Sex With Emily - Luke, I am Your Daddy (Dom)

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is breaking down the very common power play fantasy Daddy Dom/Little Girl & she’s answering your sex related questions. She points you in the right direction of how to start a Daddy Dom/Little Girl dynamic, ways to orgasm with new partners, and what exactly the pubic mound is. Plus, how to get out of a long-term relationship rut.Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm breaking down a very common power play fantasy. That's right, I'm talking about Daddy Down Little Girl. Plus, I'm answering all your sex related questions, topics and clips. So you want to start a Daddy Down Little Girl dynamic, but have no idea where to begin. Good news, I can point you in the right direction. You haven't been able to orgasm with a new partner since while your husband, but did you just give up and come to terms with your fate? Of course not. So what exactly is it, Pubek Mound? Where is it? What does it do and why should you care? How you get out of a long-term relationship right when you're still in love? All this I Look into his eyes

Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a lie-gone Hey, Emily you got a boyfriend because my man E here He just got his heart broken he thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything

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everyone for listening and I hope you enjoy the show. Now it's your time for your fantasy breakdown Love fantasy breakdown All right guys. This is a really popular fantasy. Okay, let me break it for you. It's called daddy dumb little girl So what is this? This is a fantasy more about like age play so it's like role playing where one part Or plays the role of the dominant and devoted daddy figure and the other plays the role of the submissive little girl. So let me tell you what it isn't. So it's not pedophilia.

It doesn't encourage pedophilia. And this fantasy is essentially always between two consenting adults playing the roles of people with different ages and demeanors. And sometimes sex isn't even involved. It's not even about sex. It's just about that sexy dominant submission. Like people like people who are in like BTS and Malaysia, sometimes it's just about like all day long

they're playing the, you know, there's like time outs and spanking. So here you go. Fantasy could look like this. Like maybe you come home from a hard day at work. You want to leave the stress of your adult life behind and you're the little girl. So you go into your little space, maybe your little space in the house and you switch into your little girl persona.

Maybe you're wearing your little pajamas with feet on it or maybe you're wearing something sexier probably, a sexy little girl's outfit and your partner notices that you're playing the role of a little girl and then he assumes his position as a daddy. So you might say, daddy, I'm sleepy. I need you to read me a story in which case, you know, he wants you to be comfortable. He gives you like a little teddy bear to cut a wreath. And then the story might get kind of steamy. He started telling you story about the three bears, the three little bears, but turned to like a three-some or something.

Who knows? He gets steamy. And then eventually you guys will, you know, it'll start having sex. And then eventually you guys will, you know, get a little hot, start having sex. And another example is maybe the little girl has like a temperate, I mean she starts crying or a fake crying. And then daddy's like, give us your ass banking, a consensual spanking. Calms are down, maybe gives you a little bath before bed.

So these are fantasies. And essentially it's about like the daddy being the protector and the provider and the little girl, girl you know is kind of helpless and wants her daddy's love which I can kind of I used to think like I'm not calling someone daddy like daddy is not hot don't ever tell me to call you daddy but I understand it now I actually had a guy who was into it and I was like oh I get it because I kind of like I like being submissive and bad I'm dominant all throughout my life so I didn't mind it with him I was, I think before you cast any stones, you assume you're not going to do something. When you hear it with your partner, you guys figure out what kind of, because this is really just

a subcategory of BDSM. So I feel like couples can kind of, I don't know, just suspend what you've already believed about it and see if it could work for you, parts of it. Because I didn't think this one could, and it was hot. I didn't go, I wasn't like in a daddy-dum relationship. It was like, I'd call him daddy, and he'd be like, you're a bad little girl. And I didn't hate it. So it's me hot. It is hot.

Okay, so why is this popular? I mean, first of all, role-playing you guys is hot. You're just tuning in. And role-playing is a really sexy, hot thing to do in your relationship. And it's a foreplay in a sense. Because a lot of you email and you call with questions about being distracted during sex,

not being in the mood for sex, that everything is become broke and boring. We've had a few calls about that tonight. So if you are immersing yourself in a fantasy, it's almost like you guys have an activity that night. It's not just sex, it's an activity. You get to dress up and something and be sexy or be a little girl or be whatever you want,

cause it's play. And then you get into dress up in something and be sexy or be a little girl or be whatever you whatever you want because it's Play and then you get into a dynamic and the dynamics you get into are like you're so focused I may be playing a role or even just a sexy costume Maybe you're just wearing a wig and your partner is talking to you in a different voice They're gonna an accent that can be so hot That's why if you think role plays ago. We could ever do that. That's ridiculous We'll laugh the whole time. Well, maybe for a second you'll giggle But once you get out of your head and you get into like this is actually a role we're playing It can be really hot

So I think that the fantasy, you know of daddy down little girl is common because for most people It's very recognizable. It's relatable like if you've never been a doctor You can't like how can I play doctor patient? I don't like a doctor But like I guess we've had daddies and we know what little girls do, so it's very easy one to get into, kind of like the master slave dynamic or the school teacher and the student. But this one is a little bit more loving and tender. And it also, what I love about this, it sort of can amplify the masculine and feminine roles, which are a requirement in sex.

Even if you're in a same-sex relationship, we need the polarity of someone being dominant and someone being submiss are a requirement in sex. Even if you're in the same sex relationship, we need the polarity of someone being dominant and someone being submissive in every sex act. I mean, this is an extreme version, but we, you know, this one works. So I guess, so if you want some tips for this too, you guys, I mean, it doesn't have to last the whole night. Like we had someone who worked for us,

who's an intern who we blog as Shannon. She got some blogs on the site, still the most popular blog on her site. And she was actually living this role with her first year of daddy. She only called him daddy and she was always in the role. She'd be at work, she'd be interning. But when she was home, that was her thing.

She was a little girl. Yeah, like they were like full on, it was like she, well first of all, just everything about her stuff. It was so fascinating because they do so much. But like, she would like fall back into being the age of 12. That was like her age. Yeah.

