Sex With Emily - Jealousy and Juicy Phone Sex w/ Menace

Episode Date: November 10, 2021

You’ve heard this one before: the sexiest quality in the world is confidence. And that’s true...but...it’s not always easy to muster. Confidence is an inside job, but here’s the good news. Once you generate it on your own terms, life - and sex - gets a whole lot easier.So on today’s Ask Emily show, I’m joined by my dear friend and former co-host Menace from The Woody Show, as we talk confidence, jealousy, Pete Davidson, and self-image. What happens when you adore your partner, but can’t stop thinking about their high body count? Or want to have hot phone sex, but don’t know where to start? We talk through both. How about when you feel too short to find a great partner, or don’t know how to be dominant in bed? We help you think through both. Finally: discovering your partner’s can of delay spray. Our listener wonders whether he’s sleeping with someone else; we think it’s time for open communication.Find Menace here:What's New PodcastThe Woody ShowDiego Hot SauceInstagramTwitterShow Notes:Try my free Yes, No, Maybe ListWe-Vibe Moxie, Bond (Cock Ring) and TouchEpisode: Talk Dirty To Me w/ Joanna AngelPromescent: Better In Bed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is something you are just going to have to accept and get over it or not. Because it's something that you're going to constantly think about all the time. Yeah. What does it matter? Does the whole town know that she hooked up with 40 people and then you constantly have to have a conversation about it? Or is it just between you two? Exactly. She hooked up with 40 people and then you can't say have to have a conversation about it or is it just between you two? Exactly.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. You've heard this one before, but the sexiest quality in the world is confidence. And that's true, but it's not always easy to muster. Confidence is an inside job. But here's the good news. Once you generate on your own terms, life and sex get a whole lot easier. So on today's Ask Emily Show, I'm doing my dear friend and former co-host, Menace.

You might know him from the Woody Show show and we talk confidence, jealousy, self-image. And what happens when you adore your partner but can't stop thinking about their high body count? Or you want to have hot phone sex with a long distance lover but you don't know where to start? Well, we talk through both. Or how about when you've discovered something about your partner like a secret can of delay spray or the fact that they want you to be more dominant in bed. I help you find the confidence to talk about both. Finally, for the ultimate confidence test, open relationships.

We talk about when it's time to close back up, when it's time to open, and how to keep lines of communication open, even when it's uncomfortable. For each episode, I want to set an attention for the show, and I encourage you to join me in doing the same. My intention is to bring you another perspective on sex and relationships from a friend of the show and someone with a penis. So please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, How to Have More Sensual Sex is Up at SexWithEmily.com and also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. at www.sextypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsypsy I'm doing my menace. He's a dear friend of mine who used to co-host this show with me since the beginning.

I'm so excited to have back with me again. Find out more about Menace on the Woody Show podcast and Morning Radio Show or on social media, he's at Menace. Menace, it's so good to see you. You're to see you too. It's been too long. But for those of you who don't know Menace, you might recognize Menace from the morning show here, which is everywhere now, the Woody show.

Yeah, we're on in three different cities all the way from Los Angeles to Philadelphia back to Hawaii and then around the world on AFN. So you can hear the podcast, the Woody show, or just tune in to the radio in the morning. Yeah, absolutely. Totally, and you showed it. It's a good show. He gets up every morning and does great content,

and he's there for you. But I know Matt is because, fun fact, when I started this show 16 years ago now, that I worked here in radio. He was assigned to my show the first year of this, really. And we worked together for many, many years. And Matt has been on the show as a co-host, but now he's been off doing morning radio and taken over the world. the first year of this really. And we worked together for many, many years in medicine and the show as a co-host, but now he's been off doing morning radio and taken over the world.

But I just, I'd love to bring him back because we have a history here about it. And you've always been really helpful to the audience and entertaining. And I love singer-face. Hopefully because I asked all the questions that the audience wants to ask. So I haven't talked you in a long time. So I want to know first off who you dating, who you hooking up with. What's your love life like right now? I'm been fixed up with several people coming up for the next few weeks. I went out to date recently with somebody that I was not that into. We talked on the phone, that would be great. And then I met him and there was just sort of a vibe. I didn't feel a connection with this guy.

Was he good talker on the phone? Great talker. Here's the thing you can't tell when there were sometimes they're great talker on the phone. And then we got together and I just thought he's a great guy. I'd like to be friends with him. Oh, no.

