Sex With Emily - Madonna/Whores and Jesus/Gigolos

Episode Date: April 15, 2015

On this show, Emily welcomes guest comedian and reality TV personality Danielle Stewart!  Together they discuss past relationships, hookups, and Danielle’s recent hosting gig on the relationship-focused show Sex Box. Emily helps a newly divorced male listener get back into the dating field, and offers some insightful DO’s and DON’TS of online dating. She and her guest also give advice on how to watch for signs of sexual compatibility early on in a dating relationship.  This episode is chock-full of real life relationship problem-solving! Hear what Emily and Danielle have to say about loving blowjobs, swallowing vs spitting, the madonna/whore complex and more. Don’t miss out on the latest Sex With Emily podcast! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today we have comedian Daniel Stewart who is not afraid to talk about all things sex She's here to share the dirty She's here to share the dirty details of her sex life and help us answer your emails. This is gonna be good Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. You're kinda cute. The girls gotta have a stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way?

What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. I have to give a shout out to our sponsors because without them, but without you I'm nothing and without them I couldn't do the show.

So you've heard me talk about massage candles. I actually made some massage candles so you would have the best experience ever because let's, okay, Danielle. Yes. True or not true? Massage has been a gateway to intimacy in your relationships. Like a guy's like,

hey, you're not into it, can I massage you? Every time. And then all of a sudden, you're having sex with them three minutes later. Absolutely, all right. Yes. At least oral sex. At least something.

You've seen a blowjob because a lot of times we're stressed, we're uptight, someone starts massaging you and you're like, ah, your defenses go down. So I made these candles that smell amazing, aroma therapy, vanilla, coconut, fuzzer, and you light them, they look like regular candles. So it's not like your mom's gonna come visit

and you're gonna be like, better way to massage candles, she won't know, it's a regular candle. And it burns into the most luxurious massage, or what I gave you, I did. I am obsessed with it. I told you, as soon as I got it, like me and my I forgot.

X-fiancé. What you're gonna get into is this shortest engagement in history. Yes, we used it. You loved it, tell me. Oh my god, it was just like. Yeah, don't listen. Well, first of all, I love candles.

Like, I just love them anyway. But you gave me this weird, you told me, like, this is more masculine scent. Which one? That's a fuzzer. Okay, I've never, I don't know French, but that was. Like male woodsie, but I love it too.

It was so good. It was so good. It was like an afrodigiac. It is. And it doesn't like, it doesn't dry up too quickly, and it sort of feels like a combination between hot wax, but then it just melts. It's not hot, though.

I mean, it's warm. Oh, it's hot. It's hot. It's hot and sexy, but it's not sticky, messy wax. You just ruin your stuff. So check them out, and so you light a frown atmosphere. And next thing you know, you give hot and sexy, but it's not sticky, messy, waxy, you don't ruin your stuff. So check them out. And so you light a front atmosphere. And next thing you know, you give her a massage, and she gives you a massage.

It's a done deal. So check it out, Emily and Tony.com. And you can use code any time, right? Still? Use code sex with Emily for 20% off your first order. That's Emily and Tony.com. OK, everyone, I'm here with Danielle. Hello Danielle.

Hi. Danielle is on the show right now. If you're watching TV, which most of the world does, sex box. Yes, on Wii TV. On Wii, which is like, you know, it's a, it used to be women's entertainment television, but they've rebranded it. They've got a lot of other programming on there. I don't know if you're into Braxton family values, but that's also on the network.

That's all that is, okay, no. And, But yeah, it's a sex box, which is awesome. It's like a couple's therapy show, and I do like, man on the street and backstage corresponded stuff. So people actually, I saw the British version. People actually, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure. Fuck that. Can I say a song? Yeah, totally podcast. Do we have the hell you want? Yeah, I mean, even though, like, the British one had Dan Savage on who I love, so I'll give it that, but they didn't, it wasn't like, it was a little bit too taudry for me that the British one.

I think we did a good job at this one. Like, it really is couples therapy and it just, people think it's like, like, gratuitous. Right, these are like, oh, here's a couple, they're gonna go have sex in the box. And they're having sex in the box. And then you guys are sitting around having lunch waiting for them to get done or whatever it is.

And they have commentary. And then they come out and they're like, well, we had oral. We had anal, right? Right. But they talk about in the sense where it's not like this, like he-he-he thing that were, you know, which America thinks sex is. It's like, this is what couples do. This is how they connect.

This is what they need. And the overall thing of all the couples was that they'd been in a long-term relationship and the sex died for whatever reason. But whatever reason is, is that it happens in life, it's biology, it's going to happen people, it should not be a surprise to you. Right. Six, do you give advice how to keep it interesting? Well, I don't, but the therapists do, and they don't really give advice, Nesco, how to keep it interesting? Well, I don't, but the therapists do, and they don't really give advice and necessarily how to keep it interesting.

They try to get to the root of the problem to help them reconnect. Right. Because usually it's something that's happened. It's something there's some elephant in the room of something that they're not being honest with each other about or something they don't want to talk about.

And then they get it out. It's usually this reveal moment and then they go in, have sex and come out and you can visibly see that these couples, like most of them are totally, completely different people when they come out. And it just goes to show, sex is the first thing to go in a relationship.

And if you just have even that like, quickie, it reconnects you. Exactly, it's like the more sex you have, the more sex you'll have. Like the more likely you'll have sex, and the truth is, you have great sex at the beginning, and like we say, it just happens, and it's not to be a downer. We're just saying that that's the natural evolution

of being, or you have had sex, I could have had sex with this microphone for six months. Like, it's just how it is in the beginning, like anything for six months, what I'm saying. And then it dies, the chemicals change. You know, you get used to your lives, your real life creeps in, you gotta start paying the bills

and paying attention to other things. And then, yeah, it's about a year, year and a half and we're just not as attracted and we just let it fall by the wayside. But if you commit to do the same things that you did at the beginning of the relationship, like what were those things that you did that kept it interesting?