12 was her age. And it was funny too, because she was like, you know how like when you get mad at your partner, you lose like their full name or like their middle name. Like, so if she was mad, she would call him by his actual name. Not daddy. Yeah, she'd like Jonathan and then he'd be like, oh, you're in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was always daddy all the time. Yeah. Well, daddy this daddy that so it's very, I mean, it's more common than we think. So they're all, yeah, but you guys, but the role play could just last until you're turned on and then you start having sex as usual, you know, it's

also good to have a safe word because she's probably the safe page. My favorite on the same page, my favorite safe word is using like the traffic lights signals like red keep going yellow caution, you know, a red stop. I swear I'm a great driver. I'm actually not. Red means stop, greens go and yellow is like let's just slow down. Let's have some caution here. That's just so easy. And then you guys, props, some great props. It's so easy. Dress up, do a coloring book, a teddy bear, a T-set, you know. Cute little girl outfits.

I love dressing up in little skirts and pigtails. It's fun. Go out for ice cream. Yes, go out for ice cream. You know, just bankings if you're into that. And the daddy's rolled two. They're more like lovers than like punishing you. So it's not about like inflicting pain.

It's like love and care. And then maybe a little punishing and spanking. Yeah, and then you can, like it can be any couple doing this, like just a parent child type. Right, you could do anything. Yeah, any kind of mom, little boy, or like mom and little girl right step step

Parenting step sex is also a big trending thing that yeah, that is like a thing It's like everything. Yeah, like step parents like see me with your step mom or your step sister and step brother There's a big porn genre that's different. Well cuz it's like it's not incest technically right They're like well, it's really not your your you're my step sister, my sexy step sister, came into my room and what am I gonna do? But like, what if, okay, because this is the thing, it's like I see that actually being a real thing, like what if your parents get married

and you get a step sibling, but you're like both like, I don't know, already in your 20s or something, you're both in your 20s and then, you're not attracted to each other. That's why this porn is believable. They're like, that could happen, or I would always have for my step sister, or it guess it's just still kind of like, you're not attracted to each other. That's why this porn is unbelievable. They're like, that could happen. Or I would always have for my step sister.

Or it gets it's just still kind of forbidden, you know? That kind of happened on Team Mom, though, where the two couples, like the mom and the dad got married and then the two kids were step brother and sister and then they ended up getting married and having a child. Wow. So Team Mom.

I know. I know. I know. But I mean that, and then they're still child. That's so teen mom. Yeah, I feel like you said, I know, I know. But I mean, and then they're still together. And they're still together. And it's so weird, because it's like, it's his mom, his mom, it's like they share a dad. And it's like, you know, it's so, but it's not there, but it's like dad got married to them, but it's stepped.

Wow. Yeah. Were they cool with a parents' cool with it when they found out? Yeah, they were totally cool with it. And then sometimes like, what if you're already dating and then your parents meet and then they are both single and get together? So it's like the opposite.

It's like you weren't, you didn't start out that way but then your parents made it a thing. That's happened to someone I know I've heard that before. That's like more of a gossip girl trip. Right, yes, yes. It's like a definitely, definitely. Yeah, they're just like, yeah, we know we're just gonna, we're just gonna go for it. That's true. Oh, and

included. Yeah. Oh, we just type that. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Let's kind of look at your parents. You have to force your fantasies. Like, I hope they get together. I hope they find someone. But then if they fall in love with your, yeah, you're your boyfriend's mom. Like, oh, it's still forbidden, but great. Yeah, that's true. I see Kluis again. I have seen it.

Yeah. Oh my God. Paul Rudd. So dreamy. I know. But I didn't, okay, because when I first watched that movie when I was way younger, I didn't realize Paul Rudd was Paul Rudd until I started seeing him in all these Jedi Avatar movies. And then when I watched Kluis again afterwards, I was like, oh yeah. like you just like have those moments where you're like, oh yeah, he is and then

I he's also in everything. He's like in friends and like all this stuff. Oh, that's right. It's one of those actors circulating. Yeah, that's true. I don't still his best movie though. Clueless. Oh, seriously? He sure. He does. He's like, he does not age. No, he's the amp man now in the Marvel movies, still looks the same as he did in clips. How did it happen? And then they don't even get better looking at some of them.

Yes. I can't. I don't realize how lucky that they are sometimes, because a lot of them do get just like, I know. They're like the Nanny, the Daddy, you like the Daddy, they're all their day. A lot of people calling in calling it tonight the age that age difference

and honestly my mind I'm like how long can they can this is gonna last is sustainable but you know I guess also if doesn't matter like right now if they're having a great time together and she's 23 and he's 51 or whatever it is like I mean they're having great experiences they're having consensual sex that's why I like to change how people, think about like even breakups, like I guess I could see where they're in different decades and different things could happen. But right now, if you're having a great relationship and you're learning something for someone and you're expanding your sexual repertoire, I think it's okay, you know, I think that to look at relationships when the end is a failure and divorce or is it a bad thing, I think that that's where we get tripped up,

like we're not supposed to be with someone, I think that that's where we get tripped up. Like we're not supposed to be with someone, I think, forever. So even if there's a weird age difference, or a long, not weird, but like, you know, I don't know, I think that to think it could, most mergers don't last forever anywhere in relationships.

Yeah, it's hard to run. Does it just have fun? Yeah, I just like to change that. I mean, I think people walk around like, oh, I failed, I failed, I failed But I think if you're in a relationship and you tried and you come in you got married you worked on or even any kind of relationship We can if you do your work and you tend to look at I think we can learn I know we learn from all relationships There are lessons and the great stories too

I'm grateful for all of my relationships. All right guys. You can cause with any questions you have Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven Alright guys, you can call us with any questions you have, Tribal 894-7-8277. We actually have an Instagram question, someone related to our fantasy topic, from a man who's 30, switching from a DOM to vanilla relationship mentally and physically is it possible. I think anything's possible.

