Sex With Emily - Lubrication Communication: SWE Team Tells All

Episode Date: May 12, 2017

If Emily had her way, there would be a bottle of lube on every night stand all across the world. From flavored, to warming to all-natural ingredients, there’s a lube out there for everyone to enjoy! On today’s show, Emily is joined by her trusty team and an honorary member from System JO, Brie, to talk about all things lube, pubes and so much more! Are your partner’s pubes a deal-breaker? Have you found your g-spot, but are still on the search for your clitoris? How do you get your military man in the mood for making love more often? Emily, Halina, Jamie and Brie give their insight on these common issues and more. Plus, they give the lowdown on the many ways lube has enhanced their sex lives and why pubic grooming remains the hairy situation it is. Let this show slide into your speakers! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: WeVibe, Fleshlight, Adam & Eve and Magic Wand.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show I'm tackling your sex and relationship questions. Topics include, what to do when your partner wants more sex than you do. How to find your clitoris, even if you think you've looked everywhere. I promise it's there. Plus the right loop for any situation. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common common loa?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. You can easily subscribe to the podcast, which is several a week, you know, and check out all the content we have on our site. You can subscribe to our social media. Don't want to miss that, do you?

It's at sexwithemily and Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.com, slash sexwithemily. And of course, you subscribe to the newsletter and go shopping at our amazing store, all the cool products we talk about are mostly available there or on the banners on our website. And a lot of the great content on our site is provided by amazing team. Who I'm here with, we've got a team show plus one. It's kind of an honorary member, our team. We've got Bree here. We'll start with you. Hi, Bree, how are you? Good. Good.

We've got Bri here. We'll start with you. Hi Bri, how are you? Good. Good. It's time to have you here. We've got Halina. Hi. Hi Halina, we've got Jamie.

How's it going? It's good. You know Jamie's been on the show a few times. Halina made an appearance. A brief appearance. Brief appearance. So I'm glad you guys are all here. Just wanted to introduce you to you.

So you guys know what's going on. This show's gonna be awesome. We're gonna get into your sex questions. We're talking about grooming. We're talking about loob. Cause you know how I feel about loob. And it's going gonna be awesome. I'm already getting into your sex questions. We're talking about grooming. We're talking about loob. Cause you know how I feel about loob. And it's going to be awesome. But let me just say a few more things.

I gotta get out, cause I know that this show's gonna be like, girls gone wild. So before it goes wild, I want to tell you a few things that you need to know. On May 20th, I'm gonna be at Wanderlust. Wanderlust, Wanderlust in Hollywood LA, which sounds kind of like a porn club or something,

but it's not. It's actually a very like spiritual place. They've yoga, it's a beautiful space, amazing food, and they have symposium. It's the intimacy and sexuality symposium, and I'll be presenting communication as a lubrication, and there's other some other great sex educators there. I would love to see you all.

May 20th, and there's a limited amount of tickets. For the 25% off, you can get if you use code sexytime to redeem. And I think you just go to wanderlust.com to get them. So do that, do that. I will see you there. I have one more thing to tell you. And this is important.

It's May. You know what that means, right? It's masturbation month. We love masturbation month, okay? So's Master Bation Month. We love Master Bation Month. Okay? So, if you email me your favorite Master Bation routine, how do you masturbate? We want to know. Special ritual, is there a toy you love to use music, a scent that turns you on?

Email me feedback at sexwithelm.com. And if you're 18 or over and you submit your email before midnight on May 31, you'll be eligible to win a sex with Emily masturbation month prize. We'll select for winners based on your emails. I'll be judging with this trusty team here and we're going to put together some pleasure packed prizes for you. We love reading. We guys, I haven't the content been great. What was our last contest that we were so excited about last month? What was the spring cleaning? Spring cleaning. We got some really amazing entries.

Right. Right. You guys really submitted, we asked you for what dating, or, because it's like spring cleaning, what dating relationship habit do you want to change in your life? And you guys made some serious movements. That's really hard to make a decision. Yeah. I wanted you all to win.

I really did. Fibreaters for everyone. Fibreaters for all. That's like my dream. Like you know Oprah and she's like, everyone gets a car. I'm gonna do your chair. And like, you get a vibrator, you do. All of you.

If I could give you all a vibrator, I would. Truly all my listeners. All of you here have a vibrator, or two, or 10. Multiple. Multiple vibrators. Okay, so I think let's get into a little sex, the news, because I feel like this is going to really spark an interesting debate discussion

that for the 12 years I've been doing this show, it's always a favorite. And also it, I think it's confusing for a lot of people too, like what's right, what feels good, what I mean, what feels good to you as a human. I'm gonna get jump into it. 40% of men have asked their partners to change their hair down there. For most people, public hair grooming is effective like pubic pubic pubic.

I mean, you could do it in public. You could. It's a little odd. I mean, it's got to be a burlesque act somewhere. Totally. Feel like that's breaking a few health codes. I'm not choice. Yeah, don't that.

pubic hair grooming public hair. Here's a thing you guys. Puba care grooming is just a fact of life, whether it's a quick trim or a neatly manicured landing strip, but although the concept of man-scaping has become popular enough to spawn its own catchy name, a new survey found that men still expect more

from their partners when it comes to grooming down below. So here's what they found out. Two popular male publications, Esquire and Esquamien were behind this what they found out. Two popular male publications, S-Quare and S-Men were behind this, and they found out that 92% of respondents undertake some form of grooming with unsurprising differences. Most men, 69% trim their pubic hair, the majority of women, 57% go completely bare. Nearly half 46% of the men prefer their partners to go bear. The majority of women 70% want their partners to get neat but comparatively less high maintenance trim. They're not shy about vocalizing their expectations and are more likely to see

their partner's grooming habits as a deal breaker. And I think this is the men saying that their partner's grooming habits are deal bigger. We'll get to how women feel in a moment. But according to the survey, 40% of men have asked their partner to change their pubic hair compared to only 23% of women. And men, 30% are more likely than women to say that their partner's pubic hair might make them reconsider dating someone. Okay. And most men, 67% say they spend nothing on grooming each month. Women say they spend nothing on grooming each month

Women say they spend one dollar to twenty dollars. I don't know where they go because bikini waxes are like what 40 They're buying the dollar store razors the dollar store shave club cut up just Okay, you guys so I want to know what you what you think about this because my first thing I think it's been around I mean, it's funny when I started the show I think one of my first guests on the show truly on the very first show was a woman named Marilyn in San Francisco and this was about the time 12 years ago that Bikini waxing the Brazilian was becoming very popular I remember going with Paltrow like I don't know what social media vehicle she used but she was talking about getting a Brazilian and everyone on I know

you know it was like what's a Brazilian right right so a Brazilian have I who's had a view? I've had Brazilian access I once I have not only once and never again Okay, so that's when they truly they you go into someplace They pour wax on you you're lifting your legs over your head like an acrobatic move You're on the table naked and there's a woman and she's pouring wax on you and literally this ripping it off and it's painful. It is so painful. It is so painful. It's actually when you get to your pubic mound if you will, like parts that you're like, oh my god, I can't. I give birth. Let me just be clear. She's about to get birth again. I'm about to get birth again. I give birth without drugs and I will never ever get Brazilian Brazilian again.

