Sex With Emily - I High-Key Fantasize About…

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

Ever stumbled across a surprise fantasy? Something you didn’t realize turned you on…but here you are. It’s super hot, and now, you can’t stop thinking about it. Our sexual fantasies are here to help us understand ourselves better, so on today’s show I take your calls on sexual fantasies, what they mean, and how to turn them into a reality. First, she masturbates in the bathroom when she knows her neighbors are home, within earshot. He loves nipple play on his body and watching his wife do it to herself. They’re dabbling in prostate play, so I provide step-by-step instructions for finger stimulation. She’s afraid of rejection, but also fantasizes about it: how can she indulge this fantasy in a healthy way? All this and more on this revealing episode. Show Notes:Gifts For Every Turn On: Valentine’s Day Guide 2023VUSH Destination: Play (SEXWITHEMILY for 40% off Destination: Play)Yes No Maybe List & Other GuidesEMDRIA Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's a really fun, you know, Brody, what I found is couples when they actually get past all the shame and the weirdness and like, oh, I don't know what to say, then they're like, oh, when are we going to talk about our sex life again? That it becomes their new hobby, their new passion, their new interest that they share together. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

Question for you. Ever stumbled across a surprise fantasy? Something you didn't realize turned you on, but here you are. It's super hot and now you can't stop thinking about it. Our sexual fantasies are here to help us understand ourselves better. So on today's show, I take your calls on sexual fantasies, what they mean, and how to turn them into a reality. First, she masturbates in the bathroom when she knows her neighbors are home, with an earshot. Next, he loves nibble play on his body and watching his

wife do it to herself. They're dabbling in prostate play, so I provide step-by-step instructions for finger stimulation. She's afraid of rejection, but also fantasizes about it. How can she indulge this fantasy in a healthy way? All this and more on today's revealing episode. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same.

My intention is to let you listen in on other people's fantasies, so you'll feel that much more comfortable exploring yours. Please rate and review section of them we on other people's fantasies. So you'll feel that much more comfortable exploring yours. Please rate and review section that we were ever you listen to the show. We so appreciate it and it really helps us. My new gift guide gifts for every turn on Valentine's Day guide.

2023 is up at section that we.com. You're gonna love this gift guide. We really break it down for you and we give you great ideas along with great dates for Valentine's Day. So please check out our new gift guide. Also check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice.

If you want to ask me questions, do it. Leave me your questions or message me at sex with Emily.com slash ask Emily or call my hotline 559 talk sex or 559 825 557 39. Always include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show and it's totally cool to change your name or choose to your main anonymous. Today's episode is brought to you by our partner, Bush, and I want to talk to you all about their destination play. It's a range of toys for couples, which is perfect for you and your partner this Valentine's Day. And they sold out of this collection last time, so let me tell you about it.

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It's 50 card prompts to help you with your discussions about sex. Use code sexwithemily for 40% off the destination play range at bush stimulation.com. That's code sexwithemily for 40% off at vush stimulation dot com. Art everyone, enjoy this episode. Okay, we have a woman 55 in California. Hi female caller. What's her alter ego?

You could be anyone else. Who would it be? What's her name? I would say, um, Acolytus. Acolytus. With God. I think it. It's a goddess.

You are, you are Acolytus to me. Tell me everything. I am. What's going on? You are Acolyt. I know you are. That's why I asked. So amazing. And you know, you're making me remember I have a a G spot tool in the garage. I'm going to dig that out and try again. Because like you you I tried it one time and then it didn't work and I thought

I'm broken so fucking you know all right ecolagous that goddess is not she's gonna go get that in her garage because you know where that spot is you're gonna find it do I do I do I do I do I do I do I do I? I'm calling because I am 55, and I just had these young neighbors just move next door to be probably about a year ago, and I find myself masturbating in the bathroom in the shower when I know that they're home. Is that weird? Well, what do you mean? So you masturbate in the shower and they're home and they can hear you like, hear you masturbating

or you're orgasm? So here's a thing. masturbating the shower and they're home and they can hear you like hear you masturbating or your orgasm? So here's a thing. So you know, I spend a lot of time in the bathroom just naturally. I like to pay, I like to shower, I do candles the whole thing, right? But since they moved next door, I find myself spending a lot more time there with music and candles and I'm not super super loud, but I notice I always kind of check to see if the car is there and then, you know. I love that you're calling it because we all have rich fantasy lives.