I mean, you could absolutely, if you're with a willing partner, it just means learning a new skill set and finding out what else turned you on besides being dominant. So in a way, you could absolutely, if you're with a willing partner, it just means learning a new skill set and finding out what else turned you on besides being dominant. So in a way, you could look at it like your whole sexual awakening is happening again. It's like the second coming, if you will.

So to work with your partner and find out what's hot and what it means to actually have vanilla sex could be just as novel as someone finding out what it's like to be in a dumb relationship. You know, it's kind of like still novelty and different. So and if he doesn't like it, I guess he can share with his partner and go back. But I think it's all possible, you guys. Most of what's keeping us back from having the sex life that we want and that we deserve is just our minds, like getting in the way and stories we tell ourselves.

So it's really like a lot of what I do is just help you guys realize, like, what are the facts and what are just what you're interpreted to be facts about your situation? And it takes some work to kind of rewire our neuro pathways in our brain, but we can do it. I mean, I've always wanted to be in like a dom sub thing. Yeah, but I haven't found every, I'll keep finding, well, the thing is, is I keep finding guys that are like not able

to be that dominant with me. Oh, it's so true. It's hard to do. It's hard to do. It was a hard to do that because I'm so impatient. I know. So I'm just like, oh my god, I'm just going to do it. Right. Because I can't, but I want to, like so badly, but I find the feeling energy.

It's just changing your energy. Right, same. You have to change it. It's like changing your behavior around men and getting more into your feminine when you're out in the world and like breathing into your body and like letting them lead. I know, it's freaking hard though. It's so hard, it's my purpose.

It's my purpose to do that. So it's like, I'm so, I guess, dominating in my work life all the time that it's like, I just wanna go home and be dominated. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. Just do that and then that's what we do. And it works so great.

That's so great. So he'll take it, he likes it. Oh yeah. Yeah, he actually helped me explore that part of me because I didn't realize that. Wow, how did you guys get into it? How did you know? Oh my God, it was something, it actually,

so I mean, this is a really long time ago now, but it was something where I told him that I liked being choked and I said, it actually, so I mean, this is a really long time ago now, but it was something where I told them that I liked being choked, and I said, you know, and he's like, have you ever thought of, like, do you know what BDSM is? And learning this in psychology, I was like, well, I learned that in my normal psychology, is that like a normal behavior?

And then he was like, no, this is not abnormal behavior whatsoever. And so then he kind of opened those doors for me. Oh wow. And that's kind of where it all set off. And then I realized I liked being dominant in the bedroom. And so then we played with that. And then I was like, but I like him being dominant with me. Once I found my like sexual energy, I realized,

this is what I love that. It's so true. Oftentimes we just don't explore. We cast judgment. That's wrong or it's abnormal. But you're like, no, let me find my groove. You're not born knowing what you want and bad, you guys. So part of what you're doing,

and that's why I like when the older women, younger men, or older women, yeah, younger, whatever it is, wherever you're at, every relationship can be a time for you to explore sexually what you're into. So I love it, even with your husband now for a while, and you've guys figured out, yeah. Like do you guys do ropes and tie to the... Oh, yes.

You do? Yes. Bondage gear stuff. Oh, everything. Yeah, we have shackles. We have handcuffs. We have I mean, we have different types of rope to some ropes that like you can tie up for your your breasts And then there's some that you know you can tie up with his his balls his cock. And so it's like all kinds. Wow, I didn't, did we know this? No, we just, we're just getting to know each other. We're like having our foreplay.

Yeah, exactly. Just starting to produce our, that's why we're here more about that. For sure. Yeah, that's some gear for you too. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. And we come back, we're to get into your questions. All right, let's talk to Lisa. She's 52 in Seattle.

She's not been able to have an orgasm with any man since she's separated from her husband. Hey, Lisa, thanks for calling. Hey, of course, of course, tell me what's going on. So yeah, well, I was with my husband for 30 years and we separated five years ago. I've been updating and I've had a couple one-year relationship, two, in that five-year period. Very nice men. The first guy, the sex, was amazing.

You know, after 30 years, you have someone new and it was, it was great. But I have not been able to have an orgasm with my partner. I can do it with my vibrator. I master my vibrator a lot. And then I think, oh my God, have I ruined it for myself? For never. Right. You know, and the men, the first fellow and the new man that I'm seeing now, very

willing, there's a lot of communication going on. I just can't get there. And I don't. Okay. A question for Lisa. Now here's a question for you. So with your husband of 30 years, did you get there every time? Do you remember, was it during intercourse?

Okay, no. So even then you didn't. No. No, I didn't. It was during oral sex. Really oral sex? Oh, okay. That goes to you.

Which is like you and then you understand if you've been listening that that's more common than most women come through oral sex or through a finger or through kit, you know, but not during a course. So what about oral sex or through a finger or through kit, but not during the course. So what about oral sex with these new guys? Have you kind of heavy, and they've tried? I have, yes, so yes, no.

And I mean, valiant efforts, yes. And you know, and it's like I'm so close, but I just can't. And it was a really funny thing, because as I said, I was with my ex for a very long time, 30 years. And it was a really funny thing, because as I said, I was with my axe for a very long time, 30 years. And it was a really weird thing. I loved oral sex, but I would rarely let him do it. Damn. It was almost like I said to him, I know.

And I would say, because my feeling was, if he didn't hold the time, right, that I would kind of lose the sensation, because if, when he did do it, usually not every time, but usually it would be pretty mind blowing. Like I would have these amazing multiple orgasms. Wow. So I was worried that if we did it all the time, I would kind of lose my sensation.

