Sex With Emily - Live From SHE: Kink, Play, Love

Episode Date: January 30, 2016

In this show, brought to you live from the Sexual Health Expo in Los Angeles, Emily welcomes 3 guest sex experts to cover a smorgasbord of sex and love topics. From bedroom communication to play parties and more, this show is full of tips to help you strengthen your relationship, turn up the kink, and explore alternative lifestyles. In the course of an hour, America’s favorite sex geek Reid Mihalko gives his number one blowjob tip, certified MFT Jennie Steinberg leads a crash course in Love Languages, Dirty Lola shares her journey into polyamory and Mollena Williams makes BDSM accessible for the masses. And as if this isn’t enough fun for all you lovers out there, Emily engages the audience in a live Q&A centering around communication and sexual education!If you missed the Sexual Health Expo this year, fear not — This podcast is loaded with knowledge bombs and highlights from some of the leading speakers and sexperts in the industry. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Are you looking for way to strengthen your relationship? How about a way to turn up the kink? Have you ever wanted to explore more alternative lifestyles in this podcast? Live from the sexual health expo in Los Angeles. I'm interviewing three different sex sports on the topics of love languages, open relationship, and exploring your inner kink. Enjoy the show! Today's show is sponsored by the brand new Rape by Wevibe. You know I love Wevibe's famous couple toys and bullet vibes, which is why I'm so excited to introduce

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You can control those with an app. It's amazing. So get ready to twist and shout with the rave. Just go to my website sexwithmwe.com, click on the rave banner, and you can get it use code Emily for a special discount. Also check out our rave video on the Sex with Emily YouTube channel. Thanks for listening. So let me tell you about Probescent. Did you know one in three men suffers from premature ejaculation? Well, now you don't have to. Promessing is a quickly absorbing delay spray that allows you to have the sex you want. Promessing closes the arousal gap between men and women. You might get

there faster than she would like. That happens sometimes, so promising helps you last twice as long. Thousands of urologists are recommending promising the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. And if you don't premature ejaculation, that's fine too. You might just want to last longer in bed. It's great for that as well. So go to promessant.com to find out more. That's promessant, pr-o-m-e-s-c-e-n-t.com. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got everything. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Avaline?

What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so grown up. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. MUSIC

MUSIC So much, guys. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC Hi everyone. Thank you for coming.

Welcome to the Sexual Health Expo. And thank you to the Sexual Health Expo, the amazing staff for putting this together. And thank you to the sponsors of the events, We Vib and Pleasure Chest. We Vib makes great toys and pleasure chest is in charge of all of these seminars. You guys have a good time?

Yeah? Good Expo weekend. Anyone learn anything new? Just tell me what you've learned. One thing. Oh, come on. It's sex. OK, you don't have to tell me.

We'll talk after. That's cool. OK, so live podcast. My name's Emily. As you know, sex, sex, that means I podcast. And I'm excited because I love being part of the expo I don't think this is good weird. I don't think there's not a lot of places like this where people can go and learn About how to have great sex and relationships

I appreciate everyone like listening to the podcast, but really now you get to comment have like hands-on experience and hope you guys are having a good time So usually I've co-host with me menace or Anderson, but today I thought God, who would be amazing to be here? And I thought, Reed, Mahalko, do you guys know Reed? Where's Reed? Reed's awesome. He's joining me to Reed. Come on, Reed.

So Reed is his America's favorite sex geek. Reed! Hello, hello. That felt really good down there, whatever you were doing. Hello, hello. Look at you. That felt really good down there, whatever you were doing. Hello, everyone. You guys read awesome. Do you guys know Reed Maco? I met Reed.

He lied a big applause. That's good. So I did a reality show a few years ago called Miss Advise on Bravo and they were like, you know, we're going to have this guy in your show because they, you know, they were looking for someone and he came on my show. And the next thing I knew I was making out with him on National Television, we were teaching a kissing workshop. And so he is actually a good kisser and he practices what he preaches.

See, remember all that is proof now. Good kisser. Because he's probably going to try to kiss a lot of you if he corners you. So just don't. I will not corner you. Don't make me slump. No, no, he's, it's consensual. I, I can sense it.

So just be consensual. How is your time with the workshop? It was great. It's like corny, you know. It's worth it. No, no, it's consensual. I can sense it. So just be consensual. How is your time at the workshop? It was great. How many people are meeting me for the first time? BDGU. Hi. Hi.

So I go by many names. One of them is I'm kind of like the Golden Retriever on a espresso of sex education. Everybody do air quotes. Now do dirty air quotes. Now do creepy. Now do dirty air quotes. Now do creepy. So when people ask, how was read, be like,

and everyone will know. Well, when you're, yeah, I have to say that I'm one of the episodes where everyone's like, that guy's kind of creepy. I'm like, no, no, that's how they edit it. He's really not that creepy. But you're self-proclaimed creepy. So now I'm like, yeah, I guess. No, no, whatever you're at, we're having fun.

You know what, no labels, that's what this is about. It's all about finding what works for you. And that's what we're gonna be doing today because we're interviewing a few people who have some great workshops here. We're gonna read, date your species. We're also gonna be talking about the love languages. We have Jenny here.

She's trying to love language workshop. We've got Molina. We've got Molina's workshop, amazing, knowing your kink. She's going to be coming on. And then also Dirty Lola. How you negotiate alternative lifestyles. So we've got in the love language as well with Jenny. So this is a good show. How is your workshop? Date your species. How is it? I don't know. Ask them later. Isn't it happening yet? No, it's happening later. Oh good. This is like a precursor. It's a four-plat. after your podcast is now the right one, my talk.

Okay, so what can they expect? I will be funny, you do not have to laugh. Mostly I'm gonna geek out with you all about why relationships seem so challenging these days and things you can do to create more ease and more fun in your relationships and I'll teach you what I mean by dating your species Okay, do yeah, do you want me to tell them now? Yeah, you just want a spoiler? No, no spoiler

You guys have to go to a workshop. Do you guys want a spoiler? How many people want spoilers? How many people are like no spoilers? Just do it. We don't know that time. We're moving. We live in hour I can be here for six hours talking to every single one of you, which I would love. The big thing is it's people are getting people fall in love with great people who are horrible fits for them. Sound familiar. And when you do that, it's problematic when all the love, the brain cocaine wears off. And you're like, oh, why are we living together?

We have nothing in common, zero. Except for that great sex, we had the first three months we were together. And I'll talk all about the history of that and then how to deconstruct it and then what you can do to figure out if somebody's your species and what species you are. That's it, that's the spoiler.