And you keep doing those things. Other people. You're having sex with a few people at the beginning. But like if you can like, oh, we used to send each other sweet notes or texts or I used to ask, you know, we used to have date and night. Why were the hell it was? We used to always go for runs on the weekend. Do the things that connected you to the beginning.

You still have hot sex this way. Keep having sex that way. And I also think that there's different things like your needs change. So like, if a guy I'm seeing in the beginning now, like, you know, I don't want him to come over and like, you know, mop my floor. Like that's like, what are you doing? Like just like mop my pussy.

You don't even, like I don't need, right, exactly. But if we're together a year, you know what's really gonna make me excited is if you, if I come home and you've done the dishes. Like that is really, because that show, to me, that's better than flowers that I might have gotten in the beginning of a relationship. But it's still doing the same thing.

It's still doing gestures, it's actions. So yes. I don't mean like the flowers and whatever, but you still consider each other. You still prioritize each other, and you still prioritize connection and intimacy. I think with men, I find that like, the biggest issue that I run into,

and you know, Granted, I'm probably dating the biggest issue that I run into and you know Granted I'm probably dating the same guy over and over. We often do. But uh that the actions don't meet up with the words There's a lot of talking a lot of like I do this. I love you so much. I blah blah blah and a lot of no action Exactly and that's what I always tell you well you could they say this like this is this is the quintessential Well, he says that you know, he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and he's not ready to commit, but we see each other every single day and it's so great. And his actions, oh, but see, that's a little different thing, is that like, so then, but this is confusing because women see their actions of the guy doing that, but

then they're saying one thing. So really, they should listen to their words. Okay, unfortunately, when it comes to things that are negative, you should always listen to what people tell about themselves. But when it comes to... Like, they think they're gonna change and they don't. Yeah, and like, what I get a lot of is, you know, an issue will come up in a relationship, and it's like, okay, let's deal with it, and I just get like,

but I love you, but I love you so much, but I would never do anything to hurt you, but I love you. And it's like, who fucking cares if you love me? We need to work out this issue. Like, it doesn't, you can't send, stop sending me flowers, stop sending me love notes, and start not treating me like an asshole. You know, like that's really what I-

Okay, so why did you, let's talk about your engagement. Last time I said we'd launch like a week ago and you were engaged. And then I saw you the next day, you were not engaged. Why did you let's talk about your engagement? Last time I said we'd launch like a week ago in your engagement. And then I saw you the next day, you were not engaged. Okay, so it was, I'll tell you, the cliff notes of it is we got, it happened too quickly.

We, I met him and I instantly knew I wanted to have a long-term relationship with him. And I feel ready to settle down for the first time in my life. I've never been somebody. Congratulations. Thank you. And how will they, if you can, I'm asking, is 30 midterms? Yeah, I'll be the man. Okay, I've never been somebody. Congratulations. Thank you. And how will they?

If you can, I'm asking, is 30 mythos. Yeah. Middle eight, right? Middle eight, thank you. Doesn't matter. Yeah, I just don't want Hollywood to know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter my career.

Oh, dang it. Wait, danglstewer.com is her website. She's a lairist, D-A-N-I-E-L-L-E-S-T-E-W-A-R-T. It's all on my website, yeah. So as soon as we met, we had a really strong connection, and I was like, this is the guy. He met the checklist. Like, do you have a checklist?

Do you? Do I have a checklist? Yes. I mean, maybe not a checklist, but like an ideal mate list. Like, carrying this. And carrying this and refoding my brain. Yes, I know the basic thing. Well, I've written it down multiple times.

I'm very important. Does it change over time? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, what happens is that I break up with someone, and then they take the negative qualities of that person I think it's very important. It's very important. Does it change over time? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, what happens is that I break up with someone and then they take the negative qualities of that person and put them on the list, the opposite on the list.

Right, and it's like the pendulum swing. So if you're in a relationship with someone who's super lazy, never does anything for you, the next guy is going to be like, so giving it whenever but then you're doing the opposite. Exactly. It's like we tend to heal our past relationships and our current, so you gotta like, shh.

Yeah, that's exactly it. Anyway, so was that what happened? So he had almost everything on the checklist. You put out your list and like, check, check. I knew, I knew what the blue chips ones were. You know what, I knew what the big ones were and he really had it and I was like, this guy makes sense on paper.

I really like him, we get along really well. It was great. And then we started to run into stuff happen in my career that was really stressful and we had a lot of problems through that and we were fighting a lot. And but it like he started to drop hints that he wanted to get engaged. And like we had gone ring shopping

at first as a joke and then it was serious. And I was like, I wanted to get engaged to him but I just didn't think we were ready. And he... How many months has it been? It had been at this point three months. Okay, yeah. So, what's the rush?

Well, the rush is that if you're... If you're... If you spent a... No, do not want to have kids. Oh, so no rush. But I spent, you know, I'm... I've spent my whole life kissing frogs, or blowing frogs, I don't know what I'm gonna say.

The games of low jobs in a minute. Yeah, totally. Anyway, so I asked him to basically to wait and he didn't. And my mistake is when he proposed, I said, yes, because we were on this really romantic weekend and I got swept away, but I just, I wasn't ready. We weren't ready. And unfortunately, the engagement pushed all of the issues

to the forefront, because all of a sudden it was like, can I marry a guy who blank? You know what I mean? It's actually probably a good thing then. Absolutely. It's cool for me, not for him, because he's... So what were some of the issues? Can we talk?

Sure, absolutely. Actually, there were two main issues. And this is the number one killer. He, I don't know, I don't wanna throw out the label sex addict, I don't wanna do that. But I will say that in my experience, like men that pressure you for sex so much, and then if you don't give it to them,

have to go into the bathroom and jerk off, like may have some sort of a sex issue. Okay, so when you say he's pressuring you for sex, because usually in the first, you were together, how long total? Yeah, we were together for four months. Okay, so total four months engagement, and so it usually at those stages,

typically you wanna have sex. Exactly, so how was he pressuring you? We were having a good amount of sex. Okay, we were not, at first we're having a reday, and then I would say it was like a few amount of sex. We were not. At first we were having a reday, and then I would say it was like a few times a week. I said my career, stuff in my career happened,

and so I was super, super busy. I mean, when we met, I was shooting sex box, and I was working 12 hour days. So there's only so much the body can take. You know what I mean? And I just, there was just not that much time, and I was tired. And he'd be like, hey babe.