Now I'm like, you know, now that I don't have that, right, you're like, oh, are you finding a guy that's willing to do it? I'm happy. Right. No, tell me. Tell me. We're like on an oral mission here. We're like, like, random acts of oral, like, we're print and t-shirts. I'm happy. Right. No, Tom, we tell me we're like on an oral mission here. We're like like random, axiomoral, like we're printing t-shirts. I know, honey. It's not happening as much as we need to happen. But I'm here helping you. So here's the thing. It sounds like

here's the good news. You're not broken. Nothing wrong with you, Lisa. I feel like a lot of this is your o-blocking yourself. I feel like you're in your head and you sounds like you did a little bit. You have these rules in your head around orgasm and it's going to go away or in different scenarios how it can happen. And so really this is just a matter of breathing into the moment with these guys and giving them direction in a way that's like, even if it's like you say they're valiant efforts, but they could be going at it like they did it with their last girlfriend. And that's just certainly not going to work for you because you don't like fingers and

you don't want direct, literal stimulation. So to kind of like, I believe that there's a way to give kind feedback when in the moment because the guys don't know, like they're just, they want you to come to believe me, but they just don't know how. So it's a two part of you kind of maybe you can be like right here to the left, show them,

but also if you can practice any mind, do you ever do any mindfulness work, like meditation or breathing or anything like that? Because this is what you got yoga. Yeah, yoga awesome. It's like that It's literally like in your mind going it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen and then you go okay, okay So you breathe and you breathe really deep and I'm telling you there's so much power in breath that when you move breath All the way through your body it actually has this way of like eliciting orgasm. It moves up with you with your breath. So you can even practice that, you know, during yoga, like the deep breaths, like deep into your pelvic floor. That is going to

help you if your breath is louder than your thoughts. So when you've noticed a thought, just go back to your breath or back to what I'm feeling, I'm feeling his tongue on my clitoris. How does it feel? Because I feel like this is a mind thing, and so you can get through this. I do kind of think it's a mind thing. I agree. It's frustrating for my partner, too. And I'm with this new guy, and you know, it's sort of like I don't want to frustrate him. It always feels good. I mean, this is the thing. I enjoy it very much. I mean, yes, it would be great to get to orgasm. But I mean, how about some mutual masturbation? This is one of my favorite tips for new couples

and for all couples, mutual masturbation. So you guys are hanging out and it's like, it's super hot because you're like, let's just like say we're new together. I think it's been really hot, what we're doing. And I think that we could each show each other a lot here. So the cool thing about mutual masturbation is kind of like a toofr, which I love things

that go to raise two benefits. is that looking at him masturbating, him looking at you is like really hot. It's like a total turn off for him to see like, oh wow, look at her like what she does. It's super hot. She knows her body even if you use a toy. So I know you're like, but I use a toy. That's fine. And then it's also learning. Like it's a great learning tool because you're going to see how he touches himself. Like I remember the first time I did this was like, Oh, he takes his hand and it goes from the shaft all the way over the tip. And then he goes back down again. I'm like, so now when I'm giving a blowjob, I'll make sure that I do that same movement. He's going to be looking you going, Oh, I didn't realize that she touches her clitoris in this certain way in these

roundabout circles or it's just a way to learn and to feel it. And on that might seem awkward to you or weird, but I'm telling you, once you get into the moment with it, it's just a way to learn and to feel it and that might seem awkward to you or we're but I'm telling you once you get into the moment with it it's really hot and a lot of couples have thanked me for that tip. So if you're comfortable with that that's a great way to start. Is that a very open. No, I love it. I love it. I try it totally.

Okay. I've unleashed my inner sex kit and she's there. Good. Honey, you remember 30 years you're out of that marriage this is the time of your life. This is the time to try it to get there. Just know that it's gonna happen. You just gonna have to communicate a little bit more than you already are.

And being vulnerable, saying, I wanna come with you, but here's some things I need is perfectly fine. A lot's a good Instagram question's coming in. So we have one from a woman. She says, how to get over the fear of getting on top due to being insecure, but you're married. Oh, okay.

She did not provide an age. All right, so here's the thing about woman on top. Like how do I rock woman on top? Honestly, the best way to do it is to find something that makes you feel sexy and bad, right? Cause I'm gonna assume that maybe you don't wanna get on top because you feel like, oh my, you can see my whole body and I can move.

So maybe you're wearing something that just makes you feel great. And then when you're ready, you just kind of roll, you get on top and you just start moving your body and you start just like feeling into your body. So what happens is when you say you don't have the confidence, that tells me that you're in your head during sex, which is like really like 99% of the challenges we hear from people is like, I'm so in my head during sex. And so if you can learn to be really mindful, to going into that bedroom,

you are wearing something sexy. And then when you get on top, if your brain just going, you look awful or you don't know what you're doing, you go back to, and this is a practice, I am moving right now. I feel my clitoris on my partner's body. I feel my legs against his side.

I feel our skin touching skin. And the more that you go back to the present moment, I am hearing the music. I'm smelling the candle that we lit. I am feeling our body that locks you into the present moment because when you do that and you focus on breathing and being present, you can't be in your head worrying about how it looks with you being on top.

You just can't. It's impossible to be present and be in your head worrying about how it looks with you being on top. You just can't. It's impossible to be present and be in your head tripping about something. It doesn't work like that. And this is a practice. It's a lifelong practice. So also, remember, do you say it was our husband? It's your husband. He loves you. He's not leaving you because of the way you rocked woman on top. So for me, for you, it's more about getting over this hump and practicing, I'm all for practicing too, when you're alone masturbating, when you're in the shower, moving in your body, I think we forget to move,

especially as women like this S curve or pelvic floor, we get tight, we tend to be clenched, we like, oh, we hold so much tension there, so maybe doing some exercises or some stretching, looking in the mirror, dancing, feeling sexy, and getting your body to move in a way that will feel comfortable. Because if you've been stiff all day,

you're not working out, you've been sitting in work, you're in a chair, then you get a homey, try again on top. Your body might still be in that uncomfortable position, which is why I love to try to exercise or stretch every day or go home and meditate to separate work between work at home and just like get yourself into the mindset. When you feel free.

