Sex With Emily - Lessons in Love & Lube

Episode Date: October 10, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is answering emails and giving you some communication tips to take to bed. She covers the healthier ways (they do exist) to fight with your partner, positions to get you comfortable with some double penetration, tips for finding the best lube for you, and what to do when your ex is still interfering with your sex life. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Good Vibrations, Uberlube, Magic Wand, DeoDoc Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show, I'm answering emails and giving you some communication tips to take to bed. Topics include, if you're going to fight with your partner, here are some healthier ways to do it. What's the best way to get comfortable with some good old double penetration? You know I love loob and here are some tips for finding the right kind for you and is your ex still interfering with your love life what to do about it. All this and more, thanks for listening. Hey, Abelie, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemily.com. You can check out everything we've been going on in the site. We have blogs. We've got posts.

We've got things to help you have better sex and relationships. And it's easy to listen to podcasts now. Everywhere you listen to podcasts, Spotify, Google Play, IART Radio, SoundCloud, all those places. Find a sense of social media. It's at Sex with Emily across the board, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. We are there.

All right, here's some sex in the news. Here's some experience that couples can have to strengthen your relationship. Whether you guys have been together for a long time or it's a new relationship, I just love some simple things that you can do that can have big changes in your relationship. And these are things you might not have thought about.

I always say that couples who play together stay together and I think just anytime you guys work through an experience, even if it's a negative one in a relationship, it can really grow that bond. So here's a few things. I love this one talking about your finances. Money, sex, and kids are actually three the biggest stressors in relationships.

So I really think as much as I want you guys to deal with sex, things, finances are a huge one. And it can really create tension when you don't talk about it. And the thing about money problems is, they're not sometimes as apparent as the sex challenges. Money is just like, well, we've never talked about money. Why would we ever talk about it now? So I just think that it's really important to kind of just

bring it up. I'm like, what should we do about, you know, wherever you guys are experiencing, like if one of you makes more than the other one, you're not sure who should pay for the date, or if you feel like one person's always contributing and the other isn't, just like how I tell you guys to talk about sex and relationship,

I think that when you're in an environment that is stress free and maybe when you're driving in the car, God, I love that for having the really good conversations. Talk about money. I promise you, it'll feel good, even it feels very small to you. Things that add up over time. So talk about your finances and that can bring you closer together. The next one you guys creating a scheduled date night. Here's what I want to say about that.

I talk about it a lot, but if someone like said to me, give me your best relationship tip, I swear to God, scheduling a date night would be in the top five. Because I haven't to know from experience and from life that when you have a special night, and it seems so simple to you,

and people think it's so, it's so unsexy, or if we have to schedule sex or schedule dating, then it won't make it as precious and as interesting in the relationship and as helpful. But it really does because we all get busy with work and relationships and children and hobbies. And we just think, oh, well, we live together. We're married. Why do we need a date night?

I'm telling you, when you have that one night that you're looking for to, maybe you each take turns and one of you schedule one week and one of you schedule them next week, it's just that night. I'm telling you when you have that one night that you're looking forward to, maybe you each take turns and one of you schedule one week and one of you schedule them next week, it's just that night where you guys can stay close and keep the passion flowing and keep sent to Missy Live and I just love a good date night. So if you don't have one yet, plan it. Traveling abroad together, I love this one you guys because it's true when I just I did a show with my boyfriend Ben. We went to Greece together and I said at the beginning of that podcast, it's recorded there. I said, I knew this relationship would either bring us together or tear us apart because we had never traveled together.

We never had spent like more than a night away together. So you do, it brings you together or tears you apart because you just know how do you guys negotiate things? Who's gonna pick the restaurant? Who's gonna make the travel arrangements? Who's paying for things? You guys have to really work together. And when you're abroad and you're not speaking the language,

and neither one of you have been there and you're out of your comfort zone that really tests the bonds of relationships. And if you're in a long-term one, it can really bring you closer together. Another one you guys releasing some adrenaline. I always say that couples who play together, stay together. This is why.

