Sex With Emily - Locktober: How to Do Chastity Play Safely

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE WhisperVibe™ OR a FREE Rose toy with any Whisper™ order! https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/...smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!: https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily and producer Erica answer listener questions covering intimate challenges from anal play to mismatched libidos. The episode addresses a woman whose boyfriend wants to try receiving anal rimming but can't relax into it, examining masculinity myths around pleasure. They cover penis cage safety during chastity play and what to watch for during extended use. Listeners also hear from a woman whose partner never initiates sex despite therapy, someone experiencing numbness during oral sex, and a recently divorced woman struggling to reclaim her sex drive. Throughout, Emily emphasizes communication outside the bedroom, understanding our bodies' responses, and reclaiming sexuality as something we own for ourselves—not something tied exclusively to our partners. Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction 1:15 - Helping Your Partner Feel Comfortable with Anal Play 6:38 - Penis Cage Safety & Chastity Play Guidelines 13:49 - When Your Partner Never Initiates Sex 18:45 - Numbness & Tingling During Oral Sex Explained 23:07 - Reclaiming Your Sex Drive After Divorce

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Starting point is 00:01:06 That's G-A-I-N-S-W-A-V-E. Dot com slash Emily and use code Emily 25 at checkout. It's time to feel more alive in your body. The boredom thing is real, you guys. We need that novelty to keep the sex interesting. That's just how we get aroused. We literally need novelty. When everything's the same, that's how we get shut down.
Starting point is 00:01:25 That's how we get turned off. So it's actually a requirement to keep evolving your sex life, to keep exploring together. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex you asked and were answering. In today's episode, producer Erica and I are diving into your hotline calls and emails. And as always, you guys delivered.
Starting point is 00:01:49 We're talking about how to help your partner feel comfortable receiving anal rimming when they've asked for it but can't quite relax into the experience. We're covering penis cage safety. for those exploring chastity play. Because yes, we need to talk about the risks. We're addressing what to do when your partner never initiates sex and you've already tried everything. We're exploring what it means when you feel numbness
Starting point is 00:02:12 and tingles during oral sex and how to reclaim your sex drive after divorce when you're just not feeling it anymore. These are real questions from real people navigating the messy, wonderful complexity of their sex lives. All right, everyone, let's dive in. This is from Kelsey. She's 34 in Detroit.
Starting point is 00:02:33 My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. We're very open sexually and we love to explore any things. I guess there's really no easier way to say this, but he loves to eat my ass. It's like his favorite thing to do, and I love that he gets so turned on by it. That turns me on. One time when we were discussing sex, he did say he would actually like me to do that to him, and he's never had it done before, and I absolutely agreed. Although he wants it done, it's been very difficult for him to open up to it in the moment.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I try to bring it up in the bedroom, which I know you say not to do, but I try to bring it up during sex, and he just, he, he, it weird to melt. And I think it's really hard for him to do something that maybe isn't classically known as something very masculine. I think it may be, it messes with his own sexuality a little bit. I was wondering if there were any way to kind of use him into it and make him feel more comfortable if there's anything I can do, if there's anything he can do, because I know he's going to love it and he wants to try it and I'll do anything that he wants to try because I love him. Love your question. She's my girl from my town.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Oh my God. Kelsey, you sound just really wonderful and such a loving girlfriend. First, let's talk about the fact that you're talking about eating ass, anal rimming. And I want to remind you all why this might feel good and why this might be hot is because there's so many nerve endings we have in and around the anus and that when we lick it or we touch or we use a toy or fingers or hands or all the things, it feels great because nerve endings, okay? Let me talk about some of your concerns here.
Starting point is 00:04:19 First, I love that he brought it up. So that means he wants to do it. So my first thing that comes up is maybe when she brings it up in the bedroom. And to be honest, I'm okay with you bringing up like, let's try a sex act in the bedroom. But maybe he's like, babe, we just had a big meal. I don't feel it's hygienic right now. So that is a concern for many. We'll get into some of the other concerns.
