Sex With Emily - Make Every Day Valentine’s Day

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, but listen. Whether you’re a romantic or a cynic, there’s one thing we can all benefit from on this holiday. No, not more candy message hearts. I’m talking actual knowledge, on how to build sexual tension on Valentine’s Day and truly, any day. So on today’s episode, I’m talking sexts, scents, and sex toys to create an erotic vibe with your partner all day long. Next, I’ll be answering all your questions to create amazing Valentine’s Sex, including body-positive sex positions, how to have sex when one or both of you is tired, and how to lean into your sub side when you’ve been domming for decades.Show Notes:3 Things You Need To Know About Your Scent & Sexual AttractivenessPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureHiNote AppEye Of Love (code EMILY for 15% off sitewide)SmartMouthLELO SORAYA Wave (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off all products)Article: Ask Emily: How Do I Make Scheduling Sex Sexy?This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The best partners in the world and hopefully this is your partner is so grateful that you show them what makes you feel good. Because I'm going to go on a limb here and hope that most of your partners really want you to have pleasure and to have orgasms at the same rate they do. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, it's almost Valentine's Day.

But listen, whether you're romantic or acidic, there's one thing we can all benefit from on this holiday. And it's not more candy message hearts or flowers. I'm talking actual knowledge on how to build sexual tension on Valentine's Day and truly any day. So in today's episode, I'm talking sex, sense, and sex toys to create a neurotic vibe with your partner all day long. Next, I'll be answering all your questions to create amazing Valentine's sex, including body positive sex positions, how to have sex when one or both of you is tired, that happens, and how to lean into your subside when you've been downing for decades. Intentions with Emily for each episode I want to start off by setting an intention for

the show and I encourage you to do the same. Well, my intention is to empower you with creative ideas to make your sex life more interesting and playful every day of the year. Please rate your view, sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. My new article, Three Things You Need to Know About Your Sent and Sexual Attractiveness is up at sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, Social Media, and TikTok. It's all at Sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com.segask Emily or call my hatline, 559 talk sex, or 559 8255 739. Just include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show.

And of course, you can change your name if you'd like, or choose your main anonymous. Okay, before I get into the show, I want to tell you about something very, very exciting. I am coming out with a book. I just birthed a book and I can't wait for you all to get your hands on it. It is called Smart Sex. How to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. I've been working on this for a while now and it comes out June 13th. I literally just turned it in because it took a little longer that I expected to get down all these thoughts and in the middle of writing the book it took an interesting turn. And so a lot of the way that one of the book is stuff you haven't heard me talk about yet,

it's going to be available at all major booksellers, of course, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, bookshop, Datory, etc. I will be revealing the cover very soon to look out for that. But most importantly, because you're going to be hearing a lot about the book in the coming months, you can pre-order the book right now at sexathendly.com. All you have to do is go to the drop down menu and select new book, and it'll be easy from there to do. And I just want to say, if you're thinking like, why pre-order, or you know, I can wait, I got to ask you favorite, I don't ask you for much, to be honest. I really don't. I just ask that if you listen to the show that you sometimes make an intention and try to share some of this advice with your

partner and just sort of stay in touch and let me know if you've questions and make better decisions for yourself sexually. That's really what I want from you. But right now, if you know you're going to buy the book or you want to buy the book, it would be incredible. If you actually could go pre-order it right now, it helps for a whole bunch of reasons. particularly it'll help to get the show out to more and more people, the more that you buy it. There's momentum there, right? But also, if you need more of a reason than that, I will be gifting some special treats

to those of you who order sooner than later. But we're going to be doing a bunch of giveaways and you'll just have to show proof of purchase. So I would just love if you want to check it out. Preorder. I appreciate you all so much. I cannot wait for this year. I'm also going to be doing a book tour. I'll be in your city. If you have any ideas, if you want me to speak or you want me to show up, wherever you live, you can also email us feedback at sexwithelm.com and let me know. I have to say that I have never done anything like this. I haven't gone on a book tour, been able to travel around the world and meet all of you,

which has been a dream. So let's stay in touch and I look forward to seeing you all in 2023. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. All right, so let's talk about Valentine's Day for a minute, because maybe you're really romantic and you get really excited about it and you already have your plans and you realize it, you know, it's one day the year where you can really just focus on love and sex and connection with your partner or with yourself. Remember, I'm all about loving ourselves, even for not in a relationship. But either way, I think there is one thing we can all agree on.

