Sex With Emily - Live From SHE: Compliments, Confidence & Better BJ's For All

Episode Date: October 1, 2016

Today’s show comes at you live from the Sexual Health Expo in New York City. Emily is joined by two special guests who help her deliver words of wisdom and lustful lessons to her live audience and you! Emily kicks off the show by breaking down the definition of “sexual health”, debunking societal myths and sexual norms. She then welcomes fellow SHE presenters Brandon B. and Tina Horn to the show to share their respective expertise on how to give the best full-body blowjob and sext like an expert in the digital age. And it doesn’t end there— the sexpert trio also tackle audience questions about porn, penis size and how to compliment a woman the right way. So if you missed out on SHE this year, don’t worry. This podcast is packed with some of the best tips, tricks and expert advice from top industry experts including, you guessed it, Emily! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Welcome you guys to the live sex and the Emily podcast. At the Sexual Health Expo. I'm so, I'm so blown away right now.

I'm so excited. First, I have to thank the Sexual Health Expo team. I have to thank Alec and Mo and Sarah and everyone for making this an amazing event. And thank you to all my listeners for coming. I have to say that I have a lot of things that I'm gonna say, but first I've just been, my mind is blown today, blown away because I'm doing my show in a box, right? Like in my, in in LA and I don't meet a lot of my listeners, I just don't meet you guys. You go in the front

room at all of you and the things that you guys have said to me and you've come up to me today and said that how the show's like impacted your life and changed your sex. And I know this because people email me but meeting you in person, I'm just completely humbled. And I'm like, oh, you're listening really. Like every time you just say hello and you come out, but it just feels really good. And I'm so glad that you all came out to support the show. So thank you very much.

I love you all. Something just dripped on me, wet. Which kind of makes sense that there was something wet. Like we could turn that into the sexual Anyone else feel a wet drip Maybe it's just a fantasy But anyway, thank you for coming Okay, so why are we all here today sexual health expo

Do you guys know like when you think about sexual health? Like what does that even mean like people were asking me Who was I talking a reporter guys issues. think about sexual health, like what does that even mean? Like people were asking me, who was I talking, a reporter guys just asked me, what is sexual health? I'm like, that's a really good question. I mean, it's about being able to ask for what you want, having sex without a lot of shame and a lot of fear, and being able to consent, say yes, say no. So I actually found a definition of sexual health, and I was like, let me read this.

Tell me about how you all feel about your sexual health. Okay. Healthy sexuality is a fundamental aspect of being human. Being sexually healthy means being able to comfortably discuss your feelings and values. Indiciate sex. Say no to sex. Enjoy sexual expression, arousal, and orgasm without fear, guilt, or shame. Okay, so who feels sexually healthy? Yeah? Good, good. Because I don't even know I'm like, can I check all those boxes? I mean, pretty much, but the thing is, like the reason why I think we're all here though is because is because we're all, like, first of all, congratulations everyone for just coming. Like, did you tell your friends you were coming?

Everyone? Good. Did you tell your mom you were coming? Nice. I love that. Because so many people still have this, you know, it's brave. Like, people are like, I'm going to a set, like I'd tell my Uber driver this morning.

He's like, should I come? No, but, you know what I mean? Like, people are weird about sex, and there's still a lot of people who aren't out there trying to learn and trying to grow and change their sexuality. So like, whether you came here to learn about like blow job tips or check out some new toys,

I just think it's like really brave and cool because a lot of us get really stuck in our sexual routines. And I feel like a lot of people, including myself until I started the show, we don't really like upload a new file to our sexual knowledge, to our like the blueprint for our sexuality and what we know about sex, we don't often update that. Like we kind of learn things in high school or college and we keep having sex the same way over and over and over again. And for a lot of people, they don't even know

that there's like new ways to like have sex. And we are not even prepared for all that messiness and the challenges around sex. So that's why I love the expo because you can all come. It's like non-judgmental environment, like without shame, we're like, all cool, we're talking about it. And so I just think it's awesome. So, and I had really shitty sex education.

I don't know about it. Who has a great sex education? Anybody? Right? Like, no. That's where I started my show because I was like, I know nothing. Like, I was like, I know, like, people would walk around and they're like, I'm having the best sex. I'm sex is amazing. And I was like, I mean, I'm also like kind of an overachiever and I never think I'm doing as well as I am. But I was like, I've not had the best sex of my life.

I know this for a fact. And so I did start interviewing people and talking about sex and trying to have better sex. And so I feel like for me, I was just sort of, I had a lot of limitations in my head about how I could have sex. Like I thought I can't have an orgasm during intercourse. I was like I can't have a juice bottle orgasm, which I actually hadn't until my show. And I think a lot of people have these stories

that we tell ourselves about sex. When really sex is like, you know, it's like expansive and growing. You can like, you guys, if you've listened to, how many of you listen to the podcast here? I love that. Can we all hang out after, like, I just want to talk. I just want to like cuddle. Um, but no, really, it's just cool to see everybody. Like, I have a friend

