Sex With Emily - Level Up: Sex-cessfully Satisfied

Episode Date: November 27, 2020

Who doesn’t love a success story? In today’s episode, a few return callers share the steps they took to take their sex life to the next level.If you want your partner to be more dominant, use toys with more ease or hear an efficient way to talk to your teen about sex, these SWE listeners made it happen.Since sexual desires are constantly changing, never stop communicating, exploring, and prioritizing pleasure.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't know if you remember me, but I talked to you two years ago. You actually gave me the idea of using candles. And I just wanted to call and give you a status report. What? You used the candles? Yes, they did, and we are married now. Oh, man, I'm so happy for you. That's amazing.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mark our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on day. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

You know a lot of what I do here on Sex with Emily is answer your questions whether you call in or you email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. I love it. I love helping you take the next step, but something awesome happened a few weeks ago. A bunch of you called in and sure that not only get already talked, given advice, but you're calling back in. And a lot of you shared how things worked for you. And now you're ready

for the next step. I mean, if you're in a relationship and you think, no, I can never talk to my partner about what's really out of my mind or our sex life is just done. I thought I'd be inspiring for you to hear, some colors took the advice and made some real changes. Intentions with Emily, for each episode I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I'm encouraging you to do the same. So what I mean is when you're listening, what do you want to get out of the episode? You know, it could be, I want to know how a couple turns around their sex life. And my intention is to show you a few different ways having healthy conversations with your partner can actually change your life. And I'm grateful to all of you for making this show possible because without you,

let's be honest, sex with Emily wouldn't exist. So thanks for listening and calling and writing in. And if you have any questions you want to ask, call me directly Monday, Friday, Friday, 5 to 7 pm Pacific. I could also help you take the next step, figure out relationship goals. We've got a lot going on in the new year. Setting your successful So call me, AAA947-8277. All right, enjoy the show. Let's help the Shannon 42 in Texas. Hi Shannon, what's going on? Thanks for calling. Hey Dr. Emily, how are you? Good, thanks.

How's it going? Well, neither my husband nor I thank God it lost our jobs during this COVID. We've been married 21 years. I'm 42, he's 45, but I'm a nurse, I'm a hospice nurse, so been having a lot of patients that have been affected by COVID and I've had quite a few patients that have died and sex is the last thing on my mind and you know he's a typical man and he has needs and all day I'm taking care of patients that are dying I'm taking care of them their families I'm just emotionally spent and then my husband you, I feel like I'm just pulled in all these directions, but I'm so exhausted. I don't emotionally exhausted, physically exhausted, but I just wish that I need to make the time for him because I feel like that.

So important to you, you know, I just, oh, Shannon, I hear the only way. Shannon. So glad you called in. I'm so glad. I know. Shannon, you know, when you just said to me, you just said, you know, at least I have to make time for him. And I'm sitting here thinking, Shannon,

you have to make time for you. That's when, you know, when you feel your tank up, you're gonna be able to be there for your husband. But right now it's about you finding time to step away. And when you do, it's not about taking care of your husband. It's about or the kids. You have kids? I have a 16 year old son.

Yes. Okay. Why do I have to deal with you about taking care about myself though? Oh, because you're, I mean, listen, you're a nurse. I know, you know, women, many women are not wired that way. We're caretakers, we're really nurturing. We always are worrying about everyone else and our own needs come last.

And perhaps our mothers were like that. And who, it's just, you know, it's our wiring that we actually, in some way, get, you're a nurse, I'm a therapist, right? We get, I love helping people, like, this is my joy. However, sometimes that comes first and then I realize, oh, I mean, I just, Shannon, you would, I did last week, I went away for a week to this place that I can go and I, now that's in this for everybody, but I haven't done this in a year and I unplugged, I didn't look at my phone for a few days.

It took me three or four days till I finally felt that my nervous system was coming back to like parasympathetic because it's been stressful year and you've probably had times 10 stress if you're a nurse working during COVID. So, Shannon, I don't know who's taking care of you right now, but it sounds like it's going to have to be you. And so my mission for you is, if my question is, what can you do tonight this weekend that is all about you? Because you've been with your husband for 21 years and he's going to be okay if Shannon takes care of Shannon for a few days because then you can show up for everyone.