I feel like I've been a long time since I haven't been confident with sex. But, yeah, I mean, you talk about all the time at your job, you've learned all the things. But I know there have been times where I'm just like, well, I know, before I started the show, I was like, what can I do that looks, how can I move that he will think it sexy?

Did he even orgasm? I cared less about mine. But once I started to realize it, like confidence is the sexiest thing you can bring into the bedroom. For me, and my partner then, I really started working on that and it all the rest of it fades away. And I'm older now and I might not look the same away,

but I don't even think about those things. And I don't even think about what they're thinking, to be honest, because I know if I'm there now and I might not look the same away, but I don't even think about those things. And I don't even think about what they're thinking, to be honest, because I know if I'm there with someone, we both want to be there. You can tell if someone doesn't want to be there. Yeah, we've gotten naked together, we've both been here. I don't have a gun to get, and you can leave, what I could leave, and we're there.

And they are certainly not thinking any of the things that I might be thinking that are insecurities. And most of what we spend our time working about aren't that even real, they're false evidence, appearing real, which is fear. I think so many women especially focus on performing. I like how you brought that up. You're like, how am I moving to make him? Right.

Well, he thinks this is sexy. If I'm sucking in my stomach while I'm on top and moving in a way I don't even think about it. I feel like guys are almost partially blind when you're having sex. Like I don't know what they're focusing on, but I'm sure it's not that little curve that you think. No, no. Mm-mm.

Or yeah, that you gave two pounds or that you have a weird mole or that you didn't shave even. I don't know. Like they're just happy. You know what? I have noticed a lot that like when't shave even. I don't know, like they're just, you know what? I have noticed a lot that like, when you just, when I just don't, because I've, before I used to have to be like, I can't have sex unless I'm completely bare

and ready and prepared, and I used to apologize sometimes. I'm sorry, I didn't know I was gonna have sex tonight. And then, well, every guy won, if one I've said that, I've been like, I don't care. I'm glad you're here, do you? You've gone then, oh, also when I haven't said've been like, I don't care. Yeah, I'm glad you're here, dude. You've gone then, oh, you. Also, when I haven't said anything about it,

guys don't say shit. Nope. They're just happy to be here. They're just really happy to be there. They're so happy you joined them for this sexual escape tonight. Thank you for joining me. They should send a freaking thank you card after.

I love to get a thank you card after sex. I know. I think that would be like, I'd be like, damn, I did a good job. Yeah, exactly. I know. We do for would be like, I'd be like, damn, I did a good job. Yeah, exactly. I know. We do it for everything else. Thank you.

That was great. That was great. Thanks for the great sex last night. We have Nate, who's 48 in New Mexico, who wants to know how his wife got a UTI. Oh, hey, Nate. Thanks for calling. Hello.

Hi. Hello. How are you doing? Good. How are you? I'm one male in there, and I can't complain. Okay, good Listen, we we we El sex is not an everyday thing. I mean, it is a

But my wife is on board with it And I'm and and I'm cool with it. So I'm not gonna to be some overbearing, you know, and just just punish my wife with. So we go through all the steps, the sanitation steps. And then like, okay, it has happened where we have been having anal and then, you know, through the heat of the moment, go back to the vaginal. Yeah, that's it. That's how she gets the back. Oh, yeah, that's that's it That's how she gets you ti you can't do that. Nate you can't go from back to front Nope

bacteria. Oh, no, okay Yeah, I'm never on purpose never in to know honey. I get it. You're excited. I don't get it. Yep Yes, yes, very excited Yeah, that's what it happens. Okay, well, now that he said it is like, okay, because recently, I mean, we had to get antibiotics. Yeah, Nate, you can't, I mean, here's the thing. It's, you can go from the vagina to the anus, but you can knackle back from the anus

to the vagina because that's the bacteria and that's probably why she's getting a UTI. It's bacteria. I don't understand why, you know, because my wife is very turned on by the, the porno show, you know, the porno. So it's like, you know, when they show that or whatever, we're trying to replicate that. Because porn isn't real Nate. Here's what I gotta tell you.

I'm so glad you asked questions. I love you, Nate. I know, because porn, no, but what I'm telling you, Nate, is that this is why I'm so angry with porn sometimes, is because the things that you see important, they don't show the loop, they don't show the warm up, they don't show that she probably first gets warmed up and has a little orgasm and any massages are butt and then he wears a condom and then he

slowly misoges her buttocks and then he pours like a vat of lube in her anus and then he puts it inside. But they don't show that in porn, they show you going from back to front. And this is why you're doing it. And this is where we all are having sex that's just not satisfying because we assume that the way they're doing things in porn is real. And that's just one of the reasons why it pisses me off. Nate, you got it? And this is, and to be honest,

this is my wife that is watching the porn. And man, I'm game, I'm game. You know, I'm not gonna say, oh, no, no, no, we're not gonna watch that for it. Well, unless she likes taking antibiotics. Yeah, I mean, honestly, all you gotta do is you can even jump in the shower after. You could have some wipes by your bed,

although I don't even know if those would be. You know, if you wipe off your penis really well, just leave some wipes there, and then you can go back into her vagina. I will allow that, but make sure you wipe off your entire penis, your balls, your hair, everything, your crevices under your tip, and then you can go back in. But do not, do not. Yeah, they do it in porn, and then this is what happens.

Okay, Nate. Very much. Thank you very much. So welcome, Nate. This is amazing. No more UTIs for your wife. This is how it happens. You guys remember, I'm not anti-porn. There are some great things about porn. It's titillating. It can be great way to actually see certain scenarios that you would like to do with your partner, but no, technically, like it's not safe. They don't practice safe sex. This is a perfect example. And they don't show the warbup. They don't show the messiness. They don't show the lube. They don't show the lube. They don't, they show that it's saliva. Do you know that how most people,

you spit on your hand, you spit on your fingers, that could also cause a UTI. People do that. I've had men do that up until recently. I'm like, oh, you can't spit, don't like stop amid saliva. I hope this just gets everyone to stop right now and go, yeah, I did that last night. I'm sure you did.

