Sex With Emily - In-N-Out: That’s NOT What Sex is All About

Episode Date: July 11, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about ways to have sex that aren’t penetration – because there is SO many ways to get it on between the sheets – and she’s taking your calls. She helps you get your confidence back after a long-distance love destroyed it, how to get your partner to pull the trigger when you want to peg them, and how to come clean to your wife about your love for crossdressing. Plus, tips on getting your confidence up when talking to women. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We-Vibe, SameDaySTD, SiriusXM, Magic Wand Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about ways to have sex that aren't penetration because heck, there's so many ways to get it on between the sheets. And I'm taking your calls. Topics include, your long distance love broke your confidence. How do you get it back? So you really want to peg your partner. How do you get him to pull the trigger? You've been cross-dressing for 20 years and your wife still doesn't know. How do you come clean about it? And you want to talk to him, but you have no idea what you're doing. I can help you. All this and more, thanks for listening.

Music Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a bygone day. Hey, Abelene, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute.

Hey, girls, gotta understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common with all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Abelene's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com You can check out all of our blogs.

You can also easily subscribe to our podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. We so appreciate that. And you can find me on series, sex and radio. It stars channel 109 Monday through Friday, five to seven PM Pacific eight to 10 East. You can also get a free 30 day trial at sexwithamily.com slash SXM.

And as always, you can find me on all social media. It's at sexwithamily across the board. All right, guys, enjoy the show. I wanna talk about mutual masturbation. Yes. Okay, with Emily across the board. All right guys, enjoy the show. I wanna talk about mutual masturbation. Yes. Okay, so here's the thing. Mutual masturbation is one of my favorite favorite tips for couples because it's just kind of like a tofer

because on the one hand, it's gonna be really hot to be like next to your partner and you're watching, you're masturbating and they're masturbating, you're watching each other, you're getting some kind of, you're getting the show, you're getting the visual tittleation, but it's also like super educational experience in the sense of you're learning,

oh, I remember doing it for the first time at a boyfriend, I'm like, oh, I didn't know you put your hand over your balls or your hand goes up and over the penis and all the way back down. His tip was very important to him. I learned lessons that way. And I think all of you, you know, it's a great thing to do. Especially if you don't want, you don't have to rush into penetration.

Sometimes first of all, it's also a sure thing. You know, you're gonna get yourself off. Mm-hmm. And I think also people have said to me that they didn't get it. I've talked about mutual masturbation. You're like, well, how do you do it? Well, because I think what the question that people have like asked the most is like, how would you not just start going into touching each other?

Yeah, you make a decision. I don't know. And you don't care, is that like you lose? You could go into having each other. But how hot is it to say, you know what, we're not going to go right into sex. We're not going to do the same thing we always do. That's what this month is about. It's about not doing the same thing

and the same pattern in the same way that you always do. If you always masturbate by yourself, maybe do it with your partner. Like, this is what this is about. If you guys even did one thing this month, I'd be so happy that was different. So we're going to give you a lot of different tips. Yeah.

But mutual masturbation is fun. I used to be that person. It's like, I would just... You just start touching each other, but then person. It's like, I would just, I would just, you just start touching each other. But then when I finally did it, I was like, oh my God, it's like, one of my, yeah, it's like one of my favorite things to do now though.

Yeah. All right, why do you love it, James? One because it's the sure thing. Yeah, I don't have to worry about it. I don't care who finishes first, who finishes last. If he finishes it all, I'm finishing. I know that for sure. Right. And then it is just really hot to see someone turn themselves on and then even hotter that they're getting so turned on by watching you turn

yourself on. Yeah. It's like everyone's getting turned on in all these different ways. Yeah. And it's just hotness all over the place. It's really fun. Especially. I masturbate with my eyes closed, so this would be a challenge for me. Oh. Yeah. Oh, OK, last night, Karen Lee, who's on the show, was like, Karen Lee. Can't wear guys on their eyes open. I don't, I think it's super powerful when your eyes are open.

