I had a date with him, too.
Starting point is 00:12:56 And the best part was, neither one of us were very nice guys. Like, we're not going to marry him. But we both, at the same time, I said guess who my date was. We had the same date. And we both texted each other the same. Pretty we both at the same time I said guess who my date was, we had the same date, and we both texted each other the same analysis of what we thought were the issues with him. And we have similar tastes, and the funny thing is when I first met Anna, I met Anna with my first love, when in my 20s. I was at a party in northern California, and this guy was very loyal, very good. All of a sudden I'm like, where is he? We're at a party in Northern California. And this guy was very loyal, very good.
Starting point is 00:13:26 All of a sudden I'm like, where is he? We're at this party, it's Stinson Beach. Like he's out, it's a party. I can't see, it's dark. He's flirting with a girl named Man of David. I don't think so. And I'm like, who is this, and a David? He loves her.
Starting point is 00:13:37 So cut to, like I run into you because you also do relationship experts stuff. Yeah. And years later I'm like, and I know you are. You don't remember me. I'm like, you were on my max and radio show you in New York you walk in and I'm like who is this gorgeous girl you're like we know each other right
Starting point is 00:13:52 I'm like you like my boyfriend so cut to now we have similar tastes clearly and we're like same age guys like so now we've got this whole dating thing and so that's our history so we can give plenty of tips. Let's do that. Okay. We're just going to go into it because it's important. Oh, and if you want to find Anna because she's hilarious and smart and great.
Starting point is 00:14:14 It's at Anna B. David on Twitter, at After Party site and then your what's the main website that you want to. After Party Magazine.com.com. Don't think you need to put that anymore. Who knows? What's the modern world? And then do you have to do WWE anymore? I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:14:31 I'm kidding. No one's going to do anything. Yes. You should do. You can crash. I'm saying you don't have to say all that. I remember people would be like, WWE, my mom's also said that.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Go to WWE. I used to say Earl, like the man's name. That's what I thought you are. I thought. Oh, that's so funny. Oh yeah. Yeah. So, oh, but the podcast is called After Party Pod. I interview, it was just sober.
Starting point is 00:14:54 So I was invited, right? So you were not invited. So but I had Moby and Mark Marin and Dr. Drew, obviously not sober, but Emily's very good friend. Right. And mine. And now I'm having people talking about relationships, which is why you're coming on screen. Oh, I would love that.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Yeah, okay, good. So let's break this down. I heard of our stories because I was like, you just gotta come and talk about this because this crazy wild, wild west world of dating, everyone's always asked me like, well, how should I date? How should I be able?
Starting point is 00:15:22 And I was gonna break down all the different dating apps because really it does seem like Tinder at hand. I just want to clarify one thing. People called Tinder a hook up app. And I don't think any app is any one thing. If you don't want to hook up with someone, you can say it on your app. You can show up.
Starting point is 00:15:36 They're not putting gun to your head and say, nobody is forcing you to go hook up with this trait. So let's just say that whether you're on match.com or whatever, we're going to give you tips to help you with this. So funny enough, okay. This was a study that came out, let's be a guide, mention this. There was a study that found that for saying it sounds like, yeah, 42% of Tinder users were already in relationships. Yeah. So, you hear this study. Yeah. Okay, just going to tell you that.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Okay, so, but moving on, that's fine. Let's talk about duty dating, because that's really where Anna and I started this, because I was like, she's pushing me to go out more, and duty dating is the concept that involves dating people that you are not immediately attracted to. So, let's say there's the guy across the bar, and you're like, that's my guy, I'm so into him, or wherever you see him, guy in the street.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Sometimes it's a guy you just turn and walk away from, because you're like, oh, that's your my type I'm so into him, or wherever you see him, guy on the street. So I'm just a guy you just turn and walk away from, because you're like, oh, that's your my type, it hasn't really worked, that's another concept of doing, but also just date a lot of people that are outside your normal type, stack them if you need to, two in a day, which I did for the first time ever, I can, but we didn't get into the brunch date, my brunch date, not fun.
Starting point is 00:16:41 That was the only time I feel like I've ever done two in a day, but why not? Why not, right? Right, so you date a lot of people outside your type, try, you know, three dates with a person to see if there's chemistry. It can be just good practice to get yourself out there. Do you agree with this? I do. I will say we have a friend who is so good at it. Basically, she would go out with somebody not like him and go, there's nothing wrong with him and kind of continue to do it. I can't. I would sometimes when I've had really just not even bad ones, but just I get depressed afterwards. So I don't want to, I don't want to, you know, set myself up for that. Right. How do you, but tell me how you set up most of your dates. Is it a coffee? Is it a,
Starting point is 00:17:22 what do you think you're the best first date when I meet some? I think the best first one is a drink. I know I don't drink, but you know, that could go into dinner if you're going well. Right. But there's a 45 minute out if you don't. Can you really get out in 45? I always thought I had to wait till I... I'm looking at the clock during that terrible brunch date last week that your friend went out with... Okay, no, nothing. Your friend went out on the night before. Yeah. And you now that night before yeah, and you're like oh she hate it. She didn't like me there. I'm like why didn't you tell me I could have gotten that time back but whatever. I did tell you. I had messaged him and I was and I got so frustrated with it that I just ended up. But then I talked over 31 minutes. Yeah, I couldn't tell. Okay, I can't get the
Starting point is 00:17:59 baggy. That was actually two and a half hours. I can't get back. Okay, so let's talk about the photos then. So I was talking to my guy friend, he said, for women, because I wanted to give our perspective, he said when they have too much skin, that means like guys look at that, and they're like, that's really sexy, like I might want to sleep with you, but I don't want to date.