People don't have loop around, but you don't want to spit into your hand. It is in spit on your partner. I know what you see in porn. Cries me out. It's so not a turn on for me when a guy does that like to spit or whatever, especially because I'm like, maybe that's not it.

Maybe if it's not time to start penetrating yet, if I'm that dry. And if I am that dry, because sometimes it's weird. It's also because it's like inside, I might be some, there's some wetness there, but the outside areas are not. Right. But Clitoris does not lubricate itself.

That's why you should just be safe and just have some lube on hand next year, but get a beautiful bottle like the uber lube. Get something like pure PJUR. We love their lube, it's safe, it's there. You leave it on your nightstand. If you're going to put it inside your nightstand, that's okay too, but just have it.

Have it become so normal that you just before you start anything sexual, before you touch your partner, you put a few drops on you, rub it into the clitoris and then you start. That's all you need to do, because it's not gonna be wet right away. For many, and the outside is not wet. And if you're gonna spit, you might as well just go down on me.

I find it offensive. I find it a little rude if someone spits on my vagina. Like, don't spit on my vagina. Wait, wait, wait. So they spit directly into your vagina? Yeah, it's important all the time. Yeah, you see another oh I've never had that when they go right like right when they're I've only had a spit in like the hand or something. No spit on the vagina and then like it that happened to me once and I was like don't do that ever again.

It's a popular porn move. Mm-hmm very popular. Especially spitting on a dick before you suck it. I feel like you know I've talked to a few men and they say that they like that, you know, they're just trying to get real wild, but I'm like, do not ever spit on my vagina. No, no. Let's fuck a rude. And it's not good for you. And I'm like, yes, I can get a UTI. I'm envious of all these people

that have all this excess saliva in them. I'm out. Like I have a fucking problem. I know. I do not salivate enough. It's cally the weed. Oh, I mean, definitely. Well, I mean, also, when you're pleasing yourself

or whatever, I feel like my mouth is open most of the time because I'm enjoying a lot of it. And then I have to catch myself and be like, oh, my mouth is dry as hell, I'll just have to close it. And then I realize when I'm with partners, I have to be conscious of keeping my mouth closed because if they go in for a kiss, my mouth is all dry. I'm like, oh, this is not sexy at all.

How could you get it? Just leave water by the bed. Water sexy at all. How could you get just leave water by the bed? Water by the bed? Water and loop? Always have water by the bed. Okay we have Stephanie 24 in California. She doesn't know if she's sleep her boyfriend of six years. God. Why do I love these calls?

I just feel like I can help you Stephanie. I just know I can. Hi, thanks for calling. Hi Stephanie. Hi Stephanie. Tell me what's going on. Hi, thanks for calling. Hi. Hi Stephanie, tell me what's going on. Well, I'm really conflicted.

It's a really hard thing to talk about. It's okay, take a few deep breaths on my own. Well, like I said, I've been with my boyfriend for the past six years. I started listening to your show a lot. I started, you know, being more like open about trying to talk to him about different things, but it just seems like he is very blocked off about it emotionally, not just about sex, but just like where our future is going. And I talked to my coworkers about it. One of them says, give them a chance.

The other one says, break up with him. It's not worth it. You do their better. And so, I'm just really confused. Yeah. And I feel like he's also confused. Right. So Stephanie, let me just tell you this. This totally makes sense.

And I know this might be a little hard to hear, but you're 24 years old. You've been with him for six years. So since you were in high school, right? Maybe he was your first, I'm sure he's your first serious boyfriend, your first love, your first everything. And there's something about these early. Well, not my first time.

I know. Right, but no, I got it. Not the first guy who sex with but no you love him and he's Greed you guys essentially grew up together now you don't feel this way but 18 to 24 is a big jump And you've shared so many things and you're and now is a time I think to for you to get out there and realize who is Stephanie without a man or life like what what do you want now in your life at 24? It's very different than 18 All I'm hearing is you want someone who's actually more emotionally available, who wants to work on things with you, maybe sexually and emotionally and grow with you.

And I'm sure he loves you very much, but he just might not have the skills yet. He's just not there yet, you know? What I'm hearing. Yeah, you could work on it, but I really believe that this is your 20s and where you're at. It's a perfect time to kind of do you you like figure out, break away from it and see like what you actually want.

And not jump into another relationship and mourn it honey, because it's not going to be easy. But it's you know, I'm not saying this is an easy choice. These are the hard, the easy thing is to stay actually like the hard thing to do is leave. But I think sometimes that's the right choice. And you're probably growing a lot of times, maybe he's just not ready to grow in that way. Yeah, it's really hard because we live together. We're intertwined in our lives.

Right. Like, he works for my family. Yep. And so, it's really hard to, like, we're gonna not be together. Right. That's almost like impossible. It feels impossible.

It feels impossible. Yeah, but you don't do it right away. You don't do it tonight, but it's step-by-step. And you kind of just realize maybe you just, for now, you just kind of start to talk about, let me tell you something. After six years, you don't just break up on a whim. Like it takes time to kind of detangle relationships and figure out emotions and stuff,

and I know that this one is, we stay, because it just seems crazy. Like I can't tell you how many relationships I've ended over my life where I'm like, ah, but neither one has ever survived. He'll never be okay. How would this ever work out? We have so many the same front,

and you realize like you get past it, it hurts and you realize it when you get to the other side of it that you're actually a lot stronger and it was the right choice. And I don't believe in regrets around these things. I really don't. I've been through a lot more relationships than you have and I just believe that people cut out in our lives

for a certain time, a certain place and then it's time to move on and we move on and that is the right thing to do. And I feel like it's not the easy thing to do but it's the right thing to do. That'll feel like it's not the easy thing to do, but it's the right thing to do. That'll all work as himself out again, another job. You'll have to get another place. But first take your time, I'm not telling you,