I was just talking to. And she's been married for like 15 years. And she's happy. She like loves her husband. And she's like, you know, Emily, when I met him, she's like, I feel like our sex life is kind of weird lately and like, what I want has changed. And she said, when I met him, she said, I didn't like soup. And now I like soup. And I think I want things sexually that,

like, I didn't really want before. And as you know, if you listen to the show and we're also doing a live podcast now, so we were listening, is that we don't really think that these things are gonna change and we don't know how to talk about them. So, and I get 100 questions a day, and like 99 of those questions are like a variation

on this theme, like people wanna know, is it normal that this is happening? And a lot of these questions I realized that was thinking about what I was going to say is like, Emily, am I normal? Like, is this okay that I have these desires or that I, or is it normal that I've been with my partner for six years or 20 years? And I don't want to really have sex as much or we want different things. And I'm like, there's no such thing as normal

when it comes to sex. And if there is, like, first of all, I wouldn't want to be normal. Like, I don't even know what that means. So I'm never going to answer it and say, yes, you're completely normal. You know, but also it's like, who cares? Like, it's not like there's a sexual police that's going to come like knocking at your door and be like, sorry, excuse me, that is just so not normal. Like, you're so weird that you're tying your partner up and using one of these vlogging things. If you guys checked out all the great products there, you know, it's not gonna happen.

So, and I am even going back to school again, and I'm taking a, you guys have been listening this somatic sex coaching that I'm doing, therapy training, and even I'm realizing, like, I don't, that's what I read, sexually healthy. I was like, do I do all of that? I mean, pretty much and even I'm realizing like I don't like that's what I read sexually healthy I was like do I do all of that? I mean pretty much even I'm like the expert. I'm still learning so in my stomach therapy I realize like you know what I ask for what I want but maybe not every time and maybe sometimes I'm still thinking about my partner more than myself a little bit like a lot better than was. So all I'm saying is even if you feel like, you know, sex is pretty good,

or it's okay, like always just remember there's just so much, like peeling back the layers of the onion. There's always so much more to learn to grow, and you can get so much better, like even after today, you know? So hopefully you're all going to leave your armed with just barrel of knowledge. So the last thing I want to say before I bring in my guests, because today's show I'm gonna be interviewing

to the people here and I've got a special announcement, but one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language is we've always done it this way. To think about that, so if you feel that way about your sex life, you're like, this is how it is, we've always done it this way. Just a dangerous place to live. So that's what my podcast about.

That's what this show is about, expanding your mind. And so yeah, thank you all for coming. So let me tell you about the show today. We are going to have two guest experts. And then a third, that is going to help me make a really special announcement. And then we're going to be taking your questions. So the first guest we have is Brandon B. He's teaching a better blow jobs class.

Did you guys see he taught it before him? We're going to be touching on some of that and then going to the next level of blow jobs. And my second guest is Tina Horn of the podcast, why are people into that? And she's teaching a class here called digital dispatches, had a sexed Skype and swipe your way to satisfaction. That's Tina Horn. I mean, because sexting is like confusing sometimes, I feel like I can dirty talk, but then taking into sexting

has been like a whole thing. And I get questions about all the time too. So we might even do like an improv sexting has been like a whole thing and I get questions about all the time too. So we might even do like an improv sexting thing like I want her to teach me IRL That's gonna happen And another thing is this is sexual confidence month that sex with Emily We decided like yes, there's back to school, but we're talking about back to sexual confidence

And so just remember this, if you cultivate confidence in your life is the most important work you can do. And sexual confidence is about releasing all those insecurities you have around sex, asking for what you want and understanding your body and knowing what you want. So like you still have another few days left in September, you're welcome to take sexual confidence in Dectober probably into the rest of your life. That's cool. So I just want to like say thanks everyone for

Playing along with us this month. Thank you for being here. So I'm gonna call up Brandon B Brandon. Are you here? Let's talk blowjob. Hi Brandon Hi, how was your Blue job class? It was great, you know, I, I could talk about Blue jobs for apparently all day long because I was looking at my time and I was like wow that went really quick. That's good. That's a good feeling because as soon as I'm like, huh, 57 minutes left. No, but that's awesome. I heard it was a great class. I heard people learn things. So Brandon, tell me about your, so you are From the pleasure chest. Yeah, I'm the manager of the West Village location. Okay, and you teach classes and you Yeah, I primarily teach the blow job class. I teach the blow jobs on beyond which is our basic class

And then also the advanced blow job class which if you are here for the better blow jobs was like a portion of that class It's really, it's less about like blow jobs specifically and more about how to use a full body experience to participate in a blow job in different and creative ways. Okay, so, but did you start off with like basic blow job or you're like, forget that. We're just moving into full body. No, I started with a basic blow job class and then did extensive research. Okay.

And then I was able to do the more advanced one. Blowjob is like one of my favorite topics. Oral sex favorite topic. Totally, yeah. Right? It's a lot of fun. I mean, I think it's a very, it gives people a popular permission to have fun with sex versus like if they're talking about beginner anal play, people are a little less excited

to express themselves about that. Yeah, anal plays a good time, but trickier to kind of get into. But let's talk about blow jobs, you know, no, August was anal sex month. I talked more, can we not talk about anal sex for at least a month? I mean, you didn't know that, so it's okay that you brought it up. In October, where I want to talk about it again. Okay, but tell me about your basic blow jobs, and then we're going to get into using your full body

with the blow job. Basic blow job tips, blow job. A lot of people are actually, not everybody here, I'm assuming, because we just have the class, but a lot of people are really surprised when I say how important lubricant is. Lubricant is so essential when it comes to giving blow jobs because the spit in your mouth is just so thin

and dry it doesn't last very long. I know. And then our hands, you know, we're doing so much with our hands, especially here in New York, you know, we're on the go, we're grabbing the pole, you know, we just want to make sure that we're keeping our hands lubricated, soft, supple, and so lubricant is really important for sure.