I did this morning. I had to put it to the test. Nice. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just looking at the ceiling. It's not that hot to just look at what's above me. Well, no, I'm just saying, but keep your eyes closed.

I'm just saying she said she could in orgasm with her eyes open. Like a sneeze, you know? Yeah, she could with her eyes open, but yeah, I think, and then do you realize that you'd normally close them but you tried to keep them open this morning? I was trying to think, because I feel like I keep,

I feel like I keep my an open. I keep my an open too. Yeah, what if I, you I feel like I keep, I feel like I keep mine open. I keep mine open too. Yeah, what if I, you know, watching perpetrators, I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, like keep your eyes open. I don't know why. That's the exact moment that someone's gonna fuss into your house and rob you is when you close your eyes

for a second. I don't know why I'm not gonna go to my eyes but the perpet's are coming. You never knew when someone's gonna walk in in your masturbation session. You know what I just thought of? A way to protect this is going to be looking at myself in the mirror when I masturbate.

Oh, yeah. I tried that. Yeah, that's gonna be a great one. So that could be a good step towards. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's really hot. You guys, that is a great one. Look in towards. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's really hot. You guys, that is a great one. Look in the mirror this month.

If you've never looked down. Fucking the hell for me out so good. Good girl. That's what we're here. I love it. Look in the mirror. It's a great one. Okay, here's another thing.

You guys, sex, that penetration. We're going to feed more of this a little bit. Mm-hmm. Is dry-humping. I believe that dry-humping is a lost art. Oh my God, it says it's a lost art. And I didn't even see it said lost art. There's a list here.

I'm like, it's a lost art. Remember when that was hot and you were in high school and you couldn't have sex yet? You were rubbing against their jeans on the couch of their parents living room or something or in the car and all the friction and you're like heating up but you can't have it but you want it but you can't and like that's really freaking hard to do.

That's kind of masturbation as well. These are all things you could do this month and this is not include. These are all the things that don't include a little penetration. What I got to say which really hopped for this is the high octopus pulse 3 duo. If you don't have one for your penis you might want one. It's a really cool toy that wraps around your penis. It's an oscillates on the front of the limb, which is the super sexy sensitive part of your penis. And then you have a vibrator on the outside because

your partner can literally it's made for dry-humping. Yeah. That toy made for dry-humping. I really want to try it with my own. I'm excited. And rub on it. Me too. I think that dry-humping just tied in with innocence, because now it's like, you've got to go for oral. That's all the innocence. You go right to oral or you go right for sex and you skip the boobs and you skip the kissing and everything. And I think we all want to harken back to those earlier days when you really let that

tension and the excitement build and like, are we going to see if you're there? Are we not? What's this going to feel like? And you're just, ah, see if we can that back. And you can also use a vibrator. Just in general. Just in general, you use a vibrator if you haven't yet without penetration. We love some loom.

You should always add a little bit of lead into the mix. I mean, just, yeah, vibrator, no penetration needed. Oh, the other thing about mutual masturbation going back, if you use a vibrator and you've been like, a lot of women email or call in and ask, how do I use it with my partner? Maybe be hot to do it with mutual masturbation going back, if you use a vibrator and you've been like, a lot of women email or call in, ask, how do I use it with my partner? Maybe be hot to do it with mutual masturbation. That's a great first time.

Oh yeah, because then they can see how you hold it. Yeah, in your fearful place, but you're so afraid maybe that your partner's gonna freak out and they see it's like this vibrating little egg in your hand or whatever it is. That's really hot. That's what happened to me. My boyfriend was like, when it first, when I first said, he was like, that's so hot. Like he was like, wow. And I, yeah, I'm

not that I remember back to my, that's so smart. Because I think there's fear. Like, yeah, I'll know vibrato is it's going to replace me. I'm like, it doesn't look like you. It's a little tiny bullet. I can, I should paint this tiny bullet, which is not. Right. You can't take a, you can't take a Christmas card with your vibrator. Just look at how many vibrator things get right. You can't take a Christmas card to go to the farmer's market with your vibrator,

not yet. That's the robot. Nipple play. Robots can go to the farmer's market. I don't want a robot though. These are ways, yeah, Nipple play. I mean, I guess suck them, lick them, blow on them, blow on your partner's nipples.