And then it started to be like, you know, he'd try in the morning and then he'd try it night. And if I gave it to him in the morning, he'd still try it night. And then if I said no, it would be like a fucking issue. Because he feels rejected. He feels rejected so he would pout silent scorn. And wouldn't cuddle or anything that night. Sometimes we would, but sometimes we would.? Because sometimes he would, sometimes we would,

but sometimes we'd, yeah, we would, I tried to go sleep on the couch and it's like, yeah, and so the final thing was I had had, like he tried and I said no and he like, was like, and like stormed out of my house. And I was like, I can't, like I cannot, this is a, you know, 49 year old man. Right, you know, like.

So did he go in to say, well, okay, now I have to go master. And did he master, wait a minute, was you watching porn? Was it? No, it's just when we would, when he would try and I didn't want to have sex, he would be like, okay, I'm either gonna, he's like, I'm either gonna jerk off in front of you. Which I'm fine with, I like. Right, you're like, do care if I keep working, do care if I keep working. That is what I was like.

What the fuck? No, I'm sorry, I was just telling you. This is Madison. Yeah, sorry, hi, I'm here. My boyfriend does that sometimes. Like, it's almost like a weird persuasion thing that he does. Like, you like it turned on if I come in your face

when Jack off there. It worked one time, and now he thinks that it's gonna every time that if I'm like, no, I'm tired, and he just starts jerking off in front of me that I'm gonna be like, oh, all right. And it's almost like a guilt thing. Like, I'm sitting there, and I'm like, how is that? It is. Like I feel like such a bad girl from at the same time.

If I don't want to have sex, I don't want to have sex. Exactly. Okay, because it's a fine line because I like it. It does turn me on. But it's like when you're pressuring, you have sex. No, no, no, I like when a guy jerks off in front of me. Oh, yeah, I love it. I do think it's hot, so mutual masturbation

is one of my big, top sex tips for people. Or you mean like you like it when they just do it and you're not? Yeah, I'll take that too. That's right. What if? It takes me much longer than it takes him. So it's like sometimes if you're tired, but I like that. But not, if I really don't want to have sex, like I'm not in the mood, it's not, you

know, that's like, it feels aggressive. It does. Well, I'm still going to, it's like an aggressive move to say, well, I'm still going to sit here and jack off in front of you. And then also satisfying my needs. And exactly, and it also makes it feel like, oh, if I can't jerk off inside your vagina, then I'm just gonna jerk off in your face,

which is like, okay, I'm sorry, am I a vessel for your, like it's just very, you know, without what you want. So, but it is hot, so I think that's interesting, because I think you also talk a lot about, like you've got your videos, Danny Stu, your channel, D-A-N-I, is that for YouTube? Yeah, I think so. But I was just you've got your videos. Danny Stu, your channel, D-A-N-I. Is that for YouTube?

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. But I was just watching some of your videos. Just Danielle, I think it was. Okay, and you were talking about, you were talking about blow jobs. You love blow jobs. Love them.

And I do too, and I had a guest in Lynette Corolla a few weeks ago, and she's been with Adam Corolla for 20 years. She's like, you know what? Never say no to the blow job. And you always hear these stories about like people walking down the aisle to get married and like, you know what? Never say no to the blowjob. And you always hear these stories about people walking down the aisle to get married and like, you know, it's a bittersweet because the guys think, you know, this is awesome, but there goes my last blowjob that I had last night because we're going to get married and we'll be no more blowjob.

So I don't get, you know, I mean, I get it because I do my show at people just some women just don't love it. They're like, it's a chore. Well, I have to say, I used to be a one size fits all blow job girl. I mean, I would suck any dick, like I just, any dick. I would suck a dick that I wasn't attracted to.

I just loved it so much. It was like an art form for me, I loved it. Now that I've gotten older, there are men who, A, can't come from a blow job, B, take forever, C, have weird blowjob habits, like the head grabber or like have it when they want to push you, like they want to add that. Yeah, the skull fucker, right, right.

I love how you just said F and I'm like, skull fucker. No, I just don't swear that much. I'm just like, no, good for you. No, good for you. No, no, it's good. I'll leave it to me. I'll get some kind of integrity to the show. No, it's good.

So, so yeah, so I don't enjoy giving everyone a blowjob. Right, you just don't hand out the free blowjob card anymore. Yeah, it's not a moral issue. I don't want to get locked. I've done all that. Okay, I'm wondering about the spitter swallow thing because you did a few videos on that as well. So I used to be an avid swallower. I mean, sorry, spitter. I was a spitter.

Okay, where did you spit? Into what? I've never spit. I didn't even know it was an option. I was like, you have to swallow it and do it right. Which a lot of men are probably pissed. I would go into the bath. I mean, this is when I was younger. I would get up and go into the bathroom

and spit it in the sink or in the toilet. Like right after me, like, like leave the room and go, you know, I mean, there's an art to it. Like you just, you're like, they calm, you take it, you give a nice smile. It's like, I know most women do, but I just, guess I never thought,

it's easier just to take one for the team. Well, once I started, so when I started in a long-term relationship, when I got older and I started to swallow, I was like, oh, this isn't, yeah, I mean, sometimes it is when the guy and his come taste bad, but for the most part, pineapple. Yeah, but I mean, on a one night stand. On a one night stand.

It's like, oh, I like this guy. I'm going to feed him like peanut colladas the whole night But but I yeah, I mean I would prefer I don't want to swallow a guy. I don't know is come right no So I will blow him all that's on my second show because you know when the show first started I was more interviewing people like this about their sex life and relationship You know, it wasn't that I had my doctor, it was more of the expert as it were. But I was talking to my friend, it was my second show,

and he was saying to me that he thought it was extremely personal if a woman's while it's come right away, he's like, I only wanted a woman who could know me for a while, and I'm like, damn, like I said, I was like, I just learned something new because I thought you just had that was the right, that was the good girl like you swallow.