Starting point is 00:04:38 But a great like tip for this is to try it in the shower or after you get out of the shower, have a date night where you both take a shower or a bath together. And maybe that'll be the time that he feels the most comfortable. Try that out. And if you think it has to do with him being concerned about it not being as masculine or being too feminine, just want to remind all of you that sex acts do not have any correlation to your sexuality. Meaning, there's a common misconception that if a penis owner enjoys receiving anal or prostate play, it must mean they want to sleep with other penis owners. That's just another thing that's wrong with sex education and society that we've
Starting point is 00:05:17 totally like, this actually makes me sad. That there's all these mess. who identify a straight, who won't even go near their anus, won't even try to find their prostate because they think, well, that's just reserved for the gay community. So just remember, a lot goes into our sexuality and enjoying a certain type of play, like this kind of play, that feels really good, is just not one of them. The other thing is, you know, maybe he's just not comfortable. He doesn't have any experience around receiving anal rimming, licking his anus, because it's more submissive and he might not be used to being the submissive one in the
Starting point is 00:05:50 relationship. And I feel like sometimes submissive and dominant can kind of get conflated with masculine and feminine, but they can be different, right? They can be really different. So basically his job here is just to lay back and receive. You're literally just doing something that's going to make him feel good. But we should not complete like dom, submissive and just you taking the lead in the bedroom and him allowing himself to receive. Allowing ourselves to receive is also a skill set. There's many of us who aren't comfortable laying back and allowing our partners to pleasure us. But that is something I write a lot about too in my book, Smart Sex. When I was talking about oral sex and receiving, it's like a whole part of the book because it's really important to say,
Starting point is 00:06:27 like, know that you deserve pleasure, know that you're with a partner who wants to please you. Breathing and allowing yourself to receive it is just a big part of the whole process. And I think another myth we've talked about before is that the penis owner has to be the dominant one if it's a penis owner and a vulva owner sleeping together. It's like, penis owners like being the little spoon too. To your point, we don't see submissive males modeled in the media. So it could take a conversation to get him really comfortable in this role. So I would recommend having this conversation outside the bedroom to discuss what might be preventing him from wanting this. Because what again, I do like that he actually said he did want
Starting point is 00:07:02 it. Something's happening that's just preventing him from going through with it. So when you're at date night and you're like, babe, you know I love the way you eat my ass. And you said you want to try it and I'm dying to do it. What would make it more comfortable for you? What could we do to make it really, really happen. If he's concerned about hygiene, you can shower. If he's worried about how you'll perceive him in the submissive role, you can let him know that you just want him to experience his pleasure. And I think another important thing is to let him know that it's a turn on for you too. Yes. You enjoy giving. You enjoy watching him receive pleasure. You want to do the same to him to him that he's been doing to you. And I love that she's so down with it. She's so down. She's my
Starting point is 00:07:39 girl. You got him, Kelsey? Ready to go, Kelsey. Listen, also, we've a recent podcast episode, want better sex. Stop believing this myth that might help you on this path. All right. Have so much fun. Both of you. Really? Go for it. Bye, Kells. Thank you. This is from Drew 48. Hey, Dr. Emily. I absolutely love your podcast and I've picked up some awesome tips and tricks for making my wife love sex more and orgasm harder, which is trickier now that she's going through menopause. First off, can I just say I love that his wife loves more sex and is orgasming harder. We love it. That's so great. It's trickier now that she's going through menopause.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Yeah, I hear you. She's at a really rough time this year adjusting, and I've tried to be a good husband through it. We've always been slightly kinky, but really stepped things up in the past year. We even rented a dungeon overnight while in Chicago for a family wedding, and we both loved it.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Oh, my gosh. But they were the only ones at the wedding visiting a dungeon at night. But we switch, which means that sometimes, you know, he's Dom or she's Dom, Dom, Dom, Sub. But she's had a lot of fun taking on the Dom role. We even talked about getting a new bed frame and putting some hooks on it, so we have
Starting point is 00:08:47 various ways to tie each other down. But we have kids, so we have to be discreet about it. We also experimented with chastity, but only for a few hours and days at a time. She loves being able to tell me when I can finally take it off, usually after giving her an orgasm through oral or using a wand, as well as the idea of me wearing it to work and in public. I'm an attorney, so she loves knowing I'm wearing it in court. Ooh, that's hard. I know. Case adjourned.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Order in the court. She also likes teasing me by checking it at places like bars when no one can see. Then I write about Locktober. Oh my gosh. Wow. And decided it would be a nice way to give things a boost. We talked about it for a few weeks. And being a lawyer, I even found an online chastity contract, which I modified.