And most women I know do it, you know, what, like a couple times a month, monthly, you know? I go, once every five weeks, really, right. So I have a pretty strong tolerance for pain, but no. Yeah, I know, right? It's painful, but it does get a little easier over time. It's true. You're just like, really? It's like, I don't know. And that's the most people I know that's their experience. It just was not.

But tell me why you start. I wanted to know why you meant. I don't know. Most people I know, that's their experience. It just was not. But tell me why you started. I wanted to know why you did it and how it felt. So for me, my husband did not request it. He can go either way, but I thought, oh, this might be sexy. My girlfriends are doing it. It obviously doesn't sound like that big of a deal. But one of the things you mentioned is a woman, yes, has you in every position on this table.

And I'm like, this poor woman, like she does this all day every day. And I had this weird reaction where I was laughing hysterically because I couldn't, like, cry. And it was just like, and I just kept saying, why do we do this? Why? Why? Why? Well, exactly. Why do we do it? And I have to say that, that, that to finish up the thing about Marilyn, I thought she was so interesting because I just had my first Brazilian and I was just starting my show and I said to her, why do we do this on the table? And she said, honey, if you want to sell the house, you got to mow the lawn. And I thought, we can't podcast the talk about this.

She said, I've had my finger on every hot pussy in San Francisco because she was in Pacific Heights and doing all the, and I was like, please just come and show them and talk about this. So that was like 12 years ago, and now I feel like it's a thing, like, really? It's a thing, like, really? Men are like, you have to do this, or else, and I, yeah, I've done it.

I actually got lasered years ago, I don't remember, like, seven years ago where I didn't do the whole thing and into the whole bush because I thought what if the bush comes back, what if I want hair at some point. So I it for me it's pretty easy just to like take off the extras but yeah I don't know and they also say the reason we do it and I kind of find this to be true that there is more sensitivity that when it's all gone it's easier like for oral sex for steaming like because

the hair kind of can get in the way but I don't think I've ever been like, oh my god, my orgasm is so much better because there's no hair there. It's just what I'm used to now. The other thing I will say about it is there was just nothing pleasant about it from the torture on the table to the bumps the next day and the soreness,

the rest of the day. And then I looked like a plucked chicken. And then the grill back. And then it's quickly. And so there was nothing positive about the experience for me. However, I will say that I think grooming is important. Okay. So how do you feel about male grooming then? I like my men to look like men and you know, take that however you will. I do not care about. I want there to be a man bush there I just do because I'm actually a little creeped out by no hair. I am too. Yeah I just know hair. I'm like how much time did you spend doing that? So Brie how do you feel about?

Did you get do get percent regularly? Presence every five weeks on the dot right? It's really not it takes 10 minutes Yeah, I'm like out of there in 10 minutes. Right. And then, where about the grow back process? I mean, it just doesn't anymore. I think I've been doing it for like five years maybe. Okay. It was your first time.

Oh, like the worst. Yeah. So it's totally, you went back. Yeah. Because I would just, I used to just shave, and now it's like, then you get the ball. It's so much better when you're in a black.

It is better just to get it clean and, and, and off. And do you feel like you'd improved your sex life at all? I don't know, because I don't know anything different. You know what I think? Right, because you do it forever. Right, and have you ever had a man or any of you who's open everybody, have you ever had a guy be like say anything?

No, well, I mean, I don't get any waxing done because one of waxed other parts of my body is like I break out really bad, and I'm just not trying waxed other parts of my body, I break out really bad and I'm just not trying to have that kind of trouble down there. Like, I don't really know how. So I just shave, which is fine. I was interested in laser, I just haven't done it yet

because I don't do anything that I think that I should do. But, but I don't know, I've just been doing that ever since before I was actually active because I personally just don't like to have hair down there. It's more of like, I'm like, come from a sweaty family kind of a thing. And like, I just, I don't know, just I felt like my, my, my,

and I'm like less hair less sweat. And I'm kinda true. What about all your friends? Cause Jamie's, Jamie, you're 23 now? 24. 24 right. Just getting older. Jamie, so would you feel like you said when you were younger?

Like, because when I was in high school, like that wasn't, you just, you just did a little things out. No, you just did a little outside areas. So it wasn't coming over your bikini. Oh, I don't know. I always, like, from the get-go, it was like, Bush one day and it was just, like, bear

for the rest of my life after that. I think, literally, it was just, like, oh, okay. Because, like, I don't know. And it's just, I think also, like, it's a preference for me personally, like, if a guy were ever to say anything to me, I'm like, okay, well, bye. Yeah. But, like, at the same time, like, I don't really know if it's just because like we,

you know, what's what we, like, especially me, saw growing up, like, that's what I'm saying. You saw growing up. So it just seemed odd to have one. But I will say that I have one friend that like just goes back and forth between waxing and just having a bush and she's just like, I have sex regardless. Right. Guys are kick it. And it's out of that. Yeah, I have sex regardless. Right. Guys are kicking it.

And it's hard to that. Yeah, it's kind of like, you don't like it. And you're a dude, then just go with another girl. Yeah, I feel like, yeah. And the thing about being married is that he kind of reaches point where it doesn't really matter what you do. You're going to get laid. Really?

Yeah. And you're going to have a great full spouse. My guy doesn't, he does not mind a 70s bush and then he'll, he might tease me about it and then I'm like, I'll write final deal. But, but now that I'm eight months pregnant, I have no idea what's going on. Right, you can't see it. I can't see it, so I can't even really groom. So, you know, I'm sure there's a part of him. That could be said for play, he could come trim. That's, that's a curfew. I'm just saying, if you're looking for slang tonight to do, when you get home, yeah, that could be interesting. So, you know, I'm sure there's a part of it. That could be said for play, he could come trim. That's a great thing. I'm just saying, if you're like,

if you're slang tonight to do, we get home. Yeah. That could be interesting. So, Bri, what about you in your 32? Mm-hmm. Okay, so what about, and it's same with you, like ever since you had the hair could go, it went? Yeah, I mean, yeah.

Like, I think I started shaving like high school or something. Right, no, that's fine. And I just, I've never had anyone really comment on it, and it's just been normal. And I feel like, I don't know, when you get waxed, you just feel like. Clean, yeah, like, clean.

Yeah, you do, it's true. Right, yeah, and then you can feel more, I feel like there's nothing in the way, at all, for all those 8,000 nerve endings. I just, whoop, ready to go. Yeah, what about men? Real quick, have you ever had like, what, breed a struggle?

Oh, I'm like very, like, I, she just weird like, I feel like he can't. I feel like he's got like, she for so many reasons. It's like, it looks weird. And it's like prickly and scratchy. And like, I just don't want anything to do with that. I feel like seeing a completely shavin' like, male genitalia is just so much more jarring to see.