When you are in a relationship, it's nice to have some swoony, sexy ideas in your back pocket, no matter what date is, but especially with Valentine's Day. It's good to like think about what can I do that's different and I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes I need to get into my own ideas too. I think what can I do right now to make it interesting? Because when was the last time you thought about your sex life and thought, I know we have sex and I know what's going to happen, but let me try to do one or two things that can

just mix it up and do something different. So I wanted to give you some small specific ways you and your partner can tease and flirt with each other, build that sexual tension, and just make your connection even more exciting. These will work around on Wednesday, but listen, you can steal these tricks and use them any day, you're craving fun sex and a little bit of variety.

All right, let's start off with sexting, okay? S sexting? Why love sexting? It's all about building tension throughout the day or throughout the week if you don't often see your partner or your long distance relationship. You know, I think some people just think sexting, they go right to, oh, it's about sex. And I mean, they don't get on the phone with someone or have sex with them and it has to be very just sort of only sexual in nature in a way that a lot of people really

aren't comfortable with. But again, I want to bring it back to, it's just flirty vibes. It's a low lift way to say, hey, I'm thinking about you. And I want to plant some sexy seeds until we see each other again. So, few rules about sexing just remember, get their permission first. You can just say, is now a good time to tell you how hot you look last night? For example, so if the answer, right, you'll know their answer. If they're like, not now, babe, I'm, you know, giving a PowerPoint, you know, then you don't want to be sending anything because you don't want your sex to show up on anyone's Zoom screen share or presentation. But you want to clear it first. Just be sure your partner is in the mindset. And this is important because sometimes we send a sex and then we don't hear back from our partner and we think, oh God,

was it too much and I'd do something wrong. And oftentimes we're just not in the same mindset, right? But doesn't mean our partner doesn't appreciate it. You could also send them a visual sex. And I wanted to this moment to announce a super cool collection I just created with this app called the high note. And maybe even heard of them yet. They're a new app. They launched last year It's totally free, but what I love about high note is they Basically elevate your text so you know sometimes you're setting a texture like oh god I didn't emoji for this right you know mean for this and it still can seem just sort of so anyway I

Know the founder. I've known her for a long time the creator of it and she retouched me last year She's like what about sexting? I was like oh my god I've always wanted to do sext known her for a long time, the creator of it, and she retouched me last year. She's like, what about sexting? I was like, oh my god, I've always wanted to do sexting with Emily. So long story short, we just launched it, and you just have to check it out on their app. It will put in the show notes. That's the easiest way.

It's called a high note. This is another word sext, basically. So you can send one of these images if you want. There's like 20 images, and you'll see, they're all customizable, and they're just really cool. Like, there's little tickets, like one says, good for one, quickie with me, right? You could send that.

Then there's these really great lips, like lips kissing a napkin. There's a pair of black underwear, black panties, black boxers. You have to see this. You guys, you guys, you're gonna drive. There's like a vintage hotel room key and it says, let's get naked with a key. Just take a look at it and just see if it doesn't inspire you. I've been sending these to everyone I know, even if I'm not don't want to sector them, I think you'll like it.

And you can choose just from one of these images and write whatever you want. So that's another tool in your sex-dane toolkit. So when you are sexy, you can share fantasy. You can say something like, I can't wait to, right? So it's planned to see for something in the future. And if that feels intimidating, a really safe way to just send a sexy missive is talk about past sex

that was really hot. Remember that picnic when we had sex outside? Think about this way. When you think about the most memorable times you have sex with somebody, isn't it often a time where you were surprised or you didn't know what the sex was going to happen? That's just a side note.