I love it, that's so good. What have you seen here today? What have you, tell me the exhibitors, thank you to all the amazing exhibitors by the way. Have you guys, what have you seen here today? What have you, tell me like the exhibitors. Thank you to all the amazing exhibitors, by the way. Have you guys, what have you seen? Anything new here that you love? Well, has everyone checked out the Sibian booth yet? Oh, well Sibian is my, you all know this into the show

that it's amazing. Timeless classic, we vibe, if you haven't checked out we vibe. And then I just want to say, cement my mascot, cement my mobile. my tools, professional tools create professional results so everyone say that with me professional tools create professional results thank you, thank you sir you really, you want to make sure that you're buying really good well-made products

well-made products that are good for you and that's why the toys here the products here are the ones that you want to get on board with that I know. Pleasure to share. That's a great booth with like what's your favorite toy right now? You. Baby, that's so sweet. You in that microphone.

What? You in that microphone. You like my grip, the microphone? How's my grip? Do you guys take anyone, anyone take the blowjob workshop? Or a sex workshop? No, you don't need it. You guys all know what you're doing.

So yeah, what? What, talk to them? OK, I want to, what is that? Talk to them. What's your number one blowjob tip? I always ask everyone that question just to warm it up, because there's no one to fucking blowjob tip. Number one blowjob tip.

When you have an erect penis, well, first off, there's at least 69 things you can do with a flaccid cock. So don't disregard the unhard penis. It is an untapped resource. Just put it in your mouth, let it soak a while. It doesn't have to be hard. There's a lot of fun you can create. Figure out how to work, because that's what we get scared about. And never ever go up to a penis. Too scary. We don't like that. No, we don't like that.

No sudden movements and loud noises around the nuts. That's true. Use everything. Use all your faculties. Your hands, your mouth. What might be the thing I like is a firm grip. OK, a firm grip on the base, especially when it's hard, because you can squeeze really tight. Believe me, we've been squeezing it really tight for our whole lives.

And do like what I call like a slow stir, like this is a weird looking cock, isn't it? There's so many felt like things going on, but it's hard to get it just right, but there's so many felt like things going on. Okay, imagine that's a penis. And that's okay. So robot penis. You're going to grab the whole base and you're going to do the slow kind of stir.

It's not a cabbage patch. It won't move that much. If it moves that much, you just heard somebody. But you're kind of slow stirring it because the erection goes into the pelvis and that kind of firm pressure and slow stir for some penis owners. Very nice.

Very nice. That's good read. I know your way around a penis. I have lots of time. I have lots of time. Read is like we're all the sex educators here and everyone, I missed the dinner last night. I was very sad because I was sick.

Are you feeling better? I feel like it's, can you tell, but people think, the horse will be voice. But I wanted to, but you also have fun play parties that I've never been able to attend I I can either confirm nor deny. I'm sorry that I've missed them. I was at wasick last night But you're always a good time. Thank you for joining me. I appreciate it. I'm sorry You're the best. Do you want to go back onto the table and come back out later? You can do what you want we have to Bring up Jenny Steinberg, okay, but it's not because you're not awesome. Stay for his workshop after date your species.

Thank you, everyone. How many? Yeah, thank you. And once I thank you, Emily. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Jen Steinberg. Just see? I'm sick.

I did not get out of dinner fake sick. It was real sick. Not sick sick. We can all hug after. Group hug. Just a little real sick. Not sick sick. We can all hug after. Group hug. Just a little dry throat. Hi, Jenny. Hi, I feel like I was just introduced by Batman.

Yes, there's a lot of things you can call in. That's true. Batman's a good one. That's actually Jenny Steinberg. OK, you taught your workshop yesterday? Yesterday, yes. OK, Jenny is a licensed marriage and family therapist professional clinical counselor,

spoken on a wide variety of topics, related to mental health and minority issues. And what I love was you spoke about the five love languages, a book by Gary Chapman. Yes, it's. And do you guys all know what the love languages? It's one of my, it's a great, it's a great tool for couples.

And I just wanted to, so I was like, oh my god, we've got to get Jenny on. First of all, let's explain the love languages. If people aren't quite sure, they're like, what? I'm not sure about it. Sure, tell about it. So I describe myself as a strength-based therapist. And what that means is that when somebody's sitting in front of me and they're in pain,

I don't want to talk about what's going on, I do want to talk about what's going on this negative, but I also want to talk about the things that are positive. And a lot of the times, the thing that's positive when somebody's in front of me saying they feel disconnected from their partner is that they are trying really hard to express their love. They're telling me they love their partner and they're trying to express that and it's falling on deaf ears. Right.

So typically they're doing things like, but I always tell her that I love her and I bring her gifts all the time, you know, for example. Exactly. So that's, you know, I really want a back rub when you come home. And just because you're doing all these things for me, that's how I, people experience love in different ways. And there's five different ways. Sure.

So those ways are words of affirmation, physical touch, gift, active service, and oh god, listing things is hard. Quality time. Quality time, thank you. I hope so. I hope so. Do you guys know about this book? It's just, OK, good. I love that. But if not, you should check it out because so there's five languages and we all primarily

that's how we all experience love. It could be we learned at our childhood or that's you know and typically there's two That typically appeal to people you think that to love languages that define us. How do you break that down? I think that some people have one love language, some people are sort of love language bilingual, right? You do well. But what I hear a lot of the time is stories about, for example, somebody will say, you know, I got home from work and I looked around our home and everything was a mess.

And I thought, you know, I love my partner so much and they've been working so hard, I want to show them how much I care about them. So I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to clean the apartment from top to bottom. And the partner gets home and they look around and they go, oh, thanks, honey, I really appreciate it. They go upstairs, they change out of their work clothes and they leave their work clothes in a pile on the floor.

And then that night to show their appreciation, they give the first partner a back rub, let's say. Right. Because they, right, to show their appreciation, the first partner so pissed back rub, let's say. Because they, to show their appreciation, the first partner so pissed off about the lack of gratitude for all the time spent cleaning the house that they can't even really enjoy the back rub. So what that is, the disconnect,

the first person was saying, I love you and so I'm going to do this thing, this act of service, cleaning apartment. And then the second partner is saying, well, I'm gonna give you a back rub because their love language is perhaps physical touch. Right, because that's what they would have wanted, if they could. But then ultimately neither one of them feels love because they're not reciprocating.

Right. And so you, okay, so how do people go about identifying, because it's, everyone's going to have your love language. It gets pretty interesting how the five really do encapsulate most ways that people experience love. So how do people go about identifying their own first? They're a few the partners. Yeah, that's a great question And there are a few ways that people can identify their level language The first is kind of counterintuitive if you think about the things that you get angriest about in your relationship

That's probably why you're feeling a lack so example Yeah, so if you get angry when your partner works long hours your level language is probably quality time If you get angry as when your partner like leaves mess, your love language is probably quality time. If you get angry when your partner leaves messes around the house, your love language might be active service. If you get angry when your partner's not verbally communicating with you, it's probably words of affirmation. And that's me.