It's just like, there's no, it's just bam! Look at it, and it's glory, it's all there. But the other thing is, are they taking care of their backs as well? Or is it just the crying of their backs and their butts? Like, if you're gonna do the crying, you better be pay attention. Yeah, no exactly. Do a little flip around in that mirror at your house or something.

Yeah, I feel like I don't even, I mean, I'm trying to think of the penis as I've come in contact with L your house or something. Yeah, I feel like I don't even, I mean, I'm trying to think of the penises I've come in contact with lately. I just feel like, yeah, it's guys spending too much time with anything. Like, you spend too long or getting ready than I did. Like, that's not. But I feel like, it's kind of the norm, just maybe take care of it, because it's out of control.

Like, when you're giving a blowjob and you're like, at the hair room, or else, it's kind of nice to like, it's nice to like, turn my guess, but I don't need it at the hairroom. It's kind of nice to like, it's nice to like trim my guess, but I don't need it all off. Yeah. Okay, because I also feel like I have a question for you because here's the other thing is that

I feel like for many of them, like Jamie never even had a choice. Like you were just like, this is what you do. Yeah, I'm young. You're so beautiful. Nobody even had the landing strip. The landing strip was far gone

when you were in high school. But I feel like what if you were in a desert island alone or something, would you shave still? No. And it wouldn't. Or wax? I mean, I think that that would be the least you can ever wear.

I mean, I think that that would be the least you can ever wear. I know. But I'm still in this survival. Let's say, no, okay, you're a desert island, but you couldn't, whatever it is, I'm just saying, like, if you had to be a beautiful kind of civilization. Would you?

I think I still would. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm scared. I'm so silly, but. I might take care of the bikini area, you know, but not worry so much about, you know, the whole, the whole farm. Right.

Um, the whole farm is like a whole thing. It takes a whole time. But yeah, it's just funny to think about those circumstances like general survival, but I gotta wax. Right. No, I just mean like if nothing else mattered, you think we would still get rid of all of our hair? Like I don't mean, it's been a long time now since, I don't know if it's ever been about. But also it's a weird trending thing too, you know?

Like you were saying about how Brazilians came about, what did you say, like 12 years ago? Yeah, I think I believe it was probably about 2005, 2004. And in the 70s, if, you know, a woman showed up like on a porn set with a completely clean vagina, what kind of reaction would you have gotten? I would have thought to know. Can we go back in time? I know.

I would know the answer to that. I don't know if they have to do it. I don't think you thought you could take it off. I would have been obscene. I would have been obscene with this woman looks like a child. Right. Exactly. And that's the other thing is that it said that that you men like women to look like little girls.

There's a lot of things. But I just thought it was important to talk about here. I'm curious what everyone else thinks about it. You can email me feedback at sexwithaml.com. OK, you guys, let's talk about sex baby. Let's talk about first, you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to give a shout out to our sponsors. We're gonna take quick break Thank you everybody for supporting our sponsors. We love them. I hope you do too and we'll be right back

Okay, now we're gonna talk about sex shock on sex on sex with Emily. No, specifically, I've brought you all here today to talk about something very, very important, something very close to my heart, and I'd like to talk about Loub. I'd like to talk about Loub in depth. Is there a shock in this room? I'd like to see the face of the- I think I know a lot of things.

You guys are like, it's a two-sale. We're talking about that. You know how I feel about Loub, and I think that a lot of you, I don't know how you felt about Lou pre-sex with Emily. Because I know I've sort of, I'm gonna say, I shove it down your throat, but I shove it. I don't actually shove it.

I'm like, try this, try this, you know? So tell me about this, your own experiences with Lou. Like when did you try, why did you, or when did you try it for the first time? I definitely tried it because of this job. I mean, especially just like being like my, like when I started this job, I was 22 so about like, you know, a year and a half ago, but I, you know, like I, my people my age, they don't really have it. They don't really think it's necessary. They think that, you know, you're young, like why aren't you just producing all this wetness on

your own kind of a thing? And it's like for me, like I've always, like my whole sexual career have like always had like that issue and I'm just like whatever, and then I finally tried loop and I was like, oh my god, like it's amazing, right? Life changer, literally game changer, and I love it now, and I use all time. I literally have in my bag at all times, loop and condoms. So you have been you have been raised well here. Yeah, I love this. You're like my, oh, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you, I was gonna say.

So before that, you were saying, because that's one of the myths also about loob, that when people use loob is they think, oh, she's dry or there's discomfort or there's a problem. You think there's a problem, but you thought, how would you know better? You're like, why aren't I wet enough? Or why didn't hurt maybe?

Exactly, and I've actually had like, not very many, but a couple guys be like, say something after the fact like, oh, like, was there something wrong? Like, whatever. And I'm like, no, there's nothing wrong. It's just, it didn't happen. Like, you know, like, it's like, I'm still enjoying myself. It's just, it's the body man.

Right, exactly. You can't help it. Sometimes you, sometimes it's a certain time it's a month or a while or then others. But for me, I don't even just figure out if I'm wearing it out. I just add a few drops to my clitoris and I use it every time I have sex or a masturbate. Okay, so tell me about your experiences with Lou.

I was definitely in that. Well, I don't need it. So why should I buy it? Category, you know, there have been times when I felt like I have. I have needed it, but haven't had it. The idea, I have gone loop shopping, but the idea of going loop shopping is so freaking intimidating now. There are so many products, there are so many brands, and I'm very sensitive to lotion. If a lotion has any weird ingredients, I'm going to break out. The idea of putting something in my vagina that has any kind of weird ingredients has always creep me out.

So it's intimidating because you don't really know, you're reading the ingredients, you're like, I don't know any of these things are. Exactly, you're like, I don't know about my vagina, if I don't know what they are. Yeah, so coming here, like being handed, having someone say this is what you need was amazing. What kind of we give you first, Joe?

Well, I use the Joe. It's the, I'm spacing on the name, but it doesn't have a sense. The natural love. The natural love. Yeah, we love that. We love that. There's no sense. There's no color.

There's, you know, it's totally clean in that works. And you've had no breakouts. No. In your vagina. Good. OK, and you, perfect? Breathe. I think I first started trying it in college, maybe,

just had a curiosity, I think a boyfriend. But, and I, I'm the same. I'm like allergic to everything. Like I'm constantly breaking out in high. It's like I put lotion on me and something happens. And I just had really bad reactions. And who knows what I was using, probably like some crappy thing.

Right, I was like, don't use K-Y guys. So I never touched it again because of that, because I literally felt like I was using, probably like some crappy AY or something. Don't use KY. So I never touched it again because of that, because I literally felt like I was like in pain after using it. So there was nothing pleasurable from it at all. And then funny, because I now, a system Joe was one of my clients. Oh, right.

She works, which I can convention. Right. And I am advertising. The first night that I met them and had dinner with them, when I just made convention. Right, yeah. And I was just advertising. The first night that I met them and had dinner with them, when I first started working with them, they asked me, so what kind of loot do you use? And I was like, oh, like what do I say? I was like, no.