I did. I get friends on them that way. I friends, yeah, I do. I do. I just didn't feel it. I didn't feel it in my loins. What is your type these days? Men who have done their work, Metis.

They've done their work. They've been in therapy. They know their issues. They have their career figured out. They're not struggling. They're not searching for themselves. Maybe they've been married. Maybe they've been divorced.

They have kids. That's all good. That's all fine. Understand their childhood. They're not angry. They know how to regulate their emotions, and they want to have a good time. Because here's a thing right now,

my name is I never prioritize marriage or children. I like being in relationships, and obviously I really enjoy a great sexual relationship. I don't need sperm, I don't need their money. I just want someone I can like hang out with and travel and have a companion, have a life partner. That doesn't seem like a lot though. It's not a lot. I haven't been looking the last year. I was really in this COVID thing and I really was going deep into my work. And I had one guy that I was sleeping with that was convenient, but it wasn't

something that had any legs. It wasn't gonna go anywhere. Because that's always been a big thing with me and you, I think, cohabitating with somebody would be amazing. I know you wanna have a partner, but is your dream to live in separate places? You know, I'm a big proponent of the LAT movement. Do you know about the LAT movement? Okay, the living apart together movement

is about couples, they have two homes or they definitely have separate bedrooms. But initially it was, they had like separate homes and they neither one of them gave up their place and they would go back and forth. Or if they do have with the same home, they have separate rooms. And why I love this idea is because I think

that living together all the time and staying on top of each other is not conducive and we know this. It's not just me, it's studies have shown time and time and again that couples need the space. They know, think of it like fire, right? You need that fire, you need the oxygen, right? To keep the fan, the flames. If you're on top of each other, you're going to the bathroom, the door open, you're flossing your teeth, you're doing all the things. That is not going to make for a hot sex life for sure. So you need space for the living apart together, moving is like, we are still together, but we take our space. That to me is ideal. Yeah, it seems like a dream

situation for you. It does. Well, how's it going for you, the co-editor, you're married, you like co-habitating. Yeah, I mean, a huge fan of it, you know, during the pandemic, I was perfectly fine, but I was probably driving my wife crazy because we, you know, we have two French bulldogs, her wild and crazy. And then you have me who's extremely, you know, needy, I need to be baby. Like, I need to like, everything for me, taking care of like, when we're doing the house and like paperwork and all that kind of stuff.

I go to work and I mean, she also works and she has a great job, but like, I know it's like my job, I'm just gonna, whatever I make, I just put in the bank and then you take care of everything else, you know? Right, right, is she okay with that job? That's, yeah, no, no, she's totally, she'd rather do it than me.

Okay, that's good. No, like, it can't be overwhelming because I'm also impatient. So I'll be like, did you take care of this? Did you take care of that? Did you take care of this? And then also, you know, she still has a job to do. And then we have two dogs that are running all over the place. And we're in the middle of buying a house and things like that.

So I know it could be kind of maddening. But I'm perfectly finally to have a tady. I don't know. Nothing drives me crazy. Yeah, I could see you being totally on top of it. I mean, what do you bring to the table, though? I'm just trying to hear what you bring here. I provide joy. I am very joyful to be around. I am the fun coordinator. You know, I go, okay, now we got the stuff in the house taken care of like, okay, where are we going to go next? Like, just in the past month, we went to New York City, Orlando, Vegas, Cabo.

And that's kind of like the stuff that I contribute to. Okay, that's good, no, that sounds like a good balance, I'm just checking. I think that's, you are fun, man. I got to say that. You are fun. You don't want to miss is your emails from the people. Do you have any emails that we carry? I do. Yeah, I miss. I've gathered ones that I thought that would be great to answer with you.

Ready? Here we go. Okay. Let's start with James 30 in Scotland. Hey, Dr. Emily, I really enjoyed and found your pocket so helpful for my life and relationship. However, I've struggled to mentally overcome that my partner has a very promiscuous past. We've had the conversations about past partners, her numbers much higher than mine, with hers being over 40 sexual partners.