OK. So then the other way is to think about the times that you have felt most loved. This is the second of third ways, or the second of three ways. Three ways. And that is just to think about when you feel most loved. What are the things, if you think back on the course of your relationship, what are the things that have made you feel the most love? Right, okay.

And then the third way is to pay attention to how you show your love for your partner, because you're probably communicating in your own language. So even if it's not what your partner is picking up on, that's probably how you would like to be shown love. Right. So let's give examples. Okay, I know my love languages is physical touch. Like I can't like with my, this guy dating boyfriend, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, boyfriend. I'm like the touchy. I'm always like touching him. Whatever. That's just how I do and words of affirmation. I'm like, just tell me I'm hot or cute or smart. Like one today, that's fine. That's just how my family did it.

That's how I experience it. But for him, it's more like, well, you're quite figured as that. I think he's more, his words of affirmation and gifts. So I'm not a gift person. Like someone could bring me gifts that I'm dating and I'm like, oh, things that's sweet, you know, but just like touch me.

Like, I just want to just give me a massage. And they could bring me gifts that I'm dating and I'm like, oh, thanks, that's sweet, but just touch me. Like, I just want to just give me a massage. And they could bring me gifts all day long and I'm like, but you haven't said anything nice to me today. And so for him, it's like, I could keep saying, you're, you know, the same thing. I could keep touching him. He's not as touchy-feely. So, typically you don't have the same, maybe you might,

but a lot of times you have a different love language in your partner. So you have to learn how to speak their love language. Because otherwise, I feel like if he doesn't touch, can you touch me for five minutes? You know what I mean? That's the negotiation. It's a negotiation because you might never feel love, right? If you're not getting that.

And people wonder if that first of all, did that guy just find out he's your boyfriend just now? No, I just don't like that. I don't like the label. He's my boyfriend. Okay. So I think a lot of people might talk about, talk about the show, you know. That like if you're, you said,

giving gift doesn't really, your thing that might feel inauthentic, it might feel like, oh God, I'm forcing this. Right. But I really like the idea of the platinum rule. Have you heard of this? No, tell me everything. So there's the golden rule,

which we all know about, which is doing to others as you would like done onto you. So like if you want somebody to do a nice thing for you, do that thing for that other person, the platinum rule levels that up. And it basically is do things for other people that they would like done for them. Exactly.

And if your goal is to show your love for a person, that's the way to do it, is to do it in the ways that they would most receive it. So how have you seen this in your practice, help couples? Can you tell us, talk about a time where you like, there was a disconnect, and then they were just like, okay, I guess I got to learn to buy gifts, but it's worked, or however it's played out.

Sure, I mean, so I work with some couples. I work mostly with individuals, and I am, so here's an example. I had a client talk about how she was trying to talk about a subject that was causing her some stress, and she was pursuing and pursuing and pursuing her husband to try to get him to talk about a subject that was causing her some stress and she was pursuing and pursuing and pursuing her husband to try to get him to talk about this and he kind of shied away which is a whole other topic of conversation but when he finally came back to her instead of talking to her he put his hand on

her shoulder and started rubbing her back and she was like that's not enough that's not what I was looking for. I was looking for a conversation. So maybe his love language was physical affection and hers was words of affirmation. And there was just that disconnect there. So we kind of talk about that. We look at that and we talk about, you know, what is this person's intention?

Are they trying to be a jerk and be dismissive and avoid the conversation? Or are they trying to show that they love you? Exactly, because typically not, if you think about it, your partner does love you to the best of their ability, right? When they love you, sometimes we often don't feel love. So you can target, and there's a great test you can take online.

Yeah, there's actually, I made a quiz on my blog. Oh, okay, what's your game, your website? So my website is jennysteinberg.com. That's jenny with an i.e. Steinberg with an e. Yeah, it's also on all of this will be on the section on the website too. That's easier.

So I don't have to spell. Do that as well. And they can take the test. It takes two seconds. Yeah, it's like a 10 question test. Like you'd find in Cosmo, which of these five answers. More useful, maybe. But I hope so.

Yeah, no, I think it really is. Because once I learned this, for example, with my partner, was GIF, so I was like, that's so weird for me, but then I'm like, oh, not that I wouldn't bike it. You know, I'm a generous person, but then I'm like, okay, when was house, I should, you know, not every day, but I'm like, okay, well, he would really appreciate if I picked this up for him. This is a shirt that he wanted, you know, and he like, he's face like lights up, you know,

and then I say, where's my phone massage? And, you know, we're sure. But I've learned because I was like, like oh we really need to understand this because a lot of times we can feel so dissatisfied because we're not just no matter what your partner does your love cup can be empty because it's not being filled up in the ways that you sure if I give this doesn't mean a lot of money like you can pick a flower on the way over at home and say oh I was thinking of you and you're cute and this flower is cute and here have a flower exactly it's like little family you Like you said, you needed salt. Right. I wasn't safe way. I bought you salt.

That's a gift. So happy. Definitely. Salt was so great. I'm like, awesome. Yeah, I have stuff in my trunk now. Like, there's some gifts. But you know what I mean?

So it's a great way to really look at your relationship and say, I mean, I don't see any way. This, what I love about this is it's so easy and simple to digest and you can look it up. I'd be like, that might be something that we've been struggling with. And it could be a barrier, I think, to maybe get you through some time. If you guys just feel like you're not communicating.

Yeah, absolutely. You know what I'll do? I'll go ahead and I'll tweet this, the quiz on my website. We'll tweet about this. And then we'll retweet it. That sounds perfect. I will tag you in it. My Twitter handle is therapist Jenny, J-E-N-N-I-E.

So I'm going to tweet that quiz in about five minutes. Thank you, Jenny. I'm so glad you're talking about this. It's important. I think it's really useful. A lot of couples. Thank you. Absolutely.

Thank you for having us. Thank you so much for having us. So fun, you guys. Live podcast. Love it. Thanks, Jenny. Thank you. OK.

So you're all going to do your dirty love language. And I'm at saxophone and Twitter. On Instagram. OK, next. Dirty Lola. Here she is. Hi, L Okay, next, dirty Lola, here she is. Hi Lola, hi, dirty Lola. Hello, Emily.

Hi, can't decide if I want to grip it. I like it, because it's like a penis. It is like a penis, let's get into that. So, right? Okay, dirty Lola, actually taught a workshop. You taught it. You did. Negotiating alternative lifestyles with dirty low-lop.

Yes. So you're a naughty storyteller, sex toy peddler. Yes. I guess I am too. Yeah. You can't help it. It's one of those business things. It's just my car.