And they were like, well, you will now. And that night they sent me home with like 30 pounds of samples. And I literally use it almost every time I have sex. Yeah, as you write, she's like whispering. It's a question. Mom, I hope you're not listening. Right, and especially after the bikini racks.

No, but yeah, because how have you found that it's just, and it's the total like, you just don't think you need it. Like if there's no problem then why use anything and it just enhances like your experience a million times. And I never even knew there was this whole world of like warming and cooling and like yeah I like this. Simulating and so there's so many different kinds and. What about the warming and cooling?

Tell me about what you guys, Jamie loves you said you love warming. I like warming. I see I'm opposite. Really? Ooh, I love this so spicy. Okay tell me about... I'm sorry. So why do you like warming, Bri? I don't know.

I just like the cooling, because you can barely feel the warming. I think that's why I like it. It's a little warm. Yeah, it's a little warm. And you can't really tell that it's doing anything, but then if you use like nothing, you can tell that you don't have it. Right. And I think the cooling is just like,

you feel it too much the whole time, so I think that's what it just is just tracking. See, and that's why I like it, because I just like that. And it's like, oh my God, it's cold kind of thing, but like, you know, I like to do kind of like that kind of like sensation. Right, sensation play.

It's like stuff. Right, okay, I got it. No, I like a whole, I mean, I've drawers of Lou, but I'm just like, huh, what? It was fun. I had this story. I was hucking up with this guy last year. And I don't think I'd have dealt with him before. And I think it was the first and last time.

But probably because he thought I was insane, but not for the reasons you think. Everyone's like, duh, he did. But no, I have so many drawers. And I couldn't find the loop that I was like, this is before I moved and everything was organized. But I pull it out and he's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm looking forward, like I have five drawers

and I was pulling out like the Joe flavor, the Joe, I had like the warming, the cooling, and I wanted, I think I wanted like the natural level. Like there was one I wanted to try because for me, when I'm having sex, oftentimes, it's like, oh, I have someone here I should try to for, like try a product, I've got a new product, I've wanted to try something, you know.

So he's like, what do you, and it gets up, and he's like, what are you doing it? He's like, oh my God, you just pick one, you've got so much to leave, but he was really judgy of my loop collection. I feel like most guys are. I feel like guys say a fence to it because they're just like, why do you need that with me?

Well, that's the stigma, is that that's why I want to live whenever night stand That's why that's my dream and when that happens I could die and be happy because People think you use it if there's a problem you use it if you know, and then I think the problem is I'm not turning around Well, and the number of emails we get from people that are like I don't know what's wrong with me I'm you know really dry. I don't know what to do I've tried loop and you wonder what lubs they're trying, but also that there's this idea that there's something wrong with you or your partner if lube is required. Right, and there's just not. In enhances in the

Indiana University study, I talk about this Conzean's Tute, 80% of women who use lube were more likely to orgasm with lube than without lube. Because think about it, I always tell you like masturbation, you start with your clitoris, that's where a lot of the magic happens, it's not self lubricating. Like your clitoris is not just, it's just not. So you add just a few drops, change everything. Okay guys, the reason why I want to do this,

this talk about lube is because I feel like I talk about it all the time, but I want to kind of drill down on the different kinds of lubs because we get these questions all the time. And again, it can be very confusing to like, do I want silicone, do I want water-based, hybrid, flavored, cooling, all that stuff. So let's talk about silicone loom.

Have you guys all used silicone? I prefer not to use silicone. OK. Silicone? Same. I guess it depends on what you're using it for. Yeah, for anal sex, it does. It does for me.

I look at wristbands. For anal sex, silicone leave is amazing, because you need more leave when it lasts longer. Her face got rams, all right? I'm new to it. You did speak about saying, you're doing great. You're doing great. So silicone lasts longer.

It's typically a bit thicker. It works with non-layed text condoms. I would suggest skin condoms, SKYN, they're the only condoms I use, they're amazing. Not recommended for toys. Some people can be, and typically it's women, you can be sensitive to silicone, no. And I feel like silicone actually got a really bad wrap

when it came out, Like I feel like, not when it gets better on forever, but in like the last 20 years, you're like, silicone's bad, it's going to infect women. The truth is, that's not true. Like I think for a lot of women, like I love Joe's silicone loop, I just gave some to porn star Joanna Angel, she was here, she was like, oh my god, I love it. I mean, yes, maybe you could buy some bad silicone loop, but I know all the ingredients that Joe uses are great. That's the only one that I found that I really like using. And I do like it. I like that it lasts longer.

That's like slippery. And yes, it's great for anal sex. If you don't like keep rea, like, because with water-based, you have to reapply more often. Silicone lasts a while. So that's silicone. And then we've got water-based. It's thinner.

Might need to reapply more often. And it absorbs quickly and it cleans easier, because silicone can be a little bit messier. Sticky. Sticky and messy. But you'll be slippery. And it is compatible with all condoms and toys. So do you think you guys typically

you like the water-based action? Yeah. The one I'm using right now is a hybrid, which is great. Like you said, it's the best of now is a hybrid, which is great. Like, you know, like you said, it's the best of both worlds. Right, I love that. Yeah, silicone has a, uh, silicone. Joe has a hybrid loop that, that I really like as well.

It's kind of cool because you're right. You don't, why must I choose? You don't have to. I'm a Gemini. Exactly. Oh, wait. Gemini is. It's so true.

Right. Don't make me choose. So, um, so your preference is there are mostly than our, our water-based? I get that. And what about the flavored loops? That's why I mostly use water-based because I kind of like the flavored loops a lot. Besides the, I do like the Joe's natural love line that one I like a lot just because

I like organic things, but I do like flavors because I just like to use it for oral sex too and it's fun. That's my big, right. Um, so and those ones are usually mostly water-based. Yeah, and they've like, what are the new, like, like, passion? Oh my god. The new flavors? There's a million.

Yeah, but there's like strawberry, there's flavor, there's um, the water melon. The water melon. There's pineapple, vanilla, chocolate. I love the chocolate ones, the salted caramel. So, I think I tried Flavor de Lube in high school for that reason. And it tasted like a club after a movie.

And it was disgusting. I was like, why would anyone ever do that? That was what, like 15 years ago. And then you had an episode where you talked about like using the gelato flavors like for oral. And I literally that night was like, you wanna try it? I'm happy with your play card. It was.

And like I guess if you're using a good flavor, then it's totally worth it. Yeah, exactly. And it was just fun until I woke up the next morning and like all like it smells like salted caramel and was like a little confused because up the next morning and all I could smell was like salted caramel and was like a little confused because I was pretty drunk the night before. That's why I was.

You definitely have to brush your teeth out here. Yeah, you're not fleshing. You're so funny. Yeah, no, it's, but right so you put a little on your lips, this is why it's so good. If you are not loving the taste of just oral some women, just have things like I don't like the taste of the smell, whatever.