Because when you guys are doing something that actually, you know, is really kind of thrilling, like hiking or skydiving. Not that's always available for you, but something that's fun, something that you're like, wow, we never do this. When you try a new experience, it's gonna release a adrenaline

and it's going to help you bond and have that rush and support each other and bring you together. This is all about things that are bringing you closer together, jumping out of a airplane could do that. Or just going on a fun skit, maybe a little a little bit more challenging hike could do all of those things. Cooking and meal together, I love that you guys being in the kitchen together and learning to cooperate each other, like who's gonna do the dishes, who's gonna cut things, like I can't cut onions, they make me cry, I have to take to bed, can't do it. You gotta be with someone who's gonna pick up the slack or the onions or whatever when you are not willing to.

A day without technology. This is a lot easier than you think. Even going to dinner and leaving the phone in the car or saying on Sunday, like do you really need your phone, go four hours without your phone? Cause then you guys actually have to talk. There's nothing happening on a Sunday or a Saturday, typically that you're gonna need your phone. Because then you guys actually have to talk. There's nothing happening on a Sunday or Saturday, typically, that you're going to need your phone there. So you'll be amazed to see how present you actually are with each other when you're

not looking at your phone, your phone's out of the table. And you just can show up for each other in so many other ways. You're not like, oh, let's check out this picture. Let's look at what's going on on Instagram and just connect to each other. And this one I love is celebrating an anniversary. You might think it's still a little bit like, oh, this is the first time we met or the first time we went a date or our first kiss. But when you guys let these like little small accomplishments in your relationship go unnoticed, un-telebrated, then they just kind of pass by and you won't remember that they actually

happen. But when you make a bigger deal out of it, like, this is our birthdays or this is our anniversary that will also bring you closer together because you're remembering the special moments that bonded you together in the first place and why you love each other. And I think anytime you guys can engage in something that's actually going to remind you why you fell in love, like I love the idea of recreating the first date when you guys were dating and doing things like that just helps keep the romance alive. So I think any one of these things will do that and help strengthen your relationship. Just take a little commitment and effort on both your part and then go jump out of the plane.

Okay, the best way to fight with your partner according to psychologist. I like this because I think these are great tips for you guys. I think that we all get into fights and arguments in relationships and they can actually be really healthy if you do it the right way. Cause fighting on wrong is contempt and anger that builds up and resentments. But when you do it right, I think it makes a huge difference. And these are just little twists.

So here is the first one. Be curious about your fights. Instead of having the fights, kind of look at and go, why is this fight happening? And so the example here is, I got therapist asking the couple, kind of look at and go, why is this fight happening? And so the example here is a therapist asking the couple, what does it look like the 5.30 fight? What does a 5.30 PM fight look like at Wednesdays? And so you might look at it and say, wow, okay, yeah,

we always have fights at the end of the day because I want my partner to come home and ask me how my day is, and they're always coming in really stressed from work any time to decompress. That's a classic argument. I've been in that with partners. I'm like, why do you not ask about my day or whatever it is? And I think it's common.

But if you look at it and you're like, oh, this is what's really happening. It's kind of the same argument over and over again. And that's a trigger. We're both tired at the end of the day and we have different needs. And then you can kind of break it apart rather than fighting that your partner doesn't care about you because they didn't ask about the day. But to know, okay, at 5.30 pm, we need to take 10 minutes where we're both decompressed and then we come together and we compromise.

Because you realize if you pull back from your fights and then we get so attached to them, but when you pull back and you're like, what can we get curious about this argument we're having? If you don't have it there, but you can look at the problem and the argument differently and then come up with different solutions. Another one is schedule a time for conflict. I like this because sometimes we get into fights and we just don't want to fight. We're like, not now, later. But if you very specifically say, like, let's talk about it on Saturday morning or Saturday

afternoon at three, then we can actually think about it. We can have time to get calm with our thoughts and be more rational and avoid that instinct to be defensive or to be accusatory at a relationship. Because a lot of times we say things that just come from impulses or from our anger that we regret. So taking time to say, you know what, let's not talk about this now.

