Sex With Emily - Just the Tip(s): How to Please a Penis

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

When it comes to penis parts, do you know which ones are rich with nerve endings? Which areas need a gentle touch? And which can handle more force? On today’s Best of show, I’ll give you tips for penile pleasure from head to shaft, perineum to prostate.We also take your listener questions: when you’re in a long term relationship, who should initiate sex? If you’re not turned on by your partner of nearly a decade, what’s next? And when you’ve been masturbating for years, but discovered your entire family could hear you…how do you deal? We’ll cover all this and more. Show Notes:Playground (use code SEXWITHEMILY for 15% off first order) 10 (Super Hot) Ways to Pleasure a Penis  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Glans that is spade-like. The reason why it is shaped spade-like, it's the ideal shape for getting semen deposited to best fertilize an egg, meaning back caveman times you were out and you came home and you wanted to make sure that your lady wasn't getting being pregnant by the neighbor and so you'd have sex with her and you'd plunger with your penis into pull it with a plunger. You have sex with her and then you pull out the semen left by a previous mate. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation

around sex. So when it comes to penis parts, do you know which ones are rich with nerve endings? Which areas needed gentle touch? And which can handle more force? Well, on today's best of show, I'll give you tips for penal pleasure from head to shaft, perennium to prostate. We also take your listener questions like, when you're in a long-term relationship, who should initiate sex? If you're not turned on by your partner of nearly a decade, what's next? And when you've been masturbating for years but discovered your entire family could hear you, how do you deal? We'll cover all this and more. Intentions with Emily. For each episode join me in setting an intention for the show. I

do it and I encourage you to do the same. So when you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How is this going to help you? Well, my intention is to empower you with the knowledge needed to please any penis, whether it belongs to you or lover. I want you to know exactly where to touch and what to use from Loub to penis rings. Please read and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to this show. Just check out my YouTube channel social media and TikTok. It's all at Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, do it.

Leave me your questions or message me, sexwithmily.com, slash ask Emily. Or call my outline, 559 Talk Sex or 559-825-5739. Just include your name or age where you live and how you listen to the show, and it's totally cool to change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. A few things about the penis. Just to clear things up, maybe you didn't know, and we can just start here with the shaft. Shafed.

Just gonna break it down. It literally just says shaft and being both letters to the next major point. I literally said down to look at the show prop. I'm like, shaft! It says shaft. So sexy. The shaft, to be all about the shaft is long.

It's the primary part of your penis, how the shaft is, right? So the shaft is the penis, it's the long part of the penis, the shaft is long. It's the primary part of your penis, you know, the shaft is, right? So the shaft is a penis, it's the long part of the penis, the shaft. And there's like nerve endings there, not as much as everywhere else. When a man's a rouse, the blood flow, the blood flows to the penis, flows through the penis.

And that's how we get an erection. Hate to say this, I don't wanna talk about size, but it just in my notes here, you know, I've mentioned this, the average erect penis around five, six inches. Not that anyone's measuring and not caring. No one cares as much as you do about your penis, I promise. Yeah, and we can't, we fall apart.

Anyways, we just look and we're like, oh, whatever. Unless it's too big. Yeah, most of the time. Most of the time it's too big. Like in our experiences, not in our life, not in our day-to-day life, but in people that you guys call it. So then we got erections.

Did you know that there are three types of erections that men can have? I did not know that. Exactly. So there's the reflexogenic erection. Reflexogenic. It sounds like a something you'd buy on the home shopping network.

Sounds like a reflexogenic machine. I don't think it sounds like a something you'd buy on the Home Shopping Network. It sounds like a... Like a black-so-genic machine. I don't think it sounds like reflexology. Something like that. And that is caused by direct physical stimulation. Nerves in the penis communicate with the spinal cord, and then bloods release. That's what it's blood. Not blood in a reflex. Like I said, good, you know, bloods release without the man's body needing to check

him with his brain. And it's a reflex. It's just a reflex that does not require, okay? We're talking about this is direct. Why not need mental stimulation? Why not require porn? Then we've got a psychogenic erection. And this comes from your mind.

You're psyche. So this is where stimuli, it could be a lot of different things, right? Like porn, talking dirty, fantasizing, and they're caused by different stimuli. So it's like reflexogenic is by touching psychogenic by the brain. The third of all the erections, now that you know, there's three, nocturnal. In the night time, they peaked during REM sleep two to three times a night. So while we are all sleeping, your erections are up all night. The average man has about 11 erections in a 24 hour cycle.