If we don't, we got to get some because this is it. So are you thinking about them or maybe you're thinking about them hearing you or are you thinking about like, are you in the bathtub? Explain this to me. I'm in the bathtub most the most times. Handles, like, setting up. I'm in the bathtub most the most times. I like to set the atmosphere. You know, I'm at the atmosphere and then I use to bring my tool in the bathroom with me and then I'll start.

But I noticed as I start to masturbate I'll fantasize about the two of them hearing me and I don't get super, super loud. But you know, once the orgasm starts, you know, I don't really care about the sound. So I hope I'm not being loud. I don't think I'm being loud at least.

I'm not being loud. I'm not being loud. I'm not being loud. I'm not being loud. get super, super loud, but you know, once the orgasm starts, you know, I don't really care about the sound. So I hope I'm not being loud. I don't think I'm being loud at least. Well, maybe you're a little bit of foreplay for that. Maybe they hear your orgasm and that turns them on. Is that what you're thinking? Are you thinking?

Yeah. I'm kind of hoping, yeah. Well, have they left any complaints? I know. I think they all have to live there. Apparently it's okay. I'm kind of hoping, yeah. Well, have they left any complaints? I know, I'm like, I'm going to live there. Apparently it's okay. It's just been a year, so they just moved in, and I think they're like 30-somethings, I think. Let's see if they complain, but I think that that's really healthy.

I think that you are keeping sex top of mind. Do you know what you need? It's self-care, taking a bath, setting the atmosphere, may play music, lighting a candle, taking time for yourself, and giving yourself pleasure, and bringing in having a rich fantasy life around your neighbors, and they're hearing, or not. It's all good.

I feel like, at the ladies, it's time to go find the other toy now. I bought my first G-Spot toy at Good Vibrations, tried it once, put it in my garage. Yeah. Is it a pink one? Yes, it was pink. It was like a rabbit vibrator.

And it had batteries. Did you buy that as well? Okay, and then, right. That's the one in the garage. Well, does it still have batteries? Because then we got to get you upgraded. They don't make better. Well, it still will work.

Make sure you clean it. But the others... I didn't have a G-Spot because I was like, maybe I don't have... Oh, you do. You have an internal, literal, l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- l- Does he ever come into the bathroom with you? No, that's your time. Does he ever find help to find a juice bar? And that's the other thing. That's one of the reasons why I'm so quiet. Because I think he knows that I masturbate in the bathroom,

but I think I have a little bit of guilt because while he knows that I masturbate, I don't think he knows that I'm fantasizing about the neighbor. Because that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. And he doesn't need to know everything. It's okay to have fantasies that we listen.

There's two kinds of fantasies. The ones we want to keep to ourselves and the ones we want to share with our partners. That's it. No judgment. You know, he's letting you in that, you know, you're doing it. Yes, yes. This is, you got to be, listen, the time when we feel the most sexually satisfied and the most pleasure is when we are free and we're not worried about what anyone else thinks about our orgasm and what turns us

on and what gives us pleasure. That's why women aren't having orgasms as well because we just, we worry. But your G-spot orgasm is totally possible, but I think you just got to go dig out that toy or we'll send you a new one. But also, what about your husband when you do you guys still have because he could use his fingers, he could explore it with you? Yeah, we still we have been trying for a very long time. And so I select life that's kind of slowed down.

You gave me advice last time and we actually wrote down the two. You at the homework was to write down our favorite time of having sex. And we did that. And that kind of, you know, gave us a little bit of spark. And we've been doing good with that advice. OK. Well, I'm glad you need some more. Should we?

Because now you just want to lock yourself and we're going to need you some more toys. And it'll never come out of the bathroom. Have you guys done the Yes, No, Maybe list? Yes, no, baby. Yes, yes. That was part of the homework as well. It was, okay.