Let's talk about it later. I think is a perfectly fine and can be a really helpful way to deal with conflict. Make requests instead of complaints. So fights can often start with you always. You always forget to ask me out my day or you always forget to pick up your laundry. And that automatically, just starting any conversation

with you is gonna put someone on the defensive. It could be like, you, you're doing a great job or you're doing, but we hear you and we're like, I'm on attack. So rather than saying you, you're doing a great job or you're doing, but we hear you and we're like, uh, I'm on attack. So rather than saying you, you can make a request instead of saying, um, you never clean the house. You could say, I'm not feeling great. I'm stressed about the way the house looks.

Would you mind picking some stuff up? And this way, you're more direct and respectful and you're not putting them down for like, not keeping the house clean and then you're letting them know why it would mean a lot to you and why it would help you. Maybe why you're stressed. It's just a little word twist that can actually get your intention across and help your partner here where you're actually trying to say. And these are also great for life you guys. This one, listen and ask your partner for clarification. Now, this can be challenging because if your partner saying, you know,

that year she doesn't feel heard by you ever and saying you should listen, you might say, what do you mean? I'm always listening. So what you could do is just ask for clarification and you could say, well, what makes you think, like, what makes you feel I'm not listening? Or what would it look like to if I actually was listening? That's a much more tactful way to address your partner's complaint than saying, like, you know, well, I'm listening. So you should just know that I always listen

to you and you should feel hard. End of story. So actually asking, clarifying questions and repeating back to your partner, like, what makes you feel that way? You're going to get a lot more information when you ask questions. And then I think this, I like this one too. You guys learn the right way to apologize to your partner, which is very similar to the love languages in the sense, because some people, you know, there's different ways you want to be loved. Well, some people want like a huge like two dozen roses, and some people just want to hear the words like, I'm really sorry, and here's why I'm sorry. Like they want to hear it several times maybe, or, you

know, so you just don't know, you have to like, in buying flowers without saying, I'm sorry, could be a problem. So you got to find out what your partner needs, and then learning how they would like to be a politic too is a great way to hear it. You might think you've always apologized and maybe you've never apologized. So this is something really important to clarify. So you can get on with your relationship.

Tips for finding the right kind of lube. I kind of love lube. All right. People with allergies you guys, you might just want to avoid all the gimmicky stuff, like all the warming lobes and the flavored lobes. So those are fun for oral sex. I can't recommend like some of Joe's lobes,

like their gelato lobes and stuff for oral is amazing. But you might want to avoid that stuff if you have allergies and lobes are not just for women, lobes are for partnered sex. What's good for her will definitely be good for both people, if you know, if you if you're the man so keep that in mind and Loop just heightened sensation you guys. I just this is why I love loop I mean really I think that people still there's some stigma and people's mind that they go

We don't need to use it if there's a problem like if she's too dry or it means that someone's failed you like Oh, she's not turned on by me But the truth is you guys, Loub, does enhance so many sexual experiences that I am a fan. Loubes are not great for conception. So if you're trying to get pregnant, do some research before using any old Loub, there's certain things that your doctors can tell you about and there's other kinds of products they could give you.

And finally, just remember different Loubes, cater to different sex. So anal sex, you guys, the anus is not stuff lubricating. So I love some good silicone loob, the uberloob is great for anal sex, love it. System Joe makes a good water based. I like good clean love. And then again, my suggestion for oil based loob is woofer play.

So go have fun with loobs. And we've got a bunch of them on our website too. Let's go to our website, the shop link. It's there. Usually, you're gonna like it. And if you don't like lo, the shop link. It's there. Use Lube. You're going to like it. And if you don't like Lube, email me. We'll talk. Because no one's ever said why you're telling me to buy Lube. I feel like it's worked out for all of you. Okay, guys, thanks for listening. And now we're going to take quick break. Give us a shout out to our

sponsors and on to your emails. Okay, on to your email questions. If you have a question you want answered on the show, you can text Ask Emily, all one word to 7979, 7979, felt the form. Put yes if you'd like to be on a call show or go to sexwithmme.com, click the Ask Emily tab and include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. This is from Kate31 in Georgia. Dear Emily, I don't like to shave my pubic hair because of razor burn, however I do like

to keep it neat. My boyfriend says he thinks pubic hair is gross, so I feel like I should shave my completely. I personally think bumpy razor burn is more incitely than pubic hair, but he seems to feel strongly. I need advice on how to get him to be okay with my pubic care. And if I shave, how can I avoid razorburn? I've moisturized, used hydrochlorosomchene and tried shaving different directions.