Like you just do, you don't spit it, but you know, it also some men don't love it. So that was interesting to hear. Men don't love it? No, but there's some guys who they'd rather come on your face, for example, like come on your ass, or they just don't, I think most guys do like it, but it's also like everything was sex good to mix it up.

Absolutely. So what's the best sex you've ever had in your life if you had to like, when I say that to you, why was it the best? Okay, so this is, the truth is, I like personally very un-intimate, just like, I like not stranger sex, but it's like, my perfect thing is if I kind of know you,

but I don't really know you, and we just get, you know, it's like, I like a lot of like, intrigue leading up to it, I like a lot of sex text messages. I'm like, yeah, I like that. And I like that, builds up. Very dirty, I like it.

So the best sex I ever had was with, I wrote about it actually, but it was this guy. He was not that cute. Sorry if you're listening. Just totally like milk toast guy, but he worked and when I was working in a production office, we were like in cubicles. And we just, instant messenger had just come out. Sorry, don't need to blow your mind, Madison. And so we started instant messaging and it just, I don't, he must have said something.

I don't know. I'd never done this before. And I hadn't even texted before because this is like 2001 or something. And it just built and built and built. It got so crazy. I went blind at one point. I'm not joking. Like we, like I lost my vision.

Because of the worries. I was so turned on. And then we ended up going into the supply closet at work and just fucking. Really? And we fucked in the. How long was this texting going on further? It was probably going on the month.

Like, no, no, no, no. The buildup was probably, no, the buildup was probably like a couple of days for the first time. But then we did it. And I've never come so hard. I came in like the Marshalls parking lot. Oh my God. And it was like my whole body went numb.

I lost my vision. I mean, I've never been so turned on in my life. And I've never had that again. Now, do you think it's because, what was he saying? Can you remember? It was just that it was so new. You know what I mean? Like, he was so not sexual to me.

He was so like asexual in a way, and him talking about he had a live-in girlfriend, which is a common theme in my life. And, you know, so the tabooness of it, and he worked in this office in this very like sterile environment, which was also like, you know, that's taboo. And he was just so plain and he had this dirty side. You know, now porn addicts are like,

you know, a dime a dozen, but at the time, I had never met a guy who talked like that. Super sexy when they, the word, well, that's why it's so interesting, because like I said, I make their actions speak, their in life actions speak louder than words. But yet, I've dated guys who are such good, I've talked about this guy, I've dated,

who was the best text, sex, or text or and I think it was long distance and I think every time I saw him, I'm like, I'm just gonna go to the next room and text you. I couldn't visit him. Exactly. He was a better with words than he was with actions. I dated him. So guys are do this and even if they're telling you,

you know, they're gonna be, you know, you like talking to him, you like what they say, but then they don't, it's not an actuality. Yeah, and they can't follow it up with that. Like I dated, I was with a guy also on this. I thought you were gonna do all these dirty things to me. You've been text me on. Or even just say them.

Like, he couldn't, I was with a guy who would text me the dirtiest thing, and then we were together. He was like, silent. And I'm like, You think I'm mute? What happened to you ripping off my panties? Right, exactly. Ripping them, ripping and tearing them.

Right, right. Right, it's like you wrote the story, acted out. Exactly. God, he got, oh, no. OK, another thing we were talking that I really want to bring up because it's been so in my mind lately is the whole Madonna horror complex. God.

Coming up in a lot of different areas of my life, when I talk to, you know, I'm talking to friends, talking to people, and they just, I think it's confusing because you know, Freud was the first one who kind of coined it and said that like, you know, men want to be with women, you know, they could see as the mother of their child and you know, whatever, but the woman that's like the horror they don't actually want to marry because whatever it is,

family values and it's what their beliefs are passed down to them. But yet, and then there's comes a thing with men, if they, their wives, what they have kids, they think, oh, I can't do this. But that's a then there's comes a thing with men if they their wives what they have kids they think, oh, I can't do this. But that's a problem with sex because the sex is to be something that, you know, you know, you're mirroring someone because you want to keep having sex with them because like we said, when you stop having sex, you become roommate. So how do you, how is this run in your life? Because we were talking, we had dinner last night. So, oh, it's, it's such a, it's been such a

problem my whole life. I grew up in Boston, which is all Irish Catholic. Oh, right. So it was gonna say it's a big religious thing to you. I've been a whore my whole life. Even before I was, when I was a virgin, I've always been coined, you know, I'm not. You were the whore girl. I was the whore girl.

You were the fast chick. Yeah, because I was, yeah, I'm not that, because I was Jewish and like, you can't marry a Jewish girl. And like, you know, I had a dirty mouth all throughout. But Jewish girls are always the dirt. You're Jewish too. I forgot. Yeah, what is it? We just, we just, we're just,

we don't have anything in our religion that you're gonna like go to have. Exactly. We're not gonna go to hell for giving you a blowjob. There is no hell. So we just give you blowjob. There's no hell. It's fine.

And we like to eat things, you know, so that's like, we're very rural. Why do your penis be like the suck? Yeah, it's so wild sometimes. We like good meat. So, so yeah, so, but like, for my entire life, I've been the girl that they want to fuck and they don't want to date, you know what I mean?

Or like if they try to date me, they try to get me into the Madonna role, which I'm just not. And what I think is so toxic about the Madonna horror thing is that it is a further separation between sex and relationships or sex and love, sex and intimacy, which I mean, I don't know how everyone feels I have such a hard time with, you know, with the separation, with, yeah, with putting them together. Like the guy that I want to date and be with is not the guy that I want to sleep with. So you're going to have the reverse Madonna Horde thing. I know, I have the...