How do I do with this? And can you slap some sense in me to stop getting my head on this and be happy for her that she had a fun experience in her life? We are very much in love and going strong. It's just one issue I have. So the body count, this is the body count as we call it, menace. My notion to this is that this is a silly conversation

for couples to have and once they have it, it always goes wrong. It's the worst. It's the worst conversation to have. This is gonna be a mind thing that he's got to focus more on the sex life that they are having. And when he can, start building a sex life with her. Do all the things I tacked on in the show, download our Yes, No, Baby List, talk to

her about what your fantasies are, find out her fantasies. But once you have your own material of a sex life together, you won't be thinking so much about the past. And my other point, forget the number of people people you said with this not mean you are a great lover, it doesn't mean you've more experience necessarily, it just means you might have banged a lot of people, but that does not mean that you are a skilled lover. What do you think, menace? Well, number one, there's a conversation that should never be discussed. There's absolutely zero benefit to it.

Because like you said, either one person is gonna be hurt by it. And then it just taints relationships too late. This is something you are just gonna have to accept and get over it or not. Because it's something that you're gonna constantly think about all the time. And you're just gonna bring it up even years later

because you're obsessed with it. Like, what does it matter? Does the whole town know that she hooked up with 40 people and then you constantly have to have a conversation about it? Or is it just between you two? And then if it's just between you two and that's the only time you have to deal with it, then it's up to you to get over it or not.

It's just, yeah, exactly. It's like, I you have to deal with it, then it's up to you to get over it or not. It's just you know. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I was thinking about the whole town, like, is the postman, give her a smile? And she's like, did you, did you also sleep with the postman? Did you do it? The pizza delivery guy?

Yeah, I think absolutely. I think you have to just flip it and see like, oh, wow, I'm really am truly happy that she had these partners. I'm happy for her. Like, it's a comparison. We talk about comparison, meaning like, people in open relationships actually get to a point

where they feel joy for their partner, having sex with someone else. If your partner was satisfied by another person, you love them so much and care so much about their satisfaction that you enjoy. So you could feel this from her past and say, I'm so glad she had fun and she had these experiences. And now she's with me.

And you could just switch your mindset to that. It's a practice, everything's a practice. So be happy for her and focus on the sex life you are having. We also feel like that. I'm like, he's happy. Yeah, he's happy. So when I said I wanna date someone who's self-aware and has done their work, to me,

the fact that he can say, I know this is crazy that I'm obsessing. Can you help me get out of this place? That is a man asking for help. I totally appreciate that. I love it. We're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, Taylor and Chicago is wondering how to make the magic happen

with her long distance partner. Alright, this is from Taylor, 20 in Chicago. Hey Dr. Emily, just wondering if you have any fun tips on how to get your man aroused and turned on in a long, distance relationship? We have a pretty active sex life whenever we're together, obviously after months of not seeing each other we're horny. But it was one of the few tips on phone sex and sexy long distance relationships. Any vice is greatly appreciated. Menace, have you ever been a long distance relationship?

For like two weeks. Exactly. That was on the other person. I would have been perfectly fine having a long distance relationship. Like, one day through Friday, I just work like freaking crazy. So if I just only saw my partner on the weekends, I mean, perfectly fine with that. So I can totally do a long distance relationship,

zero issues with that. I know I'm always thinking into the future and I know they're probably talking about right now, but what have I been talking about for like 20 years is having sex online through for long distance relationships. And I know there's been things that have come out since I first started. What is that? What is that?

What is that? What is that? What is that he invented the Bluetooth vibrators that you can have sex with online? Did I or did I have audio proof on this podcast sex to go to the early days? I talked about it. That thing was in there. You kind of did. You kind of did.

But I'm just for the people that they're maybe listening. They don't even know that exists. So there is devices you can do that, right? Yeah, but there's vibrators. We've I make these remote control toys essentially. They are Bluetooth enabled now. They also have remote control. You download it on your app.

Like, Menace, right now, I could send you a text and say, you'll get it from their app, they use a We Connect app, and it would say, hey, lover, your lover wants you to connect. I could have the vibrator right here on me, and you can control it with your app. Like, you could see me, I could see you. You could have like a penis ring,

and I could have a literal toy, and we could just use the app and tease each other, and the vibrations, the pattern, the whole thing, is it on, is it off? You could even do it when we're not on it. You could not put the video on. I could be at work, and I could be wearing one of their wearable vibes, like they've this wearable panty vibe. And if you're my partner, you could wherever I'm at in the world, you could control the vibrator in my pants. See, I highly recommend that. I'm all about the technology.