Starting point is 00:18:15 So like showing too much skin for women, and he was saying like no selfies, don't chop off the X, you know? And if you only put two pictures, it's not enough. And also he was saying that he's attracted to women who put out pictures of doing something that they're passionate about. And so the thing is, the pictures are how you, the first pictures you put are important because how people see you. And I, my thing is like, if you have kids totally fine, don't make every picture of the kids. Yes, yes, I agree. One picture. Yes, one picture. It does feel like you're trying to use them to
Starting point is 00:18:50 show you're either so into them that that's your main focus. It's okay if it's your main focus, but it does get weird that you're using them to show like what a good guy you are. Right. I agree. One, I think that obviously photos where you can't tell the viewer can't tell which person you are. Yeah, your three friends with dark hair and same height as you. So I would say a photo with a celebrity is not a good idea. You know, just like, oh my god, here I am with Kanye West. I don't know what I'm saying. It's just weird. Right. Um know what you're trying to say. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's just weird. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I think that I also see ones that are like, people on red carpet lines, which is, which is, I don't know, I mean, if you were somebody who went on a red carpet all the time, you probably wouldn't need to document that to stranger. Exactly. That's showing that like, that's trying to show some kind of currency, social currency that you have.
Starting point is 00:19:43 Yeah, let it be. It is. Like, it's a you have. Yeah, let it be. Like it's a name-dropping. Yeah, let them, you know, it also, yeah, it just feels like it's, it's a rarity, that's what you're bragging about it. I have a picture of me with Rundi MC on mine, is that bad?
Starting point is 00:19:57 Cause I was really happy to meet him. Yeah, take it down. That's different, that's different. They feel like somebody just, you know, ran up and said, like, oh my god, Muhammad Ali, I don't even know. Let's take a picture I don't know. I gotta redo my whole profile. Okay, dogs. What do you think about dogs? If every picture is a dog? No, that's obviously right. Because then you're like, is a dog gonna live with this dog? And be in bed with us. Yeah, but you know, it's like what I wouldn't mind that when bother you though, but it is weird and when when it's like
Starting point is 00:20:23 wouldn't mind that. That wouldn't bother you though. But it is weird and when when it's like dog is mentioned in the in the written part and there's six dog pictures right. Okay. I love you like that. No, I mean it's fine. There's so many more egregious things. For me, you know, a pretty much automatic out is is somebody like boozing. I agree. Yeah. Every picture and I drink but every picture is you with a solo red cup. Yeah. Are you still in the fraternity? Yeah, or just giving a big marker. Or like, there's like, there's something you can check on hinge that says wine lover.
Starting point is 00:20:54 And if it's that, and then there's lots of pictures of somebody like with bottle of wine, it's just, I find it weird. Yeah, I do too, and even in, and I drink, and I like a good glass of wine. But I'm like, if you're drinking in every photo, it's a little aggressive, it just says a lot. So I think cut back on that. Yeah. Selfies, they say selfies, not great, maybe one selfie, but don't go overboard on selfies.
Starting point is 00:21:15 I don't want to see guys naked. Like, I don't want to see your chest. No. No, no, no, no. But I think younger people do, in a way, I don't know. Are we as Madison? Producer Madison? I know you, a boyfriend, but let's say you didn't. I don't know. I guess Madison. Producer Madison. I know you were boyfriend, but let's say you didn't.
Starting point is 00:21:27 I mean, from what I've heard, I feel like a lot of girls, if you have too many pictures of your chest, it kind of shows that you're a one trick pony and that's really all you got. It makes it seem like you're really into yourself. But to be honest, I feel like girls wouldn't turn away from a couple shirtless pictures. It shows that you take care of yourself,
Starting point is 00:21:43 but when you get older, you want someone more serious and that's where the hook up app thing comes in. Like if you're younger and you're just looking for someone to screw around with, then. You're like let me see his body. Yeah, like let me see it, but otherwise, you'd want someone who's like, looks good with clothes on, I think, personally.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Yeah, I think any shirtless is an automatic out of it. Oh, okay. I mean, you want a tank top. Yeah, I mean, it's not my style, but. but I think guys were tank tops now and it's okay. Like, I don't know, I know, I know, I know this is going to be offensive for apps to men. If you're going to the gym, it's fine. Yeah, you know, I will say something else, like the one we both went out with, you know, won a very, the biggest award you can win and had a photo of him
Starting point is 00:22:23 winning it. Right. And I said, take that down. It is the most obnoxious thing ever. Right. And he also had a he's not a musician, but himself like playing guitar. Oh, dude. Every guy plays a guitar on hinge. Yeah. What is that? They're all a bunch of guitar players?