It's like, okay, well, how about a salted caramel bull job? Yeah. And I don't want that. I want one now. Well, I want a salted caramel something. Yeah, same. You what? I like giving blow jobs.

I just like, it was just different. Like it made it fun. It made it a whole different experience. Exactly. So that's the other thing. If you're like a woman, a guy, you're giving blow jobs, and you're like, I'm not, I'm just, yeah, one thing to spice it up is like everything.

Like you're like, oh, you got excited to give, that you, I know you always like blow jobs. Sorry. You have more excited usual because I have like a new bag, something in my new bag of tricks to you. So I get it. Since you guys talk so highly about them, I'll give them a try, but I've had a version to the flavored ones because I assume that they're gonna taste like a club bathroom or like a cab. Oh you gotta try a city cab you know air freshener.

No, I would never talk about anything that did not taste good on that. That's what it used to taste like. Yeah, 2001. But I think also okay this is gonna be totally um what's the word. Is there something when you're like uh when you are just going to be an against pregnant woman? I would say, you're probably giving more blow jobs now. I don't know if you are. I don't know if you're husband. No, you should take home some flip. I will.

I will. I will. Giving birth like any minute. Oh yeah, the next month sometime. Right. Or here, that would be fun. Yeah, I will take some home because he deserves it. He's, he's, he's.

Right, and you do too. Exactly. He's so little flavor to try that, right. And you do too. Exactly. It's so little flavor to try that. Okay. Cool. You guys, any other common questions about Loub? Try to think, I just want you guys to know when we're talking about it, you and how to break them.

Yeah. Also, with the flavor, Loub's like going back to like not getting like wet enough, like for me to like, I get really parched during sex. Like I have to make sure there is like a tall glass of water. I'm not drinking Loub. Right there. So, but I'm not drinking the Loub, but I'm just saying that like it makes it difficult, I have to make sure there is like a tall glass of water. It's coming in that drinking blue. Right there.

So, but I'm not drinking the blue, but I'm just saying that like, it makes it difficult, because I like to get a blow drops too, but if my mouth is dry and not producing enough saliva, it's just like, it's not gonna feel good for them. It's gonna be weird for me, so it's like using the blue,

like helps with that as well. Right, then it's a different kind of wet, because like, glidey and slippery, like, like, it makes it a lot of maxing. It's an easier, you know, it feels good for them. It makes it easier for you to do the thing. It takes the work out of the job. It does.

Exactly. It makes it less like a job and more like, blow fun. Yeah, it makes the job. It's more like an extracurricular activity than like an actual job. I like also, I like this blow job spray. This is from, this is, I talk about this, it's my website, but it's a,

Dr. Johnson. Dr. Johnson, dry mouth spray, if you're a mouth, I forget, this is what you need, like 10 bottles of your bed, Jamie. I really do, I really, do you have an extra? I can't, I do, I do, but no, but the loop's awesome too, and it just gives it different kind of wetness to the penis when you're gliding down with the mouth and all that.

So, Helena, you'll report back on my mic. I will report back. Perfect. Okay, guys, thank you. This has been great. Will you help me answer some emails now? Of course. Of course.

Oh my god, I love it. We live for emails. Will you help me answer some emails now? Of course. Of course. We've got to live for emails. I love it. Okay, we're onto your emails. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, I love that. It's so easy. Submit the questions. Go to to submitm.

Go to sexfethelmy.com. Click on Ask Emily and you fill out the form and hit submit. That's it. And be sure to indicate, yes, if you'd like to be called on the show or have your email answer on the show, either but I love the call shows you guys because if you've got a question for me we will solve it we will get a lot of it. And don't be scared to hit that yes you can change your name you can even change the city you live in.

Yeah you can do what you're doing calls you can do an accent you will never know. That's a good point actually. And we should say that more of it that we're not gonna, we don't care if you use your real name. Yeah, well I really care what is your age. Yeah, exactly, because that changes your answer sometimes. But the anonymity, you know, seriously, we would just rather talk to you than not.

Right, it's fun. But of course you guys, where you're not shunning those of you who want to email, but also, this is new you guys, I didn't think you all know about this. Oh no, I don't this. This just happened. You can text me and we'll feature your text question on the podcast.

So right now when you're listening, if you're like, oh, I've been wanting to ask Emily about the best way to clean out my butt before anal, I don't know, we get those questions left. I don't know why. You can text that to me. It's not gonna come to my phone, but no, it does. So be careful, you guys.

Question, you can text me. Just text Ask Emily, all one word, to 7979, that's Ask Emily to the number 7979, you're a normal message and data rates may apply. I don't know why we can get 69. I just want to say it was all my nonsense. That would have been the first time I'm really upset, but I'm not going to. No, yeah, you guys you should, yeah, right? Yeah, obviously we should. It's a nice but you should definitely text it. So that's even easier than anything else.

And just level up from 69. You are 70. That's true. That's true. It's a new position that I'm going to tell you about in the next show. So if you email me, call me, text me, do whatever you want. To me, do whatever you want. You can just remember, include your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, ready guys? Mm-hmm. Okay, it's a loop question.

Emily, here's one, here's a thing. Well, I have multiple things I'd love to talk about, but let's keep this one short. I love going down on a woman, but sometimes the girl will have a musty muff. Pungent, I don't wanna say how to say it. I was gonna say this guy really likes alliteration. He is just like a dispray. We'll read the rest.

Yeah, okay, I'll read the rest. So this is... Jamie, you read for me. Oh. I love going down on a woman. But sometimes the girl will have a musty muff, a punch and pussy, a sneaky, a stinky snatch. Whatever you want to call it.

Don't mind it the first time, because we'll hey, part of the mystery of finding out for the first time is the appeal, but after that, how do I bring up the fact that she doesn't smell the best? While I've tried using a little lube, flavor or not, when it tastes or smells bad, it's akin to putting hot sauce on bad food, hoping to make it taste better. Oh, I don't like this guy. I know, I know.

But still, all I can taste is that funky funk. It's the iteration again. Thanks, M. Any advice helps. Cheers, Andrew, 29. Sacramento. OK. Andrew, so here's the deal. This is not a loop question. This is a vagina deal. This is not a live question.

This is a, we're talking to questions, this is about Volvo, what woman's sent. So I understand that sometimes we don't, oh, women just, you know, there's certain times of months, certain times we just don't, smell is great as maybe you would like us to smell. And I understand that we don't want that to happen either. But if you're with, I don't know if this has happened to you

with one woman or you're saying it's happening all the time. So here's some things that you could do is that if you're dating a woman and you're your interred, you're girlfriend, you could say like, let's take a shower together beforehand. Like, let's wash out, if that's, don't worry, I'm gonna get it. Breathe is like, that's not gonna work.