We are doing good. I think early in our marriage, we were having sex every other day for the first 20 years of our marriage. I would say even the first 25 years of our marriage. And then he got sick, he had a surgery, things flow down, and then they fell off completely. And then we got into NFT and things started,

you know, I started to talk about my feelings. So things started to pick up and then I call you, got the yes-no-maybe, got, you know, him to write down some things about, you know, when he really enjoyed having sex with me. So that's there, but I'm also, again, doing some self-care and self-care. Well, I think this is about you right now. Yeah, I think that if you find, if you get yourself, you incorporate some internal play into your session, then maybe you'll feel more orgasms

and maybe that'll be something you want to bring into your relationship. Let's talk to Fred in Texas 60. He's got some comments on breast play. Tell me everything, Fred. Thanks for calling. What's going on? Well, I just, a couple of quick comments,

one about breast play. So my wife is my second wife, both my wife and then her husband had passed away, and we met afterwards. And so we're kind of going through a second round of learning about each other and ourselves. But anyway, she has relatively small breasts. And I have found it somewhat difficult

to get them to be sensitive and have her focus and like them being you know, how to teach them a to them. But I have found that sometimes when she does it herself and we're in the act that it actually is more effective. That's something new. Yeah, I actually would talk about that. Yeah, absolutely. I think that playing with our own breasts can also be really stimulating for many women. I think absolutely. I think that many women do that as well. The other comment I'll make is that she has learned to look in second mind at all. And that's an amazing turn on that I've never experienced before. And it's me envisioning her sucking another woman's breast,

but at the same time, the sensation of it, and knowing that she likes to do it, is really a big turn on for me. Oh, yeah, that's what I think, Fred, for many, many days, but they just never had anyone try it. Are you saying that it feels good because you're picturing her be with another woman? Well, there's kind of that that that that potential visual impression that I get, but at the same time having the physical sensation

to go with it is, it's all pretty amazing. That sounds really fun, Fred. I love that you guys are exploring now in your second chapter, you know, second marriage. And yeah, there's this is what I say. There's so many Roger zones on our body, and we often don't even pay attention to them. We spend our whole lives not like with all this pleasure right on our bodies. So- And at six and 60 is better than ever was at 30,

so don't give up hope. Okay Fred, it's super inspiring. Thank you Fred. I love it. Thanks for those comments. Really helpful. You guys, Fred. I love it. Thanks for those comments. Really helpful. You guys, it just gets better. I think that everything that we pay attention to,

that we spend time on, that we care about, that we want to get good at, takes a little bit of time. Takes us prioritizing. Takes us focusing, but that's how it happens. Better at 60, I want that for everyone. I mean, I know for myself, my sex life gets better every single year since I've been in this career. Not before that, I was like a lot of you. I thought that I couldn't have orgasms in certain

ways and that I was never going to be turned on and I was never going to like sex again. But I've learned that it's a practice, just like everything that we care about, that we prioritize, and it is a journey. We are all in a path and get on that path. I welcome you to join us on the sexiest six-path here, on Sex Family. Let's talk to Sammy 36 in Ohio. Hi, Sammy, what's going on? Thanks for calling. Well, thank you for having me. I've been wanting to call for quite a while,

but I just never got there to do it. So basically, my husband has this. I guess you would call it a fetish because he gets really turned on when I get my hair cut, like when I get it cut short. So over the years, I just can you know it kept getting shorter and shorter and then it finally got to like a bob and that's where it stayed. So it started to grow back and I love it. My sister tells me how great it looks and I know he wants me to get it cut and that's always been like I guess you would say it kind of like a part of our sex life just because I knew oh I get a haircut, we're gonna have awesome sex. So I just don't know what to do. Wow, Sammy. Okay, this is so interesting. So would you actually, we're classifying

it as a fetish, right? Because it's actually a requirement for him to get turned on or not. I guess I would say a fetish because it's like, it was something you did for a long time, obviously. He's just like, oh, it's your haircut. And then finally, I figured it out. So it's definitely going to be a fetish because no lie because I was very thin. Like I can get my haircut right then.