My huge fan of lab. Do you know what, like my number one mission in life? What's your number one mission? I think it's number one. Yeah, I was thinking is it two. Number one is that I would like a Lou Bunn every night stand in America. It felt the male start with America, with the world.

Because people still think that Lou is like some people, not in our world, not us. Not here. But they're like, Lou, why? I don't need to look. This is what happens when I bring up Lou. To people that are not in this room are like, Lou, but why? I don't need to look. This is what happens when I bring up Lou. The people that are not in this room are like you guys now.

They're like, I get wet enough. I don't need Lou. We don't need Lou. I'm like, it's not about needing. I get it. It enhances. It enhances any sexual experience. Why don't people get that?

I don't know. I mean, I think of when you phrase it in things that they can relate to. Like, yeah, you don't need shoes to walk to the bodega, but otherwise you're walking your bare feet on a New York sidewalk, and that's, you know, maybe not as ideal as if you were just wearing some flip flops even, you know. Right. It just enhances it. It's like, we go like, why do I need sex toys? It's an assistance with the process.

Right. And for so many women and men, like, this study show that study show that like when you add just and I'm not saying You just slather your body and loop although maybe you do think that in the next it was yeah, but even just for sex like a few Like you can't imagine what like a few little dribbles of lube like on your clitoris right before sex or masturbation like a few drops We'll do like it's like turbo like it just feels better it just does yeah and it will increase your ability to orgasm if that's your goal it just feels better I think a lot of people that we hear coming into the pleasure chest are just concerned that they'll begin to need it and have a dependency upon it so what I can't leave the house without my live. It's like, so that I think I have a caffeine and a loop addiction.

Do you think that's okay? Well, I know a system Joe just released a couple of new flavors of their Uber can. Oh my god, they have the gelato. They're going to have a caffeine in it. You have two birds of one stone. Exactly. No, you're right.

They have like the caramel macchiato, the gelato loop. Right. It's amazing. OK. So back to blow jobs. What else? Like you mentioned, just ask, what do you want?

We have something at the store, the Puzzle Chest over there called the Yes, No, Maybe list, where you actually sit down and have a conversation about what somebody is actually interested in experiencing. Versus what maybe they just don't, something that is off the table. because the worst thing that can happen in the bedroom is you do something to your partner that they just don't like that maybe they're uncomfortable with and so you have a conversation where you

actually establish okay don't worry this isn't going to happen but I am going to try to make sure that these things happen. So ahead of time you're like fill this out like during a before or before a play, like, how does that work? No, well, we call it like a sex date, like, where you're not gonna have sex on it, but you like, discuss what your sex is going on. Can you like, email it to him ahead of time? Yeah, I mean, where is the digital age, for sure.

So it's like, what's on this list, for example? Yes, no, maybe. Well, on ours, we have a lot of different things. I want this list. For low jobs, like, maybe, for instance, there's playing with testicles. Some people are really sensitive about their testicles being played with some people like it But don't know how to ask for it, you know

Maybe somebody is into a little bit more like a BDSM stuff like time me up or let me tie you up or stuff like that, you know So you kind of have your blueprint for how to sex before it's a map for pleasure, basically Okay So you got the map for pleasure down, and then you have a penis, and then, or you don't, but you have your barring penis, you're using a penis to give a blowjob, and then what?

So you find out what they want. So you know what they want? You're using lubricant, your hands are clean and everything. The next part is like enthusiasm. Like you actually have to want to do it. If you're treating it like a literal job, then it's not gonna be good.

It's not gonna feel good for either partner, because if you don't wanna be there, the other person doesn't want to do it. If you're treating it like a literal job, then it's not going to be good. It's not going to feel good for either partner because if you don't want to be there, the other person doesn't want to feel like they're forcing you to do this. Nobody has ever received a blow job that the other person wasn't 100% consent to them been like, wow, this is awesome. It's just not mentally connecting with the person either. And what I found is I hear from so many women that like, I just don't like it. I don't like the taste. I don't like the smell. Or I don't know what I found is I hear from so many women, like, I just don't like it. Like, I don't like the taste. I don't like the smell like, or I don't know what I'm doing.

And so again, going back to sexual confidence, I think when you're saying like, you have to be enthusiastic, people can kind of learn to become more enthusiastic if they're not. Like, because again, if we're releasing a lot of our shame and fears and like stigmas we have around sex, like you can learn to be like, you know, confident in your ability to like give a killer a bow job to appreciate it and worship, you know, the penis that you're with, and that be so afraid of it. But like it's kind of like changing your mindset.