But let me, I'm just, wait, I've got, I've got. Not every time. No. Okay, that's the first thing we can see. And for the women, and I learned this, I love Breeze's face because she can know anything. So here's the thing. For some women, they just don't. I don't feel like when I was younger, when I was maybe

Jamie's age, I don't think I knew that right before sex, I should maybe a shower before we now. But I go to the bathroom. Like I wipe off before right now I have sex. I do the same. Right? I take some water, a splash, and make sure that I'm clean the bathroom, like I wipe off before right now I have sex. I do the same. Right? Like I take some water, a splash, I make sure that I'm clean and you know even if I've already showered, I just know that it's, I'm usually I have already showered.

So that's one thing. So you could say like let's, you know, take a shower if that's convenient, you know, something like that. But if this isn't ongoing thing when you're with a woman typically, this is not an easy conversation to have, it could be that she has an infection, like a bacterial infection, there could be something going on, and she doesn't know that that's,

if it's a really hyperspiricus. And she had a sparigus the night before. That's true, too. She had a sparigus. And your diet can change it, it's true. But I'm not sure, Andrew, like you really can't, I don't know if you're in a relationship or not,

but typically I get these questions a lot from people who are in a relationship. All right, Andrew, here's a deal. If you are in a relationship or not, but typically I get these questions a lot from people who are in a relationship. All right, Andrew, here's a deal. If you are in a monogamous relationship, and I would tell everyone in a monogamous relationship, if you're dating your partner and suddenly, you're like, yeah, it does not smell like, I know she's showering, I know everything's fine.

A lot of times it can be a bacterial infection, it can be something that's just something that's going wrong and a lot of times we can't smell it. So you get to say to God, I love going, you can even blame it on me. You say I'm listening to the show and you can test say I love going down to you but I feel like something that isn't quite right down there.

Like it smells a little bit differently than it usually does and I heard that it could be something wrong. You should go to your doctor. Go to see your gynecologist or go, that's, I mean, that's, because there probably is something going on. Now, if you're just dating casually, one thing is you could be someone who's like very sensitive to women's odors in general, which is why I think I think a lot of,

or two odors, just no matter what odor it is, like someone wears perfume and it bothers you. I think that, in that case, like you just might not like the smell, like it might just be kind of too much for you and that's what you got to do. But again, casually, if you're doing someone, I think you'd be like, let's take a shower. Let's do shower sex. Let's take a shower beforehand. Or otherwise, you just gotta, I mean, I guess you could say to a woman,

you're only having a one night sandwich, but you'll probably freak out, because it's not the right thing to say to someone that you just met, because that could be her scent. This is a very tricky, tricky territory, because really, I think that we all sex is messy, and as we smell great, and as we don't, sex sometimes can be like, have the different sense and smells and tastes and odors, and that's just part of it, so you just kind of got to roll

with it. That's what I say, Andrew, I really don't, I don't think that in your casual dating, you can just bring it up the first time you see someone. So, yeah, he can also look at it as like, how does he know how he tastes and smells? Yeah, you know, so how would he prefer his partner to approach it with him, you know, and you know, turn the tables because trust, not every man smells and tastes fantastic. That's true too. That is absolutely true. They don't.

And I think that you could also, again, the flavor of lube could not be about, like it has a scent as well, that could help you, but I don flavor of Lou could not be about, I think it has a sense as well that could help you. But I don't want to say that I feel like it's a matter of just getting comfortable with your body, with women's bodies. And how old are you? 29. I mean, I'm happy you're going down on women. I think you should keep doing it.

I think you can move past this. I think he has to think about it situationally too. It's like, you know, like if someone's, it's been a really hot day, even wearing jeans all day, like, you know, like if someone's, it's been a really hot day even wearing jeans all day, like, you know, that kind of a thing. And like just remember, like it's a, you're vagina or not you're a vagina, it's your guy.

But a vagina is a mucus membrane, like, I'm sorry, but like, what is it supposed to smell like? To you? Are you hooking up after coming home from the club? Yeah, right. We just have to think about things and like, be it so, yeah, take it situationally. That things and like be it so yeah take it Situationally, that's yeah, it's true if you've been out on like dancing your party and you're drinking and you're like getting home But two a.m. like her hot underwear that are not breathable cotton exactly

Right, that's the problem the sexy underwear are not the best underwear for Rose smell like a genus none of them so like red roses anyway, by the way. All good points. Anything else? Any other comments? OK. What was your face about? That it's not showing? I'm just thinking about sexy underwear and how that's so true.

Right, Bri? Right. Bummer. The things that we do, we rip the hairs out of our vagina or sexy underwear that our vagina is suffocating. Torching our poor little volvas. OK, here we go. Hey, Emily, I'm Autumn from Michigan.

I've been dating this wonderful guy for about four months now. We love going out to all the great places to eat and drink in the Detroit area. Oh, getting nostalgic. My hometown. The Red Wings, entire games, and simply sleeping in and finding new brunch places on the weekends. We have a pretty fun, fulfilling relationship. Except one thing. I need more sex. Yes, I have a much higher sex than him. He points to being in the Marines for four years and

not really being very sexually active during the time. He says because he's, he go literally a year without sex. He's just used to it. Not me. I love sex. I'd be happy having sex every day two or three times on weekends and high holidays I love it. I get frustrated when I start kissing on his neck, writing my hands over his body And he just doesn't react. Once I get him going, the sex is amazing. I'm just frustrated as I'm not going I'm not getting to enjoy this great sex with him more often. You'd be proud. I did communicate with him that I'd really like to have more sex, but he seemed to not understand considering his easily satisfied libido. How the heck do I get laid more? So much thanks, Autumn 24 from Auburn Hills, Michigan. Hi, Autumn from Michigan. Love Michigan. Okay, so I totally get that you're frustrated here that you painted a pretty good picture and I just think that like in all Relationships, I know you told them once. I'm really I'm very proud of you right now

I'm smiling and I'm clapping for you that you talked to him. I love that You said he doesn't really understand it Satisfying his libido. I think he probably understood in some ways But you have to understand that having these sex talks can be very confusing sometimes for anyone in a relationship because they're first of all we're not used to talking about sex, but also just because I don't know how you told him or what you told him a lot of times it has to do with how we say it, but also you can't just say it once.

He's going to get it. He's not going to be like, oh, okay, you want more sex? Okay, yeah, let's start now because for whatever his reasons are that when he was in the military or, you know, he doesn't have his high-vis sex drive, this happens in couples. This is very, very common, like more common than not. And so, I think that there is some compromise that has to go in here. And if he really, you know, wants to work on this relationship and you guys want to be together, you're gonna have to let him know that you think about him all the time

and you get really turned on. And like, you can let him know that when I rub my hands over your body, like, that's my signal. Like, I want to have sex with you. Like, you know, I feel like it's really good for our relationship. It makes me feel really desired. And once you get going, like you said,

the sex is amazing. And I think that there's something to that that we forget sometimes when we don't want to have sex. I'm like, oh really, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, that once we actually do it, we're never regretting it. We're never saying why the hell did I have sex last night? That was terrible.