So you guys are pretty busy. And then there's the head, you guys. The head, now we're getting interesting. I mean, that was interesting still. I thought I was going to- Not that I'm not interesting. Not the penis. The penis is interesting.

It has its own, you know, holiday. Just got it. Yeah. No, the glands or the head. So this is the bulbous part of the penis, the protrusion, the very tip of the penis is called the glands, also called the tip, the head. It's probably why they call it giving head. There you go. So that is the opening of the rethrow, that's where the urine comes out, the semen comes out, and it is, okay, so this is true. It is the glands, so the head is spade-like, and the reason why it is evolved like that.

It was evolved for pleasure and for purpose, according to evolutionary anthropologists. And I've heard this many times, and I believe that in sexual archaeologists, they would know. The reason why it is shaped spade-like like It's the ideal shape for getting Seaman deposited to best fertilize an egg meaning Back caveman times you were out and you came home and you want to make sure that your lady wasn't getting Impregnated by the neighbor and so you'd have sex with her and you plunger with your penis and to pull it was like a plunger So you have pet you'd have sex with her and you'd plunge her with your penis and pull it with a plungeer. So you'd have sex with her and then you pull out the semen left by a previous mate. So the previous mate that she's sleeping with is it going to get a pregnant?

So it's a competition thing. It's a competition thing, survival of the species with your head. Yeah, they're pulling out the semen from the past, plunging it. That sounds crazy. Wow. That's cool. You didn't know that? No.

Oh, I thought I talked about this. No, I guess not with you. But yeah, no, that's You guys just done a known thing. I don't think very many people I guess that's why I got my doctorate I'm a doctor I'm listening sex school. It's true. Maybe when I forget what I used to not know You guys have to know the head of the penis. I don't remember life before sex with Emily because I knew, I guess just to see my new nothing. The head of the, like most of you, a guy didn't know, didn't know.

How do the penis so you guys very sensitive, more sensitive in the shaft? And it's like licking like touches, like soft touches. So that's the tip. And then the poor skin. That's the soft, suede-like skin that covers the glands. That's like when people are uncircumcised. So if you're, you know, America, Americans mostly are circumcised. I believe different religions they are not, but I think more men are uncircumcised in circumcised in this world.

Yeah. So here's the deal that if you come across one or you're not sure about it, this is the thing. Okay, so circumcise is widely performed. Pro performed procedure 37 to 39% of men around the world living without foreskim for religious and or cultural reasons. So anyway, how you use it? Just make sure that it's hygienic. Like this is the only thing. There's like really nothing different.

It could be more sensitive, but just make sure that it's clean. Make shower, make clean. If you have one, you probably know this, but it is, they can experience more experience more sensitivity. And then we got to talk about the frenulum. You're new best friend. You're new best friend. The frenulum is your best friend. Now this is where the magic happens on the penis. It's kind of like the clitoris of the penis. The frenulum is found is a thin piece of tissue on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft.

Or the foreskin connects to the shaft. It's very small, but very highly erogenous zone, and the most sensitive part of the penis. There's more nerves in it than the head and the shaft. This part is the penile brain, you know, even without the penile brain communication, the stimulation can lead to many, happy man, many ejaculation. So during blow job, during touching it, like pay attention, lick it, you know, use a vibrator against it, although that would probably go like a low vibe setting. And just like tickle it, no like pay attention, lick it, you know, use a vibrator against it,

although that would probably go like a low vibe setting. And just like tickle it, know it's there, know it's precious. And maybe you masturbate and you didn't know that name. You're like, oh, yeah, I do like that spot. I didn't know why. And that's why it's your frenulum. It's interesting. Like when you do touch that part on a penis,

you can see it almost gets like harder for a second. It's like it's a joke. Oh, hey, welcome. Hey, look at you. Welcome to the second. It's like it's a joke. Oh, hey. Welcome. Welcome to the party. Yeah. So that's it. Scrodom and testicles.