These are great things to do without penetration. Nipple gas I mean, guess. Suck with them, lick them, blow on them, blow on your partner's nipples. These are great things to do without penetration. Nipple gasms, very common. Lou, bone the nipples. Lou, bone the nipples. Nipple clamps, wear fans. Oh, I've still, you know what? I've yet to try that. Do you have to chock full?

I know, I don't know why I have never taken a trip down Nipple clamp lane. How dare you. Right. Do it. Do it this weekend. All of you. I definitely will. I'm just saying, don't knock it till. Do it. Do it this weekend. I'll be. I definitely will. I'm just saying don't not get tell you try it. Maybe your partner could just pinch them until it doesn't, you

know, like start softly and see how it feels. Julie, but you don't want to pinch. Pretend to pinch your way to get cameras in your like, I do it. I'm showing people. I'm pitching my new. That feels good actually. I like that. I like it. What do you think about? Okay, because we have to pitch my own nipples. What do you think about through the fabric? I'm pitching my new that feels good actually. I like that. I like that. What do you think about? Okay, because we have to pitch my own nipples. What do you think about through the fabric? I'm learning that in the moment. The fabric feels so good.

Yes, you guys putting fabric over your nipples, over your clitoris, or anywhere you guys that fat, like using some soft fabric, using your sheets and your house, using, you know, a silk shirt, anything over your nipples and using a vibrate over that can feel really good. For a lot of women they orgasm that way. I remember for me actually one of my first orgasms or one first time I was most aroused in high school with my high school boyfriend, I remember rubbing over

like my pink satin underwear with his finger. I was like, oh, like it's that the material feels great. So don't forget that stuff. And what else we got here? Sensory plays awesome too, you guys, without penetration. Like adding a blindfold, wax candle, playing with some massage oil.

You guys, even if you're just a blindfold, it's something different and you don't need to have any penetration, blindfold, you do blindfold, and then you take away one sense, all the other sense senses become more heightened. You can play music and this is what I love about this because sensory play means that you're truly engaging all the senses. So even if you take one away with music playing maybe using a warm candle some cool ice cubes by the bad. I love ice cubes feeding you chocolate. That's a hot experience.

Okay, what if, I think this is actually, you know, this is coming from one of your tips when we did those Valentine's Day videos. Yes. Last year. You blindfold your partner and you feed them like, you know, like strawberries or chocolates or random things, but then you randomly, you know, slip in a body part. That sounds like slip of titan. Yeah, slip a tit in. Did I say that last year?

See the... You understand. I say a lot of things. Yeah, that's a great idea. Slip in a bottle. Oh my God, and you've got that already. You've got ice cubes in your fridge. When I see, you got a little massage

and then you slip in a nipple. Oh, that's another. That's another definition. That's another way to get the nip slip that you want Nip dip whatever on there. Yeah, you could put chocolate sauce on your nipple. Oh Yes, I don't have any person to take this to right now. You're Taking out Take this out on like to know oh. But I am taking notes. I take notes to remember next time. I'm like, oh, but you are.

Yeah, I literally am right now. Well, I wish I had my notes next to me. Like, I want to remember this now. You will. Sometimes I don't remember today your remind me of this is what I'm saying. We're teachers and lesson. We are a teacher and student.

You're constantly learning, teaching, learning, teaching. It's a cycle of life. And it's quite beautiful. All right, we're going to take a quick break. And when we come back on to your calls. And we have Taylor who's 25 in Ohio who's got a few questions about pegging. Hey Taylor, what's going on? Let me help you.