Yeah, well I think confidence stems from desire combined with information. Whereas when people like have a desire to do something but they don't know how, they don't have the confidence to do it versus when they wanna do something and they have the information, that's where confidence comes into play. Cause now you're like, okay, now I can get my feet wet

so to speak, you can get it in real. You need the information. Yeah, that's true. So that's what you do, you're right. Cause people like, I wanna do it, but I don't know how, and I think that's the other thing that stops a lot of people They're like I'm just I hear from women all the time and men like I'm bad at it Like I don't think I give good job. I mean like how how are you supposed to know how to know how to

Right, what do you like all right? Let's do that right, but you're like I don't even know how to ask that And then some people also feel comfortable saying what they like they're like I don't really know what guess maybe guys are know it yeah I feel like from women a lot they're saying I don't know how to tell them what I want when I want to all sex right I mean that is sort of like catch me to like say to tell people like ask for what you want and then the person's like all right well I don't know what I want you know because you haven't really tried it or anything but there's also I mean if you look at movies and TV people go home with each other in the movies and just have amazing sex all the time yeah that doesn't also I mean if you look at movies and TV People go home with each other in the movies and just have amazing sex all the time. Yeah, that doesn't happen. I mean

Every once in a while But let's be honest like however you just go home with someone It's like the most of it because you don't know each other. You're not asking. You're not I mean you can't have an amazing one I'd stand I've done podcasts on that you can listen, but it's not as easy. Yeah, okay, so Better blow-jobs. So, you talk about using your full body. Full body experience. Full body blow-job experience.

Incorporating other parts of your body and the other person's body as well. Okay. Restraining somebody, like maybe engaging the nipples. I talked in my better blow-jobs class about prostate play specifically, as well as electro-play, which people here are electro play and immediately tense up thinking that they're literally going to be electrocuted there's a lot of fun topical electrical toys that just it changes the sensation sensation it's not lubrication it's not vibration it's electricity and it's just really

intense it's a different sensation but it feel it. Yeah, it's just a try it. It's fun. I could try everything once. Try it at the pleasure chest booth. We got the demo of it. Oh, you do. You guys go try it at the pleasure chest. If you haven't tried this kind of stimulation, it's cool.

I know. It feels good. It's fun. It is fun. Okay, so you tell me you used your like so, but you wouldn't just dive into that. Would you? Yeah, it's definitely not like a first date thing. Like you wouldn't pull out your knee on Juan and be like,

all right, let's get to know each other. But I mean, that's again, stemming from a conversation. Like, hey, so I'm interested in this, would you like to try it as well? Okay. So what's on the yes, no, maybe less than, besides like testicles.

Like is this like, what would you say? The questions that people ask the most about is one prostate simulation in conjunction with a blowjob. Two is where on the penis does somebody actually feel pleasure. A lot of people assume the shaft is the most pleasurable part of the penis. It's actually the glances or the head of the penis. You know, a lot of people just assume,

oh, we've seen porn where the shaft is going to be a lot of attention. Right, and there's more of it there. Yeah. Like, that's the main job. Exactly. Yeah. And just like really like knowing the anatomy and like where it's pleasurable places on the body

that can feel sensation while a blow job's happening that isn't genital focus. You know, you can, we have a lot of parts of our body that feel really good. So why would you just like focus only on the blow job portion of it when you can be doing other things as well Which would make the pleasure sensation sort of full body? Okay, good. I love this. Thank you Brandon

Yeah, so they can find out more about you you're gonna stay up here because I bring up Tina minute But where can everyone find you? I've got um pleasure chest. We have a Twitter account pleasure chest NY Instagram pleasure chest NY or pleasure chest. We have a Twitter account, pleasure chest, NY, Instagram, pleasure chest, NY, or pleasure chest.com. You can see our listing for upcoming free workshops that we do weekly in Los Angeles, New York, and in Chicago. Yeah, because you guys know this is two days of like awesomeness, but if you want to go to a night class, do you guys teach stuff every like a few nights a week or one or a half? Yeah, I'm doing the beginner blow job class on October 5th in our Upper East Side

Store, so that'll be fun. Awesome. OK, everyone, let's take a quick break. And I'll be right back. You know what's so great about sex toys? They don't get jealous. They just want you to feel good. Even if it means they sit one out while you try something new.

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Its whisper quiet and has six vibration patterns. But my favorite feature? The rabbit company keeps the motion in the ears, not the handle. No more numb hands from the transfer of vibration. It's really amazing. Like all rabbit company products, the lay-on is 100% body safe safe, features easy to use controls and has a 5-year warranty. To order your LAN, visit therabbitcompany.com or click the Rabbit Company banner on my website. Hey, why not? Lay it on today.

All right, everyone. Hello. Hi. How you guys doing? This is so weird. It's so fun. I just want to like talk. We're going to talk to everyone in the audience in a second. Thank you for being here at the Sexual Health Expo during our live podcast. This is awesome. Okay, I am now, thank you Brandon B, blow jobs for all. That bring up Tina Horm.

Tina is teaching class today called Digital, this weekend. Digital dispatches had a sex Skype and swipe your way to satisfaction. Yay, TINA. Hi, I am so excited to have learned about caffeinated lube, also my- To-of-my-favor-things.

Right? Yeah. I feel like the universe was looking out for me today by letting me learn that information. What else do I need? I'll just be chugging live, which I'm done. It tastes really good. They send us like cases to the office. So does it absorb, or anyway, it will talk science.