I've noticed from many of you who report your top fantasies and things you remember the most, it's always sex that you didn't think was going to happen and it did or it happened in a really unique and different way. So maybe you can think of some of those moments and sex that to your partner. And if you are feeling inspired, send a pick. Send a pick of yourself. It doesn't remember you have to be fully nude. It can be a body part that you love. It could be your face and not your body, your body, not your face. But sexting

like flirting is a tease. So you don't have to show everything at once. Just something tasteful that you know torso or cleave it. Something that makes you feel good. And again, it depends on your personal comfort level. And that's not at all a requirement. It's just, just wanted you to kind of think about sexing a little bit differently and how it's just another tool to enhance your rousal and connection. Let's talk about scent for a minute.

Scent is also an important component to prepare for sex and build a rousal. So for me, I have a habit of lighting incense in my house when I come home, when someone's coming over, I have so many candles, I just like to have a scent going. Makes me feel relaxed. I think it could be really sexy to find good frequencies

that essentially it's that make you feel good, that make your home smell good. And our own personal scent too is sort of the unsung hero of your overall attractiveness. And so often we plan out how we're going to look. Does the house look good? Am I wearing something that makes me feel good? But think about it.

Smell is so primal. And it's intimately connected to the regions of our brain that process memory and emotion. And maybe you've already got a fragrance that you love to wear or maybe you adore your partner's natural scent. These are just ways to think about scent a little bit differently. So, if you want to play with something fun, how about your pheromone levels? Now, you know about pheromones, but just to give you a little more context, it's a signaling molecule that animals, and we are animals, we naturally

secrete, which can repel or attract potential mates. That's what a pheromone is. And in humans, our overall durability and attractiveness is made up of a ton of factors. But we can definitely say that our fair amount level has a potential to deepen an existing attraction with their partner. And there's been a lot of studies that have shown that body owners can influence how someone perceives another person's attractiveness, their age, their health, and even elements of their personality. Scent can also influence people's self-confidence. So I've gone down the rabbit hole lately

and I've got really interested in scent. Previous studies focus a lot on attraction and mate selecting and usually these studies have focused solely on visual cues. Like why am I attracted to this person? And it breaks it down into your facial structure, but there's other study that suggests that there's other factors such as voice or scent that are also important, really important in determining one's attraction to another.

All of these elements together, paid to better picture of attraction. So as I've been kind of venturing into the scent world and Fairmons, there's one company that I love. I have love. They make these fair-mone infused fragrances that are really, really popular. And I'm telling you about them because they keep coming up by people I know and respect and they're like wearing it. I'm like, you're so good.

So how you would play with this is you could dab a little bit on your skin before your date and just see what effect it has on your interactions. Just see, like, oh, did someone, was there a different kind of attraction happening here? And you could totally use this on a date with a new partner or to build tension, you know, with someone that you spend 24 or 7 with, just test it out. We're always trying to find new ways to play, am I right? And with, I've loved couples have found themselves reconnecting in a new way.

Maybe you'll feel like you're back in the honeymoon phase, you know, the thing about using something new like scent and playing with scent is that it can heighten those sensual moments when enjoying passionate kisses. And with something like this, you just need one or two sprays. They even have unscented. So if you're like, I don't want any scent, just try it out and see how this works for you. And you can also pair with the perfumes and clones you already love.

I realize that I was like really stuck on this one brand that I've been wearing forever. I just never thought to venture out and now I've been combining it and it's really fun in it. I definitely had some reaction to it in a good way. Just sharing some of my favorite things here. Here's the other thing I'm using out every day is Smart Mouth and Smart Mouth set me this some mouthwash. It says it's clinically proven to eliminate bad breath

if you use it for a month. And it definitely says eliminate within 24 hours if of use at two wins as a day. And so I love it because the bottle is so cool. There's two streams that come out and it goes into a little lid at the top of the bottle. And I swish it around twice a day and I feel like it's working. I feel like my breath feels fresh. I mean, let's be honest. So much about products is like how you use it

and how good it feels. And to me, it's just a new ritual. I love that it goes into a cup, but it's easy to switch around. I spit it out and I feel like I love knowing that my breath is taken care of. You might like smart mouth too. You can check that out.