Hi. Hi. I want to know how I can try and get my boyfriend comfortable with pegging. I know it's something he wants to try, but he won't say it. How do you know he wants to try? I also don't mean. He'll sometimes say it like when we get really deep into the moment and if I'm like playing with his prostate

he'll say that he'd let me do that. I want to bring it up after sex or outside of those moments. He's like, oh no, I would never do that. Interesting. Are you guys like drinking? Are you? No. Okay, I'm just wondering if it's like an altered state.

That's interesting. Does he really say no no? No, okay. He's just like, he's like, backs off of it. I think really say no no? Okay. He's just like he Like backs off of it. I think he's like embarrassed about it. Yeah, and like he just gets caught up in the moment Well, maybe start with like a butt plug and not pegging per se No, you want to peg him are you more interested like what about you sir? I would never recommend I have definitely told him that I've

been interested. Right why don't you get him a prostate toy and then you could put that inside and see how he feels about that like don't go straight into the pegging if he's not there but he likes the sorry baby you're gonna have to like you have to you're gonna have to take in baby steps so I think if

you got him like a butt plug or a prostate toy like a narrow so the black pearl we've got a bunch on our website and you could kind of like get him that or even a butt plug might even be less threatening and then you know you're using it on him so you're still controlling it. You don't sound satisfied. I can get lots of loom. I can wait. Yeah, I mean, I love it.

I mean, packing, I get it. And what is it about pegging that is so hot for you? Is there another way to get that need met in the bedroom with something else? I think it's like a power thing. Yeah, I know it definitely is a power thing, but I'm wondering, even holding the toy or the plug or whatever it is, you could still be in that power position. You know, just practice with that.

All right. Okay. You can also check out our website. We do some pegging posts that we can put in the show notes. Thanks for calling. You're not gonna get your partner. You can't, every question starts with, how do I get my partner to blank?

Is not, I can't typically answer that in the way of like, well, first you gotta do this, then you gotta send them flowers, then you, no, it's not like that. With, especially when it comes to sex, it's like, you have to meet them where they're at and maybe like show them some other ways to think about things.

Like you already know he's interested, so don't force like I'm gonna, you know, peg. I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna do something that's that's extreme or like we will say how do I get my part out of a threesome? Well, you're not, but you could have a conversation about what your fantasies are first. And maybe your partner will say,

oh, I've actually fantasized about a threesome. Well, there you go. That's an easy one. Or maybe they say, yeah, no, my fantasy is like kind of a fantasy of being another women, but I don't know if I ever would, you know, and then you wouldn't start with let's have a three-simple. But then you have more information. You guys have to remember that in every sexual relationship you're in, that these sex conversations happen all the time. Like, they should happen frequently. Like, where you talk about what you're going for dinner.

Like where you're going for vacation this summer. Like it's like you build on it. You know, just like come out with it. I'm gonna peg you. And for people who don't know what pegging is because whenever we say it, people always text you. All my friends like what's pegging?

I'm like, okay. Pagging is when a man is penetrated, typically by a female partner with a suddenly they call a strap on and she's wearing a a start around her waist and it's like a dildo and so it's that she's penetrating him with that in his anus. And we say a lot of things in the moment that we don't necessarily want to happen. Like the things you fantasize about when you masturbate not always something you actually want to happen. Like the things you fantasize about when you masturbate, not always something you actually want to happen to you.

True. There's two kinds of fantasies. The ones that you... Wasn't Kirsten talking about that the other day? Yeah. The fantasies that she actually wants to have. Yeah, for the ones that she was like, the things about when she masturbates when she's like,

no, I would not want that to happen to me. Right, right, absolutely. You don't have to get, yeah, don't go off on those things. Definitely the fantasy that you don't want to live out, but also, wait, I just had a flash. He said to her, in the, she's has told him that this is an act that she wants to do with him. So in the moment of sex, he's been like, I want that.