The balls. The balls are tricky. I get it. Like, if you don't have them, but just because I know what they do, some call it the nectar of life. That's where the semen originates. That's where it all happens. They snug around the scrotum and They are just effectively the temperature is important for sperm production. You understand that and I think it's important to say

that when playing with them, it's stimulating them. Just go like to go light like you're holding those like bend wall balls in your hand They're very sensitive as we all know. I just know I mean like that I've noticed is like this when the balls, when they go from being kind of like loose and hanging to like up and taught. Yes. I heard that that's to get them out of the way during sex. Yes. When you're wrecked, they pull up. Yeah.

They suck up. Yes. I think it's cool. That is cool, right? Because okay, this is the thing. We were talking about this earlier in the show about how we feel like not all men, but some men, like they don't really look at the vulva when going down. I'm like, I mean, I guess it's hard not to look at it,

like a penis, because it's so much more stark in your face. But it's all up in your face. It's all up in your face. But it's like, I notice all of the things. Yeah. Like, the balls too. Yeah, exactly.

Right. We pay attention. Pair and Eam is also magical. I think that the pair, we can talk about the prostate too. The prostate. It's all similar. It's all similar. But you guys, let me tell you something. The prostate for men, men gay, straight, whatever you're into for men. If you have a, we men have a prostate. And there's a lot of stimulation that can happen there and it can feel amazing for many men. And they have not tested it. To me, one time finger. We've got a lot of great toys we talk about on the show. We love different butt plugs, fingers.

Just try it if you haven't tried it. We've got a ton of stuff on our site too about that. And then the perineum. That's a sensitive spot between the scrotum and the anus. Also called the taint. Taint is a duch. Of the duch. Of the duch.

Of the duch. Like the duch, yeah. It's from, like I learned that from Jackass. Yeah. Duch, it's a good one. I've Of the Gucci. Of the Gucci. Like the Gucci, yeah. It's from Jack. Like I learned that from Jackass. Yeah. Gucci. It's a good one. I've heard that too.

I didn't know that. It's weird originating. But what have you called it? Know that it has a lot of nerve endings and that's kind of the pathway to the prostate. So that's pretty cool. You can have indirect stimulation to the prostate by just pressing down on it or like pulling,

like if you want on your own, if you just want to take a finger pad and like kind of two fingers or one just kind of press up on it like kind of your flat of it, just feel that feels and the reason why that can't feel good is because it's indirectly stimulating the prostate. And also it's a good like if you are with a penis to partner, that's a great little thing if you're giving oral or hand up to kind of apply pressure there that can kind of provide a lot of excitement for a lot of people. you're giving oral or hand up to kind of apply pressure there that can kind of provide a lot of excitement for a lot of people. You can also use a vibrator there, like a light vibe tickling, ticker on the balls, that feels good. I think that's like a fun, like if you haven't had done that to your partner and you're

like, oh, they didn't want butt stuff, like try the par- from women too. Yeah, it's a way to like sneak it. Yeah, just to see how it feels. Why not? If that feels good, guess what it's going to feel like if you do try your prostate, stimulate that bad boy. Peta's rings, coccrings, aka coccrings. So the pivot is one that we love from Wevibe, and I love this because, so just so you know that if you bond last longer in bed, that's originally why we started hearing about coccrings years ago, they were more like steel, right?

Yeah. The ones they held make last long. Really constructive. But then, but they were constructive, steel, right? Yeah. The ones they make last long. Really constricted. But then, but they were constrictive, like blood flow. But these ones, they have today, like the pivot or the verge or the atom plus by how to octopus. These are really cool, like they vibrate. They vibrate or is in them. You put it around your penis and it's great, like for your for solo play, for a partner,

like if you're with a woman, she gets on top, bottom, like it's still stimulated, they're clitoris, and it feels really, really good. We love those. If you haven't tried one, those are great couples toys to start with. The external massager is, I like the Jo Pen Pave Grace. It's like this beautiful little blue toy. It looks like it fits in the palm of your hand.

Like a little pebble, not a pebble, like a little rock. A skipping stone. Yeah, that's, yeah, like a skipping stone. Exactly. The grace is a cool one. And, that's, yeah, like a skipping stone. Exactly. The grace is a cool one. And then we like the wish, because the wish is a squishy toy. It looks like a little squishy ball.

I just love it. It looks like one of those stress balls, but it's a vibrator. It's amazing. You can control it with the app, which is awesome. But it has less, it's, you know, originally it's, you know, created all these toys. You can use them in any way you want.