My trunk is filled with toys. And the creator and host of the live sex positive Q&A go-go show and podcast sex at a go-go. Yes. Okay, so tell me about your workshop. Negotiating alternative lifestyles. So I found myself at the age of 27, married and having a crisis of self.

And I was online discovering kink and polyamory and going through all these changes and I had no idea where to start. And I'm 34 now and I have a wonderful open marriage and I'm kinky as all fuck and very happy and I sat down and I said, you know, if I'm confused, if I was confused about how to start other people are

and through doing my show, that's one of the main questions. People were like, how did you get started? How did you get started? So let's talk about it. So you're 27, you get your like, that's one of the main questions. People are like, how did you get that? How did you get that? So let's talk about it. So you're 27 and you get your like, there's something out there. I'm not getting into my relationship and you get divorced. I did it the wrong way and I had an affair. Don't do that.

Don't skip that step. Don't do that. I had an affair. We worked through that and one day I was reading the New York Times and it was the book review section And I don't remember the name of the book But it was a book about polyamory and they were talking about polyamory and I'm reading it and I'm like this is me This this is me and I take it to my husband I'm like this is this is why I'm all fucked up and he's like I don't care. We're not doing that right because it's not for everybody

Explain to so it's not forever so polyam care, we're not doing that. Right, because it's not for everybody. Explain to it. So it's not for ever. So polyam, you know, it's multiple partners. There's different types of polyamory. There's there's polymato, which means you have maybe one other partner. And there's, I call it polysluttery because I have lots of partners that feel different niches in my life. But yet, so I kind of folded that up and kept it in my pocket and then I would bring it up ever so once in a while.

And slowly I wore him down. He's like, OK, maybe we could try three sums. Maybe we could bring another little home. This is the husband. OK, guys. No, we're still together. Oh, I worked on that shit. Wait, see, I was thinking that you let, OK, say I love this.

No, I didn't leave. I've been with this man since I was 19 years old. I wasn't given up that easy No, okay, right cuz you got other lovers here. Yeah, let's talk about that. Oh, no, okay So you he's with this girlfriend See this is that people like I don't understand. I thought you were gonna say okay, so it worked He was like no, no, no, but then no, no, but I kept it to the side and I would bring it up And I'm like, you know, but this is how I feel and this is where I am emotionally and he's like maybe we could bring in another woman So we did that and then he's like I'd be open to trying to force them and we did that and after the force

And he's like I fucking get it now. I get it like I love you But I can't stop thinking about that girl. I'm like I know right right right, right? And so then I started dating. He wasn't really into the dating. We were swinging for a little while. That wasn't the swinging. You know what? It was kind of like I was doing all the work.

And I'm like, dude, you got to do some of the, yeah. He's like, just serve him up. I'm charismatic. He shy. And so I'm the one like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And let's go do things. That worked. We did that for a while.

And then I met his girlfriend, the woman who became his girlfriend. We slept together. And then they became a couple. And now we're a poly family. She's married. She and her husband have two kids. They're basically our kids. And we're all a big happy. And that's okay.

So talk to me about how this works. Do you kids as well? I don't think it's, what do the children think? Like I have six mommies. How do you talk to them about it? The kids are kind of like when we started, their parents were already polyamorous. We met them.

And we just were there all the time time and they saw us hanging around and there was one night I was going to dinner with my metamorphosis, my husband's girlfriend, her husband. The oldest goes, do you love my dad? I do love him. I love him. I love him. I love you. She's like, do you love my dad? I'm like not quite there yet. She's like, okay. And like with my husband, they kind of they they love him And they're always they sing mommy and I won't say his real name. So in an a tree like they sing that and kids kids pick up Really, you pick it up, but I'm just wondering how you like we didn't really explain it. We're just there They know that we're I I'm Lola and they.

They're like family, like, yeah, I'm a little sort of. And they know love their parents. I've got very small families. So maybe that would've been good for me if I had like one aunt who like, live in Singapore. What about nice people? My parents should've been swingers. So I'm really sorry.

I mean, they get it. Yeah, but how do people go about finding that their community if they're like, you know what? This might interest me, but I live in Iowa. I mean, we if they're like, you know what? Right this might interest me But I live in Iowa. I mean we live where do you live in New York? I live in New York I mean L.A. I used to live in San Francisco But people I get a lot of emails people and I'm from Michigan originally so I get emails You were like, but I'm in Detroit or I'm in Iowa. What do they do? What do you do? Go online?

Check on there's an abundant so like okay, Cupid is a dating site But it's very poly friendly, very, actually they now made it where you can link your other relationships. That's yeah, they just get your other relationships. And you can actually put like I'm polyamorous as a relationship status. So that's one way to start finding people.

If you're on Facebook and you Facebook has groups and if you go on and you type in polyamorous, like a million things pop up. So so many states have groups of people that are already they got for phase meeting up yeah phase by your high school you can also find your next lover and and a fat life which is a lot of poly community on fat life until you can find events and groups through fat life things like that and then I always tell people also if you live somewhere very far out on FET life, and so you can find events and groups through FET life, things like that.

And then I always tell people also, if you live somewhere very far out, like in the middle of nowhere, I grew up in this out, I feel you. You may not be able to make your own community where you live, but you can travel. So things like this, um, conferences, that's the health expo. Yeah, there's polyconcils around the world. There's all kinds of things where you can can go and be in that environment and meet people that way. And then you end up creating something.

So you may have to travel for it. And maybe something that once a year is where you get to go do your thing. Or you meet other people like our poly family. They live in Maryland. They live four hours away. But you make it work. You make it work. So you find your people.

So here's my question. And this is, again, this is a live podcast. I have a lot of listeners all over the world. And they're listening this. So here's my question. Again, this is a live podcast. I have a lot of listeners all over the world. And they're listening to this. I mean, I've done, I mean, I've done this for 10 years. I've done a lot of different podcasts, 3000 podcasts. But I'm always interested in it.

I always get these questions when people are in parallel. They're like, wait, you then you, you brought home your husband, brought him a new girlfriend, and then you had sex with her, and then he had sex with her, and he said, I can't stop thinking about her. How did you personally learn to deal with a jealousy? I've always been polyamorous. I've been polyamorous since I was in high school and just didn't know what it was called.

Okay. And I never had that jealousy. So how about people? It's not. And they think, I like this idea, but I could never overcome the fact that my partner is thinking about someone else right now. I get jealous.

But I want to be with someone else. But I know how to process what I'm feeling. How do you process it? So first of all, realize your jealousy is your own shit. Sorry, it's not. It's most likely it's not your partner, no matter how much you want to think it is. It's usually your own stuff.