What I was going with this was, even to the next level, is this whole metaverse thing with Facebook, where you're going to have your online world. Eventually, it's probably not going to be through Facebook, it'll be through some other website. But people are going to be having virtual sex. I know people are watching virtual porn, but actually having sex with each other.

Okay. I would the devices that you're talking about, but they're actually seeing each other through VR goggles. That's our existing tool. There's a company called Kira and actually we vibes part of this tool where you are. There are people programming porn. So when you're watching the virtual reality porn, they are programming the movements of the porn star. So you can have like a penis sleeve, remember those like masturbation sleeves, menace?

You would be using that sleeve around your penis and it would feel just like the partner that you're watching in virtual reality is doing the same movement on your penis. So it's the toys are lined up with. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's going to be live between you and a partner one day. Are you and Randos online?

Well, that's living apart together. That's really apart. But then I'd have the sex. This might be not be a bad no. I like to cuddle. Yeah, I mean, the guy from Scotland might be afraid because imagine how many online partners you could have. I know.

It's not the same. Online sex. Exactly. You can get up to the thousands on that one. afraid because imagine how many online partners you could have. I know exactly. You can get up to the thousands on that one. Do you think that there's going to be divorces now that this online universe is going to be happening? And look, guys are going to want to have sex online with their high schools crushes. Which might happen, you know, because you hear like in real life, I know people in real life who reconnected on Facebook with their high school sweetheart or high school crush and they left their family to go be with those people.

Imagine if you can actually interact with them in real time online and in a virtual world and you're, you know, having sex with them, that might be grounds for divorce. People are not gonna be cool with that. That's the new way where people are getting divorced because he was cheating on me by having virtual sex. Okay, so these are the kind of consent conversations you have to have with your partner because some people would say that is cheating

and some people would say it isn't cheating. Yeah, man, I know two people right now who are with their high school, like who left families to be with their high school sweetheart, and you're right, if they could just click a button, and right now I'm gonna actually have virtual sex. But here's the thing about virtual sex,

like at the end of the day, you had to turn off your computer at some point, and then you turn around, and you're seeing your lonely bed, and your lonely place with your plant, like you're still alone, you don't have human contact. I still think that we're gonna want human connection.

Just to... The first term, but guys that don't wanna take masturbation to the next level, they're gonna be on the computer all day long. Yeah, those aren't my guys. Those aren't my guys. Okay, so let's go back to Taylor. Because Taylor, so here's the thing.

So long distance relationships, I love that you're asking this question because it can be hard when you are not keeping the spark alive or that connection. So first off, you can get a toy. I would make sure that you have a date night on the, like you could say, okay, eight o'clock on Saturdays, we're actually going to have a date and we're going to have dinner, we have a glass of wine or just even if it's just drink. And we're going to talk about our relationship. We're going to download our yes, no, maybe less, which is on our website.

It's this really cool thing, man, that I'm going to give it to, is home work with your partner. It's 80, 90 sex acts. It's everything. It's kissing, touching, anal, spanking, dirty talk. And you can say with your partner, is this a yes? Is it a no or is it a maybe? And then you find where your yeses are,

because maybe Taylor, when you see your guy next time, you're like, we both found out we both like, spanking, or we're really both into anal play, or we were finding our commonalities, which will be ways that you can communicate. So when you see each other, you're like, oh, that's so hot. We can usually look forward to. Your sex life is building even though you're not physically together.

One more thing for Taylor. She wants to know about phone sex. So phone sex is about finding your own like sexy voice. And it's a lot slower than your typical voice. You're probably your normal voice. It's a little bit deeper. It's sort of just a breathier voice, not a fake voice. Just a voice how you feel

when you are in the moment, when you're feeling turned on and aroused, like that's your sexy voice, and you could practice this in the shower, you could practice in the mirror. So here's a great way to start with phone sex. What have you done in the past that's been hot? You can describe it like, I keep thinking about last time we were together

and you ripped my clothes off and it was so hot. You can describe something that you want to happen in the future or what's happening in the moment. I love the way your hands feel on my body. I love kissing you. So those are my main tips for phone sex and long distance. And I also have a great show with Joanna Angel about Dirty Talk.