It's just you can see it in his eyes when he watches me get my hair. So I get to watch you. Yeah, no, that sounds like it. So it never really bothered you before. Or do you like your hair? It never bothered me. And when I found out, like it to me, it was awesome, just because you're like, when you care about somebody and you have that, like he is 100% my soulmate. And when he gets excited excited it makes me excited. Yes. So I loved it. But now I'm just kind of back because I want to let my hands grow out. It's been short for so long.

Yeah. But I just don't. Okay. Well, here's the first thing that came to my mind, Sammy. What if you got a wig? Oh, you're good. Sammy, you could even get hot sexy wigs. You could get all different colors.

You get long ones, short ones, curly ones. And then you could even dress the part and not only are you getting your hair cut, but you show up in this wig. And then you could get a haircut or you could have a friend cut it or he could cut it maybe. Let's do that.

He could even be the barber and cut your hair. And then he never knows who you're gonna show up as. So that's what I think she should do. Oh, I really appreciate that. be the barber and cut your hair and then he never knows who you're going to show up as. So that's what I think. That's very true. Oh, I really appreciate that. You talked about that. That would make the biggest difference.

Yeah, I think so too. You have to call me back though, Sammy. That's the only thing because I need to know how this goes. I'm very curious about it, but I think you could even take them up a level. And how you present it is, I've got a great idea, babe. You got to go into it like full on. Like I'm going to one night, I'm going to be a blonde because I'm a prunette.

I don't know what color your hair is, but I had a woman once. I was at Bloomingdale's and I'll never forget this day was she was probably like 65 years old. And I remember sitting there and telling her where I was about to go on a trip the next day and I said to her, I'm a sex therapist. She goes, what do you do for the next sex?

She says, you know what? I've got a piece of advice for you. And I said, what? She goes, my best sex advice for you is to get a wig. And I was like, what do you mean? I want to hear more, she goes, because when you put a wig on, you're a different persona.

And anyway, I think that just says a lot about like playing a different character. You might feel different to Sammy. So try it out. Let me know. I was for sure. I will absolutely call you back. And let you know.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thanks for calling, Sammy. Super excited to talk to Deborah 56 and Massachusetts. Hi, Deborah. Thanks for calling. Hi, Emily. How are you doing?

I'm so doing well. I'm excited for your call. Tell me everything. How can I help? My husband and I have a Bob and he's here with me and we have you on speaker. Hi, Dad. Hi, Ben. I've been listening to you for the last couple of years.

We've been together for 33 years and married for 31 and we're experimenting with some of things you've suggested. Right now, I'm interested in exploring prostate play. And we haven't done any of that. I'm wondering if you can make some suggestions on how to get started. Yes, such a great question. Now, wait, your interest at Deborah is Bob interested.

Yes, he is. OK. I love it. I love when you guys are calling in together. So what we're talking about is the prostate. Just for everyone listening, it's like men have a prostate inside of them. The adus, I'm sure you all know this, but it can also give you intense pleasure. And there's a lot of stigma around it, right?

You've heard, like, oh, does it mean that I'm gay or it's only for exiting? No, it just means you're a part of your body that can feel amazing when you stimulate it. A great way to start is just to start with some external. Have you ever done any external touching Deborah like with your finger and some lube just externally to see you can get used to what it feels like to have some stimulation? Well, we've done some of that, and we've got some anal plugs that we've played with. I don't have long nails, but I have short nails, and he worries about my fingernails. Yeah, that's a thing.

I mean, you could wear a glove. I mean, the thing is the nails, it's very thin tissue internally. Even if short nails, they have to be really short. I always tell people like for men, trim your nails, make sure to be really short. I always tell people like for men trim your nails, make sure that they're clean, all that stuff. But if you even have a little bit of nail, you know, you could also put cotton, if they're short, they're okay, but you could also put little cotton balls at the end of gloves too,

like if they're little. For people with longer nails, so the nails don't poke through the gloves. Cool. So I recommend that, You know, use a glove. Do you want to start with your fingers or do you want to use a toy? Deborah, Bob, what are you thinking? Well, I can tell you, we ordered it. Why it hasn't arrived yet. Okay, perfect.