Starting point is 00:22:38 No. What do they? I mean, is that really? Come on. I don't know. I've never seen any guy in LA play guitar, walk around with a guitar. But yet they all are playing guitar. It's almost like on cany. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:48 Like someone said, you can't go on hand unless you like bar your friends guitar, but you know what they're doing. Yeah, it's like the tiger on Tinder. Do you find that? But not on Tinder. What is the tiger on Tinder? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:57 I don't really get it. People keep saying that no tiger photos, I don't know what that means. I think it's that some, a couple people did it. It's kind of like the painting of his show with the celebrity, they took a picture of the tiger and then it kind of became this meme. Okay, got it.
Starting point is 00:23:12 I didn't know what it was. But did you notice the friggin guitar? I guess, of course. Okay, it's just weird to me. Like why not drums? Why not piano? Yeah, I don't know. This is weird.
Starting point is 00:23:22 It's not the recorder. Exactly. Okay, so ask men says that you have six photos, Max. And it's interesting. You should be active in doing something. Don't post pictures of you doing something that you don't really like to do. Like the one time you were reclining,
Starting point is 00:23:39 if you're afraid of heights, like, is this for men or women or both? Both. OK. Yeah. Full body, it's important like you've got to show your body. Because you're going to be like, why is she men or women or both? Both. Okay. Yeah. Full body, it's important like you gotta show your body because you're gonna be like, why is she just showing your face?
Starting point is 00:23:48 Yeah. And we're thinking why you just showing your face, right? Yeah. How about the guys with the sunglasses? Yeah. Every picture has them in sunglasses. And a hat. And a hat.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Yeah. Just try to show you real safe because don't waste any one's time and it's not that we're just about pictures and we're just trying to help you here. Yeah. Because it's marketing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:03 It really is. It's marketing. It is true. Okay. So the most popular profile picks is according to an e-harmony study where they live in a landscape three by four pictures. They show at least upper body with some type of background. It shows most people show the left side of their faces because supposedly we show more motion with the left side of our faces. You know? Most men preferred pictures of women displaying happiness. Mm-hmm. Women want men who displayed pride.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Wow, I don't know what that means. It's so easy. It's a very sad story. I don't know. Okay, profile. What to say in your profile? If people are even reading profiles these days, of course, you gotta like skip the generic,
Starting point is 00:24:42 like I like long walks on the beach hiking, and hiking, and running, and outdoorsy. Like you don't wanna overdo it either. No. Cause what if you don't hike, and you're not outdoorsy, and then you'd be like, no, like, so you wanna make it diverse, but you just also just wanna see
Starting point is 00:24:54 the end of the Get's Heavals attention. So what would you recommend? You're a writer too. Yeah. And it's gonna a bunch of awesome books. BTW. Thank you. I do not enjoy people who are super earnest. I think it's, you know, show your,
Starting point is 00:25:07 this is your, like, chance to show your personality. So anybody who's super genuine about what they like is not that interesting to me. If it's sort of like a bio, you know, that has just like a liveliness or a sense of humor is so much more appealing to me You know when it's just like I'm I'm looking for genuine caring compassionate. Who isn't? Yeah When they say that. Yeah, you think don't say that then. I think don't say that. Right. I'm looking for like Yeah, like a genuine caring loving person who wants to see you know wants to share the life together You're like or just even about themselves, you know I'm a hardworking, driven, passionate individual. So, okay, it's funny.
Starting point is 00:25:50 I don't know. Madison was doing this prep here, but it says, doesn't hard to start your profile with the catchy line as long as it isn't too cheesy. Yeah. When I'm not flying space shuttles for charity, I like to set my time playing guitar with Eddie Van Halen and writing novellas,
Starting point is 00:26:01 just kidding, Eddie and I no longer speak, don't ask. That's great. Right? I love that one. Yeah, so it's like longer speak don't ask. That's great. Right? I love that one. Yeah, so it's like make be funny. Like we know that you're probably, you know, we can see your pictures maybe what you do, but get her in. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:12 And it really is about writing. I have so many guy friends who are just great writers and great textors and they get way more play on these sites. And women too, although I don't write anything on mine really. You don't? No. Look to yours. I need to. Oh. You're going to tear it apart because I did like three of the mistakes that you just mentioned.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Run, DMC. These are the free. I'm not even vague as to if they pull your pictures, and you've got to show me that I'm here at them. OK, these are the phrases not to use your dating program. They were just study. They came out recently and said, under any circumstances, these lead to failure.
Starting point is 00:26:42 Can you guess what any of them are? None of the ones we've said so far. Nope. Give me a hint. Oh, maybe you did say that. I don't know if you did. I can't believe I'm online dating. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I never see that. I feel like I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe it now. Right, right, right. I'm tired of the games. Yeah. I'm looking for the one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Well, that's that. We sort of covered. Right. I live life to the fullest. Oh, yeah. I work hard. I'm looking for the one. Yeah. Well, that's, that, we sort of covered. Right. I live life to the fullest. Oh, yeah. I work hard, I play hard, I want the total package. Well, I mean... I'm over the bar scene, too.