We'll put it in the show notes so you can check it out. She's like porn star, gives great tips. We're gonna talk about this guy here. He didn't give his name, but he says, I'm a big fan of the show and I love that you've helped a lot of people including me. So I'm a short guy, 5'5 to be exact and don't have a big package. When I've approached women in the past, most of just said, sorry, you're too short for me.

The worst part is that most of these women are even shorter than I am. It sucks because it takes a lot for me to approach a woman and the concept denial is starting to get to me. My question is, how could I change my approach or what should I do to show these women I'm worth being with? Thanks for your insight. Love the show. So height and penicise. It's a thing. Okay. This has been a topic on our worry show because we have a guy on the show that's single and he's in all the dating apps and all that kind of stuff. And he was saying on the profiles of certain women, they'll say, like, don't even contact me if you're not a certain height, which is insane, right?

What's the problem? If it was the other way around, like people would be losing their minds, but there is what do you call him, heightest out there? And it's, I don't know, it kind of gets into a trend where people start saying bad things about short guys. And then it gets into the ether into a public, I don't know, like public feelings about

short guys. That puts on a stigma where women don't want to date short guys. Just like what the ether of the society is at about women's weight. 100 years ago, 200 years ago women had more curves and more roles. Like who said that roles or jiggles of your skin wasn't sexy. So there's a lot of things that happen in society I think that kind of huff with what we might actually be attracted to what we can't see past their weight or their height. So now let's say, yeah, go ahead.

The trends, I don't know, five, seven years from now, it could be like, oh, short guys are the ish. It's all about short guys, all guys suck. It's just whatever society feels at the time, which sucks. The only thing I can think of, I got these amazing shoes in New York, dealer, not to long up. And I put them on, not even realize,

I just bought them because I liked them. It gave me like two inch lifts. Like I'm six foot with these things on, without even realizing it. To get yourself a little bit of height, if you wanted to go ahead and do that. I wear two inch sneakers all the time. What I want to challenge in here though is that he's saying that in the past, every woman

I've approached you in the past, they say, sorry, you're too short for me. That might happen with some women, but that's not going to happen with every woman. So that's a story that he's already telling himself that every woman has rejected him. And sometimes we create like, oh, it's everybody. Maybe it was two women or maybe it was a few women, but it doesn't mean that you're not going to find your person. And I think that there's other ways it says, you know, it takes a lot to approach a woman. I get it. It is not easy, but I love that you are approaching women, which is great. But also, maybe there, this would be a great time for the dating apps,

because not everybody on the dating app is saying they're hype. And I hear from a woman all the time, we think, yes, I will agree that a lot of women do want someone taller, but they don't, they're not with someone taller, they don't end up that way, and they're happy and satisfied and in love. The best advice I have is just really working on yourself and realizing all the gifts and all the things in you

that make you a wonderful guy. Because you sound like a really articulate, smart, emotionally available man. And the more you can kind of lean into what your strengths are and practice just showing up as yourself and not like looking for, is she going to reject me? Is she going to say all these things? Because I have so many stories of people finding love with people that they didn't think was possible. They didn't think it was going to happen, but it's all about your mindset change and knowing that it is possible. It is a gift because you get to filter out all the people. Have you have the confidence

to approach people and talk to them? Again, it's a numbers game. So you get to quickly filter out the people that are not good match for you. And then you find the person that is a good match for you. And you're going to love that person, that person's going to love you. It is a numbers game. I love that you said that because it is so true that the more you put yourself out there and the more you talk to people and just keep going. That's the thing. It's a quick filter to find out who's awesome and who's not. That's the other thing when people reject you guys remember it is a great I know it's

hard to see in the moment but when someone rejects you it's like all right on to the next it's like why stay with someone for a year or for even a few weeks or wait for a date when they can tell you right away like great just keep waiting them out waiting them out you'll find a person who's like I don't know that hype. I don't care about penis, you know? Because again, remember, I talk about penis size for a minute just to give you this. It is not about your penis size.

You've met her more obsessed with her penises than anyone else's. After the break, we answer a question from Amanda, who's wondering how she can dip into being more dominant in the bedroom. Oh, hell yeah, it's Amanda, we got you. You're gonna be dominating your husband in no time. What's your favorite part?

What's your favorite part? What's your favorite part? What's your favorite part? What's your favorite part? What's your favorite part? Rooking, or we go into another email. I do have a question for you, okay? I want to ask you because in the entertainment world,

everyone is obsessed with Pete Davidson, okay? Now, Pete Davidson just spotted the other day, hanging out with Kim Kardashian now, and he's daily like all these women in Hollywood. Are you attracted to Pete Davidson? I'm not saying that he's a bad looking guy, but my co-workers think, these are men, not females.