Like I use the pivot, the cock them in any way. You won't. I use the pivot, the cock ring on my own. Clear right? But the thing about the wish is that it's vibrations are not as intense, like it extends throughout the whole wish, like the whole thing. So for some in the vibrations, you always want to keep it in a lower setting.

And this one already has a kind of vibration that would feel great for men, maybe not toaculate as quickly as if that's a thing. Do you think that more or not as many men can handle vibration just because they're not used to it or because it's just their anatomy? That's a really good question. I think it's the same reason why we like it. I think it's like, whoa, I've never felt it feels amazing. So I think that anytime we stimulate nerve endings,

whether they're on a woman or a man, you stimulate, think about it's like, why you like touch or tickle or massage. I mean, you haven't felt, so yeah, it could be like, I've never felt it before, that could be the first time, but no, I think it just feels amazing to be stimulated by something other than your hand,

or another person's hand or a body part. And I think that a lot of men don't ever try that. It depends on what you're vibrating against. That's that, you know, sometimes you need it stronger because it's not a sensitive depending on where you're putting it. Yeah, like if you put it on the tip or the front of the limb or the perineum. It's all like a crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some could. Balls the front of the arm or the perineum. It's all like a crazy ball. Yeah, yeah, some could.

Balls definitely light. Balls you want to go really light on. Paraname you can go hard. Yeah. Okay, and here's some more techniques to remember for the touching, the pleasing part of the penis. Now, remember this. There's a few basic pointers to keep in mind. Rhythm. You want to keep a rhythm going. Good hand technique is kinda like, it's kinda like playing an instrument. You know, you know when you're in a good rhythm.

So, you know, you want to use your hands to make sure that you're like going up and down and having nice rhythm. Let's talk about pressure for a minute. If you just do like a feather soft touch, or you actually blow on the penis, I don't know, people used to, I had heard a story about a friend who just was that you, Jamie you actually blow on the penis? I don't know, people used to, I had heard a story about a friend who just,

was that you, Jamie, who blew on the penis? They thought it'd blow job with meant blowing. Oh, that was not me, but that is. I forgot. It's not blowing, it's not light feather touching. You want a firm grip, but not too firm. So think about this. Like, think about mimicking like your real snugugness. When a penis is inside of you,

for example, it's just that firm enough grip that you can move your hands safely up and down, but you're not causing the penis to turn purple. You're going to need to know how tight they might like it to. No purple penis is. Remember the angle. Do you only stroke your guy up towards the belly button and you never go to the other point? Do you ever go down south? Do you ever go to the west or to the east? Do you know what I'm saying? So the angle changes sensation. So some guys might just want you to keep going up, but some guys might want you to move it around and play with it, kind of like a joystick. I get bored just going up and down. So I just do that naturally, because I'm bored. Yeah, exactly.

And they're bored too. If you're bored, they're bored. That's how I feel about doing the show. When I get bored, I move on. I mean, I never get bored, but you know what I mean? I think I know. I can tell. I can tell.

I can tell. So change your hand positions, and it's okay to ask. And be like, does that feel good? How do you like this? So play with the angle and also wetness, you guys. Remember this. It can feel good to like tease, you know, if you've got like a soft penis around,

but like if you want to like make it, you know, you just start licking it and playing with your hand, but once it gets hard, you want to make sure that you get some loop on there. And speaking of loop, I recommend playgrounds mini escape essence. It smells great, not too overpowering. It's like coconut and sandalwood.

It's soothing vitamin E, hydrating, hyaluronic acid, bamboo extract. Let me tell you this. It may mix your natural lubrication. It's a silky texture. You're going to love it. Playground uses quality ingredients, long lasting, and it's great for hand jobs. So please, no more dry hand jobs. Oh, and you can get 15% off your first order at HelloPlayground.com with the code SexWithEmily.

That's HelloPlayground.com code SexWithEmily, 15% off. Get this loop. Those are some penis tips, and we come back. I'll be answering your questions, so don't go anywhere. Alright guys, into your emails, God I love answering your questions. It's like my favorite part of the day. Always, just go to the website if you want to send one, sex only.com, click the Ask Emily tab, felt a short form, or just the email. Feedback at sexwithmxylamy.com, click the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form, or just the email.

Feedback at sexwithemmy.com. Always, always, always include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. All right, Jamie, wanna read the emails? All right, so this first one comes to us from Erdol, who's 30 in Turkey. He writes, hello Emily, my wife and I are healthy and our marriage is healthy.