Right. Yeah, it feels like I don't even know what to do to take care of my kids. I'm just feeling out. Yeah. A massage. Yeah. A massage. Can you call right now and get a massage when we hang up?

Yeah. I mean, actually, I do. I have a gift certificate from my birthday in February that I haven't used in. Yeah. That's what resets for me. So for me, if I get a massage or I take a steam shower, or like that's when I feel like, okay, the layers are starting to, I can kind of chill out

and start to, so I would say that you deserve this. If there's still open right now, I would go tonight and I would go first thing in the morning and then decide after that. And you've been depleted, Shannon, the last six months. I can't imagine being a nurse right now with it, you know, and you call in and we're about your husband, right? It's like he, and

I think what you could do, I don't know what to say, oh, forget him, you know, I would say, babe, I realize that I so want to be that loving sexual wife to you. And that is so important. But I've realized that I need to take the next week. And I'm going to just kind of every night after work I'm going to do something one thing every day that self-care for me. I'm going to go shopping I'm going to see a friend for lunch. I'm gonna get a manicure. It could be 30 minutes shit We have 30 minutes even an hour. You could just say I'm taking it and and then you can call me back on Wednesday

We could see how it's going But I would say that it's sex isn't just all about the penetrations, like maybe he's a little bit intimacy right now, so maybe you could hold hands, or you could give each other massages on Tuesday for 10 minutes, but it doesn't mean that you need to get up and perform for him right now. You are, you're unable to right now.

And so you can let him know that your intention is to get back into your body the next week. And when you do that, you can't wait to be connected to him again. Well, and I feel like you just gave me such permission to be able to do that, isn't it? It's okay. You said it was okay.

So, it's not funny, Shannon. You asked me why. Just now you said, well, why can't, why is it so hard to give to yourself? It's because nobody gives us permission. We keep waiting for someone to say, oh, you look, you, why can't, why is it so hard to give to yourself? It's because nobody gives us permission. We keep waiting for someone to say, oh, you look, you should go get them. No one does that. And so I'm giving you permission to give yourself permission.

And that's exactly it. Because then, then, yeah, you have my permission. You fucking rock. You're so awesome. Thank you, Shannon. So do you. I've been a program about a month ago, and I've like listened to you faithfully as I'm driving, and like even listening to you helps me refill and just, I get so many good ideas,

but I really appreciate your time and your advice, and I am going to take it, and I am going to take it and I am going to do it. Okay. Shannon, I'm so glad to hear that. I mean, really, you just made my night. So I know you will too. Like I actually hear it in your voice. You're going to take care of yourself. And I'm here for you. Okay. I'm sending you lots of love. You deserve it. You have permission. Okay. Thank you. Bye Shannon. I think you know, thanks. You're a great night. I will. I will. I'm going to get a massage too. Bye bye. Bye Shannon. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. Yes. Why about that? Who else needs take permission? Who else needs my, I'm giving everybody permission right now to take care of yourself and to say no to that thing you don't want to do this weekend.

yourself and to say no to that thing you don't want to do this weekend. Lovingly, text someone and say, you know what, I know I was going to come to your something, whatever you have to do in the weekends. I was going to say barbecue. Now it's like Zoom barbecue, but I can't, you know, I'm not going to be able to make it. It's interesting that we got to find the things that actually make us feel good and it takes a beat. So right down those things

right now. And then add it to your list this week. It could be walking around the block for, you know, 20 minutes. It could be listening to your favorite music that you haven't listened to in a while, calling a friend that makes you laugh, not the ones that suck the life out of you. How I think we all need to take some time to get back into our bodies this weekend. Whether that means sexually, romantically, going for a run, let's talk to Greg 55 in Ohio. Hi Dr. Emily. I just wanted to call back. We spoke the other day and I was talking about trying to introduce my partner into interest in the BDSM, which I enjoy. I don't know if you remember or not.

I do. Well, tell me, yeah, you want to be submissive, right? I'm a submissive, yeah. You gave me some really good advice and did go to your website. My partner and I, we did sit down and we went through, and she said a little more to the conservative side, at least I kind of thought. I found out a bunch of things about it, but I didn't know. This is amazing, Grant.