You have it towards men? Yeah, I have the Jesus... Right, I was kidding. Oh, I don't know. I don't know Jesus. Yeah, I have the Jesus I don't know. Yeah, Donna Jesus Mount Manhor. Yeah, I don't know Matthew McConaughey. Yes What's a manor call it Jesus like a jiggle. Oh Yeah, Jesus jiggle. Oh, the Jesus jiggle. Oh Okay, Jesus so I have that too and it's but too. And it's not the same issue with men. With men it has to do with,

you know, the mother of my children is sacred. The horror is where I really get my sex out. For me, it's that I'm not interested in fucking a guy more than three months. So if I really like your company, I wanna be with you for a long time, but I don't wanna fuck you past three months but I don't wanna fuck you past three months. I don't wanna fuck anyone past three months.

Okay, but that's a message that you're telling yourself that the end you're waiting. It's a message I have tried to undo. So what happens, there has to be a pattern that happens after those three months. What happens is after three months, I realize that I'm with a human being. They want these Jesus.

That they have flaws. Right. Right, exactly. That they have flaws. And there's, exactly. That they have flaws. And there's inevitably some kind of problem. And I don't like it. And I shut down. And it keeps, to keep you safe, probably.

Yeah. So because the debt, you know, just to stick into the relationship would be getting into that ugly house. And I wish it was conscious. It's not. I just don't want to fuck somebody. They really do. They just turn off.

They just walk in and you're like, I'm done. With having such with you. It's usually a build up of resentment. It's usually a build up of resentment. And I have a pardon it. It's like they may do things and I don't set the right boundaries and then like I get to be like, I don't get fronted. I don't get fronted.

And so then all of a sudden by three months, three to six months, usually I have these resentments that I try to communicate and it doesn't go overwhelmed. And then I'm like, I fucking hate the person I'm with. He's a fucking dick. So it's interesting because what you go through in three months in a way is more efficient and healthy than a lot of people who are in long-term relationships.

And like you said in your sex box show that resentments build. You don't think about it. Like he came on every single thing. I have a friend who had a baby, now the baby's now in college, but the husband never helped wash the baby bottles out, or help with the kid, right?

And then over the years, you know, now the kids, there was something things that were happening, and you build them, build them, building you never addressed them, and you've resentments that build over life, and that's just silly when helping with it. But then there was other things like, didn't forgot our birth there,

or whatever it is, and they build, build, build, sex life completely. You don't want to have sex helping with it. But then there was other things like, didn't forgot our birth there. Whatever it is, and they build, build, build, sex life completely. You don't want to have sex with the person. No. Falls by the wayside for you. And this is what we're saying that couples have to address these issues as they come up.

Your resentment's the things that you think you could never say. You have to say. And you are feeling this right away and getting out. But you have to. Well, I try to address what happens is I try to address it I sometimes feel like I've had too much therapy because I have like really I think like rockstar Communication skills and most people let alone men do not so it's like I try to communicate it It's it's it usually the first time it's like yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah, let me not do that

And then they do it five more times Maybe it's the way you're explaining it to I mean, do you walk or you like listen? So when you say this, this is how I feel. What, what, what, give me an example? Well, like I try to, like, well, with my ex, this recent ex, we were just two wounded children. Like we would just, we would just say something and then like react, react, react, react.

So there was nothing we couldn't get through anything. It was just defensive, defensive. But yeah, a lot of time I'm like, you know, when you say this, it makes me feel this way. And then I, and then usually it's completely civil the first time. And then it keeps happening. And I lose patience. And I'm like, okay, you're not fucking changing. So fuck you. I think I'm an efficient communicator. But I mean, there's clearly something that I'm doing wrong because I, you know, 10,000 failed relationships have to be on me.

Exactly. So maybe it's time to change. Like, you keep doing the same thing. I just, I don't know what to do different, you know, that's what we're going to get back to that. Okay. Right now, we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. Maybe you need some more sex toys because good vibes.com is a place to go for your sex

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Yeah, it's just, it's for them. That's not vibrator. No, it's just a dildo. Yeah, it's just it's for them. That's not really for me. Got it. OK. Yeah, and then, you know, a literal simulation or you more G's bug girl. No, I like both.

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And use code Emily for 15% off. Because that's how we roll. Okay, so you with the guys, okay, so yeah, so this guy's over. He's done. Yeah, he's done. And now, or how are you doing today online? No, I'm, I've started like an intrigue thing

with a guy who is much, well, I mean, he's much older than me. And I've had a crush on him for years, but he's always been very appropriate with me. So I just didn't, and then I did. You know, like, yeah. Yeah, that was the best he's older. Well, we haven't actually hooked up yet.

I'm trying to convince him to do it. So yeah, so that's- You don't want to rush into anything right now. I want to rush into sex. Okay. So you really love, okay, we did not finish them a downh rush into anything right now. I want to rush into sex. Okay. So you really love, okay, we did not finish them a downhore thing because we talked about your perspective of it. Right.

But men who were brought, I just want to say one more thing about it that I honestly believe that it's not, it's setting yourself up for failure in a relationship if you honestly believe that your wife, the person that you're marrying, you know, long you have to cut off this entire sexual part of yourself. Because of all the things that you love sexually, you know, you've to cut off this entire sexual part of yourself. Because of all the things that you love, actually, I think they also think that by marrying someone who is this pristine Madonna, they'll no longer even have those.

They're not planning to cheat, but they're still gonna have those same desires that they wanted before. May I say one thing, though? I will say in the argument from Madonna whore. Is that rude? This pro-Madonna whore? Yeah, and I'm just saying,

is that like, there are a lot of that unattractive women in the world who would not be married if there wasn't such thing as a Madonna Horror complex. Okay, so we're gonna tell the women out there. So, right. It just are just more Madana's. The men are like-

Yeah, it's just, well, it's like, you know, I mean, you know, more power to them. It's like, you know, that, yeah, I can't get a husband and good thing I didn't want kids because I couldn't have them, but that's what they got in life. They also got thunder thighs, you know, that I didn't get. So it's like, you know, my cross to bear as like a cute girl. But it's not one stuff, right? Doesn't she still want sex? You think she really doesn't? Who? The Madonna. She does, but she doesn't know

she's a Madonna because she's not aware only us only the whores know about the Madonna horror complex. Right. The Madonna's biggest genuine sex with Emily. I'm like, oh, there I go. I'm certainly the horror you're bringing home to your parents again today. Okay. So let's get some emails. I'd love to have you help me answer some emails for my listeners. Cause I think that you, you know, you've been out there a lot.