We've been married one and a half years, and we're together two years prior to that. My problem is my wife has an obsession about who starts first. We're having sex at least two to three times every week. She tells me whenever you desire we have sex, but this is not totally correct. Most often we decide together to have sex, sometimes I decide and less often it's her decision that we start. For instance, the other day I took a shower and I had only underwear on and I approached her for sex but she said no. After an hour I put all my clothes on and she said okay let's do it.

I said alright let me smoke first, took 20 minutes and then I was ready and then she said we only start whenever you want. This freaks me out, what is your comment about this situation? Alright Erdal, it sounds like there's some more going on here. You guys have been together for almost four years. And it sounds like she might be setting you up. She says, she'll start it and then you leave the room and she puts it back on you. Here's what happens with initiating sex and a relationship. I hear this often that there's always one partner. It seems like an ever-relationship. There's one partner who initiates most of

time, if not all the time. And then another partner who wants to or says they will and they don't. But there isn't easy fix to this. And that is just talking to her and having a talk, a healthy talk about your sex life outside the bedroom. When you're just saying, you know what? And you're not angry, you're not mad, you're not blaming, you're not saying you never. I went to get a cigarette, I went to smoke, and then you didn't wanna do it, that no. Clean slate, Arnold.

Let me tell you what it looks like to me, because Arnold, she might want to initiate, like to please you, but she doesn't know how. And let me tell you why this happens to women a lot. It's because a lot of us are raised that I'm in even condition that men start sex. We might feel guilt around it. We might be afraid of rejection. We might have been told, you know, even subconsciously that that women shouldn't be initiating sex that we should

wait for guys to claim us. Maybe she has some guilt around initiating and maybe she's never done it. So the best thing is just letting her know like what feels good to you. Let her know, say, you know what? I know we've talked about initiating, but let me tell you what it looks like to me. I would love it if you initiated by me walking in the door and kissing my neck or me walking in the door

and you've already had some laundry on. Or I'm sitting, re-watching TV and you kiss me from behind. Whatever it is, you have to let her know because again, you guys are together. I'm sure she wants to please you, but she just doesn't know how. So you really have to practice here

to have a healthy conversation without blaming or shaming or bringing up any of the past anger. Because you know when we do that, when we start a conversation and we put our partner on the defensive, we don't get anywhere. We keep having the same kind of fights over and over again. And then, as her what it would look like for her, like, how would you like me to initiate? You might even want to take this to the next level and ask about some fantasies or some

different things you can try in the bedroom. I mean, she might not have a lot of experience talking about this stuff, but the more you really get into finding what pleases both of you, the better your sex life is going to be in the long term. Thanks, Ardell, for the question. Okay, this next one comes to us from Kevin, who's 39 in Pennsylvania. He writes, Hi Emily. My wife recently told me that she's no longer in love with me and wants to try continue

to live together in a parenting marriage because we have four kids together, the youngest is only three. She also said she doesn't want to disrupt the finance and schedule support we have together, but also hopes in time we will still find someone down the road who makes us each happy. Can a parenting marriage work? I'm also clueless about dating while married because I think many would be turned off by the very notion. Am I correctly skeptical that my wife is trying to have it both ways or can something

like this really work? Thanks for your amazing show. Hey, Kevin. Okay, let me, let's talk about this for a minute. I have to say that I am sorry that you're going to this right now because it must be really hard and hurt to have your wife say to you, I'm no longer in love with you. And then, and then to follow it up with,

but we can still say together and see other people. So this does not work. I'm telling you, I don't often tell people to end relationships and to break up because I really think, you guys, I do think it's important to try to do your best and stay together for the kids if that can work. But right now, or you know, to say that,

okay, before we break up, let's make sure we go to therapy and we've tried everything. Because sometimes couples just don't. They get to a point, they don't ever try and it's over. But the fact that she already came to you and said, she's not in love with you. Unless that was triggered by something that happened, which I don't know in this email,

I'm just going to go off your facts here that she's already done. She says she's not in love with you. And she still wants to have her cake you need it to. I'm telling you, this doesn't work. Kids are smart no matter how old they are, even young, young babies, young kids, two year old, they know they know what's going on. They can they sense unrest in the home.