Thanks a ton, Kate. Okay, Kate, so here's a few things. Like, I read this and I'm like, I really, I really want all women to understand like, it's your choice, what you want to do. You know how you want to shave it. And what feels sexy to you and what makes you feel good. Although I understand also, he's your boyfriend, he's the one who's seeing your vagina the

most. Besides you, I'm assuming so I get you want to please him and turn them on. I always think that women, we all get to choose how we want our pubic care to be luck and to feel and what makes you feel the sexiest. I also understand being in a relationship and when your partner makes requests request about things and what turns them on, and if he says your pupa care is gross, I get it. You're like, okay, I'm going to shave it. But I don't think that this is close for discussion. I think that you can let your boyfriend know that, you know, you get bumps and I was painful and you know, you really just, you kind of like

it trimmed and maybe he will get over it. I don't know if he said this to like the first week, you've been dating or I don't know how long you've been together, but sometimes we say things early on in a relationship and we assume that's how it is and how we need to be, but maybe like he's with you, he loves you like and hopefully you might understand this that you're like, it's just, I get these bumps and it's scratchy and it's scratchy and this is what turns me on. And he might be like, oh yeah, I said that months ago,

or it used to gross me out, but I love you. We're together now. So I think that you always got to check in with those things. I don't remember something that, you know, a boyfriend said to me out, but I love you, we're together now. So I think that you always gotta check in with those things. I don't remember something that, you know, a boyfriend said to me once about some kind of underwear. This was a really long time ago, but he was like, I just don't like those kind of underwear.

I don't, and I think it was like a song or something, and then when I saw him early, I was like, oh, I didn't wear it. I was like, I wore other things I thought were sexy. And then one time I was wearing it, I was like, I was like, I know you don't like these under, he's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, he's like, you said, like you said that, because I don't really remember. You know, I know you don't like these underings. What are you talking about? And I'm like, you said that because I don't really remember.

It was kind of thing like in my mind, I thought it was like, those are horrible and I won't date you if you wear those under, or whatever women think in our brains. But if you check in again, and you're like, babe, it's painful and I'm using a hydrochlorous zone and you're like, go ahead. Don't worry about it. I love you. You're amazing. However, there are alternatives if you want to know about shaving.

If you want to do it differently, and you don't want to get bumps, I think waxing is great. Getting wax, going to a salon, laser hair removal, you don't have to get it all off, but you could also do the sides of it if you wanted that. And threading is something that I've actually done on my pubic hair and that works.

As far as shaving in different directions, that does work like you said. It's also important to make sure that that whole area is moisturized and hydrated because the skin is very, very delicate. Think about it, you guys. You want to be delicate. You want to make sure it's taken care of and you want to have a new razor. I used to think that if you add a new razor, you're more likely to get cut, but it's actually the older razors that are more likely to cut you. So always use the fresh razor, use shave lotion, keep them razor moving on your skin and say hi to it and do doc.

You guys do doc has like a whole plan. Like I love do doc. I use it for like in the shower in the mornings. I love the way it smells. I love the way it feels and then they have a shaving serum that's made particularly for that area and gets rid of redness. You can check out do doc do, DEO, DOC. So, okay, talk to your boyfriend

and then see if any of these other things work for you. But remember to only shame it if you want to, okay? This is from Mike48 in Michigan, my home state. Hey Emily, long time listener. My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years and I have a great relationship in and out of the bedroom. We always try to keep things interesting and try new things often.

Recently, my wife told me she wanted to try double penetration. Not with another male, but with her vibrator and me. She wanted to use her G-Spot vibe while we're doing anal. The problem we've run into is that we are both in our late 40s and she is a plus size woman and is not very flexible. We have tried pillows and the spooning position and the spooning position sort of worked, but she'd like to be able to experience this without having to work her ribator herself. Any suggestions with positions or are there any toys out there that could help?