So maybe he was saying it to please her. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So maybe I took that. Oh my god. Oh my god. Sorry, that was just like, it's please her. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I think that's so true. Oh my god. Sorry, that was just like, it's so true. Right, I know. What you guys hang up? You're still with me. But let's start to Carlos.

Yes, Carlos, 34 in Texas wants to talk about how he got ghosted in a long distance relationship. Oh, hey, Carlos. Tell me what's going on. Hi. How are you? I'm doing good. Good. Good. Tell me how you feel. Well, it's just kind of a long, well, it's kind of a long the lines of what you guys were talking earlier. I was in a long distance relationship. I went to go visit her. We had what I thought was really good sex and then after I left the next couple days are really weird

and then she's like, I think we need a break. And that was the last time I heard from her. And so now it's been a while, and I'm trying to get back on my feet, but I have to admit, like my confidence is kind of shot after that. I totally understand. So that's what we're talking about, rejection and confidence. And so the confidence part comes from, you know, the reason why it's shot is because

the fact that she ghosted you and you don't know why. What we often do and we don't know something, unfortunately, as humans, our brains make it about us. You did something wrong, you weren't good enough, you're not going to find someone, and that's where it all comes from. Really, we just know you didn't hear from her again. Maybe you can make up your own story. Maybe she got back to back together with the next. Maybe she realized she couldn't really get into something serious right now. And though seriously, though, like if you don't know why, why not?

Sometimes I think it's better to like, like, because it doesn't really matter. Is it either the truth, right? Like why she did or what happened? It's more like, like that was one relationship and it was great for a while until it wasn't. How many months was it? You said a few. Yeah, it's been a few and like, I mean, and it's kind of weird because before her, I mean, I've been kind of in relationship that's off and on and I even had like a friends with benefit kind of thing. Yeah. But the last like serious like romantic relationship I was,

it's weird because it kind of happened the same thing like the first time we finally made love and then like the next day after she's like we can't talk anymore and so it's like it's just it was really tough this time around because it was like oh great here we go again. You know what? Well that happened to you once before years ago you said? Yeah, you know that happened years ago. Okay, so that was just kind of, yeah, I mean, but that hasn't happened in every relationship. It happened years ago that after you had sex, right? So our brain, yeah, and then like, you've had a relationship. So all I want to say is what's happening is that is that is that your brain goes to our

brain tries to only make sense of things. Not even at a conscious level. So here this woman goes to you after having sex. So then you're brainwinded, how can I find evidence about what does this mean? And then you found a time years ago, what, five of them, someone else did the same thing. It doesn't mean your bed and bed. It doesn't mean anything like that. Maybe you have to learn the bed.

We all do. But it just means that those two things happen. And it doesn't mean that Carlos is in danger, your bad lover, that you're never going to find someone. So I think it's important for you to learn, to think about like what, like I was saying earlier, what can you learn from this relationship? Like what did you really like about her? What wasn't so great? That's one thing that will help you.

And then also like building your confidence in other area, do you feel like you're confident in every other area right now? You feel pretty solid, but this? Yeah, I mean, I feel like I'm on overall rounded guy. It's just now when I'm trying to date now or trying to approach a girl, it's just like, I get in my own head, you know, and it's just like,

oh great, I don't want this to happen again. Right. And I guess the point was like, I rather not try, you know. Yeah, I get it. How long have you been in the I don't want to try period? Oh, God, and like I said, it's been, I kind of took like a month off, so now it's been a couple of months, like two months.