Starting point is 00:27:13 Oh, yeah. I don't mind that. I don't mind that. I do think all the other ones, it's just clichés. I have clichés. It's clichés, you know, is what I excise in every piece I edit, too, you know. Right? So then how, what if someone's not a great writer? Yeah, that's okay. But how do we, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but in every piece I edit too, you know. Right. So then what if someone's not a great writer?
Starting point is 00:27:25 Yeah, that's okay. But that's, do they have their friends? Maybe they, I think advice to you if you're dating online. And again, it doesn't have to be either one of these apps. It could even just be you met someone and you're texting them. Because truly, this is really about, if I meet some guy and I give him my phone number and he texts me, hey, how's your day?
Starting point is 00:27:42 You're the last text and we need to get back to whether it's on my phone or on my, freaking in the hinged 56 messages. Like, do stand out. Like, in some way, but I'm not telling you to jump through hoops, but don't. Well, you know, I've thought about this because, you know, if you're dealing with a writer,
Starting point is 00:27:59 it's not really fair. Nobody asks me to solve a math equation when I sign up for these things. Like, there are things that I'm terrible at that would that are not on immediate display. So it's not entirely fair. And I just did have this slash as we were talking like this sounds so awful. Everything we're saying. And it sounds like so embittered. And the truth is this is just based on our experiences. Right. And, you know, I just... And studies here.
Starting point is 00:28:27 I'm not just talking about ice. Yeah. But we could sound bitchy to you. You're like, for you guys, you say hi to me. I know guys could be angry right now listening. They could be throwing something. I said hi, and I married this woman, because I just said hi to her.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Yeah. And I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm just saying if you want to, there's a lot of you who are also frustrated, and they want more success. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I just don't want people to think, you know, oh my God, I've just been doing it all wrong. Because I haven't done it. You just told me three. I have to change all my pictures now.
Starting point is 00:28:52 So I'm not perfect either, but all I'm saying is there are, that it sort of is like marketing yourself in the best way possible. Yeah. Not in like a marketing cheesy, but just put your best, we don't often know. Yeah. Like we can't have a, so have a good friend. A good guy friend, a good girlfriend. Take a look at it. If you really are looking for someone, you're taking this seriously. Another thing is when they compliment your physical parents, I think this goes both ways.
Starting point is 00:29:13 The guys like, nice pics, you're like, well, I know, that's why you liked me. Like, we matched. Yeah, I think there's a way to do it that's really charming. Like how? Well, nice pics is just very generic. So if it's, it's hard because how do you do this in a way that's not cliché, but just like, you know, something specific about your
Starting point is 00:29:35 eyes that isn't cheesy, you know, something that shows that it's actually something about you and not just a mask. And if they looked at your pictures and they pulled something from me. Yeah, but not to do it, only to do it if you actually feel that not to just generically complement. And to do it, I mean, it shows a certain level of confidence, I think, you know, and sort of self awareness. For them to look at the picture and to like,
Starting point is 00:30:03 and to be bold enough to say, you know, to not be gameplay and just to say, I like this. Right, right. But I do think also kind of the number one thing is take something from the photos or what's written and ask a question sort of related to that or make a comment related to that. Right, exactly.
Starting point is 00:30:23 Like, that's totally true, because I, oh, another thing I should probably take down, right? Picture me in, I don't have many, like me on the mic. That's, no, that's fun. But then that's like a giveaway, all right. But they're like, oh, that's funny. You work with, you work in front of the mic.
Starting point is 00:30:35 I work behind the mic, or I do something. How many people have known who you were? Well, it's happened a few times. It was, you get their last name. Well, the problem is it has sex with Emily in the back of my Facebook profile. Right. So that gets pulled into hinge. So I got a change with the back photo.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Right. And then one guy said, oh, I'm a fan of your show. Right. The guy who came to a party with a date. Yeah. Who I never met. Um, which, that's happened a few times. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:01 And that is a little weird because I'm like, do I want to date someone? But then you said he was a really nice guy because I would have written off. Yeah, I shocking to me that he would write something like that. Maybe I don't even believe that he what? Yeah, he went to Harvard. I'm like, you're listening to my whatever. Not that I'm not smart. A high Harvard alumni that are all listening. That's not at all what I'm saying. But we're really smart. Wait, but what? What? Uh, by the way, just to clarify, it wasn't that he would
Starting point is 00:31:23 listen to your show, but that he would write. I'm a fan of it, that was why. Right. That was totally just my own life. You had an Instagram moment. I just had to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get
Starting point is 00:31:34 it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to get it to about saying, I don't remember, nice pics or nice, I don't know, it was after that. Oh, did anyone date me? Who knows me? Or, yeah, I once did have someone
Starting point is 00:31:50 that I thought this was really funny. That said, why are you using Anna David's pics? Oh my god, that's funny. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. That is funny. Yeah. Did you date him?