Starting point is 00:09:38 I added a clause that she could. gets daily oral for the entire month. I want that clause. I want that clause too. Will you be my lawyer? We be my sex lawyer? Really. We talked about how I could use her strap on over the cage or other toys to help her orgasm without any assistance from my penis. While we were playing with the cage yesterday, she expressed a concern about short and long term damage to my penis from having it locked up in a cage for so long, with breaks for exercise and cleaning, of course. Should we be concerned about longer short-term damage, any tips or ideas to eliminate the risk of damage or ideas to spice things up even more? I'm really trying to make it fun for her and focus on her
Starting point is 00:10:15 needs and wants and spice things up. Oh my gosh. I love this question. I love this too. First, real quick, let's just talk about chastity for a minute with a penis. Just we know what we're talking about here. Usually I think when we think of chastity, we think about those cages that men would supposedly force their wives or daughters to protect their virtue and to keep them virgins. That's where it first started. But today, there's chastity devices and lots of products you can choose from. And these are essentially metal devices with a locking key or some of them are controlled via an app. So it's a chastity kink. It's a broad spectrum. But basically a person might abstain from sex or be locked up at a physical device for a short period of time or for a full-blown
Starting point is 00:10:59 lifestyle, where the key to a guy's sexual freedom literally is controlled by their partner. So he's in like a chastity cage around his penis. So that's what it is. They're playing this role of orgasm denial. His wife gets decide when he orgasms, decides when he had sex. And so that's what we're talking about here. It can look like a hard slinky with a lock out of it slides over your penis with a lock that you can't remove it. I'm feeling suffocated right now for that for him. But I get it. It's a really hot way to power play. And that's why. And that's what builds arousal for many people. That's the polarity. Right. So you will get erections and there might be some discomfort and so basically she'll be teasing him and that's how it all goes
Starting point is 00:11:39 down. And basically the entire point of Chastity Cage is for erection, masturbation, and orgasm denial. It's inevitable. You are going to get an erection and she might even be teasing you and then that creates the discomfort, right? And she's in charge. Little pain play. It's pain play. It's yeah, power play, pain play. Now, I understand that concern because that's real. Anytime we're playing, with our genitals, messing with what they naturally want to do, we have to be concerned. We have to at least look into the risks. So you can get different sizes that allow for different degrees of penile growth, meaning erections.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Like there's some that just keep it so that you can't really grow and then there's some that are going to allow you to grow. But as long as you properly measured the cage, it shouldn't cause any real significant pain beyond what you want. You will have some mild discomfort until your body becomes used to it, especially true during erections or weather or activity changes or even while sleeping. Like those nocturnal erections are real. So you have to also, just like with any sex toys, make sure they're made of body safe materials that work for your lifestyle. Like, do you sweat a lot? Are you active?