Don't have bad breath. Spoil your Valentine's Day, all right? Finally, you've been pairing all day and now you want to spice it up in the bedroom. What do you want to do? Toys in the bedroom. So I recently put out a tweet and a and now you want to spice it up in the bedroom. What do you want to do? Toys in the bedroom. So, I recently put out a tweet and a ton of you responded to.

It said, normalize using sex toys during sex to help both parties orgasm. I mean, to me, this is crucial. If you've never used a couple of times before, the world is your oyster. There are more and more toys every day. We get scent toys every day here in sector of Emily to try out. And there are really good options. I'd say a lot of them are made with body-safe materials. So many new products on the market that are made for all different body parts and all different kinds of people, which I love. And you've got so many options. And mutual

masturbation is also incredibly hot. Again, I don't want sex to be so centered on penis goes in vagina. Mutual masturbating with a partner is awesome. A great way to spice up your evening. You're both going to get off and orgasms and probably learn something by your partner by watching how they masturbate. And if you're a vulva owner, maybe you're sleeping with a penis owner, I love the Soraya Wave by Lalo. So it's a luxurious rabbit vibe. It offers super powerful vibrations for clitoral stimulation and then a pulsating arm for deeply satisfying gspot sensations. So we also call these dual stem vibes if you want to play around with your internal

orgasms. I think this is a great one to start with. It has eight settings, long lasting, it's waterproof. And I know you might be thinking, well, if I'm speaking with a penis, why would I bust this toy out during partner sex? Well, listen, penis sex can feel great, but it doesn't necessarily vibrate.

For those of you who are able to organize them on your own, but not with a partner, taking out a toy during partner play, that you already know that you're comfortable with to like use that with a partner and show them How you use it on yourself is a really intimate and sexy and hot thing to share with a partner and I'm telling you The best partners in the world and hopefully this is your partner is so grateful that you Show them what makes you feel good because Because I'm going to go on a limb here and hope that most

your partners really want you to have pleasure and to have orgasms at the same rate they do. And also, everything I'm talking about now, you can find the show notes. And for Laylo, if you use code Emily at checkout, you get 25% off all Laylo products. For I have loved, you can also get 15% off site-wide with the code Emily. All right, these are some quick ideas to help you up-level your Valentine's Day or truly any day. Let's take a quick break and we come back. I'll answer all your Valentine's Day questions.

Let's talk to John. He's 50 in New Jersey. I have a question. I love your show, by the way. Thank you. I want to know, like, what makes a guy want to be dominated by a woman? I've always been more, I don't know, I say alpha, but always more like in charge and stuff like that. But lately it's like I want more, I like when she's more dominant. Mmm.

John, it's just really a matter of preference and variety. And I think that if you've always been dominant in the bedroom, that it would make sense that you're like, I just kind of want to let go and have someone dominate me. Like it's just really just about it experiencing it, wanting to let go, wanting to feel that you are so, you know, desired. That's part of it, although the submissive actually has more of the power on these relationships, but I don't know, you tell me, like, is it something that you've never felt before and now you're thinking, I mean mean tell me how it feels to you

it's more like she's very playful extremely playful so there's like there's times like she'll pretend she's been good at on me and then and then like deny it for i don't know a week or so i don't like it's like it's frustrating but it's hot you know it's hot i don't know that's what your

orgasm denial. Yes. So hot. So I you know stuff like that. It just Oh, I can't what you're saying. I wish we had more of that I think that men like that women like that again not for everybody But there's something to be said for it's teasing right it's everything that I talk about are like building a rouse Oh, you know your partner slowly moves their hand up their thigh, but they don't quite go there. Or she goes close to your penis, but then pulls away.