Okay, keep going. Yeah, so I just wanted to call back and kind of let you know how things were progressing from that aspect. The advice you gave me was outstanding. And we're talking on a different level now. And it helped bring her out of her shell and open up that conversation. And it was incredibly valuable to both of us.

So happy to hear that. So can we just rewind for a first off? I'm so glad you called to tell me how it landed because I don't know, we hang up. Might not hear from you again. God, I hope Greg got his way. So could you walk me through, if you feel comfortable, how it changed?

Because you've been together a while, right? How long have you been with your wife? About four years. Yeah, about four years. Yeah, you directed me to your website and the words that you have of things you like or things you don't like and You know your yes knows your maybe that thing and So I did that and presented that tour and we sat down and we had a couple classes of wine and talked through everything and

And then we went off in our own separate ways to kind of go through this and we got back together and had a really good conversation and shared our discussions around it. And it's on a level that her and I have never really experienced before in the communication side talking about sex. It's been kind of uplifting for both of us. And it's opening up, opened up my eyes. It's kind of opened her eyes and I'm excited to see where this is going to go. But you want me to call back and kind of let you know how things were progressing

and where it was going. Oh, Greg, I'm so happy. You just really, I'm so happy that you can like turn around and see it's possible. You know, you had these assumptions that she was a little more conservative and you found out that she's got some stuff she's into, you know. We don't know. until we talk about it. That's such a, I'm so happy. God, thank you for coming back in and please keep me posted.

You know, this is just the beginning, you know, of your sex life of what's possible. What's the next step? Yeah, I hope so. What's the next step? What's going to happen this weekend? Well this weekend, we're actually going away for a night. Tomorrow night we're going to go away and spend the night and just kind of come a little more intimate and talk more and figure out how we want to approach this going forward. You know she

has some things that she kind of wants to try. I'm going to tell you what she wants to try. Do you mind sharing with me one thing that you learned that she wants to try that you were surprised? Yeah, I mean, we talked about fantasies and things like that. And her one fantasy is she wants to bring somebody into the bedroom with us. And you know, it's like, okay. But I didn't realize that that was a really deep desire of hers. So I'm willing.

And you know, we've got to figure out and talk about how and where and who and the ground rules and that type of thing. But I explained to her that I would be more than willing to help her fulfill that fantasy. The other one is she wants to explore a bisexual relationship, which is something that I would have never guessed. So that one we've got some more talking to do. I personally don't mind. It's just kind of caught me off guard. And so we're going to talk through that and we're going to spend the weekend talking. You know, my aspect

is that I enjoy BDSM elements and try to us being together. I had a dominatrix that I was with and that's how I was entered into the lifestyle and So she's open to reaching out to watching a session Craig I Look how far you've come this week. This is amazing to me Wow, but it was your advice that kind of broke that ice. And that's why I wanted to tell you that. I'm really excited where it's heading. Really excited. And like I said, it opened both of our eyes

to what we were keeping to ourselves. Yeah. Because you probably, you know, you hadn't just hadn't thought to bring it up, right? It's really hard to bring it up. But if you approach it in a way that's, hey, let's just talk about it for us. It's a game changer and so many couples, wonderful example Greg, I'm so happy for you because it does work to have a healthy conversation about sex. Yes, it's scary,

right? You were nervous to bring it up and you didn't know how she would react and you had some assumptions because you would never talked about it that maybe she wouldn't be into certain things. And now you could go away for the weekend and keep kind of brainstorming and fantasizing and playing to get thinking about what's possible. It's so exciting. It's like going on a sexual magic carpet ride together. So many places to go. I'm very excited about it. Like I said, we had we've had to convert, you know, we kind of talked, but we never really talked and really we're open, you know, it's general conversation. And like I said, we got into the icebreaker and then we started talking and then we went off and

we had the list and the sheets and it really allowed us to open up and think. And Greg, this just gives me so much joy. Now, I mean, no pressure, but if you call me back next week, I want to hear how the weekend goes. I'm following you on your journey. You just want to email me. I'm so thrilled that you called in to let me know that the advice worked to have a healthy conversation with your partner.