So let's get you started. So what you do is you insert a finger. You know, it could be your middle finger, the pointer finger. You just want to make sure that Bob is relaxed and he's laying on his back, or whatever position feels good, but you insert a finger, you go slowly inside,

and you wanna use your finger on like a come-hither motion towards the belly button, much like how you would simulate the G spot internally. So it's just sort of, and then when you're doing that, you'll find, have you ever done any of this part yet? I don't know where you guys are at So have you tried this? Yeah, okay got it So then when you're inside either with like you're like I said your forefinger your middle finger You'll find this spot and it's like a rough area kind of like a like a peach pit

And then you just but you just want to start to tap it with a finger like it's a tapping okay? And then Bob's gonna be giving you feedback about how it feels and it's really just, it's like a tapping or it's applying pressure with a finger. Like you're just sort of, you know, you could try to go in faster or a little bit slower, but it's kind of different for everybody. So you're using the, you know, it's a stroke too. So you're not poking. I'm trying

to describe this in a while. So you're stroking it right. So once you find it with that comhether motion, it's like a slow comhether. A slow steady rhythmic comhether where you're applying pressure. Okay. And and then you go slow and you could go slow or a little bit lighter, following Bob's response and how he's feeling. And then you could also try tapping, like I said, you could also circle around with your finger. Much like how we all, I tell everyone

to kind of figure out their G spot. We'd send a lot of time talking about internal pleasure or the G area as I call it. And then just kind of, yeah, we spent a lot of time on that. We just haven't done that. Exactly, Debra. Right, this is the same kind of thing.

Like it didn't, you know, the first time you with Bob Debra, I don't know if you just kind of found your spot. So it takes a little bit of time. Oh, he did, that's why you've been together for so long. I love it. So really just like a constant pressure, your fingers inside and then you just want to kind of take it out slowly. So you're not going in and out.

I think that's another misperception that you're pulling your finger out and putting it back in. Unless he's into it, but I think it's more about come hit or a gentle rubbing. And that's any questions from there feel free to ask anything okay okay okay okay you want to make sure that you just are sticking to one thing no place to get advice to get started so I really appreciate this of course I'm here for you We guys let me know how it goes. You know what? We will. Okay, I love it. Thank you. It was lovely to talk to you guys.

I love getting you off of this submission here. Thank you so much, Emily. You're so welcome. Bye, Deborah. Thanks for calling. After the break, I'll be hearing more about your fantasies and share how to continue cultivating them. So stick around. So let's talk to Brody 35 in Nevada. Hi Brody, what's going on? Thanks for calling.

I've been happily married for about six years. Our sex life is awesome. For the most part, it's pretty cool, pretty normal, in my opinion. But we got into it like so early ago because I don't really get a blow job very often. And basically, probably the first year we were dating. I don't know if we were married yet. We went on a road trip. Basically, I ended up getting a blow job from her in the truck and she swallowed my comb and it was an amazing feeling and experience and the only time that's ever happened in my life and she's never cum and it was an amazing feeling and experience and the only time

that's ever happened in my life and she's never done it since and I was like have you asked? Yeah, we talked about it. Oh, okay. She finally just said, oh, you know, I was just younger and trying to impress you and I was okay, that makes sense. And so I don't really like need it. Like I don't fantasize or think about low jobs because I'm happy with just pretty straightforward sex. But it felt really good. And it's just like, is this just, if say we are married for our life, am I just, am I just not going to get that again?

You know, like, what do I do? I think you could let her know that you really were to appreciate it, that it feels good to you. That's an important part of your arousal. It doesn't have to be every day, but you would like it. And then you could ask her, what would you like more of an our relationship? Is there anything I could give to you, sexually, because you're not Ron Brody

that in a long-term relationship, we get bored. We got to try new things. You know, yes, penetration's great, but I think we all want variety. So I think just kind of bringing her up to speed with that. It's really important for couples to To prioritize their intimacy to plan for it to talk about it to get curious to get adventurous to get that That's part of something that that would be important to you to explore together a lot of couples listen to my show together Or they do research, you know, and they just kind of figure out what are we both into? What do we like?

That's what I think, and I think you talked to about it outside the bedroom, just like, hey, let's talk about our sex life. Is there anything you've been fantasizing about that you want to try? I love oral. You know, I don't need all the time, but this is why it makes you feel good.