yes, go do it tomorrow. I'm just saying that the reasons to stay are not because you live together and you're so entwined, because think about people who are divorced and have kids, right? We go through this, but you're young and you're 24 and you're your whole entire life out of you. I have so many more experiences and this will be such a gift to you from what you've learned from this, but I feel like some baby steps are need to be

taken right now for you to kind of move forward toward your next chapter. So you don't, you don't think that like, I don't even know what the problems are Stephanie. Like, like, here's the thing, what tell me, tell me the biggest problem you have right now I don't even know what the problems are Stephanie. Like here's the thing, tell me the biggest problem you have right now with it. Where are you guys not seeing eye to eye? Well, because I will get it, I'll leave you here for so long. I'm kind of cutting out now. Hey Stephanie, you're cutting out a little bit. Can you go to like a clear area or can you give us a cold back?

Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Your phone just got a little. Yeah. So we're going to hang up but try to call back and we'll call.

I'll try back. Yes, okay. Thanks 70 Okay, I mean I didn't you're right. There is more to hear from that. I'd like to hear what would happen But I just kind of know with that age that time he wasn't emotionally meeting her where she's at I know my heart goes out to her. I know it's not easy But yeah, it's call back Stephanie because you just kind of get all wonky there, but we can help you. Emily, what do you feel about the people who are calling when you have to ask? Do you feel like that kind of tells you? Well, if you feel like, yeah, I mean, I think if you think that you should break up and

you're talking to all your friends at work, which by the way, not always the best thing to do because your friends love you and they're not always going to, they don't know. I'm telling you. But if you are here at that point, you probably, it's, gonna, they don't know, I'm telling you. But if you are here at that point, you probably, it's a bit of a time, yes. I believe if you gotta ask everybody about it and you're not sure when you don't know, you know. Yeah, that's like some of the best advice I ever got. I remember someone said to me,

I must have been in my 20 same thing and a woman said to me, if you don't know, you know, I'm like, wow, because when you know, you know. You might know that someone's great, but you still have like't know, you know. I'm like, wow. Because when you know, you know. You might know that someone's great, but you still have like, yeah, I know I love this guy, but am I gonna be able to deal with baby and sea, but I love them.

But when you're on this kind of fence, I don't know, I don't know, typically. I think all those butts they would never exist, but this, but that, like when you don't know, there's always an instant gut feeling or something in the back of your mind. It's like you actually do know the answer. It's hard to pull the trigger.

It's true, yeah. Especially when you're at that age, because I remember when I was in my, I was in like my high school sweetheart relationship and we were all together and then it was just such a bad relationship though, but I was like, I have to make this work. I have to fix him.

I have to make sure we can get through this. And it's like once you get on year four and you're like, oh have to make this work. I have to fix him. I have to make sure we can get through this. And it's like, once you get on year four and you're like, oh my God, I don't think I can do this. Right. It looks true. We were such fixers too, right? But people don't change unless they want to change. That's why I was asking her what is actually going on

because the typical, I didn't know, but typically the movie she wants to change it. It's not like she wouldn't be more emotionally available and all these things and people get there when they want to get there, but they're not gonna get there because you're making them. Like you're saying be more evolved and be what? And he doesn't say 24.

Right, exactly. I believe not to get married before you're 30. I know it's worked for you, Christina. It has worked for me. But we have a lot more of my relationship that we can get into much later. Oh, we will. We will, we will.

We will. For sure. That's like my big ex, I call him a big ex, because he was like the love of my life. And that's what I had to leave him. I had to leave him because he was not changing in the ways that I was like, I know you have it in you. And then now I know him as a person here and there, and he's not like fully evolved. But he's better.

So I do see that he himself is deciding to make some changes now again. Yeah, they have to decide on their own though, but you can't move that process along for people until they want to learn. And suddenly by leaving them is a great gift. People grow after you leave them sometimes too, or they leave you and that's when you do great work. I'm telling you, I was saying morning my friend my friend saying with me She's doing me forever and I was like I always leave all the guys

I date better than when I found them like like you know when you go camping and they're like leave the campground cleaner Like they're all they're sober. They got into therapy or they like learn how to do laundry and clean their They're always better like I feel like I haven't harmed, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like that's a perspective that like takes a while to realize it like because it seemed untenable to her like, but she works for my family and we lived together. We have the same friends and then her mind goes into like like, that's literally the only life she's known. Let's talk about 66 years.

It's a major like since she's an adult, it's almost like saying I'm going to break up my family. This guy's my family. So I definitely recommend therapy for that kind of stuff too. At a young age, it's going to be hard or at least she has really good support around her, you know. And you can get new friends too, because I lost all my friends at the same time. Yeah. So it's totally happened where I was in my first relationship, my first love. And that's exactly what happened. All the friends, they were, he was the varsity baseball player. So of course, they all were like, we were all in the dance team together. So it was just like, oh, well, we're with his name is Brad.

We're with Brad. So we're just gonna stay with Brad. And so it was just like all of them were dating the baseball players too. So then when they went to college, when we were going to like community college first, then they were like, oh, well, we're gonna stay with him. And I was still in class as well with him.

That's hard. It's not easy, but it was the right thing, right? Oh, my God. Totally. Brandon to him recently was happy about that. Yeah. Were you? Oh, yeah, it's great, because I haven't had my husband

with me. I was like, oh, I gotta go, have my husband here. Exactly. Like when you're like winning the break up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. There's always a winner and a loser. And it's like even 15 years later, you're like, yep.

I'm winning. I'm winning. Yeah. And it will happen. I'm sure with your big ex that you call a Jamie, I agree. I totally think it's going to happen to you where you're going to run into him one day. Everything's going to be so amazing. You can be like, wow.