My co-workers think it's like, oh, it's because, you know, he's damaged, he lost his father and I, a leaven and women want to fix them. So they're trying to make the excuse like, how come people are going to Pete Davidson and they're not into me? So I want to see where your theory is. My theory about Pete Davidson is,

I think that he's probably funny and he's probably very attentive. Listen, this is so cliche, but everyone might know, it's like, I just want someone who's funny. I just wanted to be funny and smart, funny and smart. There's something about funny, like somebody who can make you laugh, and then you also feel seen, and maybe he makes, he just probably makes women feel

very adored, and very loved, and very loved and laughs. And maybe he really likes to give women pleasure. I have seen him in interviews where he's doing the self devircating things. I don't even belong with these women. I don't know, somehow they wanna end up with me and things like that. But I also do have a theory where he dated Ariana Grande.

So that put him at a level where it makes other people interested. Like, okay, well, what's up with this guy? Why is Ariana Grande one of the biggest pop stars in the world interested in this one guy? And then that just started chain reaction after they broke up where females or partners are into him because they wanted to know what was so special about him that he on Grande would do. It's like elevated his status in a way like kind of gave him over another another rank like oh wow like now he can date celebrities. I think that would work for maybe one

other or two but the fact that he must be I think that is part of it for sure they're like well if Ariana Grande went out with him I might go out with him but I think he's probably a good game and now that you're talking about the self-deprecating part, he's like, oh, I don't know why you would go out with me and because I don't deserve you or whatever, that again, that elevates your sense of safety with somebody and then you feel elevated, you feel like we love compliments, Mattis,

you know how we love a compliment. She started the idea that he has a big penis. Are you ready? Yeah, it's funny. He talked about that in his comedy special and he has some pretty funny observations about that. She did tweet out that, oh, he has a huge penis, whatever. Well, he talked about it. It was comedy special saying she's actually an evil genius by saying that She's actually an evil genius by saying that because he goes, everyone thinks I have a huge penis. So anytime a woman sees it for the first time and it's not huge, they're disappointed. So now I have this label for my entire life where women want to see my penis and then when they do, they're extremely disappointed.

That's brilliant. That is brilliant. It's true though, because you're like, oh, that's the hype. If you hear it too, you're like, that's not that big. Like, I've been watching you cry, or I've been, yeah, you're right. He can't win. That is hilarious. He said he's not. That's right. That's what I should say.

So, okay. So he's got the penis. He's probably just a good catch. I think funny goes a long way. Man, does he know that? Oh, for sure. You're funny. Yeah, that's how I get by.

Yeah, anywhere else we can answer it. I do. I've got one real quick. Yeah, that's all you might. Yeah. Yeah, anymore emails we can answer. I do. I've got one real quick. Okay, this is from Amanda 43, Missouri. I have a question about domination, but with my husband for six years, we have amazing sex. I guess I've been blessed with a man that gets turned on by me getting off. We've come to this road and how he'd like me to be more dominant in the bedroom. First, it was no big deal, but I lost all interest quick.

I guess I'm not the type that likes to be the one doing all the work when I come home from work. Super exhausted and sometimes I was like, he's really pampered and I want him to be dominant over me. But he's a switch. So he can go either way. I just want to know I'll give you more dominant without feeling like it's a chore. You know, I get this a lot from like in heterosexual couples for women who are like, yeah, I know

I got to take charge, but I just don't want to. I'm really down with the guy doing everything sexually. And I get that. My advice here would be to find out what dominant looks like to him. It might not mean that he wants you to be a dominant tricks and dressed up in like, you know, with chains and high boots and, you know, a whip.

He might just mean like, I want you to initiate everyone's in a while. I want you to put a blindfold on me. I want you to talk dirty to me or use some demeaning words and spank him. I'd find out more so you're not just making it up. And then you might get into it in the moment and realize it's not what you think it is

but it's still giving him pleasure. What do you think of this medicine switching? I agree. I think starting off with initiation, just initiate in the beginning and then maybe ramping up to the blindfolding and the whips and the chains. If he wants it, if he wants it. If he goes hard in the paint, like in the beginning with all that kind of stuff, he might be like, oh, whoa, whoa, I don't know if I'm into all this even though there's a lot of guys that don't want to be in control.