Oh, no, insecurity is a own. And sometimes you need to sit down, but they may be warranted. So it may be that you're missing something. You need more time. They broke a boundary. They broke a promise. You haven't spent a lot of time together. Like before we, I just, I'm here for a week, I'm in LLA,

and he's going to be with his partner, and I've been very busy, and he's been very busy, and we didn't really get to connect much before we left, and so we kind of made a bargain of when we get home, we're going to do this. So that keeps you from feeling like, oh, you're giving all your attention to this other person. It also helps if you're also doing extra curricular fucking. Like, I'm not here while he's with his girlfriend going, oh, man, I'm here like having sex all weekend, and it's amazing.

So I'm not thinking about him in the I am, but I'm not. Like, I'm not sitting there going, he's with this girl in this weekend. So you guys negotiate ahead of time, you make those compromises. Right. And we've been doing it for so long, it kind of flows. But you actually have to do the work of, this is what's going on this weekend. I'm not comfortable with XYZ happening. Give me an example of the XYZ. So, okay, early on in our relationship. Break down the XYZ. XYZ. So early on in our relationship, we, it was, if he would go with his girlfriend,

it would be before you leave, we're going gonna have a night where we have dinner together, we're gonna fuck before you go. Like really good fucking. No, right. What's good fucking? Like, like, not like a quickie. Okay. Like, you know, couple hours.

I always have a little, that's all my short stories. Like, I have great sex. Like, what do you mean? Break that down for me. Like, just more than just like, bang, bang, bang, okay. Like, you know, some foreplay and porn and because I love porn and all this. Well, you watch what's your favorite porn?

I don't, I, whatever. It came start. Yeah, it's too many things. Got it. And that, so those are our boundaries and also, how many times we call each other? Like I, Walt, since I'm traveling, I'm the one who reaches out because I'm on a different coast.

I call them in the morning when I wake up or we text, we make sure we say good night. We never go to bed without saying good night to each other. And that's how you guys discussed, because perhaps early on you were like, I didn't get a call last night. I never were used to. And there were fights.

There were so many fights of you didn't even call me. You weren't even thinking about me. And so now it's okay if I'm on a different time zone, I'll call. We good night. And when I check in during the I'm on a different time zone I'll call. We good night. And when I check in during the day, and also though, I connect with his partner. So I send her good mornings and how are you

and how's he feeling? It's not a work though with all the parts you took. It's not text all the parts. It's text. You could text everyone. We have a, it's called adult. Our group text is called adult swim. We have one with the kids that says our family.

So I send cute pictures and how was school today? And then we have adults women, which is for us adults and I send This look at this bruise I got from doing this fun thing or guess who I fuck tonight or I love all of you I hope you're all cuddling and things like that That's great. So you're all great, right? Okay, so are there a lot of people in this? I mean I? I'm so fascinated by it. I think a lot of people are but they might think you I, I'm so fascinated by it. And I think a lot of people are, but they might think, you know, what, it's not for everybody. No. And that's okay.

That's totally fine. I'm not one of those poly people that are like, you need. We're all poly people. We're not all any one thing. I don't, yeah. But what do you think that people can learn from it? If they're not, and they're in a relationship, and a community relationship with one person, but what do you think that, that take away that people can learn from this?

Communication. I don't, even in monogamous relationships, people aren't communicating. People go through their whole day and don't talk to each other and don't check in because you just don't think you need to. So that's one of the main things that I think people from in monogamous relationships can look at poly and go, oh, all this extra communication that doesn't have to feel extra. It's, I'm checking in with people I love. I'm letting you know what's going on in my day.

Also just about setting boundaries, because even in monogamous relationships, you need to set boundaries of what you're okay with, even like flirting. Like some people think flirting is cheating. I don't, but some people do. Or some people think, you know, like you can't even talk to someone of the opposite sex.

But those are things that you need to talk about and not just get angry that you saw your husband talking to, you know, the hot lady at the symbiom booth. It's funny. People are riding the symbiom again, jealous. Hi, money. No, but it's interesting though, because I think that, like I always say, communication is a lubrication. And I've realized that I've been saying that for 10 years now that we were like

But how did I get what you're saying Emily? But how do I really like have it like people just go with the anger like that really upset me that you were doing that But we want to like drop it down to another Little therapy. No, we went we found an amazing sex positive therapist who is she was okay with Polly and Kink and we and she even invited us to bring in our others to sit down but she gave us a lot of great. Lots of chairs then. Yeah. But also realizing that you know I'm a planner my husband's a procrastinator so it's. That's how they go to Emma procrastiner to do the planner. But it's accepting who your partner is.

Exactly. And then working around that. But one of the main things is making time to talk to each other. You have to make the time. And you have to set the bound. And I do think that therapy, I will say, is I think that every couple of events you're going to come to a point. And it's never too soon to go into theory because if you look at your relationship, you might realize that we're having the same arguments over and over and over again.

And there's a point where you're just never gonna get deeper with it? It's gonna have a referee. It's not about all this stuff about who did what and who said you in the flirting It's about other deeper issues and so and a good therapy Yeah, we'll make you both feel like you were heard and that nobody won We never went home going. How she took my side. It was we both went home feeling heard Listened to and like we had solutions home going, how she took my side, it was, we both went home feeling heard, listened to, and like we had solutions. So take that with you when you're looking for somebody.

That's amazing. Thank you, Dirty Lola. You're very well. You rock. Okay, everyone can find you at all of my websites, too, but you're being website, you want? My main website is sexedagogo.com. It's where my show is. It's also where you can find links to the podcast.

And I'm on Twitter at Dirty Lola. That's where I'm most active. Dirty Lola. There's nudity. I'm just warning you. Okay. Good They want to see the nudity. Okay. Thank you so much. Thank you. Awesome. Thank you Also you guys oh Molina we've got Molina coming up here But I also want to say that we're gonna be doing look Q&A after two so at the end of this like the last ten minutes So get your questions ready. Hello.

Hi, Molina. What's up? How are you? I am so great. How are you? I'm good. Okay, so Molina, Todd, a workshop knowing your kink, knowing yourself with Molina Williams. Yes, that's what I did.

That's what you did. I did. And that was yesterday. Do you want me to give you a who you are? Sure, if you want. This is the bio part, but it's important. War, Malena, Malena's award-winning critically claimed writer, actress, BDSM educator and storyteller, and joining us talk about the wild,

wide world of kink and how to explore your kinky side. The wild, the wild, wild world. Wild, wild world. Well, my class yesterday, it's interesting because, talking about kink and BDSM, BDSM being bondage and dominance, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism because we perverts love acronyms. And this one's a stacked acronym at super awesome. But a lot of times people will think that BDSM is whips and chains and a dungeon. Right. And it's a scary thing. And my role is to kind of like sort of like Oprah, the BDSM,

and be like, look I'm a nice friendly chubby black lady. It's okay Oprah BDSM, right? I'm so confused by it. You can talk about it and say it's only as scary as you want it to be and frankly a lot of what we do in kink looks like normal life shit And you would never know wait can I swear? Yeah, I was like I just use a bad word. Please believe it. Do you want? No, you can swear. I try not to, but fuck sometimes.