Okay. And like, I start talking to somebody now it's been a couple of months, like two months. And like I started talking to somebody and it's just like, I maybe I push away myself and it's good. Yeah, I think you're in protective mode right now. So what I would say Carlos is take dating off the table and just go out and be social. Go with your friends, say yes to every invitation

that comes in, even the ones that you're like, I don't like those people, it'll be weird. That's how we meet people. But it's not just that you'll meet someone. I want you just to practice being out there being Carlos, making new friends, maybe talking to someone you find attractive or find you're interested in. But I think just exercising those muscles

and getting your confidence in little ways, even it's not through the women, but it's just the connection, because we're kind of talking about the same thing. Because that's what happens when you meet someone, there's a connection, right? There's sparks, There's a connection. And I think the more we just connect in the universe and out in the world, the more

likely you're going to connect. But if you're shut down now and inside, you know, it's like just getting yourself out, even if it's like a few more times a week than you are now. And then you'll start to realize that those thoughts and that your bad, all the negativity and the heart, you know, it still might be little challenging. It doesn't solve everything right away. But that's going to get you out of your rut just getting out there and then taking it off the table. Be like, you know, I'm not even going to date right now purposely, but I am going

to go out in the world and try to meet people. So you're not, you're dating life is not over. You're not a bad person Carlos. You didn't do anything wrong. And I would say also it sounds like both of them were long distance, right? Well, no, this one's like my first ever long distance. The other one we were like friends for our long crimes. Right. Okay. So it was just this one that was. Got it.

Okay. Well, I mean, Carlos, this is just honestly just take this time to like think about yourself what you can learn from it and do all the things that make you do feel confident now. Like hanging out with friends and people you love and taking care of yourself. And... All right. Yeah, all right. Okay Carlos, thanks for calling.

I appreciate it. It's, thank you. It's not easy, you guys. Confidence is not like, but it isn't in-jet inside jobs, self-esteem, confidence, but confidence begets confidence. So you do things like that. Like you go out to a party, right?

You even really great night out, right? Like maybe you're going through a breakup. And you go out and you're like, you have fun. And it's not about, but maybe yours with your closest friends. Your family makes you feel good. You go to your favorite movies. You just do things that are that same kind of make you feel like yourself again. And, and you know, it comes back, it does.

But you've got to, you know, you always got to be working on it and nurturing it. All right, we have Joe Joe who's 58 in Wisconsin. And he is a cross-stressor and wants to know if he should tell his wife about it. Hi, Joe. Thanks for calling. Tell me what's going on. Hi, Emily. Hey, okay. So how long have you guys been together? Tell me what's going on. Tell me laid lay out the scene for me. We've been together for 20 years. Okay.

And I have been enjoying cross-dressing that whole time, but she has never owned out. Wow. And yeah, I'd like to share that with her and cross-dress with her, but I don't know if I should break the news door. Okay, so how, I mean, here's the thing. Have you guys ever had any conversations about your sex life at all? Not as far as the cross-dressing, no.

Right, but like in general, you know, you've been together for she or age as well. Oh yeah. Okay. I mean, here's the thing about it. I want you to have that with her. I really do after all these years and you guys have been together. But like, I think you got to start. You got to kind of tread lightly.

You don't want to say, hey babe, I've been to talk to you, BTW, I'm a cross-dresser for 20 years, you know? So it's more like, I mean, I absolutely think that you've showed it. I think here's the thing about it. It can be confusing, right? You might not have ever heard that a straight man who loves her has been cross-dressing, you know? So I think it's really more about opening up the conversation about your sex life in general

and that you'd like to kind of talk about things that maybe she would like to try in the bedroom and kind of make it more like a team effort. And then you can kind of let her know that, you know, what would be your fantasy? How would it this play out with you cross dressing? Like you'd like to go out and public with her? Or is it more like you'd like to wear it in the bedroom? I like to go out and public with her. Yeah.

Yeah. And you're in Wisconsin. And I'm from Michigan. So I know, you know, it's not, that's a great goal. And I would love that to happen for you. But I think we could start with just having a talk with her. I mean, do you know what her, like, what do you think would happen right now if you, if you kind of brought this up? How do you, what do you think would happen?