I wish, but that's a good idea. I don't know if it does. I don't know if it tastes like caffeine, or there's actually caffeine in it. And then I could sort of somehow write if it absorbs into my skin. Let's test that. It's like a, and there's actually caffeine in it, and then I could sort of somehow write if it absorbs into my skin. Let's test that, I think. It's like a coffee anima. Anyway, we can, anybody wants to talk about coffee anima's flavor.

We can tell you what coffee anima's after, but Tina, thank you for being here. It's topic, people where you can, talk about yourself. Okay, what do you want to know? I don't know, just tell me everything. Okay. Tell me what you do.

You have a book, you have a podcast. I don't know. I don't know. Just tell me everything. Okay. Tell me what you do. You have a book, you have a podcast. Yeah, so I'm a writer and a producer and teacher. I host and produce a podcast called Wire People Into That. It is about sex, kink, gender, and love. So I feel like maybe some people here might be interested. You might be interested. You can find out more.

Is that like sex robots? I don't know. They're doing construction. If there are sex robots here, I want to see them. So yeah, so you can find out more at wirepeopleintothat.com. And I am also a writer, a journalist, and I've written two books. My most recent book is called Sexting.

And it's about sexting. OK, right. Yeah. OK, so how did you get to be an expert in sexting? Because I feel like you cannot get laid these days unless you can sext. Well, I have been teaching during the talk. I have a relationship, yeah.

What's that? Or have like anything likeirty talk. Have a relationship. Yeah. What's that? Have her like anything like everyone's texting. What do I do? It's like I get these questions. Everybody's doing it. Yeah, so I've been teaching dirty talk classes in various venues for

10 years. And you know, I got my start doing professional BDSM and and porn. And I was like always had people people asking me like how do you always know What to say all the filthy shit that you say like I was a come from and I'm like you know I have a theater background. I have a literature background like it's like as natural to me as Like math is to somebody else like you just like came out of the womb being said of mommy. You were like cock was your first word

Is that what happened? Kind of, is it okay? More or less, yeah. Pussy, I don't know. I definitely have been saying Pussy for a long time. We can say that. Yeah, and I've been saying it, do all kinds of stuff.

But so, yeah, so I did have a really long time and I teach workshops in Dirty Talk and You know after everybody asked me to sort of like get down to the nitty-gritty Yeah, so what is the nitty-gritty of Dirty Talk like what people are like? They're like I want to do it like that's great. Keep going like people are confused by it I would say that then for me that the nitty gritty of dirty talk is actually the same as the nitty gritty of sexting. It's just a different medium.

And of course, there are different mediums for sexting. And we can talk about that. But I think it's really about developing your own style. And when I say style, part of what I'm talking about, like in terms of fundamentals, is what Brandon was talking about with the Yes No Maybe List. I'm a huge proponent of the Yes No Maybe List. I think that filling that out for yourself, you know, filling it out weekly, because who knows what has changed, like filling it out with punch partner, like for if you have multiple partners,

like what are your Yes No Maybe lists for multiple partners, because it could totally be different. And really knowing that. And then once you have sort of like that, that, that syntax of dirty talk of the things that you like, the things that you're maybe a little like, man on, and the things that are absolutely off limits, then you start to develop your own style, and like I'm a creative person, so I think of it in terms of like, rising action, and climax, and day new month, and that that kind of thing But like if you're more of like an engineer like ever whatever kind of mind you have You you have like finesse for something in your life

So I feel like applying Your personality and your expertise to like your dirty talk your sexual communication style Don't try to like pick up someone out like have your own like then it won't sound like you I mean you can get ideas from other people communication style? Like don't try to like pick up someone out like have your own like then it won't sound like you. I mean you can get ideas from other people. I'm also a big proponent of getting ideas from porn. I'm like all about porn and I think that it gets a bad rap but I think it can teach you a lot of creativity and you need.

I also think that the idea of like talking like a porn star gets a bad rap like there's a reason that they say those things, their're professionals, they're artists, those are the things that work, those are the things that turn them on, that they know, turn other people on. Right. Okay, so, so how do you know when it's the right time to sex in a relationship? Like I think sometimes people prematurely sexed. Like anyone who are dating online, online dating, right? People they've never met you like, you know, hey, so I can't wait to see naked.

We're like, I don't know, I'm gonna see you for coffee. Like, how the hell, what? What's totally, so that's like where the finesse comes in, right? So anybody that is like cold sexting, don't cold sexting or cold sexting. Don't cold sext, just hot, think hot sex. Yeah, anybody that is doing that is not practicing any kind of finesse. They're not interested in like, volleying back and forth with someone, right? They like probably are not even fully like, seeing your personhood, right?

No, you're like, you saw my picture and now you are, you know, people are entitled. There's all kinds of reasons that people do it. But I think that if your objective is to like, turn yourself on, turn your partner on, use language and use technology to create a better and hotter connections and deeper connections with your partner and like deeper satisfaction for yourself, then I think that really thinking

about like what your style is and what your finesse is and also you know to like use a car metaphor I don't drive but I hear that people understand car metaphors like you don't if you like go if you start in fifth gear you'll stall that's what happens in cars right I know that's the but people like cars at least you didn't use a sports analogy I try to watch sometimes you know I don't know if it's day. But people like cars, they're like, you didn't use a sports analogy. I try to be bunch sometimes, you know. I don't fucking know which ball that game that's due. So you're saying, because I said like, you can't get laid,

if you can't sex. And what I mean by that is I always say that four plays starts after the last orgasm. For example, what I mean by that is if you're in a relationship or you're just banging someone, whatever it is doesn't matter, that it helps to kind of keep that energy going until you see each other again. To then like, it could just be like a recall of what happened.