I'm like, I really am. There you go. See, I can help it. OK, no, do whatever you want. Go crazy. So part of what I was talking about yesterday was the point that in order to know what you want to do in the dungeon or in the bedroom or in your life,

you have to know something about who you are. So it's a lot about exploring your personality, what your desires are. If you're like, hey, maybe I'm dominant. Why are you dominant? Are you dominant because you're an overbearing asshole? And because you feel the need to be the boss of everyone around you and anyone rebelling against your will must be crushed like your foes. And if so, that's great. As long as you are honest about that. If you're submissive because you desire to please other

people and you don't want to make a fucking decision for the rest of your life, and that would just relax you into a state of constant erotic bliss, great. But if you know that about yourself, you're more able to find a partner who's able to say, you're a bossy asshole, that kind of turns me on. Ha, ha, ha. So how do we look all about finding it?

Like you talked about knowing and defining your own king. Like you're saying, some people might know that, but some people be like, I think I'm interested in it. I don't have chains, I don't have webs, I don't have a dungeon, but I can't do something about it interesting, but I don't know where to go from there.

One of the things I tell people to do is to find porn that turns you on in that realm. If you read, and I know a lot of kinky people are gonna cringe when I say it, but I have to say it, if you read 50 shades of gray, yes, it's terrible, but let us point out it's been a gateway drug for literally millions of people around the world. If you can jerk off to some BDSM horn and say, I don't know that I like Christian Grey,

but reading about the Red Moon of Pain has gotten me horny, hot, wet, soft, whatever, that's great because then you can take the next step and say, maybe I want to roleplay this in the bedroom, maybe I want to write fiction about it, you know, exploring through someone else's view is a great way to give yourself want to write fiction about it. Exploring through someone else's view is a great way to give yourself permission to feel okay about it. Yeah, I agree. It was a gateway, poorly written, kind of painful, but people were like, oh, that's so interesting.

We learned about it. There was Anne Rice and the Sleeping Beauty series, which I read back in the day. And I felt bad about myself as a human being. I was like, you are a terrible, yeah, So good. Got a jerk off because it went to something beyond my higher brain. Right. You know, I could sit there and go, oh, this writing, oh, this whatever. But then I'm like, you know, let me also judge men, all of a turn, you know, turn, you know, no one's

here to judge. Just find what you want. And before that, it was the story of, oh, and I'm sure that a lot of people read the story of, oh, back in the day. That's what I was reading back in the 80s and 90s. And going, OK, well, this is problematic. And I'm not sure I feel about the ending, but, oh, I want a special dress. And I want a special ring. And I want a collar.

And I want a mask. And I want a mansion full of hotties. That's a great weekend. So what about a couple who's together? And he or she or he, she, she, she, someone right at the cup. I'm like, I want to try this, but I, I do not know where to start because there's so much

information out there, but it's confusing. There's like cuffs, there's whips, there's change. What do you say like the beginning, beginner BDSM, or bondage, or what up figuring it out? Because we tell you one thing is that you can do to tell your partner, like your upset, their socks are on the floor, and I'm saying, tell me you might want to be tied up and blindfolded, you know? Well you one thing is that you can do to your partner, like your upset their socks are on the floor and I'm saying tell me you might want to be tied up blindfolded, you know.

Well, the thing is that most people, like show of hands here, even if you, like go back to the mists of time, the dawn of your sexuality, and probably at some point you like held your partner's hands down while you were doing them, or they held your hands down, or or someone like turned you over and tapped your button and tapped your button a few more times and you were like, tap it again. Yeah. Actually, kind of awesome. It's organic.

Most people do that. Most people will say, I want you to just do me. I want you to take charge of me. So this is really organic. So going back to the fact that this is something we've all done and to just say to your partner, tonight, just for tonight, how about you be in charge and you take from me anything you want. And the other person, okay, where do I start? It's like, how about I serve you dinner and give you a foot massage and then kneel at the foot of the bed and wait for you

to tell me what to do. And then your partner goes, well, I don't know what to do. It's going to be awkward. It's going to be awkward. It's going to be awkward. That's the thing. You got to get through that. And that's okay. You know, I mean, some of the most hilarious, before I was even kinky, my first boyfriend, I were like, we're going to get through that. And that's okay. I mean, some of the most hilarious, before I was even kinky, my first boyfriend, I were like, we're gonna try golden showers. Yeah, we're gonna pee on each other. This is like the dirtiest thing ever. And we got ready and he drank all this water

and we got the shower. And I'm standing like, yeah, do it. And he's like, yeah. I can't pee. Don't look. It's like something is pee shy. Like, I can't watch. Don't look. It's like suddenly he's pee shy. I can't watch him. I'm like turning around.

Here's my ass. P on my ass. Yeah. And then he just cracks up laughing. He's like, this is ridiculous. So it's still an error. There's not a laughter. And the thing is that it was funny.

And then eventually he did pee on me. And we were like, okay, that didn't really turn me on, but we did it. And this is the great thing about King, because it's going to feel silly and you're going to feel awkward, but you're also silly and awkward together. And the whole laughter is the best medicine thing.

There's very few times laughing in the bedroom is okay. Generally, it's jarring and might make someone cry. But like, if you do a bond, that's what both happens. Exactly, but you do a bond, it's what happens. Exactly. But you do a bond, it's like, got the socks around your wrists and the scarf and it's tangled and your ankles behind your head. You're like, honey, this is not and you're laughing and you're having a good time. That enjoyment is a form of bonding. And if someone's giving you a spanking and they're not doing it correctly and you're like, no, I think more on the

left cheek, more on the bottom cheek, down on the bottom, just curve. And they're like, exactly. You have this excuse to talk and to communicate in a way that doesn't necessarily always happen in the realm of sex. And in a situation where you're exchanging power and you're saying, you do me, now I'm gonna do you, you have to talk.

You have to absolutely communicate. And this is the amazing and awesome thing about kinky sex, is it it forces you to talk about shit that you almost never talk about in regular standard relationship shit? Right, and that's what I think, right. We want everyone to be talking in your standard relationships even if you're not in the kinky.

So there's a lot to learn from it. So what you said that you weren't always kinky. I mean, maybe you weren't. I was always like, yeah, I was like the freak in high school. Like that was the term. So I was never ever like, how did you get into it then? How did you manifest it? Long and crazy story short.