Starting point is 00:12:42 Important. You might want to get one that's a little more open if you sweat a lot. Also, speaking of that, make sure that you are clean and well shaved because you want to prevent any hairs from getting caught. Ouch. That's a big one. Now you also want to check for bruises and blood blocking, any redness or blueness around, you know, your testicles. So just keep checking. Every time you take it off and you're cleaning, really pay attention. You know, sometimes we don't feel things. Like, if everyone on a uncomfortable pair of shoes and you get home and you're like, I didn't know those shoes were hurting me all day. Like, you don't want to confuse thinking it's a mild pain of your erection in the cage, but then realize that it's actually something more. Make sure you
Starting point is 00:13:18 pay attention. Of course, you know, using lubs and moisturizers will definitely help prevent any discomfort. And as it goes with sex, there haven't been any well-funded medical studies or, well, you know, in-depth studies about the long-term effects of permanent chastity. Right. It is like, we have not put our money there yet. Exactly. We're just starting to study the clitoris. So, you know, approach this with caution for sure. Some say that permanent or long-term chastity could lead to atrophy of the penile tissues, which means weak erections, possible erectile dysfunction and shrinkage. Probably not going to happen, especially if you're removing the cage and taking care of your penis. But just be aware, as always, there are some complications
Starting point is 00:13:59 that can arise. So just be attention, be mindful of your penis. And just every time you take it off, check your penis out and see how it's responding. And then you got to report back and let us know about October. Yeah, please. And how it went down. I want to know. Need to know. Wow. I feel like that's a good rule of thumb for most sexual acts. Just keep checking in with yourself being mindful of how your body's reacting. If your balls are going blue, in a real way, take it off. It's probably the one case in which Blue Balls would be real. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Otherwise, blue balls is fake. Yes. But it's so true. During sex, just pay attention if you have any pain or discomfort. I think that, again, we override our body sometimes because we're in our heads or we don't want to speak up. But any time there's pain during sex, just it's okay to slow things down, stop, take a look, get a mirror out.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Check out what's going down there. All right. Thanks, Drew. Sounds like you're going to have quite in October. All right, don't go anywhere. We'll be right back after a quick break for our sponsors who help support this podcast. We'll be right back after a short break, but first, let me tell you about Momentus. So when it comes to thriving in your body, energy, for sleep, for recovery, it all starts with a strong foundation.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Well, that's why I've been using the Women's Three for Momentus. It's a daily system created in partnership with Dr. Stacey Sims, one of the world's leading experts in female physiology. I started following her. She was all over social media. and then I was like, oh, of course she's connected to momentous. It all makes sense. This isn't just another multivitamin. It's a science-backed targeted solution built specifically for women.
Starting point is 00:15:30 So in the morning, you get iron plus B vitamins and vitamin C. Now, these are key nutrients for energy, focus, and resilience. At night, you take calcium with vitamin D3, time for optimal absorption. So nothing competes. That's the point. These are three nutrients women are most often low in, and they're critical for bone health, performance, and long-term vitality. Like every Momentus product, the women's three is NSF certified for sport, meaning what's on
Starting point is 00:15:57 the label is exactly what's in the bottle, trusted by the world's best athletes and teams. And through their change the ratio initiative, Momentus has committed $500,000 to advancing research and closing the gender gap in health science. So if you're ready to build your health on the right foundation, head to livemometus.com and use code Emily for up to 35% off your first order. that's L-I-V-E-M-O-M-E-N-T-O-U-S dot com and use code Emily. LiveMomenus.com, code Emily, and you're going to love these. This is from Sophie.