Like that was so hot the way you were like kissing my neck. Yeah, getting more mileage out of everything. Getting more mileage out of what happened, but also like, you know, you could be sitting and you're like, I would see him in a few days, maybe we can't see each other, but I can say something that will like connect us. And also, it could be a recall of something that happened, but it also could be like, I want to do this next time I see you. It's also a good version of like, kind of the yes, no, maybe, but in a sense of laying

out what you're into, because a lot of people have a hard time with the face to face, explaining to the partner what they want. So if you can like, lay it out and accept, be like, next time I see you, I'm going to do this to you. Totally, one of the things that I talk about in my book, sexting the grown-up's guide to getting dirty digitally, which is for sale at the pleasure test over here. Awesome, congratulations. Um, um, is like to be like a little bit of a rhetoric nerd,

a language nerd, like just like thinking about past, present, future, so like, can do you, do you want, like just like thinking about past present future. So like, can do you want to like play with this a little bit? So can I get somebody in the audience? Can you yell out a sex act, like a sex verb? Like fuck, but something maybe. Like anything, yeah. Suck?

Cool. Great. So let's say, like the scenario that you were setting up, I really like that, that sexting starts with the, like, with four play starts after last or four play starts. Right, and sexting can be a really great four play. So let's say like, you just, like, gave someone, like, really great blow job because two went to a brand new class.

Yeah, and you were like, oh, I have all these new techniques, can I try the amount on you? And so it goes really well, right? So let's say that your partner that you just gave that great blow job to, you guys part ways, and then as you're getting on the train

or getting in your car, getting home, you get a sex, or you get a text message and it says, you sucked me, right? So that's talking about the past, right? Now you could embellish, he could, he or she, they could embellish on that and say, you sucked me so good, the way you sucked me was so amazing. I can't wait for you to suck me again Can you think of any other like past past text that you would like to get?

You sucked the chrome off my cock. You suck It is now Is it there a saying like she sucks? What is it? Triller it's sorry Something like that.? What is it? I have a trailer itch. Sorry. Something like that. No. That's hot.

I like that. That's unique. I've never heard that before. I'm unique. I don't know. I'm not normal. Totally fine. So I'm about like, I kind of think of one ever.

Yeah. Something like that. So that's an example of, so that's past, right? So that's like getting more mileage out of something that's like already happened, right? I can't stop thinking about the way you sucked me. I've never been sucked like that before. Right, and so,

You took me in so deep the way you sucked me, right? Keep it up. I know. Do you have one? I like what I'm hearing. I've done this before. Okay. So when it comes to present tense with dirty talk, right, this is when you're in the room

with someone, when you're narrating what's happening, right, people say that they don't know what to say when it comes to dirty talk, but you can always describe what's happening and you can be as fundamental as you're sucking me I'm sucking you. I mean if you're sucking someone, you know, that might be like you might might be full Which is hot sometimes You know, but it can also be you're you're sucking the the chrome off my cock You're the bet you're the best cock sucker in the entire world This is a best blowjob. I've ever in my entire life. Hyperbole is fine. Nobody is fact checking your dirty talk. You said that last week.

Yeah, you can say this is the best blowjob of my life to every single person that ever sucks your cock. I am giving you permission right now. It is fine. I thought that they were telling the truth. I'm not the worst in the moment, Emily. In the best. In the moment, Emily, you know, like the... Fuck. In the moment, in the moment, it's true. I think we all know how that feels. How was my ego? So, but when it comes to sexting, you know, for the most part,

we sext with people, we text with people, we communicate mediated by technology when they're at least in the other room, I mean, you know, or like maybe in another burrow or maybe on another continent or maybe eventually like, you know, we'll sex people like on Mars on the moon, right? So you're separate from them,

but you can still use the present tense of dirty talk by basically saying like, like, oh, I'm touching myself thinking about how hot that blowjob was yesterday. Or like, that's the best when you, so the fork, you recall what had happened. Yeah, like, I can't wait to do it again. Well, yes, exactly. You can also, if you're still in the bed where you had this encounter, you can be like, I can still smell you. I can still taste you in my mouth, right? Like exploring all

of the senses. It might sound cheesy, but like, you know, you've got. It just gets the visual. Like if you are a whistler and you're like, I want to be top of mind for this person. Like I'm a track until when I want to be thinking about me all week long. Or until we see each other again, just to drop these little things, you know, and just let them know that you're still thinking about them in a very descriptive, hot, sexy way. And in terms of future, just to keep things moving, you know, future can be a seduction, it can be a threat, you know, like a friendly threat. Like, yeah, like, you don't even know what the fuck is going to happen to you when I get my hands on you tonight. That kind

of thing. Okay. And, you know, like, or like I can't, you know, and it can be romantic too. Like, sexting can be like really primal, but it can also totally be romantic. It can be like, yeah, like, oh, I can't wait to, like, I can't wait to smoke tonight.