I want to be great lover to you. Do you want to be a great lover to me? And it's not a one-time conversation, Brody. It's an ongoing conversation where you, yeah. It's still ongoing. I think she's slowlydy. It's an ongoing conversation where you... Yeah. It's still ongoing. I think she's slowly kind of opening up and evolving with what she needs. As we grow up, we don't exactly know what we want.

I'm on a 30s or she's 30 now. But regardless, we're adults, but still, we don't actually even know what we want. You know, it's that happened and it's fun, but I think there's stuff in there that would be making it even better. And so it's hard to have the conversation sometimes because she can't really answer but I don't want to force it. But yeah you're right. We just got to kind of talk about it more in a way where not while we're having sex just different times. Yeah because she might not know. You're right. A lot of

women don't really think about it. They don't explore. They don't masturbate. So we have a yes-no maybe list on our website at sexathemley.com. It has all these sex acts, the little quiz you could take together about the things you're into. You could read erotica together, you could watch porn, and they just start talking about what could turn around. What's the most memorable sex experience that she's had with you? What are the top three times she's had sex with you and why, the moments that turned around?

And then from there, you can start to kind of figure out what is hot for both of you he said she's coming around to have a we did finally walk for together for the first time and she initiated it she likes like uh... just women on women type real basic born and uh... that's cool that's like she's kind of slowly coming into her own style was drawn more than we're evolving but

yeah there you go that's great it's a process that's the only question I had I've never really even talked about it to anyone except oh brood this is the first time so well keep me posted I help couples have conversations that aren't easy to have that's what I do it's really fun you know Brody what I found is couples, when they actually get past all the shame and the weirdness and like, oh, I don't know what to say, then they're like, oh, when are we gonna talk about our sex life again?

That it becomes their new hobby, their new passion, their new interest that they share together. Let's talk to Angie, that a kid, she's 28 years old. Hi Angie, what's going on? How can I help? Hi Emily, thank you for taking my call. Of course. I'm so excited.

I've been listening to your podcast for probably about the last two months. I want to discover you on Instagram and I really feel like it's been, you know, honestly pretty life changing. So I really wanted you to know that. I feel like it helps me a lot. Oh, I'm so glad Angie. Thank you. I just wanted to to know that. Oh, thank you. I hope you're all so glad to answer.

Thank you. I just wanted to call in because my main concern that I feel like I've had for a while in my current relationship and my past relationships is that I feel like I get to a point where I'm way more into the sex than he is. And it just starts to make me really feel bad about myself. So I've been with my current boyfriend for two and a half years and the first year it was like everything all in. And he was all into it 100%.

And then a year into it, it just started dropping off. And I've always had a high sex drive and I know that about myself. And of course, I just absolutely like, I'm like, what is wrong with me? What am I doing? You know, I really like try to keep myself in good shape. Like I don't think I've changed physically really.

I know I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression, but I've been going to therapy and I'm on medication and I'm like, really, I'm like, is that an energy thing? Am I just repelling? Like, and this is happening to me with another relationship before. So now it seems like it's real

because now it's confirmed it's happened twice. So now it's like, we do this to ourselves, right? Now there's a pattern and it's a story. So it's confirmed, I am not lovable. No one likes me, my body, you know, all the things Angie. But let me just tell you this is, like I've had the complete opposite too, where there's like, so into it and so about me and so

wanting to like give me pleasure and it's one extreme to the other almost so those people you're not as into is that what you were gonna say like they're really into me and I'm not into them or it just oh no no no so like my boyfriend before this we were both like so in love and so into each other. And it was just very equal. And then, but there was like, there were a lot of other things where it was extremely, extremely passionate, but there were, you know, other things happening. And I felt with my boyfriend now that it's really like a good balance, like some normalcy and healthy

relationship otherwise, but there's like this sixth thing and then I go into a spiral, like I go into a spiral thinking like, I'm not the type of girl he's really into and I start looking at stupid Instagram crap that I know I shouldn't be doing and I feel as he has this whole other type that I'm just not so right one and this kind of also like makes me think about cuckolding and I feel like I have a fantasy about that but like in the female version I know you've talked about it with the male virgin but I feel like I fantasize about not even like like I just fantasized about being rejected By then with another one who's like Offered it of me, but then I also get like upset by it and like angry about it Yeah, Angie that's interesting. Okay, so is this your fantasy like do you fantasize it when you're like masturbating or during sex?