Thanks. Okay, Mike, I have a special treat for you. So very dear friend of mine. One of my favorite people on the planet and a very, a very smart smart, amazing sex educator, L-Chase wrote a book called Currie Girl Sex. And so I asked her, I sent her a question and she actually replied. And this is from L-Chase. You guys also, everyone, just check out her book. It has great tips for all sized women, but I think you really enjoy it.

So here we go. This is from Elle. She suggests for you, Mike, to use a liberator wedge and or wedge slash ramp combo. They also have plus size versions. And the material is industrial foam, which is much more sturdy and doesn't squish down like pillows do.

I don't think we've talked about the liberator wedges lately in all this great sex furniture. I love all the liberator products. Okay, so here's to do it. You fit the wedge under her hips, so they lift up comfortably. he can either enter her inally while using a dual stem vibe on her like the Nova by Wevi by I think would be a great one or he can penetrate her with a doldo or even better. She's got into this here out running the thrusting vibes from Fun Factory. So while holding a

bullet to her clip, so like a little bullet vibe the tango by we vibe is a great bullet vibe Also if he wants at least one hands free toy We have to email us you might because there's a lot of information here But if he wants at least one hand free they could try inserting the we vibe sink inside of her and you could still Fuck her. Well, I never say fuck on this show. Do I say fuck very often? He could sell Pudetrader with a dildo. This can also work with her on top. All of these can be done from behind as well. In fact, if she bends over herself over the side of the bed and gets a cordless magic wand and positions it under her, where

the head of it rests on her clint, then he can fuck her, then he can have sex with her, he can penetrate her ass and use the dildo on her. That's pretty hands free as well. In addition, there's harnesses you can buy that allow space for a strap on and the biopinus can be used at the same time. She thinks that jok slash spare parts make it. That's J-O-Q-E and you'd have to stimulate her clip, but hey, that's not too much to ask. This is from L-J.

So, this is the all the things she recommends if you wanna check out her book. She recommends using the following positions, the seashell, threading the needle, cup and saucer, the woobie pie. I just want to go pull out her book to read those right now. So check out Curvegal Girl Sex by L. Chase. I think those were some great tips. Let me know how that goes, Mike.

One of these are going to work for you, I think. And thanks for the question. Okay, this is from A Ayanna, 22 in Tennessee. Hamlee, I have a couple of issues when it comes to sex. When I was 18, I had my first sexual experience with my boyfriend at the time. We didn't have intercourse, but we were handsy. God, that's a good word.

I felt so guilty afterwards and he got upset with me for feeling bad. He was very emotionally manipulative and he guilt-tripped me into doing things I wasn't ready for. I'm now 22 and a very happy relationship of a year and a half with my boyfriend Ben. We lost our virginities on each other this year and although I'm extremely happy and very comfortable with him, whenever we plan sex, like birthdays or nice dates or celebrating something,

I'm fine up until the moment when we're making out and I know we're about to go further. I just get extremely anxious. Sometimes the point of crying, if we have sex sporadically, I'm fine, and it's hot and sexy, but if it's a scheduled thing, or I know it's expected, then I freak out. I'm lucky to have been because he's so understanding and caring,

but I want to get past this and be able to planetate and have sex without so much anxiety. I need advice now to get past this. Thank you. Thanks for your question, Ayanna. So it sounds to me like, first of all, I want to say that you, good for you for recognizing that this past relationship when you were 18 wasn't that healthy, because there might

be some leftover, you know, trauma from it. Like you might still be having this reaction to being, you know, feeling like you have to perform when you don't want to. So that makes sense. And I'm sorry that that happened to your relationship, but it seems like it's still there. It's still like holding in place for you. So I think that we got to do is kind of take the pressure off of you now, even though you said something here that when you guys actually do have sex and it's more organic or sporadic, it's fine and sexy. So I'm wondering, and if you could talk to Ben about it, because it sounds like he's on board with you, and you could just, you know, he obviously knows

this is happening with you. So there's a few things. First, when this starts to happen, I know our instinct is to kind of like, if you're crying or if you're anxiety, he might calm you down and maybe you just turn on the TV and don't see what's happening, but I think there's a certain amount of you, like kind of going back to the kissing.