There's like licks it for a second, and then goes back, kind of checks all the boxes, because it's kind of spontaneous, it's variety, it's something new, and it's sort of like what we talk about edging, you know, when you're sort of, the practice of edging, which is something that all genders can do, when you're getting close to orgasm, and then you stop, and then you're building towards it, and it stops.

And what happens is when you sort of delay a calculation, that the longer you delay it, and you tease each other, the larger, more intense orgasms you can have as well. It's savoring the arousal. intense orgasms you can have as well. It's savoring the arousal. It's just very hot. We have a very happy life. We've been together for a long time. It's just lately, I don't know if she's very used. She's so playful.

She's so beautiful. I love taking care of her first. Always, I always have to make sure she's taking care of her. So. Oh, that's what it is, John. Are you wondering like why, did you think it was like odd or something?

Or you're just, I mean, yeah, I just wondered why all of a sudden now it would be like I like kind of her in charge and I was just wondering why well how long have you been together? Almost 30 years 30 years. Oh You are my hero, John because change is over time because you like, I've been dominant for 30 years. Hey, this is something new and different. We've never done the delay orgasm. That feels really good.

I think that we're also relieving with a partner we can continue to innovate and keep it hot, which is, I think that's my goal in a long-term relationship, but to be able to prioritize what you both want in a relationship. And I think most couples would love to be where you're at, to say, wow, after 30 years, our sex life just keeps getting hotter because we are both open to exploring and trying new things.

So why? It's because it was different. It was interesting. And she'd never done that before. She, yeah, all that stuff. I don't think it means anything psychological or there's anything wrong with you, you know? I was frustrated, but so turned on.

I was like, whoa, I was like, you know, what that's the thing. It's like, I make the motions, you know? They're so closely related, you know, that sort of frustration and the hot, just like pleasure and pain are so closely related in that way. It's all intense emotions, right?

It's sort of just like, you know, the edging and it's just something different. It's like you're, and also you're all your hormones, everything's getting aroused and they stop, so it's frustrating but hot because you know you're going to come eventually, but you know, only she can let you know when. Yeah, it's fun to roleplay, too. Maybe there's some other things you could do with it. Maybe you could build it out, and now that you know you like it, you could talk to our other ways to do it and have to expand upon it.

Okay. So thanks for watching. Thank you for watching. You could tease you with the rest. Of course, thanks for calling. Appreciate you. She loves her toys. I was never, I know, I got friends that were very jealous

when they're girlfriend of wife's data toy. I was never that way, you know. And you know, when I love about her, she's so honest, she'll never lie to you. So I border a toy that was a little bit bigger than I am. And after I used it on her, I asked her, I said, well, how was it? And she started laughing. She goes, I don't think there's anything better, you know, like, and it just, it just made me laugh that, you know, she was just so honest about it. She's like, really focused.

I love that. Because you guys seem like you're a very confident, you know, good place in your relationship that you're like, I know you love me and you can also love this toy. The toy's not going to cuddle and, you know, take you to the movies. People still think they're going to get replaced by toys. I just think it's, you know, interesting. We sound like you are a really healthy relationship and it seems like just keep exploring with her for another 30 or 50 years. All right, thanks John.

Thanks so much. I appreciate it. I appreciate you. Thanks for calling. Bye John. Let's talk to Angela 41 in Ontario. Hi Angela, thanks for calling. Hi, thank you for having me. Of course, how can I help you? What's going on? Well, we've had some and I, we've been here for years and we're looking for some tips for a plus size plus one in white sectional position because sometimes some of the more typical ones are a little harder for that. Can you guess any tips? I can. Tell me more about the positions that no longer work in what positions you'd like to do.