They want to be dominated. They want somebody to initiate. If you just try to initiate and see what happens, go from there. And if he, I don't know, pushes you away for some reason, then have a conversation, which is Emily's tagline has been that for, I don't know, how many years now communication is a little more occasion. It works. It does work. Just talk about it.

It's true. I'm not saying you should bring in the whips, the chains right away, find out what it means to him and then you get to figure out what he means because sometimes our part are safe stuff to us and we don't know what that means. Be more dominant. Dominant can be a lot of different things to a lot of different people. So I think have another conversation and make sense that you're not as into it because that could happen to me. I get it. I get it's a lot of different people. So I think have another conversation and make sense that you're not as into it because that could happen to me.

I get it. I get it. We're used to having sex one way, but I found that when I've been more dominant, it's not what you people all think it is. It just meant that I was like more in charge of, or I was in charge of the penis tonight. I was in charge of initiating.

Initiating and making you like, it was about his, but usually I'm like, go down to me for you know an hour and then we'll you know have sex, not an hour, but you know sometimes. But then these nights I'm like it's all about you. Okay here's what, quick one. Dr. Emily, I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. I was at his house one night. He threw something away in his trash can and there was a box from male desensitizing spray. I was puzzled because we have amazing sex and I've never needed him to last longer than he does,

which makes me question if he's sleeping with someone else or if he's a hard time holding back when we are intimate. But he hasn't communicated with me yet, we haven't had the exclusive talk, but I'm wondering what am I missing? So let me say this, it might have been like promessing, you know, promessing, did something like that. But the thing is what I think is like first,

if you haven't had the exclusive talk, assume that they're sleeping with somebody else. That will save everyone a lot of suffering. Do not assume that someone's exclusive with you if you haven't talked about it yet. That's number one. Number two, maybe he is using the spray and lasting longer and you just don't know it.

And that's the thing. I just, what do you think about us? I just love how our minds racing to be sleeping with other people. It's absolutely he's using that to last longer. A thousand percent. But I mean, people always, I do this too. It's just like your mind starts racing

and you have all these conspiracy theories on exactly what's happening, but the answer in front of you. That's what it's useful to last longer. That's what he is doing. But I mean, if you want to be in an exclusive relationship, yeah, you should have that conversation. I would lead with that. I would lead with the exclusive conversation. It sounds like you're ready to have it with him and just say, hey, let's have the talk. Like, and here people think it's such a needy conversation. It could just be, I realize that I'm just gravitating towards spending more time with you. And I want to know if that's, if you're heads in

this game, what do you, what are you thinking about our relationship so far? People think it has to be such a, like, a DTR to find the relationship. You don't have to make it like this. Oh, I want this or I want that. Just explore with them and say, this is where I'm leaning towards. How are you feeling? And then you'll find out. And then, and then you could talk about what you feel exclusive with someone then you kind of feel like you have more room to probably go deeper with your sexuality and talk about things and you feel safe but I talked about that first. Here's another thing too, I highly recommend don't tell me what to do is trash because that could be a red flag for him that you're going through to trash. You're like even though

you explained it like I kind of just saw it when I was throwing something in there. Don't even acknowledge it. Does it sound good? Does it, it doesn't sound good, no matter how you explain it. My recommendation. Good tip, man. It's good tip, man.

Is it so good to see you? Where can people find you? Tell me what's going on. Don't you like a hot sauce that came out or something? Oh, yeah. I mean, my friends, we made a hot sauce. You can get it at dagohotsauce.com. They'll take you to Amazon. Don't you like a hot sauce that came out or something? Oh yeah, I mean, my friends, we made a hot sauce. You can get it at diegohotsauce.com.

They'll take you to Amazon. And then we are gonna have a couple stores pretty soon. Some retail stores. We hooked up with this company that's been doing this stuff for like 100 years. So we're really excited, diegohotsauce.com. But you can just find me online, just app and then it's it's easy, ME and NACD.

And then the Woody show, you just search the Woody show wherever You're on your radio station or just on podcasts. Thank you, men. It's great talk with you. Yeah, so good to see you You're the best I miss you talk to you soon. You too. All right. Bye That's it for today's episode, see you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily.

Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex With Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.