I can't, yeah, exactly. Put rose petals on your bed. Yeah, yeah, I can't wait. I'm drawing a bath. I can't wait till you get here. Yeah, totally. Okay, okay. Thank you for that sexting. Iing. I wish your class. It's tomorrow at one. Okay. Okay. So everyone check out Tina's class. I Want you guys to hang out here. Okay, we're gonna take some questions from the audience now questions.

Yay. Hi, my name is Amanda. Hi, Amanda. Hi! Hi! Oh no! He's gonna be really mad at me for asking this question. Do I? It'll change your life. I have a question about having sex with someone who might have a bigger penis than normal. Okay. I'm so friggin psyched right now are you kidding me? Like certain positions like they're kind of like painful. Oh my gosh. They're kind of painful. So I was wondering for like tips for that. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. So yes. The repeat the question is Amanda Amanda is having sex with somebody who has a larger penis than normal. So we said large penis. And a lot of times, I get a lot of these questions that, it can be painful or it can hurt. Like a lot of the, your go to positions, it doesn't feel as good or it's more painful.

So definitely use lube. Do you guys use lube? Like a lot of lube? Caffinated lube? No, don't try that yet. And you just, you definitely want to, I mean, woman on top, when you're on top, you definitely have more control

of like the depth and then the movement, the penetration, the speed, all that stuff, because then you can control it. I know that doggy style can be painful, is that where you're, I do actually just wrote, that's what, that's what the problem is. That's the one. But it's a good one, it's a good problem to have.

It's fine, honey, because we, I actually just wrote just wrote I write for glamor and I just wrote a calm on this other day And there are variations that you can do to doggy style for example like lying on your stuff like lying flatter on your stomach Which so like if you're on all fours like typical like that could hurt more like that can go deeper So if you're lying flatter, that can help. If your hands are down and your, like, your bum is back up more, that can feel better. Also lying on the, using that particularly for doggy cell, is that right?

Okay. Lying flat and then using lots of leave, going slow and not end your, your bum's more in the air, or if you're on the bed with your body Over the bed and your butt sticking over the edge of the bed can feel a lot better as well Do you guys have any more tips for that? Does everybody know what reverse cow girl is speaking of things I've learned from porn Reverse cow girl is basically Doggy style of the bottom on top

doggy style of the bottom on top. Or, you know, like, you know, the person being penetrated is on top. So everything that they say about, like, the person on top being, like, in control, is true of reverse cowgirl or reverse cowboy, where you like control the depth and speed but also still get like all of the really like delicious sexy like naughty things or or like where it hits in your anatomy for I'm just going to be the mom voice here and say, have you been drinking enough water because hydration is a really important part of sex. It affects your muscles, your joints, your general mental sense of comfort. So that is something just to keep in mind to whatever you ate that day. And if you haven't had enough water, can't be contributing to just physical pains as well. I also want to say that spooning,

I know the spooning position is also great too because then you're also more in control. Slipping it in. Yeah. So like if you can feel really good but you can also because you got to and you got to just you know you just kind of go slower and usually I'm telling you and spooning is kind of a way that it can feel just as good. People think it's just kind of like a morning sex, but it actually can feel great and that causes you as much pain. Thank you so much. Thank you for asking. I have a question. One of my female friends told me recently that girls don't really like being

complimented so much on their physicality. She said that it's much more meaningful to a girl if you tell her that she's smart or that she's funnier or something like that. And any kind of compliment that has to do with her physicality, she views his insincere, and girls don't want to hear it. My question is, is that like the main consensus upon women or is that maybe an orthodox opinion on the matter? I don't think there's a main consensus among women, first of all. I wish there was, it'd be so much easier. I think that a lot of women, I mean, here's what I hear. I hear like if you're like on a dating app or something,

or you just be to one and you walk up to me, and like you're so hot, you're so beautiful. So like yeah, I've heard that. Like you know, so it might be that if you don't really know the person and you're just going out to that, that might be kind of disconcerting and make them uncomfortable. But I think for women, like if you,

I mean, we're very more specific in your compliments. Like, God, like I love your, you know, your dress, like is really like a beautiful dress. You look at their eye, I always think about the eyes, for example, like I've had guys say, you're pretty eyes. And then I've guys say, God, you've these really cool rings around your eye, like these dark rings around your eyes, like more specific to her. And it's like something that you know, or like I like the way you laugh, I

find that really sexy. So things like, rather than just like, you're hot, because that's just like, I wanna bang you, so I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna make you feel good. So, I mean, I like when a guy like thinks I'm attractive, but the more like tailored and specific you can make it to her, I think the better.

Another question. Hi. So I had a question about you mentioned porn. So I just read a very long online article about how young boys today who are inundated with porn have all these different expectations about sex and how the young girls probably high school or so have these unrealistic expectations about sex acts or whatever. And you did mention that porn is a good kind of bar for that So I just want to hear your comments about okay. Yeah, I mean I mean the question is if porn is how it's impacting young kids men in particular No, it's it's more along the lines of You're saying kind of how it's a good tool or it's a good

sex tool. Does it actually set wrong expectations or is it valuable? Is it a bad thing? Yeah, I mean, I think it's a double edged sword. I think that porn is great for fantasy, for masturbation. Technically porn, I don't think it's not a great way of being able to learn how to have sex. Technically, you're like, I've never had sex before, and I'm just going to watch porn. Because sometimes I'm watching it, and I'm thinking like, he's nowhere near her clitoris. There's no way she's having this orgasm, or some guys have sex for the first time. They're like, why didn't she bring three friends and squirt all over the place? Like, it's not realistically set up to how we really have sex.