Or you're just saying it's just a passing thought? No, yeah, both that might be part of it So what I'm wondering is there anything do you remember when you first started having this thought? Was it with other boyfriends too? Okay, what was it? It's almost been with every boyfriend I've realized once it gets to a more solidified place in the relationship. It's like these guys that I know would never have a threesome and I have a fantasy about having a threesome But I feel like it's mostly for this reason and I know that it's not healthy to have a threesome if you're not like comfortable Yeah, in your place in the relationship, and I know I'm not so like I feel like I'm comfortable myself But there's like this weird part of me that just feels like I want to be rejected or something. And I had talked to my therapist about it too. Right. Oh, this is interesting.

I'm controlling the pain or something. Well, it is. So my question for you is about your family of origin. When was the first time you felt abandoned or rejected as a child? Was there something that happened when you were younger? I'm death or death. I don't know.

I give this the basic. Yeah, like my parents got divorced when I was two, I guess, and my mom had like, you know, a few different boyfriends growing up. I don't know. Like, I definitely didn't have a standard father-daughter relationship if we're getting into that, but I'm sure. Why not? I don't know if I can.

Yeah. I don't know. And like, my brother was kind of really the only like male figure, I guess, in my life. And he was whatever. He was a mean big brother, like beat me up all the time. But like, I don't know if that- Sounds like my life here. You just painted my life.

My mom had boyfriends, my dad- Yeah, my parents got divorced. My brother was mean to me. Yeah. So that could all be all of it. I mean, the thing is, this is so interesting because part of me, it is sort of a cuckolding fantasy. And I often hear it for men.

And when we're talking about cuckolding, it's men who have fantasies about watching their wives have sex with another man. I haven't often heard it from a woman. I have to tell you that this is sort of new for me hearing it. I mean, maybe I've heard it once or twice before, but what I wanted to say about, yeah, Angie, I think it's, I mean, thank you so much it once or twice before, but what I wanted to say about. Yeah, Angie, I think it's,

I mean, thank you so much for calling with us, but my only concern is like what I would say, if anyone calling in is like, usually it's people who are in like a solid, secure relationship, right? They've been with our partner, they've been married, they're together. The only reason why I'm not saying,

well, maybe you could try it is because I need you to be more secure in your relation. Like I want you to be in a better place with your partner so you could separate and be like, oh, I am really safe and secure with my partner and then venture out into the fantasy. Oh, it's called Cuck Queen. Yeah, I did see that.

Yeah, that's the thing is like I don't really even think I wanna do it. And like, listen, I just feel weird. Like I get angry after the fan. It's so weird. I don't know even think I want to do it. Listen, I just feel weird. I get angry after the fan. It's so weird. I don't know how to get angry after the fan is free. Okay, you get met. You have so much shame.

You have so much blame and you're so hard on yourself that it's a lot of swirling things. If you talk to your part, what if you guys roleplayed it and you like talk? I don't even know that you're there though, because you know I wouldn't even say to go out and do it yeah, you're years away from that. But you could also like roleplay with him and like be like, right now I'm picturing there's another woman here. Angie, have you done any work? I know you're in talk therapy, but it would be so good for you to do some more like body-centered work or breath work. Have you done any kind of work on yourself that's not just talking about it, but like Feeling things in your body

I've been on this constant Kind of self-reflective journey for about ten years or something This is my late teens and and really trying to meditate and I've been in and out of like heavy meditation Practices and things like that like I'm always interested and I'm always trying to meditate. And I've been in and out of like heavy meditation practices and things like that. Like I'm always interested in I'm always trying to practice self love because I know it's something I really struggle with. Are you aware of your body, like where you feel

certain things, like where you feel the anxiety or because you're talking about all these stories? Yeah, I've done that work because I'm just wondering how in touch, how much you feel your emotions and just found out, just feeling, I'm just getting this sense touch, how much you feel your emotions and just found out, just feeling, I'm just getting this sense that that would be really helpful for you. Because if you've been in talk therapy for 10 years, maybe another kind of therapy, you