They sense when mommy and daddy are in love and they're not sitting in the same bedroom and they're not affectionate and they don't really love each other and just a working relationship. So I think the best thing you can do is to separate and show them what it looks like to be loved by both parents who live separately and then have you both develop healthy relationships on your own. I don't think that other people are going to be down with it. I mean, and I don't think that that's something that you actually want to do.

I feel like she's forcing you into this and maybe even being a little manipulative by just saying, I don't love you, but let's say together, no, I don't wanna do with those pesky finances and those four kids. This is, no, you have to do with the finances, you have to be strong. I'm not saying this is gonna be easy, but I promise if you guys are not gonna be intimate and there's no more love in the relationship, The best thing you can do is get divorced, never talk bad about each other to the kids and do your best to make, you know, happy, healthy, separate homes for the children. I promise you, I promise you, it's better for your kids

and for you both in the long run. All right, this next one comes to us from Cassie, who's 27 in Toronto. She writes, dear, beautiful Emily, oh nice. I've been in a nine year relationship and my partner six years older. We've lived together for the past seven years. We're very happy, loving, good communication, and have regular sex. I'm truly suffering though because I just don't get really turned on by him. Yes, that means I don't orgasm. I do on my own and honestly feel I could

easily with someone else. He's so into it and fulfilled but I just can't seem to get that same buzz of excitement. I've tried ways of mixing it up and I'm very playful and still enjoy the act but it's not really satisfying or deep. This is something I've been working on since the first year. I'm afraid maybe I've just never been sexually compatible with him. Although he's happy, I've never cheated but I felt sexual energy from dancing with guys that is way hotter than any intimate moments with my long-term handsome partner. Help! It makes me so sad. Thank you for your time. All right, Cassie. Okay, so here's the deal with this. This is what I always say to people. When they are in a long-term relationship and they no longer feel the spark,

I'm like, well, how was it in the beginning? That's always my first question. I'm like, oh, it was great in the beginning. It was great. And then I can work with them. But the fact that you are telling me that you never had it in the beginning, you've been working on it since the first year, I'm not sure it's gonna magically change after eight years. Now, you might just be over it completely and maybe you're in your head about it

and maybe you're just ready. Like it sounds like you might be. But I be, but the only thing I can say is you've been with him for nine years since you're 18. Essentially I'm going to guess that he's maybe your first real love. I mean, 18 to 27. So maybe you just have, it's time for you to get out and it is time for you to meet some other people. I like to say that you guys can work on it, but it sounds like you've been trying

since the first year. And if you've been trying with him and you've actually said to Amino babe, I don't feel our spark as much. Like, let's try to work together and see what we can do to turn each other on. Like if you've actually tried with him and it still hasn't happened, I think that then maybe it is time to move on. Or maybe you're just desiring sexual energy from other people, but either way, which happens you guys, this is why I am not a huge fan of getting married before your 30.

I think our 20s are really made for time that we should be figuring out what we like. Sexually in a partner, in a relationship, it gives us more time to explore who we're growing into, what's important to us as adults, and it sounds like you just haven't had that time Cassie And I why you to have that time nine years together is a long time and Seven years living together, so I think unless you're ready to bring him into trying one more time and say listen I'm not feeling the spark. What can we do if you've already done that doesn't work Then I think it might be time to move on really do okay? This next one comes to us from Taylor,

who's 24 and South Dakota. Hi Emily, I love your podcast, and I'm hoping you can help me. I was recently left by my fiance. We were together for five years, and he left me for another girl. I'm now dating again, and I'm having a hard time with a guy that I'm seeing.

Been seeing each other for about four months, and I'm already to be official with him, but he doesn't like labels. I feel like that this is just an excuse for him to sleep with other women. His roommate told me that I basically am just a prolonged booty call, and when I brought it up, the guy I'm seeing said that that isn't the way he sees me at all. I just don't know what to do. Is my past making me paranoid. Hey Taylor, okay, listen, here's what I think.

You were with someone for five years, again, much like our last email, much like Cassie. You were with them from such a young age. I'm going to assume he's your first love and you were together for five years. And then he was your, you guys were engaged to be married and then he left you for another woman. And that is a lot of heartache. That is really hard to deal with. And you have to rebuild trust again.