I'm wondering if that makes you still feel anxious because I think if you guys either take sex off the table for a little bit and even just like a few weeks or just until you get more comfortable where you guys are just like kissing and making out and you know and he agrees that you guys aren't going to have sex any further. So you can kind of experience that whole like excitement at the end of a date where you just are like, you know what, we're not gonna have sex. And then who knows, you might wanna go further. But if you guys have this agreement where you're like,

we're not, that might just make you feel a little bit calmer. If he's like, don't worry, I'm with you on board. Also, the thing about anxiety and sex is that, when we're anxious, we are no longer in our bodies. And there's no part of us that are going to get turned on, right? Because we're thinking we're in our head. So I'm wondering if you just kind of can sit with that anxiety. And then when you guys are just like make out and kiss like you do

in the sporadic times, if that will eventually melt away your anxiety. So that's what I think like going slow, making sure that, you know, you're getting turned on and that you're you're ready for sex. This might just kind of Trump any anxiety you have if you lie yourself at the time to build and he understands your body, it makes you feel good, so you're not kind of rushing through sex. So either taking it off the table and just kind of working on this warm up time of sex, which actually some of the hottest sex I think can be this whole early warming touching

and then kind of get good at that part. So he knows how to turn you on and then you also know and then that anxiety doesn't have a place because you guys are connecting. And then eventually when you want to bring sex back, I think the anxiety won't be there as much. So I think that if you make it more about connecting and your pleasure, so you're like turned on, but take off the expectations of intercourse, this might allow you to eventually move through it and have sex that anxiety, which I think that you are close to it. And I don't think this is like in any way, you know, something that you're going to be living with. I think that just making a few steps, talking to more about having a plan. You're not going to see this anxiety anymore. any more. Okay, so this is from he literally says some guy in Michigan. So another guy

from my home state, hello, see you guys don't always have to give your names, although I prefer it, but this is from some guy. Hey Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now. I really appreciate your open sharing and advice. I am two and a half years out of a 16 year marriage. Our marriage decayed for many reasons. As much as I accept my part in that, I'm working on my new relationship for it to be better, and I think I am better. I've been seeing a woman for almost a year now and things are going really well,

but my question is not about her. My ex-wife and I are struggling to move into a healthy, former relationship. We share two wonderful boys, and while the keeper communications limited to them, my ex feels she has a say in the woman I'm seeing because of the influences women and her family might have on her boys. My ex relies on Facebook and other social media to develop her opinions about my girlfriend and continues to insist she is wrong for me even though she's never met her and doesn't

want to. Obviously, I disagree. How do I help my ex get past her fear and judgments about the new woman in my life? I want to have healthy relationships all around and maintain a positive situation for the sake of my voice. Thanks for taking the time to read my question. Well, you're so welcome. I think this is a great question.

I think a lot of people deal with this. I know that I have a lot of friends who have dealt with like, what do I do? I want my partner to be happy, you know, my ex, but it can't be hard. So I'm thinking like, you know, this is going to pass eventually, but maybe she's, I'm not I'm wondering if she might be a little jealous or she's still attached to you in that way. And so if there's something about her still, you know, she hasn't moved on yet or she hasn't met someone else, that can be hard.