know, I always talk about EMDR, which I think is amazing therapy. And then just because I could give you, I mean, I would say a practice of meditation around your thoughts and around breathing. Maybe if you bring in some breath work and some meditation or some mantra's affirmations because you're doing all the things. You said you're meditating and you're in talk therapy and you haven't until the reason why I'm talking about the body work and somatic which means embodied being in our body is because you're very much in your head about your challenges. You're like, here's my story. I've

been doing it and actually you sound a lot like how I have sounded. In therapy, it probably around your age too. Like, I got it, I've done it, I've been there, my parents had this and I tended for my parents' wedding for as 25. My dad died, my brother was mean, but I got it, you know what I mean? And I was like, I get it intellectually,

but I had to do work where I felt it, I cried, I released pain. I cried I released pain right I haven't been in talk therapy for 10 years I've been in talk therapy for a year and a half now but I've been like trying to meditate and stuff for 10 years and and do all of that and I've definitely tried all the things but yeah exactly I know where I need to work on myself more and that's what I'm glad to hear that from you because I'm trying to figure out what on myself more. And that's what I'm glad to hear that from you because I'm trying to figure out what it is.

I'm just committing to it. And don't let me hear something. Angie, therapy takes time. And I would say it takes about a year, year and a half to you get hit. Tell you really feel like it's working. Like you feel like, oh, I can look back on it. And that's been my experience because I've tried a lot of different therapies.

I just know this for a fact. So you've already done that. And it sounds like you have been communicating with your partner and that's all really important. You know, I had to try a lot of different meditations till I found what works for me. And even sometimes I fall off the wagon. But when I'm consistent, it's amazing

because I can control my mind, I can relax, and then you could really see your thoughts from another place and go, oh, I am not my thoughts. Because your thoughts that he's gonna leave you or he's not loving you or not into your body, like we've just told you all the ways it's not true. So writing it out and journaling about it is really helpful too.

Do you ever do any of that? I do actually, I've been really getting into that in like the last few months especially and like that's something I've been on and off but yeah I try to write affirmations every day and I write down what I'm great for every day. You know all of these things I'm really mindful of. Well, sometimes like you're doing it all Angie, what would you need from your boyfriend to feel safe? Like what would you have to say? What would he have to do, and then can you let him know that? Is it every day you need a text saying, I love you, this is all things I love about you,

is it touch, is it words like, what do you need? I think a lot of it starts with us too, you're gonna need some things for yourself, but what would you need from him to feel safe? And then maybe just ponder that, journal that, and then let him know. Yeah, I kind of encourage us to have a conversation about our love language languages the other day.

And I went through them. I know that my love language is physical touch. And I had assumed his was words of affirmations and he kind of confirmed that. So I think it's also me trying to understand what I can do better for him. And like again, like getting out of my head too. That maybe I'm not being.

I don't know. Yeah, well, if you're really in your head to some time, it's hard to be as present for others when we're really like obsessed with our own thoughts. So I love the idea of you guys doing some work together and kind of working this through with each other. Like I really do feel like since listening to you, it helps me a lot with my confidence because like you said something about, we have one podcast about dressing up and things like that. And that's something I was really insecure about for a long time because I had a boyfriend before that was like, why are you doing that? I'm not 18. Like, that's not going to do it for me.

Just like, don't be thinking of me. Wow. Yeah, that's what it happens. I'm glad. Do you have a write down these little successes Angie? Because it sounds like you've had a lot of them. Maybe sometimes it's great to keep a note in your phone of all the things that have gone right in your relationships so you can go back and look at them because to me you sound like a woman who's really working hard on yourself having difficult conversations, doing the love languages, being honest with your boyfriend, to me those are all wins towards you feeling safer

and like you're in a healthier place. So I feel like just keep going and doing your work and try to go easy on yourself and realize your successes and remember to give back to him as well and it sounds like you're on that path Angie. They're doing great. Well, let me feel better, thank you. Of course, I got you. I'm if they feel better. Thank you.

Of course, I got you. I'm so glad you called. Thanks Angie. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where ever you listen to the podcast

and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com

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