No, and I thank you for that. Of course, I got you. I'm here for you, Greg. I'm so, my whole team here, we're saying it's so overjoyed, really. You deserve this. And so does she. Why not meet each other's needs? Why not make sex an incredible experience for both of you? You're married, you've got a whole life together. Thanks, Greg. I appreciate you. Thanks for calling in. Enjoy the weekend. Okay, bye. All right, we're going to take a quick break. There'll be more sex with the family. Thanks to everyone for supporting our sponsors. You know, we only work with sponsors that we enjoy ourselves, and I hope you do too.

Let's see... Tammy... 39 in Canada. How do I get my vagina? Ah, vagina talk. To relax. In order to have my boyfriend penetrate me for rational sex. I'm a virgin. I need a committed relationship.

My boyfriend is amazing and listens to me. Well, we're in bed. We have a good bedroom relationship. I'm hoping to try anything with him. We took a trip out of town, and I honestly thought I would finally get to have vaginal sex. He mostly takes a leak when it comes to initiating sexy time, and I'm okay with it.

I like it. I think in part, I may be a submissive. We ended up having anal sex on this trip, and while it did catch you by surprising what he wanted in, he stopped to ask if it was okay with what he was about to do. I was more than okay. That experience was surreal and hell enjoyable, but I still feel that empty is I'm all I wanted

was be able to have his cock in me. I'm considering going to my doctor, but help, amassing you first. All right, Tammy, your vagina's not relaxed. You might have something that we call the vagina business vaginismus or a variation of that. It's really painful for women to, or vulva dineas, the other name for it, that it's very painful to have penetration.

And I'm going to guess that it probably hurts maybe to put a tampon inside your finger inside of you. And while the causes for this different from woman to woman, there's a few things. It could have to do with a trauma earlier in life where sex became really scary. Maybe there was a sexual assault and your body just shut down from it. Maybe you even grew up in a stressful household where you were constantly clenching, right? The action of clenching impacts your pelvic floor and as a result of constantly clenching, right? The action of clenching impacts your pelvic floor, and as a result of constantly clenching those muscles,

your vagina just closes, literally, it feels closed up, and you can't have any penetration. And a lot of women suffer through this for a lifetime. And one of my best recommendations for you is to go see a pelvic floor physical therapist, pelvic floor physical therapist. So just like you'd go to a physical therapist for your back or your knees, you can go to one for your vagina and diagnose what is happening in your pelvic floor. And for many women, the great news here is for women who have suffered from this condition, give you something called dilators. They might do it with you and they might send you home with

some and these dilators kind of look like a dildo and they come in all different shapes, so meaning it's like a long, phallic object. And it's a practice of you put it inside and then you take it home with you and you do exercises where you might only be able to get it in for an inch, sure. Half an inch. And then over time you can put it in further and further and further and they teach you how to breathe and they teach you how to open up your vagina. So you can actually have penetrative sex and a healthier sex life. And so I recommended it's not well known, as well known as it should be, but I do hear a lot of more practitioners going into pelvic floor physical therapy. Your insurance company might have someone,

and you might be able to call up and see if they have that, if I went in your area. Doctors up until maybe 20 years ago, they just were like, oh, it's trauma, or we don't really know, or it's inexplicable,able or it's emotional and it might be all of those things. If you had a emotional trauma, I mean just because your vagina might be open through doing this dilator practice where you are constantly upping the size of the dilator over a few week period. Because it only takes a few weeks, which is awesome. The thing is that your vagina might have, you might have been experiencing vaginismis or vulva dimnia. Vulva dimnia means it's more around the vulva and can't even take penetration in the vulva, which is the exterior part of the vagina. And vaginismis is internal hearts,

but you could learn to open it pretty quickly, which is great news. And then if you have had trauma, you should also definitely see it there. But if you have any kind of sexual trauma, assault anything in your life, unfortunately, when you experience something as devastating as a sexual assault or trauma, it doesn't dissipate over time. It actually can exacerbate and get worse over time. So I recommend that women do it.