But I think the first thing is that she really loves her children, right? Like all parents, many parents, she's protective and she's worried. I mean, I think that's first and foremost, she is worried about someone that you could bring into your home and maybe a little jealousy. So I'm wondering how long you said you've been together a year, has your girlfriend met the kids yet? Because I do think that's something that's important to, I think a year is a good enough time to meet the kids. But I think sometimes that happens really early on in relationships when people are like divorced and they their new lover meets the kids like a month and I think that is too soon, but I feel like I feel like it's unfair to you that she's building up you know resentments and building up a case

on social media, so I just think that if there's any way, you know, you can sit down and talk to her, even though you're keeping it just about the kids. I mean, here's a thing. You begin to get together for 16 years. You were together for 16 years, and I get things that didn't work out. But if you go back to your relationship and there must have been things

that you learned about communication with her, there must be ways that you kind of know she will listen to you. So maybe it would be great if you did a gesture and you took her to lunch and you were like, listen, you know, we both love the kids, we both want the best things for the kids and I'm dating someone that is a good person. You know, so I think maybe it could be talking to her, making the time, but she can't limit what you're doing right now, but I think it's just a matter of, it's been two and a half

years out of a 16 year relationship that's really not that much time especially when you have kids. So I've seen these things happen and it will dissipate if this is the woman you love and you want to be with, she's going to have to get over it. But I think she can't stop you from doing anything but you can also try to mend the communications you guys are getting along a lot better. So I think it's a little communication and a little patience on your parts. This is from Jackie29 in Ontario. Hey Emily, I'm a huge fan of your show and I've been listening to it ever since I found

out about it. My question has to do with orgasms. I have great orgasms and I've always thought they were really good but lately I've been doing more masturbation and I've noticed now my orgasms have reached a whole new level of amazing. However, sometimes after I reach climax I have these aftershock feelings still in my vagina. I'm not complaining, it feels great. But I don't know if that means my body is wanting another climax or why I feel these

pulsations for quite a while after climax. What's a sensation? Are they smaller orgasms? Jackie, this is great. I think that, you know, this means that you are like, first of all, you're masturbating, you're understanding your body, and you're just getting more turned on. So yeah, it's like it could be that your body is like streaming out for more orgasms, more multiple orgasms. Women have the potential to orgasm pretty easily once you train your body. So it's you know, your clitoris does contract after orgasm

and you could just be feeling like this aftershock or you might be feeling something internally. So orgasms can also rage in intensity, you would kind of know, but maybe just means that you're still kind of turned on, so you can continue to touch yourself. I don't know if you've had multiple organisms yet, but that is a good time, and that's something that a lot of women have to learn, right? Like you have to like, or can learn if they've never had one,

but it sounds like your body's like, yes, I would like to have a multiple organisms. So what you do is, in that shorter refractory period, like right after you have the orgasm and you're feeling that tingling, you can just continue to like touch yourself, you know, just maybe you like move your fingers over other parts of your body for a second and then go back to it and then see if you can have another orgasm because it sounds like you can. If you've been having like, glitter orgasms, you can try using your fingers or a toy internally. So I think that's what it means. It means that your body still aroused and it'll either die down You can keep going and just see how many orgasms you can have, but I'm telling you this is a great

Question and a good problem if you will encodes to have because I think This will load well for also the future sex you're having this is from Lindsey 34 in London Emily I'm sick left for my marriage ended two years ago, and I'm finally feeling ready to get myself back out there and start dating. Sexually, I feel I've led a quite sheltered life, and your podcast has validated for me that self love is okay. I would really appreciate it if you could suggest any erotica that I could read to get me started to getting in touch with my sexual side and getting me excited about sex again.

Thank you so much. Well, I love the gym masturbating because that is a great way to get you going. Self love will do it. So here's some erotic up that I like. And these are some classics and some new ones. I love the story of O. The story of O is a classic woman on top. Every time I walk back and I bookshelf, I like pull it off. I'm like, I love classic woman on top. Every time I walk back and I bookshelf,

I like pull it off. I'm like, I love the woman on top. The anthologies. And then there's a two taboo and erotic anthology by Morgane Cameron. And then I was thinking this two podcasts, like Erotica Podcasts, listen to. So there's Kiss Me Quick Erotica Podcast

with Rose Caraway. So those are some some more currents of its retro-cramer bustle rights, a lot of popular erotic canal that people like. She has also as anthologies. And I think it's really a matter of just checking somebody's out and seeing what you like and what turned you on. So, there's some great places to get started. Okay, everyone, thank you for sending in your emails.

I love hearing from you. Thanks everyone for listening. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithanley.com. you