Or what doesn't work anymore? So when he's on top, it's a little harder for him. And I can't straddle him because he's larger, so my legs just stretch that far. Right. Okay. I think you can stretch that far. Right. OK. So we're like, which is difficult one, but we just can't do. OK. Well, the first thing I would suggest

is there's a lot of great standing positions that could work for this. So you could be lying on the bed, and then he could be standing. And you're like coming off of the bed, right? Does that make sense? So you're kind of like bodice towards the end of the bed. So he can still penetrate you that way.

You could also do something where you're like, you could also do it. So yeah, your legs can be like spread open and you could have one kind of like scissor. You can kind of be, you know, play with different positions. So that works. There's something called a sex in a sling or a swing.

It's by sports sheets. I forgot about this. Sports sheets is a company that makes the super sex sling. You could also hold it and you could be like, holding, it's kind of really fun, a sex sling, I should get mine out. It hangs from the ceiling or they're one that goes to the door and then you could be elevated and you could be like,

picking you up and you could just be like, against the door and you could be holding you, but then he doesn't have to be like, holding you the whole time so it's uncomfortable but you still get like the leverage from the door swing. I like a lot of the edging positions. You could also do doggy style with you on the bed and him off the bed right so you could still be on your knees and he could be coming up from behind you. Now if you want to be on top. Let me tell you about an excellent book that my very dear friend wrote, L Chase. It's called Curvy Girl Sex. And it's a wonderful book. It's got great pictures in it and it's illustrations, all these positions that kind of work for this. So for you being

on top, I'm just trying to think of, he could be, using the couch is a really interesting way to kind of play with this stuff. If he's laying on the couch, you could be like, you know how the couch can kind of give you leverage a little bit different, I love sex in the couch because there's like a different leverage. You could use the sofa cushions to kind of give you some leverage, you could also use pillows underneath you.

So it can kind of like elevate your knees a little bit, but you're still able to get out of its penis. So, there's also some sex furniture that could elevate your knees. And I say, that sounds like the problem is you can't get your body all around him, right? Right. So, I would try that as well. I think I'm going further. Exactly.

So, if you have something, there's something called the liberator. It's a company that makes these foam wedges. So, as we just need to be elevated in different positions and it just can change a position completely, no matter what, you're just to mix it up. It can kind of elevate your pelvic floor so you can experience things more deeply. So, that helpful? Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

Let me know how it goes, Angela. Scott asked 45 and Iowa. He's trying to spice up his marriage. How to get your partner in the mood when they're tired? Oh, Scott, that's a great question. How do you get your partner in the mood when they're tired? Well, this has to do with a lot of things. If they're always tired and, this has to do with a lot of things. If they're always tired, and

it's a pattern of your partner being tired and you're not having sex, that's going to take a little bit of planning. And perhaps if you've been noticing that your partner keeps you know, pushing you off or saying they're tired, then you got to start thinking, well, maybe I should set my alarm 10 minutes earlier in the morning so we can have sex. Maybe I should find out if there's something I could do to get them in the mood. But if you want to spice up your marriage,

I do have a few good tips for you. We also have a great blog on the site, which is at sexwithamely.com about scheduling sex. Now, when I first heard about scheduling sex in my sex school training, I thought that is the worst idea I've ever heard. First of all, I hate schedules, I don't like planning, and then if I see sex on the schedule, like if my calendar said like, you have a Zoom call from 11 to 12, then you're talking to your accountant, then you got to pick up the drug cleaning and then a 5 o'clock or having sex.

I'd be like, I would just lump all that into all the shit I don't want to do. However, if you look at scheduling sex this way, when you're in a relationship with somebody and you can't quite find space and time where you're both in the mood. When you schedule sex, it takes all the guests work out, all the rejection out. You no longer feel like, you know, because a lot of times when we keep making advances to our partner and they reject us, we start to feel really bad about ourselves. We start to think that we're no longer attractive to them. And then we stop trying. And then that becomes a problem. But when you schedule sex, you just say, okay, Saturday night is our night. And we're going to look forward to it. We're going to talk about the kind of sex we're going to have. We're going to go on a date and then we're

going to get all the toys charged. We're going to put the loo about. We're going to give each other central massages. And then you know, like sex is going to happen. I know when I have time to think about sex happening, I'm much in a better place when I'm like, okay, it's happening. I have shaved or done my things I need to do. I'm wearing underwear that I feel cute in. I've got my room's clean.