Basically, I met this like hot British guy. And we were about to like hook up with this like hot one night stand. I'm like, yeah, he's super hot. And he's got the accent and he's a musician. So I'm like, oh, this is great. And like we went got the accent, and he's a musician, so I'm like, oh, this is great. And we went back to the hotel, and he literally threw me up against the wall, and had his hand around my neck,

and Lean Denon said, you've been a very bad girl. Do you know what happens to bad girls? And I'm like, no, yes, no, yes, no, what happens? What happens? And then what happened was the freakyest, most deviant, he took off his belly, choking me, spanking my butt. And I'm like, OK, well, technically this could be considered assault.

Yeah. But oh, it's so, I'm really wet. And I'm really turned on. So instead of calling the police, I'm going to just see how this goes. And so how it went was ridiculous, amazing, awesome, best orgasm ever. And I woke up in the morning and I was like, I need to get his cigarettes. I need to get his breakfast.

I need to pick up his laundry. I need to draw an errands for him. I need to do whatever he needs for me to do forever and ever. And I'm like, and I thought to myself, okay, well, clearly there's something broken in my head. Because no one gets their ass beaten and then wants to become this person servant. It just doesn't make any sense. make any right your brain just went there My brain and then it took me a couple of years to say Maybe it's not just that I have this incredible unique bond with this one person

Maybe it's me. Maybe this is my personality Maybe this is something within me that he just happened to hit upon and at that point luckily I was living in San Francisco and there's a few perverts there in case you're wondering where they are. There's a few. That's right, I'm from. And I started poking around. I was like, hey, where are the kinky people? Because I assume that grew up in New York and I assume that BDSM and Leather was all gay

white men. Like, that's who I saw. And then I was like, no, there's people from all walks of life doing this freaky shit. But here's my question. So you have this experience of the hot British guy. And then you probably like, no, there's people from all walks of life doing this freaky shit. But here's my question. So you have this experience with the hot British guy. And then you probably had other sexual experiences after you're like, why is it like, did you ever try to be like, I want that again or try to talk these teach men or whatever you're with trying?

What's interesting is that it's really not difficult to get people. And this is what I say to people, you don't have to evangelize. It's the bridge, it's the part that they can. You can't welcome. You can say, this is an aspect of my life that I enjoy. So the next time I had a hook up, I did say to the person, you know, if you wanted to spank me,

well, we're fucking, that would be okay. And I have not yet to have anyone say no. I had, actually, it was very funny because I had one woman who was a lover and I was like, hey, you know, and she was like, oh, and then she turned to this cabinet that had never been opened. I was like, she's like, and I have like, hey, you know, and she was like, oh, and then she turned to this cabinet that had never been opened. And like suddenly, she's like, and I have floggers.

And I was like, oh my god, I'm so glad. And she had never bought up because she didn't want to scare me away. And so what was amazing was that I discovered that once I started to say, hey, you know, I'm into this. I had people, the most rejection that I received was someone saying, I'm not really into that, but I'd be interested in hearing why you are.

You know. Right, and that's not so bad, right? But you're getting, and you're getting what you want. So somebody who's actually, are in relationships where they're helping, you know, that they're partners who are not mine readers. No, no one's partner is a mine reader, but we just hope, but we don't talk about it.

So, you know, it helps to be very open right away. And how is it right, right away, right? Like, we need someone you're like, this is what I'm into. I mean, you can just say, you know what? And you know what? to be very open right away right away right like we need someone you're like this one you can just say you know what collar on your neck I think I'm a freak so I mean my my my husband slash owner and I met on okay cupid and that was because my okay cupid profile was like pervert pervert pervert submissive bottom this and this and that if you're interested in that and I can tell you, I got hundreds of responses, most of them from submissive men who were like,

mistress, please, and I'm like, did you see all my brooch- I'm a baby, we're so- We're so submissive, I think it is. But good for you, it's fantastic, but this showed me that there were people out there, a lot of people, you know, because I'm a niche market, you know, I'm not the most marketable chick on OKCupid. So if I was getting that many responses, you got to know that there's tons of people who are like looking for it,

just waiting for someone to have that openness with them. Right. And the thing is that if you share that with a partner and they're not into it, Isn't it better to have that communication early in their relationship so you can make an informed and intelligent decision as to whether or not This is something that you wish to pursue. Right. I require to be spanked if you cannot spank me This is not you. You have a fantastic life. No judge me. I like it. No, that's great So you and then so you also teach course that you tell educate people I do I do I do a lot of Classes. What's funny because people think oh k and BDSM, what are their classes on? It's like, well, how do you negotiate? What happens when things don't go well? How do you find partners?

How do you deal with being involved with more than one person? If you're in a power exchange dynamic, there's so much to talk about. So I talk about it all of it. I love it. How can they find you? What's next? So how?

You can find me on moleanah.com, moll.le. And a.com. I have a book, a wonderful book that I co-wrote, with Lee Harrington called Playing With Others, Your Guide to Exploring, Discovering and Navigating, The King, Leather, and BDSM Communities. And that's for the person who's like, maybe possibly, I think, I don't know,

maybe I want to check this out, like my mom read it and was like, oh, okay, yeah, I want to say a little bit more. There's something I do believe that people can read any of this and figure out like I might not be in that extreme of it, but there's something in here that could work for me. Exactly. And that will spice up my sex life or get me to it.

Maybe you don't know. I think a lot of people are like, I don't really know what I want it. I don't know who I am sexually. So, they can give you self permission to explore it. And then once you give yourself permission to explore, then you can figure out the rest of the deliciousness. I love it.

You're delicious. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it. Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you guys, okay. This is the time.

We're doing some Q&A. Who's got questions for me? Come on. Hey, guys, having fun at the expo? You could just joke, okay, now are you ready to talk to me about what you've learned? Is it even a good time? Yay. Got a mic.

This is Madison, producer Madison, if you listen to the podcast. And who listens to the podcast? Yay. Thank you for coming. I appreciate it. Questions? Oh, there we have it. I got a microphone for you.

Just takes one. And then you all start talking. Hi, so this is something that came up in my last relationship. And I think it kind of ended the relationship, which was that we couldn't talk about sex. And part of it, you know, I mean, I'll take responsibility for not, for just not knowing how to create a space to make him feel comfortable. So anytime I wanted to talk about sex, and this was after being in a relationship for over 10 years.