Oh, good. Jennifer 47 in Ohio has a success story going to a pelvic floor. PT, she's 47. Hi, Jennifer 47 in Ohio has a success story going to a pelvic floor PT. She's 47. Hi, Jennifer. Thanks for calling. I was actually going to say, I was just about to say, call in if you've had this. Thank you, Jennifer. Sure. So much of what you said resonated with me and I just wanted to share with your listeners. My situation was a little different. I don't feel it was a traumatic caused it, but gosh, a few things, when you were saying clenching,

and how that can kind of seize up that area. One thing that my PT specialist told me is actually I was kegling or cagling too much. And so my paraformist muscle was, yeah, was basiming. And I thought it was my, I'm going to be very, very raw here because you don't know where I am, but I thought it was my husband's shape. Like he got straight. And so I thought, I thought I was kind of not blaming it on him, but that's what I had in my mind that it was because he's not because physically he's not going in the straight. So I thought he was hitting some areas causing me problems. And sort of joking, he said, no, I think it's you, you need to get checked out. I think it's you, you need to get checked out. And it turned out it was me and and and I went to a specialist and it was uncomfortable and a little bit uneasy

at first, but I was so happy that I did because I realized that I had an issue and she said, I'm not going to say this is the right answer for everyone, but she said, don't keep old. Kiggling is kind of like clenching of down there. Yes, exactly. So Jennifer, had you been caggling your whole life? Is that, how old were you in this

happen? Like, was it something that you would just started to do it? About 40 probably. And yes, I would keg go a lot because I felt like it would make me tighter and it would help during sex. And so I was, I would do it at stoplights. I was, and maybe I was an over keg or, and, but maybe it wasn't necessarily that it might have been a back situation, but I have to be your back too. It could be your back too.

Yeah, I remember that my gym, and there was a sign on the wall for a pelvic floor, physical therapist, and I have even a longer funny story. My friend does this as a living, and I was at her 40th birthday, and I gave her cherry-fen wall balls, like as a joke,

I gave them to her as part of her sort of 40th birthday joke like tighten up down there and she laughs and she says this is actually what I do is she this is funnier than you think this is I didn't realize she I used to know me but I didn't know for what and then I said you're the ones putting the suns up in our gym it was just a funny kind of fun. Oh, that's so funny. So, Jennifer, this is exactly it. Yeah. Yeah.

So, anyways, I didn't buy the device to take home because I was kind of, I still bad thing, and not so bad, but it is what it is. I was sort of afraid that my kids would find it. And so I never bought it, but at the same time, I went back enough. I was pretty set on this is going to help me. So I went back enough that they kind of controlled the muscle down, just worked

it out. Yeah, really it's working out the nerves, the tension. So that's really interesting. Sorry, that is, you can over-cangle, that is a thing. So, and now you're better, right? Now you don't have the pain anymore. Yeah. So happy, Jennifer. This is so helpful. Yeah.

Yeah. So I would highly recommend if anybody is feeling hesitation for just to help personal that type of PT is, I'd say try it. It's worth trying, and it helps me. OK. I love it. Thank you, Jennifer.

That's so helpful. Thank you for sharing your story, being vulnerable here. We really needed to hear it. It was right on cue. All right, guys, let me take a quick break. I appreciate you and, Dr. Emily, this is Sex with Emily. We'll be right back. Okay, let's talk to Matt in Texas, returning caller.

Hi, Matt. Thanks for calling. Hi Emily, how are you? I'm so good, Matt. I don't know if you remember me, but I talked to you two years ago, and you actually gave me the idea of you being candles and just teasing the senses with my boyfriend and everything. And I just wanted to call and give you a status report. Yes, thank you, Matt. Tell me everything. What, do you use the candles? We're, yes, we did.

And we are married now. Oh, Matt. So, and we actually wanted to thank you because you're actually the person that helped relight that spark between us. So thank you. I'm so happy for you. I'm so glad you called in. That's amazing. Really. Yeah, we just celebrate our first year anniversary. So I don't know why I need to log into calling. Well, probably something going on. I'm really glad that I could, it could help you guys.

So what's going on now? I'm thrilled that you're together. So we were still using the candles, using eyes here, still role playing from time to time. Did you call in about role playing the first time? Yeah, I did. And I talked, we talked about going to a restaurant meeting up like we didn't know each other kind of the thing.