What the heck was I seeing in that guy? I already feel that way, which is funny. Exactly. And we always had this running joke that like, even if we break up like at the 10 year reunion, we'll probably, we'll meet up and we'll still, he's like, I'm gonna have sex with you there, even if we're with people and I'm like, you're so dumb.

People love those things. And it's so funny because it's like really close to that reunion and like, I love, you can see that happening. Oh. I can see that going down. So the reunion. Well, just because how funny would it be to actually keep that, I don't know, in my

head, I thought. Peeket story here for the radio. Yeah. Emily, what are your thoughts, though, of people getting in these relationships and intertwining their lives so much? Like, I know couples that literally share bank accounts at this young age. I mean, it depends where you're at. I think, I mean, it's easier. I think that you get into it and you don't realize you're like moving in together seems like the best idea because

most you'll make all these decisions when they are in the falling in love phase, the honeymoon phase when your chemicals or the love hormones are raging and you're so bonded and connected and it seems just like, of course, we will live together and share a big account because there's nothing else that could ever separate us. So I think the ghosts slow on these things. I mean, I think couples now don't even share a bank. I have a lot of friends who are like, we are married and we don't share a bank.

We don't. That's why I think it's what I don't do. My husband wants to. Yeah, I'm sure he does. I don't. Yeah, don't share a big account and don't move in together prematurely. And just, you know, I think that it's maybe easier for financial reasons people do it, I'm sure he does. I don't. Yeah, don't share a big amount and don't move in together prematurely.

And just, you know, I think that it's maybe easier for financial reasons people do, but I get that. But really, you guys try to keep your own autonomy. I think people move in way too quickly, because that's been their 20s. It's just young love. You think you're all the time in the world, but it makes it messier.

So that's what I think. And like, having all the same friends, like you talk about all the time, I think it's important that, I mean, this girl, it just sounds like she's gotten to a point it's so deep. How can she avoid that in her next relationship? I think that, you know, that's, you know, it's true.

We tend to repeat relationships patterns over and over again. So I think, you know, taking some time to actually date, I think that's something we forget when we're used to being in relationships. It can feel so scary to be out of a relationship that we tend to cling on to the next person. So what I would say to her is definitely take time and just date. I think that now we have to realize that you have permission to date a bunch of people until you commit. It doesn't mean your people are like, oh, it means I'm studying. I can't see there's a few people at once. If you're on, yeah, yeah, I think you can.

All right, these data bunch of people, so you know, you know who you are and you know what you want. And I think how does she avoid that the second time? I mean, I think that there's a certain breeding ground when you're in high school together. Like that's just so unmatched. It's like dating of college. It's kind of, I hopefully like she's out of high school now. So in her 20s, I can hopefully that same kind

of enmeshment won't happen. She'll realize how hard it was to get detangled from it and she'll take time to figure herself out right now. And hopefully as good friends around her were check over like, uh-uh, don't have moving yet. And the true friends, like even the ones that she shares with her boyfriend at the moment, the true ones will stick around. Oh yeah. The other ones will drop off. And then that just makes room for better newer friends. Yes. It's so true. We have a Justin, 34 in California. He wants to know where the pubic mound is and how he can stimulate it. Ooh, I love this Justin. pubic mound is so not understood or easy to find people don't know what it is. I love this question. When we tell you. I fear me. Yes.

Hi Justin. Okay. Hi. I know it's just a disease. Oh, Justin. I'm curious. Yes, I'm curious to know exactly where the pubic mound is. And how do I accommodate it for my wife?

Okay. So the pubic mound is essentially right above the literal opening. Like, it's the mound where the pubic here is essentially. So it's that whole area like right above it, like not like, not like below your belly button, but we're talking like by the the vaginal opening, like, right above the clitoris and the vaginal opening. And it's like, that whole area is the mound.

And so what you essentially would do there, if that makes sense to you, is that you would stimulate it by applying pressure to it. Maybe it's like, you, you, because what happens is you're stimulating internal nerve endings, which could be the G spot, it could be internal clitoral nerves. You're sort of hitting all of them.

And so a lot of women do this intuitively, they just kind of apply pressure to it. You could use a few fingers or you could use the palm of your hand. And just apply pressure to it while you're also stimulating her vulva or her labia. It's just kind of like, yeah, so that's what you do. It's essentially the fleshy part of the vagina above the labia. Like above the, yeah, apply pressure to it. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Okay. Any more questions about that? See if she likes it. I think that it's a hidden hotspot. Okay. All right. All right, Justin. Anything else?

You're going to continue doing the legroom. You what? All right. Great. Thank you. So yeah, it simulates the clitoris from the inside, essentially. I think all those internal nerves were like, is it the G, I call it the G area, the G spot. There's, it makes sense, though, that it would be, and then it could also have a lot of

women can squirt that way, holding up the magic wand on the pubic mound. Can help many women squirt if you're into that kind of thing. I started masturbating that way. Yeah. Like pushing, pushing more down on the area. Same. I mean, years ago, I realized that. And it's intense because you're hitting so many more. Because essentially, you're like squishing.

If you think about that fleshy part and you're playing, you're playing pressure on it or you're pushing it down, it's like squeezing to get, it's like hitting all the literal nerves and then a little internal I Don't know I've been doing that forever and I didn't know I thought it was weird that when I was having sex or forgot I was going down I was like pushing on it, but I still do I mean that's just how I've had a lot of pleasure I was so you were doing it before you knew exactly what I've been doing it since I was

Since in my 20s, I think I only did it because you told me Great my hair works I only did it because he told me to do it. Oh, great. My hand will work, though. Right? Anyway, you can get those nerves going. I think just don't be limited by thinking the clitoris is just what you see. It's all much bigger than that.

Thank you, everyone, for listening to the show. Share this with a friend, or you think it might help them out. It's helping you, right? I love hearing from you all. So thanks for participating, being vulnerable, calling in, emailing, and sharing your questions. And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, Elisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithmla.com. You can find out more on our website at www.courtes.com.