So I think that it's really just opening up the conversation more. And I know it was probably hard to do, but you've already done it once. So I think maybe you need a little more details around this and a little more information to him about why it's important to you and how you guys can, you maybe there's certain ways that he gets turned on that you don't even know yet. Like this could open up a whole new part of your relationship, finding out more about each other. What do you guys think? Have you been in these situations?

This is like, this is such a difficult conversation to have with a partner, I think. Like, I've been in a relationship that has ended because my boyfriend, like, because I didn't know how to communicate it properly, and I feel like I is going to take such a fence to it. If you're like, why aren't we having sex? Why don't we have sex? Exactly. And then you have less sex because you're talking about sex.

Maybe because the man could issue. And it feels forced, and then neither of you even want to. So I mean, I would say, like what I've learned from that would just be, don't put it on him and talk about like, don't blame it. Why aren't you, why don't you want to ever have sex with me? Like I would just talk about how Much better it makes you feel because like it raises your self confidence and it makes you feel sexy and it makes you just feel better and You know how much you love it as opposed to like putting it on him for not a good point You a good point. You don't want to, I'm glad you brought that up because it's not that you don't want to say like, why aren't you doing this? I told you once and you're

not making moves. I think you make it about both of you as well. You can say, I feel really great and more connected to it. I need that to stay in our relationship. But you could also say, it's really important that we, you know, for us and for the health of our relationship that we have sex more often and more frequently. what is it once or twice a month that you said or whatever it is, it's not working for you, but I think again, it's very important to not blame, to not say you and attack him, but say, what should we do about this? Because I understand that you might not have as high of a sex drive. I want a little bit more, but it's really important for our relationship

and kind of open it up rather than like blaming. Yeah. I think there's kind of two things going on here. I think one, it's kind of a personality thing. Like the people I know that are in the military have the type of personality where they can just kind of shut off an emotional connection because they have to, it's their job, you know.

And so if he's been in that kind of environment for as long as he has been, it might not be an overnight thing for him. It'll take a while for him to come out of his shell, so to speak. The other thing is, Autumn, you're, because you're 24, you have time on your side. Relationships are long.

And if you're playing the long game with this guy, know that your sex drives are gonna ebb and flow over time. And that, hopefully you guys are together 10 years from now, maybe the roles will have reversed. But if you have a good dialogue and a constructive conversation about it now from the beginning, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of really great sex and a really great, healthy relationship. Yep, it's great, great. Vice-enthaned.

The else dream do is like, I mean, well, I quit it. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's been a while since I've been in like a long-term relationship, but like, it was kind of reverse, like, near the end of my relationship, I wasn't wanting to have sex as much as my boyfriend. But when he would bring it up to me, he'd always bring it up to me in bed.

And then he'd always bring it up like, it's like just saying certain things, like, oh, we never have sex anymore, all this stuff. And like, I don't like that's because you're coming over at two in the morning when I'm tired and stuff like that. But it's like also, it's like, if you want to have this conversation with me, like you want to, I was like,

why are we having it right now, like when we're in bed? Like, this is not, I'm now I'm gonna go to sleep and I'm gonna feel like crap because I'm not giving you what you want. So you have to like, think about where you are when you're having this conversation. Timing and tone. And like, also just make it seem like, like,

Brie said, don't put it all on him, like, say, talk about how amazing you think the sex is with him. And you're like, I just want to have more of it, because it's so amazing, you know? And it's like, I want it more. And he'll maybe start to realize that it's important. And it's changing his behavior too. I think that was, you all made very good points.

Yeah, he could be a little shit down around it. Oh, I opened him up. And again, even if you are with him in 10 years or somebody else, I think it's really great that you're learning how to talk about your needs and express them. Amazing. OK, another email. Love my trusty team here.

This is so fun. Hey, Emily, love your podcast. It's really helped my overall self-confidence inside and outside the bedroom. You've also given me the priceless information of what women like in the bedroom. So my question, is it healthy to see your partner every day? Our sex life is great and it's only getting better thanks to your podcast, but I'm worried that I'm seeing too much of my current girlfriend. I see your every day of the week, but only at night do it due to ourworking hours. We've been dating for around seven months and everything is great.

But is this overindulging really healthy for us in the long run? Thanks, cute, the great work. Tom, 24 South Africa. I love it. I don't think we've had a lot in South Africa. No, that's always interesting to me when we get people from other countries. Yeah, because it's just like to see the difference. Oh my god, I love that we're talking to you. Tom, this feels so

good. I feel so connected. Thank you for emailing Tom. Okay, so first of all, I love what you said. I'm so glad that podcasts helped you. And I think that I'm not going to tell you what is healthy and what is unhealthy because there are no rules here. But it sounds to me like you, you know the answer here. It can be completely healthy to see your partner every day and seven days a week, it sounds like it's too much for you, right, every day of the week. And that's fine.

And here's the thing, in new relationships, and actually you're 24, I remember doing this and I, when I was in my 20s and I had a relationship and it was amazing and you really do, you want to see each other every day and it's like it's that lust phase. It's the honeymoon phase. I remember like my bills weren't paid. My roommates had seen me in like a month. You know, did you guys were going to like none of my bills were open? Like my house was a mess and I was like, with this guy who I love. And I think it's really easy.

Maybe this is your first love or your first real like adult relationship in your life that you're like have your own place and I get all of this. But I do think that in all relationships, it's really important to give yourself space and there's nothing wrong with saying, like taking a night off or two and like saying to her, like in a loving way, like I get so excited to see you, but I need these nights at home too.

And then when I see you, it's even better because I can get all my stuff done or whatever it is that you do when you're not with her. Like I think that what happens is, we also tend to go hard and fast at the beginning. These relationships can fizzle out too. When you spend every wicking moment together, thinking kind of blow up. So I think that it sounds to me like you might need to pace this, but I'm not going to tell you that it's healthy, unhealthy, but I can tell you what I know when I've seen that

I think it's good to pull back a little bit. You don't need to see each other every single night, you're 24 years old, your friends probably want to see you, you might just want to sit down and read a book. Things you have more exciting when you don't see each other every night. I think it's true. It does. And I can relate to this a lot because like in my last relationship, we would do the same thing.

We would see each other every day but mostly at night because we're doing whatever are things and honestly, I feel like that was the downfall of our relationship because it accelerated it too fast and it became expected. So then if you're was gonna be a night where you're like oh I kind of want to do this it's kind of like oh well why don't you want to see me kind of a thing and you don't want to get into that because it's just like well there's other people in your life like you have to remember that you love the person you care about them but there's other people that came before them and you need to also focus on them.

But at the same time, if you're both happy and you're having a healthy thing with it, it could be okay. It really is situational, it depends. Yeah. Yeah, this totally happened when I started dating my husband. I was a bit older than Tom. I guess I was 28 when we started dating.