Starting point is 00:16:34 She's 22 in Canada. Hey, Dr. Emily, I am a longtime listener and your podcast has helped me through a lot of sexual roadblocks within my relationship. But I've come to one that I have no idea what to do about anymore. My boyfriend and I've been together for seven years, we're high school sweethearts and we love each other a lot. We have a really good relationship except for the sex lately. I've always had a much higher drive than my boyfriend, but for the past few months, I feel like I just can't take it anymore. I'm always the one initiating sex and the only way I can get
Starting point is 00:17:02 him aroused is by literally touching his penis. If I try sensually kissing him, wearing lingerie, talking dirty to him, he either doesn't understand what I'm trying to do or he's just not into it. When we finally get into having sex, it's really boring and it's always the same. The lights are always off, he never goes down to me anymore, even though I've brought it up to him how that makes me feel using your three T's, and if he does an orgasm, nobody does. He says it's because of stress, which I understand, but he won't do anything about it. We've been to therapy, which helped for a while, but eventually it stopped helping, and sadly, our finances are too slim to seek out more professional help, which is why I also just feel so stuck. I masturbate regularly. He's not
Starting point is 00:17:44 any medication, and we have a good relationship outside the bedroom, but our sex life is making me feel really unconnected with him and frustrated. Please help. She's not a lot. Sophie has done it all. She's kissing and wearing laundry, talking dirty, doing the three T's. They've been to therapy. Oh my gosh. You've done the work. So a few things come up for me here. First off, he recognizes that this is happening and you've talked about it in therapy and outside the bedroom. But I'm curious, I want to know more about your boyfriend. What does he need more of? What are his turn-ons? What might make it hot for him?
Starting point is 00:18:19 He kind of has to opt in here and be like, you know what? Laundry, kissing, dirty talk, not great. But you don't be really hot. Found a Blake. Right. Does he need a massage? He's stressed out. Would he like you to massage him for 10 minutes and that would get him in the mood?
Starting point is 00:18:32 He has to give a little bit here because you can't be the only one pushing this sex life boulder up the mountain by yourself, which so many of us do in relationships. It's usually one person trying so hard, but it takes, you know, two. of you to tango. I'm also wondering, how was it at the beginning of the relationship? That's always really key. Always a good question. Because sometimes I ask people that, they're like, oh, no, it was hot. It was hot. It just changed recently. But some people were like, oh, you know what? It really wasn't that great. It was never great. That's something to look at too. It's really hard to create something from nothing if you didn't have it at the beginning. Especially because this couple was quite young
Starting point is 00:19:09 when they first started dating. That's the other thing. You were 15 years old. So essentially, you guys grew up together. You actually blossomed sexually together. So I'm wondering if there isn't some linking up here of your sexualities together and maybe there hasn't been a lot of time to explore separately. You are masturbating. Is he masturbating? What kind of porn does he watch? Or if he does masturbate, what does that look like? I'm just dying to know more about him. Like, what have you learned in seven years about your boyfriend's sexuality? And maybe it's changed. Like, listen, from 15 to 22, that's a big leap. You go from like having no sex, knowing nothing about sex really to like full on adults and maybe your sex life has sort of just stayed the same
Starting point is 00:19:48 meaning it's kind of what you guys can figure out together. So maybe there's just some more talking and doing the S No Maybe list or listening to this podcast together. Like I love that the podcast has helped you. But you know, many people listen with their partners and then they stop it and then they use it as like a therapy to talk about it. Like, what do you think about what Dr. Helmi said here? A lot of people are using my book Smart Sex that way too. A lot of couples are using it and then like reading a chapter together and then using it. that because I think it sounds like we just got to get him to talk and explore. I think that's super important because we hear from couples all the time saying that they've
Starting point is 00:20:21 fallen into a sexual routine, a sexual script. And especially for those of you who have been with your partners since you were very young, you don't need to be having teenage sex when you're an adult. Like things evolve. How does that happen? It probably requires some self-exploration, some exploring together. But yeah, I could imagine that getting a little. boring as well. You're having the same sex you did when you first started having sex. Absolutely. The boredom thing is real, you guys, we need that novelty to keep the sex interesting. That's just how we get aroused. We literally need novelty. When everything's the same, that's how we get shut down. That's how we get turned off. So it's actually a requirement to keep
Starting point is 00:21:01 evolving your sex life, to keep exploring together. It's a requirement for most couples to work on it, talk about it, and try new things because otherwise it does just get stale. And again, this This isn't unfortunately commonplace. Both couples just suffer through it, but you don't have to. And Sophie, I'd really like you to have a partner who also has a growth mindset with you around your sex life. Okay, keep us posted. Please keep us updated.