That's an experience. You know, okay. We've got, dear Emily, I was married for 10 years with my ex for 13 total. Went to seven years of counseling to try and save my marriage, which did not work, and we got divorced. I'm 40 years old and I'm finding it very hard to date. I tried online dating, which seems like a joke.

In the last two years, I would say I've sent it with 300 emails and have gotten maybe 10 replies at most. If I'm approached by a woman online, usually she would not be the one I would date. I find it hard to approach women in public about dating, possibly from, you know, chance of rejection. I had a guy tell me treat them like dirt

and they stick like mud. Why does it seem like that the genuinely nice guys do finish last? I'm extremely sexual, enjoy all aspects of pleasing woman. I take great pride in my abilities. However, I don't want to just settle to have sex with what I would consider mediocre, but not date them. Any suggestions as to how to make dating a little easier or more successful, Sean? There's a whole lot in there, Sean. Yeah, there is. Oh, I just wanted to note that when people email me, we've said this on and off over the years,

but it's awesome to give your age and where you live. Love to do that. Okay, so, yeah, he did give his age, we know where he lives. He's 40, 10 years. And so, yeah, what do you think about this? I mean, I'm trying to send some messages. First of all, Sean, I feel for you.

Like, you know, online people make online dating seem like it's just no big thing. And I think it's really hard. You know, some people find it like fine to treat dating like a business interview, but like I find it to be really hard. At the same time, I also think it's a numbers game. So like if you, you know, it's fine.

You've sent over 300 emails, just keep going. Like I know. But there's something wrong with the emails. Maybe. Okay, online dating is marketing. True. In many ways. And you gotta market yourself.

So don't assume that you know the best pictures of you. And don't assume that you know what you're saying is right. If you haven't done it before, and I would ask some of your closest girlfriends that you trust, your sister, people you work with, people you work with, or guys that you know who've been successful dating online. Because it has nothing to do with looks, has nothing to do with how much you're making, has to do with whatever your approach is. So if you're that guy who's said, hey, you look beautiful. I mean, you might be saying messages, your first

message is not getting replies. Yeah, actually, I will say this is that an I live in Southern California, so the majority of the men have two cardinal sins on their online dating. One is pictures with other women. What are you doing? What are you doing? I don't care if it's your sister. I don't know.

Right. You know what I mean? Like, get air out of there. Yeah, I agree. Or the gratuitous picture. I love animals, but like six pictures of you and your dog, or with your buddies. I can't tell which ones you.

Right, exactly. And, you know, if you have kids find one picture with your kids, not and stop with the multiple pictures. Okay. But I get it. You have a kid, if I'm okay with you, the kids I get it, but you just want to picture. And also the whole like, like everyone's Southern California is like, I'm into hiking and wind sailing. And it's like, I don't see these men in real life.

Like I'm not interested in any of these things. So unless you're really interested in them, don't. Like it's a deal breaker for you if she won't go quite sailing. Yeah, like you have to be passionate, like almost a professional parasailer in order to mention it. Cause it's other than that,

you're just turning off a whole, plus if you're not like super fit beach person, then parasailing, you know, is not gonna look, not gonna attract the right girl. Exactly, I could turn the right. Right, I could turn, so what would you suggest? So I would general, I would talk about their character maybe, or I'm loving and passionate.

Yeah, and I would also say that you're right in terms of his emails probably. My guess is they're not funny at all. Like they're not clever and cute. And like, no guess is they're not funny at all. Like, they're not clever and cute. And like, no, if you're not a funny guy, that's fine. But you have to have, and even if their stock have like three or four cute, like, opening things, like, like, like...

Give me an example. Can you take a look at that? Well, the guy that I was engaged to... Oh, that one. Well, enough you got engaged, okay? Well, it's a long story. But one of his was, you're gonna laugh, but I just thought it was funny because I got all these generic,

like how was your weekend shit? And he was like, right, I always get that. What do you even know me? What do you care? He said something to the effect of like, you're prettier than a, you're prettier than a box of Captain Crunch. Or he said there was something about,

I swore he said something about a Nigerian Ponzi, like a Nigerian like, skiing. She's like smart and funny. Yeah, he said something about like, we should meet for coffee and I promise this isn't a Nigerian, you know, skiing or something. And I'm going to ask you to have $10,000.

Yeah, and it was like, it's not like, LOL worthy, but it's like, okay, this guy has some personality. Right, no, it's true. It just takes that one thing to stand out because we, I say this too, like, when I said, go out a lot to bars and date, I mean, I guess I still do that, but I was much,

but I remember being in San Francisco and, just guys go, hey, hey, can I get you a drink? And then there was this one guy that just came up to me. And right now it's not so silly, but he's like, hey, he's like, if you could have the best night, we were like at some rave in San Francisco, I was like, you know, if you could have the best night of your life right now, but you wouldn't remember it, would you choose to have that night? Tonight could be the most amazing thing, but you would, I'm like, yeah, totally.

Yeah, every night. But it was something like that, but I'm like, yeah, totally. We're together. Yeah, every night. But it was something like that. I was like, oh, he's interesting. He wants to have a conversation. Like every other guy's just like, hey, babe. And I ended up dating him. Yeah, so much.

And that, not because of, but I was saying, is most of you guys out there who are just sending a hay or buying me a drink, you're great guys. It's nothing to do with that, just that you got to kind of get their attention. Yeah. And I'm not saying you got to even make up things. Like this guy maybe sounds like a player,

but he's so not a player. He was just, we had met a few times and I never remembered him. Well, I can barely, you answered the question correctly. I remember him. I was like, oh yeah, no, it's funny though, because a few times, but then this time he came up to me and said,

it's something different. So I was like, oh, you're different. You stand out. So the other thing here though, we got to address is his friend told him that, you know, his guy friends said treat him like dirt will stick like mud. That's the wajonra of women we know who likes the bad boys. I've never been that girl.