You have to figure out who you are without a man in your life. So I would say take some time on your own. No, I don't know if the roommates lying to you. The guy's not going to say, oh, my roommate's right. I actually do think you know that he's a booty call, but I gotta give this guy credit. He's telling you, listen, when someone tells you something like this, you gotta believe them. He's saying to you, I'm not looking for anything. He doesn't like labels. So it sounds like we're you're at in your life right now. When you do get into a relationship and I don't think it's now Taylor,

I think as much as we think, it helps to get under to get over as they say, have sex with someone else to get over our ex. That's a temporary fix. That's a band-aid fix. You could keep swinging from one relationship to the next in your 20s, 30s, but I really think that this is really important

for you to figure out who you are without a man. Maybe you get into therapy because it sounds like that your past might be making you have less trust in men. It might be making you more paranoid that every little move is gonna, is gonna, you know, you're worried that they're out with someone else. And so until you go to deal with these core,

like issues that you have around trust and even just around what you want from a partner, I don't think that you should be dating right now. I think that that's just an important step to take because then you're gonna find yourself in a few years, you're in relationships and you're still not gonna know who you are. So I want you, please take this work, you know, make sure that you're 100% confident on your own.

Don't fall into those patterns of like, I need a man to complete me or I need a man to feel whole because here's what happens when you're with someone from 19 to 24, like for, you know, all those really formative years, 18 to 25. I mean, it's like, of course, you're craving that energy again from a man because that's what has filled you up all these years. It's almost like an addiction in a way. Like that energy made you feel whole, but it's really not about that. You have to, I'm telling you, do this hard work right now and just say no, say no to dating, hang out with your friends, build a full life, build a community around you. If you meet someone great, but I wouldn't make this your goal to try to date someone and lock them down right

now. I really want you to focus on yourself, Taylor. This is the time to do it." Okay, this last one comes to us from Ashley 25 in the US. She writes, Dear Emily, when I was younger, middle school and high school, I would masturbate once or more a day with a very loud vibrator. I recently found out that my brother and parents hurt me almost every time. My brother acts super uncomfortable around me. My dad doesn't know how to even look at me, and my mom tries her hardest to make me feel guilty.

I never did it with the intent of others knowing, but I feel like I ruin their lives. I almost feel like I sexually assaulted my family. It's really hard for me to keep living with this guilt. I feel like if I was never born, my brother and parents would have been much happier. I'm sure this has happened to a lot of people, but I really did use that vibrator quite often and have probably scarred them for life. I'm going crazy over this and it's consuming my life. Help.

Ashley, we all read this here, and I just wanna give you a hug, sweetie. Sounds like having a lot of distress over this. And listen, you're a young kid, use a vibrator, it was loud. I understand that's a little bit embarrassing, but I also think that you're taking this to a really extreme level that isn't true.

The facts are, yes, use a vibrator when you were younger and they heard you. That's not comfortable, I get it, but you did not, you did not sexually assault your family. And I think that if they really are teasing you about it all the time, then they're blowing it out of proportion as well. And I feel like maybe you're creating this

to be a bigger thing because you feel some guilt around it. But I really don't want this to consume your life. You really did nothing wrong. I mean, your mom could have come in your room when you were seventh grade and said like, hey, darling, this would be the ideal parent. Here's a quiet vibrator, or we hear you, you know, but since nobody feels comfortable talking to their kids

around sex, which just, oh, I wish they did, this is what happens. So for now, I think maybe you might need some therapy around this because I'm going to guess that perhaps, you know, you might feel this might have trickled over into some of the sex you're having with partners, maybe, maybe you don't want to make noise or you're afraid that I don't know. I don't know what you're thinking about yourself. but if you're I'm just picking up on your language here of sexual assault And that your your brother and your dad are uncomfortable around you I'm wondering if you just are reading into their eye movements like if they're looking away that maybe they're upset I don't know because I'm not in your family, but I don't want this to consume your life

I think you could find a choir to fireirder though. The womanizer premium, it's very quiet vibe, but again the problem here, the challenge here is more about you reconciling this with your family. And if you're still not sure, you could talk to them one on one. I know that sounds mortifying and embarrassing, but I really feel like it's your family. And if you want to have out the relationship, there could be some talking to do to clear it up because I really don't think it's as crazy as you think and as Much of an impact in other lives and yours as you're allowing it to be so you could also get some therapy Like I said and talk to the professional about how to handle a situation

But I really think that you're gonna be fine. You already are Ashley. Thanks for the email That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where every listed to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com

and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com-ask-emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you