Um, I, I think she may become upset, maybe because I haven't shared this with her. Yeah, more about that, right? More about that than even that it exists. I'm sure she wants you to be, even that you do have a more like, God, how have you kept this for me? You know? Right. And so I be, or even that you do a bit more like, God, how have you kept this for me? You know? You're right. And so I think that there's more about, I don't even know that you have to lead with, it's been 20 years right away.

I think you can just lead with like, this is something that I've done and I've played with it, and it doesn't feel right not to share this part of you with me. And maybe you could explain to her what it makes you feel like when you dress up and how it turns you on. Like put more words around it to her, like what it is about it that makes you feel good. Because again, it's just not,

I wouldn't have known that if someone told me that to be honest 15 years ago before I started studying sex, I might be like, what? I don't get it. Wait, does that mean you're gay? Does that mean that you're not attracted to me? It's, you know, it's just new information. So the more you can come armed with, you know, just your story

around it and how it relates to intimacy with her. And maybe there's some things again that she's been wanting to try and no understand that it's not a one time conversation. And so maybe this is like, you're laying the groundwork. So, yeah, how does that sound? Okay. So I think just start talking about it and like an open way and then see where it goes. It's a thing to that you lover and she might be upset, but you know at first, but I think again,

keep talking about it, don't abandon the process and I think you guys have been together a long time that you can figure out a way to make it work. Okay, Joe? All right, keep work. Okay, Joe. Okay. All right. Keep me posted though, Joe. Let me know how it goes. I'll be here for you every night.

You guys can call us anything. Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven, triple eight ninety four stars. That's what I love because that's a big one. Like I love that he, you know, fifty, he wants to come out to her and I think like I totally admire that. And I know I also understand it's not easy. So what I love is that we are here five minutes a week. I'm out toward, I totally admire that. And I know I also understand, it's not easy. So what I love is that we are here five nights a week. I'm here.

So Joe doesn't have to do it all. He doesn't have to blow it all the night. The conversation is what? I have the conversation all tonight, but it could be one conversation. And then he can call me back and see, I can be like, okay, how to go. Let me know. And then what happened the next time? I can help you all in your journey.

Because sometimes it's just about taking that one step. Doing the next right thing that's going to lead you towards having that pleasure with your partner. And then do you think one session gets to that point of discussing the actual cross dressing with her? Do you think it would be wise of him maybe to be a little transparent about like his nervousness of bringing it up? Absolutely. Yeah, Tom, that's really hard.

Like he's not being cavalier about it. Yeah, this has been so, this has been in my mind and I love you so much and I really don't want you to, I know this could come out, you're welcome to have your reaction, I know this could come off as kind of strained and maybe something you've never heard before and I totally understand it. But I want you to know that I really get a thrill.

It really turns me on to wear women's clothes. And it's, I like, yeah, yeah. Absolutely acknowledge all of that. I think any time you're talking to your partner about sex for the first time, which I know many of you are, because I hear from you every night, and maybe you don't call him

but you're listening and you've never done it. And you are absolutely terrified. I think that it is totally okay to say this is really, I'm nervous. My heart's beating really fast right now. But I really think it's important that we join the same team when it comes to our sex life. And I realize we haven't done that for 20 years or 30 years or two years. And it's so important to me that we have connection and that we have intimacy and that we

have better sex. And I don't even know what that means. But I think it's worth a shot to figure it out together And I'm nervous. So you know, you know, I think the more real and authentic you are You know the more people can relate to you and the more intimacy you're gonna have and the more connection All right, let's talk to Who Alice here? Should we talk to Jimmy?