You treat me like dirt, I'm out. Okay, well, there's a, here's a thing, there's a lot of different levels of dirt because outward dirt and sugar. And sugar, but like, but like, come here, go away, is also turning like dirt and that is like, you know, here's the thing. I wanna see every night, I wanna see every night, and then, oh, paper is even cold. It's like the guy who's constantly in contact over text,

but never really asks you out. Or like, you know, or the guy that like, you guys have sex and then doesn't, you know, text you for, you know, two days, and then, you know, you know what I mean? Like the whole like, texting emotional, it days and then, you know, you know, you know, what I mean? Like the whole like texting emotional, yes, it is. It is. And that if the guy is the right kind of guy, here's the thing. It does not work for every guy.

If you do not have the Hutzpah to be a bad boy, I'm not even a bad boy. She's emotionally unavailable. You can't decide to be emotionally unavailable. Now, so if that's not in your, if that's not in your vocabulary or whatever, to treat a girl like Dern, it sounds like it's not, then he needs to just let that go, because it's just not in his nature. But I think it more said, what do you think that says more than that? Women just want more of a, they don't want to band a layover and play that. They want them to be a challenge.

I mean, not a challenge, like, am I available or not, but to challenge it, let's keep it interesting, keep it exciting, keep it, the newness of a relationship's spontaneous. The only things that people can do, guys can do to keep it interesting, it's not like he has to be like, texting, not texting, sending me ex messages, but just be, like I like it when guys are into me and they're enthusiastic.

Absolutely. But I also don't want him to like, give up his life and start like, you know, like, parking out of my front line. Yeah, you know what? It's time to my lawn and start stocking me. It's the little nuances, tiny little nuances, like for instance, I was supposed to see

the older guy yesterday. The older guy. The older guy kept being like, oh, this window, that window of time, blah, blah, didn't work out. He ended up being like, I can't meet. And I was like, you know, I- I think those shower chave the whole thing. Well, I was going out with you guys, so it was fine.

But like, I was like, you know, I want, so anyway, it didn't end up working out. And I was like, okay, it was annoyed. Now, today, now I'm just gonna call myself out. Today, my plan was that he was gonna be like, okay, what time can you meet today? And I was going to be like, sorry, not available. Of course.

Which is what I should have done, but I didn't. But for Sean, for her, for her, for her, for her, the difference is, Wait, you're going to go see the, it's a divorce. I'm going to go see him because he's got me hooked. Just whatever, you know, what are you going to do? I'm a lost cause. So don't do what she says.

But I'm just, what I'm saying is, is that like, there's a way to play. So it does. So don't do what she says. But I'm just what I'm saying is is that like, there's a way to play. So if you're an independent person, be that independent person. Don't change your schedule around like, like, don't be too accommodating. And at least in the first three months, don't you know what I mean? You have to have your own because women can smell the bend over backwards back flips and it makes us feel like we just don't end up respecting you. Yeah. At the end of the day, it's a slippery slope.

The other thing we want to tell you is, it's tough for Matt and for women to navigate to this because we're saying, don't play games, but don't be so available all the time. So it's a different thing to yourself and keep your independence. But I don't think no game playing, I mean, they call it games, I call it strategy. It's the same way you would do with a job or something. You wouldn't call the job every day, get it? Do I get it? Yeah, and you're not gonna cry on the job.

Like, you have to have some game face in your relationship. Right. And it's not necessarily game playing. It doesn't have to be a manipulation. It's just like, if I was a smart woman and I was trying to land this guy as a boyfriend, which I'm not, I just, I want. Right, you just want to have sex with them,

so you're fine with that. In my face. And I really want to have sex. I hope we fought for our face tonight. It's tonight after this? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. So, gotta hope my ex hasn't listened to this.

We won't. Oh yeah. So, you know, so is like, if I was trying to get him as a boyfriend the way I would have to be unavailable tonight, I would have to be unavailable for two days. Right, that would be mine. I just wanna sleep with you, so it's fine. I got it, I got those tonight. I would have to be unavailable for two days. That would be mine. I just want to sleep with you so it's fine. I got it.

I got those things too. As long as you can keep it in that. As long as I'm honest with myself about that's what I want because. Exactly. OK, let's go onto another email. Sexual compatibility. Emily, first off, I love, love, love your podcast.

I'm a new listener. Learning tons from each episode, very sexually empowering for women. Well done. My question is, how can you find out if a new listener, learning tons from each episode very sexually empowering for women. Well done. My question is, how can you find out if a new partner will be sexually compatible with you in a long run? Obviously in the beginning sex is amazing and extremely frequent, but it never seems to last.

I'm a very sexual person and require my sexual needs met for longer than the courting period. I've been in a long-term relationship where the sex fades after six months this year. And I've had to beg for it. How can I avoid this with a new partner? Any input we would be helpful? Thanks Fiona, 34 from Atlantic Canada. Okay, first of all, I wanna say Fiona, you are a hot commodity.

I mean, I am so jealous of a woman that is just like begging sex from a guy. Like, that's just, you're my hero. I just wanna say that first off the bat. I mean, I don't mean to take the reins on this, but I mean, I think it goes. I think it goes back to what we're saying, which is that you can't,

you can, there's nothing, there's no insurance policy that will protect you against the first three months. So you just don't know who you're with. You know what I mean? Obviously, if it's bad, you know it's not going to get any better. But there's a lot of trickery going on in that period of time. I think the key is, is that you should be with a guy who is...