You were with him for 10 years. Yeah, okay. He just felt like talking about sex was like me telling him what he was doing wrong or me telling him what I am not getting. And that it felt like it was punishment or lecturing. And I didn't know how to and over. That's very tricky. That's very tricky. Because I would say, well, you tell me,

why don't we start with what you might want that we haven't talked about. But even though, wait, wait, there must be something you don't want. What am I doing wrong? Yeah. Sex is very touchy. I mean, it's a very challenging thing

for couples to talk about. Especially if you're together for 10 years, and all of a sudden you're like, let's talk about it. Of course, someone is going to think, you know? Right. It's what we're doing is great, but I kind of want more, how do we discuss that? So I guess the question is, how do you help create a safe environment for your partner

to not feel attacked or made wrong? It's a great question, that's a really good question. And it is a common question, but a really, really good one because I think it is so overwhelming for people, and they just think, I'm just not going to deal with it. Maybe we'll talk tomorrow because there's never going to be a great time to have that sex talk if you've never had it. And so one of the best things is to not have it in the bedroom, okay, unless you're in pain or there's something where you want in the bedroom, typically it's best to have these outside the bedroom. So maybe when you're, you know, having breakfast

or taking a walk together, even driving in the car, I remember Charlie Glickman, I don't know if he's here, but he was on my show. And he was saying, that couples, if you're driving in the car sometimes and you wanted the sex talk, but you like, eye contact is kind of hard the first time. You're looking ahead, but you're still having the talk and you're like, you know, that's another great way. But also, I love the compliment sandwich too. So say something like, you know, our sex're together, you could kind of do that again because I felt like I was about to orgasm and it felt amazing.

And you're the way you were doing it. I could bring in some lube but I think lube would feel great when I masturbate. So you just kind of start telling reinforcing about stuff that you're doing. I think that's an easy way to get into it. And I think that's a good way you were doing it. I could bring in some blue, but I think blue would feel great when I masturbating.

So you just kind of start telling, reinforcing about it's not that you're doing, I think that's an easy way to get into it. Because if you're like, we need to talk. How does that go over ever to anybody, right? Your employees, your boss, anything, we need to talk. So it's like, hey, I just think as much as you could keep the sex conversation, it's a heavy subject. It's intense, but to keep it lighter and to keep

it more fun and playful, you're going to have a lot, you're going to have better sex and the conversation will become a lot easier to have. And essentially, once you start talking with your partner, it actually is a fun thing to do. It becomes like, wow, I see because you're getting benefits from it. We're actually having this talk and our sex just got better. And they're like, when can we talk about it again? It's like what we were talking about earlier with Melina and every like, Darylola, having these conversations. The first few time, it could be, it's going to be hard, but then it becomes part of like, what do you want for dinner? It's like, so, where are you going to spank me tonight? You know, it doesn't become easier. So thank you for your question. It's a great question.

where you're going to spank me tonight, you know, it does become easier. So thank you for your question. It's a great question. Any other questions? Come on guys, don't be shy. Hi. Hello. What I've learned is that, you know,

we need to be authentic with ourselves the things we feel, the things that we see. Yeah. Can you maybe move the mic up? Thank you. Make sure that we're letting ourselves out to our partners, the people move the mic up. Thank you Make sure that We're letting ourselves out to our partners the people that were around you know don't hide it because And that's what this has taught me at being here is you know be out there be open

Share yourself and find out what other people are about. Yeah. No, that's great It's true. I think a lot of you will like silently suffer through I Yeah, that's great. I think a lot of people will silently suffer through. I assume an obvious. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get.

And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get.

And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you work so hard to get. And you you for coming to them. I appreciate it. I do teach workshops. I think I have another one February. Second.

Second, and how's the Hollywood and COVID-19 West COVID now? That's going to be fun, some sex-to-shopping. Anyone finding toys here that they like? I wanted to ask the women, yeah, what'd you get? So I got some stuff at that booth over there. I got a really great deal on a vibrator and some of those little balls.

Like a gag of balls. I like a gag of balls. I got a helicopter side pelvic floor health. So important. But yeah, the stuff I really wanted was little out of my price range. So we'll have to save up for these things. How do your prices save up?

Yeah, it's worth it, you guys. It is worth it to spend that you don't want to get vibrators that don't want to do burn your vagina off made of not but non body safe materials, so It's true. Okay, good. I'm glad any other questions any more questions a minute. You saw Yes, hi You're just going hey, that was a good fucking time Hi, hi Amanda

I was my intern for out. Hi, Amanda. I knew they turned for out. Yeah. Hi. I was wondering you talked on a few podcasts to go about websites for sex parties. And I was just wondering, because I know you've gone to one with Ross. Like you told us about in a podcast.

That's my boyfriend. OK. I was just wondering, like, your favorite way of going about that, like the safest way of going about that, like the safest way of going about that, because I know there are lots of websites. Yeah, there are. I mean, I think that, it depends on like, fat life is a great website to go out to, but

you're thinking going to play parties. Yeah. I've never been to one before, but I really want to go out with it. I know, everyone. Luckily I've got friends in, but I know. But I think fat life is a great one. You're in LA, right? Yeah.

Any suggestions for sites and people use? You guys have suggestions. I mean, yeah. I just think it's really finding like your groups, your community, who you're into. But what would you recommend like if there's Facebook groups? Ooh, loud. Definitely felt life would be careful.

A lot of people have parties at their houses, so kind of pay attention to that. You want to be safe. You want to be safe. Go to one at a public space and not just at somebody's apartment. And then there's Kinky Salon out here. They're in the bay. Are they in LA?

Kinky Salon in the Bay area. Yeah, they're in the bay. And they do. Those parties are great because they have a buddy system. You have to bring a friend. And if one of you is an asshole, nobody can ever come back, which I love. No, it's true. But they encourage a buddy. And also, they talk is an asshole, nobody can ever come back, which I love. No, it's true.

But they encourage a buddy. And also they talk to you when you come in about everything. You don't have to have sex. Sex is an option, but you can also just sit and chill. And there's always a theme. You always wear a costume, which is amazing. That's, I think that's a great advice. The places that are actually like, yeah, somewhere that's vetted. Kinky Salon is great at Stanford School. And I wonder, because since I moved out of LA, I did go to that one party with him,

which is really fun. My Holly and Michael, they have a show on Playware Radio called Swinger. They're here, they were gonna come. But they're like my, they invite me. So I have not gone on the sites here. And since I moved out of LA three years ago, I've been way too busy doing it, which kind of sucks.

But yeah, I would check out FatLife, I would check out some Facebook things, and Kiki's a lot more, even have things here. Okay, anyone else have any questions? All right, you guys, that's it. I wanted to go, thank you so much for coming, and thank you to the sexual health ex-fo. We're gonna be doing this all over,

following us around the country, and follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Sex with Emily. Thank you to all the fans who have been here. I'll be over at my booth. I've got books, I've got t-shirts. We can talk, we can have a drink, we can hang out. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you?

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