Yes, Matt, you were like the first week. You called in the first week of the show and that was almost two years ago. And I, oh, I don't tell that story because you called in once. And I said try role playing, show up as sexy strangers, right? Yes. Was that it? And then that worked. Yeah, I remember. I totally

remember you back. To the to the previous color that called before just do something new, just do something new. And it will work out. Believe me. And it only is awesome at what she says, what she said. It she suggests is awesome. So happy to hear from you, Matt. We literally talked about you for so long because we were like, they did it, they did the role play, I remember this. So Matt, I'm so glad.

So what's going on now? How can I help? So we are thinking about introducing toys, but my concern is I don't want toys to replace something. If that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. People get concerned by that. I don't want it to take away the attention of the two of us.

Well, even talking about it, I'm more apprehensive than he is, but I don't know how to go about like the start. I've never used one before. Okay, so I mean, here's the thing about toys. Toys are just, sometimes they can be more efficient. They can feel really good.

I mean, penises don't vibrate, right? Our bodies don't vibrate. It's a great sensation. We have so many nerve endings on our body. Places that aren't necessarily reachable by a hand, or a penis, or a finger. And so, you know, a lot of couples who have this concern have found, and in my 15 years, I've never had anyone call and say,

oh, this, I left my partner for this cock ring. But what they have said is it really, it can actually really enhance intimacy with a partner because you're trying something new together. So that also has that same dopamine rush because it's something new and exciting. And toys just allow you to explore. I mean, if you think about it, we use technology to improve our lives, right? We're very efficient. We're like, oh, we're going to get, you know, smartphone or the Alexa for our homes.

But with our sex life, we think, oh, it can only be sacred. Bodies against bodies. And if you just look at it like playing with each other, I think you're really gonna enjoy it. What were you thinking of trying that? We were thinking of maybe vibrators or a double in the dildo. I'm not sure yet. Fun.

Something that just can extend our play a little bit more. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing about, get a vibrator, get a penis ring, get a, it depends what kind of sensations you're looking for. But I would start with a vibrator just to feel, because what's really fun is like you could be going down on your partner and use it to tease, you know, their perineum or their balls or the shaft as your mouth is on it or you could vibrate their nipples with it or it's justrate their nipples with it

or it just feels great because we have so many nerve endings on our bodies. So it just, you could use the massage candle and then use the vibrator over that as you're giving a massage. It's just another way to prolong pleasure and to tease each other and to feel really good. So you could also try a cock ring. You could try something

for the prostate. We really love the vector or the ditto for the prostate from Wevibe. They're awesome toys. You can control them with an app on your phone for more every year at if you're in the same room or you're across the world. Those are really cool. You could try double ended dildo. We've got some on our site as well, but I would just kind of get curious about it and play with it. Penis rings are the verge of the pivot. Yeah, we've got them on our site too if you want to check it out. But I would get one, something that vibrates and just know if it's a vibrating ring, you could still put it around your fingers and then use it to tease your partner. So I would just go slow with one thing and just see how it feels and go from there,

but they're not gonna replace you. Call me if you're like, I don't, we're getting divorced because I fell in love with my Revive vector. I'd be like, we gotta talk, man. But I think you'll find it's gonna expand your sexual repertoire. It's gonna be the next level of things.

Let me know, Matt. Well, I will definitely Let me know, Matt. Well, I will definitely, you know, I'll call that. Please do, Matt. I'm so happy to hear from you. I always wanted to know what happened. And now that you're married, I'm thrilled. I'm super happy for you.

And I'm so grateful. Thank you. You're all right. Maybe feel really good. I'll call. I'll call and let you know. Perfect. Thank you so much. Have a great night.

Matt. Appreciate you. Let's talk to Martha 41 in California. Hi Martha. Thanks for calling. Hi. Good evening. Good evening. I just want to say how amazing I've been listening to your talk show for a month now. to your talk show for a month now. And my daughter who is in high school, she is a little bit younger. I've only had sex with one person my whole life, and that's my husband. So we learned things together, but just from listening to your show,