The compatibility comes into, is he willing to show up for the relationship? Is he... does he say... does he do what he says he's going to do? Because if he does what he says he's going to do, then when it comes to the point where the sex is dying, he will show up and work on it. That is my thought. Okay, yeah, see if he's someone who's interested in change when you give him feedback on things as he listen. I mean, there are signs, I think,

at the beginning of a relationship, people show you who they are. Pretty, my mom always says, I've said this on the show, the issues you have in the third day you'll have forever. And that, that, that's why they say love is blind because we don't want to see like the red flags waving in the distance because the sex is so good. So if you look at someone's behavior and how they're treating sex at the beginning, like

if they're more adventurous or open, no, you can't tell the first, you know, whatever one, two months, but I think it's important to start tight. If you think this is someone you really like, that the sex talk should happen sooner than later. Like, because it's gonna be amazing forever, but if let's say you have something that you really need, like let's say you need more for a play, and it just wasn't happening the first three months, you wanna say it on hey babe, I think it's really hot

when you like slowly undress me. Like you wanna start testing those waters, you can find out if you are sexually compatible, rather than just waiting for it to fail. But what do you do? What does a guy do with someone like me who is such a whore in the beginning? I am like, I will do almost anything in the first three months. It's like, I'm shut, like whatever you want.

Like, like, like, like, it's too many blow jobs. I can't help it. Yeah, I will do now. I'm adventurous. I'll do whatever. And then what? And then I just, yeah, it shuts down. And it's like if he was to have a conversation with me in the first, you know, two weeks and go,

look, I just need to be with a girl that's gonna be like this from the long run, I'm gonna go, okay, well, it was nice to meet you because I know that after a certain amount of time, I just shut the front down. Okay, so but we have to look at that because that's why the relationships aren't working out because the guys like, what the hell?

What happened to my whore? Of course, but I think that that isn't that uncommon, is it? I think you have to find other ways to keep it interesting. Yeah, I'll find other ways. You need to make more money and start fucking helping me around the house. That's how we find other ways. I mean, though it is true that a lot of women say, if the dishes, I mean, if the dishwasher takes out the trash, that that is sexy.

But it doesn't even have to be that plan a date. You know, it's like men don't have plan. But you let them know that. Do you say honey, it'd be really nice for us to have a night tonight? You okay, yes, sure. But like, I cannot, haven't you had the experience of like when you say like, you know, I would really love it if you would plan the date.

And then it's like, okay. And then it's like, you know, they pick you up and they take you to Olive Garden. And then it's like, that's your then it's like, you know, they pick you up and they take you to Olive Garden. And then it's like, that's your style. That's your style. That's your not your adventurous guy. He's gonna be crazy in bed. Right, but like that, what if that's a gear

into the relationship? You know what I mean? It's like, it's just hard. Like sometimes you can't change a leopard's box. You can't. Sometimes people don't change right now. So they're really leopard has. But it's true.

Can do people change? And they say like once a cheater Always a cheater if you have a sexual fetish and you always gonna you know you have fetishes typically I hope it's not once a cheater. Always a cheater. Do you think? Oh god Really? If they've worked on themselves some people get grow out of it. Yeah, no, I do think I work for myself I can't do no me too. I was former cheater. I'm reformed. I just don't commit now, so Um, so that's a good little poll. It's a good one. Thank you very much. I was former cheater. I'm a former firm. I just don't commit now. So that's a good loophole. It's a good one. Thank you very much. I'm very sorry about that. But you know, again,

she she wants to look at this feeling of one more thing. Just steer away from people who doesn't seem that interested in sex and they want you can try. You can tell someone who's adventurous. You can tell someone who's wants to know if he's pleasing you. Yes. Have you been with those guys who are like, I don't know if you orgasm or not, or you're even here, make me, I'm gonna go make some pizza or get some pizza. It's like, you can tell right away but to have your eyes open early on in their relationship. Because you're gonna have chemistry to be getting

because it's new in the adrenaline. But that does, but you can also just because you're having great sex because it's new, the newness, look at some signs. What is he, what's he committing to about your pleasure? So, that's a good, yeah. And how open is he to you touching his balls? For example, okay, we have to wrap up Danielle.

I'm that's awesome. I know I'm scared. I'm sad. I love that you're here. You're going to come back. But this is what I have to say about you, that you are at DanielStreet.com and that you are writer at after party magazine. Yes.

You want to talk a little about that? Yeah, that's an addiction and recovery online magazine and resource for people who are sober, wanna get sober. And you know, it's not as like bland and boring and serious that a lot of those things are like, we make it funny. So they're funny. Yeah, you do, because you're the right for it.

You're a funny person. Okay. Also, where else can they find? Your Twitter is at the Danny Stewart, the A and I. S-T-E-W. Yeah. S-T-E-W. And yeah, also Facebook, the Danny's do. That's right. Okay, we got it. Thank you. And it's all be on my website. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me. And a few things I tell you people that I love. My listeners,

love you deeply, is that you can find me Facebook and Twitter and Instagram is all sex with Emily across the board. We send out newsletters. If you go to my website, I have to say it's the strangest thing. Like, all the things I've done are done like, I phone out, so I wrote a book back and I had a television show. But I burn into random, oh my hot lower last night

that we saw, and he's like, hey, I get this like a few times a week. I love your emails, I actually read them. Like, people tell me that because we send I send these weekly emails emails and you actually they're informative and you like, you know, even people like you like to like you think I know right? I like it. People don't put them in spam. So send it for a mailing list and I think you'll just you'll learn some things. Maybe you'll learn by reading, you know, it's a auditory. Who knows? Check it out. Also, if you like the show, you can review us on iTunes. It's easy. You can also listen to us by downloading the podcast one app that's super easy and for smartphones, any kind of phone you have.

So also we need interns. Email us feedback at sexwithemlee.com. It's a good time, right, Madison? Yes, we need an office interns. Come hang out. We have a good time. We've got like, you know, just a hot like their hot chicks. Yeah. So check us out feedback at sexwithemlee.com email us. Just send your resume and cover letter. Yeah, yeah. So check us out, feedback at sex. It's mme.com e-mail us. Just send your resume and cover letter. Why you wanna work with us. So thank you Madison for producing the show.

Thank you Danny and thanks to everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamely.com.