All the things that you, spontaneous sex is great too, but if you're with somebody for a while, you're like, yeah, I wanna know what's happening or at any time. Especially if it's become stressful when your partner pulls up the driveway and you're like, yeah, I want to know what's happening or at any time, especially if it's become stressful when your partner pulls up the driveway and you're like, oh shit, part is home, they're going to want to have sex. And then you run upstairs and fall asleep, which I think a lot of us have employed this

tactic, avoidance tactic to that of sex. And that creates so many other problems. So scheduling sex is awesome. I know that it can be so difficult to be motivated to have sex, but the thing is sex begets sex. So, you know, we're responsible for our own sex drive, responsible for our own conditioning and our own motivation, the truth is. And sometimes we need a little bit of emotional motivation, like we need to think like, okay, sex begets sex, then maybe I should start to masturbate again, because I have it in a while. And once I do that,

the result of that will be, well, wow, the credible orgasm, which we all know is really good for us, good for health, good for our immune system. So there's that. Also, it's like, once you know that, okay, so I'm going gonna continue to masturbate and then you'll be thick sex way more top of mine Our brain is the largest sex organ so we really want to keep our own pilot lids and how do we keep ourselves engaged? But also you can think to yourself so we will need like an emotional motivation like we need something What's my reward gonna be? Well, if your reward is gonna be more connected connected with your partner, because you know how you feel when you have sex and it feels great, maybe it's like, oh, good, now I have something

to look forward to. I have something to look forward to and I can think ahead and think about, you know, the sex we're going to have. Because actually, the more that we think about sex, and we get creative about it, and we start to do our own research, maybe we read some erotica or listen to erotica or we think about things that have turned us on before or things we want to do. That's all part of the motivation you need for sex and getting yourself in the mood. You know, I love sex toys.

You know that? Toys are a great way to instantly, I don't know for me. Okay. And I know for many of you, I might not even be in the mood to masturbate, but sometimes even I have to think about it because I'm like, okay, I have a lot. And the second I hear my toy, I get my time, like, yes, I am in. It's the same thing is going to the gym in the morning, like the hardest thing is getting on your shoes, then you tire shoes and you're out the door, like, I did it. Same thing goes

for it, so it could be using sex toys. Oral sex is really hot. I'm so into erotic massages, I'm telling you, I love massage candles. If you haven't used a massage candle, they are incredible. Not messy, they're not like waxy or hot. They're actually the ones that I love, are coconut oil and soybean oil, and you light the candle. And then you wait a few minutes, or 20 minutes as a matter how long you wait, and blow it out and then you take this warm luxurious oil and you pour it on your partner's body and then you can like rub on them and your whole body smells amazing and it becomes like this body lube and it like instantly makes everything feel good.

It's warm, it smells great, you're lured up. So I think what a lot of couples need to go back to Scott's question is how do you spice it up? How you spice it up is you try something different. The reason why you want to spice it up is because you're probably bored and you fall into the same old sex routine. Most couples with their craving is variety and their craving spontaneity. And how you get the variety and the novelty, it's actually novelty, variety and spontaneity are the three things that we crave most in long-term relationships. So, spontaneity would be like, you know, surprising your partner with a massage or a meal or something that you know would make them feel good, right? Variety

could literally just be using loop. If you're doing something different, mix up your sex moves. If you are always having sex on top and have sex on the bottom, have sex in the living room if you always have sex in the bed. These are all the things. Do one of those things the next time you see your partner, be Game Chager. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner.

You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739. A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to A Cast for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you