Starting point is 00:32:02 No. Oh, but he made it right. Yeah, I thought it was funny. That is funny. Okay, because him? No. Oh, but he made it right. Yeah, I thought it was funny. That is funny. OK, because with the winged joke, the humble research shows guys seem somewhat vulnerable, awkward, or more appealing. The guy that's even vulnerable, awkward,
Starting point is 00:32:14 maybe because they're less threatening and seems to seem less like players. OK, I'm wondering about messaging. We come back. I can take a quick break here, but also first message, first messaging, and then first dates. And then we're going to answer some emails from the peeps. So I will be right back. And I want to talk to you about, fleshlight is the, and I do you know, our fleshlight is not only do I know, but I saw your video on Instagram yesterday, which was amazing. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I have
Starting point is 00:32:43 you done that before, Cuddled with my flashlight. But done it in that like no words but they're a lot revealed. Check out my Instagram ad section that I know we just were having so much more fun in the office these days. That was in the office and not in bed. Well don't tell our secrets. I wasn't really in bed. It looked like it. Well so I was cobbling with the flashlight in my in my Instagram video. So fleshlight is a male masturbation sleeve, okay? So a lot of men, they use their hand.
Starting point is 00:33:10 That's the only way they're going to get off they think and they're masturbating. We've got hundreds of toys we can use, or I literally do. We have to have about date proofing my house after this. Anyway, fleshlight though is the number one sex toy for men because it actually looks and feels like the real deal, like they're actually having sex, but it feels like better than some, it's not that it's better than sex. They're going to feel something different that they feel with their hand and different they feel with the vagina because the material is patented material that is made to feel
Starting point is 00:33:37 and look and feel like the real deal has like bumps and ridges on the inside. They put lube in it. It can make eyes like less longer in bed. They give the stamina training unit. And I'm just sayin' masturbation month is at an end now, but May was big month. And I just want people to, I want guys to check this out and just be like, you know what,
Starting point is 00:33:57 if you don't like it, find it, it's not hard to clean up. And your partner can use it on you. Hand jobs are a lost dying art. Have a give your hand jobs. You might not want to go down that day. And so get handy. So check it out.
Starting point is 00:34:08 Go to sex with mme.com, click on the flashlight banner. Use code Emily. And you get a free bottle of their award-winning flash loop and check out my video when I actually slept went to bed with five flashlights on Instagram. It was a good one. Okay. So we are here. I just, okay, Anna. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:29 I'm gonna say about the messages. Like, what do you think about, do you have a message you got first? Um, no. Yeah. I don't think so. I don't think, I'm sure it's happened, but, but I think rarely. Okay, you wait for them. Because some people say like, guys, I've been pulling, like talking to my guy friends, like they love it when women write them because it takes the pressure off.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Interesting. And they say that like there's so many, you know, you know, women who won't do that, that they actually appreciate it. They're like, oh, cause you know, whatever, they're nervous or maybe they're intimidated by the fact that you match, who knows, maybe they Google Jew. So it might be a good thing to do. I don't think that I think those rules of like men, but I actually don't that often make the first message, but you know,
Starting point is 00:35:13 I think you can't. I feel like it just sort of suggests that the person is an interested and just randomly checked on you. Yeah, so that's why I think I right because we don't want to be rejected. What if you messaging me doesn't message you back what you match. Here's another thing though that so messaging I would just say um for women if you're messaging the guy don't say to him either you look so great. I love to close you look I mean do again you got to be creative you got to just do something stays of a different that paid attention that shows that you paid attention but some mistakes I think that people do just overall which drives me insane with I don't care if you met someone online, I don't care if you met at a lunch spot. When you message and message and you text,
Starting point is 00:35:50 you text for weeks and weeks, and no one, you don't make a plan. And then in your mind, you're like, we're getting really close, but you've never met them. And you're saying it's like a relationship that hasn't even happened, and it's prematurely in the escalation or like having phone sex and they've never met. Or texting. Yeah, I find that really hard to take just because
Starting point is 00:36:08 I feel like we all have enough texts and emails to return. So, you know, and I did want to have like a 5-hour rear messaging on Tinder and I said, look, do you want to meet or not? And he unmatched us. Shut up, really? So he just wanted to, like, great. I don't have time, like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Right, so if you like someone, I say go back and forth a few times and then ask him for a date. That's what it's all about, meeting a person. And I don't like all this extending sit forever, right? No, I don't want that at all. Okay, so any other final, I've got, like, just be in the first date. It's okay if it's short, like a coffee or drink.
Starting point is 00:36:42 I have no idea that people go back and forth, like you can't really tell if you're sitting at Starbucks, but I think you can. I think you can. I knew a girl in New York who'd said, and I don't know if this is true, that she would sit down five minutes in, go, you know what, this is just not happening.