And it was the same kind of thing, like we were practically living together. I was living at his apartment, but you know, paying rent at mine and not paying my bills because I was never there. My roommate was freaking out because she's like, you're never here. And anyway, I think that if you're at a, it kind of depends on what stage in your life you're at. If you're at a stage in your life where you're looking to sort of not settle down, but,

you know, be serious with somebody, potentially live with them. You're moving towards, you know, that type of relationship, then it's absolutely normal and healthy and everything. But if you're a little younger and you're still just sort of exploring this serious dating thing, then absolutely you want to say, hey, maybe Friday night I'm going to go out with my friends and I'd love to see you Sunday, whatever it is. Yeah, I wanted that to, because I'm looking at a sage and I'm saying it's probably, probably should take your time. But maybe if you're ready to get married, you think she's the one.

But if he's asking, but that's the thing. You're asking me, yeah, exactly honey, you're asking me and time, I think, you know, what you got to do. All right. Any other comments, questions, feelings, emotions? Okay. One more email. Yeah.

How about that? Hi, Emily, feelings, emotions. Okay, one more email, yeah, about that. Hi Emily, long story short. This is usually when they're really long. I say, this is long too bad. Oh no, no, this is good. It's not too bad. Kim, you're the best. Okay, long story short, I've never had an orgasm. Not through a masturbation or sex or with a partner.

Part of it was because I literally had no desire to touch myself until very recently. And part of it was because I've had some sexual trauma from my past. In the initial testing I've done, I found that I can find my de-spat without any trouble. But that's the most penetration I can handle without freaking out and having a hard time finding my clitoris. Do you have any recommendations that might work for me or any tips on how to find my clit? Thanks so much for taking the time to read it and answer my question. Kim, 24, Wisconsin.

Okay, Kim. You'd think it would be the other way around. I'm just gonna start flexing to me right now. You're like the first woman ever who's found her G-Spot before Clivaris. Probably not, I don't know if that's true, but I would give you some kind of golden, graduation, that's a good thing.

Golden Dildo, that's a good thing. Yeah, congratulations on that. Okay, Kim, so first I wanna focus on your sexual sexual trauma because I'm sorry that you went to do some trauma and thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate it. And I just hope that you've gotten some help around the trauma that you've processed it and you maybe sought out therapy and you've released a lot of it because untreated trauma does not go well for a lot of people.

So that said, you found your juice pot. That's amazing. And through masturbation or sex as a partner, I think that the best place, the best way to find it is through masturbation and to not have a goal in mind. So the thing is, I think a lot of women just think, I'm just gonna lay down and I'm gonna find it.

It's gonna pop up and there's my, you know, there's my clitoris and it doesn't work that way for a lot of women. So it's really like you have to seduce yourself. You have to set the mood like like candles, make sure your doors closed, your phones offer, whatever it is that you need to feel safe and to feel comfortable just to start exploring without the goal of orgasm. And use Loub, I'm telling you, this will like speed up your whole process. Don't start directly, like I'm sure you know where the clitoris is, but I would say a lot of

time it starts going in your inner thighs, like around your pubic mountains, like teasing yourself with your fingers, your nipples, like rubbing your hands over your body, and like not going right for your clitoris. Because sometimes it has to, for women, it's a little bit hidden. It's got to like peek out. You know, my half is clitoral hood. It's going over what we all do, but it might be a little more, you might need some more time turning yourself on. And then it will come out.

You will find your clitoris. It will happen. But I think that when we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, like I must find my clitoris and it doesn't happen, you know, you don't keep trying. So I think that you just need a little more. And it's masturbation month. It's the perfect time to do it.

And we have a lot of great posts on our site about masturbation as well and how to touch yourself and how to fill yourself. Vibrators are great. As I've mentioned, once or twice. I like the wish. The Wevi Wish is one of my new favorite toys because it's a great vibrator that feels really good.

It's soft, it's squishy, and it actually is built to stimulate your outer clitoral nerves and your inner clitoral nerves, meaning that it's not just about the clitoris. Like you're saying I want to find the clitoris, here's the other thing. We think it's that little button, but really it is, but there's all the clitoral legs and the labia. And so you just, I think, need to explore your entire wall vault with your figure, with your fingers, and all that stuff.

Yeah, I would say, like, especially if you're new to it and haven't really masturbated, I would say, I feel like a lot of people, and they don't know what to do, they think just like penetration is like, all you should do, and like, that's what works. I would say like, use a vibrator and just like, like Emily said, like, get out of your own head, give yourself time

to just only think about yourself and I would start on the outside too with a vibrator, it's probably the best way. I'm surprised you found your juice, but I wonder if you had an orgasm with it or you just think that you found it because for a lot of women, it also helps to have a literal orgasm

to get turned on to find their juice buds. So. Yeah, I just want to totally commend you, Kim, for having the courage to talk about this and to explore this topic at 24, because I know women with sexual trauma that they didn't deal with it till they were in their 40s and lived a really long time suffering and not getting any kind of satisfaction or happiness from sex because of it.

So just thank you for your courage, because there's somebody out there listening right now who is having a similar experience. And I just want to add to that, thank God for masturbation, but because, I mean, people like you, it's the reason this needs to happen because we need to take away the shame and the sort of lack of knowledge about our bodies.

And masturbation is, I think, the, it's the key to understanding ourselves sexually and physically. And also don't be afraid to get down with your own anatomy. Emily has talked about this before. But, you know, use a mirror. There are all sorts of ways to experiment when you're masturbating and it's an opportunity for you to really get to know yourself very well, which will only make relationships that much better moving forward. I love the mirror thing. It is true that when you look, you're like, oh, I can't look, but you'll actually, if you like literally don't know where the clitors is, you're going to find it.

You can look at it. You'll see the little bud, you'll see what's going on down there. Yeah, and I do love this month. It's about your pleasure. Great. Yeah, and I just think also too that we have this understanding, like, oh, we're supposed to know how to do it, but no, it's like, honestly, it's true.

Use a mirror, like, look at an anatomy book, like, you know, like, read about it. And we even have blogs on the website, like, there's a whole blog about like, all the anatomy book like you know like read about it And we even have blogs on the website like there's a whole blog about like all the parts of the vagina Like read it like it has diagrams and everything on our website. It's called It's called on our own. It's called What's it called? I don't know. We'll find it and we'll find it in the summer We're gonna link it. Okay. That's perfect. We're gonna link it in the show summary on the website because Kim we really want you to find this clitoris because it's there I promise you it is there and you will find it

So we'll post it on the site for you and we've a lot of great stuff orgasm Listen to the city is another post was at a Podcast and then anyway, there's a touch just search clitoris I don't know what I'm saying, but you're gonna find it. Just be patient. You guys, thank you so much. This was awesome. This was fun guys. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, it was awesome. What a fun show you guys. Master Rage Month, remember, only it's only you got like 18 more days or something. So get to it. Get to it. Don't forget to enter our contest. Shop on my site. It's a good time.

If you want to check out the loobs. I love loobs. Just saying it, I got happy. Okay, thank you, Bri. Thank you to my amazing team. I love you all. Thank you to Ken, Helena, producer, Lark, Jamie, and Michael. And most of all, thanks everyone for listening.

Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithamu.com.