Starting point is 00:21:27 We want to know all the things. This is from Emily. She's 31 in Oakland, California. Hey, Dr. Emily, I have a question about receiving oral sex. Sometimes when I'm receiving oral sex, especially when it's good, my face and arms and hands go numb and tingly and I don't orgasm. I did some research and the internet says it's from hyperventilating, but I'm usually breathing normally. I've never orgasm from receiving oral and when the numbness sets in, it's pretty intense and makes me want to stop. Is there anything
Starting point is 00:21:56 I can do to avoid this and enjoy receiving oral more? So first I want to say you might not be hyperventilating and breathing normally and I just want to know what that looks like for you because a lot of us think we're breathing normally. I used to think I was breathing normally until I realized that I was a really shallow breather. And I've had to do a lot of work around enhancing my breath practice. I do breath work during sex. I really do deep belly breaths and how I get in there is I do like a six count inhale and a seven count exhale. So when you're breathing in, you're really moving that sexual energy through your body. So that might just be something to look at. The other thing is you said you've never orgasm from oral. I'm wondering what your orgasms are like otherwise.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Do you orgasm during masturbation or penetration? And if so, do you get tingly then too? Or are you only getting tingly during oral sex? But really, there's nothing to worry about. Like tingly fingertips, toes and lips can be a normal part of your body's sexual response. You know, these things happen and we all experience it a little bit different. You know, sometimes like we might feel shaky legs or a shortness of breath, increased heart rate when we're getting aroused during arousal process, some of us might feel tingliness. It just happens. You know, I'm always talking about nerves, right? Like erogenous zones, our areas packed with nerve bindings. Well, those same nerves can also lead to a tingling sensation when you're being sexually stimulated,
Starting point is 00:23:22 including in regions we don't often deem sexual. I've said this, but your hands, your inner elbows, your thighs, these are all amazing erogenous zones that feel just wonderful. great when touched. And it might feel tingly. Is this like a tingly bordering on feeling good or a tingling bordering on feeling bad? So I don't think there's anything to worry about and it shouldn't last long. So maybe if you breathe through the tingling next time, like a really conscious breath, deep belly breaths and imagine the sexual energy and the good feelings moving through your body and spreading throughout your entire body or Roger zones, that might help you when you visualize that breath moving and you visualize the tingling as being part of your sexual energy and arousal.
Starting point is 00:24:08 Sometimes when we just like breathe with visualization, we can help sort of spread that sexual energy, you know, through our body. So maybe try to like meet the tingling as a new sensation to play with and ride that out, play with it and see how you can move that through your body. But listen, please know, if the tingling lasts for hours or even days, I definitely recommend seeing your doctor. Just to go back a little bit, what would it mean if she only felt it during oral sex and not during masturbation or penetration? So if she only felt it during oral sex, well, I'm assuming that if it's oral, it's probably external licking. And if so, that could be vulva dinia, which is when we have nerve endings and around her vulva, which is the external
Starting point is 00:24:52 part of the vagina, that when stimulated can cause pain. So I might think it's that. again, where penetration might not do it because the penis is just going inside of her. So, again, that's why I'm asking, is it like tingling feels good or tingling, ouch, it's painful? Because she does say she has to have him stop. And so if you're having him stop, I'm just wondering if there's pain and then we'd have to look into vulva dinia. And I would recommend definitely seeing a doctor and or a pelvic floor physical therapist
Starting point is 00:25:21 who could help you work with any kind of vaginal vulva pain, just help you maybe work with it to help you diagnose what's going on and then send you to another. doctor if you need to. But remember, vulvas, if you have pain in any way during sex, during penetration, just at all, you don't have to live with it. There's a lot of excellent solutions now and different kinds of, you know, modalities that you could work with to help you get out of pain and into pleasure. Thank you, Emily. We really appreciate your question so much. This is from Christina. She's a female in Austin, Texas. I recently got divorced about two years ago. Since then, my sex drive has just completely gone down.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I have hooked up with several guys since, but I really have no motivation to have sex. And I wanted to know if there were any ideas of how to boost my libidio again. Thank you. All right, Christina, thank you for your question. And we hear this. This makes sense. You were with your husband for probably a while.