I've learned so much and have been experimenting with new things and it's been amazing. So even the stuff that you guys were talking about today about finding the jeez botanon, I'm very curious to try to find my own. Martha, we're going to do this weekend. Yeah. I also wanted to tell you, so my daughter's in the study relationship and I've been buying like all the lubes and stuff. What I want for her that I didn't have was, in my family, it was always like, don't have sex, till you're married, which I did have

premarital sex with my husband, but it was always very kind of negative and they weren't very open. So what I try to do with my daughter and your show has helped me with that is try to be proactive and letting her know that it's okay to masturbate and to find what helps her feel good. So I bought her her own vibrator and I mean, he not first, she was like, mom, you know, that's kind of weird

but I've always wanted to have this open relationship with her. So now that she's with her boyfriend and everything, I bought the muse, I bought the pure and all that, and I've bought my own set of that stuff. So my husband and I can use it and it's been fantastic. So, I'm so glad. I love this. So you've been using the muse, Lou, with your husband and other things, but then also your daughter. She's like like because at first our kids right Martha they go oh, oh, oh, but then you're like no It's not weird at all like I want you to have pleasure I didn't know this when I was your age and then and then she took it right and she's using it Yeah, super healthy Martha Yeah, and it's great because even with her partner

You know, I always tell him you know if you guys need anything or have any questions, I want you to come to me. I don't want you to ask your friends, who might not be, know the stuff. And if I don't know the answer, we can call Emily. Or we can ask someone who would know. And I just want to have her have that healthy relationship. And I just wanted to thank you for that. That's really why I called. Oh Martha. Thank you. This is really this feels really

good. Thank you for calling. I'm so happy to hear this Martha. That's exactly what I want. I want you know, you know, there was so brave of you too to do that because I know it's not easy, right? Your parents didn't do it. And yeah, so good for you. I think that's that's just really healthy. And I love it. Now your daughter can be like that with her kids and, and maybe some women listening now or parents listening now will kind of feel empowered to talk to their children as well. It's okay if they're in high school, you should, that's, I think that's when you start talking to you know, even before that, they ask questions. So. And they always have, you know, it's just one of the things I think they need to know how

to be healthy and take care of themselves. So that, you know, if I feel like if I talk to them, I think it's better how specs education and know what you're doing than to be hush about it. And then that's when you get, you know, the unwanted pregnancy and all that stuff, because, you know, they don't come to you. So I always felt that that was important. That is yeah it is important and so how did the conversation change now like what would you tell other other parents who might be you know we're listening and they might want to start it like

what did you did you go up to her did you use hand or the toy? Well I've always you know started with like since she was probably around 9 9 10 because I got my period when I was 10. So I always talked to her about, you know, gave her books. First, it was like the American Girl one, which is, you know, very safe, you know, for little kids. And I say, if you have any questions, talk to me.

And then she's always come to me, because I've always been open with her when she has a question. But when the whole thing with the serious relationship that she's been in for about a year now, I knew that was coming up because they started kissing and then making now. And I let them, I tell her, I trust you to know what you, you know, to make the right decision. I'm not going to tell you you can't have sex, I'm not going to, because what happened was I went behind,

you know, my parents back and went and had it. Right. Had sex. Because they weren't saying you can't do it. And so what did I do? I still went. So I talked to my husband and I told me, you know what? I want you to know that I'm going to let her,

let her poor thing go to, you know, her room. And I want them to have a safe place with me in our home instead of them sneaking around because regardless of what us as parents do, they're going to do what they want. You know? They are, you're right. And you just want to know it's okay. Yeah.

And also, she's going to have sex, you might as well also have pleasure, right? Because I don't know if you had pleasure when you were in your 20s and when you start having sex, did you have pleasure and orgasms? No, not in the very beginning. You know, my husband, he always is ready to do anything that I want pretty much. He's down for anything really. Great. So did learn, but just and it's been great. But just, you know, with, with three kids and running around and everything,

our sex life, what kind of took, went on the back burner, but since I've been listening to your show, it's been great. So I'm so glad, Martha. I'm here for you. I love it. I'm so happy to talk to you. You're doing great work. I hope you have good sex as we get. Of course, I'm here for you, Martha. I appreciate it. I'm so happy to talk to you. You're doing great work. I hope you have good sex this weekend. Of course, I'm here for you Martha. I appreciate it. Feels great.

Thank you Martha. Of course, got you. Oh, you guys, that's, I love it. The whole family. Sex with news, loo for the whole family. You know, like fun for the whole, like I've got it. I want to talk to my daughter about it.

You know, my husband and I are going to work on our pleasure. I think that's great. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review, wherever you listen to the podcast.

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