Starting point is 00:36:56 And leave after five minutes. I remember that story too. I've heard guys do that. I'm not, I'm such an, I like give people the benefit of the doubt. I think maybe I could probably tell in, hmm, 15. Yeah. But, but you know, then I always think, well maybe something else here,
Starting point is 00:37:12 but an hour, an hour, I think you can tell, and you can be out. So, yeah, and then my weird brunch date last week, sweet guy, I hope you never listen, but he said, hit the weirdest moment, which I never explained to you why, because it wasn't that he was a bad person. He was a kind person. He was a sweet person. He was wearing shorts. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:37:28 We're sit down. And we're there for a minute. And he says, has so if you bit on this hinged thing, I'm like, no, you're actually my first hinged state. And he grabbed my hand. And this really like uncomfortable, like held it for way too long. And just look into my eyes.
Starting point is 00:37:40 Like he thought it was so sweet. So I think, and I'm like, I'm holding my hand. I haven't got my coffee yet. We're like brunch. Right. I haven't got my coffee yet. We're like brunch. Right, right. Okay, so yeah, coffee's cool. And anything else you want to say about your day?
Starting point is 00:37:49 Because I've never done like, okay, keep it or anything else, but. Yeah, I have and they're super depressing. I don't know why those are so much worse messaging and pictures and all that stuff. Then the apps, I guess it's, guess it's a bit of a screening process with the apps because your friends are friends with them. But you know, I have never, you know,
Starting point is 00:38:12 when I lived in New York, I did meet someone that I really liked and we dated for a while, but it turned out that we knew people in Chrome. So that's always that I was like, I find those sites really depressing. Well, you guys guys I'm just saying And if you decide not to date online just Be present when you're out in the world because it's not like you have to go to a bar
Starting point is 00:38:34 Or you have to go to club or you have to be out at night even to meet somebody Sometimes you can just meet people like when you're walking from around where you live But you know even in a life you're walking from your car to your meeting Everyone's on their cell phone or you're standing in line, I always see a standing line for coffee. Don't be on your cell phone of those types. If you're a single person, you're like, I can't meet anybody and you take the same room from work every day, you do everything the same.
Starting point is 00:38:55 You could try doing something else, you could try taking class or doing something you're interested in, but if you don't have time for any of that, then just put your phone down and pay attention when you're waiting in line for something or just pay attention when you're walking around and see who you see. I know that I met at Whole Foods. Right, exactly. A lot of people meet at Whole Foods, grocery store. So just like pay attention, there are plenty of people and I do not believe that wherever you live is the worst place to date. I agree with you. I hate it when people say that. I hate it because you know why? Wherever you go, there you are. And there are plenty of single people wherever you go. You just gotta pay attention, open your eyes.
Starting point is 00:39:26 And if you still have this approach anxiety to start talking to people, you start like practice. Hi, how's your day? Whatever, it doesn't matter. It'll be fine. And then you get over it, you do. Yeah, I agree.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Let's get into some emails. How's that? Want to help me with some people? Sure. Okay everyone, I love hearing from you. Feedback at sexwithmwe.com. Thank you for emailing me all your questions. It's awesome. I love it. I love my last words. I love you. Dear Emily, I'm 24 and I live in L.A. I
Starting point is 00:39:52 haven't had sex since I was 18. It's not that I haven't tried or not tried since people sometimes think I tried too much but don't worry I've played it cool too. To me people for the sake of relationships or sex are both. I miss connecting with the woman so much, I forget what it feels like to make out with someone. While I do want a woman to be with, I want to have sex as well. I'm in the middle of my 20s, I do not want to miss out
Starting point is 00:40:16 being able to have an open sex life. I feel bad when I'm in bars or clubs or wherever. I see a girl I find cute with her friends, but I feel like I'm being the creepy guy who's ruining the night with her friends. I never know how to act, and I feel like I'm missing the part of the brain that can do this.
Starting point is 00:40:31 I've tried, okay, cupid and Tinder for over two years, but it's you, you did nothing. I once even went to a Craigslist orgy. It got weird, and I failed to point at the end. I imagine that. But most Craigslist things are sketchy or spam. Do you have any advice for my situation to lose these hangups and or any good places in LA
Starting point is 00:40:49 that are good to me who are looking for either a casual thing or a serious thing? I want to be able to experience both of these in my lifetime. I'm gonna loss lonely and don't know what to do. Please help with you, can Mike. I love that. I mean, no, I don't love it, but what a sweet,
Starting point is 00:41:04 vulnerable guy, I don't. What is I mean no I don't love it but what a sweet vulnerable guy. I know. And what do you think? I think that he has what we were just talking about. He's got this crippling anxiety, approaching anxiety, a social anxiety about talking to women and he has all these self-defeating thoughts in his head that he's going to be the creepy guy. They're not going to want to talk to him. He's going out with and I get it Mike. not going to want to talk to him He's going out with it and I get it Mike We all have those messages, but we just I think that our for men and for women our life work is to quiet down all that internal noise And all that's negative messaging that we all tell ourselves like why am I late again? Why it doesn't matter for anything? We all do it and you've to just catch yourself doing that and replace those messages
Starting point is 00:41:44 Which is a lot easier said than done. But even if you start to notice these things you're telling yourself, you'll start saying like, okay, that's actually not true. That's what I'm telling myself and it's not necessarily the truth that these girls don't want to talk to me. I completely agree. I will end in recovery. That's the first thing you hear is your thoughts are not real. So, stop reacting to them. And you know, and that's all the basis of all spiritual work is, is just getting, you know, having that second where you go, oh, I'm lying to myself. That's myself defeating mine. It's so weird. I was just leaving my sponsor, my sponsor, this message
Starting point is 00:42:19 driving over here that I have, I have one thing that sets me off. Like I'm not gonna say what it is, but it's like this one thing that will happen where immediately my brain creates a scenario and I react to it like it's real. And I was as I was leaving the message about it happening. I thought I said, oh my God, you know what's weird? Is it's gotten better ever so slightly? It's super complicated, but it is actually something there is certainly no immediate result.