Starting point is 00:26:29 and all of your, you know, sexual energy and sexual memories are tied to him. And so it might be, you know, a little bit of a challenge to kind of get back into your body and feel your own sexuality again. Just go easy on yourself because people need a cool off period after separating because you've been used to sleeping with just one person. They had their routines. They were comfortable. I definitely relate to this.
Starting point is 00:26:52 I feel like any time I've had any kind of separation, I literally don't want to have sex with another human being for like six months. Yeah, absolutely. I'm with you. I want to normalize that too. That there's nothing wrong with us when we don't want to jump back out there and date again. I think people are split into two camps. So the people who are like, got to get under to get over. And then there's people who are just like, I'm going to take some time. I'm going to get to know myself. Who am I without a partner? I also hear that you are dating. You are out there too, but you're just not feeling it when you try to have sex. So the first thing I would recommend to get your sex drive back and to get more comfortable with it is solo sex. Getting your masturbation routine on
Starting point is 00:27:32 because sex begets sex. When we haven't been actively sexual, it's kind of like if you haven't gone to the gym in two years, you're not going to go run 10 miles. Right. You're not going to go take a really hard workout class. You're going to build up to it again. So the more you can do right now is start to keep your pilot light lit and start to keep your own sexuality alive and reclaiming your sexuality as something for yourself that is unrelated to your ass. Because sometimes if we still associate sex with our X, then we compare all of our future partners to our X. So once we start to create new sexual experiences with ourselves, then our most recent sexual memories have to do with us. And that's a much more effective way, I think, to start to get our energy back sexually. And I feel like it's just helpful to think of
Starting point is 00:28:16 your sexuality as something of your own that you don't rely on anyone else for it. And then it might not feel as intimidating the next time you're with someone else. And you can just enjoy all the pleasure you know you're going to I have. Love that. And if you're not excited about solo sex, maybe a new sex toy would spice it up. Mm-hmm. Okay. I get a lot of toys to try here. It's true. But I love getting a new toy like that. Actually, just knowing that there's something new to try, this is my invitation to masturbate. People are always asking how to spice up part nude sex. And sometimes we need to spice up our solo sex too. Yeah. It's kind of like when you're going to a new party. You're like, oh, I have a new dress to wear. So I feel much better. I'm much more excited about the party now. It's kind of like that with sex toys. And we do have a ton of toys, vibrators, dildos at our new store, it's shop sex with
Starting point is 00:28:56 Emily.com. I'm really proud of it. It's so beautiful. It's something that I really wanted for a long time because I wanted to be able to create a place where you guys can go with there's like vetted toys. The whole sex with Emily team has vetted, approved, and, you know, it just makes it easier for you for whatever toy you want to buy. So like I said, you know, think about things too.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Like when you're masturbating, you'll think about your turn-ons. What are your core desires? What makes you hot turned on? Because now you're in a great period right now where you get to kind of incubate your new sexual self. Who is she? What do you want to explore in future relationships? So these are all things to be working on to be thinking about right now
Starting point is 00:29:33 and really to be feeling. Like sex shouldn't be so heady. Like feel your way into new pleasure right now. And finally, of course, we have to also rule out any medications that you're on. Maybe you've taken some new medications or if you've have any untreated trauma or you feel like a therapist would be a good idea right now. Check that out. I just want to make sure these aren't getting in the way of you having optimal pleasure.
Starting point is 00:29:53 So thanks, Christina. So appreciate you. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does.
Starting point is 00:30:17 You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.

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