So that's what I think. And you, Tina, would you like to... So here's the comparison that I like to make. Wow, cars again. I guess I'm just talking about cars. So I do know how to drive and I took driver's ed and I had to take a test in order to get a driver's license. And I've also seen the movie The Fast and the Furious. And I don't drive like the movie, like they do in the movies, all of the movies are The Fast and the Furious. I enjoy watching those movies.

I enjoy The Adrenaline. I enjoy the excitement. I enjoy the fantasy. As you said, I enjoy seeing the exaggerated, outsized adventure created for my consumption by professionals, but I'm not going to try to like drive a car out of helicopter. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start, right? So I would compare porn to the vast and the furious, and the difference is that we are

not giving people good enough sex education in the way that we give them good driving education and traffic education, right? are not giving people good enough sex education in the way that we give them good driving education and traffic education, right? So part of the reason that people don't have a critical awareness of the relationship between the outsized professionally made fantasy of porn and their own sex lives is because we're not educating people enough, especially at a young age. So I have lots to say about this if you want to visit TinoHorn.net. I've been writing about this a lot in the media lately and if you ever want to talk to me about it, I'm available for that. And I hope that this education that is happening here is going to

change our critical awareness of our, the relationship between our, between porn and our own sex lives. Do you want to add? Yeah, just, I mean, to echo that, I mean, I don't think porn is the issue. You hear that a lot in the political landscape these days, and porn isn't the issue. And in the context of what we're talking about up here as far as like education's concerned, you can get inspired once you accept that porn is not like a litmus for reality. You can find inspiration within different porn

and everything to influence your life in a healthy and positive way. But what's happening on the screen isn't like an instruction manual, you know? And so education is definitely very important, especially for young boys like you're talking about. Guys, this is awesome. Thank you.

I want you to stay up here for my big announcement. Thank you everyone. Also, I will, I have a booth here at Albe here the next two days, so I Love you all to come up and say hi. Thank you to both Tina and Brandon and now I've got a big announcement. Okay, so we were talking about Jolo Loube earlier. Well the people that Jo asked me to Create my perfect Loube and I'm like wow, like that's like a dream, like I can build whatever. And now we kind of talked about they might have already made one. But I want to make my own lay was like, yeah, I could probably do that. And I thought, I want your

help with this. And so I'm going to invite Seth up here from Joe to explain this. We're all going to make an ideal loop together. Hi. Hi, Seth. Come on up. I'm great. How are you? Good.

Let's talk about loops. So we're excited about this. We're so excited. OK. So I mean, as a manufacturer, even though we think we do a pretty good job, and we ask some of our consumers what to do, it's great for us to work with someone like you.

And then for you to go out to your audience, so we can really try and find out consumers what to do. It's great for us to work with someone like you, and then for you to go out to your audience so we can really try and find out what matters to consumers, what do they want? What do you guys want in your loop? From everything like from the consistency to the container like, I even want to screw top on, Lou, why do they? Who wants to screw up on top?

And then we'll say, I got to excuse me while I unhinge this. No, you know, everything to that. And we get that kind of stuff all the time. But like some people want this, some people don't want it. Do you want that? Okay, right. It's okay if you want that.

No judgment. We don't judge here. But right, make your perfect loop. Yeah, and we want to hear everything. I mean, I, as someone other day talked about like, hey, can you guys put nanobytes inside your loop? They say what? Nanobytes inside your loop.

But we don't have nanobytes technology. Not yet. The point being that we want to hear everything. Right. And then we'll try and figure out what we can do so that we can produce like the perfect Emily Lou. Exactly. Okay, so this is what you have to do.

Go to sexwithemily.com slash dream Loub, dream Loub. It's all one word. And so, and there's also prizes. So there's going to be 10 participants selected randomly to receive packages if they fit. It's like a 10, it's like a five-minute survey and just asks you your experience with Lou when you fill out these little questions and then we're going to like actually create this Lou that you can all try and if you fill out the survey and you guys send killer packages. Yeah and we're gonna give like 10 big prizes like I think it's like a hundred dollars worth of

various products to ten of your people that fill out the survey. So do that on my website, sexwiththemly.com slash dreamlube. And let's do it together. Let's make some killer lube. Yeah, we really want to see what can come in. I'm so excited. Okay, so the survey is actually live right now through November. And check it out. So, yes, 2017 should be a really interesting year.

2017, watch for the Emily Jo Lou. Thanks, Seth. Thank you. Okay, awesome. All right. Okay, I think that's all we got time for. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thank you everyone for being at the Sexual Health Expo.

And I'm just telling you, please come say hi. Like everyone's like, oh, I don't telling you please come say hi like everyone's like Oh, I don't know if it's a high you're changing my life like really a lot of you're telling me your stories About how my show is impacted your life and just seeing you today makes like me feel like I'd saw it's very humbling And just knows that I'm it's all worthwhile just meeting you. I don't get to meet people all of my listeners So thank you for coming. Thank you for supporting all the exhibitors here. There's amazing stuff you have to walk around. We'll be here for two days.

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