Starting point is 00:42:48 You don't tell yourself, oh, that's not real and then suddenly it's a little easier. It's a process it could take a lifetime, but the fact that this is such a great example that you're reacting, you notice that you checked in with a sponsor or you check in with a friend or even you're saying, hey, it's not real. Like you noticed it and you don't do it
Starting point is 00:43:04 and you didn't react or maybe you've reacted for a second where it would have been maybe three days another time, right? Yeah, because the truth is you would have reacted for it, it would have bummed you out and it wasn't even true for three days. But I do find you have to do it and then it happened that thought comes back and you have to keep doing it. It's a process. It's a process. But you know, we can change neuropathways in our brain. The brain is a lot more malleable than they used to think. Right. So it's fully formed, you know, we can change neuropathways in our brain. The brain is a lot more malleable than they used to think. Right.
Starting point is 00:43:27 So, it's fully formed, you know, by the age of 25, but we can change, through changing our reactions, we can change how we react in the future. Absolutely. So, this is what we're saying for Mike is that he has to work on this, that you have to work on prex. So, I always say like dating, these dating skills are kind of like a muscle. And if you don't use it or you've never used it, you know, if you don't use it, lose it.
Starting point is 00:43:49 But if you've never used it, you haven't been out there like just talking to women. And I'm telling you, I've met plenty of guys who just come to me and start talking to me that I've actually dated. It's a way, it's a confidence that you have. So it's getting rid of all these negative thoughts and you just start, hey guys, you don't hang out for too long rid of all these negative thoughts. And you just start, you know, hey guys, you don't hang out for too long.
Starting point is 00:44:06 But if you find some interesting, you just start talking. And you can also start practicing, like I said, when you're out in the world to women, maybe you're not attracted to. Or did you guys just practice striking up a conversation in the moment, where you like observe something going on. That's it, you're waiting in line for coffee.
Starting point is 00:44:20 And you're like, oh God, is the line here or is I haven't been here before? And then you make a comment about something like, I think I'm going to try their, you know, mogalative. You try it and you ask a question, you observe, you ask a question and that's a way to start a conversation that doesn't seem creepy. And you can kind of do that in a scenario like this. Absolutely. And I, yeah, I think like your analogy, you know, the analogy of the gym, you don't walk, you don't like wake up and go, I'm going to go run a marathon, you go, I'm
Starting point is 00:44:44 going to try this, I'm going to go on the treadmill, it's going to hurt, you know, the analogy of the gym, you don't walk, you don't wake up and go, I'm gonna go run a marathon, you go, I'm gonna try this, I'm gonna go on the treadmill, it's gonna hurt, you know? And I do think understanding, Mike, that rejection is part of all of our lives, constantly, so getting that you can't be devastated when it happens to you. And you gotta have to keep doing it. I think that's a great point.
Starting point is 00:45:01 Like, you're not gonna die if someone rejects you, and you will get rejected, Mike, you will, but you're going to realize again, it sounds so bad that you'll get over it. It's fine. And the more you practice it and the more you won't, you know, eventually you won't get rejected or maybe you won't get rejected right away. But the truth is women and men we all get rejected. Yeah. And we don't die. It makes us stronger. Yeah. It's totally fine. Yeah. And also stop maybe also going to the bars. Mike,. You might want to, like I said, go to the gym, do it somewhere else, walk down the street. But you have a lot to offer women, you're really sensitive,
Starting point is 00:45:31 you've seen really sweet, you've seen like a good guy, and you really want to do it, and you are just stopping yourself with these negative thoughts, because I'm sure you just, once you get out there and start doing the stuff, you'll be fine. Yeah, and I did want to clarify, when I was talking about rejection,
Starting point is 00:45:41 I didn't mean just solely dating. Like, you know, You just rejection in life. Yeah, you know, you just rejection in life. Yeah, you do. You want something, you don't get it. You have to, you know, say, you don't even have to treat you the way you want to be treated, whatever. So, especially in our business, too, right, when you're in there to eat it. Yeah, you try out for things, you know, oh yeah, and I did want to say I was on, you know, the dating expert on Attack of the Show for three years.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Attack of the show, right. And, and like, that job just happened, but I have gone in on a million sort of dating expert jobs and not gotten them. Exactly. Right. But people think like, oh, everything happens. Yeah. And this whole business is about reduction, which I did not know the first few times. I did get rejected from things.