Yes, we have Jimmy who is 38 in Indiana and he needs tips on how to talk to women. Hey Jimmy, I like this question. Hi, I'm good. I used to get at this question a lot and I totally get it. It's not easy talking to women. So Tommy, ask me specifically, how can I help you? Well, I have a couple different examples. One on like dating apps and stuff like that. Like it seems like I'm either not like I'm overly aggressive or anything like that. But either I'm just really like, seems like I'm playing the long game like talking talking all the time and then then then it just Goes too long or I'm like, hey, you know, we go out this weekend and then yeah, and then so I mean it is like you can't really find the

The meeting ground Well, I think like it in like another one. Yeah like I End up meeting a lot of people just different places as I don't know Like you know, hey, you should I ask for the phone number or is that even what people do anymore? Like you know a layer if you do you could say Oh, your Instagram or why a lot of people do Instagram a lot of you you could also say let me give you my number

I'm interested in going out to you want to call to call me, call me. That's what I've had guys do. So yeah, that's something you could do. You could let them know you're interested. And you could also let them know that you're not much of a text or a thing. Here's the thing. We talk about this thing. I don't want to freaking text on those apps. I don't want to text anybody.

So I like to pick up the phone. Or if you are texting on the apps, you could make it like, you want to make sure that you're noticing something on their profile and you're sending a first message that reflects that you actually read it. And not just to say, hey, happy we met here. Like something a little bit clever. And then get back to them, but don't let that go on too long. Like I think that's the thing, the long game,

there's no long game in online dating and app dating. I think that you just got to like right away, if there's a connection back and forth, say hey, let's talk, I'd love to make it, and this might not be popping everybody, but I like to pick up the phone and talk or FaceTime even better. And to see, like, is this someone I'd be interested in?

Because you're all trying to meet someone. So I think it's just more like, you know, you could do the playful banter back and forth a few times. But if it's going on for days, like, no, that's a waste of time. And then you're never gonna see this person, maybe you'll never see this person. And then you had to like think of something clever. And I think that you can click to the chase and let them know that you want to talk or not talk. That's a thing with dating, I think, online.

Yeah. I think the more direct you are and the more you ask for a plan, like, what are you doing this weekend? Let's get a drink, move it along. And then if they're not interested and they don't get back to you, then you know, and then you unfollow them or you un-match them. And then in real life, people like to talk about themselves, so ask questions, you know, be a good listener, compliments. Is that healthy, Jimmy? I feel like the other day I was getting lunch and I was sitting there waiting and then

this couple of ladies came in. So I'm just standing there and I just happened to look look down and I say, oh, hey, nice shoes. And then you know, she goes on and she's like, oh, these shoes I got these blah, blah, blah, you know, but we had like a little conversation. And then like she ended up sitting down, but then she had to come back up to the counter to pick something up and I was still there.

And then she had asked for like a bandaid or something like that because she had a small cut. And so then again, I had to make it in another conversation with her about her cut or whatever. Okay, okay. Yeah, then you could ask her out. If I can assist you in a situation like that, I don't know.

You can just be like, I like talking to you. Do you want to grab a coffee? Let's say, hey, this was fun talking to you. Do you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime? Can I give you my number? Do it. Yeah, just do it. Practice. Find your Jimmy voice. That was a lost opportunity. Yeah, you know it. It only happened once then. Now you know. And even if it's awkward, like, hey, can I get your number? Just ask. People do it to be all the time. You seem really friendly. You seem like a nice guy. She started

talking to you and said, you know what? This was fun. Let's get coffee. Can I get your number right and give you mine? I've had guys do that. They're like, let me give you my number, which is kind of thinking new thing to do. So they're like, I'll put it in your mind. You know what, so I'm not giving you my number and it puts it in my hands if I'm interested. So it's kind of a nice, non-confrontational way to do it.

All right, try some of those things. Let me know, it goes. Jimmy, I'll be here for you. Thanks for calling. Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. And let us know you guys and share it with your friends if you learned something new in this show that really helped you. I promise you it will also help others.

So send along to your friends, your family, whoever needs the advice and let us know what you think of the show. You can also help when you review it or ever you listen to it. Thank you for doing that. Thanks to my amazing team. Ken Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael. Click at the show, you can also know it helps when you review it or ever you listen to it. Thank you for doing that. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken Kristen, Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Hey, was it good for you? Email me.

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