Starting point is 00:46:19 Yeah. I'm like, they shot a pilot. So it's happening. Oh, no, it doesn't necessarily happen. Yeah. So it keeps me just stronger. Okay, we've. No, no, it doesn't necessarily happen. It keeps me just stronger. OK, we've time for one more. OK.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Hi, Emily. I'm a 30-year-old, introverted man that has been single all my life. I've been told I'm good-looking by female co-workers, and I stay in shape. But fail at making women interested in me. I was wondering from your experience, if it's possible to spark up an attraction
Starting point is 00:46:46 with someone without flirting and from just a normal conversation between two adults, I was never fond of flirting and I can't help to see if something is childish that may have been okay to do in high school. Thanks for any advice, William. Yeah, he can't flirt, but then he's like making flirting like it's a thing, a skill that he doesn't have
Starting point is 00:47:04 and I think it's just a natural thing that rolls out of you. Flirting is talking. Yeah, it's just talking and being open and playful and smiling. It's not like you guy go to flirting boot camp. It's playful, it's light. And you can have an attraction to someone without flirting initially. But I learned to be able to know the light hearted banter.
Starting point is 00:47:25 Yeah, I mean, I think some of us flirt with men, women, even if we're straight animals, babies, you know, it's like that flirting is conversation is like you said, playful conversation. Right, exactly. So don't, don't, don't trip. Yeah. How are we doing?
Starting point is 00:47:39 All right. Anna, you're awesome. So are you. Yeah, really, thank you. This was great. Is there anything else that we need to hear about dating on my dating? I'm just telling people, I want to just,
Starting point is 00:47:51 people asking all the time, like, just, just how do we get out there? And I just think that there's no more stigma with dating online. And there's a lot, there's Matt. What are your friends doing now? Okay, keep it. Yeah, Matt.
Starting point is 00:48:02 I think Matt just, Ruby Blue actually want to match. So that's not as... But again, it's sort of like what you were saying about how Tinder isn't necessarily a hooker. Like, there are people everywhere trying to do this, trying to connect. So just find the ones that you like. Yeah. And also start practicing when you're out in your day-to-day life, just talking to people.
Starting point is 00:48:19 And don't go, okay, it didn't work this time, it's never gonna work. Right, exactly. Just because you get, you just really, like,'s why it's good to have two in a day. Yeah. So as we date the same person. Okay, and so Anna, you are at, Anna, be David on Twitter. Yes.
Starting point is 00:48:33 At After Party site on Twitter, and you've got to check out her awesome podcast After Party pod. Yes. And they find that where iTunes? iTunes SoundCloud, Stitcher, everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere. I love it. Okay, well thank you Anna for being here, and they find that where iTunes. iTunes SoundCloud, Stitcher, everywhere. Everywhere.
Starting point is 00:48:46 I love it. Okay, well thank you Anna for being here. And thank you Madison. And is there anything else I need to tell you all? Just that I love you. And I love you for listening. And I would love, oh, be so happy if you checked out my website, sexbeamy.com, sign up for the newsletter, follow me on Instagram, like I said, because
Starting point is 00:49:06 I caught up with a flashlight. No, we do funny things on there. It's a good time. And Twitter and Facebook, it's all sex with Emily across the board. So thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexathomay.com.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Hi, it's me, TV's Ross Matthews. You know, from the tonight show, Chelsea Leigh Lee, E. Red Carpets, blah, blah, blah. Well now I have a podcast straight talk with me, Ross Matthews, you know from the tonight show, Chelsea lately, E-Red Carpets, blah, blah, blah. Well, now I have a podcast, Straight Talk with me, Ross Matthews, and it has become the go-to destination for some of Hollywood's biggest stars, from Lauren Conrad to Kristen Bell, Kelly Osborne, Brad Greskey, RuPaul, and more. And this week, we have Britney Snow,
Starting point is 00:49:40 from Pitch Perfect 2, just like the biggest movie in the world, no big deal. Coming up, Chloe Kardashian, and who knows who else? Straight talk with Rothmathuse on hotcaps1.com. Okay everyone, thanks for listening to the show. Here's Delio. I gotta talk to you at your penis for a second. Just one second. Okay, so there's this thing, okay? Men and women. We orgasm at different rates. For example, and I'm just gonna ask you,
Starting point is 00:50:06 how long do you think it takes a woman to orgasm on average? I think it totally depends on the woman. It used to take me a long time now it doesn't. But women, you hear, like, because it's only say it's like between 20 and 40 minutes. I don't think that's true. I really don't. I think that, I mean, this is my experience.
Starting point is 00:50:26 This is not happening after 40 minutes, it ain't happening. Right, after 40 minutes, true. But men, six to eight minutes. So, permescent is the only treatment for premature ejaculation and just for men who want to last longer in bed. If you last eight minutes and you want to last 16 minutes and you want to close the orgasm gap, you should try out permescent. It is a quickly absorbing delay spray.
Starting point is 00:50:47 The partner doesn't have no, you're using it. Put it on 10 minutes for sex. You put it on your penis, helps you delay your ejaculation. So everybody has a good free time when you're doing it. So check it out, promessant.com, PROMESCENT. Thanks for listening. on PROMESCENT. Thanks for listening.

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